Cool News
A New Trailer For Peter Berg's BATTLESHIP Game-To-Movie Adaptation!!
Merrick here...
We're getting strong indications that, over the next week or so, we're gonna be deluged by a number of big/cool trailers. A sensible notion considering timing and Season, reinforced by the emergence of this new preview for BATTLESHIP!
I like Peter Berg projects and, unlike some, have enjoyed all the material we've seen from this movie so far. Looks like slick, dopey, plus-sized fun in a Bayful sorta way. Check this out...
HD of the same is over at Apple.
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Readers Talkback
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How much Universal gave to Merrick to promote the hell out of that obvious crapfest.
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google it, mofo
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Dec. 9, 2011, 1:04 p.m. CST
christ it seems like it's even using most of the same SOUND DESIGN as Transformers
by TheSeeker7
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What does this have to do with the board game exactly?
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Dec. 9, 2011, 1:06 p.m. CST
Play Battletoads before Battleshots before Battleship
by Bodacious_Crumb
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And if this trailer went up on another site two minutes before it was on AICN, you'd complain about that, too, wouldn't you? Some people just like to whine, I guess.
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Just waiting for someone to drop that line in this movie! Looks like a mashup of 'Transformers' and 'GI-Joe'...both shitty movies and this one doesn't seem any different.
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Dec. 9, 2011, 1:10 p.m. CST
Is anyone playing BATTLESHIP GALAXIES? It looks badass
by the Green Gargantua
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Right down to the terrible "supersaturated blues and oranges" color design that every goddamn movie is using now!
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Merrick posted two articles today on that turd, telling people how fun it looked and how great the movie was going to be. It's a movie based on a friggin' board game, for chrissakes. Starring Rihanna.
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Dec. 9, 2011, 1:13 p.m. CST
Gee this doesn't look like ID4, Battle LA, or any of those other movies.... sigh
by Tony
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WHERE IS THE FUCKING HARRY MORGAN OBIT!!! Cmon AICN, the guy was a friggin legend, MASH, Blazing Saddles, Dragnet, Ox-Bow Incident and on and on and on.....
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Oh well.
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Oh well.
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James Candy is an ex-CIA/NSA/DEA/BLAH, BLAH, BLAH operative who is forced to fight aliens in arena style fights using their holo-tech to create battlefields from his mind! The $ just prints itself!
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Nice. If I'm bored on a Saturday maybe I'll check it out. Bring earplugs kids.
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Dec. 9, 2011, 1:19 p.m. CST
You soulless, bean-counting, creatively-dead, intellectually compromised cunts. I want to cock-punch the privileged fuckwit who greenlit this trash.
by Pvt. Duke
Fuck this ad-driven Hollywood tripe. It could make a hundred and fifty mil, and still nobody will remember it six months from now. Garbage.
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Dec. 9, 2011, 1:20 p.m. CST
I could actually feel my IQ slipping downward as I watched it...
by Joaquin_Ondamoon
..it's harder to think straight...'splosions distracting...but...I think I like NASCAR now...
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Why was so much of that trailer set on land?
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Dec. 9, 2011, 1:22 p.m. CST
You reap what you sow, Hollywood. Generations of grafting nepotism onto a creative industry and blammo, welcome to the gilded Idiocracy.
by Pvt. Duke
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I could ALMOST get behind this movie as a big, dumb, fun action movie. But the fact that the alien ships fire Battleship pegs really, REALLY ruins it for me. That's ... just ... retarded ...
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Rihanna and the other youngbloods. That's what the kids wanna see and that's what mommy and daddy will pay for to drag the whole family to the cinema. I'll give this $165 domestic (huge by today's standards) and roughly $470 or so worldwide.
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... he was in Support Your Local Sheriff, which was pretty darned similar. So it's a fair mistake.
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FACT!
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Taylor Kitsch cut his hair for this? They could've hired Timothy Olyphant or Josh Duhamel because that's exactly who he looks like now. I guess he has no faith in a John Carter sequel, either.
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Riggins, Landry Clarke and I think I saw somebody else.
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Dec. 9, 2011, 1:30 p.m. CST
Hatedperson, this is true. They fuck up their world, then instead of changing for the better they just buy off the spineless who agree to play along.
by Pvt. Duke
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it would look weird for a Navy officer to have long hair.
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I guess just sad.
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Could even be the movie which sinks Universal as they have not had a massive hit for years. This will not change that & who on earth was the casting director here I mean Rihanna will pretty much sink Battleship regardless of the movie quality anyway. ID4 vs Transformers @ sea who knew that was a terrible idea in the greenlight stage!!!!
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True that but did he really feel that much of a need to make this movie?
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I feel like I've seen it all at this point. Big action-y set pieces and spectacles no longer give me that instant purple-headed yogurt slinger I used to get when I was younger.
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The other article was posted yesterday, and it was by Mr. Beaks. It even has his name in the title, sir, how dense are you?
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Dec. 9, 2011, 1:48 p.m. CST
generic alien invasion movie with the Battleship name tacked on as an afterthought
by coz
that's just pants-fillingly awesome
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posts something derivative about a harem.
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We've seen board games and action figures. Food is the final frontier: Doritos Cool Ranch: The Movie Pepsi: The Motion Picture Taco Bell: Rise of the Chalupas
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... have you got a big tax bill this year or something? What else could persuade you to appear in this utter dross!?
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Kitsch big break came on Berg's TV adaptation of Friday Night Lights so I guess he feels some gratitude to him for the break. Plus there is the money. Then I would imagine making a movie like this could be a lot of fun and its hard for young actors that might be on the way up to turn down a starring role in a big budget summer movie.
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Sitting back and laughing at all the obnoxious, prissy, film school twerps who act like they are so much better than this movie and that everything should be artsy and depressing and be all about characters in boring stories that no one gives a shit about. I WENT to film school, and it was full of you assholes. Yet what projects were picked as favorite in the class? The one's that had broader appeal, the funny ones, not the ones about suicide or drugs or depression and all that bullshit. Plenty of people love these movies purely because of the spectacle and escapism they provide. Don't shit all over them just because it's not made for 5 grand with a crew of 4 people. Trolls...
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taking any shit job that comes up just to take his mind off
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Iffy on the Pepsi movie. DR. PEPPER, M.D. will be the hotness tho.
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Dec. 9, 2011, 2:03 p.m. CST
I truly think Liam is keeping himself busy to take his mind off losing
by openthepodbaydoorshal
his lovely wife at such a young age. And he's doing these goofy shit flicks that he can take his kids to.
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they're using the EXACT sounds from Transformers. Even the exact shots, contrast, color scheme.... I can almost bet that we'll have an alien pissing on a human.
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YOU SUNK HOLLYWOOD!
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Dec. 9, 2011, 2:12 p.m. CST
Neeson said on UK TV that he could barely remember making this ...
by GINGE_MUPPET
Said it was very much a 'stand in the right place, say the right things' movie. Oscar winning.
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Dec. 9, 2011, 2:13 p.m. CST
It seems universal and NBC doesn't want me to watch their commercial
by tradeskilz
haha is this for real? They don't want us to watch this? Sometimes i swear i live in a world filled with IDIOTS.
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What's Neesen's excuse for The Haunting???
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Dec. 9, 2011, 2:18 p.m. CST
Aliens are way cooler looking than Battle: Los Angeles
by the Green Gargantua
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Dec. 9, 2011, 2:18 p.m. CST
This site rips on "hack" Ratner but applauds "auteur" Berg
by Samuel Fulmer
Welcome to Bizzaro land!
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Most people here just want _good_ big action movies as opposed to completely stupid ones. By dumbing down your expectations of what high budget entertainment an be you are part of the problem. Maybe you've never seen a good movie on the big screen and are merely ignorant, but even so you are still part of the problem. And yes you have a lot of company and therefore you get to win: congratulations and enjoy your stupid shit.
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dubstep enters the mainstream.
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Nah, I'm actually stoked about this movie. Will definitely have my ass in the seat opening night. Not enough Sci-Fi out there for me to be uber picky.
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Ensign: Sir the vessel, it, it dissapeared. Captain: Fire all cannons grid B3 to B6 Ensign: It's a hit sir Captain: Found them!
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Yes, YOU! All of you who are ripping on this and bitching up a storm. GO. FUCK. YOUR. SELF. Are you all that fucking jaded? Are you so intellectually superior to everyone else that the best you can do in life is jerk each other off over how well you can put down something that's supposed to be FUN? FUCK. YOU. I hate you, I hate everyone like you and I hope the only joy you ever have in life is the feeling you get when you tingle in your private places over how MISERABLE you are. Always the same fucking bullshit on this site, wah-fucking-wah. I actually thought this looked terrible from the original trailer. And you know what? I was right. It looked terrible. THIS trailer looks like fun! It looks like an intense summer movie -- MOVIE, not FILM, you pretentious fuck -- and I for one will be HAPPY to hand over my money to sit back and enjoy the ride. PLEASE, I beg you, with all my heart, HAVE A MISERABLE LIFE. You're well on your way already. Fuck off, Fawst
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Dec. 9, 2011, 2:37 p.m. CST
Anyone have a list of all the shitty earth vs. aliens movies have been spit out in the last few years?
by Michael Lunney
Seems like more of them than shitty vampire movies. I hope Earth loses.
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Uh-huh. Nothing wrong with a movie being fun and broadly-appealing. But this? This we've already seen 17 times in the last 2 years. This is rehashed, warmed up dogshit, given a different name. This is an 80 minute commercial with a lot of noise and half-assed CGI. This is what happens when corporations are given script approval. This is what you get when you remove the creativity and passion from film making. You should seriously consider a new screenname. Maybe something with 'balls' in it.
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It's more Arthur Miller-ish.
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Dec. 9, 2011, 2:44 p.m. CST
samuel fulmer - with a soupçon of Mamet and a dash of William Goldman
by Michael Lunney
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Dec. 9, 2011, 2:45 p.m. CST
I don't care what you assholes say...this movie is going to kick-ass.
by Carmen
Liam Neeson and Alexander Skarsgård. That is all. Can't get anymore awesomesauce than that.
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Are you so intellectually superior to everyone else that the best you can do in life is tell others how they're all wrong and stupid and nyaah!? Is the only way you can make yourself feel better is by imagining how miserable everyone else must be, because they're not you? The best part is, you have no idea how much you sound JUST like all the pissy whiners. Enjoy your movie.
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Dec. 9, 2011, 2:49 p.m. CST
themovielover- you should really enjoy the upcoming adaptation of the old board game Mystery Date
by Michael Lunney
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He's going full Connery now!
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So much pent up nerd rage for a little cunt like you.
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Dec. 9, 2011, 2:50 p.m. CST
Why couldnt it just be about the Battle of Jutland? WHY?!!?!?!?!?!?
by whatevillurks
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Dec. 9, 2011, 2:53 p.m. CST
Children who like to eat their own doody should lap up this film like rabbit pellet chocolate milk
by Michael Lunney
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that we don't have any battleships in our fleet now. None of the remaining North Carolina, South Carolina or Iowa class battleships are operational, let alone combat ready. The only one that's not a museum now is the USS Iowa, which is rusting in Suisun Bay.
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Dec. 9, 2011, 2:58 p.m. CST
darth_kong - betcha there's an opening for a role for Clint Howard.
by openthepodbaydoorshal
Maybe as an assistant mess hall cook who goes one on one with an alien armed with an iron skillet and a wooden handled mop.
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Then what do we do for naval combat?
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The Battleship or Battleships! gfy
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When the Atlanteans declare war, we'll have to figure that out!
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Looks like the most retarded shit ever.
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THE MOVIE
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THE MOVIE
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Dec. 9, 2011, 3:12 p.m. CST
and some people complain about remakes and superhero movies
by Nerd Rage
What about a carbon copy of another movie?
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Pretty sneaky, Sis!
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Connect Four. Summer 2014. "Pretty sneaky, Sis."
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Because of all the fucking douchebags on this site. You know, the ones who are never pleased, who have to pick at everything, who can only bitch that the news is late, that the movie looks stupid, that the actors are a bad choice, that the plot is dumb, that -- fuck it, you get the point. I guess I'm doing my part by bitching about the bitchers. Looks like I fit right in, doesn't it?
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Dec. 9, 2011, 3:23 p.m. CST
spewbacca, I was under the impression that he was on a different ship at that point.
by Fawst
Not that it was Neeson's boat.
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She's got the build, and the focus. Too bad she didn't have it when Chris Brown beat her up; I'll bet she kicks ass in this movie. All we need now is a smart-gun, and a deck of cards!
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The flick still stinks of a made-by-studio-committee feel, like a bunch of executives sat around a table, screened Independence Day and Transformers, created their own screenplay using the big box of Crayolas and handed it to Peter Berg.
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When you rip off a hack like Michael Bay, what is lower than the status of hack: Super Hack? Mega Hack? I got it, ASSHACK!
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Dec. 9, 2011, 3:28 p.m. CST
Oh goodie...another giant robot aliens loud music crap script movie..Rihanna?....really....how can this movie fail........
by cameron
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Dec. 9, 2011, 3:29 p.m. CST
And remember: this SHIT is made instead of At The Mountains of Madness!
by aphextwin
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Dec. 9, 2011, 3:29 p.m. CST
I wonder if Liam Neeson has a certain set of skills he'll use to kill the aliens?
by cameron
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Dec. 9, 2011, 3:33 p.m. CST
This time Sylvester Stallone gets pushed too far in "Jenga the movie"
by emeraldman
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Dec. 9, 2011, 3:38 p.m. CST
So, they tell us that Liam Neeson dies IN THE TRAILER!?!?!
by radioflyer
.......who is the marketing person who allowed that to go into a trailer?
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This looks like complete dreck. For the life of me I can't understand why Ridley Scott dropped out of this project. The only question is why he was interested in the first place.
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Either way, I thought that was a pretty fucking stupid thing to put in the trailer too. And so much for selling Brooklyn Decker in a bikini to the audience. It was nothing but explosions. Where's the sex?
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Tagline: "Pretty sneaky, sis."
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Dec. 9, 2011, 3:52 p.m. CST
Fawst... Go change your tampon, in fact, use two this time.
by Dr. Egon Spengler
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is Hasbro just trying to repeat itself with all it's properties...?!!!
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Dec. 9, 2011, 3:53 p.m. CST
Look no further for the definition to "The problem with modern trailers"
by ZoeFan
Why see the movie when it's summed up in 2:30 with all the money shots included?
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Dec. 9, 2011, 3:54 p.m. CST
It does have some fun Bayhem going on. It will suck but might be fun I can admit.
by Pixelsmack
Brain off....popcorn loaded....whiskey poured.
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Bit of a vulgarian though! Whoa! But seriously - all of you defending this as a "movie" and not a "film" or suggesting we lower our expectations and enjoy this "dumb but fun" movie should go and read Vern's brilliant take down of what I like to call "Viewer apathy" aka, the rather inappropriate defense of shitty "blockbuster popcorn" movies. Seriously - let's just say that once upon a time, summer movies were "Raiders of the Lost Ark", "Jaws", "Aliens", "Predator", "Empire Strikes Back", etc...meaning that some of the greatest action movies of all time were released during the summer and were absolutely looked at as "pulp" by the narrow nosed snobby film world. Us geeks tearing apart shit like Bay's action porn Transformers movies isn't because we're snobby assholes who need to lighten up and enjoy life - it's because we're diehard film geeks who lost our collective shit in the theater watching truly great summer "pop corn" blockbusters and if not for the lowering of standards (viewer apathy) and those who defend this "bad for everybody" mentality are only helping to sheppard us inexorably to "Ass: The Movie" far more than they might think.
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Dec. 9, 2011, 4:07 p.m. CST
Oh and movielover....blow me. There's a world of difference
by openthepodbaydoorshal
between a good "popcorn" flick and a buncha shit blowin up.
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... he has all of the firepower of the transformers movies but unlike bay doesn't treat actors as dolls to be positioned in a shot and sprayed with sweat. i'm all for big ridiculous action as long as they give us someone to root for. fingers crossed.
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Dec. 9, 2011, 4:19 p.m. CST
Okay, I admit I over-reacted. More than a little negatively. But Battleship still looks shitty.
by Pvt. Duke
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Are you supposed to thank people for complimenting you in the TB? Meh, there it is.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E5cEzDeRLK0
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WTF???!!!
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Dec. 9, 2011, 4:33 p.m. CST
If Battleship works...could Checkers: The Movie be far behind
by DementedCaver
...or wait....HUNGRY HUNGRY HIPPOS...yeah...that would be awesome.
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And maybe they'll stop making this shit
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Why oh why does hollywood keep doing this to us by making these awful awful movies and asuming we will are dumb enough to pay to see crap like this they must think us moviegoers are total morons well not me I am starting a pickit line right now who's with me occupy BATTLESHIT.
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I was about to laugh at your promo for the 'Connect 4' movie - when I realized that it's not quite as far-fetched as you think it is. Then I cried a little. :)
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with that same boring metallic moving parts alien tech design that was also present in Cowboys and Aliens, Skyline and also to a certain extent in Star Trek and Terminator 4 (TF has alot to answer for)
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Is because shitty movies like Battleship keep getting made. Plus old franchises are shitted up (Crystal Skull).
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Dec. 9, 2011, 5:16 p.m. CST
i predict it will probably do about 700m overall ww due to it being pretty much Transformers at sea starring Rhianna, some handsome dude and the Taken guy
by CARTMANEZ
as thats how kids today will view it with something like a 70m opening
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This is the guy who first put purple and green together with a rictus grin and made the Joker. Why no obit?
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I can't think of a Michael Bay movie that I enjoy. His movies are loaded with one liners, Maxim style women, cliche plot lines, giant explosions, car chases and helicopter shots of aircraft carriers. I cannot stand his style and since I know people who have worked on his sets, he is the biggest dick in the world to his cast and crew so he gets no props from me as a working guy in Hollywood. Transformers 2 was one of the most incoherent films I've ever seen. Sorry, I like stories not vehicles for explosions and action set pieces. If I don't care about your characters I won't care about them when they are being shot at by giant robots.
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http://vimeo.com/biglazyrobot/keloid
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Dec. 9, 2011, 5:28 p.m. CST
Neeson didn't remember working with Rihanna when asked about it ...
by GINGE_MUPPET
This is going to .... Suck.
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Dec. 9, 2011, 5:28 p.m. CST
in future generations when everyone is experiencing the most amazing thought provoking Science Fiction epics in 4D holovision whatever people will look back on stuff like Battleship, GI Joes, TF 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,etc and weep for their forefathers
by CARTMANEZ
i weep now.....
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he had no memory of filming this movie good sign oh dear
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http://wac.450f.edgecastcdn.net/80450F/katsfm.com/files/2011/10/drinking-battleship.jpg
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what do you guys think of Transformers 3.5? Lol, never mind, I don't want to know.
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I hope it bombs to re-enforce that fact.
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It may just be good entertainment, which is exactly what I want from a movie. There you have it.
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I'm sorry, but I don't remember aliens or giant robots in the game...
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You are.
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You are.
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and Hollywood weeps
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You can't use quotes? Let's try again...
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You are.
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My post keeps getting cut off! Can't I have more than one line?
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Dec. 9, 2011, 6:36 p.m. CST
The film ends with the aliens getting swallowed up by Rihanna's gaping vagina
by Bobo_Vision
They then establish an equilibrium with the ecosystem already existing in there.
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Who's next in charge? You are. Oh... Yeah... I knew that.
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I'm gonna make millions of this HSX stock. The first trailer was horrible so the stock price is low. This looks like some generic CGI crapfest that the summer movie goers are eat up.
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Dec. 9, 2011, 7:25 p.m. CST
If I saw this trailer when I was 14 I'd have probably been blown away.
by KEVIN_COSTNERS_RECYCLED_PISS
But unfortunately I'm not 14 anymore and thanks to dreck like the Transformers movies this whole trailer just came across as white noise to me.
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Dec. 9, 2011, 7:35 p.m. CST
There was a time I would defend stuff like this ... but creepythin' is right
by GINGE_MUPPET
Its just getting old now ... How many times do people have to get burned before they start spotting shit from a mile away ... This WILL be bad ... at best it will be mildly entertaining bad ... Depressing times to be a movie lover ... whats the ratio at the moment? Maybe one in every ten films are quality ...
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What the hell it has to do with the battleship game... well, I can't say.
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Rihanna's umbrella---ella-ella---eh-eh-eh. That, and lens flares in the sunlight. BAYFORMERS + BATTLE : LOS ANGELES + INDEPENDENCE DAY = super-poopy summer fodder for the teens and tots.
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I'll probably go see this. Looks like decent popcorn flick.
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Dec. 9, 2011, 8:16 p.m. CST
Big budget sci-fi action minus Michael Bay = my ass in a seat.
by SmokingRobot
Looks like fun. Hell, I like fun. And I've been a science fiction fan since I was five. So why not go see aliens fighting the Navy?
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The only reason they haven't made an enormous CGI-laden version of tic-tac-toe is because the Simpsons already made fun of it. I do expect to hear that a $150 million version of "hungry hungy hippoes" is under production.
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You want a Battle of Jutland movie? There are countless historical events that would make great epic films, but Hollywood isn't interested in any of them. If they did make a Jutland movie, they'd change the setting from WWI to WWII (Nazis being the only Germans who have ever existed before our own time) and change the British to the Americans. They'd also cast Will Smith as Admiral Beatty. "Aw hell no. Somethin' wrong with our damn ships today."
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Possibly dumber.
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http://vimeo.com/biglazyrobot/keloid srsly
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if Katy Perry is in it.
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....and several years after its release, it's all the more profound. Starting with the robbery of the 2000 election which Gore won, and Bush's family stole, to all the events that folllowed....as we approach the new year...this film is a great film to watch to sum up the events of the past 10 years.
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Seriously. You're out of your mind.
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Fuck you lot. Do not watch it, or go and make something yourself. It will be fun and it has got Lance in it. What more do you need? And Fawst, I am with you bud
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As pointed out earlier in this thread, the last Iowa class ship was decommissioned decades ago. The only ones left are floating museums with no artillery or working engines. I think the Wisconsin was the last battleship decommissioned and that was like 1990
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but you know whats better Fall of the Republic http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VebOTc-7shU infowars.com
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Dec. 9, 2011, 10:18 p.m. CST
In the talkback for Ides of March, smokingrobot writes....
by Bobo_Vision
"Movies by lunatics, for lunatics. Reality is calling, but no one is picking up the phone. " - smokingrobot in talkback node51528 <p> And in talkback node52103 talkingrobot writes about how he desperately tried to buy Galaxy Quest to no avail, so now he swears to never use amazon.com again. <p> smokingrobot, to be called insane by a moron like yourself is a compliment.
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... the past two trailers haven't sold me on this. BUT I am willing to give this director a chance. I am hoping a non-Michael Bay inspired trailer is coming soon for this film to impress me.
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Yes as many people know the Iowa class ships are now museums. But you can't have a battleship movie without an actual "BATTLESHIP." I can see for the film the aliens will have a way to counter all our lazy tech, so to beat them we go old school. Then we get a good old-fashioned montage of the navy re-fitting the Iowa or Missouri for action. (probably the Iowa it's docked in CA) Then we go after them and 16 inch guns are all it takes to beat the aliens who clearly have better weapons and ships. The ending will have some cheesy rock music then follow with the really deep-voiced guy who say: "Accelerate your life in muthaf@#%king Navy" So when is the Scrabble movie coming out?
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Cinnamon Toast Crunch starring Liam Neeson, Anthony Hopkins and Brian Cox. Frankenberry starring Jack Black. It's all a fucking joke now. As is this pathetic site.
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I'm holding out for card game movies. Uno ftw.
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Take a simple board game and add aliens and take out the game it was based on.
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Dec. 9, 2011, 11:18 p.m. CST
I swear that was Matt Damon in a shot. It'll be good popcorn fun, sod the rest of um!
by the_shitweasel_with_a_quizzical_brow
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I just got back from visiting her in Honolulu...evidently they filmed on board. Besides...shooting locations in Hawai'i is a nice spiff for your cast.
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Will probably make $200M+ Domestic given peoples taste in shit these days. Then again...who knows...MAYBE it'll be a fun piece of cotton Candy to fill 2 hours o your day.
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Dec. 10, 2011, 12:12 a.m. CST
I'm betting on SIMON for the next big budget toy/game-based movie adaptation
by lv_426
It will probably be about some software company that develops an advanced AI toy-like device to help kids study or something along those lines. Then the toy company will be in dire financial straits and will have no option but to sell their AI learning device SIMON to an immoral and greedy defense contractor that is trying to develop military robots for the US Army and Marine Corp. Not drone planes but robotic ground troopers (Cylon type of warriors if you will) and slightly larger automated battle mechs. So they tweak the original Simon AI character into a more aggressive and violent version. An "evil" Simon is born, while they keep the original "good" Simon as a backup. Hell, just to make things easier, they'll call the bad version Symon, while the good version is still Simon. So then Symon pulls a Skynet and tries to take over the world and kill all the pesky humans. Not so fast Mr. smarty pants AI villian! Not if our intrepid nerd hero has something to say about it. So after the shit hits the fan, our nerd hero and his hot girlfriend must team up with the good Simon and stop the robots from rising up against their masters. They'll have to get Simon out of the world wide web that interconnects the entire world, so that Symon can't get to him. They'll upload Simon into some experimental touch pad type of device that looks like a newer more high tech version of the old Simon toy. A circular piece of tech that has blinking colored lights on its surface. It will probably be able to project a holographic image of Simon's personal identity too, so the audience can relate to him more easily. There will be the two young attractive leads, Simon, and probably a couple of bumbling government spooks named Agent Milton and Agent Bradley tagging along trying to save the world. PG-13. Summer 2014. The tagline on the posters will probably read something like: Simon says... "DIE!"
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Dec. 10, 2011, 12:17 a.m. CST
So if INDEPENDENCE DAY was THE WAR OF THE WORLDS for the 1990's
by lv_426
And TRANSFORMERS and BATTLESHIP are the Independence Days of the current generation... Then a SIMON movie would be like today's WAR GAMES I suppose. Hey, maybe Hollywood can figure a way to make JENGA into this generation's DIE HARD and THE TOWERING INFERNO?
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Dec. 10, 2011, 12:20 a.m. CST
I just hope it is a long time until Hollywood gets around to going back to the old sitcoms and making new movies from them
by lv_426
Can anyone here even remotely fathom the cinematic horrors that a Full House or Family Matters (remember Steve Urkel?) movie would unleash upon the world. And if you can fathom movies like that being made, you will probably want to kill yourself.
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Attempting to care....................FAILED Do you wish to try again? Y/N Y Attempting to care........................FAILED Do you wish to try again? Y/N N WARNING: Auto destruct countdown will commence in T - 10 seconds The only way to win is not to play the game.
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Dec. 10, 2011, 12:33 a.m. CST
Also, SIMON would be able to physically navigate around inside the net/cyberspace
by lv_426
So those sequences with a Simon avatar running around inside the world of the computer would be like a rip-off of TRON and TRON Legacy. Then we can cut back and forth between the nerd hero and his big titty girlfriend in the real world fighting military robots, and Simon in virtual space fighting all kinds of glowy software baddies. Damn. This shit just writes itself. I should be making lots o' green writing these crap scripts for Hollywood. Come on H-wood. Where's my check? I still need to do some Christmas shopping.
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Dec. 10, 2011, 12:49 a.m. CST
darth_kong, I see Matt Damon as a good choice to play the computer programmer nerd hero in the big budget SIMON film
by lv_426
Or maybe Matt Damon would make a good Simon/Symon? Oh, and Matthew Broderick would have to have a supporting role or cameo to give a nice *wink wink* towards WarGames.
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Clint can be a janitor that works at the evil military contractor's corporate head-quaters. Poor guy is just doing his job mopping the floor and unclogging toilets when he gets pulled into the battle to save the world from killer robots.
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I've never watched Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension. It's been eating away at me for some time to watch it but you know how it goes when you live in a world of round the clock distractions *cough*Mayan calendar apocalypse preperations*cough* and all. I always thought it looked similar to Trancers which was pretty awful and remember wincing at least ten times throughout that movie. And only one of those was because I spilled hot Folgers on my balls. Anyway, before I commit I just wondered if any of you jerks had seen it and what, if any, opinions you could bore me with.
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Dec. 10, 2011, 1:52 a.m. CST
lv_426 - Only if Ben Affleck gets to play the Ally Sheedy GIRLFRIEND ROLE. Gus Van Sant never properly explored Matt and Ben's chemistry in Good Will Hunting.
by Darth_Kong
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Dec. 10, 2011, 2:33 a.m. CST
I'm totally down with the Matt Damon Simon movie
by WINONA_RYDERS_PUSSY_JUICE
with Matt Broderick. Sounds like a winner.
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I'm headed to YouTube to see if this is on there yet....usually is
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fuck quicktime in the butt. 3x
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Dec. 10, 2011, 4:58 a.m. CST
All copies of this movie should be destroyed! Don't release it! Stand up moviegoers! Occupy Battleship!
by Orionsangels
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I love the fact that they are using the Missouri, in some of the shots. It would have been better if they had actually used the Mighty Mo in the action shots. I know the gov't has some 16 inch rounds laying around somewhere with plenty of people who would love to see the ship fire a full broad side again. If they would have actually done that I would've paid to see this movie. As it is right now I'll just wait for it on TNT. And you're right filming in Hawaii is a good bonus for the cast and crew to being in a crappy film.
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Dec. 10, 2011, 7:44 a.m. CST
And then Liam Neeson arrests some brown people outside a Dairy Queen in Spokane and holds them without trial forever. The End!
by Tom
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Yoda was the best card in the star wars version.
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Dec. 10, 2011, 9:19 a.m. CST
So that video of Mini-Bane's Elmer Fudd voice was accurate, eh?
by JackPumpkinhead
That one - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kR4hVwDhbIg - in which he sounds like an English drunk staggering out of a pub? If that's the voice, watch the crowd of twats defending it as a "bold artistic choice, in Nolan I trust, oh, where is my vaseline!"
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Dec. 10, 2011, 9:31 a.m. CST
"Chris Nolan to direct Imax version of connect 4" (emeraldman's post): Funniest thing I've read all week!
by jawsfan
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Dec. 10, 2011, 9:31 a.m. CST
Could the movie versions of Go Fish, Uno, and Crazy Eights be far behind?
by jawsfan
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Dec. 10, 2011, 9:34 a.m. CST
Warner Brothers has announced that Nic Cage will star in "Gnip Gnop"
by jawsfan
How many of you are old enough to remember that game?
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Dec. 10, 2011, 9:35 a.m. CST
There are movies based on songs, comics, iPhone apps, and now board games. How about one based on my bowel movements?
by jawsfan
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...but the acting looks shit.
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Dec. 10, 2011, 9:38 a.m. CST
Swear to GOD, here is a leaked version of the hottest and most in-demand spec script treatment in a studio bidding war right now:
by jawsfan
(Fade In:) U.S. Military fights aliens and shit blows up. We win. (Fade out) Copyright 2011 Jawsfan. All rights reserved.
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Don't you mean: funny how INDEPENDENCE DAY is not the best alien invasion film? The first two versions of INVASION OF THE BODYSNATCHERS and the original WAR OF THE WORLDS are far, far better. The original INVADERS FROM MARS has more atmosphere and cheesy charm too.
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Tagline: Hippo to some... Hippo to others... It's a Hippo.
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In the navy! We want you! We want you!
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Dec. 10, 2011, 11:26 a.m. CST
Are there any US (or any naval) battleships still in service?!
by BurnHollywood
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"land of the lost", "the wolfman", "cowboys and aliens" and now "battleship" - the sad thing is all of these expensive misfires are not horrible - all the ingredients are there - but something is missing - some unifying spark - universal is like an expert guitar player who teaches others how to technically play but never performs successfully himself because he lacks the soul to make it as an artist - universal studios started failing at their approach to movie making once they opened a theme park and made certain properties rides
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i would loved to see this kind of money and spectacle thrown at Dune
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Dec. 10, 2011, 12:37 p.m. CST
Looks like Transformers 4, but it looks entertaining to me so I'm there
by The Founder
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Dec. 10, 2011, 12:39 p.m. CST
can't believe the shit people bitch about, big and flashy explosions and CGI imagery? Really? It what a summer flick is supposed to be about. You can have your high art flicks like Hugo but still enjoy a popcorn flick with all flash and no substance. Ligh
by The Founder
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Dec. 10, 2011, 12:46 p.m. CST
How do y'all know they are Aliens? They may be Atlantians. Just a thought.
by The Founder
I didn't pay much attention to the talking so I don't know if it was said they were from another planet.
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I mean, literally, someone do an audio analysis on the audio FX.
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Would've at least made it interesting, they could've ended up in cars or speedboats at the end to destroy the decepticons....er....alien things.
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Dec. 10, 2011, 2:14 p.m. CST
what if the exact same trailer but they switched 'Peter' for 'Steven' and added 'Spiel' before the 'Berg'?
by CARTMANEZ
itd be the beards 5th alien film (after CE3K, ET, WOTW and Indy 4) everyone would be 'OMG! this looks amazing!"...."Spielbergs done it again!!"...."holy shit i cannot wait for this!"...."jesus christ Spielberg directing Spielberg again AND Rhianna?! my head just exploded"....'that bit in the water reminded me of Abyss - is Spielberg referncing Cameron?'...
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Way to take every single thing we've seen in the last 6 years and put it all in this film. SO FUNNY.
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Dec. 10, 2011, 2:59 p.m. CST
Shit, I was writing a movie similar (but much better) than this... Fucking Hollywood
by GARY MAKIN
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...it ended up sucking royally.
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they are extradimentional transsexuals
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I like most of Michael Bays films. He's a great action director. His films are original creations, it's the Michael Bay style. But this? A copy-cat Bay movie? A paint-by-numbers Transformers film but with battleships? Fuck this shit!
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It was funny when Death said it. Just think, they could never have this particular kind of shit back in the old days, when they just had miniatures instead of CGI.
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... for the game to film adaptation of Hungry Hungry Hippos myself. They could do a man-in-suit creature feature. : )
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...wait till he hit's you with 'Hungry Hungry Hippos'!
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Dec. 11, 2011, 7:08 a.m. CST
i can already guess the movie's major roblem: the complete inplausability of the huma navy ships to be able to evne do dammage to the alien ships, much less a victory.
by AsimovLives
this movie will be balls. it will probaly only work as an involuntary comedy, if that.
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No but um, aliens?
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www.Tic Tac Toe X v. O the terrible movie. com http://www.fox.com/thesimpsons/videos/75573/x-v-o?bctag=simpsons&sortby=date
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And by 'Battleship' I mean "faith in humanity"
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... dummy
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Asshole!
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Some friends of mine the other day were saying there are no good PG-13 movies and I proceeded to list about 20 not good but GREAT PG-13 movies just off the top of my fucking head. So everybody that's like, "I hate PG-13 and nothing is good unless it's rated R" just fuck off and go watch The Boondock Saints for the billionth time. What a POS.
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Dec. 11, 2011, 2:21 p.m. CST
ANyone notice is has the same sound effects as Battle: LA did in the trailer
by HB_Dad
Those metallic purring noises mainly...
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I love cheesy over the top alien invasion flicks! Could be lots of fun in a Battle LA way if you don't take it too seriously! Just don't expect Saving Private Ryan with aliens (which I wish SOMEBODY could pull off)!
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to say the famous line I might just buy into it...But this looks like its gonna be as bad as all The Transformers movies.
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but why did they need the boardgame tie-in..at all???
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Dec. 11, 2011, 10:04 p.m. CST
Cuba Gooding jr. should have been in this. Don't ask me why. Just thought he shuld be.
by XxSoulFlyxX
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It's not hipster rage to hate on Michael Bay, it's purely discernment. See, I love giant robots and explosions and spectacle as much as the next guy, however as evidenced by the Transformers films, MICHAEL BAY IS A TERRIBLE ACTION DIRECTOR.</p> </p> The is no sense of geography to the action in his films - they are almost an arbitrary mish-mash of cool shots (sometimes comprehensible, sometimes not)which make it almost impossible to perceive a through line of cause and effect within each action beat. Even then, his action set pieces are almost without individual action beats that create another level of cause and effect - and are really just furious sound and motion, designed to beat your senses into submission. Transformers 3 felt like an assault on my senses, and there's only about about three minutes of the action in the whole film that has clear purpose and narrative direction. </p> </p> Now take someone like Spielberg, who is much less showy with his big money-shots and moving cameras... but at their best, Spielberg's action scenes tell stories within themselves. You always know what is happening and why, what each character's goal is, what is the consequence of that goal, and often have a beautifully orchestrated escalation of cause and effect, that makes the action scenes much more engaging and dramatic than the arbitrary collection of cool shots that Michael Bay assembles and calls a set piece.</p> </p> There are many more reasons that Michael Bay sucks... but this is just an example of why his action scenes suck - which is pretty ironic, given that it's his action scenes that he is supposedly renowned for... yet he sucks at staging and shooting action.</p> </p> Go figure.
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Rue the day that some jackass decided that colour theory was law, and because teal and orange are opposite on the colour wheel, they must dominate the palette of every giant budget blockbuster being made.</p> </p> Shit on a stick - sure the colours complement each other, and provide good contrast - but the problem is that this colour scheme makes everything look so damn artificial and... and... COLOUR GRADED.
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Bay and his likes are the cancer of good HW movie entertainment.and the retarded movie audience is praising them and making them rich.i hate the 00s..
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they make them look like videogames.
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Because you know they're thinking about it.
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oh wait, I am missing out on 1 hour and 29 minutes of uninteresting character development.
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I like Peter Berg, thus I hope he really brings something to the table here. Maybe there's a creative science fiction twist that will give this movie weight. I can't tell from the trailer, though. To me it looks like a Michael Bay film. It's different than "Transformers" in premise and design, yes, but I still see paper thin characters delivering silly lines to patch together action sequences. Which is fine, if you like that sort of Bay-ish movie. Berg probably petitioned the financiers to let him do "something different" with the film instead of simply showing battleships duking it out on the high seas. Thus they let him include aliens... duking it out with battleships on the high seas. Thus hopefully it'll entertain. I just wonder about the strategy behind this film. It feels... disjointed, and quite corporate instead of inspired. The ship and alien designs look badass, I'll admit, but how about doing something crazy and memorable and original with them? Not Berg's fault, I'm sure. He probably did the best he could with the restrictions he was under. It's just that... it's still "Battleship." Which is an old-school board game, not an alien invasion scenario. They should've ditched the title and simply made an original movie like "District 9" instead of product pandering. Cool character development goes right out the window when you pander. Still... maybe this film will surprise me. I hope so.
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Candyland as a horror film directed by Sam Raimi. Just saying. You hear that, James Cameron - you can HAVE that one.
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Dec. 12, 2011, 3:20 p.m. CST
The newest low is the high school kids defending movies like this...
by Andrew Coleman
Or at least I hope they are in high school. When people use "hipster" or make the claim that liking good movies which usually get the code name "artsy" movies is bad you have to be under 18. Otherwise what the fuck is wrong with you? If you're in your late twenties or early thirties or older and you find yourself getting pissed off because people make fun of Transformers or Battleship you need to sit down and rethink your life. You do realize that taking the stance of liking good movies... Oh sorry I mean "artsy" movies makes you an adult right? Only kids would say differently.
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Dec. 13, 2011, 2:10 a.m. CST
I have a feeling this will be the 'Poseidon' of 2012...if you know what I mean.
by Kamaji
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I really hope that they stay true to the spirit of the game. Im not sure how in a single movie they can quite capture everything, this probably needs an HBO mini series to really get it right.
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But could it really be worse than the last Transformers movie? Or The A-Team? Or the last Pirastes movie? Could the bar possibly get any lower?
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