Cool News
Harry headed to Moriarty Labs' Spa & Resort
Hey folks, Harry here. Have I told y'all how much I can't wait for March 20th? Why? What's happening then?
Not a thing. And what a relief that'll be. Between now and then, I'll be running around like an aardvark with a missing left two legs. That's right... dragging half my ass in a dirty bloody circle.
In the morning I'm headed off to take up residence with the evil genius Moriarty. We'll be gathering our secret energies in preparation for SHOWEST, which we will drive out to, and stay in that FEAR & LOATHING clown hotel that is the HOLIDAY INN BOARDWALK. We'll be calling this series of reports generated by a dual networked laptop extravaganza.... "FEAR AND LOATHING IN SHOWEST" I'll be playing the part of Johnny Depp playing the part of Hunter S Thompson playing Raoul Duke... and Moriarty will be playing the part of Benicio Del Toro playing the part of Dr. Gonzo. We'll be headed out into bat country steering clear of the latex nipples and padded codpieces, searching for the truth and beauty of the American Cinema in that wild gathering of theater owners and industry types in that blasted desert casino called Paris as well as Bally's.
This trip and journey is 100% financed by myself... so all the ether and adrenal glands will be procured with my funds by that wacked out crazed old man that got Holmes addicted to the needle. I've survived the trip with THE DUDE, and now it's time to hole up and report from the side of the biggest binger of them all... Moriarty!
We'll scare some hitchhikers and report the facts from the cheap seats. We should be bringing back photographic evidence of our upcoming degenerate experience. You see... while Moriarty is an evil genius... taking him to the home of sin... well, he's liable to just become something uglier than Tammy Faye in 135 degrees of heat. Be afraid.
In the meantime in Los Angeles, I'll be at Moriaty Labs if you must email me. Father Geek will be handling a great deal of the updates at my email address of harry@aintitcool.com as well as his exclusive email address of FatherGeek@austin.rr.com!!! If you have something fun for me and the decrepit genius to do this week, contact us at Moriaty Labs and we'll try to hook up. I'll be working on the rest of the FLOATING FILM FESTIVAL reviews and other projects whilst occupying the Labs.
Just wanted to fill you in on what was going on.
Harry
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Harry's going to be less than 25 miles away from me for a whole month? Will our paths cross? Will I get to lick the dripping booger? I think Harry should organize some cool gatherings when certain eagerly awaited films open at the Chinese Theatre. Then maybe we can have an AICN TalkBack Battle Royal. No violence, but imagine a debate format inside a wrestling ring. If you unleash a particularly effective point or zinger against someone, the cheers of the crowd will eliminate you from the competition. Once again, it's clear I need to get some sleep. "Apologies, all around." -- Count Almasy
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lesse, how's bout we all spend all our waking ours on talkbacks and stray away from any semblance of a normal life! Then, oh wait, this is good, we can come up with craaaazy names, and then, wait wait, whenever anyone flares us for having no life we can come on and say things like, "Really, get a life, if you don't like what we're doing here leave. Your act is old like Pisso the Clown, only not nearly as funny."
Golly, I hate guys like that. Also, here's topic: unchecked fanboys whose knowledge of film starts with Star Wars have the potential to really fuck up movies because a)though they're better than business school flunkies, they don't understand story and jizz at lame action...oh fuck it people, don't you just hate ego-driven rants like this? Like I'm gonna come on here and tell people what's up. Peace to everyone I say, and peas to the hungry especially. -
Doesn't SXSW usually coincide with Showest? Does this mean you won't be gracing SXSW with your presence, mon leader?
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Don't follow that old fool's lead Harry. Ether parties were only popular when he was young. And there is nothing more sad than a grown man smashed on ether.
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This would be the perfect ocassion to present us something from the lost files of Moriarty. Beware of Mongo, too, since he's been genetically altered so many times by the evil genius, who knows how will he react to intruders/visitors like you.
Gute reise!! -
While you're at it, see if you can choke three more 90's reports out of the old man. Or at the very least one dog-tired and very late summary of 1999.
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...Where do you work and were do I apply?
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You're living the fan geek dream, and you're actually making money doing it. I admire you for following your dream...of sorts. And remember folks, McCain for President 2000. Paid for by McCain for President 2000
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Me stomp, me kick up dirt, raaar, me no like site. Me want harry 15 minutes up real soon, maybe me get so angry me turn on radio and, if me lucky, me rock out to korn. Raaarr, me think Harry sellout...
You fucking dork. If you feel compelled to go and broadcast to everyone how disenfranchised you are, well, pick up a book and or put yourself to some use.
Raaar, me no like fanboys -
Huh? Create your own site or go to a site that needs content and start posting your own reviews. Don't get envious - there's a million opportunities like that all over the internet. Where do you think all his published detractors come from?
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Why do you think The Load is here in the first place? His critical presence on this site is the very height of predictability. Has he taken the piss out of Harry for crying at ARMAGEDDON yet?
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Why is Egoyan taking the Academy to task for not nominating Canadians? Sure, the Academy is not the august arbiter of film excellence as they'd have us believe, but I hardly think they harbor some deep-seated animosity toward our friends to the north. Please tell me he released this statement after, I don't know, smashing his finger with a hammer, or shutting his foot in the car door. I'd like to think that Egoyan is far more sensible than to hold such a ridiculous opinion. Then again, isn't "Blame Canada" up for Best Original Song? Maybe that's what set him off.
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Both "Felicia's Journey" and "The Red Violin" were snubbed by the Academy and I've heard reasons why that range from resentment of Canada to resentment of the independent filmmaker. I think the real reason is that most people don't realize that Canada is a foreign country. I'm serious. There are many in the U.S. that act like Canada is the 51st state.
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This site seems dead today. Could it be because all the fanboys and girls have migrated to the LOTR Talk Back?
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Wow, neat trick! Hmmm, I wouldn't think that, no, maybe I was the one looking for a reaction...couldn't be. You idiot
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I get paid to read and post to AICN at work, too... but I just so happen to work for Twentieth Century Fox! Whoo hoo! Not only do I get the scoops from AICN, but I get them from INSIDE THE STUDIO, AS WELL!! : ) Can somebody beat that?
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That's some of the funniest shit I've read in a while.... well... ya know? How about the new animated gifs of Harry eating his runny nose or whatever the hell that is. Didn't have that kind of great shit back in the old days.
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Feb 29, 2000 5:39:48 PM CST
I just love it when people tell us in a snit that they're never
by loki trickster
ESPECIALLY when none of us knew they existed in the first place. "The Load" has been flushed...he's gone...alas poor Load, we hardly knew ye...oh well...at least it was an original farewell...he wasn't leaving for the "bloated sellout" reason, or the "talkbacks are too mean" reason...or even the "I'm getting a real job and can't spend my time here (the 2.35:1 reason". No...he's bothered by the fact that someone who runs an extraordinarily popular website, sells toys and movie memorabilia, and supports himself off of an inheritance gets to take a break everyonce in awhile. Bitch bitch bitch. New and interesting thing to be pissy about. -Loki
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...I take it you are displeased with AICN right now. I also understand that that is an understatement. (Where is the Talk Back in Coaxial about Kathy Lee Gifford leaving, dammit?!...truly, I'm kidding. The woman makes me want to climb the walls when I hear her perform what she calls music.)***SSZero, you are not and will never be my "daddy", got it? But it is good to see some people on here. Now if we only could see some really good updates...
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Between the phrases "Shaka Poo Poo" and "DonkeyMonkeyZippoBallsPenis",I mean.Why bother posting anything this late in the board?Nobody listens.I'm depressed.Sigh.
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Now THAT is the way to voice a complaint. Funny as hell!!! Can't agree with all of it, but still, it's WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY more entertaining than "...uhhhhhh... Harry.... he sucks... and uhhhhhh... he's a sellout... uhhhhhhh"
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But, I won't hold it against you, big guy. :-)
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Dang I've been missing out, posting to myself in lonely board while the rabid posters were devouring Lord of the Rings...
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Mar 01, 2000 9:44:40 AM CST
Hey Gorgar...on the subject of Moriarty's ever-late reports and
by starbarella
What a wonderful load of bile you have unloaded on our heads. And since there's blood in the water...what's up with this web-site's inability to follow through on ANYTHING?? I challenge any talk-backer to wade through the gross number of "part I's" on this site and then search for the inevitably missing "part II's". Hey Harry, where's the second installment of your Butt-Numb-A-Thon reports?? Some of us weren't there and still don't know what movies were watched? And Moriarty? Don't get me started. At least he got as far as delivering TWO parts of the 90's report before losing interest and moving on to other projects. StarBarella doesn't like cliffhangers!! If you can't write everything that you have to say in a single report and if you don't think you'll have time to write a second (or third) installment...then don't worry about it! No one is going to die if they don't know what happened on Harry's Floating Festival. But if you're gonna spill some reports about the cruise...don't be so half-assed about it. Silly Harry Knowles.
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I must be adopting my Internet persona a bit too well if you REALLY think I
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...about the news lately, I know, but is this what AICN is going to be like for the next 20 days? Are we going to have to hear about Euro AICN the entire time? Are the Talk Back boards going to be this screwed up the entire time? Is DMFC permanantly banned or something? Can I ever stop asking questions?***I say we do a countdown on here...20 days until Harry returns.
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Let's try to imagine what Harry's TV show is going to be like. I envision a studio audience TalkBack, with like 5 microphones floating around, and "Hello my name is..." stickers on shirts to indicate "user ID". Harry sits behind a desk which is actually an open-topped trough filled with popcorn. Behind him is a small movie screen where old Three Stooges or Little Rascals shorts are projected (ala what The Ground Round restaurant used to do back in the day). Harry brings up Phantom Menace or Lord of the Rings and a mad scramble for the mics ensue as people shout their opinions and cruel epithets over each other. Father Geek stands in the back of the studio, arms crossed (and looking like Larry "Bud" Melman in my mind), until he begins to grab people by their collars and toss them out the side door. Todd screams "Iron Giant!!! Iron Giant!!!" over and over again. SSZero keeps having to change his seat because the girls he sits next to slap him when he whispers in their ears. Some kid has 15 "Hello my name is..." stickers on his shirt, two of which are DMFC and BigLarz. Eternal pulls out a Jar Jar Binks mask, throws it over the kid's head, and begins to pummel his whimpering as. Many join in. Harry smiles and continues digging into his popcorn, and introduces Roger Ebert, who takes one step onto the set and runs out, screaming in terror. Harry tries to chase after Roger but accidentally knocks over the desk while a few audience members give a "Thumbs Up!" Some guy in a jacket bearing the Paramount Logo comes in with a big bag of popcorn and refills the trough as Harry is trying to scoop up all the pieces on the floor. Alexandra DuPont, All Thumbs, and Lickerish stand together, backs to each other, spraying mace into the faces of their "Night of the Living Geek" attackers. This one is Nielsen Gold, can you feel the magic?
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People acting in real life the way they do on here? Not very likely.
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