Ain't It Cool News (


Folks, I’ve got an untold tale about the last day I spent at the Moriarty Labs Spa & Resorts.

If you recall, one night Moriarty and I decided to go to the DGA to watch a pair of episodes of SOUTH PARK and then listen to the team behind the series (including Matt & Trey) talk about their experiences with the television show and their film.

There is no denying that we had some fun. I’m talking serious fun. For a couple of days we were happy with how that day went. We had gone out drinking with Hercules the Strong. We were princes of Maine and Kings of New England. Except nowhere in that vicinity.

In this time period Moriarty never once received a message via his system of pnuematic tubes. It turns out that Henchman Mongo was using the tubes as a laundry shoot for his zebra-striped Gs. This, of course, gummed up the works till an associate of mine named Tooms was able to stretch down and clear up the tubes.

There were 215 little message containing devices, and it turns out that on that very night. The same night that we saw Matt and Trey... We could have gone to this cheesy theater in Anaheim to see ME, MYSELF AND IRENE... The new Farrelly Brothers film starring Jim Carrey that’ll be coming out this Summer.

This really pissed me off. I LOVE THEIR WORK. I remember watching DUMB AND DUMBER and actually feeling my IQ points drop (it’s why I still use so many ellipses)... I thought KINGPIN would kill my father, it nearly did. And THERE’S SOMETHING ABOUT MARY was just... well, if you remember my review... I associated with one of the characters in one of the scenes... Waaaaay too much.

I have had the script forever, but I don’t read comedy scripts (it’s just a thing with me). SO I have been fairly in the dark about this film, and thought at one time that it was the Siamese Twin film that I had heard the brothers were doing.

I started tearing up the Moriarty Labs Spa & Resorts looking for his blasted Time Machine.

Moriarty came in and thought Mongo had eaten too much Kibbles & Bits and went to neuter him, when I told him what was up.

He looked at me, and said, “My dear Mister Knowles, How exactly do you plan to get past security. You’re bloody enormous?”

I already knew. He took me over to his ‘Flower Power Bean Bag’ and told me that it was his Time Machine. The old man then instructed me to touch the aquamarine flower and the goldenrod flower patterns. He then fed me 9 banana jelly beans and said to concentrate on 7a.m. on March 2nd... Thursday. I did what he said, and suddenly, in the flash of an eye, the sun was rising and female joggers in tube tops were jogging on the LCD flat screen windows in the labs spa & resorts.

Instantly, Moriarty appeared.

I asked him, “Dude, I thought you said that was painful?”

And just as he went to answer, I had the urge to pee. The bastard just smiled at me. Passing my sleeping body on the Georgian Bed, I went into the bathroom and....

PAIN does not begin to describe it. I pissed out 9 solid banana jelly beans into his LOO. I passed out twice. Upon recovering, we set out before we accidently meet ourselves and they decide not to go to see Matt and Trey.

Moriarty was constantly bitching about how I’d never get in. I told him... I had a plan.

I called up a fella by the name of Rick Baker. The truth is.... ahem... Well, Rick is now the AICN DISGUISE CREATOR. I went to his new secret studio, and said... Make me Moriarty’s date!

First there was the corset to get my waist size to a 22 inch size. This of course created large breasts and enormous hips. He permed my hair, vaselined my chin and put a fake female chin on. And by the time he was done.... I looked exactly like the dog ugly chick you’d expect Moriarty to have!

The corset hurt like a sonuvawench, but... You go through, that which you go through to get a scoop. I spoke in breathless half sentences. Moriarty was... a bit too... grabby if ya know what I mean.

We headed off for Anaheim and this piss poor cineplex hell hole that NRG moved this screening to (at the last minute) and got in line.

The line stretched on and on and on. And my legs were going numb from the lack of circulation. But I made my way to 4th row center. I was supposed to sign some stupid paper they handed me, but I just flirted with the NRG dweeb, batted my eyes, pressed my phone number in his hand, and while he was gagging, just walked on in. Sometimes it takes a bit more than a jedi mind trick.

There were the usual introductions and warnings about the film not being complete. About temp tracks, some sort of additional footage something or another. I wasn’t really paying attention because when I coughed... I broke a rib. I needed out of the corset.

Moriarty began freaking. “You’ll bring us all done Knowles... wait for the lights!”

Suddenly the lights went out and I let out a big breath and popped every strap in my corset. It was like a morph but grosser. The fella next to me was knocked unconcious by the wave of blubber that hit him, but noone else seemed to notice.

Moriarty looked real real nervous.


Folks, this is the best film from the Farrellys yet. Is it funnier than KINGPIN or THERE’S SOMETHING ABOUT MARY? Well, that’s subjective, but I’d say it’s right in there. But what I mean by it being their best film is that the narrative and story are genuinely wonderful.

It’s very hard to review a comedy, especially a Farrelly comedy without giving some stuff away, but I’m going to try to do it.

The Chicken Sex Scene with a tad of bondage is fantastic. You’ll remember that one for a very long time, though I can tell you... Right now, this very second... You’ve got the WRONG image in your head.

Sorry, getting ahead of myself there.

The film is about a Rhode Island Motorcycle Cop with a serious bout of schizophrenia. You see, one side of Carrey (Charlie) is a nice sensitive non-commital pussy, and the other side of Carrey (Hank) is this breast-feeding dildo loving aggressive pansy raunchmeister.

Carrey is not pulling a MASK here... nor is he really channeling any of his other characters. His aggressive side is... well, something to behold.

I guess the early seeds of this character would be seen in Matt Dillon’s Pat Healy character, but... that is just a starting point. This character will drag your brain through funny shit so rank that you’ll run home and exhaust your supply of Q-Tips and Lysol.

However, the best part of the whole film. And what makes this movie friggin GREAT, is this.... Charlie (Carrey) has three large Black Men (it is not like Kaufman on Letterman btw) as his sons.

What’s brilliant about them is that while they are black and highly influenced by the humor and language of standup acts like Richard Pryor through Chris Rock.... They are absolute geniuses.

The humor and chemistry with these guys is priceless. It’s a GREAT comedy trio. Everything that The Fat Boys wanted to be, but with a new comedic twist that just had me howling.

I don’t know anything about these guys, there were no credits, but man oh man.... They are going to be hugely popular. 10 to 1, they’ll have either their own television series (boo!) or film franchise (yes! Yes! YES!) to play in for the future. They were pure magic together. Do not separate these guys!

The albino that the fella on COMING ATTRACTIONS said was Chris Elliot... WAS NOT CHRIS ELLIOT. He was a real albino. And that’s a key.

You see, the Farrellys love to bring in unique faces and characters. Large breasted women, the mentally disabled, farm animals, albinos, midgets/dwarfs/little peoples and so on.

They have the good sense to realize that just stuffing a bunch of used to be funny has-been comedians into a film and have them stare wide-eyed at a sight gag... is just plain boring.

However, populating the film in the real world, and completely throwing out ‘politically correctness’, playing with sight gags and raunchiness.... talking about everything from paraplegic love to necrophilia to... whatever it may be... Well... That’s funny.

At one point in the film, they basically turn the Albino character into the penguin in THE WRONG TROUSERS, for all intents and purposes.

Also, when things happen, they don’t pull the punch. They follow through.

One gag with a gun and a hand was so hardcore that I nearly screamed like a man, and thus ruining my disguise.

Renee Zellwegger? She’s adorable and cute and is very good as the dame in the midst. Her explaining to Charlie about a sex issue that gets brought up is friggin hilarious.

This film is riot funny. I missed whole segments of the film because my eyes were teared up and squeezed shut from laughter. Shit, the mascara was even running like a toxic river behind Mr Burns’ power plant.

All I know, is this film is going to play like a mofo all summer long. This is real damn funny, and hell... they’re not even finished with it.

But mark my words... Those three black children/grown men of Jim Carrey’s in this movie... They are going to be stars!

Readers Talkback
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  • March 22, 2000, 4:25 a.m. CST


    by reni

    You can't beat a film that makes you piss...

  • March 22, 2000, 4:29 a.m. CST

    Midgets with Nunchuks.....

    by Splinter

    Great review Harry - there was never any doubt in my mind that this would be a classic and it seems the Farrelly brothers have come good in spades. Don't know about you guys but the trailer sold me 100%. The midget? The cow? Man I can't fucking wait for this movie - Something About Mary was the only film I've ever seen in the cinema which actually had me on my knees begging them to stop (The dog scene) - this sounds like its going to top it. Bring it on! Splinter out.

  • March 22, 2000, 4:46 a.m. CST

    LOL review

    by 60091

    Maybe it's because It's 4:30 am in the morning...but I am just giggling like a maniac at your review here. I found a trailer site for the movie here:

  • March 22, 2000, 5:39 a.m. CST

    Puking Harry and the Exploding Blubber Corset

    by Nordling

    This is one of the five this year that I actually want to see, because Jim Carrey is a genius, and he was robbed for Man on the Moon. Truth to tell, I didn't enjoy There's Something About Mary nearly as much as Dumb and Dumber and Kingpin, so the jury's still in deliberation about the Farrellys, but I'm pretty sure this will make me laugh until my spleen explodes. Good review, Harry.

  • March 22, 2000, 5:59 a.m. CST

    Carrey is a riot, eh?

    by floob

    GRRREAT!!! I happen to love low-IQ humor, having been brought up on the Three Stooges and National Lampoon's "Animal House", with of course a dash of "Smokey & The Bandit". "Dumb & Dumber" was rib-tickling! So, let's see how "ME, MYSELF & IRENE" turns out -- even if Carrey appears to be dressed like a member of the Gestapo.

  • March 22, 2000, 6:21 a.m. CST

    Not sure how much I trust harry's reviews...

    by neojunky

    I was right with him until some time last year when I read his haunting review. Man I'm still shocked at how awful that film was, but more so how anyone could like it... so I'll take this review with a pinch of salt. I hope ya right this time though knowles... lol I'm watching you...

  • March 22, 2000, 8:19 a.m. CST

    Should be a party...

    by smilin'jackruby

    Glad to hear Carrey isn't simply channelling other characters he's played. I can honestly say I've been looking forward to this as he's gone from silly/inane to dark to drama to silly/inane to drama to silly/inane and though I haven't always been a big fan, I think I get the joke now. Just took me forever as I'm such a jackass film snob sometimes (and didn't watch "Dumb and Dumber" until recently).

  • March 22, 2000, 8:33 a.m. CST

    Bring it on.....

    by MovieMutt

    I honestly cannot wait to see this flick. If there is one type of charater I have always wanted to see Carrey portray, it would be someone mentally disturbed, truly. NOT the sociopathic, coaxial cable repairman with a speech impediment he played in that other movie (which I did enjoy, but I digress). I'm talking disturbed, really disturbed, but of course in a comedy. I could see him pulling off a real fucked up role like Brad Pitt in 12 Monkeys or the male equivalent of that blonde german terrorist chick in the third Die Hard (ya know, the one that had a thing for knives and spraying blood). Anyhoo, I'm stoked for this movie. I'll have to send my loyal servants of the forest to wait in line 'till summer. -Badger

  • March 22, 2000, 8:51 a.m. CST

    Harry in a corset.

    by Wee Willie

    You have no idea how much money I'd pay to see that.

  • March 22, 2000, 8:59 a.m. CST

    I hop it's funnier than "There's something about Mary"

    by gilmour

    I really never got the fuss over that film, didn't make me laugh and I found it very boring. Kingpin on the otherhand was the Farrely bros. best film.

  • March 22, 2000, 9:18 a.m. CST

    So, It Wasn't Better Than BLAZING SADDLES, Or AIRPLANE

    by mrbeaks

    Very little is. Still, I laughed my way through KINGPIN (as did the Queen of Soul, Aretha Franklin, who sat right behind me,) and still believe it to be the Farrelly's best; although, DUMB AND DUMBER and THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT MARY are not far behind. Much like Mel Brooks in the 70's, the Farrelly's succeed by rising below vulgarity.

  • March 22, 2000, 10:20 a.m. CST

    There's something about "There's Something About Mary"

    by All Thumbs

    TSAM makes me laugh every time I watch it, and I've just damn near worn out my tape! Seeing it in the theatre, well the second time at least, is an experience I'll never forget. I went with my sister, her friend and my mother. Us girls thought my mom would be offended by most of the movie, but during the zipper scene, I turned and looked at her and realized she was laughing so hard she was crying! I couldn't believe this was the same woman who fell asleep at "Animal House" when my parents were first dating. Amazing...just proves the brothers are right on track.

  • March 22, 2000, 10:30 a.m. CST

    schizo or multiple personality disorder?

    by Dr. Barbie

    I hate to be technical, but schizo phrenia and mult. personality disorder are completely different. If he's got 2 personalities, then he's not not not schizophrenic. I really hope that Harry was just saying it wrong.

  • March 22, 2000, 11:53 a.m. CST

    God of Cookery

    by twindaggerturkey

    So, has Jim Carrey decided not to do the GOD OF COOKERY remake? Please check out the original. Stephen Chow is my Asian Movie God! Some people have compared him to Jim Carrey but his style is pretty different (and he's a lot better than Carrey, in my opinion.) Franks and beans!!!

  • March 22, 2000, 12:04 p.m. CST


    by DarthEvilSucks

    I love what you love. I hate what you hate. However, you are my pompous bitch forever-- or until you learn to invent original subject lines. This movie and GLADIATOR will rule summer.

  • March 22, 2000, 12:25 p.m. CST

    Thanks for that image...

    by Ryan O'Reily

    ...of you in a dress Harry. I'll probably never get an erection again. Good review, but next time try to cut your intro down to just 300,000 words. If I had taken time to read the whole thing, the movie would probably be out already.

  • March 22, 2000, 12:34 p.m. CST

    Does Father Geek know of your transvestism, Harry?

    by Vegas

    I think it's time the two of you sat down and had a serious heart-to-heart. Seriously though, great review. Got my anticipation up, made me laugh, made me cringe (but funny cringe). I have high hopes for this film, although from the screen shots given I am salivating over the idea of a movie where Jim Carrey plays an SS officer during WWII. THAT would be un-pc in a way the Farrelly Bros. couldn't even touch. Which is of course why they should do it.

  • March 22, 2000, 1:18 p.m. CST

    does PETA know?

    by JetAlone

    This will rock. My only quibble is that chicken sex is old hat. The chicken lovin' scene to end all chicken lovin' scenes was in Pink Flamingos. Man, that movie fucked me up.

  • March 22, 2000, 1:53 p.m. CST

    Pink Flamingos

    by Monster Rain

    That movie was utterly vile. I know it was supposed to be all edgy and hip, but it came off as just plain gross. That egg lady in the crib? What's up with that? And I can never listen to "Poppa Ooo Mow Mow" the same way again. I dunno. Maybe its all just over my (admittedly thick) head.

  • March 22, 2000, 2:04 p.m. CST

    PINK FLAMINGOS -- Worst Date Movie Of All Time

    by mrbeaks

    I made that mistake in high school, and have regretted it ever since. I *completely* wrecked that opportunity, but, being a lifetime John Waters fan, could you blame me? I've loved the man's work since I first set my eight year-old eyes on POLYESTER. I just wanted to share the filth. Maybe I should've opted for HAIRSPRAY (CRY BABY wasn't out on video yet.)

  • March 22, 2000, 2:36 p.m. CST

    Farrellys and Robert McKee

    by Kat

    I went to a VIFF Trade Forum event in which Robert McKee called the Farrelly brothers "Geniuses." I hated Dumb and Dumber, laughed at Kingpin and roared at Mary, but I think McKee is nuts. The Farrelly brothers aren't geniuses because, so far, they have proved themselves incapable of writing 3-D (or even logical) female characters. The women in their films are beautiful but passive lust/love objects willing to date idiots because...? Spunk in the hair and Jim Carey just can't compensate for the boredom of watching yet another blow up doll. I blame the writers. Having said all this mean stuff, I do think Cameron Diaz's role was better written than Lauren Holly's, so perhaps Me, Myself and Irene will prove that these guys have what it takes to write a real woman.

  • March 22, 2000, 5:42 p.m. CST

    The Cameron Diaz Conspiracy

    by lostoptimist

    This is kind of off topic but after seeing 'Being John Malkovich' it's been cemented on my mind. Cameron Diaz is really a man. Or, at least she was born a man. Seriously. Look at those wrists, those hands. Hell, look at her face. She didn't even need surgery. That nose, those cheeks...She used to be a guy. She HAS to. Have you ever seen her high school graduation pic, ever seen any info about her from before 'The Mask' other than she USED to be a model? No. Why? Because there was no Cameron Diaz. She was a man. I'm being totally serious. Truly. Next time you see her in 'Something About Mary' take a really, really REALLY good look at her.

  • March 22, 2000, 6:08 p.m. CST

    Splinter (or someone) please tell me

    by Al The Brit

    You mentioned midgets in your post, but the subject line says "Midgets with Nunchucks". Are there Midgets with Nunchucks in this movie? This may sound like a daft question but actually it's deadly serious for those of us on this side of the Atlantic and I will explain why. The BBFC (British Board of Film Censors) have been getting much more liberal in their old age, they've allowed releases for long banned movies like The Exorcist, Texas Chain Saw Massacre, Driller Killer etc, they've given certificates to movies featuring hard core porn action, erect penises, ejaculations and many other things that previously they had insisted were "bad for us" and we should never see. But they still have one sacred cow. And it is the Nunchuck! No scene featuring a Nunchuck has ever been passed by a British Censor, and they say that none ever will! We in Britain have never (legally) seen the Nunchuck scene in "Enter the Dragon". I know that some of you are laughing your socks off now, but I swear this is true. And I want to see this movie uncut, because I LOVE the Farrelly's. So please, Nunchucks or no Nunchucks? Will I need to pop on the Eurostar and go see the movie on the continent or am I safe to stay in my own country????

  • March 22, 2000, 6:45 p.m. CST

    Who caught that amazing Enemy of the Gates and Sixth Day footage

    by Dark Magus

    Jude Law, Ed Harris, snipers, WW2 epic battles. Whoa.

  • March 22, 2000, 8:45 p.m. CST

    Want To Love But Afraid...

    by Eli Cross

    Look, I love a good dumb, raunchy comedy as much as the next guy. That being said, I thought Dumb & Dumber was a hoot. Kingpin? Lame. Any film which wastes quality screen time on Woody Harrelson over B. Murray is an error from jump street. There's Something About Mary? Easily the most offensive, unfunny comedy mistaken for a piece of genius I've ever seen. (Again, I LOVE offensive. Mr. Show? Deeply, deeply offensive. They've done stuff that makes me wince...while I'm laughing.) Hey, let's mess with the retard! Hey, that's lady's REALLY tan! Oooh, Chris Elliot has hives! I'm dyin' over here. I hope Me Myself & Irene doesn't suck. But I'm hardly encouraged by the advance word. (HARRY...what's with the sudden desire to show ALL your bodily fluids on your caricature? First snot, now projectile vomiting. When you reach the need to have a little pixel-ated Harry take a thunderous dump at the top of each screen, e-mail me so I can erase the memory of this site from my mind.) Peace.

  • March 25, 2000, 9:30 p.m. CST

    Irene Soundtrack

    by docsuz

    Word has it the soundtrack for Me, Myself and Irene is all Steely Dan covers. Anyone heard anything about this? And who's doing the covers? Soundtrack news is the one thing missing from the whole AICN site. Thanks.

  • March 28, 2000, 4:26 p.m. CST

    Chris Cooper..who is he in the movie?

    by NatashaCassadine

    I just LOVE him and have for years. he was AWESOME in Lone Star and JMO but he stole Americal Beauty from AB and KS and shouls have been nominated. I heard he is in the movie, who is he and is he funny?

  • April 4, 2000, 2:07 a.m. CST

    William Goldman on Me, Myself and Irene

    by 22322232

    I was just reading the new William Goldman book,and said this screenplay was brilliant. This is William Goldman!

  • April 12, 2000, 12:42 a.m. CST


    by Stilt-Man

    After viewing the trailer for this film I was not looking at it as a must see film. I thought Theres something about Mary was over-rated, along with Kingpin being bland, and the fact that I suspect my life will not be profoundly changed if I never view Dumb and Dumber has not changed my opinion that this movie will not make up for past dissapointments. It is scary how few comedy films in the last few years have delivered on the laughs (not by the farrelly's, but American Pie is another comedic dissapointment because they over-relied on semen and masturbating as sight gags). Except for the scene where the chick gets herself off, and admitedly got a rise out of me...the film was pretty lame. I suspect the latest Farrelly movie will be a decent DVD rental.

  • May 1, 2000, 1:31 p.m. CST

    Man on the Moon

    by Brimacombe

    Jim Carrey fucking rocked in MOTM. He fucking rocked even more than that awesome fucking song. I want to see this movie like soooooo bad. Anyways I can't wait till it really opens. Jim Carrey with 2 movies went from piece of shit actor to greatest actor of our times.

  • May 25, 2000, 9:40 p.m. CST

    It`s Harry`s site...

    by Papou

    So anybody here who doesn`t like him just get the fuck out and never come back. It`s quite simple...

  • May 29, 2000, 12:30 p.m. CST

    the albino actor's name is...

    by technoray

    Mike Bowman

  • June 28, 2000, 3:10 a.m. CST

    This movie was boring as hell.

    by Darth Taun Taun

    It sucked donkey balls. You have been warned.

  • July 4, 2000, 8:56 p.m. CST

    Not Worth seeing Me

    by tbailey

    One joke cannot sustain a movie. This is not on par with any of the Farrelly's movies, including the underated Outside Providence.

  • July 19, 2000, 5:37 p.m. CST

    I can't believe ya'll like this one!

    by Pirate

    I can just imagine the banter between the Farelly brothers about their next movie: "We could have Jim Carrey make faces at a Down's Syndrome kid." "Hey, how about him trying to shake hands with a paraplegic." "Awesome! We could make it a quadraplegic and call him Bob." Sorry folks. A grown man stealing a baby's mother's nursing breast, graphically showing a dog shitting in a yard, a chicken stuffed up some guys ass, and three large black guys who say "Motherfucker" every other word are not funny. This film was just mean-spirited. Nobody in the theater I was in was laughing.

  • July 19, 2000, 5:41 p.m. CST

    I can't believe ya'll like this one!

    by Pirate

    I can just imagine the banter between the Farelly brothers about their next movie: "We could have Jim Carrey make faces at a Down's Syndrome kid." "Hey, how about him trying to shake hands with a paraplegic." "Awesome! We could make it a quadraplegic and call him Bob." Sorry folks. A grown man stealing a baby's mother's nursing breast, graphically showing a dog shitting in a yard, a chicken stuffed up some guys ass, and three large black guys who say "Motherfucker" every other word are not funny. This film was just mean-spirited. Nobody in the theater I was in was laughing.

  • Nov. 5, 2003, 3:14 p.m. CST

    Me, Myself and Irene

    by Lilteen

    I would just like to make a point the Jim Carey in Me, Myself and Irene did not have SCHIZOPHRENIA. He had DISSOCIATIVE IDENTITY DISORDER or better known as MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDER. There is a huge difference between the two disorders. And a huge mistake in the movie. Thanks

  • Nov. 5, 2003, 3:15 p.m. CST

    Me, Myself and Irene

    by Lilteen

    I would just like to make a point that Jim Carey in Me, Myself and Irene did not have SCHIZOPHRENIA. He had DISSOCIATIVE IDENTITY DISORDER or better known as MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDER. There is a huge difference between the two disorders. And a huge mistake in the movie. Thanks