Movie News

Michael Bay Is Making Some Changes To The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!!

Published at: March 19, 2012, 9:09 a.m. CST by The Kidd

The Kidd here...

Okay, so maybe I shouldn't place all of the blame on Michael Bay here, but with Platinum Dunes producing the new live-action reboot of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles for Nickelodeon Movies and Paramount, he's at least part of the problem.

Speaking at the Nickelodeon Upfront last week, Bay talked about the heroes on the halfshell, to which he explained the new vision for Leonardo, Donatello, Raphael and Michelangelo.

"When you see this movie, kids are going to believe one day these Turtles actually do exist when we are done with this movie. These turtles are from an alien race, and they are going to be tough, edgy, funny and completely loveable."

I know a lot of people are excited about a new TMNT flick, but are wholesale changes really the price we have to pay for it? Turtles of an alien race...? Did someone forget that whole canon with the radioactive ooze?

The reboot is scheduled for Christmas Day of 2013.

 

-Billy Donnelly

"The Infamous Billy The Kidd"

BillyTheKidd@aintitcool.com

Follow me on Twitter.

Readers Talkback

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  • March 19, 2012, 9:11 a.m. CST

    No.

    by JediWuddayaknow

    Just no.

  • March 19, 2012, 9:11 a.m. CST

    RAWR! What??

    by Uopap

    No.

  • March 19, 2012, 9:11 a.m. CST

    :(

    by GrapeFruit

  • March 19, 2012, 9:13 a.m. CST

    Teenage Walking Alien Turtles

    by penhapus

    TWAT for short.

  • March 19, 2012, 9:13 a.m. CST

    Alien turtles?

    by J

    Why not? I'm tired of radioactivity being the origin of everything. Look at the whole of comics - 90% of Stan Lee's characters alone got their shit from radiation... boring! This way, maybe they can team-up with the Transformers after their reboot. They can both be from the same planet.

  • March 19, 2012, 9:15 a.m. CST

    Pow

    by mulberry

    I assume he only stopped talking at this point because someone punched him in the face.

  • March 19, 2012, 9:15 a.m. CST

    UGHHH

    by dr_john_zoidberg

    I'm 31, so my years with the Ninja Turtles were spent with comics, cartoons and videogames from the late 1980's to early 1990's. Naturally, I'm confused by this, as the first television iteration still seems to be the most popular(designs from the original cartoon still show up in Target, Walmart and HotTopic to this day). So is messing with the formula really a good idea? Or do kids not care enough, and just need an excuse to buy more apparel? Count me out.

  • March 19, 2012, 9:16 a.m. CST

    Another childhood memory raped

    by Tony

    Loved tmnt - but can't movie makers understand that making it "your own" means taking it away from the fan base, whose owned it, lived it, loved it for quite some time? Aliens? Aliens?!!?

  • March 19, 2012, 9:16 a.m. CST

    Turtles From Ziest!

    by Spandau Belly

    with Michael Ironside as Shredder!

  • March 19, 2012, 9:17 a.m. CST

    and which supermodel will Bay cast April?

    by Spandau Belly

  • March 19, 2012, 9:17 a.m. CST

    Michael Bay. What a fucking cock.

    by Kill List Hammertime

    Just carry on and fuck up all the things I liked when I was a kid, you cunt.

  • March 19, 2012, 9:20 a.m. CST

    True fans of the cartoon know the alien turtles are canon

    by irc-Hollywood

    They went to the planet and everything

  • March 19, 2012, 9:21 a.m. CST

    I wouldn't complain...

    by Hipshot

    Except that it's right there in the name. MUTANT turtles. Not "Alien" turtles, or even just "turtles." If it wasn't a part of their name (I don't give a shit about "canon" but do care if the story is good) I wouldn't care. But I don't see how you get around that gracefully.

  • March 19, 2012, 9:21 a.m. CST

    Michael Bay is an alien species

    by NightArrows

    From the planet of fucktard. Seriously. The fuck is the point of changing them to fucking ALIENS? GO fuck a bag of disposed needles you fucking worthless twat.

  • March 19, 2012, 9:23 a.m. CST

    When will people learn the truth about Bay?!

    by alpeter3

    There isn't any franchise that he can't single handedly completely fuck up!!! The entire transformers movie trilogy can eat my balls, as can Bay. I'm so glad the only footage of those movies that I saw were when they were put on cable so I can say that Bay didn't get a penny from me on those pieces of trash. Bay, if you're reading this, your ideas suck; your movies suck; and YOU suck!!!!

  • That being said I really don't give a shit about this franchise.

  • March 19, 2012, 9:24 a.m. CST

    so yeah, are they going to change it from mutant to alien?

    by zom-bot.com

    teenage alien intergalactic ninja turtles.... taint?

  • March 19, 2012, 9:26 a.m. CST

    Good thing everyone in the universe speaks english...

    by Mr. Voodoo Potato Head

    Kids hate to read.

  • March 19, 2012, 9:29 a.m. CST

    Teenage mutant ninja turdballs

    by bobbofatz

  • March 19, 2012, 9:29 a.m. CST

    Edgy...

    by JV

    I can hear the pitch now: "They're edgy, They're"in your face." You've heard the expression, "let's get busy"? Well, these turtles gets "biz-zay!" Consistently and thoroughly. We're talking about a totally outrageous paradigm." Eat your heart out Poochie.

  • March 19, 2012, 9:29 a.m. CST

    Still can't be worse than TMNT2

    by Mr. Voodoo Potato Head

    Go ninja go ninja go!

  • March 19, 2012, 9:35 a.m. CST

    That has to be a joke

    by thommcg

    ... These turtles are from an alien race, and they are going to be tough, edgy, funny and completely loveable.

  • You have to endure the movie same as those who have seen it in order to be allowed to cast an opinion.

  • March 19, 2012, 9:43 a.m. CST

    Bay must be stopped!

    by Ed

    What's next? Maybe change Thundercats and make them actually be dogs? This man is ruining all that is geek! Please go make Pearl Harbor 2 and leave everything else alone!

  • March 19, 2012, 9:44 a.m. CST

    interpretation

    by aaron cassese

    In the original comics the ooze that transformed the turtles was produced by an alien race maybe thats what Bay means. I hope so at least

  • March 19, 2012, 9:44 a.m. CST

    Bryanfantana: Ultratron beat me to it....

    by Animorganimate

    ...but they ended up making Poochie an alien too. I guess that IS the edgy thing to do.

  • March 19, 2012, 9:44 a.m. CST

    The guy hasn't even read the title for his movie yet

    by Arcadian Del Sol

    It says Mutant right there on the first page.

  • March 19, 2012, 9:49 a.m. CST

    So, they're not really turtles then...

    by SminkyPinky

    ARE THEY??!?!? Ass.

  • March 19, 2012, 9:51 a.m. CST

    Fuck you, Michael Bay.

    by frank

    Fuck you, indeed.

  • March 19, 2012, 9:52 a.m. CST

    TMNT Minus M

    by ataraxia999

    You guys aren't seeing the whole picture. Take the Mutant out and you get Teenage Ninja Turtles, which is... wait for it. T.N.T.!!!! BOOM! Who better to create the new TNTs than Michael Bay?

  • March 19, 2012, 9:52 a.m. CST

    Big friggin deal

    by ckone

    If you can go with them being mutated turtles from radioactivity, then you can buy that they are part alien...maybe it's as simple as the goop that changes them isn't radioactive, but ALIENactive...OOOH!!! And for the record I hated Transformers 2...and still haven't seen 3...so it's not like I am a Baypologist.

  • March 19, 2012, 9:53 a.m. CST

    I also really liked He-Man as a kid.

    by frank

    Perhaps Michael Bay should ruin that show also. Make it a hat trick.

  • March 19, 2012, 9:53 a.m. CST

    So aliens are more believeable than ooze?

    by ltgalloway

    What a pointless canon shift. As a kid I believed the turtles were real (not "real" but suspension of disbelief. You know what I mean.) because of the live action and expressiveness of the suits. Their reasoning, being their belief that children are more likely to buy extraterrestrials over the ooze origin story, sounds like an adult problem. This movie should be for kids, right? Give them kick ass ninja turtle action and a real story and the rest will take care of itself.

  • March 19, 2012, 9:55 a.m. CST

    BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

    by DukieMichaelNamondRandy

    SCREW YOU BAY!!! this is the ONLY FraNCHISE I WON'T LET YOU FUCK WITH!!!!! I was okay with Transformers. that first film was cool at least. I let the others be stinkers. YOU WILL NOT CHANGE THIS ABOUT THE TURTLES So STUPID you are. The Splinter thing has ALWAYS been important to their origins! So you suck. Just have them go Trans-dimensional like in the Archie series run or something! Idiot

  • March 19, 2012, 9:55 a.m. CST

    Hang on now...

    by impetus

    I'm a huge TMNT fan and obviously this rubbed me the wrong way like it should everyone. BUT... We may be jumping the gun. The way this is worded is vague. He said they are FROM an alien race. Which is correct, in a manner of speaking. The TMNT were ordinary Earth turtles accidentally transformed by alien science. If the Utroms (not the Turtles) are the alien race he mentioned, this is actually the most accurate adaptation of the origin. If the Turtles are indeed treated as aliens, though, this is fucking retarded.

  • Please god make that the tagline. Can someone get or force Bay a good script on this one?

  • I'd give anything to see him re-imagine and completely fuck up a reboot of the Star Wars movies once Lucas is dead and his kids decide they want to tinker with dad's toys. Can you even begin to wrap you heads around what Michael Bay would do to that shit? There would be nothing left to do about but pull a Steve Buscemi from Armaggedon and "embrace the horror". Nerd shrieks of agony would be deafening. It could be civil war. Michael Bay needed to be directing pictures in a time when he could take something that was truly epic and fuck it up in an even more epic fashion.

  • March 19, 2012, 9:59 a.m. CST

    DA FUCK ?!?!

    by KilliK

    Bay is producing the rebooted TMNT??? And he is turning them into aliens???? ............MY............GOD..................

  • March 19, 2012, 10 a.m. CST

    nuggets

    by Party_Animal_IV

    Aliens? I suppose they will crave McNuggets instead of pizza

  • March 19, 2012, 10 a.m. CST

    Really? Alien race?

    by corporategohan616

    Are they from Dimension X too? Might as well tie together plots. Friggin morons...

  • FUCKHEAD. Fact.

  • March 19, 2012, 10 a.m. CST

    Indeterminate-age Alien Ninja Chelonians

    by DoctorTom

    it just doesn't seem to be the same at all. Then again, Michael Bay would do a film about the Last Supper where Jesus and the Apostles had to fight off invading alien demons by using holy machine guns.

  • March 19, 2012, 10 a.m. CST

    @franks_television

    by sumosmurf

    Michael Bay doesn't have to ruin He-Man. It was ruined back in 1987. Ivan Drago as He-Man ring any bells?

  • March 19, 2012, 10:01 a.m. CST

    Teenage Alien Immigrant Ninja Turtles

    by thommcg

    ... or, TAINT.

  • March 19, 2012, 10:05 a.m. CST

    I was a huge TMNT fan as a kid...

    by KEVIN_COSTNERS_RECYCLED_PISS

    I actually don't have a problem with Michael Bay being involved if it means this project will have some real A list Hollywood muscle behind it... but do they really need to have them come from outer space? I mean REALLY? Yeah, it's no more far fetched than the original backstory or anything but why change it just for the sake of it? Are they planning on having the Turtles blasting through space in a rocket ship fighting other aliens? If so then they're just going so far away from the source material they might as well just make up their own characters... or adapt Biker Mice from Mars. TMNT was always pretty out there anyway, robot cyborgs, multiple dimensions, time travel, mutants... There's already so much scope for batshit crazy storylines so why change to origin just for the sake of it?

  • March 19, 2012, 10:07 a.m. CST

    At last we know who the bad guys in the Avengers are then!

    by jellypop

    Loki must like pizza.

  • March 19, 2012, 10:07 a.m. CST

    It's widely believed that he mis-spoke

    by Pipple

    And he better have. Too much snorting coke off some bitch's titties I suspect. Still the idea of a bayized ninja turtles seems awesome granted they make it with sufficient artistic flare as it should be and not the gay style of the 2007 shit.

  • March 19, 2012, 10:08 a.m. CST

    Alien race? What?

    by AlienFanatic

    I assume the turtles will end up disguising themselves as skateboards, nunchuks, and pizzas during the day but when called into action they'll "transform" into turtles? Seriously? I've never been a fan of TMNT but even I know the back-story of how they were regular turtles transformed by a radioactive ooze. Why in the world does Bay need aliens and why would he screw with the property that much?

  • March 19, 2012, 10:08 a.m. CST

    Oh god, this is almost a joke. I honestly don't believe it.

    by Sardonic

  • March 19, 2012, 10:11 a.m. CST

    Uh why is there a need to make Kids believe they're REAL?

    by Wcwlkr

    Um that's just fucking retarded. I mean seriously as a kid growing up watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I didn't believe they were real? Maybe that's because my parents taught me that things on TV were make believe. I mean seriously what the HELL is wrong with Michael Bay. That whole explanation was stupid. Kids could care less, they just want to see stuff that's funny and cool. Not oh could they actually exist could they be real?

  • March 19, 2012, 10:14 a.m. CST

    Loved the recent animated version -coud care less about another live-action

    by ShiftyEyedDog

    seriously, werent the old live action ones horrible enough??? That animated one was actually a pretty solid flick with some really good animation.

  • March 19, 2012, 10:14 a.m. CST

    FUCK. YOU. BAY.

    by Big Bad Clone

    They are teenaged mutant turtle with ninja skills. Why would an alien be ANY of these things? Lemme guess that the real lead of the movie who is some annoying kid names them this. Isn't it enough that he ruined Transformers, Friday the 13th (his production company), Nightmare on Elm Street (ditto), and action films in general? Argh!

  • March 19, 2012, 10:15 a.m. CST

    WTF?!?!?

    by Mark

    So they are not 'mutant' turtles, but 'alien' turtles?!...then why the fuck call them Teenage 'Mutant' Ninja Turtles...there is a big difference between 'Mutant' and 'Alien'!!, or doesn't Bay know this?...what a complete wanker...why does he always have to try and make things seem believable? Mutant turtles seem more possible than alien turtles anyway...what a knob.

  • March 19, 2012, 10:23 a.m. CST

    "Funny" and "edgy" in the Michael Bay school? Umm... no thanks!

    by Acappellaman

    Michael Bay's "funny" and "edgy" are "irritating" and "moronic" to most of us normal people. He may nail the visuals again with this, but I guarantee the script is going to SUCK.

  • March 19, 2012, 10:26 a.m. CST

    Clearly, theyre trying to avoid another AMAZING SPIDERMAN

    by Logan_1973

    No need to see the same origin story over and over. I say bring it.

  • March 19, 2012, 10:26 a.m. CST

    there is a reason why they are called MUTANT, dickhead!

    by space doughnut

    FUCK YOU Michael Bay

  • March 19, 2012, 10:26 a.m. CST

    Who gives a shit, either way?

    by Robert Evans

    Michael Bay gets TMNT wrong and there was much wailing and gnashing of the teeth. Christ almighty, it's TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES! Get over it.

  • Kids will love it and it'll make a brinks truck worth of money.

  • March 19, 2012, 10:32 a.m. CST

    choppah

    by impetus

    I've always liked you. Until now.

  • March 19, 2012, 10:32 a.m. CST

    Wait, can it really be called TMNT anymore?

    by AlienFanatic

    1. Teenage. If they're not born on earth, or within our solar system, their lifespan is probably not measured in solar years. So how old are they on their own planet vs. in Earth years. What might be a teenager on their planet would be an old fart on ours. 2. Mutant. If they're from outer space, what makes them mutants? They're aliens, pure and simple. Or if that brings up too many negative connotations about "illegal aliens" we'll just call them "Outsiders." 3. Ninja. I go back and forth on this one. Yes, they may have studied the martial arts, but to be a true "ninja" they need to have studied the martial arts on earth, no? I mean, you can be an HONORARY ninja, perhaps, but without the teachings of a true master (that being Splinter), wouldn't that be like a guy who studied Karate in a book calling himself a black belt without ever being certified? So at best, they would be Nearly-Ninjas. But from what I understand, it was more of a loose term for a breed of assassin for most of the period in question, rather than a discipline to be studied like Karate. So I guess they can have this one, just to be cordial. 4. Turtles. How in god's name would an turtle evolve, spontaneously, on another planet? According to the laws of evolution and probability, that's impossible. So if they do resemble turtles, perhaps this is the point at which we can explain the mutation. Since an alien species wouldn't have a real turtle as a forbear, for them to resemble a turtle would require a mutation. This mutation wouldn't have come from either parent, most likely, since the traits would be alien. In evolution, that's called a De Novo mutation, or "...a genetic mutation that neither parent possessed nor transmitted" (Wikipedia) Since they'll still RESEMBLE turtles, I guess they'd have to be amphibious, so for the sake of argument, let's call them Amphibious, De Novo mutants. So what we're REALLY getting is G - eriatric O - utsider N - Ninja A - Amphibious D - De Novo mutants In other words, in December of 2013, Michael Bay plans to plaster his GONADS across every cinema screen in the world. Or something like that.

  • They're not called Teenage American Ninja Turtles. A fucking mutant can be from another planet. Ever seen fucking Total Recall? God damn idiots. However, Michael Bay changing them to aliens is laughably stupid, but you're all still wrong with your idiotic "Mutant" theory.

  • March 19, 2012, 10:34 a.m. CST

    Fucking assfuck Bay!

    by AsimovIsFuckingDead

    I am not surprised by this. What an assfuck he is!

  • March 19, 2012, 10:34 a.m. CST

    if bay was ever found fucking miners, i wouldn't be suprise at all

    by AsimovIsFuckingDead

  • March 19, 2012, 10:34 a.m. CST

    Radioactive ooze = alien. Turtles = Earth

    by Jake Pantlin

    That is how I interpret this. I'm fine with the ooze being alien rather than radioactive. But if the Turtles actually come from another planet, they can fly back with Poochie at the end of the show.

  • March 19, 2012, 10:35 a.m. CST

    and by miners, i mean children.

    by AsimovIsFuckingDead

  • March 19, 2012, 10:36 a.m. CST

    I couldn't give two shits about Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

    by kwisatzhaderach

    but Michael Bay is still an asshole. Shit.

  • March 19, 2012, 10:37 a.m. CST

    @asimovis....Well, I don't know what he'd be doing down in that mine

    by AlienFanatic

    But I'm sure we all wish he were down there rather than up here on the surface making films.

  • March 19, 2012, 10:38 a.m. CST

    @asimovis...Are you telling me you support using child labor for mining?

    by AlienFanatic

    You're a damn SAVAGE!

  • March 19, 2012, 10:38 a.m. CST

    of course this project will stink to high heaven. its michael bay.

    by DanielnocharismaCraig

  • March 19, 2012, 10:38 a.m. CST

    Goddamnit,Bay!

    by adeceasedfan

    I suppose by edgy the turtles will swear, have testicles hanging out of their shells and April O'Neill will walk around in a thong. Sorry kids, but you can't see this one. I was so embarrassed taking my kids to Transformers 2, I won't make that mistake again. Yes, I realize that I used profanity in the subject where it belongs not in a fucking kids movie.

  • March 19, 2012, 10:39 a.m. CST

    HEY RETARDS, read Impetus' post up above and calm the fuck DOWN

    by F This

    It may be down to just a matter of wording and you all have yourselves worked up into a frenzy. Copy of his post: ***I'm a huge TMNT fan and obviously this rubbed me the wrong way like it should everyone. BUT... We may be jumping the gun. The way this is worded is vague. He said they are FROM an alien race. Which is correct, in a manner of speaking. The TMNT were ordinary Earth turtles accidentally transformed by alien science. If the Utroms (not the Turtles) are the alien race he mentioned, this is actually the most accurate adaptation of the origin. If the Turtles are indeed treated as aliens, though, this is fucking retarded.***

  • March 19, 2012, 10:40 a.m. CST

    Misinterpretation

    by SiskoFreak

    I really think we MAY be jumping the gun here. As someone said above, the wording is vague. Bay is talking about how realistic the Turtles are going to look in the new movie. He says kids will believe they're real. I think his "alien" comment could just mean that the turtles will look so real that kids will believe they ARE real, that they're some kind of alien race because they look SO real. Or he could be completely fucking up the TMNT origin. I dunno. Just a thought.

  • March 19, 2012, 10:44 a.m. CST

    Considering the "robots" in the Transformers movies drooled and had hair(?!)...

    by Nasty In The Pasty

    ...it doesn't surprise me in the slightest that Bay doesn't know the difference between "mutant" and "alien".

  • March 19, 2012, 10:45 a.m. CST

    Jumping the gun or not, Bay sucks balls.

    by BilboRing

    The guy is terrible. Bay sucks!!!

  • March 19, 2012, 10:47 a.m. CST

    @melgibsoncalledmethenword RE: Mutants

    by AlienFanatic

    Uh, the mutants on Mars are still humans. They were mutated by solar radiation. However, a true "turtle" can't come from outer space, since there's no way in hell a species could independently evolve to be genetically identical to a turtle. In other words, to have a mutant turtle it'd have to come FROM here and then be mutated. What you'd get is a turtle-LIKE species that, perhaps, is mutated, but it wouldn't be a mutant turtle.

  • March 19, 2012, 10:48 a.m. CST

    kids are stupid

    by kingoflight

  • March 19, 2012, 10:50 a.m. CST

    I wish Eastman and Laird hadn't sold out

    by rev_skarekroe

    Yeah, they're rich now, but it would've been a better world.

  • I am not sure what to say if you are a 30 plus year old man hoping holding out for a new TMNT movies.

  • March 19, 2012, 10:54 a.m. CST

    Seriously, would Michael Bay just DIE already?

    by dasheight

  • March 19, 2012, 10:55 a.m. CST

    But we'll still go see it!

    by kells

    Because we loves us some financial subsidizing of fucking artistic morons! 'Cuz some big explosions is fucking ENTERTAINMENT! In IMAX 3D! Michael fucking Bay.

  • Yes they are.

  • March 19, 2012, 11 a.m. CST

    thats how they are gonna do the JAWS reboot...

    by Robert Evans

    its an alien shark. these fucking people.

  • March 19, 2012, 11:05 a.m. CST

    Rather it be TZMT Teenage Zombie than

    by JestaFool

    Teenage ALIEN!! wtf!

  • March 19, 2012, 11:08 a.m. CST

    frozenhero1

    by mrm1138

    Right, because being an alien is a much more unique origin. It's not like it was used for the first comic book super hero or anything.

  • March 19, 2012, 11:10 a.m. CST

    How stupid does Michael Bay presume children are

    by Dollar Bird

    ... if he seriously thinks they will believe the Turtles are real? And let's say he's not serious. He doesn't literally mean that children will think the Turtles in this movie are actual living, breathing creatures. Then what does he mean? Great effects? Totally believable character development? And I like the comment above where someone asks if aliens are somehow more believable than mutagen.

  • March 19, 2012, 11:24 a.m. CST

    Re: Is Anyone Actually Surprised? Really?

    by ArmageddonProductions

    If you'd gone back in time even ten years and shown someone a trade paper from this morning, either their head would fucking explode or they'd be pretty sure you had it printed up after ripping off "The Onion". All you dickwads who were gunning for JOHN CARTER to fall flat on its ass can congratulate yourselves for helping to foster a studio environment in which Michael Bay making "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles From Outer Space" is merely the warmup for the tidal wave of complete cinematic shit that is doomed to crash into us for about the next decade or so.

  • March 19, 2012, 11:24 a.m. CST

    Teenage Alien Intelligent Ninja Turtles...

    by Crazymaverick

    ..or "TAINT" in short.

  • March 19, 2012, 11:26 a.m. CST

    Aargh!

    by Crazymaverick

    thommcg beat me to it!

  • March 19, 2012, 11:26 a.m. CST

    Michael Bay is the Illuminati/Satan/Reptile/Hollywood Mafia overlord.

    by noiretblanc

    It's the only explanation for how he's allowed to bring so much suffering and cognitive dissonance into this world.

  • They even fought the Turtles Prime which were the Eastman and Laird versions and had to protect the wussier 80's cartoon versions. I think there was even monitors showing all the turtles from all the realities and the live action movie turtles were represented. So kinda by that logic Fuckhead can do whatever he wants to the turtles. He's still a Fuckhead at the end of the day no matter what, but the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles will come out unscathed.

  • March 19, 2012, 11:30 a.m. CST

    @crazymaverick Scroll up, buddy...

    by AlienFanatic

    thommcg beat you to the punch an hour and a half ago. Now, back to the Acronym Machine with you!

  • March 19, 2012, 11:31 a.m. CST

    Yeesh, I need to scroll down, too!

    by AlienFanatic

    I see that crazy caught his own mistake. Hey, you're not as crazy as you think!

  • March 19, 2012, 11:32 a.m. CST

    I bet at least on his Turdles will be a racial stereotype.

    by TinSpider

    ...I fucking bet ya.

  • That's the reason they're a mash up of so many random cultural references and live in a city sewer. They're supposed to be MUTATIONS because symbolically their personas are products of cultural waste which was a perfect analogy for the modern teenager. But of course Bay has to use his frat boy logic and assume just because it was aimed at kids there is no rhyme or reason and he can just shit on it to ”improve” it.

  • March 19, 2012, 11:34 a.m. CST

    on the bright side, it keeps Bay away from a better franchise

    by Cobb05

    Let Bay make TMNT and another Transformers movie. Let Ratner make some stupid Hurcules movie. As long as they aren't ruining a good franchise, it's fine. I would've liked to see a good TMNT movie, but that was a long shot anyway. A Takashi Miike TMNT movie would've been amazing.

  • March 19, 2012, 11:36 a.m. CST

    That

    by Gillian

  • Seriously, is there a single production company with a worse track record than them? Because if there is, I sure as shit can't think of them... The Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake and its prequel, the Hitcher remake, the Amityville Horror remake, the Friday the 13th remake, the Nightmare on Elm Street remake, The Unborn...I mean yikes, that's some line up of pure shit right there. Turning the TMNT into aliens seems right up the proverbial alley of the Platinum Dunes braintrust, and we all know just how awful it is going to turn out. All of us except them, that is, and they obviously don't care about such things anyhow based on past evidence. Just cash in on the (once good or recognisable) name of a particular franchise, then discard, rinse and repeat.

  • March 19, 2012, 11:40 a.m. CST

    FLAMES ON SIDES OF SHELLS !!!!!

    by KentButabi

    Screw Bay.

  • Don't jump to conclusions so fast.

  • March 19, 2012, 11:41 a.m. CST

    Bay has to put his douche stamp on everything

    by Nerd Rage

    It must be a tactic to squeeze more money awsy from the creators.

  • March 19, 2012, 11:41 a.m. CST

    a race held by aliens

    by wattos new hat

  • March 19, 2012, 11:42 a.m. CST

    Not going to bother

    by Cindy

    It's obvious Bay just doesn't get it when it comes to 80s cartoons. That was painfully clear when he said that Transformers is "a story about a boy and his first car". Now he wants to completely change the Turtles' backstory. How is he going to explain Splinter - is there a planet of alien rats, too? I understand that sometimes changes are made, but this is just stupid.

  • March 19, 2012, 11:43 a.m. CST

    Bay is just saying this as a tossed-off fuck you

    by jackofhearts29

    to everybody as he fucks a beautiful woman on the top of his gigantic mountain of $1000 dollar bills. Oh, and wipes his ass with the critic's reviews of Dark of the Moon

  • March 19, 2012, 11:53 a.m. CST

    why do good people die?

    by gaygoonie

    and michael bay lives?

  • March 19, 2012, 11:53 a.m. CST

    Seriously, why is that a good idea?

    by Tom Fremgen

    The concept of mutant turtles has worked since the 80's! How is Teenage Alien Ninja Turtles better?

  • March 19, 2012, 11:56 a.m. CST

    TAINT

    by Prior Walter

    Appropriate new name.

  • March 19, 2012, 12:02 p.m. CST

    #STOPMICHAELBAY2012

    by noiretblanc

    The real villain of the world.

  • March 19, 2012, 12:02 p.m. CST

    Sounds fine to me ... what about that rat ninja?

    by MoneyGrabSequel

    TMNT is really about the fighting anyway

  • March 19, 2012, 12:02 p.m. CST

    TMNTINO!

    by DewMan89

    Did someone say that already?

  • March 19, 2012, 12:03 p.m. CST

    Fuck you Michael Bay

    by carlinesque_thinktank

    How would anything, that made the turtles special, make any sence, when they are aliens?? Why would an alien race name their 'people' after human artists? Why would they use a human fighting technique and weapons? Why would they look like fucking mutated turtles from earth?? Jesus fucking Christ Michael Bay. Please, do everyone a favor and die. Just die because of your own fucking stupidity! And all you stupid fucks from platinum dunes, I truly hope, you choke with him. Holy fuck...

  • March 19, 2012, 12:14 p.m. CST

    Are we now going to pretend that the old movies were good?

    by Jay

    Because they weren't. They had great FX by Henson, and good voice work, but absolutely nothing more. They were dreadful. But hey, they come out in 1990, and you saw them as a 7 year old, how could they possibly be anything but "radical!"

  • March 19, 2012, 12:14 p.m. CST

    Style

    by Jeff

    Nothing Michael Bay says or does has any weight at all. He's a walking adult-ADHD commercial. The fact he's so frighteningly unsophisticated is what has propelled his career, however. He makes movies he himself would like to see. Lots of action, zero character development, zero subtlety or finesse. That's his style. Don't expect anything at all from the new TMNT movie except this.

  • March 19, 2012, 12:23 p.m. CST

    QUIT SHITTING ON MY MEMORIES, BAY.

    by TheMachinist

  • March 19, 2012, 12:25 p.m. CST

    Michael Bay: Langolier

    by Terminocity

    It official, the entity known as Bay is devouring our pasts. Like Lucas, he too must be stopped.

  • March 19, 2012, 12:33 p.m. CST

    I was wondering if "edgy" had been dropped from lexicon

    by kabong

    Oooooooh, you're so edgy, Mikey.

  • March 19, 2012, 12:36 p.m. CST

    F#@% THIS. I'm a Turtles fan and no way in hell would I watch such garbage.

    by The Krypton Kid

  • March 19, 2012, 12:40 p.m. CST

    Hey hypocrites...the original live action film made canon changes too

    by Logan_1973

    They changed Splinters origin from the cartoon. How quickly we choose to forget.

  • March 19, 2012, 12:42 p.m. CST

    Bay just wanted to get the letters "T" and "A" in the title...

    by UltimaRex

    He'll be bringing back Mona Lisa next. Mark my words. Damn you Michael Bay.

  • March 19, 2012, 12:43 p.m. CST

    The first Ninja Turtle movie

    by darthvedder81

    The sequels were completely goofy but I still contend that first live-action Turtle movie is one of the better comic book/superhero adaptations of all-time. The Turtles were so big in 1990 they didn't have to but the filmmakers actually went the extra mile to add some subtext and emotional heft to a movie about mutated turtles. I give them credit for this. Plus it's funny and Casey Jones was a nice Han Solo-esque counterpoint to all the wackiness.

  • March 19, 2012, 12:47 p.m. CST

    Why can't Michael Bay

    by Kelly Grimes

    wreck his own childhood?

  • March 19, 2012, 12:51 p.m. CST

    Michael Bay is a dipshit.

    by F-18

  • But not to the extent that Bay is implying here. Regardless of what he meant by his statement, he is still an idiot and will ruin this movie. Also, I agree with darthvedder81 that the original TMNT live action movie is legitimately good.

  • March 19, 2012, 12:56 p.m. CST

    FLAMES ON SHELLS

    by TakeItEasyMon

    Obviously what this film needs. What's with the fucking need to 'reinvent' everything?

  • March 19, 2012, 12:57 p.m. CST

    Michael Bay is making some changes to The Bible

    by SiouxCitySarsaparilla

    Jesus will now be a gangster who turns five loaves and two fishes into two hundred tonnes of heroin, before being whacked by the FBI.

  • March 19, 2012, 1:07 p.m. CST

    Aliens? Fucking aliens? Really?

    by D.Vader

    How is this necessary? How are aliens more believable than mutants? Were they already ninjas when they land? Or did they crash as babies and were raised by a ninja rat? Is the rat an alien too or is he a mutant? What is Splinter's relationship to Shredder now? How does any of this make sense in the context of the original story? Why needlessly change this?

  • March 19, 2012, 1:08 p.m. CST

    awesomeness

    by The Dum Guy

    Now, we might see them fight the Predator.

  • March 19, 2012, 1:08 p.m. CST

    I'm hoping he'll adding the following important update:

    by Hangar315

  • March 19, 2012, 1:08 p.m. CST

    The Turtles are already "tough, edgy, funny, and lovable"

    by D.Vader

    Michael Bay, how does anything of what you described make the Turtles different from how they've been before? Oh wait, now they're damn aliens.

  • March 19, 2012, 1:09 p.m. CST

    He'd better make sure to include the following...

    by Hangar315

    Nipples on the Turtle suits!

  • March 19, 2012, 1:16 p.m. CST

    Kells is Dead Right

    by Eric Strauss

    Bottom line, if you think Michael Bay sucks, STOP SEEING HIS FILMS. You guys are such a bunch of whiners. His films make HUGE money... because people see them (almost certainly 90% of the people on this site). That tells the studios all they need to know... clearly you guys LOVE MICHAEL BAY. It's not going to change until you use your "voting power" and stop seeing his films.

  • ???????????

  • March 19, 2012, 1:20 p.m. CST

    Michael Bay is making some changes to Indiana Jones

    by SiouxCitySarsaparilla

    There's no cause for concern. Indy still deals with rare anthropological artefacts; he steals them from bank vaults, capably assisted by his sidekick: Jean Claude Van Damme.

  • March 19, 2012, 1:25 p.m. CST

    Yeah...

    by Gene Ess

    I'm pretty sure he's bullshitting... he tends to do that for his own amusement. That said, that doesn't mean what he actually intends to do will be any good.

  • Really...that is all I want to know...

  • March 19, 2012, 1:30 p.m. CST

    FUCK THIS

    by Gore_monkey

    Michael Bay is a misguided fool. extraterrestrial turtles? They would'nt be turtles at that point, just aliens. Will we still have a splinter? He wants to make the turtles more hip and edgy and funny. Im sorry but I can't accept this.

  • March 19, 2012, 1:35 p.m. CST

    TURTLEFORMERS???

    by attackpatterndelta

    Lots of splosions wrapped around dialogue like "Splinter, Nooooo!" and "Go! Go! Go! Run!"

  • March 19, 2012, 1:37 p.m. CST

    Conspiracy, there is a porn star called April O’Neil.

    by frank

    Seems like she would be perfect to play the role in a Bay movie. It’s the next logical step from lingerie model, anyway.

  • March 19, 2012, 1:38 p.m. CST

    @prestigeworldwide the 2003 TMNT series was top notch

    by Ozman X

    I didn't follow it after they jumped in time to the future but those first few seasons made me feel like a kid again.

  • March 19, 2012, 1:40 p.m. CST

    Michael Bay is making some changes to “Harold and Kumar go to Casablanca”

    by SiouxCitySarsaparilla

    Guys don’t fret. This one tested through the roof, but 18-24 year olds had difficulty with some dialogue in the final scene. Michael has asked Warner Bros for $100 million, to reshoot the hill of beans in CGI.

  • March 19, 2012, 1:40 p.m. CST

    I apologize Michael Bay.

    by Gore_monkey

    I did not mean to call you a fool. I will give this movie a chance and remember that I'm an adult.

  • March 19, 2012, 1:42 p.m. CST

    I don't care for Michael Bay's films....but....

    by conspiracy

    when someones films make almost $2 Billion dollars in domestic receipts alone...he is obviously doing SOMETHING right. I've said it before...I'll say it again; Michael Bay more than any other director out there has his finger on the pulse of the typical, modern, Red State/Blue State American Simpleton...just like todays politicians he serves up exactly what people want to hear and they lap it up like fucking dogs. More power too him...someone has to make slop to feed to the pigs.

  • March 19, 2012, 1:43 p.m. CST

    I'd nuke Michael Bay from orbit. Only way to be sure.

    by AsimovLives

  • March 19, 2012, 1:44 p.m. CST

    Overheard on the Paramount Lot:

    by SiouxCitySarsaparilla

    But do they really HAVE to be turtles?

  • There is no sport in such a game for Michael...porn stars are what he serves his dinner on, he has their used barely living bodies dumped at the bottom of Cold Water Canyon rd...on the Valley side...when he is done with them. No...Bay requires a greater challenge. What Bay does is find obscure, barely talented but obviously sexy and equally desperate fame seekers and see if he can make them into something, elevate them to celebrity status...before casting them off like a well used condom when he tires of their shit.

  • FUCK U MICHAEL BAY AND UR BULLSHIT FOREVER MOTHERFUCKER!

  • Being on a Bay film is one of the surest pathways to great fortune..., bottom line is that his films make money, and if you have points you are going to make a truckload of money yourself.

  • March 19, 2012, 1:58 p.m. CST

    Transformers (2016) directed by Terrence Malick, screenplay by David Milch

    by SiouxCitySarsaparilla

    Cornfield, you are but a cunty cocksucker, and I am Butterfly, prick-tease to the wind.

  • March 19, 2012, 1:58 p.m. CST

    logan_1973

    by Aaron

    Don't be ignorant. The cartoon changed the origin from the comic first. The first movie is great. The second one I also love. You had to be there. The third one... you had to be there. "Good" is totally subjective. Some people think TMNT is riveting social commentary. Well, some asshole above me does. Some people think "A Clockwork Orange" is 'creepy' and weird (my mother, sister).

  • March 19, 2012, 2 p.m. CST

    conspiracy

    by Aaron

    Do not insult Niccolo Machiavelli's greatness in such a manner.

  • March 19, 2012, 2:09 p.m. CST

    with Michael Ironside as Shredder!

    by Christopher K. Pryble

    Times 2 for "spandau belly"'s idea! Aliens? The best franchise reboot idea ever! NOT! Fuck "heir BAY", fuck M. Bay up his stupid ass with "Ironhide" (dumbest, helpless death award).

  • March 19, 2012, 2:12 p.m. CST

    Eastman writing TMNT for IDW

    by Aaron Cale

    No reason to even care about this when we're getting legit TMNT material in its original format. Suck it, Platinum Dunes. IDW FTW.

  • March 19, 2012, 2:21 p.m. CST

    Dead

    by Saltoner

    This franchise is DEAD. The only people who don't get that yet are Viacom. Nick's up coming cg show looks like ass and this movie sounds even worse.

  • March 19, 2012, 2:28 p.m. CST

    Transformers II (2018) directed by Terrence Malick, screenplay by David Milch

    by SiouxCitySarsaparilla

    Ocean Trench, how sweetly I marry thee to the Moons of Cybertron. Cuss this Catfish that kisses us nightly, on the buttocks, till the end of time... Ah, Terry, where we are situated, relative to the drink, they shoot Seahorses, don't they?

  • March 19, 2012, 2:30 p.m. CST

    If i was the head of a studio, i'd fire Michael Bay...

    by AsimovLives

    ... through a canon. Pointed to the sun. Or nuke him from orbit. Only way to be sure.

  • March 19, 2012, 2:33 p.m. CST

    Annoyed but unsurprised

    by CreamCheeseAlchemist

    Figure I'll get some cool mechandise out of it just like how there's always more g1 stuff to get my cousin for xmas whenever there's a fresh dump of Bayformers. I wish the movie would be better but I'll just skip it and take the non-movie merchandise

  • March 19, 2012, 2:46 p.m. CST

    DAMN YOU MICHAEL BAY

    by Damnyou

    DAMN YOU MICHAEL BAY

  • March 19, 2012, 2:51 p.m. CST

    fuck you michael bay you piece of shit

    by jolliff89

    you can eat a dick you fucker. Stop ruining everything you touch with your dumbass hands. So you have a shitload of money, that doesn't entitle you to ruin everything that was good about 80s tv, or film. Leave us all alone, go to some island all by yourself and bring along some hot supermodel to bang all day long and just leave us all alone. You've contributed nothing to film, everything you've done I can live without.

  • March 19, 2012, 2:57 p.m. CST

    This is what happens when...

    by Darth Thoth

    This is what happens when hacks come in, with no organic connection to the original source material, who with all their arrogance and power, decide they have the right and liberty to "change" and "improve" things with not a second thought on how it goes against the mythology and the wishes of real fans. It's arrogance. And it's a "I-Don't-Give-A-DAMN" attitude, completely driven by greed and a desire to make a buck off of whatever he can, that fuels nonsense like this, in particular, someone like Michael Bay who has found yet another "property" to leech off of. Scumbag.

  • March 19, 2012, 3:02 p.m. CST

    My heart is crying.

    by sweeneydave

  • ...Don't be too angry, Bay's found his level of film making, and while he's fucking around with this shit he's staying away from real grown up films.

  • March 19, 2012, 3:06 p.m. CST

    I Tortoise Saw A Pussy Cat

    by SiouxCitySarsaparilla

    Try getting that past the rating board...

  • March 19, 2012, 3:07 p.m. CST

    The last CGI film was it for me

    by David_Denmans_Beard

    There's no way I'll lay eyes upon this film if they're going to be ramming the rod that far up the cornhole of what made the characters interesting. They would do just as well to not even call them Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Apparently Bay's mind is so colossally warped that being from space automatically makes one a "mutant". Seriously, just call it TANT which of course is one letter off from TAINT, which is precisely what Bay apparently intends on doing to it - tainting it.

  • March 19, 2012, 3:16 p.m. CST

    tyger or tiger?

    by AsimovLives

  • March 19, 2012, 3:24 p.m. CST

    Michael Bay is making some changes to “The Tiger” by William Blake

    by SiouxCitySarsaparilla

    What immortal hand or CGI could frame thy fearful symmetry?

  • March 19, 2012, 3:30 p.m. CST

    TEENAGE MARTIAN NINJA TURTLES???

    by KilliK

    FUCK YOU BAY !!!

  • March 19, 2012, 3:31 p.m. CST

    Michael Bay is making some changes to the US Constitution

    by SiouxCitySarsaparilla

    All citizens now have the unalienable right to bear explosives and to marry the teenage wench of their choosing.

  • March 19, 2012, 3:38 p.m. CST

    nonononononononononononononono

    by Chuck

    NO!

  • March 19, 2012, 3:45 p.m. CST

    Michael Bay is making some changes to Theatre

    by SiouxCitySarsaparilla

    Alas poor Yorick, I fucked him in the eye socket.

  • March 19, 2012, 3:47 p.m. CST

    That works really well in Highlander II so good move.

    by Ray_Tango

    FUCKTARDS!

  • March 19, 2012, 3:49 p.m. CST

    He's also chaging thier names to Bob, Joe, Mike & Steve

    by Heresy

  • March 19, 2012, 3:50 p.m. CST

    Michael Bay's Fantasia: starring Mickey the Cat

    by SiouxCitySarsaparilla

  • March 19, 2012, 3:50 p.m. CST

    FUCK YOU BAY

    by photoboy

    Not only did he rape half my childhood by ruining the Transformers films, he's now going after the other half by making the Ninja Turtles aliens?!? Can someone please stop this mother fucking talentless hack before it's too late?

  • March 19, 2012, 3:56 p.m. CST

    Thunder, thunder, thunder bitches, Ho!

    by SiouxCitySarsaparilla

  • March 19, 2012, 4:03 p.m. CST

    Oh Asimov, so naive...

    by al

    What makes you think he hasn't planned for both of those scenarios?... Your the asshole I'll bet who goes and throws Draculas ashes overboard to the bottom of the sea and just thinks it's all over and done with there and then, arn't you!? I now relinquish first refusal of my 12 year old daughters hand in marriage to you. I need someone smarter, stronger. The Goddamn Batman, who plans for every eventuality, because God knows Michael Bay will. But I'm not sure your up to it, that she's safe with you now.

  • March 19, 2012, 4:05 p.m. CST

    BWAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    by NeonFrisbee

    As hilariously awful as this sounds and will no doubt turn out to be, the real punchline will come when all of you "die hard fans" pay to see it anyway. YOU'RE EVEN MORE TO BLAME! Nobody would do these things if you didn't keep forking your money over to them.

  • March 19, 2012, 4:13 p.m. CST

    IDW tmnt id what they should've used

    by andy kaufman

    a great reboot idea using most of the orginal idea. fuck mikey bay.

  • March 19, 2012, 4:14 p.m. CST

    Two tickets for "Old-age Cyborg Ganja Aliens" please.

    by SiouxCitySarsaparilla

    That's fifty bucks. Do you want to buy some pop corn? No thanks. Uh, second screen on your left.

  • March 19, 2012, 4:18 p.m. CST

    Can't wait for the scene were Splinter

    by SenatorJeffersonSmith

    walks in on Michaelangelo is an awkward position that makes it look like he's masturbating. Then just let that Michael Bay humor fly!

  • March 19, 2012, 4:18 p.m. CST

    if you know me, I defend Bay... Im a Bayliever

    by yourSTEPDADDY

    only movie of his that I saw that I didnt like was the Island... I gave TF fanboy losers shit for crying about their beloved toy commercial being raped... BUT HOW DARE HE MAKE TMNT FUCKING ALIENS?! bring in the alien teens with the flying cars, but DONT RAPE MY CHILDHOOD!

  • March 19, 2012, 4:19 p.m. CST

    When I Was a Kid...

    by Twisk

    ...I was into Transformers mostly (so yeah, early 80's on). When the live action version came out, I actually wasn't distraught or irritated or whatever by the changes. With that in mind, I was never into the TMNT. Nothing invested in 'em at all. ...and even from my perspective as a total outside, making them aliens is fucking stupid.

  • March 19, 2012, 4:26 p.m. CST

    Michael Bay is making some changes to Prometheus

    by SiouxCitySarsaparilla

    Man, this is going to suck worse than Alien 3.

  • March 19, 2012, 4:30 p.m. CST

    Does this mean turtles instead of aliens in the Blade Runner reboot?

    by SiouxCitySarsaparilla

  • March 19, 2012, 4:31 p.m. CST

    Maybe by "aliens" he didn't mean from another planet, just Mexicans!

    by hank henshaw

    Imagine that, instead of the usual black-guy stereotypes in his movies, he could go for Mexican stereotypes. The Turtles would leave behind the dated surfer slang, and say "ese" (for dude), "chido" (for cool), I'm trying to figure out a Mexican equivalent for Cowabunga. Damn you, Michael Bay!

  • March 19, 2012, 4:33 p.m. CST

    Is he TRYEEING to piss us off???

    by cgih8r

    I'd like to see Bay make a fun loveable character. His version of fun and loveable is speeking ebonics and saying bitches & ho's alot. He caters to the lowest of society.

  • March 19, 2012, 4:33 p.m. CST

    From acclaimed director Michael Bay, Barton Fink 2 starring John Turturtle

    by SiouxCitySarsaparilla

  • March 19, 2012, 4:40 p.m. CST

    Overheard on the Paramount Lot

    by SiouxCitySarsaparilla

    Oh, April, kneel.

  • March 19, 2012, 4:48 p.m. CST

    I just started laughing uncontrollably...

    by kells

    I don't know why...but as I was scrolling through, every single new vicious profane post resulted in more and more laughter until I could barely breathe. I am currently wiping tears from my face and looking forward to reading through the whole damn thread again. FUCK YOU MICHAEL BAY MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!!!

  • March 19, 2012, 4:53 p.m. CST

    Bay, you're an idiot

    by Rick Webb

    Alien turtles are more believable than mutated ones. Go Gamera!

  • March 19, 2012, 4:54 p.m. CST

    Doesn't matter this film won't be about the TMNT..

    by Megaforce

    it will be about the kick ass US army! kicking ass and blowing shit up, hell yeah...awww hell no. Fuck you Bay

  • March 19, 2012, 4:55 p.m. CST

    We should do something

    by Chris

    Can't we stop Michael Bay? Like, maybe form a lynch mob and take him out back and kick the shit out of him?

  • March 19, 2012, 4:59 p.m. CST

    Michael Bay is like...

    by Chris

    Michael Bay is like your annoying childhood friend who you play Transformers, G.I. Joe, or even Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles with. You have all the figures, all the playsets, you watch the shows religiously and try to reenact or create your own episodes with your figures, but here comes your stupid friend who wants to take all the good toys, make the Ninja Turtles fight GI Joe, or do something stupid like make Optimus Prime betray the Autobots. He's that annoying kid who's hyperactive and you just keep wondering why you're friends with him? Then one day, thirty years later, you're trying to remember that kids name... I think it was Tyler? Or Teddy? Something with a 'T'. Anyone ever have an annoying friend like that? Anyway, that's what Michael Bay is like. Just an annoying, hyperactive film maker who is too stupid to have respect for the source material. Fuck him.

  • March 19, 2012, 5:05 p.m. CST

    5% of the screen time will be divided between all 4 turtles...

    by Megaforce

    the rest will be allocated to 50 other characters, mostly US marine types, black and asian racial stereotypes and blonde busty ladies acting as college students. Here's the outline: act 1 > 5mins Mutants blah blah blah Earth, something something become ninjas act 2 > 2hrs teen kid with funny parents will meet a hot girl and try to woo her blah blah US marines are ordered to find and eliminate turtles (must include detailed dialogue involving army operations lingo) expendable black guy saying "aw hell no" optional act 3>30mins teen and turtles and US army fight CGI Shredder and explosions blah blah explosions The end

  • March 19, 2012, 5:06 p.m. CST

    Michael Bay is making some changes to the studio system

    by SiouxCitySarsaparilla

    He’ll never make a film again and instead of buying tickets, we’ll rock by his joint with hookers and some coke. Hey, Michael, what’s that box, in your office? A box, in my office? Why Megan, you must be mistaken, there’s no box in my office. Oh, here comes Rosie. Hello, Rosie. Hey Michael. Is that a box in your office, or are you pleased to see me? THERE’S NO FUCKING BOX, THERE’S NO FUCKING OFFICE. IF EITHER YOU GIRLS TOUCH MY OFFICE I’LL BOX YOUR ORIFACES! It’s okay Michael, let’s chill. Hey Michael, where’s Shia? I’ve not seen him, since… oh, fuck.

  • March 19, 2012, 5:19 p.m. CST

    If they're going to be aliens...

    by bubcus

    ... then bring in those triceratops creatures from the comics as villains. Only fair.

  • March 19, 2012, 5:55 p.m. CST

    why oh why

    by shane peterson

    do people give a shit if Bay reboots something you loved? You still have the originals.

  • March 19, 2012, 6 p.m. CST

    I thought Michael Bay was spose to be EXACTLY like

    by alexander

    Im making a love letter homage about our passion for film and movie making as kids, and your one of the kids, and I'm one too, I'm running this past you, because I don't suddenely want to get told one day that I'm obliged to get in a helicopter one day and ask no questions, only there's no happy ending/finish

  • March 19, 2012, 6:01 p.m. CST

    I thought Michael Bay was spose to be EXACTLY like

    by alexander

    Im making a love letter homage about our passion for film and movie making as kids, and your one of the kids, and I'm one too, I'm running this past you, because I don't suddenely want to get told one day that I'm obliged to get in a helicopter one day and ask no questions, only there's no happy ending/finish

  • March 19, 2012, 6:02 p.m. CST

    ffs

    by alexander

    posts getting cut, ignore everything above etc.

  • March 19, 2012, 6:15 p.m. CST

    one more try: I thought Michael Bay was spose to be exactly like

    by alexander

    Im making a love letter homage about our passion for film and movie making as kids, and your one of the kids, and I'm one too, I'm running this past you, because I don't suddenly want to get told one day that I'm obliged to get in a helicopter right this moment and ask no questions, only there's no happy ending/finish...

  • March 19, 2012, 6:16 p.m. CST

    can you tell what it is yet?

    by alexander

  • March 19, 2012, 6:35 p.m. CST

    I never liked TMNT, but you fans have my sympathy.

    by AsimovLives

    First Bay fucked the Transformers fans in the ass, and now it's time for the TMNT fans. I'm so very sorry. my heart bleeds for you.

  • I heard some people actually enjoy that shit. Nobody can be that perverted. can they?

  • How silly that argument was...

  • *Im making a love letter homage about our passion for film and movie making as kids, and your one of the kids, and I'm one too, I'm running this past you, because I don't suddenly want to get told one day that I'm obliged to get in a helicopter right this moment and ask no questions, only there's no happy ending/finish*

  • (and incredible special effects!), mean each as it does to them. Or I'm full of shit. That's what I got from Super 8, other than really sympathising with the monster.

  • March 19, 2012, 6:52 p.m. CST

    now I can say f--- you f------ posts getting edited

    by alexander

    Whatever the hell is causing it.

  • March 19, 2012, 7:23 p.m. CST

    Heeeey, Michael Bay....

    by Jaka

    ....fuck off! Douche.

  • March 19, 2012, 7:24 p.m. CST

    I don't give a shit

    by Queefer Sutherland

    It started out as a stupid, second-rate comic book, became a stupid, second-rate cartoon, and completed the cycle with a stupid, second-rate movie. How appropriate that Michael Bay would get to do his thing with it. Big budget second rate shit. The poetry of it all is quite appropriate.

  • March 19, 2012, 7:25 p.m. CST

    Platinum Dunes ruins everything it touches...

    by ganymede3010

    How sad..

  • March 19, 2012, 7:39 p.m. CST

    Alien turtles doesn't even make logical sense...

    by Billy_D_Williams

    If there is an alien species out there from a planet with life, what are the chances they would also have turtles like earth? An alien planet would not have the same animal life forms we do.

  • March 19, 2012, 7:39 p.m. CST

    But it's Michael Bay, so why am I even asking?

    by Billy_D_Williams

  • At the beginning of of Revenge of the Fallen. What a moron.

  • March 19, 2012, 7:51 p.m. CST

    billy_d_williams

    by Queefer Sutherland

    Alien turtle lookalikes are less plausible than Earth turtles mutating into bipedal, sentient, intelligent beings? Maybe so, but come on. Both idea are stupid, and can only give rise to stupid entertainment, which is all TMNT has ever been.

  • March 19, 2012, 7:56 p.m. CST

    PresumabelyTeenaged Alien Ninja Turtlelikecreatures?

    by ParagonComplex

    Oh... okay, then... now THIS is something that constitutes getting your childhood shat on. Not that Star Wars bullshit. This.

  • March 19, 2012, 8 p.m. CST

    Anyone of us that was looking forward to a good TMNT movie...

    by Wolfman Nards

    Should have seen the writing on the wall when Nickelodeon got their paws on it. Compounded with Bay and Platinum Dunes... It will be a rape on our childhood unlike any other felt before. Good bye, anus.

  • March 19, 2012, 8:39 p.m. CST

    Why?

    by Yelsaeb

  • March 19, 2012, 8:39 p.m. CST

    Could not CARE LESS. I won't watch! I won't! Never!

    by Ricardo

    No single human BEING with an IQ over 75 watches Michael Bay films.

  • March 19, 2012, 8:40 p.m. CST

    Fuck michael bay.

    by Father

    Of all the movies he could of ruined , why did it have to be this one? Fuck.

  • March 19, 2012, 8:44 p.m. CST

    TMNT fans join the Trannies and feel your anus bulge...

    by OnO

    ...with rape-age!

  • March 19, 2012, 8:46 p.m. CST

    Teenage Unearthly Reptillian Denizens

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

  • March 19, 2012, 8:50 p.m. CST

    ricarleite4 - I actually agree with that sentiment

    by Jaka

    But this is the first thing he's fucked up that I actually care about even just a LITTLE bit. There are plenty of things you could do to TMNT where fans we be like, "Eh, OK I guess. So long as they don't fuck up their origin story." lol It just makes no sense to change that part of the story. It works just as good today, if not better, than it did back then.

  • March 19, 2012, 8:51 p.m. CST

    Fuck you Michael bay fuck you!!!!!!

    by Batmangelo

    I loved the turtles growing up you really have to ruin my shit I mean you already ruined transformers you suck you made one good movie bad boys thank you for that but fuck you for everything else

  • March 19, 2012, 8:52 p.m. CST

    @evilsmokemonster

    by cgih8r

    LMFAO! best comparison to Bay yet :)

  • March 19, 2012, 9:11 p.m. CST

    NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONO

    by WickedChicken37

    NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONO

  • March 19, 2012, 9:41 p.m. CST

    Wow, surprised people give a shit

    by Bass Ackwards

    I loved the turtles growing up as a kid too, but honestly, the 'origin' never meant anything, it was always meant to be a lazy pulpy excuse for why we have teenage humanoid turtles. The turtles origin is really meaningless, we just need *some* excuse to explain them away. Radioactive ooze or intergalactic aliens, makes little difference. Michael Bay's involvement worries me more that he'll do to this what he did to Transformers, which is relegate the actual main characters (you know, the ones the movie is named after) to background set pieces and focus on some half baked story involving a teenager.

  • March 19, 2012, 10 p.m. CST

    TMNTINO!!!

    by Ye Not Guilty

  • March 19, 2012, 10 p.m. CST

    by Michael

    wwwwhhhhhyyyy????!!!!

  • March 19, 2012, 10:32 p.m. CST

    If Michael Bay reads this thread...

    by Chris

    Maybe he'll retire. Or kill himself... Oh wait, who am I kidding? We all know Michael Bay can't read.

  • You know this to be true. When he learned the Turtles' origin involved toxic waste, he said "Fuck that! No leftie environmental messages in any movie I'm involved with!" And so he decided they should be aliens. Not mutants.

  • March 19, 2012, 11:09 p.m. CST

    Hah! I think someone is messing with the TMNT wikipedia page

    by D.Vader

    One of the earlier entries says of the turtles that "they battle pretty unicorns and purple narwhals, evil megalomaniacs, and alien invaders, all while remaining isolated from society at large". Pretty unicorns and purple narwhals, huh?

  • March 19, 2012, 11:12 p.m. CST

    He has to be Trolling...

    by wonderboy2402

    Alien turtles?

  • March 19, 2012, 11:26 p.m. CST

    Petition Michael Bay

    by Lee

    I've started a petition to stop Michael Bay from ruining the TMNT. http://www.change.org/petitions/michael-bay-stopping-him-from-making-the-teenage-mutant-ninja-turtles-space-aliens

  • March 19, 2012, 11:34 p.m. CST

    Michael Bay just took a dump in my head.

    by Dr_PepperSpray

    I mean seriously. What the fuck dude? What did we do wrong to deserve this shit?

  • March 19, 2012, 11:37 p.m. CST

    Oh, Michael.

    by Derek Peterson

    We knew you'd Bay this up with all your baying Bay-ness.

  • March 19, 2012, 11:54 p.m. CST

    Lummox JR

    by Lummox JR

    All this time I thought Michael Bay was merely an idiot. I never thought he could pull off a level of vicious stupidity just below changing the Han/Greedo scene. Gah. I really hope this project falls apart.

  • March 19, 2012, 11:54 p.m. CST

    Doh!

    by Lummox JR

    Pardon my previous talkback. Got used to posting on other blogs.

  • March 20, 2012, 12:42 a.m. CST

    The origin doesn't mean anything?

    by Cartagia

    The turtles were created in the same accident that created fucking DAREDEVIL. IT'S FUCKING IMPORTANT.

  • March 20, 2012, 12:56 a.m. CST

    There's that word - 'edgy'

    by DarthRandalNC

    The albatross around the neck of every one of these updates, remakes, re-imaginings, sequels, prequels, etc. Anytime someone says 'edgy' when talking about a pre-existing property that is partially known for being aimed at children it means they're deliberately looking for a way to fuck it up. It would be nice to see a version of TMNT that skews more towards and pays homage to the old comics, but with the way Bay has handled Transformers up to this point my outlook on this is doubtful at best. And making them of extraterrestrial origin makes little to no sense. Guy's got Cybertron on the brain or something.

  • March 20, 2012, 12:56 a.m. CST

    Unbelievable!

    by airbrushpower

    Its TMNT NOT TANT or Teenage Alien Intergalactic Ninja Turtles ...TAINT (which is the skin between your balls and your asshole!) Also, "Turtles From Ziest! by spandau belly with Michael Ironside as Shredder!" Classic! LMAO!

  • March 20, 2012, 1:16 a.m. CST

    I'm seriously hulking up in rage. Motherfucker. TF & NOW TMNT?????

    by ToughGuyRizzo

    I am contacting the Angry Video Game Nerd from http://cinemassacre.com/2007/04/08/full-list-of-avgn-videos/ about this. Hope he'll do a video showing how much of a fuck bay is. As a military vet, I have friends who worked as Navy liaisons with Bay on TF3. They said he was a total douche. He kept wanting to re-do helo flight shots, regardless of fuel and military manpower. Asshole.

  • March 20, 2012, 1:39 a.m. CST

    Because if anyone has demonstrated a keen knack for

    by smackfu

    making CGI creatures 'tough, edgy, funny and completely loveable' it's Michael Bay lol. I'm mentally picturing a team consisting of Jar Jar Binks, the two Stepnfetchits from Transformers 2, and Poochie the Rockin Dog. Wackiness overload! To the extreeeeeeme! Specially installed theatre nozzles will hose the audience with Mountain Dew while an overdriven electric guitar riffs it's way through the whole ordeal. Bring your sunglasses.

  • March 20, 2012, 3:59 a.m. CST

    Wow its like my childhood has it's own personal rapist.

    by Phategod2

  • 2013 will be the worst christmas ever. Just thank god that Hobbit part 2 is coming around that time.

  • March 20, 2012, 4:14 a.m. CST

    I don't think "alien" is the issue here.

    by bob_uzumaki

  • March 20, 2012, 4:14 a.m. CST

    "Edgy" is the issue. We know how Bay handles "edgy"ness.

    by bob_uzumaki

  • March 20, 2012, 4:51 a.m. CST

    I tried feeding pizza to my pet turtle.

    by Tristan

    It fucking died.

  • March 20, 2012, 5 a.m. CST

    You all gave him the power to do this!

    by master_of_realty

    When you all just had to go see his fucking Transformers abominations. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS

  • March 20, 2012, 5 a.m. CST

    BLAME YOURSELVES

    by master_of_realty

  • March 20, 2012, 7:14 a.m. CST

    should be like the original comics...

    by Li75

    i.e. ultra violent. lots of blood and killing not the watered down stuff most people know of.

  • March 20, 2012, 7:50 a.m. CST

    li75 I agree

    by RG

    The original comics were pretty good actually. The tv and movie versions were abominations.

  • March 20, 2012, 7:56 a.m. CST

    The turtles being Aliens is a problem. One of two major fucking problems.

    by Dr_PepperSpray

    I think this is the first really real occasion where you can claim someone is actually raping your childhood. <P> God damn Hollywood cunts.

  • March 20, 2012, 8 a.m. CST

    I get it, they're aliens mutated by meteor crap.

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    Bay you lunkhead.

  • Stupid Bastard.

  • March 20, 2012, 8:44 a.m. CST

    Can M.B. Screw up more!?!?

    by Joe

    First he ruins Pearl Harbor, Then he just pisses all over Transformers ..and now Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? ALIENS FROM ANOTHER PLANET!?!? omg, why does hollywood truly think this dooshbag is a 'director'??? Y'know i'll give him credit, Bad Boys was cool. no need for a 'real story' there. but honestly the last few movies were just crap! Doesn't anyone ever remember that he almost didn't have Peter Cullen as Optimus Prime? Thankfull the fans nearly mutinied and put Peter back as Optimus Prime. If it was all about Bay, he would've had some other person do it, and made Bumblee Bee pink! Isn't there anyway (besides dollar signs) that we can get Hollywood to just get rid of this B-movie hack. I mean give someone else who is a fresh face the job of Turtles. I see this being the biggest FLOP of all the TMNT films! -Rex

  • March 20, 2012, 10:20 a.m. CST

    Don't mention Lucas in the same sentence with Bay...

    by ZodNotGod

    Not even close...

  • March 20, 2012, 10:21 a.m. CST

    This does sound like an actual and real rape, unlike before...

    by ZodNotGod

    change for the sake of it, here we go again.

  • March 20, 2012, 10:23 a.m. CST

    bass ackwards (& anyone who says origin doesn't matter)

    by impetus

    The Turtles being the only members of their kind is a major theme in the original stories and, ironically enough, one of the primarily factors of their sense of alienation. Without females, their race is doomed from the start. Being actual space aliens (if indeed that's what's happening, the wording isn't that specific) could wipe that whole dynamic away. Not to mention it makes them a hell of a lot less unique if there's theoretically more of them out there somewhere.

  • March 20, 2012, 11:50 a.m. CST

    Change it!

    by ZodNotGod

    Screw you, Bay....screw YOU! While were at it let's make some more changes to things: Jesus was Chinese and will be shown as such in future projects. Batman will be a self-made, Dot-com Billionare who is also an orphan. Superman is re-cast as not an alien, but a really strong guy who eats steroids. The Flash is fast because he is ADD and drinks tons of caffiene. James Bond will be played by a woman. Wonder Woman will be played by Elton John. Wild Wild West- Jim West will be played by a black guy....oh wait....too late! How's that for some CHANGE!

  • And the best part? It wuld take him 20 years just to get there. Bay in a thin can, with only his own fucking movies for company. And two ministrel robots constantly screaming racial stereotypes at him throughout the whole voyage. Can't nthink of a worst hell for him. Well ,i can, but it would be unsavoury.

  • March 20, 2012, 1:16 p.m. CST

    TWAT...

    by ColloquiallyBorn

    POUAHAHAHAH!! BEST COMMENT EVER!!

  • March 20, 2012, 1:20 p.m. CST

    M. Bay...

    by ColloquiallyBorn

    The only man capable of screwing up anything that has history attached to it.. By Making the turtles an alien race, does that mean that Shredder is actually the good guy trying to prevent an alien attack? I would love to see if he could make a movie out of Gilligan's Island tv series.. First, they'd be on a plane, second they wouldn't crash, third the captain would be a black woman with a temper, the two chicks would be a lesbian couple going at it each hour.. wait.. that could work..

  • March 21, 2012, 11:08 a.m. CST

    I don't get it......

    by Peter A DeLuca

    Is this what he is looking for? http://akapad.com/%20/tmnt-in-space-micheal-bay-movie-peter-a-deluca-akapa/ Because even slightly straying away from the spilled ooze origin which should work as a 2 minute flashback is nuts. It's a perfect origin.

  • March 21, 2012, 6:08 p.m. CST

    I was a kid when TF first hit, and a teen when

    by Bedknobs and Boomsticks

    TMNT was adapted as a toon, so it's not as familiar to me, but I empathize, considering how he wrecked TF. Though I do feel a touch of schadenfreude as a lot of younger people were telling us to shut up about our beloved "toy commercial."

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