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WTF Hollywood: HEARTBEEPS

Word up ladies and gentlemen? Muldoon here with a new column to the site. So what exactly is “WTF Hollywood?” Once a week I’ll be bringing you flicks that for some reason or another fell through the cracks of pop culture and have been buried in the years since their initial release. I’ll be bringing you movies exactly the opposite of BACK TO THE FUTURE, STAR WARS, or JAWS and focusing on flicks that studios took a gamble on that blew up in their faces, movies that leave you scratching your head at just how in the hell they ever got made. Think of it like Quint’s “This Should Happen,” though more like “How The Hell Did This Happen??” I hope to stick with flicks on NetFlix Instant, so you guys can give it a shot without digging through any VHS bins at places like Half Price Books. That said, who the hell knows where we’ll go with this column, let’s just have some fun with it.

So what do you get when you take Oscar winning film composer John Williams, creature effects legend Stan Winston, comedy gods Christopher Guest and Andy Kaufman, and then top it off with the forever-beautiful Ms. Bernadette Peters?

HEARTBEEPS.

  

 

The film stars Kaufman and Peters as “Val” and “Aqua,” two robots who fall in love while awaiting repairs in a factory. The two immediately fall in robot love and escape in a van along with a comedian-bot named “Catskill” who’s voiced by Jack Carter. Hot on the trail of the small robot group is a violent enforcer robot, though somewhat inept, named “Crime Buster” and two factory workers, one of which is a very young pre-batshit insane Randy Quaid.

The design of the robots is oddly breathtaking and very much ahead of its time, certainly worth checking the film out for. Unfortunately it feels like that’s where a huge chunk of their $10,000,000 budget must have gone since the bulk of the film takes place outdoors with little to no set dressing or production design. Make no mistake, Kaufman and Peters are incredibly charming and do what they can, but simply aren’t given much to work with it seems.

Now according to my extensive research perusing sites the like of Wikipedia and IMDB, this flick was meant to be a test to star check Kaufman’s bankability as a lead in a flick. He had pitched Universal on a screenplay based on one of his many out there characters, the anti-lovable Mr. Tony Clifton. When this flick bombed in theaters making around 20% of it’s $10,000,000 back all hopes of THE TONY CLIFTON STORY were straight shot to hell and left Kaufman publicly apologizing for the film’s very existence while on LATE NIGHT WITH DAVID LETTERMAN.

Is this a date movie? No. Is this an escapist movie? Maybe a little. Is it worth checking out for the novelty of seeing Andy Kaufman all robotted out?? Hell yes and honestly your kiddos might dig it too. Fair warning though, this movie is like going to Olive Garden and getting all you can eat breadsticks… sure it tastes good and will fill you up, but there’s no real nutritional value. If you’re the type who seeks out bizarre movies, well… chances are you’ve already seen this, but if you haven’t – quick, go hit up NetFlix and give it a shot.

If there’s a flick out there you think fits into this column or if you happen to have had anything to do with this film’s production and feel like chatting about it please feel free to shoot me an email at mike@aintitcool.com

 

 

XOXO

Mike McCutchen

“Muldoon”

mike@aintitcool.com

 

 

  

Readers Talkback
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  • Jan. 17, 2012, 2:58 p.m. CST

    I've never seen this one

    by lv_426

  • Jan. 17, 2012, 2:59 p.m. CST

    Andy Kaufman as a robot?

    by lv_426

    I don't know if the universe can handle such a thing.

  • I don't think I've ever thought of Randy Quaid as anything other than a bat-shitter.

  • Jan. 17, 2012, 3 p.m. CST

    nice going..

    by paul burnett

    ..good article, more please.

  • Jan. 17, 2012, 3:04 p.m. CST

    Holy crap I remember this!

    by Skraggo

    Man, I haven't thought about this movie since I was a kid. I remember watching it multiple times on Showtime back in the day. I might actually have to queue this up and see if I can still stand it. This could be an interesting column, Muldoon. I'm curious to see what forgotten "gems" you pull out.

  • Jan. 17, 2012, 3:05 p.m. CST

    The Make Up was nominated for an Oscar.

    by DerLanghaarige

    They lost against AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON, which is understandable..

  • ...a Val mask (w/ bow tie) that Andy Kaufman wore in the film produced by Stan Winston Studios, bought at auction a decade ago. Have to admit, never thought I'd see the day when a (more than) reasonable review of this forgotten film would see the light of day (in the 10 years that I've had this thing in a lucite cube in my office, only 2 people have ever recognized it and/or what it's from in all that time)....kudos, Muldoon. And am in complete agreement on your take here...it's a really strange experience watching the actual film, as it's either grossly naive and uninformed, nakedly odd without realizing it, or just a complete train-wreck that missed the target by a mile, or possibly all of these....really hard to categorize this film, or say whether I actually enjoyed it (I bought the mask just because I'm nostalgic for early 80's films).

  • Jan. 17, 2012, 3:07 p.m. CST

    Going by the article title on the front page

    by jim

    I thought Hollywood was doing a remake of Heartbeeps. I recently saw what I believe qualifies as a WTF Hollywood movie: Theodore Rex.

  • Jan. 17, 2012, 3:08 p.m. CST

    Oh, I thought you meant they were remaking it.

    by frank

  • Jan. 17, 2012, 3:09 p.m. CST

    I liked this one when I was a kid...

    by ESCgoat

    Saw it a bunch of times. I wonder how well it's aged now and what thirty-something me would think of it.

  • Jan. 17, 2012, 3:09 p.m. CST

    welcome board muldoon and great fucking idea for a column

    by BILLY

    Finally, some type of innovation and forward thinking (on keeping this site interesting)

  • The trailer is longer than the amount of time it was in the theaters.

  • Jan. 17, 2012, 3:11 p.m. CST

    I went through an Andy Kaufman faze a few years ago.

    by welcometothepartypal

    And this movie suuuuuuuuuuuucked!! His late night specials and his my dinner with Andre take/spoof (I forget the title) were all pretty fun and out there. Also his biography written by his best friend...Bob? (I can't remember) was a great/sad read. But this movie? really bad.

  • Jan. 17, 2012, 3:12 p.m. CST

    Cool coumn, Muldoon

    by AsimovLives

    I don't think i'll ever bother to watch this movie, but it was very amusing to read your words about it. Fun article you got there. You are also a good writer, but given that i'm not a native english speaker myself (i'm poruguese), that that for what is worth. Hope to see more from you. Good stuff, keep it up.

  • Jan. 17, 2012, 3:12 p.m. CST

    coumn = column

    by AsimovLives

  • Jan. 17, 2012, 3:13 p.m. CST

    I faintly remember this movie as a very young kid.

    by DanielnocharismaCraig

    Very much a product of it's time. A time when studios took much more of a risk with genre bending films than the cookie cutter blockbusters we see all too often today. Where are the 30 somethings of my generation who can compare with the Spielberg, Coppola, Scorecese, and Scott of my dads era that helped define a new generation of filmakers?

  • Jan. 17, 2012, 3:15 p.m. CST

    idrankyourmilkshake2...

    by ReelLifeLA

    ....spot on, brother. Muldoon, you've started something here (cogent writing style, good instincts, informed perspective, well expressed), so please...keep it up, man ;)

  • Jan. 17, 2012, 3:15 p.m. CST

    I used to love this film

    by Dark_Equalizer

    Ironically Ive just put it up on ebay this week, what are the chances?

  • Jan. 17, 2012, 3:16 p.m. CST

    I rarely post

    by Kelly Grimes

    But good article. Please keep them coming otherwise all I'm interested in is the behind the scenes pics. Thanks.

  • Jan. 17, 2012, 3:23 p.m. CST

    Like those who have posted before me...

    by Dollar Bird

    ... I feared this was going to be an article about a remake. Ugh. I remember watching this movie some morning during some childhood Christmas vacation on USA or some Turner station. Terrible. I recall despising the comedy robot and feeling like the other robots were just naive children. (Mind you, I was a child as I watched this.) I kind of wish the article delved a little deeper into the movie, but maybe Muldoon just didn't want to dwell on "Heartbeeps" too deeply. I know I haven't since I saw it 20-some years ago. Nice idea for a column. Like "How Did This Get Made" without Jason Manzoukas yelling all the time. I look forward to seeing what the next bad flick will be.

  • Jan. 17, 2012, 3:24 p.m. CST

    Cool column..a reason to visit this site!

    by alienindisguise

  • Jan. 17, 2012, 3:27 p.m. CST

    I remember it.

    by disfigurehead

    I might have seen it in the theater but I saw it on HBO for sure back in the day. I still have a VHS copy somewhere.

  • Jan. 17, 2012, 3:29 p.m. CST

    Oh God... I remember this turkey. It was cable fodder for YEARS!

    by impossibledreamers

  • Jan. 17, 2012, 3:39 p.m. CST

    Gave me the creeps as a kid . . .

    by Nice Marmot

    . . . but I loved the robot tracking them down. And wasn't there a singing robot voiced by Jerry Garcia? Or did I dream that part up?

  • But I never got to. Now I can thank my parents for seeing through that clever marketing.

  • Jan. 17, 2012, 3:42 p.m. CST

    I actually liked this as a kid

    by Dreamwriter

    It showed on Showtime, and I thought the music was great and loved the little baby robot.

  • Jan. 17, 2012, 3:50 p.m. CST

    New idea for a column

    by dastickboy

    Can we get a develo

  • Jan. 17, 2012, 3:50 p.m. CST

    Christopher Guest is in this... Christopher Guest!

    by MST3KPIMP

  • Jan. 17, 2012, 3:52 p.m. CST

    New idea for a column

    by dastickboy

    Can we get a development hell column, detailing the hot screenplays that get bogged down in the system - much like Suspect Zero did.

  • Jan. 17, 2012, 3:53 p.m. CST

    Bad movie challenge? Game on, Muldoon!

    by 3774

    It is on. It is on like the prawn that yawns at dawn.

  • Jan. 17, 2012, 4:01 p.m. CST

    When can we expect your "The Last Chase" column?

    by Boscorooty

    Cuz, I love me some Last Chase.

  • Jan. 17, 2012, 4:02 p.m. CST

    saw this in the theaters with my parents lol

    by sith_rising

    it was a piece of shit, but as a kid I loved that black hunter robot. it was like a pre-Terminator HK.

  • Decent makeup/robotics and an okay, quasi-snythy, Willliams score couldn't save it.

  • Jan. 17, 2012, 4:11 p.m. CST

    Watched this when I was a kid all the time on HBO.

    by Pixelsmack

    It really confused the hell out of me. I knew I thought robots we're cool, but the movie just seemed so bizarre. I was a kid though.

  • Jan. 17, 2012, 4:13 p.m. CST

    Wore Out my VHS of HEARTBEEPS When I Was a Kid

    by Sluggolicious

    I used to watch this movie over and over when I was around 8 or 10. I remember thinking it was really dark (not lighted well), completely insane and off-the-wall. Why anyone cared enough about two smitten robots to send a giant killer tank to eliminate them was beyond me. However, there was something cartoonishly charming about the whole affair. CrimeBuster was pretty awesome and Kaufman was cute as Val. If you haven't seen this and have young kids, they may find this a sweet alternative to the crap their senses are forced to endure on Nickelodeon and Disney.

  • Jan. 17, 2012, 4:30 p.m. CST

    Crimebuster was also Deathprobe in the Six Million Dollar Man

    by picardsucks

    They reused the prop

  • Jan. 17, 2012, 4:31 p.m. CST

    Today is Andy Kaufman's birthday.

    by fustfick

    Too bad he never got to make a Tony Clifton movie. The man was a genius.

  • Jan. 17, 2012, 4:39 p.m. CST

    Fun fact about the voice of CrimeBuster...

    by Bullet_time_Facehugger

    that dude also did the voice over on the radio spots for Lucio Fulci's Zombie. Check out one of the Anchor Bay or Blue Underground releases if you don't believe me.

  • Jan. 17, 2012, 4:39 p.m. CST

    This was an HBO standard in the early '80s

    by rev_skarekroe

    I didn't have HBO at the time, but I saw pictures from it neighbor's HBO guides a lot.

  • God, this was a horrible flick. BLAH!!!

  • Jan. 17, 2012, 4:51 p.m. CST

    My dad took me to see this when I was five...

    by Huffy_Henry

    so it'll always be a great movie that I never, ever want to see again for fear of ruining the memory. Now off to weep for my lost childhood.

  • Jan. 17, 2012, 5:08 p.m. CST

    seems a lot of aicn readers are as old as I am.

    by Simpsonian

    kind of sad.

  • Jan. 17, 2012, 5:08 p.m. CST

    Fuck, how many times have I heard this?

    by justmyluck

    *“I’m retiring,” Lucas said. “I’m moving away from the business, from the company, from all this kind of stuff.”* http://www.nytimes.com/2012/01/22/magazine/george-lucas-red-tails.html I remember the ROTJ TIME Magazine which ended with something like, *I've finished the book and it's on the shelf*. http://www.time.com/time/specials/packages/article/0,28804,1968770_1968785_1969312,00.html

  • Jan. 17, 2012, 5:21 p.m. CST

    Another one who saw this on HBO in the early 80's

    by Jason

    Along with Super Fuzz and other fun flicks that we don't hear about these days.

  • Jan. 17, 2012, 5:28 p.m. CST

    Nice idea for a column. The writing needs to improve, though.

    by kevred

    It sounds like you have some good things to say but are substituting occasional slang and slackerisms for substance, or fulfilling your potential. Speaking for myself, I'm more interested in genuine, sincere enthusiasm for the subject matter, and signs of effort, than in irony and detachment. Try a little harder, and try less to be funny, and I'll be keeping up with this column. Best of luck with it.

  • Jan. 17, 2012, 5:39 p.m. CST

    A young Bernadette Peters...

    by MrMajestic

    had the sexiest mouth ever. I was just a kid but I wanted nothing more in this world than to have those wrapped around my dick. Thinking about those lips now... *sigh*

  • Jan. 17, 2012, 5:42 p.m. CST

    The legend tells it that makeup gave Kaufman cancer.

    by BigTuna

  • Jan. 17, 2012, 5:51 p.m. CST

    I remember seeing this on HBO as a kid and

    by CreasyBear

    thinking, "What the fuck?" myself. Or a euphemized version of that. (I was a good kid.) It was strangely mesmerizing in its awfulness, though. I remember vaguely a really clunky looking evil robot that seemed way too easy to escape from.

  • Jan. 17, 2012, 5:54 p.m. CST

    Cool soundtrack by John Williams

    by bluebottle

    A bit cute, but still Williams in his prime. http://tinyurl.com/6wo4oyp

  • Jan. 17, 2012, 5:56 p.m. CST

    saw this on Netflix a few months back!

    by ltgalloway

    I saw Andy Kaufman and I had to watch it, though I struggled the whole way through. It's an interesting concept but it's pretty out there. I wonder what would have happened had the kernel of this idea been given a real budget and a talented production team. That's probably wishful thinking though. This one was doomed to fail.

  • Jan. 17, 2012, 6:18 p.m. CST

    lol.. I used to love this movie

    by richievanderlow

    Not sure why, other than I was a little kid who liked anything robots, futuristic or outer space. I saw it on cable somewhat recently and decided to revisit it for nostalgia.. I had fun watching it again, but it's pretty bad. This was my personal introduction to Andy Kauffman, and not sure I ever made the connection as to who played the robot until many years later.

  • Jan. 17, 2012, 6:27 p.m. CST

    Welcometothepartypal- My Breakfast With Blassie

    by Monolith_Jones

    Great film

  • Jan. 17, 2012, 6:48 p.m. CST

    Yeah time passes quickly since I first checked out this site around 1998 or so.

    by DanielnocharismaCraig

    In my early 20's then. Now I'm in my early 30's...........................what the hell am I still doing on here?

  • Jan. 17, 2012, 7:10 p.m. CST

    I stopped reading after "Word up..."

    by ATARI

  • Jan. 17, 2012, 7:13 p.m. CST

    I remember ignoring this when I was in college.

    by Ingeld

    It is a cinch to ignore it now.

  • Great idea for a column, but I would love to see it be a little more than "Hey! Remember this?!". Or "Crazy, huh?!", then a few tidbits. Maybe some facts? Or besides a cursory mention of those involved an actual listing of the main credits? Maybe jus a little more meat on the bone. Otherwise, this is a fantastic idea for a feature on the site. I always find it more enjoyable to look back on movies than forward. Believe me, there will be PLENTY written about The Avengers for the next year, but who the hell has an article about Heartbeeps!?!?

  • Jan. 17, 2012, 7:25 p.m. CST

    I don't know why but I loved this movie when it came out

    by MrBoinfoint

    Maybe because I really liked the interplay between C3P0 and R2-D2, and likewise watched Taxi and all the crazy antics of Latka. It was darn near perfect for a 7 year old like young master boinfoint. I haven't seen it since, so I'm sure it's a piece of crap. But I still have fond memories of torturing my poor father by making him take me to see this. Somehow I doubt today's seven year olds will be fondly remembering Chipwrecked in thirty years...

  • Jan. 17, 2012, 7:27 p.m. CST

    Saw this in the theatre in '81!

    by tangcameo

    My small hometown had a small kickass theatre (now a video store) and a small kickass drive-in (still going) owned by the same family (on Halloween if you went to their house you came home with theatre candy and Star Wars and ET trading cards). Every Saturday the theatre would put on a matinee for the kids around 2pm for $2. They'd play everything from Disney movies to tv movies on film. But what kept us going was the toy or the poster or the promo item they had on display at the ticket booth that they would raffle off 10 minutes after the movie started. Even when the movie was crap you could still depend on the prize. The best prize I walked away with back then was a plastic Spiderman bank as big as me. Heartbeeps was one of the crappier movies I went to see on Saturday afternoons. I recognized Kaufman from Taxi and thought Bernadette Peters was Carol Kane. I left the theatre thinking WTF - or the 7 year old equivalent. Didn't win the prize that day I don't think so ended up being 2 hours of my childhood I would never get back.

  • Jan. 17, 2012, 7:31 p.m. CST

    I remember this film

    by BBSloth

    I never saw it but there was a big feature in Starlog around the time of its release

  • based on a novel by Mordecai Richler of Barney's Version and Fun With Dick and Jane (the Fonda version) 'fame'. Three of his books were made into movies (2 film, 1 tv) with famous US actors playing the lead role; Richard Dreyfuss, James Woods, and Paul Giamatti.

  • Jan. 17, 2012, 7:45 p.m. CST

    Netflix instant is a treasure trove of shitty WTF movies

    by 77AD

  • Jan. 17, 2012, 7:50 p.m. CST

    this was one of my dad's favorites

    by Noddy93

    he simply loved it. i think i may still have his paperback of it somewhere.

  • Jan. 17, 2012, 7:59 p.m. CST

    Robocop reboot waiting to happen.

    by Nerfee

  • Jan. 17, 2012, 8:03 p.m. CST

    Do you know who Produced it?

    by psychosomatic

    This one was produced by Michael Phillips of Taxi Driver, Close Encounters, The Sting fame! I had the pleasure of working for him and I have to say he is one of the coolest cats you will ever meet.

  • Alas, no boobs in Heartbeeps. Also, a year or so later, the cable company came out and put filters on the lines and no more free HBO, folks were too cheap to subscribe, so no more boobs for a few years. Oh yeah, Heartbeeps? Watching it was like what you imagined the effect of pot would be like if you could somehow get some and smoke it, preferably while free boobs bounced merrily on your TV screen on HBO.

  • Jan. 17, 2012, 8:31 p.m. CST

    Andy Kaufman wasn't the genius he thought he was...

    by Queefer Sutherland

    ...but he was a very talented comic. I hope he at least got to sample some Bernadette Peters poon while making this. She had one of the best racks in Hollywood, and probably one of the finest vaginas as well. At least that's what Steve Martin told me.

  • Jan. 17, 2012, 8:39 p.m. CST

    watched this on HBO, back when cable only had 36 channels

    by gk1

    i loved it as a kid. cried when the uncle bot died. havent seen it since. its probably horrible.

  • Stay Tuned, starring John Ritter & Pam Dawber (y'know, Mindy from "Mork & Mindy"?) great little movie, but i think on the same track of "what the hell were they thinking?" that you're going for here. again, very nice column!

  • Jan. 17, 2012, 8:49 p.m. CST

    or another suggestion--

    by Bobby Brown

    Nothing But Trouble, written, directed and starring the brilliant Dan Aykroyd, with Chevy Chase, Demi Moore and John Candy. again, a movie i for some reason hold near-and-dear to my heart, but can't deny is a bit of a "WTF?" plus the performance by humpty hump and the digital underground didn't really give it much more credibility.

  • Muldoon, ain't NO WAY you'll ever get more "WTF" than that one!

  • Jan. 17, 2012, 8:53 p.m. CST

    Stay away from Walter Hill's unfairly maligned Streets of Fire!

    by Powers Boothe

    If that wonderful film ever appears in this column I'll go BATSHIT!

  • Jan. 17, 2012, 8:55 p.m. CST

    Try Ice Pirates next!

    by Powers Boothe

    Anyone remember that from the mid 80s or am I just showing my age?

  • Jan. 17, 2012, 8:56 p.m. CST

    damn, my mind's going a mile a minute with these ideas! how about--

    by Bobby Brown

    Mom and Dad Save The World, starring Teri Garr, John Lovitz, and everyone's favorite kiddie-porn aficionado Jeffrey Jones. It's even got Eric Idle! the movie's stupid as hell but somehow gets me laughing out loud. the light grenade gag in particular. pick me up.

  • Jan. 17, 2012, 8:57 p.m. CST

    DAMN YOU, you BEAT ME TO IT!

    by Bobby Brown

  • Jan. 17, 2012, 8:59 p.m. CST

    now i can't get the "Todd" song out of my head

    by Bobby Brown

  • Jan. 17, 2012, 9:13 p.m. CST

    Good idea for a column but...

    by Negator76

    ...mostly makes me pine for Quint's 'A Movie a Day' column, which featured tons of obscure titles, and thorough, well-written reviews to go along with them. This is a good idea for a column but the writing is a little lazy. I'm rooting for it to improve, though.

  • Jan. 17, 2012, 9:19 p.m. CST

    The flick that keeps coming back to me....

    by Nice Marmot

    ... is 'Baby: Secret of the Lost Legend.' If WTF had been in my vocabulary back then, I'd have let it fly opening weekend....

  • Jan. 17, 2012, 9:21 p.m. CST

    Blade Runner, Pulp Fiction & LOST were....

    by mackmm

    all heavily influenced by this film. I also hear the rooftop scene in the Matrix was a shot for shot remake by the Wachovskies of the Peter Griffin robot's standup :42 minutes in.

  • Jan. 17, 2012, 9:30 p.m. CST

    I LOVED the Crimebuster

    by vic twenty

    I always thought of him as ED 209's long lost papa.

  • Jan. 17, 2012, 9:36 p.m. CST

    This was my favorite movie as a kid.

    by Squashua

    I shit you not. I saw the title of this and got simultaneously aroused and depressed thinking it was a modern remake.

  • It's another two of those "2 hours I'll never get back" movies.

  • Jan. 17, 2012, 9:47 p.m. CST

    Great column idea...

    by RRL

    No offense- but I hope the writing gets a bit more meat on the bones, and less silliness like "word up". But it really is a great all-around addition, good sir! My votes: Mom and Dad Save the World Real Men (yep, more John Ritter) Stuff Repo Men Trancers (love that Jack Deth) Hudson Hawk Buckaroo Bonsai And, yes, I'll be hunting down this movie this week!

  • Jan. 17, 2012, 10:15 p.m. CST

    Never seen the movie, but the John Williams score is lovely

    by Nasty In The Pasty

    Probably the most obscure post-Star Wars movie he ever wrote a score to (along with Monsignor), which is probably why the soundtrack CD wasn't released until 20 years after the movie bombed. More electronics than usual for Williams, but it's very pretty, kind of like the "Fortress Of Solitude" cues from Superman.

  • Jan. 17, 2012, 10:18 p.m. CST

    And hey, don't dis Baby: Secret Of The Lost Legend!

    by Nasty In The Pasty

    Okay...it's hasn't aged all that well, but at least it had great cinematography by Kubrick regular John Alcott and a superb Jerry Goldsmith score (in the best mid-80's Rambo tradition). You can buy it on Blu-Ray(!) for five or six bucks now. Silly, and the animatronic effects must have looked crummy even back in 1985, but I still found it kind of charming. Plus, young Sean Young in a clingy, sweaty top.

  • Jan. 17, 2012, 10:20 p.m. CST

    10/10 for column idea. 4/10 for the "Seacrest Out" style taglines.

    by Arcadian Del Sol

    This is an excellent idea for a column. One improvement suggestion: amazon links in case we want to buy these forgotten gems.

  • Jan. 17, 2012, 10:29 p.m. CST

    I suggest

    by top_cat_james

    "Neighbors" (1981) "Pandemonium" (1982) "Hysterical" (1983) "Get Crazy" (1983) "Night Patrol" (1984) "Stitches" (1985)

  • Jan. 17, 2012, 10:57 p.m. CST

    Great column idea

    by Fritzlorrerains

    Glad you're using movies streaming on Netflix. Nice touch.

  • Jan. 17, 2012, 11:10 p.m. CST

    Also: Modern Problems (1981) and Dr Detroit ('83)

    by Powers Boothe

    The 80s were a goldmine for this sort of thing. Lots of ambitious disasters during that decade.

  • Jan. 17, 2012, 11:13 p.m. CST

    Oh and Spielberg's 1941!

    by Powers Boothe

    I actually have a lot of love for that film despite the fact it's obvious a result of too much cocaine :)

  • Great idea for a column. So many great films to choose from, and how interesting when great filmmakers make these oddities (Prophecy, etc.). Keep it coming!

  • Jan. 18, 2012, 2:27 a.m. CST

    Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared-Syn

    by ShadowVoyd

    It and other M.A.D. era 80's post-apocalyptic cash-ins of that ilk are PRIME FODDER for this little gem of yours. Make it happen, Muldoon. Make it happen!

  • Jan. 18, 2012, 2:30 a.m. CST

    I loved this movie when I was 7.

    by Griefo

    All I remember about it now is some guys drinking beer out of a bag and reminiscing about how much they miss cans.

  • Jan. 18, 2012, 5:42 a.m. CST

    so many of today's blockbusters belong to this column.

    by AsimovLives

  • Jan. 18, 2012, 6:31 a.m. CST

    Slapstick (Of Another Kind) (1982)

    by MaliceHighload

    A rich, beautiful couple give birth to deformed alien twins who, when their heads are together, are the smartest kids on the planet.

  • Jan. 18, 2012, 7:24 a.m. CST

    Amazing how many people in here loved it as a kid

    by elsewhere

    I'm right there with you. I haven't watched it since, but I remember the ending being really sad. I don't know if I have enough patience to re-watch it.

  • Jan. 18, 2012, 7:36 a.m. CST

    "Muldoon"? Who the Hell is "Muldoon"?

    by TopHat

    Is he another mIRC #aintitcool.com graduate?

  • Jan. 18, 2012, 8:07 a.m. CST

    WOW. That looks

    by thalvar

    terrible. I'm looking forward to this column! How about Surf Ninjas Must Die?

  • I tried. I really gave it my best shot. I had extremely vague childhood memories of seeing this at the mall. The only thing that really stood out was Randy Quaid drinking a beer in what looked like a fruit juice pouch. As an adult I made it maybe 4 minutes in before any need for nostalgia was superceded by the need to turn that crap off!

  • Jan. 18, 2012, 8:19 a.m. CST

    Spacehunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone

    by Nice Marmot

    Midnight Madness, Saturday the 14th. Funny how easy it is to stay in the 80s. Trying to think of some 70s stuff . . .

  • Jan. 18, 2012, 8:40 a.m. CST

    The only thing I remember is the Capri-Sun style "Beer in a Bag"

    by MoneyGrabSequel

    I don't know why that stuck with me but I'll never forget the line "Throw me another bag of beer"

  • Jan. 18, 2012, 9:10 a.m. CST

    this is a good idea for a column, keep it coming!

    by Spandau Belly

  • Jan. 18, 2012, 9:12 a.m. CST

    and this movie sounds like WALL-E

    by Spandau Belly

    Which backs up my theory that if Pixar movies were done liveaction, they'd all be critical and commercial flops.

  • Jan. 18, 2012, 10:24 a.m. CST

    Midnight Madness is fine

    by bah

    It's cheesy Disney family fare. And yes, I've watched it in recent years.

  • Jan. 18, 2012, 10:31 a.m. CST

    These shouldn't be just BAD movies....they need to be WTF!

    by bah

    Toys is a great choice Nothing But Trouble Stooge-mania Leonard Part Six Hudson Hawk Ford Fairlaine Howard the Duck

  • Jan. 18, 2012, 11:26 a.m. CST

    Though I was fifteen when this came out, I'd like to think that ...

    by Vince Ricardo

    ... even if I was only five, I would've hated it (as I did at fifteen). Ugh. To think I had managed to completely erase it from my memory, only to have it now back on, at least for a couple of hours (until I can delete it again from my brain). Well, it's no one else's fault I clicked on the link to this story.

  • Jan. 18, 2012, 11:28 a.m. CST

    The Golden Child

    by durhay

    you're breaking my heart, asswipe

  • Jan. 18, 2012, 11:32 a.m. CST

    yeah, Toys is another great one. and how about--

    by Bobby Brown

    Phantom of the Paradise? a Brian De Palma directed, Paul Williams written-and-starring 70s dark comedy rock opera? if that all doesn't say "WTF?" i don't know what does

  • Jan. 18, 2012, 11:46 a.m. CST

    How about The 'Burbs? Cult classic, but still kind of WTF

    by bah

  • This is not one of them. I really liked Kauffman from "Taxi" and that Jerry Lawler thing around that time and watched "Heartbeeps" on cable and thought it sucked even as a seven year old. Then again I was watching "The Blues Brothers" and "Caddyshack" back then so my funny bone was being well tickled already. A few other WTF Hollywood suggestions from that time period: "Modern Problems" with Chevy Chase, "Buddy, Buddy" which was the reuniting of Matthau and Lemmon, and...wait for it..."The Nude Bomb" with Don Adams reprising his role as Agent Maxwell Smart.

  • Jan. 18, 2012, 1:01 p.m. CST

    Andy

    by Anthony Torchia

    I love Andy, didn't know he did this Thanks

  • Jan. 18, 2012, 1:26 p.m. CST

    Yup. Loved it as a kid.

    by CherryValance

    Everyone did. But I barely remember it now. @ bah The 'burbs is Tom Hanks' best film.

  • Jan. 18, 2012, 1:51 p.m. CST

    @cherryvalance, I completely agree

    by bah

    I'm a much bigger fan of pre-Forrest Gump Hanks. But I think The 'Burbs fits the idea of this column -- huge name, nutty plot, critical bomb

  • Jan. 18, 2012, 1:57 p.m. CST

    AWESOME COLUMN

    by enemysun

    Love this new column. Never heard of "Heartbeeps" and was pleasantly terrified by it. Keep 'em coming!!!

  • Jan. 18, 2012, 2:13 p.m. CST

    Sorry, gotta bitch...

    by eustisclay

    ...about a new pet peeve. I've seen this several times on variopus talkbacks(though this is the first time I've seen it on aintitcool).. and that is when someone posts "wait for it." First of all, it's been used by Neil Patrick Harris on How I Met... for years now, so it's lost its cleverness(if it ever had it). But the thing that irritates me is that writing it down makes no sense. If I tell you to "wait for it" while I'm talking to you, then I guess you'll stand there un til I share my wisdom. But when you write it down, I don't have to wait for it. I can skip ahead, I can ignore what you've written, hell, I can shut off the computer and never return. The phrase is starting to irritate me anyway, its popping up in commercials now, but its about as fresh as "wassuuppp." Still, its been recently that I've noticed people using it online, and it irritates the shit out of me.

  • Jan. 18, 2012, 2:16 p.m. CST

    Bah...

    by eustisclay

    ...your mention of Ford Fairlane reminds me of another Andrew Dice Clay "film". Did you ever see "Brainsmasher"? I caught part of this on HBO and I literally said, What the fuck?

  • Jan. 18, 2012, 3:12 p.m. CST

    Didn't see Brainsmasher

    by bah

    As a matter of fact, I never saw Ford Fairlaine, but it was a favorite around the dorm. The Billy Idol video that went with it was....influential on me.

  • Jan. 18, 2012, 4:40 p.m. CST

    Remember it being on HBO when I was a wee one

    by proevad

    Also remember not watching all of it. Not my cup of tea. Loved her in The Jerk around the same time though.

  • Jan. 18, 2012, 5:23 p.m. CST

    Joe Piscopo/Treat Williams in Dead Heat (1988)?

    by Powers Boothe

    Also: Wasn't The Burbs the last time audiences saw the "hot" Carrie Fisher?

  • Jan. 18, 2012, 9:33 p.m. CST

    WTF Hollywood:Heartbeeps

    by Cary Downing

    I seem to remember hearing that Jerry Garcia "played' the baby robots voice in this rather charming turky.

  • Jan. 18, 2012, 11:06 p.m. CST

    Future Suggestions:

    by Partyslammer

    The Spirit Planet Of The Apes (Tim Burton remake) Meet Dave (Eddie Murphy) Waterworld Swamp Thing Battlefield Earth Catwoman Electra Neighbors Coneheads Nothing But Trouble (notice a trend with the last three movies here?) Gigli Howard The Duck Man-Thing Basic Instinct 2 Showgirls Garbage Pail Kids Movie Explorers Mars Attacks (love this movie, but wtf..?)

  • Jan. 24, 2012, 1:30 p.m. CST

    Test

    by slone13

    Just checking shit out...

  • Jan. 24, 2012, 1:30 p.m. CST

    Testes "test" testidoo

    by slone13

    another test

  • Jan. 24, 2012, 1:32 p.m. CST

    And a third test

    by slone13

    Why isn't there a page that tells us how this site works? RE: quotes, bold, etc...

  • Jan. 24, 2012, 1:34 p.m. CST

    'does this work'

    by slone13

    maybe?

  • Jan. 24, 2012, 1:35 p.m. CST

    "how about this?"

    by slone13

    hmmmm

  • Jan. 24, 2012, 1:35 p.m. CST

    "BAM!"

    by slone13

    Got it

  • Jan. 24, 2012, 1:39 p.m. CST

    Now for something <b>completely different</b>

    by slone13

    I said <b>different</b>