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AICN HORROR: Ambush Bug talks turkey with Turkie, the star of THANKSKILLING 3!!!

Published at: Nov. 22, 2012, 1:26 p.m. CST

Logo by Kristian Horn
What the &#$% is ZOMBIES & SHARKS?

Greetings, all. Ambush Bug here with another AICN HORROR: ZOMBIES & SHARKS column. Happy Turkey Day! And in celebration of this glorious holiday, I have an interview with the star of THANKSKILLING and the new THANKSKILLING 3, Turkie! So sit back, have some fun, and let’s talk turkey with Turkie himself…

AMBUSH BUG (BUG): So THANKSKILLING 3 is out now. What happened to THANKSKILLING 2?

Turkie: That shit got destroyed, which of course blows! I spent over a year in space shooting only to find out it sucked so much every last copy got hauled out to the desert and burnt like the epic ET video game fail. Well... every copy except for one.

BUG: Is this a tough time of year for you knowing that so many Americans will be dining on so many of your friends and family members not only as a main course, but as leftovers and sandwiches over the next few days?

TURKIE: I hate Thanksgiving! I hate it more than the time I rented SEABISCUIT thinking it would be about a soggy piece of bread floating at sea. I’ve been around for over 500 years so who knows how many thousands of kids I have, but yes, of course turning my family into a meal still bothers me! You try knowing your wife was cooked to feed a bunch of fat lazy douche bags! Imagining the snapping of my families’ wishbones for empty American wishes makes me sick! I do need to get something off my chest feathers though... When I was in college I got wasted one night and my friends bought me a sandwich which, drunk munchies or not, was the best sandwich I ever had. The next day they told me it was a god damn five dollar turkey footlong from Subway!!! Lets just say our frat was minus three after that...

BUG: The THANKSKILLING series mixes puppets with real life actors with cartoons. Can you explain how the filmmakers make all of it work together?

TURKIE: The THANKSKILLING movies are just a bizarre form chaos, cheap entertainment, and nothing more. I show up on set, stuff a chick in my trailer every once and awhile and of course act really, really goodly. From what I’ve seen, no one’s ever taken drugs on set, we all just have a good time concocting weird shit that people haven’t seen before.

BUG: Hand turkeys; an entertaining art activity for children or a stereotypical depiction of a species?

TURKIE: Hand Turkeys are totally stereotypical but I don’t mind because we have Talon Humans. Yeah, not a lot of people know that but turkey children love painting talon humans. I mean, I have about three hanging on my fridge right now and I got a small fridge. That makes me pretty cool in case you didn’t know.

BUG: Do viewers need to watch THANKSKILLING first to understand what's going on in THANKSKILLING 3?

TURKIE: Nope, watch them out of order all you want, I don’t care! If you like weird stuff, crude puppets, and turkeys that cuss chances are you’ll enjoy either one. Plus I got plastic surgery for THANKSKILLING 3 so, ladies, I look way hotter and more mirror shot worthy.

BUG: Do you find stuffing arousing or demoralizing?

TURKIE: Hey I’m for equal rights but I’m not... I’m not gay you know? I mean my friends say getting stuffed feels good, especially when you use a wooden spoon, but I wouldn’t know! Okay!? Now PROVIDING the stuffing, well that’s a different story... a story that requires an extra small gravy flavored condom.

BUG: Can you talk a little bit about the rest of the cast of THANKSKILLING 3 and what part they play in the story?

TURKIE: You missed an easy pun with “talk a little beak” about the rest of the cast. Anyways you were probably thinking to leave it to the pros, I get it. Well my stupid ex girlfriend Rhonda Worm wants to stop me from getting the last copy of THANKSKILLING 2. And of course she brought along her dumb old robot friend Muff to help. After we wrapped, she had nowhere to stay so I let her crash at my place. You know, just trying to be a good guy and all, but now she’s just annoying as f*ck and Muff keeps using my loofah in the shower and shit. Ugh! Anyways, the rest of the cast, well we didn’t get along too well... Yomi acted all high and mighty like she had a hand up her ass. In the movie she’s trying to find her mind which was the filmmakers little nod to the audience tripping out on how odd the movie is and in turn losing their minds. Then there’s Uncle Donny! The son of a bitch who invented the PluckMaster 3000 which kills, plucks, and cooks turkeys in 30 seconds. Don’t even get me started on that. THANKSKILLING 3 is a hodgepodge of weirdoes who get on my nerves and deserve nothing more than to die!

BUG: Why are you so angry and murdery?

TURKIE: Uh, only because my species has faced oh I don’t know GENOCIDE for centuries! Unlike that stupid WiseTurkey from THANKSKILLING 3 who tries to be all Gandhi and shit I refuse to sit back and watch my people get slaughtered so sometimes I gotta go all murdery alright?!

BUG: Is there room for another serving of Turkie in a THANKSKILLING 4?

TURKIE: First of all, referring to me as another “serving” is straight up offensive so you can send me an apology Tweet when this is over. Make sure to tag me in it too if you don’t have Twitter and have to do an apology Facebook post instead. And second of all! Yes... I’d come back for one more THANKSKILLING but it would have to be the biggest and bestest of the series. I’ll be much more inclined to come back if I get a lot of Twitter followers (@TheTurkie) asking me nicely and sending me inappropriate snood pictures.

BUG: Find out more about THANKSKILLING 3 here!





See ya tomorrow with our regular AICN HORROR column, folks!

Ambush Bug is Mark L. Miller, original @$$Hole/wordslinger/writer of wrongs/reviewer/interviewer/editor of AICN COMICS for over eleven years & AICN HORROR for two. He has written comics such as VINCENT PRICE PRESENTS THE TINGLERS & WITCHFINDER GENERAL, THE DEATHSPORT GAMES, & NANNY & HANK (soon to be available on iTunes and soon to be made into a feature film from Uptown 6 Films). He has co-written FAMOUS MONSTERS OF FILMLAND’s first ever comic book LUNA: ORDER OF THE WEREWOLF (to be released in 2013 as a 100-pg original graphic novel). Mark wrote the critically acclaimed GRIMM FAIRY TALES PRESENTS THE JUNGLE BOOK last year from Zenescope Entertainment & look for his exciting arc on GRIMM FAIRY TALES #76-81 released August-December 2012. Mark will be writing GRIMM FAIRY TALES PRESENTS THE JUNGLE BOOK: LAST OF THE SPECIES to be released in February-June 2013. Follow Ambush Bug on the Twitter @Mark_L_Miller.

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