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Several Reviews from the Wednesday BATTLEFIELD EARTH screenings... NOW UPDATED

Gee Whiz geeks, I wanted this to be at least GOOD, but...

Father Geek read a version of the BattleField Earth script about 2 years ago and it rocked so I was hoping all the badness we have been hearing about was just sourgrapes BS. I went and saw it tonight at Austin's Cinemark Barton Creek with Quint and The Mouth, and... well, shit it is just STUPID, not funny stupid, but incompedent stupid. I loved most of the visuals, but to this longtime(45 years at least) Science Fiction fan the story, the backbone of any film just didn't cut it. Not even close! One giant plot hole after another. Jumbled editing, horrific camera setups, muted colors, and a score that reminded me of Klaus Doldinger's great Das Boot but mixed up with some insane Nash Bridges tracks. How bad was it? Well, the professional Comicbook artist (who watches most anything) sitting next to me got up and left about 20 minutes from the end, he wasn't the only one. Here's what some others thought...

Howdy, Folks! It's amazing how far you can get by approaching the Will Call desk & dropping the name of a film's producer. It got my two friends and I right into the Wolrd Premiere screening of "Battlefield Earth" at MANN'S Chinese Theatre right here in good 'ol Hollywood.

Now we've all read the reviews and we all have our opinions already, so I won't dwell on the movie itself except to say it could have been worse (or could it?) If only everything wasn't shot at such an irritatingly harsh angle. .. and c'mon: suspension of disbelief is what movies are all about but ya gotta keep it logical at least.

Anyway, back to what I was saying; the crowd seemed lively enough. In attendance we the usual suspects associated with Elie Samaha & company: Sylvester Stallone, Tia Carrere (chatting happily with now-ex-husband Samaha,) etc... Mr. Travolta showed up late, after the seventh or eighth dimming of the lights, and he had a seat to my left. Apparantly, he thought we was quite hilarious in the film, in which he did a very good impersonation of Tom Cruise's vampire Lestat, as he laughed out loud several times, disturbing the silence. And at the approriate "pump up the audience" dramatic speeches in the film, he initiated several rounds of applause.

I have to give the man credit. He tried, right? And he got the film made. Which is more than most of us can say. But one would think he would have checked the script before proceeding... whoops. Here I go again.

After the show, we proceeded to the Sunset Room for the after-party where we ran into Forrest Whitaker (a class act all the way and the best part of the film,) and Quentin Tarantino (loud & obnoxious... and what the hell has HE been up to lately?)

The various 'insiders' I managed to speak to and/or eavesdrop on gave away all you need to know: if this film doesn't make $50 million, then Elie and friends are sunk. And the fact everyone we asked "How'd ya like the movie" just sort of smiled, nodded, then in a low voice said "It's really bad, isn't it?" ain't a good sign. One of Elie's employees was heard to say "This should appeal to nine year old boys." If this thing doesn't open at over $15 million...

After partaking in a few libations and a healthy plate of buffet, my fellow sneak & I took our leave, handing a couple extra party tickets to some homeless people on the way out. A friend of mine had said he would not pay a dime to see this film and we were quite happy, in the end, to have instead cos t them money by attending the screening and party.

Until next time,

Max Hunter... Out

Here's what our good Bishop thought about it...

Battlefield Earth by The Bishop Don "Mack" Donald

Based on the science fiction best-seller by L. Ron Hubbard, BATTLEFIELD EARTH should be only viewed as John Travolta’s HUDSON HAWK. A boorish vanity film with little to no discernible storyline and a complete lack of finesse, EARTH is only entertaining when viewed as a vehicle for Travolta’s ego.

Set in the year 3000, BATTLEFIELD EARTH tells the story of Johnny (SAVING PRIVATE RYAN’s Barry Pepper), a "man-animal" who is captured by The Psychlos. The Psychlos are a race of evil (?) aliens who have taken over the planet, enslaved all the humans, and are sucking Earth’s natural resources dry. Terl (John Travolta), a Psychlo security chief, senses the possibilities that the resilient Johnny holds and trains him to act out his evil doings. But as Johnny learns the Psychlo ways, he begins to organize a resistance with the other "man-animals" in an attempt to take back the planet Earth. It’s a shame that MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 was canceled, because this film could not have been a better choice to be roasted by that brilliant show.

When I say "evil" aliens, I cannot fully confirm any devious behavior. The story suggests their depraved qualities, and certainly the great character design by Patrick Tatopoulos has a nice corrupt look to it. It’s too bad the Psychlos are more like characters out of DILBERT than a true evil force. The characters spend countless time whining about promotions, impressing the "home office", and working overtime for the corporation that the Psychlos operate for. This is the evil race that took over the Earth? I felt more threatened by Terl’s codpiece than by his incessant workplace complaining. Scenes of the aliens getting drunk in the neighborhood bar and using rather elementary technology (spy cameras?) to blackmail each other are pointless and laughable. Travolta and Co. do a very poor job making the Psychlos the huge threat we are supposed to believe they are.

The first mistake was hiring B-movie director Roger Christian to helm this film. Having long ago cut his teeth in low budgets and poor talent, Christian continues this fine tradition with EARTH. While attempting to mount a grand science fiction spectacle that doesn’t come around much any more, he instead delivers warm Sci-Fi Channel leftovers filmed with an impossible-to-comprehend-just-what-the-hell-is-going-on green and black color scheme and maddening use of "dutch" angles. The man only knows slow motion and glass breaking, and we are asking him to retrieve narrative coherency and decent performances? Christian is a noisemaker, and EARTH raises quite a ruckus.

Try as they might - and both try very hard - both Travolta and Pepper cannot do much with the lame material. Supposedly based on a highly regarded (some say the highest) science fiction novel, the screenwriter Corey Mandell does very little to fashion the 1000+ page book into a playable film. The dialog ranges from bad to worse ("Ratbrain" being a popular put-down), and the action is so erratic, director Christian is forced to rely on screen-wipes to get out of every last scene. If you happen to be a nitpicker, than EARTH is the film for you. Moronic little moments involving "man animals" who learn to fly high tech jets in a day, find Tennessee and Texas with dexterity you don’t find in people who have spent their lives living in Colorado caves; and a subplot involving gold that makes the mind boggle at all the little odds and ends the filmmakers just didn’t care to explain.

The only real bright spot in BATTLEFIELD EARTH is watching Travolta and co-star Forrest Whitaker walk around in their platform boots. Portraying supposedly 9 foot aliens, both actors wobble awkwardly around in footwear that would make KISS sweat bullets. It’s that kind of unprofessionalism that makes EARTH more campy than I’m sure Travolta was intending.

It’s tough to take anything in EARTH seriously, especially when the filmmakers haven’t. Whatever joy Travolta found in this material over the last 20 years of trying to get this film made has obviously not made it up onto the screen. It’s a real shame that such a talented and charismatic actor armed with ripe and expansive material could not hire the right people to make the film work. As it stands, every summer movie season has to have one big, expensive flop. BATTLEFIELD EARTH sure seems like the entry for this summer. 1/10

Now for a comment from Mr. Stinky...

Mister Stinky here from cloudy Los Angeles. I'm a new but dedicated disciple of your church of sanity. I had to write, because my sanity is quickly slipping away after attending a press screening of BATTLEFIELD EARTH in Century City last night.

Is John Travolta nuts? Yes, we know he's a Scientologist, but is he crazy too? After a string of post-PULP FICTION successes he was due for a good, career-threatening mistake, and here it is. BATTLEFIELD EARTH is clearly a movie that should never have been made; if this is any indication L. Ron Hubbard's mastery of the sci-fi genre, Hollywood should stick to William Gibson and P.K. Dick adaptations instead. This movie is an abomination of mythical proportions, derivative on every level, with a script that reeks of dialogue that was probably written by nine-year-olds. Travolta and Forrest Whitaker are absolutely terrible -- Travolta's high-pitched, squeaky voice just doesn't work for this villain (altho I admit, I bought him when he played the baddie in FACE/OFF), and Whitaker's character is a one-dimensional dumbass. There are rip-offs of good movies like PLANET OF THE APES and STAR WARS, and even bad ones like INDEPENDENCE DAY, and every shot is filmed with the camera turned ! cockeyed to one side (I left the theater with a stiff neck from trying to compensate). This movie would never have been made without Travolta, and now maybe some HOllywood suits will re-think this kind of vanity star project. The only chance I give this piece of excrement is as a cult camp classic worthy of MST3K-style lambasting. If this thing cracks the Top 10, credit it to all those Dianetics loons who no doubt will fill up the seats. AAAAAAARGH!

Mister Stinky

Now some words from Zeta...

This is my first submitted review but hopefully it won't be my last.

I just saw Battlefield Earth tonight at a screening here in San Anto, just down I-35 from all of you in Austin.

But before I get to trashing this movie I want to preface my comments by saying that I am a big sci-fi fan. Since early childhood. So I have a good amount of reference material to base this comparison on.

I also want to say that I watch a lot of other movies, from different genres. So I come into a movie with a critical eye based on these other movies, obviously, as well as my own lived experiences.

My expectations for Battlefield Earth were already very low. I had seen a couple of the trailers and clips on some of the late night shows and didn't find anything too exciting about them.

Still, I wanted to enter with an open mind. It was a free showing so I knew I wouldn't be upset about wasting $15.00 (me + date) on a lousy movie.

Little did I know it would be so bad.

Galaxy Quest was more of an epic. honestly.

Most of you know the story by now. There's this guy who has to save the world from the evil psyclos, bla bla bla, they kick him around for a while, finally he arms the rest of the humans and they win the battle.

The acting was terrible. I did not care for any of the human characters and found Travolta and the rest to be equally uninspired. Actually, they reminded me in many ways of GWAR wannabe's, with silly haircuts and unintentionally humorous grunting sounds. Watch the way they try to walk with the platform boots. Look closely at the face of the bartender to see where they attached the fake hair. Listen to the music they play in the bar: grunting set to a beat.

Unfortunately, the movie as a whole does not provide that much to laugh about. Most of the intentional jokes fall flat, or are real groaners. The direction is flat, with an overemphasis on the amazing effect of slow motion shots over and over again, so that by the time of the climatic finale all the drama was gone-only because we already saw slow-motion shots of our hero riding a horse, eating food, running from the psyclos. The director's lack of creativity in staging his shots is appalling. Almost every scene is shot from an angle: head shots, establishing shots, pov shots. I found myself at an angle most of the movie trying to make sense of what he was doing.

Don't expect special effects or an incredible, breathtaking battle scene either. While the buildup is long and promises little, the end result is even less.

In a word: Dull. Dull. Dull. I cannot remember the last time I saw a movie this bad in a theater.

As far as my comments about coming into a movie with a critical eye.

I enter motion pictures with an expectation that what I am about to watch will present an alternate reality, a reflection of reality, or a vision of a transformative reality. In other words, watching the Matrix I was impressed how the vision of the future was one of empowerment and potential. I was also pleased that they included Blacks and women as important characters. That is one vision of a transformative reality. On the other hand, watching something like The Green Mile was disappointing in this sense because as a reflection of reality (with clearly fantastic elements) it based itself on a premise that I could not find believable. No, not a Christ-like figure. rather, the benevolent, happy-go-lucky guards running death row. In this regards, Battlefield Earth was very problematic. Pay attention to the way that race and gender are portrayed in this vision of the future. Ever notice how future worlds are all white? The only discernible Black humans are killed off without uttering a word. And yes, Forrest Whitaker does play a prominent role, but again, think about what sort of role he plays: the dupe, the patsy, someone who is manipulated by Travolta's character or by Jonnie.

Now take a look at the gender roles in the movie. At the beginning, Johnnie prevents his wife? from joining him on his quest to see what is out in the world. At first his statement was very typical of the 'heroic male'-but he tried to save face, telling her that she was better able to take care of herself than most men, which is why she had to stay home. Imagine if the republicans used this brand of Y3K feminism! I can see it how: "honey, it's not that I think you can't have a career, it's just that you are better than me at it which is why you should stay home and take care of the children." In comparison, the Psyclos are not any different, they're just more upfront about how they view the psyclo women. In other words, a thousand years into the future and men (humans and aliens) are still the same. Think about the statement that Fight Club made about manhood. Think about what American Beauty was saying. Even the conflicting message about the roles of men and women in Star Wars.

Cinema has the ability to alter our perceptions of our social reality, or present them in such a way that we are aware of their existence. Instead of taking a progressive or even active stance in this direction, Battlefield Earth merely rehashes conventional norms. Unfortunately, intellectually, I found this film to be as disappointing as it was boring.

Call me Zeta.

And here's another brief look at this flick...

Enigma Boy here. Tonight, Wednesday, I caught a screening of BATTLEFIELD EARTH at the UA Galaxy in San Francisco. Now, I know you're gonna get a tidal wave of reviews to this screening, so I'll keep it fairly short so you can combine them or something.

Here's a description of Hollywood's newest sci-fi film: Think of a mixture between THE POSTMAN and SOLDIER. Add an annoying villain who cackles the whole movie (à la Power Rangers), the tedious narrative nature of I DREAMED OF AFRICA, a bit of scientology, and all the bad parts of JOHNNY MNEUMONIC. You now have a detailed description of everything found in BATTLEFIELD EARTH. In other words, this movie was PRETTY GODAMN AWFUL!!

I wanted to like this movie, I really did. I knew it was going to be stupid, but it might have been fun. This film, unfortunately, is an embarrassing mess. Here's another vivid description of this movie for you readers to ponder: remember the clip Harry put up last month of John Travolta on Leno? Remember the scene he showed with Kelly Preston about the enlarged penis and the long tongue? That's one of the highlights of the movie, if you can believe it.

You might want to see this movie for laughs, and there are plenty of those, 90% unintentional, of course. For instance (and this is in the preview if you want to view it), Barry Pepper, the hero, says, "I say we take this one chance.AND FAAAARRTTTT!" Of course, he's actually saying FIGHT!, but it comes off so poorly that it can only be taken in the wrong way.

Roger Christian, the director, shoots this movie like he was drunk and on crack. Almost every single shot is at an angle! AAAAAAAAAGGHHHH!!

In other words, I hated this movie (although it's a bit livelier than I DREAMED OF AFRICA, thank God).

Signing off, Enigma Boy

And here's one final opinion...

Oh My god, Dr.Jizzum here in San Diego and tonight I got passes to Battlefield Earth and said "Hey What the Hey!" I was not expecting much but I had no idea it was going to be close to Chinese Water Torture, after the 60 minute mark, I had to book it dano, out of the jam packed theater, I was not the only one. 20 minutes into the film, two teenage girls walked out, never to be heard from again.... 35 minute mark....Three people, two guys and one girl walked out...also never to be heard from again....45 minute mark....a guy in front of me got up like he had to take a hurried piss, gone daddy gone, then at 60 minute mark, I felt as though I was going to wilt away and die...ever feel like that during a really bad movie, like the oxygen was gone and it was damned to purgatory if you did not high tail it out of there!

Not since Waterworld or The Avengers did I get this feeling....The movie was a MESS! M...E....S....S.....MESS! Not Only did every shot look like a Nike commercial with the humans running with a angle, Every other Shot was John Travolta's stupid evil laugh...Forest look like a bloated eclair....and Miss Kelly Preston should hook up with La Toya Jackson and practice tongue exercises! This was one of the worst films to splash across the screen like barf in a long time!

It wasn't even campy fun, it was dumb, lame, incomprehensible, and the worst torture anyone can ever endure to mankind, I would be embarressed to invite my friends to this one!

Avoid like the plague!

Dr. Jizzum

I think that's enough of this for a single sitting...

Father Geek out

Readers Talkback
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  • May 11, 2000, 1:23 a.m. CST

    "incompedent stupid"....verbal irony?

    by Niiiice

    Was there ever any doubt this would suck?

  • May 11, 2000, 1:40 a.m. CST

    How many different ways can they tell us this is bad?

    by Zeno

    And it does sound pretty bad. Not "Nightfall" bad. More like "Phantom Menace" bad.

  • May 11, 2000, 1:42 a.m. CST

    Ok, maybe "Nightfall" bad

    by Zeno

    I've reconsidered. Poor Travolta.

  • May 11, 2000, 2:05 a.m. CST

    It's not all bad...

    by zerorez

    ...yeah, and a case and a vicadin make it better. www.xemu.com

  • May 11, 2000, 2:11 a.m. CST

    Political diatribe passes as a review now?

    by Tom1234

    Zeta, you are reviewing a bullshit science fiction piece of fluff. There are many appropriate and relevant issues to address in such nonsense, perhaps even a few sociopolitical ones. However, the insertion of your trite, pseudo intellectual deconstruction of the "social implications" of an insignificant film smacks of obtuse and false pedagogy. Your insights are neither special nor well reasoned. Keep on doing it of course, that is your right. But know that it only serves to make you appear the fool. This isn't a venue for your political views. Or is it? If it is then I retract.

  • May 11, 2000, 2:17 a.m. CST

    It's laughin' time

    by Robin Goodfellow

    As perverse as it is, I'm still willing to see this movie for pure schlock value. Movies pretending to be important that fall flat on their pretentions are the best to see on a boring day. This will be the movie to sneak into with a big group of friends to rag on from opening credits to the last scene. Perverse, I know, but fun when there ain't much else to do. It will be shocking to see if this movie actually hits #1 at the box office this weekend. If it does, it proves that a) there are more scientologists than I thought there were and b) John Travolta has more relatives than I thought. Oh well, at least it's just a few more weeks to "MI:2" and "Shanghai Noon." Laters. If this shadow has offeneded, think but this and all is mended. One word: plastics.

  • May 11, 2000, 2:21 a.m. CST

    whats funny is

    by brush420

    Every complaint (such as the use of ratbrain and the stoogian antics of the psychlos) is IN the book! The book is fucking terrible and it sounds like the movie is a very close adaptation. I'm dead serious, the psychlo's are really this dumb in the book. The really do use spy camera's and Terl always calls Tyler animal or ratbrain. This is one time I wish they had strayed from the source.

  • May 11, 2000, 2:22 a.m. CST

    Dick Sprang is dead...

    by Jackass

    This is off topic, but we have lost one of the all-time great comic book artists: Dick Sprang. Goddamn it!!!! Now this movie is really going to suck.

  • May 11, 2000, 2:24 a.m. CST

    Yes, this was that bad!

    by Lenny Nero

    Saw an SF screening at UA Galaxy, and this is terrible! Not cool, not campy, not at all virtually redeemable. My head was in my hands throughout the whole movie. I usually don't hate films. I try to find something good in everything. No luck here. SPOILER HERE, just to talk to those who saw it. Remember when the guy who, in the climax, crashes into the dome, trying to break it, sees some random explosives underneath the dome? He takes out a bazooka out of NOWHERE, like he was pulling it out of his pocket! END SPOILER. Awful, awful movie. At least it was free.

  • May 11, 2000, 2:24 a.m. CST

    I can't WAIT to see this...

    by Kincaid2

    Boy, I need a good laugh, in this never ending kick in the nuts known as life. I just wonder if Kirstie Alley is ready for "Look Who's Talking...once again, yep, talking again, you heard me" 'cause Travolta will be dragging her butt to that set crying, "Oh, for the love of god, save my career, give me this..." He is so talented, and I really like him as an actor. However, this is just frightning. I know that shallowood (hollywood) will hold this against him and it MAKES ME SICK... I am NOT some anti - scientoligist, but if ya ring my bell at 4am, "yousa becoming de swiss cheese, okeday?" It's SO F'ING Depressing to see POOR science fiction. Star trek movies are movie toilet paper, EP1 was a slimy wet turd that crawls down your leg...you CANT ignore it but you can't wait for it to go away... I feel for the people in this. From that trailer, I can say that the only reason I will see this film is cause I HAVE NO TV, am tired of masturbating, and need a good laugh. (Moderator, I love you VERY MUCH)... be kind... Look, Johny Goodboy as a good guy name? WTF?!?!?!?!? At least Luke Skywalker is cool. Vader. Cool. Skywalker. Cool. F'ING JOHNY GOODBOY WHo's the bad guy. Frankie Not so nice guy? Crying out loud, why would Aliens travel AT LEAST 4 light years (closest star from earth) and ASSUMING ONLY they do NOT travel faster than light, wait 4 god damn years, to take our gold? WTF? "Oh, we're intelligent aliens. Hmmm, what should we do?...oh, and we're evil..." "I know, let's waste 4 years and get a substance that ONLY has value to THEIR SPECIES!" "Yeah, great, let's go..oh, and let's kill them..." "Oh, cool..." I swear to god, I will NOT be surprised if that IS in the movie... Listen, AM I THE ONLY ONE DESPARATE FOR A QUALITY MOVING, HEART WARMING, INTELLIGENT, ORIGINAL, POWERFUL TAKE YOU OUT OF YOUR WORLD SCI FI FILM? (Sorry for bold, NOT to be rude, to stand out from the GOD DAMN NEVER ENDING PARAGRAPH 'cause I can't space...) Oh, momma mia... Like a retard, I space this message, just so it turns into an illegible mess that NOBODY is reading anyway...Oh, I need a life NOW! I hope episode 2 doesn't blow chunks... Oh, and more "Confirmation" from my "inside sources" It seems that in Spiderman, and you 'heard it here first'...Aint Jamima will NOT be in Spidey as I previously reported...BUT the Pancake man is...now, he'll be fighting the evil Mrs. Butterworth played by Colin Hanks. Again, my inside sources confirmed this...This is 100% FACT UNTIL PROVEN OTHERWISE...and Anakin Skywalker will be played by Obi Wan Kenobi...it was 'confirmed'...oh, jeez, this is my life...

  • May 11, 2000, 2:28 a.m. CST

    nothing a bottle of quervo won't fix

    by brush420

    I'm still going to get incrediblly drunk and go see this. Travolta stumbling around in platforms sounds like the best damn drinking entertainment of the year. And if the dialog is as bad in the movie as it is in the book. I may laugh hard enough to end up in the emergency room.

  • May 11, 2000, 2:38 a.m. CST

    BEYOND BAD! THIS ONE IS THE MOTHER OF ALL STINKERS! TRUST ME! I

    by GEEKBASHER 3.0

    God,I had to go, I just had to go to this one tonight, no way was I going to pass up a movie that I knew was going to be bad, but MAN OH DADDY OH MAN OH SHIT! IT was so bad, it made Howard the Duck and WaterWorld look like classics...I could not comprehend what the fuck I was watching because while I was watching it, I was like, thinking, IS THIS JAM PACKED AUDIENCE taking this thing seriously? I mean after 13 people got up and walked out one by one, I knew my cue was coming, I felt trapped, suffocated! Sick and Nauseus, I ran like Lola out of the theatre and went into the gap and bought some capri pants for guys, thats how fucking bad this film was!!! WARNING: DO NOT INVITE YER FRIENDS TO THIS ONE< THEY WILL NEVER GO TO ANY MOVIES WITH YOU EVER AGAIN! p.s John Travolta really scares me after this one....and Forest Whitterker looks like a big bloated Chocolate Eclair!

  • May 11, 2000, 2:54 a.m. CST

    Only one question: was "Wing Commander" better than this?

    by MovieCrypt

    Because we really wanna know! If it was, then this film has rightly earned its place in our black hearts as the worst sci-fi wanna-be of all time... and without Freddie Prinze Jr. If we had eyes, we would weep. The Undead have spoken.

  • May 11, 2000, 3:09 a.m. CST

    Beware, America! Beware!

    by Thoughtmachine

    I just wanted to point out that this movie comes to us courtesy of a CULT! Yes, they may have a lot of members, but any religion that requires DEPROGRAMMING to quit is called a cult! Their Chicago headquarters is right down the block from me, and we hurry by, lest they make eye contact with us and chase us! This may sound paranoid, but look up some news stories on these people! They're scary! And this movie is a book by their dead leader! It is propaganda! Beware, America, beware!

  • May 11, 2000, 3:34 a.m. CST

    Battlefield my ass

    by Brock Linehan

    If this the the best effort that the collective minds of Scientology can come up with, then defenders of god etc. should chill and relax. Your dogma beats Scientology's any day.

  • May 11, 2000, 4:24 a.m. CST

    jeez lighten up wouldja

    by curtdog

    OK you f*cking people have been pissing on this movie since word of it first got out but enough is enough! F^ckin this movie has nothing to do with scientology, John Travolta is a decent actor, and the book wasn't that bad, sure, I never finished it because it was a tad dull, but what the hell the movie can't be that bad! can it? I thought the book coulda made a decent movie in the right hands but oh well... get over it!

  • May 11, 2000, 4:27 a.m. CST

    BE stank, my god how shocking!

    by AlexMars

    You know I would never have guessed that the day would come where John Travolta could top "Staying Alive" in the badness scale ("Tony, what are you going to do now you're a broadway star?" "I'm gonna strut" cue Bee-Gees). You sorta have to hold his extream lack of decision making ability in awe that he could be in two of the all time BAD movies. But you know what's sick, reading about how bad you all thought it was has made me sorta tempted to go see it, just to sorta revel in I-told-you-so-ness. Not that I needed to tell anyone, but you know what I mean..

  • May 11, 2000, 5:08 a.m. CST

    oooha ha ha ha!!!

    by thekman52

    This will go down as one of the worst films in history... Of course it sucks!!! The book was crap, the author was a criminal wanted throughout Europe, it's simply disgusting that rubbish like this gets made when so many good REAL sci-fi stories go wanting.

  • May 11, 2000, 5:27 a.m. CST

    so it's to be vicious battlefield earth talkbacks at twenty pace

    by Jon L. Ander

    maybe travolta is trying to undermine scientology from the inside. Think about it, he makes a film of the cult's bible, in which he ponces around in platform boots, a big rubber codpiece( i haven't stopped laughing since i first heard that) and wears the obligatory intergalactic dreadlocks. Result? the biggest bomb of the summer, which totally discredits the movement. Every tells the scientologists to fuck off and they suddenly become even less popular than the followers of David Koresh, if they weren't that unpopular already that is. I may see this film anyway, because there aren't that many other comedies coming out this summer....

  • May 11, 2000, 6:04 a.m. CST

    GAAAAH!! WHY, John, WHY PUNISH US LIKE THIS??

    by ol' painless

    Lets' face it folks - Revolta hasn't just screwed the pooch on this one - he's also dressed the pooch up in fishnets, a tutu, and has met the pooch's parents with this one. A diamond-hard, a-grade clanger with bells on, that's this movie. How you you argue with FOUR independent reviews dragging this celluloid bunkum through the shit in the worst way possible. This movie is a monument to the folly of pandering to one man's ego, and letting him do whatever he wants because he is a star. It's tantamount to a 7 year old handing $40 mill to a studio exec and demanding that they make a film out of this really neat picture he has drawn with crayons. Surely SOMEONE at SOME POINT in this whole terrible process suddenly thought "Fucking Hell. This entire movie is just going to be AWFUL. But if I tell John that, he'll have me fired. Better shut up and get paid. Memo to self: Ensure name does not appear in credits . . ." Ol' Painless is NOT waitin' for this one . . .

  • May 11, 2000, 6:25 a.m. CST

    Ahhh-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.............!

    by EvieLovie

    This is one of the funniest reviews I've read in a long time. I thought I was gonna pee myself when I saw the clip Travolta brought on Leno but reading this brought me down. I will certainly NOT see this movie. I just wanted to say that reading this has made my day. I too laugh at Travolta's evil Power Ranger cackle. That nailed it for me. I'm still wiping tears.

  • May 11, 2000, 6:40 a.m. CST

    What did you expect?

    by ellid

    L. Ron Hubbard was a mediocre pulp writer who either a) had a religious vision and founded a very odd religion or b) decided that the best way to get rich was to found a religion, and did so (this is what he told his editor back in the early 50s, at least). =Battlefield Earth= was a terrible book; the only "this is a classic" reviews it got were from Scientologists. In terms of SF ideas and literary style, it was a bloated version of =Planet Stories= circa 1948. There was a reason it stayed in manuscript from the late 40s, when Hubbard supposedly wrote it, and its appearance between covers. And of course, if you start with a lousy book, you're going to get a lousy movie. Travolta pushed for this one solely because he's a Scientologist and wanted to act in something by L. Ron Hubbard. Just be glad Tom Cruise skipped the opportunity to play the human hero. One more thing: this movie sucked up the money that could have gone to financing a movie based on something like =Stranger in a Strange Land= or another good SF novel. What a shame.

  • May 11, 2000, 6:44 a.m. CST

    John L. Ander, I like your optimism!

    by Dave_F

    Is it possible? Could Travolta really be trying to discredit Scientology with this colossal bomb of a movie? It's so crazy...it just might be true! Maybe this guy is far more than a hack actor who's had a couple lucky breaks. Maybe, just maybe, he's the slyest damn cult-buster of our time! I am gonna *think* about this one, Jerry!

  • Hell people, the book was a poorely written, albiet entertaining, mess too. Has anyone actually READ it? I mean hell people, it's not "Dune", or "Ender's Game", or "the Power the Preserves", or "The Uplift War", or Hell, it wasn't even "Bill the Galatic Hero"! It was juvenile garbage that would never have made the big screen if Travolta wasn't a scientologist. *sigh* looks like a crappy year for scifi flicks...

  • May 11, 2000, 7:05 a.m. CST

    This film will bomb!

    by gilmour

    This will probably be the big bomb or one of them this summer.

  • May 11, 2000, 7:09 a.m. CST

    More clips

    by benwog

    In case you missed it, I put more clips on my site. Travolta appeared Tuesday on Rosie O'Donnell and David Letterman. On Rosie JT played a clip in which Terl comes to collect gold from Johnny Goodboy. Johnny has just flown back from Fort Knox and convinces that idiot Terl that he has smelt the gold ore for him. Then on Letterman we see JT and Whittaker as drunken Psychlos, hopped up on kerbango. Listen to the amazing Bette Davis impression that Travolta does through out the film..."While you will still learning to SPELL YOUR NAME...I was being trained to CONQUER GALAXIES!" He channels Bette Davis through the entire freakin film!!! http://www.xenutv.com/us/battlefield.htm

  • Know why the "Battlefield Earth" books sold so well according to the official lists? Because the Scientologists went to the (small number of) bookstores whose sales are used to calculate best seller lists, and bought the books by the carton to pump up the sales numbers. The books were returned to the publisher--a Scientology corporation--put in new boxes and shipped back out to the stores. Expect an organized effort to get Scientologists to buy up extra ticketsto inflate the box office numbers.

  • May 11, 2000, 7:23 a.m. CST

    Eyes on the Prize

    by m2298

    Has anyone noticed the contest advertised with this film? (Grand Prize $100,000). I recall that INCHON had a similar sort of "sweepstakes" back in 1982 (I think the prize was some sort of car) That contest backfired when people began to fear that the Moonies would use the applications for recruiting new members. Will history repeat itself?

  • May 11, 2000, 7:55 a.m. CST

    "No shit, Sherlock!"

    by Uncapie

    Its like I said before, "You can't polish a turd, but if you put eyes and a tail on it, you can sell it at the snack bar." I only wish I could be at the opening day to see Jerky McJerk jettison his excrement all over the silver screen. Somehow, I don't think he'll be the only one though.

  • May 11, 2000, 8:15 a.m. CST

    Wow, this movie dosn't sound too good...

    by Grease Munkee

    Just a little pattern I am noticing, that's all.

  • May 11, 2000, 8:20 a.m. CST

    HERE'S A BOOK THAT SHOULD BE MADE INTO A MOVIE!!!

    by SkyKing76

    'Forever War'! I loved that damn book. Maybe they'll be able to do it right, rather than butcher it like they did 'StarShip Troopers'.

  • May 11, 2000, 8:22 a.m. CST

    Now there's a photo opportunity . . .

    by ol' painless

    Thanks, Uncapie. Now I've got the picture in my head of 400 people at the theatre turned around, touching toes, ass-up, and voiding contents of bowel right across Revolta's face. Mind you, at least it replaces the image of him in 9-foot kiss boots, and Forrest looking like a giant eclair. BTW, All Hail The McJerk!! Your disciples will cleanse the earth with our Brown Cables of Death!!

  • May 11, 2000, 8:24 a.m. CST

    The Avengers was not a BAD movie!!

    by darius25

    I mean why do you guys hate the movie so much ? I mean, the show was MUCH better but the movie itself was not so horrendous like Batman & Robin. Ok, Uma's no Mrs. Peel but I think Ralph Fiennes did pretty good as Steed, and the plot was supposed to be campy and over the top. Connery was awesome as the over the top villain, it was SUPPOSED to be that way, with the mother and father and the clone,etc.. I LOVE the show, but the movie was pretty good as well, I've seen it 4 times on DVD (plus twice in theatres) and it just keeps getting better - Connery in a teddy bear suit LOL!!! Atleast it wasn't as horrible as WC, Rules of Engagement, Anna and the King, etc.

  • May 11, 2000, 8:32 a.m. CST

    "McJerkatology"- a new science-religion!

    by Uncapie

    I think this could lead to something! Woo-hoo! Where do I sign up?

  • May 11, 2000, 8:34 a.m. CST

    And the Green one wept

    by Big Green Man

    For he saw that it would make a prophet . . . . Sorry, I meant profit. Face it guys and gals, BE may suck like a black hole, it may possibly be the biggest cult sponsored movie since Inchon, might have been based on a book written by a warped individual with questionable literary talents, star a man who was box office poison for over a decade until he surfed back to stadom as the worst actor in a cult film (PF) which hit the cultural-zeitgeist of the time, have been directed by a DTV master of crud, and generally be a terrible waste of time, money, celluloid, actors, technicians, marketing personnel, theatre staff, projectionists, electricity, pop-corn, air, space in the cosmos, basic matter. BUT (here's the point) This sucker will make a profit. A big one. It will do zero business in the USA (with a bit of luck, but not that I care since I'm safe in Blighty), zero business in the UK (small place across the Atlantic (big watery thing off East Coast)) and zero business everywhere else that sanity prevails. It will however, have been pre-sold up the ying-yang to a huge bunch of suckers, and with merchandising, video rights, etc, etc, will make MONEY!!!! So for all you praying for the fall of Scientology off the back of this, and Travolta's final fall from mis-placed grace after too many lucky escapes (Michael anybody?) then I feel you will be disappointed. After all Brucey recovered from Hudson Hawk didn't he? So BE may be utter crap, another Avengers for the Summer, but no one is going to be consigned to the outer darkness for it. Excuses will be found, the cannon fodder director will be blamed, damage limitation will be run. By this time next year all will be forgotten and the only positive thing we the public will get from it is that there will no sequels. That is the way it has always been and always will be. That's Hollywood for you. . . Here endeth the lesson!!

  • May 11, 2000, 8:52 a.m. CST

    Anyone who says "The Avengers" wasn't that bad...

    by Smilin'Jack Ruby

    ...is on crack. "The Avengers" made virtually NO cohesive sense whatsoever. If I hadn't read a lot about the movie beforehand and sifted through a few explanations, I never would've figured out what the hell the real plot was supposed to be. Yes, maybe Fiennes wasn't too bad in it, but that doesn't mean the movie was worth a shit. I still can't account for some of the absolutely ridiculous directorial decisions made in that disaster. What the hell were they thinking? As for "Battlefield: Earth," the critics may savage the hell out of it, but Middle America may still wander into the theater to see it and don't discount the power of a church that sends it's folks in droves to buy up thousands of copies of "Dianetics" just to put it on the best-seller list.

  • May 11, 2000, 9:02 a.m. CST

    Don't care what you people say...I liked it!

    by jsp2000

    Man, I am in the minority here. I've seen this movie twice- on Tuesday and Wednesday nights (my friend is a projectionist at the theater), and I think it's a fun movie. I don't understand what more you could want. Up front, I'll say, this movie is not brain surgery. Yes, there are tons of plot holes, and yes, the acting is cheesy at times, but the movie is still fun! The effects are awesome! The sound is tremendous! Having never read the book, I was enthralled by the story, and can't wait to find out what happens next! I think you people ask too much out of movies sometimes. Not every movie is going to be groundbreaking like The Matrix, or Fight Club. Those two movies are AWESOME, and BE is not nearly as good as them. At the same time, BE is not bad. I think, in many cases, people have a bad idea about this movie before they see it because the advertising is terrible, and they think it's full of scientology propaganda. Well, yes, the ad campaign has been terrible, and does this movie no justice at all. But, it's not about scientology at all. It's the perfect eye candy, summer action movie. If you don't see it, well, you'll just be missing out.

  • May 11, 2000, 9:03 a.m. CST

    Man, why's everybody gotta pick on Hudson Hawk?

    by L0raX

    I LOVE that movie! My roomate and I once got lit, blew off all out classes,and whatched it 5 times in one day. Beats the crap outta any Pink Panther movie I ever saw.

  • May 11, 2000, 9:04 a.m. CST

    Where'd The Scientologists Go?

    by mrbeaks

    They were all over these talkbacks when the movie was a safe month away, but now they're nowhere to be found. Are they lining up at the Mann's, or are they attending some mass auditing session?

  • May 11, 2000, 9:06 a.m. CST

    "The Forever War"

    by Dave_F

    SkyKing76 is dead right in wanting to see Haldeman's classic adapted. What's great about "The Forever War" is that it'd be a good entry point for a lot of Joe Average-types into some serious science-fiction. War is a universally approachible topic no matter what the era. God, the book gets pretty bizarre toward the end though, doesn't it? I'd fucking love to see it adapted though.

  • May 11, 2000, 9:34 a.m. CST

    For the love of Hubbard's rotting corpse!

    by Pippins_Diamond

    If these reviews are accurate, then what are the Scientologists waiting for?? Just slap the word "Comedy" over this flick and let it be the FUNNIEST GODDAMN THING OF THE CENTURY! Johnny Goodboy? That name alone is enough to bring tears to my eyes when uttered! These B:E TBs are even more enjoyable than the TPM ones, BTW. Which brings me to another matter: You fools! Can you not see? If Lucas said he loved this moovie it's because he truly does! And you know why? Because compared to this, TPM is an amazing MASTERPIECE! "Yeah, John, go show your (POS) clips across America, this is great! Even better than my Star Wars saga, just like your overlord Hubbard commanded!" "Dum dum dum, really George? Gee, thanks! Then I will!"

  • May 11, 2000, 9:45 a.m. CST

    P.S.

    by Pippins_Diamond

    Heck yeah, where are all the Scientologists? I miss them! They're so much fun! The bad part is I actually feel sorry for them... And for Travolta... and for Travolta's codpiece for that matter...

  • May 11, 2000, 9:47 a.m. CST

    Mr. Cranky: BE one of the worst movie ever made

    by xenu

    "Battlefield Earth" is one of the worst films ever made. It's that simple. It's "Plan 9 From Outer Space" made with 60 million dollars. Had Ed Wood actually made it, people would expect an apology. When the cultural impact of this fiasco finally sinks in, John Travolta will be lucky if he can get a job plucking the gray hairs out of Ron Palillo's ass. http://www.mrcranky.com/movies/battlefieldearth.html

  • It was SHOWGIRLS BAD!!

  • May 11, 2000, 10:27 a.m. CST

    I found one, I found one!!

    by leescratchperry

    Sniff, sniff . . . AHA! You say there are no Scientologists here? I say there IS, and my mighty $cieno-bullshit-detector system has detected one. JSP2000

  • May 11, 2000, 11 a.m. CST

    Jar Jar Travolta!

    by Agent23

    <sigh>. I hope he gets Space Herpies!

  • May 11, 2000, 11:06 a.m. CST

    CYBERTOOTH!!!! That was about the funniest...

    by KingMenthol

    fucking shit I ever read. God I could just see shitpipe-sucking Leno having a lame-ass conversation with JT. Wait a second, come to think of it, I already did! About a month ago I think that dialogue was pretty close to Leno's interview. Then they showed the scene with Forrest and Kelly Preston (tongue scene) and I sincerely sprained my diaphragm with laughter. I KNEW this movie would suck horribly. I have these premonitions about bad movies, like Charlie's Angels. Shit, if that teaser ain't the hokeyest goddamn thing I've EVER seen, worse than John Leguizamo in Spawn, then I ain't smokin' Newports. It's time for Hollywood to ask itself: "WTF are we doing out here?" Stop sucking on the Academy's teet and think for a fucking second before greenlighting dogmatic, nostalgic, and generally pooptastic movies. If you want to make popcorn movies, cool. Just make 'em good. I'll be in line for MI2. It's the King, y'all, just tryin' to keep it Minty Fresh and Alive with Pleasure.

  • May 11, 2000, 11:13 a.m. CST

    I think I was going through B:E Talkback withdrawal!

    by LSHB

    In a way I'm said this film will drop out of the theaters so fast some showings will be cut off in mid screening as studio hirelings charge into the projection booth, rip the reels from the projector and toss them into a nearby garbage can along with a lit match. Hollywood makes a lot of bad films, but rarely does it make a film so tremendously awful in every facet in which it was purposefully created. How many more B:E talkbacks will we get? 2? 1? Is this the last? The Flames that burn twice as bright burn half as long...

  • May 11, 2000, 11:14 a.m. CST

    Gimme a break

    by admgloval

    Man, some of you people must think you're real "intelligent" with your witty comments you make about movies but half the time you come off sounding like freaking retards. From what I've read of some of those reviews it sounds like the actors pretty much nailed the Psychlo's perfectly. If most of you people had bothered to read the book (which I thought was kind of strange but enjoyed it anyways) you would see that the Psychlos's were always trying to get "leverage" and were always spying on each other and that most of the book was tongue-in-cheek also! I am looking forward to seeing it now because I figured it would be nothing like the book. And no I do not support Scientology or any religion or cult for that matter because organized religion is for weak-minded people that can't think for themselves if you ask me. Anyways, quit your whiny complaining and let people make a decision for themselves. I'm just waiting for the damn Duke Nukem movie to come out, that movie would kick all assess everywhere, Brian Bosworth is Duke!!

  • May 11, 2000, 11:16 a.m. CST

    Word for the Day

    by ziranova

    Gawd, I love this site. Especially Talkback (thanks for making my Thursday morning hilarious). OK, now my .02 worth. I am not going to see this movie. I don't have to step in shiit to know I'm walking down a horsepath. This reminds me of a friend of mine who insisted on seeing Mission to Boredom even though he knew the critics called it a stink-fest. He said, "I'm still going to see it." (Kind of like me going to see Blair Witch Project twice, hoping the 2nd time around it would be good). Anyway, we still laugh about him paying full price for that bomb. One thing I will say about BE is that at least I've added a new word to my vocabulary -- Codpiece. lol

  • May 11, 2000, 11:17 a.m. CST

    Yeah, where are all the zombie Co$ posters?

    by monkeylucifer

    What's the matter guys, are you too busy auditing yer thebans, or whatever you do to brainwa......er I mean, achieve uhm, Hubbardness I guess. To quote the late great Edward G. Robinson "Where's your messiah now!?"

  • May 11, 2000, 11:24 a.m. CST

    JSP2000 (Insert Donald Sutherland Body Snatcher scream here)

    by Grond

    JSP2000 You $cientologist Mutha f*cka! You ratbrained man-animal of the highest order! I think I hear your auditor calling you, he wants his e-meter back. You better take it out of your rectum and give it back.

  • May 11, 2000, 11:35 a.m. CST

    RE: jsp2000

    by mrbeaks

    Otterbein is a breeding ground for Scientologists. Don't trust a word this poster says. His will has been sapped by Father Hubbard.

  • May 11, 2000, 11:46 a.m. CST

    I WILL OBEY..............

    by jsp2000

    .....and agree with all other talkbackers....I must not form opinion of my own.....must hate Battlefield Earth.....must deny my own opinions and feelings.....HAIL FATHER HUBBARD!!!!! (Just kidding, although I wouldn't be suprised if Otterbein was a scientology breeding ground. Seriously, though, do you even know where Otterbein is? Now, don't use a search engine to look. Hey, usually I agree with most of you 100% on movies. But here, I don't. Before I saw this movie, I was dead set into thinking it totally sucked. To me, it didn't. Maybe that's just because I was expecting nothing. I shutter to think, though, that the talkbacks would begin to hate me or my school simply because I like a particular movie. And I don't even know any scientologists!!!!!)

  • May 11, 2000, 12:17 p.m. CST

    The 90s version of Rocky Horror Picture Show.

    by superninja

    There you have it. That's my prediction. Ten years into the future, there will be midnight screenings with middle-aged men in platform boots and hair extensions.

  • May 11, 2000, 12:30 p.m. CST

    Scientology is Satanism in disguise...

    by looking-for-love

    Geez, this movie is the stinker of all time. No really. Showgirls or Supernova was better. Anyway...Scientology is Satanism in disguise...

  • May 11, 2000, 12:34 p.m. CST

    I'm going to adopt the new, and quite appropriate spelling of $c

    by superninja

    Yes, my good 'ol uncle is an ex-member. You won't believe the lengths they will go to control their image in the press. If you have ANY kind of influence in Hollywood, they will try to destroy you if you say one nasty thing about them -- not unlike the Psychlos. Surveillance, manipulation...I just had a thought. Is it not interesting that every time there has been a rumor about Cruise leaving the "church" that a tabloid says he's "gay" or that his marriage is on the rocks or some other little tidbit? Makes me wonder if the Hubbardite$ are feeding the media as blackmail. Wouldn't be surprised.

  • May 11, 2000, 12:50 p.m. CST

    Harry Potter?

    by movieManiac

    if they're out to ruin good books by making bad movies out of them, they might as well ruin LOTR while they're at it. Another book they could ruin is the Harry potter series...the series begs for big screen translation and anyone whos read them will know how much potential its got for raking in the money. i wonder how much time it'll take for someone to start making a Harry potter movie...perhaps when the 4th book goes head to head with Mario Puzo's Omerta and comes out on top!

  • May 11, 2000, 12:51 p.m. CST

    JSP2000

    by Evil McSatan

  • May 11, 2000, 12:51 p.m. CST

    JSP2000

    by Evil McSatan

    Don't worry. I don't think you're a Scientologist. I just think you have incredibly shitty taste.

  • May 11, 2000, 12:53 p.m. CST

    A toast for Battlefield Earth

    by Dolemite

    Travolta may stink, Battlefield Earth will drown in red ink. Dolemite's gonna pass, or i'll put my Hush Puppies up yo' ASS!!!

  • May 11, 2000, 1:24 p.m. CST

    One positive thing about the movie.

    by ShyDavid

    One (and only one) positive thing about the movie: it's not as bad as the book! Uh, gee. Will the Church of Scientology forge a bomb threat in my name for writing that?

  • May 11, 2000, 1:24 p.m. CST

    Has anybody else seen Travolta plugging this movie away like a s

    by pigman2000

    Travolta's been on almost every imaginable TV show promoting this ... movie. I even saw him on Much Music and MTV. I hate it when actors making millions try to tell Americans to spend their hard-earned money on the horrible crap they make. By going on every possible TV show, Travolta's only telling us one thing - this movie will suck like a shop vac.

  • May 11, 2000, 1:28 p.m. CST

    Anyone else hear the "B.E" radio commercials? Whats that loud wh

    by Luke_Cage

    Is it subliminal messaging? It sounds like a bad transmission to me. Anyways, It sounds like this movie is a disturbing a sight as Travolta's shaved ape physique from "Pulp Fiction".

  • May 11, 2000, 1:40 p.m. CST

    Luke_Cage -- my thoughts exactly.

    by superninja

    I wonder if they did it as a joke. You know there are people alleging that BE is filled with propoganda and whatnot. Whatever it was, it was sure as hell annoying.

  • May 11, 2000, 1:55 p.m. CST

    If somebody doesn't stop Jerky McJerk...

    by KingMenthol

    I'm going to shit myself from laughter... Oops. Too late.

  • May 11, 2000, 1:57 p.m. CST

    Speaking of Jerks...heheheh...

    by superninja

    Whatever happened to The Warrior? I miss his diatribes? Jerky is picking up the slack, but damned if I don't miss my daily dose of "See you in Hell".

  • May 11, 2000, 2:23 p.m. CST

    BE An Unnatural Disaster

    by ShyDavid

    With audience members absquatulating (look it up) out of the movie theaters left and right, will John "Yes It's A Strap-on" Travolta feel the clue-by-four thudding sharply between his eyes long enough to realize that one can put a sexy summer dress on a pig and call it your girlfriend, but under the dress it's still a pig? <p>With a book as bad as El Fraud "The Beast 666" Hubbard's <i>Battlefield Earth</i>, did he really expect a steaming pile of Hubbard's toilet leavings to smell like a rose? <p>Oh, yeah: he did. He's a Scientologist. THAT explains THAT! <p>Who is going to be RPF-ed for this unnatural disaster? Certainly not John "No It's Just Swollen From A Botched Circumcision" Travolta. Maybe send Kristy Alley: the forced labor and rice diet may do her figure some good. <p>Since John "I'm Not Gay Really I'm Not" Travolta went around the planet warning people this movie was about to be released, shouldn't he be charged with making bomb threats?! <p>http://holysmoke.org/theta.htm

  • Actually all four of them. Star Wars rules.

  • May 11, 2000, 2:42 p.m. CST

    Re: Ruby and THE AVENGERS

    by Sorcerer

    I know courtesy is rarer here than on Usenet, but still- I enjoyed the movie and wasn't on crack. I understood the plot without looking at a lot of info beforehand- what can I say, I guess I was paying attention at the right moments. Atmosphere is more important than plot anyway, and the film had just the right "anything can happen at any moment" feel, it really did remind me of the show, though it didn't reach the same heights of coolness. Fiennes was appropriately deadpan (remember, Steed is an agent who's seen everything, nothing surprises him anymore), Thurman was endearing, what can I say? Of course, the last time I put up a lengthy defense of a campy film I attracted the attention of two moronic trolls, but I shouldn't let them change who I am. Oh, and go to "www.sierra-safari.com/avengersland.html", a fansite for the film run by people who also aren't on crack.

  • May 11, 2000, 3:34 p.m. CST

    Sorcerer,

    by KingMenthol

    The first sign of a crack addict is denial.

  • May 11, 2000, 3:43 p.m. CST

    wigged out

    by ziranova

    Apparantly, the Renaissance Age gave rise (pun intended) not only to the codpiece, but another attachment known as a "merkin", which was basically a pubic toupee.

  • May 11, 2000, 3:45 p.m. CST

    A biased opinion

    by iaido

    Now, of what i know about Scientology, half of it is the William Burroughs fued with Hubbard and Burroughs complete hatred of Scientology. To this day, i have never heard a Scientologist accurateley defend his/her religion without sounding like someone with something to hide. So, i disagree with Scientology because what i know of it doesnt make sense, and its believers have never been able to explain it without sounding like they are in a cult. What is interesting, is all the fears that people spouted about Battlefield having subliminal messages in it to brainwash people. Well, seeing the hideous reviews that are pouring in, obviously those, if any, messages didnt work. I myself will never see the film, because i just doesnt seem right to see a film with a such a large connection to something i dont believe in. Its like watching a movie founded by Nazis. i've stayed away from The Omega Code because of its televangelist element. i'll skip this one too.

  • May 11, 2000, 3:58 p.m. CST

    reports can't bring up Scientology in Travolta interviews

    by Fatal Discharge

    guess he didn't want to deal with all the criticism beforehand. Then Travolta mentioned Battlefield Earth is one of the top three novels of all time according to "several respected lists". Huh? It always seemed to me very fishy that the series of ten thick Mission Earth novels appeared on bestseller lists when they came out and from the stories of manipulation I've heard I can now understand why.

  • May 11, 2000, 3:59 p.m. CST

    The Avengers was great! Too bad that repeated screenings by dum

    by superninja

    Granted, Uma was not that great, but Fiennes was PERFECT and Connery was hilarious! I love, love, love that scene where Connery is addressing the room in a kilt. The film is visually stunning, and if you read early scripts, you will see that several key scenes were edited from the film leaving huge plotholes. I would love a director's cut release of this film.

  • May 11, 2000, 4:20 p.m. CST

    TAKE THAT BACK, LOOKING-FOR-LOVE!

    by mephisto666

    Scientology is not- repeat NOT Satanism. Satanism is much more selective in it's membership. I accept only the finest sickos and film geeks to be my followers. Anyone that starred in this film, or especially 'Michael' or 'Phenomenon' is not fit to lick my cloven hooves. The Evil One has spoken...

  • May 11, 2000, 5:13 p.m. CST

    The U.K. must have this movie

    by M.C.Cann

  • May 11, 2000, 5:17 p.m. CST

    The U.K. must have this movie

    by M.C.Cann

    How I despair, sitting in my flat in Oxford, U.K. while all you lovely, lucky Americans are passing out with laughter in a pool of their own bodily fluids at the vast, freshly crimped turd that is "B.E." Please, more abuse, to send the sodden Travolta to the 666th level of the Abyss. Yes, it is a great day for cinema - and long may Hudson Hawk remain hailed as a greatly misunderstood masterpiece.

  • May 11, 2000, 5:38 p.m. CST

    I'm not an addict, baby, that's a lie...

    by Sorcerer

    I can quit watching THE AVENGERS any time I want! Sorry if I don't have much to say on the actual topic here. Maybe this movie will suck ass, personally I doubt I'll actually go and see it (though curiosity will eventually compel me to rent the video.) Still, Travolta as Krankor. There has to be SOME entertainment value there.

  • May 11, 2000, 5:59 p.m. CST

    Believe me, Sorcerer, I know what you're going thru...

    by KingMenthol

    I, too, have my afflictions in addictions: WB's Popular (I can't get enuf of Leslie Bibb), The Phantom Penis, and a little indy flick rarely seen called "Palming the Bishop". It's okay, though. We'll get through this. But Travolta won't. Not after I kick his fat ass.

  • May 11, 2000, 6:06 p.m. CST

    EEEP.

    by Jack Parsons

    Well, I knew it was going to be bad, but migod. Now, I've GOT to score some free passes in Chicago, and get butt over to see the worst movie of all time! And what was wrong with Hudson Hawk? I loved that flick. Hawk had a Spider-Man sense of humor. The DeVinci machine was silly, but come on, James Coburn kicking Willis' ass, ya gotta love it. Now, as for the u-no-hoos, I do hear that the local orgs (fake churches) are asking their members to buy blocks of tickets, to be redeemed later at the org. Tho at that point the S's will be asked to "donate" the cost to Scientology. They never miss a trick, do they? Don't worry, the movie will make 50 million. The Sci management cannot let this movie fail. They've made Hubbard a fake bestselling author, and floated a fake SF group to vote BE favorite all-time SF book! The money is being ponied up, and the marks asked to pay as well. Watch the flick make bucks the first week or two, and then sales will drop off amazingly after the Sci's stop buying tickets. Too bad concession stand sales aren't matched against ticket sales -- could be interesting. How many ticketed seats will actually be filled after the purchase?

  • May 11, 2000, 6:20 p.m. CST

    CHECK THIS OUT:

    by KingMenthol

    Is it any wonder Scientology's so shady? They bought, I mean literally purchased one of the main Cult Awareness groups in the country and shut it down. Like the poster above said, they fabricate these "facts" by buying the book en masse, and this movie will make bejesus $ in the same fashion. Bloodsuckin' Freaks.

  • May 11, 2000, 6:41 p.m. CST

    Public loves it! Hacks frantic at the thought!

    by b_right

    Some of you guys obviously didn't see the same movie I did. Man, you are over the top. I happen to know about the LA premiere, so I'll comment on that one. Unlike Mr. Hunter I didn't have to lie to get a seat. The public laughed and applauded in all the right places and were exhilarated when they left. Even the television commentators commented that everybody came out happy, with many comments that they were going to see it again. The movie is not the canned schlock we are used to seeing. Some new things were tried which really add to its flavor. The dutch camera angles worked well to create the right mood. Roger Christian's action sequences were outstanding. The lighting and the score worked brilliantly. All of the cast was outstanding, but Travolta's character was so hateful and petty, he was perfect. It seems to me some of the less discerning of the reviewers on this page are transfering the contempt and hatred Terl inspires to the performance. Hey, guys! The character IS hateful and petty. He isn't some kind of invincible monster -- except in his own mind -- Travolta nailed it dead on! I loved it! And I am definitaly going back again. One other thing. I have never seen more effort expended by a small group of people trying to make a movie fail. I'd say you guys went way over the top on this one, though. It is going to be seen by lots and lots of people who will love it.

  • May 11, 2000, 7:25 p.m. CST

    Did I say Hacks?

    by b_right

    Hey guys. Everybody on this board who has written a best selling novel please step to the right of the room......Yeah, that's right, to the right of the room. Come on, there must be at least one of you....Hmm, no takers. How about this one? Everybody here who has written or directed a hit movie, please step to the right of the room.......nope nobody here like that, either. Not surprising. I guess Austin's bustling entertainment industry seems to be missing something -- besides objectivity and artistic sense, that is.

  • May 11, 2000, 8:38 p.m. CST

    b__right

    by jsp2000

    You rule man. I totally agree with you. I love this site, and visit it everyday, but I have never seen these people treat a movie like they have Battlefield Earth. For the love of God, if you haven't seen the movie, you have no reason to slam it. And I love how everyone needs to swear in every post they make. Over half the talkbackers can't take part in any time of discussion without either A.) insulting someone or their opinions and beliefs, and B.) throwing explitives everywhere. So what if I liked Battlefield Earth? Does that mean my email inbox needed to be email bombed?!?!?!? Cause that happened earlier today.... Some of you guys are out of control.

  • May 11, 2000, 10:18 p.m. CST

    Yup, it's true, I have never written a best selling novel...

    by Thunderball

    ...that has been turned into a piece of Hollywood big screen sheeet. Nope, b right, can't blame me or anyone else on this talkback for the garbage that is called "Battlefield Earth."

  • May 12, 2000, 2:53 a.m. CST

    is BATMAN&ROBIN worse than this movie?

    by OMEGASAGA

    ?

  • May 12, 2000, 3:06 a.m. CST

    B_RIGHT? Check your head!

    by Thoughtmachine

    I am not one to needlessy warn people, but your comment "Whoever has written a best selling novel" flatulance should just examine the facts. Why has Hubbard been on the best seller list? Because his slaves/minions/followers bought his books, and would return them to the stores only to buy the same ones again. Remember when Dianetics was a best seller, then it vanished from the lists? It was because the publishing industry noticed that copies from one store were being sold in another (a B. Dalton pricetag in Waldenbooks, etc.) They pulled it form the list, because that does not make it a best seller, chief. Hate to spoil your day. I am not going to accuse anyone of being a Scientologist (JSP2000, B_RIGHT), but if you are, SEEK HELP! Popularity does not equate truth! Remember how popular Hitler was? Just curious. Also, a side note. ANyone who says that B:E is not about Scientology should either a)get a clue (The bible is not about Christianity either) or b) stop concealing your evil ways. Sorry, another side note. Did you know that Travolta mentioned that he has reached a point in his progress in Scientology where he can now LEVITATE? Hmm...sounds like a rational mind to me. And didja know that Charles Manson was a Scientologist for a while? Look it up if you don't believe me. Please do, and convince yourselves. By the way, Hudson Hawk is an unfairly shit on movie, and Wing Commander? Come on, we need some good, trashy, non Cult based sci-fi for the new millenium. If we didn't have movies like it, we never would have been blessed with movies like the Giant Gila Monster or Plan 9, or Them! Beware the Scientologists! Beware!

  • May 12, 2000, 3:07 a.m. CST

    I hope this finally stops the madness

    by DoobyDoo

    Has anyone noticed that NEW L.Ron novels keep getting published even though the guy has been dead for a few years? Maybe the negative publicity will finally end any more "new" books by LRH. By the way chitlins, I DID read BE and it wasn't that great. Just pulp 40's style sci-fi and not very good sci-fi at that. I also went on Amazon and gave it a one star score just to lower its artificially inflated rating. Why don't all you AICN people with taste join me and lower BE's Amazon score?

  • May 12, 2000, 5:24 a.m. CST

    Damn what was I thinking

    by curtdog

    Here I was wishing I was a millionaire when all I had to do was go out and find millions of brainwashed followers to buy my new book! Damn this is friggin' awesome even though I have no talent or skill in writing or story-telling I'm set man! Woo hoo! Dude I'm totally gonna do it. Can't you tell I'm getting rich already and I'm just sitting in front of my computer writing a bunch of bullsh!t! So who wants to be the V.P. of my new cult?

  • L. Ron Hubbard's attempts at writing fiction produced drab, fluffy, and boring material. He had NO talent when it came to storytelling. And he wasn't all that attractive, either. - - I saw the previews of the flick; it's going to bomb. I won't be seeing it. I don't know what these people were thinking. The website is the friggin' cheesiest thing I ever saw, and that's a bad sign. ****** Now, HERE'S the surprise ending! I think L. Ron Hubbard's take on the workings of the human mind is pure genius. After one auditing session, I realized that my *severe* symptoms of PMS were psychosomatic, and for the last 10 years I've barely suffered from cramps. As for the questionable behavior of certain whacked PEOPLE that call themselves Scientologists... let's not confuse these off-the-rails folks with the TECHNOLOGY of Scientology. SOME people, who have improved their life with this dogma, have their fucking heads on straight. BTW, don't bother emailing my addie like you did to the guy earlier on, cause I never check it. - - Now, let's see if some "COS" goons go after me. Oh, I'm sooooo scared! LMAO!

  • May 12, 2000, 12:07 p.m. CST

    See this film...and win $100,000...Hmmm....

    by RobRed1

    I don't know if anyone else mentioned (there's way too many posts here to actually read them all), but her ein NY they're running adds saying that every time you buy a ticket to BE you're entered into the "Take BAck The Planet" contest with a grand prize of $100,000!!!!!!!!!!! Has anyone else EVER EVER EVER heard of ANY movie needing a contest linked with TICKET SALES!!!!!! Scientology...Invading a theater near you!!

  • May 12, 2000, 12:21 p.m. CST

    b_right (Insert Donald Sutherland Body Snatcher scream here)

    by Grond

    OOh boy, another $cientologist. I wish I had an e-meter right now. It would feel so good ramming it slowly in and out of b_right's earhole...

  • May 12, 2000, 12:26 p.m. CST

    Ebert may have redeemed himself from the Gladiator review.

    by Grond

    Check his pulitzer prize winning review of BE here: http://www.suntimes.com/output/ebert1/earth12f.html

  • May 12, 2000, 2:19 p.m. CST

    b_right

    by DarthDoofus

    As a matter of fact, I have written a best-selling book. It was called "Travolta Is a Bloated Imbecile Who Slurps Down Hubbard's Rotting Stool With Gusto." You probably don't recognize the title because you can't read. Admit it, man- you're really Joel Schumacher. Here's my evidence: 1) You got into the LA premiere legitimately, and you are exactly the kind of person Travolta would want to see his shitfest; 2) you don't know the meaning of the word 'hack'; 3) you seem to have a grudge against AICN; 4) you think dutch tilts and ugly color schemes are innovative and impressive; 5) you display a basic lack of knoweldge of how the Internet works, as you seem to think everyone who posts here is from Austin; 6) you're really really dumb and like crappy action films; 7) you wouldn't know a good score if it bent you over and fucked you up the ass while whistling Carmina Burana. I'd think you were Sonnenfeld but #5 rules that out. Oh Joel, don't be jealous because Travolta has made a worse film than even your Batman flicks. He didn't. Here's the essential difference between BE and BF (I haven't seen, and WILL NEVER EVER SEE B&R)- I was so overwhelmed by the horrifically bad badness of Batman Forever that I wanted to walk out of it but couldn't because I was in shock. You know that moment in the Simpsons where Homer's brain says "That's it, I'm outta here" and slams the door behind it? That was my brain during BF. BE, I walked out of. So you're still the king, Joel, don't worry.

  • May 12, 2000, 3:34 p.m. CST

    This Year's INCHON. DON'T ENTER THE CONTEST!!!

    by Pauly Walnuts

    This ain't the first mivoe made by a cult. Anyone remember INCHON!? This 1982 shitbag of a movie was paid for and produced by Rev. Sung Yung Moon and his Unification church. They even dumped a wheelbarrow full of cash on Sir. Laurence Olivier to play Douglas MacArthur in this one. Well, they also had a Battlefield Earth type contest where you mail in your movie stub to win a car, or some such nonsense. They then proceeded to use this mailing list as a recruitment tool for the Unification Church (the moonies). Knowing how these scientology whackos operate, I would be very surprised if they didn't do the exact same thing. Best bet? Go see The Straight Story again.

  • May 12, 2000, 7:13 p.m. CST

    Welcome to the First Church of Appliantology...

    by The_Tooth

    The White Zone is for loading and unloading only. But enough Zappa. As I said a few months ago when the first stills came out, I'm voting with my wallet. All the dirt on the CoS is in libraries for perusal at one's leisure; it's standard operating procedure for a good chunk of change to go straight to Scientology's coffers. Not me, baby. Even if it were good, I wouldn't go see it. That it sucks is no surprise, all of Hubbard's work is drivel. That it will make a ton of cash because the Clams are told to go will confirm what I've read (and heard, and seen) about the CoS.

  • May 12, 2000, 11:17 p.m. CST

    The book is damn good

    by Eolake

    1: Why don't all the Scientology-bashers go to the appropriate newsgroups for their kicks? 2: I can't judge the film BE yet, not having seen it, but from what I do know about it, it is much different than the book. Many essential aspects have been "popularized". For instance, Johnny never had a "best buddy" in the book, and there were no human slaves. And there were no fighter jets. Etc. 3: Bottom line: I love the book. I don't love every single Hubbard book, but this one (And Mission Earth) is damn excellent. On the surface it is space opera adventure, but that is only for a very superficial look, the story is really unique. And I am not the only one to think so, SF heavies like Arthur C. Clarke, A. E. van Vogt, and Orson Scott Card agree. Recommended.

  • May 13, 2000, 1:39 a.m. CST

    Vengeance is mine!

    by Mr. Sensayuma

    A few weeks ago, my boss forced the web design team to go see "Mission to Mars" with him. We got him back today by taking him to see "Battlefield Earth"...

  • May 13, 2000, 4:52 a.m. CST

    it's all true!

    by rerun55

    We have a scientologist camp/facility/thing a mile from my house. (i live @ an hour from palm springs) they are strange. they wear blue jumpsuits, they eat really wierd food, (i worked graveyard at a gas station) and they go to the local beauty supply for economy size shampoo and conditioner. the name of the place is "golden era" productions. they offer free tours on sundays and free golf. i don't know if anyone has ever gone, but the big rumor around town is that they make porn out there. no one wants to visit because they are afraid that they'll never get out. i can see the lights of their "psychlo" camp from my front porch. they only come out in the middle of the night and they are unusually chipper. they have that "deer caught in headlights look" about them. oh and the blue jumpsuits have military type patches on them. a strange bunch. i now work at waldenbooks, and they call everyday to check on that fuckin' book. i've worked there for a year, i haven't sold one, no one asks, they actually laugh. from what i have read, i found it dull, infantile, tedious, and just fuckin' stupid, there is no other way to put it. that movie sucked like john travolta will be on cruise's schlong after MI:2 is out.

  • May 13, 2000, 4:52 a.m. CST

    it's all true!

    by rerun55

    We have a scientologist camp/facility/thing a mile from my house. (i live @ an hour from palm springs) they are strange. they wear blue jumpsuits, they eat really wierd food, (i worked graveyard at a gas station) and they go to the local beauty supply for economy size shampoo and conditioner. the name of the place is "golden era" productions. they offer free tours on sundays and free golf. i don't know if anyone has ever gone, but the big rumor around town is that they make porn out there. no one wants to visit because they are afraid that they'll never get out. i can see the lights of their "psychlo" camp from my front porch. they only come out in the middle of the night and they are unusually chipper. they have that "deer caught in headlights look" about them. oh and the blue jumpsuits have military type patches on them. a strange bunch. i now work at waldenbooks, and they call everyday to check on that fuckin' book. i've worked there for a year, i haven't sold one, no one asks, they actually laugh. from what i have read, i found it dull, infantile, tedious, and just fuckin' stupid, there is no other way to put it. that movie sucked like john travolta will be on cruise's schlong after MI:2 is out.

  • May 13, 2000, 8:43 a.m. CST

    STRIKE THE BASTARDS DOWN!

    by Bootz

    Imagine, the terribleness of it all!! - - "they wear blue jumpsuits" *Yeah, they are pretty, fucking ugly. Someone ought to update their wardrobe to the 21st century. AND, I guess wearing a uniform while working is reeaally disgraceful, too. It's just like a nurse, a postal worker, a boyscout, a police officer... anyone who wears a uniform has got to be deranged.****** "they eat really wierd food, (i worked graveyard at a gas station)" *You mean you saw at least ONE PERSON eating or buying really weird food? My god! What was it? A hot dog smothered in maple syrup?? What the hell is weird food anyway? Were you selling it at your (ahem) gas station?******* "and they go to the local beauty supply for economy size shampoo and conditioner." *WOW! You mean they actually are thrifty, and wash their hair?? We ALL must be nutso! Oh, wait, except for me. I buy the expensive stuff that smells like white grapefruits.***** "the big rumor around town is that they make porn out there." *LOL! Have you seen any porn star material hanging out there? Many folks on staff there are OLD FOGEYS and your basic nerdy-types. Puh-leeeze! Some of those folks look like they don't even know what an orgasm is.****** "no one wants to visit because they are afraid that they'll never get out." *Really? You are so popular that you know EVERYONE? What are you? The King of gas pumping attendants? Gee, I guess the police and the national guard are based right outside Golden Era Productions to save all those ignorant fools that dare to venture near!!***** "i can see the lights of their "psychlo" camp from my front porch. they only come out in the middle of the night and they are unusually chipper. they have that "deer caught in headlights look" about them." Gosh, you must be OBSESSED if you watch THEM every minute of every hour. Do you ever sleep?******