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GONE IN SIXTY SECONDS review
Boy I really didn’t like GONE IN SIXTY
SECONDS. In fact watching that film is alot like
how I imagine the folks that hated ARMAGEDDON
and THE ROCK felt.... though I loved those two
films.
I just felt every single movement of this film, as a
matter of fact it’s alot like having your head encased
in plaster.
How do I know this? Well, because right before I
went to see GONE IN SIXTY SECONDS, I was in
the KNB (make-up effects company responsible for
work on movies like: EVIL DEAD II and FROM
DUSK TILL DAWN) make-up trailer getting my
head molded for John Carpenter’s upcoming
GHOSTS OF MARS. Now, I’m going to write up a
seperate report on that... and there will be a video
series on the site about how to do a proper head
casting. BUT... GONE IN SIXTY SECONDS
would be just like this... had it gone bad.... like so...
The film begins, and you are kinda thinking...
hmmm... this is nice. Pretty colors, but there’s a little
bit of pain as they put the bald cap on and as your
hair gets pulled a bit. This pain comes from the
introduction of an actor that I feels defines the word
terrible.
GIOVANNI RIBISI
I loathe this actor. I mean... every second that he
appears on screen, in every movie that I see him in... I
just want to reach up there... slap a pair of
defribulator paddles on his chest and zap some
fucking life into this corpse. Though in the early
scenes in the film... it’s just minor pains as just a
couple of hairs get pulled out, cause here.... he isn’t
really trying to act yet. He’s just trying to give off a
cool vibe, but woe is it not done.
At this point, it’s time for some friggin glue to be
placed on your face to hold that bald cap on. Now,
this just smells funny. And that smell is the
COMPLETE INSANITY that an ex-car thief creepo
is off somewhere in middle america (aka a short drive
out of Los Angeles) where this criminal is now....
wait for it.... a GO-KART DRIVING
INSTRUCTOR!!!
Oh dear God. That’s some powerful fucking glue,
but not near enough to kill the brain cells to let me
accept that crap. Ok... whatever... big shot smooth
materialistic boy has gone off to be at one with the
original dream of racing I suppose. The original thrill
of youth. Yadda yadda yadda....
Then there’s the part where the guy putting the stuff
on you is gonna tell you exactly what is going to
happen for the next hour or two... and how to expect
NO SURPRISES OR SHOCKS ANYWHERE. In
the film, this takes place as we are told... Your
brother is gonna die unless you steal 50 cars in 3
days. Then we have our hero taken to the even worse
bad guy that again tells him.... your brother is gonna
die unless you steal 50 cars in 3 days.
Then true to form, Cage goes to about a half dozen
people to tell them, if you don’t help me steal 50 cars
in 3 days then my brother is gonna die. OH...
meanwhile, let’s introduce his brother.
This isn’t some sharp promising youth. It’s a waste
of fucking skin. This isn’t a kid that decided to take a
risk and joyride... he’s a legitimate long term fucking
loser that needs... no, DEMANDS to go to jail for
about 15 years... who will then get out and do the
same fucking thing again... and be sent back. HE IS
A LOSER! His friends are losers. In fact there are
NO WINNERS in the entire film.
Everyone... everywhere KNOWS what’s going to
happen. Hell, in most of Bruckheimer produced films
you do.... BUT for me... what I love about the
universe that Don Simpson and Jerry Bruckheimer
have created is that they usually... REALLY
REALLY stack the odds against ‘our hero’.
Instead, this film never deviates ONCE from the early
instructions given about 15 minutes in the movie.
Sure... there are minor minor little things that are
cool. But in all... this is just like having your head
encased in Plaster. There is no real provoking plot
or message being given to you. There really are no
partners in the experience... no characters for whom
you should give a shit. There are occasional bright
flashes and load scraping and banging noises.
There’s muffled dialogue that you strain to
understand why someone would write that. BUT... as
the film wraps up... you realize that someone forgot to
put vaseline on your eyelashes and eyebrows and the
plaster is ripping them out of your face as you
scream... STOP IT!!! PLEASE DEAR GOD STOP
IT!!! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME!!!
LET ME GO!!! I WANNA GO HOME!!!!
AAAACCCKKKKK!!!!!
At the very least... at the end of a MINDLESS
ACTION CAR CHASE FILM.... you are supposed to
want to drive illegally fast. You should want to be an
irresponsible driver. You should WANT to feel the
vibration of your car pushing the very limits of it’s
factory installed standards. The high squeel of the
engine... the top down... your hair blowing back
whipping the back of your neck as sporadic bugs
crash into your windshield faster than a speeding
bullet. You should want to weave in and out of
traffic, feeling like the fucking master of POLE
POSITION and CRAZY TAXI.
But there are several key things missing in this film.
First off, Angelina Jolie is treated as a post-orgasmic
fuck doll in the film. HOWEVER, at no point do we
get to get titilated an ounce by her. Of course for
some, her mere lips are enough to send one into a
whacking frenzy. But anyone expecting any time at
all with her.... will be sorely disappointed.
The extra characters in this film... his cohorts in
stealing the cars... well they make the scam possible.
They make it so YOU NEVER HAVE ANY DOUBT
THAT IT CAN BE DONE.
It’s like the end of THE ROCKETEER. Now I love
THE ROCKETEER, but my one peeze is that at the
end of the film.... It’s not the Rocketeer vs the mob
and the nazis alone. He isn’t having to use this super
rocket pack and amazing maneuverability to beat the
bad guys singlehandedly as a SUPERHERO should.
No... instead he has the entire federal government
backing him up. Not only that... but half of the bad
guys decide to go ahead and help him fight too.
In GONE IN SIXTY SECONDS, Nick Cage’s
character has nearly a dozen folks helping him steal
50 cars in a single night. That means that in 12
hours.... 12 people have to steal just under 5 cars
each from UNSUSPECTING FOLKS. So that all but
the final car theft is like a walk in the park. With no
danger, no thrills... no sweaty palms or accelerated
pulses. AND... throughout the film, the fact that he’s
going to have trouble with the final car is telegraphed
beginning about an hour and 10 minutes before he
EVER GETS IN THE CAR! And every character in
the film knows that that specific car will be trouble,
that he’ll save it for last, that it’s the only car of it’s
unremarkable type in town and that there will be...
ONE... count them ONE SINGLE CAR CHASE IN
THE ENTIRE FILM OF ANY SIGNIFICANCE, and
it is so nonsensical... so incredibly stupid and fruitless
and bland and badly shot... that you are feeling the
very fine hairs from your face be pulled out by their
roots.
MAKE this thief... this guy who got away... make him
do this all on his own. Have his brother and his
mother being physically tortured by this cruel bastard.
Tormenting him throughout.
Have Cage feel the clock. Feel every second... every
minute of each of the days. Have so much going on...
have the task be so impossible that EVEN THOUGH
WE KNOW HE’S GONNA DO IT, WE STILL
CAN’T BELIEVE HE’S GONNA DO IT!
Jerry... did you happen to ever see the film RUN
LOLA RUN? Please... if you haven’t, watch it. This
is an exact blueprint for how to stack the odds. The
pacing... the visceral feeling that there are not enough
seconds to go from A to B.
Also... Check out an old Rudolph Maté film from
1950 called D.O.A. starring Edmond O’Brien.
Again... it’s an exact portrait of this type of film. Or
HIGH “Fucking” NOON!!!
However, let’s say you are only trying to make this be
visceral entertainment and fun.... Check out
SMOKEY AND THE BANDIT. Or Robert
Mitchum’s THUNDER ROAD. But please... please
don’t make another film like this. This was tedium
interupted with laughs at the pathetic attempt at thrills
this movie tortured us with.
This is not even a matinee movie. I can not
recommend that anyone pay to see this movie at
anytime in their life. This was abysmal.
However, I understand.... You good folks reading this
are sitting there wondering... “Well fuck... that’s the
only movie opening this weekend. There’s nothing
else to see, I have to go see it!”
NO! You don’t. You have a viable alternative. Go
rent RUN LOLA RUN or HIGH NOON or D.O.A. or
SMOKEY AND THE BANDIT or THUNDER
ROAD. Turn the volume up at the house. Get some
friends over... Throw a party. Use the money you
would’ve spent on popcorn and sodas and buy a rack
of ribs and some beer. Use your box office money
for one of these films or two.
Just don’t reward this film that feels like most of it
was made up the day it was shot by excellent actors
being directed by someone without a clue. Reward
yourself with a good movie. It’s at a rental store near
you!
Do not believe anyone that tells you that Robert Duvall is in this movie. I think it was Tom Cruise wearing an IMF special impersonation mask. Also... VINNIE JONES is in this film for about 4 minutes of total screen time, and he does rule. BUT HE NEEDS HIS OWN INDEPENDENT STARRING ROLE AS A BADASS UNSTOPPABLE LIMEY!!!
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Is Vinne Jnones in this movie?
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and they didn't even show any of Angelina Jolie's skin. God, what were they thinking? Harry, you should have at least mentioned Robert Duvall's level of involvement. I would have appreciated knowing what the one actor in the whole damn bunce (a truly great actor, mind you) was up to.
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The inimitible Vinnie Jones is indeed in the pic, silent, mute, doesn't speak, not a word, hush, no lines to learn, nada, zilch, zip!
I must admit I was looking forward to this as a piece of fluff, a mindless no-brainer. However, the previews and Harry's review have been less than glowing. SHIT!
I like Nic Cage, I really do, but he does pick some godawful dregs of movies to be in (Zandalee anyone?).
Oh well, what with the potential let downs of MI:2 and This Film, I think I'll stay in the house and watch my Fight Club region 1 DVD when they get released in the U.K.
MARK -
Jerry who produced this? Yeah I know that fucker, he's the one that makes mindless action films. All of his movies suck except maybe the Rock, maybe. I just finished reading The X-men novalization and it had a great story and dialog, not to mention all the cool superhero stuff. If you wanna go see a great action movie with plenty of brains go see X-men, I am. Hurry up July 14th! Btw, Harry you liked Armageddon? Dude you better look for a second job and not think about criticizing movies for a career. Armageddon.... muhahahahahahah!!!
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Butt-numbing mindless bore of a movie. Despite the fact it's supposed to be an "action" movie. Nic Cage better keep polishing that Oscar of his, because he's gonna need to sell it soon to pay the bills. I can't believe I liked him so much in Face/Off and The Rock! He's made some truly horrible movie choices lately though. Con Air, City of Angels, 8MM, Snake Eyes, Bringing Out the Dead, and now this. I say he needs to do another comedy or something. I absolutely loved him in Raising Arizona. Where's that spark of inspiration now?
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Too bad I can't trust your opinion any more, Harry. Armageddon was the worst piece of cinematic crap that I have ever seen, and I am a huge Bruce Willis fan. I mean, the world is gonna end in 14 days and I am the only hope that the world has but, I really really wanna go to a strip club or ride my motorcycle now. And gravity on the Mir Space Station (wonder who their science advisor was), and a machine gun firing in the vacuum of space. Anyway I guess I got a 50/50 shot on liking this one since The Rock did kick ass.
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I hope this doesn't turn out to be the end of Cage's career like Battlefield Earth was to Travolta. Both of them make a great comeback in 94 an 95, then start starring in suck fests. And if you don't believe that BE is the end of Travolta's career, you obviously haven't seen the movie.
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Fuck, I don't want this film to be shitty, because I really liked the script by Scott Rosenberg (if you haven't already, go check it out).
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Jun 08, 2000 4:11:04 AM CDT
I dug "Con Air," "The Rock," and "Armageddon." So shoot me.
by cereal killer
I love a mindless action flick as long as it's fun and I thought those three movies fit the bill. "Gone" is one I'm still on the fence about. Two hours of car chases doesn't really thrill me much. The fact that it's the only new movie coming out may end up being my deciding factor however I still have two holdouts from previous weeks. I haven't seen "Dinosaur" or "Big Momma's House" yet so I may be able to avoid "60 Seconds." Harry's alternative of staying home to rent a video is just not viable for me. I have to see a movie every weekend. HAVE TO. Renting a video is just watching TV to me. Even a great movie can't hold my complete attention on the TV screen like it does at the movies.**** As for the cast of "60 Seconds" I wish Harry would've speculated a little more on what would cause such heavyweights as Duvall and Lindo to pick this film. We know that Cage will appear in any action film that'll have him. Angelina Jolie makes me sick and the only thing she really contributes to any film is her willingness to show some skin and that doesn't happen here. Giovani Ribisi is another nonfave. The only movie of his where I thought he did a good job was as the narrator on "Virgin Suicides." I didn't have to look at his stupid face.**** BTW, best movie car chase in my opinion is the truck chase scene in "Raiders of the Lost Ark."
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Jun 08, 2000 4:11:04 AM CDT
WHAT TO DO THIS WEEKEND??? RENT "CHERRY HILL HIGH" AND ....
by geekbasher 3.0
invite ten or fifteen of your good friends over, hopefully they will invite there designated fucks for the night and make sure you have a big bottle of SKYY vodka, some weed and a two cases of Miller Geniune Draft...pop in some funny SNL skits with Molly Shannon, and then low and behold, pop in CHERRY HILL HIGH, a classic, a gem from the 70's........T&A at it's best and trippest....watch everyone laugh, watch everyone giggle and have fun..
THAT IS WHAT I WOULD SUGGEST INSTEAD OF GONE IN 60 SECONDS..
I DO HAVE TO GIVE PROPS TO MISS JOLIE FOR TELLING JAY LENO LIKE IT MOTHER FUCKING IS LAST NIGHT!!
IT"S ALL ABOUT CHERRY HILL HIGH, AND THANKS HARRY FOR THE WARNING..NO WONDER THE TRAILER HAS BEEN BOMBARDING US FOR WHAT SEEMS LIKE CENTURIES...THE MOVIE SUCKS....THEY WANT TO GET EVERYONE IN THE FIRST WEEKEND, CUZ YOU KNOW THE SECOND, NIC CAGE WILL BE SUCKING JOHN TRAVOLTAS FAT CHUB IN SOME DARK ALLEY!!! -
Now that that's out of the way, the only reason I might go to see this obviously fetid corpse of a movie is to see Vinnie Jones. Big Chris was consummate badass, and after LS&2SB I'd go see any movie connected in any way to anyone involved in that crime jazz gem. Jonathan Flemyng was in Red Violin and that was good. Guy Ritchie is sticking to what he does best with Snatch, and that should be good. Sting has avoided acting entirely, and that's good. Why should Vinnie Jones break the chain? And you're right Harry, he does need a movie of his own some time... what about Rollerball? Makes sense, he being a footballer and all. 60 Seconds? Why bother when SIFF is in town. I think I'll wait for the video. btw now that Angelina Jolie is Mrs. Billy Bob Thornton it just kills the magic somehow, doesn't it?
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I'm telling you, now Nic Cage has backed out - Vinnie would be perfect - physically at least!!
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I saw a screening of this piece of crap a couple of months ago here in NY. They made us wait almost an hour in this freezing room before the movie started. When I saw "Deep Blue Sea" at a special screeing, there were free refreshments, Renny introduced the movie, and I got to talk to Thomas Jane. The whole experience was exhilirating. Studios take note!
Gone in 60 seconds looked better than the original grade Z movie, but the original's climactic chase at the end was much better. Check it out!
This movie glaringly represented everything that is wrong with summer action movies, and maybe everything that is wrong with over-expectant audiences.
I hope "The Cell" is good. It seems like the most innovative thing out there this summer.
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Who cares? Armageddon sucked ass, I liked Con Air and The Rock. Nicolas Cage is a sellout, though.I wasn't going near it anyways. I'm waiting for X-Men, Holy shit.
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Regardless of whether or not Gone In 60 is the steaming pile of cinematic excrement Harry says it is (and I seriously doubt that it can top the hilarious M:I 2 in terms of sheer pompous self indulgence and generally gratuitous insults to the audience's intelligence), it seems yet again we have an increasingly common case of Harry pushing a hackneyed metaphor based on his own wondrous forays into Hollywood stardom down our throats masquerading as a film review...in which lush epic are you going to bless us all with an appearance next, Harry?
What's that?? That wonderful director of small, personal character sketches John Carpenter's new foray into existentialism, Ghosts of Mars??? Oh, how grateful we all are!
I'll be interested to see how that reviews. Hopefully it's as good as The Faculty, huh?
Shit, sometimes stomaching some of these cheesy, self aggrandising reviews feels like having your head cast in plaster and then being forced to watch that hideous nightmare inducing video of Harry in the Pink Panther getup on permanent loop.
Think I might go check out Coming Attractions. -
Hey Harry, I wrote you months ago with a script review of this very film telling you piece of crap this was going to me...but you
must not have believed me because you didn't even post it. Way back in the Rosenberg draft you could see how lightning fast this film was headed to oblivion. -
You guys actually thought that this would be a movie with a plot?? Didn't ANYONE see the original? It had no plot either, and the ONLY reason to watch it is the car chase. Get real--not every movie made (very few, actually) is Shakespeare.
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Jun 08, 2000 8:57:09 AM CDT
Good review, Harry. The head-cast-in-plaster metaphor was contri
by dave_f
Actually, a physical flogging would probably be a good idea too. As for "The Rocketeer", I thought it was a stroke of genius to have the gangsters teaming with the G-men to stomp Nazi ass! "I may not make an honest buck, but I'm a hunnert percent American!" Great line! Besides, the Rocketeer is supposed to be kind of a fuck-up hero, not an invincible Batman-type. I even remember reading an interview with Rocketeer creator, Dave Stevens, where he described Cliff Secord as "his own foil". Anyway, please continue to kick Bruckheimer in the ribs, but don't be taking potshots at "Rocketeer" while you're at it. It represents the only superhero film besides the first two "Superman" flicks that can truly be called great.
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I have yet to see a good Jerry Bruckheimer film. The only one that I marginally enjoyed was the rock and upon second viewing I thought that was crap too. Armageddon was the worst piece of pooper doody I had ever been witness to. Will some one please tell Bruckheimer that crane shots that rotate as they zoom into an actor's face are not a substitute for plot? I almost got ill at all the comic-booky camera work in Armacrapton. I wasn't going to see Gone in 60 Sec. because I felt that Bruckheimer films don't ever really challenge the viewers, and that they substitute anything of substance for quick "flash bang" entertainment that leaves you feeling hollow and quite frankly, condescended too. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the mindless action flick as much as the next guy. But some mindless action flicks take their jobs seriously and try to at least make you feel the adrenaline (Die Hard for instance). Bruckheimer films seem to operate under the assumption that as long as the movie looks good, we can throw any old piece of crap together and it will sell. If you like this stuff then more power too you, but if you don't or are unsure, take Harry's advice and go rent a movie and watch it with your friends. Or better yet, got get the Fight Club DVD:)
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After seeing Mission Impossible,a movie so bad that even John Woo couldn't save,we are now faced with another mindless P.O.S.Scott Roseenberg showed you where he was at with that animal cracker scene in Armageddon.
Can't anyone write anything decent anymore? -
Two-lane Blacktop, mothafuckas. Love it. LOVE it! And btw, what happned to fucking good old days? When hollywood actually WANTED to make movies that challenged people? That questioned society? I hate Bruckheimer. And fuk Joel Silver too. For a couple good movies they don't deserve the control they have. They're like a blob that ate the minds of American moviegoers. What do we have to say for ourselves? Well, what th' hell we s'posed ta do now, y' moron?
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I have to say, this talkback is a shining example of why I like AICN so much!
Forget about the recent brouhaha with CA and the other websites, these talkbacks and their bashing would not go anywhere without Harry as instigator, and for that I have to congratulate him!
So far though, the best post in this talkback has been by Johnny platinum. Hilarious! It's true what he says too. In almost every report by Harry he always name drops.
Anyway, re: Angelina Jolie, is anyone excited she's gonna be Lara Croft in 'Tomb Raider' or not? -
Armegeddon sucked. Answering another talk back statement, the reason their was gravity on MIR was because it was spinning, which produces centrifugal force imitating gravity and sucking the character to the floor. There is no reason for fire in space. The scenarios described by Harry seem to replicate those in Armegeddon, a multi-day deadline, no differene between a Go Kart manager assigned to stealing cars and a team of oil rig workers assigned to save the earth. Hell, Armegeddon seems more absurd and probably is.
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I missed the Rocketeer but will rent it soon. Eccentric heros are always more interesting - Owen Wilson in Shanghai Noon for example. But the post a few above made me think about another superhero that died on the vine - Buckaroo Banzai. (No no, don't tug on that, you never know what it might be connected to.) It came out about the same time that Rambo did. The box office rewarded brawn over brain. How to get better films made? Vote with your dollars is the only way.
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All you had to do was see the first trailer to know this movie would suck. Just Angelina's cheesy and cliched "having sex or stealing cars" line was enough to do it for me.
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I thought was a pretty cool movie. Other than that I think all Bruckheimer movies need the Heimlichbrucker. I won't see this, knowing now that my sweet little knife-fighting hosehound Angie won't be wielding her funbags anywhere here. I certainly won't see Pearl Necklace, uh, I mean, uh, Harbor. Bruckheimer and Bay together! Wow, just think of the dynasty of crap these guys could come up with. Jerry. Fucking Jerry. F.U. Jerry. Make a car chase movie that ain't cool. F.U. That's all. Always nice to see a t.b. w/ the Warrior.
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I pretty much knew that GISS was going to be a gargantuan piece of shit when I learned that it was rated PG-13 and the ads featured Nic Cage teaching a group of toddlers to drive frickin go carts. Alas, I will probably end up seeing the film because I am curious to see how Dominic Sena's direction has changed since he exploded onto the cinematic scene with the brilliant, underrated Kalifornia, which starred Brad Pitt and David Duchovny before they became superstars. The fact that he went from directing a disturbing serial killer film to a Jerry Fuckheimer car chase popcorn flick is one of the biggest disappointments of the year. Seriously, Jerry hasn't produced a good film since The Rock (no classic, but it's a masterpiece compared to Armageddon--don't even get me started on that turkey). I hope Sena rebounds from this slump and makes good on the promise he showed in his last film.
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Harry is ABSOLUTELY CORRECT on this one. It sucked. Saw this with about of my friends and NO ONE liked it. Others, the lucky bastards left the film half way through.
Don't misunderstand my feelings about the Bruckhiemer(SP?) films. I've seen most of them and enjoyed most of them. (Flashdance, Top Gun, Days of Thunder, The Rock, hell even Con air and Amageddon were better) Everyone except the few teenagers in the crowd seemed bored. My pal Michelle, fell asleep.
In fact the only highlight was the ridiculous trailer for Bruckhiemer's next film "Coyote UGLY" which is like showgirls meets Cocktail. And that's another thing at least that's got the babe factor. This has, basically, Nic Cage and Ribisi(who I don't hate).
This gave my the same bored, bland but alwas loud and obnoxious feeling that 8mm had.
All-in-all 1 star. Thus for me, the fourth worst film of the year.(behind Batlefield Earth-which was actually more entertaining, Scream 3-Ugh!, and of course The Messenger)
P.S. I heard the original has this kick ass 40 minute car chase. This chase is pretty lame.
P.S.S. IN other news the FightClub DVD is Awesome! and I just got Space Channel 5 for my DC.It's not as good as Tony Hawk but I see hrs of fun coming from this. -
One of the most realistic, edge- of- your- seat car chases that made total and perfect sense for the film in recent years... you will believe. As for Angelina Jolie as 'Lara Croft,' she says she can't wait to show off her new butt... but probably not as much as most of us are to SEE it. Harry, lose the "guess what movie I got to do stuff in that you didn't" review angles... your bathroom excrement comparisons were more appropriate.
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I'm pretty much convinced this movie is gonna suck but I'll still check it out this weekend. Like Harry said, there's nothing else opening. I usually like Bruckheimer films for what they are: Brainless popcorn flicks. Now that my expectations are so low, maybe I'll actually enjoy it.
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Why is she in this movie if she isn't showing skin? This "crack ho", as some have called her, is nothing but a deranged, spoiled Hollywood brat. Reporters call her a "wild-child" and "free-spirited". That will last until she really f's up, then it will change to "emotional" and "complex". Chris Rock was right: "What ever happened to crazy?"
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because it was just his voice. I guess anything beyond voice-overs is a stretch for him.
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Harry, Ribisi is not a suckhole. While he hasn't always been th greatest thing on earth, I defy anyone to say that he was bad in Saving Private Ryan. Every moment that guy was on screen made me weepy. he ( and the rest of that cast) was amazing. Same with SubUrbia. (and to hate him for being self-consciously cool in this flick, well, that seems kind of hypocritical for a guy who named his website after a line from the most self-consciously contrived "cool" character in the history of film - John Travolta's villain in Broken Arrow.
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...let's hope not! Any movie with Angelina Jolie's delicious DS lips can't be all that bad!!!
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Harry was not getting made up for a role in Ghost of Mars. He actually was getting fitted for his bra to play Jabba the Hut. PS. Harry, we could give a rats ass about your stupid life. Just review the movie lard ass.
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Just curious. You know, the most untrustworthy reviews and reviewers are the ones who go out of their way to NOT review anything about the film they've just seen.
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(Sorry, I'm at work so I can't use naughty words) I mean...I know it SOUNDS cool, but what exactly is it? And as for the review, well, I have to say I like it better when Harry loads his personal stuff up at the beginning so I can read the straight review at the end. It sounds like s*it, but I thought the concept of Cage as a instructor at a Go-Cart course was kind of funny. Is anyone sure that this film is meant at all to be taken seriously? That it isn't a bit of a farce? It sure sounds pretty funny to me...One of those films you get a little plastered then go see so you can proceed to yell at the screen in a half-empty theater.
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You loved Armageddon? I wouldn't admit that anymore, Harry. It was a horrible mess of a movie. Easily the worst movie of that year and high on the list of all time. It is UNWATCHABLE--An incoherent assault of ugly-looking crap thrown in your face, told by a talentless director who cannot tell a story. I love sci-fi/action films, and I'm usually very forgiving. This one I hated with a passion.
As for GISS, I knew it would suck. I knew someone who worked on the project, who saw the dailies and told me so. Besides, I would never see a movie that glamorized scum of the earth, car thieves, anyway. -
I bet you guys loved Top Gun, guess what?... BRUCKHEIMER did that too!!
I'm seeing this movie regardless of what people say, I see even the worst movies as long as its on the big screen! -
Jun 08, 2000 12:53:10 PM CDT
Bruckheimer always drops the ball, and that's what pisses people
by superninja
Look at the concepts he's had in his grubby litle hands and look how he manages to make a mediocre film of them everytime. Granted GISS was originally nothing amazing -- but don't tell me that it could've have been developed into a really kick-ass little action film! No one really remebered the original version, so you could've done all sorts of things with the character and the premise. And I can't believe I really never noticed before just how BAD Bruckeimer's formula is repeating itself!!! From The Rock, to Con-Air, to Armageddon and now GISS -- HOW MANY TIMES ARE WE GOING TO SEE A 'SPECIAL TEAM' on a mission with a tight deadline? Could you at least DEVIATE once in awhile? Jeezus...
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I guess the "Gone in Sixty Seconds Sucks" Bandwagon has already took form and everyone is eager to jump aboard. I can only advise for people to actually go to the movie and come up with their own opinion. I forgot, thats a pretty rare thing these days. I remember myself hyping "Gladiator" upo really big, telling my friends how badass its going to be. Boy was that a disappointment, a 150 minute movie called "Gladiator" with about 40 mins of actual fighting. If you want Roman Empire intrigue, go read or rent "I, Claudius." Im not going to see "Gone in Sixty Seconds" because "its the only thing out there." Im going to see it because me and my friends liked The Rock, we liked Con Air, we like Tony Scott movies, and I like Nick Cage, and I thought Kalifornia was badass. I dont care if its a glossy, expensive Hollywood piece of fodder, just as long as its enertaining and doesnt piss me off. When people ask me what I think of movies, I always tell then, but I always advise they see it for themselves and decide for themselves.
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I hate that guy. He has absolutely no class. Everytime I turn on the t.v. during his monologue, he is bashing the most inappropriate news items of the day. Maybe I could be more forgiving if it were actually funny, but it never is. Leno sucks so bad. I think Jolie also needs to watch herself -- she's getting close to Paltrow-"over exposure" syndrome. She could do a great job in Tomb Raider, if they handle the films as more than just pure T&A. We're in need of some Indiana Jones-esque high adventure if you ask me.
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One last thing I wanted to mention to ya Harry, I saw you had a quote on the box of the Emilio Estavez flick "Late Last Night." I could be wrong, but Im pretty sure I saw something to the affect ,"This movies is ultra-cool." Anyhow, I did check it out, and enjoyed it quite much. Steve Weber is great in it , and should be in more stuff. Emilio is good too. Im still waiting for him, Charlie Sheen, and Christian Slater to come back. Im still trapped in those days of "Pump up the Volume" "Young Guns" and "Wall Street." Back to "Late Last Night", I highly recommend it, very funny, and just a great late night movie like "Swingers." I loved the line "Why cant less threatening minorities like the Swedes sell drugs?" Check it out.
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Did anyone see Angelina Jolie on Jay Leno on Tuesday? She seemed really embarassed to promote GISS, claiming, "I just saw it," and she tried to admit that she knew it sucked, saying, "It's a big summer movie."
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Geez it sucked, big surprise! Bruce Cambell Rocks, nuff said.
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Angie can take her over stuffed lips and cram them into my rosey red rectum. She's god awful, too full of herself, and DID NOT deserve the Oscar over Annette (it was the "give the award to whomever is playing a retard" Oscar).
P.S. She and Billy Bob are splitsville as soon as the heroine dries up. -
I think I'm going to play it right now. And oh yeah, GISS looks pretty bad. You know, I saw a clip of this movie, and it was during one of the car driving scenes where Nic Cage is driving backwords, and instead of being awed, I was dissapointed. Too many quick second shots, and no time to admire what was going on. It really lacked something essential.
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Before you start bagging on Angelina, why don't you actually rent Girl Interrupted or is that too much brain thinking for your ass? Obviously if you even had half a brain, you would get your Oscar winners right! Lady Bening was nominated for Best Actress...Miss Jolie was nominated for Best Supporting Actress....
sorry I am being such a cunt this morning but my bong just spilled over the shelf and landed in my fishtank! -
Awww c'mon...don't go ripping on Giovanni. Did you see Suburbia?or The Other Sister? Don't you watch Friends for god's sake? If we're gonna' talk truly lifeless actors...I can think of a few choice gems before Giovanni would ever come to mind.
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Well it was.****Wow, AICN talkbackers bad-mouthing Bruckheimer. I've never seen anything like that happen here before. Learn some new tricks, bozos.
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You got this movie to a T, Harry. ONE FUCKING CAR CHASE. I knew the story/dialogue would suck, I expected it, but ONE FUCKING CAR CHASE!!?? What were they thinking? You're right, the movie inspires ZERO tension, there's no thrill in the robberies. The villain is awful, the rare moments of CGI are terrible. There isn't even a topless Angelina as a reward for making it through this POS. All I can say in its favor is I'm glad it was a free screening, I'd have really been pissed if I wasted $$ on it.
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It's called "i kick you in the nuts" which is exactly what i'd like to do to everyone involved with GOneINSixtySeconds. Including the crack whore who may, or may not have nuts. "Come to me my greasy little baby"
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oops -- i meant over collette not annette. and she still blows. not cause she's a freak. but because her acting sucks
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Before anyone, and I'm sorry, Harry, this means you too, derides this film, PLEASE watch the original (if you can find it). It's an amazing work of indie film-making, and after watching both films, I can tell you that it DOES make a difference. Sure, it'd be better if this film could stand on it's own. But two is better than one, right? Unless we're talking about tumors or something...
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i got free passes to a prevue of this dreck and walked out halfway thru. somone needs to tell nick cage to stop taking money just becase its waved under his nose. and can somone please explain angelina jolie to me? does she get jobs becase shes a nutcase or becase of the lips. if shes as good and actress as shes been made out to be why the hell is she in this? cause she sure wasent acting!!!
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Hey Harry I think that the glue you sniffed during the movie and obviously the ounces of it you smelt before has finally gotten to your fat head. You dare say a movie with Nic Cage and Angelina is gonna suck. Meanwhile you tell us that you loved the most craptacular movie ever Armeggedon. What a retard. I hope you die and rot where you belong. I'll take my money, go to the theaters, and make my own opinion(which will be good no matter what, ITS NIC). The last person i would trust is a fat, retartad, glue sniffing, an lover like yourself.
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Hey Harry I think that the glue you sniffed during the movie and obviously the ounces of it you smelt before has finally gotten to your fat head. You dare say a movie with Nic Cage and Angelina is gonna suck. Meanwhile you tell us that you loved the most craptacular movie ever Armeggedon. What a retard. I hope you die and rot where you belong. I'll take my money, go to the theaters, and make my own opinion(which will be good no matter what, ITS NIC). The last person i would trust is a fat, retartad, glue sniffing, man lover like yourself.
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Well after just posting my thoughts on gone in 60 i thought id junp over to see the tub of lard's review of Mission 2. What asurprise he doesnt like it. Apparently this Harry does not like anything that mkaes a movie a guy movie. Guns, Cars, Girls, Action, he hates every movie with this, oh wait he did like Armeggedon. HA! Anothe rpoint I want to bring out is that this fat ass doesn't even know what he's talking about when it comes ot movies. He mentioned in his review of MI2 that it was "cut back to Pg-13." What an ass. IT WAS NEVER GOING TO BE R! Read this months issue of Premiere where it says JOhn Woo wanted to amke a pg13 movie. Harry, fatty, do your freakin research next time before posting a jack ass review. Everyone, don't listen to this moron, go to Gone in 60 and review it for yourself. The last thing i want is this ass telling me what to see. Harry i think your appointment for the second half of your labotamy is coming up. Good luck! ASS.
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Would you please shut up? Your blathering is hurting my eyes. There's a HUGE difference between an awesome popcorn fun flick and a piece of absolute shit. MI2 was exactly that. As for a guy movie? Huh? What do flappy doves, crashing waves, and self-pitying chicks ready to off themselves have to do with Guy Movies? If GISS were a "Guy" movie, then Angie should be flashing me some goddamn titties. That's a prerequisite to the "guy movie" label. Lots of pointless action, death, and bare-ass titties. That's a guy movie. And a movie about stealing cars only has one chase scene? HA! What a fucking ripoff!! Quit bustin' Harry's balls, junior.
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Allright, first of all, this guy's head must be in plaster 24/7. If he really knows what he's talking about, he could have tried to enjoy the movie, and at least taken note of some of the good stuff. And how can a guy, not like a guy movie. it makes you wonder...
i saw this guy on the late late show on cbs a few nights back, and trust everybody, i would trust this guy with my movie reviews about as much as id trust him alone in my kitchen. He also said he hated mission impossible 2. geez, when he was watching it he was probably stuffing his face with hershey bars and popcorn and didn't even see half of it. Oh, and this is just for you harry, i hear the new york sports club is having a special buy one membership, get one free... you'd have to buy two for yourself and your ass anyway so try it out! -
Well well well, looks like someone forgot to throw out the garbage cause theres a huge piece, almost as huge as Harry, in the form of KingMenthol. Wait did you see the movie, i forgot, i was so busy laughing during your blabbering that i couldnt see straight. "show us your titties" huh, wow apparently you cant get a real girl to do taht so you need to pay 8.25 to see it on a flat screen. And yes MI2 and this are GUY movies, i can't imagine it being aimed towrds the female of the species you freakin dumbass. For now i think you better lay off your computer and get real cozy with your two hands and your ass, cause your obviously gay and cant get any real human contact. Thats rihgt little king, better get whackinh you only have 3 more hours of practice, before the spice channel comes on. What an ass.
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It is probably one of the stupidest movies I have ever scene, but without a doubt I got fired up by the hot cars and the chase scenes. It starts with a bang, then nothing happens for about an hour and 15 minutes, then ends with a bang. The "big" chase could obviously have been better, but it still fired me up, and I DID leave the screening wanting to drive fast and weave through traffic. (also, Vinnie Jones from Lock, Stock... is a badass)
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I had the misfortune of witnessing this piece of celluoid crap this past Monday at a free sneak preview screening. All I can say is that I'm glad it was free because if I had paid one red cent for this movie, I would have kicked somebody's ass. It's as though I wasted 2 hours of my life. Harry is so right about this movie. When did the movie gods decide that Nic Cage was an action hero? He's a good actor when he wants to be. There's a part in this movie where Cage shows a brief glimpse of his standard frustrated, stammering, wired out of his mind attitude that explodes in a quick burst, and I thought to myself, "You know, I enjoyed Raising Arizona and Honeymoon in Vegas. What happened to those kind of movies?" 8MM? Con-Air? Come on, Nic! Jolie is an absolute freak (I mean that in a bad way)and is the scene with her and Cage in the car supposed to "sexy" and "voyeuristic?" Puh-lease. I've seen Gladiator twice and maybe that has skewered my perception here, but this movie affected me in no way whatsoever. The entire cast could have been hit by an asteroid, mauled by a pack of wild dogs, whatever...I couldn't have cared less. And Jolie didn't even show any skin! Save your money and wait for the rental when the movie you really want to rent is out. Peace out...
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You forgot one more "impossible odds" film - "The Gauntlet"...
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if your gaybashing a plain and straight pimp like myself. As for the Jergens and jerkin, well, I can't deny the bishop's been palmed one too many times. A movie might be aimed at guys, but that certainly doesn't mean it's a "guy movie". MI2 was so contrived and sappy I could barely stand it. I like movies where chicks aren't afraid to bare their assets. That makes me homosexual? Well, you can think whatever you want about me, junior. Would you rather be checkin' a chick flick an be hopin' for a glimpse of the dick? I won't speculate, homes, cuz you might be a dude with no cojones.
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I've heard that this movie is total ass. And let's be honest with ourselves here...every Cage movie seems to get worse and worse. Travolta and Cate must share agents. They should think about doing some sort of Car chase version of Battlefield Earth. Now, raise your hands if you're not aching to see that flick.
Anyhow, not gonna talk out my ass any longer and just wanted to say for any of you that had missed that kick ass little commercial Tim Burton on Timex...I'm sure harry's mentioned it..but man...it rules...I'll watch that 30 times before I'll plunk down some scratch to see another Jerry film....
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This review makes it appear that Angelina Jolie is giving us "Full Frontal Lobotomy" instead...
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Well said!
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After waking up in my beachfront Malibu home and having breakfast cooked for me by my girlfriend Laura Dern, I jumped the bus and headed downtown. My first stop were the Dreamworks offices on the Universal lot. I had to stop by and talk to my friend Steven Spielberg. I pulled up a chair and the subject of
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Oh well... You know I'm going to see it anyways. Besides, when I get my hopes down like this, I usually end up liking them!
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Harry, no offense man, I usually love your reviews- but the plaster on the face analogy just didn't work, at all.
I was thinking...I have to have a catch phrase but I'm to lazy to think of my own so...
"I can take anything you can dish out (Tightens cheeks and projects a stern look). I am twice the man you are." -
The white doves, the close-ups with Cruise and Newton looking at each other like starving puppies, Cruise's hair. The sweet love story, fuck if you like that film you are a woman! Just because a film has action doesn't mean it's a guys film. I bet Nicole or "nick" as Tommy puts it wears a strap-on to bed. His biggest fan is that muff diver Rosie enough said.
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This is a horrible thing to hear! I was actually waiting and hoping for this movie to be good.... I was hungry for some good chases... and there hasn't been a movie I've wanted to see in theaters in awhile. Did anyone notice how cool last year was, and this year seriously sucks?
P.S. - You have to go through a lot to be able to post something here. -
'nuff said
http://us.imdb.com/NewsFeatures/ribisi -
Jun 08, 2000 7:55:43 PM CDT
I told you this movie was going to suck from the beginning! H.B.
by uncapie
Lower budget movie, BETTER FUCKING SCRIPT! I hope the ghost of the great H.B. Halicki haunts Bruckheimer's ass for this! And as for all you little suck-asses out there that said I was wrong that this movie was going to bite, feel pretty fuckin' stupid now, don't you?! You should poke your eyes out! Better yet, may you be stranded on a desert island with a lifetime supply of Fred Olen Ray, Todd Sheets, Jim Wynorski and Don Jackson movies, you worthless miscreants!
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Okay Rosenberg came on the scene with two very well written flicks that happened to be quite different too. He started off with the odd-ball "Things to do in Denver When You're Dead" and then follow it up with the sublime "Beautiful Girls." He was on a role and seemed to really show promise. But Scott sold his soul and now we're stuck with crap like "Disturbing Behavior" and "Gone in Sixty Seconds."
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Of course this movie sucked? Did anyone have any doubt? Bruckheimer should stick to making crappy three-minute music videos...Armageddon was nothing but a two-hour music video anyway. I had a friggin' headache one hour into that piece of crap!!
By the way, the best chase scene ever, ironically, was in "Raising Arizona". I've seen it thirty-odd times and it still makes me bust out laughing when the woman in the polyester suit and curlers gets chased by the pack of escaped dogs. -
I loved MI:2. thats all i have to say. Tomorrow, when i see Gone in Sixty, i think i'll enjoy it. And just as a reality check, nudity doesn't make a movie. Unless its
the porno movies taking up all your closet space. -
Jun 08, 2000 8:50:43 PM CDT
Who's worse...Bruckheimer or Joel "Bat-Nipples" Schumacher?
by deargodmyspleen
Producer who makes vomit-inducing plotless piles of shit or director who makes vomit-inducing campy piles of shit?
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I'm amused by the fact that people claimed that this was a dumb movie, and then said it would have been better if Jolie had showed her tits.
Now there's an intelligent filmmaking technique. -
That is exactly what i thought the title should have been when I saw it in the preview. When the star of a movie is a car, you know it's shit! Speaking of shit? What the fuck happened to Nick Cage?!?!?! Winning the oscar was the worst thing that coulda happened to him, cuz now they just throw money at him to do all these movies. Almost every movie since las vegas has been shitty of fuck!! That mustang looks sweet tho....
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Man, I hate this guy...and its probably the main reason I don't want to see "Gone In 60 Seconds," though I think it looks pretty lousy anyways (unless it'll be as much campy fun as the original was). I thought Ribisi wasn't too bad in Richard Linklater's "Suburbia," but then I realized he kept playing the same stuttering retard role in every movie I'd seen him in. I managed to wade through his terrible acting in "Some Girls" and "The Other Sister," (a role that didn't require any stretch for him), but I wanted to punch his lights out when I saw him in "The Mod Squad." Maybe he'll prove me wrong someday, but for now, I just can't stand watching him play the same obnoxious role over and over. I'm glad to hear I'm not alone on that.
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Now that's funny. Finally, some humor in "Talkback" that makes me laugh. It is sooooo true.
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Harry, whatever anger you're projecting...well just deal with it. Giovanni Ribisi is a terrific actor and your hatred of him seems to indicate one of those inexplicable actor bias' that weak minded people have. I'm sure you think you have your reasons but you shouldn't confuse the fact that an actor has made a lot of shitty movies with their level of talent. Giovanni Ribisi has appeared in some TERRIBLE films but he's still a sincere and talented actor. His 'mom' monologue in Saving Private Ryan was on of the most creepy yet poignant scenes in the film. I should expect better sense from you. You sound like those intellectually inept Star Wars fans who hate Leonardo Dicaprio just because he was in Titanic.
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...I just saw this movie at the theatre last night.. and it was brilliant. I really couldn't fault any aspect of the film. Run Lola Run deserves your money, above Gone In 60 Seconds, which, from first hearing about it, hasn't even raised a single bit of anticipation in me. Seeing the trailer just makes me go "eh?".
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Jun 09, 2000 12:58:13 AM CDT
Let's hope this movie lives up to its fucking name. (And someth
by lightstormer
I knew it! I knew I smelled a rat the first time I heard about this movie a year ago! Truth to tell, the only reason I figured it would suck was because I read the writer was none other than Johnathon "Armageddon & Die Hard 3" Hensleigh. I just checked IMDB to see if that was correct, and they do have somebody else listed, but I know how funny the WGA can be with crediting people, so... there's still a possibility. At any rate, the fact is that summer's here, boys & girls, so it's supposed to be outr duty to check our brains at the door and simply drool through the whole 2-hours-plus of every new action movie every weekend for the next 3 months straight. Go see it if you want to. My time and money are a little too valuable to me. PS: Could everyone please give me a show of interest on this. . . as I had mentioned Hensleigh, would anybody find it disheartening, upsetting, or simply of no consequence at all that he had a hand in writing a draft of the AEON FLUX film? No bullshit here... The script exists, and he's one of the writers associated with it. I can't say which studio or which production company, but it's out there. I have read it and harbor my own opinion, but I'm wondering what others think. The reason I ask is because I myself have wished to make this film even before the series began in '95. If there's a public interest in a live-action AF, I would like to hear about it. Hopefully, the project will linger in limbo long enough to be rescued by someone familiar with the material before this version actually gets made. Any comments?
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Kudos to fireinthehole for mentioning TWO-LANE BLACKTOP. As much as I dig that movie, I must point out that it was made during the early days of the NEW HOLLYWOOD-a time where filmmakers had some leeway.Nowadays,it's all flash and no substance. As an avid movie guy,I feel cheated.And TRUST ME when I tell you that I'm not alone in thinking this.
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Giovanni Rabisi is a gifted actor. Look at SAVING PRIVATE RYAN. That's a breakthrough performance. Your adolescent take on this seriously talented individual lowers my estimation of you, Harry.
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Just saw it tonight and I thought it kicked ass. It is mindless entertainment. And it was entertaining. The movie doesn't pretend to be anything but fun. If you did bad-ass cars, do yourself a favor and check it out. Harry called the 67 Shelby Mustang GT 'unremarkable'? I can't believe it. That car is a thing of fucking beauty. Maybe that's why he didn't like it. And having seen the original, I can really appreciate the use of 'Eleanore' as the car's name. I thought the build-up to that car made enough sense and was kinda cool. I laughed a lot, and there were some cool fights in there as well. The end car chase was fun, and there were some tense spots but nothing heavy. My fucking girlfriend even liked it for the trashy fun it was. It DOES NOT take itself seriously, which is where I thought MI:2 fucked up. I would have excepted all that high drama relationship love stuff between Cruise and Newton if there relationship wasn't set up in a way so fucking souless. Other than that though it was entertaining, although I was again bothered by the puss-out PG-13 but you can't have everything these days. Saw the new X-Men trailer in front of GISS and it looked really good. Even with the last shot the unfinished CGI was barely noticeable and it looked good up on the big screen. I really hate how Harry stresses so emphatically not to see movies he doesn't like. It bothers me I must admit. Because I liked it, my GF liked it, and so did my brothers for the entertaining goofy fun flick it was. Maybe its different if you don't really love Mustangs or something, I don't know. My point is that there are going to be some people who like this movie, so don't try to prevent them from enjoying it, say your piece and let anyone interested try for themselves. And to the person who said no one has time to see every movie so its okay to follow others ideas to help you decide, that's right, I agree - to an extent. Your best bet is to follow trailers. If the trailer to this movie doesn't interest you on any level, don't bother with it. If it did, then go for it. I not going to see Love's Labour's Lost because it looks fucking stupid, which isn't to say it doesn't look good to someone else, I just wouldn't even consider it because its not my type of movie. I shouldn't and most likely don't need to explain this to anyone so I'm going to shut the fuck up. I ramble a lot. Oh well, fuck it, I'm gonna go watch the Crow in letterbox and get depressed.
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GISS was real good. It started slow, but the last hour and a half was just classic Bruckheimer chaos and mayhem, with SEVERAL excellent chase scenes. A movie like this DOES NOT NEED character development. The film told us just enough about the main characters to get by. Cage and Lindo were excellent, and Jolie was good in a surprisingly small role. And this film DID make me want to greatly exced the speed limit
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One of the best performances I've ever seen him pull off was in BRINGING OUT THE DEAD, which admittedly was a movie you either loved or hated. But you can't deny it's technical marvel. Scorsese's cinematography shows his brilliance with the medium. His use of colors and angles and overall visual direction is only inferior to Russel's THREE KINGS (A DVD that I HIGHLY recommend, BTW), as far as recent movies go. Scorsese created rich, original characters with some of the most talented and underrated actors: John Goodman, Cliff Curtiss ("we're going to watch your career with great interest..."), Ving Rhames, and Tom Sizemore. They played interesting and believable characters that we haven't already seen in other movies. How often do we see Jack Nicholson, George Clooney, or Harrison Ford play a character with a diffenrent persona from their last movie? As entertaining as they all are, they play the same personality over and over. Cage is one of the few actors that can consistently break his own mold, and he was wonderfully successful at it in BOD. **** Concerning GONE IN SIXTY SECONDS, I was kind of glad that this movie failed. The last thing we need is the glorification of car thieves, which is something that almost everyone who was hoping to enjoy this movie has conveniently looked past. The sad irony of it is that we're supposed to compromise our morality and relate to the car theives in exchange for great car chase action, which the movie doesn't even deliver. I wish Bruckheimer was in the back seat of the SUV that got the wrecking ball treatment. Or even better poetic retribution for his sins: The three European luxury cars that his Armageddon royalties paid for get stolen by disgruntled movie fans...
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Okay, now I'll admit Gone in 60 seconds is just another brainless summer movie. But to completely insult Giovanni Ribisi's talent was just flat-out-Wrong!! All of this shit coming from a man who appreciated such cinematic vomit as Armageddon and The Rock. Please! And Vinnie Jones! C'Mon. Sure he was a badass in this and Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrells, but to completely BLOW this guy based on the two performances you've seen him in-!
Jeeze! Giovanni Ribisi is just one of three young actors(Ribisi, Edward Norton and Phillip Seymour Hoffman)who will have a career in this business forever if he chooses to do so. Make no mistake, it is just a matter of time before Ribisi is given a role made for him and you will be saying that you were a fan of his all along. HELL! I thought you had better taste. Truley a dissapointment. -
Jeez you fuckin little fairies really got this whining thing down to a fine art, don't ya. So Harry, let me get this straight, so far this summer, you have more or less put your stamp of aproval on Dinosaur and Shanghai Noon. Excuse me a minute while I laugh my ass off. O.K. Am I on the right page or is this the fucking Disney Channel? To think I once respected your opinion, jeez I can be an idiot. I'm glad I ignored another snobbish review in the local paper and went out to see for myself what was a pretty good action flick.
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Jun 10, 2000 9:29:44 AM CDT
Bandwagon now boarding on track 5! Have your tickets ready!
by digitalcoyote
Geez people! I've spent the last 40 minutes or so reading these posts and I felt like checking to make sure that I wasn't going to smack my head on the monkey bars when I got up from the computer! Harry says that the movie sucks (I disagree, but I thought the analogy you used was pretty funny, Harry), and people fall all oover themselves to agree and spout off about how much Bruckheimer sucks. The thing is, a lot of these posts just don't ring true to me. Not that people are lying, but that they haven't even seen the movie and they're still slamming it because that's the "cool" thing to do. It reminds me of times in Junior High when people would just go along with the rest of the flock because having your own opinion about something was B-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-D!!!! Instead of actually thinking for themselves people seem to be all hot to add their own version of "YEAH!! I knew it would suck! Bruckheiney sucks!!! Cage is a fuckin' sell-out! I haven't seen it but it must suck because these people said that it did! YEAH!!!" Please. I have to say that I don't put a lot of stock in film critics, or even in reviewers on sites like this, because they're just giving their opinion, and I don't know these people. I'm far more likely to listen to a friend or a family member. Even then, I still go and form my own opinion. My girlriend and I went and saw GISS last night and we both enjoyed it. you know why? Because we had the right frame of mind! We went in expecting to see a "Summer Block-Buster", and that's exactly what we got. Yes, some of the acting ain't that great (although I think that Ribisi did a great Mini-Nick-Cage, that's why he seemed so wooden, he was doing a Cage impression the whole film!) Yes there were holes in the plot that you could fly a 747 through, and the plot did follow that tried and true "the team has to race the clock and pull of a seemingly impossible goal or some really bad shit will go down" formula, but so what? It was a fun ride and a nice way to kill a couple of hours! It wasn't Citizen Kane for cryin' out loud, it was a summer action flick! Anyway, what I'm basically trying to say here is if you want to bag on a film, fine, everyone's entitled to their opinion. But at least go and see the damn thing first and form your own honest opinion. If you like the movie, good for you, and don't be afraid to disagree with the majority and say that you like it, no one'd going to knock you down, steal your lunch money and stuff you in a gym locker. If you hate the film, all you've lost is around 20 bucks, which you can afford, and about two hours of your life which you probably would have just wasted anyway, admit it. But hey, this is just my opinion an none of you are going to change it so NYAH! NYAH!! hehe.
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Sorry Harry, but Gone in 60 was the only thing opening so I just had to go. Yes, it sucked. No supris there, but I do have to wonder just what it was that made Angelina Jolie want to have anything to do with this. Her character was...nothing. Not important, not interesting, not...anything. Maybe he just promised her the freakest hair of the year. That stuff on her head looks like a crosss between Dennis Hopper's do in Super Mario Brothers and Travolta's 'dreads from space hell in Battlefield Earth.
And why is AJ going on about her ass in relation to Ms. L. Croft. Its the tits that make that woman, which
aj does Not have. -
And that lame ass accent had better die with him.
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Hey, there's nothing wrong with liking a shitty film. Just realize that not everyone wants to make the same excuses for bad plot and acting you do just because it's a Summer movie. Now I'll be honest, I like a few shitty films myself, just not Bruckheimer's particular brand of shit. Same for most of the anti-Bruckheimer posts here, I'd bet, no bandwagon conspiracy theory necessary. As for the topic of making up our own minds about movies without reviews...scan on up this Talkback to Miss Saucy's "There's always SOMEONE" post. I'm afraid it makes a lot more sense than your "it's fun to blow twenty bucks a week" theory. I'm thinking she should just re-run it every time someone blah-blahs about the worthlessness of reviewers. It's so damn sensible, it hurts.
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I see that Harry disliked GONE IN 60 SECONDS.As a movie, I was almost in jaw-dropping AWE over its stupidity.And I'm a guy who HATED CON AIR, THE ROCK and ARMAGEDDON.In fact,when I see"A Jerry Bruckheimer production"(does it REALLY matter who directed the friggin'movie?)I stay away.So,why did I go see it? It's called a guilty pleasure.I grew up in the 1970s so I was weaned on such films as BULLITT,THE FRENCH CONNECTION, VANISHING POINT, THE SEVEN-UPS, DIRTY MARY CRAZY LARRY,SMOKEY AND THE BANDIT,the original GONE,plus a bunch of Roger Corman flicks.While you're at it, you can add AMERICAN GRAFFITI and TWO-LANE BLACKTOP.The verdict is simple--I LOVE CAR CHASES!!!!!!So on THAT level,I got my fix.But if you're not into car chases, STAY AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Just saw it. Fun as hell. Hey Harry, good fuckin idea, lets make a movie where the odds are stacked so heavily against the hero that any victory would be completely implausible. I love seeing movies like that ie. a drill team of idiots saving the earth. Now thats a recipe for a great fucking flick! Oh yeah Harry, by the way, how is it possible to not like a film that makes you wanna get in your nasty broken down POS and drive that sucker like its a 911 turbo?!?! You are in posession of a pair of nuts right? Just checkin.
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What does it say about you as a person when all you can do to argue the merits of a film is attack the film critic by using grade school language and belittling his appearance. It
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I'm not gonna comment on Gone... because I haven't seen it and pretty much refuse to... especially I think it's a statement of culture when you go to your local video store here in Goodolboy-ville, Minnesota... and find 3 copies of Run Lola Run... and nine million copies of Armageddon or any other Bruckheimer one-liner ("sir, its what we call a global killer") kaboom-fest for that matter. I saw the trailer and I said "How many seconds will it take the average viewer to walk out of this piece of shit?" If what you really want is nothing more than a heart-stopping car chase, watch Ronin... I'm not promising this film to be anything that resembles an understandable, memorable film... but the car chases alone would make most people shit their pants. As for me? I'd like to see Shaft... it's gonna be corny, but Sam Jackson is the master of corny-cool... and he might just bust some asses, too... cuz *singing tone* he's a complicated man... yeah... *chuckachucka...*
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If you really didn't like this movie, you may appreciate the sarcasm on this humor site:
DUMBASS AND THE FAG
That is all. -
As much as Harry hated this flick, I loved it--everything except for Ribisi. Even though he's suppoesd to look all cool with his goatee, every time he opens his damned mouth, he sounds like a wuss! Chi McBride, on the other hand, kicks serious ass. His "you need a role model" line was funny shit.
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I saw the movie and was highly disappointed that there wasn't enough suspense, plot and car chase scenes. I always look forward to seeing a Bruckheimer film every summer cause it symbolizes Hollywood action films at it's best (even if it's over the top with an unplausible plot and storyline). You go in expecting mind-numbing action, one-liners, and extreme high's and lo's in plotline complications. Unfortunately, Bruckheimer dropped the ball on this one. I was expecting a better motivation for the character to steal 50 cars in three days. Yeah, you're kid brother being threatened is motivational enough but to have your friends risk imprisonment, injury or death for a smuck of a brother? I don't think so! The money wasn't even that high for the job anyway. I was expecting a three-day car chase across cities and deserts with a lot of cool and eccentric characters. Mix in the gang element (totally underused in the movie)and police cars (BTW - since when can a car outrace a police chopper?),double-crossing team members and you're bound to have the mother of all chase movies. I love THE ROAD WARRIOR's end chase, SMOKEY THE BANDIT and even THE BLUES BROTHERS chase scene - They were ALL superiour. After seeing the movie, I wanted to be gone out of my seat in 60 seconds. If you liked it, I don't fault you. I'm just too jaded and expect some shred of intelligence even in the most banal action movies. What this movie needed was a script doctor.
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I agree, it's a bad movie. I read somewhere that it's a movie for stupid people. People who can't comprehend anything other than beer drinking and car chases. But I think that phrase needs to be modified. It should be a stupid movie for stupid people.
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I definately agree w/your review of the film, however what could you expect from a rated PG (!)Bruckheimer summer flick? He sold out for the cold hard cash. He's going after the 12 year olds and is not even considering the summer-action-movie needs of his adult fans. But, knowing that the movie had a PG rating, I also went in hoping for mediocre, and that's exactly what I got.
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This movie was completely hokey, a total action sequence popcorn movie and yes I knew this when I went to see it. I still didn't think it was as terrible as everyone else. I like all the actors and while there wasn't necessarily a lot of "acting" involved, i felt the cast worked well together. I do agree that Angelina Jolie's role was a waste of resources. I just love that chick, she's like my lesbian crush (well if I were into chicks she would be.) Too bad she had like NO lines! Ok I also hated the corny score and mood change music but enough negativity. Yeah the story was weak too but moving on. WHat did I like? The visual presence of this movie. The colors etc... Were the actors wearing blue contacts? I really found the film aesthetically pleasing in that sense. I guess there really is no valid reason for enjoying this film but I do. I can't explain it. It's kind of like the Saved By the Bell phenomenon. Everyone I know loathes that show yet we can recite most episode verbatim.
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I haven't read all the messages, so if someone pointed this out, many apologies, but what was up with Sway's (Jolie) sudden change of heart regarding the ultimate boost? She seemed regretful when she turned Memphis down, but clearly she was sticking to her guns. Then, without any explanation, Sway shows up to do the job. What the f***'s up with THAT? Sway tells Memphis not to ask any questions. HELLO? That's like the screenwriter slapping me in the face and saying, "DON'T ASK QUESTIONS, MONKEY BOY." Well, f*** you, screenwriters! If you can even explain a character's motivation, why the f*** should we see your stupid movies? All she could've said was, "Don't ask. Just chalk it up to insanity, okay?" That would've been enough for me. But that whole, "Don't ask questions" crap really pissed me off.
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So jut to clarify - you didn't like this file then?
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It's not a stupid movie for stupid people as most people have mindlessly said. It's a fun action movie. Its funny how 9 times out of 10 people who come to this talkback won't like a movie if THEY"RE not in it. It pretty much seems that way. Everyone wants to talk about the director or a particular actor that they just don't like. Here's a question then. Dont you think if you're already biased against an actor in a movie than you are going to have a bias attitude against the movie as a whole? I agree with Saucy about not blindly going to every movie that comes out but that doesn't mean that it's wrong to check a movie out for yourself every so often. there are movies I avoided in theatres because the trailer gave me a bad impression but later when I bought them on DVD I've kicked myself for it ever since! I mean the first X-men trailer had me worried for a bit, but the honest truth is that unless someone does the reaserch on his/her own, you never really know. A smart movie goer reserves judgement on any film until learning the facts, even if it means taking a chance on a film here or there. For god's sake it's only $5 bucks for a matinee and at the most 6 or 7 bucks . I mean I spend more than $20 a week on a lot of things, I just work too often to spend it on movies however, but I don't think it was a waste of time to see Nick cage in Gone in 60 Seconds. i mean everyone's entitled to their opinion, and if you didn't like it fine, but state you criticism of the movie and leave it at that, to bitch and whine about mundane details is just pointless... And contrary to some opinion in this forum, Angelina is a very beautiful woman. period.
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For being so damn smart and knowing everything about everything, you should know that "alot" is two words. A LOT.
From the reviews I've read it sounds like all your critics just want to feel important, they don't even listen to what they are saying. How about hiring someone with talent? Someone wit gud gramma. Moviys good yeh. I lyke movees. -
I've been saying for almost a year now that it would be hard to remake GONE IN 60 SECONDS and NOT improve on the original -- I mean, even the idea of synch sound was apparently too much for director H.B. Halicki to deal with -- but good ol' Jerry Bruckheimer still found a to make this megabuck turkey pale in comparison to the first movie. Sure, the original stinks on ice, but at least Halicki pulled together a truly ass-kicking chase sequence that lasts nearly 40 minutes! Let's face it -- unless their name happens to be John Frankenheimer, movie directors today don't have the foggiest idea how to film a car chase. BULLITT, THE SEVEN-UPS, THE DRIVER, TO LIVE AND DIE IN L.A. -- didn't anybody involved with this new GONE IN 60 SECONDS bother to watch any of those movies before they went to work? And what happened to the idea of getting stunt drivers to help stage a chase scene? Are these Bruckheimer babies (some people refer to them as "directors") so delusional that they think they can do this shit on their own? They can't. Did all the stunt drivers in Hollywood retire after Bill Hickman and Carey Loftin passed away? The chases in this new GONE IN 60 SECONDS could've been shot without the benefit of moving vehicles! Why is Nicolas Cage insulting my intelligence by saying that he actually drove the car during the chase scenes? Who cares -- IT'S ALL IN CLOSEUP ANYWAY, I DOUBT THE FUCKIN' CAR WAS EVEN MOVING! I remember when shows like CHiPs and THE DUKES OF HAZZARD were on T.V. -- people joked that they only existed to show car chases and smash-ups. True, but at least they knew how to do it right! There's a stunt coordinator out there named Spiro Razatas (spelling?) who does some amazing stuff with very low budgets. He's directed a few crummy B-movies, like FAST GETAWAY, but his stunt work is A++. There's a car crash at the beginning of a crappy direct-to-video film called THE RAGE that's spectacular. Ever seen the Scott Glenn/Lou Diamond Phillips flick EXTREME JUSTICE? That movie has an eye-popping Jeep flip that's better than anything in GONE IN 60 SECONDS. Why can't Spiro Razatas get work on these big-budget embarrassments and show the knuckleheads how to do things? Roger Corman used to crank out more exciting car chase films than this for a fraction of the cost (Nicolas Cage's hairpiece probably cost twice as much as GRAND THEFT AUTO, but that film is a half an hour shorter and a hell of a lot better than GONE IN 60 SECONDS, and it has characters you actually care about). And I can only blame the filmmakers, because I read Scott Rosenberg's first draft and it wasn't bad -- certainly better than the chaotic shit that ended up on the screen, anyway.
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Maybe it would be better if he'd gone along with the "Superman"-project. This film so seriously sucked ass, that, well. I feel sorrow, I dig Nicolad Cage. Why, oh why!!!!!
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Just another high testosterone release from Hollywood. This summer is so far behind last year.
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Move over, Battlefield Earth....there's some new shit, coming to lie next to you in that pisshole of bad movies you dwell within in hell....It's just really too bad that one of my favorite actors(Nicolas Cage), and one of my favorite actresses(Angelina Jolie) had to get dragged down with it...although, i'll say this, in some, sick, "Grand Theft Auto"-ish way, i liked the last chase...but in the same way that dropping a tic-tac in a toilet does not make the water safe to drink, 5 or 6 minutes of nice chase cannot absolve a bad movie....its just one of those times you wish that that MIB Neuralizer was real, they could just flash away the two hours of that movie....avoid this like the plague.
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wow, thanks harry! you saved me from viewing hell...i was gonna see it cuz two of my friends loved it, but i had a feeling that it would suck ass. Now i dont have to lie awake nights wondering, "what if....what if i had gone to see it.." now i know i would have walked outta the theater saying "this was shit!!" so thanks again!
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Once again, Nicolas Cage gives the performance I have come to expect. Once again he vacillates between his default expression of someone who has been given a heavy dose of a psychotropic drug, to his daring, "Who farted?" look.
Once again he displays the range and impact of an ashtray.
He peaked out with "Raising Arizona". Some should quit because they're ahead. Some should quit because they're too far behind.
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I didn't think Gone in 60/s was that bad. It was entertaining enough. Sure, it shouldn't be taken seriously (But who takes any Bruckheimer film seriously?). It's worth seeing if you've got nothing better to do.
I happen to agree with johnny platinum - Harry rants and raves in every review. He wastes too much space talking about whatever random weirdo thought comes into his head. This makes his reviews difficult to read. Ever noticed how he always either loves or hates movies? There's no grey area.
And as for Jim Ryalto - Run Lola Run was a good art-house flick. And "kraut"? Stupid racists. Who are you? Some WWII vet? -
This movie wasn't something I went to for continuity or good storyline or good acting. I went to this movie to see awesome cars and cool chases and big guys named Sphinx who don't talk, but break people in half over his knee!! The guy was a monster! And the cars were sweet. I did like the acting, however, and I really don't see how anyone could hate the chase scene. On a scale from 1-10, I give this movie an 8!
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