Calling the new Jennifer Lopez sexually charged thriller THE BOY NEXT DOOR (or ’TWAS BOOTY KILLED THE BEAST) sleazy implies that the film has the balls to be sleazy, which it certainly does not. Instead we get what is essentially a tossed-off subplot from "Desperate Housewives" turned into a C-grade stalker story. As if the filmmakers were afraid of offending anyone with this limp tale, the affair between Lopez's high school teacher Claire Peterson and her neighbor/student Noah (Ryan Guzman) is made "acceptable" by making sure it's clear that Noah took a year off of high school, and that he's actually 19 years old. Wouldn't want you to think anything shady is going on.
Claire is struggling to get her life back together after her husband (John Corbett) cheated on her with a co-worker. Their teen son Kevin, (Ian Nelson, recently seen in THE JUDGE), is caught in the middle, living with his mother but encouraging his father to make the effort to win Claire back—and effort that seems to be working despite the meddling of her best friend and school vice-principal, played by the ghoulish-looking Kristin Chenoweth. In a moment of weakness, Claire allows Noah to seduce her, and the second she starts to voice regret about them sleeping together, he starts to get possessive and stalkery, tormenting her with innuendo at inappropriate times, graffiti and threatening to post a video of their encounter if she doesn't agree to a relationship with him.
But Noah also gets violent, with veiled and not-so-veiled threats of raping Claire if she doesn't submit, an element that severely undercuts any chance for the audience to actually have even a low-grade amount of fun with the material. It also doesn't help that Lopez barely looks like she's trying here. The film is largely an excuse to see her in her underwear several times during the course of film, which may be enough for some, but frankly her music videos are sexier and have better plots.
THE BOY NEXT DOOR comes courtesy of director Rob Cohen, who is apparently in movie jail after somewhat more interesting work in DAYLIGHT, THE FAST AND THE FURIOUS (the original), and XXX. But if you saw his last film, ALEX CROSS, you have some idea what we're dealing with here. The film is loaded with gaps in logic, common sense or intelligence. I'll give you that most of us don't attend movies like this for any of those elements, so I'll add that the film also lacks any real sexual heat or chemistry, largely because Guzman (STEP UP ALL IN) is a pretty-boy dud whose acting abilities are isn't nearly as defined as his abs. He's just an asshole who knows enough about cars to cut the brake line, but not enough about computers to maybe not label files he's trying to hide "Claire Video."
There's really only one way for THE BOY NEXT DOOR to end, and god forbid the filmmakers attempt to surprise us. This is the kind of typical dretch that comes out right after the Oscar nominations are announced. It's the reason that two of the big films opening this weekend (STRANGE MAGIC and MORTDECAI) didn't screen for most critics across the country. If you're still curious about seeing this film, you probably need a slap across your brain. Do yourself a favor, and see anything else in theaters right now. I promise you, it's better than THE BOY NEXT DOOR.
