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Jon Doe Enjoys His Late Night Dip With PIRANHA 3DD!!

Two years ago, audiences nationwide were given PIRANHA 3D, a post-converted 3D remake/parody of the low-budget Roger Corman production of 1978. It was successful in delivering some good-humored, guilty pleasure fun and instantly became a cult classic. It was only a matter of time before they raised the ante and followed it up with another film to build on the moderate success of the original.

In PIRANHA 3DD, we’re given more of what fans of the original want. Hell, less than thirty seconds into the flick, they’re already recapping the highlights of the original film with beautiful college co-eds prancing around on boats in their bikinis and wet tees. Its almost like they pick up right where they left off, bringing the tits and terror to new heights at a new location that’s sure to be a hit with fans of the first film.

Welcome to The Big Wet, an adult themed water park that founder Chet (David Koechner) bills as the sexiest aquatic adventure land on the planet. This new moniker, however, comes at the dismay of co-owner – and Chet’s niece – Maddy (Danielle Panabaker) who has returned home from school for the summer and is shocked by the park’s fresh direction. Coincidentally a marine biology student, she is amongst the first to discover the local presence of the prehistoric piranhas that wrecked havoc just a year earlier at Lake Victoria and pleads to have the park shut down in the wee hours before the grand opening. Unfortunately for the park’s day one patrons, her cries go unanswered and as you can imagine, all hell breaks loose when these ferocious fish find their way into the water filled with thousands of people who have paid their fares for a day of bouncing boobs and sunbathing.

While still a sequel to last year’s film, 3DD is somewhat more of a remake of the 1978 classic than its predecessor, touching on the fish’s presence resulting from the drainage of infested confines and the attacks being focused on a commercial aquatic attraction. Maintaining the storyline from the 2011 film, however, the opening acts of the film set up how the mayhem that is about to ensue arises, mostly from the shady and greedy business practices of the park’s foreman, Chet. Detailed in a fashion that will appeal to both newcomers and veterans of the franchise, you are quickly brought to speed as to what these things are, where they came from and what they are about to do to an unsuspecting batch of innocent, fun-seeking human beings. 

Scattered amongst this gradual buildup are a few isolated attack instances that stand to remind you that this is still a PIRANHA flick. My personal favorite involves an assault by a human embedded piranha that attacks her sexual partner during coitus. It’s this situation that brings about one of the film’s funniest lines and the necessary severed penis shot that is now an official staple of the franchise.

It isn’t until the final act where shit hits the fan that the film truly becomes a B-masterpiece. When the fish finally invade the waterpark and run wild with the park’s clientele as chow, the pandemonium truly ensues as Maddy, who has been trying to warn everyone of this ensuing terror from the get go, must come to the rescue and save the day. While not quite as chaotic as the first go round, given the extremely enclosed setting, there are brief moments in the madness that validate it and make it as worthwhile as the initial flick.


The one element of the film that truly stood out for me above the rest, were the celebrity cameos. Newcomers Gary Busey and David Hasselhoff join series veterans Christopher Lloyd and Ving Rhames in making for welcomed familiar faces to the film’s cast. Watching these actors that we’ve all come to love in one facet or another, interact with the rest of the B-movie cast in this obviously low budget crap fest of a film adds a layer of credibility humor to the production. There’s nothing in the film funnier than watching Ving Rhames’ Deputy Fallon face his fears brought on by the events from the last film or watching Hasselhoff make a complete fool of himself via a surprise I won’t ruin for you. Just know that its extremely good stuff.

At the end of the day, the only ones watching PIRANHA 3DD should already know exactly what they’re getting themselves into. This film’s audience ought to be prepared to embrace how horrendous the film intentionally is and relish in it being a canvas for scantly clad debutantes and flesh eating fish humor. For what it sets out to do, it definitely works and in many ways does so better than 3D. I definitely wouldn’t approach this film expecting some type of cinematic treasure, but if you found yourself appreciative of the last foray into this world, expect more and better of the same. If you fall into this category, be sure to catch it in the theatres in 3D –if you can find one carrying it - or at least bite the bait on VOD. Trust me, you’ll definitely love the swim.



-Jon Doe

Follow me on Twitter.

Readers Talkback
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  • June 4, 2012, 12:09 p.m. CST


    by txubill

  • June 4, 2012, 12:12 p.m. CST

    I lIked it

    by Craig

    Too bad I couldn't see it on the big screen and had to settle for on-demand.

  • June 4, 2012, 12:13 p.m. CST

    And FTR

    by Craig

    It is Chet's Step-Daughter.

  • June 4, 2012, 12:24 p.m. CST

    I'm basic as all fuck

    by eloy

    just geet some big breasts onscreen and yo

  • June 4, 2012, 12:25 p.m. CST

    Im basic as all fuck

    by eloy

    just get some big breasts onscreen and you got my money

  • June 4, 2012, 12:26 p.m. CST

    Obligatory Bad Photoshop Comment

    by Karl Childers

  • June 4, 2012, 12:28 p.m. CST

    As good as 3D or better.

    by Ed

    I had a great time watching this. The story adds to the piranha mythos, something a lot of sequels fail to do. I thought the piranha effects were better, there were more practical effects. I laughed at all the jokes. I'll be watching it in theaters again.

  • June 4, 2012, 12:38 p.m. CST

    Loved it

    by harry

    Saw this with some of my friends who love these type of cheezy B-horror movies! We never stopped laughing though the whole thing. The zoom in and out shots with Hasselhoff still make me laugh funny! Its supposed to be stupid fun, so enjoy it for what it is. Unfortunately the gore aspect of the movie isnt as good as the first one, but its definately more humourous.

  • June 4, 2012, 12:40 p.m. CST

    If it's so great...

    by Jaster Mareel

    And believe me, I REALLY WANT IT to be great, why is it at 14% on the tomatometer with the main complaint being that there is barely any nudity and the gore is very tamed down from the last one (with horrible CG effects)? And why is Weinstien making this almost exclusively a Video On Demand title if they have so much faith in it?

  • June 4, 2012, 12:51 p.m. CST

    The critics gave the first movie 73%

    by Jaster Mareel

    Do you see why I'm concerned?

  • June 4, 2012, 12:53 p.m. CST

    Piranha 3D did not instantly become a cult classic

    by Jason

    In fact, it still doesn't fit the definition of cult classic. Yes it's campy and ridiculous, but it doesn't have any sort of following. The rewatchability is almost nil, and it's not particularly quoteable. A fun, mindless diversion? Maybe, depending on your tolerance for intentional badness (as opposed to unintentional badness, which is ALWAYS funnier). But cult classic? No fucking way.

  • June 4, 2012, 12:59 p.m. CST

    this review reeks of fucking chlorophyll

    by newc0253

    so AICN is basically giving PLANTS paid positions now?

  • June 4, 2012, 1 p.m. CST

    Piranha 3D made $83M worldwide, not bad

    by Jaster Mareel

    Piranha 3DD has so far made $569,251. YEEESH!

  • June 4, 2012, 1:18 p.m. CST

    I wish they would go wider. Less than 100 locations I think. WTF?

    by adeceasedfan

  • June 4, 2012, 1:18 p.m. CST

    DITTO composite_ghost!

    by Jaster Mareel

  • June 4, 2012, 1:27 p.m. CST

    Any cameos of interest?

    by v3d

  • June 4, 2012, 1:46 p.m. CST

    The review I expected

    by daggor

    Seeing that Harry had the Piranha director guest on his little video show, I assumed we'd get an after-the-release "Hey, it's actually good, if you like shit!" review. And we did. Predictable. If the boobs in the trailer at least looked real, I might look at this for free sometime. Otherwise, not worth it. Somebody please post the Chris Lloyd scene on YouTube.

  • Her implants are wack.

  • June 4, 2012, 1:53 p.m. CST

    Market Research

    by MattDomville

    ...indicates how well this film is being received:

  • June 4, 2012, 2:07 p.m. CST

    Seriously, just no.

    by syn_flood

    I downloaded this for free and still wanted my money back.

  • June 4, 2012, 2:08 p.m. CST

    Was this review written by the director??

    by moorE12

  • June 4, 2012, 2:44 p.m. CST


    by Kelly Grimes

    None of the wit of the first one, which I feel hit most-to-all of its marks. This one was filled with tons of decent gags, but focused so hard on its shitty cameos they became completely disconnected by a director who seemed to misunderstand the point of a 'bad movie'. Like Snakes on a Plane this one went for good bad, and ended up bad bad.

  • June 4, 2012, 2:45 p.m. CST

    As for tits...

    by Kelly Grimes

    The first one had more, and ones of generally higher quality.

  • June 4, 2012, 3:12 p.m. CST

    It's not going wider, BECAUSE ITS FUCKING SHIT

    by Mysterious_Volvo

    The gore in the first movie was actually great, shredded legs, entire lower halves mashed up to fuck, people being sliced in two all over the place. This has.. a head lop, a REPEAT of the penis chomp gag. This is a typical Weinstein hit and run direct to video quality sequel that they try to pass off as a theatrical movie, I thought these days were over, but i guess with this new releasing method, small theatical run and VOD release they can rip enough people off to make a proffit. The gore is tame, which is bizarre because surely you want to go harder, the boobs are worse (katrina bowden, NOT showing us her tits) but at least the hoff is mildly amusing. That is not a redeeming feature.

  • June 4, 2012, 3:43 p.m. CST

    Is that Lisa Ann the porn star in the second picture?

    by Mr. Pricklepants

  • June 4, 2012, 3:47 p.m. CST

    Lisa Ann

    by Craig

    No, it's not.

  • June 4, 2012, 3:59 p.m. CST

    damn! I was really looking forward to this...

    by Homer Sexual

    But the weirdo release pattern says it all. I live in Los Angeles, for gosh sakes and can't see it in a theater? But if the gore and nudity are toned down, screw it. I LOVED the first one, and thought this would be like most sequels, crappier but with MORE of everything.

  • June 4, 2012, 4:02 p.m. CST

    I like the idea of this movie more than I care to watch it.

    by Tikidonkeypunch

  • June 4, 2012, 4:55 p.m. CST

    I just checked and you can rent this in 3D on Playstation

    by Jaster Mareel

    For some reason if you just go to it in general movies it only lists it as 2D, but if you go to the 3D section it's there, right next to the first one. It costs $8.50 to rent in 3D. Frankly I'll probably just blind buy the 3DBD when it hits around $20 because it will look and sound better, have extras and if it totally sucks I can still sell it for like $10 easy. So I'll get a lot more value for about the same cost.

  • June 4, 2012, 5:07 p.m. CST

    look at those ugly ass fake tits in the 2nd pic

    by Bouncy X

    seriously, are there really any men that find that the least bit attractive? i admit i like em big, i prefer em big but i'll take itty bitty titties over those kind any day if they are real. anyway as for the actual movie, i was shocked to find out how limited this was released. we never get these limited releases and yet we got this one so i just assumed it was a wide release. of course being in canada, we dont get the VOD becaise i was willing to waste 4$ to check it out in SD. lol

  • June 4, 2012, 5:53 p.m. CST

    This review has to be from a plant.

    by RedwingsHoolihan

    I watched this last night. I love a good bad movie with plenty of boobs, beasts, and blood, but this movie is fucking retarded.

  • June 4, 2012, 6:06 p.m. CST

    I'm watching it now

    by alan_poon

    It's utter sewer pickle.

  • June 4, 2012, 6:41 p.m. CST

    The first was trashy fun

    by gaygoonie

    This was just trash. The editing of the bloodbath is awful. People in a pool are not vulnerable the way they are in the ocean. So it's a little ridic that they're all just standing there. And hasselhoff just sitting there might seem funny (he's a sociopath!) but it's dramatically inert. And there's no third act. And the young cop looks like some Sean Cody dude playing dressup. That's actually not a bad thing though.

  • June 4, 2012, 8:08 p.m. CST

    I am currently 23 minutes in

    by sai_justin

    and about to turn it off. It's fucking terrible. Not fun, not funny, not the least bit interesting. Not even the boobs are real.

  • June 4, 2012, 8:25 p.m. CST

    don't get any of the love for this movie...

    by ShaneDugg

    I really enjoyed the first one - this sequel is just badly made, directed, acted plus the CGI is nearly "Birdemic" level bad and then the nudity is lame as well. SPOILER ALERT: Plus the director seems to have a thing for killing kids which is decidedly un-entertaining... also see his Feast sequels for an example of this.

  • ...Piranha 3DD was boobs (some nice and natural,most were scary fakies) decent gore and a waste of Gary Busey and Christopher Lloyd IMO.... oh and way too much Hasselhof. ***SPOILERS*** Especially disappointed when Lloyds prehistoric animal expert character sets up that the Piranha have evolved into walking flesh eating machines and they don't even pay that off in until the last 5 seconds (lamely I might add)...I WANTED walking flesh eating Piranha's from the crisis point! Dammit Gulager!

  • ...oh who am I kidding it has Double D in the title and the final 15 minutes of the movie are actually credit roll with just Hasselhof on the beach gyrating with the occasional blooper. Yup all 15 minutes...that could have been an epic 15 minutes of Llyod and Busey killing off hundreds of WALKING Piranha Gulager! ugh... GOThrones was good though.

  • June 4, 2012, 9 p.m. CST

    Terrible is too good a word for this..

    by Red_Right_Return

    Do people really find this crap entertaining? No wonder cinema is so fucked up. I love a nice T&A movie as the next guy, hell they are puritans compared to the movies made in the 80s, but this crap doesn't even compare to the worst Troma movies.

  • This movie's got the Weinsteins behind it. There's absolutely no excuse for tacky cheap crap like this.

  • And I knew this movie was in trouble as soon as I heard Gulagher was directing. The guy sucks.

  • June 4, 2012, 11:34 p.m. CST

    This review is the most obvious plant I've ever seen

    by BlutoBlutarsky

    I LOVED the first movie. For all the tits, ass, blood, and floating penises, the movie had charm, intelligence, likable characters, good humor, and a fair share of actual tension and scares. This movie is a has NONE of those qualities. Yes, the boobs are there, but it done so tastelessly that it's not even sexy. The gore is BARELY there, and what is there isn't all that gory. The use more puppetry than cgi for the piranha, which wouldn't be a bad thing if the puppets didn't look like total shit. They even steal several cgi shots of the piranha from the first movie. The whole "fish in the vagina" thing is so fucking stupid it's insulting. So this piranha survives in a girl's snatch for days, chomps on some guy's dick while he's screwing her...and then she sits up saying "I'm feeling better!" What the FUCK??? An equally stupid part is where a character (I won't say who) is driving a golf cart...and gets decapitated by a plastic flag line. Are you shitting me???? Then there's the cameos. Gary Busey's cameo at the beginning was the first sign of trouble. After delivering the line "Holy flying baby shit!", Busey proceeds to bite the head off a piranha and spit toward the camera for the first obligitory 3D shot. Then Christopher Lloyd returns from the first movie, but instead of playing him as the flaky scientist from the first movie, he plays him as a youtube obsessed whack job that would make his character from Taxi, Reverend Jim, say "What the fuck is wrong with this guy?" ....And then there's Hasselhoff..... Upon arriving at the waterpark, he says the line "Welcome to rock bottom". I can't help but wonder if this line wasn't in the script, but was The Hoff's way to not only comment on the state of his career, but to warn the audience what they're in for. For anyone to say this was as good, or as this reviewer says "even better" than the first, is the most asinine thing anyone could say about this movie. I wouldn't be surprised if it was the director of the movie that submitted this review. Easily one of the worst movies I've EVER seen. Not even fun in a "so bad it's good" type of way. I downloaded it for free, and want to sue the filmmakers for wasting 89 minutes of my life.

  • June 4, 2012, 11:36 p.m. CST

    And one more thing....

    by BlutoBlutarsky

    ...the movie runs 89 minutes, but would you believe that over 11 of those minutes are the closing credits? The piranha are "destroyed" at the 69 minute mark. A couple minutes of wrap up, and we're into the credits. During which we're treated to a lot of unfunny bloopers, and several PAINFULLY unfunny sequences of Hasselhoff mugging for the camera.

  • June 5, 2012, 12:03 a.m. CST

    And one MORE thing....

    by BlutoBlutarsky

    ...yeah there's plenty of bimbos that show off their gear in this movie, but not ONE of them comes close the smoking hot Kelly Brook from the first movie. If fact, the two hottest chicks in the movie, Danielle Panabaker and Katrina Bowden, and the only ones to NOT get naked. In fact, Bowden manages to have a sex scene with all her clothes on. WTF would you, especially in a movie like this, cast an actress for a sex scene when she won't take her clothes off? To everyone invloved in the production of this movie...DIE! DIE WITH FESTERING BOILS! DIE!

  • June 5, 2012, 1:10 a.m. CST

    Yeah, it sucked

    by the_juicy_box_of_megan_fox

    <p>I downloaded this and still felt cheated. The original was funny and over the top in a charming way. This has none of that.</p> <p>The gore is nonexistent and the nudity isn't as, I don't know, fun as in the first. And a water park just isn't as interesting as a lake for this kind of movie.</p> <p>And it's way too short. You get the setup, then the bloodbath and then it's over.<p> <p>As Casey Kasem once said: Ponderous, man . . . fucking ponderous.</p>