Review

Harry was blown away by Nicolas Lopez's AFTERSHOCK starring Eli Roth - But watch what you read about it!

Published at: Sept. 26, 2012, 3:51 a.m. CST

Alright, so we're beginning to feel Fantastic Fest 2012 begin to come to an end.   You can sense it, familiar faces have disappeared returning to the far flung homes, but the festival is still cracking away.   I had intended to see two films today, but the traffic on the way downtown was just truly insane, what usually takes 35 minutes at rush hour for us, took an hour & twenty.   SO...  we had a proper dinner and arrived in time for one of the clear highlights of FANTASTIC FEST 2012.

I've known that Eli Roth has been down in Chile shooting with Nicolas Lopez on some kind of "Earthquake" flick called AFTERSHOCK.   Eli has produced the film - and stars in the movie.   Now, if you don't know Nicolas' work - I highly recommend checking out PROMEDIO ROJO and SANTOS, along with his FUCK YOUR LIFE if you can.   Most are available via Netflix, but ever since 2004 when Nicolas Lopez kicked off my first day of SXSW with a screening of PROMEDIO ROJO... I've been a fan.  Instantly upon seeing the film, I knew...  this was going to be a major director.

I know, the film is silly, but the heart and soul of that film told me everything I needed to know about his abilities.   The movie was absolutely fluent in geek, but it was also just a wonderfully shot film.   The characters were compelling and I instantly wanted to see more by him - and thus far he hasn't disappointed...   BUT, I really do mean this when I say...  For most of you, even if you've seen everything that Lopez has done...  AFTERSHOCK is a quantum leap forward in terms of having a film that can play world wide.

AFTERSHOCK is structured to be two entirely separate movies, but if feels seamless to me.   And the longer the film played as a vacation, the more tense I got, wondering when the world was going to fall apart.   And how bad it was going to get.

Having Eli Roth as a producer and star - who worked very hard with Lopez to make this film, I felt a bit unsettled as Eli does like to go places that most films fear to tread and I was very curious to see how this creative partnership was going to play out.   

WOW.

The film is structured like POSEIDON ADVENTURE or TITANIC.   They dedicate the lion's share of the first half to 100% getting to know how these characters tick.   Before I go into that, here's the set-up...

Eli Roth plays a fairly square recently divorced Legal Firm working Dad - hanging with a pair of Chilean buddies on vacation and he's trying desperately to hook up with some girls, but it being a foreign country - and his rather sad lack of game results in a lot of blue balls for the Bear Jew.   When Tim League introduced the film - he referred to Eli as a Douche in the film - and for the majority of the movie - I didn't get that.   We all have those single friends that just have a noted lack of game, and Eli's character is just out of his depth.  It is very fun to watch though, because Nicolas Martinez's Pollo - a rich cool as fuck Chilean friend that is a social animal - in the best kinds of ways.   He's the life of a room, knows everyone it seems - constantly makes any slightest problem disappear and is the focal point for plans of action in the first half of the film.  Then there's the third friend, Ariel Levy, who plays Ariel.   He's an ex-fatman, whose girlfriend serially cheats on him and yet he is still begging to get back with her.  Pollo is trying to get him to move on, but he's glued to his phone, texting her and watching her FACEBOOK to figure out what she's up to.

The sense of fun these guys have is at the very least a full on equal to the fun that the HANGOVER movies have given us as a template for what having fun in a modern film is like...  BUT, this feels more real.   The clubs and concerts feel absolutely authentic.   When they hook up with these 3 girls played by Andrea Osvart, Natasha Yarovenko and Lorenza Izzo...  They decide to head to a coastal town for "the real Chile" and an attempt to bang these three chicks, if we're being honest.

I love the Chile of the first half.   It's a great metropolitan environment with beautiful structures and so colorful.   The clubs kick ass - and the music is wonderful.   The whole time you're watching these sequences, all you can think is...  THIS LOOKS LIKE SO MUCH FUN!

So they go to this club in the new town.   They're all getting closer together, they're kind of butting heads, pushing each other's buttons, but when Andrea Osvart and Natasha Yarovenko, who play sisters, start fighting...  it's like this sister battle decides to just tear the world apart.   The earthquake begins - and all fun exits.   Suddenly, it is a very real nightmare scenario.  People are dying truly horrible deaths, the sense of panick and the tension of 'What the fuck do you do' that comes out of this initial sequence sets up a chaos that stays with us for the next half of the film.

When the film becomes about surviving this tragedy, the film becomes deadly serious.   Communications go down, rioting begins, a prison cracked open and sprays the shit of soceity all over the town.   Rape and murder gangs take to the streets - and the 3 women in the friends' care are now attracting these gangs of predatory human wolves to pursue them.   The tension goes through the roof - meanwhile, through all of this - people start getting mangled, killed and mentally shutting down.   I love Eli through this sequence.  He's in complete survival mode - and completely aware of the fact that if his friends don't go through this with him, he's fucked.   He doesn't know where he is, he doesn't speak Spanish - he's dead without them - and well...  It's just great to watch how he moves forward through this disaster.

This is a huge Irwin Allen film, that was shot for a song, but measures up to anything Hollywood has dished out.   Remember how great FAST FIVE looked - this looks that good.   

DIMENSION picked up this film at Toronto last week and was good enough to let FANTASTIC FEST show the film, but personally I feel they need to target a great disaster date and build a huge release for this film.   The audience at Fantastic Fest were cheering, screaming and just roaring with the film.   Really great audience film.   

Now the film is actually based on that 2010 catastrophic Earthquake that director Nicolas Lopez lived through - and then heard stories from all over the country.  Friends all sharing where they were and what they were doing.  A girlfriend that was running from a Tsunami...   Rape gangs, looters, escaped prisoners...  even the club where everything goes to hell...  ALL taken from reality.

I love how this is a disaster film that doesn't linger or particularly fetishizes the disaster.   Like how DISTRICT 9 shows the big stuff kind of caught in the process - instead of lovingly photographed.   You see huge things, but when huge stuff is going down, these characters usually move away from the enormous building that is toppling.    

This film puts the Roland Emmerich disaster films to shame, because the characters just live this experience in a much more honest manner.   Nobody is particularly more precious than anyone else.   Eli is forced to show a rather dark side to his character's psyche at a key moment that feels like a moment that makes him a bad person, but at the same time...  during that moment, think about the phone call with his daughter.   How he left an easy lay, to talk with his daughter - and remember that face and that precious little girl - and suddenly I understand everything that happens for him.   

Human beings do extraordinary things in the chaos of the world, but they also make decisions that scar them for life.   This is a film that shows that we are people that enjoy and love life.   That try to have fun, that travel to learn, to party and to fuck.     That our iPhones, flashy cars and riches don't amount to a hill of beans when the shit hits the fan and the world is coming down around you.

I love this flick.   I love that it just wallops the audience and when it needs to punch you, your spine will feel it.   

Tomorrow's a very fun day - with the awesome Secret Screening and a roughcut of PARANORMAL ACTIVITY 4...  I can't wait!   See y'all then!

Watch out for spoilers on this one, you don't want key moments ruined on this one.

Readers Talkback

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  • Sept. 26, 2012, 3:58 a.m. CST

    First!

    by Kharl Pitman

    Sounds cool!

  • Sept. 26, 2012, 4 a.m. CST

    Second

    by Kharl Pitman

    Morning Harry from the UK!

  • Sept. 26, 2012, 4:03 a.m. CST

    Eli Roth

    by davey

    Is always trying to get laid.

  • Sept. 26, 2012, 4:36 a.m. CST

    Cinema release in Blighty?

    by reaper28

    If so, I'm definitely in for this ... I love it when films take the time to emotionally invest you in characters only to kick you in the nuts when they die .. It's a pity more movies don't do it, I'd bet they do more money if they did through the word of mouth they'd generate ...

  • Sept. 26, 2012, 4:45 a.m. CST

    by Cobra--Kai

    Sounds like a cool film from the description.. Or is it just any film featuring rape gangs gets extra credit on aicn...

  • Sept. 26, 2012, 5:35 a.m. CST

    Cool

    by MegaBeth

    I like disaster flicks. I will check it out in two years when it is finally available on netflick.

  • Sept. 26, 2012, 5:44 a.m. CST

    I Hope The Bear Jew Hits It Out Of The Park

    by pr1c3y

    Everything about this film sounds interesting! I'm definitely on board.

  • Sept. 26, 2012, 5:45 a.m. CST

    I love how Harry reports from the top of PUA Mountain here.

    by FluffyUnbound

    Would you go to Harry's Game seminar if he held it at your local Marriott convention center? I know I would.

  • Sept. 26, 2012, 6:19 a.m. CST

    Watch what you read about it... including this review!

    by Fawst

    Harry, you clearly indicate that the tension was a big part of that first half, wondering when the quake would hit... and then you go and tell us. Spoilers in that manner, especially when YOU warn people to avoid spoilers, are pretty bad.

  • Sept. 26, 2012, 6:53 a.m. CST

    Harry thinks every movie is great

    by BuffDaddy

    You never keep it real.

  • They should put that on the poster.

  • Sept. 26, 2012, 7:25 a.m. CST

    Sounds a lot like the Hostel movies.

    by Pat

    But instead of a bunch of douche bags partying and not getting the audience to care about them and then getting torture porned, a bunch of douche bags party and not get us to care about them and then get caught in natural disaster porn.

  • Sept. 26, 2012, 7:27 a.m. CST

    You lost me at Eli Roth

    by m_prevette

    sorry. the guy is a douche. clear and simple, a no-talent actual hack movie maker . Zero interest in anything he touches

  • Sept. 26, 2012, 7:42 a.m. CST

    noted lack of game

    by yourebreakingthejacket

    Love it. For me, maybe the most entertaining four words Harry has written. I would have gone with "documented lack of game", but it is Harry's website. Him writing that reminds me of the Seinfeld episode when Jerry is trying to figure out why everyone thinks his hot, seemingly perfect girlfriend is such a loser. And George says something along the lines of "maybe she is the one in the group everyone makes fun of. You know, like how we have Elaine."

  • Sept. 26, 2012, 8:46 a.m. CST

    panick...... panic?

    by CB Chap

    An Americanisation of a word? Is it more of a panic if you stick a K on the end? that would truly be tragick! Horrifick! et al....

  • Sept. 26, 2012, 8:59 a.m. CST

    My favorite part was when Harry said "derpa derpa I love Eli"

    by BlueSkittle

    But seriously, I thought the "but watch what you read about it" was a warning that everyone else is saying it's shit. Honestly, sounds like a fun ride. But I just have no love whatsoever for Eli Roth.

  • Sept. 26, 2012, 9:19 a.m. CST

    Eli Roth and his Hollywood hair

    by Blackhand2010

    © John Carpenter.

  • Sept. 26, 2012, 9:28 a.m. CST

    HARRY IS BLOWN AWAY BY EVERY MOVIE HE HAS EVER SEEN! FACT!!

    by julienthejamminjabber

  • Sept. 26, 2012, 11:35 a.m. CST

    Really Harry?

    by The3rdMan

    I feel like I saw a different movie than Harry. Sure everyone loves Eli but this shit was revolting

  • Sept. 26, 2012, 11:41 a.m. CST

    Fun Word Problems for you Math and Science Geeks!

    by Jacob Underhill

    ...two entirely separate movies, but if [SIC] feels seamless to me.

  • Sept. 26, 2012, 11:42 a.m. CST

    AWWWW damn broken talkback

    by Jacob Underhill

  • Sept. 26, 2012, 11:54 a.m. CST

    Fun Word Problems for you Math and Science Geeks!

    by Jacob Underhill

    ...two entirely separate movies, but if [SIC] feels seamless to me.

  • Sept. 26, 2012, 11:54 a.m. CST

    meh

    by Jacob Underhill

    ...two entirely separate movies, but if feels seamless to me.

  • Sept. 26, 2012, 11:55 a.m. CST

    LOL

    by Jacob Underhill

    - Create a Venn Diagram demonstrating the following: *...two entirely separate movies, but if [SIC] feels seamless to me.* - Quantify just how much closer a movie is to global distribution when it has moved *...a quantum leap forward in terms of having a film that can play world wide.* - What percentage of the movie is dedicated to character development if *They dedicate the lion's share of the first half to 100% getting to know how these characters tick.*? - Sort the following into a hierarchical system quantifying amounts of fun. Be sure to include Sense of fun, actual fun, Hangover's template of fun, what having fun in a modern film is like, and how each level of fun is affected by how real it feels: *The sense of fun these guys have is at the very least a full on equal to the fun that the HANGOVER movies have given us as a template for what having fun in a modern film is like... BUT, this feels more real.*

  • Sept. 26, 2012, 11:59 a.m. CST

    Gang rapes?

    by Judge Briggs

    Def don't wanna see that kinda of shit on the big screen. Hopefully there isn't much of it. Yes, Eli Roth has a very unlikable face ... looks like douchebag from Long Island, NY.

  • Sept. 26, 2012, 12:01 p.m. CST

    Regular people panic. Aleister Crowley and Harry Knowles PANICK.

    by fustfick

    It's true.

  • Sept. 26, 2012, 12:28 p.m. CST

    If Jesse Bradford and Max Greenfield had a love child it would be Eli Roth.

    by openthepodbaydoorshal

    So we get to spend half the movie "getting to know" Eli Roth's character and friends better, BEFORE the shit hits the fan and things get interesting? Sign me up for this cinematic marvel!!!

  • Sept. 26, 2012, 12:43 p.m. CST

    No way the movie is half as good as Harry is hyping

    by Cobb05

    There is a huge difference between The Poseidan Adventure, Titanic and this. Those movies made you care about the actors and when the shit hits the fan, we want them to make it. This sounds like a bunch of douche bags, acting like douche bags and I for one would be rooting for Eli to be gang banged by the crazy prisoners. I'm not a fan of Eli as an actor. I find him annoying as hell. But I digress. The movie does sound a lot like Hostel. Set up a bunch of guys trying to get laid, only to find themselves in a scary situation. I'm not even a fan of Titanic, but comparing this movie to Titanic is like saying Human Centipede like Frankenstein. Hey, they are both about mad scientists, right? I will probably check this movie out on netflix or cable one day, but I now know I'm going to hate it because you've hyped this movie up way too much. If you would've called Aftershock a gritty, realistic, disaster movie, that's solid low budget movie from a director who has real promise, I'd think, "Hmm, could be worth checking out." But gushing over this movie, that can't possily be as good as you suggest (especially with Eli as the star) only makes me skeptical of this movie.

  • Sept. 26, 2012, 1:06 p.m. CST

    The problem with making Eli Roth your relatable protagonist is...

    by buggerbugger

    ...that he looks exactly like the kind of cocky fucker you'd like to see come to some serious harm from a succession of murder and rape gangs patiently waiting their turn in an orderly queue.

  • Sept. 26, 2012, 1:15 p.m. CST

    @cobb05

    by Jacob Underhill

    You've hit the nail on the head. Harry is nearly incapable of non-hyperbolic writing. Almost everything is MIND-BLOWINGLY-AMAZING or PROFOUNDLY DISAPPOINTING. In the X amt. of years he has been doing this, he has yet to learn the truth about criticism: It is strikingly easy to praise or trash something, even though that is the most FUN a critic can have. A truly insightful critic knows how to parse the strengths and weaknesses of the movies in the middle (frankly, 99.99% of movies), and give us (the reader) an intriguing look at a piece of art and plant the seed for our decision to see it. I have no preconceptions of this movie; I do not know if it is good or not. Having read Harry's review, the following is what I've learned are, in his mind, good about this movie: *absolutely fluent in geek* Friends, we are killing the word geek. Geek now is a term that indicates something is so self referential it has now become a culture eating itself. Step away from the term GEEK, please, or before too long every movie will have to have a sly Star Wars reference and a cameo by Stan Lee before GEEK websites will even acknowledge it as entertainment. *wonderfully shot* Great, but my iPhone shoots everything wonderfully these days. Hell, home devices even have a Steady-Cam feature now. *characters are compelling* and time is spent *getting to know how these characters tick* Anton Checkov, take note: Do your character development early on, not after the end credits. *People are dying truly horrible deaths* as opposed to dying partially horrible deaths, or living truly horrible deaths. So the movie presents death as horrible. Harry, you're not getting my attention so far. At least not in the way you intend. *Remember how great FAST FIVE looked - this looks that good* this would be important if we were in 1993. Lifetime movies about abortion rights are now shot in Hi-Def. *The audience at Fantastic Fest were cheering, screaming and just roaring with the film* This is actually a good point, and lends credence to Harry's assertion that this is a good movie. I might remind Harry to remember his Godzilla debacle, though. Plot Strengths: *Suddenly, it is a very real nightmare scenario* *Communications go down, rioting begins, a prison cracked open and sprays the shit of soceity all over the town* Does an ex-writer for Airwolf co-ghost write your columns with you? Who writes like that? An image and sentence for all to ponder as you nod off to sleep: *Friends all sharing where they were and what they were doing. A girlfriend that was running from a Tsunami...*

  • Sept. 26, 2012, 1:35 p.m. CST

    Harry, quit pimping out your friends movies.

    by Nichole

    You are losing it brother. This movie was Great, Cuz I'm at Fantastic Fest!

  • Sept. 26, 2012, 1:36 p.m. CST

    To Be Fair...

    by Craig

    To be fair everything seems amazing when you are operating on 4 minutes of sleep over 3 days and hopped up on espresso. Healthy living FTW!

  • Sept. 26, 2012, 1:37 p.m. CST

    Watching Cabin in the Woods right now.

    by Nichole

    This movie is fucking good. Has a Horror Snob and Elitist, I so do declare.

  • Sept. 26, 2012, 1:41 p.m. CST

    As a horror snob! Dedrek don't punish me please.

    by Nichole

  • Sept. 26, 2012, 1:43 p.m. CST

    Harry was the friend with a 'noted lack of game'

    by Harry Bartholomew

  • Sept. 26, 2012, 1:47 p.m. CST

    You get a pass, Phantom :)

    by Jacob Underhill

  • Sept. 26, 2012, 1:50 p.m. CST

    Thank you, dedrek :)

    by Nichole

  • Sept. 26, 2012, 1:53 p.m. CST

    Thank you, dedrek :)

    by Nichole

  • Looking forward happily to the last 3rd. Didn't realize they played the company part/card so early. Good stuff.

  • Sept. 26, 2012, 2:06 p.m. CST

    Speak Spanish or die!

    by Nice Marmot

  • The film is damned brilliant, start to finish!

  • It can set firmly next to my The Thing VHS and The Phantom Creeps DVD in my collection. napolean solo Check out The Phantom Creeps. If you haven't. It's Public Domain. Classic Bela Lugosi!

  • I mean seriously, his being your douchy frat boy hollywood kinda-friend with connections way above his paygrade may be a reason to tolerate his ass, but it is not a reason to put him in front of the fucking camera. Ever. Eli Roth is a bad director, an even worse writer, and isn't anything even remotely resembling an actor. In fact all he really appears to be is a blatant oxygen thief. But I guess he knows all the right dicks to suck, and these days apparently that's enough to build a career around.

  • and enjoyed it even more.

  • No, I don't give a fuck how Quentin spelled it.

  • Sept. 26, 2012, 4:17 p.m. CST

    This is one of the most unbiased reviews I have ever read!

    by Mr. Pricklepants

  • Sept. 26, 2012, 4:17 p.m. CST

    NOT!

    by Mr. Pricklepants

  • Sept. 26, 2012, 5 p.m. CST

    Today in AICN Armageddon news

    by thelordofhell

    "We don't have enough money to pay everybody on the site, so I watched a movie instead of desperately fundraising. But hey, at least I pounded out a smokin' review!!"---Harry

  • Sept. 26, 2012, 5:03 p.m. CST

    Yeah, John Carpenter's "Hollywood hair" quote is awesome

    by Cassius_Crackhead

    Everytime I see a picture of that insufferable douche, Carpenter's timeless quote comes to mind.

  • Sept. 26, 2012, 5:13 p.m. CST

    Empathy for Douchebags

    by animatronicmojo

    So the first act is 40 minutes spent with douche Roth and his douche friends before the big quake happens, and the second act is a half hour or so of disaster porn, before settling into a third act of back alley gang rape and torture porn? To me, that sounds like the worst kind of mendacious and mediocre shite.

  • Sept. 26, 2012, 5:19 p.m. CST

    Eli Roth, CEO of the Douche Network

    by Cassius_Crackhead

    Roth has the kind of face that makes you want to smash it repeatedly with a cinder block. But if you did that, you'd probably be accused of gay bashing.

  • Sept. 26, 2012, 5:40 p.m. CST

    I was at this screening...

    by Zeta

    ...and it really was not very good. Harry is one of the biggest "star fucker's" I have ever come across. I will never trust any of his reviews again.

  • Sept. 26, 2012, 5:45 p.m. CST

    Harry you know you have NO GAME

    by ShakaLaka Lambo

    seriously what self respecting woman would go near harry? In the words of the immortal Hunter S. Thompson "leave that weird fucker alone" . Just like I don't believe Cheryl Miller and Reggie Miller are two seperate people , I swear "cheryl" is just Reggie in a wig , I don't believe Harry has a wife. Harry you are that friend with no game . You ginger basement dwelling toy playing john carter loving hack. What a joke.

  • Seriously msnbc's "banner" for they're election coverage is "Forward 2012" anybody else notice whats on the blue sign in front of Comrade Obummer when he's on the stump? Yep.....FORWARD 2012 .

  • Sept. 26, 2012, 6:54 p.m. CST

    This is one of the funniest talkback ever.

    by Nichole

  • Sept. 26, 2012, 8 p.m. CST

    I shake my head

    by Chris Kirby

    When I read these columns. I think, wow Harry could have spent this time writing about things his readers care about. Time wasted

  • Sept. 26, 2012, 9:44 p.m. CST

    I like it when Latino directors look more Asian.

    by CodeName

  • Sept. 26, 2012, 10:11 p.m. CST

    Still makes me laugh out loud

    by Jacob Underhill

  • Sept. 26, 2012, 10:55 p.m. CST

    Phantomcreeps, agreed

    by BlaGyver

    This rules.

  • Sept. 26, 2012, 10:55 p.m. CST

    Also, regarding "not being able to pay site writers"

    by BlaGyver

    Was that a joke or has that been an issue lately? I'm out of the loop.

  • Hyphens do not serve the same purpose as commas. Good lord. Please please PLEASE get a fucking editor. You don't even have to hire one. Just shoot an article to Quint and be like, "Hey man, would you mind reading over this before I post it?"

  • Sept. 27, 2012, 12:14 a.m. CST

    But Blagyver, that will deprive me of oh so much fun.

    by Jacob Underhill

  • Sept. 27, 2012, 2:08 a.m. CST

    We all have those single friends that just have a noted lack of game

    by Cadillac Jones

    Harry don't even know the rules, let alone the game or lack thereof!

  • Sept. 27, 2012, 5:22 a.m. CST

    Harry, the stuff CHEERLEADERS do on HARDWOOD BLOWs my mind!!!

    by Darth_Kong

    http://www.breitbart.com/Big-Government/2012/09/22/Biden-on-Cheerleaders-the-Stuff-they-do-on-hardwood-blows-my-mind

  • But I'm sure she love you long time, capitalist pig dog.

  • At a certain point, it's not just the tortured syntax and comically ungrammatical constructions that are the problem. It's what the lazy, sloppy writing reveals about the writer and his publisher (in this case, one and the same person). There's an arrogance to publishing sentences like this. The message is: screw you, reader. I'll write whatever I want and you'll sit there and take it. Not forever, I think. This site will be dead if someone doesn't get a better handle on the editorial side of things.

  • Sept. 27, 2012, 9:49 a.m. CST

    Worst of all might be the three spaces after each sentence..

    by Brian Hopper

    There it is in the HTML: space, non-breaking space, space. And it's only Harry's pieces that seem to do this. Because, you know, his sentences are so brilliant that a little dot at the end isn't enough to punctuate their import. You need the three spaces to digest the awesomeness of what you just read.

  • Sept. 27, 2012, 10:07 a.m. CST

    @m6y

    by Jacob Underhill

    Also the predilection to randomly capitalize Nouns. *Eli Roth plays a fairly square recently divorced Legal Firm working Dad* He doesn't do so bad in that regard this time around, but sometimes he goes so far as to PUT random words IN all caps (see his DVD columns for those).

  • Sept. 27, 2012, 10:24 a.m. CST

    Eli Roth gives Brett Ratner a run for his money as biggest douche in Hollywood.

    by SergeantStedenko

    And that says something. There are A LOT of douches in Hollywood.

  • Sept. 27, 2012, 10:25 a.m. CST

    Want to see what an editor can do?

    by Jacob Underhill

    Read M6y's post above....and now take the 'sentence' he posts as an example of Harry's train-wreck writing: *How he left an easy lay, to talk with his daughter - and remember that face and that precious little girl - and suddenly I understand everything that happens for him.* It is 3 fragment thoughts slopped together with random punctuation. Try this: *Remember, he left an easy lay to talk to his daughter. Seeing that face and that precious little girl, suddenly I understand everything that happens to him.* Now, as an editor, I tried to leave his verbiage and thoughts intact, but tidy up the grammatical delivery system. Surprise, surprise! Read my edited sentence in the context of the paragraph...Harry actually has a good point to make. That is what frustrates me so much: He does have a unique viewpoint that I would be interested in, if it weren't wrapped up in such sloppy misusage of the language. Not just sloppy: contemptuous disregard. It is clear he doesn't even deign to spend 10 seconds rereading a single sentence. I honestly think he views himself as a kind of gonzo writer...outside the system, unfettered by all those pesky rules. Sorry Harry: You don;t get to be an Ornette Coleman but never studying music. You have to be a master of the rules before you can creatively break them. There is a fine but definite line between being a master of a game and being a cheater. Masters remake the rules; cheaters break them.

  • Sept. 27, 2012, 10:27 a.m. CST

    darht_kong, that story just makes me love Joe Biden.

    by SergeantStedenko

    He is America's version of Benny Hill. How can you not like the guy? Such an improvement over Darth Sneer.

  • Sept. 27, 2012, 1:26 p.m. CST

    For Gods sake its got Gang Rapes in it

    by Timmid

    What else is Harold going to do but love it ?

  • Sept. 27, 2012, 2:12 p.m. CST

    This is right up Mr. Beaks alley.

    by Robert Evans

    You know the alley behind his apartment building where he takes his "dates" after he roofies them.

  • Sept. 27, 2012, 2:15 p.m. CST

    lol shakalakalambo- a republican complaining about a biased cable news channel?

    by deckards voiceover

    srsly? srsly?? just stop.

  • Sept. 27, 2012, 6:27 p.m. CST

    choppah - Beaks? Yeah, I mean anythings possible right?

    by Darth_Kong

  • Sept. 28, 2012, 8:43 a.m. CST

    The Bear Jew blows!

    by bobbofatz

    You ok tho Harry

  • Sept. 28, 2012, 9:05 a.m. CST

    DOes anyone know what kind of game Harry implied he has?

    by Dan

    If it's Dungeons and Dragons, I buy that, but if it means scoring with the ladies, I don't for one second think that's true. C'mon, who would? A ginger? A large-bodied one...

  • Sept. 28, 2012, 9:16 a.m. CST

    What's with all the elipses?

    by Dan

    Every damn sentence?

  • Sept. 28, 2012, 11:13 a.m. CST

    @zod

    by Jacob Underhill

    Harry likes to write like he speaks, so imagine the ellipses are indicators of a sweaty man so out of breath from mere talking that he has to gasp for air.

  • Oct. 1, 2012, 5:58 a.m. CST

    Harry does it OK whenever he doesn't mention his childhood.

    by Playkins

    The "we all know this guy" thing is uncomfortably close, but at least we didn't have to read about the earthquake he lived through when he was nine that forever changed his life and made THIS VERY FILM so resonant and profound.

  • Oct. 1, 2012, 8:54 a.m. CST

    Tarantino could have picked any other actor...

    by Animorganimate

    ...to play the Bear Jew (including Danny Devito, or Corky from LIFE GOES ON, or even an amateur porn star) for Inglorious Basterds to gain an instant +35% in coolness. Eli Roth is that bad.

  • Or is that Rodriguez I'm thinking of? Anyway, suspect review Big Red. Reeks of trying too hard.

  • Oct. 1, 2012, 5:06 p.m. CST

    Nobody on Earth would want to be Harry's editor

    by Jaka

    You'd have to LITERALLY re-write huge portions of what he's TRYING to say. I know, because I've done it before and posted them in the talkbacks. Clearly, dude just doesn't care what people think about his writing. Seems odd to me, but whatever, it's not my site or my reputation.

  • Oct. 1, 2012, 10:08 p.m. CST

    Harry writes like..

    by IKilledSuperman

    ..a 12 year old. Horrible horrible to read.

  • Oct. 3, 2012, 3:37 p.m. CST

    Harry is a tool

    by rahduke

    Seriously, I've been reading this site for years and if I've learned one thing its that this guy couldn't spot talent if it climbed his wheelchair and sat on his face. I'm sure your a nice guy and all and I sympathize with your disability but seriously you suck dude. This Lopez guy really bites, I made the mistake of watching Santos and it was possibly the worst film ever made. I really don't understand the motivation behind pumping up this talentless hack. Maybe Harry genuinely thinks he is good, that is a scary thought although considering Harry's "accomplishments" in film are dubious at best (curious that Fanboys isn't listed on your imdb, the second worst movie possibly ever made) he has lost what little credibility he had left.

  • Oct. 3, 2012, 3:43 p.m. CST

    Site Redesign

    by rahduke

    While I'm ranting let me add that this g-d site needs a g-d redesign it's the most scattershot haphazard design on the entire web. PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD HAVE SOMEONE REDESIGN THIS HEAP OF GARBAGE. It would be nice if your search worked even a little bit. CHUD needs another redesign too!

  • Oct. 4, 2012, 10:37 p.m. CST

    Roth just reeks of douchebag...

    by Homer Sexual

    Really, so unlikeable. Harry likes weird stuff sometimes and made me see Roth's Cabin Fever. Eli Roth was ok in Inglorious Bastards but A. Tarantino is the king of getting decent performances out of mediocre actors, and B. His character was supposed to be an asshole. So it worked for him.

  • Oct. 5, 2012, 1:38 p.m. CST

    Harry...

    by shawn_h

    YOURE BIG FAT DIARRHEA!

  • Oct. 5, 2012, 1:39 p.m. CST

    your reviews are brain farts.

    by shawn_h

    Like somebody else said!

  • We called him Bear Jew up until we sold him.

  • Oct. 15, 2012, 3:15 p.m. CST

    If the pup was chubby..should have called him Harry

    by shawn_h

    yep

  • Oct. 15, 2012, 3:16 p.m. CST

    And its no suprise Harry gives a positive review to a friend

    by shawn_h

    none at all.

  • Oct. 21, 2012, 3:54 a.m. CST

    I JUST CAN'T DO IT ANYMORE

    by ScaryJim

    This reads like something that has been written by a Chinese fanboy and babelfished into so-called English. Honestly, enthusiasm shouldn't give people a pass to publish writing. And in what universe is '...got no game' an actual thing that should be uttered by anyone of reasonable intelligence that ISN'T in some shitty frat boy comedy? I'm one of the few people that liked 'Cabin Fever' but even so, this review reeks.

  • Nov. 8, 2012, 3:30 a.m. CST

    Did they get him through the door?

    by Adam Kirchoff

    That's cracked. Between Halloween and jerking off to Casablanca on Blu-Ray... how can he find the time?

  • Nov. 8, 2012, 3:31 a.m. CST

    THAT PIC....

    by Adam Kirchoff

    I thought that skank from Transformers looked WAY better!

  • Nov. 8, 2012, 3:34 a.m. CST

    BEAR-jew

    by Adam Kirchoff

  • Nov. 8, 2012, 3:34 a.m. CST

    BEAR-jew... LOL

    by Adam Kirchoff

  • Nov. 8, 2012, 3:34 a.m. CST

    by Adam Kirchoff

    That joke explains itself!

  • Nov. 25, 2012, 4:58 p.m. CST

    Credibility went out the window a long time ago with Harry

    by Seth Gecko

    Roth always gets a free plug with Knowles. He is a suck up. What a joke.

  • Dec. 13, 2012, 9:38 p.m. CST

    puppeteer

    by Tony

    I'm not quite sure I understand what Marty meant when he referenced "puppeteer" in the movie. Can someone explain? I'm not quite sure I understood the plot of the movie.