John Ary's Aint It Scary Reviews #14 Of 31!! CATMAN OF PARIS!!
CATMAN OF PARIS - Sunday, October 14
John Ary here with another installment of Ain’t It Scary Reviews. I can state without any doubt whatsoever that today’s film is the WORST movie we’ll be talking about this month.
The bad news: The Catman of Paris is a slow and tedious film with about 1 minute of actual screentime for the movie’s monster. The good news: It only will steal an hour and 5 minutes of your life. This hardened, dry turd from Republic Pictures has practically no entertainment value. There’s a plot involving a lawsuit over some classified government papers... a love triangle that has about as much passion as Garfield the cat has for a plate of steamed vegetables and the worst police department in all of France... And that’s the good stuff. Seriously, do not watch this movie.
Charles Regnier is a famous author who may or may not have revealed some important government secrets in his latest novel. He’s the toast of the town, but sometimes he gets woozy and begins to have visions of a tropical storm. Every time this happens, a man dressed in a tuxedo with cat-like powers attacks someone. After the first slaying, one of the detectives has a scale model built overnight of the crime scene. Paris’ tax dollars at work ladies and gentlemen. He believes that the perpetrator of this murder is a … get ready for it... a CATMAN... because the body has slash marks like that of a cat’s claw. Either he is the world’s greatest detective or a complete loon. Then some other stuff happens... you know what … I would explain the rest, but I’m afraid I would totally bore you. Here’s comes the SPOILER...in the end it turns out it was his friend who was the murderer. He was indeed a CATMAN... The End. I just saved you an hour and 5 minutes of boredom.
The Catman of Paris is a low-grade knock-off of the more popular and better produced horror films of the time like The Wolfman or Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. If you want some horror from the 40’s watch those instead. They actually let the audience see their monsters in action. Whatever you do avoid this hairball at all costs.
The Catman of Paris is currently streaming on Netflix...but seriously don’t waste your time.
Check back in tomorrow for a much better Ain’t It Scary Review involving Japanese feline ghost vampires that kill and drink the blood of samurai warriors.
Here’s a look back at the Ain’t It Scary Review installments that you might have missed:
The Ground Rules to the Project
#1 Son of Frankenstein
#2 Scream, Blacula, Scream!
#3 Black Sabbath
#5 Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon
#6 Invisible Invaders
#7 The Mummy’s Curse
#8 Lord of Illusions
#9 Night of the Demons
#10 Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde
#11 The House of the Devil
#12 Dr. Phibes Rises Again!
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Oct. 14, 2012, 9:52 a.m. CST
Oct. 14, 2012, 10:35 a.m. CST
by Rakesh Patel
http://www.redbullstratos.com/live/ capsule is going up now livejump
Oct. 14, 2012, 11:19 a.m. CST
Oct. 14, 2012, 11:21 a.m. CST
the mind of john Ary, a lover of film to see how distorted his lens is. nope, he thought it was shit too.
Oct. 14, 2012, 11:34 a.m. CST
Why review something when you absolutely hate it and it isn't a current movie that you have to review!??!!
You just wasted 2 mins telling me not to watch something. Am I missing something here?
Oct. 14, 2012, 11:41 a.m. CST
Skyfall at 100% with 11 reviews and counting. Some calling it the best Bond film ever. Now that's some cool news.
Oct. 14, 2012, 11:44 a.m. CST
Fuck you John Ary. Why wasting everybodys time (yours included) by putting a shitflick into this countdown.
Oct. 14, 2012, 12:16 p.m. CST
Why you would bother to write a review countdown to a movie that's garbage...i wasted time reading this...should have spared us the time a write "movie sucks don't waste your time"
Oct. 14, 2012, 12:40 p.m. CST
by John Ary
When I set up the ground rules for Ain't It Scary Reviews, my goal was to find good horror movies that are currently streaming online that I haven't seen before. Going into some of the more obscure films can be risky as was the case here. Unfortunately watching 31 movies, writing a review, producing a video and publishing them to AICN doesn't give me much extra time to come up with a substitute when the movies aren't very good. There have been some misses so far this month (Scream Blacula Scream, The Mummy's Curse, Maniac, etc), but that's a part of the exploration. You have to take the good with the not so good. Consider today's installment a warning for those who like to go down the rabbit hole of their Netflix cue, in search of a forgotten gem. Let me also repeat... avoid Catman of Paris at all costs.
Oct. 14, 2012, 1:20 p.m. CST
Your a-ok in my book. I get what you're saying. I take back what i wrote.
Oct. 14, 2012, 3:13 p.m. CST
I never saw "The Catman of Paris", but i have seen "The Werewolf Of London". Which is quite enjoyable.
by albert comin
And i love "The Wolf Man", the 1940s version.
Oct. 14, 2012, 4:43 p.m. CST
John, you should do at least one other apocalyptically bad horror movie before month's end just to screw with folks.
by Bill C.
I'd suggest 'Nudist Colony of the Dead,' but I honestly don't want to subject you to it...
Oct. 14, 2012, 5:06 p.m. CST
See in the dark. Bet you thought I'd say lick your own balls, didn't you/ Wait a minute. Two redeeming factors of Catman powers.
Oct. 14, 2012, 7:34 p.m. CST
by John Ary
Maybe being a Catman of Paris wouldn't be so bad?
Oct. 14, 2012, 10:46 p.m. CST
You guys should be thanking him.
Oct. 15, 2012, 12:50 p.m. CST
Scream, Blacula Scream and The Mummy's Curse have much to recommend. You know what I could do without? A review that uses the simile "...as much passion as Garfield the cat has for a plate of steamed vegetables...". You wrote that down AND read it aloud and still were okay with it? Good gosh. How does someone get a job writing about films when they neither appreciate films nor can write?
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