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New Trailer For HANSEL AND GRETEL: WITCH HUNTERS!
Beaks here...
It's a little bit VAN HELSING and a little bit Terry Gilliam's THE BROTHERS GRIMM. I don't like either of those films, but maybe the combination of the two will hit the sweet spot. Let's take a look at the latest trailer for Tommy Wirkola's follow up to the Nazi zombie flick, DEAD SNOW.
HANSEL AND GRETEL: WITCH HUNTERS was originally scheduled to hit theaters last March. Is this delay a sign of trouble? We'll find out on January 11, 2013.
Readers Talkback
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the delay of this movie worries me, jerremy renner should stop this and just be apart of iron man 3 or captain america 2
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Sept. 4, 2012, 12:24 p.m. CST
This will be so ridiculously bad that it might go full circle...
by RandySavage
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Sept. 4, 2012, 12:27 p.m. CST
Hope this is just another Dark Shadows situation...
by schlockthemonkey
Crappy Trailer but the movie turns out to be great.
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I mean look it could be fun. But the tone of it all just didn't seem to fit. And when they were trying to make it look cool just came off kind of corny.
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Sept. 4, 2012, 12:33 p.m. CST
The American accent's hilarious when she says "I'm Gretel, this is HANsel." Looks like an overbudgeted B movie, could be fun
by FreeBeer
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was to capitalize on whatever box office clout could be gained from Renner's two summer releases as well as, er, Abe Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. Two out of three ain't bad.
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I think I'd rather be skinned alive in public than see this movie even once.
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Sept. 4, 2012, 12:35 p.m. CST
This is a joke, right? This can't be real. It can't be.
by Raptor Jesus
Christ, is Hollywood this AWFUL? Oh, and I like Jeremy Renner fine but someone please tell him he DOESN'T NEED TO BE IN EVERY FUCKING MOVIE THAT COMES OUT.
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In a shitty sort of way.
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...but Kate Beckinsale kept her clothes on so I couldn't see them.
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Oh, and this looks like "Van Helsing." Dogshit.
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The new "Van Helsing" indeed. Holywood never learns.
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Sept. 4, 2012, 12:40 p.m. CST
For whatever reason, thought this was supposed to take place in modern day NYC
by annie_michael_hall
I have no idea why, I thought I saw a publicity show of them in their period clothing and gear in the middle of times square. Oh well. Looks way less interesting.
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Cool concept but do we really need witches with miniguns? And isn't bullet (arrow) time a little fucked out? I mean seriously, folks.
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Sept. 4, 2012, 12:41 p.m. CST
Don't you mean "Hope this is just another Dark Shadows situation...Crappy Trailer but the movie turns out to be CRAP AS WELL."
by art123guy
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At first it looks just cheap and stupid - but then? Gretyl's headbutt at .56. I mean, wow. That was a headbutt to me and my assumptions. Wirkola & Jansen are setting new standards here. I mean, look at the way she sells it. The look in her eyes, like death is coming. The unbelievable speed and athleticism. And the connect!? Jesus, that guy's not getting up! I'm thinking dislocated jaw at the minimum. Well done, Hollywood. Damn you, well done.
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But "Dark Shadow" was not great, it was some kind of bad. Can't say i was disapointed, becuse i wasn't expecting much. But it was some kind of crappy.
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Sept. 4, 2012, 12:43 p.m. CST
Love corny stuff like this, and I liked Dod Sno as well - I'm in...
by obijuanmartinez
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Sept. 4, 2012, 12:45 p.m. CST
Following Hansel and Gretel is Lil' Red Riding Hood and boy, does she have a surprise for the Big Bad Wolf
by Stalkeye
CLICK,CLICK RATTATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATA! BOOM! BOOM! BLAMO! KRAK-KOOOOM! CLICK, CLICK A Mikey Bay Film Summer 2013
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Sept. 4, 2012, 12:46 p.m. CST
rather see a Live action adaptation of Darkstalkers than this.
by Stalkeye
Jus sayin.
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You could literally see the steam coming off that turd.
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Was it here where I read that? Supposedly some really fun heavy on violence and humor R rating cut and then the watered down pg-13 version. And the studio (surprise surprise) have no idea what to do with the movie so they tested (are testing?) both versions
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Sept. 4, 2012, 12:51 p.m. CST
It looks like a Downs Syndrome child remixed the worst parts of Van Helsing, Clash of the Titans, Resident Evil, etc etc etc vomit
by golden tribw
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i mean really how do you catergorise this genre? bastardized remake?
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Sept. 4, 2012, 12:56 p.m. CST
Is Hollywood really THAT desperate for name recognition?
by KEVIN_COSTNERS_RECYCLED_PISS
For fucks sake just kill me now.
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Hansel? HANSEL?! Han-sel.
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probably awful. But ill see it anyway
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Sept. 4, 2012, 1:02 p.m. CST
but witches were just normal women persecuted by bible bashers.
by JAMF
fuck hansel and gretel.
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Not this dawgshit
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Sept. 4, 2012, 1:04 p.m. CST
so syfy channel movies are getting theatrical releases now?
by nephilim138
fucking garbage.
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Sept. 4, 2012, 1:05 p.m. CST
From March, to get the jump on against Mirror Mirror and Snow White/Huntsman, to January...and boy,
by openthepodbaydoorshal
it looks like such a misguided mess.....
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and Jeremy Renner speaking like he is from Michigan or Minnesota, while the rest of the cast have english accents. Still might be worth seeing just to see Gemma. Interesting weapons...i wonder who "Q" is in this one
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From the people who brought you other shit you didn't see
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Sept. 4, 2012, 1:18 p.m. CST
Nice to see the military industrial complex is outfitting witches too.
by whatevillurks
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Sept. 4, 2012, 1:18 p.m. CST
RE: If it's Torque level of terribleness, I'll go watch it. by nuts
by Guyver1138
Awesome comment! Torque holds a special place in my DVD collection mounted on a plaque with special lighting. That's how amazing that movie was.
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So Gretel played by Brit Gemma Arteton seems to have an American accent?? And isn't this set in Europe, shouldn't we at least fake German accents somewhat at least. I mean Peter Stormare is giving his accent at least all Swedish like. Anyway, I am hoping for a so bad it's good for this because at this point and with it being in the January dumping ground it is probably just bad. Maybe it will be fun!
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With better clay-mation.
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Sept. 4, 2012, 1:44 p.m. CST
seriously, this is like a big budget version of a Funny Or Die spoof video
by Squinty CGI Flynn
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Sept. 4, 2012, 1:47 p.m. CST
I had thought this was in the can prior to Renner finishing The Avengers
by angry kitty
Isn't showing this now the equivalent of exploitation? Banking on his appeal in Avengers & Bourne? Kind of like pulling out an old sex tape. No, on second thought, more like pulling out an old film school rejected submission.
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was that they actually didn't show you whatever big bad thing was in the tree at the end...I'm sick of previews giving away every last good/exciting/surprising bit of a movie.
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The Masked Avenger" Bugs Bunny Hansel and Gretel
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No one said every movie needed to be The Master. This looks like retarded fun, and I need more of it in my life.
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Watched The Disappearance of Alice Creed last night. Had to pause the movie and fap. Twice. Not embarrassed to admit it.
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I vote 'maybe' because the witches remind me of Deadites from the Evil Dead series, and that excites me.
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Imagine the actual rating of this movie is R. Then re watch the trailer with no sound.
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Good break for Famke.
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Sept. 4, 2012, 2:46 p.m. CST
There was an interview where one of producers outright admitted they were postponing to cash in on the Renner brand post Avengers & Bourne
by FreeBeer
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Holy shit!! Honestly when has Hollywood decided to just make fake movies that should be in other real movie when those characters go to the theaters to make fun of the state of movies but now those fake movies have become the real movies that hollywood makes!!?? It's fucking shocking!!! Why would they think this would make any money!?
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yes I'm judging it by the trailer!
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The sort of film you'd watch on a lazy saturday afternoon. That CGI morphing effect is becoming so old hat, and just plain lazy. Will be next years, "Red Riding Hood" i gather.
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Sept. 4, 2012, 3:23 p.m. CST
Having the on screen text read "A New Twist", followed immediately by a character literally saying "Well that's new"... That's what we call a bit on the nose.
by TheSeeker7
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This looks awful.
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He's so hot right now!
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A complete disregard of the laws of physics as when Van Helsing was thrown through stone walls.
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Sept. 4, 2012, 4:04 p.m. CST
I hate the crazy modern weapons and kung fu they do in these movies
by Charlie_Allnut
It takes all suspense out of the movie when I know they can just pull out any made up weapon to easily defeat the bad guys. Why not play it straight and use period appropriate weapons and costumes? You could have some bad as Legolas style archery and some cool swordplay instead of going the lazy route and place weapons in the movie that won't be invented for another 300 years. I love swashbuckling adventure movies and Hollywood seems afraid to make them - even the Pirates movies are chock full of crazy ass creatures and stuff. They make crap like this and Van Helsing then shrug and complain about how audiences don't want to see adventure movies any more! Fuck you Hollywood!
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Not one positive thing about this? Really? I think it looks pretty good. And hey, it's gonna be rated R so you know they're not gonna skimp on the red stuff. But hey, not everything's a Kubrick is it?
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Sept. 4, 2012, 4:39 p.m. CST
I wouldn't mind another fun flick for Halloween viewing.
by pizzatheface
IF it turns out to be fun. Until I see it or read enough negative reviews to avoid it, I'll let the movie speak for itself.
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now with twice the suck!
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about the best thing going for it is the title card
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Sept. 4, 2012, 4:46 p.m. CST
At loss to explain the negativity - You people do understand "tongue-in-cheek", yes? Seen "Army of Darkness"???
by obijuanmartinez
No, not saying this will be anywhere near awesome as anything w/ Ash, but just don't get all the snark...
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Or has that one been done already? How about, "Rumpelstiltskin - Vengeance"? Or "Tom Thumb House of Pie?"
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Sept. 4, 2012, 4:53 p.m. CST
Yes. ARMY of DARKNESS was ORIGINAL. This is Not, hence the Negativity.
by Mike Soiseth
What movie is this? The Matrix? Van Helsing? Frankly, I LOVE period horror when it exists within the confines of the period, i.e. no machine gun canes or lazers, etc. This looks like lots of 21st century bad movie ideas crammed into a 2 hour shitfest. Word.
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Sept. 4, 2012, 5:19 p.m. CST
LOL I'm going to watch this while drinking a 12 pack of Steel Reserve
by dixieflyer
Movies like this were made for watching with friends while getting hammered on high test cheap beer.
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Sept. 4, 2012, 5:25 p.m. CST
Maybe it wouldn't look so ridiculously awful if it was made in the '70s by Hammer...
by Jet Jaguar
...with someone like Caroline "Starcrash" Munro as Gretel.
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Sept. 4, 2012, 5:32 p.m. CST
style over substance CGI bullshit is basically ruining movies
by sasquatch_with_a_swatch_watch
this might have been a good movie if it was made in 1977
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Sept. 4, 2012, 5:32 p.m. CST
Christ, weve had Abraham..vampire killer now Hansel & Gretel witch hunters,what next....JFK - Dino Hunter,lets milk this trend hollywood!
by Modtel
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Sept. 4, 2012, 5:35 p.m. CST
style over substance bullshit CGI is basically ruining the CGI business!
by D o o d
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Sept. 4, 2012, 5:40 p.m. CST
Dark Shadows tanked for a reason. This is also staring into a toilet shaped abyss.
by Shaun D Lyons
Looks like the Van Helsing sequel noone wanted.
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That trailer definitely portrayed what could be a total crapfest, but on the other hand, "Dead Snow" was FANTASTIC. And that had a pretty goofy concept, too. I dunno. I'll keep my fingers crossed.
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Sept. 4, 2012, 5:54 p.m. CST
@angry kitty: pulling old shit off the shelf after an actor has a hit happens a lot
by Adelai Niska
for further reference, see House at the End of the Street (2010) which is only now being released after Hunger Games came.
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shit sandwich.
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This crap used to be what comedies showed as a joke about what awful movies Hollywood makes! They poop out this junk and people reward them with money while good movies from good movie makers get trashed and forgotten? That's it, I'm calling it. We've reached it, the current generation of movie makers and the mal-shaped sperm that give them money have turned movies into completely useless shit! Time to burn the theaters and studios, hang all producers, and start throwing the morons who like this crap into pits with broken bottles to fight to the death.
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the day Hollywood died?
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Maybe that will happen pretty soon, after more and more awful movies like this shit in people's eye sockets.
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Sept. 4, 2012, 6:57 p.m. CST
@ubermanagain: So Oldsmobiles, chainsaws & shotguns are "period horror when it exists within the confines of the period"?
by obijuanmartinez
I'm confused by your rationale...
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Sept. 4, 2012, 7 p.m. CST
On the other hand, maybe they'll give me millions for my idea: Humpty Dumpty The Mercenary Knight
by lv_426
Sir Humpty of Dumpty, a bad ass half-egg/half-human knight will be hired by a mad king to hunt down a dragon called the Jabberwocky. Sir Humpty will of course be realized as a CGI character, voiced by Sam Jackson. *I ain't sitting on no mutha-fuckin' wall!*
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Sept. 4, 2012, 7:43 p.m. CST
Isn't there a ten-year-old inside of you that wants this to be good?
by pizzatheface
I mean, all signs point to this being cut-and-paste schlock, but reading talkbackers instantly negative reactions to something not even released yet gets old. It's like you want to drown the kid inside by publicly announcing that you've grown pubic hair. Loosen up a little.
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Famke Jenssen's still ridiculously hot.
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Sept. 4, 2012, 8:18 p.m. CST
What is wrong with you people? This obviously shares more DNA with Evil Dead and Army of Darkness than it does Van Helsing and Brothers Grimm
by JackSlater4
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Sept. 4, 2012, 8:28 p.m. CST
AoD = Hardly original. It's Twain + Lovecraft w/ a dash of 3 Stooges (amongst other things)
by obijuanmartinez
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Sept. 4, 2012, 8:50 p.m. CST
The utter contempt that makers of crap like this have for the paying audience is undeniable.
by MaxDembo1
"Dead Snow," sucked and failed to work on even a basic exploitation level. Somehow Wirkola got a second gig out of his crappy debut film. This new piece of shit is a cheap attempt to cash in on the supposed fairy tale craze. This movie is nothing but a bunch of studio marketing executives jerking off all over each other trying to hit all the quadrants. Fuck this mercenary commercial bullshit! These fuckers literally think the paying audience is stupid and will swallow anything. It is obvious from this trailer that this movie sucks shit. To draw any other conclusion means your taste is in your ass.
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one quarter of that trailer is about 10 times more of that garbage than I ever want to see. Pathetic.
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Sept. 4, 2012, 8:57 p.m. CST
Wait they are actually trying to make Gemma Arterton Badass?
by chien_sale
This is so stupid. What's next Monia Belluci Werewolf Hunter, doing flips in the air?
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I think it's more "JFK and the Mysterious Secret of Atlantis. JFK puts together a crack team in the mold of Doc Savage or Buckaroo Banzai. We have him, Jimmy Hoffa (explains what happened to him), Sinatra, Castro, and Marilyn Monroe get together to battle a Prince Namor looking bad guy from Atlantis who's trying to destroy the world (secretly) along with the Soviets. They win but lose Hoffa in the process. Castro and JFK have a huge falling out (Fidel is the traitor on the team), Monroe is killed to get to Kennedy and Sinatra is sworn to secrecy. Can we fit Elvis in there?
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Sept. 4, 2012, 11:42 p.m. CST
Someone hunting witches in a forest full of witches could have been good.....
by Bobo_Vision
...but the tone would have had to have been different than what was shown here. If the tone and atmosphere was similar to M. Night's "The Village", with suspense and atmosphere....but more eventful and with more actual monsters (in this case witches), they could have had something. But once you add heavy metal guitar, CGI, one-liners, anachronistic weapons, and wire fu.....you've got a mish mash adding up to a pile of shit.
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You may want to be careful, I can see someone running with that idea.
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Sept. 5, 2012, 12:06 a.m. CST
@ pizzatheface - this film is an insult to everyone's inner child.
by kevred
Any film that contains what is in that trailer is bad. No good film would contain anything we see in that trailer. Horrible, horrible garbage. The moment the ludicrous weapons, ludicrous fighting styles, and ludicrous tough-as-nails slight model appeared, it was over in an instant. No excuse for a film like this to be made, certainly not so long after every cliche it's made up of has already been stale and tired for years. January releases are bad. But pushing a film back to the following year just to give it a January slot? I doubt this film is even smart enough to contain foreshadowing, but its release date does.
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Sept. 5, 2012, 12:08 a.m. CST
I avoid movies with the following things in the trailer:
by Autodidact
1. Dirtbike jumps 2. Chicks headbutting guys 3. Chicks punching out guys
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Sept. 5, 2012, 12:12 a.m. CST
Speaking of VAN HELSING, that was the screechiest movie of all time
by Autodidact
When I think of that movie all I think of is those white banshee bitches who would constantly get right up close to the camera and SCREECH. This is my new number one pet peeve in movies: the over-use of screeching in creatures. It's okay to just show the creature. It doesn't have to pose, turn to the camera, and screech every time you show it. You fucking hacks.
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Fuck you Hollywood.
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Sept. 5, 2012, 12:21 a.m. CST
Put this on the pile with COWBOYS AND ALIENS as something I will agressively avoid ever having to watch
by Autodidact
My remaining time on earth is too short to give time and money to another shitty project that is the brainchild of some marketing-minded assfuck who looks at what's popular and sets out to imitate it.
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Sept. 5, 2012, 12:32 a.m. CST
Lets take a bunch of semi recent movies & piece this pile of sh!t together.
by btc909
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FACT!
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FACT!!!
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One of those period pieces where everyone is talking like it's 2012, where people are doing things WAY out of their cultural position (like women being allowed to go around beating up men in a day of the Inquisition, fer cripes sakes) and the "weapons"look like Q made them for 007 in a time when such technology was no where near ready to produce such stuff. Nonsense.
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You all sound like art school hipsters - get over yourselves.
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You know, bad bad.
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Rental.
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Instead of having a recycled, rebooted, rebollocksed 'HOOK' to hang everything on. This is dire film-making, and at least Famke Jannsen admits she did it just to pay the mortgage.
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Sept. 5, 2012, 6:17 a.m. CST
"Looks very much on the wrong side of bad." My very thoughts exactly.
by albert comin
This movie is for everybody's inner child only if said inner child is retard. This look awful beyond words. And from the director of "Dead Snow"? That's disapointing, because i had lots of fun with that movie. This one, however, i'm avoiding it like a medieval plague.
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Sept. 5, 2012, 9:10 a.m. CST
@voxmortis - maybe you could explain what, exactly, is fun about this
by kevred
Unless your definition of 'fun' is a heaping pile of unoriginal nonsense cliches you've already watched a dozen times in film and TV shows, I don't see anything that looks like fun here. And I'm not an art school hipster. I don't like hipsters. I just have a functioning brain and some standards.
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Aside from the dreaminess that is Gemma Arterton, I just can't get past the main characters screaming of each other's names. Other than that it looks like good popcorn fun. Can't be any worse than Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter.
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"Can't be any worse than Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter." That is what's usually called tempting fate. And if you are a regular watcher of the TV show "Top Gear UK" (aka the proper version), you know that whenever you tempt fate, fate kicks you in the balls and laughs. I can say with certainty that you jinxed this movie into total shittiness.
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4. People shouting "Hell yeah!" deliberately out of context, just for the sake of being hip. That said...I kindasorta want to see just the opening, with the candy house and the original witch.
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just by watching the trailer. i'll sit this one out. can't wait to read harry's glowing review.
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Man, invent something new instead constantly raping old shit
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It looks like a big budget Albert Pyun movie... Well at least we know what happened to the old Van Helsing props and costumes... gfy
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Sept. 5, 2012, 12:30 p.m. CST
Dammit, kravmaguffin, now you've got me picturing Albert watching this and bitching that the Man beat him to it...
by Bill C.
...while Stephen Sommers quietly sits somewhere else sipping wine and wondering why Hollyweird took so long to catch up to his "vision."
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I laughed my way through the whole trailer, from beginning to end. Has it occured to anyone that it's camp/action/horror film? It's supposed to be stupid, derivative, and cheesy. It's supposed to be FUN. I swear, people will complain over anything these days.
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Sept. 5, 2012, 12:45 p.m. CST
I guess the big question is whether it fully embraces the camp or just flirts with it.
by Bill C.
Oddly, the witch with the chaingun can go either way here.
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Sept. 5, 2012, 2:06 p.m. CST
This is fun? Army of Darkness was fun. But now AOD is part of the lexicon. Doing the same thing isn't fun, it's retread.
by kevred
This doesn't look like a film that is self-aware enough to be intentionally fun. It simply looks like a pile of been-there-done-that sarcastic fantasy-action nonsense, without any smarts. It's just going through the motions of its cliches, not doing anything new with them - piggybacking on the fairy-tale trend while ripping off loads of older films. @wrongthinker says, 'I swear, people will complain over anything these days.' Really? A heap of junk like this merits that kind of indignation? People will complain about a cheap, unoriginal, cliched, dumb, pandering bit of throwaway dreck like this? Yes, they will, and they should.
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I'm pretty sure this script was written in pie charts and spreadsheets, directed by a green screen and produced by a time clock. Casting by Manpower, Inc.
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Testify.
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Sept. 5, 2012, 3:19 p.m. CST
This looks like regurgitation of all the literary trends
by soma_with_the_paintbox
that are explosively popular right now, except fed through the focus group machine. The thing that irks me most about classsic/genre mashups is their commitment to one level of irony only--the most facile one. There's one thing all of these movies forget. If you want to make money do not forgo these two very important ingredients: Tim Burton and Johnny Depp.
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Sept. 5, 2012, 3:52 p.m. CST
inwosuxred and soma, here's some imaginary Guinness for you.
by Bill C.
Maybe it's just me, but "Casting by Manpower, Inc." and the Depp/Burton nod are way funnier and on the nose than expected...even in here. :)
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Sept. 5, 2012, 4:08 p.m. CST
If they play up the camp, a la Army of Darkness, this could work
by scudd
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just no ... who thought this was a good idea? ...
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Sept. 6, 2012, 1:12 a.m. CST
Everyone got their horn-rimmed glasses on and a can of Pabst Blue Ribbon in hand?
by Cadillac Jones
This looks like a great time. In no way, shape or form does this flick portray itself as being anything other than what it is - action / horror fun. "Red Riding Hood" and "Snow White and the Huntsman" were pretentious as fuck in their trailers. Plus I'll watch Gemma in anything. Totally admit my bias there. Shit, she could recite the phone book and it'd be heavenly. It really is true that self-proclaimed fanboys will whine and bitch if their ice cream is cold.
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why???
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CASTLEVANIA - The Movie. Shame Konami didnt noticed it and so most of the viewers...
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