Movie News

Alexandra DuPont takes a whiff of SUPERNOVA

Published at: Jan. 20, 2000, 4:16 a.m. CST

Hey folks, Harry here. Many have asked why there has been NO review of SUPERNOVA on the site... Not just me... but from anybody else. Well... Noone had the balls to do it, so... our TalkBack Diva, Alexandra DuPont decided to exhibit massive cajones and ventured forth to seek out the truth for us lazy scared ball-less bastards. The following is so funny... That I'm afraid... I have to go see this thing. It sounds like an excellent get loaded and stare at the screen cock-angled with drool escaping the corners of your mouth. Sounds FUN!

Alexandra DuPont reviews SUPERNOVA

Toujours, Harry. I hadn’t seen a review of “Supernova” on your site (an utter famine of preview screenings will lend itself to that, won’t it?) so I thought I’d save you the trouble. Please feel free to post it if you feel it would be a valuable public service, akin to telling kids to stop smoking crack or continue watching “Felicity” since she’s cut her hair.

For trouble, dear sir, is precisely what “Supernova” is, in the form of a polite, abandoned mess. It’s not really an EMBARRASSING mess, or even a FUNNY mess -- it’s just the sort of thuddingly dull, uninvolving mess that you’d find in, say, an episode of “Space Rangers” (which is actually rather too harsh on “Space Rangers”) or that Sci-Fi Channel TV movie “Assault on Dome Four” (which actually starred Bruce Campbell as the bad guy and was sort of funny/bad) or, well, “Event Horizon” (only not as cool-looking, what with “Supernova”’s lack of gothic-cathedral spaceships flying through clouds and such.)

I know I’m not really surprising any “insiders” here -- the film was more or less abandoned by Walter Hill, then adopted, beaten like a redheaded stepchild and abandoned again by Francis Ford Coppola, and is now “directed” by some new pseudonym for “Alan Smithee” -- “Jimmy Smits” or some nonsense. If this film were a child, it would be slopping gruel at juvvie hall by now. Here’s the spoiler-packed breakdown:

THE PLOT: Rescue ship detects distress signal on rogue moon close to on-the-verge-of-exploding star. The stunningly well-built and chiseled crew of said ship includes recovering-addict pilot James Spader, stoic doctor Angela Basset, sex-mad Lou Diamond Philips and Robin “End of Days” Tunney (boy, haven’t THEY had great professional years, those last two?), plus token nancy-boy/computer whiz Wilson Cruz. Oh, and I literally almost forgot: red-shirt/captain/Ph.D-candidate-writing-his-thesis-on-cartoons (!) Robert Forster, who should have learned his lesson with “The Black Hole” and stayed away from science fiction. FOREVER.

Anyway, the crew rescues a handsome stranger (Peter Facinelli) who’s smuggling a “mysterious,” computer-generated blob of an alien artifact. Deaths and badly shot fight sequences ensue.

I put “mysterious” in quotes because I think it’s more the case that the writers simply didn’t know WHAT the artifact should do. It’s like they were sitting in a story meeting yelling, “It’s a bomb!” “It’s the Genesis device!” “It’s the fountain of youth!” AND “It’s a device that will allow Lou Diamond Philips to do handstand push-ups!” and, exasperated and tired, they simply chose all four. I’m not exaggerating -- that’s what it feels like watching this film.

WHAT’S GOOD: The effects, consisting mostly of starkly lit shots of moonscapes and soon-to-explode stars and such, are actually quite nice. Deserving special mention are shots of Spader crossing a bridge on a moon base and Robin Tunney suffocating in space (although “End of Days” may be prejudicing my enjoyment of that latter shot). I must also “give props,” as they say, to any depiction of 3-D computer or laser graphics in this film. They’re rather nifty, if somewhat impractical. (Not too many candidates for my Computer Rendering Arena of Shame Hotsheet [CRASH] here.) The final shot is agreeably composed. And my, Mr. Spader has been hitting the gym -- he’s almost as buff as Angela Bassett.

WHAT’S NOT-SO-GOOD: The overly grim and/or flat acting. Let me put it this way: “Supernova”’s ensemble made me miss the multi-faceted performances in “Event Horizon.” Bassett takes her stoic thing WAY too far this time, and then, somehow, finds a way to broadcast some extra grimness into the normally quirky Spader. Oh, and that fellow they pick up, this hosehead pretty-boy Facinelli -- Lord! He’s just sitting there with his pecs and his six-pack thinking he’s SO hot when in fact he’s coming across as a sort of lobotomized Billy Crudup, only with “evil,” Patrick Tatopoulos-designed extra bone structure and no eyebrows for the final reel. (BTW, I love how all “evil” makeup these days looks like what they do to Angel when he becomes a vampire. Too much eyebrow, apparently, being a sign of virtue.)

Also foul-smelling: Walter Hill’s camera work. The whole thing (other than the very good effects shots) is shot in moving-camera closeup, as if the film were aiming for an “NYPD Blue” meets “Buck Rogers in the 25th Century” kind of vibe. The sad side effect of all this claustrophobia is that it leads to confusion; with no spatial relationships established, it’s hard to tell who’s where at a given time, which undermines any sense of suspense.

Other nit-picks and rather pointed questions:

(1) Why didn’t they handcuff, guard or otherwise lock up this handsome-stranger con man after they realized he was up to no good? Why?

(2) Why is the token ship’s robot dressed in WWI flying-ace garb -- and why does he walk like a damned amateur breakdancer?

(3) Why is the ship’s computer blessed with “attitude”? And some sort of half-assed moment of self-awareness that comes to absolutely NOTHING?

(3 and a half) I’m going to guess that Coppola’s “contribution” to “Supernova” was the semi-non-linear cross-cutting of certain sequences. They’re confusing, Francis. Could someone please take Mr. Coppola OFF HIS LITHIUM immediately? We’ll just put him in a straitjacket for the non-manic periods.

(4) Why do people go into the zero-gravity area to have sex so often in this film? It just looks plain difficult to me. And I have now officially seen too much of elfin, open-mouthed Robin Tunney getting laid in the past two months. Period.

(5) Why does every science-fiction variation on “Aliens” have to contain a hypersleep-style chamber? And why do people have to take off their clothes to get inside? Isn’t it COLD ENOUGH in there already?

(6) Oo, which leads to my favoritest dumb thing in “Supernova.” Ready? It’s a spoiler: Spader and Bassett are forced to share a hypersleep-style chamber that will supposedly intermingle their molecules as they’re traveling through hyperspace, or something. Anyway, it’s a big risky thing, and when they come out of it on the other end, the only side effect is -- THEY EACH HAVE ONE OF THE OTHER’S EYES. Oh, and Bassett’s pregnant. I mean, really -- when Robert Forster goes through the chamber, he friggin’ molecularly bonds with the chamber glass and they have to kill him.

You have been warned.

Alexandra DuPont.

DuPont@dvdjournal.com

Readers Talkback

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  • Jan. 20, 2000, 4:42 a.m. CST

    Science-fiction-cure

    by Jumboburger

    It seems to get harder and harder for the science-fiction-genre to think up some really new stuff. With the possible exception of "the fifth element" and "contact" nothing really new has been brought to this kind of film (not counting the achievments in CGI and other FX). Besides the Bugs in "starship troopers" all aliens just look like altered humans and the starships didn't see much improvment either, over the last few years. What I'd like to see, would be an all new type of movie, where they play with the theory of, say, 5, 6 or 7 dimensions, which would deliver so much more possibilities. One could do this kick-ass science-fiction-movie a-la "Matrix", which is set in space. Imagine Keanu fighting for some (terribly important) cause on several planets and times, while being able to do some of the awesome stuff he can do as Neo, extended with the ability to use other dimensions, like travelling without timeuse (<= i know thats not a real word!).

  • Jan. 20, 2000, 4:47 a.m. CST

    the story behind this crap

    by Lazarus Long

    The new issue of Premiere (Ben Affleck cover--hey, I have a subscription, alright?) has an article about the whole Supernova fiasco. I don't think Hill can be legitimately blamed for ANYTHING here, because we'll never know what footage was left out (unless we see the Director's "Renegade" Version DVD in 20 years). Coppola apparently put his head back where it was before he did The Rainmaker; his ass. Here's an interesting tidbit I got from the article: The sex scene that Alexandra mentions between Spader and Bassett was originally shot with two DIFFERENT characters (Tunney and someone else), and Coppola had Spader and Bassett DIGITALLY mapped over the faces (also skin recoloring)! What in god's name was this man thinking. And did they really save money by making this film less than 90 minutes? Perhaps it wouldn't have been quite as bad at 105 min. Well, yeah, it probably would have.

  • Jan. 20, 2000, 4:50 a.m. CST

    eXistenZ.........not space though.....

    by dogs3d

    a good sci-fi flick? are you kidding me, take a look at existenz, and read some Philip K. Dick. This is sci-fi at its least shittiest, and its most beautiful and sincerest.

  • Jan. 20, 2000, 5:01 a.m. CST

    How strange to be on the OTHER side of Talk Back!

    by Alexandra DuPont

    Dogs3d is acute in his appraisal of "eXistenZ," or however you spell that -- it was top-notch sci-fi that finally gave Philip K. Dick his thematic due onscreen, albeit using an original Cronenberg script. And I'd be interested to see more posted here from that Premiere article -- what, precisely, did Coppola change? And why, precisely, did Walter Hill leave the project? I could only surmise.

  • Jan. 20, 2000, 5:54 a.m. CST

    AdP

    by blacksun

    Harry is right, he himself hasn't written anything this good in a long time. You almost make me want to go see this one, it reminds me of the night I saw Starship Troopers with a couple of friends and went drinking in a pub afterwards, we couldn't stop talking about how crappy it was, that was more fun than just saying "whoa..that rocked so much (dude).." I will always love ST for this reason alone. Here's looking at you kid...

  • Jan. 20, 2000, 6:13 a.m. CST

    Super Nova - a car made for THE IRON GIANT

    by Todd

    Yes the movie sucked, the effects were stale, the bad guy was no Kent Mansley, and the computer reminded me of what HAL would be like if run by AOL. The only redeeming thing about the movie was that in the title was the perfect name for the type of car that THE IRON GIANT should drive. Not a regular Nova, but a Super Nova. He needs the extra leg room.

  • Jan. 20, 2000, 6:52 a.m. CST

    Look down SSZero...

    by blacksun

    Behold...that's where The Warrior is. Sucking your Memory Stick.

  • Jan. 20, 2000, 7:09 a.m. CST

    Wasn't "Cock-Angled" the name of a porno film?

    by Celluloid Monkey

    Comments, COMMENTS! ........... we doan need no steenking COMMENTS!

  • Jan. 20, 2000, 7:29 a.m. CST

    Actually, I guess I do have some comments.

    by Celluloid Monkey

    I think this movie sets the record for having the most potentially exciting scenes that just fizzled. When the captain is fused to his cryotube in a mess of tendons and muscle? Why didn't he burst out and start going nuts in his disfigured confusion? When that nancy-boy tries to get the computers AI to help him escape the "bad" guy? I was expecting the AI to go ballistic and start exploding consoles and opening hatches trying to kill him. And of course, the ending! Who the hell saw it coming?!? Everyone sat in the theatre for a few minutes after the credits started running, thinking it was some sort of false ending. This movie was an intense letdown for me. The main reason I was looking forward to it was not because of any pre-release hype or magazine articles, simply because there are practically no new movies out right now. Thank god "Being John Malkovich" was re-released.

  • Jan. 20, 2000, 8:29 a.m. CST

    Editing - First & Last 20 minutes sucked!!!

    by Wesley Snipes

    What the hell was with the bizarre editing in the first and last 20 minutes?? Random scenes flash by, all introduction scenes seem to have been cut off. Terrible. If they had just let it unfold in a straightforward manner (which is what it looks like was originally intended given all the footage that seems to have been excised), with slow buildup and character intro, plus good buildup to the climax it would've at least been decent. But it's not even close. Shitty. Great effects and cool designs, though.

  • Jan. 20, 2000, 8:47 a.m. CST

    Closer

    by Aikon

    If you are gonna mention NIN then at least get it right. It's Closer...

  • Jan. 20, 2000, 9:57 a.m. CST

    "Fizzled..."

    by Pseudo

    ...as someone put it fairly accurately describes how this film went. There are several interesting ideas begun in this film that just sort of...trail off and aren't adequatly explored. I did enjoy one particular effect, that of the ship going into, I dunno', ludicrous speed. Interesting concept, riding a beam of plasma. Which explains one of the Ms. DuPont's complaints. They weren't entering into a "sleep chamber" ala "Alien", but more of a safe (de-ionized?) area from the effects of the ships drive (thus the lack of clothing). Also, somewhat loosely explained, was the fact that the ships robot, and deus-ex-machina, was dressed as a WWII fighter pilot as a tribute to the captains sense of whimsy (explained when Spader gets his physical). The Premiere article explains that a much more complicated robot was origionally intended but fell victim to the budgeting axe. I do agree with, and enjoy, the description of the "bad break dancer." Spader usually doesn't disappoint me, here he's not at the peak of his game but I'm not sure how much of that is due to editing, but I wonder if Peter Weller is missing his laconicism right about now? The rest of the cast fufills their part as victims for the bad guy without actually making one care too much for them. One thing that really did stick in my mind as being incongrious, aside from that slap in the face ending, was that people had to "request permission to have a baby"? What's up with that? If humans are going out and colonizing other planets wouldn't the imperative be to breed like bunnies? I can understand selective breeding in a closed environment, but during a period of expansion? I can't say I despised "Supernova," for that to have happened the film would have had to first make me care. Maybe I'll get loaded with some friends, go back next week when the theater's empty, and MST3K the hell out of this movie... Cheers, ??Pseudo??

  • Jan. 20, 2000, 10:18 a.m. CST

    Robin Tunney is a sexy goddess!

    by Tyrano

    This movie definitely sucks. I can tell that just from the trailer. But Robin Tunney is gorgeous in anything she does, even that piece of crap End of Days.

  • Jan. 20, 2000, 10:44 a.m. CST

    RE: Lazarus & The Premiere Article

    by mrbeaks

    I found it especially amusing that no one felt the script was really that great in the first place. I'd call it a tax write-off, but that would be an apt description of *every* MGM film released in the last ten years, excluding the Bond franchise.

  • Jan. 20, 2000, 10:46 a.m. CST

    The ending...

    by VB

    The most embarrassing part of "Supernova" was the tacked on Hollywood happy ending. Despite the fact that the ship causes a supernova, which supposedly will end all existence on earth in 51 years, the ship somehow escapes the two explosions (one of which occurs directly on the ship) without any damage and that stupid pregnancy is supposed to be all happy and stuff. I never thought I would see a movie which concerns the end of all existence on earth try to have a happy ending. Now I have.

  • Jan. 20, 2000, 11:18 a.m. CST

    Dealing with Alexandra's points

    by dastinson

    Having seen the movie as well, I actually liked it somewhat. What some are calling stoic, I saw as actors playing more to the inside - more facial expression than overt action, more direct speech than blatant. As to the 6 items Alexandra has raised: #2) Explained in Dialogue - they programmed the robot to be quirky DELIBERATELY; 3) Explained in Dialogue closer to end of movie - the computer was on its way to developing self-awareness and the first expression of that was one of the first things in the movie; 5) The "hypersleep chamber" bears more resemblance to two much older concepts - the protection beams in FORBIDDEN PLANET and the Metalunan pressure adjustment chambers in THIS ISLAND EARTH - they are an attempt at protection from the Dimensional jump drive's side effects, and the reaction of the crew to the announcement of the jump is such that they are wary of the system in the first place; and 6) just before this last jump, the computer warns them of the possible effects on humans of the device going off - that it may either destroy them or jump them a stage in evolution - I rather thought that the second option was being shown in the effects on the two actors being only minimally affected by the dimensional jump. This movie seems to be a personal opinion kind of movie - you like it or you hate it, with no middle ground.

  • Jan. 20, 2000, 11:44 a.m. CST

    "Supernova"- New t.v. dance series hosted by Don Cornelius

    by Uncapie

    "Hey, all you babies, out there! Welcome to 'Supernova' where you will dance til dawn with tunes from DJ Mack spining the theme song sung by 'Barry White' from the hit film, 'Sexual Captain Nemo'. Yeah, babies!"

  • Jan. 20, 2000, 12:13 p.m. CST

    From A.DuP.: Gentlemen, do please note that I called it a hypers

    by Alexandra DuPont

    I feel I must address a couple of posts and write that I'm PERFECTLY aware that it was actually a molecular-protecting de-atomizer quantum proton garage, or whatever they called it.It's just the principle of the thing: a series of glass pods that the crew must quickly strip and jump into for part of the trip. And SSZero, this is a "Talk Back" forum, not Penthouse Forum.

  • Jan. 20, 2000, 12:20 p.m. CST

    Alan Smithee is dead!!! Long live Thomas Lee!!!

    by Stephen Dedalus

    "Thomas Lee" is the name used for the director. No, it is not a reference to Pamela Lee's husband, but I'm sure he could work out some sort of deal. Then again, I don't think he'd want to be credited with the next BATMAN movie.

  • Jan. 20, 2000, 12:37 p.m. CST

    Don't blame Walter Hill for this mess!

    by All Thumbs

    Blame MGM, blame the producers, blame the writers, blame the PG-13 rating aim...and blame Coppola for that nasty turn with the sex scene, but don't blame Hill. From what I get out of the Premiere article, Hill did it as a "favor" for his friend, Spader. He probably thought he could turn out some decent special-effects camp, but the studio put all these limitations on him, wouldn't let him reshoot scenes and opted for the PG-13 rating, therefore diminishing the chances of it being a vehicle for senselss violence and sex. (Which may have been the movie's only hope...being a high-budget porno.) I feel so sorry for the actors involved, who were only trying to get paid because they can't seem to get anything better than this shit, even though three of the actors actually have some talent.***BTW, Alexandra, keep up the good work! Your posts and articles are a breath of fresh air to AICN.

  • Jan. 20, 2000, 12:43 p.m. CST

    SSZero you prick...

    by lickerish

    I bet you look like a thin dark haired Aaron Eckhart in your cubicle...smirking at yourself.. and peoples replys to your brilliant posts...mmmm... I can totally see your sub full and ready to dock...My legs are humming and screeching like a cello..you bastard..ohh I would slide my purple honey lips down the length of your hull...stern to prow... roll it around on my plush slick pillow tongue as it pulses...buckling like a sine wave 2/4..4/4.. 8/4..oh god...but before you loose those torpedos...just before you spooje...id rise up... so quick so my little cherry bomb ass would press just above your pelvis...with your joint against my open palm id brush my golden snow melt up up and over...smothering...harnessing....housing your sub...fill me up you fuck

  • Jan. 20, 2000, 12:49 p.m. CST

    I knew it! lickerish wrote the script for "Sexual Captain Nemo'!

    by Uncapie

    Good job!

  • Jan. 20, 2000, 1:02 p.m. CST

    Too right..all thumbs..

    by lickerish

    Walter Hill is not to be blamed...i can see how this film could have been cool...James Spader can be an interesting actor and many decent ideas were in the stew...the whole recovering drug addict subplot should have been the main plot ...and the altered con man should have been left out entirely...Spader could have been a pirate steering the ship toward a rendezvous with a ship of his past cohorts...people who were connected whom had swindeled him so he'd be looking to revenge and rob of their cargo...a cool space age drug story was hidden in this slop...Sweety's relationship with the Cruz character...of course Ryan O'Neil could have played the pilot driving the getaway ship for the alien looters

  • Jan. 20, 2000, 1:02 p.m. CST

    Yeah, Lickerish!

    by WinterSteel

    LOL! You made my day. Thanks! Winter

  • Jan. 20, 2000, 1:10 p.m. CST

    first of all, what the hell have you dumbasses got against Stars

    by Freaky Sneek

    Secondly, Lickherish is super hot, I bet she's a he. Third, I have to agree with the nice lady who posted the article in that watching this movie felt like sitting on the throne, nothing happening, with only a "Highlights" or "Readers Digest" to keep you company. It was a washed out version of every bad Sci-Fi stereotype pumped into 90 minutes of crappy recovering crack addict camera movements. Can you believe I'm saying this? I LIKED GODZILLA FER CHRIST SAKES!

  • Jan. 20, 2000, 1:20 p.m. CST

    speed/time

    by Sargon

    Ok.. what I didn't get was how come the nova reaches earth in 51 years?? isn't it made of matter and light and stuff.. and therefore have a max velocity of 1 lightyear per year?? And didnt they say at the start that the hyperjump was like 200,000 lightyears or some huge distance? And also.. where the hell in the galaxy COULD a rescue ship get to in anything under several hours?? Do they usually spend a week flying across the solar system to rescue guys trapped in a mine or something? Why can't they use one of the thousands of good sci-fi storied and make it into a movie.. like Hyperion or something.. instead of writing this drivel?

  • Jan. 20, 2000, 1:54 p.m. CST

    Sci-fi flicks

    by Andy_Christ

    I can count the number of decent science fiction movies EVER made without taking my shoes off. Mostly what we see is rip-offs of the good ones, the originals. (Alien...mostly Alien, I guess, War of the Worlds, 2001 <Event Horizon>)...or movies that are dressed up to look like science fiction, but are just westerns or war movies with spaceships and robots. Good movies, maybe, but not good science fiction. It should come as no surprise that this one would be more of the same. Besides the obvious one coming down the pipe (James Cameron's Mars project), what other possibilities are we looking at for movies that are both good science fiction, and good cinema?

  • Jan. 20, 2000, 2:03 p.m. CST

    SSZero, you bastard!!!!

    by quentin69

    You stole my goddamn idea, motherfucker!! I was planning to post something like that ever since yesterday!!! I wanted to bust Alex's balls (ovaries?) because she IS after the only woman in Talk Back these days.... It's like lowering a piece of meat into a pit full of starved, blood thirsty wolves.... Alex, you have to realize that the ideal Harry Knowles "fan-boy" has an erect penis for a brain, and whether they fucking admit it or not, ALOT OF THEM have at least THOUGHT of bangin' your twat..... I can just picture our every-day friendly neighborhood Talk Backer scrolling through the posts and noticing an Alexandra DuPont item...and he can't help but think, if only for an instant; "Ya know, I'd like to shove my big bald pilot into her hot wet cockpit...." LOL, it is indeed rather funny, but this is what it is like to be MALE and HORNY....it's a curse...and a blessing... Seriously though.... My nudy mags and porn movies are getting boring.... Alex, how about you post your picture somewhere so I can have something new to cum on... Don't worry, I'll just tape the photo to my pillow and I'll dirty-talk to ya the whole way through.....

  • Jan. 20, 2000, 2:19 p.m. CST

    Presenting SSZero And quentin69:

    by mrbeaks

    The two most eligible bast-- er, *bachelors* on the AICN talk back. Alexandra, my dear..... they're all yours.

  • Jan. 20, 2000, 2:52 p.m. CST

    people on this site are sick

    by gilmour

    Quentin, I don't want to hear about your interludes with a fluffy pillow. Robin Tunney is nude in this one too eh? cool! she's going to be a HUGE star. Or at least her knockers are pretty big.

  • Jan. 20, 2000, 2:53 p.m. CST

    No, REALLY, mrbeaks -- you can have them.

    by Alexandra DuPont

    At any rate, outside the world of Internet psudonyms, Zero and quentin could just as easily be mute hunchback dwarfs (dwarves?) who communicate by beating things with sticks. But then again, so could I.

  • Jan. 20, 2000, 3:16 p.m. CST

    quintin69...

    by Pseudo

    ...you masoginistic blowhard, did it ever occur to you that Ms. DuPont isn't the only female on here? Is it possible that in order to avoid being the "object" of talkbacks like sszeros' some don't reveal their femaninity? It's ludicrous that someone takes the time to write a review of a margional film (believe me, I've seen worse) and it gets turned into this purile, adolescent drival. If I want wanking material there are other sites I'd go to to get it. I'm here for the movies, gentlemen (?). Cheers, ??Pseudo??

  • Jan. 20, 2000, 4:21 p.m. CST

    On Beating Things With Sticks

    by mrbeaks

    I once saw an excellent staging of TWELFTH NIGHT performed by stick-banging mongloids. All in Iambic Pentameter, too! While Olivia was a little weak, and Malvolio was (yet again!) essayed with a heapin' helpin' of malevolence, the imbecile playing Sir Toby Belch was brilliant!

  • Jan. 20, 2000, 4:21 p.m. CST

    I admire you, too, Alexandra...

    by big_rob

    ...but in the same way I admire Moriarty, mrbeaks, and a small handful of other posters: you're among the few AICN personalities who are GOOD writers. (Sorry, Harry; although you're an excellent and gracious host, your writing skills could be improved.) Furthermore, Ms. DuPont, your eloquent handling of our more Neanderthal comrades is nothing short of inspiring. Contrary to their beliefs, your mere presence does not foster rutting urges in *every* male reader. Thank you; your presence here is an improvement to AICN. *** Okay, to be honest, I also admire SSZero, Eternal, powerslave, Warrior, and the other less savory members of our group for their sheer audacity and twisted sense of humor (and, occasionally, for their unique opinions). But please, gentlemen, keep the pornography down to a minimum! You're just enforcing the Real World's stereotype of us geeks as loathsome trolls. (Do you think a female of ANY species would date you after posts like these?) Worse yet, this kind of inappropriate nonsense will get you banned and deprive me of my daily chuckles. *** In conclusion, thank you, Harry, for creating a place where excellent writers, common thugs, and the miscellanea in between can mingle freely.

  • Jan. 20, 2000, 4:29 p.m. CST

    I disagree with you DuPont

    by Niiiice

    THE BLACK HOLE is CLASSIC!

  • Jan. 20, 2000, 4:33 p.m. CST

    Nerds

    by Rolande

    I picture wads shot over large piles of boogers, splooging on monitors across geekdom, as words of Alexandra DuPont's demise prove to be greatly exaggerated. Is it me, or is the wackfest that is this talkback strangely arousing? Nah, time to refocus energy on getting Jennifer Lopez the part of Queen Amidala in Star Shit 2: Poppin' Ass on Tattooine.

  • Jan. 20, 2000, 4:34 p.m. CST

    Actually, I have a theory on that which states...

    by keeper

    that half of the "men" here are really women posturing as masculine lesbians through their AICN alter egos. Intriguing. Anyhow, this gender bias is becoming a bit uncomfortable... I would have thought that the disembodiment of cyberspace would eventually make sex obsolete. And then came the porno ruining that scrotumless utopian vision of a perfect neutered society. The whorror. The whorror.

  • Jan. 20, 2000, 5:16 p.m. CST

    Lou Diamond Philips

    by BobBarker

    He has, including Supernova, THREE movies scheduled for this year... WHY?! Studio execs were dazzled by his performance in Bats? Or maybe the direct-to-video In a Class of His Own, where he plays a janitor too fucking stupid to pass the GED test (which could be aced by a chimp with severe head trauma.) I just don't get this. Why has his career entered this Renaissance? If we have to see his dopey face why can't he switch with Owen Wilson? Let Philips have the roles where he dies 10 minutes into the movie, and give Wilson a shot at a good role. Wait...nevermind. Owen needs to get to work in he and Wes Anderson's next project. Just drag Philips and Richard Gere into the street and shoot them. I hate Richard Gere.

  • Jan. 20, 2000, 5:48 p.m. CST

    SSZero

    by blacksun

    OK, we get it now. Haha. You da man. I just thought it was a good piece AdP wrote, that's all. I didn't want to suck her dick. I'm gonna watch a movie now. Sick shit.

  • Jan. 20, 2000, 5:56 p.m. CST

    SSZero - TalkBack Roast #87

    by jbreen

    Yup - he sure is a sweet old curmudgeon! I remember the first time he tried a post - he stuck a stamp on the screen and tried to put the whole PC in the letter box! No seriously! But we love you big guy - and I mean BIG guy! When you sit around the house, you sit AROUND the house. When he wears white he looks just like a drive-in movie screen - kids park around him at night and wait for the movie to start! Hey, my niece wrote a poem about her big ol' uncle Zero - it goes like this: S S Zero - talk back nut! / Just like Nero with a bigger butt / he's round in the middle / and unable to fiddle / since his willy receded up into his gut! Isn't she a scream - kids eh? Actually we shouldn't make fun of SS, because he works out. Mostly he works out of the back of a combie van at Miss Daphne's House of Raffia, but like that's something we haven't all done! Actually, come to think of it, none of us have. But folks, SS has always been good with his hands - man, if only his dick could speak! It would probably say something like 'SS, if we're gonna watch porn flicks can we at least get past the credits?!' No, seriously. I hear SS is trying to market his penis as the latest in executive stress relief toys. He's really hoping it will take off, if you know what I mean. He just need to find an opening. Any opening will do. Seriously, folks! You know he once took his keyboards and auditioned for an all-female band. They kicked him out after he told them that he wouldn't mind slipping an organ into a couple of passages! He is so misunderstood!! That wacky sense of humour he has - he's just confused. All his life he's been into cross-dressing - his Mum used to say 'what have you got to be cross about?'. And you know something? He used to get real excited around Xmas - he couldn't wait for Santa to come down his chimney and empty his sack into his stockings! Damn if SS wasn't wearing them at the time!... Next week's Roast: The Warrior. Preview: Hey I remember when he used to be called The Worrier. 'Ooooh, do you think gloves go with a cocktail dress?'. He picked up his macho, outdoor skills at Scout Camp - he was always good at putting up the pole and slipping into the ol' bag at night! But seriously...

  • Jan. 20, 2000, 6:05 p.m. CST

    What the hell...

    by Tom Lee

    I sincerely resent this movie using my name as the director's. Yes, that's my real name, Thomas Lee -- I gotta say, hearing a million idiots making Tommy Lee (of Motley Crue fame) jokes upon first meeting me was irritating enough. The last thing I need to be attributed with the creation of a stupider Event Horizon (and yes, that is intended as a severe condemnation).

  • Jan. 20, 2000, 6:12 p.m. CST

    hill's skills

    by dominican dandy

    Have not seen Supernova but wish to make a comment on Walter Hill's strong points. What he excels at is the claustrophobic action scene , not the cast of thousands FX blow em ups. If he's not using proper scale in not pulling back the camera , it's probably because he's not used to doing so. Although he did produce "Alien"...

  • No, Eternal, you are not the only one. Event horizon was, ostensibly, a bad movie, if only because it took steps many other science fiction movies don't. In fact, it was not a science fiction movie at all. It was really a horror/ghost movie in space. And yes, just about anything with Larry Fishburne in it deserves a glance. There are few actors as underappreciated as he, and even fewer with as much actual acting talent, good looks, or string of mediocre movies that only his presence redeemed. I can think of a few movies he was average in, but that is only because he is onscreen for but a few spare moments. Shame on you, hollywood, for not overexposing this man and wringing every bit of talent you can out of him. Hey, I know a set of twins that go to my old synagogue who look just like Lawrence Fishburne. And yes, I have turgid, raging homosexual crushes on them too. It's all in the jaw, baby.

  • Jan. 20, 2000, 8:08 p.m. CST

    i was going to see it!

    by mmm_free_wig

    After reading the review, it sounded better than what I thought it was going to be like. But if some of the people in here have seen it, and all they can think of posting is about masturbation and cum, then I guess the film is really bad. I think the only thing that may have saved ths flim, is if it had a talking pie. Maybee it could go back in time for some reason and find a way to re-program the talking computer.

  • Jan. 20, 2000, 9:51 p.m. CST

    more Premiere article info for A.D.P., et al

    by Lazarus Long

    Apparently Walter Hill was only given weeks to prepare; MGM rushed into production fearing a Screen Actors Guild strike. Many of the potentially cool effects described in the script turned out bad because of a deal that didn't materialize with Digital Domain. The robot in the film was supposed to be cutting edge--they wound up having some guy in an android suit. Never shot was a cool scene with Spader's character doing a rescue inside a bubble of zero-G water. Hill left because MGM demanded a rough cut for a test screening, and Hill didn't feel it was ready to be shown, so he left after a long stalemate. Coppola's original cut was rated 'R', so he had to hack more off for the released version. A sad tale, indeed, but it will be a long time before sci-fi films that are not big extravaganzas will get the attention and credit they deserve. I'd like to see dramas set in space. Or whatever. Unfortunately alot of good stories would require 3 hours to do.

  • Jan. 21, 2000, 12:43 a.m. CST

    Contact...

    by lickerish

    was in fact a terrific, underrated film...The travel machine was an awe inspiring piece of machinery...also the worm hole travel was great...not to mention Jodie's excellent performance...the dialogue was smart and Zemeckis was on his game as usual...the pull out at the beginning hit the bullseye just right... perfect...wow...what a haunting film...the analogy to believing in God was really interesting"did you love your father?' 'Yes...' 'Prove it.' although God seems to have a difficult time doing so...Wow!!! is anyone still here watching Leno...The Blu Man Group...wonderful!!!

  • Jan. 21, 2000, 12:56 p.m. CST

    Supernova quibbles

    by lycanthrope

    Alexandra - loved your review - the "explanations" for the quirky robot (embarassing) and the chambers have been mnentioned - I'll just list some other stuff that drove my girl and me nuts: (1) The computer is chattering like a magpie about people's physiology and psychological makeup, playing chess, etc. - yet never says, "Hey Captain, the chamber you took is malfunctioning and you're going to end up as part man, part pyrex"... (2) The Captain deliberately took Basset's chamber - why? Was he suicidal because he was doing a thesis on Tom and Jerry? (3) The computer also says it must preserve human life - yet lets Robin Tunney and Lou Diamond get shot out of airlocks with little argument... Same computer can put up pretty diagrams explaining the quantum Easter egg is filled with 9th dimensional goo (and wailing nymphos, from Lou Diamond Phillips' reaction) - yet it can't tell the villain on board is not the son, but the original "worst nightmare" Angela Bassett ever met... (4) You pointed out Mr. Bad Guy was never locked up - bravo! And how about better security on the Easter egg? (5) Angela and James exchange 2% genetic material - isn't this the same degree of difference between man and chimp? I think they'd have a bit more intermixing than one iris... (6) As for the bomb/dimension jump-induced pregnancy and the destructo wave heading toward earth, one word: sequel. (7) Bassett and Spader now known as Dour and Glower... Other than that, it was pretty cool...

  • Jan. 21, 2000, 1:42 p.m. CST

    jbreen

    by Owatonna

    Don't let Swiss Tony catch you nicking his lines. He posts here, admittedly in some kind of gender-bending way.

  • Jan. 21, 2000, 3:24 p.m. CST

    eventually maybe we'll get another good sci fi movie

    by RipReaver

    Oh well, at least people didnt like it instantly, unlike the Matrix, which people are just now realizing, "hey, it really wasnt all that good"............besides it being 90210 in space, at least starship troopers had arguably the best special effects ive ever frigging seen and showed legions of teeny bopper-looking people getting ripped to bloody shreds.....

  • As far as I know Supernova is a kind of "Dead Still" in space - that late 80s thriler with Nicole Kidman and Sam Neal, where they traveled on their yacht and found a handsome guy (Billy Zane) from the abandoned ship and it turned out to be a maniac who'd killed all other people. Anyway, now I don't have much desire to spend money on this flick after Alexandra's review, besides I don't live in America and maybe it won't be released on big screen here at all.

  • Jan. 21, 2000, 5:02 p.m. CST

    The music in the trailer was the first sign

    by Billy Goat

    ... that SUPERNOVA would suck. I mean, "Fly" by Sugar Ray? That song... don't know the name... from the trailer for FEAR & LOATHING... you know what I mean. It gave the trailer a party atmosphere instead of a horror feel. The footage and editing was fine, and if they had just ripped off the ALIENS music like all other scifi/horror trailers do, I would've found the trailer compelling. But instead, I couldn't tell if SUPERNOVA was supposed to be scifi or spoof, and it was a big turn-off.

  • Jan. 21, 2000, 7:59 p.m. CST

    Hey Natalie, the title of that film with Nicole Kidman was DEAD

    by Stephen Dedalus

    ...just thought you ought to know.

  • Jan. 22, 2000, 7:01 a.m. CST

    Thanx Stephen Dedalus

    by Natalie

    Indeed, it was Dead Calm - I've just confused it with it's Russian title, and only when I've already posted it I've begun to have doubts. You know, it's sometimes difficult to remember the title right if you saw the movie in another language.

  • Jan. 24, 2000, 2:40 p.m. CST

    Supernova and MGM

    by michelr

    It's a shame. Walter Hill is a talented director (Rent The Long Riders sometime). If anyone is to blame for this disaster it's the previous MGM regime for fucking around with this. Pretty much all MGM movies that were made in the '90's sucked (James Bond, The Birdcage, Get Shorty, and Species being the exceptions.). At least they seem to have good people in charge now with ideas. They just signed John Woo to a big contract (Wind-Talkers sounds interesting.)Changing United Artists to an art-film studio was also smart. You might see the Lion kick ass in the future.-Chris

  • Jan. 26, 2000, 5:50 p.m. CST

    Way off the topic! - Fast Show!!!

    by jbreen

    And this season I'll be mostly wearing Versace... Well, some of those lines were mine, you know!! But well spotted - Swiss Tony was a truly great man and car salesmen will never look the same. Whatever happened to those guys - we just don't get enough UK comedy over here (except for, erm, Hale and Pace and the occasional Vicar of Dibley or whatever.. I have had to rely on occasional UK visitors to bring back tapes of, over the years, 'Whose line is it anyway', 'Baddiel and Newman' etc. )

  • March 6, 2011, 9:07 a.m. CST

    I have a boner for Alexandra

    by Mung

    A boner, I tell you.

  • March 6, 2011, 9:08 a.m. CST

    Boner

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:08 a.m. CST

    Boner

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:08 a.m. CST

    Boner

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:08 a.m. CST

    Boner

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:08 a.m. CST

    Boner

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:08 a.m. CST

    Boner

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:08 a.m. CST

    Boner

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:08 a.m. CST

    Boner

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:08 a.m. CST

    Boner

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:09 a.m. CST

    El Bonerino...

    by Mung

    if you're not into the whole brevity thing

  • March 6, 2011, 9:09 a.m. CST

    Still a boner

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:09 a.m. CST

    Any way you slice it

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:09 a.m. CST

    But please don't slice it

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:10 a.m. CST

    That would be uncool

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:10 a.m. CST

    But getting back to business

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:10 a.m. CST

    Boner

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:10 a.m. CST

    Boner

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:10 a.m. CST

    Boner

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:10 a.m. CST

    Boner

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:10 a.m. CST

    Boner

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:10 a.m. CST

    Boner

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:11 a.m. CST

    Boner

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:11 a.m. CST

    Do you think I'll be banned for this?

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:11 a.m. CST

    You know...DVader'd

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:11 a.m. CST

    Boner

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:12 a.m. CST

    Boner

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:12 a.m. CST

    Boner

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:13 a.m. CST

    This is getting annoying

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:13 a.m. CST

    So maybe I'll start making my point now

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:13 a.m. CST

    Amateur-ish Alexandra reviews like this

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:13 a.m. CST

    And by "amateurish" I mean

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:14 a.m. CST

    Less polished than her later work

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:14 a.m. CST

    Because it's certainly not bad

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:14 a.m. CST

    But shall we say MEDIOCRE Alexandra

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:14 a.m. CST

    Was so much better than

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:15 a.m. CST

    All the shit that's on the site now

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:15 a.m. CST

    It's really too bad

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:15 a.m. CST

    That AICN has gone down the toilet

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:15 a.m. CST

    But let's face it

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:16 a.m. CST

    Most folks who write/wrote for this site

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:16 a.m. CST

    Aren't/Weren't that great to begin with

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:17 a.m. CST

    And that's okay

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:18 a.m. CST

    Shitbirds gotta eat

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:18 a.m. CST

    Shitbirds gotta eat

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:18 a.m. CST

    I just wish there was one

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:19 a.m. CST

    ONE

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:19 a.m. CST

    Writer as witty and eloquent

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:19 a.m. CST

    As Alexandra

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:19 a.m. CST

    And sometimes Moriarty

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:20 a.m. CST

    But he could be kind of a douche

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:20 a.m. CST

    And still is

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:20 a.m. CST

    I like Quint and Capone, btw

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:21 a.m. CST

    And Massa, even though

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:21 a.m. CST

    His reviews are kinda like mad libs

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:21 a.m. CST

    Everything else is shit

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:22 a.m. CST

    Especially that money-grubbing

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:22 a.m. CST

    Hack-u-les

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:22 a.m. CST

    More concerned with the .15

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:22 a.m. CST

    Of a cent

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:22 a.m. CST

    That an Amazon click fetches

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:23 a.m. CST

    Than posting talkbacks

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:23 a.m. CST

    For the best shows on TV

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:23 a.m. CST

    Or even niche shows

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:24 a.m. CST

    Other than the ones he sometimes watches

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:24 a.m. CST

    So, to make a short story long

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:24 a.m. CST

    I propose

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:26 a.m. CST

    That we christen this thread

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:26 a.m. CST

    A talkback for

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:27 a.m. CST

    Gossip Girl

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:27 a.m. CST

    In honor of Alexandra

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:27 a.m. CST

    Because the word "girl" is in the title

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:28 a.m. CST

    Even though Alexandra might have a cock

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:28 a.m. CST

    Like all those "girls

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:28 a.m. CST

    "

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:28 a.m. CST

    We used to talk to

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:28 a.m. CST

    In AOL chatrooms

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:28 a.m. CST

    Back in the day

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:28 a.m. CST

    Did anyone else play

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:28 a.m. CST

    Guess Movie By Plot

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:29 a.m. CST

    Or

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:29 a.m. CST

    Guess Movie By Quote

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:29 a.m. CST

    btw?

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:29 a.m. CST

    Good times

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:29 a.m. CST

    It would always start

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:29 a.m. CST

    with "There's this guy"

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:30 a.m. CST

    Or "this girl

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:30 a.m. CST

    "

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:30 a.m. CST

    (Not Alexandra, though

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:30 a.m. CST

    Pervert)

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:30 a.m. CST

    Haaaa

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:30 a.m. CST

    Haha

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:31 a.m. CST

    Good night!

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:31 a.m. CST

    And God bless Alexandra

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:31 a.m. CST

    A non-POS writer on Aint It Cool

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:31 a.m. CST

    A true rarity

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:32 a.m. CST

    A gem

    by Mung

  • March 6, 2011, 9:32 a.m. CST

    Even if her clit has a bitter pee taste

    by Mung