This film offends me to my very soul. And if you cherish your movie monsters, prepare to have your balls kicked repeatedly by Adam Sandler and his shameless pack of pals as they raid the monster canon and come up with the animated feature HOTEL TRANSYLVANIA, in which Dracula (voiced by Sandler) is portrayed as an overprotective dad trying to shield his teen daughter Mavis (well, 118-year-old daughter, played by Selena Gomez) from the wicked ways of humans in the outside world. The one interesting concept in this movie is that the monsters see humans as monsters as well, since we're always trying to kill them.
Take a minute right now, and write down every dumb monster joke, pun, and situation you can think of. I can almost guarantee that what you just wrote down is better than the stale humor delivered by the likes of Kevin James (as Frankenstein), David Spade (The Invisible Man), Cee-Lo Green (The Mummy), and Jon Lovitz (Quasimodo). The one gag that sort-of works is having Steve Buscemi as a werewolf named Wayne, who can't ever get a moment to himself because he has seemingly dozens of cubs thanks to an especially large litter courtesy of his wife (Molly Shannon). He gets a couple of medium-sized laughs, and that's as much as I'm willing to give it.
Dracula builds an enormous hotel and resort just for monsters and has hidden its entrance so that random humans don't accidentally stumble upon it. Unfortunately, a backpacking human goofball named Jonathon (Andy Sanberg) still finds a way to get onto the property and into Mavis' heart. Yes, the one thing this stupid-ass monster movie was missing was a lame love story, and it's quick to correct that shortcoming.
The only mildly interesting aspect of HOTEL TRANSYLVANIA is that it was directed by Genndy Tartakovsky, director on the original "Star Wars: Clone Wars" series, as well as "Samurai Jack" and "Sym-Bionic Titan." The look of the film has its moments, but it's hardly worth spending the extra cash on the 3D just for that.
The relationship between Drac and Mavis rings false, and apart from her mildly cute goth looks, she comes across as just another bratty teenager. When the only original idea you can come up with for a more family-oriented monster movie is a set piece involving floating tables, you know you're in trouble. I can't stand thinking about this unfunny mess anymore. Please, do yourself a favor and ignore HOTEL TRANSYLVANIA this weekend and forever.
