From the moment THE TERROR OF TINY TOWN begins, with the only full sized person you’ll see for the entire run of the movie, you can pretty much deduce that this film is a) quite old and b) is going to be quite interesting. Our host proceeds to tell you that you are about to see a movie with all the major elements of your typical western, but that features the first (and to this day, only) film with an all-little person cast.
Scratch that, I’m gonna go with midget, as that was apparently an appropriate word for the times.
So yes, he proceeds to tell you about the novelty of the film and is joined on stage by the film’s stars, The Hero/Buck Lawson (Billy Curtis) and The Villain/Bat Haines (Little Billy), in full character, fighting over who’s awesomer. Finally, as this slipshod introduction fades away, we’re taken to the title and casting cards that profess Jed Buell’s ownership of the little guys – they’re listed as his midgets - and credits the feature actors by their roles in the film – The Hero, The Girl, The Rich Uncle, The Barber, etc. – as opposed to their names. Either this is just how things went down in the 1930s or someone at Columbia Pictures had a great deal of disdain for the pint-sized persons featured in the movie.
Like I earlier said that the host said, earlier (say that five times fast), the film has almost everything that a western needs. The story is quite simple. A treacherous villain works up a plot to become rich by pitting two rivaling ranch owners against one another. Drawing from an old feud the two had fifteen years prior, he makes it appear as though each of them are slaughtering off of their opponent’s livestock. Whilst they two are engaged in fighting one another, he intends to overtake their land for himself and his misfit cast of mini-bandits. It’s chocked full of pistol pullin’, whiskey drankin’, cattle herdin’ and lots o’ sangin’ (yeah, that one doesn’t quite fit in, but whatever) and taking place in your typical western looking town, it only takes the tiniest suspension of belief to allow your mind to accept this as the movie’s reality and proceed on satisfactorily.
Now here’s where things start to get good. First off, the actors suck. Not that I’d have thought it possible to round up an all-star ensemble of four foot Clint Eastwoods, but watching these men stumble through their lines with no semblance of real thespian talent is quite amusing… and that’s a good thing. The inability to have stunt doubles, too, added to this effect, as anything the director wanted done, action-wise, had to be performed by the players themselves and not some expert in the field. Keep in mind that none of this is an actual complaint in any way, shape or form, but it seems as though the gimmick they strived to add excitement to the film became a major hurdle for them to overcome once it came time to actually fill the screen with actors and watch the “mastery” of their craft.
Beyond that, it was the little things that kept me in the film (seriously, no pun intended). Having the characters riding around on ponies is hilarious to me. While there are a few instances where full sized horses are brought into the production, the majority of the mares are tiny and it’s extra funny to see a state coach driven by a few of them in one scene and then watching a little guy tie a little horse up to a full sized hitching post and then walk clean underneath it in another. Hell, the choice to set the whole thing on a full sized western backdrop with no full sized human beings in sight, too, is quite comical. It kind of reminds me of those commercials where people place plants that need to be watered in hard to water locations. Seeing the characters enter saloons well beneath the doors without any need to swing them open or having bartenders step up on a stool to serve patrons at the bar makes me chuckle. It’s horrible, but it’s awesome at the same damn time.
…and then there’s that damn penguin. I’m still trying to figure out what the hell it was there for. The more I think about it, though, the more something tells me I should give up, because even the characters in the film seemed to be as confused as I was with it’s presence.
Oh, and while we’re on the topic of bad-meaning-good-not-bad-meaning-bad, the final showdown between The Hero and The Villain is so god damned awesome, that I had to rewind this hyper speed spectacle and watch it several times. With the characters deciding to forgo the guns and duke it out hand to hand, the audience is treated to a sped up display of a pair of midgets fighting one another to the near death. If loving this scene is wrong, then I don’t want to be right. I once witnessed a little person running back and forth across a stage – comedian Brad Williams, to be specific – and while I thought that would be the funniest thing I’d ever see someone of the sort do, this stole the cake. Whatever you do, even if you can’t make it through the rest of the film, watch this. It’s pretty amazing.
When it’s all said and done, the movie isn’t much different than your typical run of the mill western flick. The host says that it’s got everything you’d find in a film of the genre and he’s about right, with the exception of full sized human beings. That alone, however, makes it worth the watch. From the ponies that the little people ride around town on, to their interactions within their obviously-meant-for-taller-people set, there’s a great comedic overtone that leaves you not knowing if its morally correct to laugh at what is playing out before your eyes. Combine that with the fact that the actors are incredibly horrible and, given the inability to use stunt doubles, the “action” sequences are downright ridiculous, it actually plays towards the enjoyability of the project as a whole.
While it seems that, in today’s politically correct climate, nothing of this sort would be allowed exhibition, a 1930’s exploitation b-movie western was not held to the same criterion and THE TERROR OF TINY TOWN was created. The majority of me is so glad that such a time existed that would allow for this. Clocking in at just over an hour, it’s definitely worth your while to take a gander at this slightly better than “mediocre-piece.” Speaking volumes on the “the whole is greater than the sum of its parts” maxim, all things considered, this film is much better than the minute fragments that compromise it.
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