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Outside Barstow and on our way to Vegas, the PCP (Penguin Caffeinated Peppermints) kicked in... Moriarty & Harry land
We were outside Barstow, past Ghost Town Road when the PCP (penguin caffienated peppermints) kicked in.
Moriarty's cranial equilibrium began going every which way and a point in his forehead began screaming. Harry, as I often refer to myself, was typing rambling words whilst watching the road pour by like an opening to a Luc Besson film.
It was very cold as the meat locker temperatures emanated through the panes of our windows. A cascade of oncoming lights signaled the end of another losing turn in the city of kachings and broken savings and shot dreams. Cars whizzed by us at insane breakneck speeds.
There is an inky blackness to the desert at night, only tail lights and headlights disturbing the stillness of the Mojave.
Sitting in the passenger seat, a laptop upon my tablebelly, I begin typing the intro to our adventure:
FEAR AND LOATHING AT SHOWEST
This is the first full fledged tagteam event coverage that Moriarty and I have ever done. We've spent a week prepping for this adventure. Having our asscheeks massaged by a neutered Henchman Mongo, whilst Mysterio and Harry Lime brought over reading material and licked our toes.
We had to be in a perfect 'ahm' state to head into the domain of lizard kings and showgirls where we would be subjected to the 'bests' that Hollywood has to offer the thirty some odd thousand screens in the North American territories for the year to come.
We'll see and meet movie stars and movie whores. We'll sit at tables with the respected journalist of the medium in which we profess our love. We're the kids on the block, that wacky pair of mischievious demons looking at the glitz and glamour and wondering why it's so hard for Bill Condon to get that extra 3 million for TALK OF THE TOWN, especially after watching his perfect tone poem episode of THE OTHERS just last night.
As I peer over my screen at the luminescent ant trail of lights coming from this... the most noted hive of scum and villainy in the United States, I find myself wondering... why are we going?
Why go to an event that so many in the media cover to death? Why me and Moriarty? What do we bring to the table and the event?
We're here to pay witness to the extravagance of it all, yet still focus on what appears on the screen in front of us.
At SHOWEST, you often times see the 'journalists' pushing past one another to get a place in line. Those oh so brief soundbytes. "JULIA, JULIA!!! Where's Benjamin?!?!" or "JIM! JIM! HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT BEING SNUBBED BY THE OSCARS AGAIN!?!?!?!"
This... This is Entertainment Journalism.
Now I'm not saying that all the reporters in this field focus like that, but Moriarty and I have a bit of a different tact.
We're here to look at the footage placed in front of us, consider it's quality.. cross-reference with the scripts we've read, the past history of the filmmakers... begin to determine the studio's tactic for positioning the film and try to report back to you and well.. by default the industry... on what the realm of Hollywood has to offer us.
This isn't the definitive coverage, except to Moriarty and I. This will be OUR experience. What it is like to be two AICNers in an industry shindig.
We will be reporting on the tone of the room versus our own tone. We'll report not only on the feelings from the Theater Owners, but also the journalists, the publicists and then there will be the inevitable conflicts of beliefs and opinions between Moriarty and myself.
We are going to work our asses off these coming four days to give you the insight that well... you deserve.
We're taking scripts like Sam Raimi's upcoming THE GIFT to Universal's MUMMY II to Bruckheimer's REMEMBER THE TITANS to CHEATERS to Soderbergh's TRAFFIC and many more.
Will we cover everything?
God only knows.
The evil genius and I have everything from gambling to debauchery to indulge in. We've got to try adrenachrome and partake in an ether binge. And still, mind you, report in. We have to find the underage Barbara Streisand fangirl and spoil her. We must run out into the desert and cover the canyons from Tatooine. Somewhere in town is an Ann Margaret waiting to sing VIVA LAS VEGAS while smoking our flesh pipes.
We have to team up with 9 others and pull off the greatest Casino heist in history. We have to become the most disgusting alcoholics with green livers the world has ever seen die in a fleahole of a hotel room. We have to land a plane while clipping off the top of the Hard Rock Guitar. We must find Tom Jones to help us defeat the little green men. We have to have threeways with whores and light our bed on fire. Ya see folks, Moriarty and I... We're money baby money.. There's a pair of Dorothys to catch and pull a Pecos Bill upon.
This is Vegas and a pair of film loving geeks armed to the teeth with fly swatters for this bat country filled with cinema dreams and nightmares for all.
X-MEN will be showing off. CASTAWAY too. We'll see Natalie Portman's WHERE THE HEART IS and GOAT ON FIRE AND SMILING FISH.
For the next 4 days... Vegas is ours for the taking. And just by chance, Hollywood moved there for us. Isn't that sweet.
We'll report back about Valenti's little "State of the Industry", where he'll talk about helping families and about a duty to the children of the future. He'll pontificate about toning down advertising wordage as to not damage our sweet little kids' ears with words like "Hell," while GOD THE DEVIL AND BOB say it casually on primetime, when a feature film's trailer in the same spot... can not. He'll talk about the internet and the distribution of illegal blackmarket copies of films digitally and the damage it will bring to the industry.
There will be more about Digital Projection. More on Maxivision. More on lobby displays of the future with which we can interact. Concessions of the future. Talks both pro and con about raising of ticket prices. We'll hear about the advances in theatrical sound, theater seats and of course the 'better cup holder'. Seats with massaging backs and credit card ticket purchasing. The possibility of reserved theater seating.
And then there will be the 'SWAG'. I can't even imagine the promotional stuff that will be there. We'll photograph it, catalog it and label it.
There will be many firsts and folks... it's gonna be a lot of fun. Meanwhile back at Geek Headquarters, Father Geek and crew will continue to sift through the news and views from the rest of the world.
Meanwhile, an update. We just passed the first neon nightmares of Vegas... Whiskey Pete's and Buffalo Bill's.... stationed in PRIMM, NEVADA... just 42 miles from Vegas.
I'm closing this file and putting it up from this magical cellphone connection in the middle... of nowhere.
Yeehaaaw.... I'll bet ya you'll enjoy these coming days... but not as much as that Mountain Dew and Jack Daniels swigging Moriarty!
Harry clutching on for dear life... we're in the 8% grade... aaaahhhhhhh, my earrrsssssss....
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Mar 06, 2000 2:15:19 AM CST
I think this is the first good thing Harry has written
by lester diamond
Good allusions to Fear & Loathing and Vegas movies, chubs. Good luck at ShoWest. But Mongo massaging your asscheeks? Too much info. I'm glad everyone stopped that I'm first nonsense. What? I'm first?
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Mar 06, 2000 2:19:09 AM CST
Harry, have fun! - I have a QUESTION - Dreamworks at Showest 200
by templer
Would anyone here know if Dreamworks SKG will be participating in this year's
annual Showest event?
Will there be any stars on hand promoting their upcoming 2000 films? Will any previews be shown for their 2000 lineup? What about Robert Zemeckis' two year-2000 films, "What Lies Beneath" and "Castaway?"
Thanks in advance. Again, have fun in Vegas, Harry. I'm very happy for you. -
why? you guys are all going to die..and the world will go ON AND ON without YOU or anyone else..EXACTLY WHAT did Stanley Kubrick achieve????????? NOTHING NOW!!! goddamn it he's DEAD*** he'll never get to make another film again...AI? why didn't he fund research instead of making EWS or Full Metal Jacket????? Fuck...I miss him...goddamn it...if Spielberg produces AI, I know just the person to direct.....no kidding.. People listen up...you DO NOT WANT TO DIE...ok..no wait..there may be a way out ok..DONT BE SELFISH...Yes, ART HAS ITS place...but when you lie on your death bed like in Magnolia...there will be NOTHING you can do!!!!!
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Just wanted to clarify myself -- I know many stars will be on had promoting their films. But, I wanted to know if Dreamworks SKG will be participating and will any stars in upcoming SKG films be promoting their films. Thanks in advance.
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it just finished principal. Will you be seeing the footage that was reported earlier? Or what?
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I think this road trip would make a great exploitation film...or snuff film...or Public Service Announcment. Either way, a very amusing and well-composed article; glad to see drugs did the same thing for Harry as they did for the Beatles. Anyway, I hope Harry brings a good report on MaxiVision and how it blows Digital Projectors out of the water. And did anyone go to that James Bond thing at the NuArt in Los Angeles this weekend? Moriarty said him and Harry would be there on Saturday night but I think he lied. Or Harry was wearing camoflague. By the way, Mr. Snot Licker, for the love of god, don't get too drunk and try to put the "Sho" back in "ShoWest". SHUDDER.
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We had two bags of grass, seventy-five pellets of mescaline, five sheets of high-powered blotter acid, a salt shaker half-full of cocaine and a whole galaxy of multicolored uppers, downers, screamers, laughers... also a quart of tequila, a quart of rum, a case of beer, a pint of raw ether, and two dozen amyls. But the only thing that worried me was the ether. There is nothing more irresponsible and depraved than a man in the depths of an ether binge, and I knew we would be getting into that rotten stuff sooner or later.
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Please try and find out some news about SUPERMAN LIVES and BATMAN 5 from ShoWest. It would be appreciated.
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When you get there, don't take any guff from those swine....
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just caught THE DARK ORGINS OF SHERLOCK HOLMES on BBC AMERICA last night...hope Moriarty got a look into the orgins of his nemisis.
Great show..as typical BBC is. Very similar to Brett's SH series.
If you get BBC AMERICA, check for it...it's on a few more times, and the second part is next sunday. Who knows Moriarty, maybe you can get a glimpse of where YOUR identity came from. -
Hurry up and read it (and send me a copy, damn it!) I'm dying to find out what Sam & Co. are up to. And, considering how well GODS AND MONSTERS turned out, how is it that Condon can't scrape up an extra $3 million? Is TALK OF THE TOWN massively uncommercial? Is he still holding out for that Jim Nabors nude scene?
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Mar 06, 2000 10:19:11 AM CST
They need to replace snot Harry head with a stoned Harry head.
by all thumbs
This article was pretty funny, actually, but I could have done without the flesh pipe reference and the visual of Harry Lime licking your toes while Mongo massages your asscheeks, guys. Have fun and would one of you please yell "Who cares?! What about the movies?!" at a "journalist" when they ask about how the age difference affects the relationship between Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones.
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I think I am the only person who visits AICN that gives a damn about this movie beyond seeing Natalie Portman in a tight, white-trash outfit. I read the book (and not because it was on Oprah's book list...can't stand Oprah) and it is one of my absolute favorites, so I would love to see how it translates to the screen. I saw the trailer in front of "American Beauty" last week and I noticed a few changes I didn't like, but overall the movie itself looks good. Also, I heard a nasty ol' rumour that they changed Novalee's bad luck with 7's to bad luck with 5's because Natalie Portman is too young to play past a 21-year-old (Novalee hits 24 in the book). One, that would suck. Two, I think she could pull off 24 because she's got a more mature air about her and she's an excellent actress. Please, please, please post a good report on this, Harry!
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guess not
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Harry and Moriarty, careening drunk out of their minds on the darkened highway. Moriarty, lazily driving, happens to notice a pair of lights coming at him. Unluckily for him it happens to be a bus. In his stupor, he realizes a second before the crash that he's on the wrong side of the lane. He swerves past, but not enough to slam into the side of the bus. The car runs off of the highway on to the cold, black desert. Moriarty is cursing; his rented '57 Chevy, is a hunkling wreck, a shell of his former chrone glory. Meanwhile, the occupants of the bus step out, dazed and irritated at those fucking morons in the other car, damnit. Harry steps out, barely managing his 300 pounds of flesh. Who should he meet but John McCain, running out the bus, fresh from his defeat in California, pissing and moaning about the hell of a day he's had, ready to tear Harry a new one. Of course, dear reader, this was before a talking pie popped out of Harry's head...
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Harry talks of trying some adrenachrome, as Hunter S Thompson so memorably did in Fear And Loathing in Las Vegas. Has anybody out there ever actually tried it, or know of anyone with first hand experience? I heard there's a very disturbing screenplay circulating through Hollywood right now about a gang of feral children who take down adults and steal their adrenachrome so they can get high! Anybody else heard anything about this? Harry's ramble-babble flooded the head with images of Gilliam's grandious take on F & L.
It most definitely is a film that gets better with repeated viewings. The 'Wave Speech' spoken by Depp in the closing minutes is one of the most monumentuous and lyrical dialogues in recent movie history. No doubt F & L will have a long, long life on vid and DVD for years to come. Finally worked out why so many middle-aged critics HATED it so passionately. It bags their generation and the way they so quickly dumped their
generational ideals once they saw how nice their neighbours new car was. Fuck them, this movie is gold. Gilliam said recently he knew he had done the right thing by making the film the way he did when he started hearing back from teenagers, who only saw it on vid, that it was their favourite film of all time and that large groups of teens regularly gather to smoke scuds and watch it three or four times in a row. Now that's success, that's impact. That's my definition of a great and lasting film.
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... this is bat country! Holy jesus! What are these goddamned animals?! Sorry, I couldn't help myself. That's just too good of a book not to pass up quoting.
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Great line, ¿Isn´t it?
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...VEGAS! Actually, it's just the spiritual birth of my name, I really am quite fond of my beloved Texas. And no, I do not listen to George Strait, ride a horse, or carry a gun, so enough with the stereotypes! (well, maybe the gun thing is pretty accurate) Anyway, just thought that since they were in Vegas, then VEGAS should post.
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It seems kinda...well...people trapped on deserted islands...the concept has never been the same since Gary Larson mercilessly mocked the idea,with all those cartoons and calenders and sowon and saforth...with the...uh...cows...amd the...big...retirement.Boy,am I tired.This has been a Let's Switch Faces So I Can Find Out Where The Bomb Is Moment with User ID Indeed!
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Hey web slingers! George Carver here with another scoop for the ages. Check out Dark horizons(www.darkhorizons.com) on Tuesday(3/7/00) for the new Mission Impossible 2 trailer. Remeber, you heard it first from
George Carver. Excelsior!
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I didn't think anyone else ate these magical caffinated mints. I tell people about them but they look at me like i'm a disgusting pig. whatever. I've been eating the damn things for like a year now. Anyways, Showest sounds fun, hope you have fun Harry.
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I can picture that's what Harry and Moriarty were yelling at each other the entire drive up there. "VEGAS BABY!" "VEGAS!" "VEGAS!" Somehow, I don't think they're going to want to come back, though. . .
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To My Son Bill Clinton, Roses are red, Violets are blue, I fucked your mother in her poop chute, And then she had you.
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I heard that they were trying to fly to Vegas, but I guess they were up front, and the front wheels collapsed, and the plane skidded off the runway on to the street, so they had to drive.
-smak- -
"Homer you lied to me! You said this was Vegas!"
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....I advise you to tell me where the goddam mescaline is.
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Mar 07, 2000 4:11:16 PM CST
Last year´s Chicken Run piece raised the bar for AICN. But this
by say no more
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