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Herc Says Poor Writing Menaces CW’s BEAUTY AND THE BEAST!!

I am – Hercules!!

A sci-fi take on CBS’ old Linda Hamilton-Ron Perlman saga, “Beauty and the Beast” comes to us from writer-producers Sherri Cooper and Jennifer Levin (“Brothers & Sisters,” “Unforgettable”) and this time stars Kristin Kruek (“Smallville”) as Catherine (this time a cop instead of a lawyer) and Jay Ryan (“Terra Nova”) as Vincent (this time a super-handsome doctor instead of a sewer-dwelling freak).

This time around Vincent sometimes turns into a bloodthirsty hulk thanks to some experimental supersoldier serum to which the U.S. military subjected him.

So it’s actually a lot more like “Dr. Jeykll and Mr. Hyde” than “Beauty and the Beast.” But whatever.

Even Kruek’s stunning Canadian looks cannot stem the tedium generated by the predictable “Law & Order-y” procedural at this “Beast’s” core.

The New York Times says:

... Mr. Ryan is not going to make anyone forget the haunting voice of Ron Perlman, who played the beast on the CBS show. And Ms. Kreuk and Nina Lisandrello, as her police force partner, are unconvincing as detectives. But the pilot’s hint of a connection between the beast’s condition and the murder of Catherine’s mother offers the promise of future depth …

The Los Angeles Times says:

... It is all so dreadfully familiar …

The San Francisco Chronicle says:

... One of the new season's worst shows … overheated, badly written, wretchedly acted and unconvincing …

The Washington Post says:

... forgettable … Be still my heart, but not this still. Grade: C-

The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette says:

... laughably bad in myriad ways. There’s no sense of star-crossed lovers, just a plasticized romance between a Cover Girl and a glum, anger-prone male model. …

The Boston Herald says:

... The script plays like something a cat clawed to shreds and then some poor production assistant tried to piece together. … The true horror here is the utter lack of imagination.

The Boston Globe says:

... I have to mock “Beauty and the Beast” as an indicator of the CW’s standards of beauty, where even the “ugly” ones aren’t exactly unattractive. Because otherwise, there’s nothing entertaining about this new show …

TV Guide says:

... a miscast, misbegotten reboot … Kristin Kreuk has all the authority of a Hooters trainee as the new Cat Chandler, a preposterously unconvincing metropolitan police detective … The original Beast was a beauty. This one's a bust.

USA Today says:

... Odds are you'll spend more energy trying to decide whether Kreuk and Ryan are more sinning than sinned against: They're terrible, but the material may have left them with no other option. …

The Hollywood Reporter says:

... hilariously bad …

Variety says:

... it will take more than love's true kiss to cure what creatively ails this "Beast." …

9 p.m. Thursday. The CW.

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