Goodbye, Holly. We Love You.

Nordling here.

You probably don't know Holly Blain.  She's not famous - at least, she's not famous to the world at large, but to many people here at Ain't It Cool News - writers, long-time readers, chatroom regulars, and the like, well, she has been a constant presence in our lives.  I first met Holly in Ain't It Cool Chat.  During the site's beginnings, when Talkback (believe it or not) was actually a civil place for genuine movie enthusiasm and discussion, many of us fans of the site would congregate and talk about the latest bit of news, or a trailer, or a review of Harry's.  We came together because we loved movies.  We loved all the STAR WARS talk, the LORD OF THE RINGS talk, and we felt free to be truly geeky, and a part of a community.  It's a vastly different world now online, but here at AICN, our community felt strong.  Like a family.

Butt-Numb-A-Thon is where I first met Holly in the flesh, as well as many other Ain't It Cool fans and writers.  In the lobby of the Alamo Drafthouse on Colorado, the group would get together after each crazy movie that Harry had programmed, and bond.  I've always been a huge supporter of Harry because more so than any other internet film site, at AICN I always had that sense of coming home, of being a part of something larger than myself.  I've met some of the best friends I've ever known through Ain't It Cool News, and Holly was one of them.

But I was in no way alone.  Holly touched so many of us at Ain't It Cool News.  In chat and in real life, she would follow our lives, our joys as well as our losses.  A good friend of mine got married because Holly insisted that he go out with another chatroom regular, and Joe and Megan are married with two wonderful children.  She also befriended many at the Alamo Drafthouse, including Tim League, who has been in Holly's corner ever since she won a working 1970s Trans-Am in a scavenger hunt celebrating SMOKEY AND THE BANDIT.  There were a few years that, for whatever reason, she didn't make it into Butt-Numb-A-Thon, but that never stopped Holly.  There she'd be, at the stand-by line, flying in from Atlanta at the risk of not getting in, and she would get in because of her love and her sheer tenacious nature.  Holly was probably Ain't It Cool News' biggest fan.  It was a place that she belonged, and Harry, Drew, Cargill, Eric, and the rest of the writers of the site came to love her for that.  I don't think she ever missed a Butt-Numb-A-Thon, not since the first one I met her at.  Even when she couldn't make it on the list, due to lack of space, she managed to make her way here, and she was always a welcome part of the event.  Butt-Numb-A-Thon may be ostensibly a celebration for Harry's birthday, but in reality, it's a family reunion.  And without Holly there, it just wouldn't have been right.

Eventually, many of the Ain't It Cool chatroom regulars would go their separate ways, but a core group of us remained.  And then came Fantastic Fest, and Holly became something of the patron saint of the whole event.  Well, her and Nacho Vigalondo.  You can ask anyone who has been at the event for multiple years -see their face light up when you mention Holly's name.  There are hundreds of stories from Fantastic Fest attendees and festival organizers - some random act of kindness that Holly did for someone, whether it was sharing a dinner, a ride home, or just hanging out with people between movies.  Holly was always a welcome fixture in the halls and she never had a harsh word to say about anyone.  She was a free spirit.  I remember before asking Harry if I could write for the site full-time, asking Holly if I should, whether Harry would take me on, and she simply stated, "Are you kidding? Harry'd be lucky to have you.  If you don't try, I'll punch you."

In November of last year, Holly discovered a lump in her breast.  It was cancer.  But she approached every round of chemotherapy like it was MORTAL KOMBAT.  She simply didn't know how to quit.  It wasn't even a choice for her.  Last year she came to Butt-Numb-A-Thon, looking tired, but in good spirits.  BNAT can be a physical drag - hell, I'm 45 years old, and I've been feeling it lately - but she was so happy to be there you'd never know she was sick. She's always fought - not to prove that she could win, because winning was going to happen no matter what - but because she took such joy in her life and with her friends here at Ain't It Cool News that to deny herself that joy was unacceptable to her.  In July of this year, she got an all-clear from her doctor, and those of us that knew her celebrated with her.  We couldn't wait to see her at Fantastic Fest this year, and this year she came.  I wish I'd spent more time with her at the fest, but there really isn't enough time, going from screening to screening, event to event, and we never realize the significance of those moments and how they might be our last.  There's just no way to know.   But she said her goodbyes to everyone, and said, "See you in December!"  Because we knew we would.

After returning home from Fantastic Fest, Holly was suffering minor back pain (and during the fest as well) but she didn't let it stop her.  Then, this Tuesday, she was admitted into the hospital after becoming unresponsive.  The cancer had spread throughout her body, and she fell into slumber.  On October 12th, at 2:45 AM, surrounded by her family and her loved ones, Holly Blain passed away.

At Ain't It Cool we have one standing order as writers.  Every project, no matter how large or small, is full of the infinite possibilities of greatness.  Every film or television show, before we lay our eyes on it, could very well be the best thing ever.  We approach all projects with enthusiasm and joy.  We don't always succeed.  Cynicism has no place here.  We must write from a place of optimism and joy, and if a film disappoints us, we are honest about it, but we will never denigrate any project before we see it.  Everything has the potential to change the world.  I don't know about the rest of the writers here, but for every film I write about, I gear myself to see it through Holly's eyes.  Some people are too eager to see the world through the eyes of pessimism and cynicism, without understanding that they are the enemy.  They kill the body and the soul.  Harry taught me that before everything, but Holly lived it every moment.  Until further notice, celebrate everything.

You probably don't know Holly Blain.  I sure wish you did.  From the writers and staff here at Ain't It Cool, those of us who knew this extraordinary person from the beginning, we will miss you and offer our sincerest condolences to her family and friends.  You want to know who Holly was?  Holly was, and is, Ain't It Cool News' biggest fan.  We love you and miss you, Holly.

For those of you who knew Holly, feel free to send me your stories, your conversations, or just to share in how awesome she was, by sending me an email.  I'll do my best to post it on the site.

This is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month, and you can donate to Susan G. Komen's website here.

Nordling, out.