@$$HOLES ABROAD!
Optimous Douche Reports from Wizard World Philly 2011!!!
Optimous Douche here. For the first year in many I thankfully did not need an arc and a blowhole to get to this year’s con. It was a beautiful sunny day, so I made it late this year deciding to embark on a minor pub crawl prior to being locked away for hours on end with only $5 Miller Lites to quench my Optimous thirst.So it is with a hearty buzz I deliver this year’s con report. My euphoric state gave me the testicular fortitude to actually bug the comic big guns this year, where I generally eek away fearing my questions too insipid or simply not news.
While I still hit a good deal if indie tables, this year’s book report is going to be some more big gun talk other than straight indie. Also, there was a huge repeat of some stalwart folks I covered last year, so while I love you all, my weak modicum of journalistic integrity just won’t allow me to cover the same stuff twice.
My first overall impression upon walking in was, “to hell with the celebrity area.” No matter what aisle I walked down as I valiantly tried to make it to the comic side of the con, I was greeted with wave upon wave of people voraciously clawing towards their favorite actor or actress of yore. Personally, I’m enamored with creativity. Actors and actresses are mere puppets with strings being pulled by writers and directors. So, I used my 6’ 5” frame to part the waters and move my way into comicdom.Even though, I shunned most of the celebrity area, Peter Mayhew was right at the entrance and I got to him just as he was wheeling into his table. Nice man, thank you for the picture Chewie.
“Where the hell are DC and Marvel?’ I said to my cousin as I snapped pictures and he balanced our sippy cups of Miller once we reached the comic area. “Look up” he said. The Captain America experience, which looked like some kind of virtual ride with a line longer than the one to see Adam West was the only “official” presence from the big two. Having zero tolerance for lines and even less tolerance for virtual reality simulators, I merely muttered my shock and awe at DC and Marvel’s lack of presence given both of their major happenings this summer. Kudos now to Avatar Press and Zenescope Entertainment for showing that big comic booths can and will thrive in the city of Brotherly Love.Avatar never really wants to talk to me. They have a big ass booth and sell basically whatever they have on their website right now along with a few con specials. I loved SUPERGOD this year and admire the hell out of Avatar’s mission. I would really like to talk with them some time. Maybe if I changed my name.
Zenescope Entertainment is always awesome. Writer and editor, Raven Gregory is lively when engaging with the fans and excited to talk about their upcoming work. I know it sounds like all stands should be that way, but you would be surprised, some people need some serious cafination. This year we riffed on Raven’s new title FLY. FLY takes the metaphorical bliss that comes from getting “high” and smacks it firmly in the literal. What if there was a drug that bestowed the power of flight on all who consumed it? We also laughed (well I laughed) about my egregious error when I reviewed the book a few weeks ago. See, when we get early releases, we’re not always told they are unfinished. In this case half of the pages I received had yet to be colored and instead of asking I assumed this was a stylistic choice. Raven gave me a real copy of FLY and it makes a lot more sense this way. You can read my faux pas here though.
Shane Davis – “I got to look at SUPERMAN EARTH ONE: VOLUME 2.” “I got to look at SUPERMAN EARTH ONE: VOLUME 2.” I have to admit this was a con highlight for me as Shane let me root around his coveted personal sketch book. I love EARTH ONE in concept and yes, execution. From what I hear BATMAN EARTH ONE is still coming despite the reboot, rehash or reset. Shane fully admits he is not totally in the know on BATMAN, so I hope his guess at its status is slightly out-of-date, otherwise SUPERMAN VOLUME 2 might be finished first.
Tony Bedard – Tony let slip a few details about his upcoming GREEN LANTERN: THE NEW GUARDIANS. It looks like blue won’t be the only color the Guardians prescribe to anymore. For anyone that felt BLACKEST NIGHT was for naught in light of the reboot, think again. It looks like the ring wielders from the skittles of the emotional spectrum will all be taking a place in guarding the well-being of the universe. I can’t wait to see Larfleeze sitting down for a meeting on galactic peace (Note: This is me being an asshat – Tony did not mention Larfleeze specifically).
Ethan Van Sciver: Ethan didn’t slip out any new details about his upcoming FIRESTORM project with Simone, but to hear Ethan describe the project first-hand was a pleasure unto itself. I’ll paraphrase as best as I can. “Firestorm as an old guy and young kid is just creepy, plus they could do nothing when apart.” “Now, Firestorm as two kids of the same age that can both have powers separately and then combine to become something bigger, that’s something that speaks to the kid in all of us and it’s stuff like that like this guy loves.” Ethan pointed to his son. “Like a fucking Contructicon,” I blurted forgetting that an 8 year old was ten feet away from me (apologies Ethan and son). “Voltron,” said my cousin. We then had a ten minute conversation about Voltron and a ten foot Firestorm. I would give Sciver and Simone some kind of @$$ie award if they had the balls to draw out a Firestorm coming-together scene in the same style as Voltron. Remember how it took half the show for them to combine? All right, maybe that’s a horrible idea. I’m glad I didn’t mention it to Ethan.
JG Jones: I’ve had man-crush on Jones’ work since his name first hit my radar way back in FINAL CRISIS. JG’s table has also been a favorite stop year after year for me at Wizard World. First off, JG is now a local boy. Having that local tether makes the talk of comics always go smoother. In years’ past JG was always able to regale me with the latest covers, projects or whatever he was working on. This year though was sadly different. JG is not on board for the new DC reboot, and I consider this a crime without forgiveness. Find a place for JG DC, because other comic companies will be happy not to squander his enormous talent. JG had some colorful thoughts on the current state of all comics, but those are his stories to share and my personal treasures to keep.
Mark McKenna: When I first approached McKenna a few years ago, I was looking to talk about his time on the now classic INVISIBLES. However, Mark was far more concerned with the here and now. Not much has changed over the past few years. Mark is still married to his pre-school line of graphic novels, BANANA TAIL, even though distributor Shadowline collapsed its title library in 2011. I gave a review of BANANA TAIL after last year’s con.I was honest with Mark, there’s not a huge market for a one year later review. He was gracious enough to understand and instead we talked about his current duties on STAR WARS: THE OLD REPUBLIC for Dark Horse and some new trading card sets he has on the way. Mark is one of those guys that truly understands that fans make the business. Friend him on FaceBook, his stories on the inner workings of comics are fun and more than worth the two seconds it takes to send the request. Plus, the dude is just an amazingly talented artist.
Brimstone: “I know nothing about wrestling.” Not the best opening salvo when talking with a former wrestler, but Brimstone instead of scoffing at my ignorance took the opportunity to try and educate the drunken comic reporter. “’You don’t need to know wrestling to enjoy BRIMSTONE AND THE BORDERHOUNDS. Instead of doing extra work, I’m going to plagiarize the story of BRIMSTONE from our own resident @$$hole fight club expert, Mr. Pasty, “What happens to your soul when you die? Would you be surprised to know that it’s already been booked for service in one of several afterworlds? Yep, the powers that be have drafted you for their fantasy team and you can only hope that you end up playing for the winning team. And just like any competitive league, not everyone ends up where they’re supposed to. Some jump ship, many get traded, others just stick around and try to make life miserable for their owners. Unfortunately this system is set up like THE FIRM (sans Wilford Brimley). You don’t just walk out on your boss. And when you do, expect to be pursued and brought back -- dead or alive.” Very cool stuff and Brimstone is taking his brand extension beyond comics into iPAD apps, cartoons and even a muppet-baby version of the BORDERHOUND clan.
Ryan Bodenheim (HALCYON) and Nathan Edmondson (WHO IS JAKE ELLIS): I shouldn’t lump these guys together, but they were both drawn into a conversation with me as I was giving my true feelings on the abortion that was the Blue Water HOWARD STERN comic to Brimstone. Neither guy had heard of me, but I knew of JAKE ELLIS and I absolutely loved HALCYON. While both series seem to be at a close for now, I can’t recommend HALCYON enough. What would the world’s super heroes do if crime suddenly stopped one day, it’s a cool concept supported by the cooler concept of a female Superman and Bondheim’s fantastic art. Right now I’m waiting for my cousin to finish his JAKE ELLIS books, but I definitely want to give this “guardian angel gone wrong” tale a whirl.
Michael Sangiacomo: PHANTOMJACK is my favorite book few people have ever heard of. Through two-full length graphic novels Sangiacomo captures the heart and imagination of readers in this tale of a reporter that can turn invisible. Couple this cool concept with a chemical spill origin that takes place a hop, skip and a jump from Douche manor and it’s no wonder why I’m so enamored.Other Notables:
Brad Guigar: Writer of EVIL INC. EVIL INC. (not to be confused with Evil LLC) is about a corporation run by and for super-villains. Join the CEO (Chief Evil Officer) Evil Atom, a Silver-Age-villain-turned-businessman; Lightning Lady, a recovering supervillainess; Dr. Haynus, a brain-in-a-jar symbiotically joined to a puppy dog; and the rest of the employees who give a new meaning to “punching in” for the day. This daily strip is now available in beautiful large size graphic-novel format. Review coming…
Bryan Glass (MICE TEMPLAR): “Hey I read your book on free comic day, I loved it!” Yes, I was multiple Miller Lites in by the time I reached Glass’ table and confused his book with MOUSE GUARD. Graciously he understood my confusion and even more graciously he bestowed a few copies of his Image published mouse-tale to my Optimous Buzzed ass. Even more graciouser, he posed with an Oeming original of MICE TEMPLAR. Review coming (and sorry for the confusion Bryan).
SQUARE PAINTER: Every thirty-something seems to have a soft-spot for pixilation. Adam Shub the Square Painter takes nostalgia and puts it right on canvas. Here’s a blocky SPIDER-MAN and Adam has a shit ton of old Zelda pics that will make you pine for the days when the Unreal engine truly was unreal.I have a few more books to give shout outs to, but will be hitting those in honest-to-God reviews. Thank you to Wizard World for once again bringing comics to life in Philadelphia and remembering that people do still give a shit about comics in places other than San Diego.
Optimous has successfully blackmailed fellow @$$Hole BottleImp into being his artist on Average Joe. Look for Imp's forced labor on Optimous brain child in mid-2011 from COM.X. Friend Optimous on FaceBook to get Average Joe updates and because ceiling cat says it's the right thing to do.
Proofs, co-edits & common sense provided by Sleazy G
