I DREAMED OF AFRICA review
Published at: May 3, 2000, 4:17 a.m. CST by headgeek
I have no clue who to blame about the stiflingly awful
film that I stumbled across today, but I’m left... rather
stunned that a studio would actually release this
abomination unto the world.
In the realm of bad cinema you have many levels of
hell... In a way it’s alot like Dante’s map of heaven,
purgatory and hell. Upon each of these levels there
is a different level of bliss or pain.
I DREAMED OF AFRICA may very well be the
lowest descent into Hell I’ve taken thus far in my
years of cinematic experiences.
First, you tell me it’s directed by the man that brought
me CHARIOTS OF FIRE and GREYSTOKE... two
films I enjoyed quite a bit. At ShoWest, I saw the
product reel for the film and had this to say:
“I DREAMED OF AFRICA: Directed by Hugh
"CHARIOTS OF FIRE" Hudson. At first glance I
thought... Hmmm.... OUT OF AFRICA minus Meryl
Streep and Robert Redford and with the amazing
talents of Kim Basinger? But ya know what. This is
beautiful. Images of a hacked apart rhino and other
dead animals... the chasing and brutality of poachers... a
stunning shot of a cobra throwing it's venom... a
windmill collapsing on the African tundra. Has anyone
seen or heard anything on this one?”
In fact Moriarty went even further and said he loved
this Clip!
Looks can be quite deceiving.
I DREAMED OF AFRICA is a film devoid of
narrative structure. You see... No two scenes lead
into one another.... EXCEPT for when in so doing it
would be a Cliché.
I know that sounds impossible, but the film was either
written by a complete Neanderthal, shot by one or
edited together by one.
This is grade school homework on film by the village
idiot society. You can not... under any circumstances
convince me that the same director did CHARIOTS
OF FIRE and this film.
There is no dramatic arc to the film. No narrative
structure. No growth by any characters. Every
tragedy is telegraphed by a TUBA. It is a film of
sub-plots that never amount to anything.
Wife and Husband fighting. Result. None.
Son and Native friend. Result. None.
Mother vs Daughter. Result. None.
Basinger and Tribal boss. Result. None.
Then there are the characters and developments that...
just suddenly appear, like the son’s fascination with
snakes. Or his mysterious, where the hell did the
girlfriend come from part.
Oh... did I mention the Narration? No? Oh dear
God, there’s the narration... as if written by Edward D
Wood Jr, minus the dated camp humor. There are
scenes after scenes of roving African landscape with
Kim’s stunning face and a narration talking about...
oh... how lonely she is.
But see... I don’t really know who to blame for this
one. It’s like a universal nightmare just exploded on
screen.
What’s the film about?
In a nutshell, a self-important woman gets kicked in
the face by life, while taking no lessons from it.
Vincent Perez? Well, he tries to be Antonio
Banderas, but he comes across like a glue sniffer in
this film.
At all points, anytime we might possibly fall endanger
of seeing a narrative develop, a plane flies in and we
get p.o.v. shots of Africa from the air.
Oh.. which brings me to the shitty photography in I
DREAMED OF AFRICA.
Now I know... “but those shots are gorgeous, it’s so
epic...” BULLSHIT... The camera work is sloppy,
the colors muted, the angles bland and locked down.
It always feels like a postcard that you can’t move
that... was a card you didn’t buy.
They can’t even handle dialogue filming adequately.
It’s as if the film was thrown together by first year
film students that hadn’t had a production class yet.
The script? Well, I can’t say, I never read it, but as it
is perceived by this finished product... It’s
non-existent.
This film is boring, dull, tedious, monotonous,
un-interesting, ho-hum, tiresome, wearisome, irksome
as well as being terrible, awful, dreadful, amateurish,
unaccomplished, unprofessional and just plain
BLAH!
This felt like a 6 part mini-series made up of 2 hour
installments, that was forced to be cut down to 2 and
a half hours, but had to tell the whole story.
As bad as they can ever come. Our screening had
walk out after walk out. Afterwards I stood outside
the theater with a dozen or so folks talking about the
stunning display of ineptitude. How does something
like this happen? What’s the history on this film?
Was it taken away from the director? Was there a
script? Was it tested to death? What’s missing? I
mean, obviously the second half to every scene in the
film, but besides that... Was that by design?
This is the sort of film that makes some people not
want to risk seeing movies and paying money. It’s a
slap in the face and bad for filmmaking everywhere
that it be given a screen to stink up. I met NOONE at
the screening that could defend an iota of the film.
Unequivocally, this film sleeps with the fishes.