There's dumb fun, and then there's just plain-old fucking dumb. Not a whole lot shocks me in this world, but people defending LOCKOUT is a shocking concept to me at this moment. Yes, there are actually people talking up LOCKOUT as great escapist fun. And I suppose if you trend toward enjoying an incomprehensible, non-sensical futuristic story about an ex-government agent (Guy Pearce) sent on a redemptive mission to rescue the president's daughter (Maggie Grace) from a maximum security prison in outer space. I won't lie: I actually love this premise, and I'm a huge Guy Pearce fan. Hell, I even tend to like many of the works that stem from the pen or production company (in this case, both) of co-writer/producer Luc Besson. But LOCKOUT isn't even trying.
But the writing here is so obvious and terrible, I found myself looking for distractions during the movie. What passes for dialogue is just a) '80s-style wisecracks and one liners from Pearce or b) overwritten bad-guy threats and exposition from the villains. None of it amounts to an actual compelling story, and it made me want to punch my own face to make the experience in any way interesting... or to know that I was still alive. Directors James Mather and Stephen St. Leger do what they can with this material, and I suppose there is a definite visual spark to LOCKOUT, but there are also a couple of action sequences that are so blindingly fast and disorienting that I completely lost track of who was fucking up whose shit. The motor-unicycle chase alone is so clearly all sped-up special effects that you won't be able to do anything but laugh.
I haven't even mentioned the villains of LOCKOUT, and that's because they aren't worth mentioning. How many tattoos and piercings can one dude fit on this body to use as shorthand for being a badass? Go see LOCKOUT to find the answer. Or not. I'm actually annoying myself right now writing this review, because drawing any attention to this movie seems like the wrong move. It pained me to watch Pearce, a truly great actor, waste his time in this dreck. And I get it, sometimes jumping into the Besson production camp pays off handsomely, as it did with TAKEN or the TRANSPORTER movies. But people forget that movies like COLUMBIANA or this movie are the price we must pay. I'm here to help you dodge this bullet. You don't have to thank me; just stay safe and stay away from LOCKOUT.
