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BATTLEFIELD EARTH review

BATTLEFIELD EARTH is that amazing turd in your toilet bowl. That log of shit that has colors that you can't understand the reason for being there. It also has a weird shape... it somehow resembles something familiar. You almost want to take a picture of it to show friends late at night, when the blinds are drawn and have a dirty filthy thing you want to disgust someone with, but... you have this inate curiousity... "Have you ever seen anything quite like this?"

Your friend will inevitably take a look and say, "Whoa, what a piece of shit!"

And you will respond with, "Yeah, but don't you think it's fascinating how.."

Your friend will interupt with, "Dude, why did you take a picture of this log of shit? Why did you waste the film?"

"Because I thought it would be interestin.."

"Dear God, It's just a log of shit!"

Humiliated, you take the picture back. Knowing that it contains some strange familiar kernals that you had once remembered ingesting and liking, and the picture reminds you that it once had the ingredients for a good meal. But... the form and color... the angle in the toilet bowl. In some weirdass freaky fucked up way, it reminds you of art. So... you send the picture to Larry Flynnt and Hustler... a true bastion of tasteless joy. And one day, a year or so later, that same friend comes up to you and says... "Dude, take a look at this shit! You ever seen anything so fucking disgusting?"

And you'll smile, knowing that it's a piece of shit that alot of people will see and discuss. And it is at this point in you delusion that you realize that the film is not really worth taking that picture of. That it's best left flushed on what screens it has touched. That the sewer line will carry it away, and that ultimately this shit deserves to be left unseen and in a cold dark tube where it will soon amass with the shit of the ages. Rats and insects will feed upon those one or two kernals of undigested ingredients. They'll be eaten by birds, that will fall to the ground and fertilize a flower many years from now and those kernals will be appreciated in a small part to something beautiful... on down the road.

But for now... BATTLEFIELD EARTH is a log of shit. Look only if you like to stare at shit.

TRANSLATED REVIEW WITH SPOILERS: (wasn't included originally because I had to leave the house to go see DINOSAUR this morning, but wanted to post to give folks my warning and a place to begin discussing)

When I say there are a couple of kernals in this log of shit, I'm talking about Forrest Whittaker and John Travolta. Their characters are playing high camp HOGAN'S HEROES nazis. In fact.... that's what this movie is... A scifi version of HOGAN'S HEROES. Forrest is playing Sgt Schultz and Travolta is Col Klink. And Hogan? Well that's Barry Pepper. Now... take away the (Facetiously) Startling wit and humor of HOGAN'S HEROES. Take away the satiric wit. Give the Nazi's the Klingon look with noseplugs and KISS boots and an amped up version of the SPACE 1999 ray gun, give them flying toasters and teleportation devices. Give these Space Nazis a home planet where... if you were to turn a microwave on, the planet would explode. Give Col Klink some Mr Magoo qualities and the 1 + 1 ability of Forrest Gump and you begin to get the point. Oh... Also add one case of KNIGHTS OF NIGH, albeit bloodless.

Now, there's only one way to enjoy this film, and that's to treat it like your child's fingerpainting. You can tell that these guys really loved this movie. Travolta hasn't had this much fun on camera since BROKEN ARROW, but is that a good thing? I don't know.

You see, this is an interesting log of shit. No matter what you do, you can not get around a TERRIBLE screenplay that has so many plotholes and leaps of logic that you have to begin to wonder what was in the tubes going in everyones' noses.

Did you hate the Apple Computer talking to the mothership in ID4? Well, how about one single nuclear weapon that powderizes a planet in mere seconds.

How about logical dialogue? Here's one for ya. These man-animals (did you ever see MANIMAL... that rocked) use the phrase... PIECE OF CAKE.

Man is down to eating rats raw, a 1000 years from now. They don't know how to use a pickaxe. They have no knowledge of baking or cooking for that matter. They don't understand Wheat, Barley, Sugar, anything. They're cooking rabbits, dogs and rats over open flames and skinning them to make clothes. But they are a 1000 years removed from knowing what a cake is. That'd be like... what did man eat in 1000 years bc, you would have no knowledge of the word CAKE.

I adore watching Barry Pepper trying deperately to deliver speeches stiffer than Costner's PRINCE OF THEIVES monologues and buther them a thousand fold.

Now is this the worst movie ever made? No. Is it the worst film in theaters currently? No, that'd be I DREAMED OF AFRICA. Is it the worst scifi film in recent memory? No... SOLDIER, EVENT HORIZON, SUPERNOVA and WING COMMANDER are all far worse than you'll see with this movie. That doesn't mean this is a great film, or a good film or even a passable film. This is merely mediocre. One of those films that besides one or two bright kernals... it should be flushed. It belongs in that great big sea of crap. Take care....

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  • May 13, 2000, 7:49 a.m. CST

    Harry's Original Review... will it stay up?

    by Nitestar

    BATTLEFIELD EARTH review BATTLEFIELD EARTH is that amazing turd in your toilet bowl. That log of shit that has colors that you can't understand the reason for being there. It also has a weird shape... it somehow resembles something familiar. You almost want to take a picture of it to show friends late at night, when the blinds are drawn and have a dirty filthy thing you want to disgust someone with, but... you have this inate curiousity... "Have you ever seen anything quite like this?" Your friend will inevitably take a look and say, "Whoa, what a piece of shit!" And you will respond with, "Yeah, but don't you think it's fascinating how.." Your friend will interupt with, "Dude, why did you take a picture of this log of shit? Why did you waste the film?" "Because I thought it would be interestin.." "Dear God, It's just a log of shit!" Humiliated, you take the picture back. Knowing that it contains some strange familiar kernals that you had once remembered ingesting and liking, and the picture reminds you that it once had the ingredients for a good meal. But... the form and color... the angle in the toilet bowl. In some weirdass freaky fucked up way, it reminds you of art. So... you send the picture to Larry Flynnt and Hustler... a true bastion of tasteless joy. And one day, a year or so later, that same friend comes up to you and says... "Dude, take a look at this shit! You ever seen anything so fucking disgusting?" And you'll smile, knowing that it's a piece of shit that alot of people will see and discuss. And it is at this point in you delusion that you realize that the film is not really worth taking that picture of. That it's best left flushed on what screens it has touched. That the sewer line will carry it away, and that ultimately this shit deserves to be left unseen and in a cold dark tube where it will soon amass with the shit of the ages. Rats and insects will feed upon those one or two kernals of undigested ingredients. They'll be eaten by birds, that will fall to the ground and fertilize a flower many years from now and those kernals will be appreciated in a small part to something beautiful... on down the road. But for now... BATTLEFIELD EARTH is a log of shit. Look only if you like to stare at shit.

  • May 13, 2000, 7:52 a.m. CST

    Postscript

    by Nitestar

    When the original link to Harry's frontpage review led to nothing, I did a little digging and found this. I hope he doesn't change a word of it if he really means it... screw formalities... wouldn't it be great to hear radio and print ads proclaim: "AIN'T IT COOL NEWS says BATTLEFIELD EARTH is a PIECE OF SHIT!!!" Yours in Truth... Nitestar Hey, I was the first post!

  • May 13, 2000, 8:02 a.m. CST

    yep thats what I thought

    by moxon

    So its shit you said that but id have liked to have read a review however at least you got youre point accross harry and I for one wont be going to see this movie.

  • May 13, 2000, 8:09 a.m. CST

    Come on Harry, don't sugar-coat it..

    by SKIORDIE

    What did you really think? The worst movie I ever saw was "The Cook, the Theif, his Wife, and her Lover", followed closely by "Back to the Beach". I may just have to see this one to find out if its even worse than those.

  • May 13, 2000, 8:13 a.m. CST

    Not a piece of shit

    by Glynyfaron

    And what, pray tell, was wrong with the Cook, the Thief, his wife and her Lover. Peter Greenway is famous for using shit and other bodily products in interesting and imaginative ways. Peasant.

  • May 13, 2000, 8:22 a.m. CST

    Yeah

    by Wigglepuppy

    Back to the Beach was very funny, and not inadvertantly. I bet you didn't even see it. The worst movie ever was "Blame it on the Bellboy". Take that.

  • May 13, 2000, 8:38 a.m. CST

    It doesn't get much worse than BE (should be BS).

    by thekman52

    Well, Harry's spot-on the money, this film is totally devoid of all merit... Go see Gladiator or something, at least it won't make you as physically ill as this will... What an utter hack job! Still, you might think sometimes a film gets so bad that's it's good... well not this one, it goes straight past bad, past 'good' bad and straight to just plain hedious walk out of the theatre bad! It's an abomination on a grand level... I mean for Pete's sake the lead character was called Johnie Goodboy... Let's now wait and see how many $cientologists try to defend this film, you serve up shit like this to them and they'll go 'mmmm delicious, can I have some more please Mr Travolta, c'mon everyone, don't judge it to you try it, here have a bite...' Thankfully not even all their BS (and man are good at it), and all of Travolta's stomach churning PR crap can make this one fly. P.S I wish one of those talkshow hosts would just give it to Travolta straight, instead of kissing his ass and saying 'looks fantastic John, your so talented' just say 'Travolta your a f$@#$ egomaniacal hack, take your piece of shit film with it's subliminal '$cientology' messages and go shove it where the sun don't shine!'

  • May 13, 2000, 8:41 a.m. CST

    Oh, Please...

    by SKIORDIE

    "The Cook..." was pseudo-art house drivel. I was bored out of my mind. As for "Back to the Beach", if you think that piece of shit was funny (except in a goof on how bad it is kind of way)then your concept of 'funny' is much different than mine. The HIGHLIGHT of the movie (other than its end) was Pee Wee Herman's appearance. Nuff said.

  • May 13, 2000, 8:53 a.m. CST

    IMDB

    by rite4u

    What do you think the chances that the Scientologists will stack the deck over at IMDB? There are already quite a few votes there at above a rating of 4 out of 10. See: http://us.imdb.com/Ratings?0185183 Here's another review: http://www.sick-boy.com/battlefieldearth.htm

  • May 13, 2000, 8:55 a.m. CST

    Anybody true Sci-fi fan should appreciate it

    by JMS Power!!

    Get off the goddamn critic bandwagons. It is obvious the movie wasn't really big budget. So of course, everyone trashes the movie because some things look cheap in it and the music was lame. SO what? You are the same people that will watch "Farscape" and that REAL piece of crap "LEXX" and rave about it. You damn hypocrites! Battlefield Earth is FINE. It's not GREAT of course, but this will mark the END of sci-fi if you stupid and lame people continue to bash the genre. BUDGET is not all that matters. You should appreciate any effort to tell a sci-fi story. And EFFORT is all over this movie. Especially from John Travolta. You should pat this guy on the back for his effort, NOT slam him to the ground. You people make me siccckkk. Lucas is the real loser. His effort is just to sell toys.

  • May 13, 2000, 8:58 a.m. CST

    A piece of ____ review

    by Ifajedi

    C'mon, Harry, your review is nothing if not original. But it does not convey what myself and my friends felt. I also know several sf types who loved the movie (including Tim Powers, Chase Masterson, Bob Eggleton, Patriciaa Tallman, Jeffrey Willerth, Ed Kramer, Brad Linaweaver, Vivian Schilling, to name a few) and all for basically the same reason--it was fun. It had great action. And they all thought the visuals were great. I also know at least two of them who have told me they sent you positive reviews of Battlefield and you did not post them (yes, they were written as reviews). What gives, Harry? The movie is (as Eggleton says) a lot of fun, a real fun romp.

  • May 13, 2000, 9:22 a.m. CST

    The Battle Field Earth Conspiracy?

    by Ulysses2099

    Could it be? Is John Travolta a genuine genius? Did he plan on making Battle Field Earth as bad as humanly possible and then airing a stupid trailer showcasing the total dumbness of the film. Why? Why, you ask would anyone do such a thing? Simple. Its gotten so much bad press, it will arouse the public

  • May 13, 2000, 9:25 a.m. CST

    the horror, the shear....horror

    by FutureLucas

    This was like something out of a BAD DREAM. If ANYONE "honestly" enjoyed this movie(I say this because Lucas said he enjoyed it, but I KNOW the man was being nice for the camera!!!), they should be hung by their privates, impaled slowly in a razor sharp spike and fed the shit that Harry's buddy took a picture of! GOD I asked for my money back and you know what's funny? I was the 50th person to ask for it back and we ALL got it!!!!

  • May 13, 2000, 9:33 a.m. CST

    To add to this...

    by FutureLucas

    OK, Battlefield Shit(as it will be dubbed I gather) Sucked such major dick, that Travolta's wife's Tongue would get tired!!! This movie, my god what a piece of shit!!!! There cannot be a more deserving title to this film then "The Greatest Mistake ever MADE" As for that Lexx and Farscape shit...i couldn't watch that with a full stomach either...Star Trek is just as bad!!! Jeri Ryan needs to be naked now for me to even glance at that show of shit. TPM is the American Beauty of SCI-FI compared to Battlefield Shit! Man, and did you see Travolta and those goofs on the List last night, Talkk about 4 jackasses sitting around discussing the greatest videos of all time...OH man and did their pics SUCK...That Ry Cooder song?!?!?! WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT SHIT...I'm seeing a pattern to this all, SHIT!

  • May 13, 2000, 9:34 a.m. CST

    "Back To The Beach" was hilarious!

    by gilmour

    It's VERY funny. I can't believe someone would consider it a horrible movie. A great sendup of the 50's beach movies. Pee-Wee was very funny also. And critics hate BE because it's a terrible movie, it's nothing to do with it's budget or the fact it's sci-fi. For a terrible movie, nothing was worse then "Knockoff" I know it's Van Dam but it's a particulary horrible Van Dam.

  • May 13, 2000, 9:43 a.m. CST

    ntertainingly bad

    by rjtapper

    I saw the film yesterday in a theater that was 1/3 full, yet was bitterly sient from beginning to end, never laughing at any of the lame attempts at humor or anything.But, BE was definitely one of those entertainingly bad films.What part was the dumbest? Hmm, let's see. Maybe it was the fact that the Psychlos have gotta be the dumbest villains in film history. "OK, we're gonna put you in this chair and have this machine teach you all about our race, so you'll know just how to outsmart us>"Oh, and how smart of them to just let the humans run off to mine for gold, thus allowng them to sneak off and organize their revolt. Oh wait, the funniest was how when they're supposed to be mining in the Rockies, they're able to sneak away to Fort Knox, and Texas w/o anyone noticing they're gone. And how about their good fortune to find a bunch of fully functional Harrier Jets that not only can still fly after 1000 years, but are FULLY FUELED!!! And it sure was easy to fly them apparantly. Oh, maybe it was how all the chase scenes were done in annnoying slow-mo, including one shot that was a total rip-off of The Matrix lobby battle. Plot holes the size of Travolta's ego are fun, but the funniest part of the film has to be Travolta magically turning the word "leverage" into a catchphrase. I've never heard that word so much and each time he said it it got funnier and funnier. As a comedy,BE succeeds admirably, but I don't think that's what they were going for. And you can tell they skimped on the budget,since they mysteriously cut away from several explosions. What, couldn't the Scientology loot pay for them? And it was REAL funny how the film left open the door to a sequel, when you know it ain't happenin-insert Travolta cackle here. But hell, I enjoyed this one a lot more than Wild Wild West anyway.

  • May 13, 2000, 9:43 a.m. CST

    This proves it...

    by MarkyB

    <Irony> .....Harry is in the pocket of those Hollywood execs, he has sold out, and his news stories are all made up by him as well. He likes every movie he sees </Irony> I dunno, but I really had no interest in seeing this movie, until now that is....

  • May 13, 2000, 9:47 a.m. CST

    Now, the worst movie ever...

    by Henrik

    The worst movie, bar none, was The Black Bird. George Seagal as Sam Spade Jr. Sample joke: "Hey, Spade!" someone shouts. And then 2 black guys turn around and say "Yeah?" Now, repeat that joke about 3 or 4 times and you get the tone of this sad little movie. About Battlefield: Earth, though. I'm glad to see Harry and Roger Ebert agreeing on something.

  • May 13, 2000, 9:47 a.m. CST

    I never knew that feces was a food favorite among birds...

    by EL Duderino

    Seriously though, do you ever see a lot of birds pecking at lumps of shit? Or a horde of rats for that matter? And what kind of review was that Harry? I have no fucking clue what was bad about the movie. Surely, I will never see this film, since it looks so retched, but I'd at least like to know what you hated most about this film. I guess that whole "rats and birds will eat my log of shit" analogy (I guess you would call it an analogy, I don't know) just sums it up well. Since rats and birds DON'T survive off of shit, Battlefield Earth has left your brain in a bubbling, liquid state that is slowly oozing out of your nose and other orifices. You got one goal right in your review, I WILL NEVER SEE BATTLEFIELD EARTH. NEVER.

  • May 13, 2000, 9:50 a.m. CST

    What would Mitchell do?

    by The_Tooth

    Or more likely, what would Dennis Miller do? I can see him jumping all over the CoS and their practices, using Battlefield Earth as an example. But that's just my opinion, I could be wrong. Travolta's been talking about filming "the greatest science-fiction novel of all time." I didn't know they were filming The War Against the Chtorr next. Now that's an ambitious project. I feel compelled to state again that all Hubbard's work is drivel.

  • May 13, 2000, 9:54 a.m. CST

    Worst Movie Ever

    by The Eleminator

    Peter Greenaway is fucking great you twats, anyway, The Cool and The Crazy was the worst film ever. It was a reactionary anti-pot film about this drug dealing kid who peadles dope to other kids. If you think this sounds funny it isn't. The way the dope smokers acted you would think that the 'M' was cut with angel dust. One of the kids starts banging his head against a desk saying 'I have to get into the wood'. This film was about as far removed from reality as Battlestar Galactica. It should be utterly destroyed, dammit it will be when I'm in charge. Yes Bow down all of you before your future Commissar for culture and arts! Come to think of it, the film 'passages from Finnegans Wake' was worse. BE should be interesting, I am going to see it anyway, more because I read the book than anything. By the way, Prosperos books is the best Steven Greenaway film I've seen yet, but I haven't seen The Child Of Macon, which I have on good authority is quite good.

  • May 13, 2000, 10:05 a.m. CST

    Funny review, however....

    by Ambrose Chappell

    ...WHY is it a log of shit, Harry? It's not really a review unless you tell us why you didn't like it. What was it that made the movie a log of shit? What are its shitty characteristics? Did you not like the effects? Did you not like the acting? Did the plot just blow goats? What is it, Harry? For the moment, this stands as one of your poorer reviews...

  • May 13, 2000, 10:06 a.m. CST

    Harry, have you been taking tips from Jerky McJerk?

    by Owatonna

    Welcome to Ain't It Scatological News.

  • May 13, 2000, 10:12 a.m. CST

    Battlefield Earth/Highlander 2

    by HorrorBiz777

    I won't go see BE at the theatre. Not even for the morbid curiosity of seeing a cinematic car crash in progress. I saw Highlander 2 in the theatre and that was quite enough thank you. Now at least Russell Mulcahy can say "At Least I didn't make Battlefield Earth". To which each and every one of us should retort "No, but you wanted to, you little bastard." I find it genuinely insulting that people who might have actually good ideas for a movie were snubbed so that these turds could be made. Did you all know that Travolta threw a shitfit and threatened to walk out of his contract if they didn't let him make this film ? Wayddago John !!! He must like comebacks cuz he's gonna have to make another one now. Did he really think this was gonna be good ? The book itself is dated all to hell. I mean how many times have we seen this storyline ? A million ? This may have been cutting edge back in 1910 but we don't have to crankstart our cars and wear bowler hats anymore. We're a tad past that, time to move on. How many GOOD and interesting sci-fi books were passed up over this ? While scripts for movies like "Neuromancer" languish THIS gets made ????? Bravo Hollywood !!! Another smart move. On the upside maybe this will bankrupt several awful moviemakers who will henceforth never be able to go near camera equipment again under penalty of death. So it's not all bad. YAY !!! HB777

  • May 13, 2000, 10:12 a.m. CST

    an alternate version of harry's review, resplendant with charm,

    by my colon sucks

    my dear persons: after i decoded harry's post, i was able to enjoy it, somewhat. to save you all the trouble of deciphering our kind web-master's rather coarse version of a review, i have taken the time to edit it. i have corrected spelling in some cases; doctored (sp?) the syntax in others. i have eliminated many of the frequent (and unnecessary) ellipses. i hope to not have altered the mood of the original TOO much, but, when translating into english, this is often unavoidable. i apologize for any misspellings i may have ignored, as well as any other error my ineptitude in the field of editing might have caused me to miss. if i have glossed over anything important, i welcome any further editing of my foreword, as well as my interpretation of harry's composition. some tense disagreement remains unaltered, for to amend would be to disrupt continuity, altering his (harry's) intentions with the piece. my amendations are done out of respect for this website, and are in no way intended as slander directed toward anyone at AICN. MCS BATTLEFIELD EARTH is that amazing turd in your toilet bowl. It is a log of shit that has inexplicable colors to which you can't assign a purpose. It also has a weird shape; it somehow resembles something familiar. You almost want to take a picture of it to show friends late at night, when the blinds are drawn and you have a dirty, filthy thing with which you want to disgust them. Your innate curiosity may lead you to ask, if this scenario were to take place: "Have you ever seen anything quite like this?" Your friendmight then say, "Whoa, what a piece of shit!" Your response may very well be: "Yeah, but don't you think it's fascinating how..." Interrupting, your friend could then counter with, "Dude, why did you take a picture of this log of shit? Why did you waste the film?" "I took it because I thought it would be interesting..." "Dear God, It's just a log of shit!" Humiliated, you would take the picture back, knowing that it contains photographic representation of some strange, familiar kernels, representatives of something larger you once remembered ingesting and liking. You would take it back, knowing that it was once part of a good meal. The form and color, as well as the angle in the toilet bowl -- in some weird-ass, freaky, fucked-up way -- remind you of art. You send the picture to Larry Flynnt and Hustler: true bastions of tasteless joy. One day, a year or so later, that same friend may come up to you and say, "Dude, take a look at this shit! Have you ever seen anything so fucking disgusting?" You'll smile, knowing that it's a piece of shit that a lot of people will see and discuss. It is at this point in your delusion that you realize that the fecal monstrosity was not really worth photographing -- that it was best left flushed from public view. You realize that the sewer line will carry it away, and that, ultimately, this shit deserves to be left unseen and in a cold dark tube, where it will soon amass with the shit of the ages. Rats and insects will feed upon those one or two kernels of undigested ingredients. They, in turn, will be eaten by birds, whose tired carcasses will one day fall to the earth and fertilize a flower many years from now. Their remains will be transformed, perhaps, into something beautiful... on down the road. For now, however, BATTLEFIELD EARTH is a log of shit. Look only if you like to stare at shit. i may have overused the colon, but i believe that weakness intrinsic. i have a sucky colon; it needs to be pampered. retiring once more, MCS P.B.S. for future reference: when harry says 'alot', he means 'a lot'; when assaulting you with the moon-gibberish word 'noone', he is not spelling noon alternately, but has made an improper conjunction of 'no one'; each ellipsis, i think, is intended to represent a "geek gasp", and should probably be ignored.

  • May 13, 2000, 10:22 a.m. CST

    paragraphs:

    by my colon sucks

    they should have been in my post. if the lack of paragraphs proves too annoying, i could repost my original with a symbol to denote the existence of paragraphs (

  • May 13, 2000, 10:26 a.m. CST

    It sucked..but WHY? Here's why.

    by iamroman

    Well, I finally saw the thing and it is as bad as everyone says it is, but not for all the same reasons as everyone else is saying. You see, I can handle bad acting and corny dialogue. What I cannot handle is a badly put together film. I usually don't hammer on the technical aspects of a film, but that's because most films I have seen are at least competently edited. First off, the film editor, sound editor, and music editor should be demoted to the WB cafeteria or janitor duty. I cannot stress enough how AMATEURISH it all is from beginning to end. There is no sense of pacing or suspense at all. If it weren't for the fades and screen wipes you would never know when a scene ended. Music comes in at seemingly random intervals, dialogue echoes and repeats and sometimes completely fades out for absolutely no reason. This total incompetence is especially apparent at the end battle. If you are thinking, "well, the story and acting is probably bad, at least there will be some good action and great special effects!" Wrong. Roger Christian CANNOT direct action. AT ALL. I am of the MTV generation and jump cuts and such are no problem for me, but during the end battle, I could not tell where anybody was or what they were doing. The special effects were dark and murky and the bad photography and haphazard editing made a total mess of everything. BLAIR WITCH PROJECT was shot better than this movie. Godzilla sucked, the script was weak and many actors were annoying, but the editing (film, music, sound), continuity, and pacing were ALWAYS top notch. Battlefield Earth is stuff you would expect from first year film students who had never picked up cameras before taking courses. If you think you can accurately imagine how bad this is by my description, it's WORSE. TRUST ME. I can picture in my head Steven Spielberg, Alfred Hitchcock, and Robert Rodriguez watching this movie and gnashing their teeth in agony over the complete technical and artistic mess this film is. Not a pretty picture. As for the story and acting? Well, until the middle of the film when they get to the actual mining, it's not the worst film in the world, I've seen worse Sci-Fi Channel original movies than this. It's simply mediocre up to that point. After they get to the mining, the script turns to total garbage. Jonnie and the boys just walk into Fort Knox, open one unlocked door, and there's all the gold just sitting there after 1000 years. None of that airtight storage for the guns like in the book - they are in the military base just lying around gathering dust. And the whole thing about the forest people learning to fly harrier jets is not portrayed as badly as I thought - it's even dumber. 7 days of training on a simulator (perfectly functional after a millenium) and they're flying around, hovering inside buildings, yelling stuff like "I'm on his tail!" And what was up with the green x-files typewriter font popping up telling you where everybody was? "PSYCHLO HOMEWORLD." "FORT KNOX." In a movie like this it is totally out of place. Imagine Star Wars or Planet of the Apes with titles popping up saying "MOS ESPA - TATOOINE." "GUNGA CITY - NABOO." Dumb and lazy. Any fears that this flick will somehow enhance the Church of Scientology's image and attract new members to Scientology are totally unfounded. This film will only attract flies. And even the flies will walk out halfway through. You can have fun and laugh at a bad movie. An incompetent one you just feel pity for. Don't even rent it on video. 1 1/2 stars.

  • May 13, 2000, 10:26 a.m. CST

    Interesting review Harry

    by Jobriga2

    Did you even SEE this movie? If anyone else but Harry had posted this review, they would've been flamed out of existence. Here Harry had a perfect opportunity to really rip into a movie, really show the incisive wit and cutting jibes that are missing from his more positive reviews. Instead, we get some moronic rambling about feces that has NOTHING TO DO with this movie. If you're going to write a negative review, write a negative review saying WHY the movie is bad (and it sounds like there are more than enough obvious reasons why). If you want to talk about scatalogical issues, go to some fetish site.

  • May 13, 2000, 10:30 a.m. CST

    BS

    by Abe

    I have not see the movie yet. I did see the review written and this I know: Whenever I see such outright lude and compulsive critique and slander of someone or something I look carefully for facts being presented. when I find none I simply dismiss the person as immature and for sure the true target and embodiment of the all he has described and attempted to disguise as someone or something else's attributes. Artists beware: We have many sick souls as this lurking around attempting to be someone important by attacking our work or others viewpoints of it. Abe

  • May 13, 2000, 10:32 a.m. CST

    Director's vision?

    by Master Yoda

    Sucked this movie did. At an angle everything was. Why? Directors vision is this? Has anyone seen this man? Is his head crooked?

  • May 13, 2000, 10:32 a.m. CST

    The Real Reason: You Need To Know

    by Abe

    I have not see the movie yet. I did see the review written and this I know: Whenever I see such outright lude and compulsive critique and slander of someone or something I look carefully for facts being presented. when I find none I simply dismiss the person as immature and for sure the true target and embodiment of the all he has described and attempted to disguise as someone or something else's attributes. Artists beware: We have many sick souls as this lurking around attempting to be someone important by attacking our work or others viewpoints of it. Abe

  • May 13, 2000, 10:34 a.m. CST

    Come on Harry, tell us how you really feel:)

    by Saverte

    Gee, what as so bad about this film????? Special effects, they were neither special, or effective. If the post apocalyptic view of earth, was cgi, go back to the drawing board. If it was models, get some hig school students, they would obviously have more talent. Acting, well, all the aliens walked around like something crawled up their asses and died. If Starship troopers, was released without the use of mobile suits, then Battlefield earth could have been released without nine foot aliens. I am all for suspending belief when I go to a SF movie, but this doesn't mean suspending my intelligence. First of all, I am glad to see that Harrier jump jets are usable after a couple of hundred years. Also did I miss something? If they can find veins of gold ore in remote areas, they can't find it concentrated at Fort Knox? Better yet, I am vbery impressed how are hero can fly through sveral panes of glass, and land on razor sharp shards, and get token bruising? sheesh!!!! What I am waiting for now, is that the Scientology spin doctors, will say that this is all a conspiracy. It is, by people with intelligence and good taste.

  • May 13, 2000, 11:01 a.m. CST

    Beating a dead Psychlo

    by monkeylucifer

    Well folks, as more reviews have come out, Battlefield Earth (Now an official AICN hot topic) has dropped to an amazingly low 6% approval rate at www.rottentomatoes.com. That's 4 positives out of 69 reviews for those of you out there keeping score and it's now only a single percent above Bats on their "All Time" ranking. Checking in at the IMDB voting booth, BE has gotten a a weighted average vote of 2.7, with a total of 67 votes so far. This doesn't quite get it into the Bottom 100 at the IMDB (It has to sink to 2.4 to earn that honor), but it does seem as if the Co$ hasn't implemented an internet voting scheme to pump up it's rating. I can't wait to see who they quote on the home video box....

  • May 13, 2000, 11:17 a.m. CST

    Harry, mate...

    by mephisto666

    I love your site Harry, and it's a funny review, BUT you have to say what was wrong with it in your opinion. Not just say it was shit without a reason behind it. Leave that to us talkbackers.

  • May 13, 2000, 11:18 a.m. CST

    I feel sick...

    by Salamander129

    Now I know what Harry thinks every time he goes to the bathroom. He ANALyzes his own crap.Oh man, can you picture it?? BEWARE: I think Jerky McJerky is spreading some sort of virus around, God I hope I don't catch it.

  • May 13, 2000, 11:22 a.m. CST

    IAMROMAN DID A PRETTY GOOD REVIEW, BUT...

    by MENOTBIASED

    As a starting point, I would go back to the book, which I loved. I also loved Bonfire Of The Vanities, which was fucked up beyond all belief as a movie, as well. Fuck all this anti-Scientology noise. BE, the movie, wasn't even close to a faithful rendition of the book. And that is the major problem. The first rule of Hollywood when buying a successful book should be: Don't Fuck It Up. First, they compressed what took over 1 1/2 years in the book, to a matter of weeks. Next, they expanded the character of Ker and added a new character, Carlo, for the simple expedient of giving Jonnie and Terl sidekicks to talk to, instead of creatively figuring out the exposition of the story. (And they already had the perfect device, from the book, of the Chinklo learning machine, which was pretty much thrown away in the movie.) Then, from either the mind of the screenwriter or production designer, they set the mining colony under a big glass dome -- which was not only needless, but which had to be one of the biggest expenses of a relatively minimal budget. This also led to the majority of the film needing to be shot with blue filters (which, at least to me, made it feel rather claustrophobic). Lets see...what else, oh yeah, they changed a civilized society of Scots living as organized clans in Scotland into a bunch of Colorado cavemen and added a Fort Knox sequence and Harriers and a working nuclear bomb from out of nowhere. About the only thing they didn't change was the title. Oh yea, then, after they shot the thing, they decided to cut out about 20 minutes of it, so that nothing would be explained and all sense of pacing was destroyed. If Ridley Scott had made this as a 2 1/2 hour movie with a faithful script, it would rock. Roger Christian screwed the pooch with ridiculous Batman (the TV series) camera angles. 9 effects teams made the effects inconsistent. The music, well, I yearned for Carter Burwell, or even, God forbid, John Williams. Finally, it was edited with a salad shooter. Has anyone else been pissed off when a book wasn't adapted properly? That is what I am most upset about. Hopefully, someday, as with Bonfire of the Vanities, someone will make it into a decent mini-series which respects the original work.

  • May 13, 2000, 11:26 a.m. CST

    THIS IS HARRY KNOWLES REVIEW OF BE?

    by shana

    Who is this person? He didn't mention one scene of the movie? Is he a film critic? Any moron can say a film is a "piece of shit", I want to know why it is a "piece of shit". Whoever you are, you will not last long with that mentality. Keep your janitorial day job. shana

  • May 13, 2000, 11:42 a.m. CST

    the boy is back in town

    by azrael79

    the Harry of old, he who fearlessly trashed batman & robin and speed 2, has returned to mock the dredges of Hollywood once again, woo-hoo!

  • May 13, 2000, 11:44 a.m. CST

    What a collection of fecalphiliacs!

    by QUIXOTE

    Just a tip. There are other metaphors for a bad film that have nothing to do with excrement. For the record, with the possible exception of THE DRAUGHTSMAN'S CONTRACT, Peter Greenaway DOES suck! As for BATTLEFIELD EARTH, I haven't seen it and I probably won't.

  • May 13, 2000, 11:46 a.m. CST

    RE: Harry's review...

    by 77click

    My god! There's a lot of stuff I've disagreed with Harry and the others with in the pass. But goddamn he got it right on this one -- IT WAS A PIECE OF SHIT!!!! This log would've backed up the whole New York City sewer system for years.

  • May 13, 2000, 11:49 a.m. CST

    So... did you like it or not Harry?

    by Brendan3

    I wasn't quite sure from your review.

  • May 13, 2000, 11:51 a.m. CST

    FUCK YOU everyone, Long live Harry

    by Outkaxt

    K guys, KNOCK IT OFF. WHY THE FUCK does harry have to explain why this movie sucks? IT JUST DOES. That's like asking Harry why GLADIATOR ROCKED. He could say a THOUSAND reasons but if you don't like it, you don't. SAME WAY, He could give you a 5000 word sermon on why this movie sucks, but if you like it, THEN GO WATCH IT FUCKING LOSERS, don't sit here and whin. this is HARRY'S FUCKING SITE GODDAMNIT. AND HE IS THE MAN, so if you wanna watch the movie, go ahead, if not, go ahead. But if you are goign to ask for reasons, ONE MORE TIME, Prepare for a bitch slapping muthafuckas

  • May 13, 2000, 11:51 a.m. CST

    Yeah Harry!!

    by Tuttle

    I always love it when Harry just lets it rip and destroys a movie. This one looked like crap from the start, so I am not surprised. I think we all now know why it took Johnny T. 10 years to make this badboy.

  • May 13, 2000, 12:25 p.m. CST

    Anti-Scientologists stuffing ballot box?

    by metreiya

    Look at the poll. You see a wide range of results from a 10s to about 4. And then there are all those 1s. Now, if Scientologists were stuffing the ballot box, you would expect a bunch of 10s. and there aren't. There are a few, and I suppose that I won't hold it against them if they are a Sceintologist and cast they their single vote for there man. Fair enough. but look at all those 1s!!! Can we say that Anti-Scientologists would never stuff the ballot box? Or would they do so religiously? That kind of nut case is ruining the business.

  • May 13, 2000, 12:26 p.m. CST

    Why Battlefields Earth Blows goats. A Recitation:

    by Dyavalon

    For anyone who read the book, the answer will be plain. They are two completely different animals. The book was technically realistic with a twist of advanced, indestructible, alien technology. The Movie was a series of sloppy transitions and weakly connected scenes trying to arrive at a sensible conclusion. Not to mention the some what honorable way in which they attempted to demonstrate violence without actually showing it (with the possible exception of blowing a cows leg off). Unfortunately they had to violate everything that made the book good to reach a somewhat sensible resolution within their 2-hour time limit. In short, this is what happens when you take a 1000 page masterpiece, which would have made one hell of a 6 or 8 hour movie (or a trilogy), put it through a meat grinder, add some marginal dialogue, through in some special effects, and presto. Like a failed magic potion

  • May 13, 2000, 12:45 p.m. CST

    Ifajedi, did the Scientologists buy your popcorn?

    by XENUTV

    Ifajedi, I noticed in the list of people who you said loved the film you included Brad Linaweaver who has been working PR for the movie (http://www.dragoncon.org/people/linaweb.html) and wrote a "rave review" of the script (http://www.cinecon.com/reviews/batearthscript.html) without mentioning that fact. Also you listed Tim Powers who is in charge of the L. Ron Hubbard Writers of the Future Awards (http://www.jerrypournelle.com/pictures/wotf.html) and Bob Eggleton who is on the panel for the L. Ron Hubbard Illustrator of the Future Contest (http://www.illustratorsoffuture.com/contest/illustr/rules.htm) And how about Vivian Schilling who performed a staged reading of BE at a SF convention? (http://www.galaxy-7.net/squib/hoopstff/sfcronla.html) I pray to god that Chase masterson isn't involved with Scientology as she's about the most babalicious woman around. Is there a reason why this group may have enjoyed the film more than the rest of the movie going audience?

  • May 13, 2000, 1:02 p.m. CST

    This review was just NASTY!!!

    by darius25

    Man, Harry, I know this movie's a piece of shit and all, but your review was disgusting :) By the way, Event Horizon ROCKED!!!! It was a HORROR film, NOT sci-fi.

  • May 13, 2000, 1:05 p.m. CST

    Harry... was the shit story from personal experience?

    by Robin Goodfellow

    If it was, it was a really interesting anecdote. Anyways, thanks for lettin' us know that this movie is no more than shite. That seems to be the opinion of reviewers everywhere. I'm still watching this movie, not paying for it, though. Something about trashy-schlock posing as entertainment that interests me so. Take it easy, y'all. If this shadow has offended, think but this and all is mended... one word: plastics.

  • May 13, 2000, 1:06 p.m. CST

    Eeeeewww!Gross!!!

    by user id indeed!

    Why did I read that review?!?Ugh!!I thought the PS said "ranch",as in ranch dressing,which I have an insatiable appetite for.That was like when one of your friends shows you an amazing piece of shit,and you're so annoyed you right a summary of the event and post on the most-visited movie site on the planet for all to read,then you invite people to read it,and then they say "Why would you write such a raunch piece of shit on such a raunch piece of shit?",then it's swept into the Archives to collect with other reviews with dumb metaphors in them.This has been a Mmmm...Stewed Goat Moment w/User ID Indeed!

  • May 13, 2000, 1:09 p.m. CST

    YES!!!! Manimal DID rock!!!!!

    by Toe Jam

    Remember that show? The guy could turn into a falcon or panther. That was fucking awesome! My dad and I loved that show!

  • May 13, 2000, 1:15 p.m. CST

    You know what this movie needs?

    by Robin Goodfellow

    I'll tell you: gymnastics! Did anyone ever see "GYMKATA"? I tell you, I never laughed so hard in my life! Kurt Thomas kickiing ass with flips and sommersaults and cartwheels. It was a massive bad fight scene/olympic floor routine every few minutes. Cinematic history? Damn striaght it was! Picture it in Battlefield Earth: Johnnie Goodboy running through a town chased by Psychlos when all of a sudden he happens upon a POMMEL HORSE! LET THE ASS KICKING BEGIN! Then he can flip inanely all over the place and act really bad too while trying to secure a Star Wars defence base on the Caspian Sea. C'mon... it'd be great, guys. Admit it.

  • May 13, 2000, 1:17 p.m. CST

    In the words of the late Elvis Presley...

    by C.B. Lovehill

    "It's a hunka, hunka burning shit. Just a hunka, hunka burning shit." Methinks Harry was too kind. I will NEVER be able to watch another Travolta movie again. Not even the classics. Oh, if only I could be "cleared" of the horrible memory of this turd.

  • May 13, 2000, 1:41 p.m. CST

    At Least it's not Manos, Hands of Fate.

    by Grond

    I watched This classic piece of cinematic turd last night. At least it was the MST3K version. I'm thinking I'll go as The Master for Halloween this year. I wonder who I can get to be Torgo?

  • While this was definitely not a great film, I really liked Travolta's character. His "I'm too smart to be stuck on this stupid planet" attitude was actually very funny, and I DO think that the Terl character was supposed to be a little bit tongue-in-cheek. If you read the novel, you will see the same sort of contemptuous, yet laughable feel to Terl. So I disagree with those of you who say that Travolta didn't intend to play Terl at least to some degree in a campy way. Travolta was definitely the highlight of the film, and it's just a pity the rest of the film elements didn't come up to the same level. But I would go and see this film just to see the Terl character.

  • May 13, 2000, 1:59 p.m. CST

    B.O. on 5/12 = B:E #2 with only $4.25 mil!

    by Jeff B Demented

    Yes folks...it's official. B:E will probably only do about $13 mil the whole weekend. Ahhhh...

  • May 13, 2000, 2:05 p.m. CST

    Thanks, Harry...

    by Ambrose Chappell

    I dig the longer review. Your points are well recieved. Hope you enjoyed DINOSAUR.

  • May 13, 2000, 2:18 p.m. CST

    Should I give it a chance??

    by TheDrunkenJedi

    Thanks for the review Harry. Looks like when it opens here in Britain I will be watching paint dry and boiling my own head instead of coughing up my hard-earned cash to see what sounds like a total load of shit(pun intended!!).

  • May 13, 2000, 2:32 p.m. CST

    READ THIS PLEASE!

    by timmer33

    Frankly, I'm in shock at the horror that I've just paid money to see. This is the worst movie I have seen in 10 years, no kidding. What the hell were these people thinking??? Have you noticed that Barry Pepper and Forest W. are doing no press for it? Even they know what a bomb they made. NOT EXCITING. NOT FUNNY. NOT INTERESTING IN THE SLIGHTEST. The audience was restless; some even got up and left. NO ACTION. I could tell what parts were meant to be funny, but the audience was as silent as corpses. TERRIBLE! I found myself fixating on the psychlos fingers during this film. Did you notice that Travolta had 6 fingers on his right hand, while all the others had 6 on their left hand? And even the fingers looked so damn fake. AND THOSE BOOTS! THOSE GODAWFUL BOOTS! The costume and set designers should be shot. Barry Pepper should go get an enema and NEVER make a horrendous mistake like this again. BARRY: your career was going so well. Why, oh why did you do this to us? And Travolta, you are a loser to champion this piece of shit. I heard you say on tv in Canada that the book was "The most successful and most well-liked sci-fi book of all time." Excuse me? Where do you come up with that? Does anyone here think this? What about Ender's Game? Gateway? Foundation? In NO critics lists is BE even mentioned. And now I know why. What the fuck was up with Terl's plan in this film? He wants to get humans to mine gold for him? That is the plot of this film folks. Mining goddamn gold, 1000 years from now. DON'T GO SEE THIS MOVIE, and if you must, PAY FOR GLADIATOR AND SUFFER THROUGH THIS MESS. HARRY'S REVIEW DIDN'T EVEN SCRATCH THE SURFACE OF HOW BAD THIS WAS. EVENT HORIZON WAS 1000 X BETTTER THAN THIS!!!

  • May 13, 2000, 2:38 p.m. CST

    Travolta imitated the aliens from the Simpsons...

    by Greased_Wizard

    I forget the names of the aliens that appear on the simpsons every Halloween but the Psychlos demented laughing spells reminded me of those guys....except even more funny. I tried to think of a worse movie and I couldn't. I am glad that I paid for U-571 and then snuck in.

  • May 13, 2000, 2:46 p.m. CST

    My loud boos were drowned out by cheers.....

    by Greased_Wizard

    At the conclusion of the film as my friends and I were booing the largely Scientologist audience felt that they had to cheer even harder to drown myself and 3 friends out. The whole experience was creepy..I was at the 1:30 showing yesterday at the Galaxy in Hollywood. Their were also people from the church asking folks that they did not know what they thought of the film....Also did anyone catch when Planet Psychlo blew it looked an awful lot like a certain commercial? I felt like a boxer after...trying fruitlessly to remember anything of my smarts.

  • May 13, 2000, 2:51 p.m. CST

    I liked it

    by prajadhipok

    I liked it.

  • May 13, 2000, 3:20 p.m. CST

    I liked Event Horizon

    by Baba O'Reilly

    I really did.

  • May 13, 2000, 3:24 p.m. CST

    I can never get that time back...

    by scudd

    Fort Knox? Cavemen learning to fly Harrier jets in 7 days and maneuver them like expert pilots? Bombs destroying entire planets in less than 7 seconds? I honestly believe this movie was written as it was being filmed. The acting was horrible and there was absolutely no attempt to achieve any type of logic at any point in the plot. There are far too many idiotic scenes in the movie to list here, but I can say without doubt that the audience that saw the movie before me, whom I saw exiting the theater, agreed, and the audience that saw it with me agreed wholeheartedly. I strongly advise against ever wasting even a dollar to rent this black whole of entertainment at Blockbuster when it is under the "Comedy" section at Blockbuster 15 years from now. You will never be able to get that 2 hours back.

  • May 13, 2000, 3:36 p.m. CST

    Event Horizon, although not a masterpiece by a longshot, is a da

    by Lenny Nero

    'Nuff said.

  • May 13, 2000, 4:06 p.m. CST

    its not about...

    by Twisted Mentat

    Scientology, its about Popcorn (Chomp, Munch, slorp), and nachos...and Hot Dogs, and Really Big Bags of smarties, and lots of Twizzlers..and buckets of watery pop! - Sorta travolta.... anyways, i saw this friday becuase i had nothing to do, and i had a morbid curiousity in how A Confuzing novel would be transfered to film. I have to agree with the tech side of it..what the hell was with the angle on at least 90% of the shots..and fucking Screen whipes! was there any other way they could change scenes? argh...i gave up counting them after about 10...It was painful to watch the actors walk around in the Big Psyclo boots. I also noticed that all the Psyclos had some kinda trekish forhead/nose thingy, but Travolta had no modifications of his face? did they think that people wouldn't know him with some freaky makeup on? Argh...i really cannot belive anyone would seriouly think this is a really good movie...i can belive that epople find it enjoyable bit a fluff, or a stupid "I got nothing better to do" movie...

  • McJerk should be here chiming in. Maybe he's out campaigning with Pisso. Still, its a shitty movie.

  • May 13, 2000, 4:29 p.m. CST

    Event Horizon scared me out of my mind...

    by mephisto666

    I still haven't gone back...

  • Just my opinion.

  • May 13, 2000, 4:48 p.m. CST

    Actually, this film is quite good, at least as much fun as...

    by Jon L. Ander

    ...getting hot irons shoved into your arse. I assume plans for a sequel are used as toilet paper even as we speak.

  • May 13, 2000, 4:52 p.m. CST

    Screening with Scientologists -- NUTTY

    by coopster

    This was a letter I sent to harry after seeing BE in a theater with a bunch of Scientologits. Coop here. Just had to let you know about what happened to me this morning... It's a beautiful day here in Southern California; perfect, sunny, SMOGLESS. What do I chose to do? Well, go see the first showing of "Battlefield Earth" of course. Why? I dunno. I'm asking myself that same question right now. But that isn't why I'm writing you... You see, I had the unique distinction of seeing this fatuous, crack-induced, self-indulgent, nauseous waste of celluloid at the Pacific Galaxy Theater on Hollywood Blvd. So? Big deal you say? Okay, not earth-shattering until you realize that it's only half a mile from the headquarters of the Church of Scientology. Getting off the elevator I found myself awash in a sea of ardent, blue-clad L. Ron Hubbard fans. They stood in orderly lines to purchase their tickets with a kind of glazed-over, vacuous stare of a person who is about to be anointed by the hand of the Almighty himself. The lines stretched back forty feet. Eventually I got to the box office and exchanged a gift certificate (no way I was spending good money on this flick) for my ticket. Inside the theater, nary a seat could be found. Completely sold out. It was 10:45 in the morning. Now, being a working screenwriter, I sometimes have the luxury of setting my own schedule. But, my first question here was... Don't these people have jobs? Mind you, the underground parking lot was EMPTY. Where did they come from? As I took a seat in the second row, the lights began to come down. Not since the re-release of "Star Wars" in 1997 at Mann's Chinese Theater have I heard such cheers. It was deafening. As the movie's title hit the screen there was another set of cheers, massive applause. Suddenly I knew that no amount of common sense would sway this audience. They were going to love this film come hell or high water. And they did. Every stinking, festering, abominable frame. Seated next to me was a guy of 22 or so who sat in rapt fascination, his eyes welling up with tears he was so overwhelmed. This movie was speaking to this audience on a level, well, a level I just didn't get. Forget that a monkey could have written better dialogue. Forget that the Harrier jump-jet is the most difficult jet in the world to fly. Forget that the half-life of plutonium probably would have rendered any remaining nuclear weapons impotent. Forget it all. At one point I laughed out loud during a sequence that was meant to be serious. Had the people surrounding me been armed, I fear I would not be writing you this letter. I could tell you what I thought of the movie, but, instead, I will quote Roger Ebert from his review of "North," several years ago: "I hated this movie. Hated, hated, hated, hated, hated, this movie. Hated it. Hated every simpering stupid vacant audience-insulting moment of it. Hated the sensibility that thought anyone would like it. Hated the implied insult to the audience by its belief that anyone would be entertained by it." Yup, that about sums it up for me. Coop

  • May 13, 2000, 5:06 p.m. CST

    Too bad for us.......

    by bmiddaugh

    Too bad for us that we live in a time, when a film that shows us people sacrificing lives for the better good......get's destroyed by people who can only use the word sh** to describe thier feelings for a film. I believe that since we live in such......good economic times, our society as a whole cannot stomach anything dealing with self sacrifice or classic iconical characters and themes. There is only so much people can do with 2 1/2 hours of film time. BE was fun tale of man, and his will to survive.........some of you remember that right? Revolution....Civil War.....WW2. Also it's science FICTION, suspend disbelief and have a good time. I personally hope Travolta does what Lucas did and ignores all the pompous fools who must bash everything and put the whole book on the screen. As for bad movies......I must say Blair Witch Project was a disappointment, those were supposed to be real people playing like they were in a real situation?.........follow the stream all water flows toward the ocean......lowest point. Now that was an overhyped picture and not a damn hero in the lot. I feel bad for the people bringing Lord of the Rings to the screen.....................

  • May 13, 2000, 5:19 p.m. CST

    Harry Rocks

    by Orctoe

    you know what, this is Harry's web page and he can write a review however he feels like it. If he thinnks its a piece of shit, then he thinks its a piece of shit. it looks like therest of the country agrees with him. I havent got a laugh out of a review like that in years, Thankyou harry for telling it like it is brother..

  • May 13, 2000, 5:30 p.m. CST

    This movie might really suck...

    by Zombiezilla

    but can we lay off "Event Horizon"? It was no masterpiece (of which there are so few), but it was not the pile dung that so many would have you believe. I will lay my life on it that out there somewhere is 15-30 minutes of footage laying on the ground that would make "Event..." a great movie. It had great ideas and some great scenes (I know quite a few people who refered to it as one of the most disturbing movies they have ever seen), but it dropped the ball on occasion. Unfortunately those times were very crucial times. Great movie? No. O.k. movie? Yes. I have heard more praise for "Event..." than I have heard yet for "Battlefield". I do plan to see this. I love horrific things and this sounds to be better carnage than a 70 car pile up! Check out the DVD of "Event..." and watch it late with the lights out, alone, and with the surround blasting, then get back to me and let me know what you think. You might find it rather good. Oh yes, lastly, the Backyard Babies rule! Stick that up Metallica's ass!

  • MST3K version, of course.

  • May 13, 2000, 5:51 p.m. CST

    BATTELFIELD EARTH MAKES "SHOWGIRLS" LOOK LIKE "GONE WITH THE WIN

    by usm--auriga

    WHAT A PIECE OF SHIT THIS MOVIE IS !!!!! I RATHER WATCH "SHOWGIRLS " ANYTIME.. AT LEAST I GET TO SEE SOME T&A

  • May 13, 2000, 5:52 p.m. CST

    worst review of all time

    by original_evil

    utter drivel

  • May 13, 2000, 5:53 p.m. CST

    Wait A Minute, Brett

    by Anton_Sirius

    Let me get this straight. The quality of a film doesn't matter, only the message it's trying to convey? It doesn't matter if the film fails utterly to portray a believable world (and thus aid your suspension of DISbelief), or if the dialogue is so hackneyed and awful that no recognizable human emotion can be found in the characters' words, or if even the physics is accurate. Nope, it's a movie about people saving the world, so therefore it's good, and if we don't like it we must be horrible cynical people who are all extremely rich and corrupt and thus can't handle the concept of sacrifice. Wrong. WRONG WRONG WRONG. I'll bet you at least 90% of the people tearing Travolta a new asshole over Battlefield Earth loved the Matrix, and that was a science-fiction film about people saving the world and making sacrifices, wasn't it? So how is it possible we liked one and not the other? Could it be that one of them was very good and the other very bad, and we still have brains enough to tell the difference? Am I making myself ***CLEAR***, Brett?

  • May 13, 2000, 5:57 p.m. CST

    Bad Movies

    by mvera

    I haven't seen BE...I mean BS yet. Looking forward to seeing how bad it is. Other movies vying for the title worst film of all time are: "Inchon" starring Sir Lawrence Olivier and financedy by Reverend Moon and his Moonies. "Savages" made by Merchant/Ivory, wouldja believe it? Pretty unwatchable. "Nomads" starring Pierce Brosnan and directed by John McTiernan. Hey, could Harry possibly put up a survey: What's the worst film you've ever seen?

  • May 13, 2000, 6:05 p.m. CST

    FREE POPCORN? AT A THEATER???

    by Ifajedi

    No, while the premiere was courtesy of Warner Bros. I had to buy my coke and popcorn. (Wasn't bad.)

  • May 13, 2000, 6:08 p.m. CST

    On "Event Horizon"...

    by Mr. Sartre

    I have to agree with most of the folks, Harry. "Event Horizon" wasn't one of the worst sci-fi movies ever. Given, it was a bad movie, but no way would I say it's one of the worst. The problem I had with "Event Horizon" was it had so much potential to be awesome, but it fell well short of that level. I thought "Event Horizon" could have stretched on another 30 to 45 minutes to really delve into the psychological aspect and show more of what happened to the original crew instead of ending so abruptly. It wound up being just a cliche haunted house movie except it was in space and had inspired special effects and production design. Alas, what a pity. So close, yet so far. Take care, all. Mr. Sartre, thinking of fire in zero gravity...

  • May 13, 2000, 6:10 p.m. CST

    To AssikinNutwalker RE: Rodriguez & BE

    by iamroman

    I mentioned Robert Rodriguez in the same breath as Speieberg and Hitchcock NOT because he's made better films than either of them, because he HASN'T, but because the camera work, editing and pacing of his films are all top notch. From Dusk Till Dawn had a lame plot and cheap thrills at best but was shot & edited better than 99% of most films out there. And he is the ONLY filmmaker who knows how to properly use slow motion shots. Unlike, say, Roger Christian. Bad script & bad acting is a mediocre movie. Those two PLUS incompetent filmmaking is why BE will make film history as one of the worst of all time.

  • OK, so the first day makes 4.2 million, and I will assume that 3.5 million of that are the curious which makes about $700,000 coming from scientologist. So if a movie makes that much a day, how long does it take to make it a blockbuster? Will that much a day keep it in the theatres? Has there ever been a sci-fi sleeper?

  • May 13, 2000, 7:22 p.m. CST

    Well, McJerk...Harry certainly stole your thunder, didn't he?

    by superninja

    Curiouser and curiouser...

  • Ever hear one of those commericals hawking "The #1 Romantic Comedy In America" and then seeing a revenue listing the same film as about 14th for the weekend in income? I wonder how Travolta will categorize his film in order for it to be #1. It is terrible, and it will only get worse as the spin continues. Also, I fear that this may be our last B:E talkback. Make it a good one.

  • May 13, 2000, 8:28 p.m. CST

    Thats two hours of my life I aint getting back.

    by monkeyspank

    First off, Event Horizon rocked. Soldier and those other p.o.s' sucked, but what can you do. Now, (1)did they not use tripods, almost every shot made me feel buzzed (2)was I the only one that got sick of hearing 'leverage' every five minutes (3)why werent the special effects any damn good (4)would one bomb really blow up a whole planet (5)where can I find a chick with a tonque like Ms. Preston and finally (6)Who do I see about getting my money back? I just hope people read all our posts before spending their own money. Thank you and goodnight

  • May 13, 2000, 8:36 p.m. CST

    worst movie ever?

    by swavill

    I believe that honor goes to a little number called THE SWAP. Robert DeNiro is still sueing to have his name removed from the credits.

  • May 13, 2000, 9:04 p.m. CST

    The review... what else?

    by iamdeadfish

    OK, I understand... and I guess I pretty much agree with what you said, but that was imagery I wish I hadn't read! -- All I can say is that the first half was pretty cool. I was entertained by the rest of the movie too, but there's no way to actually defend this movie in any way. I'd only suggest watching this movie if you have as morbid sence of curiosity that I do.

  • May 13, 2000, 9:25 p.m. CST

    Thank you Anton

    by bmiddaugh

    First, I would like to thank Anton, for actually giving a decent insight into his opinion, instead of the all to frequent..sucks,Sh**,blows, comment. I personally never need a believable world, the one I live in is at times completely unbelievable. Many of us love Star Wars (the originals, I think many of us agree on those, though I also loved the new one) but , phew, I had to really suspend disbelief there.Maybe that's why I go gaga for it. The Matix? I thought as well as many of you that it changed sci-fi movies completely. But alot of scenes in that movie I now sort of...skim over because it doesn't get better every time I see it. When I watch a film I look for allegories to our current society (BE is full of them, I'm sure many of us work or know people who work for corporations, all of the BS that was going down with the pyschlos was in tune with that.)Getting back to the Matrix, again a fun movie but there was some wooden acting and plot devices that are carried down...(Keanu's whoa, the chosen one thing) from other movies. Yes, my friend I have "brains" , but I like BE it was a "fun" 2 hours, the aliens were "amusing" as I believe they were meant to be, and yes I like to see people give up the big sacrifice (read:thier lives) for the greater good, it makes me think that maybe we all aren't becoming centered on our own navel lint. Oh, I also like both Deep Impact and Armegeddon, same subject in both movies, two different ways to tell the story. I'm one of those people who goes to a movie for pure escapism, I look only for symbolism and a fun story. BE gave me a little of both, so did the Matrix, Star Wars.........but then so did the old Godzilla movies, Space 1999, and going way back here, the Flash Gordon and Buck Rogers serials of the 30's. (Thank you PBS) I will take 100 BE's over one more.......The Beach, another washed down Disney movie, or American Beauty. Again Anton thank you for not resorting to the usual rant posting.

  • May 13, 2000, 9:52 p.m. CST

    Should Harry really be doing movie reviews?

    by Eyegore

    I was about ready to write this movie off until Harry said it was better than SuperNova and Event Horizon, which would make Battlefield Earth a damned good movie. SuperNova was a fairly good story with descent acting, actors, and great special effects...I don't get why Harry would hate it. Not great, but not at all bad. Event Horizon is a Sci-Fi Horror classic in my opinion...on the same level or better than the original ALIEN. My opinion of Harry's opinions will forevermore be tainted by the knowledge that Harry doesn't seem to know a good movie when he's seen it.

  • May 13, 2000, 10:14 p.m. CST

    I have one question

    by tripod

  • May 13, 2000, 10:15 p.m. CST

    I have one question

    by tripod

    does anyone now look at ID4 as a somewhat decent movie compared to this?

  • May 13, 2000, 10:25 p.m. CST

    Here's why BE's failure was bound to happen...

    by goatb0y

    Earlier, someone mentioned that Harrier jumpjets are the most difficult aircraft in the world to fly. Let's elaborate on this a bit... I once saw a documentary on Harrier pilots. These guys have nerves of steel to be able to fly these planes. They spend years learning it, and once they master it, it's still a challenge. Trainees have died in practice. The verticle take-off manuevers rival the dexterity required to land on moving aircraft carrier decks. So, what else would a common sense-inept scientologist choose when thinking of a warplane for a rabbit-hunting, leaf-wiping savage to fly? The irony in this would be humorous if it weren't so saturated with utter ignorance. But it comes as no surprise. Anyone that's moronic enough to devote his life to a new age "religion" based on some sci-fi hack's business venture to scam millions of dollars out of people through self-help "therapy," (which was simultaneously an attempt to rationalize said-hack's own mental instablity and delusions), is going to be moronic enough to pull together all his money and resources to try to glorify the same sanity-liquifying guru through a creatively deficient and logic-lacking screenplay with no concern about technical direction. Let me paraphrase that: This movie's failure is NO surprise. Scientology is foolish. The people that devote themselves to it are foolish, so it was obvious that John Travolta would not have been working under any kind of CLEAR or rational state of mind when doing this faith-project. Personally, I'm glad this movie was made. It's a perfect demonstration of how scientology zaps someone of their critical thinking abilities. I mean, we've had plenty examples of that in the past, but now with Travolta putting the national spotlight on it, he has done a lot of us a huge favor.

  • May 13, 2000, 10:31 p.m. CST

    SOLDIER, WING COMMANDER, and EVENT HORIZON are much better than

    by Daredevil

    Man, I can't believe the plot holes in this movie. If you watch it as a comedy or smoke some pot before going to it, maybe it is entertaining. It has a good premise, but they would have needed about 6 hours to work out all the plot holes they had. Fighter jets flying from Texas to Colorado on one tank of gas?

  • May 13, 2000, 10:39 p.m. CST

    Worst movies

    by ellid

    The worst movie I've ever personally seen was "Pod People," which has about six other names and was possibly made in Spanish and dubbed into English. "Oh, Trumpy! You can work *magic*!" Awful, awful, awful. MST3K eviscerated it. Too bad Joel and the 'bots can't be in the theater for "Battlefield Earth"....

  • May 13, 2000, 10:40 p.m. CST

    things to do instead of seeong BFE

    by Ulysses2099

    I just got back from watching Battle Field Earth I had to see if it was really as bad as the posting have been saying. It wasn

  • May 13, 2000, 10:55 p.m. CST

    Let's stick to hating the film

    by Ulysses2099

    There is enough wrong with Battle Field Earth, it should not be necessary to attack Scientology. Now, before some yahoo jumps up yelling that I must be a Scientologist, let me say that I am not. However, I am a person who sees no reason to attack another person belief system no matter how loony I personally think it is.

  • May 13, 2000, 10:57 p.m. CST

    I liked Harry's review

    by Pippins_Diamond

    Really, why would you want him to comment on the reasons why BE is absolutely awful? I thought we had gone over that several hundreds of times already. If Harry thinks the movie is fecal matter and nothing else, let him speak. This IS his site. There's plenty of other reviews out there. And how funny is it that BE is actually contributing to the good performance at the box office of such films as Gladiator and U-571? People are paying for some other movie and sneaking into BE! I wanted to do that, but just about everyone I know refuses to go with me to see this BE monstrosity. Too bad, because I really wanted to see if it sucks as bad as mostly everybody says. I want it to. I really do. Please, Battlefield Earth, suck beyond my wildest nightmares... BTW, is Harry serious? Is BE *better* than Soldier? I hope not, but we'll see... Oh, and my deepest condolences to Barry Pepper and Forest Whitaker for having participated in this fiasco. For the record, let me say that as much as I despise L. Ron Hubbard, I think the book *must* be better than the movie. Still, I don't plan to read it anytime soon. Scientologists are creepier than the Blair Witch's stickmen and I wish they would get help, but they don't wanna, so I can only hope they'll wake up at least six years from now from their zombie-like trance. I think mentioning the LotR in a BE Talkback pretty much runs the name of that wonderful book through the nasstiest bowels of TB hell. And I certainly don't think the world would be able to stomach a Battlefield Earth sequel, much less **100** Battlefield Earths. P.S. ID4, ludicrous and cheesy as it is, is still considered by me to be a masterpiece of popcorn entertainment.

  • May 13, 2000, 11 p.m. CST

    Space:1999...

    by stitch

    Wow! Harry remembers the cool laser guns from Space:1999! I'm impressed! [btw, Battlefield Earth was doomed to be a turd of a movie because it was shot here in Montreal. Any big budget hollywood movie shot here is doomed from the word go! Snake Eyes was filmed here and it stinks. And I've read that they'll be shooting the remake of Rollerball here. Guaranteed bomb!]

  • May 13, 2000, 11:07 p.m. CST

    If I had a stroke, It would help me forget this steaming pile of

    by bloodstorm

    Put Ishtar, Plan 9 & Highlander 2 in a blender, feed intravenously to gibbering lobotomy patients, and then encourage them to write a screenplay. Get a room full of rabid monkeys who didn

  • May 13, 2000, 11:11 p.m. CST

    P.S.

    by bloodstorm

    Does anybody know where I can get my hands on the master? I'd like to burn it and piss on the ashes.

  • May 13, 2000, 11:12 p.m. CST

    Oh, yeah. Forgot to mention...

    by goatb0y

    The worst movies I've ever seen... There are two of them, because it's a tie. The first of my choices is a little movie with James Spader and Holly Hunter called CRASH. It was about a group of people with a sad fetish for car crashes. I don't care what kind of cultural message they were trying to say about sex and society, the movie was sick and lacking in entertainment value (except the part with the German guy who wore prosthetic boobs and would tweak the nipples while watching videos of crash test dummies... that was halfway humorous). The attempt to constantly push the limits of shock value only resulted in more distaste for a lame concept of a movie. But at least I was able to watch the whole thing. I can usually pride myself on being able to watch any movie straight through to the end if I make it halfway. BATMAN AND ROBIN was the one that broke me. I could not make it through to the end on this GQ-models-in-latex nightmare. When Alicia Silverstone lands in front of the duo, gives a Seventeen Magazine smile and says, "I'm Batgirl," I almost lost all faith in humanity.

  • May 13, 2000, 11:16 p.m. CST

    Bombs away!

    by Einhander

    hehe... I think we've already had the worst movie of the summer <I really don't consider I dreamed of Africa a Summer flick>. I sat there watching it, shaking my head at... the incredible stupidity of it all. Sure, ID4 had it's share of Duhhh mioments, but nothing matches the Harrier jets working after 1000 years; the gold bars in fort Knox being untouched.. the destruction of the psychlo planet... the lack of pain when Forest Whitaker loses his hand and Travolta loses his arm... Barry Pepper trying his damndest to be epic.. the cow execution scene and the complete lack of coherency during the final battle... makes me giddy just thinking about it. Let's just thank our friends and Warner Brothers for bring us Batman and Robin, Sphere, WWW, and now this spectacular piece of crap. My only question is... is the source material worth taking a peak at? I dunno, even POS like this had to come from SOMEONE saying, "Hey! This is good! Let's do a movie!" P.S. Does anyone else think that the crappy parts of Phantom Menace may have been the result of the this director, who was the 2nd unit on PM?

  • May 13, 2000, 11:16 p.m. CST

    Jesus wept.

    by evilmike

    Supernova sucked. Soldier needed work. Event Horizon had such promise. Starship Troopers was an insult. Just about all the Star Trek movies except for Wrath Of Kahn blew. Episode One and the 'enhanced' Star Wars trilogy disappointed me. Blair Witch pissed me off. And now...now...we have...Battlefield Earth. *sighs* This movie sucks so bad, I don't believe Joel and The Bots would riff it even if they could. Manos was better than this thing. LASERBLAST was better than this thing. Christ, Santa Claus Conquers The Martians was better than this thing. This movie sucked so bad, they let me watch it for FREE.

  • May 13, 2000, 11:30 p.m. CST

    Thanks for the bad reviews...

    by Hammer15

    Without the horrible reviews posted here for the last month, I would have hated this film. Going in expecting the worst film since Ishtar, I came away laughing and having fun for a night with this little flick called Battlefield Earth. Take it for what it was trying to be and you can have a good time with it. BTW, Gladiator rules my world right now. Strength and Honor, RatBrain!

  • May 14, 2000, 12:09 a.m. CST

    Hey, Maybe Joel & the 'Bots will reunite to do this move.

    by Grond

    If there's any justice in the world. :)

  • May 14, 2000, 12:11 a.m. CST

    The Harriers are NOT in the Novel

    by metreiya

    among other things not in the novel: <p>the harriers <br>the bartender <br>Fort Hood <br>cave men tribe (they were scots) <br>johnnies "buddy" <br>Terls second in charge <br>The short time table to get it all done. (originally was years) <br>they didn't know if they succeedded in blowing up the Planet Psyco, and they used 10 planet busters in the original. <br> the whole attack on the headquarters and the glass dome. <p>etc. so it was a different story indeed.

  • May 14, 2000, 12:23 a.m. CST

    To Harry grammar bashers...

    by Jackass

    Harry's reviews are written so that appears he is speaking the words. That is why they often have weird grammar. Nobody speaks with perfect grammar or sentence structure. People who do are jackasses.

  • May 14, 2000, 12:37 a.m. CST

    High Travoltage

    by Mr D

    This is what happens when stars make movies. Jonnie "Dumb-boy" Travolta used his "star power" to get this p.o.s. made and forgot to get a good screenwriter, decent director and a living editor. Hey, John, sit out the movie business for a while and leave it to people with something to say. So says Mr. D

  • May 14, 2000, 12:41 a.m. CST

    BE better than American Beauty? Would killing you really be murd

    by rjtapper

    bmiddaugh, WTF? AB was one of 99's few instant classics, while BE was ridiculous, lacking in every area where AB excelled. Oh, and as far as Travolta saying "leverage" a lot, I think that's this film's catchphrase:) Someday, "leverage" will be synonimous(sp?) with "use the Force" in sci-fi lore. Uh, or not

  • May 14, 2000, 1:05 a.m. CST

    Ishtar does suck, I saw it, the reputation is very well earned.

    by bloodstorm

    Ishtar blew. That's why it got its rep. I liked Soldier. It was a guilty pleasure. It should have been fleshed out more, and the graphics could have been better, but I didn't walk away hoping Kurt Russell would commit ritual suicide in embarrassment. Everyone in connection with B.E. should, with the possible exception of Whitaker (who looked sad and ashamed through parts) and Pepper who probably jumped at the chance for a leading role, any leading role. Death before dishonor, and all that. Event Horizon was infinitely better, and I thought was thought provokingly disturbing. It could have been longer, maybe more fleshed out, but it was a thousand times better than the pile of dogshit B.E. is. I'm still trying to figure out who decided to raid the old Klingon wardrobe chest from the original Star Trek, and dress the Psychlos up in Kiss' old Phantom of the Park gear. I thought House on Haunted Hill was way worse than Event Horizon, but it could have been salvaged. Its biggest problem is it should have been campy or serious. Not a mish mash of both. One minute the Jacob's Ladder vibe was creeping me out, and the next, some dumbshit campy scene was ruining the mood. It was still better than B.E. It at least had unrealized potential. Watching B.E. is like cracking open an egg, and having a dead chick fall out. The potential for a nice breakfast was never there in the first place. I have never seen a movie steal so many good ideas from so many good movies and use them so badly. B.E. is like Michael Keaton's retarded clone in Multiplicity. I even enjoyed Zardoz more than this loose stool of entertainment. Pink Chiquitas was better. Picasso Trigger was better. Dear God, even Rumble in the Bronx and They Call Me Bruce are better. Any movie than can induce vomiting, should come with a warning label. I wonder if I should sue for damages. This movie made me violently ill, so I could probably collect on pain and suffering.

  • May 14, 2000, 1:07 a.m. CST

    Wow.

    by Adam Mantioba

    I'm surprised none of the clever poster (postors?) have made a crack playing off the "stomach for raunch" thing, the fact that raunch and paunch (a synonym for "big belly" rhyme, and Harry's reputation for being morbidly obese. Shocking. I could have also typed Harry's review word for word by just seeing that godawful trailer. SHIIIIIIIIIIIIT!

  • May 14, 2000, 1:26 a.m. CST

    "They're HEEERE!"

    by Sobewankinobi

    Well it's nice to see the scieno's are back in town. I always look forward to their diotrib on this post. It will be a shame to see the BFE topic go away so soon. anyone who compares Lucas to this crud has to be a loon. And for those Scieno's out there who think there would be no Star Wars without BFE, well umm the book was written after. Ends that.

  • May 14, 2000, 1:33 a.m. CST

    Oh JMS Power

    by Sobewankinobi

    Don't knock Lexx, I would rather watch a show about a cool assassin and a hot chick then watch Battle Field Crap. What is so cool about Lexx is that it doesn't take things seriously, it's there for e.n.t.e.r.t.a.i.n.m.e.n.t. say it really slow, that's good. Don't know if your a scieno, sure do write like it. If you are, go spam another site like you did alt.scientology, wait that didn't work then did it.

  • May 14, 2000, 1:38 a.m. CST

    Battlestar: Earth

    by sinbad007

    How many people bought tickets to Gladiator and snuck into Battlefield: Earth to avoid spending money on what you already know would be a horrible movie? Not that I'd ever do such a thing... (nudge, nudge, wink, wink)... lol

  • May 14, 2000, 1:49 a.m. CST

    Battlefield Earth is not even worth it

    by Private Ryan

    My god, this movie is going to be so goddamn godawful...I want to see it just for the spectacle of seeing something so bad! As for the dude saying audiences reject this movie based on the fact that it's about a hero who sacrifices himself...the number one movie in America right now, anfd the film all the people at AICN are embracing enthusiastically is GLADIATOR...a film with a larger than life hero...so don't say we are so cynical. Harry's review was funny, he didn't have to go into detail of why this movie sucked...he just exlplained that it was morbidally, facinatingly bad. Also, the guy who said BE (also dubbed BS or BO) was better than AMERICAN BEAUTY, One of the top films of the 90's...he should be shot. He is obviously a scientologist, and he doesn't deserve to live.

  • May 14, 2000, 1:50 a.m. CST

    Oh Shana

    by Sobewankinobi

    Umm HARRY runs this little site, is a movie goer, that's all he needs to be. If you come to this site then you come to harry's land. case closed. by the way, a great poet once said if it looks like it, smells like it then it must be it.

  • May 14, 2000, 2:08 a.m. CST

    What a piece of fly Log! (crap!)

    by Jedi 7

    Harry and movie fans, just saw the film Battlefield Earth if you want to call it a movie.I will be brief. It sucks, I can't believe people bag on the Phantom Menace and then say that this is a good Sci- -fi movie. The only good part was John Travoltas Wife who has a bit part as an alien and shows us a long fakce CG tonge .That was the only part that caught my attention. The rest of this movie including all the exploding rocks and glass basicly suck. I would spend my money on Gladiator.

  • May 14, 2000, 2:59 a.m. CST

    by Bismuth

    I loved it!:)

  • May 14, 2000, 3:32 a.m. CST

    Screwed

    by Mithrandir98

    I don't think that any movie right now is worse than that 'log of shit' of a movie called Screwed.

  • May 14, 2000, 3:44 a.m. CST

    bmiddaugh's blasphemy of "American Beauty"... (aka Right on Mr.

    by Mr. Sartre

    "Battlefield Earth" over "American Beauty"?! Good word, man! Think about what you've just said! "American Beauty" (a gorgeous film; beautifully acted, scripted, and directed. one word: perfect) is worse than "Battlefield Earth" (a pulp sci-fi movie)? What the hell? Mr. Twig is right on. "American Beauty" was an instant classics of 1999. There is no way that "Battlefield Earth" is better than it. "Battlefield Earth" could only be on par with "American Beauty" if it was a story of a Psychlo named Lester going through a mid-life crisis in a suburb on planet Psychlo with a Psychlo real estate agent wife, a self-conscious teenage Psychlo daughter, a hot blonde Psychlo friend of the daughter, and a voyeuristic drug dealing Psychlo boy next door with a militaristic Psychlo father. The cast would be: Lester Burnham the Psychlo played by Kevin Spacey, Carolyn Burnham the Psychlo played by Annette Benning, Jane Burnham the Psychlo played by Thora Birch, Angela Hayes the Psychlo played by Mena Suvari, and Ricky Fitts the Psychlo played by Wes Bentley. It'd also have to be directed by Sam Mendes and written by Alan Ball without a trace of L. Ron Hubbard. The new title, instead of "Battlefield Earth," would be "Psychloican Beauty." AURGH!!! I rest my case... you are a fool, sir. Mr. Sartre, realizing there's so much beauty in the world it's overwhelming...

  • May 14, 2000, 4:07 a.m. CST

    Ishtar Funny? Pull the other one...

    by Hammer15

    Come on man, Dustin Hoffman shrugs when any interviewer mentions that flick. What you do is grab a copy of Ishtar, Wing Commander, and I Dreamt of Africa and make them required viewing for all first year film students. Anyone who laughs or claps is whipped furiously about the head and shoulders with a wet noodle. Know what I mean, nudge nudge... The immortal words of Socrates when he said....."I Drank What?"

  • May 14, 2000, 4:26 a.m. CST

    Harry's preoccupation with SHIT

    by Bono

    Harry, I know that you are a hillbilly and that you work real hard to project that...but how about writing reviews that make use of a bit more of the English language. I suppose it is part of your "style" to reference logs of shit and kernals of corn, and I suppose that passes for wit when you and Father Geek are guffawing around the ol' dinner table and talking with your mouths full...but maybe it's time to grow up a bit. But your right, BE is horrible.

  • May 14, 2000, 4:39 a.m. CST

    MST3K

    by davwoods

    Assemble the team for a Christmas special. It's got to be the best target yet.

  • May 14, 2000, 4:39 a.m. CST

    Harry's Psycho Head!

    by mephisto666

    Someone stop it, it's freaking me out! By the way, did we decide if the other one was Mimic or The Thing?

  • May 14, 2000, 5:20 a.m. CST

    Not to sound "BITCHY" but a memo to John Travolta and the church

    by GEEKBASHER 3.0

    Any hopes that Warner Bros. had for a BATTLEFIELD EARTH sequel should be vanquished after this weekend. The $80m sci-fi pic only managed to earn $4.25m on Friday as the movie will make about $12m when the three-day totals are added in.... not a very good opening forBATTLEFIELD EARTH. GLADIATOR will once again be the number one movie as it pulled in $7.6m on Friday, a 35% decline from one week ago. With word-of-mouth and general interest still strong, GLADIATOR should continue to see strong sales throughout the weekend and rake in close to $25m for the entire period p.s did anyway see Britneey Spears on SNL TONIGHT..she was good, very good, if only she had dreadlocks and big ass platform boots and a double triple chin, like our boy Johnny "I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT" Does Kelly Preston rim yer ass with the 9 inch tongue Johnny boy? well like I said, not to sound bitchy............

  • This movie however realy sounds like a visit to the dentist. (love the "piece of cake" bit)

  • May 14, 2000, 5:37 a.m. CST

    Battlefield Earth should be shown only at maximum-security priso

    by GEEKBASHER 3.0

    Battlefield Earth should be shown only at maximum-security prisons when a prisoner is tossed in solitary for bad behavior. for extra torture I would make him listen to What a Girl Wants and Genie In a Bottle 24 hours seven.... taken from a review I found on Rotten Tomatoes.... sorry 4 being so cunty tonight but HONEY if you had to sit through 45 minutes of this shit you would be cunty too!!! and shit meaning that movie that John Travolta cackles like a tranny in heat!

  • May 14, 2000, 6:32 a.m. CST

    Middling fun

    by Wee Willie

    I agree with Hary that Battlefield Earth wasn't as bad a say Event Horizon or Soldier. The thing I liked about it was that all the performances were universally hammy - so even if they didn't bother to be good, at least everyone was consistent. It was a very silly film, but what I liked about it was that you got the impression that everyone involved knew it was silly and went about with a great deal of aplomb. I can't call this is good film by any strech of the imagination, but I have to admit, I had more fun that when I saw the dull and overblown Gladiator. (Even though Gladiator is a "better" film, B.E. was fun. (Fun in the way watching Power Rangers is fun - I know I'm above the material I'm watching, but so what>)

  • May 14, 2000, 7:41 a.m. CST

    Aww, BE sucked because it had a "low" budget? Awww...

    by Pippins_Diamond

    I can't believe I hadn't read that before. Absurd! BE had a budget of 80 million, 5 million MORE than ID4 or Deep Impact. So there. And I won't even mention the "BE is better than American Beauty" thing again. It's so mind-boggingly insane a comment that I'm going to pretend I never read it. La la la la la... - - - Pat John Travolta on the back for his effort!? Only if it is with a red hot iron claw! Gee, let's see, Lucas' effort is just to sell toys, Travolta's effort is just to make legions of Hubbard-worshipping zombies... :-P And speaking of zombies, could somebody please tell me why the Scientologists' personal websites are all CLONES? They're on different servers, they're owned by different people, yet the ones I've seen use the exact same format, font, graphics, content and background! It's the eeriest thing I've ever seen on the Internet, I swear!

  • May 14, 2000, 8:54 a.m. CST

    The Budget

    by JMS Power!!

    I want the budget to be proven to me that it's really $80 mil. IF the movie is really in that range, then YES it is a travesty. BUT I don't really think the movie was made for that much money. It just can't be. Think about it. They would have LEAST hired a good composer. I think the movie was probably made for $40 - $50 mil MAX. I think someone in the media made up that it was $80 mil.

  • May 14, 2000, 9:08 a.m. CST

    Re: The budget

    by Pippins_Diamond

    JMS, www.imdb.com clearly states the budget was $80 million. That site has always been pretty reliable, but if you think they're wrong and that BE was actually made with only $40 million, then I suggest you email them and express your concern. In my book, Horner is a good composer, and it so happens that he was the one who scored Deep Impact, the movie I previously mentioned was made with a lower budget than BE. Just as a comment, BE was scored by a Czechoslovakian composer by the name of Elia Cmiral, who has also composed the soundtracks of movies such as Stigmata and Ronin.

  • May 14, 2000, 9:19 a.m. CST

    MANIMAL!! (and AUTOMAN!)

    by Cinemaphile

    Manimal was the shit!! I loved that show! And does anyone else remember the other one, Automan! That was awesome, too. He had his little floating buddy, Cursor! Ahh, the sci-fi TV of the early 80's. Why doesn't sci-fi channel run those shows ever?

  • May 14, 2000, 9:22 a.m. CST

    midlife crisis

    by bmiddaugh

    The subject of the movie AB was the exact reason I did not like it. And brings me back to the reason I........escape to the movies, show me fun cool stuff, so I can forget about lame "men" who go through "midlife" crisis's. Though I did like Kevin in Usual Suspects. Though not my usual favorite escapist fair.

  • May 14, 2000, 9:48 a.m. CST

    Hey goatb0y...

    by gilmour

    Crash was a very good movie. You obviously know nothing about it since you called it a "little movie" then explained it's plot. We've all heard about it and alot of people thought it was thought-provoking and great. And Batman&Robin IS NOT that bad, geeze, trying to get fanboy votes aren't you? Cronenberg rocks!

  • May 14, 2000, 10:05 a.m. CST

    BE's Budget

    by iamroman

    The budget in US dollars was $50 million. In Canada that's like $80 million, which is why they filmed it there, to get more out of their money. It didn't work.

  • May 14, 2000, 10:17 a.m. CST

    I guess IMDB then forgot to mention that it was Canadian $!

    by Pippins_Diamond

    I see... Kinda like PJ filming the LotR trilogy for $130-$180 million, which for being in New Zealand was said to be more or less equivalent to $360 million... maybe even more now...

  • May 14, 2000, 10:26 a.m. CST

    Battle field Earth

    by angemon

    It is an okay movie f you are not paying Full price. First question, How can 1000 year old cave men beat the Psychlos, when we couldnt do it in the same equipment 1000 years before

  • May 14, 2000, 10:27 a.m. CST

    Nevertheless...

    by Pippins_Diamond

    ...BE still sucks and I still don't think the so-called low budget factor is any excuse at all for its suckiness!

  • I liked Event Horizon....a few script rewrites and it could of been great ( I loved the ship and how it looked like a cross and I loved the stardrive). Soldier was B-grade but I kind of liked its Shane like qualities (I'm not saying its anywhere near as good but if you are going to steal a plot you could do a lot worse). Barb Wire was fun in a bad movie kind of way (it was bad but you got the feeling the people making it knew that). TPM is good its just a let down when compared to its predecesor. As for Battlefield Earth.....shudder....I hate Travolta...I liked some of his old stuff (Grease especially) but on the whole he is cringefyingly (I think I just made up a word) bad. He reminds me of Willis and Stallone....they all havce talent but from most of their films you wouldn't know it, they are lazy and just put it on auto pilot....at least guys like Schnitzelgrubber and Van Dumb put in their best efforts most of the time...its not their fault that they are not particularly gifted actors.

  • May 14, 2000, 10:42 a.m. CST

    I'd like to email imdb.com...

    by Pippins_Diamond

    So if someone would be so kind as to tell me where I can find the info about the BE budget actually being $50 million USA instead of $80 million USA, I'd be really grateful. Indeed, End of Days is a horrible POS, and I had to endure it because sadly my mum has a crush on Schwarzenegger. But the most god-awful abomination I've seen recently would have to be Inspector Gadget. Lucky for me I borrowed the tape from a friend and paid absolutely nothing... But please, Il

  • May 14, 2000, 10:50 a.m. CST

    'piece of cake' ?

    by Vuittonkid

    So what if someone said 'piece of cake' in Battlefield Earth? No one seem to mind that in a 'galaxy far, far away ' , people still spoke English. Jeez , Harry , you're just fucking lame & can't seem to put two salts to your citicism .

  • May 14, 2000, 11:09 a.m. CST

    Whattaya expect...

    by Chiba Citizen

    ...from some bloated moron who's actually serious about some goofball religion that has as a sacrement asking people inane questions while they hold onto two tin cans wired up to an "e-meter" that beeps when it finds a supposed "engram" lurking in your psyche? Kinda makes sippin' grape juice and eating unsalted saltine pieces while thinkin' you're actually ingesting li'l bits of your freakin' god seem somewhat logical, huh? The bottom line: Barbarino's an IDIOT! Thank god this'll probably put the kibosh on his comeback. The blowback'll be "Look Who's Talking, Yet Again" in a coupla years, however. (Travolting plays a NYC cab driver who's put in a coma by an unfortunate traffic accident. While a 300 lb. Kirstie Alley wheels him around, we hear his inner thoughts, voiced by Gilbert Gottfried. A film for the whole family!) Chiba out (the bile level is just too high)

  • May 14, 2000, 12:01 p.m. CST

    Battlefieldearth

    by lotusleft

    what a sensaysh review. the last time i saw a flick this bad it had lesbian content. no, i'm not a phobe, but lesbian movies (save a very, very few) are extrememly bad.

  • May 14, 2000, 12:36 p.m. CST

    It wasn't THAAAAT bad....

    by Ka' Dargo Otaku

    It could have been worse,..yeah it had its plot holes, but it wasn't a terrible movie. I enjoyed it for what it was worth. A fucking movie! You guys are too critical. Was mission impossible realisitc? Will the sequel be realistic? NO! You guys are all hypocrites and need to go suck a bottle or your mommy's bossom! Waaaaa!!!!!!!! The movie wasn't good enough for me! Waaa!!!

  • May 14, 2000, 12:37 p.m. CST

    Dainetics

    by Ka' Dargo Otaku

    Note, I am not a scientologist, I hate them nutty bastards. I just didn't think the movie was all that bad. ^_^

  • May 14, 2000, 12:46 p.m. CST

    Whoah! This sounds BAD! It might be worth seeing!

    by Funmazer

    Yeah! I know it sounds dumb, but I bet most of you on here have watched "Plan 9 From Outer Space" or the even worse "Glen or Glenda" or "Robot Monster" or the like. And I'm sure ALL of you like MST3K, so perhaps BE could be enjoyed on that level. But maybe it's worse than that. Someone said there are movies that go beyond even being 'fun bad' and end up BAD BAD. Could BE be worse than "Batman & Robin"? That stands as my pick for Worst Big Budget Movie Ever. God, I made it a year before I rented it out of morbid curiosity. My jaw just dropped from the mind-numbing BADNESS of it! I know there are 'easy' bad movie targets like "Ishtar" or "Waterworld", but I think B&R takes the cake. Or maybe BE does... Of course, taste in movies is subjective. I thought "Green Mile" was a POS but it was nominated for Best Picture. A lot of people think "Titanic" was a POS but it won Best Picture. It all depends. ANYWAY! "Battlefield Shit" or whatever sounds like a laughable crap-fest! But, maybe it's not even watchable. Some movies aren't. I, personally, would not sit thru "The Green Mile" again for a hundred bucks, which was probably the worst film of 1999. (does "The Mess... enger even count?) God, it was SO boring and dumb! Some movies take their time to tell a story, "Green Mile" took it's time in order to BE LONGER. I love long movies, but only if things HAPPEN in them. God, I sat their wishing I had a Gameboy with me or something... I know it's 'fashionable' to attack popular movies (like Titanic or Matrix) but I really think "Green Mile" deserves it. And the RAT-SMASHING? Uggg!!! "Yes, Orokusaka, I know who you are!" "Now I finish, what I started with your ear! YAHHHHH!" Yeah, if there's going to be rat-oppresion, put it in a cheeseball fun movie like TURTLES, and not some self-concious POS like "Green Mile"... If it had won Best Picture above 'American Beauty" I think I would have actually puked.

  • May 14, 2000, 1 p.m. CST

    Top Three Worst Films

    by mephisto666

    1) Batman and Robin- terrible dialogue, rubber buns, boring. A Huge steaming pile of shit. 2) The Avengers- Oh. My. God. I was one of about three who didn't leave. 3) End of Days- I just felt sorry for anyone involved in this film. It could and should have been so much better. I laughed and laughed. Gabriel (doing a good impersonation of me, I might add, only I'm more attractive) and Arnie just pissed away. They should have made the characters deeper, lost Tunney (she was unbelievable crap!) and had an actress who was tempted by the old Mephisto magic. Thus it coud have gone either way at the end. Oh God that reminds me- the end! Three minute's to midnight and he's still trying to get his rock's off? Please!

  • May 14, 2000, 1:01 p.m. CST

    How could this have been worse?

    by timmer33

    How could this movie have been worse!? I don't understand the comment from the post above. 1. How did a nuclear bomb destroy an entire planet that, according to Terl, was much bigger than earth. 2. How did these cavemen fly harriers? 3. How did the harriers *and* the flight simulator work after 1000 years? 4. Where did the fuel for the harriers come from? 5. Why did all the cavement look so good? And their language and vocabulary was quite good too. 6. Why was the one pilot carrying a bazooka in the cockpit? 7. What's with those damn boots? 8. What's with the "home office" being mentioned every 2 seconds? 9. Why is gold worth so much to a supposedly advanced society? 10. How did the bomb get transported so easily to the psychlo's planet? You'd think they'd have some defense against that. IN SURPRISINGLY BAD NEWS, CinescapeOnline is reporting that 2 sequels are in the works ... and the director is saying that the budget has already been taken care of. I hope Barry Pepper didn't have sequels mentioned in his contract. Let me just clarify this for people who havent' seen this yet .. this movie is SO BAD THAT IT IS NOT FUNNY! It isn't like Deep Rising, where it's bad and you can laugh at it. Or like the Relic or Fair Game. This thing is so trashy, so terrible, so insulting that you cannot laugh at it. And yes, THIS MOVIE IS WORSE THAN BATMAN AND ROBIN, another monumentally bad film. OH, AND HAVE YOU NOTICED THAT A LOT OF PEOPLE THAT DEFEND THIS MOVIE HAVE EMAIL ADDRESSES FROM earthlink.net? What is earthlink.net, anyway? Hmm .. interesting.

  • May 14, 2000, 1:10 p.m. CST

    Gee Harry, tell us how you REALLY feel

    by BradM73

    I agree with you Harry. Even though I've had more painful turds come out of my ass, this one had quite a bit of undigested indian corn in it. And we all know how much indian corn hurts as it rips past the Pinky-Hole of Scrunching Power.

  • May 14, 2000, 1:24 p.m. CST

    Ulysses2009, this is why

    by Jack Parsons

    People hate Scientology (not Scientologists particularly, except for perhaps the one phoning your boss to anonymously accuse you of pedophilia or drug use), because of what it has done, and what it is doing, to people. It was a fraud perpetrated on gullible people, firstly, and almost immediately evolved into a secretive, fantical and paranoid organization capable of horrendous atrocities. (see xenu.net, as well as lisamcpherson.org). This is in organization that, as a part of their "treatments", makes you dictate into a tape recorder every damned nasty thing you did or said you can recall in this and every other life. If you ever leave and, and say, ask for a *refund* (gasp) or try to publicly warn others that they are about to be fleeced, you will find that information you gave is fodder for blackmail. This is a "church" with a spy organization bigger than those of most countries, constantly running operations against reporters and critics who dare to talk openly about their practices. This is an organization that reporters and the government is afraid of. This is an organization with *reeducation camps with walls around them*. This is an organization that tells its members that it is a self-help new science, and hides the fact that it is secretly about nuked alien souls attached to you and alien battle groups posed to strike the planet at any time. The public scientologists can be nice people, though a bit blurry, but the hard core staff are nasty -- ask Time magazine's reporters or the poor shmoes that were once part of the Cult Awareness Network before Scien. sued them out of business, took their name in a single-bid auction, got the names of every family member who ever quietly went to the old CAN for help, and then *released (1999) all the names of those family members to the cults that they were frightened of*. Ah, enough. Battlefield Earth, R.I.P.

  • May 14, 2000, 1:49 p.m. CST

    One last dealy to bmiddaugh...

    by Mr. Sartre

    Alright, fine, I'll shall concede that subjective tastes exist. But let us also concede that there is a difference between good escapist cinema and bad escapist cinema. Given, there are altruistic acts performed in "Battlefield Earth," but does that necessarily make it any good? In "Batman an Robin," don't Batman, Robin, and Batgirl act selflessly in order to save Gotham? By your logic, this film would be a great exploration of hunmanity. Additionally, in "ID4," both Will Smith and Jeff Goldbloom act altruistically by infecting high tech alien spacestations with a bloody Apple computer. Now, since they acted altruistically, same with a surly Randy Quaid in a fighter jet, does your logic make this film an instant classic about the triumph of the human spirit over adversity? Altruism does not make a good movie and, on that same token, escapism does not make a good movie. By committing yourself to saying selfless acts make great movies, you also commit yourself to liking a whole lot of $#!t on the shelves that I don't think you'd necessarily want to say you enjoy. If only there was some sort of objective tastes, something everyone could say they liked... alas. Take care, everyone. Mr. Sartre, wishin' Wittgenstein was wrong...

  • May 14, 2000, 1:57 p.m. CST

    btw, bmidd...

    by Mr. Sartre

    Here's one film about aliens and the triumph of the human spirit to survive and live through adversity: it's called "War of the Worlds" and it was done in 1953. Perhaps you've heard of it. It may look dated by today's standards, but it is definitely a classic of the genre. Read the book too. take care

  • May 14, 2000, 3:16 p.m. CST

    Battlefield Scratch Off

    by bloodstorm

    Did they hand out lotto style 100,000 dollar sweepstakes tickets in all the theaters? And even with that, it's only made 9 mil in 2 days of its opening weekend? There must be a god, and I'm not talking about Xenu. Although, they should have handed out pungee sticks so the audience could pluck out their own eyes, rather than lotto tickets. The only way this movie could have been any worse, is if Cenobites had sliced off my eyelids and inserted a restraining hook in my anus. At least I knew I could get up and walk out if I had too. It was like a trainwreck, it got worse by the moment, and I couldn't bring myself to look away. Even Batman and Robin was so bad it was amusing. I can't watch it all the way through, but taken in chunks, it's a veritable laughfest of crap and cheese. B.E. is just bad in a bad way. It's so bad it extends to the spiritual plane and pollutes anyone's aura that comes in contact with it. If I didn't have engram issues before, I'm sure I do now. I would rather see Pauly Shore do a one man musical based on every movie he's ever done before glimpsing this on 3am cable. It just plain sucks in so many ways, I can't describe them adequately. I'm sure if you show it to Inuits, they'll come up with as many words for shit, as they currently have for snow.

  • May 14, 2000, 3:19 p.m. CST

    Roger Ebert's review...

    by Peyton Westlake

    ...is friggin' hilarious. It's probably the best review of this film out right now. Harry compares BE to a turd, while Ebert compares it to sitting in a bus next to someone who hasn't bathed in a while. Check it out at the Chicago Sun Times website. "Piece of cake!". More like a piece of crap if you ask me...

  • May 14, 2000, 4:22 p.m. CST

    Whats the only cool part of Battlefield Earth?

    by TankGirlsSister

    SHAFT! Yeah baby... that was the only thing that made me feel better about sitting in that theatre next to a couple of 14 year old stoned stinky kids while having to endure Travolta acting like a tripped out Wicked Witch of The West in platforms.. I saw the Shaft trailor. That alone made my Swedish Fish taste slightly better.

  • May 14, 2000, 5:06 p.m. CST

    Re: Gilmour, Constatine, and bloodstorm

    by goatb0y

    I called CRASH a "little" movie because-- despite all its feeble attempts as a social commentary-- it failed to make any impact on myself or the people I saw it with, other than disgust. There are already plenty of movies out there about the extremes that under-stimulated people will go to just to get their rocks off, but they feature performers with names like "Suzie Swank" and "Rod Packer." Yes, I did get the "point" of the movie, but it was a lame point and it still didn't excuse the movie's mere existence. As for BATMAN AND ROBIN, I have no idea what the "fanboy vote" is supposed to mean, so I'll politely ignore that utterance and let it quitely fall into the incomprehensible-babble abyss of Talkback. But I will do you the favor of helping you understand why BATMAN AND ROBIN is such an insultingly and unenduringly terrible movie, even though it should already be ovious and doing so is about as pointless as the instructions on a disposable toilet seat cover. First, you should read Constantine's list of unforgivable slaps-in-the-face that the movie gave to every poor, innocent audience member. She reiterates my statement of this movie making me "(lose) faith in humanity" with the statement that it "makes you feel embarrassed for the entire human race." That is EXACTLY how I felt during every excrutiating nano-second of this film. You have no choice but to positively hate every attempt they made at every failed plot element and characterization. For instance, Shwarzenegger's character: "Wot keeled thee dinosaws?! Thee Ieece Age!" and he then procedes to ice the place with his ice ray. Sitting through this pretentious movie is equivalent to Bob Saget replacing Jerry Lewis as the host and main attraction for the Muscular Dystrophy Telethon, having it aired on EVERY sattelite and cable station, and then having it occupy your entire week-long Christmas vacation. It dilutes your love of mankind, it's hard to endure, and you'll never get that precious time back. *** And to bloodstorm: the only thing funnier than the idea of BE being so bad that it pollutes one's aura is the metaphore of cracking open an egg and getting a dead chick. Man, I haven't laughed so hard since that black-crested mangaby at the zoo whacked-off in front of our church group... One word: INUITS!

  • May 14, 2000, 6:21 p.m. CST

    Battlefield Earth

    by Squirrelnut

    Just think less talent than Ed Wood, but a hell of a lot more money.

  • May 14, 2000, 6:23 p.m. CST

    Review from a Scientologist

    by FreshView

    I am a Scientologist, I have been since birth, and I'll disregard all of the virulent Anti-Scientology sentiment on this thread (surprisingly little, in fact), and share my thoughts on the movie. It was actually pretty bad (And yes, I really am a Scientologist). I went to see it with, as others have posted, a large group of Scientologists, and no one was cheering during the film, though there was some cheering at the end, not by me. My problem, I suppose, is that I read the book first, which was far, far, better, and the plot holes so evident in the movie (harriers, taking over the world in 2 weeks, etc...) were not present in the book. Not in the slightest, the focus on Terl, Travolta's character was misplaced (in the book, the focus was on Johnny), and the movie was far, far darker than the book, the book was far more lighthearted. The basic story was changed drastically (in the book there were only 35 or so humans in Colorado, and Johnny was Terl's first experiment at using humans for labor). Johnny was a far better hero, and, though they flew jets, it took them months to learn how (BTW: Scots flew jets, not Colorado cavement), and they were sealed in an airtight bunker. Sending nukes to Psychlo did happen, but far more Nukes were sent, and the timetable worked far better. That said, I thought it was a fun movie, I didn't get bored during it, and there is a chance I could have enjoyed it had I never read the book. I'm curious to know if anyone found the movie a bit confusing? There was quite a bit left out of the book, and some of it seemed fairly vital to the storyline. I was extremely dissapointed in the movie, and I probably won't be seeing it again.... Gladiator time, baby. BTW: Hold your anti-scientology flames, I have never harmed any of you or your families, I won't attempt here to argue your ridiculously untrue statements (My parents have been Scientologists my whole life, I know quite a bit about this), so don't bother, as others have said before, let's stick to the movie.

  • May 14, 2000, 6:26 p.m. CST

    No, my worst movie experience was...

    by chromosomecowboy

    this piece of shit called The Minus Man. Came out last year. You might remember seeing an interesting trailer before the Blair Witch Project, about a guy and a girl talking all night and whoops, she's late for her job as a lifeguard and there's a dead body in the pool. Then screen goes black and the tagline is "Discussion Always Follows- The Minus Man- This Fall" Well this trailer had zip to do with the actual movie. We chose to go to this movie cause all the other good movies were sold out and we had nothing better to do. It was all my fault, i thought the name sounded cool and sci-fi and i assumed that it would be something halfway decent. Well this it wasn't. Imagine the most lame serial killer movie with a somewhat interesting cast, Owen Wilson, Janeane Garofalo, Dwight Yoakam, Sheryl Crow. Okay, this far right? Well, this fuck Owen Wilson plays this horrible serial killer who kills by, get this, poison. Not arsenic, not cyanide, not anything remotely cool sounding. No, it was some wack ass South American derivative from some flower. What the fuck was up with that? So all these people in this tiny town are getting offed and noone looks at THE FUCKING WEIRD ASS NEW GUY who JUST MOVED IN! My friends and I just sat with this festering dungheap of a film waiting for something to happen, waiting for this guy to get caught or even a fucking policeman to even investigate the murders! This movie made no sense, went nowhere, and is forever etched into my head as the worst filmgoing experience in my life. I still have waking nightmares about how bad this movie was, how a good cast sucked worse than one in a Roger Corman flick. Watch this and you'll be very very pissed off that there are people in Hollywood that are making more money than you. These people are burning money left and right on wack films and you cannot even buy a decent car anymore. Movies like The Minus Man and Battlefield: Earth just remind me how evil and corrupt the media is. End it all for the sake of humankind, we have enough good movies made to last us the rest of our lives and our childrens and their children.

  • May 14, 2000, 7:02 p.m. CST

    Hey Constantine...

    by gilmour

    geeze why don't you relaxe before your head explodes. It sounds like you took the viewing of B&R like an inaccurate historical document. It's crappy fluff. It sounds like you're ready to murder someone. Go watch Ishtar and get back to me...

  • May 14, 2000, 8:21 p.m. CST

    Sooner or later, one was bound to show up.

    by evilmike

    That's in response to "FreshView", the $cientology apologist. Ridiculous and untrue statements? Prove it. Oh, sorry, that's right, you can't. $cientology is a cult. They have been PROVEN to have harassed, sued, and have been accused of MURDER. Jim Jones would be proud. Hubbard was a failure as a writer, and as a human being. He was a pathetic con man who managed to steal peoples money and lives before he died. I've read Dianetics. Mein Kampf was better written. The BE novels were initially written by Hubbard, and are mediocre at BEST. The later books are written by 'ghost' writers (appropriately enough), who are allegedly 'channeling' Hubbard's words from Beyond The Grave. Imagine that. FreshView is a 2nd-Gen $cientologist, and it shows. Pity her. $cientology is a fascist cult. The only thing missing is a swastika.

  • May 14, 2000, 8:22 p.m. CST

    A little accuracy, and some education

    by Azaghal

    OK. First, let me say that the film was no particularly good. I'm not going to defend the quality of the film. HOWEVER, let's get a few facts straight. To those that balked that the lead character is named Johnnie Goodboy, it is was the FUCKING BOOK like that. Blame L. Ron for that. Also, the whole thing about the learning machine was IN THE BOOK. Many (but not all) of the things that happened in the movie are IN THE BOOK. SO, if you don't like these elements, blame L. Ron. Personally, I like the book. I was disappointed by the movie because : a) the whole mining thing took MONTHS in the book, not 21 days. I have no idea why they compressed time like that, since they just faded from scene to scene anyway.... they just could have said "six months later.." This made the whole uprising thing utterly STUPID and unbeleivable. Also, I don't recall the sidekicks in the book either, although they were kind of funny. The movie could have been done MUCH better. BUT, the thing I see the most complaints about (sadly) are things where the movie actually followed the book. Perhaps you all should read it, and assign proper blame accordingly. IKV Sabre

  • May 14, 2000, 9:48 p.m. CST

    But VIVA ROCK VEGAS was good?

    by BSGDAN

    I saw this film on opening night. So it wasn't the next "Blade Runner", but it was fun. In fact, i'd have to say it was more fun than "Independence Day", even though neither one was the smartest films ever. At least "Battlefield Earth" knew when to end (did ID4 really need to be THAT long). I think that Travolta's character said some things that would make one wonder, but at least he was having fun with the material. And there was some good interaction between him and Forest Whitaker. Overall, this film was fun-nothing more and nothing less. As we all know, the reviewers have not been kind to this film. Why? It certainly wasn't as bad as "Mission to Mars". The real reason is that they are reviewing L. Ron Hubbard and Scientology-not "Battlefield Earth". These people already had their minds made up before they ever saw the thing. When one looks at Harry's track record, it is easy to see that he has rather dubious tastes. "Armageddon" and "Godzilla" are ok, but this isn't. A couple of weeks ago, Harry wondered if other reviewers would have the courage to get past their preconceived ideas and give "The Flintstones in VIVA ROCK VEGAS" the credit it deserved. Well, I see that Harry didn't have the balls to get past his own preconceived ideas about this film. In fact, he's been calling it garbage since he first heard it was being made. Harry Knowles is a hippocrite, and nobody should give his opinions any credit. If you want two hours of dumb fun, go see "Battlefield Earth".

  • May 14, 2000, 10:15 p.m. CST

    Worst Movie Ever

    by Johnny Ahab

    Well, every summer's gotta have a train wreck, and BE seems like a hard act to follow. But how is it that in all the rants about "Worst Movies" that everyone seems to have amnesia about last summer's abortion "WILD WILD WEST"?? Fuck, did that make my brain hurt. Yes, "BATMAN & ROBIN" is a crime. Yes, "THE AVENGERS" sucked. But let's not let the hate and anger die on Warner Bros. turd of turds. (And let me throw my voice in for "EVENT HORIZON" too -- coulda been better, but man, does it have its moments!) Later.

  • May 14, 2000, 10:25 p.m. CST

    by RockySunrise

    When I saw Battlefield Earth

  • May 14, 2000, 10:59 p.m. CST

    BSGDAN ... what the hell?

    by timmer33

    BSGDAN ... you think BE was better than Mission to Mars? Mars was a terrible film too ... no, an *atrocious* film ... but BE was far far worse! BE is perhaps the worst movie in a decade. See my post above, and respond to my 10 plot points that make this such a horrendous film. My god, just thinking about BE now makes me shiver. The whole bit about Terl wanting to find out what humans eat so they can have leverage ... ARGHHHH!!!!!!

  • May 14, 2000, 11:03 p.m. CST

    I WILL WIN THE CROWD, I WILL GIVE THEM SOMETHING THAT THEY HAVE

    by MENOTBIASED

    Okay. So, here is the deal. I loved the book, BE. I hated the movie, BE. I am re-evaluating my earlier post. I have created a new illness. It is called, Star Syndrome. It is deadly to filmed versions of books. My favorite novel of the past two decades is Bonfire of the Vanities. It was fucked up beyond all recognition, due to Star Syndrome. Once they hired Tom Hanks, in a role that should have been played by William Hurt, it was destined to failure. Once they hired Bruce Willis, in a role meant for Peter O'toole, it was doomed. When they added cartoon music by Dave Grusin, instead of the serious notes of a Carter Burwell, it was fated to live on in infamy. One of my other favorites was Patriot Games, followed by Clear and Present Danger, both by Tom Clancy. What did they do to these most patriotic of American books? They hired an Australian director!!!!! And, he fucked up the best action sequences in the books. Just threw them away. Why? Because they needed the Star in every major scene. (Even though he was twenty years older than the character in the books.) Now, I have read Hubbard's, BE, and this movie isn't it. Hubbard had no Colorado Cavemen, no domed city, no Harriers, no protagonist's or antagonist's sidekicks, etc., etc. These are creations from the somewhat limited minds of the screenwriter, producer, director, effects crew, etc. The portion of the book in which the movie took place (in three weeks) originally lasted over 1 1/2 years. Man, all I am saying is blame the proper cause for the proper effect. I loved the book. It made sense. In my life, and I am 42, I have seen maybe 3 books translated well to the screen. The rest have screwed the pooch. Two good translations were directed by George Roy Hill: Slaughterhouse Five and The World According To Garp. Another was a film probably few of you have seen: The Domino Principle, directed by Stanley Kramer. The rest, and I mean ALL of them let me down. Though few have let me down as bad as this one did. Why were these atrocities committed?? Star Syndrome. It happens when a star is on board and people think they must fawn to him/her. They make the star more the focus of the story, instead of the characters as written in the book. In BE, the book, Jonnie is the protagonist, he is the main focus. In BE, the movie, it is Terl. Look at the damned posters. Who do they promote??? A faithful rendition would not have made this mistake. The stupidity of the BE film has nothing to do with Scientology or Hubbard, it has to do with Hollywood. Why they buy successful books and then proceed to change them beyond recognition is beyond me. They have no respect for the Source of a story. This movie should have been called Cory Mandell's Battlefield Earth, or Andrew Steven's Battlefield Earth. The public deserved such a caveat. And we, on this board, as individuals and critics and enthusiastists, and writers, some of us, should at least respect this one thing. We should not allow ourselves to fall prey to the abomination which is the Hollywood machine, and which makes people say, "Oh, how about we change this thing that works and that is good, to this other thing that sounds kindda neat and might look interesting? Let us add Harrier jets and Fort Knox and Colorado Cavemen and a domed city of Denver. Let us cut a year and a half out of a comprehensible story down to three weeks, because it will make for a better story arc." Fucking asshole wannabes. Does it make anyone else cringe when they think of Ender's Game or The Forever War being screwed with this way? Does anyone else here respect original writers of good works? Please, sound off now, let us take back the planet from these asshole junior executive talentless filmmakers in their GQ suits! Let us have our revenge, in this life or the next! We will win the crowd. We will give them something that they have never seen before, but it will be of decent quality, and it will make sense!

  • May 14, 2000, 11:03 p.m. CST

    Harry's absolutely right!!!

    by darius25

    Man, what a piece of shit!!! I would never thought I would like WWW over any movie, but I do. WWW is way, way, WAY better than this piece of shit. The direction is very poor, the camera angles are totally fucked up, the screenplay is fucked beyond recognition, the editing is very inconsistent(slo-mo long shots, then tonnes of fast cuts, etc..), the acting is HORRIBLE, the film LAGS, the special effects are sometimes good, other horrible (CGI is VERY obvious), not to mention there is not one EXCITING scene. The fast paced ending of the movie is supposed to be exciting but I was way too much confused to even figure out what was happening, and I understood M:I on my first viewing!!! Not to mention that there is no logic involved in the movie. At the end, how does exploding one nuclear bomb (made in present time 2000) destroy a WHOLE FUCKING planet!! Not to mention that they are many many years ahead of us in intelligence and technology. Man, what a piece of fucking crap, and it is also extremely boring. Anyways, that's all I had to say - PLEASE STAY FAR, FAR AWAY FROM THIS MOVIE!!!

  • May 14, 2000, 11:05 p.m. CST

    You know what? I won't be seeing it.

    by Sith Lord Jesus

    I'm one of those people who believe that you have to see a movie to be able to judge it. That is why I have suffered through all of the following: SHOWGIRLS, GODZILLA, SCREAMERS, EVENT HORIZON. With each of these, both critics and my friends who have seen them warned me that they were shit and that I should avoid them. I did not listen. I payed the price. SHOWGIRLS I walked out of about halfway through it was so bad; BATTLEFIELD EARTH sounds like it makes that flick look like 2001 by comparison. So no, I won't see it. I can already tell it's shit, so why should I waste my time and hard-earned money on it? There's a series of excellant films by acclaimed Hong Kong director Hou Hsiao-Hsien opening here this week--among them FLOWERS OF SHANGHAI; GOODBYE SOUTH, GOODBYE and THE PUPPET MASTER. there's FREQUENCY; ONEGIN and THE VIRGIN SUICIDES and of course EAST IS EAST. GLADIATOR, too, more then deserves a second look. I will spend my time and money on them instead. I will not reward Hollywood for producing crap.

  • May 14, 2000, 11:10 p.m. CST

    Battlefield Earth

    by 41412

    Hey, I saw BE this Friday and I enjoyed it. It was fun, the FX were great and Travolta and Pepper did really good. The audience seemed happy with it too. Everyone has an opinion. I say to anyone who reads your review, see BE yourself and form your own.

  • May 15, 2000, 1:57 a.m. CST

    What is your problem with Wing Commander and Soldier?

    by Dairya25

    I really hate it when you rip on two of my favorite movies...granted, they aren't the greatest films in the world, but I would never say that Battlefield Shitballs was better than Wing Commander or Soldier. At least they didn't have plotholes that you could fly a Harrier jet through. Every movie has plotholes...okay, so the genetically engineered soldiers were going to waste a bunch of refugees. Whoopity doo, real battlefield combat experience huh? That was only there so that Kurt Russell had a chance to come back and kick Jason Scott Lee's ass and then make the colonel piss himself. As for Wing Commander, you needed to have the Kilrathi threaten Earth somehow...having them get the jump coordinates stayed somewhat true with the storyline of the game at least (they're big into that jump coordinates thing in the game). Sure it was silly to have the black box so easily captured, but if that didn't happen, then there would have been no movie. These are just movies, you don't have to review every fucking movie as if it were real or something. If I wanted to experience reality, I would just walk outside, but from what I keep reading on this site, it sounds to me like you don't do that very much...you just sit on your fanboy ass and get fatter and fatter, pissing and moaning like a whiny little bitch. Next time you see a movie, try to suspend reality a little bit and don't make the small plotholes out to be the big ones.

  • May 15, 2000, 1:59 a.m. CST

    Harry is an ass

    by Voltron X

    As bad as this movie might be, Harry's review is an even bgger POS. Harry is an asshole for even going to see this movie.

  • Gee, maybe sinking 100 million dollars in to a vanity project wasn't such a good idea. And we thought Hollywood couldn't make ISHTAR, INCHON, and HUDSON HAWK look like sound investments. I guess even the lowest common denominator in the movie going public has some shred of common sense.

  • Who'd have thunk it?

  • May 15, 2000, 2:51 a.m. CST

    If you don't like it, don't visit the webpage...

    by goatb0y

    If Harry wanted to be a conventional movie reviewer, I'm sure he'd just go to work for any Texas newspaper. But he doesn't want to be a conventional reviewer, so he does his own thing and writes exactly whatever he wants and articulates whatever thoughts and emotions that the movie places in him. No, this doesn't result in conventional reviews, but it IS his site and anyone that acts so personally offended when they don't agree or approve of his opinions is an obtuse idiot for voicing their disagreement so irritably and melodramatically on Harry's own webpage. Keep in mind that if you have a bitter disagreement with something as petty as Harry's film reviews, you don't have to get so personal and nasty over it. Just because it's a messageboard where you can remain anonymous doesn't mean that you can do away with common courtesy and act as juvenile and crass as possible to someone that bears their personal life to so many people on a daily basis. It's not like he's another anonymous talkbacker. And honestly, your conflict of interest REALLY DOESN'T MATTER as much as you think it does. Most of us don't give two shits about it to begin with. Not to get on a soapbox, but come on... no one's forcing you to be mature, but it sure would be nice. *** That being said, I kinda liked Soldier, even though it was hard to get past the lame effects. Wing Commander wasn't a very good movie, but it wasn't all that bad. I'm surprised Harry wasn't any more lenient on it, since it was produced by Austin-based companies (Origin). You always take it easy on local efforts, even though you know they suck. That's the only reason why half the local bands in this town get any support at all: Sympathy.

  • Well, I've got to hand it to the Scientologist who showed up earlier on this board - at least you have the courage tostand up for your beliefs, ridiculous they may be. The rest of your people here acted like cultists, posting "incognito"; you, at least, wrote like a member of a religeon. Perhaps there's hope for you yet. On the whole, I'm kind of ambiguous about you guys. On the one hand, I don't really like missionary, regimented Mystery Cults; on the other hand, anybody persecuted by the Germans can't be all bad. As religeous organizations go, The CoS bothers me far less than, say, the Hamas. ********** I think that for a bad movie to be really bad, is has to have had a lot of promise behind it, especially to me, personally. That's why the most loathsome movie ever made is FIRST KNIGHT. It could have been so damn good! ********** I just have to respond to this: somebody said, in response to this whole "piece of cake" thing, that STAR WARS characters spoke English too. Well, yeah. Uh-huh. You're right. And so did the characters in GLADIATOR. And THE TEN COMMANDMENTS. And HAMLET (Shouln't they be speaking Danish?). Anyway, I don't remember many coloquialisms (sp?) in SW, except of course for "Scruffy-looking nurf-herder",which was coined by Damon Runyan.

  • May 15, 2000, 6:26 a.m. CST

    Funny you should mention...

    by Henrik

    No joke, the line from Empire that clanged for me was in the "nerf herder" scene. After Leia kisses Luke and leaves, Han Solo says, "Take it easy." At the time it seemed very 1980's. But I got over it. I guess it's all like the Star Trek people being so "up" on 20th century American and English authors and references. (Strangely the Eastern and African cultures didn't contribute that much to posterity.)

  • May 15, 2000, 8:27 a.m. CST

    Great Satire Movie

    by Peirce

    Did anyone ever say that Guliver's Travels has plot holes? This is an action satire movie. Characters represent archtypes and character interaction is topical. This will be a cult favorite along with other greats.

  • May 15, 2000, 9:25 a.m. CST

    This movie just isn't right

    by Slasherfan

    I wated in line 3 hours to get good seats for the screening of this over glorified piece of shit. It was so bad that I was reduced too a shell of who I was before. This movie was crap. We are supposed too follow a script of humans who can't learn the psyco language in years who all of the sudden become smart steal american jets and blow the shit out of some bad guys. It's been done.

  • May 15, 2000, 9:29 a.m. CST

    Cult favorite

    by Pippins_Diamond

    But a la "Plan 9 From Outer Space"! Seriously, I can't remember the last time I saw this much morbid fascination with seeing if a movie is REALLY that bad. 41412 (what's with Co$ and numbers?) is a Scientologist and has been defending the movie since way back, I don't think I can trust that opinion, and I don't want to spend good money only to find out everyone else was right. But FreshView, people like you make me forget for fractions of seconds that Co$ is evil. You're the first Scientologist on TB who actually sounds like a thinking human being with valid opinions. And I'm not just saying that because you recognize that BE has bad points. I'm saying it because you have an informed opinion, you expressed it rationally and in a civilized way, you're not afraid to say you're a Scientologist and you didn't resort to the usual Scientologist "you all make me sad that you're so full of hatred against a fun movie" ramblings. You even managed to make some Scientology bashers look infantile. Bravo. - - - P.S. Nobody ever explained to me why the Scientologist zombies' personal sites are all clones. Oh well.

  • May 15, 2000, 10:23 a.m. CST

    BATTLEFIELD EARTH,not so good after all

    by Renaud B

    Even though that movie was made in my home town Montr

  • May 15, 2000, 11:26 a.m. CST

    WWW & B&R are not "That Bad"

    by gilmour

    Really, you guys haven't seen bad if you think those are the worst ever.

  • May 15, 2000, 11:51 a.m. CST

    gladiator was terrible!

    by my colon sucks

    did everyone hear richard harris' terrible faux-british accent? not since american kenneth brannagh "attempted" to do english in Dead Again has an accent been so terribly misrepresented. gibson wants us to think he's australian in those Blade Runner movies (or whatever they're called)... no dice, mel! as for BE... i must say... i really had trouble... taking it all in. the intricate camera work, the exquisite dialogue... requires at least four viewings to be properly appreciated. this has to be travolta's best film since that one where he dances. what... is... that... called? die antwort ist an die spitze meine zunge! was f

  • May 15, 2000, 11:52 a.m. CST

    Worst movies of all time and nobody has mentioned....

    by keyser5

    Gotta give a bit of credit to the "Freshview" post from the self-professed Scientologist... Honest review as well - Nice, brave stance there... It should be tough for them to raise their heads and admit who they are following this horrifying and insipid movie... Thank you to all "Batman and Robin" haters - Nice to know I have brethren out there who also probably felt like they needed to shower in hydrochloric acid after that movie to get clean again... And just a couple others here - Does nobody remember the schlockfest that was DC CAB? How about Navy Seals? Or maybe Last Action Hero? What I wouldn't give to let Jerky have a clear shot at a couple of those wastes of film...

  • May 15, 2000, 2:12 p.m. CST

    Well...

    by gilmour

    I actually think a film like baby geniouses was horribly bad. I really don't think budget matters when you're talking about bad movies. A big budget brings you stars and effects, but it doesn't write a great script or direct it. I just don't think WWW or B&R are as bad as people say. Am I saying they are good? hell no! But to me they are typical Hollywood big budget summer movies. Remember "Leonard Part 6?" with Bill Cosby, that's bad.

  • May 15, 2000, 2:20 p.m. CST

    No religion, no art, just science.

    by The_Tooth

    My Engineering Alarm just beeped at something said up there: The Psychlos (very clever and original, Mr. Hubbard. Keep it up) come from a planet -larger- than earth? Aside from the ease with which their homeworld is blown up, why would a large planet produce tall, strong natives, as compared to us? They should be short and strong to deal with the higher gravity they evolved in, or tall and thin and weak, because their homeworld is larger than earth, but less dense and therefore has lower gravity. A major plot point, I know. Blatantly bad science in science fiction makes me cringe. Star Trek made my teeth bleed, with all their phase inversions and amplitude adjustments and all that nonsense.

  • May 15, 2000, 2:30 p.m. CST

    YOU IDIOTS!!!

    by prajadhipok

    Im guessing most of you have NOT even SEEN this movie and are already judging it by reading other reviews... I have to say it was NOT as bad as Mission to Mars. And as for Wild Wild West, it WAS the worst movie of 1999 even if I did like a little of it. BATTLEFIELD: EARTH is enjoyable in some level... pure cheese and fun!!!

  • May 15, 2000, 3:40 p.m. CST

    Waterworld was so bad...

    by ziranova

    people were calling it "Fishtar". Regarding, BE, one critic said John Travolta's Terl looked like a collision between a Klingon and Cher.

  • May 15, 2000, 3:44 p.m. CST

    I will now refer to this movie as...

    by ziranova

    BattleFecal Earth.

  • May 15, 2000, 4:07 p.m. CST

    Did anyone but me pay full price to see....?

    by Lemur866

    With all this talk of horrible, horrible movies, did anyone else ever pay full price to see that very, very bad movie, Species 2? Species 1 was no prize...but the sequel was sooooo bad, so horrible, you could see Michael Madsen kicking himself for agreeing to accept the paycheck for appearing in this one. It didn't even have much naked Nastasha Henstrige! Didn't the makers of Species 2 understand that was the whole point? My friend and I wanted to see a low-grade movie about killer space mutants and naked breasts...and the idiots who made Species 2 couldn't even deliver on that sub-par level. This was the only movie I have ever seriously considered demanding my money back from. From the very first scene where the Mars mission hauls a space shuttle ALL THE WAY TO MARS, consuming who knows how much fuel, and have to haul it all the way back, just so they can have something to land with, I had a sick feeling...and it only got worse. Damn, I'm glad my wife won't let me keep a gun in the house or I'd probably shoot myself right now just to erase the memories...

  • May 15, 2000, 5:03 p.m. CST

    "Dropdead Fred" & "Freejack" are my 2 worst movie experiences.

    by Luke_Cage

    Those were truly pieces of ca-ca!

  • May 15, 2000, 5:37 p.m. CST

    Prepare yourselves...

    by Sun Tzu

    For the LR Hubbard apologista's. These are the ones that will start showing up (after the box office and critics destroy the movie), claiming that the movie tanked "Because it wasn't true to this wonderful book." Not true, the book sucked as well, it started as mediocre pulp sci-fi and degenerated into the unending novel from hell. And to the person that actually mentioned OS Card and J Haldeman's great novels in the same paragraph as Hubbards POS, I am going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you were kidding, or it was just a typographical oversight. Otherwise, seek help... Soon.

  • May 15, 2000, 7:02 p.m. CST

    To Be Fair

    by Anton_Sirius

    There were a few moments in BE that I enjoyed. 1) Near the beginning, when Christian ripped off a scene from Blade Runner, I enjoyed reminiscing about Blade Runner; 2) when he rips off a scene from the Matrix, I enjoyed thinking of that movie too; 3) the ridiculously servile alien who intro'ed the learning machine was a funny little moment, and he was the best actor in the film. Just to put things in perspective, though, I think we're paying a karmic price for last year's amazing run of films. BE, U-571, Mission to Mars... all have sucked immensely. I'm starting to get worried for the rest of the summer.

  • May 15, 2000, 9:36 p.m. CST

    Battlefield Feces

    by timmer33

    SIRIUS: thanks for your amusing post above. Christian did rip off a lot of films, didn't he. I don't think U-571 was a bad film though .. in my books it's one of the best so far, and will probably remain so for the remainder of the year. Now Mission to Mars, that was crap. I've been trying to figure out what movies are actually worse than B.E. I've been having a hard time ... Now, I have a question for you scientolgy haters. Some of you have been saying that scientogists believe in aliens, and in an imminent alien attack of earth. Before i make judgement on scientology, i'd like proof of this. XENU.COM talks about this, but it seems that this site is run by a man whose main purpose is to expose scientology's evils. Therefore, that site is slightly suspect .. how do I know this info is real? So, is there proof of this alien business on a legitimate scientology site? Let me know ...

  • May 15, 2000, 11:29 p.m. CST

    Warner Bros summer curse

    by XF1

    You know, Warner Bros should just quit trying to make a big summer movie since they screw it up. Look at the track record here: 1997, Batman and Robin. 1998: Avengers. 1999: Wild Wild West. 2000: Battlefield Earth. All movies that might have been good, given the right cast or direction, but the studio screwed them up with star power and action over story. And the kicker? The studio was so confident in all four films that they were planning sequals before they even came out. They had the dailies, they saw what crap they were and they wanted sequals. Cinescape had an article in a Sequal Special where Travolta openly said they were planning a Battlefield Earth 2. Nice try, John. p.s. Note to Peter Jackson: If you vaule your life, do not screw up Lord of the Rings. Trust me, you mess up, there won't be a place on Earth for you to hide. p.p.s. George Lucas: Phantom Menace was nowhere near the debacle people say it was but I'm glad you're getting some help writing Episode II, which I KNOW will rock.

  • May 15, 2000, 11:56 p.m. CST

    Harry you are a goof!

    by 41412

    Harry, how can you be such a...well...such a goofball? This was a good movie. The effects and action were good along with just the the story. I liked the movie and had a good time. Lots of fun. Get a life Harry.

  • May 16, 2000, 12:14 a.m. CST

    Worst....

    by Dr.Chanard

    For years I have made it a hobby to see wonderously bad movies. (Though I must admit I had to regain strength after The Avengers and Species 2)But the most worthless had/has been "Forever Evil" made in the late 80's. Who can forget the zombie dressed up as Col. Sanders of KFC, or the cheesy commando calling a pentagram "the pentagon". Uhhhhhhh....

  • Either way those KISS boots weren't working

  • For a caveman who never knew humans once had homes and cities it seems odd he would use an expression that references neighbors in the suburbs being jealous of each other's lawns. All the technical goofs in the film that defy logic are pretty obvious. I just thought I'd point out one of the tons of dialogue inanitys.

  • May 16, 2000, 12:03 p.m. CST

    One good part of BE

    by Uncle Junior

    The best actor wasn't Pepper, but the extremely talented Christian Tessier. The red-headed Tessier was once a regular on the 1989-1990 seasons of "You Can't Do That on Television", and also on the series "The Tommorrow People". Like Alanis Morrissette and Klea Scott before him, Christian is on his way to becoming the next You Can't Do That on Television alumnus to make it big in the entertainment industry.

  • May 16, 2000, 12:07 p.m. CST

    War of the Worlds...

    by bmiddaugh

    GREAT movie!! Fantastic book...and my father loved Mr. Welles radio adaption!

  • May 16, 2000, 12:07 p.m. CST

    I Liked BE!

    by Zylon

    Say what you will if you are some jadded and sarcastic critic, this is a movie that is in fact fun to watch. I liked it and the little kids in front of me were transfixed throughout. I think it is great fun. Zylon

  • May 16, 2000, 2:35 p.m. CST

    BowelFecal Earth

    by ziranova

    Here's the worst movie I ever paid full price for.... a horrifying debacle called, "Ed". It had one of those stars from the show, "Friends" (apparantly he filmed it while on hiatus) and it was just terrible. Ed was the monkey's name, and he was this *really* lame, out-of-proportion guy in a monkey suit. Gawd, it was awful.

  • People have been volunteering their own candidates for worst film right here on this talk back, but they're missing the point. This was a major motion picture with tons of money pumped in to it, a cast of some fairly accomplished actors, full studio support, an experienced crew, and all the other makings of a good film. Nobody died during filming so there was no sloppy reediting to accommodate unfinished scenes. This was the film the production wanted to make and did. You can't compare this to bad grade B or Z movies where there is no budget or talent attached or films where inexperienced directors, crews and editors put together shoddy work. Nobody expects a kid in little league to hit a pitch thrown by a major league ball player, but we do expect the 30 million dollar a year player to be able to. I can't think of a worse major film than BATTLEFIELD EARTH (and there have been some real stinkers) with its choppy slanted camera work, embarrassingly inane dialogue, horrible makeup effects (note the aliens' constant change in stature next to humans from scene to scene) and complete disregard for logic and natural law. (the cavemen learning to fly by flapping their arms would have been just as realistic) This will go down as one of the biggest turkeys of all time.

  • People have been volunteering their own candidates for worst film right here on this talk back, but they're missing the point. This was a major motion picture with tons of money pumped in to it, a cast of some fairly accomplished actors, full studio support, an experienced crew, and all the other makings of a good film. Nobody died during filming so there was no sloppy reediting to accommodate unfinished scenes. This was the film the production wanted to make and did. You can't compare this to bad grade B or Z movies where there is no budget or talent attached or films where inexperienced directors, crews and editors put together shoddy work. Nobody expects a kid in little league to hit a pitch thrown by a major league ball player, but we do expect the 30 million dollar a year player to be able to. I can't think of a worse major film than BATTLEFIELD EARTH (and there have been some real stinkers) with its choppy slanted camera work, embarrassingly inane dialogue, horrible makeup effects (note the aliens' constant change in stature next to humans from scene to scene) and complete disregard for logic and natural law. (the cavemen learning to fly by flapping their arms would have been just as realistic) This will go down as one of the biggest turkeys of all time.

  • People have been volunteering their own candidates for worst film right here on this talk back, but they're missing the point. This was a major motion picture with tons of money pumped in to it, a cast of some fairly accomplished actors, full studio support, an experienced crew, and all the other makings of a good film. Nobody died during filming so there was no sloppy reediting to accommodate unfinished scenes. This was the film the production wanted to make and did. You can't compare this to bad grade B or Z movies where there is no budget or talent attached or films where inexperienced directors, crews and editors put together shoddy work. Nobody expects a kid in little league to hit a pitch thrown by a major league ball player, but we do expect the 30 million dollar a year player to be able to. I can't think of a worse major film than BATTLEFIELD EARTH (and there have been some real stinkers) with its choppy slanted camera work, embarrassingly inane dialogue, horrible makeup effects (note the aliens' constant change in stature next to humans from scene to scene) and complete disregard for logic and natural law. (the cavemen learning to fly by flapping their arms would have been just as realistic) This will go down as one of the biggest turkeys of all time.

  • May 16, 2000, 3:46 p.m. CST

    battlefield shit!!!!

    by GEEKHATER

    Hey!,this is absolutely the worst heap of crap that i have ever seen!!! I think that Travolta and all the scientologists should be shoved up a dogs ass and shot! The only good thing in the movie was Travolta's wifes tongue!, and we all know the last thing he wants is a womans tongue!

  • May 16, 2000, 5:28 p.m. CST

    Is it as bad as The Thin Red Line??

    by mrpink

    I have not seen BA yet.However, I find it hard to believe that there is a movie much worse than The Thin Red Line??!!? (Hey..wasn't Travolta in that too?hehe)Anyway....3 mind-numbingly boring hours of a war movie.I've never been to a movie and (this is no b.s.)just about half the patrons left the theater. I am kind of interested to see BA so my friends and I can do our own live version of MST3000K.It cant be as bad as that flaming pile of whale shit!!

  • May 16, 2000, 6:46 p.m. CST

    41412 and other Scieno-phytes.

    by goatb0y

    41412... Is that the number on the barcode stamped on your forehead? I guess it makes it easier for the COS "registrars" to collect on the fees that members owe them for OT classes. Everytime you move to a new auditor, they put your fees on your account by scanning your forehead with a laser checker... *beep*... then shuffle you along with the rest of the cattle. The attempts by you and all your other Scientology-zombie-spawn to defend this movie only indicate that your minds have indeed been audited into oatmeal. Worse than that, you have no logical arguement to offer in defense of the most shoddy, amature piece of glued-together celluloid that has carried a multi million dollar price tag. All you offer us is, "I liked it," and a lame, decade old, cliche' one-liner: "Get a life." *** I can understand how an innocent, good-natured, yet confused person can get sucked into the COS with "IQ" and "personality" tests, but when you're brainwashed into thinking that a very, very bad movie is actually good and you're instructed to spread propaganda on movie-fan sites, then you're liable for your own abashment.

  • May 16, 2000, 10:58 p.m. CST

    Battlefield Earth Hey! I liked this movie!

    by 1412

    You know, I checked out BE and maybe it's because I'm such a sci-fi fan, but I really liked BE. Had my pop corn and pop and had a good time. Liked the effects and the story. Thought it was true to the book. Looking forward to the sequel. Chill out folks!

  • May 16, 2000, 11:01 p.m. CST

    Battlefield Earth Hey! I liked this movie!

    by 41412

    You know, I checked out BE and maybe it's because I'm such a sci-fi fan, but I really liked BE. Had my pop corn and pop and had a good time. Liked the effects and the story. Thought it was true to the book. Looking forward to the sequel. Chill out folks!

  • May 17, 2000, 11:33 a.m. CST

    Battlefield Earth

    by Zylon

    Just saw some other sites where people are saying they are going back for a second look. It strikes me as a good idea.

  • May 17, 2000, 5:34 p.m. CST

    Harry the hypocrite

    by xwiesy

    Plot holes, leaps of faith, etc. Why don't you try looking at this movie through the eyes of a 13 year old boy? Would it be great like Episode One is? I thought we didn't go to the movies to see things makes sense...movies are supposed to be an escape. Truth is, Battlefield Earth is trash like Episode I and the Iron Giant and Eyes Wide Shut.

  • I never thought of Scientology as much more than just another fad new age religion like EST until lately. I know people who became devote Hare Krsnas with more free will. If you look at this site or any other film site where people can post comments you will see a disturbing pattern. Everywhere scientologists are posting the most glowing reviews for BATTLEFIELD EARTH. They're all the same, as if the church of scientology mailed out cards to all their members telling them to go to all these sites and giving them outline guidelines for what to write. There are two types of reviews they put up. There's the one where they write it's the best sci-fi film ever, better than Star Wars, or it's the more subtle review that says that it's not great, it's a good fun popcorn movie that's pure entertainment. Whichever type of review they post, it always ends with the suggestion to ignore all the bad press and go see it for yourself. (SPEND) It's easy (and fun) to draw out the scientologists too. Just go to a site where a bunch of people are commenting on the film and post something fun, like you heard that L Ron Hubbard was actually a nazi and scientology is really a front for NAMBLA. Then sit back and watch how all the people who had been posting glowing reviews of the film, claiming to be unbiased, quickly jump up to defend Scientology. ...oh yeah the official message board on the film's site has changed format too. You can no longer post messages there by being a registered member on the Warner Brothers site. You must now be a private member to post on the BE site and there is no way to become one, yet oddly enough all the new comments are very positive. Any credibility Scientology once had has been lost... I hope.

  • May 18, 2000, 11:03 a.m. CST

    the best movie ever made?

    by Brando

    are u a business man or a newsman? IS THIS THE BEST MOVIE EVER MADE? (al pacino voice): "of course not" why? because it's not true! THIS IS THE BEST MOvIE EVER MADE!!!! AND U CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT HARRY!!!!! THE DIRECTOR OF THIS MOVIE IS ONE OF THE GREATEST NEW TALENTS! 11/10

  • May 18, 2000, 12:53 p.m. CST

    Harry appeared in a Rodriguez film?

    by Lonewulf6

    Which one? No comment on BE. I think we're spending way too much online time on this topic.

  • May 18, 2000, 1:58 p.m. CST

    Not the worst ever, but right up there...

    by 3D

    Points on Battlefield Earth. 1. I understand the name Alan Smithee has been retired. It should be replaced with Roger Christiansen (I think that's the director's name.) 2. While sitting through this movie Ebert probably wished that he could trade places with Siskel. 3. It's hard to believe that such a big budget movie could be so amateurishly made (WELCOME TO ASPEN!) 4. I normally like Travolta, but any hope this movie had went out the window with his over the top performance. He reminded of a kid in a grade school play who didn't know how to act, so he merely over enunciates every word. (STUPID HUMANS HA HA HA!!!) 5. In its defense, Barry Pepper did a decent job, and I was very mildly entertained. After all, I didn't walk out, which is more than I can say for Escape from L.A. (hey, I like Carpenter as much as the next guy, but that movie blew.)

  • May 18, 2000, 8:21 p.m. CST

    My Colon Sucks? So Put Your Head Back In

    by bloodstorm

    To user My Colon Sucks: I genuinely hope you're kidding, because if you're not, you're the dumbest shitfly to ever taunt the gods and miss the bug zapper. A few key points here, or, as I like to title it, A Few Simple Ways To No Come Off Like A Complete Dumbass. 1. Gladiator is one of the best movies in years. 2. Ridley Scott's Blade Runner is one of the best movies of all time. 3. Mel Gibson was nowhere near either of them. Harrison Ford starred in Blade Runner. 4. Steven Speilberg didn't do Star Wars, George Lucas did. 5. Luke got his hand cut off, not Han Solo. 6. Darth Vader was Luke's father. Now, before you go back to your little backwater corner of the world, and start using your head for a buttplug again, I suggest that you invest in cable, because watching movies in the mountains with a bent wire antenna has obviously affected your ability to properly watch and remember a movie. If you are not a complete dumbass, please disregard the above.

  • May 18, 2000, 11:01 p.m. CST

    omg

    by marsyas

    That message from My Colon Sucks was, for about 3 1/2 days, the funniest thing ever to appear in an AICN talkback. And then someone actually took it seriously.

  • May 19, 2000, 1:15 a.m. CST

    Hey, you forgot one of the worst.

    by Radd

    What about Starship Troopers? As far acrap factor, I think it beat all the other movies you mentioned hands down, except I haven't seen Battlefield Earth yet.

  • May 19, 2000, 9:38 a.m. CST

    A big Mel Brooks fan, but...

    by etnabob

    The only movie I actually walked out of was "Robin Hood: Men in Tights". Now don't get me wrong, I love Mel Brooks, I own a copy of "Blazing Saddles" and think "High Anxiety" is excellent. But "Men in Tights" was so bad, I actually said "You know, I'd rather be doing anything at this point than be watching this movie!" So I got up and left. I didn't bother getting my money back, I saw it in a second-run theater anyway for 2 bucks, which was why I took the chance on it in the first place. Anyway, I have learned to be wary of sucky movies. If the commercials for it suck, or don't even look compelling, most of the time the movie sucks. Also, I rely heavily on word-of-mouth. So to me, if enough people are saying the movie is shit, I don't need an in-depth review at that point. I can still choose to see it if I want, but at least I've been warned.

  • May 19, 2000, 12:19 p.m. CST

    I've seen ROBOT JOX and survived THAT, plus I liked EVENT HORIZO

    by mckracken

    Why does everybody feel the need to pick on Event Horizon? Sure, its nothing more than Hellraiser in space, but its a hell of a lot better than Hellraiser 4: Bloodlines (set in space). Just cause I really dig the Sam Neil and Lawrence Fishburn team!!! I survived ROBOTJOX, so where does Battlefield Earth stand next to THAT turd?

  • May 19, 2000, 12:57 p.m. CST

    I'm not defending BE, just be forwarned about this:

    by mckracken

    Battlefield Earth is NOT a multi million dollar high buget movie. In fact, its a relativly low buget sci/fi movie made for about 10 million dollars. Get your facts straight guys. Either way, it still blows chunks...

  • May 19, 2000, 4:12 p.m. CST

    Idiot Bashing Isn't Cool or Intelligent

    by KragShot

    I've been reading all of these comments on how bad the Battlefield Earth movie was. I have yet to see it. However, I'm seeing all of these people ripping the film on plot points. That in of itself wouldn't be so bad, except that these are the same plot points that are in the novel. The book was damn good and while I'm no scientologist, I can appreciate a good story. The one guy spazzing over the use of the word "Leverage." Well, in the novel, it was a catchphrase! That was how the entire Psychlo race worked. By blackmail, bribery and enticement. That was one of the running jokes in the story. As for them escaping to Ft. Knox, well you have to remember, that the aliens constantly underestimated the humans. That was the thing that led to their downfall. And finally the exploding planet, well the psychlos had mined their planet beyond the point of tectonic stability. Considering the amount of force that a nuke would put out, all it did was start a chain reaction. Also in the book, it wasn't one nuke, but ten. And they were said to be the big crust-buster bombs that we and the soviets outlawed. Okay, what you all have been waiting for...the point. If you are going to bash a movie, you need to find better reasons than that. It's one thing to sit there and compare a movie to a floating turd (No offense, Harry...) but let's be constructive about it, not offensive. I haven't seen one thing about the technical shortcomings, the acting or for that matter, I haven't heard from anyone who has read the novel. Hubbard writes good SF. He's no Campbell or Heinlein, but he's okay. Me, I'm waiting for a Mission Earth mini-series. The reason I'm going to see it is simply to compare my visualizations of the story to the directors and to support SF on film. If we tear down SF on the screen then we'll get more films like this new "Young-Teen-Suicides-In-Love-With-Something-Or-Other." Like this new film that is going to be out this summer and start a whole new rash of young girls seeing this film and deciding that a bottle of pills, a razor blade or a nap in the garage is the solution to puberty or teen angst. Foul-mouthed fanboy insults aren't the answer to getting better quality SF on the screen. Think about it.... KRAGSHOT

  • May 19, 2000, 6:45 p.m. CST

    Who is the "Lame Rater" of Battlefield Earth

    by Myowncritic

    Who do you have rating this as "shit". What you have to realize is you should get totally involved in the movie for what it is, and not what some jerk off that likes to watch Kevin Costner "P***y Movies" to rate Sci Fi. The movie was done well and with good acting. Some things were "Far Fetched", but listen Geek, that's why it's called Science FICTION! You should learn to tune out all the bullshit that is you and learn how to enjoy the movie for what it is, you Kevin Costner lover.

  • May 20, 2000, 5:50 a.m. CST

    event horizon

    by scouse79

  • May 20, 2000, 5:53 a.m. CST

    event horizon

    by scouse79

    i agree with you about this being a pile of turd because you can tell that its just a load of mad scientologists making a movie. but you can never diss event horizon, apart from the pathetic bitch and her dead son it was a wicked film. Sam Neill without eyes! How can you not like that shit?

  • May 20, 2000, 6:19 p.m. CST

    I thought this was a movie site?

    by supergupta

    You guys who are spending your time posting about your bowel problems and ranting about Travolta's faith need to get a grip. I've experienced that kind of raw bigotry and it has no place in a free society -- whether the target is Jews, Catholics, Muslims, Hindus or Scientologists. Movies are ENTERTAINMENT. An $8 ticket buys you the right to have an opinion about the movie. It doesn't give the right to despoil the society one lives in by promoting religious hatred. The desire for freedom in many forms has inspired many of the great movie stories. In real life, much of the world's population is stil struggling for the level of freemdom we enjoy. Please try to have some respect for your fellow Man. Welcome to the theatre. Enjoy the movie.

  • May 20, 2000, 11:14 p.m. CST

    Battlefield Earth

    by 41412

    I've read BE a few times over the years and also listened to the 'Book on Tape' and enjoyed them both. I think the movie held true to the basic concept of the book and I'm looking forward to the sequel.

  • May 22, 2000, 3:21 a.m. CST

    Religious Freedom vs. Religious Abuse.

    by goatb0y

    Anytime that Scientology is brought up in a public forum, it always occurs that the Scieno-zombies deviate from aggressive tactics and throw in a little religious-persecution-whining to try to gain some "leverage."<---(See, I CAN make this relevant to BE). Granted, the whole religious freedom thing is a real nice perk to being American, but sometimes ideals need to be compromised for the sake of recognizing the reality of the injustices that are committed. It is true that in America, any organization may be as whacky as they want to be within the limits of the law. But the COS breaks the law incessantly. The largest illegal raid on government files was committed by the COS, but the crimes they commit against the government aren't anything compared to what they do to individuals. Yes, there is such a thing as religious freedom, but there's also such a thing as abusing that freedom. The way the COS is structured is that it's glossy, new-agey, and innocent on the outside, but they're secretive and disturbing in the inner circles. They break down your ability to reason while sucking you dry of your money, then they control your life through paranoid manipulation. If you think this sounds like an imaginative conspiracy theory, just go to www.xenu.net and read some of the detailed stories by writers and ex-members that have had their lives ruined by this mainstream cult. Most of the occurances in the stories may be found in court records, and when you read about them, they're guaranteed to piss you off. These stories aren't isolated cases, either. They describe what every single person that tries to get away from the cult has to go through. That's why there's so much opposition to Scientology and anything connected to it, and that's why BE has caused such a stir. The cult has its tentacles in enough of the public as it is. They have the money to protect themselves and to attack others. They launch smear campaigns against critics and ex-members (alleged sex offenses are their favorite weapon), and they hire spin doctors to disinform the media. They have the most powerful PR firms, law firms, and celebrity-pampering elite "orgs" to keep their image enticing. The only reason they're even afloat is because of the gobs of money they suck out of people. Money can do anything for anyone in this country... Just look at O.J.

  • May 22, 2000, 8:19 p.m. CST

    IT COULD HAVE BEEN WORSE...

    by MENOTBIASED

    It could have been a musical. And, goatbOy, you are a total asshole. I have posted 2 very critical reviews of BE, and I AM a Scientologist. Most of the other Scientologists I know didn't like the movie either, it was an insult. The movie sucked, the book rocked. Hollywood screwed up a great story. It has nothing to do with any religion. They did it with Bonfire of the Vanities, too. And that is my favorite novel of the last 15 years. This forum is about movies, let us keep it that way. Keep your prejudice to yourself, or take it to a newsgroup. Asshole.

  • May 23, 2000, 12:15 p.m. CST

    The worst movie I ever saw in a theater!

    by diverdan

    The worst movie I ever paid money to see was an abomination called "War of the Wizards" My friends and I were in the mood to see a good bad movie but were not quite prepared for this. The only star listed in the newspaper was Richard(Jaws from Bond films)Kiel. The movie turned out to be this Chinese kung fu flick set in the distant past. Special effect included the breath-taking ride on the Phoenix(a doll taped to the head of a pinata) and Flying wizards(swinging back and forth on bright shiny wires). The whole of Richard Kiel's dialogue was "wait for me....wait for me". We were stunned that this was actually shown in a mainstream movie theater. On the plus side almost 20 years later we still laugh about it. So far whenever I have seen a bad movie I have always been able to say it was'nt as bad as WOW.

  • May 23, 2000, 3:19 p.m. CST

    battlefield earth critiques

    by foma

    Now, don't get me wrong, I am as anti-scientology as much as the next guy, maybe more, but can you believe the reviews of BE! Can any film really be that bad? Maybe the reviewers never saw it at all. Maybe after pussyfooting around Scientology all these years, saying that it "claims" 8 million adherents and that it is the most "controversial" church in America they decided to take a free whack at the piniata. It's easier to do a review than to say they only have 50,000 members or to say that they are the most corrupt cult in America.

  • May 23, 2000, 11:15 p.m. CST

    In response to FOMA's question.

    by Brendan3

    Yes. The film is that bad. Forget about the link to scientology. If you see the film (please don't pay to see it...Hollywood needs to get the message that shit shouldn't make money)you'll see why many people, myself included, think this is one of the worst films made. If you remove all the low budget B movies from the list, BATTLEFIELD EARTH would be top as perhaps the worst major motion picture ever. At least with B and Z movies they're bad enough you can laugh at them. This film is just embarrassingly bad. Alot of the scientology bashing you may be reading on this site and others is not necessarily a reaction to the film, but to all the scientologists that are littering websites and writing in to magazines declaring BATTLEFIELD EARTH the best sci-fi movie ever and suggesting that everyone ignore the bad press and go spend their money and see it. I personally find that pretty disturbing. There are alot of decent films out there. Go see one and then sneak in to BATTLEFIELD EARTH and you'll see that Hollywood can, even with talented actors and 70million+, still make a pile of crap.

  • May 24, 2000, 1:07 p.m. CST

    Funny Web site

    by Kaos2000

    http://www.monkeypants.org It has a really funny review of "Battlefield Earth" and a bunch of other funny movie-related stuff. Check it out.

  • May 24, 2000, 10:14 p.m. CST

    BATTLEFIELD EARTH

    by mrwilliam

    It's amazing how such overpriced dreck like this gets made, when a LOT of cool stuff dosen't get NEARLY as much publicity-or worse yet, doesn't get made at all!!!

  • May 25, 2000, 9:08 a.m. CST

    AICN needs an ongoing bad movie forum...

    by RIG

    I am going to watch BE just because all of the cynics hate it, and I am going to like it. If you want a bad movie to see, watch a movie called LIMBO from John Sales. I could rant about it for days. I actually drop-kicked it back into the video store. There are a lot of movies that get a bad rap and make the opening monologues of the talk shows(ISHTAR, HUDSON HAWK), but are no worse than most other movies. 90% of the movies made these days aren't worth watching again. Watch them yourself and stop letting David Letterman make your mind up for you. Oh, and ROBOTJOX was pretty bad, but when I rented it, all I wanted to see were giant robots. And as for BATMAN AND ROBIN: We all knew it would be bad, and anyone who went to watch it expecting something good really needs to have their head checked. I liked it because Uma was in it, and it was really colorful. See? expect things to suck, and you won't be disappointed. Oh, I forgot to say 'shit.'

  • May 26, 2000, 1:36 a.m. CST

    Shit, no one will ever read this...anyhou here's my 2 cents

    by Bonniesansclyde

    John Travolta has missused his ressurected career, by making shit moview, if he doesn't stop, it'll be look who's taking 4...

  • May 26, 2000, 7:55 a.m. CST

    And again! You just dont quit do you?!?

    by jak flash 2000

    There it is again. Stop making fun of Paul Andrerson. He is a brill director. Stop wasting the man. Because Jak Flash said so. Who is with me that Paul is a good director. E-MAIL: JAKFLASH2000@BUFFYMAIL.COM

  • May 26, 2000, 9:01 a.m. CST

    Fucking piece of fucking shit.

    by Brimacombe

    Everyone go to The Big Kahuna. Ignore this shit. MAKE THEM PAY. We pay for shitty fucking movies, for once make them pay.

  • May 27, 2000, 9:26 a.m. CST

    ATTN: Anti-Scientology Freaks

    by Bootz

    Your fixation with fecal matter amazes me. To compound your "Travolta = Scientology = Battefield Earth = L. Ron Hubbard = Sucks" equation, let's try this one on for size: "XENUTV = monkeylucifer = Turd Tappers = Obsessed Internet Junkies = Totally fucked up Losers" - - - - - - - - - - Excuse me, but since when does the ability to make a friggin' movie have anything to do with one's involvement with a friggin' Church? That's like saying, "Cal Ripken can't satisfy his wife sexually, so he can't play baseball worth shit!" - - - - - - - - Yeah, Battlefield Earth looks pretty lame, but it's GOT NOTHING TO DO WITH THE PRINCIPLES OF SCIENTOLOGY AND DIANETICS. So, to the likes of XENUFUCKHEAD, and monkeybrainsdick, stick it up your sticky, shit-filled asses, and learn how to compute rationally. (I'm laughing at you, does that bother you....?)

  • May 27, 2000, 5:46 p.m. CST

    you're all wrong

    by Frinkenstein

    I saw "Battle Field Earth" yesterday, and I did not find it as totally boring as you all do. (or at least as most of you do.) Sure it was really stupid, and John Travolta sucked like hell, but I took it like Star Wars: E1. Sit back, enjoy the effects, and don't want it to make sense. Because there is no way an A-Bomb from '99 could blow up a whole planet, and can be held in a person's hand. Plus when the hero is running through the dome, and the columns are exploding around him was totally MATRIX. But the effects were cool, and a lot of it was so stupid it was funny. Any way you're all entitled to your opinion, but I (who am always right-;) enjoyed it, as possibly the worst movie of the century. (which by the way is only 5 months old, but it would be pretty hard to come up with a worse one in 99 years & 7 months.) Bye to all of you nuts! .... Now if only I could get out of my chair. I haven't been in 7 years.

  • May 27, 2000, 8:55 p.m. CST

    "BE BETTER THAN AB?'

    by mrwilliam

    In reference to the misguided soul who thinks "BE" is a better film than 'AB'.If you think winning a Golden Raspberry is more honorable than an Oscar, than fine.(And I can tell you that 'BE' is a Razzie front-runner!!!)

  • May 28, 2000, 3:27 p.m. CST

    Anderson good Earth bad

    by Digital Slacker

    First off I agree with the guy that Anderson kicks ass. Second off Battlefield Earth's FX weren't even that good. I don't mind a movie that has good eye candy and a decent plot. I just saw MI2 and that had a normal plot great visual style.

  • May 29, 2000, 7:23 p.m. CST

    One of the best films ever!

    by LRH lover

    I don't know what you are talking about. How can you attack such a wonderful film? The book is simply the best novel ever writen, by the writer who practically invented science fiction. Without L Ron Hubard you wouldn't have films like Star Wars. The film may not quite to justice to the book, but it's still one of the best films ever made. You nitpick small flaws in the film so that the truth and beauty of the epic tale can't effect you and give your life meaning. I feel sorry for you with your empty lives. You just hate this film because you don't like scientology. If you looked at all the good things that Scientology does you would realise that it is something to embrace, not something to fear.

  • May 30, 2000, 1:11 p.m. CST

    Re: LRH Lover

    by Small One

    Your entry is a joke, right? I honestly can't tell. There are so many rabid responses to "Battlefield Earth". I can appreciate that some people would enjoy it. Just like I am certain that there are people that like "Show Girls". To each his own. But I don't about "truth and beauty". You posted this to see how many responses you would get didn't you! Okay, I bite. Write back and laugh at my reply. Please.

  • May 30, 2000, 8:20 p.m. CST

    It sucks, get on with it.

    by Sobewankinobi

    The movie fell 66%, It has made around 18 million, for a 70-80 million movie, the public has said with the mighty dollar, which controls the world "It SUCKS!" There is no saying different. The whole nation doesn't hate scieno's, they hate this movie. And to those who say StarWars couldn't have been made save for this book, stop smoking the crack pipe. The book came out in the 80's, StarWars 70's, do the math. And oh LRH didn't even write some of his books, his channeled spirit (yeah right) did. He was not the end all/know all of science fiction writing so put that baby to rest too.

  • May 31, 2000, 1:52 a.m. CST

    But if your not joking...

    by Small One

    LRH did not practically invent science fiction. Not even close. HG Wells was writing science fiction way before LRH ever scribbled out his first story. And as a science fiction writer, LRH is not particularily brilliant or innovative. He is no Issac Asimov (who actually was an influential science fiction writer), nor is he of the caliber of, say Arther C. Clark or Phillip K. Dick. He was a pulp science fiction writer. Dianetics was first published in a pulp fiction magazine. He had a following, he had some popularity, but so did a number of his contemporaries. And another thing, I am very annoyed by John Travolta and way too many Scientologist all over the internet refering to Battlefield Earth as the favorite science fiction novel of the century. I have never heard it refered to in any canon of twentieth century science fiction. Or another line used is "The Best Selling SF novel of all time". I am certain it is a solid seller, but how does it stack up against, say The Martian Chronicles, or 2001, hmmm? And another thing,(I have been holding this stuff in too long!)Battlefield Earth is NOT the best novel ever written. GET A LIBRARY CARD! It is probably a good read, but I just saw the movie and you cannot tell me that THAT story is better then The Moor's Last Sigh by Salman Rushdie or The Color Purple by Alice Walker or even a good Terry Prachett novel, like Small Gods. If you haven't read these books, they are all actually "true" and "beautiful", each in thier own way. And LRH had nothing to do with any of them! But, if you honestly think that Battlefield Earth is better then any of these novels then PLEASE respond because I WOULD LOVE TO READ YOUR ARGUMENT! I have read way too much B.S. about LRH's literary brilliance. And one final thing,LRH Lover, has scientology begun to act in the world with forgiveness and compassion. Has CoS been turning any cheeks I don't know about lately. Last time I checked there was a nasty page on a scientology website that had pictures of scientology critics. These people were described as "criminals" and "failures". Is that any way for a religion to behave? Karma is a ruling force of the universe, what you do to others, you do to yourself. If you treat others with disdain and disrepect, then you recieve disdain and disrespect. I just couldn't hold it in any longer. There, now I feel purged.

  • June 1, 2000, 12:10 a.m. CST

    Hey, LRH Lover

    by Bootz

    EXCUSE ME?!? "You just hate this film because you don't like scientology" **************** -I- just hate this movie because it looks like a dumb-ass, cheesy flick. Too bad LRH didn't have the ability to add that little light to the e-meter to test for idiots. It's people like you, who call themselves Scientologists, that give everybody else who is eager to get their lives straightened out with Scientology (even though *they* have they're heads screwed on straight) a bad name. *************** Listen, do EVERYBODY a fucking favor and keep your damn, unfounded, OPINIONS to your friggin' self. ***** Oh, and BTW, I think LRH's fictional works are drab, outdated, colorless and unentertaining. I can write a better novel than he can.

  • June 3, 2000, 7:32 p.m. CST

    worst movie ever made

    by wwcurtis

    Anyone can make a bad low budget movie- Plan 9 fr Outer Space, Terror in Tiny Town. But Howard the Duck has got to take the prize for the 'worst movie ever made that had a real budget'.

  • June 6, 2000, 3:57 a.m. CST

    Battlefield Earth: skid row teamed up with Lion King?

    by Ringo

    Having just seen this film of films: didn't anybody else get flashbacks to heavy metal videos from the 80's? Goodboy (sic)looks just like the singer from Skid Row... The muzak sounds like the beginning of another awful Queensryche-album and the learning-prosess is a complete sleevedesigner-for-Testament's wet dream cum true. I loved this film, never have I been laughing this hard in a movie theatre. Not since Spice World and the sorry attempts to cover up for cutting Gary Glitter out of the film, that is. Forrest Whitaker by the way, looks like he was cast for cats or Lion King. My big dream is to see Battlefield Earth, the musical. Maybe even on ice... One can only hope

  • June 9, 2000, 1:15 p.m. CST

    Battlefield Earth - worst movie of this century

    by Andymation

    How on earth can you call this flee-infested, barf-covered, low brow excuse of a movie mere mediocrity, Harry? I'm tellin' you all, this crappy flic is going to be the worst this century. There's no way in hell that no-one is gonna' top it. I just don't understand you, Harry! In your review you totally slaughter it, but your conclusion is "mere mediocrity"? Please! This movie makes you wanna' see "Lost In Space" one more time, and that's not a good sign..

  • June 17, 2000, 1:48 a.m. CST

    BE Made by Hollywood?

    by MovieLuvr

    Bullocks! The previous PR put forth by Travolta's "staff" (they weren't just working for HIM, folks) was that BE was some kind of campily bad film ("Yeah, we MEANT to make it that way!"), though they DID wait until Mystery Science Theater 3000 had completed their last show, hmmm.! I've seen it, and I'm sorry I did despite the need for impartiality. This thing is hardly a film except perhaps in terms of the medium it's distributed on, not from an editing standpoint, nor on a level of any other film appreciation I know. It's a shame the footage can't be reused for something worthwhile besides landfill in Palm Springs. The current crop of PR crap has it that "Hollywood has screwed up a Sci-Fi classic," and this of course is a lie on two counts. This stinker wasn't made by or even in Hollywood, but in Toronto, with a closed-set, non-union, mostly-Scientologist cast and crew. The fact that it's so [shudder] awful isn't Hollywood's fault, which is the current PR crap being spread around. The folks who screwed this up are the same morons who've been trying for years to convince us all that LRH is a Sci-Fi genius, on the off chance that we'll read one of his steaming literary excretions, and, they hope, Dianetix. It did have a big budget, yes, but not what one would call "full" studio support in the least. With full support, do you think it'd be Hollywood Records doing the soundtrack? Or for that matter, would WB's logo have appeared that briefly at the ads that blissfully only assaulted our senses for several weeks? BE was a Co$ production, under the varied fronts it maintains in the Hollywood arena. On this basis it's not a surprise. Let's hope they go broke finally on the sequel! BE, RIP.

  • June 22, 2000, 5:21 a.m. CST

    Now, hang on here...

    by the enigma

    I admit I haven't seen this film yet, it isn't being shown anywhere near me at the moment, but I plan to see it soon. The reason is I loved the book...over a thousand pages of pure joy... Now, the one complaint I have for all of you knockers is that half of you believe that the film is crap because of scientology...now, I am NOT a scientologist and I have no opinion on it, but the book and the film have nothing to do with scientology...it is just a Sci-Fi epic... Now, I can understand how many of you don't like this film...there is so much detail in the book that they almost certainly didn't get in the film...for instance, man eating rats...instead of appearing like that is all man eats in the year 3000AD, Jonnie Goodboy Tyler is forced to eat rats after he escapes from Terl...he can't find anything else, doesn't have any kill-clubs anyway, and is forced to eat the rat..raw...so, Terl believes that this is what Man Animals prefer to eat and that is what Tyler is fed in his cage... Similarly, the Psychlos 'breathe gas' explodes when exposed to any level of radiation...hence the fact that when a nuke is sent to Psychlo, it acts as a detonator for the planet's atmosphere... All simple stuff to understand if you took a moment in your ignorant lives to just read the book or just THINK about it a bit... As for me..I look forward to seeing the film, even if it looks like it might be crud...I loved the book and that will give me a solid grounding to understand what is going on in the film...

  • June 22, 2000, 8:56 a.m. CST

    You hold on.

    by Sobewankinobi

    First off it is not the point of a movie to read the book first. A movie is suppose to stand on it's own merits. You should not have to go read a book, a different medium to get the story that the movie was suppose to give you. There's a reason it was a failure at the box office and you can't say that it was due to Anti-Scientology antics from people. The movie just sucked. The movie isn't even playing anywhere anymore. If this was anything but a Scieno movie there would NEVER BE A SEQUAL. By the way Travolta has finally admited that the film had elements of the religion.

  • June 23, 2000, 4:54 a.m. CST

    yeah...but....

    by the enigma

    This is half my point...instead of giving it a go by trying to understand it you are quite happy just to let it slide and slate it like any good fool.... Good to see you live up to your name...wank

  • June 23, 2000, 9:05 a.m. CST

    It's not book report time.

    by Sobewankinobi

    Again I should not have to read a book to enjoy a movie, let a lone a book by a hack writer. (Best seller my ass.) Before you start to chime in with the flamethrower, that

  • June 29, 2000, 2:49 a.m. CST

    The book sucked ass too Enigma

    by Brendan3

    I popped back on to this talkback out of boredom and noticed this argument where some self-righteous quack was trying to declare that the movie was better if you read the book. When I was a teenager, being a fan of scifi, I picked it up the book and read it and it sucked. Interesting premise... badly done. One of the things you wrote was particularly amusing regarding how you defended the dubious physical logic of one nuclear bomb incinerating an entire planet. You wrote,". Similarly, the Psychlos 'breathe gas' explodes when exposed to any level of radiation...hence the fact that when a nuke is sent to Psychlo, it acts as a detonator for the planet's atmosphere... All simple stuff to understand if you took a moment in your ignorant lives to just read the book or just THINK about it a bit... " HAHAHA... okay Enigma... you think about it a bit. Their atmosphere explodes when exposed to any level of radiation??? Do you realize how stupid that sounds? Did you know that all objects in space are constantly bombarded with various levels of radiation, especially objects orbiting suns... like ... oh ... planets like the Psychlo homeworld. I expect fantasy in my scifi, but I also expect some adherence to natural law. Have you even seen the movie yet, you Scientology drone? If you don't pay to see it at least twice, don't they throw you out of the church and take away your little pyramid hat?

  • June 29, 2000, 2:50 a.m. CST

    The book sucked ass too Enigma

    by Brendan3

    I popped back on to this talkback out of boredom and noticed this argument where some self-righteous quack was trying to declare that the movie was better if you read the book. When I was a teenager, being a fan of scifi, I picked it up the book and read it and it sucked. Interesting premise... badly done. One of the things you wrote was particularly amusing regarding how you defended the dubious physical logic of one nuclear bomb incinerating an entire planet. You wrote,". Similarly, the Psychlos 'breathe gas' explodes when exposed to any level of radiation...hence the fact that when a nuke is sent to Psychlo, it acts as a detonator for the planet's atmosphere... All simple stuff to understand if you took a moment in your ignorant lives to just read the book or just THINK about it a bit... " HAHAHA... okay Enigma... you think about it a bit. Their atmosphere explodes when exposed to any level of radiation??? Do you realize how stupid that sounds? Did you know that all objects in space are constantly bombarded with various levels of radiation, especially objects orbiting suns... like ... oh ... planets like the Psychlo homeworld. I expect fantasy in my scifi, but I also expect some adherence to natural law. Have you even seen the movie yet, you Scientology drone? If you don't pay to see it at least twice, don't they throw you out of the church and take away your little pyramid hat?

  • June 29, 2000, 2:51 a.m. CST

    The book sucked ass too Enigma

    by Brendan3

    I popped back on to this talkback out of boredom and noticed this argument where some self-righteous quack was trying to declare that the movie was better if you read the book. When I was a teenager, being a fan of scifi, I picked it up the book and read it and it sucked. Interesting premise... badly done. One of the things you wrote was particularly amusing regarding how you defended the dubious physical logic of one nuclear bomb incinerating an entire planet. You wrote,". Similarly, the Psychlos 'breathe gas' explodes when exposed to any level of radiation...hence the fact that when a nuke is sent to Psychlo, it acts as a detonator for the planet's atmosphere... All simple stuff to understand if you took a moment in your ignorant lives to just read the book or just THINK about it a bit... " HAHAHA... okay Enigma... you think about it a bit. Their atmosphere explodes when exposed to any level of radiation??? Do you realize how stupid that sounds? Did you know that all objects in space are constantly bombarded with various levels of radiation, especially objects orbiting suns... like ... oh ... planets like the Psychlo homeworld. I expect fantasy in my scifi, but I also expect some adherence to natural law. Have you even seen the movie yet, you Scientology drone? If you don't pay to see it at least twice, don't they throw you out of the church and take away your little pyramid hat?

  • June 29, 2000, 8:52 a.m. CST

    Hey ENIGMA! The book sucked too

    by Brendan3

    I popped back on to this talkback out of boredom and noticed this argument where some self-righteous quack was trying to declare that the movie was better if you read the book. When I was a teenager, being a fan of scifi, I picked it up the book and read it and it sucked. Interesting premise... badly done. One of the things you wrote was particularly amusing regarding how you defended the dubious physical logic of one nuclear bomb incinerating an entire planet. You wrote,"Similarly, the Psychlos 'breathe gas' explodes when exposed to any level of radiation...hence the fact that when a nuke is sent to Psychlo, it acts as a detonator for the planet's atmosphere... All simple stuff to understand if you took a moment in your ignorant lives to just read the book or just THINK about it a bit... " HAHAHA... okay Enigma... you think about it a bit. Their atmosphere explodes when exposed to any level of radiation??? Do you realize how stupid that sounds? Did you know that all objects in space are constantly bombarded with various levels of radiation, especially objects orbiting suns... like ... oh ... planets like the Psychlo homeworld. I expect fantasy in my scifi, but I also expect some adherence to natural law. Have you even seen the movie yet, you Scientology drone? If you don't pay to see it at least twice, don't they throw you out of the church and take away your little pyramid hat?

  • July 1, 2000, 8:15 p.m. CST

    Whoa Nellie!

    by jt_wister

    Yessum, the flick did suck loudly due to the crappy dialog and less than acceptable FX like the sausage fingers and Gene Simmons boots. What a joke! Where you get off ragging on someone for their religion beats the fuck outta me. I've never been much on standard religion myself, but your right to decide what toliet you drink out of is just as important as someone else's decision to do what they want with their life and what they beleive in. Who gives a fuck ? I thought this was a movie review site. Apparently it's also a vehicle to slam the personal rights and beliefs of others.

  • Sept. 14, 2000, 1:40 p.m. CST

    A WONDERFUL,WONDERFUL FILM

    by vinageddon

    THIS SCI-FI EPIC REALLY TOOK MY BREATH AWAY.BARRY PEPPER DELIEVERS A POWERHOUSE PERFORMANCE THAT WILL SURELY EARN HIM AN OSCAR FOR BEST ACTOR NEXT YEAR. FORGET 2001 AND BLADERUNNER.THE FUTURE OF SCI-FI HAS ARRIVED, THE NAME IS BATTLEFIELD EARTH! !V!

  • July 31, 2001, 5:58 p.m. CST

    BattleField Earth

    by Seussie

    While i totally agree with the assessment of BattleField Earth, I feel the writer neglected to mention what an astonishing job Barry Pepper did with the material he had to work with. I will be watching this actor in the future.. (if he gets a better agent, that is.. sigh)

  • June 28, 2004, 9:36 p.m. CST

    LAST!

    by Darth Schlong