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Capone calls MEN IN BLACK III a lazy, boring exercise!!!

Hey everyone. Capone in Chicago here.

I hate sequels that require you to have seen the previous chapters in a franchise to understand the third (or even second) installment. Each film, sequel or not, should stand on its own as a piece of film. Now I'm not talking about a series like the HARRY POTTER films where the movies are an ongoing story that was established before the films were put into production. But in the case of MEN IN BLACK III, this is a story that is basically made up as it goes along, so the potential for creating new and interesting plots using a couple of the same characters from movie to move is there.

But the committee that came up with the script (or sections of the script) for MIB3 leans so heavily on previously established relationships and circumstances that it doesn't leave room for much in the way of creativity. This film is so spent for new ideas that it actually relies on the age-old going back in time scenario to move itself forward. What the hell am I talking about?

It's clear from the get-go that Tommy Lee Jones wants as little to do with director Barry Sonnenfeld's second sequel featuring Agents J (Will Smith) and K (Jones). The contrived story has J going back in time to make sure certain events happen that do two things—make sure the '60s-era K (played by Josh Brolin, doing a dead-on Jones impression) isn't kept from completing a very important mission, and do so without allowing himself to change the past too significantly. To make things just a little more awkward, these events have to happen when Agent O (Emma Thompson in the present; Alice Eve in the past) is present and having a little fling with K.

That particular story might not have felt so pointless if I had any indication that Jones wanted to be near this movie. What makes it worse is that the few scenes between Smith and Jones show absolutely no proof that these two men have been partners for 15 years. J is still complaining about K's lack of opening up his world so they can become better friends; the pair treat this story like they just met a week ago.

And what about Rick Baker's magical parade of alien life forms? One of the sole highlights of this placeholder movie are the countless opportunities to see the results of make-up genius Baker and his team cobbling together about a hundred alien creatures of various origins. Unfortunately, Sonnenfeld and his army of writers have placed these magnificent creatures in a story that is painful to experience.

A notorious alien villains named Boris the Animal (Jermaine Clement of "Flight of the Conchords") has escaped his maximum security prison and is hellbent on going back to the future to stop an event from transpiring in which he was stopped from committing a horrible crime against humanity by a young Agent K. The event in question happens on the same day at the same location as Apollo 11 launches, which leads to all sorts of shenanigans literally in the face of history, where Boris from the present helps Boris from the past, while J from the present assists K from the past in stopping the Boris. Someone unbury me from all of this excessive plot!

The worst element of MEN IN BLACK III (which apparently some people find to be the heart and soul/saving grace of the movie) is Michael Stuhlbarg as Griffin, a sort of seer who can visualize the many variations that could occur if certain events take place. Stuhlbarg is a tremendous actor in such movies as A SERIOUS MAN, HUGO, and HBO's "Boardwalk Empire," and the issues I have with Griffin certainly are not a reflection of his performance. The characters is so horribly written as a person who conveniently can predict the future and can tell our heroes exactly what they must do, when they must do it, and what the outcome will be.

Smart writing disappears the minute Griffin enters the picture, and the minute any shift in the plot needs to happen, Griffin tells the characters to do something whether it makes sense of not. He's also a wise sage of a creature that dishes out wisdom and instruction like a smart-ass fortune cookie. I think it goes without saying that I loathed this character despite the greatness of the man playing him.

You know what? I'm done talking about this miserable movie. I'm truly baffled by any positive reaction to MEN IN BLACK III because the whole exercise seems like it was completed against the will of the primary participants. It might be slightly better than the miserable second chapter in this franchise, but only because of Rick Baker's work. Beyond that, I loathed just about every minute I spent watching it. Have fun mustering any enthusiasm for this lazy, boring exercise.

-- Steve Prokopy
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Readers Talkback
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  • May 25, 2012, 9:07 a.m. CST

    "I hate sequels that require you...."

    by Dan

    "I hate sequels that require you to have seen the previous chapters in a franchise to understand the third (or even second) installment." That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. What do you think the word "sequel" even means?

  • May 25, 2012, 9:07 a.m. CST

    This review, I beleive

    by daggor

    Can't fathom why there would be so little screen time for Jones- unless he requested it himself.

  • May 25, 2012, 9:09 a.m. CST

    Was it too many re-writes? Or too many writers? Prob both

    by LowDevil

  • May 25, 2012, 9:11 a.m. CST

    I will see this on Sunday

    by Russell

    But only for Brolin.

  • May 25, 2012, 9:16 a.m. CST

    Not seeing this anyways

    by harry

    I hate this franchise. Didnt like the first one, cant even remember if I watched the 2nd one, and am going to avoid this one like the plague.

  • You supposedly watch and review movies for a living so you are the last person that should say stupid shit like that.

  • May 25, 2012, 9:17 a.m. CST

    So, I guess you hated RETURN OF THE JEDI then.

    by Mr. Pricklepants


  • I hate being required to watch things to understand them.

  • Your outline of the plot makes it sound interesting. Having said that I loved the first movie and hated the second so I am treading cautiously.

  • May 25, 2012, 9:24 a.m. CST

    Wait, Alice Eve as young Emma Thompson?

    by BizarroJerry

    Um, yeah, I don't see that at all. And right next to Brolin's spot on impression of Jones?

  • Whether it be a book, or movie (or second season of a tv show for that matter) if an artist makes a continued piece of their work, regardless of the second piece is good or not, you as the viewer/reader should have some knowledge of the characters background by watching/reading the original. Every time I think Capone has redeemed himself he does something like this. I'll never forget how he claimed Predator had "dead space." AICN reviewers are going downhill. Thank God Quint is still here. Capone's the kind of guy who would watch Godfather 2, and wonder why James Caan is only in one flashaback scene. He would be like "who is that guy?"

  • May 25, 2012, 9:24 a.m. CST

    Aw, I heard some good reviews

    by BizarroJerry

    I hope Capone's not in the majority on this one!

  • May 25, 2012, 9:25 a.m. CST

    what's, a question mark at the end of sentence, and we need an edit button.

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

  • May 25, 2012, 9:27 a.m. CST

    @ auaiomrn, re: "I hate sequels that require you...."

    by Sluggolicious

    Yeah man . . I gotta agree with you on that one. I think it's clever when a sequel references, or even utilizes, an element of the previous films. It helps establish a continuity to the story. Of course, it's often forced but, when done well (for example, Riggs' wife's death carrying over to Lethat Weapon 2) it can be interesting. I think any movie-goer who wants each film to stand solely alone and gets annoyed when he or she must have seen the previous film(s) to catch every quip or reference in the sequel(s) is just f*uckn' lazy.

  • May 25, 2012, 9:27 a.m. CST

    R A C I S T ! ! ! ! ! ! !

    by Simpsonian

  • May 25, 2012, 9:28 a.m. CST

    I really hope Avengers beats MIB3 in the box office this weekend.

    by Just_Some_Guy

    It's possible, right?

  • May 25, 2012, 9:30 a.m. CST

    Sounds like Capone is having a bad week

    by FrenchBastard03

    Don't take your depression out of movies, yo.

  • May 25, 2012, 9:32 a.m. CST


    by Grenadier

    Did old Agent K write this review? From the cranky tone, it sure sounds like it. Someone forgot they were supposed to have fun with this movie.

  • It's fine if you hate Men In Black. I never really cared for it myself. But this third installment is an emotional character piece and stays focused on what matters. For me, its the first really good Men In Black film. The worst thing that you made a point of was that you hate things to make sense in a continuity way. You like stand alone procedural bullshit instead of proper storytelling. Well fucking boo hoo. You represent the majority idiots of America with that statement. I hope you are letting off steam because there was some kind of death near you or something so miserable happened that you immediately wrote this shit because you hate your life at the moment. Or maybe you are taking behind the scenes matters way too seriously. These things have nothing to do with you. You should enjoy the final product without any hangups on rumors of an actor's reasoning for amount of screen time. Trying to look at it from your side: Maybe you just hate Men In Black so much that you hated that you spent time watching something you made up your mind before watching. It's kind of like how I feel about Battleship and yet I haven't seen it. I know I already hate it because I hate the dumbfucks that are hollow-headed pawns in the government's evil deeds to rape the world and pretend that what they are doing is good. I hate the army and all organizations like it. They fight for evil and demand to be treated as the saviors of the world....or else. So I could maybe see where you are coming from.... a little . But the comment on hating sequels that require you to see previous chapters is the dumbest fucking thing you have probably ever said and I demand you explain what the fuck you are doing here as a "movie lover".

  • May 25, 2012, 9:33 a.m. CST


    by Russell

    But not bloody likely.

  • May 25, 2012, 9:43 a.m. CST

    CNN thinks it is a total blast. Oh right. No Paris Hilton.

    by Mike Myers

    Next week Capone interviews Kim Kardashian and gushes over her amazing talents.

  • May 25, 2012, 9:43 a.m. CST

    You hate sequels that what?!

    by Tom Fremgen

    Sorry Capone, that makes no sense, maybe give an example. The whole point of a sequel is to build upon what perviously happened. I understand that it should be a good movie by itself, but why would that mean it should have little connection to the earlier installments. And since reviews are mostly positive about this film, I can't help but think you have grudge against it for some reason.

  • May 25, 2012, 9:46 a.m. CST

    Will's gotta pay for all that auditing

    by _ISITIN3D_

    you don't get to be OT IV by being lazy imjussayin

  • Everything I've read so far seems to indicate this is better than we had any right to expect.<P> While I do feel sequels should stand on their own as "a piece of film" are you really expecting them not to rely, somewhat, on knowledge of their preceding films?<P> Does The Empire Strikes Back stand on its own? Of course. But it sure does help if you saw Star Wars first. <P> Back to the Future 2 & 3 rely A LOT on knowledge of Back to the Future. Yet I still find them quite enjoyable as individual films.<P> Try watching the Matrix movies out of order. Well, maybe those aren't the best examples of cohesive storytelling...<P> I expect nothing more from a movie of this caliber (read, summer popcorn flick) than that it entertain me. It'll get $6 from me for a matinee. I will not see it in 3D. <P> As long as a character doesn't just magically disappear (ala Johnny Knoxville's in MIB2) I'll probably find something to like about this movie.

  • May 25, 2012, 9:52 a.m. CST

    Wait... Alice Eve=Emma Thompson?

    by Frat Boy

    On what planet? Not Earth.

  • Seriously man, "Bernie" is every bit what you mention above about MIB III. You can't even compare this to Harry Potter, YOU HAD to WATCH the other Harry Potters to understand WTF is going on in the last one. So DO NOT even stand there and say it stood alone, 8 FUCKING FILMS and you think anyone can watch just ONE!?!?! Dude, seriously Capone, maybe you just need to chill away from films, i'm seriously starting to doubt your reviews of films. MIB III is supposed to be fun, popcorny, summer-action film. All the MIB's were. Hell I could say the same about Independence Day. But don't throw up pathetic reasons like "I hate sequels" or "Tommy Lee Jones didn't want to be in this film" to hate a film. Who gives a fuck if Tommy Lee didn't want to be in this film, that shouldn't matter. Anyway, You can Love Bernie all you want, it wasn't all that funny it was 'ok' at best. But then again, i think Jack Black is best when he's voicing The Panda. -Rex

  • May 25, 2012, 10 a.m. CST

    "Rick Baker" is a team

    by zach

    one of the things about these reviews that I can't stand is the idea that Rick Baker made all of these aliens himself. The man has a huge team of talented individuals giving their heart and soul to every creature, and that's why they're so inventive and original. I know your whole thing is being massive drooling fanboys over process, but can't you at least say "Rick Baker and his team" or something like that?

  • May 25, 2012, 10:07 a.m. CST

    That's a good point, howdyzach

    by SoylentMean

    One of the most fascinating things about movies is how collaborative they are. Especially when it comes to FX work (practical or otherwise). <P> I do think a whole helluva lot of people think Rick Baker does it all on his own. <P> Even Santa has his elves. His creepy, creepy, follow you around the house finding any ledge or "shelf" to observe your behavior, elves.

  • May 25, 2012, 10:08 a.m. CST

    Capone hates Empires Strikes Back.

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

  • May 25, 2012, 10:16 a.m. CST

    Who needs exercise?


    Apparently this Capone fella

  • May 25, 2012, 10:25 a.m. CST

    by Apocalypse_Pooh

    "I hate sequels that require you to have seen the previous chapters in a franchise to understand the third (or even second) installment. Each film, sequel or not, should stand on its own as a piece of film." Then I guess we already know you're going to hate THE DARK KNIGHT RISES. "It's clear from the get-go that Tommy Lee Jones wants as little to do with director Barry Sonnenfeld's second sequel featuring Agents J (Will Smith) and K (Jones)." Are you guys not allowed to proof your work before you post it? "As little to do" as what, exactly? As possible?

  • that the lead is also on Boardwalk Empire. Wow. Acting!

  • May 25, 2012, 10:38 a.m. CST

    I agree with auaiomrn and the others

    by Mugato5150

    I don't think that a movie should have required *reading*, as in you need to read the novelization of a film before you see it. Like there's a lot in the Lord of the Rings movies that don't make any fucking sense unless you read the books and that was patiently explained to me by LOTR geeks who just assumed that everyone studied up on the books before seeing the film. That's bullshit. But within the same medium, it's fucking retarded to expect every chapter of the story be self contained and not require knowledge of the stories before it? Who hires these people who obviously know nothing about movies to criticize movies?

  • May 25, 2012, 10:41 a.m. CST

    ....many typos in my last post, sorry

    by Mugato5150

  • Thanks talkbackers for exceeding expectations! It's quite a ridiculous statement. I think I somewhat get what he says, in that he enjoys more episodic series like the Bond films, but man does it come across as an ignorant statement. And I think a vast amount of audiences prefer references and story carry-overs from previous installments. Especially for series that don't continue on for too many sequels.

  • And not expect to be confused by some things? There are plenty of legitimate criticisms of the Men In Black series, but I can't back that one.

  • May 25, 2012, 10:43 a.m. CST

    Just watch the Trailer.....

    by D o o d

    THAT told you everything you needed to know about this movie! $20 = Saved!

  • May 25, 2012, 10:45 a.m. CST

    a few things...

    by Melanie Griffiths Sour Patch

    ...this movie only had the script for the first act done when they began filming. They were making it up and writing it while filming because if they didn't start by a certain date, they would have lost Will Smith. I wouldn't be stunned if it's a turgid pile of shit for that matter alone. That said, the comment about sequels is ludicrous and really makes me question your reviews which feel very paid for, very "inside" and very clubby. It's easy to predict what you will like by who is in it or producing it. You've given tongue baths to some of the worst comedies that set the genre back because of allegiances you have to certain people. I also echo what some others have said; think it's time for you to stop reviewing. You're burned out, you play favorites and you don't love the art form anymore unless someone you like is in it.

  • May 25, 2012, 10:49 a.m. CST

    About the only place where Capone's quote works is the James Bond universe.

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    You can watch almost every one of those, and not know anything about the other movies. The exception that comes to my mind is the beginning of For Your Eyes Only where he's at his wife's grave, and there's some guy with a cat in a wheelchair trying to kill him. As a kid I was wondering who this guy was, not knowing who Blofeld was.

  • May 25, 2012, 10:54 a.m. CST

    dahveed1972, I miss Moriarty too. Quint is the only professional left.

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    I miss Vern too.

  • May 25, 2012, 10:58 a.m. CST

    Soylent- that bit about elves

    by angry kitty

    was hysterical. So does this creepiness extend to garden gnomes? Cause they creep the hell out of me.

  • May 25, 2012, 10:59 a.m. CST

    Watching on DVD


    Will wait till DVD....Hollywood...put some effort back into movie making

  • May 25, 2012, 11:02 a.m. CST

    I think a sequel needs to have a reliance on the previous chapters...

    by loafroaster

    ...otherwise a huge chunk of the running time is taken up with EXPLAINING the previous chapters.

  • May 25, 2012, 11:12 a.m. CST

    Capone now has zero stock with me

    by Denty420

    One thing I will give Capone is that when he decides to review a movie, he reviews a movie. He doesn't come out with the same crap that Harry does, about how he was a kid and his father walked into his bedroom with a 35mm print of --insert-movie-title-here--, and how he could still pull his plum to ejaculation over it. Capone, for all his faults, has written some good reviews in the past. But, not only has Capone made it clear what his politics are (rubbing it in our faces would be a better way of describing it), he has completely shot himself in the foot with the FIRST LINE OF THIS FUCKING REVIEW! Sequels exist to continue the story of the protagonists and build on what happened in the previous films, as a previous talkbacker eloquently said, not to be standalone films. That's why there's usually a 'II' or 'III' in the title. What he's basically saying is that you should be able to watch MIBIII without seeing the first two films. I call bullshit. <br> I'm avoiding Capone's reviews from now on. He's shown just how unsuitable to the task he is with this pitiful write-up. <br> Still going to see MIB III anyway.

  • May 25, 2012, 11:12 a.m. CST

    Hmm..Capone didn't like it.

    by JediWuddayaknow

    If the past is anything to go on, that means I'll probably enjoy it.

  • May 25, 2012, 11:21 a.m. CST

    "I hate sequels that require you to have seen the previous"

    by Heronymo

    lol then basically there should be no sequels, and every "sequel" should be a reboot? Should Avengers have therefore described everything that happened in Thor, and Captain America and Iron Man? It's not even a "sequel" per se. And yet it's a good idea to watch the previous films. Should Iron Man 2 have explained who Pepper is, where War Machine came from? lol??

  • May 25, 2012, 11:22 a.m. CST

    Capone you're forgetting the obvious.

    by Suolas

  • May 25, 2012, 11:32 a.m. CST

    will never see this

    by HamburgerEarmuffs

    Had lifetime full of will smith mugging and tommy lee jones mumbling through their parts.

  • May 25, 2012, 11:35 a.m. CST

    Capone, you're forgetting the obvious...

    by Suolas

    Steve, I used to love coming here to read about new films being made and what could be made and the informed reviews but lately (like many have already mentioned and you have all clearly ignored) it looks like most of you have your heads squarely up your pompous, self-important asses. This film (like its predecessors) was made for nothing more than entertainment purposes, it looks like it was fun to make and it was great fun to watch. At its core, the MIB series, based off of comics are exactly that, comics translated to film. Just because it doesn't fill itself with convoluted metaphors and more techno babble than a season of Star Trek TNG doesn't mean it shouldn't be fun, otherwise it should NEVER have been a PG film for children to see which were the target audience or did you forget that little gem? So what, they used time travel, big deal if its been done before in nearly every other sci-fi medium, its not like they can do time travel on a soap opera or game show, Time travel is a sci-fi machination, it belongs in sci-fi, get over it and quit whining for the sake of hearing yourself whinge. I took my two daughters to see this today, the youngest loves the MIB films, even the awful second one, my eldest not so much and they both came out of it loving it, my eldest even got a bit teary eyed over the slightly bitter sweet ending. In my eyes, the film was better than most as it was able to engage them not only intellectually but emotionally as well. Either find or rediscover your love of the chid-like spirit and wonder of this type of film and the enjoy them for what they are or just don't bother going to them let alone polluting the internet with your bitter ramblings.

  • May 25, 2012, 11:40 a.m. CST

    I usually like Capone's reviews...

    by TheBigFuckinLebowski

    But this one, I totally disagree with. It's like I saw another movie all together!... Didn't feel like Jones wanted out at all. Didn't feel like the script was written by a committee (looks like you read Brain Tellerico's review and didn't even bother to watch the film!) at all, I found the script to be clever and that is not an easy thing to pull off when dealing with time travel stories.

  • May 25, 2012, 11:47 a.m. CST

    angry kitty, garden gnomes only pretend to stay outside.

    by SoylentMean

    They wait until you fall asleep (they have some gnomic, magical way of knowing when you lose consciousness) and then they sneak into your house, molest your pets, eat your food, and then stand by your bed, watching you sleep.<P> They also secrete Rohypnol as a pheremone. <P> What I'm saying is sometimes they don't just stand by your bed. Sometimes they test the bedsprings. <P> Innapropriate touching. Unknown spooning. Forgotten fondling.<P> You have good reason to be creeped out by garden gnomes. Remember, you can't say GNOME without saying NO.<P> And that's the word the crime starts with.

  • Yes, typically all movie sequels do this, Capone. Maybe MIB3's attempt at referencing past evens seemed strange to Capone because no one gives a shit about the MIB movies?

  • May 25, 2012, 11:50 a.m. CST

    I understand where capones coming from.

    by edmanger

    If I were to see MIB3 (which i wont), i'd expect it to be a load of sillyness, mixed with some genuine banter and seeming enjoyment of the actors. I'd hate to see stuff from the first or second movie that id completely forgotten about and was seemingly important now. I'd also hate Stuhlbargs character, as it seems like the laziest writing in the world (forgetting the whole going back in time thing). I mean seriously, (men in black - back in time?). What is this, a movie made for cartoon network? Hang on cartoon network has far more creativity than this pile of shit. And i can tell that just by watching the trailer.

  • May 25, 2012, 11:58 a.m. CST


    by Blue_Demon

    Start typing the script, son. I'll beg every millionaire within a hundred miles of me for the cash.

  • May 25, 2012, noon CST

    Sequels that require you to watch the original....Capone?

    by MasterControlProgram

    The Avengers comes to mind. That requires you to watch all of the previous movies to understand why the characters got where they are. The Empire Strikes Back, to the newcomer, is just a story about two guys on an ice planet with some princess. They don't know who the Empire is or Darth Vader for that matter. Back to the Future II required that you watched Part I to make sense. Star Trek III required that you watch Star Trek II, and even Star Trek IV requires that you watch III. Should I go on? must not like many movies. -- End of Line --

  • May 25, 2012, 12:09 p.m. CST

    Capone in the theater a couple of weeks ago...

    by Blue_Demon

    Loki fakes Thor out with his Fake Loki Illusion then laughs at Thor, asking him if he'll ever stop falling for that trick. "Fuck that! If this audience hasn't seen THOR that line would mean nothing! I hate sequels that require-" *WHACK* The tall guy behind him puts up his blackjack and the audience turns their attention back to THE AVENGERS. A kid takes Capone's wallet while another puts his dick in his mouth and takes a picture.

  • May 25, 2012, 12:25 p.m. CST

    I find you to be lazy boring exercise

    by Relentless85

    Oh wait, I thought this was written by Harry. My apologies, Capone.

  • So do they run into the Doctor?

  • May 25, 2012, 12:27 p.m. CST

    This review is wrong & misleading as MIB3 is almost as good as MIB1

    by genrefanboy

    Not sure what other movie Capone saw but MIB3 is certainly well worth seeing if you want a fun popcorn sci-fi movie with J + K x 2, surprises, great action, emotional payoff & a few laughs. MIB3 ticks all those boxes & a few more for not feeling like a forced studio sequel (even though it is). Ignore Capone's review & look for a more balanced opinion even some of the top critics liked the movie which is a miracle nowadays!! that alone tells you the movie is better than expected!!!

  • May 25, 2012, 12:32 p.m. CST

    standalone sequels, you know, like Star Trek III

    by durhay

  • May 25, 2012, 12:35 p.m. CST

    blue_demon: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!

    by tom

  • May 25, 2012, 12:47 p.m. CST

    Does anybody proof read anymore?

    by thedoctor28

    Plus that sequel comment got me baffled as well. Isn't that the whole point of a sequel as to have seen the first one that came before? I am confused! Man this review tore this movie a new asshole.

  • Maybe Friday the 13 sequels I guess.

  • May 25, 2012, 12:54 p.m. CST

    You could go into every sequel blind, if you were blind.

    by SoylentMean

    If you're blind and you're reading this I apologize if I offended you.<P> Also, congratulations, you're not blind!

  • May 25, 2012, 12:57 p.m. CST

    But Lucas amazing eye didn't catch it

    by UltraTron

  • May 25, 2012, 1:18 p.m. CST

    There are different types of sequels

    by seasider

    but even with sequels like Men in Black where it's not episodic and it's a different new adventure for the main characters, it does benefit the viewer to watch the previous movies in this franchise.

  • May 25, 2012, 1:22 p.m. CST

    Looking forward to reading Mr Vespe's take on this

    by Denty420

    At least it will be balanced and not contain any stupidity. Quite unlike most of Harry and (now) Capone's contributions.

  • May 25, 2012, 1:24 p.m. CST

    Everyone should reread Capone's review...

    by The_Guy_Who_Invented_Coca_Cola

    ...and stop at "What the hell am I talking about?" <P> Makes so much more sense.

  • Is it an anti-corporate backlash? Initially I was pretty disappointed that Scar-Jo played such a pivotal role at the end of the Avengers. It was like her and Cap were there, and she told Cap what to do! Then she proceeded jump 40 feet inthe air onto a screaming pod racer going 80 mph, and then she took out 3 warriors, steered the skif with daggers in the one guy's shoulders (whilst sitting up over him!), and then she took on Loki, and then shut down the portal to boot! What did Cap do? He jumped into the bank and fights off a few warriors and dodges a grenade?! They should have switched their battles. Definitely. Also, Hulk transforming and slamming the giant flying-leachy-thing in one overly simplified blow. Also, Iron-Man in the turbofan was bunk (helo centrifigal forces anyone?) and the whole Helicarrier seemed contrived, as did the Dark Matter complex's never-ending explosion at the start of the movie. And the overly-huge budget. But I thought I had a chip on my shoulder when I went in the 1st time. So I saw it again and really sat back to simply enjoy an afternoon at the movies with the Avengers. Y'know what? I was amazed at the excellence in all aspects of that movie. The plot, the fx, the editing, art direction, direction, and acting (great job Chris Evans! I could hear the hero within you as Cap! GREAT DELIVERY!) and most of all the heroism throughout. A real fun pic. Judgement is made! BONK! BONK! I sentence Capone to a second viewing!

  • May 25, 2012, 1:28 p.m. CST

    The Music too!

    by Dilox Esp

    Loved that Avengers theme too! Its been a while since a score has had such an upbeat tempo.

  • May 25, 2012, 1:29 p.m. CST

    I'm happy for the Widow to steal scenes from Cap ...

    by berserkrl

    because Cap, as portrayed in the movies, is kind of annoying.

  • May 25, 2012, 1:29 p.m. CST


    by Johnny Wrong

    ...outside of Brolin's impression of jones, NO REDEEMING FEATURES WHATSOEVER.

  • you are just weird

  • May 25, 2012, 2:27 p.m. CST

    Gotta agree with auaiomrn

    by Kremzeek

    Expecting to understand everything in a *sequel* film without seeing the previous film(s) is stupid. I understand that episodic television benefits from summing up previous events (usually this is done in quick dialogue between characters), but movies? No. Just no. Why on earth would I want to see a sequel without having seen the previous film? I can't imagine a scenario where I'd want to do that - ever. It really doesn't make any sense, and - no disrespect intended - is just kinda dumb, Capone. Might want to rethink that. Cool review though. Was a fun read. I didn't really like MIBII, so I doubt I'll check out part 3 any time soon.

  • May 25, 2012, 2:31 p.m. CST

    @berserkrl : What?

    by Kremzeek

    Chris Evans as Cap is my favorite thing about the Marvel film franchise(s)! They couldn't have picked a better person for this role! And the Cap film is hands down my fav of the solo films so far. It bums me out that people don't dig what Marvel/Disney has done with Cap. I feel like I'm the only one who even liked that film. =\

  • That film doesn't even end... and requires the following sequel to even attempt to complete it's story. Just saying! And for me (sorry for going wildly off subject) this is why Empire is just a sequel (albeit a very good one), and can never touch the first movie as a complete story! Personally I don't mind sequels, if I like the franchise, and they're well made and entertaining. Naturally!

  • May 25, 2012, 3:28 p.m. CST

    Capone hates Kill Bill 2, Sanjuro, Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey

    by harvey birdman

    The Dark Knight Rises, The Road Warrior, Toy Story 2, The Bourne Ultimatum, Clerks 2, The Color of Money, Before Sunset, Evil Dead 2, the Bride of Frankenstein, and Dawn of the Dead. I can't even imagine how much he hates watching TV shows like Game of Thrones.

  • May 25, 2012, 3:33 p.m. CST


    by Blue_Demon

    riprat's gonna tear you a new one for offending blind people, 'cause y'know...he's a crusader.

  • May 25, 2012, 3:44 p.m. CST

    Ouch Capone getting bitch slapped all over the forum

    by Extr3m1st

    Sounds like you went into this movie just wanting to hate on it. After the 1st sequel I don't blame you I guess but.. This one is miles better then the 2nd movie of the trilogy. Brolin is brilliant and Will Smith is pretty good as well.

  • Definitely one of the more ridiculous things I've ever read from an AICN review. And that's certainly saying something. Just another nail in the coffin of what was once a respectable website. (And BTW. I couldn't care less about MiB3)

  • May 25, 2012, 3:50 p.m. CST

    Regarding SITH...

    by Blue_Demon

    It just occurred to me that the Jedi Knights were all killed by a clonetrooper flash mob.

  • May 25, 2012, 4 p.m. CST

    The f1rst calls Capone a lazy tired exercise

    by F1rst

    It was good, with just the right combination of humour and pathos. In an era of cynical filmmaking it was rather refreshing

  • May 25, 2012, 4:44 p.m. CST

    Hated Aliens??

    by MrJJonz

    Bad example. Really did not need to see Alien to enjoy Aliens. Capone is right for this kind of film. This film is a piece of fluff that should require no attention span or memory of the 1st and second film. I know I saw the 1st but have no idea if I saw the 2nd. I assume I did at some point but cannot recollect anything about it. For this type of film you should have no need to know details from the 1st or 2nd film. Why should you? There is no need for an overriding story arc. 2nd Nolan Batman? Doesn't spoil it if you haven't watched the Begins. 2nd Ironman. May actually help if you haven't seen the 1st as you won't realise how bad it is in elation to the 1st. Harry Potter films are a ongoing series, much in the way of a TV series. It is rare for films to go this route where a sequel depends on you having actually watched the previous films. And for something like MIB, it is needless much like the Saw films or most other films that claim to be a series.

  • May 25, 2012, 7:21 p.m. CST

    I think what Capone meant was:

    by ufoclub1977

    A movie is really bad if it critically depends on a previous movie to be entertaining. As in, it doesn't contain enough narrative power and structure on it's own to function. Empire Strikes Back, for example, could have been entertaining to someone even if they hadn't seen Star Wars. It still functions on it's own even with holes in the overriding narrative if you saw it alone.

  • May 25, 2012, 7:56 p.m. CST


    by berserkrl

    He's the weakest part of the Avengers series for me. He comes across as a moralistic, self-righteous prig -- picking fights with fellow theatre-goers in Captain America, resorting to schoolboy insults against Stark in Avengers, jumping to the defense of authority.... I miss his Human Torch.

  • May 25, 2012, 8:22 p.m. CST

    Capone needs to find another line of work

    by vladvampire

    or get one of those blow up donut things to sit on to help let that bug crawl out of his ass. He certainly doesn't enjoy fun movies. This is meant to be mindless popcorn entertainment, not Schindler's List

  • May 25, 2012, 8:43 p.m. CST


    by berserkrl

    "This is meant to be mindless popcorn entertainment" I think no entertainment for human beings should be mindless. One shouldn't have to check one's brain at the door to have fun.

  • May 25, 2012, 9:30 p.m. CST

    just saw it

    by OfficerJunior

    he's pretty much right, there were moments that worked but for the most part I just couldn't muster a fuck about the plot. I like stand alone sequels, too. same characters, new story. it's amazing how many fucktards missed his point about HP being adapted from a literary SERIES. you should actually read the article first, douchers.

  • May 25, 2012, 9:40 p.m. CST

    This review is just further proof of how

    by John Baker

    film nerds eventually slip up and reveal why they are deservedly kept at the fringe of normal society. When the grid goes down these are the fuckers who will be rocking back and forth in the dark holding a Star Wars action figure while the rest of us are out looking for firewood and murdering other people for gasoline.

  • May 25, 2012, 10:04 p.m. CST

    Saw it, liked it, never saw the first two.

    by TheMachinist

    Possibly due to my writing a time travel based sci Fi novel (Splitting Infinity, check it out if it ever gets finished), I thoroughly enjoyed this movie. Humourous, summertime popcorn movie, dealt with the paradoxes as best it could, and the design on the aliens were fantastic. I hardly gave a shit about any plot consistencies. Oddly enough, though, my favorite character was Capone's least favorite: Griff.

  • Sequels are a continuation of the story, not a new story. So to berate a sequel for being a sequel is a bit insane...

  • May 25, 2012, 11:26 p.m. CST

    Finally a review I can believe!

    by DidntPullOutInTimeCop

    The MiB movies annoy me. They're like Adam Sandler's Borat ripoff movie but with aliens. Adam Sandler movies, why the hell do they get made, MiB movies, why the hell do they get sequels? Brolin and Baker, they should make a movie of their own.

  • May 26, 2012, 12:14 a.m. CST

    While I respect many of Capone's reviews....

    by Last_of_the_Emurites

    I have to agree with many of the Talkbackers here. If you go into to a movie that has the number "3" after the title, you should assume that you would be a little lost if you weren't to see the previous two. It should also be assumed that since the two prior movies were hits, that many people who are seeing the third one will have freshened up their experience by re-watching (or watching for the first time) the previous films to be better prepared for the third. What you are implying is something akin to asking the film makers to "dumb down" the experience to the small portion of people who have no idea what a Man in Black is. Knowing the previous films should be the responsibility of the viewer, not the film maker.

  • May 26, 2012, 12:19 a.m. CST


    by Capone

    Please, someone show me where I say I don't like sequels. First off, all of the films you mention (EMPIRE STRIKES BACK, HARRY POTTER films, GODFATHER II, etc.) are all wonderful films that work as stand-alone movies. I could stumble upon any of those films on cable or pop in the DVD and thoroughly enjoy them because they stories are strong enough to come in cold. Sure, you'll get more out of them if you've seen what has come before, but I don't think it's absolutely necessary. The problem with MIBIII is that character are literally having the same conversations they had 10 years ago, referring to things that happened in the first two films while absolutely neglecting the move the mythology of the Men In Black forward in any way. And seriously? A movie about guys who keep aliens on earth in check resorting to a time-travel storyline? Pathetic and tired. So yes, I absolutely agree that sequels should build upon what has come before in terms of both story and characters, but MIBIII does neither. If you bother to see this movie, you'll know exactly what I'm talking about.

  • May 26, 2012, 12:42 a.m. CST

    Capone is Lazy and Tired

    by Apocalypse_Pooh

    Too lazy to proof his work, and too tired to want to bring anything to the movie-going experience -- sequels have to do all the work for him, they have to be stand-alone experiences. Capone publishes a review that contains this sentence: "It's clear from the get-go that Tommy Lee Jones wants as little to do with director Barry Sonnenfeld's second sequel featuring Agents J (Will Smith) and K (Jones)." Not only is your sentence a grammar bomb, it is also both presumptive and declarative with no supporting evidence. In other words, lazy. Perhaps you were tired.

  • Well I knew that without seeing this movie. TLJ always bitch about being in these kinds of movies. He bitched about being in Cap A, seemed embarrassed. He wants to make 'art' I guess and think these movies are beneath him. But the money's good right, Tommy?

  • May 26, 2012, 2:19 a.m. CST

    It's JEMAINE, reviewers!

    by Jay Jay

    NOT Jermaine (no R). And I liked the flick.

  • As a person that has seen none of these movies, should I see this one or not? I saw Harry Potter 3 without seeing any of the others and thought it was awesome.... so there is that.

  • May 26, 2012, 2:52 a.m. CST

    Odie: That's it?

    by Orionsangels

  • May 26, 2012, 3:21 a.m. CST

    aicn is lazy and boring

    by rlong

    i used to really love you guys but now you are total sell used to get the skinny on all the upcoming stuff and let us know what was what. now you review films on the day they come out?what do we care what you think when we can go to the movies ourselves or look at rotten tomatoes.or imdb.Give the site to someone who isnt in disneys pocket and stop making this site the lazy pos it is. Does anyone recommend any better sites?

  • May 26, 2012, 3:23 a.m. CST


    by rlong

    seeing this site go downhill is just like when george lucas stuck his cock up star wars' ass.

  • May 26, 2012, 8:05 a.m. CST

    Capone's just digging himself deeper. Empire Strikes Back is stand alone?

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    Maybe some people are saying Capone doesn't like sequels. Then he takes back his comments in his black box. While he's correct he didn't say that, it doesn't take away from the inaneness of his first comments. Some guy's in the arctic, has a vision of Ben Kenobi. Who the hell is Ben Kenobi? I'm going to Dagobah because of a dream? What's a jedi? Try again with a logical argument Capone. By the way, I saw MIB III last night. While most, including myself, agree MIB II was really bad, this one was quite the opposite. It was a great flick, a proud successor to the third. There were a couple of things that bugged me (bug, ha, I kill me), but they were minor in comparison to the rest of the movie.

  • May 26, 2012, 8:07 a.m. CST

    dixieflyer, you can see MIB III without seeing MIB, but

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    you will get much more enjoyment if you see the first one, which most agree is a great movie. Also, you can skip MIB II. As a matter of fact, I recommend you do so.

  • May 26, 2012, 8:09 a.m. CST

    Oh, they had The Amazing Spider-Man trailer at MIB III

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    I'm generally against reboots especially when Raimi's movies aren't that old, but I can't believe how great it looked.

  • May 26, 2012, 8:28 a.m. CST

    Better luck next time Capone :)

    by Tom Fremgen

    Seem like you miss spoke or something, since in the review you say you- "I hate sequels that require you to have seen the previous chapters in a franchise to understand the third ..." and in talk back you say- "The problem with MIBIII is that character are literally having the same conversations they had 10 years ago, referring to things that happened in the first two films while absolutely neglecting the move the mythology of the Men In Black forward in any way." That sounds more like you don't need to see the previous films, since the 3rd is just another repeat, ala Ghost Busters and Ghost Busters II. Don't you just love these talkbacks!

  • May 26, 2012, 8:29 a.m. CST


    by Peter David

    The one thing with which I concur is that Griff skated the edge. He has the object they require; he has the exposition they need; he enables the solutions to the film. Functionally he's a plot device and a MacGuffin all rolled into one. But whereas that's enough to sink him (and the movie) for Capone, I think they pulled it off. The sequences involving his POV of the world, the cleverness of his dialogue, and the simple quiet sincerity of the actor elevated him above his script function and instead made him into a fully rounded and extremely enjoyable character. Buy into him and the movie works; if you don't, it doesn't. Me, I bought in, and thought the movie was just great. PAD

  • May 26, 2012, 8:33 a.m. CST


    by Peter David

    Actually, you're in a somewhat unique position: you could see them backwards. As a consequence of MIB3, there is now a ton of subtext to the first film that didn't exist before. So you could see MIB3, and THEN see the first film. PAD

  • Sleek, empty nonsense. Though I did like Vincent D.Onofrio's bug-in-a-man-suit performance where it sounded like he was gargling his own vomit.

  • May 26, 2012, 8:46 a.m. CST

    Oh and anything Sam Jackson can do...

    by Sepulchrave

    Laurence Fishburn can do better. Plus he's not an idiot and has gravitas.

  • May 26, 2012, 8:53 a.m. CST

    PAD, although they didn't know it in the first movie you see

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    K pulling for J's recruitment in a hard way. He chased a whatever it was, and K said something to the effect of that's gotta count for something. J is a cop, and that's probably in no small way to neuralyzer suggestion in MIB III. So I think they took a long hard look at MIB, and worked these things into MIB III because of it.

  • May 26, 2012, 8:55 a.m. CST

    By the way, speaking of authors, I'm re-reading Jon Scalzi's Agent to the Stars.

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    While many are familiar with the recently optioned Old Man's War, which I can't wait for if done properly, his "first" novel about alien life is hysterical, and original.

  • May 26, 2012, 8:57 a.m. CST

    Did anyone else play "spot the alien in the video monitor" while watching this?

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    I saw Shawn White, Richard Branson, and I think I saw a walk-on by Howard Stern. If it wasn't him I have no doubt they deliberately dressed up a guy to look like him.

  • May 26, 2012, 10:20 a.m. CST

    Fuck Willie Smith and his fucking son!!!!

    by Andrew Quinsatt

    Both a bunch of fags.. One hasn't made a good film since Independence Day and the other waste of a fucking sperm ruined The original Karate Kid movie, fuck both of those fags...

  • May 26, 2012, 11:03 a.m. CST

    Oh Capone....

    by ArchStanton1862

    I get that you didn't like the movie. And that's fine. Let's agree to disagree. But to give a rant on a movie that's nowhere near dreadful is just sad. With stuff like Griffin I just feel like you missed the fact that it's supposed to be a joke. You may not like the joke, or you may think it's overplayed, but that doesn't mean you can just go around seriously criticizing the character for being a cheap plot device. That was the whole joke of the character! It'd be like criticizing the old Why did the chicken cross the road joke because the motivation of the chicken is never clearly defined. Comedies are the hardest form of film to judge since everyone has a different sense of humor. People disagree. So if you don't find yourself liking a comedy then by all means give it a negative review, but don't just go on a rant about how bad it is and how stupid everyone who likes it is. That's just unprofessional and it makes you sound like a humorless dick.

  • Because maybe 15 years haven't passed in the movie world they're inhabiting. Jus' sayin'.

  • May 26, 2012, 3:24 p.m. CST

    Michael Stuhlbarg's Griffin...

    by Flutchy me is one of the most engaging characters in cinema this year, just loved the emotional depth he added to MIB3. Agree on TLJ looking bored, but don't mess with Griff!

  • May 26, 2012, 3:34 p.m. CST

    I saw it. Capone's right in a lot of ways. It...

    by dasheight

    ...makes a huge mistake with Jones and Smith - after 14 years together, you would think their relationship had changed SOMEWHAT - maybe even a LITTLE - but it seems that it not only hasn't changed, but got WORSE, in the sense of communication between the two - and Jones DOES seem like he just doesn't want to be there. There's no sense of playfulness in him like he had in the first film and even in the abominable second movie. He's also right about the Griffin character being a lazy writing conceit. Granted, the movie IS better than the second film - in many ways, this should have been the second film in the series. However, I have to agree with Capone overall - while there were some funny moments in it, it really did feel like I was watching something that was put together with the specific intent of jump-starting Will Smith's career again as a box office draw. Again - it IS better than the second film - but as a movie, it's really just a waste of time. You'll probably enjoy it intermittently while you're watching it, but the film doesn't even start to be any fun until the time-travel section begins, and most of that has to do with watching Brolin do his Jones impression. The entire beginning section with Jones - his performance reeks of "just give me my damn paycheck, because I'm not going to give you 5 percent of what I can do just so Smith can try to recapture his early success." That said, I have all the respect in the world for Smith and the people who worked on the creatures - but the CGI, like that ridiculous, uninspired Chinese restaurant fish sequence - just LAZY.

  • May 26, 2012, 3:38 p.m. CST

    Here's what they COULD have done to make the film better:

    by dasheight

    After 14 years as partners, Smith has FINALLY gotten Jones to open up, and they have a great relationship - they're equals now. But when the "story" - the backstory that opens up the time travel bit - rears its head, it CAUSES Jones to REGRESS, and close up again - it would have established a lot more tension and emotional pay-off in terms of what Smith was trying to accomplish. "He's back to his old, closed-up self because of this thing, and I have to help him after all the work we've done to be equals," etc. But they didn't. It's just STARTLINGLY lazy writing what they did.

  • Anyone here talking box office needs to be shot. So sick of you bean counters. Just make a fucking good film for a change.

  • Especially when the f/x are absolute shit like MIB III - Good God! Did you see that pathetic looking cgi shitfest of them running through traffic on the monocycles?!?!

  • May 26, 2012, 7:27 p.m. CST

    I'm not seeing the film...

    by gopher theatre because there's too many punks yelling, "YO Will!" everytime he's onscreen. I'll torrent it later, if I can muster up the energy. Screw the theatre-going experience nowadays.

  • May 26, 2012, 8:09 p.m. CST

    Capone's review could've been in Greek

    by HongKongCavalier

    ... and he'd still be right: this movie sucked all types of ass and I wanted to slap my kids for asking me to take them because THEY hated it too.

  • May 26, 2012, 10:12 p.m. CST

    I get what Capone is saying.

    by BigTuna

    He's stating the film, rather than developing it's own story hinges on past installments far too much. It does make you feel they didn't have a story to start with.

  • May 27, 2012, 9:16 a.m. CST

    It also requires you to know what the 60's are

    by gridlockd

    somekinda decade apparently. Damn you, movie! I ain't come here for somekinda book learnin' lesson!

  • May 27, 2012, 4:15 p.m. CST

    I finally got around to watching John Carter this week...

    by workshed

    ...five times. OK, it had a few minor flaws but I can betcha it's 100x times the movie that MiB3 is despite a good friend coming back from a screening and telling me it was 'OK, watchable, just, mainly down to Brolin'. John Carter showed me that when critics set out to destroy a film, there's no stopping them - and most of 'em are miserable fuckers.

  • May 28, 2012, 1:27 a.m. CST

    Saw it the other night, I enjoyed it quite a lot.

    by zillabeast

    It was a nice little valentine to end the series. I mean, it's totally open to continuation but I think this is it. It's a huge box office success and I think that was pretty much the point. A solid payday for Sony and everyone involved. They just happened to make a pretty good, and heartfelt movie while they were at it. As for the title of the article, I think it's pretty clear Capone hates exercise.

  • May 28, 2012, 11:10 a.m. CST

    Capone gave a rave to "Dead Man


  • May 28, 2012, 11:10 a.m. CST

    "Dead Man's Chest"



  • May 28, 2012, 11:11 a.m. CST

    Loved MIB III. Have no idea what Capone is talking about.


  • May 29, 2012, 12:21 a.m. CST

    A sequel should stand alone

    by DrGogol

    Unless it is part of a series? By definition, a sequel is always part of a series. lol