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Make Zero Sense??

I am – Hercules!!

A Da Vinci Code-ish, National Treasure-y “thriller” from writer-producer Paul Scheuring ("Prison Break"), “Zero Hour” is a dull, often nonsensical mishmash of a story involving clones, Nazis, a terrorist, treasure maps, Rosicrucian priests, kidnapping, and end-of-the-world prophecy. And that’s just the pilot.

It’s so much worse, I fear, than I’m making it sound.

It’s also the first series since “ER” to star Anthony Edwards. He’s brought me so many hours of fabulous Thursday-night entertainment in the past. His participation here makes me sad.

It’ll be lucky to last as long as “The Last Resort,” the last series ABC pitted against “The Big Bang Theory.”

Hitfix says:

... it will never, ever, be confused with quality … I don't know that I can even recommend "Zero Hour" under the So Bad It's Good theory. At times, its badness is intoxicating …

The New York Times says:

... entirely dispensable, its silliness matched by its comic-book solemnity. …

The Los Angeles Times says:

… Unfortunately, even for those of us who prefer our conspiracies biblical and our talismans magical, ABC's "Zero Hour," while initially tantalizing (priests, Nazis, Anthony Edwards, an unholy birth, a secret map — I'm in! I'm in!), is more than a little disappointing (flat-footed dialogue, absurd plot machinations, cardboard main characters, ludicrous historical leaps — I'm out! I'm out!). ...

The Washington Post says:

... wastes no time putting your brain in a blender for its cancel-me conspiracy smoothie. … “Zero Hour” was rancid when it got here. The dialogue is stilted and almost entirely expository. The plot is like receiving a coloring book that’s already been colored. …

The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette says:

... Is "Zero Hour" good? Absolutely not. … "Zero Hour" is a terrible show. But for viewers who long to mock or hate-watch and for "Da Vinci Code" fans who like to be dragged along on a crazy ride to Crazytown, "Zero Hour" is a hoot.

The San Francisco Chronicle says:

... The premiere episode borders on being over-plotted, but it will hold your interest with one surprise after another. …

The Denver Post says:

... wants to be as brilliant as "Lost" but, sorry to say, feels more akin to the misfire "FlashForward." …

The Hollywood Reporter says:

... I’m hoping Zero Hour works. And by works I mean makes sense first, gets an audience second and keeps it third. … it’s definitely going to be complex and serialized and there are large portions of the pilot that are a little flat, plus a presumption that the viewer will want to take a tumble down the rabbit hole of mystical religious orders. …

Variety says:

... Some viewers will no doubt find this intriguing, while others will be quick to dismiss it as overwrought poppycock. …

8 p.m. Thursday. ABC.

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