Hey, everyone. "Moriarty" here with some rumblings from the Lab.

Harry Lime is a sneaky bastard. Don't ever forget it. I like how he claims I gave him the GHOSTS OF MARS script here. Riiiiiight. Like his black market connections didn't put it in his hands. Like he's not over here at the Labs every other day, trying to sell me this or that item that just mysteriously appeared in his apartment. He's extra sneaky because he read this script before me, and now he's got our first look at the final shooting draft of the newest film from genre legend John Carpenter. Let's check in and see what's up with AICN's baddest boy...

The other day while wasting time over at the Labs, Moriarty tossed a script into my idle hands. On the cover the “Storm King” logo smiled up at me. I had a pretty good idea what it was, and my suspicions were confirmed after I flipped to the front page. When the title of a movie starts with “John Carpenter’s,” you know you’re in for a very particular kind of ride. I had already heard the title of his current project, and I had read Moriarty’s story about pop star Courtney Love joining the cast, then abruptly dropping out. I also knew that the cast of the film would be predominantly female, but I had little idea what the film was actually about... except for the extreme probability that it was set on the planet Mars.

Before I even get started, I gotta say that John Carpenter is one of the good guys... one of the best. I’ve got a real soft spot for his films... even the ones that aren’t exactly career highs. I can’t tell you how much it bugs me that most of my close friends have not only met the man, but are actually pretty tight with him. One of the things I like best about his style as a director is the way he gradually builds to the big stuff. Nobody directs the calm before the storm better. Sometimes he goes a little overboard like the forty-something minute opening of THEY LIVE, but check out ASSUALT ON PRECINCT 13 again and you’ll see what I mean. But, before I stray too far, let’s get back to the business at hand --

JOHN CARPENTER’S GHOSTS OF MARS is indeed set on Mars. I originally thought that he might be making an AMAZON WOMEN ON THE MOON type Sci-Fi comedy along the lines of a BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA meets FORBIDDEN PLANET. I was wrong. Instead, this feels more like his work on ASSULT ON PRECINCT 13, THE FOG, ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK, THE THING, and PRINCE OF DARKNESS. It also has the distinct vibes of NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD, THE EVIL DEAD, and especially the recent AICN fav PITCH BLACK.

The story is familiar: A group of individuals are brought together through a circumstance that places them on the opposite sides. When an evil force that appears to be unstoppable confronts them, they have to put aside their differences and fight as one to stay alive. If I had to narrow it down, I’d say GHOSTS OF MARS is most like a cross between NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD and PITCH BLACK. There’s even a badass convict character in GHOSTS that reads almost exactly like the badass convict character Vin Diesell played in PITCH BLACK. It’s so close that I unfortunately found the similarity a little distracting.

The film unfolds almost entirely in flashback, much like Carpenter’s IN THE MOUTH OF MADNESS (which, since I’ve brought it up, has always felt to me like a remake of Tommy Lee Wallace’s HALLOWEEN III). Like in MOUTH, our main character has already been through the shit and is now recounting the tale to an interviewer. In MARS, the interviewer is called “The Inquisitor,” and the setting is much like a courtroom. Our main character, a young woman named Melanie Ballard, is the only survivor of a particularly nasty incident and has to give her testimony. Through character actions and dialogue, it becomes obvious early on that this future, the mid 22nd century, is presided over by women. Aside from gender roles, “mainstream” sexuality has also transformed a bit.

The scripting by Larry Sulkis and Carpenter is efficient, but far too reliant upon overused gimmicks of past genre films. There’s a point where I gotta ask, “Okay... what else ya got?!” The true originality in the script comes from the bizarre customs of the evil, spirit-like force that invades the bodies of the intruding humans. Although this isn’t the first time Carpenter’s dealt with such an antagonist, it’s their odd rituals and strange desire for self-mutilation/decoration that suggests a totally alien culture.

The bulk of the film takes place in a frontier style boomtown called Shining Canyon, a mining colony on the newly settled surface of Mars. In many ways, this is a western. A train carrying a small team of military police stops at the town to pick up a prisoner for transfer back to the main colony, Chryse. Melanie, who’s telling the story, is one of the police officers in charge of the transfer. The prisoner, James “Desolation” Williams is known as a violent type who finally went psycho and mutilated a group of people in an alleged robbery. When they arrive, they discover that all but a few inhabitants have been mysteriously slaughtered in much the same fashion as the Williams killings. The strange part of it is that Williams is still shacked securely in his cell. As the police investigate, they discover that a supernatural force far deadlier than Williams controls the town. When the shit really starts hitting the fan, they’re faced with a choice: enlist the aid of Williams and his cronies to fight the ghosts of Mars, or probably die fighting alone.

As I said, this is pretty recognizable stuff. There’s even a sequence in which one of them is suspected of being possessed, giving the rest of the team reservations about letting her back inside when she comes knocking at the door. Yeah, I remember that one, too. I’m curious to see how well Carpenter pulls off such a familiar beat, though. Perhaps the thing that disappoints me most about the script is the fact that his last film, the hugely under-rated VAMPIRES, was such an original kick. I loved that it walked such a fine line between brutal imagery and hilarious characterizations. Any film that has a master vampire rip a guy apart one-handed and has our main protagonist take a knife to a priest to get information gets a hearty recommendation in my soon to be published video movie guide. Heck, I’d like to see James Woods play Crowe in a more elaborate sequel almost as much as I’d like to see Kurt Russell reprise his Jack Burton role. Almost.

In the end, I have a feeling that it’s going to come down to execution. This might turn out to be a very entertaining movie. I just wish he’d throw us a curve ball more often. The last time he did, the ill-fated MEMOIRS OF AN INVISIBLE MAN, both he and star Chevy Chase were bitch-slapped somthin’ fierce, which might have made him hesitant to stray too far from his area of expertise. Even with MEMOIRS, though, he approached comedy by way of science fiction instead of head-on. Perhaps he was worried that no one would warm up to a straight comedy from the director of HALLOWEEN. Or maybe he just really dug the book and thought it would be an ideal step for him as a filmmaker. Whatever the case, the overwhelmingly negative response must have pushed him back to the safety of usual genre tricks like MOUTH and VILLAGE OF THE DAMNED. Sadly, I’m certain there’s a side to this legendary director that will most likely never be given a chance to live on screen. And that’s a darn shame.

And with that, Harry Lime slinked away into the sewers and the shadows once more.