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Chi-Town Charlie takes a MISSION TO MARS, plus Fruit Bat's West Coast view
Well, one of our regular Windy City agents has just reported to Father Geek about the press screening of one of the Spring's big flicks, MISSION TO MARS, and it looks as if its just a dead planet, lots of red dust to just get in our eyes and drive us crazy. I hope he's wrong about this, I really do, I'll be seeing it myself Monday...
Father geek again, I've added another look at the film below this one...
Hi Father Geek,
Just came back from a screening of MISSION TO MARS. Roger Ebert was sitting
in the back of the room and the rest of the Chicago-area film press sat
around me and Capone (who I hope will chime in with a different impression).
But here goes: you know that moment. You've been using the bathroom and a
quick glance down reveals a long piece of fecal matter, beautifully
unbroken, magically consistent in color and shape. A smile comes across the
face. "Wow," you think, "that's cool!" But then the smell reaches the nose,
and the reality strikes: it is still a piece of shit.
I've been trying to avoid any and all write-ups on this movie. The little
clips here and there I've seen have been amazingly cool. This could be the
coolest movie of the year, I lie to myself, right before seeing it.
I will NEVER EVER AGAIN develop great expectations for a science fiction
movie for as long as I live after seeing MISSION TO MARS. I'm not saying
don't see this--there are some cool visuals, some cool dialogue, some cool
acting, but my favorite parts were when certain characters DIE or get
injured.
I could go into the details of this movie and tell you what worked and what
didn't. I could give you the plot. But it is not worth my time--I mean I've
already lost a couple of hours already. What makes this worse is, I am
actually a person, I hate to admit, who liked the movie ISHTAR. I love to
love bad movies.
For many reasons, MISSION TO MARS signals the end of intelligent life on our
planet as we know it. I just hope someone can salvage the interior sets used
in this film and make a movie worth seeing.
-Chi-Town Charlie
Here's a West Coast look at the flick...
Hi Harry, Fruit Bat here (Harry, Please don't post my real name). I am a
first time informant, but I got some free test screening tickets to Mission
to Mars a few days ago at the El Capitan (across the street from the famous
Mann's Chinese), on the 25th of February. Anyway, just wanted to report in
about it.
The movie is terrible. It starts out pretty good--a bit sketchy--and has
some really pretty stuff to look at (this continues most of the way
through), but then degrades into pure shlock.
After the trailer, I was expecting an intellectual 2001-ish film. The
actual result was Armageddon but with cooler visuals and better special
effects, though less intensity.
The characters are fairly believable, but then they go and do stuff (like a
certain death scene) that, while probably in character, completely lacks any
emotional edge. It is hollow melodrama and, since it is usually sprouted
out of such ridiculous situations, we are left feeling like someone farted,
except we just can't tell exactly where the smell is coming from...because
it's everywhere.
My friends and I resorted to making jokes about the movie to amuse ourselves
through the banal dialogue (there was ONE funny line through the whole
movie) and drama-less action.
The special effects and De Palma's visuals were excellent--worthy of De
Palma--but the script was not the greatest.
And on top of that it just ends. You have gone through a big journey, and
feel it is about half over and the movie ends (though not before giving out
a James Bond-ish dialogue ending, where the whole master plan is delivered
to our heroes before the end of the movie). It's a ridiculous bit of
exposition that should have been worked into the story itself rather than
being such an epilogue-type thingie.
I wonder why De Palma signed onto this project--I have not seen such a bad
film from De Palma ever! I guess, as it seems to go with all directors
since the advent of Star Wars, eventually you will eventually do your "big
sci fi movie". And most of them are bad. I pray that David Fincher's
Rendezvous with Rama will not suffer similarly--though the story to that is
pretty damn cool so there shouldn't be too much to worry about in that
department.
Anyway, Fruit Bat signing off.
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+ Expand All
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Succinct.
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Whatever happened to A PRINCESS OF MARS? Cruise playing John Carter?
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Mar 02, 2000 7:11:18 PM CST
Hmmm so are you suggesting Gladiator and X-men dont have much to
by alpha
This ones a stinker....I've seen multiple reviews not one of them suggesting anything better than mediocrity. I'm sure Ridley Scott & Brian Singer are both relieved as had this been a good film it could of been a threat to their war for summer dominance.
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Harry, I'm not the kind of person to criticize your website- I visit it religiously. But this is the kind of review that people like The Warrior, DMFC, and SSZero rip to shreds. There is absolutely nothing in it to back up the writer's statements. Chi-Town Charlie has trashed this movie, but has not told us why he dislikes it. He named a few positive points, but would he please specifically tell me WHAT WAS BAD? I'm not ranting here, I just want to know some reasons as to why it is such a lousy movie (which I am sure it is, seeing as it comes from the most overrated film-maker on the planet, Brian dePalma). ELABORATE, PLEASE!!!!!!!!!
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...I was really looking forward to seeing this movie. That's too bad, too, since it seemed to have a really cool premise. Oh,well, I'll see it anyway next weekend and render judgment then.
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I mean Mars. Come on, this movie looks like they updated the special effects to "2001", melded "The Abyss" with "Dune", and called it a new movie. The movie looks like it's highly derived from Arthur C. Clarke's "The Sentinel" (which inspired Kubrick to work with Clarke to make "2001")...the only high point of the trailer is the "1492: Conquest of Paradise" music. -Loki
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That's a foul analogy, but it's probably fitting. I've never seen a film so blatantly rip off 2001 in its preview, and (to hear it) fail so miserably in the stretch. And even in the preview the effects don't look that great; that one of the alien holding up a strand of DNA looks like something out of Lawnmower Man.
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Hey there, everyone. I've been coming to this site pretty much from the beginning, but haven't bothered posting before. I feel like I'm friends with a lot of you, despite the fact that I've never met any of you. However, I'm really bored, and figured "why not join in the fun?" So here I am. Regarding my feelings towards this particular film, and these negative reviews specifically, I don't quite know what to think. The first time I saw the preview (I believe it was in front of Toy Story 2) I immediately thought (like everyone else) that it looked like a rip-off of 2001. However, I didn't see that necessarily as a negative thing. I love 2001, and miss that kind of intellectualism in the cinema. I was hoping that this would be a welcome return, and if it happened to "pay tribute" to 2001 in the process, all the better. I was a little apprehensive about the CGI sand funnel thing, but I just ignored it, and hoped for the best. A few weeks ago, I read some reviews on this site all declaring this film extraordinary, and I managed to get myself really psyched for this movie. Then I saw the Superbowl ad, which seemed to overemphasize the CGI, and make it look like a typical Hollywood blockbuster. I enjoy those, but I was hoping for something different with this one. I assumed they were just playing to the lowest common denominator with this ad, and hoped it was misleading. Now I'm reading reviews like this one here, and I'm getting pretty worried. Perhaps this is just another typical CGI-fest, which I'm sure I'll enjoy, but on a different level than I was hoping for. I will still see this, opening day if possible, but I'm fearing the worst. Oh, and one final concern. I hope I'm seeing it out of context, but that alien in the commercial looks terrible. So anyway, I know this didn't really contribute anything in any way, but I'll enjoy seeing my words on the page, and hopefully, I'll actually have something of interest to say in future talkbacks. Thanks for reading. Talk to you all later.
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That's a major problem in the world today: people don't tell it like they mean it. Chi-Town Charlie's review is another prime example of this phenomeneon(sp). After reading this story, I'm at a loss as to weather the man liked the movie or not. Sheesh. In the future, don't sugar coat your opinion, tell it like you mean it!
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The script for this film is so bad that it's hard to believe so many talented actors got suckered into making it. Must've been some serious paydays involved.
But the movie blew. I mean, it was embarrassing -- truly embarrassing. I was particularly dismayed to find out that I was walking upstairs from the El Capitan theatre restrooms behind Don Cheadle without realizing it, tearing apart the film with a friend, well within earshot, according to another friend who was waiting for us upstairs.
The audience actually seemed to be mixed in appreciation for the film, but it was a press screening, and many morons applaud at those things because they're thrilled just to have seen a movie for free.
Let's just say that, if I'd paid for it, I would have walked out before the ever reached Mars. Seeing what I've seen, I know that I wouldn't have missed much.
I hate to back it up with spoilers and such, so suffice it to say that the movie makes so many wrong, corny choices, that it easily succeeds in being one of De Palma's worst films ever, which is shocking considering the level of talent involved, and the money thrown at it.
Here's hoping that The Red Planet succeeds where Mission to Mars failed. For every great sci-fi movie, there's many more bad ones. Don't let one bad experience prevent you from being optimistic about future projects. -
...from the Red Planet team! On a serious note, I hate to say "I told you so" before seeing the film, but if there's anyone who can deliver a piece of shit after build up expectations, it's Brian DePalma. I actually enjoyed Mission:Impossible, but apparently a large percentage didn't. Bonfire of the Vanities was worse than Ishtar because it tainted a great book in the process. I don't know what DePalma was thinking here. It's one think to rip off Hitchcock because you're dealing w/ matters of suspense. You can be unoriginal and still get an emotional response, which he does well. But in trying to copy Kubrick, DePalma will fial miserably. The whole method behind Kubrick's post-Strangelove is that his films have almost a maddeningly cold & technical surface feel, but then a virtual oil well underneath of things to uncover, ponder over, analyze, reflect on, etc. With a substanceless craftsman like B.D.P., he's going to reproduce the vapid exterior, and have something totally empty inside as well, which would amount to, as Chi-Town Charlie so perfectly and scatologically put it, a long and streamlined but ultimately stinking piece of shit.
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All I got out of it was "cool dialogue, some cool special effects." There wasn't anything about the movie in it!! It was an introduction featuring a story about poo and that this guy likes bad movies. Wow, I got so much out of this!
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blah blah blah Brian De Palma blah blah 2001 blah blah blah The Abyss blah Apollo blah blah blah chi-town blah blah Roger Ebert blah blah 13 blah blah blah Next Best blah blah Madonna blah blah blah Thing blah Don Cheadle blah blah blah Red Buttons blah blah Planet Janet blah blah blah Ronald McDonald blah blah blah
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Mar 03, 2000 1:41:38 AM CST
DePalma quietly considers talking to Bruce Willis about his fake
by methos
I'm going to see "Mission to Mars" because I'm currently obsessed with all things DePalma. I've just finished reading Julie Salamon's excellent "The Devil's Candy." It's this fascinating account of the making of the film adaptation of Tom Wolfe's "The Bonfire of the Vanities." I've always enjoyed classic DePalma stuff like "Body Double,"Scarface,"Dressed to Kill," and "Carrie." It seems like lately he's become this expert journeyman director. He lends his sure hand of set piece extravaganzas to projects that lack decent scripts. I think it's okay, but I hope "Casualties of War" didn't wipe out his thirst for doing great work. Man, I jost can't get DePalma's smiling face out of my mind! Tom Hanks is talking about Bruce Willis' shit-eating grin, again!
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I like it in the trailer where one of the characters states with aplomb: "That looks like human DNA!" Kills me every time...
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The end.
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It looks like 2001 rip off to me.
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I want to defend the reviews posted, which were obviously trying to warn people about the film without giving away too much--a difficult job. I don't have as many qualms about giving away the movie's plot because if you've seen the trailers, you've seen about eighty percent of the film's major plot developments. There is one good sequence in the middle of the movie (a spacewalk), but the characters are all so detached from what's going on (and not in an interesting, Kubrickian way, but in a 'why the fuck aren't they reacting like a normal human being?' way) that any potential drama is sucked right out of the movie. I WISH this movie were a ripoff of 2001, but it's really a ripoff of Close Encounters and proves that big-budget movie-makers (as evidenced in The Abyss, Contact and Mac and Me) are apparently incapable of moving beyond the template of CE3K when trying to make an optimistic sci fi film. When dealing with aliens, there seem to be two choices: they either want to eat us or be our adorable, bulb-headed brothers. The alien seen in the commercials is even worse than you think it is, and drew laughs at the (L.A. El Capitan) screening I attended. The movie was also roundly hissed at its conclusion, which must have been fun for the actors and PR people who were loading the theater. I will say this: I HATED 2010 as an action movie bastardization of Kubrick's brilliantly icy original, but after seeing Mission to Mars, I'm looking back on 2010 with some real fondness. At least it had a few ideas in its head.
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That analogy was a little too graphic to read after lunch, thank you.
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I haven't heard too much with Rama but Fincher is indeed linked to the project and I believe it's in the very prelim of pre-production and maybe for a while b/c of what was rumored to be a new style Fincher was planning on using to film the live action and CG backdrops...the style is this...often on big CG movies, the actors are working on a blue/green screen backdrop and have only the director to tell them what they are seeing and how they should react...so often you either get a "pretty good" like Star Wars or "really stupid goggling stares" like Jurassic Park and DragonHeart (god I hated that movie)...anyway...Fincher plans to have what should be the incredible Clarke vision of the ship ready to be seen when the actors start filming ie (and I could be wrong), when they are rolling, they will actually be reacting to backdrops and CG that they will see instead of some PA with his buttcrack hanging out. If anyone could elaborate or correct me I'd 'preciate it.
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I'm going to dispense with the pleasantries and get right to the point: these reviews were utter bullshit. Crap. Geez Harry, I love your site but goddamn - if you're going to post every piece of crap review thrown at you, then I've got some vague 'insider information' on how bad XMen stinks. Before I get off on a profanity-laden tangent I'm going to quickly state my point: Chi-Town Charlie's review was worthless through and through. Did you post it because it has a poop analogy and you're so fond of using those in your reviews or what? Fuuuuck, what a waste of time. Vague generalities about why the movie sucked have NO place on this site in my opinion. I need non-spoiler specifics, god damn it. Harry, don't post shit like this again, or I will destroy you with a blast of psychic Mindfire.
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