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From the "Of Course He Isn't" Files: Brad Bird NOT directing the new Star Wars!

Ahoy, squirts! Quint here. Maybe some of you youngins don't remember what it was like in the late '90s-early aughts. Nothing brings out the rumor nuts like Star Wars. Remember Grando Calrissian? So when that weird "Brad Bird is directing Star Wars because 1952 is close to so-and-so's birth year" rumor came up and people started taking it seriously I just kind of shook my head.

I love Brad Bird. I think he's an immensely talented filmmaker and would make an amazing Star Wars movie should he be given the chance, but he's not directing Episode VII. Know how I know? Well, I drank some Iron Giant tea, looked at the leaves when I was finished and saw a pattern that looked suspiciously like a viking hat, which is worn on your head and your head has eyeballs that can read and those eyeballs can read Brad Bird's Twitter page where he just explicitly stated "Not doing Star Wars."

When pressed by his followers, Bird gave more quotes. Here:

"The science fiction film I AM doing is gonna be cool."

"I'm not slamming Star Wars. I'm just doing "1952"!"

"Michael Arndt is a fantastic writer and Kathy Kennedy is a brilliant producer. I will be first in line to see the new STAR WARS."

That's one "Who's directing the new Star Wars?" rumor down, 38,382 to go! I'm personally pulling for Jon Favreau. He has a knack for grounding fantasy in some kind of recognizable reality in much the same way Lucas did with the very first Star Wars.


-Eric Vespe
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