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Vorpal Bunny gives a scornful look at DETERRENCE and CHAIN OF FOOLS
Hey folks, Harry here with a look at two films that didn't make Vorpal Bunny a happy bunny at all. In fact, I do believe that the Vorpal Bunny felt a bit like Bigwig after his battle with General Woundwort... So you might want to do a bit more research before stumbling into a theater with either of these two films. In otherwords... Find out more.
I had the misfortune of seeing two of the most misguided films of 1999 a few
days ago. One of which (Deterrence) will hopefully never see the light of
day, and the other (Chain of Fools) will be poorly marketed by Warner
Brothers and find its way at the bottom of every moviegoer's must-see list on
opening weekend.
First, Deterrence. The newly assigned (long backstory) President of the USA
(Kevin Pollack) learns a crazed Middle Eastern leader with unknown amounts of
nuclear and biological weapons has invaded a nearby country. The President
and his team, trapped in a snowstorm in the middle of Colorado, find their
way to a small diner and set up a base of operations. What sets itself up to
be a tense political thriller turns out to be a boring, illogical waste of
film. In that diner sits a very fat Sean Astin, a young waitress from
Canada, the weathered cook, and a wealthy couple. Over the next two very
long hours these one-dimensional side characters watch as Kevin Pollack
sweats, ponders, and jokes his way into a nuclear war with the Middle East.
An impressive turn from Timothy Hutton as Pollack's right hand man is not
enough from saving this sorry film from the deep end. The overall tone of
the film shifts from outright satire to melodrama to disgusting physical
comedy (with a man's face sizzling on a kitchen stove), and leaves the viewer
confused and detatched from the (attempt at) tension onscreen. The action of
the film takes place in a single room, making the film feel more like a stage
play than a motion picture. If the director had used interesting camera
angles or a unique production design, the film could have been more
interesting, but as it stands now, with an unremarkable cast and an extremely
unbelievable ending, Deterrence is definately one to miss.
This 'film' marks the directorial debut of Rod Lurie. If you don't know who
this man is, he used to be a film critic. I hesitate to use that phrase to
desribe him because his only skill was to be a complete ass, both in print
and on his radio show. There's a lesson in this, kids: if you bitch and moan
enough in the entertainment industry, someone is bound to give you some money
to make a movie. It worked for this jackass, so it can work for you too.
Enough ranting about Deterrence. Let me rant about Chain of Fools
This comedy/crime-caper film from Warner Brothers, to be released later this
Spring, stars Steve Zahn, Salma Hayek, Elijah Wood, Jeff Goldbloom, and a
cast of dozons of recognizable character actors. In the same vein as Two
Days In The Valley, the film follows the exploits of several characters
revolving around the heist of a few rare coins. Steve Zahn, a barber with a
bad haircut, overhears Jeff Goldbloom talking about the coins, and finds
himself entangled in the crime. Salma Hayek, playing a very unbelievable
police detective, tracks him down and, while assesing his guilt...
***FALLS IN LOVE WITH HIM***
Now, if that phrase, put between Salma Hayek and Steve Zahn, makes you cringe
too, then you must understand how uncomfortable I felt watching Salma and
Steve stripping. One hot woman and a dopey guy do not equal a beliveable
movie match! When will these studio executives get it? Perhaps I am biased,
but as a woman, I am sick and tired of these ludicrous match-ups between
screen couples. Michael Douglas and Gwyneth Paltrow? Catherine Zeta-Jones
and Sean Connery?
Enough about the match-up, what about the story? Well, my earlier allusion
to Two Days in the Valley stands here as well. This film is as convoluted
and unfunny as you can get. There are a few cute details that make some
scenes sparkle with imagination, but the suicide jokes, the bratty kid, the
unfunny characters, make the whole film very weak. For example, Elijah Wood
plays a teenage hitman whose parents committed suicide when he was a kid.
Steve Zahn's parents committed suicide when he was a child, making him a
loser in life and his sister a slut with a psychopathic son. Salma Hayek's
father committed suicide when she was a child. Does any of this sound funny
to you? Me neither.
If the film had spent a little more time fleshing out the characters perhaps
the film would have succeeded a bit more. As it stands, with too many
characters, not enough laughs, and an ending that can be seen for miles, Chain
of Fools just didn't work.
Please, if there is a film god, let there be some good films out there in our
near future. I know the Spring is usually used as a dumping ground for all
those films not deemed worthy enough of Oscar consideration., but The Beach?
Down to You? Have mercy on us, please!
Vorpal Bunny
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I'd just like to say that Johnny Depp is a two bit hack and i've never seen a film as bad as Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas except maybe the Astronaunts Wife. How every one can defend him despite his poor resume is beyond me. Wake up people Depp is not the cult artsy actor you all like to think he is, what he is a yogurt!
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Feb 02, 2000 7:51:41 AM CST
FEAR AND LOATHING wasn't that bad, it just didn't have a plot.
by twindaggerturkey
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Feb 02, 2000 9:22:24 AM CST
Who the hell would cast Kevin Pollack as a lead actor?
by stephen dedalus
He's already one of the lamest supporting actors in the world- every time I see him in a movie, I cringe. And playing the president? Talk about a horrible casting agent.
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Come on, Kevin Pollack is not that bad. He was even good in A Few Good Men. Also, there's no such thing as a casting agent only casting directors.
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What the hell is wrong with you? F&L was a commentary on that time in our history and regardless of whether or not you liked the movie, Johnny Depp was FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC. For further proof on just how awesome his performance was, take a look at a video of Hunter Thompson. Depp's acting was a dead-on portrayal of the journalist. Have you seen any other movies with Depp other than The Astronaut's Wife, which is not by far his best work? Sleepy Hollow, brilliant; Edward Scissorhands, brilliant; Benny and Joon, brilliant; Ed Wood, brilliant, need I say more. The man is an amazing actor with unbelievable mimicing skills, as well as a really talented physical actor. You wonder why everyone defends him, well, that would be because he has a lot of fans that appreciate his work and his integrity to his craft. I have been a fan since the early nineties, back in the day, and have been constantly amazed with every single performance. Nick of Time was not a very good movie, but he was by far the best thing about it. He is believable in every role and makes you want to take the journey with him. I haven't even mentioned Donnie Brasco, a mob classic, that has another wonderful portrayal by Depp. And the chemistry that he has with his fellow actors is unreal. Pacino, Brando, Del Toro, Landau, the list is endless. And they all have great things to say about him, because he is deserving of their praise. So please, once again, get off of your high horse and stop dissing on one of the only actors that truly makes movies worth watching just because he is in them. Thanks for listening, but you still SUCK ASS!!!!
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I just read the review, and I hope this is not the only one you post on your site, Harry. I know it's had it's run in the festivals (I saw it at Cannes last May) but I hope more people get to see it in wide release, so as to make the judgment for themselves. Personally, I loved it. I got the promotional info card/poster from TF1 International when I saw it, and it hangs proudly in my room, between a Cannes poster of Notorious' Grant & Bergman, and the promo card for Branagh's Love's Labour's Lost. Anyway, Deterrence rocks. What VB didn't mention is that the year is 2008 (not long now), and the middle eastern invader is Udei Hussein, Saddam's son. Frankly, I appreciate stories that use names I recognize (the film's opening montage of presidents speaking against war is gripping) instead of making them up...or did the Squadron Supreme of football throw anyone else off in Any Given Sunday? It's just my opinion, but I loved deterrence, and I can't wait to see it. Wasn't it supposed to come out wide this month? It's a good one. Bunny be damned. :)
"War is Hell" Gen. Wm. T. Sherman -
Does anyone know of any sites that post the production costs of studio films? There are tons of sites that post box office results, but I would like to know how much a movie cost to make and then compare this to box office take. I'd be especially interested in finding out breakdowns of those costs, too (how much for FX, costumes, production designs, etc.). Does anyone know where information like this can be found, on current and past movies as well? Thanks.
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www.imdb.com is probably your best bet; it's the most complete collection of movie info that you can find. It doesn't seem to give cost breakdowns...at least, not that I can find, but it does give complete budget and cost, which is probably about as close as you can get...it's a collection of facts people have found out and posted, so if someone knows the info that you want, it's probably up there...that's the best I can get for you. -Loki
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i too had a hard time following the paltrow/douglas match or the zetajones/connary match....until douglas actually matched with zetajones! as long as they stay married, i won't complain about ancient leading men getting the teenybopper girl because once again we've accepted something as true in real life that we would (and should) (and do) scoff at as absurd in film. the truth can be stranger than being entrapped in a perfect murder!
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I would just like to know why Dirtfish, the name is so appropriate, never responds to the criticsm that is thrown in his direction. You make an outlandish comment and then do not have the balls to reply to the responses. Well, keep hiding and running scared, posting your shit on all the different reviews or scoops, and you will keep getting shit from all the fans that despise your opinions.
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Elijah sucks at acting imo. he always has. i never really liked any of the movies he was in. he can't act, never could act, and i have no idea why he is going to be in the LOTR movie. especially if he's in movies as bad as you just said that Chain of Fools was. we don't need actors like that ruining entire movies people have waited so long for! i mean c'mon? him? playing Frodo? hell...
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Feb 03, 2000 12:27:57 AM CST
in Defense of Elijah Wood & Depp & in defense of their detractor
by everett robert
I know that not every person is going to like every actor, as a stuggling actor/student I know this, there are people out there who just don't like the way some actors do their craft, just as there are some movies people just don't like and some movies that people just love. Take me for example some people thought my protryal of Renfield in a producton of Dracula was way too belviable for them, and cost me a lot of dates, and some thought I was overacting and hamming it up so they would remember me. I know people who hate the way DeNiro acts, thinks he plays the same char. over and over and over and over again, and yet they love Jack Nicholson, who I think does protray the same char. over and over and over and over again. Some people like actors like harrison ford, Ben Affleck, etc and some don't that's life. I personally love the work of both Johnny Depp and Elijah wood, yes they've turned in bad work in the past, but we won't mention The Astrounat's Wife or Flipper, but it takes a lot for a good actor to make a bad movie good, I can't hardly think of any occurances of this happening, but if you look at EW's carrer you'll see he's worked with a varity of directors in a varity of roles in a varity of films, from family dramas to horror to sci-fi horror, to fantasy, whatnot...the same with Johnny Depp...it's called acting people you complain when a person isn't doing what you expect and yet complain when he doesn't play the same char. over and over and over and over again, in my opion that is why a movie like MadDog and Glory failed, I love that movie, but a lot of people don't because DeNiro didn't play the Mob Boss, and I think that is why there is a lot of critism about DeNiro being in Rocky and bullwinkle. Let's take a look at the 'geek goddess' Christina Rici, she was in THAT DARN CAT for crying out loud, or what about Wes Bently, he was in BELOVED, which has mixed reviews from people, some loved it some hated it(Harry among them)--what I'm tryin to say is that people have different likes and different ideas, respect them--on a side note how errie was it that Sean Astin and Elijah wood were mentioned in the same article and both are the "leads" in LOTR, just a thought...peace love and rock and roll!
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God, the idea that you have the odassity to say that your tired of Young people being matched with older men is almost as bad as saying your against homosexuals. I don't care about the match ups. I liked Entrapment, it was a well played out movie. The second you made that remark i just gave up reading your boring review. Next time review the movie, and not whether or not two actors you think look grose together or not.
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What about the film did you want me to review? The plot? Do you want details, or a general impression? What else? The characters, the interaction? My review may be boring to you, but you try summarizing two feature length films into a few paragraphs. I pointed out the main things in Chain of Fools that bothered me, of the main couple's relationship being extremely unbelievable, the contrived plot, the lack of development in many supporting characters, etc. To insinuate my preferences in film have no relevence in a review is ludicrous. If you hate musicals, and review a musical, you should probably include that little tidbit in the review. I find these beautiful woman/dopey guy pairings disgusting, and that had an effect on my review. You think I'm wrong, feel free to go waste 8 bucks on the movie yourself.
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