Harry loved ABRAHAM LINCOLN VAMPIRE HUNTER - its R-rated Vampire Chopping Axe-Fu Beautiful Badassness!
I really can’t believe how much I loved ABRAHAM LINCOLN: VAMPIRE HUNTER, but on the other hand, I really can.
The mash-up literature that Seth Grahame-Smith has been authoring had never really appealed to me. In fact in an odd way, I found it off-putting. I get sent mounds of books, films & just stuff that people want me to write about or talk about on AICN and when PRIDE, PREJUDICE & ZOMBIES was published – it was sent to me about 7 times. When ABRAHAM LINCOLN VAMPIRE HUNTER came 5 times – I just could never really bring myself to read them. Just the titles and the covers – made me think this was some manner of joke. When Tim Burton came on as a producer for the film, this kind of confirmed the joke in my brain, but when Timur Behmambetov signed to direct – the project had my highest attention. Timur’s use of cinema is rather extraordinary. If, for some insane reason, you haven’t seen NIGHT WATCH or DAY WATCH or WANTED, get them into your media viewing device of choice and behold. I’ve met some folks that didn’t enjoy NIGHT WATCH or DAY WATCH, but when you know how little money Timur had to make those… and that – he came out of nowhere with those movies. I saw them before any hype and just fell in love. The intricate nature of the production design, the amazingly fun visual effects and the inventive manner in which they were implemented made me watch those films… a whole lot. WANTED had a wacky premise to me, the notion of curving the trajectory of a bullet was goofy, but damn if Timur didn’t make me love it in his film.
Then at SXSW, I was backstage at the Paramount Theater to moderate an infamous post-screening Q&A with the cast of William Friedkin’s KILLER JOE – when suddenly I was introduced to Caleb Deschanel, the brilliant cinematographer responsible for THE RIGHT STUFF, THE NATURAL and so many others… I love Directors of Photography. They’re able to capture the most amazing lights and shadows – and the result is something that just makes a film EPIC or MAJESTIC. I asked him what he had coming out that he was excited about and he said he loved working on ABRAHAM LINCOLN VAMPIRE HUNTER – and he began describing a couple of the sequences that he was most proud of the look of… and man, when you see them in the film… Yeah, you’ll be drunk in love with it – unless you make the mistake of assuming it is all CG. Amazing what a Brilliant Cinematographer can capture.
After that I was dying to see more – as the trailers and clips came out – I realized, the period and the iconic nature of Lincoln’s physique and attire and beard… Holy Shit, this is looking cool.
Still, I was worried though. Even a week or so before I saw the film, I got a letter from Seth saying that either way, if I loved it or hated it, he was dying to hear what I thought. But there was something in his letter that made me worry and doubt that it was going to be killer cool.
Going in to see ABRAHAM LINCOLN VAMPIRE HUNTER, I had a curiousity. If the story was being handled straight – how was Seth going to weave Vampire Mythology into Lincoln History? And, would it feel goofy?
I should not have been worried. Timur’s film is not some pussy vampire story. These vampires, they’re horrific. They’re not necessarily boyfriend material. These vampires are making a play to control their own country. Lincoln is fighting for the soul of the country. He also has a person vendetta in play. As the film played out – and I began to discover & remember my Lincoln history, I was delighted to see how some of the various characters from his historical background came into play.
Benjamin Walker’s Abraham Lincoln is a force. He’s haunted, driven, ferocious and powerful. AND he’s charming, smart, handsome and downright romantic. He embues his Young Mr Lincoln with a strange uncertainty about his life. As though Lincoln doesn’t know he’s going to lead the country one day. He’s frankly focused upon killing vampires and learning the power of Truth. He’s studying to be a lawyer, on the off chance that the Vampire Killing trade doesn’t payoff. He begins flirting with a young Mary Todd played by the beautiful Mary Elizabeth Winstead. She’s the primary force in changing Abe’s direction in life. Mary and Walker have a dynamite connection. One that sort of reminds me of Christopher Reeve & Jane Seymour in SOMEWHERE IN TIME, but the film’s love of Vampiric action and horror keep us from getting too caught up in their romance, but what is here… works and convinces us that they were an amazing couple. Benjamin Walker reminds me of a young Liam Neeson in the role – there are times, where he feels and looks exactly like a BOUNTY or EXCALIBUR era Liam Neeson, but playing a later Neeson style role. If that makes sense. It does to me.
Also, Lincoln has an advisor… that’s training him how to kill Vampires, how to detect them. He gives him Vampire Jedi training with that rather awesome fucking axe. This character is Henry Sturgess, and he’s played by the great Dominic Cooper. Dominic has quickly become one of my favorite actors working. I first became aware of him when I saw THE DEVIL’S DOUBLE, months early. His performance in that was absolutely electrifying. Then, I just loved his Howard Stark in CAPTAIN AMERICA. I also loved his slimey controlling agent/ex-lover of Marilyn Monroe in MY WEEK WITH MARILYN – and again in this… Dominic is just wonderful. I love the twists and turns with his character, but more than anything, I really enjoy watching him do his thing on screen.
However – the big deal for me. The aspect of this film that just makes me smile and smile… it’s the action. The action is fucking insane. Crazy, impossible action – shot and captured in a truly beautiful manner. This isn’t some desaturated color drained flick. It loves golden and blue lighting. The smoke and dust – shot in moonlight and sunrise and sunset lighting is just gorgeous. The scene of Lincoln and Marton Csokas’ Jack Barts with the horses – just wow. Wow.
Overall, the film is so good that Father Geek has already seen it twice, he woke up and grabbed a ticket this morning for another screening – and frankly I’m a little envious – I would’ve loved to have seen it this morning. Can’t tonight, as I’m seeing Lon Chaney’s THE UNKNOWN. But I’ve got to get back to see this big a couple more times.
I love Vampire Slaying cinema, this R-rated addition to the genre is very welcomed indeed. There’s a sense of sadness with the film that I love. All great Vampire Slayer stories do. Some bit of tragedy that drives those to dedicate their lives to putting out these demon spawned bastards back into the grave forever. The AXE-Fu and the cool manner that Lincoln looks as he does it… well, there’s no way there won’t be some Abe Lincoln blood soaked axe-wielding Halloweeners running around this October – and I’m especially hoping when the Trick or Treaters come, that I see a couple of Lincolns.
When I finished the film, I thought I was a bit crazy to love the film as much as I did, but then I saw Drew McWeeny’s tweets after he saw it – and knew… yeah, a lot of folks are gonna love this. If they give it a chance. Be prepared, Abe Lincoln is gonna kick your ass!
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June 22, 2012, 5:45 p.m. CST
Harry, I had been looking forward to this movie, then dissuaded by some of the reviews that have been published recently, and now reassured by your review. Given that a matinee of "Brave" would involve suffering the presence of screaming children I think this will be my movie of choice this weekend.
June 22, 2012, 5:45 p.m. CST
Are all over the fucking map But fuck it, I'm seeing at the drive-in, as it seems to be the drive-in movie of the summer.
June 22, 2012, 5:46 p.m. CST
every other review here describes this for what it is...a well-meaning failure. you always tend to look past the 'failure' aspect and just turn off your brain and enjoy the 'well meaning' part. i can't imagine having your brain. that's not an insult... I don't know what it is.
June 22, 2012, 5:47 p.m. CST
June 22, 2012, 5:50 p.m. CST
he got a letter from Seth. what's he supposed to say
June 22, 2012, 5:51 p.m. CST
It's rated R I think R rated summer entertainment should be supported.
June 22, 2012, 5:56 p.m. CST
by Gil Brooks
First off, the problems with this movies have nothing to do with the premise. Yes, it's a silly premise, but with enough conviction, you can sell any premise, I feel. But this is just full of all the wrong decisions- CG vampire make-up, speed ramping (think Zack Snyder-type shit), Avid farts(I thought these went away after 2005) and a horse stampede on par with the Bronto stampede in the Kong remake, in terms of terribleness. Also- no tension, abrupt scene endings and beginnings, all kinds of shit. I will say that the end train sequence is kinda fun, for how ridiculous it is. But it still has all the shit I hate that I mentioned above, so it's not worth sitting through the movie for. Also, having read the script (which was quite fun) I was looking forward to the ending, as it was great, written. But the one they went with is completely different, and limp-dicked.
June 22, 2012, 6:02 p.m. CST
June 22, 2012, 6:03 p.m. CST
Just because the guy is now a staple on your show (which I love) doesn't mean you have to look at his work with rose-colored glasses. I found this film to be atrocious. No hook, no development...the joke gets lame after 5 minutes.
June 22, 2012, 6:12 p.m. CST
Hey Harry, Instead of "reviewing" new movies, just make a monthly graph of which studios sent you free stuff and which ones didn't. It would do the same things your reviews do and would give you more time to rip off Pee-Wee's Playhouse. Thanks!
June 22, 2012, 6:13 p.m. CST
Truth, and I'm the last asshole who would ever step up and give Asylum props. See it yourself and decide.
June 22, 2012, 6:34 p.m. CST
by David Bolton
...it looks incredibly stupid and not the least bit original. Is anyone surprised?
June 22, 2012, 6:43 p.m. CST
June 22, 2012, 6:57 p.m. CST
Harry LOVES Bad Movies, (See his Prometheus Review) Like all people on this site, Harry has a Gimmick... He's the overweight comicbook guy on the simpsons. Brought to life. (He gets all the Shwag we want from the studios) in return they get to shoot one on his face... no Harm, No Foul, as long as you look at him like any other person (He's just a guy with a Website, which anyone can be... It's the new Millenium, figure it out) His website is fun (A little slow on the news if you read Comingsoon.net, which this site likes to bite off of regularly) It's just fun to talk shit and read news... Nothing else... Expect no deep thought provoking reviews or amazing movie news here first. But expect to talk to a bunch of guys, just like you... Shoot the shit... and be assholes... Good times, I was reading this site for years before taking up the mantle of theotherbadguy, just so I could sling the mud with the rest of the mokeys... Readers... Enjoy.
June 22, 2012, 7:10 p.m. CST
while i agree ABRAHAM LINCOLN is total shit, leave prometheus alone. it was really cooland exciting. not every film that comes out this summer not named THE AVENGERS is total fucking crap
June 22, 2012, 7:18 p.m. CST
but i did enjoy the vampire killing scenes. especially the axe sharing fight on top of the train. that was pretty awesome. i'll definitely watch this again at home over the years. probably forwarding through the boring scenes (that would be every single scene in the film without a vampire being killed). but what i really want is to see the Spielberg and Lewis take on Lincoln.
June 22, 2012, 7:59 p.m. CST
YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST: This year's popular halloween costumes will be ABE LINCOLN and MIAMI ZOMBIE.
June 22, 2012, 8:15 p.m. CST
I wanted creepy atmosphere and tension not dumb action.
June 22, 2012, 8:18 p.m. CST
June 22, 2012, 9:02 p.m. CST
I'm a creature of habit and have been coming here so long that I haven't really bothered checking out the other sites. I enjoy the talkbacks so I'm interested in other sites with a similar setup. Thanks. (sorry for the repost)
June 22, 2012, 9:39 p.m. CST
...as long as I can remember. I think I have to go back to Lost in Space.
June 22, 2012, 9:44 p.m. CST
Harry wouldn't know a bad film if he saw one.
June 22, 2012, 9:49 p.m. CST
i worked in a theater when that came out..the guilt was overwhelming..I would have reimbursed anyone that had come out of it if I could on my minimum wage salary in highschool
June 22, 2012, 10:12 p.m. CST
But do ya’ll think the action in this next Bats film will make sense? Why does Bane do a half-twist turn down punch on Bale’s Batman when he can just punch straight into Bat’s jaw and knock him out? Every boxer knows that when you economize the shortest distances from point A to point B, and land the Bull's Eye on the opponents jaw, then you win. The jaw will push against the vertebrae, therefore, pinching the opponent’s nerve attachments in the back of his neck and knock him out! Let’s see if your Nolan is “realistic” enough to take these pressure points into consideration. Cheers.
June 22, 2012, 10:34 p.m. CST
June 22, 2012, 11:02 p.m. CST
by Sean McArdle
And by the way, fuck Blade for introducing sun resistant vampires.
June 23, 2012, 12:36 a.m. CST
by Ron Mexico
I'm hoping to contribute to this film's International box office when I fly through Dubai next week.
June 23, 2012, 12:37 a.m. CST
by Ron Mexico
June 23, 2012, 1:53 a.m. CST
by Wacky Packages
June 23, 2012, 1:54 a.m. CST
by Wacky Packages
June 23, 2012, 2:01 a.m. CST
SUSAN B. ANTHONY: WEREWOLF HUNTER. Hey, you can make a million of these! ALBERT EINSTEIN: GHOSTBUSTER
by Wacky Packages
June 23, 2012, 2:03 a.m. CST
God, I love Timur Bekmambetov. The dude is just completely missing that little voice in the back of your head that tells you when you're going too far. No, you can't have a car drive up the side of a building. No, you can't have people stop a bullet by shooting a bullet at it. No, you can't stage a fist fight ON TOP OF A STAMPEDE! Timur says "FUCK YEAH YOU CAN!" And you know what? He's right. Bless you, Timur, you mad Russian bastard. Don't ever stop making your crazy-ass movies.
June 23, 2012, 4:03 a.m. CST
Before it even came out...there was just venom being spewed about this movie based on the title and BS about it wont work because its not a comedy... Now people who havent seen the movie are crapping on people who HAVE seen it for LIKING it! WTF?? I often dont agree with Harry and if I like the same movie he does its usually for different reasons...but once you get to the actual review part of this review...I loved the movie for the same reasons Harry mentions. I was a little disappointed that this seems to be a complete rewrite of the book rather than an adaptation...but taking it for what it is and forgetting I read the book, this movie was just plain fun. I feel sorry for people who cant enjoy movies like this.
June 23, 2012, 5:47 a.m. CST
by Balkin Flabgurter
June 23, 2012, 5:49 a.m. CST
by Balkin Flabgurter
June 23, 2012, 5:51 a.m. CST
So, you didn't fall asleep watching this? Must be because Timur Behmambetov was sucking your dick the whole time, right?
by Mr. Pricklepants
June 23, 2012, 7:02 a.m. CST
June 23, 2012, 9:39 a.m. CST
by Lord Elric
The copy I saw, and I compared both the 3d and 2d versions, had the contrast so far up that it looked like a DVD that was poorly upscaled. The action was middle of the road, with the 3d hardly taking advantage of anything. And structurally, the script is a mess. The whole thing played like a a two part made for TV movie that was condensed into two hours.
June 23, 2012, 11:21 a.m. CST
by Real Deal
That's because there are certain people on this site who just hate. They hate everyting that comes out. It's just them attempting to sound clever when they're really just trolling. And by the way this movie looks like a hoot to me. At least I hope that's what they've done with it.
June 23, 2012, 12:21 p.m. CST
June 23, 2012, 1:23 p.m. CST
by Worlds Shortest movie reviews
Seriously did they offer you a ton of cash to try and pump up their failed waste of money.
June 23, 2012, 1:25 p.m. CST
by Worlds Shortest movie reviews
June 23, 2012, 1:26 p.m. CST
Harry, ummmm, can you start sending me one of all the extra multiple copies of books, films and stuff you don't want?
by The Reluctant Austinite
Even if I don't write about them, I could probably make a living from the Half Price Books and ebay sales! At least you know how lucky you are! And watch "Beast Wishes" damn it! Carry on, sir. God Bless.
June 23, 2012, 1:27 p.m. CST
by Worlds Shortest movie reviews
June 23, 2012, 1:30 p.m. CST
by Fletch Gannon
I didn't even read Harry's review...did he bring up some childhood event of his then talked about it for three paragraphs before going into his review?
June 23, 2012, 2:26 p.m. CST
Even though it's completely awful, it sounds better than this.
June 23, 2012, 6:03 p.m. CST
-politics aside, the ending was kinda lame, as it felt too much like the end of Interview with a Vampire.
June 24, 2012, 12:37 a.m. CST
Pretty much everything you might want from a movie about Abraham Lincoln fighting vampires. My only complaint is that, while I liked the faux serious tone of the film, I thought they could have made it a little less deadpan at times and upped the comedy factor a la Evil Dead or Brain Dead. Still, I would give it a solid three stars. Also, it would have been funny to have Obama be the new vampire hunter trainee at the very end, or at least a guy that sort of resembled him. Also, the Linkin Park song played over the credits was terrible.
June 24, 2012, 2:46 a.m. CST
Aside from that...pretending the book doesn't even exist...this is just shit cinema. It's a CGI fest...and it's cheap CGI, it looks like shit. The chase scene with the horses? Utter shit. The look of the vampires? Utter shit. There is nothing of substance happening here. There is no emotion, no depth of character. "Oh Abe is mad cause his mommy died and he hates slavery cause a black friend got hit with a whip when he was a kid" If your dumb ass had actually read the book it went in depth regarding the relationships in Abes life when he was a child that led to his hatred of vampires. For one, he didn't even have a black friend, the slavery issue was much more complicated for him. His relationship with his father also played a major role in forming him as an adult. But no, that'd be too much to digest for the Michael Bay generation, so they dumb it down to fucking retard level for folks like you Harry...and you fucking eat it up. It's eye candy...like waving a goddamn carrot in front of mule to make it do as you wish. You sure did chase that fucking carrot and you didn't even notice the shit you were walking through. Terrible terrible terrible movie. Made Transformers look like fuckin' Shakespear. Hands down, one of the top 5 worst films I've ever seen. And the worst book to film adaption in the history of cinema. Fuck this movie...
June 24, 2012, 2:55 a.m. CST
Worst book to film adaptation I've ever seen is easily The Dark Is Rising. That movie found ways to fail I hadn't even heard of yet.
June 24, 2012, 12:38 p.m. CST
You can always tell between the reviews that are real where he REALLY likes something or REALLY hates something from the ones like this. Soulless, pandering, quick, redundant, disjointed, and forced reviews. You can just sense a fake smile behind this. Wasn't gonna see this movie anyway, but this review read's like a nail in the coffin for me. Thanks, Harry! http://batstud.blogspot.com/
June 24, 2012, 3:19 p.m. CST
In real life she was a dog.
June 24, 2012, 6:01 p.m. CST
Prometheus was "really cool and exciting?" Just shut the fuck up. Seriously. You have no idea waht you're talking about. Stop going through life with your eyes closed.
June 24, 2012, 7:14 p.m. CST
Prometheus was LAME! Also, I do feel it's a valid argument that in this case... since the Author was the one to adapt the screenplay, reading the book might be... imparative in this case? My friends all thought this was crap comapred to the book, I have not read it, and I do NOT plan on seeing this movie anymore... Nordling's take on it made me soften up to it, But the relentless negative reviews of it really have dashed my hopes for a decent film... Although, I may rent Lincon vs. Zombies now... :P
June 24, 2012, 8:01 p.m. CST
" I really can’t believe how much I loved ABRAHAM LINCOLN: VAMPIRE HUNTER, but on the other hand, I really can. "
Oh Harry.... I am sure that somehow in your mind that statement actually makes sense.
June 24, 2012, 8:37 p.m. CST
by Kevin Taylor
That second to last sentence is exactly why you've been pissing so many people off lately. 'A lot of people will love this. If they give it a chance'. The constant talking down to your readers is ridiculous. I get that anyone who tries to be positive online is fighting an uphill battle but you always seem to be talking down to people while justifying the most lame shit out there. AL:VH just wasn't a good film. Of course I gave it a chance...I wouldn't have paid to go to see it if I thought it was going to be that bad. The notion that it's my fault for not enjoying the film is laughable when faced with something this demonstrably bad. Not sure you should be using the moniker of 'Head Geek' anymore cos you don't seem to be representing anyone other than yourself these days.
June 24, 2012, 9:39 p.m. CST
I agree... I wished the guy at the end had been a skinny, light skinned black guy... I'm sure all the hator-aide drinkers on this site would have bitched about it, but as is the ending was kinda lame and uninteresting... had they suggested Obama I would have at least smiled. I did love the movie though... it was mindless fun
June 24, 2012, 11:35 p.m. CST
Great actor, dark hair, charismatic, 6 foot 3. He's no brainless hunk like Brandon Routh and he's actually big unlike Henry Cavill.
June 25, 2012, 12:02 a.m. CST
How can abe be a badass vampire and yet get shot in the back of the head by a redneck?
June 25, 2012, 6:53 a.m. CST
We are living in an age when crossovers and fan fiction are making it to the big screen. That in itself is not necessarily a bad idea. I’ve read some great ‘What if’ type stories. For example I read a book where the X-Men universe crossed over to the Star Trek – Next Generation universe. It was handled intelligently and was entertaining. Even so, I did not take it seriously or as part of either franchise’s ‘real’ storylines. It was a bit of fun; a distraction. A big budget movie based on a crossover, fan fiction or a what if scenario is another matter and much harder to do as it seems to cement the concept into the genre’s universe. So far for me they’ve failed. Aliens V Predator worked so well in comics but failed so miserably on the big screen. The first attempt showed promise and the premise was decent but in the end fell flat. The second was dire! Cowboys V Aliens was working well for me as a western (I love westerns, it’s a pity there’s so few of them made these days, cannot wait for Django Unchained!) but once the aliens where mixed into the equation it just degenerated into an epic fail for me. So we now have Abraham Lincoln – Vampire Slayer. A bit of fan fiction crossing two genres written by a clever fan by the name of Seth Grahame-Smith. The book is apparently a good one and the trailer looked polished and slick. My wife and I found ourselves in an audience of five people in total but we had access to a bar and very comfy seats so we got juiced on muscle relaxant and stocked up on nachos and popcorn. We did enjoy the movie for what it was but I felt it could have been so much more. The action was intense, energetic and visually stimulating but at the cost of character and plot development. The pace was insanely fast with characters popping up on queue with no introduction. It was like watching a movie with the fast-forward button on at times, so much so when I nipped to the toilets when I came back I’d missed several fight scenes along with several key story arcs. When Wendy came back from her run to the ‘loo’ I struggled to explain everything she had missed while trying to keep up with what was happening on screen at that time. For example if you’ve seen Wanted (made by the same guy who made this) you will know the protagonist’s powers come by a mixture of genetics and a long and insanely intense training program. This movie does not have time for this so Lincoln is given an axe and told to get angry before taking on about five vampires in individual action scenes which happen so fast that when he’s asked how many vampires he’s killed he says “Five?” because even he’s not sure and needs to watch the movie again to double check. If you are going to cross genres or play with history you need to respect the elements you are messing with. There are moments when you feel the power and the historical significance of Lincoln, the civil war and the fight to abolish slavery but these are fleeting and are sacrificed in favour of things looking cool. As for Vampires, they are like antibiotics in the 20th Century; used to deal with anything and everything. As such their impact on the big screen is diminishing considerably. The vampires in this story are stupid and superficial. They run forward a lot with their mouths gaping and their CGI oversized teeth expanding and then they vanish, but continue running in exactly the same direction, so anyone trying to work out where they are can point their guns in the direction they were last seen and poof, dead! Silver is of course lethal to Vampires in this story because otherwise they could not think of any cool ways to dispose of them. And then there’s the CGI and the slow-mo camera. A combination which is almost as annoying as the fast editing with shaky camera technique. Slo-mo is a tool but Hollywood treats it as a thing which looks cool. Anything in slow-mo looks cools so let’s do everything in slow-mo. CGI can help you do a lot cheaper but if it looks too unreal or cartoony then it takes tension and apprehension away from key scenes. The way to get around it is to have strong characters and mix in in scenes with real items and in a real location so the brain is fooled and distracted. The CGI backgrounds no longer matter, only the story. Abraham Lincoln does manage to do this in a few scenes but there are moments when the CGI and action is so OTT it does look cartoony and the tension is lost. Despite the above it was entertaining. I just know a tale van be visually entertaining without sacrificing other elements that make a great story yet the suits seem to be more than willing to cut those elements in favour of what looks cool and it is frustrating. Overall I’d suggest watching it, but do not feel compelled to do so on the big screen and when you do see it, turn the old brain off and do not expect an epic tale or an amazing action flick.
June 25, 2012, 8:35 a.m. CST
by The Drude
All anyone ever does is come here to bitch. Most of you actually HATE movies. It's obvious. This isn't about this film, per se (which I actually thought was quite fun), but everything that ever gets mentioned on this site. Most of you obvious don't understand the medium of film. Nor do I think that most of you care. You just come here to say 'First' and 'this sucked'. Please, just go back to you mothers' basements and your XBoxes and let the actual film fans enjoy the site...
June 25, 2012, 10:41 a.m. CST
by Doug Phillips
June 25, 2012, 10:42 a.m. CST
by Doug Phillips
June 25, 2012, 10:46 a.m. CST
by Doug Phillips
June 25, 2012, 10:47 a.m. CST
Hey the drude it's what we do here, stop being such a twat and crawl back into your momma's womb if this is too much for you.
by Doug Phillips
June 25, 2012, 12:04 p.m. CST
"I mean, at first I was like, 'A turd? No way!' But you really have to give it a chance. Once I got past the fact that I was eating human fecal matter, I really got into it! Plus, they buried a super cool Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter decoder ring inside the turd, so that alone totally made it worth it! Go see this movie guys, and if you're offered a free turd to eat during the film, give it a chance, too!"
June 25, 2012, 3:18 p.m. CST
...swing by AICN just to bitch about a movie, but I really did not like this movie. The sequence on the flaming railroad bridge at the end reached a level of ridiculousness that for about 7 minutes out of 1 hour and 45 minutes I started to enjoy myself, but wow... just terrible. That said I think Benjamin Harrison should star in a new Darkman movie. He looks a lot like a young Liam Neeson.
June 27, 2012, 12:13 a.m. CST
I am guessing its a new software or editing filter. it was actually a little distracting for me. Fun movie, good 3D, no heavy thinking
June 27, 2012, 5:51 p.m. CST
payed for brave, then I said to myself, fuck that faggy girl movie. Gonna see a man's movie. Thoroughly enjoyed it. It was kinda lame for a while as the film became too much of a parody in my mind, then it became something I haven't seen since I was a kid, an 80s movie which is Extreme indulgence of outrageous sci-fi fantasy. Back to the future. Flash gordon. Goonies. Highlander. Movies back in that era were silly ideas but cool and badass in execution. Very good. Could have had more character development especially for the black dude. I wanted him to like actually have his own axe and maybe do something more than be lincoln's black friend, but aaww whatever... better than john carter. Haven't seen brave and don't want to...
June 30, 2012, 9:37 p.m. CST
Urban Fantasy 4. A globe of nuclear domino-effect bonanza, a superior comic one-off. I didn't like Wanted, I had to put Morgan Webb in the lead. Did Knowles see this in 3D?
July 8, 2012, 3:14 p.m. CST
^ That is what an apostrophe looks like.
July 8, 2012, 3:15 p.m. CST
July 19, 2012, 4:12 a.m. CST
No matter how well written the script is, or how solid the plot is, or how convincing the actor's performances are - the fact that the entire concept is inexcusably ridiculous and stupid, outweighs any merits that this film may possess. It would be like trying to turn Barney the Dinosaur into a serious dramatic film - a waste of time and money, not to mention pretty fucking stupid. If you're going to do a period film make sure it's fucking accurate and if you can't do that - fuck the hell off and stop wasting our time, dicks!
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- Jeremy Talks GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY, ANT-MAN And Comic Con With Kevin Feige! -- 265 total posts 127 posts
- Trailer for NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM 3...yeah, you're welcome! -- 258 total posts 97 posts
- International BIRDMAN Trailer Is Here!!! -- 95 total posts 95 posts
- Rest In Peace Makeup Legend Dick Smith -- 89 total posts 89 posts
- Disney Taking The Ol' Bait-And-Switch Route With Teaser For INTO THE WOODS! -- 85 total posts 85 posts
- Trailer for MUDBLOODS - Documentary About Real Life Muggle Quidditch Players! -- 67 total posts 67 posts
- HBO Greenlights New Class Warfare Miniseries From THE WIRE Mastermind David Simon!! -- 96 total posts 62 posts
- First Poster for THE HATEFUL EIGHT Arrives, Confirming 2015 Release! -- 185 total posts 62 posts