Movie News

Derek Flint Says Tim Burton's DARK SHADOWS Is '...an epic motion picture with scope in its conclusion'!!

Published at: April 13, 2012, 10:58 a.m. CST by merrick

Merrick here...

...with a look at Tim Burton's DARK SHADOWS.  This write-up comes from a long-standing, verified, and trusted AICN contributor...Derek Flint. 

Frankly, I'm not terribly certain this film is being sold properly.  DARK SHADOWS' trailer and TV promos suggest a picture which is very much out of sync with the tone of Dan Curtis' progenitor television series.  Indeed, they portend a movie which doesn't even feel particularly...Burtony.  An odd move considering Burton's brand value in marketing, and a dodgy proposition for those familiar with the original TV show. Appropriately, Derek's review touches upon & attempts to reconcile this point of confusion/interest...

Here's Derek...

The term “reimagining” usually amounts to nothing more than a remake or tired retreat. Tim Burton’s big screen treatment of the iconic soap opera “Dark Shadows” more than deserves to be called a reinvention.  By not making a slavish copy and taking smart chances with a well-known classic, much like JJ Abrams’ version of “Star Trek,” this film winds up being true to the source material.  While none of the original cast is accorded the same amount of screen time as Leonard Nimoy in the reboot of “Trek,” it was great to see key members of the original DS cast lend their visage to this film.  Aside from this, I will stay spoiler free.

Burton’s version of the “Dark Shadows” legend begins with a lush, involving prologue set in the 1700s and shot in the majestic cinematic style of “Sleepy Hollow” and “Sweeney Todd.”  We’re introduced to the Collins family as they emigrate from England to America, as well as their young son Barnabas.  The tone is somber, involving.  I could have easily watched an entire tale set within this timeframe.

As Barnabas (Johnny Depp) grows to adulthood in the insular Maine town of Collinsport, he amasses great wealth, power and stature as the head of Collinwood Manor.  He’s royalty, autocratic and elitist, with a propensity for using women without conscience.   His affair with a lowly chambermaid named Angelique (Eva Green) proves to be his undoing when she turns out to be a literal witch.  She places a curse of vampirism onto Barnabas as retribution for being slighted after he finds his true love.  These scenes are played for full out horror and Depp’s reaction to his undead fate is literally harrowing.  Being a vampire proves worse than death, made all the more impactful by being buried alive. Burton’s use of Gothic imageries combined with Danny Elfman’s majestic score makes this prologue feel like a true Hammer classic.

Flash forward two centuries later and Barnabas emerges from his crypt into the same environment, but now in the year 1972.  By not updating this tale to our present day and setting it against the same era as the original series, Burton and the screenwriter make a cagey move that spares us topical references that ruin most updates.  There’s no mention of “Jersey Shore” here. 

While many have balked at the comedic tone in the trailer, Tim Burton’s movie is still very much “Dark Shadows” and adheres closely to the preliminary classic storyline that was encapsulated in the feature film “House of Dark Shadows” as well as the subsequent TV revival.  However, Burton’s quirkier tone makes the proceedings feel fresh.  It also helps that the characters are very well developed.  Jackie Earle Haley excels as Barnabas’ senseless lackey, Willie Loomis, the hapless Renfield of the piece.  Michelle Pfeiffer does her best work in years as the matriarch of the Collins clan, a family rife with so much dysfunction a full time psychiatrist lives with them played by Mrs. Burton, Helena Bonham Carter.  Just like in the original she becomes enamored with Barnabas, losing a lot more than just her professional judgment.

The convoluted nature of soap operas tends to be a little ridiculous when condensed, especially with each character having their own storyline to service, but the skewed tone for these proceedings nails this perfectly.  You can hear Elfman paying homage to the original series’ score when flutes linger on the soundtrack.   Frankly, to play it all seriously would have been boring as we’ve seen this basic story before.  Comedic or not, this film puts the “Twilight” saga to shame and reasserts the mantle of the original show.  Also, the “fish out of water” elements for Barnabas invoke everything from “Being There” to “Time After Time,” since he’s an austere upperclassman trying to reassert his standing in a strange and unfamiliar world.  True to the canon, Barnabas Collins maintains his genre cred as a sympathetic vampire.

Chloe Moretz is outstanding as Carolyn, a defiant teen that forges a strong relationship with the rueful Barnabas.  The highest compliment I can give is that she’s totally believable.

Depp’s version of Barnabas is very intelligent, a calculated and ruthless businessman when he was human that has the same cold-bloodedness as a creature of the night. Anyone expecting this to be a parody or spoof will get some rude awakenings.  Rest assured, Barnabas Collins is not warm and fuzzy and would gladly slit Casper the Friendly Ghost’s throat.  His ability to walk around in daylight comes with a harsh price to pay.

When Angelique returns, hell-bent on getting Barnabas back, the storyline makes a shrewd move into almost “Godfather” bloodline territory.  A family war erupts between the Collins clan and a true wicked witch that can use boardrooms as her cauldrons.  Without giving anything way, this version of “Dark Shadows” is truly an epic motion picture with scope in its conclusion.   Whether or not you’re a longtime fan of Dan Curtis’ classic or uninitiated, audiences will be rooting for Barnabas to prevail.  He remains a vampire who struggles with his curse and becomes into a true protector of his birthright.  To me, this is the most successful Tim Burton has been juggling his strong visuals against a bona fide plot.  He’s both honored the original as well as made something new.

“Dark Shadows” isn’t in 3-D.  It’s not necessary, the characters already have dimension.

Your man,

Derek Flint

 

Readers Talkback

comments powered by Disqus
    + Expand All
  • April 13, 2012, 11 a.m. CST

    We'll see about that. Still on the fence, but I like Depp.

    by CodeName

  • April 13, 2012, 11:05 a.m. CST

    GOOD SHIT.

    by Dharma4

    This is wanted to here. Bless you, Derek. May you acquire everything your heart desires. -Namaste-

  • April 13, 2012, 11:12 a.m. CST

    The trailer was an abomination...

    by disgustingduo

    ...our faith seems to have been restored by this review. If anything, it shows what wankers the marketing people at the studio are.

  • April 13, 2012, 11:12 a.m. CST

    Sounds good

    by Paul

  • April 13, 2012, 11:13 a.m. CST

    I don't know

    by B Arnold Quizzling

    There was a time long ago when I looked forward to a Burton film with excitement. Now, not so much without eye-rolling.

  • April 13, 2012, 11:14 a.m. CST

    bullshit

    by Simpsonian

  • April 13, 2012, 11:15 a.m. CST

    I know nothing of the source material, but I want to see this.

    by zillabeast

    Hell of a great movie summer ahead of us! Might be the best since 2002!

  • April 13, 2012, 11:22 a.m. CST

    Nice.

    by alexander

    Almost the whole way through the entire origional b/w series now, (god bless torrenting), and the entire time remained optimistic for this to not just be Austin Powers does Dark Shadows! Troll seugway: Boat Ticket and cash reserves to get off this rock and permanently relocated, or... Summer-Winter ticket for potentially one of the best years for big budget cinema ever! 'Self Preservation Society' goes off in my head... Hmmmmmmn...

  • April 13, 2012, 11:26 a.m. CST

    Depp a

    by smallfry

    Depp needs to stop mugging it up in Burton and Pirate films. He's a good actor when playing it straight (Public Enemies, Donnie Brasco). I am sick of seeing him rolling his eyes around, putting on stupid voices and acting the fool. Especially in Alice In Wonderland.

  • April 13, 2012, 11:28 a.m. CST

    Well written review. Hire this guy

    by mistergreen

  • April 13, 2012, 11:31 a.m. CST

    Huh...

    by JustinSane

    ...well, I hope this review is right. I love my Dark Shadows.

  • April 13, 2012, 11:32 a.m. CST

    Never having seen the original

    by Pete Michaelson

    I'm game for this movie. I thought that the trailer looked amusing and I am generally willing to give any Tim Burton movie a shot, even though I haven't liked them all. I always want to feel like the Burton/Depp partnership has worn out, but honestly Depp is a talented and quirky actor who was basically born to be in Burton's movies.

  • April 13, 2012, 11:36 a.m. CST

    One leg over the fence

    by donkingkong

    If it was a parody I would have avoided it at all costs. Now I may have to giver her a gander.

  • April 13, 2012, 11:40 a.m. CST

    Happy Fudgepack Friday!

    by Robert Evans

    We're going to try something different for today's special Friday the 13th edition of Fudgepack Friday: CHOPlings' Choice. Which celeb, living or dead, would you want to pound in the pooper (or pound you in the pooper, if that's your thing)? All genders and sexual preferences welcomed!

  • April 13, 2012, 11:47 a.m. CST

    Shit Sandwich

    by Stuart Ure

  • April 13, 2012, 11:48 a.m. CST

    This is still really fucking buggng me.

    by JayStrang

    Why is this set in the 70s? Why are they acting like this is a 1970s property? The show ran from 1966 to 1971. That's a fucking 60s TV show. Were they just deathly afraid of people making entirely justified Austin Powers comparisons?

  • April 13, 2012, 11:53 a.m. CST

    The trailer doesn't look Burtony?

    by Mostholy

    It looks exceedingly Burtony! Even notwithstanding Depp's mugging, it seems pretty clear Chloe Moretz is playing Beetlejuice-era Winona Ryder.

  • April 13, 2012, 11:55 a.m. CST

    i told you hit

    by rakesh patel

    remember.

  • April 13, 2012, 11:57 a.m. CST

    FIRST of all...

    by Mikey Wood

    ...using JJ Abrams' STAR TREK as an example of a 'reimagining' isn't exactly apt since it is, at equal times, a prequel, a sequel, and a re-boot. This is an adaptation. Like the BRADY BUNCH movies (which the trailers remind me of kind of). Now I really should go back and read the rest of the review.

  • April 13, 2012, 12:01 p.m. CST

    Interesting Derek...

    by elsewhere

    Because from the trailer it looks like shit.

  • April 13, 2012, 12:11 p.m. CST

    I have to agree with the plant comments.

    by JayStrang

    The review spends way too much time trying to convince us that the film is exactly the opposite of what it appears to be and to please please please for the love of god see it!

  • April 13, 2012, 12:15 p.m. CST

    In Like Flint

    by DangerMan

    Flint sees things first and isn't a plant. He raved about UNITED 93 when everyone was yelling too soon and is a key AICN insider. Flint writes well and sounded surprised by the movie based on the trailers.

  • April 13, 2012, 12:21 p.m. CST

    Choppah, I have to pick only ONE??

    by Fawst

    Well, I'm in the MILF mood today, I'll go with Morgan Fairchild, any era. She is a fucking fox.

  • One of the lamest and most ridiculous stories ever, within the once thoughtful, provocative and intelligent Star Trek franchise...mostly due to the Original Series and related films.

  • April 13, 2012, 12:30 p.m. CST

    Fawst, you can go ahead and pick more.

    by Robert Evans

    There are no limits to Fudgepack Friday.

  • April 13, 2012, 12:30 p.m. CST

    Say it with me now; Raz-zie! Raz-zie! Raz-zie!

    by Paul Hanlin Jr

    Epic fail film, you mean.

  • April 13, 2012, 12:31 p.m. CST

    Sorry, no way in hell am I buying this review

    by Paul Paradis

    Nothing about any of the sneak peaks, or interviews tells me that it's anything other than a campy mess. You can wrap a bow around a box of shit,but at the end of the day it's still a smelly box of shit.

  • April 13, 2012, 12:34 p.m. CST

    Choppa----Elle Macpherson circa 1986

    by Franky_Four_Fingers

  • April 13, 2012, 12:40 p.m. CST

    Only one thing to say

    by SenatorJeffersonSmith

    "Reveal yourself, tiny songstress!" Fucking clownshoes. Still, Eva Green. So whatever.

  • April 13, 2012, 12:48 p.m. CST

    Hey, I liked the trailer. I think this looks entertaining.

    by Fawst

    And if it's a little more than that, well, great! Meanwhile, I actually like to judge movies by, you know, seeing them. Not just reading a review, calling bullshit and acting like I know anything at all.

  • April 13, 2012, 12:49 p.m. CST

    Chop- Kathleen Turner in her Body Heat era 1981

    by Patrick Pettay

    and I do believe she did get a good rectal routing in that film from William Hurt.

  • April 13, 2012, 12:58 p.m. CST

    Choppa, I'm gonna go with...

    by GBH

    Helen Mirran because for her age she still has something I have yet to try. I'm usually not into older dames, but DAME I want to tap dat!!!

  • April 13, 2012, 1:02 p.m. CST

    Magic Johnson Miracle Water

    by Robert Evans

    http://i.imgur.com/AsSKb.jpg?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=twitter

  • April 13, 2012, 1:04 p.m. CST

    critic_schmitick

    by Robert Evans

    I think Dame Helen would turn you around and work you with the strap-on in return. She's one tough broad.

  • I mean, sure, compared to the half formed sentences we usually get from this site, it's an improvement. I'll give it that.

  • April 13, 2012, 1:18 p.m. CST

    Johnny Depp rules so I already know I'll be there!

    by Wcwlkr

    I don't know why people were getting all up in arms about the possible comedic take on the film anyway! It's based on a SOAP OPERA that deals with the Supernatural! Soap Opera's themselves are hilarious so I couldn't get mad for a second about that. It's like if the did a movie about Dallas, would you honestly be expecting a riveting drama lol. But I look forward to this.

  • April 13, 2012, 1:18 p.m. CST

    And again I almost forgot about this due to the AVENGERS!!! lol

    by Wcwlkr

  • April 13, 2012, 1:23 p.m. CST

    Does the Scope in it's conclusion cure bad breath?

    by cookylamoo

  • April 13, 2012, 1:34 p.m. CST

    Planty McPlanty Plant. Not sure though.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

    I haven't read the article yet.

  • April 13, 2012, 1:40 p.m. CST

    seriously, could someone paraphrase the review

    by bottombrick

    Or excise any interesting tidbits if there are any present, I couldn't get past the first few slimy sentences

  • April 13, 2012, 1:53 p.m. CST

    Dan Curtis just turned over in his grave

    by Green

    DARK SHADOWS was a happy accident. When it started out, there were no supernatural creatures -- it was just a gothic, modern Jane Eyre as soap opera. The ratings got low, it was about to be cancelled, Curtis knew he had to do something, so he said screw it and added a ghost. Nobody had done that in a soap opera before (I believe). Not only did it lead to Barnabas Collins and a bevy of other beasts roaming around Collinwood, it arguably changed how media executives viewed the potential of supernatural franchises. DK has not aged well. Most of it is cheesy (it's a soap, after all), but it still had a weird, ineffable quality that stayed with people. Curtis understood that and tried to guard it with his life. Every time they tried to remake it, he would insist it stay true to his original vision, regardless of how silly it sometimes was. So my big question here -- does this film capture that weird quality that made the original series memorable? I don't give a shit how much of it is re-imagined (Curtis was far too stubborn IMHO about not letting others update his universe); but is this DARK SHADOWS in more than just name?

  • April 13, 2012, 1:58 p.m. CST

    Wow....that's very surprising

    by Jaster Mareel

    I guess the marketing department didn't know what to do with it, so they jusdt stitched the jokes together and are trying to sell it as a comedy.

  • April 13, 2012, 2:12 p.m. CST

    I'm shocked to find a plant review on AICN. SHOCKED I SAY!!!

    by Simpsonian

  • April 13, 2012, 3:07 p.m. CST

    Dark Shadows

    by Thomas Loy Bumgarner

    we fans want a totally scary horror movie more like The Raven, not The Addams Family or Love at First Bite. Music by Elfman is nice but the 3 minute trailer, especially in 1972 is outrageous. Too bad Dan Curtis isn't alive to see this travesty, otherwise DC would have fired Burton, Carter, and Green for stupidity, and Depp would have been more like Ben Cross from the 1991 NBC Revival version.

  • I fear for the Kolchak/Night Stalker movie he's supposed to be in.

  • April 13, 2012, 3:14 p.m. CST

    I'm still gonna see it purely for Eva Green.

    by Kill List Hammertime

  • April 13, 2012, 3:47 p.m. CST

    Michelle Pfeiffer

    by jellypop

    is just the hottest woman alive. I heart her big time.

  • April 13, 2012, 4:21 p.m. CST

    Here's how you can get Burton to direct any film

    by Ingeld

    Tell him that the protagonist can have pasty -white face makeup.

  • April 13, 2012, 4:28 p.m. CST

    could this reviewer be a bigger plant? or are we being punk'd?

    by Todd Slade

  • April 13, 2012, 4:37 p.m. CST

    seriously, where do i even begin?

    by Todd Slade

    how about the gushing praise for every aspect of the movie (except, notably, for the aspects that most people here are actually concerned about). also, using the word "majestic" when describing Burton's style, especially more than once, comes off as incredibly off-the-mark. even in the early Burton movies, some of which i love dearly to this day, "majestic" isn't anywhere near a word i'd use. this 'reviewer' is trying awfully hard to convince us this misguided embarrassment isn't a comedy - how about the interview in which Burton described the property as "pure camp"? why are there rock star cameos and disco slapstick numbers? doesn't sound like a super-serious gothic thriller, which this article seems adamant about. well-rounded characters? successful genre-straddling? Burton didn't do those very well even when he was making movies that didn't seemed custom-tailored for Hot Topic. when was the last time he made a movie that wasn't just a re-vamp of a previous pop-culture item, but with his "twist"? in summation, fuck this PLANT

  • April 13, 2012, 5:31 p.m. CST

    Tangent Serpent Swallows Itself

    by DangerMan

    Tim Burton and Johnny Depp made "Ed Wood," so enough said. This was a smart review, while your own responses are shit smears from a Petco bunny cage.

  • April 13, 2012, 5:49 p.m. CST

    Choppah I choose...

    by nobbythehappyelf

    Molly Ringwald circa the Breakfast Club...mmm red and pasty... And to keep things 'timely' Vanessa Paradis circa Be My Baby for dessert... I'd cock-sweep either one's 'skin-chimney'

  • April 13, 2012, 6:21 p.m. CST

    i adore Ed Wood

    by Todd Slade

    and i miss the hell out of that Burton, but frankly it seems like that last 15+ years he's been coasting on gimmicks and half-assed adaptations/remakes. the review is smartly written, you say? sure, in that it works to convey the message, "everything about this movie is wonderful. without fault." it has lots of nice adjectives, true, and heaps of praise - but they're all about certain aspects that don't seem to really illuminate on the film's overall tone or quality.

  • April 13, 2012, 7:17 p.m. CST

    buckethead50

    by Michael

    I agree on Green. She's nice looking but this "ANYTHING with Eva Green in it is a MUST SEE...!!" attitude kind of escapes me.

  • April 13, 2012, 7:24 p.m. CST

    Looks bad

    by DrGogol

    Here's the thing: you know a movie is hackwork if it has a fish-out-of-water story featuring a character out of time where he sees a TV and thinks there's little person inside. It was never funny and, truly, not even realistic. Are we to believe that Depp's character would also see a crystal ball with an image inside and think there was a tiny person in there as well? The rest of the movie could be some kind of Citizen Kane shit and it would still be stupid.

  • April 13, 2012, 7:27 p.m. CST

    All I wanted to know was: How was Eva Green? And nothing...

    by dahveed1972

  • That comment has no place in a Tim Burton movie. Seriously.

  • April 13, 2012, 7:53 p.m. CST

    drawing a diagram wont help you im afraid.

    by dahveed1972

  • April 13, 2012, 8:09 p.m. CST

    Karloff? Sidekick? FUCK YOU!!!!!

    by Yelsaeb

    I take every opportunity I can to quote Ed Wood.

  • Thank God. Ever since the announcement of this project, I thought it might finally be the Burton/Depp collaboration I've been waiting for; something to make think of "Ed Wood" and "Sleepy Hollow" and not "Willy Wonka" and "Alice in Wonderland." The trailer, literally, scared the shit out of me. I'm somewhat of a casual "Dark Shadows" fan. I haven't seen every episode, but I'm very familiar with the characters and the various storylines. I've been aware of Baranabus Collins since I was a young child. I'm glad to hear this retains at least some of what made "Dark Shadows" a sensation with fans for 45 years.

  • April 13, 2012, 8:35 p.m. CST

    Sleepy Hollow was pretty cool and fuck Danny Elfman

    by Mugato5150

    Christina Ricci...*drool*

  • April 13, 2012, 8:49 p.m. CST

    Very Strange

    by Clio

    The trailer shows us just a campy comedy. Not only is it not true to the source material, It pays no homage at all to the original Dark Shadows. Kidd must be correct....someone is either mishandling the marketing of this film....or....they are luring us into what we think is a Beetlejuice hijinks vampire comedy.

  • April 13, 2012, 8:58 p.m. CST

    Laying out the entire story is what you call "spoiler free"?

    by Wacky Packages

  • April 13, 2012, 9:40 p.m. CST

    Best summer since 2002?

    by the dolphins are in the jacuzzi

    Zillabeast mentioned that this could be the best summer since 2002, but has he forgotten about 2008? 2002 had Spider-Man, SW II, Insomnia, About a Boy, Minority Report, The Bourne Identity, Goldmember, MIB II, Road to Perdition, K19, and Signs. 2008 had Dark Knight, Iron Man, Prince Caspian, Kung Fu Panda, The Incredible Hulk, Wall-E, Hellboy II, Stepbrothers, Pineapple Express, SW: TCW, and Tropic Thunder. I'd say tough call. Either way, this is shaping up to possibly be one of those summers. Man, I hope so. The last few summers have pretty much sucked.

  • April 13, 2012, 11:16 p.m. CST

    We're assured this isn't a plant review.

    by solvseus

    Read his reviews before. Trying hard to believe the first paragraph. But I gotta say, this sure reads like a plant review. I'll rent it probably, but still wary of the whole experience. Especially after Alice In Wonderland. "Visually stunning" everyone said. And they were right. Just too bad the people who made this got everything else wrong, and this looks to be the same type of thing.

  • April 14, 2012, 12:11 a.m. CST

    Great review.

    by gotilk

    But I do find the regular jabs here at 3d to be droll at this point. It's HOW WE SEE. End of.

  • April 14, 2012, 12:12 a.m. CST

    Oh and not a plant.

    by gotilk

    Not that you needed me to tell you.

  • April 14, 2012, 12:14 a.m. CST

    Forget Burton + Depp...

    by gaygoonie

    For me it's about Burton + Pfeiffer. This reunion should be a bigger fucking deal than it's being treated. Hello - Batman Returns? Catwoman?

  • April 14, 2012, 12:17 a.m. CST

    Reinvention

    by SuperTrekkie

    The difference between success and failure.

  • April 14, 2012, 1 a.m. CST

    re: smallfry

    by Dixie_Twins

    I agree. I like Depp since his 21 Jumpstreet days. And have always preferred the more serious roles. But you should check out all the insane fangirling going on on Tumblr. They much prefer him mugging it up for the camera blech. Pisses me off. Depp swore up and down they would respect the source material. Yeah. If that means they cut off its head and pissed down the hole, then yeah. I'll just stick to the original episodes thank you.

  • April 14, 2012, 2:53 a.m. CST

    Definitely want to see this

    by D.Vader

    And this review, reliable or not, just cinched it for me.

  • April 14, 2012, 6:09 a.m. CST

    God, this review has PR marketing stink all over it

    by Mugato5150

  • April 14, 2012, 6:09 a.m. CST

    *literally harrowing*

    by Thunderbolt Ross

    I literally had to ask: Huh?

  • April 14, 2012, 6:12 a.m. CST

    using the idea of an actual functioning crystal ball to prove your point

    by Thunderbolt Ross

    not the best idea

  • April 14, 2012, 9:22 a.m. CST

    I'll see this movie...

    by Red Ned Lynch

    ...I pretty much see them all, and whatever Burton's turned into these last few years the man made some movies I love before he did. But I am always suspicious when a review asks me to believe it instead of my lying lies and it would be hard to wrap the movie being described in this review around the bits shown in the trailers. Very hard. Almost impossible, one would think. And comparing any aspect of a movie in which the lead commands a tiny woman to exit a television to The Godfather suggests to me either a reviewer unable, for whatever reason, to objectively review the film or a reviewer purposefully selling a bill of goods. And the notion that the movie's climax is boardroom related, with its implication that this is somehow a save Collinsport climax and Angelique has been transformed into a corporate (b)witch makes me think that neither the tone nor the spirit of the original are particularly being honored (we've already thrown out the plot and character specifics). That doesn't leave a lot. Throw in the fact that in this review Willie Loomis is described as senseless (read comic relief) when the original craven, beaten character was really sort of tragic and that the boardroom conclusion, already seemingly quite wrong for this movie, is also a little out of place for a movie set in the 70s (surely this would be more of an 80s forward trope) and I gain very little confidence from what I've read. Haven't seen the movie. Hope I'm wrong.

  • April 14, 2012, 9:22 a.m. CST

    Lying eyes, even...

    by Red Ned Lynch

    ...though I like lying lies.

  • April 14, 2012, 9:57 a.m. CST

    Fuck yeah. Is it rated R?

    by UltraTron

  • April 14, 2012, 10:10 a.m. CST

    It's *literally harrowing*?!

    by CHRISTIAN_BALE_TRASHED_MY_LIGHTS

    Christ. And there was thinking that *harrowing* was bad enough.

  • April 14, 2012, 11:04 a.m. CST

    This could be the Speed Racer of 2012.

    by Kamaji

    Aka the film everyone scoffs at based on previews, yet those who do see it have fun, and find it entertaining.

  • April 14, 2012, 11:26 a.m. CST

    Ok I'm A Big Fan Of The Original......

    by Real Deal

    and I hope this guy is right. I'd love to be surprised by a really good movie after seeing the campfest trailer.

  • April 14, 2012, 3:56 p.m. CST

    'This could be the Speed Racer of 2012' - YOU TAKE THAT BACK

    by Todd Slade

  • April 14, 2012, 4:06 p.m. CST

    Speed Racer is unbridled joy

    by Todd Slade

    this looks like unencumbered drek. the Wachowskis' movie isn't for everyone, but not for a lack of faithfulness to the source material. not everyone loves the original high-speed, colorful, Japanese kid show about people who drive silly cars. the movie is perhaps a bit over-long, but they don't pull their punches and everything works stylistically. i don't know if Burton's got a George Lucas-esque problem (i.e. he's such a culture icon that no one will tell him an idea sucks), but he sure could stand to reign in his schtick quite a bit as this 'Dark Shadows' movie doesn't look like a gothic thriller or romance, it looks like a winking, "aren't we clever for making fun of soap opera tropes" mess with an abundance of geisha makeup and a paucity of vision.

  • April 14, 2012, 4:54 p.m. CST

    New Trailer

    by DangerMan

    There's a new trailer out this weekend that makes this review seem very spot on.

  • April 14, 2012, 11:15 p.m. CST

    Ben Cross was awesome as Barnabas in 1991

    by lynxpro

    In fact, I much prefer him to the original Barnabas...I know, I know, blasphemy, but the revival series was awesome. It was a travesty that NBC cancelled it when 25% of America tuned in for the premiere episode, according to the Nielsens. It only declined in ratings due to Desert Storm. So Depp better bring it because from what I can see, aside from a huge budget, this film isn't going to be better than the revival series. Shame Netflix pulled it from streaming two months before this film's premiere...

  • April 14, 2012, 11:16 p.m. CST

    Eva Green should've been Catwoman or Talia al Ghul...

    by lynxpro

    Me thinks she ended up in the wrong Warner Bros. film for this summer...

  • April 14, 2012, 11:18 p.m. CST

    ...and Bill Nighy should be Kolchak, not Depp...

    by lynxpro

    Make it so, studio peoples!

  • April 15, 2012, 1:55 a.m. CST

    Buckethead50

    by DangerMan

    It's a U.S. trailer with more spooko, then Alice Cooper at the end.

  • April 15, 2012, 2:42 a.m. CST

    so... it's not different at all?

    by Todd Slade

  • April 15, 2012, 5:02 a.m. CST

    Alot of people seem to misuse 'literally' lately

    by CreamCheeseAlchemist

    and make you feel like a dick for saying anything about it, so I reserve the right to use biggering in conversation.

  • April 15, 2012, 6:13 a.m. CST

    doesn't feel Tim Burtony??

    by v3rlon

    How in the world -? I mean from the very first frames in the trailer I was asking myself 'oh dear lord, what is Burton ruining now?' Is there ANYTHING in the trailer that doesn't look exactly like Tim Burton? Is there anything in the trailer that doesn't look like a campy comedy? If it comes on HBO one night....and I am stuck on the couch due to illness, injury, or old age, and the batteries in the remote are dead, I might give it a shot.

  • April 15, 2012, 10:05 a.m. CST

    Literally CreamCheeseAlchemist

    by DangerMan

    Since the definition of literally is "actually; without exaggeration or inaccuracy," the reviewer said Depp's reaction was harrowing meaning very disturbing, especially since he's stressing the film has serious aspects. You follow? Do you also know what cream cheese is and how it's made?

  • April 15, 2012, 11:19 a.m. CST

    very worried about the Kolchak movie now

    by crazybubba

    Depp has turned into a ham and a cornball and is doing the same kind of roles over and over again lately.

  • April 15, 2012, 1:17 p.m. CST

    Im literally going to wait for netflix

    by Arcadian Del Sol

  • April 15, 2012, 1:22 p.m. CST

    Are you literally in danger, then?

    by CreamCheeseAlchemist

    Usernames aren't literal. And I was more talking about how often I hear things like "I was literally dying" more than the use here. And for the hell of it, I came up with the name in a crackfic I wrote: tinyurl 6uz4vfz

  • April 15, 2012, 8:40 p.m. CST

    There’s no mention of “Jersey Shore” here.

    by ironburl

    ...and there never should be in any human language or media, unless it is a strictly geographical reference.

  • May 8, 2012, 9:24 a.m. CST

    TYVM!

    by R Anthony Botti

    As a DS fan with a preference for the original show, I found Mr. Flint's review comforting: I was getting ready to chop on Mr. Burton's film after I go to see it this weekend (the opening line of my chop was going to be "The producers of 'Count Duckula' could've pulled a better 'Dark Shadows' film out of their arses") I'm glad to see my fears about the quality of the film are unlikely to be realised. One thing still bugs me, though -- it seems Mr. Burton felt a need to make it crystal-clear that the vampire characters are vampires via the use of what, in my opinion, amounts to "white-face" makeup. MEMO to studio execs: never greenlight a Tim Burton remake of 'Blacula'. R Anthony Botti ;->

Top Talkbacks