Hey, all. "Moriarty" here. I refuse to read anything written below. The article might be great, but I won't know till after tonight's season closer has already aired. Read on if you dare...

RICHARD: I came here to tell you I still love you.

MONICA: What? What did you? What?

If you think you’ve pretty much figured out - from the promos - what happens on tonight’s season finale of “Friends,” then you’re thinking the way I was thinking.

And boy, did I get it wrong!

We all know that Monica’s not going to choose Tom Selleck’s Richard over Chandler - because Tom Selleck’s just the guest star! Right? Isn’t he? And Chandler’s ready to propose marriage now! Right? Isn’t he?

I tell you this. Tonight’s hour-long episode boasts an ending so brilliantly jolting, no good can be served by my hinting at what happens. I will, however, say this: I was caught far more off-guard by the conclusion of tonight’s “Friends” than by the conclusion of last week’s “ER.”

And I’ll tell you this too: though the ending of the episode is reason enough to tune in tonight, there’s much fun to be had in getting there.

Perhaps it’s because – until last weekend – there was a considerable likelihood that this would be the SERIES finale of “Friends,” pains seem to have been taken to avoid the dramatic lethargy and comic malaise that haunted the final “Seinfeld.” Tonight’s writers have lashed together one of the funniest and most propulsive “Friends” yet.

There’s some swell dialogue leading up to Ross’ breakup with Elizabeth, a hilarious scene where Richard visits Monica at work, and some amusing passages with Joey adjusting to life as a man of the sea. But my FAVORITE parts involve Phoebe’s duplicitous contingency pacts for a “back-up” marriage – should she not find her soulmate by age 40.

We now know we have two more seasons of "Friends" to look forward to – but if we didn’t, this hour would have served as a most worthy conclusion to one of the finest comic enterprises ever to grace a cathode-ray tube.

Don’t miss it.

I warn you not to defy me!

I am – Hercules!