Ain't It Cool News (
Movie News

Neill Cumpston Returns! AVENGERS!

Nordling here.

Thank fuck.

So let me just save you some time and say this movie will break your hand with its cock and balls by running at your hand which you’ve made into a fist, thinking, “I’m gonna punch this movie in its cock and balls ‘cause no fucking way can it be good” but then before you do anything the movie runs at you and breaks your hand with its cock and balls because its cock and balls are like a chunk of highway.  They can use this part of the review on the poster.

That's Neill Cumpston on THE AVENGERS. And you are not ready for THE AVENGERS.  Oh no, you are not.  Read the rest of Neill's awesome review at HitFix.  Thanks, as always, Drew, for making this happen.

Nordling, out.  Follow me on Twitter!

Readers Talkback
comments powered by Disqus
    + Expand All
  • April 25, 2012, 11:03 p.m. CST

    this review ate my balls and spat them on my cock

    by SupermanIsMyGod

  • April 25, 2012, 11:06 p.m. CST

    Dick jokes

    by Cameron

    still working for me

  • April 25, 2012, 11:08 p.m. CST

    Will the Avengers at least by me dinner beforehand?

    by wackybantha

    I don't put out that easily. (anymore)

  • April 25, 2012, 11:08 p.m. CST

    The full review was fuckin' hilarious

    by Jaka

    Also, I don't read super hero books. I always check out the movies, but they're not something I get excited about beforehand. More than one of the trailers for this movie gave me chills. That's something that almost NEVER happens. I took that as a good sign. Besides, if it's at least as good as Thor and Captain America, as a non-Marvel Loyalist, I'll be happy.

  • You hailed John Carter and you've been pushing the Avengers more so than Marvel, are you in the payroll Aintitcoolnews?

  • April 25, 2012, 11:12 p.m. CST

    But why not the titties?

    by Laimbrane

    If I'm going to get hit by a giant cock and balls highway, perhaps I don't want to actually see this movie anymore.

  • April 25, 2012, 11:14 p.m. CST

    Never heard of Neill Cumpston and the excerpt from his review was plain gay...

    by Punisherthunder

  • April 25, 2012, 11:15 p.m. CST

    Agreed. with Spoilers.

    by Andy M

    Saw it last night. Awesome. As good as I could have hoped. Everyone gets their moment on screen (Hawkeye is a little shortchanged...) The Hulk is amazing. Ruffalo, does it as Banner, I can't imagine Bana or Norton playing him this well. All the match ups are spot on, everyone you would want to see go up against each other does. Any complaints? I'd say the enemy army aren't as fleshed out as they could have been, but the whole idea of them thinking Earth was theirs for the taking kind of explains this. the effects were great. Again no need for the to be in 3d, I imagine the 2d was much more enjoyable, especially towards the 3rd act with the action really moving at speed. Couple of minor effects issues. A couple of scenes just seemed to be shot completely different. There's one of Thor where it looks like it was almost Camcorder quality, you keep expecting something to happen but it doesn't. And a dodgy lighting issue in the final scene with all the Avengers together. But overall, really great. A good tight script with some genuine laugh out loud moments. The movie flew by and hopefully there will be an extended Directors edition blu Ray coming out. The tie in for the next Villain was predictable but great. Thankfully there was no mention of Red Skull. As much as I like him from Cappy. We've already had one villain who got his arse kicked by one Avenger from a previous film. We might need to hold back on the Skull.

  • April 25, 2012, 11:19 p.m. CST

    Order has been restored, Neill Cumpston is BACK!

    by victor_von_gloom

  • April 25, 2012, 11:24 p.m. CST

    Hulk say: Aim it at her tits, Eddie...

    by Fa Fa Fooey


  • April 25, 2012, 11:29 p.m. CST

    Funny how Oswalt gives the review to HitFix instead...

    by TheNotoriousDRB

    Must be the whole getting kicked out of the Drafthouse for texting thing...

  • April 25, 2012, 11:32 p.m. CST


    by Queefer Sutherland

    Hulk take tree-like boner and cram it up asses of haters. Haters were wrong about film and now must be split open by Hulk Cock! Then Hulk smash your remains with Hulk Balls!

  • April 25, 2012, 11:41 p.m. CST

    Those Cock & Balls Belong to the Hulk!

    by Bob

    That's why they break your hand.

  • April 25, 2012, 11:45 p.m. CST

    Neill lost his funny

    by Chuck_Chuckwalla

    Usually I piss my pants reading his stuff. That full review? Nary a nose laugh.

  • April 25, 2012, 11:51 p.m. CST

    Thrilled I Saw it Tonight...

    by fathergeek

    O.K., Just returned to Geek Headquarters from an asteroid field somewhere in deep space after viewing one hellacious battle to save the earth fought by "THE AVENGERS" in the 3-D streets & sky above modern New York City. Never thought Father Geek would witness writing, action, drama, & art direction as fulfilling and thrilling in a motion picture about a classic comic character superhero group as I did in this film tonight. It met this sixty year comics fan's every expectation and then some. Super effects, super sets, super style, cinematography, & characterization. I'm one great grinning geek this evening. Make sure to keep your seat through the end credits because the next villain the group will take on is one of the heaviest duty bad asses in Marvel comic book history...

  • April 26, 2012, 12:12 a.m. CST


    by The_Maltese_Vulcan

    Four letter words don't make a review.

  • April 26, 2012, 12:15 a.m. CST

    One review from this dude was more than enough

    by topaz4206

    I just don't get it

  • April 26, 2012, 12:22 a.m. CST

    Just saw it in New Zealand

    by Antz

    Good movie, definitely the best of the Marvel movies so far for sure. The encounter between Hulk and Loki had everyone in the theater laughing like crazy (really good thing). Is it an absolutely brilliant movie... no, but still really good, a lot of fun. There is a mid-end-credits sequence that basically looks like a lead-in to an Avengers sequel, nothing at the very end of the credits though like the others. 3D is reasonably good, not horribly in your face or distracting, just gives it that little bit of extra involvement.

  • April 26, 2012, 12:23 a.m. CST


    by DrMorbius

    It's like Social Security.

  • April 26, 2012, 12:25 a.m. CST

    The AVENGERS...

    by Breotan

    ...ate my balls. Yay for recycling old memes. Now let's get our lolcat jokes ready for Spiderman.

  • April 26, 2012, 12:36 a.m. CST

    You may all know Neill Cumpston better as...

    by pollaxt

    Patton Oswalt.

  • April 26, 2012, 12:37 a.m. CST

    Has anyone seen the DKR trailer that is supposed to play with this?

    by MJDeViant

    I doubt they will show it for the sneak peeks BUT you never know. I'm also guessing they haven't because we would have heard about it by now.

  • April 26, 2012, 12:46 a.m. CST

    No DKR trailer was shown

    by Antz

    There was a spider-man trailer at the start, but I'm not sure if it was new. Haven't been keeping up with the non-Raimi Spidey news, it just does not seem as interesting.

  • April 26, 2012, 12:53 a.m. CST

    Cock Seed is Blooming into a Giant PLANT

    by ass clown

    PLANT.... It cant write coherent sentences and its saturation of chlorophyll makes for the emission of bad dick jokes that a five year old would find to be a little beneath him. The Avengers will be average and all critics that have reviewed it so far are biased comic nerds. I maintain my doubts and do not trust this leafy counterpart with his attempt at English communication. Plants are for aesthetics and should never be allowed a communication medium.

  • April 26, 2012, 12:57 a.m. CST


    by Andy M

    there was a trailer but it's the first and old one. Nothing new. Same with Spidey and Prometheus.

  • April 26, 2012, 1:01 a.m. CST

    No DKR.

    by SleeplessAtYourMomsHouse

    I saw the Avengers down under last night and we didn't get a DKR trailer. May 4th or 5th it's supposed to debut before hitting online on the 7th. The movie was good though. Far better than I expected.

  • April 26, 2012, 1:08 a.m. CST


    by warsinthesun

    I just read Neil's hobbit man review and he let loose the mother of all spoilers in it. I'll wait to read his masterpiece after I see it.

  • April 26, 2012, 1:08 a.m. CST

    Good Review Neill

    by Phategod2

    Shame AICN didn't put you on pay roll. If I remember correctly There was a passive responsibility in getting you fired.

  • April 26, 2012, 1:13 a.m. CST


    by Phategod2

    If I remember correctly Neill Got fired from his job at theater that was showing a screening of Fantastic Four 2, and basically said what we all knew, that the movie was asstacular. So no I dont think he's a Plant.

  • I doubt AICN would tell anyone if the reviewer thought it sucked.

  • April 26, 2012, 1:31 a.m. CST

    I'm glad I read his spoilers!

    by happybunni

    I was afraid to read and then I was like.. wait a minute. This is a fucking Neill Cumpston review.

  • April 26, 2012, 1:39 a.m. CST

    I am so sorry

    by LowDevil

    Joss Whedon, i have been a useless prick by defecating on your talents. I was hoping that this was going to be great but i really thought u just fucked it up. I am so sorry. I cant fucking wait to see this film please geek gods forgive me! Hey maybe this is a good thing, i am expecting a disaster and instead will be given the greatest gift. No the greatest gift will be that i wake up tomorrow and it will be May 4th. I am drunk right now and am hoping my grammer is still intact. Thank you Jesus!! God bless the Avengers!

  • April 26, 2012, 2:35 a.m. CST


    by tomdolan04

    Can I have a writing job on AICN now? <p>

  • April 26, 2012, 2:36 a.m. CST

    I am going to try to convince my s/o to give me a BJ during Avengers

    by happybunni

    Peak moment of my life? I think so!

  • April 26, 2012, 2:52 a.m. CST

    Cumpston is still the poor man's Vern

    by Windowlicker74

    but the movie rocked! saw it yesterday in good ol' Belgium

  • April 26, 2012, 2:53 a.m. CST

    Classic Cumpston Line

    by JAGUART

    During his 2003 review of Return of the King he coined the phrase "also there's some shit with the elves that's like being in a fucking candle store for twenty minutes." Absolute Gold.

  • April 26, 2012, 2:56 a.m. CST

    Really? I look forward to the film, but

    by Steve

    I hate people who do this without justification over EVERY article posted to this site, but i couldn't help it. This is too strange. Sure, it's good for a few chuckles due to its random nature, but how is this a review that gets posted on a Semi-respected news site? I don't care how abbrasive it comes off. I just want to know how this guy gets his "work" posted on a site that gets millions of hits a day while people who put actual effort into their cerebral, concise writing  struggle for the smallest exposure. I guess it's the Andrew Dice Clay paradox. It's like a car wreck. The more terrible and profane, the more people stop to look.  And no, i didnt read the full review. I dont care about spoilers, nor the ridiculous amount of cursing. I dont want to wade through simplistic writing. It's one thing to cater your writing style to a broader audience by making it less formal and more approachable; however, it's a completely different thing to make it vulgar for the sake if vulgarity. He's shooting for the lowest common denominator with such over-the-top references to genitals. Dick jokes can be funny in certain situations, but a dick joke disguised as a movie review?  (Yo dawg, i heard you like reviews. So I reviewed this review.)

  • April 26, 2012, 2:59 a.m. CST


    by Steve

    For those of you who didn't realize it by the final line, my post was Sarcastic.

  • April 26, 2012, 3 a.m. CST

    The first forty minutes do. The rest doesn't.

    by hallmitchell

    This has such an awesome setup then becomes a toy commerical. The HULK sux. The CGI takes you out of the moment all the time. Tale of two films. This movie blew it.

  • April 26, 2012, 3:02 a.m. CST

    Just got back from seeing it...

    by AttackingClone

    So happy with the result and most people will love the shit out of it. Takes a while to get sucked in but when the characters are all brought together it is amazing. Final action sequence is fantastic, funny as and pretty epic. There's a few moves geeks will geek-gasm over. Not being a comic book guy I dont know who the bad guy was during the mid-end credits scene was???

  • Really is aimed at the under 15's, Disney have obviously had a major say in how this movie is made. If you like 2 1/2 hour toy commercials you'll like it, if you like cgi spunk like transformers you'll like it, if you like funny movies you'll like it. It's worth going to see, but best comic book movie ever? No, not by a long way.

  • April 26, 2012, 3:43 a.m. CST


    by SquirrelZero

    The bad guy you see during the credits scene is Thanos.

  • April 26, 2012, 3:53 a.m. CST



  • April 26, 2012, 3:54 a.m. CST



  • April 26, 2012, 3:54 a.m. CST



  • April 26, 2012, 3:57 a.m. CST

    Tired of Joss Whedon fans

    by DamianVonBarone

    Buffy the vampire slayer fucking sucked, Angel fucking sucked, serenity fucking sucked. Fanboys never shut up about this fucking guy. Why? His quirky dialog? Oh fuck all of you. The avengers (just like Ironman) will be over hyped by internet pussy fanboys. This will be known as the era when they drove comic book superhero's into the ground.

  • April 26, 2012, 4:01 a.m. CST

    Everybody loves the Avengers...

    by marineboy

    ...but Spidey is sh*tting himself

  • April 26, 2012, 4:17 a.m. CST

    So Mori got Patton in the divorce, huh?

    by The Garbage Man


  • April 26, 2012, 4:19 a.m. CST

    Enough with the kiddie super hero bullshit

    by MajorFrontbum

    It's time to lay this infantile comic book shit to rest and get back to making real movies again, with real characters and real situations - not this pussy geek fantasy shit trip.

  • April 26, 2012, 4:19 a.m. CST

    I'm going to see it tomorrow

    by ripcord

    It goes on general release here in Ireland tomorrow. Are we getting it before the states?

  • April 26, 2012, 4:21 a.m. CST

    2d was great

    by celebritydave

    Glad I didn't give into 3d. It's a fun film. Loved it. But it's pretty light weight. The new batman will be a different type of film..

  • April 26, 2012, 4:23 a.m. CST

    Hulk - spoiler

    by celebritydave

    I like that the hulk can controll himself a bit better. Can just change when he needs too Maybe a hulk movie can work.. I like the relationship between iron man and the hulk too.

  • April 26, 2012, 4:31 a.m. CST

    Neil Cumstain

    by masteryoda007

    Wow, what a ponce.

  • April 26, 2012, 4:41 a.m. CST

    Nolan is pissing in his pants.

    by Volllllume3

    Joss Whedon just made him his bitch!

  • April 26, 2012, 4:43 a.m. CST

    Wow love the 13 year old who hates everything...

    by Andrew Coleman

    The guy coming on here and not only hates on Joss Whedon but then goes on to hate on everything he's made... Then hates on Iron Man... Then hates on anything with good dialogue... And then amazingly writes "internet pussy fanboys"... Um what the fuck does that make you? You're on AICN of all fucking places... You seem to really fucking hate comic book movies or anything geeky. What are you doing here and why do you care? Pretty fucking hilarious... It really gives me a chuckle that people like this exist. I mean if I ever think my life sucks I just need to read posts like that... Holy shit that kids life must suck because how pathetic do you have to be to come on HERE and try and hate on "internet fanboys"?

  • April 26, 2012, 4:55 a.m. CST

    by F-18

    I'll be glad when the next Batman & Robin-type travesty comes along and kills off superhero movies for awhile.

  • April 26, 2012, 5 a.m. CST

    Full Review

    by tyler_turden

    Hey Guys, just saw the film yesterday, really like it but had some issues. Check out my extensive (2000 word) review here.

  • April 26, 2012, 5:30 a.m. CST

    So Iron Man is leader of the Avengers

    by Dr_PepperSpray

    That's what I'm getting from the poster and trailers. Got it.

  • April 26, 2012, 5:38 a.m. CST

    That nonsense with the cock and balls wasn't funny.

    by alan_poon

    Is this bloke so creatively bankrupt he falls back on the most predictable shite to try and get a laugh? About as funny as a kidney stone.

  • April 26, 2012, 5:44 a.m. CST

    Avengers AND Prometheus debut in Australia BEFORE

    by Fart Magnus

    the US!!! Just wanted to rub that in y'all's(that what you guys say, right?)faces. We got Avengers yesterday, ANZAC Day, 25/4/12 and we get Prometheus the day before the US on 7/6/12 - bear in mind that is the more correct useage of dating that the rest of the world adheres to(progessively getting bigger dd/mm/yy), which means we got Avengers MORE than a WEEK before the US and we get Prometheus more than a day before(with time difference it actually premieres in Australia the equivalent of Wednesday night in the US!!!) I couldn't give two shits about a gay comic book film but I will be at the first session after work on the Thursday premiere day to get me some Prometheus goodness!!! Sure beats the shit out of 1983 when ROTJ premiered in the US around May 25th and I had to wait here in Perth for November 17th. I will NEVER forget that fucking date for that very reason. Now we get films FIRST!!! YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • April 26, 2012, 5:50 a.m. CST

    Replace the 'm' with an 'n' and remove the 'p'

    by Righteous Brother

    and his name is more fitting.

  • April 26, 2012, 5:59 a.m. CST

    Neil Cumdumpster?

    by alan_poon

  • April 26, 2012, 6:06 a.m. CST

    EW Fails Again!

    by Bodacious_Crumb

    This week's Avengers cover looks like one of the throwaways from their other recent horrible photoshop jobs. Also, we can't get a straight review from this site? What gives?

  • every time aicn's posted a thread relating to it? - I have the sneaky suspicion that you (like most everyone else in the theater) was cheering, laughing and (otherwise) riveted and swooning with nerdgasm-like glee while staring at the screen, so what's with the posin', porkboy?

  • Ok, who hasn't fought each other yet? Uh let's spin the wheel. We got the Hulk and Thor. BEGIN! Looks like the video game will be the easiest adaptation ever. And that does sound like Patton Oswald. Funny but tries a little too hard.

  • April 26, 2012, 6:33 a.m. CST

    I've always hated Cumpston

    by SithMenace

    They tell me I don't get it, I say he embodies everything that annoys me about this site. Yeah, I come here twice a week, but I also know how douchey this site can be.

  • April 26, 2012, 6:40 a.m. CST

    Especially Herc, he's a total douche

    by SithMenace

  • April 26, 2012, 6:40 a.m. CST

    I'm not surprised that Neil is

    by slayme

    Patton Oswalt - guy is a super smart and funny film nerd. Check out him, Brian Posehn, Zack Galifinakas and Maria Bamford in Comedians of Comedy - either the live shows or the series - both were great and from around 6 years ago making for an interesting look at these guys - particularly Zack and Patton. Great review as always "Neil" - wink wink, nudge nudge.

  • April 26, 2012, 6:56 a.m. CST

    Zack Galacticafucknuts funny?

    by Bodacious_Crumb

    Nah. I'll give you the other two though.

  • April 26, 2012, 7:03 a.m. CST

    I hate this dick's "reviews"

    by malificus

    This idiots writing is like the distilled stupidity of modern society. I've read more lucid prose scribbled on bathroom stalls.

  • April 26, 2012, 7:11 a.m. CST

    I aint 12 years old, and this review aint funny.

    by JP

    Shit like this makes this 28year old man feel old. Grow the fuck up.

  • April 26, 2012, 8:01 a.m. CST

    AICN can be divided into two camps:

    by silentjay

    Those who fully remember and embrace Neil. And those who suck.

  • April 26, 2012, 8:03 a.m. CST


    by silentjay

    Many of the sites and actual professionals out there are on embargo to review until closer to the release. Cumpston's is out there because it's not "really" a review. They can give their "initial impressions" to build buzz but can't tough on plot points or anything until next week.

  • April 26, 2012, 8:08 a.m. CST

    The oldest-looking 15 year-old I've ever seen.

    by Jared Syn

    He's 15, right?

  • April 26, 2012, 8:21 a.m. CST

    Desperately seeking people who thought it was crap

    by No Respectable Gentleman

    Okay, this is a little like pissing into a hurricane around here, but I thought it was jaw-droppingly awful. Take everything I say with a grain of salt, because I usually avoid comic-book movies (haven't seen one since the overrated original IRON MAN). But this is getting such enthusiastic reports from reputable sources that I thought I'd given it a shot. Really ... if this is the best popocorn-entertainment that Hollywood can produce we are living in dark times. this a million light years from SUPERMAN:THE MOVIE or STAR WARS ... Confusing, overstuffed, campy, infantile, meaningless, hokey, and with an insipid music score to boot. I only wonder what would happen if Hollywood made a really good popcorn movie ... people would literally explode.

  • April 26, 2012, 8:24 a.m. CST

    Better criticism than anything in post Truffaut Cahiers Du Cinema

    by Samuel Fulmer

  • April 26, 2012, 8:25 a.m. CST

    **Thanos Mid-Credits Scene Here!!!**

    by Graphix67

    Hurry up before it get's taken down! It's dark (well, very dark) so it's tough to make out but that big beautiful purple puss of Thanos is unmistakeable!

  • April 26, 2012, 8:27 a.m. CST

    What about the new Django Unchained pics

    by OSAMP1

    looks pretty cool

  • April 26, 2012, 8:31 a.m. CST


    by Bodacious_Crumb

    Thanks. I could've sworn the embargo was lifted.

  • April 26, 2012, 8:33 a.m. CST

    Thanos Mid-Credits Scene Dialog

    by Graphix67

    (Camera pans into an other-worldly setting. There is mist, rocks and a vast star field stretching into infinity. A lone figure, in a cloak, approaches a figure sitting on some type of glowing chair/throne. The cloak figured bows it's head and says:) "Humans… they are not the cowering wretches we were promised. They stand. They are unruly. Therefore they cannot be ruled. To challenge them, is to court death." (Camera pans to sitting figure that stands. Turns 3/4s view to the camera. Thanos slowly smiles. Screen goes black.) ADDITIONAL DETAILS: Thanos has glowing blue eyes. He wears his famous shoulder-armor and helmet featuring the gold/yellow flairs that curve up from his eye brows. Contrary to other reports, Thanos does NOT talk and does NOT appear to be holding an Infinity Gem. Although, to be honest, the footage is simply too dark to determine that for sure.

  • April 26, 2012, 8:33 a.m. CST


    by Bodacious_Crumb

    If you can squint throught the darkness enough, it looks more like the Roger Corman version of Doctor Doom!

  • April 26, 2012, 8:40 a.m. CST

    @ bodacious_crumb

    by Graphix67

    You're right! The cloaked figure does look like the Roger Corman Doom from the side-view! I was afraid that Thanos' classic comic-book body armor might look ridiculous on a CGI figure but, I think it looks pretty impressive.

  • With sentinels? With Collosus throwing Wolverine into a plane? And fucking bad-assery on every level? Please!!!

  • April 26, 2012, 8:45 a.m. CST

    That review was KICK-COCK!!!

    by Mr. Nice Gaius

    Those of you who claim to not like Cumpston's reviews and NOT because you don't "get it"... ...sorry to break it to you but... you really DON'T get it.

  • April 26, 2012, 8:48 a.m. CST

    sithmenace - Cumpston has always hated you, too.

    by Mr. Nice Gaius

    Joyless twat.

  • April 26, 2012, 8:58 a.m. CST

    That Renner dude

    by pumaman

    not particularly good looking is he?

  • April 26, 2012, 9:03 a.m. CST

    Cumpston is a movie reviewing God!

    by Judge Briggs

    My favorite line from one of his reviews is from Cloverfield ... 'The shitty: I had a long dream about the male star of the movie two nights after I saw this, where we both had shirts off and he was helping me do sit-ups. So fuck this movie for that part.'

  • April 26, 2012, 9:04 a.m. CST

    is it a piss take of one of Harry's reviews?

    by alan_poon

    It's still not funny.

  • April 26, 2012, 9:25 a.m. CST

    Neil Cumpston a plant?

    by D.Vader

    Oh you children.

  • Had to stop before the spoilers at the end.

  • April 26, 2012, 9:27 a.m. CST

    That's still a HORRENDOUS movie poster

    by Joe Plumber

    even with Cumpston's quote.

  • April 26, 2012, 9:30 a.m. CST

    Patton Oswald is one bitter little troll doll

    by Joe Plumber

    I think the guy's very funny, but I was watching his Comedians of Comedy set and he seemed very angry and bitter to me. This was before he got married and had kids and he seems to have mellowed out since then. Maybe he just needed to get laid.

  • April 26, 2012, 9:30 a.m. CST

    I can't remember being such a joyless newbie

    by buffywrestling

    as some on here. Quit sucking so much.

  • and solidifies the Comic Book Superhero genre's viability for years to come.

  • April 26, 2012, 10:07 a.m. CST

    Just back from Imax in UK. It's really fucking good.

    by Fortunesfool

    Shaky start had me a bit worried but it's soon forgotten as one great scene follows another. Smart, funny, spectacular and exciting. Everything a summer blockbuster should be but very rarely is. I had a silly grin for most of the running time. Hulk steals all his scenes and gets the most crowd pleasing moments but Tony Stark gives him a run for his money. He calls Thor 'Point Break'. Which is just gold in my book.

  • April 26, 2012, 10:10 a.m. CST

    For LisaB (genderbender)....

    by Judge Briggs

    "Based on box-office tracking figures, "The Avengers" should be huge. Projections for the film's opening weekend top out near $150 million, but even that could be on the low-end. After all, the reviews for "The Avengers" have been stellar and audiences seem to have a pent-up anticipation to see Iron Man, Captain America, Thor and Hulk together onscreen." Eat it, hater. This movie will be H U G E.

  • ScarJo was spot on as the Black Widow - much better than her turn in IM2. Hot as shit! Wait for the look on her face when she goes to get Banner. Awesome! Jeremy Renner was great as Hawkeye. The last 15 minutes really turn him into a true superhero. The new Hulk was incredible and it has to be the best CG that I've ever seen. Mark Ruffalo did a nice job filling in for Edward Norton. The aliens weren't Skrulls, but they were bad ass. The big baddies were great! Captain America? Fucking great. Even more shield throwing than in his own movie. Iron Man. Underwater. In Space. Flying through Manhattan. Robert Downey Jr. That is all. Thor - more of a major player than I would have thought. Nice work, great hulkfights, awesome emotion dealing with his wayward brother. Nick Fury & SHIELD - Sam Jackson gives a better performance than in IM2. There is kind of a hokey side plot about the nefarious powers behind SHIELD and their ultimate goals. This could have been left out. Uniforms were spot on - the new female SHIELD officer is fucking hot and awesome, the bridge crew looked great *spoiler* the helicarrier was fucking tits! The main characters beating the shit out of each other? Epic. The Avengers assembled and saving New York? Fucking dream come true. I've literally been waiting my whole life to see this scene. The reason why this movie rocked? Joss Whedon. Pure and simple. He hit every mark, pushed down on the pedal and never let up! Some of these superhero movies really fade in the end. The Avengers brings it during the last 45 minutes. It’s simply the best finale in a superhero flick that I've ever seen. Joss Whedon speeks geek. He knows. You will too. This movie fucking rocked!

  • then you really are a stupid fuck. Get over your arrogant, elitist self, Mr. Too Cool For Comic Movies. I really fucking hate people who are too cool for something, and then play the confused card, like something is SO beneath them that they cannot possibly understand it.

  • April 26, 2012, 10:31 a.m. CST

    sithmenace - what a complete fucking douche

    by F This

    Seriously ... what a fucking lame ass.

  • April 26, 2012, 10:32 a.m. CST

    Yes, this movie lives up to the hype.

    by Darth Scourge

    Just got back from seeing it in IMAX 3D, and it was awesome. Seriously, this movie delivers the goods. Pretty much everything a fan could realistically want from an Avengers movie is in here. There are moments when you'll cheer out loud at what's up there on the screen. The representation of the characters is faithfully carried over from their respective individual movies, so if you liked how the characters were portrayed and interpreted in those, you'll accordingly like how they're handled here. And the fights and action set pieces are suitably jaw dropping. And like fathergeek said, the coda for this movie features a cameo from a certain Marvel villain which certainly bodes well for the sequel.

  • April 26, 2012, 10:34 a.m. CST

    Is there a post credit scene after the mid credit scene?

    by ruddy

    Thank you

  • April 26, 2012, 10:43 a.m. CST

    This review is kinda meh, his BEST one is:

    by Jaster Mareel

    Grindhouse If you don't puke your guts out laughing at this, then DIE.

  • April 26, 2012, 10:54 a.m. CST

    whoa patton oswalt confirmed he is neil cumpston

    by yourSTEPDADDY

    google it!

  • April 26, 2012, 10:55 a.m. CST

    graphix67....that's a pretty big spoiler there in you subject...

    by Righteous Brother


  • April 26, 2012, 10:59 a.m. CST

    Look at all these fucking noobs.

    by Jethro Bodine

    Cumpston a plant? Revulsion toward dirty jokes? Hyper-literalism? Since when did AICN become a hangout for the College Republicans?

  • April 26, 2012, 11:05 a.m. CST

    Unfortunatly the movie is only mediocre

    by DonRivella

    I can't relate to this review (or the one on the Guardian) - I found the movie to be slightly better than the horrible Thor and possibly on par with the rather boring Captain America. The CGI is highly uneven and looks very rushed in places, the dialogue is forced at times, the comic relieve works only occasional. I expected more from Whedon.

  • April 26, 2012, 11:18 a.m. CST

    face hurts from laughing.

    by craptacular

    The whole review is priceless.

  • April 26, 2012, 11:20 a.m. CST

    Cumpston's best was Hobbit-Man: The King Returns.

    by Jethro Bodine

    Holy fuck that was funny. This one is one of his lesser efforts, but lesser Cumpston is still better than most of the twats writing online reviews.

  • April 26, 2012, 11:25 a.m. CST

    Let's play spot the Trolls drinking game!

    by Bob

    Just jump every four or five lines between all the great review from people who have actually seen it, and the internet trolls who spend two lines bashing the tv commercials they've watched.

  • April 26, 2012, 11:28 a.m. CST

    Buffy vs Hulk! Avengers 2 end of credits teaser

    by elmo

    Cmon, we'd all pay to see that

  • April 26, 2012, 11:42 a.m. CST

    Hulk vs. Romney

    by Joe Plumber


  • April 26, 2012, noon CST

    theothershoe -- on the subject of confusing

    by No Respectable Gentleman

    If I pay good money to park my brain in neutral for 140 minutes, I don't expect a story as unnecessarily convoluted and self-referencing (to Marvel mythology) as this one. When it's not just being plain dumb and illogical, that is. It's pretty simple. SUPERMAN: THE MOVIE for one is completely lucid and true to its internal logic. But go on, call people stupid fucks if it makes you feel good. You worthless brain-dead douche.

  • April 26, 2012, 12:02 p.m. CST

    The Avengers is a work of genius!

    by Simon Butler

    Great characters, sharp dialogue, unbelievable action. The Dork Knight can't hold a light to this.

  • April 26, 2012, 12:04 p.m. CST

    There is no fucking way this movie is good.

    by Chadley BeBay

    Sorry, there isn't. However I am humble enough to happily eat my words. But I don't anticipate that happening.

  • April 26, 2012, 12:17 p.m. CST

    Ugh. I have more brains than that.

    by jellypop

    Great to actually read such a brilliant piece of factual, intelligent writing. Right on. Really catered to my tastes. What a crock. We get the Avengers in the UK tomorrow...I'm ready...and waiting...just no cock and balls please.

  • April 26, 2012, 12:29 p.m. CST

    There is no other writer

    by Stan Arthur

    I have ever read that makes me laugh till I cry. Cumpston has the power.

  • April 26, 2012, 12:31 p.m. CST

    Impossible now for it to live up to the hype

    by donkingkong

    I'll need to be doing blow off a supermodels ass whilst watching this flick - in order for this movie not to live up to my expectations at this juncture.

  • April 26, 2012, 12:32 p.m. CST

    Why won't AICN post reviews of this movie?

    by Prior Walter

    Other sites and publications have been posting reviews. AICN is just sitting on them. Weird.

  • April 26, 2012, 12:35 p.m. CST

    Just saw it.

    by vadakinX

    Believe the hype. It's awesome. Is it perfect? No. There are a few things I have issues with but they are minor. Whedon did a hell of a job. I'll say this though - see it in 2D if you can. 3D adds nothing to the film and dimly lit scenes, especially in the first 40 minutes, suffer greatly because of it.

  • April 26, 2012, 1:08 p.m. CST


    by kwisatzhaderach

    There is a mid-credits scene featuring the big bad for the next film, however no end of credits scene here in the UK - it's possible it wasn't attached to the UK prints though and you guys will get it in the US next week.

  • Get a life.

  • April 26, 2012, 1:33 p.m. CST

    iwantmorelifefather, I bet I get more clam than you do

    by Joe Plumber


  • April 26, 2012, 1:47 p.m. CST

    Neill Cumpston with a typical "comeback" review

    by the dolphins are in the jacuzzi

    Like most comeback projects for semi-retired writers, directors, actors, musicians, etc., it wasn't as good as his old stuff, but it was good enough to remember why you used to love him in the first place, and good enough to make you go back and re-read your favorite previous reviews (for me, LOTR). That said, it's amazing how many newbies on here don't know who Neill Cumpston is or what he does. He's like the Ali G of movie reviewers, and to say that you: don't get it, don't like it, think it's stupid, or (my favorite), "I get it, but I don't like it, and I think it's stupid" means you clearly aren't in on the joke. It's like the scene in Wayne's World where Wayne goes, "A sphincter says what?" Wake up, people - you're being punked.

  • April 26, 2012, 2:07 p.m. CST


    by Jaster Mareel

  • April 26, 2012, 2:28 p.m. CST

    by ruddy

    Thank you Brit friend. I am actually French and saw it in Paris today. I heard afterward there is a post credit after the mid credit, but I may have misunderstood.

  • April 26, 2012, 2:46 p.m. CST

    by MikeTheSpike

    Ha ha! He said naughty words in a nonchalant way.

  • April 26, 2012, 2:56 p.m. CST

    oops. the above was quoted from

    by dahveed1972

  • April 26, 2012, 3:56 p.m. CST

    standing ovation in Hungary

    by David Cloverfield

    Movie is awesome. Not a weak link. Fucking Wheadon man, who would've thought?

  • April 26, 2012, 3:57 p.m. CST

    And where are all the Joss Whedon haters? Strangely absent.

    by dahveed1972

  • April 26, 2012, 4:04 p.m. CST

    i was never a hater, i was a worrier

    by David Cloverfield

    Haters will hate or nervously murmur "mediocre". Its just a fucking awesome movie not the holy power of god.

  • April 26, 2012, 6:04 p.m. CST


    by Cruizer Dave

    This is the type of shit AICN will post, huh? Low brow stupidity for perverted introverts.

  • April 26, 2012, 7:13 p.m. CST

    Hooray Neill! Everyone Should Check Out Patton's Book, Too

    by fain88

    Zombie Spaceship Wasteland. The newest editions include some prime Cumpston reviews.

  • April 26, 2012, 9:12 p.m. CST

    righteousbrother... that's a pretty nasty word in your post...

    by Graphix67

    Pointing and LOL @ righteousbrother!

  • April 27, 2012, 7:30 a.m. CST

    Sorry I insulted your boyfriend Gaius, lol

    by SithMenace

    I love how the lowest common denominator basement dwellers come out in support of Cumpston. If you think that's humor, you really need to get out more.

  • April 27, 2012, 7:36 a.m. CST

    And for the record, I think Oswalt is funny as hell

    by SithMenace

    I just don't think the reviews are funny at all. It sounds like an 8 year old that just discovered he can curse around his friends. Boring.

  • April 27, 2012, 7:54 a.m. CST

    Wow this totally doesn't credit Jack Kirby

    by PTSDPete

    Unbelievable. Why should I watch this ?

  • April 27, 2012, 9:09 a.m. CST

    ...the lowest common denominator basement dwellers

    by Mr. Nice Gaius

    Did you type that while looking at yourself in the mirror. Yeah... And you still don't get it, Sithmenace.

  • April 29, 2012, 1:14 a.m. CST

    If you didn't find Neill Cumpston's review hilarious...

    by hamslime

    WHAT THE FLYING FUCK ARE YOU DOING ON THIS SITE? *Typical Talkback hipster fuck* "Everything sucks, and is completely sophmoric juvenile pap, and I'm too good for this drivel, and why isn't every movie like Pi, and why does Pi have to be so pretensious, and Scorsese and Tarantino are so overrated, and..." GO FUCKING JUMP IN FRONT OF A BUS!!! And don't forget to grab hold of the drive shaft and get your guts good and tangled. Seriously, you're a waste of time, and you would be better served as worm food. DIE. HORRIBLY. Your life is joyless and it's spreading onto lives of others who are tying to enjoy this ride. Namely me. So I repeat. DIE. HORRIBLY.

  • April 29, 2012, 1:20 a.m. CST


    by hamslime

    Carry on. And seriously... you should look into killing yourself. What do you have to live for when you're smarter than everyone else, and everything sucks, and everything is overrated, and no one can see it but you? Kill yourself. Don't do it for me. Do it because it's the only real choice. Kill yourself. Why do you want to live amongst a bunch of illeterate mouthbreathers anyway? Kill yourself. *SPOILER ALERT* If you do, no one will give two shits.Hell, give me your address and I'll even mail you a bullet. Joyless fucks. You're a waste of you mom's vaginal stretch marks which I'm sure you find overrated anyhow.