Cool News
Sheriff John T. Chance takes a look at DINOSAUR and GONE IN SIXTY SECONDS!!!!
Hey folks, Sheriff John T. Chance is back... with a vengence having seen BATTLEFIELD EARTH and SHANGHAI NOON the first time out, this time his tired old hands with their arthritic knuckles and callused soles of his feet... this time he got all spiffed up and headed out to wrangle up reviews of DINOSAUR and GONE IN SIXTY SECONDS. How did he do it? My guess, he just walked on the Disney lot, told Eisner about the good ol days when he (our Sheriff) and Walt used to shoot rats down by the old train tracks while J Edgar sung Marlene Dietrich numbers while pulling his standard Rockettes' number. Next thing ya know... he's sitting down watching a pair of anticipated Summer flicks... here we go....
Sheriff John T. Chance here. Okay you dangnamable varmints, you caught my
failing memory. See, there was this time back in the golden days when I was
a bit slow with a six shooter and caught a slug behind my left ear. The old
noggin's never been the same and now I tend to forget names. I'll be more
careful from now on, not because you scared me, mind you, but because you
deserve better. And from now on, I'll refer to OWEN Wilson as "The Blonde
One". Hell, it works for the Baldwin's.
Two films were screened in the saloon today. Both fairly good.
Dinosaur
First was Dinosaur. Now this rough and tumble Sheriff don't normally go for
cartoons, in fact I deplore pure shite like Tarzan and El Dorado. But when
I had the opportunity to watch the Rat's latest opus, I decided I was up for
a few hours of torture.
Low and behold, it wasn't torture. I'll start with the animation. You've
never seen anything like this come out of the US before. Only Japanese
animators have surpassed the pure visual glee I was filled with while
watching this film. The folks at the Rat have mixed CGI with old-fashioned
artwork to create the most stunning images I could've hoped for.
The plot is a bit thin, a dino is raised by a family of lemurs(why lemurs?
). There's an outcast story, a meteor shower story, and underdog triumph
story and a happy ending. But we don't expect Shakespeare from the Rat, now
do we?
The meteor shower alone is worth the price of ten tickets. The "actors" are
mostly B names, but that's fine. Like wen I was forced to watch Pocahontas,
I couldn't help but think "For crying out loud, that blonde-tressed pussy
isn't Mel!). In other words, the actors never become distracting(Rosie in
Tarzan anyone?)so I consider that a great job.
I expect this to be Disney's most successful(critically and
commercially)cartoon since Hamlet. Whoops, I mean, The Lion King. And
Dinosaur doesn't have any stereotypical villains confused about their
sexuality.
Final thoughts. Spectacular visuals cover up an average plot and the
kiddies should like the dumb humor. 3.5 boxes of popcorn with extra butter.
- - - - -
Gone In 60 Seconds
I can't figure out why people treat Bruckheimer like the Anti-Christ. Sure,
he doesn't make art films. Sure he doesn't know shite about character
development. But his films are pure eye candy and usually a thrill ride. I
enjoyed The Rock. I hated the hell out of Armageddon which was offensive
and annoying. I didn't know what to expect when I tuned in for Gone in 60
Seconds, but because it had the gorgeous and mysterious Angelina Jolie, I
was there.
So, did anyone really see the original? I didn't, but it sounds like pure
and utter crap. I don't know how much of the "plot" carries through, but
the new version starts with Nic Cages brother(Giovanni Ribisi)getting
kidnapped. His captors want a whole buttload of cars in ransom. Good thing
Cage is an expert car thief. But, he can't do it all alone so he sets out
to build his team. Straight out of one of the worst parts of Armageddon, we
recruit the members in a drawn out, unfunny, and unneeded "getting to know
you" segment. Please hold my badge while I vomit. Once we get to the
actual thefts, it speeds up(pun intended)and becomes an enjoyable ride(pun
intended).
The plot. I just told you what the plot was. There really isn't anything
else. Car stealing, car chases, car explosions, lots of fun stuff with cool
cars.
The performances are solid. I didn't much care for Cage, who seems to be
doing his Con Air schtick to the max. When is he going to do good work
again? Or was Leaving Las Vegas an aberration? Jolie is this Sheriff's wet
dream. I was hoping to get a glimpse of her ta-tas, but was left wanting.
Oh well, I'll have to get out my copy of Gia. She's pretty good here, and
obviously has more fun than in last year's stink bomb The Bone Collector. I
liked Delroy Lindo. Master P was a waste of celluloid. Ribisi was pretty
good, as was Scott Caan. For this type of flick, the actors were above
average.
Final thoughts? Don't go in expecting an intricate plot full of twists and
turns. If you're an action fan, you should enjoy this. Three boxes of
unevenly buttered and salted popcorn.(would've been 3.5 if they'd have
showed us Angelina's ta-tas).
You're praise and criticism is expected.
This is Sheriff John T Chance shining his star and signing out
-
+ Expand All
-
I saw a double bill of GONE IN SIXTY SECONDS & EAT MY DUST when I was 10 years old and they both kicked ass. I recently picked up a video copy of GONE and it still kicks ass! It didn't need some lame "kidnapping" plot. It was all about stealing cars and had the ultimate car chase, 45 minutes long!!! My 10 year old memories store GONE right up there with DIRTY MARY CRAZY LARRY. A question thugh, why remake this movie? Don't they normally remake old movies or tv shows for the instant built in name recognition? Does anyone other than me know this is a remake?
-
GONE IN SIXTY SECONDS is getting my $9.50 if only because I've never seen a speeding police car get slammed through a wall by a wrecking ball. It also helps that Sena's a much better director than Bay.
-
I ne'er heard a cowboy use the word "shite" before. Intersting. I'll see "Gone" for the "little Angel" alone. As her new spouse would say: "MM, hmm..." I'll see anything with her. I won't see Dinosaur. Looks real stupid-like. Why cain't Disney do somethin' original?*****To "the Sherriff": your article started out well, in the western vernacular, but you quickly slid back into hollywood quiptic cryptic critic. For shame. I'm telling you Harry, if they're going to use a silly name, they ought to write like it.
-
That's one bet I'd take. No way is "Dinosaur" going to run away with the box office "Toy Story 2"-style. Other than the animation, what is it other than a weird "The Land Before Time" retread?
-
Because they are cute (of course, they missed coexisting with dinosaurs by about 80 million years, but who's counting), and they will fulfill the crucial role of small, clingy comedic sidekick (TM). What Disney film has ever lacked this vital and totally unpredictable character? Aladdin? Nope. Sword in the Stone? Nope. Mulan? Nope. Pinocchio? Nope. Robin Hood? Nope. Hell, even The Black Cauldron has one. It is the distinction that the small, clingy sidekick character is a mammal and not a smaller dinosaur that distinguishes this film from Land Before Time I-VI. Rock on, Disney, rock on.
-
May 02, 2000 12:50:45 PM CDT
What a laugh...Angeline Jolie...mysterious! Bwahahahah....
by superninja
That girl wouldn't know mystery if it bit her in the arse! Very lovely, good actress, but totally whacked. I will see Gone just for the car chases.
-
May 02, 2000 1:00:01 PM CDT
Bruckheimer knows how to make a film that I love and hate at the
by superninja
Damned if that contrived thing Cage does with his hands in the trailer, "Okay...Let's go!" isn't stuck in my head on a daily basis. My boyfriend and I do that damn little bit all the time driving around town -- it won't go away! I laughed aloud many times in Armageddon in what other audience members deemed inappropriate places. But c'mon -- that MTV montage where Bruce Willis dies if freakin' hilarous!
-
he wishes he was a Trainspotting badass... and don't we all...
-
It has to be The Flight of Dragons, and it gives Disney a good hard kick up the arse. Sorry, I should have said kid's cartoon, as Akira is probably the best cartoon for adults. Flight of Dragons has everything; good animation , fresh ideas, music, humour (and not in a cute disney sidekick way), death (ahhh), sacrifice (rewarded), James Earl Jones (if you're wondering, of course he's the bad guy!) and a title song by Don 'American Pie' McLean. Beat that, you Disney cissies! No one else I know has seen it. Can anyone else here back me up?
-
Hell yeah! Word to that Mephisto! Flight of Dragons was the end all be all! I love that film!
-
I don't wanna get any of your PR department sploosh all over me. Oh, brother...
-
1.) Shite, I wish I was a Trainspotting badass. 2.) I agree with the previous post. A mention of the performance of Duvall -- unquestionably one of the greatest living actors -- should have been included.
-
I can easily see this film making around 200 million, the kiddies will go again and again and will drag their parents along the way. Why can't action films be less cliched and have originality?
-
Is there any movie greater than this one?...well, sure. But is there any movie so cool?...well...A Clockwork Orange just beats it. I swear to God, my long lasting dream would be for David Fincher to make a sequel to Fight Club ever year for the rest of his damn life!! I just want to watch Edward Norton's character over and over over. Possibly one of the greatest characters ever written and acted for the big screen. So many people dont realize how great this movie is. They have missed so much about it. The last scene of in the movie where Norton and Carter hold hands as they watch the buildings explode around them is so disturbing and so beautiful at the same time. Sure this has nothing to do with GONE and DINASOUR, but who gives a fuck? Only movie worth seeing this summer is Gladiator and Where the Heart Is(because Natalie Portman, my wife, is the most stunninly beautiful creature this planet contains.) "I am Jack's diminishing self-worth." "What company do you work for?....A major one." "You met me at a very strange time in my life" "I wanted to destroy something beautiful" "You take parasites the first and third week of the month" "I am Jack's cold sweat." "We were selling rich women their own fat asses back to them." "The things you own end up owning you."
-
gotta agree - that bit cage does with his hands before drawling 'OK, let's go' in the '60 seconds' trailer is so contrived it's actually kinda slick, but duvall bellowing 'you break it you buy it, my friend' before breaking into his demented col. kilgore laugh is the best thing i've seen in a summer movie trailer so far.
-
May 02, 2000 6:16:26 PM CDT
There is really no excuse for Disney movies to have such lousy w
by twindaggerturkey
Pixar, at least, has discovered that shitty writing isn't necessary to make money. Flight of Dragons...hmm..correct me if I'm wrong but didn't the hero vanquish the villain in that one by reciting the names of different branches of science? It was going along okay till then.
-
Excuse me, but if all you need ara a pair of tits to enjoy a movie, why don't you just spend the night at home with your Jugs magazine and a bag of licorice, and spare me. To think, I actually sat through and enjoyed Gladiator and I never even expected to see Russel Crowe's wee-wee. What are you, in grade four?
-
I've been visiting this site for only a month, but I couldn't take it any longer. I don't try to make myself seem articulate or refined because I love Movies, Literature, Opera's etc.. But am I a lesser being because I enjoyed Armageddon? Am I a mindless zombie for enjoying Eposide one? I know we all have diffrent opinions, but I hate to be classed as a statistic. I can honestly say I enjoy all forms of cinema, from cheesy Disney movies (I have the Tarzan soundtrack, so what) to epic war movies. I even saw the creativity and genius of D.W. Griffith's Birth of a nation and I'm half African American. I judge movies by plot, editing, music, etc. Like, Keanu was brilliant in the Matrix he didn't have to show more than 3 emotions (scared, mono, anger) I would never say an actor sucks because I hate him. Shit, I fucking hate Reese Witherspoon (I really don't know why) but she played the excellent over-achiever in Election. Now some actors do need to own up for the roles they play, like what was Kathleen Turner thinking when she accepted Baby Geniues? Well I ranting so I guess I better stop before I get flooded with hate mail.
-
i was impressed
-
It was filmed by the place I grew up at; Torrance, Gardena, Redondo, Long Beach, San Pedro. I dont Remember too much except that the hero gets away in a car with water based paint when he drives through the car wash (That area is now a 99 cent store)
I hope the drive down 190th street in Torrance in the remake like in the original. It is the closest to San Frans' hilly scenery available here in the South Bay. -
"Gone in 60 Seconds" - The film's title, or the inevitable fate of this movie the day it opens?
-
Actually it's shyte. Or at least that's the way they spell it in all the Irish stuff where it originated. I have a 2 1/2 year old brother. If I can sit through Elmapolooza, Dinosaur will be a cake walk.
I dig the tron Harry. -
You know, it makes me sick to see people rant about how great the visual effects are in Dinosaur. Why? Because they are by far not the best! Wow, computerized dinosaurs! Now where have we seen those before? (coughjurassicparkcoughcough). So I am unimpressed with that aspect of the film. Then there is the lame-ass, tame-ass Land Before Time story. Damn I hate Disney with a passion. Never, EVER, can they do their own fucking stories. The only Disney movies that were truly great were both Toy Storys, and maybe Tarzan. Yes, I like Tarzan so sue me. But the rest is shit. So this summer, don't see this movie because the visuals look "neat". Because, believe me, there is a better movie on the way with visual so superior, you'll shit in your pants. What is this movie I speak of? Two words: Final Fantasy. Catch it
-
May 03, 2000 9:06:46 AM CDT
DarthEvil is gone in 60 seconds to vomit about Gone in 60 Second
by craiggers
When I first saw this trailer, I turned to my friend who was sitting beside me, and threw up in his face. It was humiliating and I blame Jerry Bruckheimer. Come on though; will we ever STOP with the fucking remakes for God's sake. I mean, ugh, there are no words for it. Then minute I saw the part where the car crashes through the window, and you here Britney Spears yell "Stop!" I got violently ill and I couldn't hold the bile from spewing. What kind of interesting story can be made from this plot? Oh, they are stealing cars, again, again, again, again, roll credits movie over. Wow, what a waste of celluloid, talent, and money. This is movie I think I'll miss this summer...
-
well, for a counter-opinion, a guy I know who was a major player in the Jurassic Park CG production at ILM and saw Dinosaur this last weekend says he was completely blown away.
-
DarthEvil, you are not alone in liking Tarzan. Sure I wanted to smack the Rosie character but the deep-canvas effects were awesome. And hey, imagine that, I also vomited after seeing the promo for Gone in 60 seconds. I enjoyed Crimson Tide and The Rock, but everything else Bruckheimer has done since then has been pure horseshit. Including Con-Air, which had it's moments but not enough to make me say I liked it. As for Armeggedon, I had to leave the theatre because I couldn't stop laughing. Timmy!
-
Because Disney keeps taunting us with these films with great promise -- they have the potential to be much better than they actually are because Disney plays it safe everytime. But they used to not do that -- they raised the bar with Fantasia -- I had never been so scared as a kid upon seeing Night on Bald Mountain! That thing was scary as $hit and is forever imbedded into my consciousness. Even their Headless Horseman was scary. But Disney has left all of that behind -- great villains like Maleficent, the Wicked Queen from Snow White, the Evil Stepmother from Cinderella. The last GREAT villain IMHO was Ursula from The Little Mermaid. I love that film, but it started the formula that Disney has never stopped copying. You can't say in all honesty that Tarzan lived up to its potential. I know it's a kids film, but did we really need the cute little elephant and Rosie O'Donnell in there? No way! That's just suits pushing merchandising and you know it. Tarzan could've been full of pathos and yet appealing on a level to children as well. They certainly didn't spare the violence, so I don't see what the problem is with leaving all that cute $hit out.
-
Sir Peter started quoting branches of science because Omedon was calling on witches, ghouls, harpies etc. So he had to respond in kind, as it was the only way to defeat him. He had to show magic to be be unlogical, and therefore unable to survive in the world of men. Tell me, how is that not a good ending? Blue Harlequin, thanks. It's good to know that I'm not alone in knowing it's the BEST KID'S CARTOON EVER!
-
He just seemed like a repressed Catholic priest to me. But he was creepy.
-
So, people are questioning me? Let's see, I say shite because, when I was just a wee lass, I lived in the constant drizzle of Jolly ole England. It wasn't until I was approaching adulthood that I took up the law and moved to the States. But what the feck do you care how I spell anyway?
Now, I said Dinos was going to be the Rat's biggest hit since Hamlet and someone mentioned Toy Story Deuce. I consider TS squared to be Pixar's excellent work, not the Rat. and Toy Story dos is a far, far superior film to either Lion King or Dinos.
Regarding Angelina's ta-tas. I still enjoyed the movie without them, I just would've liked it more with them. What's wrong with that? It's like going to a Cardinals game without a McGwire home run.
Regarding Duvall, I hate to say it, but he has to quit taking roles for money. It showed in Deep Impact and it shows in 60 Sec. He is so good sometimes, but he's so average here.
And to the gent who said my reviews were studio puff? ROTFL. When I really, really like a film, it'll get more than 3.5 boxes of popcorn. -
OK, I compare the new Gone in Sixty Seconds to the remake of Vanishing Point that came out a few years ago. They took the same storyline but made the hero a Purple heart veteran trying to get to the hospital and his pregnant wife, instead of the original speedfreak ex-cop tearing across the country on a bet. I'll assume that Cage character will receive the same homogenizing, but there should still be some badass car chases.
-
Okay kids, i hate to say, but from the trailer and the footage I've been shown (I'm convinced I've seen the entire movie by now) Dinosaur is horrible. As I said in the previous Dinosaur news bit, Disney's just following a formula ever since The Lion King. And it's all because of that ass Michael Eisner. Instead of taking a chance on a NEW story, they just recycle the same old thing over and over again, only with different characters. And all this crap about "the animation is INCREDIBLE!!!" is just that: crap. I've seen enough to know that it doesn't look ANY better than any of the other well done CGI out there. Audiences WILL NOT flock to a movie based on FX alone. Everyone wonders why Disney animated movies have been doing less and less with each subsequent one? It's because they've been overly formulaic and people are catching on. Hell, even the kids are catching on! At the theater I work at we have a VERY high traffic of kids, and everytime they see the Dinosaur poster and trailer these kids almost GROAN, as well as the parents. Our print of the Flintstones has at least 3 trailers that I can remember putting on it. First is Dinosaur, then Rocky and Bullwinkle, then X-Men. Dinosaur either gets ZERO reaction or groans. Rocky and Bullwinkle gets a lot of laughs and cheers. X-Men has the kids and, i many cases, their parents to jump up in their seats cheering. Proof positive that no one wants the same old crap, not even the kids.
-
Ignoring Pixar movies, for the moment, although the same Disney execs preside over them in almost the same way: Beauty and the Beast $145M, Aladdin $217M, Lion King $300M, Pocahontas $175M, Hunchback of Notre Dame $100M, Hercules $100M, Mulan $125M, Tarzan $170M. Where's the downward trend? All it tells me is that Disney consistently hits $100 million and often does much better. Anyway, no big deal either way.
-
S&D: I love Bobby Duvall. He starred in two of my most favorite films, Lonesome Dove and La Peste. He is one of the greatet actors ever to step foot in Tinseltown. But, that doesn't mean he can't turn in an average performance. And he did in Gone in 60 Seconds. He did in Deep Impact and The Scarlett Letter and Something To Talk About and The Gingerbread Man. You can't honestly say he was in top form in any of those films, can you? That said, Duvall giving an average performance is better than 90%of the other actors out there.
-
...nuff said... I ain't dissin' these movies till I see them, so don't even criticize something you have not seen by saying you're gonna catch a matinee... maybe you're broke!!!
-
First off, is it possible that we've all been a bit spoiled by the CGI films so far? Think about it: Toy Story, Antz, Bugs Life, Toy Story 2 and the CG parts of Prince of Egypt- not a stinker among them. Eventually, someone had to make a CGI movie with a duhhhhh plot, and unfortuately it appears that this 200 million epic will be it.
As for Bruckheimer, he makes two kinds of films- trash good and trash bad . Personally, it looks like a live action version of Grand Theft Auto, and there's nothing wrong with that. -
*Snickers* Personally, I think that Dinosaur will rock. I reeeeally want to see that movie, same old story line or not. The dinosaurs look amazingly realistic...even though the brachiosaurus Balene looks a bit dopey. Or is she an aptosaurus? *Shrugs* I am a huge dinosaur lover. Walking with Dinosaurs was a GREAT educationaly show. I loved it. Especially the raptors, and carnosaurs in general. But Dinosaur is for entertainment. The lemurs are a bit farfetched, but their cute. Aladar the Iguanadon does have the beak...its just inside his mouth. But the facts don't really matter all that much with a childrens movie. Sure, their are children dino nuts out their, and they'll know whats wrong or right, but like I said, its an entertainment movie. The effects look wonderful, and the music is beautiful. I bought the soundtrack the day it came out. By the way, it makes me happy their are no happy little Disney songs in it...it would have killed it. Too serious a movie for that. The dinosaurs are pretty good, and the effects are the best dinosaur this side of Walking with Dinosaurs. Better perhaps in a few ways. As for the story line, I admit, its a bit redundant. Disney does keep using the same story line, but you know what? I still love their movies. I don't care. Crappy storylines or not, they have some of the best animation around. Personally, I hope to become an animator. That's beside the point though. I think that this movie will do good in the box offices. Many of my friends want to see this movie, as do many kids I'm sure. Jurassic Park was a little toy compared to this movie...(Though I did love both Jurassic Park and The Lost World) The dinosaurs blend wonderfully with the live action background, and though you guys find this movie sad an pathetic, I say you should see it. It should make quite good eye candy, the music will make you sigh, and, at I know, I will want to see it again and again and again...aaaahhh Dinosaur....
TeknoKat
http://hometown.aol.com/ferrato85/frameset.html
-
The original had over 90 cars destroyed (yes, that's a lot more than the Blues Brothers). I will go see the movie if it is billed the same way and in fact surpasses that total.
-
As the webmaster of The Original Classic's Unofficial Fanpage
http://www.gonein60secondsfan.com
I would like to note that the Original Classic will be best remembered for its 40 minute chase, with 93 cars destroyed, and the final jump. Plot, dialogue, cinematography, acting, are all secondary concerns.
Readers Talkback
User Login
Top Talkbacks
- Whitney Houston 1963 - 2012 -- 419 total posts 209 posts
- WTF HOLLYWOOD: SOLARBABIES -- 131 total posts 129 posts
- Herc’s Seen Tonight’s Return Of THE WALKING DEAD!! Discuss Also DOWNTON ABBEY, FEAR FACTOR, PAN AM, ONCE, SIMPSONS, DYNAMITE, LUCK, SHAMELESS, BAIT CAR, THE GRAMMYS And More!! Sunday Is Sweeps Day 11!! -- 123 total posts 122 posts
- New JUDGE DREDD post production footage pops up -- 124 total posts 58 posts
- There's a STAR TREK video game that is going to lead into JJ's STAR TREK 2 apparently... -- 191 total posts 47 posts
- Avid Comic Reader Hercules Does Battle With Tedium During Kevin Smith’s COMIC BOOK MEN! -- 43 total posts 43 posts
- If the Behind the Scenes Pics of the Day drops her pen, pick it up, but don’t look at her legs or else it will be on your record. -- 60 total posts 42 posts
- I am The Behind the Scenes Pics of the Day! No, I’m the Behind the Scenes Pic of the Day! -- 27 total posts 27 posts
- To Commemorate The 3D Release Of STAR WARS EPISODE I: THE PHANTOM MENACE, George Lucas Wants You To Know...Greedo Shoots First!! -- 506 total posts 26 posts
- HANNA's Saoirse Ronan to boss around seven little people -- 77 total posts 24 posts