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Annette Kellerman's GLADIATOR
Hey folks, Harry here with that filthy disgusting clean wench... Annette Kellerman. She's currently torturing Tom Joad with some sort of pet water escapade she's been waking up and taking notes from the night before's dream. Something about swimming through hundreds of other women's wet legs while the soothing sounds of PHISH play. She's weird that way. But this is her look at GLADIATOR. So all you babes, chicks and lovely ladies sit up... here's what one of you think about this.... 'alleged DUDE flick'
Hey all! It’s Annette again, finally submitting my long-overdue look at
a film I know many of you are dying to see- GLADIATOR! Yes, I was one
of the few geeks fortunate enough to see Gladiator in San Francisco with
Harry back in February. Now, not many movies are worthy of a
cross-country trek from Texas to California, and I’m pleased to report
it was worth it times ten. GLADIATOR is not just a movie; it is a
cinematic experience. The story and images explode onto the screen from
scene one, never losing momentum, giving you just enough time to absorb
its glory. Thanks to Ridley Scott’s genius, we are shown an incredibly
convincing depiction of Roman life in a time when rulers wore gold
leaves in their hair and men were fed to lions. Not surprising, the
look of this film is magnificent. Buildings and structures barely
standing now are resurrected by Scott and his talented team. Costumes,
sets, effects- every aspect of the imagery of the film falls perfectly
into place. Okay, okay you’re thinking,everything looks great, but is
it a good story? I am even more excited to answer a big emphatic YES to
that question! From the jaw-dropping initial battle scene through the
eventual gladiator sequences, the plight of Russell Crowe’s character is
never lost. There are no trite explanations, no dumbing of the dialogue
to suit those who can’t follow a plot. The story is simple, the motives
are clear, and the inevitable end is actually quite surprising. I’m
always leery of big, bad films with non-existent stories, but I really
believe GALDIATOR does not come near this category. Don’t get me wrong,
it’s not perfection. There might be a teeny tiny hole here, and a
twinge of unnecessary subplot there, but all in all, the entire feel of
the story is solid gold.
The acting- let me begin by saying that one of my (albeit movie
illiterate) friends who came to the screening did not believe that the
hunk she saw up on the screen was the same dad-like guy in THE INSIDER.
I could barely convince her! However, it took zero convincing to get
her to admit that he was made to play this role. I could hardly believe
it myself. Not that I didn’t already know that Russell Crowe is a very
non-dad-like badass, but we’re talking about a Roman gladiator here.
Any doubt I might have had diappeared in the very first scene. Crowe
takes on the part as if he lived the character himself. Not a moment
passes where you forget his struggle. Its imbedded in his eyes, his
skin, his every move- man, I loved him in this! Brawn AND
brains-yummy. Joaquin Phoenix gives a smart performance as our main
villain here- and what a role. Phoenix perfectly captures the essence
of a ruthless and immature young ruler without turning him into a
cartoon. Once again Joaquin lends his charisma to a film, embellishing
aspects of a role that might otherwise be ignored. The third standout
performance in GLADIATOR is that of Oliver Reed. I HATE that he’s gone,
but man am I glad he played this role before he left. With leathery
dark skin and menacing eyes, Reed is what I will see now when I envision
a master in the ancient Roman slave trade. Behind the callousness,
though, you can tell the man has a story of his won. Oh, I hate to use
the word perfect again-but he IS so perfect here! To see him strut his
brutish stuff is sublime- to remember that it’s the last time…well,
you’ll know what I mean when you see it.
Well everyone, sorry if I went on too long. All of this has been
brewing for a month now, so what can I say? Don’t get snobbish about
GLADIATOR when we all are inevitably assaulted by the ad campaign the
film is sure to merit as summer nears…its definitely going to be a
biggie. Just go to the theater to see a dazzling epic and a kickass
flick! Until next time, Annette.
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+ Expand All
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Isn't word of mouth high enough? I realize this is an older screening, but screenings seem to pop up a lot.
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Mar 24, 2000 5:10:28 PM CST
ok... now at first I thought the little graphics were kinda cool
by the tulip
Harry, I got a lot of love for you cat... but this was too much man... how many times do I have to watch you get your brains blown out.... are you punishing yourself for that oscar bizness?
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Yeah, this is getting pretty disgusting! I'm starting to make it a habit to scroll down frantically the minute I hit my bookmark before downloading is complete. Yuck!
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I can't wait for this movie. Russel Crowe is the best thing to come out of Austrailia since Foster's beer!!!
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Mar 24, 2000 6:14:42 PM CST
this movie will kick so much ass your momma won't be able to sit
by tall_boy
hopefully. . .
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I know this is off topic, guys, but I wanted to get to one of the newer talkbacks. I'm pretty sure I remember seeing some mention that the name of the song from the "X-men" trailer is Curve. I don't recall the name of the group that performs it, or if this is even is even true. If someone knows, please respond to this post. I would like to get my hands on their album (if there is one, that is.)
Thanks! -
Mar 24, 2000 8:05:46 PM CST
Foster's is "Australian for Beer" is an insult to Australians
by smilin'jackruby
Ask any Australian
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In fact I'm drinking one now. A short beer, if you will.
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The rest of the world will soon know what many lucky women have known for years -- RUSSELL CROWE IS THE 8TH WONDER OF THE WORLD! It's been nice to have him to ourselves but after May 5 we'll have to share him with the world and I don't think I'll be hearing "Russell who?" too much longer. Don't mean to offend, but I, along with many other women, think of "Gladiator" as a chick flick!! I would NOT have had to be bribed to see this preview. In fact, I'd fly to New York (from California) if it means I see this movie a day early!!
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Mar 25, 2000 1:32:19 AM CST
Harry, you are one fucked up dude -- well, what I meant to say w
by jetalone
Man I absolutely cannot wait for this fucking movie. Saw The Insider (finally) today. Loved it even though 2 mins. in the projector shut down and I had to run upstairs and start it up again manually. I didn't even care that Russell had packed on the pounds and been aged by the makeup department, I love him so. Can't wait to see him in full hunkified form in GLADIATOR!!! I know that you ladies (all 8 of you who read Ain't It Cool News on a regular basis) agree with me. He is one fine-lookin' piece of ass. MAXIMUS! MAXIMUS! MAXIMUS!
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You are a strange, strange man, Harry. First a snot licking cartoon of you, now you apparently getting shot. Yummy. What's next, a point-of-view camera shot from a toilet of you sitting on the pot and taking care of business? How about your cartoon face popping a messy zit? Maybe birds pecking your eyes out like the old Hitckcock movie? I'll be waiting breathlessly for the next update...
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Hell, the next graphic might be one of him French-kissing Roger Ebert! OH, THE HORRORS!!!
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iNsidher...Sounds like you got a real leaning tower of Pisa for the man with the Romin hands. Does this mean guys around the world are gonna hafta quit smokin and dress up like gladheatehers for their wimins?
Will they be doing the
Jeanclaude-Damn! I'm fine in sandals-randy vandal dance to bed?
I'm a get me some Teva's right away and get some soccer shinguards first off and hmmm?
a sword.....?
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I'm a dukie, and man that game made me ill, but what the hell, that's the tourney for you. As for Michigan State, now that Duke's out, I'd love to see Mateen Cleaves win it. The guy totally deserves it. Go Spartans!
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three U.k. tv shows on Universal office confirm that new gladiator date is MAY 15th, not August 4th. REJOICE !!!!
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Mar 25, 2000 10:41:05 AM CST
Has anyone who knows anything about Roman history seen this movi
by pallando
I am a classics major and I know alot about Rome and ancient warfare. Does anyone know how accurate this movie is? If it isnt I'm gonna see it anyway, I'm just hoping that it is true to the history in a hostorical fiction way
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The band's name is Curve and the name of the song playing in the trailer is "Chinese Burn."
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GLADIATOR looks pretty great..while my favorite form of male cinematic violence is Asian guys sticking each other with swords, Roman guys getting mauled by tigers is good too. BTW- I think the Oscar thing is a big improvement over the vomiting and snot-licking.
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Hate to say it (with regard to earlier comment about men having to give up smoking, etc., to be like Russell), but it's the smoking that has added to his rich, baritone voice. The voice that drives women wild. Just thought all you guys that visit this site needed to know what women really dig. Again, Russell rocks -- ever since Romper Stomper!!
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Any guys out there who think that this movie could only possibly appeal to their gender - think again! I predict hoardes of lusting females packing the theater on opening day. It's been said before, but I'll say it again. Russell Crowe is a GOD! And as Gruntchick pointed out, we goils have known this for years. I first came (pun intended) to Russell with LA Confidential and have spent the last several years greedily searching out every movie he's made. Not only is he the hunkiest hunk to come down the acting pike in DECADES, the dude can actually, ummm, ACT. And any man who can kiss another man and make ME swoon... well. Russell DESERVES the Oscar for The Insider, maybe he'll get it for Gladiator.
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Mar 25, 2000 9:24:04 PM CST
Gladiator: Reason 147 that IT will be the movie of the year.
by syd mead
It's hard to go the
the movies after
you've seen Gladiator
and there's only shit
out now. It was worth
every minute of crappy
San Francisco traffic
to see it back in
Febuary. I've read
most of the reviews on
this sight and most of
them are on the mark
with how good Russel
Crowe is and Oliver
Reed. But the
supporting cast
deserve a nod of
respect for the fine
acting. I haven't
heard anything about
the senetor who's
played by Derek
Jacobi. You might
remember him from the
BBC mini series "I,
Claudius" (around 1976
I believe) as the
stuttering Roman
Emperor. Your not sure
at some points in the
movie if Maximus can
count on his support
for over turning the
Caesar.
Understated...but an
authentic performance
buy all the supporting
players. It was like
getting in a time
machine, everything
looks and sounds
awesom. This movie will be HUGE at the box office or everyone who was there that night for Harry's S.F. geek
fest was drinkng. May
5 we'll find out !
--Syd. -
Mar 26, 2000 3:00:13 AM CST
Man, I'm gone one day and I miss Harry blowing his brains out.
by cereal killer
Now we got Harry as Oscar. It's some scary shit seeing his naked blubber ass hiding his tiny manhood behind a sword. Yuck. Anyway, can't wait for "Gladiator." It's been too long since we had a cool sword and sandals epic. My only reservation is Joaquin Phoenix. He's a good enough actor, I guess, but doesn't seem to me to have the stage presence to make a credible villain against a cool-ass mofo like Russell Crowe. Plus doesn't Phoenix' hairlip scar seem outta place in ancient Rome? Does he wear a beard and mustache in this to cover it up?
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To answer the question: Joaquin Phoenix doesn't try to hide his hair lip ala'
Stacey Keach. No mustach or beard, the hair lip is in plain view. Also, I thought his perfomance was the weakest of anyone in Gladiator. Maybe it was because he was too immature to succesfully take over from his father or maybe it was the hair lip. If I remember my ancient history correctly, ANYONE born with a birth defect in a family of nobility would be tossed out. The deformed infant would be placed clay pot after the father had made a decision in the first few days of life. Weren't the Roman's so civilized. I wonder what would have happened to Biggus Dickus !?! --Syd. -
Can't wait to see Gladiator this week on the huge wall-to-wall screen with DTS digital stereo! It will kick ass! I've been a big fan of Russell Crowe ever since L.A. Confidential. By the way, I saw Russell Crowe on the Letterman show one night when he was promoting The Insider. Letterman mentioned Foster's beer and Crowe said he'd never heard of it. Aussie's drink beers with names like Three Sheets!
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