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Harry loves Craig Brewer's Remake of FOOTLOOSE!
SPOILER ALERT !!
I've seen a lot of remakes this year. Last night, I saw a rancid piece of bullshit called STRAW DOGS, that is basically STRAW DOGS in an utterly retarded South with prettier folks than in the original - but is utter fucking bullshit. I hate it.
There's a remake coming, that I can't even hint at that I loathe at a level of complete rage.
Both of these two films are made by people that fundementally didn't understand the material, the casting requirements or the original source material in any way, shape or form! However, that's definitely not the case with FOOTLOOSE by Craig Brewer.
From the opening sequence, Craig goes somewhere that the original did not go... He shows us the original town trauma. How it happened, what it took from the community. This creates the hard nosed reality that small towns have to deal with. How do we protect our kids? This whole country went through that when 9/11 was broadcast and seared into our consciousness. How do we protect ourselves? Well, usually... those in charge grotesquely overreact. Instead of accepting that we will have tragedy in our lives, and that that's ok. WE DON'T HAVE TO REACT, we can simply take the hit and keep on living, honoring the memory of the fallen and move forward as a country or community. But at the heart of FOOTLOOSE - this opening scene gives us everything.
Dennis Quaid's Preacherman is a different animal from John Lithgow - who was frankly a little scary to me as a kid. Lithgow truly invokes GOD and is acting from a personal directive from God. Quaid is an open wound. He's festering and bleeding. It has made him intolerant of his daughter, and the happiness has gone from his life.
His daughter is "Hot to Trot" as we would say back in Seymour, Tx where I went to High School... You know the girl. She's got an itch that every boy would like to scratch, and she's used to turning her attention and getting what she wants. Some of this is out of a desire to get her father to actually engage. To see her and not the ghost of her dead brother.
Then you have REN hitting town. He's not Kevin Bacon. Unlike in the original, they take away his mother, giving Ren a very bitter back story. This is a boy matured. He's had to go through something that no High School kid should ever have to go through, which is a slow lingering death of a parent. It gives this Ren a soul and a deep-seeded anger that's more than just a town not letting him dance. Ren's life isn't fucking fair. Everyone blames him, thinks he's a shitty town bad boy, but not getting to dance or play music loud... that's the straw he won't allow to break his back. Kenny Wormald is new to the screen really. He's gonna make folks swoon. Not only has Craig coaxed a great performance out of this kid, but folks... HE CAN DANCE! Watch his Angry Dance? Watch his dance with his best mate, Willard - played to utter fucking perfection by Miles Teller, who you may remember from his excellent work in last year's RABBIT HOLE.
If I were running Paramount, I'd sign Kenny and Miles to a long contract, and then team them up for a series of Musical/Dramedies - their charisma together is just exciting and fun to watch. They play off of one another in a way that echoes some classic musical buddy comedy could. In fact - there's a tad of Gene Kelly and Jules Munshin from ON THE TOWN going on between these two - and that fucking owns!
Craig doesn't crank out dispassionate work, he crafts films that give a shit. It is so relieving to see... Someone coming to previously told material, but with a geniune desire to update and make it live as vibrantly if not more so than the original.
FOOTLOOSE gets put on by community theater and High Schools across the country. The story has fallen into the lexicon of HIGH SCHOOL language. It is perfect material for retelling, and I found myself wishing that Mickey Rooney, Judy Garland and the Bowery Boys had done this in the late 30s... cuz I'd kill to see Mickey's take on Ren! Though, watching GIRL CRAZY, it doesn't take much to imagine.
Craig uses some of the music we know from the original, but he'll use it in a completely different and surprising manner. This is a remake worth checking out, it really makes you wanna dance!
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plse help
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Awww no way!! Cool!
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Yeah, of course he loves the movie from his pal Craig, he loves it so much that he couldn't write the pre-pubescent dreams of yore that he actually writes when there is something he loves, you know those ones, the ones that he starts to tell stories from his family watching movies and how this movie reminds him of that, and of course, like 4 pages of saying that everything "rocked"...
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That was well-written and you didn't gush like a little girl once. Nice job.
But now I'm curious what the remake that shall not speak its name is. -
Hated Straw Dogs (remake) too. It was crap. A little hint? Obscure references welcome.
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Jesus ...
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It looked like another Step UP, or just another terrible dance movie.
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Sep 15, 2011 4:51:11 PM CDT
"Dennis Quaid's Preacherman is a different animal from John Lithgow - who was frankly a real actor."
by mattman
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come on. duh.
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Blake Shelton singing "Footloose"? Blech. The soundtrack is just pure laziness. If this had some original music I might just be onboard with this.
I saw the original the very first night in theaters. I don't think this could ever top the original. -
Stop the presses!
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Sep 15, 2011 4:57:53 PM CDT
" STRAW DOGS is basically STRAW DOGS in the South with pretty people."
by d.vader
Sounds like a good movie to me.
H- "but is utter fucking bullshit."
Meaning... what exactly? Sounds like the kind of criticism Asi would throw out there without anything to explain it or back it up. -
Like we ever believe a word Harry says in a review anyway, but really.
I ain't gonna rant. But everything Harry puts out as a "positive" in this review just stinks of the usual failings of remakes.
I should qualify this statement, but I absolutelyl can't be bothered. I've wasted far too much bandwidth and keystrokes on such things, and most of it goes without saying.
Jesus FUCKING Christ Harry - buy yourself a barometer of taste. -
better not be fuckin JAWS....that's all I can say.
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Never forget. . .
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But with DANCIN'!
What defukk ... -
Now, I haven't seen the original, and Harry is certainly entitled to his opinion, but I thought it was pretty good.
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Sep 15, 2011 5:11:11 PM CDT
Harold writes: 'There's a remake coming, that I can't even hint at that I loathe at a level of complete rage.'
by the_choppah
Whoa. Wow.
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Please don't deleted this comment. I am under no embargo.
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Blurgh.
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Back on topic... I didn't like the original Footloose, so I might like this new version better.
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going to my girlfriend's prom. Dancing was a big SIN in my parents house, and even worse was the embarrasment of having the SON of the pastor publicly going to a dance. This was 1998 and I've mended those wounds since then. It was a good experience for me too. I moved out. Went half way across the country. Learned what God meant to me personally instead of the wacky rules the church dicatates to keep everyone in line. And fell in love with movies (which I was also forbidden from) along the way.
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Glad you made it to the other side.
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I remember reading another story of yours about movies being forbidden and how you didn't see a lot of great classic films until later in life. Very interesting story. Like the Choppah, I'm glad you made it to the other side.
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Wow. If that's all true - then good for you, friend. I'm sure that took a lot of nerve. I hope you realise you're in a far better where you can get into whatever you want and make your own choices.
A badly-expressed ramble I know, but I find it hard (as an Englishman) to think that people in 21st century America can live in a place where movies and dancing aren't allowed.
Wow. -
Since it's already Friday in Asia, why not get it going now?
Today's contestant: Christina Hendricks.
Is her pillowy ass open for business? -
Sep 15, 2011 5:59:22 PM CDT
He shows us the original town trauma. How it happened, what it took from the community.
by the_choppah
Shark rape?
Did dancing lead to shark rape? -
Kept reading your tweets about how horrible it was. I was ready for the full diatribe!
Harry, you're too nice. =) -
These days I get a lot of flack from LOUD people. Meaning, those folks that think their way is right on both sides. (You're going to Hell for not following the rules) or (You're retarded for believing in God). Whatev. Free will is the first gift given to us, and I believe God WANTS us to use it. When he's old enough, I'm going to teach my son how to make a fire. That's a great gift. But it's up to him how he uses it. It could save his life if he's lost in the wilderness. Or he could end up being a serial arsonist. Either way, it's a gift that I won't regret giving and certainly can't take back. Anyways, we're here for the movies. Enough of my preaching. (Curse my parentage!)
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Its almost like Don Murphy has discovered he has cancer and now that his days are numbered, he realizes the only real connection he's ever had in his life has been with his arch-nemesis on AICN.
Or, there's your theory. Either way, the timing is strange. Why now? Like you said, you guys haven't flamed each other in quite awhile. It seems out of the blue. Obviously he remembers you, but why bother trying to contact you?
But funny how he wants to meet and offers you whatever you want to do it... but prefaces the conversation by insulting you and calling you a coward.
Well he can rest easy knowing I enjoyed TF: Dark of the Moon. But he'll forever be haunted by what the real CTM looks like in person. -
Sep 15, 2011 6:13:18 PM CDT
I don't have a degree in psychology but I've seen Good Will Hunting and I think I can help you.
by the_choppah
AAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
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The big guy isn't going to pass up the chance to take another shit in PWS Anderson's mouth, even if it was Oscar-worthy.
Personally I think that the Muskehounds looks so bad it may actually break through and join Anaconda (among others) in the ranks of beautiful retarded shit classics.
I'm a connoisseur. -
and he follows it up with Footloose? Me thinks Harry has lost his marbles if he thinks that most of the people that regularly visit this site are going to be at all concerned with Footloose. I would guess most people would just assume it will be a turd...regardless of what ol' Harold thinks.
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Sep 15, 2011 6:36:28 PM CDT
If your soul can be saved by dancing does that mean Harry is going to hell?
by melonman
For liking this movie.
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....like you mentioned, he wants to brow beat you and humiliate you, because having lots of money may satisfy his craving for pleasure, but now he wants to satisfy his need for revenge, and to feel big. He will be wearing a watch which he'll tell you is worth more than you will earn in the next 20 years, and then he will berate you in a manner that is sociopathic, while his bodyguards stand behind him should you decide to retaliate. If his craving isn't satisfied after this meeting, he will have his bodyguards follow you home and beat you to death. Your body will be neatly dropped off a building and a makeshift suicide note will be left in your apartment.
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Sep 15, 2011 6:55:00 PM CDT
Harry relates to the main character because they both experienced the same tragedy growing up
by bobo_vision
If I'm not mistaken, that was the same reason he loved Brad Pitt's performance in Snatch.
The healing power of movies does its work, one film at a time. -
Hmm.
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Sep 15, 2011 7:06:18 PM CDT
Brewer is nothing but a wigger wanna be. The guy wishes he was black more than Eminem.
by gqtaste26
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Can't wait. To see something else.
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. . . does it explain how and when the kids learned to dance?
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And since Harry's opinion means fuck-all these days...
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It was sitting at 55% on RT when I checked last.
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Sep 15, 2011 7:32:46 PM CDT
In this version of Footloose, the parents are worried that by dancing.....
by bobo_vision
....the girls will start dating black guys after listening to that "jungle" music, and may even date those ornery brown guys, the ones who looks like those who committed 9/11, causing them to shift away from Christian values, towards something Eastern, or even become an atheist or agnostic.
That's the true fear of conservative white parents. -
Sep 15, 2011 7:33:15 PM CDT
Wow, the content of this site is woefully inconsistent...
by soylentmean
We get a review for this but we can't get the DVD reviews for the week? WTF?
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Sep 15, 2011 7:35:23 PM CDT
Fuck Footloose. I wanna know more about creepythinmanforever VS. Don Murphy.
by fustfick
That's some hilarious shit. How in the world can you possibly resist meeting with Murphy or his impersonator? This is like a real mystery 'n shit.
Oh, and did I mention - fuck Footloose? -
our choice song was The Safety Dance. We thought we were rad.
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Colour me surprised.
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Sep 15, 2011 7:58:22 PM CDT
This is the first review of Harry's I've read in a long time...
by themagicalhornofguntata
... that looks like he typed it with both hands.
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No Stryper?
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Is the Thing. That sucks.
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But looking forward to the 3Musk review.
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Sep 15, 2011 8:11:30 PM CDT
Footloose is great. Twilight movies are awesome. Cap was perfect.
by quake ii
Welcome to Aint it teen news. I'll never see this film and I doubt 90% of your readers will either. I HOPE that other remake Harry said he hated wasn't The Thing. I want that movie to be at least watchable.
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The brother died from dancing? Anyhoo, this sounds more seriouser. I don't think it necessarily works when it gets seriouser. The Fame remake didn't do well, maybe for that reason, but I liked it. But the original Footloose was really all about the soundtrack. How was this one?
Now I've got "I'm Free (Heaven Helps the Man)" stuck in my head and I'm imagining Mickey Rooney dancing to it. LOL -
That review was so.....boy crush. Harry, Harry, Harry.........
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Get the fuck outta here.
What shit.
Come on Harry, how low will sink? -
except the iconic freeway scene
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and I don't care about either Footlooses or is Feetloose?
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Sep 15, 2011 9:52:19 PM CDT
Never mind. Harry might be right. 35 percent on Rotten Tomatoes
by proevad
Roger Ebert loved it, but Rog is due for one of his infamous "oops" reviews.
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If you could make Point Break less of a joke (see Hot Fuzz, no seriously, see that movie, it's much better than Point Break), I'd be up for a remake. But there's no reason to ever remake Highlander or The Thing. You can't improve on them.
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That was something I always wondered about in the original. I remember looking at people and asking "When did they learn to dance?" I was shoved onto a dance floor in 8th grade P.E. and given music to dance to, and my entire class looked like a bunch of Autistic kids with wooden legs and hearing problems. It was horrible and thanks to my school, forever preserved on VHS.
I guess they could make them all not know how to dance and let them flail around in the final scene like they were having a group siezure. The final scene could be our high school rebel telling the preacher "No, they're just crunkin!" Cut to credits. -
Sep 15, 2011 10:13:54 PM CDT
As funny as the CTM saga is, how has this not been picked up on?
by monkey butler
"sexual death star"? So you get halfway built and then explode?
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WTH! Harry, you got time to watch a fag dance movie, but not do the new video releases for the week! WHAT THE FUCK ASSHOLE1
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Just because the pathetic losers behind it claim it's a prequel doesn't mean we have to take them seriously.
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I can't wait to see it now!! Thanks!
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Sep 15, 2011 11:06:44 PM CDT
Fuck footloose. Bruce Cambell tweeted a bunch of Evil Dead remake stuff.
by doktor_avalanche
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This movie is a steaming pile of maggot infested dog shit that was puked up, eaten by a rabid raccoon and then shit out again. Thus making it a steamier pile of dead maggot-encrusted, rabid raccoon shit.
Dear Paramount, feel free to use that on any and all promotional material for the movie.
Thanks,
Ted -
Because if you are an official Friend of AICN (tm) apparently your shit will never, ever stink, no matter how rancid, and you can get mega praise for doing the exact kind of thing that other film makers get consistently raked over the coals around here for.
Make a bad film? Doesn't matter, if you are a Friend of AICN it'll get praised around here anyway. Pointless and/or horrible remake? There's no such thing if you're an official Friend of AICN! Crappy, hackneyed sequel that is every bit as bad as every other derided sequel to a once popular franchise? Worry no more if you are a Friend of AICN, as your crappy sequel will instantly become 'the only sequel that got it right'!
All you have to do to become an official Friend of AICN is to suck up to Harry, make personal contact while pretending to value his opinion as a 'film guru', or send him pwesents, or both! Preferably both. Having a meal with him, or making him special guest at a screening goes a long way too.
Can't be arsed doing that, but still want unwarranted praise for your upcoming crappy flick? Then simply follow these easy steps - grant an AICN an all expenses paid set visit, grant AICN 'exclusive' interviews with cast members and/or director (note: exclusive access doesn't actually have to be in any way exclusive), and finally set up a special screening just for AICN (note: special screening doesn't have to be just for AICN, just give them enough seats to give away so they can pretend that it is). This will get you at least three staff reviews full of fawning praise, plus one lukewarm one to give the illusion of 'balance'. A pwesent thrown Harry's way will get you extra coverage and hype leading up to release as well, maybe even a 'that other movie coming out this week really sucks' swipe or two as well. A tiny price to pay for when you want to maintain some dignity and don't actually have to pretend to be Harry's extra special bestest buddy.
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Not only did you actually like this movie but you compared it to 9/11 !!!!!!!!! Really????????!!!!!??? you fat bastard you compared a couple of kids dying(in a movie of course) and a town outlawing dancing to the most tragic thing to happen to our country since pearl harbor ? Really Harry maybe when u had the fat sucked out of your ass they mistakenly took some of your brain too cus that's the dumbest fucking thing I've ever heard. This website keeps getting worse and worse.........sigh
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Seriously, a remake of the EVIL DEAD, written by Diablo FUCKING Cody?
I'm pretty fucking pissed off too.
WTF Hollywood, WTFF. -
...went to the original Footloose when I was in high school with my best bud and his older sis, who looked like in-her-prime Kelly McGillis. (An aside: As I said on another thread, she did too have a "prime", it just only lasted a few minutes, but she was mega-hot for those few minutes. Oh, also, I was banging my pal's sis too, but he didn't know that at the time... but that's another story. Geez, this is getting to be like a crappy opening scroll in a Family Guy Star Wars parody.) So, on with the story, we all went to see Footloose in NYC and we all got ripped on J.D., Budweisers and weed beforehand. So the movie is going along and through the fog of cheap bourbon, beer and crib-weed, I remember a scene where a mom character was advising, what, Lori Petty(?), whoever, to "Wake up and smell the coffee." Later Kevin Bacon goes to pick up the same chick to take her to the illegal prom, or whatever-the-fuck (long time ago, never seen the flick again and also, we were all quite ripped). Bacon looks at her in her extremely silly 80's prom dress and says, "You look beautiful!" At this point, my friend, who had a damn loud-ass voice, shouts out, of course, "Wake up and smell the fuckin' coffee!" And brought the entire theater down in uproarious laughter. I can remember nothing else about the movie from that point except something about dancing cowboys and girls in prom dresses and cowboy boots dancing on chairs. Never saw the movie again, never wanted to ruin a perfect 80's memory. Sorry again. Same lame-ass excuse... it's quite late. Oh and Harry, you're just too lame for words sometimes, ya overly-sentimental lug. Like I'm going to go see some shitty remake starring that chick from the pimple cream ads.
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Sep 16, 2011 12:44:51 AM CDT
'Citizen Kane' - it's perfect for re-telling. 'Jaws' - it's perfect for re-telling.
by smokingrobot
Have IQ's dropped sharply while I was away?
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And come into the barn during their redneck prom (after absorbing some energy) and stomp his foot on the ground, obliterating the entire cast of characters. I would see THAT version of Footloose multiple times. What's funny is that these remakes die on the dvd shelf and the originals always remain the versions that live on forever.
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"Remakes always die on the shelf while originals live on"
True almost always. I can think of a few exceptions, though.
Carpenter's "The Thing" remake is arguably more famous than the original.
Also, the Cape Fear maybe too. -
I only come here out of habit anymore, and every time I do I either just see Sideshow Collectibles ads (yes, they're cool. STFU though) and 'breaking news' that is hours (if not days) behind the other sites.
Ugly formatting, bad editing, product placement, and now a positive review of a Footloose remake? -
Sep 16, 2011 2:30:23 AM CDT
How about a porno called Pussyloose where fucking isn't allowed in the town
by melgibsoncalledmethenword
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vSWh-I9rM-4
Genius! -
No review - no comment - is it cos the film makers didn't give you a goody bag...? Are the rumours of corruption true?
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The remake so far looks to shit on everything the original did, while the Thing simply looks to copy it, though my second guess is the Thing.
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Sep 16, 2011 4:39:05 AM CDT
OH HELLL NOOOOOOOW. no review on apes or warrior but footloose u gotta be freaking kiddin us harry!
by captaindickbloodsrobot
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Sep 16, 2011 4:40:46 AM CDT
next review for harry will be twillight breaking dawn shit i would bet my ass on it, harry now officially is a girl
by captaindickbloodsrobot
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Sep 16, 2011 4:42:11 AM CDT
this sit should be calles aint it girly news no movie lover geek or whatever cares about footloose twilight or whatever well except ur a girl
by captaindickbloodsrobot
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Sep 16, 2011 4:44:18 AM CDT
beacuse ur friends with the filmmaker doesnt make this review right, the movie sucks
by captaindickbloodsrobot
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Going and actually showing the court case doesn't work. In the original it was already done and thus the film was moving. Here, showing it lets the audience actually be there and see when they create the stupid law. And it is stupid: teenagers are killed after drink/dance, so they ban dancing? Stupid and not believable. They got away with it in the first film by having it already in place and moving on.
It's a bit like Children of the Corn. The "rules" are already in place when the audience arrive so they go along with it. Yes, I'm aware I could have picked a better example...
And watching the trailer, this is TOO similiar to the original. Just watch that one.
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For serious.
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Rise of the Planet of the Apes is one of the best reviewed films of the summer. I have a hard time believeing Harry didn't like it. Who cares anyway? Go and make up your own minds. You whining arseholes seem to spend too much time attacking people whose views you seem to want to hear. Idiots.
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While it's unlikely I'll see the film myself as it's just not my cup of tea, have you seen it? Do you know for sure it sucks? I bet you've not even watched the trailer. Stop crying and go and do something more constructive, you bunch of spineless pussies.
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Take it like a bitch hippie
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Fun, catchy music...but NOT good. Those kids at the end dance like freakin Berishnikov! The preacher villain has no pay-off. He spouts crap and then thats it! Always wondered what happend to Lori Singer.
Looking forward to this. How can anyone not enjoy people singing and dancing? -
No proms, no formals, nothing...It could have inspired the original as that happened in the early 80's or so the rumor goes. It's a tiny craphole town and became the laughing stock of the area.
For me, I never understood going to a school sanctioned dance, supervised by teachers, spend a ton of money on the clothes, drink nasty drinks, spend a few hours stepping on each other's feet. NOT my idea of fun. Unless your getting laid, but then why do u have to waste time at a freakin dance for that? -
Switched roles to Keanue as the Surf robber and Swayze as Johnny Utah. Mixing it up was perhaps the point, but still it would have seemed less gimmicky since Keanue was barely 17 at the time, or so he looked.
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Sep 16, 2011 6:48:10 AM CDT
FOOTLOOSE WITHOUT KENNY LOGGINS IS LIKE JIM MESSINA WITHOUT KENNY LOGGINS
by darth busey
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Sep 16, 2011 6:48:51 AM CDT
RIP CHRIS PENN, BTW. I STILL MISS THAT FAT FUCKING MAGNIFICIENT BASTARD.
by darth busey
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Film Critic
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Did Harry just compare 9/11 to Footloose?
Eat a dick! -
... has to be Red Dawn. From everything I have read about it, they should take any and all footage filmed so far, burn it, pretend it never happened.
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just shut up
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I have been coming here for a long time. I dont post much cause I just can"t argue and piss and moan all day about movies. But this review has shattered and utterly destroyed everything I loved about this site. I puked my coffee all over my desk. It's like Harry just reviews Friends Movies or Movies that give him Swag!! Sad really cause I used to tell people about how great this site was. Was!!
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Did you finally go crazy from eating all those honey dipped fried chickens for breakfast?
I mean Footloose? You're a coward and a fraud Harry. -
But the inability to COMMUNICATE that bad tasted using coherent sentences.
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I don't know why it just came to me in a dream.
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Sep 16, 2011 10:51:34 AM CDT
re: "There's a remake coming that I can't even hint at that I loathe at a level of complete rage."
by scratchmonkey
This level of complete rage you're feeling; is it more than just the kind of "deep-seeded"* anger you feel when a town doesn't let you dance?
*Deep-seated, for future reference. -
Sep 16, 2011 12:05:34 PM CDT
If any of you hadn't figured it out after his Inception and Nightmare on Elm Streeet reviews...
by lock67ca
You have no fucking excuse now. The Footloose remake? Really?!? And comparing it to 9/11? Can you possibly sink any lower? Fucking retarded!
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I can't believe you brought up Stryper. That was actually before my time. My parents didn't really like music either. Even "Christian" rock was the devil's music. I got my kicks by recording songs from TV and video games on my little tape recorder. It wasn't until I was about 14 when my older sisters finally introduced me to actual music. For some reason, my parents did allow me to listen to lots of Weird Al. They thought he was "sticking it" to all those secular artists. As a result, when I got older and heard the "actual" songs he was parodying, I would burst into laughter with my friends staring at me like I was nuts.
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to just bash Harrys reviews. Everyone gets upset when he DOESN'T review a movie, and then flips out when he DOES. And then you all call him crazy for the movies that he choses to review. Why stress about it, when you aren't going to like his reviews anyways? You all say he's changed, but for the 10 years I've been reading this site, he's always been pretty eccentric. We read his reviews for the gush of incomprehensible word passion (good or bad) that he writes to try to capture the FEELINGS he's having at that time (often times making some kind of connection to a childhood event or celebrity meeting). Yeah, it's weird. But he has everyone else to write normal reviews. People need to get over it and quit gumming up my talkbacks with Harry complaints. If you don't care for Footloose or Harry's take on it, DON'T OPEN THE LINK!
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Sep 16, 2011 12:32:55 PM CDT
DRIVE is released and Harry watches FOOTLOSE instead? What's wrong with this picture?
by asimovlives
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Seriously, that thing looks like every other piece of shit P.T. Andreson has ever made. Plus, the new The Thing isn't a remake, it's a prequel.
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"Last night, I saw a rancid piece of bullshit called STRAW DOGS, that is basically STRAW DOGS in an utterly retarded South with prettier folks than in the original - but is utter fucking bullshit. I hate it."
And last night you saw a rancid piece of bullshit called FOOTLOOSE, in which a Disneyfied pretty-boy Ren gets to bust a move STEP UP-style with prettier folks than in the original (yet strangely less able to act, possessing zero charisma or the ability to look as if they give a fuck about any of the lines they blankly recite like human-shaped tape recorders), and inexplicably turning into a watered down piece of shit cash-in designed solely to appeal to the next generation of 9 year olds that missed the HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL and GLEE bandwagons, after which this detestable crock of gibbering shit is so obviously chasing.
FUCK. THIS. MOVIE. Bacon's Ren would eat this plastic pretender for breakfast.
Hary. Hang your head, man. I can't believe you watched this shit... -
...is the fucking musical version, which could not shit on its own legacy more comprehensibly if George Lucas had written, produced, directed and performed EVERY FUCKING WORD.
Whatever Dean Pitchford has been on since the original movie came out, I want some. Because his revisions to that movie make Lucas' tinkering look like the restoration of the Mona Lisa in comparison... -
Reverend Moore and his wife watch as the teens file slowly into the dance hall. The music is barely audible as the disco lights begin to flash through the window.
As he squints, straining to see, the Reverend sees his daughter dancing opposite Ren.
REV MOORE: No. NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Reverend Moore picks up his wife and throws her down the main thermal shaft at the centre of the Death Star throne room. Demoniac winds threaten to claw him down into the pit after her. -
Fuckmoose, blame all the goddamn Jews.
Please, Louise,
Pull get your tits offa my knees.
Jack, who's black,
C'mon and sell me crack.
Lose your pubes
Everybody cut Cockloose! -
Everybody suck COCKLOOSE!! :D
-
Get your tits offa my knees
-
...I enjoy Craig Brewer movies (so far). I don't give a fuck.
To be clear though I'm going to see it on DVD. I will not be rushing to the theater for it. -
Harry has already seen the Footloose remake? He must be a very special person! Can I have his big, orange, crippled-by-fat autograph?
-
Sep 16, 2011 2:18:12 PM CDT
You can tell Harry's lying. If he really liked a movie it's a 40 page review
by melgibsoncalledmethenword
and half of the review is him talking about seeing it, not even what he actually sees.
So this is just returning the favor for a kick back. The movie sucked. -
Sep 16, 2011 2:21:34 PM CDT
The new lyrics: We're paying,...so much.....We're buying good reviews....
by melgibsoncalledmethenword
I'm not going to waste my time with the rest.
-
Sep 16, 2011 2:22:12 PM CDT
Did anyone see Bret's angry dance on FOTC? That's the only Footloose remake worth watching
by melgibsoncalledmethenword
-
The real attraction of the original "Footloose" was Lori Singer. Without her, 90% of the motivation would disappear. Julianne Hough is playing the daughter in the remake, yet there's not a word about her in the review.
-
Makeup goes a long way with this chick:
http://tinyurl.com/3po3xaq -
This potential meet up between Creepy Thin Man and Don Murphy. Will that get me banned? I hope not, because that was the most entertaining part of this whole thread until it was deleted.
Who knows who these tools are, supposedly Murphy is a producer (wink wink) but that's like believing the dude who wants to give me money to re-patriot is actually a Nigerian Prince.
At any rate, this whole meet up has me thinking of the Anchorman fight scene between the Channel 4 News team and all those other wannabes. Hope someone shows up with a cell phone cam! -
Sad now. That was fascinating stuff.
-
Is they kept the plot together. A town outlaws dancing? Even in the tea party era this seems impossible. Any dipshit who would try this would get destroyed on a national level. I get that we are seeing a rise in conservative fucks trying to make people live the world they want but this plot seems dumb. Frankly if they wanted to make a Footloose remake relevant they should have taken a chance. Make it about a black or Latino kid moving to an over the top white small town. They ban teen "parties" or whatever and the kids get together and dance as a huge "fuck you" to the town. Or something. Instead we get a carbon copy with the same plot that makes no sense now and a lead... Well the dude looks like the devil. Look at the guy. He's not charming looking, he looks like he kills kittens for a hobby. This will be the down fall for the film. Teen girls won't find him cute and won't go... Looking forward to this bombing and then fading off into memory until MTV shows it at 2 am on a tuesday night.
-
Although the original is not exactly a classic.
-
If a town is small enough, and the church is the primary focal point of the town, then it's not that implausible of a situation. I was kicked out of my house for going to a high school dance. That was in the late 90s.
-
Seriously, why would he review Footloose before that? WTF Harry? I don't blame the people saying Harry only reviews when he gets a good bribe first, because that's how it appears now.
-
Sep 16, 2011 6:31:45 PM CDT
Well, I guess you didn't fell asleep during this movie, huh? You would never do that during one of your buddy Craig's movies. You would also never give a bad review to one of his movies. Because you want to stay friends with your buddy Craig, right? Yeah,
by mr_incredible
-
A completely talentless hack producer that is also a cyber-stalker? And also dumb as a post, with the mental maturity of a 12-year old? You guys should be exposing him for what he is and making it harder for him to leech on to properties/franchises like he did to Transformers.
-
is what has Haroldo raging. Bloody disgusting says Fede Alvarez (Federico Alvarez) is directing the remake. Alvarez is the Uruguayan filmmaker who made the sci-fi short Panic Attack which became a viral sensation on YouTube.
-
Sep 17, 2011 5:44:36 AM CDT
Craig Brewer Hasn't Directed A Bad Film In My Opinion But I'm Not Sure If This One's For Me.
by pr1c3y
-
Apparently I am off, by a long shot. Sorry. (Now is the moment in which, if I were younger, I would play off the fact that that was a horribly bad guess and pretend that I had made a really witty joke instead.) Alas, the force is not with me.
-
Sep 17, 2011 12:14:20 PM CDT
When the teens in my church had our dance revolt...
by chaunceygardiner
You cannot hear me laugh. But I am. A lot. Thank you. Very much.
-
Yeah, it was like growing up in a bomb shelter. We were pretty ridiculous. Thus, if they really want to make a plausible Footloose film, the kids need to be all sheltered losers who dance like they are having an epileptic seizure. I'm told, I still dance like that...
-
in a church fellowship hall, I proceeded to groove a little bit too hardily during a Beatles song during a wedding reception. I was told that I was crossing into dangerous waters. The church committee had already met over this matter, and the decision was unanimous. NO DAMN DANCIN'. But you know, "You can dance if you want, just leave your past behind. And if you can't dance..."
-
AICN gets invited on the Footloosen remake.
Harry is friend with the director.
Although the entire movie looks like a bad copy of the original, scene for scene, song for song and dialog alike, although it's probably an andapted pile of crap that will tank, Harry still gives it a better review than Inception.
Pathetic. -
"it really makes you wanna dance" will definitelty be there somewhere...or in a few weeks on the DVD cover.
-
Sep 18, 2011 12:47:49 PM CDT
I fucked a preacher's daughter behind the altar at his church
by proevad
Once you've done that, a dance revolt just isn't that interesting.
-
I'm reasonably certain studios don't sign young actors to those kinds of contracts anymore. I'm also pretty sure that Gene Kelly and Jules Munshon weren't ever a terribly popular movie musical duo. Sinatra, maybe. Donald O'Conner, Yes! Jules Munshon? It's always fair weather...
This hare-brained idea is as bad as his suggestion that Marvel Studios sign Michael "goofy face" Phelps to an exclusive contract to play Prince Namor the Sub-Mariner. All the acting lessons in the world, baby... -
Actually, the Michael Phelps idea is a pretty good one, if Michael Phelps were a good-looking man, and if he projected any sophistication whatsoever.
Actors with a more regal bearing include, in no particular order...
Nick Cage
Billy Zane
Tracy Morgan
Leonard Nimoy (c.2006) -
DAncing with the Stars in it. arrggg so boring, so lifeless. what a lightweight. the original girl had fucking gravitas.
-
Sep 19, 2011 11:10:06 AM CDT
Harry Harry Harry.....I thought this was a geek site. You review this but not Apollo 18?
by damned if i can login
Geez dude...it's not as if I know anything about Apollo 18 (or like it, as I said I know nothing) but I am a bit surprized that you review the remake of Footloose and ignore Apollo 18, which does seem to be more in line with geekdom in general.
Looks like the Geek Cred-o-meter just dropped significantly... -
...but had to choose between killing Hitler and perhaps saving tens of millions of lives, or stopping Kenny Loggins from singing "Footloose", I would, without hesitation, stop Kenny Loggins. God fucking DAMN, but that song irritated the motherfucking shit out of me.
-
Better than Danger Zone from Top Gun. Not much better though, I agree. Kenny Loggins singing anything irritates the shit out of me.
-
and the only ones who even saw it were chicks.
-
Nothing more needs to be said for the remainder of human history.
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