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Mr. Beaks Hopes Michael Bay Has Made His Last TRANSFORMERS Movie...

Published at: June 30, 2011, 12:43 a.m. CST by mrbeaks

Loud, flashy and imbecilic, TRANSFORMERS: DARK OF THE MOON is almost everything one could want from a Michael Bay film. It's a money-on-the-screen triumph of Hollywood excess: each frame holds enough production value to finance ten Whit Stillman films, while the screenplay scrambles from one set piece to the next as if the writer (Ehren Kruger) were getting paid by the complication. In terms of sheer spectacle, nothing this summer comes close to the colossal scale of TRANSFORMERS: DARK OF THE MOON. It's the Old 96er of tentpole filmmaking.

So what's missing?

Well, how about that extra dollop of sleaze and amorality that made BAD BOYS II: VICE CITY a masterpiece of bad taste. I mean, it's all well and good to have Patrick Dempsey praise, in crassly automotive terms, the blinding beauty of Jason Statham's girlfriend (Rosie Huntington-Whitley) while the camera ogles every last inch of her factory-built frame, but I miss the transgressiveness of Nice Guy Movie Star Will Smith getting aroused by the perfect breasts of a supermodel's morgue-chilled corpse, or the fuck-your-shitty country bravado of a massive Hummer plowing through a populous Cuban shantytown because America is awesome and poor people suck. When Michael Bay is unfettered by the ratings board, you get sensational, mega-budget trash; when he's at the helm of a four-quadrant-skewing toy commercial... you actually get something legitimately abhorrent.

On a purely technical level, TRANSFORMERS: DARK OF THE MOON represents a return to coherent form for Bay. As the filmmaker has noted in interviews, shooting in 3D forced him to alter his editing style, resulting in action sequences that unfold with a little more clarity than the disorganized half-IMAX/half-35mm finale of TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN. Everything in the lengthy Battle of Chicago that closes out DARK OF THE MOON makes perfect geographical sense; there may not always be a sturdy logical reason as to why people are jumping out of buildings (or seeking shelter near the top of a crippled skyscraper), but you at least know where the danger-seeking characters - and their enemies - are at all times. So enough with the criticism that Bay is lazily throwing a barrage of coverage onto the screen (which, until ROTF, was never the case); if you can't make out the action in DARK OF THE MOON, you just aren't paying close enough attention.

Not that I'd blame you for checking out early on this film. After an intriguingly silly, alternate-history opening depicting the Apollo 11 crew's discovery of something alien buried beneath the surface of the moon, Bay abruptly cuts to the panty-clad ass of Statham's Girlfriend as she's ascending a flight of stairs. Not quite bone-to-spaceship stuff, but it gets the job done. Then comes the buzzkill: Statham's Girlfriend is the property of Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBeouf), the most punch-worthy protagonist in American cinema since Andrew McCarthy's oozed his way through the WEEKEND AT BERNIE'S films.

And a punishing hour of setup ensues.

In the first two movies, Sam plays the reluctant hero; in DARK OF THE MOON, he opts into the action after discovering some Decepticon-doins at his new Washington D.C. job. This nonsense would be fine if dispensed with quickly, but Bay and Kruger have fiendishly decided that Sam's employment woes are the hilariously surreal stuff of a scatological Coen Bros. movie (Bay is on record as loving the Coens' sense of humor; it is not so fond of him). So we get John Malkovich dishing out bizarro line readings as Sam's tyrannical boss, and, lamentably, Ken Jeong scurrying about as a nutjob coworker with wild conspiracy theories literally stuffed down his trousers - and you better believe there's a zany men's-room confrontation that results in Malkovich believing he's interrupted a rough bout of toilet-stall sex between LaBeouf and Jeong!

Bay may possess the sensibility of an over-caffeinated twelve-year-old, but he really shouldn't be making movies for kids - who, let's not forget, are the intended audience for the TRANSFORMERS films. While kids will obviously love every destructive second of the film, the violence, which should be cartoony, turns surprisingly savage as the Decepticons descend upon Chicago for the climactic massacre. It starts with scores of innocent civilians being vaporized (an effect borrowed from Spielberg's WAR OF THE WORLDS), and concludes with a fight to the death between Optimus Prime and Sentinel Prime (voiced by our beloved Mr. Spock, Leonard Nimoy) that plays like the rock 'em, sock 'em version of the Dan Dority/Captain Turner fracas from the final season of DEADWOOD. Limbs are torn from their sockets, heads (and spinal columns) yanked clean off - all with a surfeit of spurting fluid standing in for blood. Worse, Optimus, for the third movie in a row, can't seem to win a one-on-one fight on his own; this time, he needs Megatron and Sentinel to weaken each other in battle before jumping in and finishing off the both of them (he actually makes Sentinel beg for his life before putting one in the brain). I'd sooner sit my seven-year-old nephew down with THE DEER HUNTER.

And then there's Bay's treatment of women, which is yet another reason to keep the young ones away. It's one thing for Bay to shoot Statham's Girlfriend as the lingerie model she incandescently is in real life, but quite another to have Sam's mom blurt out "What a nice box!" the minute her son lays eyes on his true love for the first time (this really happens). There's a nasty misogynistic streak running through all of Bay's films - which is why he was the ideal director to relaunch the Don Simpson/Jerry Bruckheimer brand sixteen years ago with BAD BOYS. Like those Reagan-era warhorses, Bay views women as either trophies or impediments. Sometimes they're both. Rarely are they useful. When I saw TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN theatrically, the audience roared with delight when Bumblebee slammed Isabel Lucas's face into his dashboard (this was before they learned she was a Decepticon). I can't decide if that's worse than John Ashton muttering "Women" after he guns down Brigitte Nielsen in BEVERLY HILLS COP II. At least in his R-rated efforts, Bay amplifies this hatred/fear to the point where you're laughing at him; when he smuggles it into a family movie, it's just flat-out repugnant.

As I walked out of TRANSFORMERS: DARK OF THE MOON, a friend asked me "Where does Michael Bay go from here?" Six years ago, I thought he was ready to tone down the histrionics and become the next James Cameron. That didn't work. Then he tried to become the next Spielberg. That really didn't work. Now he's threatening to direct a Coen Brothers-inspired dark comedy about sadistic gym rats. Please, no.

Bay's an immensely talented filmmaker, but he can't be trusted with material that plays to children or aspires to be more than a conscience-free night out at the movies. He needs to let that inner-twelve-year-old loose on a big-budget, hard-R-rated grindhouse flick. He needs to get back to being Michael Fucking Bay. In other words, he needs BAD BOYS 3. Fortunately, that's where he's headed.

Faithfully submitted,

Mr. Beaks

Readers Talkback

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  • June 30, 2011, 12:50 a.m. CST

    He Did It!

    by The Bear

    The best thing to EVER come out of any of the Transformer movies is Mr. Leabouf's embarrassment at admitting that he had sex with Ms. Megan Fox!

  • June 30, 2011, 12:50 a.m. CST

    Oh...And First!

    by The Bear

    How embarrassing for me not to do that first.

  • June 30, 2011, 12:51 a.m. CST

    From the Picture Above

    by The Bear

    it looks like Michael Moriarty is in this movie. And he's pissed about it.

  • June 30, 2011, 12:52 a.m. CST

    Wow, Beaks.

    by blackwood

    You're going to win the talkback lottery on this one. You make fair points.

  • June 30, 2011, 12:53 a.m. CST

    shia fucked fox?

    by john

    good for him and as this pos will make tons of dough, im sure we are in for at least 6 more giants robot movies

  • June 30, 2011, 12:55 a.m. CST

    I guess I need to see this.

    by tomandshell

    I've got to see what all the fuss is about.

  • It's a lot better and more coherent than Revenge of the Fallen, but that's like saying spoiled milk is better than the stuff growing behind my toilet.

  • June 30, 2011, 12:59 a.m. CST

    "an immensely talented filmmaker".....hmmm

    by Onin Solstice

    Yeah. OK. More like an immensely talented car commercial director. GM Cars, the best machines on the road.

  • June 30, 2011, 12:59 a.m. CST

    Beautifully said regarding what a scumbag sleaze Michael Bay is

    by The Krypton Kid

  • June 30, 2011, 12:59 a.m. CST

    OK, but why Fight For Your Life?

    by WhatTheHellHappenedToMe

    It's loosely connected by blatant racism?

  • June 30, 2011, 1:01 a.m. CST

    Harrison Ford Says Shia LaBeouf is a Fucking Idiot for Trashing "Indiana Jones 4"

    by Trannyformers_Apologist

    I think he was a f*cking idiot. As an actor, I think it's my obligation to support the film without making a complete ass of myself.

  • June 30, 2011, 1:01 a.m. CST

    You see Rosie Huntington Whiteley's ass in 3D

    by Tarijeno

    The camera tracks with her barely covered rear-end as she ascends a staircase. I think I heard some 400+ lbs asthmatic dude near the aisle hyperventilate when it happened.

  • June 30, 2011, 1:02 a.m. CST

    You don't even get to see Primes Trailer transform

    by CanYouFlySucka

    he just zooms into frame shooting at the digger worm in the shot we've seen in every tv spot. There's no lead-in, nothing to say that Prime is now wearing his converted trailer as a jetpack. One minute he's there, the next he can fucking fly with no explanation at all. I knew what was happening because I'd seen the toys, but I don't know what Joe Audience was supposed to think.

  • June 30, 2011, 1:04 a.m. CST

    Bay's an immensely talented filmmaker

    by Trannyformers_Apologist

    That made me laugh.

  • June 30, 2011, 1:05 a.m. CST

    Wait, I figured it out...

    by WhatTheHellHappenedToMe

    Sanderson's character in Deadwood was presumably in the crowd during the aforementioned Dority/Turner eyeball removal incident.

  • I mean, I could try watching amateur porn, but those women are whores, too....they're just uglier, that's all. That's why there's something more arousing about watching a movie actress in a sex scene....because they may not be a whore....they might just be an ambitious actress.

  • June 30, 2011, 1:11 a.m. CST

    the movie is EXACTLY what it purports itself to be...

    by MrMadScience

    In order to enjoy this film, or films like it, you really need to know exactly what you're going in to; don't expect it to be hilarious, or deep, dark, moody, or thought-provoking. It's a big summer block-buster action movie served up ala Michael Bay, VIA Michael Bay, and if you don't like those kinds of movies, you should probably stop watching them. It IS better than the first two films, and no, it is not a Coen Brothers, OR a Terrence Malick film, and it's not Oscar-worthy film-making at its finest, but it doesn't hold itself out to be, and I honestly don't think anyone expected it be. It's just a big, fun, expensive summer block-buster, and if you don't over-analyze it, or over-think it, you could/should really enjoy it.

  • There is some honor in that, I think. But to make PG-13 movies like this where you hold back on the sleaze just enough to maximize profits is just unconscionable. Yackbacker had a very entertaining review in one of the other TF3 threads where he praised the film for being a manifestation of pure id, but I disagreed with his main point because of this greed-based restraint that is present. The true ultimate reptilian-brain movie would have giant robots and explosions, plus swearing, insane gore, full nudity etc. From whichever angle you look at them, the Transformers movies are totally heartless, corporate dreck without substance.

  • June 30, 2011, 1:17 a.m. CST

    If you want the Id unhindered with robots, gore, and nudity

    by BillEmic

    then just watch Tetsuo: The Iron Man...problem solved.

  • June 30, 2011, 1:19 a.m. CST

    Ruined The End Movie With The Sentinel Spoiler

    by ChiTownsBest

    Not that I expected to be surprised by anything in a Michael Bay movie, but I haven't read anything about Sentinel being a bad guy. I'm assuming they didn't want us to know Sentinel was one and it was a part of the larger story. Well, it is a Michael Bay movie so I guess spoilers really don't mean shit since all anyone goes to one for is huge explosions.

  • LOL! That made my night! Only one thing wrong with this review: "Bay's an immensely talented filmmaker"; really? I don't think so...

  • June 30, 2011, 1:32 a.m. CST

    FYI Michael Bay: AICN set visit = better reviews

    by TheApostle

    Fact

  • June 30, 2011, 1:46 a.m. CST

    Kids?

    by SpikedBuffy

    *Spoiler* I agree I wouldn't take a 7 year old to see this. And as far as the portrayal of women goes there are countless music videos on MTV that kids see everyday that are far worse than this, hell there are shampoo and underwear commercials that objectify women more than this, also if it wasn't for the woman optimus wouldve died so she does save the day. So are we supposed to take from this that only attractive women can save the day? Not gonna lie I thought the scene was forced and megatron shouldve just acted on his own behalf but that's no my point. Not tryin to hate on beaks review at all, just seems like a lot of hate for a popcorn movie you know? Maybe I'm missing the point.

  • June 30, 2011, 1:52 a.m. CST

    Little fix

    by SpikedBuffy

    In my last post I meant to add that the movie didnt make me feel that only attractive women could be save the day.

  • June 30, 2011, 1:55 a.m. CST

    It was interesting to witness how easily PAR and BAY...

    by justmyluck

    ... influenced SOME of the Internet geek squad to their favor with special screenings, trips to the editing room, free trips to the Russian premiere and concert, etc. Worked flawlessly. Yes, I dutifully watched the exclusive TF3 clips and featurettes over at Yahoo movies. One featurette gives the impression that Cameron, as Bay's mentor of sorts, may have TRIED to give Bay some pointers beyond simply recommending 3D equipment as an option. Maybe this is where Bay felt suddenly puffed enough to invite the web geeks over for a lookie-loo. The crappy TF3 reviews coming in are rough justice for all the above-mentioned pre-release hype. I picture Megan Fox having Daiquiris on the beach with a knowing smile. None off this will matter for TF3's earnings, we all know it will make load$ bringing crowds under the tent with: - expensive cars - robotic CG transformations and fights - multiple moving camera crane coverage - 3D - pumped-up color and contrast - fast (but not as fast as before!) editing - lots of explosions - loud soundtrack with rock songs - airplanes, astronauts, Ospreys, Wing Suits - crowds in peril / buildings being demolished - ILM & other VFX houses going bananas Beaks - "Bay's an immensely talented filmmaker". Sorry, no, he has a confident commercial filmmaking technique which is adapted feature-length to hold a captive audience and sell each scene. It would also be interesting to see a breakdown of what he directed and what was handled by second units. It's easy to get cranky when film studios know their money will be recouped in enough overseas markets where illiteracy and poverty cause these high-gloss cinematic turds to float as some form of escapism. I recently saw BEGINNERS, which was a well-done, smaller film. Sort of like BLUE VALENTINE was, as a nonlinear view of a troubled relationship(s). The TF3s, through marketing and publicity saturation, nearly eliminate these more cared-for scripts from the landscape. It's a shame.

  • June 30, 2011, 1:57 a.m. CST

    Damn you Michael Bay

    by DOGSOUP

    Someone had to do it. I miss it.

  • I wouldn't put it past him to do a 'dimensional breast enlargement'.

  • June 30, 2011, 2:14 a.m. CST

    This is the Review you write when you have Balls!

    by D o o d

    All the other AICN'ers have been pussy footing around the fact that this movie is pure trite. Technically brilliant maybe, Yet Bay still has no idea of how to make a movie!

  • June 30, 2011, 2:24 a.m. CST

    * [the fuck-your-shitty-country bravado]

    by golden tribw

  • June 30, 2011, 2:29 a.m. CST

    REBOOT: Get a director who doesn't resent the source next time.

    by Nerd Rage

    Sha na na na...Sha na na na...hey hey hey...GOODBYE!

  • June 30, 2011, 2:31 a.m. CST

    Mr Beaks, I salute you

    by MorganLeafy

    This summs up everything wrong with Bay's movies and thus saves me a lot of future posting. You truly are the best reviewer on this site (I'll forgive you for naming Irreversible the best movie of last decade).

  • June 30, 2011, 2:33 a.m. CST

    RottenTomatoes critics=36%, audience=90%.. Entertainment?

    by CeejayNightwing

    36% from 145 critical reviews of which 52 gave the thumbs up vs 90% from 60,137 average joes who scored it an average of 4 and a half out of 5! You can nitpick this shit, you can stay away from the cinema and perform your protest, you can even find solace with all who agree with you on a web page to validate your bitter feelings to Bay and his movies. But in the end the movie was made to be entertaining and nothing more, it's a fun film based on a TOY and not a successor to Citizen Kane. You people have way too much time on your hands to spend hating something that's made to be enjoyed and seems to be doing its job very bloody well by the looks of it. I guess you can't please everyone but hey, that's Entertainment!

  • People are fucking idiots. They like what is marketed to them. Transfuckmeintheasswithyourrepublicanskewedjuveniletestosteronebullshit is just the biggest budget action extravaganze this side of harry potter. People go because they feel obligated to feel part of the 'event.' It's purely driven by advertising money. Are you such an oblivious chimp as to think otherwise?

  • June 30, 2011, 2:39 a.m. CST

    *extravaganza

    by golden tribw

  • June 30, 2011, 3:03 a.m. CST

    absolutely agreed with every word of this review

    by antonphd

    finally, someone at AICN who wasn't hypnotized by this movie. this movie was a half hour roller coaster padded with 2 hours of what honestly seems to me like something i imagine billionaire kids would have filmed goofing around with their friends. please, give us back Michael Bay. he's served him time in Transformer purgatory for Pearl Harbor. now let him make bad ass rated R guilty pleasure movies again.

  • June 30, 2011, 3:06 a.m. CST

    Al Qaeda loves Michael Bay

    by CuervoJones

    Michael Bay is the perfect excuse to bash occident.

  • June 30, 2011, 3:07 a.m. CST

    for everyone who says you can enjoy this for what it is

    by antonphd

    that is true, but only if you are either a kid or drunk or high enough to have half your brain numbed, because otherwise the movie is mostly boring. not too loud or too fast or too naughty... just boring.

  • and like all fanboys, every film you hate for not being the way you want it to be ends up a huge success while you guys find little closets to all meet and jerk off into the same cup to unify the one thing you feel good about!

  • June 30, 2011, 3:14 a.m. CST

    “It’s Not Supposed To Be Hamlet/Citizen Kane”

    by CuervoJones

    Vern explains that point better than me.

  • June 30, 2011, 3:17 a.m. CST

    Even when he's bashing Bay, Mr Beaks sounds idiotic

    by AsimovLives

    And Bay is an immenselly talented director? To whom? Retards? i think Mr Beaks takes his job as the AICN resident pretentious pseudo-intellectual a too too seriously. It should be a joke, not a badge of honour.

  • June 30, 2011, 3:20 a.m. CST

    onin solstice

    by AsimovLives

    "GM Cars, the best machines on the road." That would be thanks to opel, who is actually who is doing all the tech research and from which all the GM cars are based on. And that would be ONLY in USA. Outside USA, there's a lot of much better cars around.

  • Mr Beaks is an expert in making dumb remarks he will never live it down for the rest of his life.

  • the 1st Transformers movie was ok because it was new & Spielberg had tighter control, but these other 2 must rank in the worse movies of all time.

  • June 30, 2011, 3:36 a.m. CST

    mrmadscience

    by AsimovLives

    How about expecting a movie to be good?

  • June 30, 2011, 3:44 a.m. CST

    I get why some people like these movies

    by D o o d

    We all get it. you love the Visual Spectacle, the Incredible Effects and Top level work that has been done by some of the best visual effects companies in the world. However, just stop and think about the movie as a whole. Not the visual effects, but the substance. Now just imagine if all those amazing effects were partnered with a decent story and good dialogue. I'm not talking Citizen Kane, nothing like that actually. Just decent plot lines and decent dialogue. Just think how much better this could've been. All you Bay Apologists, go back and read beaks review again. He's not complaining that it's not Citizen Kane, he's brought up some very legitimate accusations why Bay is just one big Douchebag!

  • June 30, 2011, 3:49 a.m. CST

    Shia LeBeowulf is a fitting name....

    by Mel

    because he, like Beowulf got famous for having little talent.

  • June 30, 2011, 3:50 a.m. CST

    I wonder if Jerry Bruckheimer ruined Michael Bay...

    by Mel

    if you think about it...all of Suckheimer's movies have the same goofy qualities. It's like he jumps in to say "you know what would be great here? bad comedy! a cliched character! something that fucking SUCKS!" He worked on so many Michael Bay movies...maybe it rubbed off on Bay. Or maybe Bay is only known because he was riding Suckheimer's coat tails.

  • June 30, 2011, 3:56 a.m. CST

    If it feels like shit and it tastes like shit

    by alan_poon

    It must be shit, right?

  • You really find that shocking? This the third one of these cinematic abortions. The critics had to all see this because it's their job. So that group contains some people with a brain and an IQ above 50. But by this point on the general audience side (you know people who don't have to see it) anyone still going to see these movies is a complete idiot. The absolute lowest common denominator of the human species. The genetic trash circling the drain of the human gene pool. Of course they like this shit or they wouldn't be back for a third dose of this inane crap. Anyone with a shred of taste, dignity or IQ points are long gone at this point. This leaves nothing but the dregs to give an exit poll opinion. The people who would have given this a negative mark are all at home because they knew better than to even waste their time with this shitfest.

  • June 30, 2011, 4 a.m. CST

    What's with the "fight for your life pic"? (funny movie BTW)

    by Stalkeye

    Are you implying that bay is really bat shit? Well, we know that he may be racist but that picture above is leaning toward something more ..serious.

  • June 30, 2011, 4:03 a.m. CST

    You don't watch Bay flicks for feminist messages

    by chien_sale

  • June 30, 2011, 4:05 a.m. CST

    also Bay has never had ANY talent

    by chien_sale

    He wants to blow shit up and that's it. He doesn't really have any skills to film action.

  • June 30, 2011, 4:19 a.m. CST

    there is an 87 word sentence in this review.

    by scenic

  • June 30, 2011, 4:51 a.m. CST

    Finally someone speaks the truth

    by Derrida77

    But Michael Bay is still gonna keep making movies. He's one of the reasons I long for armageddon...

  • June 30, 2011, 4:57 a.m. CST

    Bad Boys? Pure crap

    by Lourdes Galan

    Transformers in front of that shitty movies is The Godfather 2

  • June 30, 2011, 5:09 a.m. CST

    Fuck the Transformers and Fuck Bay

    by Cobb05

    The first movie sucked. The second movie sucked harder. Anyone excited to see the third piece of shit is a fucking moron. Why would you think the third movie would be good? I hope Michael Bay keeps making Transformer movies. It saves the world from him taking a good franchise and shitting out another abortion of a film. I'm just glad that Bret Ratner hasn't shit out another garbage movie in a while.

  • June 30, 2011, 5:18 a.m. CST

    cobb05

    by lick_my_rebel_dick

    Awwww, are you just fresh out of troll school, little fella? *yawn*

  • Raiders Of The Lost Ark and Jaws were made in the same spirit of "movie was made to be entertaining and nothing more" and yet they turned out pretty good and didn't need to resort to stupidity to sell themselves sucessfully to the audience, did they? How you reply to that, man?

  • June 30, 2011, 6:19 a.m. CST

    It was an awesome movie...

    by codecrackx15

    The last hour and a half is epic and the best CGI EVER. The 3D was the only drawback, I'll see it in 2D on the second viewing.

  • June 30, 2011, 6:22 a.m. CST

    Why keep bringing up Bad Boys?

    by Eyegore

    Does someone actually think those movies were good?

  • June 30, 2011, 6:54 a.m. CST

    Can't tell if you're being serious or not

    by Hlpfuldanger

    Michael Bay is like Homer Simpson, he gets dumber every year. The first Bad Boys is a watch-able buddy cop movie while it's sequel and anything Bay has made sense has just been loud, preposterous and up it's own ass with right wing pro military values.

  • June 30, 2011, 7:05 a.m. CST

    Legitimately abhorrent

    by Mr Gorilla

    If you are seeking out abhorrent, why not read some Marquis de Sade? The passage where he describes slicing a woman's belly, then pulling forward her rectum so that she shits through her vagina - that's abhorrent. Makes a dude getting aroused by a dead chick's breasts seem a bit lame, does it not? And if you are entertained by large-scale destruction, why not check out some September 11 footage - like when the WTC collapses and dust spreads, and people are running for their lives. People, we should be calling a spade a spade here. These movies do not exist in a vacuum. What is this movie saying (about men, women, war etc)? What is it doing? Why? What is the effect on people who watch it?

  • June 30, 2011, 7:14 a.m. CST

    AICN now 4 positive , 2 negative

    by Miyamoto_Musashi

    in all honesty I am sure beaks would have preferred a big screen adaption of one of conspiracy's stories involving Bay and Megan Fox

  • June 30, 2011, 7:28 a.m. CST

    3 reasons why I LOVE this review:

    by Shut the Fuck up Donny

    1 - The reference to the ol' 96er. What a perfect analogy... 2 - Referring to Rosie Huntington-Whitley over and over again as simplly "Statham's Girlfriend." 3 - It doesn't artibrarily give the film a pass for being good in the context of a Bay film. Well done Beaks. Well done.

  • June 30, 2011, 7:30 a.m. CST

    Bay an immensely talented film maker? In what reality is this?

    by Nabster

    Beaks, you're review was very good, but did you have to say something so patently wrong? Bat is an immensely horrible, and derivative film maker.

  • June 30, 2011, 7:31 a.m. CST

    When did Bay try to be the next Cameron and Spielberg?

    by Nabster

    I'm guessing The Island was his attempt at Spielberg, but what about Cameron?

  • June 30, 2011, 7:31 a.m. CST

    How much does Bay get to write his own ticket?

    by Spandau Belly

    I know the guy is a huge moneymaker for the studios, but how much do they actually trust him? He doesn't seem to have any trouble getting approval to go over 2.5 hours in length, but could he just dream up his own project and the studio would foot the bill like it did with Nolan on INCEPTION or Snyder on SUCKERPUNCH?

  • June 30, 2011, 7:32 a.m. CST

    Isn't the popular TF series a reflection on society's values?

    by AlienFanatic

    I think Mr. Gorilla hit upon this point, briefly, in his "Legitimately Abhorrent" post above, but Bay is simply delivering what society seems to want, anymore. Beaks, properly, complains about the misogyny present in the films, and about the two ways in which Bay portrays women (slut or irritant), but isn't that where we've gotten to in America? When porn is virtually everywhere, and an increasingly legitimate avenue for women, and our daughters are encouraged to get cosmetic surgery to make themselves more attractive to men, does anyone have a right to complain when this overt sexuality permeates mainstream film? Hell, kids can see anything as bad as you're describing in Transformers in most of the ads in People magazine or in the ads on the borders of CNN. I'm less complaining about the state of things than I am just observing how low our standards are and how little respect, at least in some circles, men give to women. Bay's films service a major portion of the population, and he's helping train the next generation of youth in how to be the ultimate sexual user. Fuck the idea of smart women who are the intellectual and emotional equals of men, right? Let's get that Obamacare rolling so that Missy can get her boob job and ass implants. Oops, went on a little rant there. When Bay's film pulls in $500M over the next few weeks, will it surprise anyone? Transformers 4 will be greenlit before Independence Day, Bay will buy his 10th gold-plated Hummer, and I'm going to go out and invest all my money in the makers of silicone breast implants.

  • June 30, 2011, 7:36 a.m. CST

    stalkeye

    by AsimovLives

    That doesn't bode too well for him, does it?

  • Too late - Bay fucked that up, too.

  • June 30, 2011, 7:37 a.m. CST

    90% positive feedback from the audience on RT?

    by Shut the Fuck up Donny

    The Republican Party always claims the Democratic Party consists of a bunch of over-educated elitists who think they know what's right for America... If we have this many mouth-breathers enjoying this film, then maybe I *should* worry about the average American having a say in ANYTHING...

  • June 30, 2011, 7:40 a.m. CST

    This review was bought and paid for.

    by knowthyself

    By the rival studios.

  • June 30, 2011, 7:41 a.m. CST

    BTW: Bay's women vs Cameron's women...

    by AlienFanatic

    One thing that this article made me think about was just how opposite Michael Bay and James Cameron treat their women. You've got two top-tier visualists (though I think Ridley Scott beats the shit out of both of them) who have almost entirely different approaches to how women are portrayed. Bay wants you to look at women as objects and obstacles. Cameron wants you to notice their inner strength and focuses less on beauty (though you can't argue that Linda Hamilton was, in her day, very attractive) and more on just how much of a badass those women could be. Bay wants them dumb, tanned, and silent. Cameron gives them killer dialogue, they all kick ass, and they can out-think nearly every man in the movie. And you know what? The women in James Cameron movies are, without exception, vastly more attractive than Bay's.

  • June 30, 2011, 7:44 a.m. CST

    nabster

    by Spandau Belly

    Pearl Habour was Bay's attempt at being Speilberg and making a Saving Private Ryan type movie. Transformers was his attempt at being Cameron. It's got mostly the same setup of Terminator 2 being about a young boy who is destined to save humanity from a war against robots but who also has a robot guardian of his own.

  • You think someone who makes movies for the masses would know that people don't want two and a half hour movies. Two hours at best. So whats up with all his movies being so damn long?

  • June 30, 2011, 7:47 a.m. CST

    Knowthyself, ever seen a guy coked up try to retell a simple story?...

    by Shut the Fuck up Donny

    There's your answer...

  • THE POWER OF BAY COMPELS YOU!!!!!!!!!!

  • June 30, 2011, 7:53 a.m. CST

    So... Fight For Your Life... A comment on...

    by RockHardTobascoSlimJim

    Bay's attitude towards his audience? Are we King Coon?

  • June 30, 2011, 7:54 a.m. CST

    I agree with Alienfanatic

    by Mr Gorilla

    There's just one thing I don't understand. Still, it begs the question: give that a lot of people watching TF3 probably saw AVATAR, what are they actually thinking? Are they thinking 'yesterday I enjoyed a film about respecting nature, respecting women, a film that portrayed the military as essentially bad; today I'm bang into a film that is sexist, militarist, and celebrates destruction'? I mean, when that big tree was destroyed in AVATAR, it was a sad moment, right? But what about when all kinds of shit are destroyed in TF3 - people applause? What are they thinking? Or are they not, actually, thinking? And what is AICN's role in all this?

  • June 30, 2011, 7:55 a.m. CST

    well-written

    by Thunderbolt Ross

    This review I mean. Clear in its points with a few good zingers. Is that JS in that picture? "Home again home again jiggedy-jig"

  • June 30, 2011, 7:56 a.m. CST

    nabster

    by AsimovLives

    When has Bay tried to be the next Cameron? Like, all his fucking career. There's a funny story about how, when he filmed THE ROCK, Bay kept pesting Ed Harris about how Bay made his movies nad hwat would he do and etc etc. What Bay, in nthis typical retard stupidity failed to realise is that Ed Harris had a terrible time filming THE ABYSS with Cameron (he nearly drowned, among other problems). So the stupid ass Bay was pesting Harris about working for a man who had bad memories about. Ed Harris got so fed up that one day he just lost it and told Bay if he didn't stoped asking those questions he would knock his teeth out. Bay never bothered Harris again.

  • June 30, 2011, 7:56 a.m. CST

    Cameron humiliated a woman in True Lies

    by Thunderbolt Ross

    He's not exactly Gloria Steinem

  • June 30, 2011, 7:58 a.m. CST

    *sniff* Baby Beaks is finally growing up!

    by Fico

    I'm so proud of you Beaksie!

  • June 30, 2011, 8:02 a.m. CST

    Yes You Do See Prime's Trailer Transform

    by J Miggidy

    You see it transform in Chernobyl when we see Shockwave for the first time. It transforms and he pulls weapons off it. Later in the movie he gets separated from his trailer on the streets of Chicago and proclaims that he needs his trailer cause he needs "that flight tech" so there was an explanation for it. I'm sure you are disappointed that you didn't get to see Prime physically strap on his jet pack but they did explain it.

  • June 30, 2011, 8:03 a.m. CST

    spandau belly

    by AsimovLives

    "but could he (Michael Bay) just dream up his own project and the studio would foot the bill" That actually already happened. It was a movie called ARMAGEDDON. Though Bay was not the one who created the concept, even before a daft was writen the project was brough to him. and he loved the concept so much he developed it even before bringing it to the studio. The original creator is Jonathan Hensleigh, after the read an article about a oil rigger who specialized in putting out fires from oil rigs. Jonathan Hensleigh and Bay both sold the movie to Disney, with the proviso of Bay both directing and be co-writer. In fact, one of the lest know facts about Bay is that he was always the constant writer of that movie, from start to finish. He doesn't have a screen credit due to arbitration from the WGA, since he was also the director. At the time Bay wasn't still as powerful as he's today and it was one of the battles he relented, against his will. He said that his greatest regreat of his professional life was not fought for a writing credit for Armageddon until he got one. So, Bay already made his INCEPTION or SUCKER PUNCH, and that's ARMAGEDDON. Which is one of the most horrible stupid retard piece of shit movie ever made in the whole history of cinema.

  • June 30, 2011, 8:04 a.m. CST

    I don't get it...

    by IceMonkey

    I keep hearing people say how horrible he is to women. These are just movies. My wife loves the Transformers films more than I do. She has yet to rebel against Bay because he hates women. And also, these movies are not made for children. Just because something started as a toy line does not mean that is the only path it can travel down. It is pretty apparent that Bay would love to make an "R" rated Transformers movie but is pretty handcuffed by the studio.

  • June 30, 2011, 8:05 a.m. CST

    @ thunderbolt ross

    by AlienFanatic

    You're absolutely right. The portrayal of Jamie Lee Curtis in True Lies was nearly as odious as some of Bay's stuff. (He tries to make up for his objectification by making her cool by the end of the film, but she is treated like a shrill, sexy harridan until she "accidentally" learns how to use a gun.) James Cameron makes serious mistakes from time to time, but for many of his films he has put women in the driver's seat. Bay, not so much. And damn me, in my youth I was weak and watched the scene with Jamie Lee in the hotel room until I wore out the rewind mechanism on my VCR! I was weak! I was weak!

  • June 30, 2011, 8:06 a.m. CST

    the blinding beauty of Rosie Huntington-Whitley

    by buggerbugger

    I swear, you fuckers must be getting paid each and every time you compliment this Boris Karloff-looking bitch, because every AICN review of this film has pointed out how jaw-droppingly hot she is despite the fact that she looks like a lipstick-wearing gorgon. Either that, or you all recently got zapped by some fucking Beer Goggles Raygun that makes ''butterface'' the new ''beautiful''. She must give great head or something, because she clearly gives lousy face.

  • June 30, 2011, 8:09 a.m. CST

    And another thing

    by IceMonkey

    Isn't it OK to just have mindless fun while watching a movie? Why are we looking so deep into Transformers? When I first heard there was a Transformers movie being made, I did not immediately think of some hi-tech space opera with deep moral and political issues about some alien war. That was Episode 1 and we all hated that. What I did think of was a cartoon from when I was 13 years old that had big robots trashing each other. Isn't that what the movies delivered?

  • June 30, 2011, 8:13 a.m. CST

    LMAO @ scratchmonkey

    by AlienFanatic

    Yes, I'm with you on that. It must be her body (which I'm ignorant of) because for the life of me her face is very, very unattractive. I'm not the kind of guy that wants women to have supermodel looks, but hers reminds me of the scene in Army of Darkness where Ash's face gets stretched out: http://cheezburger.com/Thungal/lolz/View/3327040512

  • June 30, 2011, 8:19 a.m. CST

    alienfanatic

    by AsimovLives

    "Isn't the popular TF series a reflection on society's values?" Perhaps. but then very smart and good movies like THE DARK KNIGHT and INCEPTION were very sucessful as well. So, what is the conclusion we are to take from that?

  • I believe differently. I believe this movies have been sucessful DESPISTE how Bay made them. I really believe this Trasnformers movies could had been EVEN MORE SUCESSFUL if they had not been made by Bay. Bay actually limited the appeal of this movies when he deliberatly designed them for a juvenile audience of 13 years old boys who are easily sexually aroused just by looking at linoleum much less a provoquely dressed young hot starlet, while the robots who give the name of the moves are relegated to secondary status (and by that i mean the main ones like Optimus Prime). I really beleive that the Transformers movies were fated for an even bigger commercil sucess were it not for the decision to hire Bay as director. They are actually losing money on this movies compared to what it could had been.

  • June 30, 2011, 8:27 a.m. CST

    asimovlives

    by Spandau Belly

    Yeah, I definately feel the hand of Bay in the writing all his films Armageddon-onward. His need for too many pointless characters, too many plotlines, too much comic relief, the false understanding of what an epic is. So it doesn't surprise me that he shaped Armageddon's plot and helped a lot in the writing. But still, when Armageddon was made, those types of disaster movies were really popular. There was even a second asteroid movie made in the same year. My question was more if Bay wanted to do something really risky, would the studios back him simply because the trust his vision? Or do they only trust him to make the loudest shiniest version of whatever type of movie is big at the moment? I'm not suggesting Bay even has an idea in his head, I'm just wondering what would happen if he did.

  • June 30, 2011, 8:31 a.m. CST

    Giving away the end of this movie isn't a spoiler...

    by OnO

    It's goddamn public service.

  • June 30, 2011, 8:32 a.m. CST

    Lazerbeak looked like a robot version of the Giant Claw.

    by Bald Evil

    It just occurred to me this morning... ugh.

  • But when the first Bayformers movie proved to be a commercial sucess, i resigned to the fact this movies would be profitable. I just take that as a matter of fact. Not only i expect Bayshitfuckmers 3 to be sucessful, but that a 4th movie will be made, with Bay's involvement as director.

  • June 30, 2011, 9:08 a.m. CST

    MICHAEL BAY IS DESTROYING AMERICA.

    by HoboCode

    If you don't think that's true than you're either a fucking scumbag or you're mentally challenged. I'm done wit hthis piece of shit and this review was the final nail in his coffin. It reminded me that every one of Bay's movies are reprehensible pieces of garbage that pander to the worst people or the worst instincts in people. Every one, escpecially BB2 and ROTF, are racist, sexist, arrogant, jingoistic, and amoral corporate pieces of shit slowly eroding the fabric of this country. CHILDREN are seeing this shit. Impressionable children. It's one thing to assign a proper amount of responsibility to parents but Bay AND his financial backers also have a civic responsibility to NOT make shit they know is harmful. You can tell me to lighten up but my response to you is to grow up and realize what detriment to society this man and his "films" are. We grew up watching E.T. and Goonies and Indiana jones and Star Wars and Ghostbusters and Back to the Future and Jurassic Park as summer blockbusters. This is what this generation is growing up with and it makes me sick. We owe them more than this vile, despicable nonsense.

  • June 30, 2011, 9:10 a.m. CST

    Seriously we're defending Bad Boys2

    by Lovecraftfan

    Aside from being a way too long immensely stupid film it is one of the most mean spirited things hes ever done.

  • June 30, 2011, 9:10 a.m. CST

    Shia is like Andrew McCarthy. That was great

    by Knobules

    No kidding on that one. Another Hollywood dead face forced into one movie after another because he is pals with someone high up in Hollywood. Insert Sam Worthington to that list also.

  • But, the fact is that there is nothing wrong with a director using a camera to call attention to the stunning beauty of the female form. Filmmakers have been doing this since the beginning of cinema and before that painters since the beginning of paint. It's called the 'male gaze' and while there is much feminist criticism of the male dominated artistic medium of film for it, it ain't going anywhere. And honestly it only reflects how men look at women in real life. And there's nothing wrong with that. That said, I agree with you when a scumbag like Bay goes out of his way to humiliate, demean or abuse women for a cheap laugh or a visceral thrill. You offer an excellent example but one of the worst ones I've seen in a mainstream movie was in Terminator 3 when Arnold smashes the supermodel female terminators head into a urinal. That was disgusting blatant no bones about it misogyny. And in hindsight it's ironically reflective of how the Governator treats women. Sometimes the subtext is prescient.

  • He played your typical redeck racist in Fight for your Life, a 70's Blaxsploitation film that was unitentionally hilarious!I saw this movie on Cable a few years back as it's the perfect movie to riff on with your friends on a Friday night. How Beaks posted that macro/pic when mentioning Mikey Bay, says a lot of things and it ain't flattering either.

  • June 30, 2011, 9:15 a.m. CST

    don't defend this shit

    by eROKv

    all you hear people saying is "it is what it is what do you expect?" well thats bullshit. theres no reason why you cant have all the crazy blowed up shit and still have a coherent storyline and interesting characters you care about. michael bay should stick to music videos and government motors commercials. maybe armed forces recruitment videos.

  • June 30, 2011, 9:17 a.m. CST

    While I can enjoy Michael Bay B movies,

    by Orbots Commander

    ...and what's Transformers but a gigantic scaled B movie, I do agree with Beaks that he has no place making movies intended for kids. It's like handing the sequel to Finding Nemo to Paul Verheoven or Eli Roth. Just not appropriate.

  • June 30, 2011, 9:25 a.m. CST

    Bad Boys II is a nihilisitic masterpiece

    by Laserhead

    The most 'Bay' that Bay has ever been, and it worked. Everything he's directed after has been shit on a stick.

  • June 30, 2011, 9:28 a.m. CST

    I'm with you, Beaks

    by daggor

    Hopefully, Hasbro will steer future movies away from the negative aspects of the Bay films.

  • June 30, 2011, 9:32 a.m. CST

    Bad Boys 2 is what happens when Micheal Bay...

    by Orbots Commander

    ...is allowed to just do his thing, balls out. It's like taking a snapshot of his inner mind, and what a bizarre frigging place that is. TF2 was very nearly the same thing, minus Will Smith doing the 'jail-rape-joke' scene. I enjoyed BB2 mainly for the jaw-dropping 'Fuck you!' message that it had for its audience. It was over two hours of contempt from a filmmaker. Interesting, yet really weird.

  • June 30, 2011, 9:33 a.m. CST

    Transformers movies: strictly for a young male demographic

    by cinematt

    OK, I'll come right to the point here. I've only seen the first Transformers movie. I was too old when the cartoons and toys came out in the 80s, since i didnt watch cartoons and play with toys anymore at that point. I saw the first movie out of curiousity, and didnt think much of it. But one thing I did realize is that this movie franchise, as presented by Michael Bay, is undoubtedly aimed strictly at a young male demographic and heres why: Apart from the "stuff blows up and robots fight" stuff which is the sum and substance of all these movies, there is also the notion that Bay seems to be playing to the whims and urges of the puberty phase young teen boys who are going to see this. As proof, I point to the scene in the first Transformers, where Shia and Megan are riding in Bumblebee. She's in the drivers seat and the seatbelt is broken. Shia says "why dont you come sit on my lap, it would be safer?" And then SHE ACTUALLY DOES IT! Then she follows this up with "smooth move about the seatbelt..." SERIOUSLY?? Look, I'm totally hetero and would love it if Megan Fox sat on my lap, but thats not the point here. When I was growing up, if myself or one of my male buds were to throw out a come on line like that to a girl, we would have been shot down and laughed at. But in Michael Bays world, its ask and ye shall recieve. This is catering to to adolescent fantasies, and thats fine if youre an adolescent, but if youre an adult whose seen the better side of forty, it just dont fly. In Michael Bays world, robots fight, shit blows up and unattainable girls are yours for the taking. I get the feeling this movie will play perfectly for that part of the audience thats holding an Optimus Prime toy in one hand and their stiffening member in the other. Beyond that, maybe not so much. Or maybe its just me. Maybe I'm too old to get into this type of stuff. Havent seen Transformers 2 and dont want to, and probably wont see this either. Its just that I come onto these talkbacks to see what the feed back on movies like this are, and I marvel at all the strongly worded diatribes being posted, and I realize the cinema world has come a long way from the days when I grew up, watching classics like Star Wars, Close Encounters, Indiana Jones and the like. It just seems that back then, filmakers didnt need to marginalize their product to fit a target market. These were films that everyone could enjoy, regardless of age, gender, and phase of libido. Sure, in "Return of the Jedi" every healthy normal hetero male was bug eyed at Carrie Fisher's slave girl outfit (and for the record, Carrie has stated that she HATED that freaking outfit as it was uncomfortable as all hell...)but that was, what, a whole ten minutes or so of screen time she was in that getup? Sure, it was a bit of titllation, but it was what it was and then moved on. If I'm understanding correctly what people are saying about Michael Bay's interpretation of women are, is that they are good for extreme close ups and sophomoric sexual shenanigans. Again, I'm a very healthy redblooded American male and love the female anatomy, but if all it takes to kickstart things is a shot of a girls butt as shes walking up the stairs, then perhaps some of us would be better suited to find our entertainment, sexual or otherwise, elsewhere. Look, I'm just as much of a film geek as any of you. I love superhero movies, sci fi, action, good stories and all the rest of it. But Im also a consumer with not all the cash in the world to burn on every film that comes out each Friday. As such, I, and in this economy, I'm sure, many many others have to be a little more choosy in our choices to spend money on entertainment. Will Transformers 3 make a massive amount of money? Probably. But for all the young males plunking down their hard earned (or weekly allowance) cash, there's many more of us older bucks who have been around this track quite a few times; and we will probably hold off until something better comes along. Well, thats all I really wanted to say. I hope I havent bored anyone with my thoughts. Like I said, I've been reading all of these Transformers talkbacks, out of curiousity, mostly, and I just wanted to throw my two cents in. Have an awesome Fourth of July holiday, everyone!

  • June 30, 2011, 9:34 a.m. CST

    Shia's entrance in "Crystal Skull"-Funny because

    by Samuel Fulmer

    You can tell Spielberg was trying to get Shia to channel Brando from the Wild One, but instead it seemed like Shia was channeling Al Pacino from Cruising.

  • June 30, 2011, 9:35 a.m. CST

    Transformers 3 Dark of the Moon - 4 out of 5 Stars - Review.

    by codecrackx15

    http://codecrackx15.wordpress.com/2011/06/30/transformers-3-dark-of-the-moon-3d-out-of-5-stars/

  • June 30, 2011, 9:39 a.m. CST

    Please Pass along a message to Harry

    by doom master

    Could you please tell him to cut out the fucking Ads on this site? Its slowing down my fucking computer! Thakns

  • June 30, 2011, 9:41 a.m. CST

    Best, most literate reviews on the site. By a mile.

    by Laserhead

    Thanks, Beaks.

  • June 30, 2011, 9:48 a.m. CST

    Primus bless you, Asi

    by THE_CHOPPAH

    You're still at it, you crazy Iberian bastard!

  • June 30, 2011, 9:49 a.m. CST

    seeking shelter near the top of a crippled skyscraper

    by S-Mart shopper

    at no point did they do this. they weren't "seeking shelter" they were trying to line up a shot at the pillar thingy. once again Beaks proves that he pays attention to things not onscreen. instead, he's trying to figure out the director's motivation & turns a movie review into a behavioral study. all that aside, Bayformers was too long, provided a horrible story & yet accomplished great looking action pieces.

  • June 30, 2011, 9:56 a.m. CST

    What Transformers needs is a reboot, Pixar animation style

    by THE_CHOPPAH

  • June 30, 2011, 9:59 a.m. CST

    Thank you Beaks...

    by Mr. Waturi

    For being the first reviewer on this site to criticize Bay for peddling excessive sex/violence to kids. People forget that Bay's career was slipping before the Transformers movies. Twice he tried to tell real stories with "Pearl Harbor" and "The Island" and failed with both. So what does he do? He finds a children's property with a built-in audience to revive his sputtering career. The guy is a scumbag. He lures kids (and unsuspecting parents) into the theaters with shiny toys, then bombards them with endless inappropriate crap. Beaks is absolutely right. Bay needs to stick to rated R movies (I also enjoyed Bad Boys II) and leave kids alone.

  • June 30, 2011, 10 a.m. CST

    Listen to the CHOPPAH

    by S-Mart shopper

    that's just a general life tip, kids.

  • June 30, 2011, 10:01 a.m. CST

    Asi, did you see Biutiful?

    by THE_CHOPPAH

    I know its Barcelona, not Portugal, but I just watched it last night and wondered what your thoughts were on it. I liked it a lot and found it very heartwarming compared to the suicidal funeral dirge I was expecting based on Inarittu's other films.

  • June 30, 2011, 10:05 a.m. CST

    Rolling Stone review - ZERO Stars

    by HoboCode

  • June 30, 2011, 10:09 a.m. CST

    spandau belly

    by AsimovLives

    Back in the day when Armageddon was made, Bay had a great secret weapon: Jerry Bruckheimer on his side. When Bay made THE ROCK, Don Simpson hated him so much he fired him. but then simpson died, and Bruckheimer re-hired him. The rest is history. Bruckheimer, for some reason, took a shine on Bay. Even though by then Bay was already demonstration signs of a very disturbed and unballanced personality. One story told by Peter Bart when he was a editor at Variety was that Bay took to heart a criticism made by onew of his jornalist,s so Bay accused him of being jealous of him and having a personal vendetta because Bay had stole his girlfriend back in high school. When Bruckheimer phone Bart to get to the bottoom of the issue, he learned that said jornalist not only he had never studied in Bay's high school, he was 16 years his senior. Basically, Bay pulled a porky just for spite. This story is told in Peter Bart's book THE GROSS. By all indications, Bay is a terrible person. What Megan fox said about him might just fault for being too soft on him.

  • June 30, 2011, 10:19 a.m. CST

    Where's Copernicus?

    by Bald Evil

    I hope to hear his analysis of the "science" of TF3. I can hand-wave stuff like space bridges, but bringing a planet bigger than Earth into not only Earth's orbit, but Earth's atmosphere? Fascinating...

  • Not sure if that was intentional.

  • If I remember correctly, that entire shanty town was said to be filled with people manufacturing drugs, and or henchmen of Tapia (the lead bad guy). That said, America IS awesome, and poor people DO suck.

  • June 30, 2011, 10:26 a.m. CST

    Dead on with the sexist angle...

    by impossibledreamers

    Only the scientist chick in the first flick was somewhat competitent, otherwise no female character was considered anything but window dressing or comic relief. I mean especially in politically correct Hollywood, you think there'd be at least one or two women in the military teams. And also note that handful of female transformers from movie 2 were all apparently slaughtered...

  • June 30, 2011, 10:32 a.m. CST

    No coke and hookers for Beaks.

    by highfunctioningsociopath

  • June 30, 2011, 10:44 a.m. CST

    Day 1 boxoffice: 5.5m (TUE); $37.3m yesterday. CinemaScore rating: A.

    by Paul Hanlin Jr

    60% of the $42.8m so far from 3D screens. Will flirt with $200m in first 7 days. Largest opening day of 2011. Update from Deadline.com: Best opening day of 2011, and exit polling showed 62% of men gave it an A-, 38% of women an 'A', while 55% under age 25 gave it an 'A' and 45% over 25 an 'A-'.

  • June 30, 2011, 10:50 a.m. CST

    Nobody ever said box office was a harbinger of quality.

    by Orbots Commander

    Hangover 2 made a ton of money, the most for an R rated comedy, ever. And that movie sucked giant donkey balls. Terrible movie.

  • June 30, 2011, 10:51 a.m. CST

    Or, stalkeye...

    by Paul Hanlin Jr

    They have those special glasses that are seen in the For Eyes optical TV ad ;)

  • June 30, 2011, 10:52 a.m. CST

    WEEKEND AT BERNIES is a GODDAMNED WORK OF ART!!!

    by THE_CHOPPAH

    i will take this to the grave you fuckers. plus it has Catherine Mary Stewart. she can CHOP me anytime as i hum the last starfighter theme GREETINGS STARFIGHTER!!!

  • June 30, 2011, 10:57 a.m. CST

    I heart Beaks

    by droog

    Seriously, I wish Beaks wrote reviews of everything. I may not always agree with every detail, but the mentality and approach always make for well-informed and ridiculously entertianing reads rarely found on movie "fan sites". (And extra marks for an appreciation of Bad Boys II). A thousand blessings upon your blackened soul, Mr. Beaks.

  • June 30, 2011, 11 a.m. CST

    That picture at the top of the article looks like Charlize Theron in Monster

    by Nasty In The Pasty

    Same pose and expression and everything. Weird. And I too wonder what is up with Bay's obsession with 2 1/2 hour running times. They haven't seemed to impact the disgusting commercial succss of his movies, but...honestly, why does a smash & grab toy commercial of an action movie need to be longer that frigging 2001? Especially since his Transformers movies tease with trailers of non-stop Bayhem, but the actual movies are about 2/3rds lame comic schtick involving pot brownies and humping dogs and John Turturro's hairy ass in a thong. [shudder]

  • June 30, 2011, 11:07 a.m. CST

    I do agree that Transformers movies shouldn't....

    by Orbots Commander

    ...be longer than 90 minutes, tops. From what I gather, this flick could lose an hour easily, and nobody would miss it.

  • Can people please stop with the "Popcorn Movies" don't have to have good stories defense. It's been debunked many classics like Star Wars, Raiders of The Lost Ark, heck Spiderman 2, and The Dark Knight are "Popcorn Movies" that had great action and a compelling story! And as for it's based on Toys so who cares, Spiderman and The Dark Knight were based on comics but those directs didn't say so who cares let's produce shit!

  • June 30, 2011, 11:22 a.m. CST

    the_choppah

    by AsimovLives

    I haven't seen Biutiful yet. But since you are recomending it, then i have to give it a try. I trust the recomendations of anybody who urged me to watch GAME OF THRONES and made me discover the best badass TV show since ROME. Barcelona is the capital of the spanish province of Cataluña. but it's incorrect to call it spanish since Cataluña has it's own culture and language diferent from what most people call Spain but which is in fact the Castillan culture. And catallanos love the portugueses, because we are the ones who got away from Spain and got our own independence, which the catallanos didn't got. And it's not just the catallanos, but the gallicians as well. And this was a free lesson in the cultural and historical diversity found in the Iberian Peninsula.

  • June 30, 2011, 11:24 a.m. CST

    At Least Michael Bay ....

    by PopCultureJunkie

    may treat women badly but Quentin Tarantino is worse....and creepy... Very funny story....I bet Jamie Foxx was hanging out with Tarantino because of Django Unchained. http://nitro5737.blogspot.com/

  • June 30, 2011, 11:24 a.m. CST

    cotton, just checked imdb and confirmed the Fox story

    by THE_CHOPPAH

    she's credited as 'Stars-and-Stripes Bikini Kid Dancing Under Waterfall.' What a perv!

  • I view them as the spawn of every horrible thing humans have ever done on this planet. They are the mother of all evil misguided fucked up people. Hitler's mom had to be some kind of twisted cunt like you wouldn't believe. Run! The women are going to kill us all!!! Just hold em back like other minorities over all the years- we don't need them thinking. Just run rampant over the face of the earth- free from anything resembling reasoned guidance. Yup that looks like good nuclear poisonous deathshitfromhell right there. Let's play with that here in these kids' back yard. No,no,no; throw that perpetual motion clean energy shit away! Don't show me that shit again I told you more poisonous death particle spewing horror is the only way to go! What's that? Oh no. I never knew my mom. She died when I was very young. Why do you ask?

  • Mr Beak's only negative coments are due to what's presented in the movie as a PG-13. Were the movie rated R, as he said so in the review, he would had loved the shit out of it. There's a lot of praise for this movie maskarading as criticism. If you guys think this review is a negative one, you haven't really read it. Read the in-between the lines. The only true negative review so far at AICN is from Ambush Bug.

  • June 30, 2011, 11:27 a.m. CST

    the_choppah

    by THE_CHOPPAH

    he also apparently made her wash his cars as her audition. atta boy!

  • June 30, 2011, 11:27 a.m. CST

    WTF!?!?

    by THE_CHOPPAH

  • June 30, 2011, 11:27 a.m. CST

    Choppah

    by Darth_Kong

    GREETINGS STARFIGHTER! If only that was a pick-up line that worked with chicks. If.

  • Ken Jeong portrays Sandy Berger in this? Inspired casting.

  • June 30, 2011, 11:35 a.m. CST

    Bay, 'treats objects like women!'

    by THE_CHOPPAH

    I know, not Choppah's overused 'Dudism' again, but it's apropos.

  • auteur = a filmmaker whose individual style and complete control over all elements of production give a film its personal and unique stamp.

  • June 30, 2011, 11:40 a.m. CST

    Thanks, Asi

    by THE_CHOPPAH

    Yeah, before Biutiful and your lesson my knowledge of Barcelona was limited to Manuel from Fawlty Towers. 'He's from Barcelona!' Definitely, check out Biutiful though. Javier Bardem is fantastic.

  • June 30, 2011, 11:42 a.m. CST

    BAD BOYS 3: REVENGE OF REGGIE

    by arthur

  • June 30, 2011, 11:47 a.m. CST

    nitro, not sure I buy the QT foot sucking story

    by THE_CHOPPAH

    As I'm trying to rapidly think of ways I can agent myself out of this deal, I hear what is without a doubt, the strangest question in the history of my life. Quentin Tarantino asks, 'Can I suck on your toes while I jerk off?

  • June 30, 2011, 11:47 a.m. CST

    MICHEAL BAY IS SO CHEAP, LOK AT THIS!!!!!

    by arthur

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H7kcqB3thJM

  • June 30, 2011, 11:52 a.m. CST

    thecock90

    by THE_CHOPPAH

    that's some excellent journalistic reporting right there.

  • June 30, 2011, 11:53 a.m. CST

    Bay may be big on objectification

    by Samuel Fulmer

    But at least he doesn't have creepy gratuitious shots of women's feet like another high profile director.

  • June 30, 2011, 11:57 a.m. CST

    Michael Bay should direct a QT biopic

    by Samuel Fulmer

    Maybe have Martin Lawrence play Jamie Foxx, Mindy Kaling play the foot victim, and Nicolas Cage can play QT. Songs by Aerosmith, with guest appearance by Steve Buscemi, this time as Steve Buscemi.

  • June 30, 2011, 11:59 a.m. CST

    BEAKS LIKED BRING IT ON MORE THAN THE DARK KNIGHT

    by BlaGyver

  • June 30, 2011, 11:59 a.m. CST

    i don't fault Tarantino for his foot fetish

    by THE_CHOPPAH

    As Owen Wilson once said, 'There are many ways to the Holy Grail' as he was explaining his personal analingus fetish.

  • June 30, 2011, 12:02 p.m. CST

    the choppah and asimov lives - you two are such assholes

    by antonphd

    but i have a growing respect for you reading your comments here, damn it. i still don't like the accusations of aicn selling out though. betrayal a terrible thing to accuse someone of. but it does seem like it's coming from exasperation and not malice. and this is a talk back filled with mostly bullshit comments, so, i guess i can chill. and how can i stay angry at fellow game of thrones enthusiasts? sigh.

  • June 30, 2011, 12:05 p.m. CST

    Michael Bay's next film to cost 20 million

    by Samuel Fulmer

    Yeah, I'll believe that when I see it. And maybe Lucas will actually release Red Tails this year too.

  • This nonsense would be fine if dispensed with quickly, but Bay and Kruger have fiendishly decided that Sam's employment woes are the hilariously surreal stuff of a scatological Coen Bros. movie

  • If you're over the age of 11 you should really find a new hobby. Try sniffing glue.

  • about raped childhoods!

  • June 30, 2011, 12:12 p.m. CST

    The Invention of Hugo Cabret now to be called Hugo

    by Samuel Fulmer

    Now it sounds like a sequel to Bruno.

  • June 30, 2011, 12:19 p.m. CST

    The first hour and a half is such a waste of time

    by Mattman

    It's just drenched in silly. Although, I must admit, it was far better comedy than Hangover II.

  • June 30, 2011, 12:19 p.m. CST

    Misogynist apologists:

    by Playkins

    I absolutely can't stand reading faked, apologetic anti-misogynist rantings from "white knights" on the internet. What, gonna tell us you don't look at girls?

  • June 30, 2011, 12:21 p.m. CST

    Well all I can say is the numbers that really matter

    by Geekhaterssuck

    and what Bay and Paramount really care about. Over 42 million so far, Tuesday openings, and Wednesday. Despite the screams from the high heavens by those who still dream of Arcee sneaking into their rooms for sweet, sweet, robo love, people are going to see this, and also despite the screams of "It's got no story!" (imaging whiny voice in your head) or whatever else the typical whine concerning these movies are fact is people like them or they wouldn't go see them. They go to see explosions, giant talking robot, soldiers, and barely dressed hot chicks, and that's what they get. Face it most of you probably snapped the head off your favorite action figure when you heard Optimus would have flames and have decried these movies suck, and anyone who dares think otherwise is an idiot. Are they perfect? Hell no, are they great works of art? Not in the least, but they are fun, and guess what that is why most people go to the movies, to have fun, to enjoy themselves, and that is why Transformers is the cash cow it is because the movies are big, explosive, stupid fun, no more, no less.

  • June 30, 2011, 12:24 p.m. CST

    And regarding the so-called heroine

    by Mattman

    She does nothing remotely heroic, except out of nowhere calling Megatron a 'bitch'. At least Megan Fox did shit in the first movie. She just stands around in her high heels and needs to be saved. Yawn.

  • I like the above quote from Lisa Kennedy of the Denver Post.

  • June 30, 2011, 12:29 p.m. CST

    TF3 is actually underperforming...

    by Orbots Commander

    ...if you consider that over half of its ticket sales were from inflated 3-D ticket pricing. It's almost an opening day, 50% drop, compared to ROTF. It's not a dud, but I'm thinking that everyone involved expected more. Cue the reboot talk.....

  • June 30, 2011, 12:32 p.m. CST

    Even more so when considering....

    by Orbots Commander

    ...that school let out a week ago, and the kids are free to go to the multi plexes whenever.

  • June 30, 2011, 12:32 p.m. CST

    geekhaterssuck, you're dead wrong and even Bay disagrees with you

    by THE_CHOPPAH

    Bay has admitted that Transformers 2 wasn't a very good movie and he said that he was going to make an effort to make a better film with this one. Only as we see that is not possible because Bay is incapable of making a decent flick.

  • June 30, 2011, 12:35 p.m. CST

    sick and tired of the "turn off yr brain" crowd...

    by redteeb

    People saying "it's a summer blockbuster so what did you expect?" Well, I'm sorry, but a Summer blockbuster is supposed to be entertaining. Fact is, it even fails at that cos you have no investment in ANYTHING thats going on. Remember Jaws? THAT'S a Summer Blockbuster. Well drawn characters who you care about. Tramsformers is just trite, and fails at being a Summer blockbuster, so STOP calling it that What it is is EXPLOITATION. Pure and simple. And it succeeds at that. HOWEVER, as Beaks rightly pointed out, an exploitation flick IS NOT a kids film. It is not a family film. It IS NOT a Summer blockbuster. The two things are about as different as you can get. And that fact that it's been sold as a kids film/blockbuster is repugnant. The fact you have Prime, the hero, basically the paragon of robots, make the villain BEG FOR HIS LIFE is utter stupidity. Somehow he actually topped the "YOU'RE FACE, GIVE IT TO ME!!!!" in ROTF. Yeah, couldn't believe that when I saw it, and not in a good way: PRIME RIPPED SOMEONES FACE OFF. Ultimate facepalm moment. I mean, if yr gonna make a GIANT ROBOT film, fine, but if yr gonna call it transformers then at least have the integrity to use the characters from Transformers and not just the names. And if yr gonna make a fun, suspenseful Summer Blockbuster, fucking make it that. This was just shite. Removing(or reducing) real blood and bad words from an adult exploitation film does not a kids film make.

  • June 30, 2011, 12:36 p.m. CST

    googamooga

    by HoboCode

    You are an asshole.

  • June 30, 2011, 12:38 p.m. CST

    Box office in general in underperforming orbots

    by Geekhaterssuck

    I mean look at First Class, if that was released 2 years ago, it would probably have at least a 35% higher take. Box office is just down in general.

  • June 30, 2011, 12:39 p.m. CST

    bobo_vision-Yeah well if that's the case

    by Samuel Fulmer

    Maybe they could just call it Jethro or maybe Bubba.

  • June 30, 2011, 12:40 p.m. CST

    TF3 is actually underperforming... Yep

    by Samuel Fulmer

    Eventually the Overcharging of tickets catches up with the fact that less tickets are actually being sold.

  • June 30, 2011, 12:41 p.m. CST

    Which means

    by Samuel Fulmer

    Expect ticket prices to go up 20-30 percent in the near future. That way Hollywood can tout record breaking opening weekends when in reality far less people are going to their movies.

  • June 30, 2011, 12:44 p.m. CST

    Choppah

    by Geekhaterssuck

    I doubt the genuine nature of Bay's statement, and the fact people spend 400 million plus seeing ROTF supports my point. And I never said it was great cinema now did I? What exactly am I wrong about? I really didn't care for ROTF as much as the first, some things in it I really did not like, but I don't have the level of hatred for it some do, and I recognize that apparently some people did like it given the B.O. numbers.

  • June 30, 2011, 12:45 p.m. CST

    @Asimovlives re: TDK and Inception

    by AlienFanatic

    Perhaps. but then very smart and good movies like THE DARK KNIGHT and INCEPTION were very sucessful as well. So, what is the conclusion we are to take from that?

  • June 30, 2011, 12:45 p.m. CST

    Heterosexual guys are all a little misogynistic once in a while

    by Terrence

    We just are, because you know you rarely care about a chick other than her ass or tits at certain intervals. Only when it hits close to home do we suddenly see our "feminine" side. You hit a Bay movie, you already know what that shit is going to entail.

  • June 30, 2011, 12:46 p.m. CST

    Box office prices go up, attendance goes down

    by Mattman

    Surprised Hollywood hasn't figured this out yet. It's killing movie theaters, who make all their money based on attendance. Something will have to change soon. Audiences are finally starting to backlash against inflated 3D prices.

  • June 30, 2011, 12:48 p.m. CST

    Ugh

    by AlienFanatic

    I wrote a very long comment, but it got completely cut off. I don't feel like typing it all again. :) In short, my only retort was that all film is a reflection on society. We now live in a society where borderline pornography is considered mainstream. What does that say about us? What effect will it have upon relations between men and women? I honestly don't know. I don't want to moralize. There are men and women with white collars paid to do that already.

  • June 30, 2011, 12:50 p.m. CST

    Part of the disturbing, to Hollywood, BO trend is...

    by Orbots Commander

    ...that fewer younger teens, and fewer older adults are going to the movies. Their prime audiences are now between their 20's, up to their 40's. A big part of this is due to high teen unemployment, somewhere around 25-30%. If High School Joey can't get a part time job stocking shelves at the Local Mart, he has less money to spend on $15 per ticket movies.

  • was apparently killed. Chernobyl eat shit level disaster that is spewing death particles all over the earth one day- next day- We got Bin Laden! Nothing from Japan has been in American or British news since that day. Nothing. But reading Japan's news reveals that we are all going to die. So don't fucking talk to me about fucking society kid. Just enjoy as much sex as you can. I gestated before '79 and have 100% of my sperm. You have 50% less if you were born after '79. Good luck everyone!

  • June 30, 2011, 12:57 p.m. CST

    Does Bay still Think John Frankenheimer is his pappy?

    by Samuel Fulmer

    Must be sad to that even on your best day you still haven't give the world a film better then the one your dad made about a mutant killer bear.

  • June 30, 2011, 12:57 p.m. CST

    Agree orbots

    by Geekhaterssuck

    not only that, but more and more kids are just sitting on their rear ends downloading movies onto their computers, or these days why shell out 15 bucks when you can just wait 3 months and then buy or rent the blu-ray watch it on your HDTV and not really miss that much from the so-called "movie-going" experience. I want to see this, but honestly I'll probably wait and pick up on blu-ray and kick back and enjoy on the old 42 inch LCD TV where if I want popcorn I don't have to shell out another 10 bucks for it. Some people are just damn busy for movies as well. I got a two year old, before she was born I'd see 6 or 7 movies during the summer in the theatre, last summer I saw 2 this summer so far I've seen one. I just don't have the time for many movies anymore, and that's the case for a lot of people. I love watching movies in the theatre, but these days I don't have the time, nor the money to spend on them, and I'm probably in the majority in this case.

  • Who does nothing to advance the plot, and stands around in high heels waiting to be saved. Yawn.

  • June 30, 2011, 12:58 p.m. CST

    Samuel & Bobo

    by Rebeck2

    Maybe I'm the only one, but I'm really getting tired of the "Americans are stupid" bullshit. Give it a rest. It's fucking old. There are idiots the world over, which is why these kind of movies do well the world over. I'm proud to say I have never seend a Transformers movie and I never will. What the fuck do you expect when you base a movie on a cartoon about robots that can change into cars??? In 40 years we went from The Godfather to Transformers. But if, the world didn't eat this shit up and break box office records they wouldn't make it.

  • June 30, 2011, 12:59 p.m. CST

    Mattman.

    by Orbots Commander

    You would think studios understood basic economics: charge more for stuff and fewer customers buy it, especially in a near-depression economy, particularly for optional choices such as attending movies. I predict that theater chains may soon offer up 'Special Rate' days at older pricing, $6-$7 per ticket. Multiplexes after all make most of their money from concession stands, not tickets. If high ticket prices reduce foot traffic, concession sales will tank.

  • June 30, 2011, 1 p.m. CST

    orbots commander-Don't forget the 3rd reich-esque ID checking

    by Samuel Fulmer

    That really took affect in recent years at the big chain theaters. That's probably why so many of the "kids" just download films. I was told to show my ID for R-rated films on serveral occassions by little snots that looked like they just got off their tricycle.

  • June 30, 2011, 1 p.m. CST

    I don't think TF reflects society as a whole

    by Mattman

    Given the success of movies like Avatar, which featured a badass heroine who actually saves the hero in the end. I think TF movies are so popular because they feature giant robots kicking ass. That's the main hook. Megan Fox provided some nice eye candy as a bonus, but she couldn't carry a movie based on her assets alone once removed from giant robot action.

  • June 30, 2011, 1 p.m. CST

    Ultrathon

    by Rebeck2

    I don't think still having all your original sperm is something you should be bragging about.

  • June 30, 2011, 1:01 p.m. CST

    Reboot please!!

    by Pascal

    I need a REBOOT of the Transformers!!!! Explossion is not everything in a Transformers movie!!! REBOOT,REBOOT,REBOOT,REBOOT,REBOOT,REBOOT,REBOOT,REBOOT,REBOOT,REBOOT,REBOOT,REBOOT,REBOOT,REBOOT,REBOOT,REBOOT,REBOOT,REBOOT,REBOOT,REBOOT,REBOOT,REBOOT,REBOOT,REBOOT,REBOOT,REBOOT,REBOOT,REBOOT,REBOOT,REBOOT,REBOOT,REBOOT,REBOOT,REBOOT,REBOOT,REBOOT,REBOOT,REBOOT,REBOOT,REBOOT,REBOOT,REBOOT,REBOOT,REBOOT,REBOOT,REBOOT,REBOOT,REBOOT,REBOOT,REBOOT,REBOOT,REBOOT,REBOOT,REBOOT,REBOOT,REBOOT,REBOOT,REBOOT,REBOOT,REBOOT,REBOOT,REBOOT,REBOOT,REBOOT,REBOOT,REBOOT,REBOOT,REBOOT,REBOOT,REBOOT,REBOOT,REBOOT,

  • June 30, 2011, 1:05 p.m. CST

    rebeck2-Totally agree

    by Samuel Fulmer

    I think it's not the idiot syndrome, I think it's the fact that tickets have gotten so expensive that most normal people can only justify going to the movies when given an amusement park experience. Recently, and I can't remember who, but some AICN person posted an article about a new Trek movie and went on a rant about the brillance of the Trek re-boot and that Star Trek III the search for spock was terrible. This person posted the trailers from both films as proof. Trek III's trailer made it look like a action drama set in the world of Trek. The Trek reboot trailers looked like an ad for Star Tours at Disneyland. When it comes to the world though, it's always going to be our action movies that do huge business, just like here you're more likely to see some foreign genre film get a major release instead of a foreing drama.

  • June 30, 2011, 1:10 p.m. CST

    rebeck2:

    by UltraTron

    You don't even fucking know who I'm responding to. Anyway I'm only 15 and read all this shit in books on my iPad. I pretend to be older. I was thinking of what it must be like to be an older person who apparently has literally 50% more sperm than me. It's from some preflouridated carbon shit or whatnot in the environment they said on CNN recently. We piss it out and cause our own sterility. I'm wondering if I'm supposed to be 50% hornier. My dad still has sex with the same woman every day. That's serious horny.

  • June 30, 2011, 1:11 p.m. CST

    So that's what William Sanderson did to Bob Newhart

    by Samuel Fulmer

    To get himself cast on Newhart!

  • June 30, 2011, 1:12 p.m. CST

    -See previous mom/women comment.

    by UltraTron

    I'm the Tracy Morgan of this site

  • June 30, 2011, 1:14 p.m. CST

    Good Point...

    by Rebeck2

    And well made, SF. I heard someone, I forget who, but a respected veteran director, talk about the rise of "content free" movies. And he said it with a straight face and no sense of irony. He had sort of accepted it. How sad is that? The best genre films, or as we used to say 'popcorn movies', should have content. It's like we're all getting wonderfully wrapped Christmas presents that are just empty boxes. There's nothing wrong with big spectacle movies, but why can't there still be decent storytelling? Real characters and real suspense? And why do they have to crowd out the making of every - other - kind - of - film?

  • June 30, 2011, 1:17 p.m. CST

    eyegore

    by Sanyi

    Well, to me the Bad Boys movies are much more enjoyable flicks than Transformers (1-3). Especially the second one, I love that fuckin' movie. I'm not saying it's good, as a matter a fact it is almost bad. I mean so fuckin' wrong, violent, rude and I love it. But I know I'm in a minority. I don't give a shit. Bay has balls when he makes movies like Bad Boys II.

  • June 30, 2011, 1:20 p.m. CST

    Oh...

    by Rebeck2

    I was just joking. But if you're really 15, then you got some time. And yeah, you will never be any hornier than you are the next three years.

  • June 30, 2011, 1:20 p.m. CST

    My older brother loves T3

    by Sanyi

    What should I do? He says the script is good, Shia is a great actor, that chick is a great actress and nonetheless the movie is just great. How crazy is that??? Anyway, that review is great! My thoughts exactly...

  • June 30, 2011, 1:21 p.m. CST

    BAD BOYS 3 - BRING IT ON! HELL YES!

    by Mennen

  • June 30, 2011, 1:29 p.m. CST

    @Mattman re: Sigourney

    by AlienFanatic

    I think Sigourney was raised in an age where toes the company line and never bad-mouths directors, studios, or producers that might one day offer them a job. (This is the lesson that Megan, if she wanted to continue to play, might have learned.) It's so easy to look at life through a prism of one's own experiences. I was raised as a Christian, but turned away, yet my views are still tinted by the morality in which I was brought up. Actors of a certain age must have opinions about today's films, and I'm guessing that many are dismayed if not outright hostile towards them. As far as her heroine vs another, again it's something I doubt that she'd have weighed in about. She's too classy. More likely, if asked, she'd demure and express her respect for any actress that could perform such a role. A role that she, herself, would simply be too "insecure" (or whatever self-depreciating term she chose) to perform.

  • June 30, 2011, 1:38 p.m. CST

    junkie08

    by THE_CHOPPAH

    shoot him the head with that air gun thing Javier Bardem had in No Country for Old Men and put him out of your misery.

  • June 30, 2011, 1:38 p.m. CST

    Mr Beaks I hope that Michael Bay NEVER makes any kind of movie again!

    by Arkhaminmate001

    I love that these Transformers movies bring together a world wide comunite of people who think Transformer movies are made by idiots with money to be seen by idiots that give them more money, thereby self perpetuating the cycle of Dumb and Dumber, for an in depth introspective review of Michael Bay's talent visit Mark Kermodes film blog. For me he sums up this movies message perfectly...........

  • The movie opens opens 50 years ago, with voiceover describing the long, cataclysmic Cybertronian War between the Autobots and Decepticons that left the mechanical planet in ruins. A close up of Cybertron reveals multiple layers of metal plates stacked one upon another, instead of ground, with each plane saturated with a seemingly infinite number of robots in all shapes and sizes annihilating one another. In the midst of this planet-wide battle, a large starship is seen rocketing through gaps in all the metal plates, hotly pursued by twin fighters. The voiceover reveals the ship is the Autobot Ark, piloted by Sentinel Prime, the leader of the Autobots before Optimus Prime. Aubobot legend has it that Sentinel Prime made one last impossible gambit to win the Cybertronian War, by jetting the Autobots' most futuristic technology away from the battle in hopes of staging a counter attack against the Decepticons. But in this escape flight, the Ark was severely damaged and ricocheted into space, not to be heard from again. The Ark crash-lands on Earth's moon in 1961, with seemingly no survivors. Sentinel Prime locked himself into a vault on the ship, along with the Autobots' futuristic war-ending technology. NASA detects a crash of something large on the moon and immediately launches an investigation to determine what it could have been. President Kennedy ignites the space race to beat the Soviets to the moon. It's determined through the course of the movie that every US and USSR space effort between 1961 and 1972 involved recovering whatever was possible from the Ark's wreckage. Archival footage of Kennedy, Walter Cronkite, and also President Nixon is used in establishing shots showing the various US missions in the Apollo program -- and what they "really" were for. When Neil Armstrong lands on the moon and delivers his "one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind speech", people listening to the radio and watching TV believe there's a 20-something gap in the broadcast because of technical difficulties, but in reality ,NASA send Armstrong and his fellow astronaut into the Ark's wreckage for the first time, telling him that he has 20 minutes to explore it before he has to broadcast more for the American public back home. The astronauts enter the Ark and declare that everything inside is dead. They find the bodies of various Autobot robots, most still manning the gun turrets they were blasting before the ship crashed. Inside the cavernous wreck, the two humans seem tiny and begin scavenging for whatever technological bits and pieces they can take back to Earth with them. They do not discover the Ark's vault with Sentinel inside, but do find large metal faces, as they call them, which disturb NASA and necessitate the subsequent Apollo missions through 1972 to continue investigations of this crash site. The camera shows Sentinel Prime inside his vault, with just a bare flicker of blue Energon inside his eye...meaning, he is still alive, but very damaged...waiting. When the astronauts splash down in the Pacific with their haul from the moon, NASA takes special TOP SECRET silver boxes into possession containing this Cybertronian technology. Though not seen, it's implied the Soviets are doing the same thing whenever possible on their own missions...meaning Autobot technology arrived on Earth long before the events of the first Transformers film in 2007. The film picks up in present day with Sam Witcicky (Shia LaBeouf) now living in Washington, DC with a beautiful British-accented girlfriend named Carly Spencer (Rosie Huntington-Whitely). Carly bought Sam a giant plush rabbit for his luck to change in what's been a fruitless job search since his graduation from an unnamed Ivy League school. Sam can't find a job in the current economy, despite "having saved the world twice"...which is a fact no one outside the government supposedly knows, since the events of the previous two Transformers films have been exhaustively covered up by world governments. Sam is shown receiving a medal of thanks from President Obama in the Oval Office, in a rushed non-ceremony that took less than five seconds before he was shuffled off into a hallway, his proud parents Judy and Ron Witwicky (Julie White and Kevin Dunn) watching. Carly worked at the White House at the time, as a member of the British embassy assigned to a post there. Sam met Carly shortly after his medal non-ceremony, and the two bonded as Sam accidentally knocked over a historic crystal bowl that smashed in front of the two of them (causing embarrassment no doubt). Carly is now working as the curator for an extensive art and rare cars collection owned by billionaire Dylon Gould (Patrick Dempsey) and his company, which began as an accounting firm and now contains venture capital divisions too. Carly has been supporting Sam, and letting him live rent-free in the massive, ornate (but run-down) apartment in DC while he looks for jobs. Carly even gives Sam "lunch money" every day, which he resents, since in his opinion a guy who saved the world -- TWICE -- and has a presidential medal to prove it should not need to get lunch money from his girlfriend. Sam is without his friend Bumblebee since the Autobots have been deployed around the world hunting down the remaining Decepticons who still inhabit the Earth since the events of the last movie, Revenge of the Fallen. Around the world, "Energon Detectors" have been setup in all the major cities, which apparently have the ability to detect Transformers. Bumblebee is off on secret missions without Sam, and it seems the Autobots have little contact with Sam anymore...save for Wheelie (a toy truck) and Brains (a ghetto-voiced weird little robot that has white hair and never transforms) who live with Sam like pets. Sam keeps these two robots in a cage and makes them stay outside with his dog most of the time, which the two resent. We learn from the robots that Sam's last girlfriend (played by Megan Fox), was mean to them and that they're glad she's gone. This is a quick explanation why Fox is not in the movie and has been replaced by Carly (nodding to the reality that Fox alienated herself from Director Michael Bay and Producer Steven Speilberg and was not asked to return for this third film). Sam's parents, Ron and Judy, have been traveling the country in a suped-up bus with all the bells and whistles, and though they said they would be visiting him on the 21st of that month, they show up several weeks early...unannounced. They chide Sam for not having a job...and ridicule him that "his car" Bumblebee currently has a job while he doesn't. Sam tells his parents that he has many job interviews lined up, and they insist on driving him to them since his car is a piece of junk. Sam's mother has a profane way of putting things and is incredibly blunt. The two, in addition to Wheelie and Brains, are supposed to serve as comic relief interspersed throughout the film, as they believe Sam is a slacker and want to make sure he keeps ahold of his hot girlfriend Carly, since Judy especially doesn't believe Sam will "get a third one" like these in terms of girlfriend...especially without a job. While this is happening, the Autobots are off on various missions around the globe, hunting down Decepticons, and also looking for Weapons of Mass Destruction. There is a quick scene where they take down what appears to be the Iranian nuclear program, and another where the NEST agents from the previous films are working parallel to the Autobots to track other technological anomalies around the globe. In the Ukraine, there's something inside the ruins of Chernobyl that needs NEST's attention. NEST is the "international task force" that was setup in the first Transformers movie to work alongside the Autobots, and put these robots under human governmental control. Major Lennox (Josh Duhamel) is the returning NEST operative from previous films; he meets with a Ukrainian official about something alien the Soviets were monkeying with that caused the Chernobyl disaster in 1986. Lennox and his team suit up in their protective gear, since Chernobyl will be radioactive for another 20,000 years...the ruins of a merry-go-round, a school, and various Soviet monuments remain in the abandoned city. The Ukrainian official does not wear any protective gear, saying it doesn't matter because he will not live much longer anyway. He escorts Lennox and his team into a secret underground complex beneath a school in Chernobyl to show him what "really" caused the disaster there. The audience gets a glimpse of Laserbeak (now a weird vulture transformer) spying on the NEST team in the dark. It appears the Soviets recovered part of the Autobot Ark's engine, somehow, on various space missions in the late 1960s. After attempting to reverse-engineer the technology, the USSR thought it could power Chernobyl with this engine piece and attempted to bring the facility online in 1986...with the disastrous result of obliterating the city. The engine part has been sitting there since then, and the NEST team mounts an effort to remove it to Washington, DC for safekeeping. Suddely, a monstrous Decepticon drilling machine with massive tentacles bursts through the ground and attempts to steal the engine piece. Lennox and his team have to fight this beast until the Autobots arrive as reinforcements. The giant Decepticon looks like a sandworm from Dune or Beetlejuice, and has the ability to "swim" in and out of the earth, destroying buildings as it goes. Optimus Prime and a cadre of various Autobot sports cars arrive to fight this unnamed Decepticon...who ends up being just a minion of ShockWave, who maintains his iconic cyclops form from the 1980s cartoon (but oddly never transforms into anything during the movie). Shockwave is very quickly defeated as Optimus Prime uses the giant sword and axe he stores in the trailer part of his truck form to beat-up ShockWave. The Autobots recover the engine part and return to DC with NEST. Laserbeak finds the Ukrainian official that guided NEST to the engine part and assassinates him, telling the man he has outlived his usefullness to the Decepticons. Meanwhile, in Africa, Megatron has survived events from the last film and is tooling around the Serengeti as a massive Mad Max-inspired post-apocalyptic truck. His head is badly damaged and teems with robot spiders and mechanical flies. He is clearly more insane than ever, and has been gathering scrap metal to feed the collection of oddball Decepticons that remain with him (including one that's a giant head with a long metal long that dances around Megatron, for "comic relief" apparently). Soundwave is now a car-transformer of some sort, having abandoned the satellite form he took in the last film. Laserbeak arrives in Africa to report to Megatron on what happened at Chernobyl. Megatron then dispatches Laserbeack to assassinate other humans who have been helping Decepticons but are now no longer needed. Back in DC, Sam begins interviewing at various corporations, all of whom have something to do with the international relations/private-public partnerships field he got his Ivy League degree in. Because jobs are scarce and Sam has never worked anywhere before, he's not having any luck with his interviews. Many people have Googled Sam and refer to the FBI warrant that was issued for him in 2007 during the first film, which Sam has to explain as "a misunderstanding that's been expunged from his records". This is still keeping Sam from getting a job, so there's more complaint from him about having saved the world twice, without anything positive to show for it, like a job. Finally, Sam interviews with Bruce (John Malkovitch) at a global communications firm named Accuretta. This company is a tense and insane place to work, with each floor color-coded so that someone drinking a red cup on a "yellow floor" is disciplined for breaking the harmony of the office. Bruce is a real stickler for details like this, and seems like an ogre to work for. He tells Sam that he must start work in the mail room before he can do anything important, but Sam has a hard time accepting the demotion from world-saver to mail room boy. Bruce tells him that he received a letter of recommendation from someone on the Board of Directors so that Sam has a job there if he wants it. Without other prospects, Sam takes the job, but wonders who on the Board recommended him since he did not think anyone in high places was helping him find work. At the NEST headquarters in DC (hidden in what appears to be the Department of Health and Human Services), Optimus Prime is furious with the humans for not revealing the existence of the engine part recovered at Chernobyl. This is because Optimus was assured that humans had shared everything they knew about the Transformers with him. The Director of the National Security Agency, Charlotte Mearing (Frances McDormand), arrives to explain what happened and that even she was not aware of the engine piece until very recently, since it was beyond Top Secret. Buzz Aldrin makes a cameo as himself in a scene where he and other NASA officials brief Optimus on the crashed alien ship they discovered on the moon in the 1960s. Optimus realizes the ship is the Autobot Ark, containing Sentinel Prime and the technology the Autobots believe could have won them the Cybertronian Civil War if it hadn't disappeared 50 years ago. Plans are immediately launched to use the Autobots' spaceship to head to the moon and investigate the crash site to see if Sentinel Prime is still alive and if the technology is still in the vault. When the Autobots arrive, they indeed find Sentinel Prime, who appears almost dead. There are also 5 floating canisters of techonology floating around Sentinel that are brought back to Earth as well. Back at the NEST headquarters, Optimus uses the Matrox of Leadership inside his chest to revive Sentinel -- this is a small blue-energon-glowing object that Optimus can make float in the air outside his body. Exposition reveals it is the only thing in the universe that can give life to a Transformer and only Optimus has control of it. Sentinel reawakens and immediately tries to kill Optimus, thinking he was still on the Ark in the heat of battle when he was deactivated. Sentinel is voiced by Leonard Nimoy and is designed to look vaguely like him (when he does transform in this film, he takes on the shape of a fire truck). Sentinel tells Optimus and NEST that the technology he possessed were the "pillars" that would have won the Autobots the war because they are able to transport Transformers from one place to another...so Optimus deduces this could have been used to transport the Autobots from Cybertron before they were decimated, so they could have mounted a tactical retreat to regroup and take back the planet before the war was lost. Optimus is sad that he failed and the Decepticons defeated the Autobots, and offers to give up leadership to Sentinel. Sentinel however, says that he does not know enough about this world and that Optimus should remain the Autobots' leader, and that there was nothing Optimus could have done to win the war. While this reunion is happening and Sentinel is filling NEST in regarding the "pillars" and the advanced technology he designed, Sam is feeling threatened by Carly's very successful boss, Dylan Gould (Patrick Dempsey). Gould's offices are in a futuristic, gorgeous building (the location is actually the Milwaukee Museum of Art) where he keeps several gorgeous race cars in the lobby and all sorts of valuable art on the walls. There are also many photos of Gould and Carly prominently displayed, which Sam becomes very jealous of. Sam is there to pick Carly up from work as she does not have a car, but Sam's car is a broken down yellow hoopty that won't start. He's embarrassed when Gould catches him kicking his car to get the engine to work; Gould emasculates him by not only instantly fixing the engine, but also by telling Sam that HE was the Board Member of the Accuretta company that gave the job recommendation since he heard Sam was having trouble finding work. Sam thinks he should keep a closer eye on Carly since it's clear this very wealthy man Gould has designs on her. Seymour Simmons (John Turturro), the former government agent turned conspiracy buff in the last film, has written a book and is on Bill O'Reilly's FOX show talking about the danger to humanity that Decepticons pose, but O'Reilly calls him a pinhead and essentially says the Decepticons are under control. Simmons tells O'Reilly to read his book and learn that there is much that's not known about the Transformers that the government will not tell anyone about, including all manner of secret deals and assassinations and the rest of what's contained in various conspiracy books. Simmons is actually correct, because Laserbeak has been busy assassinating the humans who have been collaborating with the Decepticons. Sam begins working at Accuretta, in the mail room, and he's told that he must work there for two and a half years before he can be promoted to something more meaningful. He's dejected, but Carly comes to visit him and the whole office is impressed with his gorgeous girlfriend, including Bruce. Carly gives Sam a red cup full of red licorice as a first work day gift, even though Sam works on the "yellow floor" where only yellow cups are allowed. Because Carly is so beautiful, however, no one hassles Sam over this infraction. As Sam goes about his job, Jerry Wang (Ken Jeung from The Hangover and other movies) stalks Sam -- and it's not clear why, though it's implied Wang might have a crush on Sam. When Sam goes to the bathroom, Wang burts into the stall with Sam and the two have an uncomfortable bit where several gay jokes are made, with Wang calling himself "Deep Wang" and trying to explain he's making a 'Deep Throat" Watergate/conspiracy reference. Wang claims he has the secret intel on what the Decepticons are really up to and then drops his pants very close to Sam's face; Wang has hidden drawings and notes in a roll of papers that he kept inserted in his underwear so the Decepticons would never find it. He gives this to Sam by jamming it very close to Sam's face -- in a moment that's designed to make the audience groan and wince. Sam takes the papers from Wang, just as Bruce comes into the bathroom and notes the commotion going on in the stall. Wang then leaves the stall with his pants down and approaches Bruce and stares him down in a macho contest; normally Bruce is the alpha male in a room, but Wang clearly bests him. Sam leaves the stall also and it looks like Wang and Sam were doing something sexual in the bathroom together, but Bruce does not say anything about it. Sam then later tries to find Wang in his office to confront him about making Bruce think the two were up to something in the bathroom. Wang is having a conversation with someone, and has a computer mouse on his hand that's glowing red with nasty looking spikes. The mouse appears to be controlling him, and Wang keeps telling Sam to go away and that he doesn't know Sam. Finally, when Sam leaves, Laserbeak transforms from a computer screen and tells Wang that his usefulness has come to an end, and he must have an "accident". Wang tries to shoot Laserbeak, but Laserbeak just throws Wang and his chair out the window. Bruce is in a meeting and sees Wang fall to his death out the window, but reacts by telling everyone in the office to get back to work and ignore what's happening, since staring a the dead body will not bring Wang back to life. Bruce tells Sam he needs to remove Wang's name from his parking space and get someone to clean out his office, showing no concern for the fact that someone just died in the office. Laserbeak has now transformed into a copier/printer and is waiting for Sam to walk by so he can assassinate Sam too. Laserbeak misses Sam and there is a large fight at the office, which Sam escapes. Sam gets Carly and they try to force their way into NEST headquarters in DC at the Health and Human Services building. At first the guards give them a hard time, but Bumblebee shows up and vouches for Sam and he and Carly are allowed inside. There, Mearing is upset Sam and Carly are being allowed near all the government secrets, but Lennox says that Sam knows all about the Autobots and that Carly knows too, so they should have security clearance. Mearing sits down with Sam and Carly and tells the two of them that they can't be involved in what's going on, but Sam keeps insisting that humans are working for the Decepticons and that the whole thing is linked to Sentinel Prime somehow...that there's a big plot with Sentinel Prime being the key. Mearning interprets this to mean that the Decepticons are going to try to assassinate Sentinel Prime, and though she doesn't give Sam credit, she appears to mobilize her team to protect Sentinel. Sam then heads home, where he tries to contact Simmons to let him know the Decepticons are trying to kill him. Simmons' assistant, Alan Tudyk, won't put the call through at first, but eventually Sam talks to him and tells him about the "dark side of the moon" and the assassination conspiracy and Simmons agrees to come to Sam and help. Soon, Sam is in his apartment with Simmons and Bruce stops by because he wants to see at least one Autobot, and this was leverage Sam used to get Bruce to give him Wang's files, so they can figure out why Decepticons wanted to kill Sam, and killed Wang. Carly comes home as all these people are convened in her apartment and she's not happy. Sam gets upset that Gould has now given Carly a very expensive Mercedes car, worth over $200,000. The two of them have a little fight over this but Carly tells him not to be jealous. Carly goes upstairs while Sam and the other men there try to figure out what the Decepticons are up to since they don't believe Mearing and the government will be smart enough to stop them in time. They decide to go to follow a lead that Simmons has with former Soviet cosmonauts who defected in the 1970s and are hiding in the US, since the Soviets suddenly abandoned their space program and they need to know why. At a Russian bar somewhere, Simmons, Sam, and the other guys get into a fight with several women who work as bartenders or escorts there. Once the fighting is over, several former cosmonauts tell them that the Soviets sent an unmanned photographic robot to the moon that took pictures of strange "rock formations" that appeared to have tread marks near them. Sam realizes those were not rocks, but were instead hundreds if not thousands of "pillars". He deduces that the Decepticons knew where the Autobots' Ark was this whole time and that whatever they have been up to was NOT about finding out what was on the moon, but about keeping what was on the moon hidden. Sam figures out that all this time the Decepticons were using humans at NASA, in the Soviet space agency, and in private companies like Accuretta to prevent more space missions to the moon and to conceal the fact that the Autobot Ark was there...all the while the Decepticons had already found Sentinel Prime and the "pillar's and were up to something big and decades-in-the-planning. Sam and the other men decide to race to NEST headquarters to tell Mearing and the others there everything they've figured out. The Decepticons do try to go after Sentinel Prime, who was driving around DC as a fire truck for some reason. There is a pursuit, which Sam eventually takes part in, where three Decepticons disguised as black SUVs chase Sentinel back to NEST headquarters. Simmons is yanked out of his car and thrown onto the road, where he is crippled (he then remains in a wheelchair for the rest of the movie). One of the Decepticons looks like a panther in robot form, one looks like a werewolf, and one looks like the Predator, with dreds like that alien. There is a big fight and Sam is thrown out of Bumblebee and starts screaming, with Bumblebee catching him in the air and putting him back inside his body before transforming back into car form. This is really just an excuse to do special effects and have an action sequence here in the movie, with a lot of explosions and the chase scene back to NEST headquarters. When they get back to NEST, Sentinel Prime kills one of the Autobots who was guarding him and tells everyone that he has been working with the Decepticons the whole time. There are thousands of "pillars' hidden all around the planet, which the Decepticons plan to use to teleport Cybertron via a space bridge into Earth's atmosphere. Sentinel then admits he knew the war was lost on Cybertron so he negotiated a deal with Megatron to bring the pillars to Earth, set them up, and teleport Cybertron here so the Transformers could take all of Earth's resources and rebuild Cybertron together. This was a deal Sentinel made "to save our kind", since he saw that the Civil War between the Autobots and Decepticons had devastated Cybertron and brought them all close to destruction. A big fight ensues, with Sentinel then escaping...to presumably join the Decepticons to implement his master plan. Sam needs to find Carly, who has gone to meet with Gould at Gould's request, in his giant mansion somewhere. The car Gould gave Carly is actually Soundwave, who takes Carly prisoner so Gould can get Sam to cooperate. Gould reveals that his father was an agent of the Decepticons before him, and that the takeover of Earth has been underway for decades. Those who have been collaborating with the Decepticons have been promised a decent life once they took over. There is no way to resist them. Gould wants Sam to become a spy and find out how Optimus Prime plans on fighting back now that everything is coming out into the open. Gould says he will kill Carly if Sam does not cooperate, and also gets a wristwatch transformer to attach itself to Sam's body...which will force Sam to do what Gould wants, using great physical pain to achieve this. Meanwhile, Sentinel Prime takes to the airwaves ordering the nations of the world to expel the Autobot "rebels" from the planet or else the Decepticons will attack the main cities and kill many people. The US Congress votes quickly to boot the Autobots with the UN and other foolish bodies doing the same. The US government ends the NEST program and tells the Autobots to get on a shuttle and go to another planet. All of this happens with ridiculous speed, and Sam suddenly is in Florida where the last US space shuttle is attached to an Autobot spaceship so NASA can make sure the Autobots really leave. This ship is called the "Xanthion" and it has been built by Autobot NASCARs called "The Wreckers", who have British punk voices. Major Epps (Tyrese Gibson) from the previous movies has been in charge of getting the Autobots off the planet. Sam has an emotional moment with Optimus and Bumblebee before they board the ship to leave Earth. Once it blasts off, Starscream appears out of nowhere and attacks the shuttle, destroying it, and presumably killing everyone on board. Sam cries and Epps comforts him. The two of them decide they need to figure out where Sentinel Prime and the Decepticons have gone. Suddenly, Sam's phone rings and it's Gould, asking him what Optimus Prime told him regarding their plans to defeat the Decepticons. Sam tells him the Autobots had no plan and just left, but were then killed by Starscream. Gould then makes Sam feel worse by making it clear that Carly is his now and that Sam has to accept that. Epps realizes the NSA can track Gould's phone call, and they realize it came from within Trump Tower in Chicago...so everyone makes plans to go there. In Washington, DC, however, Sentinel Prime and Megatron meet at the Lincoln Memorial, which Megatron has repurposed for himself, smashing Lincoln out of his throne and taking it for himself. Sentinel then assembles some of the "pillars" to open a space bridge to the moon...where it is revealed many Decepticons have been hiding for 50 years. They all come through the space bridge along with giant Decepticon transport ships. Once they arrive on Earth, these robots scan various vehicles and take Earth disguises for their alternate forms...garbage trucks, police cars, fire engines, etc. The Decepticons decide to dead to Chicago to assemble the "pillars" into a giant system to teleport Cybertron to Earth...though there is no reason given why they need to do this in Chicago and not in DC, where they all are at the moment. In Chicago, Sentinel Prime takes over the Jeweler's Building on the Chicago River and makes it his headquarters. In one of the cupolas of this very ornate building, Sentinel hides the master control pillar that will activate all the other pillars around the globe that Decepticons will use to teleport Cybertron to Earth. There is a montage of Decepticons launching pillars into the air in the jungles of South America, Africa, Asia, and in cities like Tokyo. There are thousands of these pillars that will be launched into the atmosphere to make Sentinel's plan work. In Chicago, Sentinel gives the order for this all to proceed, and the Decepticons arrive in force to start shelling the various buildings of downtown Chicago, with most of the fighting taking place in the Loop and around the landmark buildings that face the river and the lake. Gould has Carly inside Trump Tower, and he explains to her that the Decepticons are going to use the 6 billion people of Earth as slaves to rebuild Cyberton with Earth's mineral resources. Gould tells her that he and the other collaborators have been helping so they can be kept as pets and not slaves, as this is the only way to survive. Gould wants Carly to be a pet with him and serve the Decepticons. Sam and Epps try to contact as many NEST members as possible and get them to Chicago. Apparently, all of these people have the ability to travel great distances in mere seconds so they all assemble on Chicago's south side and attempt to storm the city, which Decepticons have made into a fortress. The US air force is trying to shoot missiles at the Decepticons, but there are anti-aircraft hover guns that shoot these and the planes down. NEST decides to send Lennox and other operatives into Chicago via parachute, since the Decepticons apparently can't pick up these chutes on radar. While Sam and the others try to make it to Trump Tower on foot, Lennox and his team parachute in. These guys use Willis Tower (which you know as Sears Tower) as a shield and avoid various flying Decepticons as they make their way to the ground. All manner of random Decepticons are shown smashing the buildings of Chicago, with giant Decepticon troop ships flying in the air along the river randomly blowing holes in the buildings for no reason. Suddenly, all the pillars activate and Cybertron is teleported into Earth's atmosphere. Sam is now in the Loop with Epps and the others and everyone figures out that they must destroy the southeast cupola of the Jewelers' Building for the Cybertron teleportation to end. The last hour of the film deals with various attempts to do this, with Sam, Epps, Carly, and Lennox being pummeled by various random Decepticons. Ultimately, the sandworm drilling Decepticon from Chernobyl that's controlled by ShockWave arrives and destroys a glass office building that Sam and Carly were in -- for about 20 minutes the building is collapsing on itself or teetering over the river with unnamed Decepticons trying to kill Sam and Carly, while Lennox is on the ground attempting to get a clear shot of the cupola where Sentinel's control pillar is located. Finally, Sam and Carly and various NEST agents slide down the side of the building to escape Decepticons and ultimately make it onto the ground. During this fight, Laserbeak is killed when Sam and Carly jump onto a Decepticon flying gun ship and hover outside the building for a while, during which time Bumblebee cuts Laserbeak's head off. Lennox and his team climb to the top of the Tribune Tower and start shooting the eyes out of various Decepticons on the ground, who all shout "My eyes! I can't see!" as other NEST agents then plant explosives on the robots' feet to kill them. BumbleBee has been captured, and Sam and Carly are trying to find him in all the chaos of this battle. On Michigan Avenue in front of the Wrigley Building, Soundwave and Starscream decide to execute Autobot prisoners, including an Autobot inventor named Wheeljack who was made to look like Albert Einstein. Sam and Carly need to rescue BumbleBee before he is killed too, and they create a diversion as the NEST snipers shoot more Decepticon eyes out. Carly and Sam get separated again, with Carly eventually finding Megatron talking to himself in an alley while sitting on garbage dumpsters. She tells Megatron that he might be winning this battle but that in the end Sentinel Prime will be seen as the real winner, since it was his plan and when Cybertron gets there Sentinel will no longer need Megatron. This makes Megatron jealous and he storms away to kill Sentinel. Lennox and his team manage to shoot the southeastern cupola of the Jeweler's Building and disable the pillar that controls Cybertron's teleportation. When they do this, Cybertron disappears into space again. Sentinel then orders all Decepticons to fire on Autobots in the area so he can restart the teleporting. Gould gets to the pillar, which was completely undamanged, right as Sam makes it there himself. Gould and Sam fight, with Gould intending on restarting the teleportation. He pushes the button to start things up again and Cybertron appears once more above Earth, but then Sam pushes Gould into the pillar and he short-circuits it, killing Gould. Cybertron then implodes and is destroyed when all of the pillars stop operating and Earth is saved. All of a sudden, magic blue lights appear above Chicago that zap all of the Decepticon ships and many random Decepticons up into the sky so they are destroyed along with Cybertron. Possibly this is all the Decepticon forces that were teleported from the moon to Earth, and when the pillars stopped operating anything that had been teleported got destroyed because the Decepticons where were not teleported are not affected. Sentinel Prime and Optimus are having a fight on the State Street bridge over the Chicago River. They have a talk about Sentinel wanting to save their race and how the Transformers were gods on Cybertron but were treated as mere machines on Earth, and that humans should bow to them. Optimus tells Sentinel he is wrong but in the middle of the fight Megatron murders Sentinel. Then Megatron and Optimus start fighting and within a minute or two Optimus pulls out a giant axe and cuts Megatron's head off. All sorts of nasty little spiders and flies pour out. Chicago is in ruins and the Autobots and NEST agents celebrate the Decepticons being defeated. Sam and Carly hug each other, with Bumblebee watching them. Bumblebee then vomits little gears and bits of metal all over the ground, picking up a few pieces and giving them to Carly and Sam...before he starts playing wedding music. Sam tells Bumblebee to stop being so pushy and to let Carly and Sam's relationship continue without his prodding. The credits start to roll...but are then stopped with a shot of Simmons, in a wheelchair, talking to Mearing on the roof of a building somewhere, reminding her of an affair the two of them shared years ago. Mearing tells the NSA agents to arrest Simmons for disrespected her, and Simmons smiles at her, and she smiles back. The credits then continue again.

  • June 30, 2011, 1:57 p.m. CST

    Asimov = Bay's stepchild?

    by GBH

    Your rhetoric and bashing of every critic on AICN is tired and pathetic. I do not think these movies are worth a flying fuck, but if you really cannot stand these guys then why do you have what I am sure is one of the highest reply counts on the site? Spend your time improving your actual life instead of lowering your retarded reputation in talkbacks you fucking pathetic piece of hobo dickcheese. Oh and to that other fucktard... ................ ......................... ........................ Go fuck yaself!!!!!!! CHOPPED!

  • June 30, 2011, 2:01 p.m. CST

    critic_schmitick, when you were doing all that screaming

    by Mattman

    your tampon fell out.

  • Then watch Transformers Dark Side of the Moon.

  • June 30, 2011, 2:05 p.m. CST

    TF3 The 'Duke Nukem Forever' of Summer 2011 Movies?

    by Namssorg

    Loud, flashy and imbecilic, TRANSFORMERS: DARK OF THE MOON is almost everything one could want from a Michael Bay film.

  • June 30, 2011, 2:06 p.m. CST

    nice catch!

    by GBH

  • Apparently the lyrics uncannily comment on the on-screen action.

  • June 30, 2011, 2:10 p.m. CST

    we're all stupid and Hollywood knows it

    by sunwukong86

    Look at the trend this year, 2011 holds the record for most sequels and three-quels released in one year. If recycled garbage didnt continue to make money, Hollywood wouldnt put it out. I for one wont be seeing TF3 because I hated the first two, neither of which I saw in theaters.

  • June 30, 2011, 2:15 p.m. CST

    So it appears

    by Samuel Fulmer

    The best Transfomers movie still is the one that has voice acting from Orson Welles, Spock, and Judd Nelson.

  • ....they were worried that too many words in the title might serve as a problem for.....certain audiences.....

  • June 30, 2011, 2:36 p.m. CST

    This is the real reason they removed the word 'Side' from the title:

    by THE_CHOPPAH

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qjl54v1irbs

  • June 30, 2011, 3:07 p.m. CST

    So it wasn't SHITTY enough for you to like it?

    by Drath

    Excuse me, I didn't realize that we now have critics that LIKE Michael Bay's "best." Anyone who hated Green Lantern but likes this crap is an asshole and half that needs to be plugged.

  • Actually, to further illustrate the Cameron-Bay connection, James Cameron had a giant apocalyptic asteroid project that he was developing around the same time called Bright Angel Falling. He cowrote it with Peter Hyams, and the plan was to have Cameron produce while Hyams would direct the film. Supposedly both Deep Impact and Armageddon ripped stuff right out of Cameron and Hyam's screenplay. Ironically, Bright Angel Falling would have made a better giant asteroid disaster film than the two that were actually made. I was able to get a copy of the script to BAF, and it is a pretty damn great read. The story was more compelling and the characters where more fun and better developed in my opinion. It still has some of the requisite Hollywood summer movie humor sprinkled throughout, but nothing like the ridiculous levels that are in Armageddon. The real treat would have been seeing BAF in action because the screenplay was really in-depth in terms of the science and how things would shake out in terms of an actual large asteroid/comet impact with the Earth. Also, they would have shown much more of what actually happens during and after the comet or asteroid actually hits. The action and climax is also much more frenetic and exciting in BAF than in Armageddon. Seriously, reading the climactic sections of the third act made me feel that if what was on the page were actually translated to screen the way it read, then we might have gotten something on the level of Aliens or T2's level of action/suspense/spectacle. Other positives about Bright Angel Falling's story are that the people that go up and try to blow up/avert the asteroid from the Earth are actually astronauts. Cameron and Hyams actually gave a shit about making their story as plausible as possible and really gave the story a nice look inside what might actually happen if NASA had to put together and launch a mission to save the world from a killer comet. They didn't have all the bullshit about training some oil rig roughnecks and all the sappy love story stuff. It is truly tragic that Armageddon and Deep Impact were made instead of Bright Angel Falling.

  • June 30, 2011, 3:24 p.m. CST

    mr. waturi, as i said, read between the lines.

    by AsimovLives

  • June 30, 2011, 3:25 p.m. CST

    mr. nice gaius

    by AsimovLives

    It's obvious you are a fan of Mr Bay. You just try to disguise it to not ruin your cool.

  • June 30, 2011, 3:27 p.m. CST

    asimovlives: Transformers a success DESPITE how Bay made them

    by lv_426

    I agree with this. The potential for something much better was there.

  • June 30, 2011, 3:27 p.m. CST

    lv_426 : Hadn't heard of that, thanks for the info.

    by Playkins

    Sounds interesting, a shame it didn't happen.

  • June 30, 2011, 3:33 p.m. CST

    antonphd

    by AsimovLives

    Hail, my fellow GAME OF THRONES enthusiast. You actually did a brilanty piece of profiling on me. It is exasperation that makes me acuse AICN of selling out to such hacks as JJ Abrams, Zack Snyder and Michael Bay. there is actually a praise in diguise in there. It takes some smart and savvy to sell out. It still makes them seem like shrewed (and thus smart) players, if cynical. It's better then to think they have gotten so dumb they actually and genuinely mistake shit like this BAYSHITFUCKEMERS 3 as a good movie. You know what i mean?

  • June 30, 2011, 3:33 p.m. CST

    hobocode - "MICHAEL BAY IS DESTROYING AMERICA"

    by lv_426

    You can tell me to lighten up but my response to you is to grow up and realize what detriment to society this man and his "films" are. We grew up watching E.T. and Goonies and Indiana jones and Star Wars and Ghostbusters and Back to the Future and Jurassic Park as summer blockbusters. This is what this generation is growing up with and it makes me sick. We owe them more than this vile, despicable nonsense.

  • Fool me once... shame on... shame on you... Fool me... YOU CAN'T GET FOOLED AGAIN!

  • June 30, 2011, 3:34 p.m. CST

    hobocode - MICHAEL BAY IS DESTROYING AMERICA

    by lv_426

    hobocode: You can tell me to lighten up but my response to you is to grow up and realize what detriment to society this man and his "films" are. We grew up watching E.T. and Goonies and Indiana jones and Star Wars and Ghostbusters and Back to the Future and Jurassic Park as summer blockbusters. This is what this generation is growing up with and it makes me sick. We owe them more than this vile, despicable nonsense. me: It is truly sickening knowing that this trend is going to continue, probably evolving to become more vile and vapid as the new decade progresses. The death of the original idea or at least a new and novel concept as the basis for a mainstream film is just about dead and buried. After they exploit the comic book movies and those have run out of steam, Hollywood will move onto adapting to film anime/manga and videogames to get their beloved "source material" and "known intellectual property" (if that isn't ironic in this day and age, then I vote we retire the use of the word ironic).

  • June 30, 2011, 3:37 p.m. CST

    samuel fulmer: Bay's Tarantino biopic

    by lv_426

    That would be bugnuts insane, but I'd have to watch it. Crazy Nic Cage unleashed is truly a bizarre and fascinating force of nature.

  • It's funny that Bay always bitch that all his movies get under-budgeted (yeah!), meanwhile the penny-scraps on the horror movies he produces and he only goes after cheap right out of music video directors who work for scale and on the cheap. While he demands 20 million dollars salaries from each movie he directs. Yeah!

  • June 30, 2011, 3:38 p.m. CST

    Somehow My Whole Rant Got Deleted

    by NeonFrisbee

    Suffice it to say that the logic that "not everything needs to be Shakespeare" is total bullshit. There are tons of good action movies that aren't Shakespeare that are still good films as noted above by other posters. Look, Bayformers blows, and I sure as shit ain't gonna waste my money on this bullshit. I stupidly paid to see the second one after being disappointing in the first one. Never again! Fuck you Bayformers! Btw, Tree Of Life was very good. Go see that instead of this clanging, shrill nonsense.

  • Thanks to both, children can now use Bumblebee to rape Rosie huntington after they buy the Transformers 3 video game from WalMart.

  • Instead of him fucking up some other videogame to film adapation like Halo or Metal Gear Solid.

  • June 30, 2011, 3:40 p.m. CST

    bobo_vision

    by AsimovLives

    Aparently "The" is also a very hard work for the american audiences to pronounce as well... according to Bay.

  • June 30, 2011, 3:45 p.m. CST

    alienfanatic

    by AsimovLives

    What americans call boderline pornography we inn europe call it life as usual. We don't have the same hang ups with sexuality and nudity you guys have there. Which is weird, because in the 70s we, EUA and Europe, were on the same page in regard to that.

  • June 30, 2011, 3:47 p.m. CST

    Imagine what movies will be like 30 years from now

    by sunwukong86

    Directors today were influenced by Lucas, Spielberg, etc. Imagine what the directors of the future will churn out if theyre influenced by Michael Bay, Abrams, Tarantino, etc. Im honestly scared to think about it

  • June 30, 2011, 3:49 p.m. CST

    My favourite line in the movie...

    by wildphantom07

    Statham's girlfriend falling down the side of a falling building cries "I can't stop!". I mean for crying out loud. Utterly terrible. I hated the movie for the most part. It was relatively full of everything Bay half promised us he was going to correct this time out. Terrible dialogue, incoherent story-telling, stereotyping etc. There's no denying the final 45 mins contains some truly unbelievable moments - but that doesn't make it a good movie. I cant give it a pass when so much of it was such torture when it should be so much better. I speak as someone who loves The Rock and liked Bad Boys II. Even Pearl Harbor is a masterpiece compared to this effort.

  • June 30, 2011, 3:49 p.m. CST

    playkins: Bright Angel Falling

    by lv_426

    Here is a link to a PDF download of Bright Angel Falling. http://www.mypdfscripts.com/unproduced/bright-angel-falling Any fans of Cameron's work should download and give it a read to get an idea of what the giant killer comet disaster epic that should have been produced back in the late 90's would have been.

  • June 30, 2011, 3:51 p.m. CST

    rebeck2

    by AsimovLives

    The average and majority of the american studio executives and Michael Bay do believe that the american audiences are stupid and dumb. And they make movies accordingly. They might sell their movies abroad, but their target audience are americans, and they consider your fellow americans as moviegoears to be pretty imbecillic. I support your efforts to prove them wrong.

  • June 30, 2011, 3:55 p.m. CST

    mattman

    by AsimovLives

    What you are talkign about Megan Fox is that movie JENNIFER'S BODY. The problem with that movie is that the marketing department miscalculated. The movie's real secret bomb was Amanda Seynfred. Had the marketing department focused on BOTH fox and Seynfred (or whatevert she's called, damn germanic names!!), the movie might had had a much better chance at the box office. and have you seen amanda sein... errr, whathername's photos lately? She now looks way sexier then Fox, truly!

  • June 30, 2011, 3:59 p.m. CST

    Yeah, Asi, Seifried was the ugly duckling in Jennifer's Body

    by THE_CHOPPAH

    Riiiiiiiiiiiight!

  • If that didn't work, nothing will.

  • June 30, 2011, 4:04 p.m. CST

    Just got back from this

    by Pipple

    definitely better than fallen and the first one as reviewers say, but the end kind of putters to a stop... anti-climactic... such a shame because I really got into this and kinda actually liked carly and how relaxed and confident the movie felt like no one was really trying to hard, just letting the story speak for itself. b+ at best. Going to make a fuck load of money judging by the numbers of people getting off their asses to see this... don't know about legs though... cap's probably going to be the biggest thing this summer I feel.

  • June 30, 2011, 4:12 p.m. CST

    @Asimov re: sexuality

    by AlienFanatic

    I've heard this for years now, and it's probably true. After all, we're descendants of Puritans (and various other religious groups fleeing Anglicanism). But I have yet to understand why Europeans pride themselves that their overt sexuality is somehow superior. Even though I'm an American, I'd like to think I have pretty open values when it comes to human sexuality, but I don't see nudity in commercials, frequent transsexualism as comedy, and bawdy jokes as an evolved social art. Personally, I think exhibitionism is a sign of either a lack of control or is too often used as a puerile form of defiance against societal norms. Certainly, I think the human body is nothing to be ashamed of, and sex is wonderful, but I don't stand around staring at animals copulating on the sidewalk and think, "Man, if only humans could just let go of their inhibitions and screw each other silly in public." I guess you and I have different definitions of what makes a society sexually mature.

  • June 30, 2011, 4:20 p.m. CST

    Sexuality isn't a problem

    by Mattman

    A heroine can be perfectly sexy while saving the day. Ripley has a nice ass shot in Alien, but the scene also serves to portray her as extremely vulnerable. The ass shot in TF3 is laughably gratuitous, as is her entire character. It's PG-13 porn. It belongs in a music video, not a movie.

  • June 30, 2011, 4:31 p.m. CST

    wilford_brimleys_diabetes_rage

    by AsimovLives

    Thanks to your spoiler post, i now realise this movie is evne more retard then i initially though it would. This is the most consistent thing about Michael Bay: whenever i think he can't top his own stupidity, he does it again, always.

  • June 30, 2011, 4:34 p.m. CST

    critic_schmitick

    by AsimovLives

    I'm portuguese and english is my second language. What's your fucking excuise?

  • June 30, 2011, 4:37 p.m. CST

    lv_426

    by AsimovLives

    I'm so envious that you read Cameron's asteroid movie script. It still befuddles me that of all the 3 asteroid movies to be mad,e it was the Cameron/Hyams movie that didn't got made. This has to be one of the most cruel jokes the Gods Of Cinema ever played on us.

  • One of those things I had always wanted to see realized on film... along with a T-Rex and Titanic sinking. Guess I can die now.

  • June 30, 2011, 4:44 p.m. CST

    mattman

    by AsimovLives

    As i said befoe, if the poster had Fox AND Siefried (or whatever she's called, damn those gfermanic names!!) in the poster in student uniforms... you know, the classic Betty and Veronica deal. That would had worked wonders.

  • June 30, 2011, 4:45 p.m. CST

    Asimov, classic Betty and Veronica deal?

    by Mattman

    Okay, I see your point. Well played, sir.

  • June 30, 2011, 4:46 p.m. CST

    alienfanatic

    by AsimovLives

    It's not exhibitionism, it's just being cool about it. It's just part of life.

  • June 30, 2011, 4:52 p.m. CST

    mattman

    by AsimovLives

    Let us not forget that it was Sienfried (or whatever she's called, damn those germanic names!!) who was actually the lead, the protagonist of the movie. By far she has the most screentime, and she owns every second she's in and steals it from everybody, including thesex object of the film, Megan Fox. Megan Fox was sold as the sex of the movie, but i tell you, i'm so certain that after you saw it, all you could tuhink was of having sex with Sienfried (or whatever she's called, damn those germanic names!!). I dare say, that was on every guys' mind after they saw the movie. Guys and many of the girls as well. The marketing guys seriously underestimated the sexual appeal of Mss Sienfried (or whatever she's called, damn those germanic names!!).

  • June 30, 2011, 4:53 p.m. CST

    I think Tea Leoni got sexier as she got older.

    by AsimovLives

    David Duchovny got her in her prime.

  • June 30, 2011, 4:55 p.m. CST

    Well, the tidal wave is a metaphor for Duchovny's semen

    by Mattman

    Right? No one else got that out of it? Just me?

  • June 30, 2011, 4:57 p.m. CST

    Yeah Amanda Seinfeld is pretty hot

    by Mattman

    Although she's made some horrible movies. Red Riding Hood being the worst thing I've see this year.

  • June 30, 2011, 4:58 p.m. CST

    This is what i think will happen versus what i wish it will happen

    by AsimovLives

    I wish that the Bay tenure at the Transformers franchise ends and they reboot it and give it to a more deserving and thankful filmmaker. I'm not a Transformers fan, but i don't need to be one to know what a diservice Bay has done to this franchise. And as a added bonus, i wish Bay never made a movie, either as direcor or producer, ever gain. But that's like asking the Moon, i know. Better keep my ambitions simplier. This is what i think it will actually happen: There will be a 4th Transformers movie which will be a direct sequel to the latest trash fucking crap, and it's Bay again at the helm, with him getting even more powerful and in complete control of the movie, while Spielberg's involvement will be just his name on the credits only.

  • June 30, 2011, 5:01 p.m. CST

    I'm not a Transformers fan

    by Mattman

    Yeah, just as many people weren't Iron Man fans before that movie. Just takes the right director. Transformers could be awesome if done correctly. In other words, make a movie about the TRANSFORMERS, not a comedy with Transformers thrown in the background.

  • June 30, 2011, 5:02 p.m. CST

    I just saw "Transformers 3"

    by Jim

    The 3D is so real you can practically smell the shittiness of the movie.

  • June 30, 2011, 5:04 p.m. CST

    mattman

    by AsimovLives

    I think Amanda Seinfeld will survive those bad movies because, as we can see from all reviews, she has always been one of the few things praised on them. And she's an incredibly charismatic screen presence, and not just ebcause of her beauty and sex appeal. This young lady will go places. And she's even chamaleonic,and even JENNIFER'S BODY showed that. Though they couldn't disguise her sexiness, they sure made her look pretty dorky (as in, very very adorkable) and by the end of the movie she's pure Mata Hari hot sex on legs. Even her paparazzi photos still makes her look hot (and hardly anybody looks good on those). Ithink she will always rebound becaue, even thoughshe has looks, she also has somethingt hat Holywood actually respects in a pretty young actress: she has a lot of real talent. Pretty faces like Megan Fox can only go so far. Pretty faces with talent like Amanda Seinfeld can rule the town.

  • Connection 1: The CGI of the Iron Man suit were made by the same team that made the Transformers robot for Bayformers. Connection 2: The studios were nervous with Jon Favreu as director, in that they were apreensive that he, who had mostly been a comedy director, couldn't pull the action. So, they hired Michael Bay as a replacement if Favreu proved to be overwhlemed with the job. Favreu, aparently, was not amuzed by this, and he decided to prove the studio's wrong, came hell or high water. Which he did. In fact, IRON MAN and many other movies made by directros who were first timers at the action genre have proved, EVERYBODY is better at making action then the so-called professional master of action that Michael Bay is so constantly mis-labeled as.

  • This will be so bittersweet to me. It's a new episode i haven't watched yet, so that's sweet. It's bitter because after i finish this, there will be a year long wait until season 2. And no,i'm not going to read the books, i don't want the TV show spoiled. Only after this show gets cancelled (or hopefully played out) will i entertain reading the books.

  • June 30, 2011, 5:12 p.m. CST

    And after GAME OF THRONES, what will there be for me?

    by AsimovLives

    Well, i'm planing on watching DEADWOOD afterwards, as way of compensation. I heard that show is also pretty sweet.

  • June 30, 2011, 5:14 p.m. CST

    Asi

    by Mattman

    So they didn't want a comedic director... and they turned to... Michael Bay?? The guy who had Steve Buscemi firing a gatling gun at an asteroid?? That's hilarious. And that's fascinating about the CGI. As others have said here, the CGI in Transformers is topnotch... but the designs are a clusterfuck. Iron Man proves what a great job they can do with a simpler, coherent design.

  • June 30, 2011, 5:17 p.m. CST

    mattman

    by AsimovLives

    "As others have said here, the CGI in Transformers is topnotch... but the designs are a clusterfuck. Iron Man proves what a great job they can do with a simpler, coherent design." Indeed! That was my thought exactly.

  • June 30, 2011, 5:18 p.m. CST

    As for Bay's action scenes

    by Mattman

    He has moments of brilliance (I stress MOMENTS). But he constantly destroys them with quickcut editing. However, I agree with one thing Harry said (gasp). The 3D apparently forced him to slow down his editing, and that's one of the reasons the final hour of Transformers 3 works very well. I shit you not, there is some amazing stuff going on there, visually.

  • June 30, 2011, 5:20 p.m. CST

    And on an unrelated note, Asimov

    by Mattman

    Did you finish Game of Thrones yet?

  • June 30, 2011, 5:27 p.m. CST

    'Bay's an immensely talented filmmaker'...??!!

    by Turd_Has_Risen_From_The_Gravy

    Did I miss something? Bay's immensely talented at being a retard; that's about it.

  • June 30, 2011, 5:35 p.m. CST

    lv_426, Bright Angel Falling...

    by Turd_Has_Risen_From_The_Gravy

    Yeah, it's a great script, isn't it? I'd like to read Cameron'sinitial 200 page-plus treatment for it as well, apparently even more detailed and larger in scope, but that one's never leaked. The story I heard is that the studios were wary of giving Cameron a huge budget after Titanic's budget went sky-high. Yes, they were wary even after the success of that movie; can you believe that? And BAF would have been massively expensive - probably more than Titanic. The scale was epic. That tidal wave sequence is one of the best action sequences I've ever read in a script. Of course, they pinched it for Deep Impact, in neutered soap-opera form.

  • BRILLIANT!!!

  • Cameron will make you money. It's a mathematical certainty.

  • June 30, 2011, 5:58 p.m. CST

    Okay, I'll admit it.

    by THE_CHOPPAH

    I'd fuck Casey Anthony.

  • June 30, 2011, 6:16 p.m. CST

    I LOVE Game of Thrones, but I think Deadwood is better

    by antonphd

    and that's saying a hell of a lot.

  • June 30, 2011, 6:31 p.m. CST

    turd_has_risen_from_the_gravy

    by lv_426

    I didn't know there was a longer treatment for BAF. I'd also love to read it, as Cameron's treatments or "scriptments" always have tons of fascinating world building details peppered throughout. As for the studios not trusting Cameron with their money, yeah, that is baffling after Titanic's success. As for BAF, I think it has legs, as they say in Hollywood. Maybe in another 5-10 years or so, when they have exhausted all possible concepts for disaster movies, they could dust off the BAF script and give it a go. I think that BAF is actually so much better than the usual Bayhem and Roland Emmerich style of loud over the top destruction that is usually presented in the disaster film sub-genre... that it would deserve a chance to be put on the big screen. Enough time has passed between now and 1998 when Deep Impact and Armageddon were released. Also, there is the fact that we really haven't had an epic disaster film made with both a non-hammy script and 3D plus IMAX screens in mind. The problem is that Armageddon and Deep Impact (supposedly) stole so much from Bright Angel that people might not give it a chance due to thinking that it actually ripped off Armageddon. I think maybe the best thing they could do with Bright Angel Falling is if Cameron were on board, adapt it to a 10-episode big budget miniseries. That way they could develop the characters more, expand on the science and mission details, show more of society's reaction to impending doom, and just plain amp up the tension leading up to the mission and impacts of the comet fragments.

  • June 30, 2011, 6:34 p.m. CST

    asimovlives - Bright Angel Falling script link

    by lv_426

    http://www.mypdfscripts.com/unproduced/bright-angel-falling

  • June 30, 2011, 6:35 p.m. CST

    Do I wish someone else had directed the movie?

    by Colin62

    Yes, Bay is an effects man and nothing else. But folks, its giant robots fighting. Could it have been better? yes But you'd still be stuck with the fact that living robots that transform into trucks and planes fighting a civil war on earth is silly. It's like that Calvin and Hobbes strip with dinosaurs in fighter jets. So make the robot fights good and put some hot women in the thing and if you're above silliness Tree of Life is still in theaters. Oh and Deadwood is better than Game of Thrones.

  • June 30, 2011, 7:03 p.m. CST

    37 million Wednesday

    by WINONA_RYDERS_PUSSY_JUICE

    It's a disappointment. Michael Bay haters rejoice, it will only make 280mil in the US and 700 million worldwide.

  • DEPRESSING!!!!

  • June 30, 2011, 7:20 p.m. CST

    or maybe they saw A New World

    by WINONA_RYDERS_PUSSY_JUICE

    and decided to save themselves the agony this time?

  • June 30, 2011, 7:36 p.m. CST

    Tree Of Life Was GREAT!

    by NeonFrisbee

    Goddamn I hope this Bayformers shit bombs. DIE CRAPPY MOVIES, DIE! Fuck 'em. Fuck 'em in the bankhole.

  • June 30, 2011, 7:59 p.m. CST

    Ryan Dunn

    by lostboytexas

    Obit = where?

  • June 30, 2011, 8:09 p.m. CST

    Ryan Dunn's Obit

    by NeonFrisbee

    Douchebag drinks too much and drives 145 miles an hour into a tree killing himself and a friend. The End. Cue Minutemen song.

  • June 30, 2011, 8:27 p.m. CST

    Anyone who drinks and drives

    by D o o d

    deserves NO obit!

  • June 30, 2011, 9:31 p.m. CST

    DAMN YOU MICHAEL BAY

    by Damnyou

    DAMN YOU MICHAEL BAY

  • June 30, 2011, 9:50 p.m. CST

    Exhausted

    by musically_endowed

    Just saw this in 3D, high as fuck, for free, thank you very much, shitty projectionist at Thor. For a Michael Bay flick, this movie has very few flaws. There are a few jumps in logic (why are Decepticons coming OUT of the moon?) But the main sins all stem from the same thing: This movie was too fucking long. Michael Bay makes money. He has a lot of critically panned movies, that make bank. This doesn't happen with other directors. Shamalan is reviled less than bay, and he is true box office poison. Why does Bay make money? He figured it out, and now farms it out every couple years so he can buy rocket launchers for his Fourth of July barbecues. Truth is this, if the movie is named after the main character, the audience does not care about them. No one cares about Batman. You believe in his conviction and root for his victories, but at the end of the day, Batman will win. The movie is nothing more than a journey. Even if this movie was nothing more than Robots fighting, it would still be commercially panned. No one is going to connect with a robot, no matter what personality traits he has, Bicentennial Man proved that. This is why there is human bullshit in this movie. You bring in people, and show the effect giant robots trashing their home has on them. Michael Bay and Co. made this movie on a reward system. A little cool stuff, nice action set piece, then back to human relations bullshit. But this time, all the bullshit, actually adds to the plot. I knew the main characters weren't going to die, but the no-namers give sufficient reason for why they are willing to be cannon fodder. The last hour is the final reward. Up until this point, I was raring to go. Without the last hour, Transformers 3 is the definitive Transformers movie. Each Autobot is easy to spot and each has their own distinct personality and style. The last hour is what ruins the movie. We know the Autobots will win, and yet the climax keeps building. This is my main complaint with 2012, stop adding conflicts. The battle could have been over in half an hour and I would have gone home happy, but instead it keeps building and building. I stopped caring. The cinematography is gorgeous. I hope any movie Michael Bay does from now on is in 3D. The opening scene is a testament to 3D. If 3D didn't exist, this movie would've been hated by all. It's really weird seeing a scene you know would be shaky cam, shot so well. There is a tracking shot from a subway during the early minutes of the final hour that wouldn't have been in the movie if it wasn't 3D. So yea, decent movie. Waiting for the bad guys to finally get what's coming to them, takes too long. But do yourself a favor, and go see this movie in 3D. Catch a matinee or something.

  • June 30, 2011, 10:06 p.m. CST

    musically_endowed

    by D o o d

    First of all there is too much to disagree with you in your post but I'll accept that it's your opinion. There is absolutely no way in hell I'm paying, even matinee prices, to go see this movie. I'm sure, however, that a lot of people will and it will make enough money without my dollars!

  • June 30, 2011, 10:35 p.m. CST

    Armageddon and Tranfor 2 = worst movie experience i've ever had

    by chien_sale

    I HATE MICHAEL BAY

  • June 30, 2011, 11:03 p.m. CST

    dood

    by musically_endowed

    First of all, you should see a movie before you form an opinion of it. You sound like an idiot when you talk about a movie you haven't seen. Not you in particular, just in general. There is a serviceable plot. Frances McDormand plays a cunty NSA agent pretty well. Her character sums up the ego of America, even humanity as a whole, when she commands the Transformers to obey her. Pretty funny scene. Turturro and Malkovich do their thing. Also the model chick is serviceable as an actor. I think what's wrong is that, shes this really really hot chick with a British accent. I think the perception that British accents are usually attached to intelligent people, makes it hard to believe she is British/intelligent. Like believing Tara Reid is a scientist because she's wearing glasses. That's some psychological shit. I'm not gonna lie, early on, there is some cringe worthy shit in this movie. The assassin mini robot with a thing for Fox from T2 is in this, but they made him smaller and they gave him a friend, who's design is so busy, when he first appears on screen, he looks like he's from Cool World. But like I said, reward system, they have a shitty little exposition scene, then it goes immediately to a cool scene. The cinematography is really well done. I mean it. You can tell where everything is, and this is huge. I wear glasses already, then I have to put on the shitty 3d glasses, and I have to constantly reset them through out the movie. I'm not overstating the fact, that this movie would be completely different if it was shot in 2D. Some of the violence in this movie is brutal, and the trailers show glimpses of what in some cases, is action brilliance. There is a scene shown in the trailers with Sam and Bee are falling at the screen, that entire sequence had the entire room cheering. Also, the model chicks lips look normal in 3D.

  • June 30, 2011, 11:10 p.m. CST

    Just wait until Spielberg's TF4 hit's the Theaters.

    by ganymede3010

    Finally we'll get the TF movie we've all been clamoring for. To bad it's not coming out anytime soon.

  • June 30, 2011, 11:11 p.m. CST

    I heard the first 40 minutes of Tree of Life has NO DIALOGUE?

    by ganymede3010

    WTF? I've spoken to people who straight up walked out because they couldn't take it.

  • June 30, 2011, 11:19 p.m. CST

    the_choppah Casey Anthony? Now we're talking...

    by conspiracy

    Fuck yes I'd fuck the life out of that Mom of the Year. Hell...I'd have fucked her in the Death Car. Casey is a BarFlying cockwhore done right.

  • June 30, 2011, 11:20 p.m. CST

    musically_endowed

    by D o o d

    Point taken that you enjoyed it and had a good experience. However, I hope you can understand and appreciate that I don't wish to line Michael Bays pocket with my money! It makes me feel dirty! I'm not a very moral person but Bay makes his movies like he's a complete letch that even makes me feel uncomfortable!

  • June 30, 2011, 11:24 p.m. CST

    dood

    by musically_endowed

    He's got a couple lingering shots on the model chick, but I think he's into snuff films now. I guffawed really loudly during a shot of a child dying. Some pretty brutal stuff in this one, mostly at the expense of humans.

  • Michael bay needs to get his stuff together. I thought he matured a little for this one.

  • July 1, 2011, 12:57 a.m. CST

    ganymede3010: your friends are idiots

    by golden tribw

  • July 1, 2011, 1:24 a.m. CST

    Oh dear....

    by macheesmo3

    Saw it this afternoon. Thought it was a huge improvement over the other two movies and the last hour is truly enthralling action. Is it a great movie? No, Is it an important movie? No, Is it a movie that teaches us more about ourselves and the world around us. Dear God no... But It was successfull at being an entertaining film about giaant rbots battling it out on earth. The fact that it coulda used about 20 minutes or so cut out of it is my opinion.... However, times are tough for many people and they want escapist flashy cinema. They don't wanna wallow in depressive reality reflecting their own positions!!! They want splosions and such!!! (besides, I seriously doubt that any art films were harmed due to the making of Transformers3) . Now, let us move on to the pretentious,whiny,weak, retardedness complaints I've read on here. A) misogyny- It's a movie about fighting robots, I could care less if the protagonist is a strong woman or a weak woman or even if there are any women in it at all. If Bay thinks women are eye candy alone.... well it IS his movie. I personally am a little thicker skinned than that and don't live my life waiting to be offended at every turn. B) stupid comedy- it's there, thankfully toned down, i personally would've cut the parents out completely.... The little bots aren't as bad as they could've been ... only a wee bit annoying C)THINK ABOUT THE CHILDREN!!!- give me a fucking break people! These arguments you have made about womens self image and the impact on children that all of this terrible violence will have and the "objectification" of the female form is going to turn girls into plastic dolls obsessed with being whores is misguided and ,frankly, RIDICULOUS!!!! Number one, helicopter parenting, parental guilt and spoiling is the reason for the increase in young women getting implants and such. They aren;t used to bein told no. (one could also say that by taking complete control over their bodies via surgical means or wtvr is actually an empowering statement.) In fact, I have never met a girl who got a boob job that felt like she "was forced to do it to be accepted" (well maybe a wanna be stripper...) In fact they ALL have felt better about themselves afterwards. (I personally am not a fan of boob jobs, but hey wtvr makes ya happy and all that). As far as "THE CHILDREN!!" go, do you people realize that you are using the EXACT SAME ARGUMENT that groups like the PMRC and other ignorant family groups have used in an attempt to censor records, films ...etc? Billions of children have watched billions of hrs of violent movies, tv and listened to explicit lyrics in music and as far as I can tell, I think violent crime is DOWN in this country (can't speak for the others... I don't live there). In fact , I believe most evidence points to movies, video games ...etc as being cathartic rather than an influence on negative behavior. (I will give you that an already damaged mind may find influence via art but that is only in the expression of his/her anger/sadness/wtvr, not in the creation of it. In closing, it's one thing to say that this movie isn't yer cup'o tea. Or that you hate the visual style, lack of any real coherent plot or that you only like to watch Whit Stillman films or the like (I love some of his movies, found others to be up their own ass), but to try and pull all of these psuedo-moralistic reasons out of your ass as proof, is misguided at best and dishonest, lowest common denominator populism at worst.....

  • July 1, 2011, 1:53 a.m. CST

    mattman

    by AsimovLives

    I have finished GAME OF THRONES now, and as that song from THE POLICE says, now there is a hole in my life.

  • July 1, 2011, 1:54 a.m. CST

    melonman

    by AsimovLives

    Thanks for the recomendation. Now i'm really curious.

  • July 1, 2011, 2:04 a.m. CST

    lv_426

    by AsimovLives

    I got it. It's now my weekend read. I have been so curious of this script for so long, sinc ei first heard about this movie. Asteroid impact stories are one of my favorite subjects. Just so happened, yesterday i saw on TV a documentary program about the Tungunska Event, which is my conviction that was caused by the explosion at high altitude of a cometary object. You have no idea how i fucking hate ARMAGEDDON. I have no love for DEEP IMPACT as well, it's boring and a fucking soap opera. but i have nothing but pure hatred for ARMAGEDDON. Hate might even not be a strong enough word for what i feell about that fucking piece of shit abortion clusterfuck of crap. I have absolutly no hesitation to call it the worst fucking movie i ever seen in my life, and man, have i seen some dozies!

  • July 1, 2011, 2:06 a.m. CST

    colin62

    by AsimovLives

    A guy dressed as a bat who fights crime is also pretty silly in concept, and yet there are two movies about Batman which are very easy to take them very seriously, and they have been so. Also, if the Transformers movies had been Pixar cartons since the begining, nobody would be now using the silly excuse to justify their crapness. The movies would had been in their natural enviroment.

  • July 1, 2011, 2:09 a.m. CST

    ganymede3010

    by catlettuce4

    Spielberg's Tranformers would be shit too. I'd rather see something like Brad Bird's Transformers.

  • July 1, 2011, 2:09 a.m. CST

    goldentribe

    by AsimovLives

    Well, TREE OF LIFE was not a movie made to deliberatly be a box office sucess, so there's that. That movie is in no race. And i'm far more well impressed with the sfx of TREE OF LIFE then in any Bayfuckmers movies. Did you know that the sequences showing the nebulae in TREE OF LIFE is not CGI? Douglas Trumbul (yeah, he did the sfx for that movie, he was brough out of retirment by his friend Terrence Malick) he expeerimented by using ink in various liquids to get the right effect. Think about that.

  • July 1, 2011, 2:10 a.m. CST

    Pussy, as a film geek you really are a pussy.

    by AsimovLives

  • July 1, 2011, 2:14 a.m. CST

    ganymede3010

    by AsimovLives

    that's nonsense. there is dialogue in the first 40 minutes of TREE OF LIFE. But it's not a dialogue heavy movie. It's important for the story, but it's mostly told with images, music and moments. The dialogues are sparse, but each word counts.

  • Becasue of memory serves me, the ending of the first TRASHFUCKMERS movie was also a battle in the middle of a city. Repetition much, Mr Bay? What is it with Bayass and his constant repetition of stuff? Every single fucking Trashfuckmers movies has a battle inthe middle of a city. Trasfuckmers 2 had it at the begining instead the ending, ye,s but it was still there. What's up with this Bayass fuck? That's the only way he can think of spectacle, to put giant robots fighting in the middle of a busy financial district of a big city? Would had hurt him too much if he had given a new, original playground for the battle to happen? Like, say, THE MOON? I bet all of you guys in here would had loves to have seen the climatic battle of a Transformers movie set in space, on the Moon. Imagine how much fun the filmmkaers could had had with that. But NOOOOO!!! The imaginationless Bayass fuck had just to repeat what had been done before! In the words of Christian Bale, what a fucking ass! And people praise this shit? For what?

  • Let him do whatever he wants, give him Bay's budget. No restrictions, suits not even allowed to watch it before release. THAT I'd pay for.

  • July 1, 2011, 2:31 a.m. CST

    No reviews for Larry Crowne?

    by successor

    A movie with two big former A-list stars and not one review yet. I'm not saying it looks that good (though in comparison to Transformers: Dreck of the Bay, it probably is), but it has Tom Hanks in it. Come on.

  • July 1, 2011, 2:56 a.m. CST

    asimov

    by musically_endowed

    Do you even think before you spew? Its called scale.

  • July 1, 2011, 3:45 a.m. CST

    When I saw ROTF..

    by whofan71

    I went in not expecting "Hamlet" or "Citizen Kane." I went in just for a fun summer blockbuster popcorn movie with my kids. Even though the movie had tons of special effects and robot fighting mayhem, I was bored to tears, and I shouldn't have been. It was just crappy film making. And another thing; Bay can kiss my ass! If a movie is PG-13, and marketed to kids, based on a kids toy line, then stop with all the damned inuendo and lame sexual jokes. My kids will want to see this, but they're just going to have to be disapointed. Fuck you, Bay! Never again!

  • I was thinking about how we used to have over a dozen theaters here in Hamilton, Ont back in 1991. We used to have a lot more in the 80's but most of them closed because of VCR's. But in the last 20 years we have now went down to exactly two major theaters and two art-house cinema's. That's it. Hamilton Ont has a population of 647,634. Think about that. The only major theater downtown (where I live) has only four theaters with each at only a, maybe, 400 seat capacity. The closest other theater is this new Silver City which was built in the east end where I grew up. The Silver City is a franchised movie theaters chain multiplex that is grossly overdesigned and looks like Disney World. We used to have one other theater up on what we call The Mountain which is actually an escapment as the bulk of Hamilton, including its downtown core, is located in this basin which was carved out by a glacier a few hundred thousand years ago. Anyway, on the "Mountain" there was a perfectly good theater called the Cineplex Odeon located on Upper James St. This theater had only been built in 1996 and was still in perfectly good shape when they decided to close it down in 2009. The reason for this was that they built this fucking SilverCity piece of shit all the way at the other end of the city which means that they deliberately closed a perfectly good theater, that charged a reasonable price for tickets, so that they could build this fucking monstrosity and charge people more money not to mention the fucking obscene costs of food. Anyway, how this all ties into 3D is this; Hollywood studio's are basically corporations and, like all corporations, their goal isn't simply to make movies and fostor a sense of spirited competition. No. Their goal is to kill off the copetition so that they can have a bigger slice of the pie. So the reason they're pushing 3D is because they want to make sure that people will only go to see whatever gigantic budgeted piece of shit they are putting out and avoid gong to see smaller movies that are their competition. Think about it like this. People want to make sure that when they go to the theater that they're going to have a good experience. This is especially important as it costs soo much to see movies these days, money is tight, so people aren't willing to take a chance on something unless they've heard very good word-of-mouth. Barring that, most people will line up for whatever gigantic budget piece of Hollywood shit because, at the very least, if is doesn't have good writing/acting etc... it will have enough action to keep you interested. This is why people flock to see shit like Bayformers or Pirates of the Caribbean; it's because they have no other choice. By killing off the competition Hollywood is only giving you the ILLUSION OF CHOICE. You're soo desperate to see something at the theater that you'll line up for just about any shit if it has enough explosions and cool FX. Now, I know some of you are going to say "But CTM, Black Swan and The Kings Speech made lots of money etc...", but those movies were not independent. They were made and/or distributed by the art-house division's of the Hollywood Studio's. They also all starred famous actors like Natalie Portman, Colin Firth and Helena Bonham Carter. NOTHING about those movies was independent. Also, those flicks were pushed only because the studio's distributing them figured that they would be their Oscar frontrunners from the get go. And they only push those movies because they cost soo little and know that Oscar nominations translate into box office as people want to see what all the fuss is about. This is why The King's Speech made 138 million and Black Swan did 106 million. The general population was programmed into seeing them. Yes, I liked both movies but would they have had that support, made that much money or got those nominations if they were independently financed and starred unknowns? Not fucking likely! But you sure as Hell don't see the studio's pushing movies like Enter the Void or anti-christ, do you? No, it's either their blockbusters or "safe" art-house fare with commercial aspects (Black Swan = Ballet/Lesbian sex - Kings Speech = stars - Firth/Carter). I thnk my overall point is that we are getting less and less variety in the types of movies that are presented to us. These new theaters that charge way to much are part of the problem as it ensures that the public will only go to see they types of movies that they make; blockbusters or art-house flicks with stars. With the costs of ticket prices, food, travel etc..., most people are not willing to take a risk on innovative, challenging or experimental cinema as they want to be entertained, first-and-foremost, which is why they lap up whatever Hollywood serves them like lab rats waiting for a feeder pellet.

  • July 1, 2011, 5:19 a.m. CST

    there is an 87 word sentence in this review...

    by scenic

    If you were to read this aloud - you would need scuba gear and a hit of oxygen to last you the duration. And this writing is being praised. Good God.

  • July 1, 2011, 5:31 a.m. CST

    catlettuce4

    by AsimovLives

    A Brad Bird Transformers movie made as a CGI cartoon like THE INCREDIBLES would had been sweet indeed. Here's to hoping.

  • July 1, 2011, 5:33 a.m. CST

    musically_endowed

    by AsimovLives

    Now that's being nasty.

  • July 1, 2011, 5:34 a.m. CST

    whofan71

    by AsimovLives

    Shakespeare's plays were the populist blockbusters of the day.

  • July 1, 2011, 6:30 a.m. CST

    Bay should stop recycling scenes from his other films

    by Avatar1209

    Some shots were taken straight from The Island.

  • July 1, 2011, 7:46 a.m. CST

    avatar1209, only his earlier movies?

    by AsimovLives

    Michael Bay started his career recycling scenes and movies from James Cameron and Tony Scott. Michael Bay is the result of what if Tony Scott had been raped by James Cameron. And from it resulted an unloved spawn. Who was miscarried and aborted before it's time. And thrown to the sewers. But who, thanks to Satan's influence, it miracolously survived and was raised by rats. That's Michael Bay as a filmmaker.

  • July 1, 2011, 8:36 a.m. CST

    Asimov....glad to see that with no Trek TB's you have found another outlet for your anger.

    by riggs_and_murtaghs_love_child

    Perhaps one day, I know it's a pipe dream, we can actually see you post more about stuff you like, rather than hate.

  • July 1, 2011, 8:50 a.m. CST

    ganymede3010

    by NeonFrisbee

    As others have noted, there is dialogue in Tree Of Life, just sparse dialogue, mostly voice overs. Also, there is a 20 minute sequence depicting the birth of the universe which is absolutely stunning, gorgeous, achingly, hauntingly beautiful and has no dialogue. Actually, pretty much the whole film is beautiful; it's Malick after all. In short, and also have others have mentioned, you're friends are idiots.

  • July 1, 2011, 8:52 a.m. CST

    riggs_and_murtaghs_love_child

    by AsimovLives

    As far as i know, PROMETEUS was not yet released, is it? so, what's good (or bad) is there to be said about it? And Ridley Scott is one of my top favorite directors. Though he made two movies i really don't like, GI JANE and WHITE SQUALL. Show me a review about a released movie which is really good and that i saw and liked and then you can see me talk about stuff i like. Deal?

  • July 1, 2011, 8:55 a.m. CST

    riggs_and_murtaghs_love_child

    by AsimovLives

    And what the hell is all that silly talk about me only being an angry dude? You never saw me talk about movies i love and praise the hell out of them? You are jesting, right? You never see me talk about ROME, CARNIVALE, BLADE RUNNE,R 2001, APOCALYPSE NOW, THE DARK KNIGHT, MOON, DISTRICT 9 and VALHALLA RISING? You have to be pulling my leg, friend!

  • July 1, 2011, 8:56 a.m. CST

    Ok Asimov, deal....but that never happens.

    by riggs_and_murtaghs_love_child

    So you all of the sudden cannot speculate on a film? Give me a break, you do it all the time, so why no speculate or give some opinions on a movie that is being made? If Scott is one of your top directors, then read the article and give your thoughts...or is that a waste of your time? Hate is your main focus, you have never shown otherwise.

  • You are a smart fella, but you insult yourself with a lot of your hatred, you sound like a pissed off little kid, and from what I have seen, you are not, so stop insulting yourself by acting like one. "Fuck Michael Bay up his fucking ass"...seriously dude? You sound like a child when you say shit like that. As does anyone else who thinks stuff like that is funny or clever. It's stupid.

  • July 1, 2011, 9:10 a.m. CST

    riggs_and_murtaghs_love_child

    by AsimovLives

    "Hate is your main focus" Nonsense. My love is greater then my hate. But here's the thing: I'm skeptical by nature. So, unlike so many in here, even if one of my favorite directors are making a new movie, i'm always wary. Always. At best i get cautiously optimistic, but always wary enough to know that even the good ones can fuck up. So, i don't go on mindless geekasms. In fact, i fear the most the movies-to-be from the filmmakers i like then those i don't. It always hurt to see a filmmaker one loves fucking up. And everybody can fuck up. Spielberg, Nolan, Scott, Jones, Cameron, etc etc. The only filmmakers who can't fuck up are the dead ones. Or Werner Herzog, but that's because he's made of pure concentrated awesomeness.

  • July 1, 2011, 9:11 a.m. CST

    " Hate is your main focus, you have never shown otherwise ".

    by AsimovLives

    No, YOU haven't seen otherwise. There's a difference there, friend.

  • July 1, 2011, 9:31 a.m. CST

    This had better not be the last film

    by John Baker

    So Bay can pay me a cool Mil for the www.trans4mers.com domain name. Try to make a 4th film without a number substitution in the title you fucker. It can't be done.

  • July 1, 2011, 11:07 a.m. CST

    A BRAD BIRD TRANSFORMERS FILM?!?!

    by blackwood

    Fuck you guys, that idea is too awesome. I don't want to live in a world where that doesn't happen anymore. Thanks for ruining the rest of my life. You know what's funny? It's been two days since I saw DARK OF THE MOON. I still feel fond of it, but honestly, the whole thing is slipping from my mind. I saw it, enjoyed the time I spent, and really, it has stopped mattering. Those of you (asi, I do have fondness for you), who keep banging the drum against this 'film' are giving it far more attention than it deserves. It is something to behold for the time of beholding -- but it is not worth hanging on to. Fast food film making. It satisfies for the moment but might give you gut rot -- and if you have the stomach for it, it comes in and goes out without incident.

  • July 1, 2011, 11:40 a.m. CST

    blackwood

    by knowthyself

    You're right. TF3 is good then forgettable then life goes on.

  • July 1, 2011, 11:47 a.m. CST

    Agree Billemic

    by AuDog8

    Bay needs to just go ahead and let it all out: buy the film rights to a property like Bubblegum Crisis, go to Tokyo, and just make that female sexbot ultra-violent movie we all KNOW he's meant for. Hard R. lol Bladerunner via Bay ;-)

  • July 1, 2011, 11:48 a.m. CST

    Bay just needs to make Bubblegum Crisis

    by AuDog8

    Get it out of his system

  • July 1, 2011, 11:53 a.m. CST

    Okay, let's look at this entire thing objecively...

    by sam jacksons wig

    Michael Bay directs "action" movies. Yes, agreed, but that doesn't mean he does it very well. The main issue is that whilst other action directors attempt at having a coherent opening, middle and third act, something resembling a story, character building so you actually attempt to engage with at least one of the protagonists......Bay does not. When it comes to storytelling he falls short every single time. To make up for it he then attempts to divert your attention from paper thin plots, stereotypical characters, awful acting, poorly written xenophobic, homophobic and racist comedy by throwing as much mind-numbingly confusing action at the screen so that is all you can hopefully remember when you walk out of the cinema. Go on, admit it.... when you walked out after seeing this movie and were discussing it with friends, what did you say first (apart from THAT WAS SHITE, for all Bay haters out there, myself included.)? Did you talk about the character arc of Shia LePouuf and his dilema of getting a job and how hard it is in America to seek gainful employment these days? Did you talk about the way the actors portrayed their roles with aplomb? About the subtle way (hahahaha) that Bay and his screenwriter gave us their own dystopian view of the future if man does not tame his love of machines and technology and allows it to run riot? No, you fucking didn't. Those analogys do not exist in a Bay movie, and I firmly believe that if he could do away with them all and pepper the screen with none stop explosions for an hour and a half, he would. You talked about Rosie H-W and her arse tracking shot up the stairs, those "funny" little robots who were "so hysterical you couldn't help but laugh" and close to 50 minutes of Chicago-stomping balls to the wall explosions and robot v robot action. That's all you remember. Think back to 1987. John McTiernan gave us Predator. What do you remember of that? A team that cared for each other? Yup- that was there. Character building? Yup- Dillon the bastard betrayer, Dutch the stoic leader trying to hold his team together, Mac and Blain blood brothers who would willingly die for each other... et c et c A great setting? Yup- claustrophobic jungle that made you pant just watching it due to the heat. A slow build that worked? Yup- we weren't just shown the Predator destroying everything and fighting the marines, were we? It all worked up as they were picked off one by one to that final showdown. Great action sequences that MADE sense? Yup- from the opening action salvo of the marines destroying the camp to the final scrap, every action set up made sense and worked. GreaT BRAVADO? Yup- I aint got time to bleed.... oxygen for action movies. Where was all of this in TF3? It wasn't there. Bay relies on goodwill to see us through his none existant plotting, knowing he will befuddle your senses by cramming as much nonsensical action into his movies as he can. Knowing that this will be what you will talk about and what sells his movies to others.

  • July 1, 2011, 12:04 p.m. CST

    blackwood - what an excellent depiction of TF3. Well done.

    by sam jacksons wig

  • July 1, 2011, 12:14 p.m. CST

    Sometimes you don't want filet mignon you just want a hamburger.

    by THE_CHOPPAH

    And sometimes you don't want a good 5 Guys hamburger you just want McDonalds. And sometimes you don't want McDonalds you just want dogshit on a bun. That's what Bayformers is: a doshit sandwich in a Happy Meal that comes with a bright and shiny cheap plastic toy Made in China.

  • July 1, 2011, 12:37 p.m. CST

    I, for one, would LOVE to see Bay to Anime/Hentai adaption...

    by conspiracy

    Maybe something like Immoral Sisters... He really is the perfect guy to film what is basically over the top action glazed with over the top female sexuality. Bunny ears, School girl outfits, bondage gear and giant fucking monsters with tentacles and oozing spunk...kinda screams "BAY" doesn't it?

  • July 1, 2011, 1:10 p.m. CST

    mr_jacksons_macaulay_culkin_dick_blood ...

    by sam jacksons wig

    ... using Predator as an analogy, one could easily replace it with Die Hard, another action movie with a brain and co-incidentally directed by Mc Tiernan. Watching Predator, tell me you didn't care if one of the marines got wasted? I was fucking LIVID when Blaine bought the farm! And to have Jesse go out, punked like a bitch from something hiding in a tree rather than man up...that's the kind of action movie that resonates! Stokes you to the max, keeps you interested in the characters and their plight, gets you rooting for the heros and pisses you off when they die. And the humour worked- you killed a pig... do you think you could have found anything bigger??? Poor Mac, sweating like a rapist after killing whatt he thought had offed his best mate and being brought down to earth with a clatter! Fuck you was THE appropriate response for the situation. No, you remember movies like Predator for a reason and that is why they still stand the test of time. I could watch it again tomorrow and still enjoy the hell out of it. That takes more than a minigun and Arnies biceps. Transformers 3? only a 12 year old with ADD will see it more than once.

  • July 1, 2011, 1:19 p.m. CST

    Saw it last night... very similar to second one if you ask me

    by Autodidact

    The 3D was fantastic. The sound was really intense. I saw it in "UltraAVX 3D" which is a larger screen, better sound, better seats, etc. The storytelling was atrocious though. And the pacing was really hard to get attuned with. Is it just me or did they not tear about 1/5 of Cybertron from the rest of the planet at the end of the movie? And Cybertron was really fucking big compared to earth... it almost looked like the whole thing was sort of a hollow honeycomb.. almost like a more earth-sized original planet had been restructured.

  • I'm sure they could tell a more coherent, better-paced story. But for all three movies, whenever the action starts I am totally into it. I love how savage the violence got in this one (and in TF2... as I always say, in TF2 Prime ripped a decepticon's head apart in slow-mo... worth the price of admission for me). One thing that annoyed in the action of TF3 was Schockwave and his giant tentacle bot. The whole tipping skyscraper set piece was way too long and overplayed. And Shockwave should have been a character. The decepticons were seriously underplayed in this movie... they were just sort of a background presence... most of them had zero lines, and Megatron just sort of sits around for most of the climax.

  • At times we may disagree, but one thing i have admired is his blatant unapologetic honesty. For him to sugar coat shit he strongly dislikes just to fit in would make him out to be just another pretentious douchebag. That's what alot of tbers are not understanding, This site/boards needs someone to call out the hyped and underperforming films provided by writers, directors et al. One primary example is when Orci first showed up on these forums, plenty of tbers praised him for Star Wrek, but Asi along with me and a few others were very vocal when expressing our differences. So yeah, I have no problem with his rants as at times, they are very justified. Sometimes being a "cudmudgeon" can be a very good thing. (0:'

  • Maybe audiences laughed at this because they know it's NOT REALLY HAPPENING. The girl is set up to be an obstacle between Shia and Megan Fox, so naturally the audience is not going to like her. If Transformers 2 were a documentary, and we were watching a woman ACTUALLY get her head smashed against a dashboard, laughter would be unsettling. But that's not the case. I'm not defending that atrocity of a movie, but I will stand up for the audience in this case.

  • I get what you're saying, blackwood, but I think the_choppah nailed it. Bayformers (at least the ones I saw; I'm not getting suckered a third time) isn't McDonalds, it's dogshit on a bun.

  • July 1, 2011, 2:42 p.m. CST

    genderblender

    by macheesmo3

    ...yeah, it's nice you have hobbies.... now shut up and go make me a turkey pot pie.....

  • July 1, 2011, 3:10 p.m. CST

    "yeah...she could hold a cock pretty well for a skinny girl"...

    by conspiracy

    Bay mused to Shia; "And the girl wasn't afraid of open mouth pissing either" Shia offered. Bay laughed..."Yeah...she's a good girl for this town, but Steven has spoken...this is a top down total blacklisting...the fucker even wants it to get personal"; Bay looked at the dope eyed actor as he took a hit from the last of the roach and grinned. "People already assume I popped her...Steve said he wants you up at the Plate to take a swing next." Shia felt his chest tighten, he knew what Bay meant...that He was expected to take part in the destruction of his former co-star, his one time fuck buddies life. LeBeouf looked away the realization that with just a few well placed words he had the power to drive another nail into the coffin Megan Fox has placed herself in;...he felt sick, confused, then again Bay always had first class dank, maybe it was that. "This comes from the fucking top Shia..." Bay continued,"you know what it could mean if you don't do it. Already Steven has that fucker Ford setting the groundwork...calling you an "idiot" for your Indy comments, you know how it goes...you've seen how Spielberg operates...scorched earth motherfucker, scorched earth. One day it's Ford calling you an 'idiot', the next you can't get a job on a DTV film...you want that?" Bay stopped to let it sink in to LeBeoufs perpetually foggy skull. "Come on Shia...she fucking called ME Hitler...me a Jew!" Bay shouted with false rage before the laughter started. "Dude...you're a Jew by fucking Proxy" Shia replied in a daze. "Doesn't matter LeBeouf...the Hitler thing pissed off this whole fucking town...she's got to go" Bay took his phone from his pocket..."Here, let me show you how it's done Ben-Gurion style",he crowed as he dialed. "Hey...who is this...Megan...Michael here...just wanted to thank you for your work on 1 and 2, no hard feelings...yeah we're projecting 400M Minimum....Oh..and I gave Rosie a quarter of a percent of the Gross!" Bay erupted in laughter as he disconnected..."That bitch is biting her thumbs off right now!" he cackled,"Your turn my soft hearted friend...I set up an interview with Details just for you...tomorrow...Steve will be reading". Shia knew there was no turning back if he ever wanted another job, and it was better than the cock sucking it took to get here in the first place. "Yeah...she could take a fucking" he thought...but his full half a percent could buy lots of pussy...Megan's career her life must end.

  • July 1, 2011, 3:18 p.m. CST

    Heading to Vegas in 1 hr Bitches...

    by conspiracy

    Carry on...

  • July 1, 2011, 6:47 p.m. CST

    Asi isn't hateful?

    by WINONA_RYDERS_PUSSY_JUICE

    hahahaha. do I owe you money for your comedy routine now or how does this work?

  • Fuck_You_Darren_Arronosfky

  • July 1, 2011, 11:04 p.m. CST

    by snafu069

    For a long time I was a Bay apologist, I followed him up to Armaggedon and I still defend that movie to this day, but after that his movies just got more juvenile, more bloated, and less coherent and this movie is the perfect example of it. It's a movie about Transformers interlocked in an age-old war that spends about an hour on the career and relationship troubles of a (purpotedly) 22-year-old human. It's mystifying how either the director or the screenwriter can imagine that these trials and tribulations are what the audience wants to see and its stunning to me that the director of the Rock and Bad Boys (1 not 2) can't figure out how to strip a script down to its essence. But perhaps the most frustrating thing about Bay (and all of his movies) is that he shows moments of brilliance in all of them. Pearl Harbor had the actual bombing scene. Bad Boys 2 had that amazing car chase. Transformers 3 had some of the best effects I have ever seen on the big screen in that last 45 minutes. But they get lost in this sort of mish-mash of whatever over-sugared thirteen-year-old brain Bay has plugged himself in to. And to those that say this is just a big brash summer flick not to be overanalyzed, I agree. But that doesn't make it good or even passable. Thor and X-Men were far more coherent and interesting this year. Bay himself has handed in The Rock which had sharper characters and was far more involving. There's a good summer blockbuster version of Transformers out there, one with characters, plot, and emotion that doesn't have to be high art. We just haven't seen it yet.

  • July 2, 2011, 4:08 a.m. CST

    No, Pussy, i'm not.

    by AsimovLives

    I just hate stupid shit. Got it, pussy?

  • July 2, 2011, 4:14 a.m. CST

    blackwood

    by AsimovLives

    Most of the reason i bash and bang againt this movie is not of the movie per se (though stupidity like this does make my blood boil), but that this Bayformers type movie represent a certain type of filmmaking that is not only prevalent but which will became even more prevalent in the future. It's not just the movie itself that i bash, but the whole thinking and mentality that makes them, and thjose that enjoy and support them. I love movies too much to not say anything about the matter, as loud as i can.

  • July 2, 2011, 4:16 a.m. CST

    knowthyself

    by AsimovLives

    Of all the words to be used about his movie, good is the last one that should be used in the entire english language. If at all.

  • July 2, 2011, 4:24 a.m. CST

    mr_jacksons_macaulay_culkin_dick_blood

    by AsimovLives

    None of your scenarios would restore human population. In the one man/10 women scenario would also mean the end of humanity, because the tresulting offsprings would all be very interelated (all sons of the same father). As they breed out, the intersanguinity would increese, and as like all populations which are very interbreeded, geentic defects would became more and more prevalent with each generation. In that scenario you put, mankind wouldn't had more then 100 years until the remains would all be merely a bunhc of sterille mongloids. There is at least a need for about 25 different types of genetic make up to allow the sucess of the human spieces to progress. It means it needs at least a groupd of about 125 individuals, all with different make ups, none of them related, to progress. Geentic diversity actually helps prevent the accumulation of bad genes to build up and create genetic disorders that end up causing the "inbreed" effect, including mental retardness, physical defects, mongolism and whatnot. Eugenics, in fact, is one of the best way to end humanity, given a long enough time.

  • July 2, 2011, 4:29 a.m. CST

    the_choppah

    by AsimovLives

    "Sometimes you don't want filet mignon you just want a hamburger." If the hamburger is good. Where i live there is this hamburgers franchise house called "H3". They arwe no more expensive then the other hamburger deals that exist, like McDonalds or Burger King. However, they use FREASH MEAT for the hamburgers, and they are prepared right there, fresh. We even see the hamburger being made because it's an open kitchen. And they are delicious. Not just the "meatr with sauce" delicious you might find in a McDonalds, but i actually mean DELICIOUS as a fillet mignon is. It's an hamburger made gourmet style but with the price and the same fast food physolophy of a McDonalds. This is why for me the hamburger analogy fails big time. Because even among the hamburger movies there are those which are stomach ulcer causing like the McDonald shit, and the great tasty and nutricious hamburgers of the H3 house. Just becasue a movie is made for mass consuption, like an hamburger, doesn't mean it has to be shit. http://catavino.net/h3-where-the-ultimate-mouthwatering-hamburgers-are-made-in-portugal/

  • July 2, 2011, 4:32 a.m. CST

    mr_jacksons_macaulay_culkin_dick_blood

    by AsimovLives

    If that's the reason why PREDATOR is your favorite movie, you shoudl change it for one more accodingly to your attitude toward why a movie is your favorite. Like, say, that COMMANDO piece of shit that Arnold made before. The excelent PREDATOR is lost on you.

  • July 2, 2011, 4:34 a.m. CST

    conspiracy

    by AsimovLives

    Bay is perfect for nothing. He is the ruiners of franchise. He would fuck up any other fanchise the same way he fucked up Transformers. He's only good in making BAD BOYS movies, which he himself is part of the creator of that franchise. Bay should spend the rest of his life making Bad Boys movies. And so Will Smith as well. Both are past their usefullness in anything else.

  • July 2, 2011, 4:41 a.m. CST

    stuntcock mike

    by AsimovLives

    If yours was the way if the future, i would stop caring for movies this minute. Thank goodness there are more people, filmmakers and audiences alike, which are smarter then that in their approach to cinema.

  • July 2, 2011, 4:57 a.m. CST

    pussy_juice or whatever DGDB esque name you answer to.

    by Stalkeye

    Like I have said before, some of you just dont get it. To you and many others, Asi's tirades come off as some sorta schtick, but there is the undeniable truth in what he is saying. The Movie studios are more focused on quantity over quality when making business decisions and in turn, most films nowadays are being cranked out for a dumbed down audience per se. (Citing Transfuckups as a primary example.) and to which these "films' which are devoid of a solid story, character development and juxtaposition further insult the intelligence of your average moviegoer. And that is what Bay's films consist of. Asilives is entitled to his opinions just like you and everyone else on this site and to single him or any other tber for being too 'vocal' reeks of hypocrisy as I'm sure that there are times when you would strongly object to some film you would find disappointing. There are times that me and 'lives would disagree about something or another, but it's done with a modicum of respect. (y'know, argeeing to disagree.)And I don't recall him ever (personally) attacking the other talkbackers for having an opinion that isn't shared with his. On the contriere, there has been alot of tbers trolling the guy for the same reason which i think is funny because it shows that Asi's rants, if you, will have touched a nerve and very easily at that. (As controversy sells.) That being said, you and many others are being played. Not by his comments necessarly, but due to your knee-JERK reactions. (0:'

  • July 2, 2011, 5:25 a.m. CST

    stalkeye

    by AsimovLives

    You told it as it is. And i do have my share of troll assholes. I can name them for all to know: Lost Jarv, DocPazzuzu, Xiphus_2 and, ocasionally (though he can sometimes present himself as a reasonable and inteligent person) Mr Nice Gaius. There is some other asshole who's so insignificant i can't even be arse to remember his name. Indeed, it is kinda funny how it seems i strike for hard the nerve os some in here. The funniest thing is, i'm hardly the most vituperious of the talkbacks in here. In fact, the real reasonof why so many in here react negatively to me is not of what i say but ABOUT what i say. The best comparison would be that it's as if they are creationists bitching about me taking evolution as real. You know what i mean? I'm pretty direct in my presentation of my opinions. Which is nothing new in here, matter of fact. But i hate to conform my opinion, specially those about movies i really love or hate, just so i can conform to the AICN geek dogma bullshit i see so widespread. If i did that, i would feel like i was betraying myself for the sake of... what? You know what i mean? As you very well said, if i just conformed to the majority of the opinion in here regardless of what i really think, i would feel like a pretentious douchbag. And that's what a pretentious douchbag really is, not one who calls movies shit when they are dumb shit like any of BAYSHITFUCKMERS movies, or any of his movies for that matter.

  • July 2, 2011, 5:27 a.m. CST

    yadayadayada

    by WINONA_RYDERS_PUSSY_JUICE

    Asimov's behavior is quite often hateful. I agree with him on a lot of things, but like a wise jedi once said, Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.

  • July 2, 2011, 7:41 a.m. CST

    What's hateful pussy_juice, is trolling.

    by Stalkeye

    Maybe not you, but other primary examples in general.How can someone think that by calling one names, that he can get his point across when disagreeing? Where's the civility or is it a huge part of AICN's culture? IMNSHO bullying tactics such as posting vitrolic comments, are very cowardly especially when someone has the convenience of typing shit behind a keyboard as opposed to saying it in front of the person. That's why I personally can't really take these guys too seriously.However, in the end it puts them in the spotlight for being a jerk. Asi, I really don't know much of MNG other than the spartacus talkbacks years ago (he seemed like a cool guy.) but his posts towards you make it seemed as if you fucking microwaved his Cats. LMAO I think he should atleast acknowlegde your courage of conviction when taking on some of these so-called filmakers. but hey, he's prolly biased for Bay and against what he may deem as some movie snob in which you are really not. look at it this way, if they didn't give two shits about your opinions, they would have easily disregard them by not replying. So yeah, by you not being part of the Tber Borg, (i.e. assimulate) you win by default. Resistance is NOT futile. (0:'

  • You shouldn't be such a pussy, Pussy. You know what's your problem, Pussy? You love dumb ass stupid movies, you relish on them, or as you call it, you are entertained and have fun. And you absolutly hate to have your comtemplation shaken by a strong opinion against them. You like so many others in here, Pussy, you mistake a strong and passionate4 opinion agasinthe bulslhit movies you love so much as mere hatedom. Which are very different things, Pussy. So, my friend Pussy, the problem her eis not what i think or how i transmit my thoughs, but hoeyou take them Pussy. Do you understand it now, Pussy?

  • July 2, 2011, 10 a.m. CST

    stalkeye

    by AsimovLives

    Yeah, i also start to believe i must have microwaved some of MNG's cat as well. In my defence, that absint was mighty good! Well, in MNG's defense, talk to him about anything related to Corman McCarthy, and the dude turns into a schollar worth of reading every word he says on the mattter. He knows his shit about that author. I give him that, no matter what i might think of him about anything else. I think MNG as a sort of misplaced admiration for Bay. He claimes to detest his movies, but he can't help defending him, regardless to his claims in the contrary. Maybe he's too affraid to go agasinthe grain of the AICN dogma and takes it in stride. Or he's affraid to admit he likes Bay's movie,s o not to ruin his cool. so he plays this strange middlegroundwhere he uses his "the power of bay compels you" as a recuring joke, but which is also a non-assuming position where he cannot be either accused of being his fan opr his detractor. It's playing defense. And he's not the only one, matter of fact. I woudl dare say, the majority of the people in here are always playing defense in matters of their opinions, affraid to say anythign that goes against the accepted dogma of the place or to be not in te cool because they are now following the fashion of the moment (a case more then made clear in regard to Abrams Trek. Or all things JJ Abrams for that matter). Even the trolls don't seem too be that honest in their bashings, matter of fact, if you know what i mean.

  • And yet, he's getting notorious for the absensce of his review. Maybe Capone shot himself in his own foot with what he wrote for the review of GREEN LANTERN. Or, he was very shrewed and forced AICN's hand in never focing him to ever again write positive reviews for shitty movies. Capone was either very dumb or very smart.

  • July 2, 2011, 10:56 a.m. CST

    Seriously what are people expecting with third Bayformers?

    by sunwukong86

    this i dont understand. There's been two movies before this. You all know Michael Bay's style. Why on earth would you go in expecting something different? I honestly cannot understand why people were expecting a masterpiece.

  • July 2, 2011, 1:01 p.m. CST

    I Just wanted the fuck OUT

    by PlasticBallAndChain

    ...but I went with my dad so I had to stay. I fell asleep twice, once in the final battle. It went on...and on. And there was lots of eye-rolling stupid shit. I would like to create a new legal doctrine based on the severe emotional harm I suffered watching turds like that. Defendant AICN for posting 3 rave-ups, thus causing me to enter the dungeon of TF3. Pray for my SOULLLLLLL....

  • July 2, 2011, 3:24 p.m. CST

    plasticballandchain

    by AsimovLives

    I never fall asleep wjhen i watch a movie in the theaters, no matter how slow paced they are. I almost asleep when in saw BAYASSFUCKMERS 1. It was the most boring moment i ever had in the movies i can remember. Bayass mannaged to do the impossible: to make a super-fast edited movie look boring beyond belief. What a fantastic untalented piece of shit this Bayass cretin is.

  • July 2, 2011, 3:25 p.m. CST

    BAYSHITFUCKMERS movies: By retards for retards.

    by AsimovLives

  • July 2, 2011, 7:58 p.m. CST

    asimovlives

    by Stuntcock Mike

    Don't ever change you beautiful man.

  • July 2, 2011, 8:31 p.m. CST

    asimovlives

    by PlasticBallAndChain

    The best word to describe how I felt for 90% of TF3: Nausea... but not just in my stomach...in my whole body. I went in happy and left depressed. Totally true. It was the first time in my life I went to the movies and left feeling worse than when I came. And that includes all the Original SW Trilogy films, and when I saw Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon with a 103 degree fever. I'm thinking of bringing it up in therapy next week.

  • July 2, 2011, 8:33 p.m. CST

    SW OT Correction

    by PlasticBallAndChain

    I mean PREQUEL TRILOGY (EPS 1-3)...the OT did not cause me nausea, although Jedi made my 12-year old self kind of sad and less innocent

  • July 2, 2011, 9:39 p.m. CST

    lol

    by WINONA_RYDERS_PUSSY_JUICE

    I give up. I'm clearly out-numbered.

  • July 3, 2011, 7:33 a.m. CST

    plasticballandchain

    by AsimovLives

    You just described all my experiences in watching any of the Bayass movies, and also Abrams Trek. All of them experiences which left me much worst then when i was at the start. I know that many people claim they were entertaimedn by those movies. Me, they left me feeling depressed and disapointed with humanity in general.

  • Because each good movies is worth 100 of the shitty movies you like. You shitty movie lovers are always outgunned and outmatched.

  • July 3, 2011, 12:48 p.m. CST

    asi

    by blackwood

    I 'm picking up what you're putting down man, I really am -- although I still think you are over-emphasizing the long-term (hell, even short-term) effect of these kinds of movies. It's a terrible film, in retrospect, now that the eyeballs have stopped vibrating and when I think on it all the stupid shit is that much stupider and shittier. But the scale of destruction and sheer wanton nonsense is something to behold. I stand by that, unreservedly. 3D is used to great effect and blah blah blah -- every review you read of the film says the exact same thing. The difference is whether or not the critic weighs the deficiencies higher than the strengths. I think it's fine that you aren't buying, but again, I think if this film 'lessens' you, you are far to invested in it. Not in film in general, but this one in particular. And the put the TRANSFORMERS films on the same plane as new TREK is insane. New TREK may not have lived up to your standards, but it has heart and makes sense and for all it's excess noise there is a solid core. New TREK is exactly the real-meat quality hamburger to TRANSFORMERS McChokenPuke. A shitty film that makes a billion dollars worldwide does not lessen good films -- like I said in another TB, without the original TRANSFORMERS, whose to say we would have gotten DISTRICT 9? The junk-food Hollywood spurts out does nothing to damage the viability of good film -- the problem is, anyone can churn out junk, but it takes artists and storytellers to make quality films, and if the bank this makes allows Paramount room to take a chance on something amazing that they wouldn't have otherwise had the means or will to try, then it's fulfilled it's purpose. But that's all just speculation on my part. Maybe you are right, asi, but I just don't see it as a far-reaching problem. Good will out. Art will always transcend junk. TRANSFORMERS doesn't mean, and it doesn't matter. It was 2.75 hours of gorgeous noise that I left behind when I recycled my glasses on the way out of the theatre. I respect your position, but I also think you're off your nut about it. You put far too much energy into decrying something that shouldn't be worth this much of your time. You're not protecting anyone -- you're not championing quality film, you're sustain loud antagonism against shitty film, and that's far different.

  • July 3, 2011, 3:12 p.m. CST

    blackwood

    by AsimovLives

    First of all, thanks for your very interesting post. Great read. Secondly, i disagree that bullshit blockbusters like BAYFUCKMERS help the industry in any way to help make other, smaller, better movies like DISTRICT 9. It's actually the reverse, the Bayfuckmers of this world prevent smaller movie like D9 from happening. The profits of the Bayfuckmers don't pay for the smaller productions, they pay for other big productions like they, and leave nothing for any other type of movie. It's a slef-perpectuating scheme. Thirdly, Abrams Trek is as bad a movie as Bayfuckmers 1. But yeah, i agree, Bayfuckmers 2 is worst. But that's because the movie is one of the worst shit ever made in the history of cinema, so, faint praise in there indeed. Fourthly, i don't buy that notion that entertaiemnt mpvies have to be like bad hamburgers from McDonalds. As an hamburger can be legitimate food, as it is in my country because we can have it from good fresh meat (we even have a franchise that's based on that very notion, fresh meat haburgers made in gormet quality at low prices), i also think that just because the ambition of a movie is mostly commercial doesn't mean they have to slack. The fact most commercial movies ae dumb and stupid is no excuse. The example always come from above, not below. Fifthly, i detest this defeatist attitude that most of teh AIN geeks have in her,e who just accept for granted that blockbusters are silly and dumb by nature and thus revel in the shit arsery of such fucking pieces of shit like Bayfuckmers. This attitud of complete surrender to filmaking hypocrisy. they act liek surrender monkeys, an from movie geeks i find that abhorrent, insulting and traiterous. a bunch of surrender monkeys who then have the gall to try to teach others how to have fun. The dare, the outrageousnes sof it is beyond compreention. Surrender monkeys! Sixthly,and to quote from a famous great movie NETWORK: "I'm, as mad as hell and I'm not going to take this anymore!" A very valid and sadly rarely seen attitude from the geekry, who are mostly made of apathetic surrender monkeys. I'd rather have the ambition of to be made of better stuff myself.

  • July 3, 2011, 3:12 p.m. CST

    Championing takes many different forms.

    by AsimovLives

    It's the intention that counts, in the end.

  • July 4, 2011, 11:37 a.m. CST

    @asimovlives

    by PlasticBallAndChain

    I'm with you on JJ's Trek and all Bay films. However I have never had a worse movie experience in my life than TF3. It was as if there were some subliminal signal boring into my skull causing me to feel physical and mentally ill. Like and Army experiment shooting ultra-low frequencies for crowd dispersal. I'm agnostic and yet I prayed to God to end the film. Weird stuff.

  • July 4, 2011, 11:41 a.m. CST

    @blackwood

    by PlasticBallAndChain

    I for one wasn't "invested" in TF3. I went because my dad wanted me too; I was expecting crap, but not to the extent that I would feel ill. I just can't describe how bad I thought this movie was. At least Battlefield Earth didn't make me sick. I hated every aspect of the film--not 30 seconds passed without me crying and dying a little because of something I heard or saw.

  • July 5, 2011, 7:32 p.m. CST

    This is to all those that defend the Transformers movies

    by D o o d

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=fwkL53bH0PI#at=122