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Herc Says CBS’ INTELLIGENCE Could Cost You Brain Cells!!

I am – Hercules!!

Essentially “Chuck” without the Buy More zaniness, CBS’ underwhelming “Intelligence” follows Gabriel Vaughn, a government agent with a microchip in his brain that connects him to the Internet so he needn’t fiddle with a smartphone like the rest of us.

Like Carrie Wells in CBS’ “Unforgettable,” Gabriel can use his supercharged brain to surround himself with hologram-y recreations of crime scenes.

Though he’s something of badass generally, Vaughn’s masters assign him a hot female bodyguard (“Once Upon A Time” vet Meghan Ory) who comes off as rather less badass than he is. “CSI” icon Marg Helgenberger returns to CBS to play their boss. John Billingsley, who to me will always be Dr. Phlox on “Enterprise,” plays Rudy Oppenheimer to Holloway’s Steve Austin -- the genius who implanted Gabriel’s chip.

It’s a lackluster, derivative hour from screenwriter Michael Seitzman (“Here On Earth,” “North Country”) that saddles short-haired Josh Holloway (who played angry long-hair Sawyer on “Lost”) with an unconvincing premise and confidence-sapping writing that will keep this series from generating “Under The Dome”-size ratings – and keep it from nesting in a lot of 2014 top-ten lists.


Hitfix says:

... the only thing making the dusty clichés look pretty are the actors wearing them … "You took a bullet for me?" he complains to her at one point. "What the hell are you doing?" "MY JOB!" she barks back, in unison with every viewer who has ever heard that line before in the thousands of TV shows and movies that have used it. …

The New York Times says:

... [Holloway’s] charm isn’t inexhaustible, but there’s more than enough of it to meet the character’s limited demands. There isn’t a lot else to like, though, about “Intelligence,” whose title makes a promise the show doesn’t keep. …

The San Francisco Chronicle says:

... "Killer Women" and, to a lesser extent, "Intelligence" belong to the category of TV shows you watch and within 10 minutes wonder how they ever got made. They aren't the worst shows in the world, and if there's nothing else to do or watch, you might give them a go, but you're not likely to make either a weekly destination. …

The Washington Post says:

... trafficks in the usual request to suspend your disbelief and then some, but it’s also mildly intriguing … C+

The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette says:

... not-so-boldly goes where these other series have gone before. It does not live up to its title. …

USA Today says:

... may not be the most exciting show the new year will bring, but it is the kind of weekly adventure/mystery CBS does well …

News Corp. says:

... Near the beginning of "Intelligence," CBS's futuristic spy thriller, one character tells another that "no one here uses more syllables than you have to." Would that it were so. On the contrary, the characters in the show are quite fond of using more syllables than necessary; the ancient writerly injunction "show, don't tell" seems not to have made the slightest impression on their creators. …

Variety says:

... this feels like a show developed when computers were the size of a refrigerator, but it’s also the sort that, if maintained properly, could run a long time on CBS. …

9 p.m. Tuesday. CBS.

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