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Capone boards the Hate Train for PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: ON STRANGER TIDES, but it's more of a strong dislike!!!

Hey everyone. Capone in Chicago here.

I own a thesaurus too, my fellow critics; and I know how to use it. But I'm going to leave it on the shelf for my review of the fourth PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN installment for the simple reason that if I actually make the effort to walk the 30-or-so feet from my office to the bookshelf where my thesaurus sits, I will officially have expended more energy on that task than most people involved in the making of ON STRANGER TIDES did making this movie. I can't remember the last time so many hundreds of people worked so hard on a movie for such mediocre results. It's as if the collective goal was to be stupendously average. While I am not using my thesaurus for this review, I am selecting my words carefully. ON STRANGER TIDES is "average" beyond compare. It is not horrible, gut-wrenching, painful, god-awful or a plague upon humanity. It is simply a textbook example of putting in the maximum effort for the absolute minimum in entertainment.

I'm going to repeat a statement I made about a year ago regarding 3D, converted or otherwise. The greatest, universal issue I (and millions of others) have with 3D is that it makes the world (and the movie) a darker place, literally. It kills a hefty percentage of the light reaching your eyes. So, if you are going to set 75 percent of your film in relative darkness (I'm talking to you, PRIEST), 3D is virtually useless. With ON STRANGER TIDES, which was shot in 3D, the sequences set during daylight hours or just well lit look stupendous. But much of the film takes place in reduced lighting situations, and the result is, well, shite. I'm not here to debate the merits of 3D, just to say that if you studios are going to continue giving us 3D movies, at least give us something to look at. End sidebar.

For reasons I can't quite explain, ON STRANGER TIDES had the struggling energy of a NATIONAL TREASURE movie rather than a PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN entry. Thank you, Jerry Bruckheimer. I guess. The action set pieces felt especially artificial in terms of stunts and production design. And as much as this film was supposed to be starting anew with its stand-alone storyline, it sure did seem like a part whenever a familiar old face showed up on screen. Keith Richards is on screen about a minute longer than he was in the previous film, Kevin McNally's Gibbs is the sole remaining Black Pearl crew member along for this ride, and Geoffrey Rush's Barbossa returns, this time working for the king's navy... at least until he's not.

If you can ignore all of the false starts, useless sideplots, and the unsatisfying ending (including an after-credits tag), the plot to ON STRANGER TIDES is remarkably simple: everybody wants to get to the Fountain of Youth first. A couple of the characters, including Johnny Depp's Jack Sparrow, know the way, so the race is on. I will admit, on paper, I like the idea of Ian McShane shouting and sneering his way through this film as Blackbeard, with his faithful sidekick Scrumm (Stephen Graham, who plays Al Capone on HBO's "Boardwalk Empire"). I was even pleasantly surprised how much I enjoyed Penelope Cruz as Blackbeard's daughter Angelica (anyone complaining about not being able to understand her English through her accent needs to get the shit out of their ears). Cruz seems to be the only one actually having fun at being dangerous.

As much as I think introducing psychotic, man-eating mermaids into the Pirates universe is a great and noble idea, saddling the main mermaid character, Syrena (Astrid Berges-Frisbey), in a subplot involving a possible romance with a young clergyman (Sam Claflin) kills any form of momentum the film might generate in its back half. But my biggest problem with ON STRANGER TIDES, believe it or not, is Depp himself. I'm not talking about his performance--some people say Sparrow seems less wobbly or Depp's accents goes in and out; I didn't notice it--I'm talking about how he's featured in the film. He's taken on the role of hero, and it doesn't work. Even the potentially devious tricks he plays on those who dare to trust him don't pan out. He's being too nice a guy here, and it drains the fun from the movie.

And does Jack Sparrow really need a love interest? I've always enjoyed the fact that Sparrow has kind of a bi-curious vibe to him (he does wear a lot of lace), but to have him in full flirtation mode seems desperate and creepy. If I'm reading between the lines correctly, he deflowered Angelica when she was underage. Remember that, parents, when you pile the kids into the mini-van this weekend to see this movie. And I'm not saying that Depp and Cruz don't make a handsome couple, but neither character benefits from them being in a hostile romance.

It seems too easy to fully blame new director Rob Marshall (stepping in for Gore Verbinski, who helmed the first three installments). I'm not exactly sure what Marshall's credentials are (CHICAGO, MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA, NINE) to let anyone think he could handle an action-oriented piece of this scale. But his involvement seemingly brings nothing visually inventive or anything exceptional to the performances or pacing of this work. I truly hope if they make two more of these back to back, Marshall isn't the one behind the camera. Here's hoping Bruckheimer & Co. go the HARRY POTTER (or dare I say, the TWILIGHT) route and get a different creative force as director for each of the films. A boy can dream.

I'm not really that broken up about the fact that the PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN films have officially gone from bad to worse. I was not a person who was biting his nails down to nubs in anticipation of ON STRANGER TIDES. Still, when you bring in a new director, one does get curious how the tides will turn, doesn't one? The mystery is revealed. I will admit to being genuinely confused as the bile and rancor that this film has inspired in so many critics. It's like they've been waiting all year to find a big-budget film they can unload their pent-up frustrations upon, and this one seemed to fit the bill. Make no mistake, the movie is very bad; but you have to have a certain amount of passion for even the films you hate immensely, and ON STRANGER TIDES simply didn't stir those kind of feelings in me. My advice, everyone stay home this weekend and sort your sock drawers instead of seeing this one. That sounds far more exciting that this movie.

-- Capone
capone@aintitcool.com
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Readers Talkback
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  • May 20, 2011, 9:07 a.m. CST

    Why are there FOUR of the Fucking movies??!

    by ryderdvs

    I hate this franchise. And Johnny "Quirky" Depp needs to find a new angle. What a fucking sell-out.

  • May 20, 2011, 9:13 a.m. CST

    There will be POTC Movies as long as they keep making money

    by harryknowlesnothingaboutfilm

  • May 20, 2011, 9:14 a.m. CST

    why are pirates pirates? because they Arrrrrr!

    by harryknowlesnothingaboutfilm

    thats probably the level of humour in this latest installment.

  • May 20, 2011, 9:15 a.m. CST

    These reviews are becoming generic.

    by knowthyself

    How ironic lol.

  • May 20, 2011, 9:16 a.m. CST

    I don't know what's more boring the movie are these reviews.

    by knowthyself

    ZING!

  • May 20, 2011, 9:16 a.m. CST

    And Yet, Aren't Thor and Iron Man "well made" the same way.

    by cookylamoo

    Competently directed but not very surprising or innovative. Paint-by the numbers films for the kiddie audience? And yet AICN dotes of these big fantasy snore-fests.

  • May 20, 2011, 9:17 a.m. CST

    This is the only film my wife is really keyed up about seeing this summer.....

    by harryknowlesnothingaboutfilm

    Fucking Johnny Depp....

  • May 20, 2011, 9:18 a.m. CST

    "Why are there FOUR of the Fucking movies??!"

    by CHRISTIAN_BALE_TRASHED_MY_LIGHTS

    Um.... because the first three sold really well. Is that not the answer you were seeking? I can bet you, ryderdvs, that at least one person you've met this week has seen at least two of the PIRATES movies on the big screen. Unless you're a hermit. Or you live on an oil rig in the ocean.

  • May 20, 2011, 9:19 a.m. CST

    Yes, Depp really has to find a new angle

    by Andy Pandy

    4 Pirate movies, Alice in Wonderland, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory... all the evidence required to prove Depp should be banned from tent pole movies

  • May 20, 2011, 9:21 a.m. CST

    The next one should be rated 'Arrrrrrrrgh!'

    by LargoJr

    Get some serious sex and violence going.. THEN folks will stop their bitchin!

  • May 20, 2011, 9:22 a.m. CST

    Seriously.. Fucking YELLOWEBEARD was better then this!

    by LargoJr

    And that's not even mentioning it had Peter Boyle!

  • May 20, 2011, 9:24 a.m. CST

    I do not trust your opinion.

    by DonkeyBalls

    There is already a couple reviews on here that say the same thing as you. Go promote some more crappy movies, that's what you're best at.

  • May 20, 2011, 9:26 a.m. CST

    Pirates of the Caribbean 5: Pirates in Time?

    by harryknowlesnothingaboutfilm

  • May 20, 2011, 9:30 a.m. CST

    Pirates of the Caribbean 5: Bellowing Shitfest

    by harryknowlesnothingaboutfilm

  • May 20, 2011, 9:34 a.m. CST

    You know Tron Legacy was pretty dark, and the 3D is fantastic.

    by JackSlater4

  • May 20, 2011, 9:37 a.m. CST

    WOW...AICN OFFICIALLY HATES PIRATES

    by doom master

    Arrange my sock drawer? WTF are you KIDDING ME? This movie is REVIEW PROOF Reason beign because ALL THE FANS ARE GIONG TO WATCH THIS HUNGRILY, so WTF are you going on about not going to watch it? Im going to watch it. Im going to enjoy it. Thats what the summer is all about. Beaches, Bitches, and Bad Movies. When has this ever changed?

  • Wow ... never seen someone say that before!! How fucking original. The movie is shit, deal with it.

  • May 20, 2011, 9:49 a.m. CST

    Name a SINGLE line from Pirates 5 that compares to THIS:

    by LargoJr

    [Street Girl] "Sir? Can I have 3 farthings for a lump of shit?" [Dan] (disgusted/repulsed) "No!" *FLOP!*

  • May 20, 2011, 9:50 a.m. CST

    FYI- I've never seen a dark 3D movie in CA.

    by UltraTron

    I'm sure the 3D looks fine in hollywood and on the equipment that produced it. It will look fine on blu 3D as well. Too bad I'll never see this bullshit

  • May 20, 2011, 9:58 a.m. CST

    56 mil could almost buy 2 more installments of kickass.

    by UltraTron

    Man that banana splits attack is vicious. That movie gets better and better. Where izz ouur cooke..

  • May 20, 2011, 10:01 a.m. CST

    Who cares? TDKR viral marketing has started.

    by UltimaRex

    http://www.thedarkknightrises.com Someone has already decoded the sound file coming up with #TheFireRises.

  • May 20, 2011, 10:10 a.m. CST

    What's with everything in 3D

    by Cruizer Dave

    It's such a freaking gimmick. And it gives me a headache, and really takes me out of the movie in most cases. Also, this franchise said everything it needed to in the first film. Every time they go back for more, the quality goes down.

  • May 20, 2011, 10:17 a.m. CST

    BANE picture

    by Jubba

    http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/171/forhashtagunaltered.jpg/

  • May 20, 2011, 10:20 a.m. CST

    Holy shit, here is Bane!

    by masteryoda007

    http://www.comingsoon.net/nextraimages/forhashtagunaltered.jpg

  • May 20, 2011, 10:37 a.m. CST

    BAAAAAAAANE!!!

    by MariusXe

    oh my god, how awesome! he looks so fucking scary! why isn't that on the big sites allready??? you guys sleeping or what?

  • May 20, 2011, 10:39 a.m. CST

    Giant Squids= Awesome.

    by OnO

    No Giant Squid and see what happens. Instant sock drawer arrangement.

  • May 20, 2011, 10:42 a.m. CST

    "He deflowered Angelica when she was underage"

    by Nasty In The Pasty

    Not at *all* like what Indiana Jones did to Marion ("I was a child, I was in love! It was wrong and you knew it!").

  • May 20, 2011, 10:45 a.m. CST

    And I only pay extra for 3D on CGI animated movies...

    by Nasty In The Pasty

    ...because CGI animated movies are bright and colorful enough to make the dimming effects of the 3D glasses worth it. Only Avatar has really made proper use of 3D in live-action (although that's essentially an animated movie in and of itself...).

  • May 20, 2011, 10:50 a.m. CST

    Film is decent and enhances the filmic world

    by RandySavage

    It's not a great or outstanding movie in this big budget, popcorn fantasy-adventure category. But great or outstanding films of this genre are few and far between (e.g., Empire Strikes Back, Fellowship of the Ring, Raiders of the Lost Ark). I'd put it on par with other similar films that I liked such as PotC:At World's End, Sherlock Holmes, Stardust, Return of the Jedi - a solid B+. It succeeds in widening the PotC world, does no damage to that world or characters (cough, Star Wars Prequels, cough), has great production design and values, good acting, etc., the problems are similar to what the official AICN criticisms: Sparrow works best as a the supporting anti-hero, some sub-plots are lazily handled, Marshall misses some "beats." Still, I found On Stranger Tides to be significantly better and more enjoyable than most of its genre (big summer adventure) peers of prior years, including this list of mediocrity: -Matrix II & III -Star Wars prequels -Any Mummy film -Any Harry Potter film -Indiana Jones 4 -Any Transformers film -King Kong The list could go on and on. If you liked At Worlds End, or the PotC world in general, you'll enjoy this.

  • May 20, 2011, 10:52 a.m. CST

    oh and fuck Johnny Depp by the way...

    by MariusXe

    the first pirates movie was alright but everything after that wash rubbish.

  • May 20, 2011, 10:57 a.m. CST

    That Bane picture fake? Can't tell if it's Hardy

    by FreeBeer

  • May 20, 2011, 10:59 a.m. CST

    Not Bane. Assholes!

    by FreeBeer

  • May 20, 2011, 11 a.m. CST

    Thanks for addressing the 3D, Capone

    by THAT_SAID_THE_CHOPPAH

    Yes, people do care about it, Beaks!

  • May 20, 2011, 11:02 a.m. CST

    RandySavage is right

    by HerbSewell

    These reviewers are fanboys for BS that makes its way into cinemas each year, so take it with a grain of salt. POTC, if you liked the first one, you'll like On Strange Tides fo' sho'. Sparrow is spot on as usual, good laughs, a bit lengthy in spots, 3d sucks, but overall the film is a welcome addition to the POTC lore, and I for one wait impatiently for episode 5. Herb... out.

  • May 20, 2011, 11:05 a.m. CST

    Apoligises. It Is BANE

    by FreeBeer

  • May 20, 2011, 11:05 a.m. CST

    Roman Sparrowski

    by THAT_SAID_THE_CHOPPAH

    Just like Polanski, Jack Sparrow ran away from the law rather than face justice.

  • May 20, 2011, 11:19 a.m. CST

    "Apoligises. It Is BANE"

    by GINGE_MUPPET

    lol, yeah ... we know. Bit too swift with the "Assholes" ... Funny as fuck.

  • May 20, 2011, 11:21 a.m. CST

    Yep, Feel Jerkass Like.

    by FreeBeer

  • May 20, 2011, 11:27 a.m. CST

    Johnny Depp gotta eat

    by RobertCrane

    For years he has hated America and taken up residence in France, his choice. And if a studio wants to make that 30 million dollar phone call (since 2003 his movies have made gobs of money) that is their choice as well. I refuse to watch his movies myself. And that is my choice. Good luck to him, god bless America. Entertainment, sports and wall street. Only people who can truly live the dream.

  • May 20, 2011, 11:27 a.m. CST

    I saw Bane on AV Club.

    by jimmy_009

    Getting scooped by hipsters. :(

  • May 20, 2011, 11:47 a.m. CST

    Capone, was there ships made of churches in this movie?

    by AsimovLives

  • May 20, 2011, 11:48 a.m. CST

    Wasn't he breaking the law with Anamaria too?

    by CreamCheeseAlchemist

    I say Jack Sparrow is mostly code. I think the backstory with Angelica or Marion Ravenwood is more "in hindsight, I should have waited a year or two", the sort of thing romantic tension is made of. But the lack of a flashback means the viewer creates the details in his or her own mind.

  • May 20, 2011, 11:49 a.m. CST

    Capone, i'm puzzled:

    by AsimovLives

    "if I actually make the effort to walk the 30-or-so feet from my office to the bookshelf where my thesaurus sits, I will officially have expended more energy on that task than most people involved in the making of ON STRANGER TIDES did making this movie. I can't remember the last time so many hundreds of people worked so hard on a movie for such mediocre results." What it is then? Did they made an effort to make this movie or not? And what about the churches, man?

  • May 20, 2011, 12:08 p.m. CST

    Wait Capone

    by Shaner Jedi

    you said it was average and mediocre. But then at the end you say it's "very bad". WTF? That sounds like it's worse than mediocre. Make up your mind.

  • May 20, 2011, 12:25 p.m. CST

    and the ripping apart of this movie continues....

    by D o o d

    but seriously, I'm amazed at the number of people who like the second and third one. Those movies were already vile and horrible. on a seperate note I don't get the love for those horrid Transformers movies too. The second was so horrible I thought it would be the end of it all, but no, they made another!

  • May 20, 2011, 12:48 p.m. CST

    Ah well..!

    by Alincia

    I don't understand the serious hate on the 2nd and 3rd movies. I love them. But to each their own. I enjoyed On stranger tides. But then again I didn't go in wanting to see the best movie ever. I was just excited to see Jack and Barbossa again.

  • May 20, 2011, 12:49 p.m. CST

    Why Black Pearl worked...Jack was a loveable bastard!!!

    by performingmonkey

    Jack Sparrow was a brilliant character in Curse of the Black Pearl, the kind of character that always connects with audiences, a real rogue, a dangerous bastard, but one we all love.Women want them, men want to be them. Once you turn him into the hero then you've screwed it up. It's like Han Solo leading the Endor shield generator assault in ROTJ. What we should have seen is him being told what to do by the rebel leaders but then he goes rogue like a motherfucker!! Instead we get him whining over whether Leia loves Luke or not. PAH!!! Anyway, fuck Jedi, that's another story..... Depp played Sparrow to perfection in Curse of the Black Pearl - fact. Since then...slipped further and further towards parody...

  • May 20, 2011, 1:54 p.m. CST

    THIS IS THE TALE OF MACHO MAN SAVAGE

    by TheNotoriousDRB

    WRESTLER SO BRAVE IN THE WWF! A MYSTICAL QUEST TO THE WRESTLEMANIA, IN SPIDER-MAN HE WAS BONESAW MCGRAWWWW! FROM THE DAY HE WAS BORN, HE YEARNED FOR WRESTLEMANIA OLD MACHO MAN GIVING THEM WHAT FOR. HE'S THE PAUPER OF THE RING. THE JESTER OF ROCK N' WRESTLING. BUT IS HULK HOGANS' LOCKER WHAT LIES IN STORE? RIP Randy. We Love You.

  • May 20, 2011, 2:04 p.m. CST

    "I was a child, I was in love! It was wrong and you knew it!"

    by DickBallsworth

    Indiana Jones and Marion Ravenwood: underage deflowering done right.

  • May 20, 2011, 2:10 p.m. CST

    This AICN hate for one movie is a bit ridiculous now don't you think?

    by billyhitchcock1

    I only read Harry and Quint anyway but seeing all this pointless vitriol against a not amazing but perfectly solid movie is making me angry.

  • May 20, 2011, 2:50 p.m. CST

    Agree with above - The movie is being overly bashed

    by RandySavage

    No masterpiece, but a harmless expansion to a fun mythic universe. I would watch the moderately entertaining On Stranger Tides 50 more times before I'd watch the boring-as-hell "The Kings Speech" one more time (can't understand how the latter was best picture).

  • But if they all praise Transformers 3 then everyone here will bitch about the guys being paid off and crap like that. Seriously, they can't fucking win sometimes. Every review I've read around the net tells the same story ... its bland and utterly disappointing.

  • May 20, 2011, 3:02 p.m. CST

    mattman

    by AsimovLives

    "The critics are all empowering each other on this one" And this can go both ways. Both as a campaign for bashing as a campaign for over-praising an otherwise lesser movie. Can you guess which movie i'm refering here?

  • May 20, 2011, 3:03 p.m. CST

    I'll reserve my judgment until Harry reviews it

    by THAT_SAID_THE_CHOPPAH

    If he says it sucks then it'll be Citizen Kane.

  • May 20, 2011, 3:05 p.m. CST

    Depp should do another Burton crapfest after this

    by THAT_SAID_THE_CHOPPAH

    for penance

  • May 20, 2011, 3:06 p.m. CST

    ginge_muppet

    by AsimovLives

    I think the problem is not so mcuh that there's a near universality of opinions about this movie, but that it seems all the opinions read the same. Not in that the movie has obvious problems which everybody can't help but coment on them, but that they all coment by using pratically the same words. That's where the problem is. And this is as bad for an universal bashing as it is for an univesal praising. It's when even zeitgeist can't properly explain it all.

  • May 20, 2011, 3:10 p.m. CST

    asimovlives

    by GINGE_MUPPET

    Fair point well made.

  • May 20, 2011, 3:13 p.m. CST

    Pirates Of The Caribbean 5...

    by Grimmjow Jeagerjaques

    Pirates (Of The Caribbean)...IN...SPAAAAAAAAACE!!!!! Complete with flames on The Black Pearl. Coming Summer 2013...

  • May 20, 2011, 3:20 p.m. CST

    re: people not understanding Penelope Cruz due to her accent.

    by buggerbugger

    It's nothing to do with her accent, it's more to do with her words being muffled by her nose, which is about three times too big for her face. Those nostrils of hers act like a pair of highly-efficient sound baffles, making most of what she says incomprehensible to the human ear.

  • May 20, 2011, 3:46 p.m. CST

    Awesome, I really enjoyed both National Treasure movies

    by Jaka

    So I think you just upped my expectations for this one a bit, even though I'm trying to keep them relatively low.

  • May 20, 2011, 4:08 p.m. CST

    @facebookcanlickme

    by buggerbugger

    No need to be so knee-jerk touchy about your fetish for girls with outsized noses. I'll tell you what - next time I see a chick with a nose the length of a horse's muzzle, I'll send her your way. You'll have to provide your own feed-bag, though.

  • May 20, 2011, 4:42 p.m. CST

    Yeah but what about the... ahh, forget it.

    by MooseMalloy

    And rest in peace Macho-Man!

  • Can't explain it any other way Fast Five wasn't even as good as "Fast and Furious," which got like 27% on RT.

  • May 20, 2011, 4:59 p.m. CST

    The 2nd and 3rd entries were horrible already.....

    by Kevin D

    ....so I wasn't expecting anything good out of this 4th one. The 1st movie was a lot of fun. But they felt that they needlessly need to make everything a "trilogy" these days and hence the completely pointless and just plaing overwrought and boring 2nd and 3rd films. I'm saving my money and not seeing.

  • May 20, 2011, 5:42 p.m. CST

    On Stranger Tides was just fine if you like Pirates

    by DefyThis

    Saw it last night at the midnight showing on IMAX 3D. I agree fully about the dark scenes - there's a sword fight scene early on that's poorly lit and the darkness was very distracting since you wound up losing track of what was going on. That said, I sure as hell don't get the hate, or even the indifference, for the film. It's by no means a bad movie. It's not a great movie, but it was enjoyable. They knocked off two of the most annoying aspects of the last films - Knightley and Bloom - and brought back those that worked best. I might have enjoyed a familiar face or two more, but I get the idea in going with a mostly new cast. Depp is Jack Sparrow, no issues there, and to say he didn't do well in the hero role - well, he didn't quite play the hero. He was still trying to save his own skin a lot of the time. Yes, he did *spoiler alert* save Gibbs at the start of the movie, but hey, it is his first mate. And apparently I'm the only one who like the mermaid love story subplot? It worked fine for me. It was a less annoying version of Will Turner and Elizabeth from the first three. I'm down for a 5th film. It's popcorn fodder. Even if Blackbeard's ending was a bit weak, I'd watch another one. I think of these as like Indianna Jones flicks - Pirate serials, almost pulp. With a huge budget to be sure. But they got enough laughs out of the whole threatre to make it worthwhile.

  • May 20, 2011, 6:08 p.m. CST

    As i said before, i'd like a realistic pirates movie now

    by AsimovLives

    OK, so we have then fantasy pirates movies this days. Fantastic. Can we now have a realistic one now, please? Just like THE MAN WHO CAME FROM THE COLD or the Harry Palmer series were a nice counterballance to the James Bond spy fantasy movies, can we have a realistic pirates movie to counterballance the over-the-top fantasy stuff of this Pirates of the Caribbeans movies? I'd appreciate that immenselly. It would be very welcomed.

  • May 20, 2011, 6:45 p.m. CST

    RIP MACHO MAN RANDY SAVAGE!!!!!

    by JaredP

    i haven't seen the movie yet, but there was no talkback for this sad news, so i had to improvise

  • You clearly have forgotten the last "Indiana Jones" film. I just saw it with my family (in glorious 2D). I thought it was a lot of fun. So did my wife, so did the kids. It's harmless popcorn entertainment and I wasn't bored. I thought the pacing could have been better, the editing sharper, but overall it was fine and I just cannot comprehend the hate fest that is being directed at this film. PAD

  • May 20, 2011, 10:25 p.m. CST

    Genre expectations out of whack

    by CreamCheeseAlchemist

    Johnny Depp's not my thing but he's funny and there's always some lovely ladies onscreen. I honestly like One Piece better but POTC's a very close second.

  • May 20, 2011, 11:48 p.m. CST

    I actually liked it. Way better than the last two

    by versatol

    Enjoyable and not boring at all even though the mermaid love story was lame. It was entertaining. I fell asleep on the last two but was very alert on this one.

  • May 21, 2011, 12:39 a.m. CST

    Needs more Davy Jones

    by D.Vader

    Or more Barbossa with two legs.

  • Is that a complaint? I hope not. For what's wrong with that? Its something I'd imagine we'd all want- Barbossa tricking the shit out of everyone, and even giving up his leg just to do it.

  • Didn't Indiana Jones do the same in the backstory to "Raiders"? Fuck that kind of warning, Capone.

  • Those assholes... the summer hasn't even started.

  • May 21, 2011, 1:42 a.m. CST

    All this hate is seriously starting to piss me off too...

    by DarthMusashi2112

    Saw this at midnight last night. Expected a good fucking time and THAT'S WHAT I GOT. Lots of laughs. Lots of fun. Penelope Cruz is smoking hot. Way too many good lines to remember them all, gonna have to see it again. BECAUSE I WANTED A FUCKING PIRATES MOVIE AND I GOT A FUCKING PIRATES MOVIE. Whew, glad I got that off my chest. Discuss amongst yourselves...

  • May 21, 2011, 1:44 a.m. CST

    I just got back from seeing On Strainger Tides and I loved it

    by room23storeblogspotcom

    I agree that the fact that the lack of the more serious Knightly and Bloom characters so that Depp could do his thing made it kind of lacking, but it was still a very fun movie. I hope that they do more one movie stories.

  • May 21, 2011, 1:47 a.m. CST

    I agree with you defythis, I was making the same comparison with the Indy movies.

    by room23storeblogspotcom

  • May 21, 2011, 2:04 a.m. CST

    Didn't most TBers like SCREAM 4 after AICN trashed it too?

    by D.Vader

  • May 21, 2011, 7:59 a.m. CST

    "Those assholes... the summer hasn't even started" HYSTERICAL!!!

    by AsimovLives

  • May 21, 2011, 12:01 p.m. CST

    Odd

    by Todd1700

    I could understand a critic that liked a movie like Fast Five could also see the brainless fun of POTC 4. I could understand a critic that dismissed both on the grounds that they certainly aren't high art. But I cannot fathom how some of the same reviewers could like brainless popcorn fodder like Fast Five and then turn around and totally ream the ass of a very similar summer popcorn flick like POTC 4. It does almost lend some credence to the bribery conspiracy theories.

  • May 21, 2011, 7:43 p.m. CST

    I'm more worried about Dark Shadows

    by chien_sale

    Burton will fuck this up

  • May 21, 2011, 8:51 p.m. CST

    It's a mob mentality.

    by mwharr

    It's not a mob mentality. This movie series has been just dreadful, and other than the first film, un-watchable. For some, it's just taken a while to realize how truly sorry these films are.

  • May 22, 2011, 3:58 p.m. CST

    Capone -- This is the Chicago Way...

    by micturatingbenjamin

    Yeah, I agree with you on a lot of the flaws with the flick. I said so under Nordling's review. :D But man, the worst part for me is that the whole mutiny scene is shipboard at night, and it looks like muddy shit. I liked the movie I saw. Didn't love it. But, in a day and age where I could have spent the same amount to see Priest (and did) -- I had a MUCH more pleasant time with Stranger Tides. I'm still a fan of this Pirate universe. I like the savage vampiric Siren-like mermaids -- but yeah, Sparrow is (pardon my geek palaver for a moment) a 'chaotic neutral' character being forced to play 'chaotic good'. It was out of character. You forgot -- The monkey from the boat is in this one too! :) MB

  • May 23, 2011, 8:45 a.m. CST

    Thought is was better than the 3rd

    by Wcwlkr

    The plot seriously had holes, but on a whole. I thought it was WAY WAY better than the third. Which I practically hated save for Depps Captain Jack. Who once again had me cracking up. I thought it was good and if they made another one I'd be happy to see it.

  • May 24, 2011, 7:15 p.m. CST

    Read Tim Powers novel On Stranger Tides

    by Hat Man

    It doesn't deserve to be associated with this movie. The reviews here are spot on. POC4 ain't good, it just scrapes into mediocre. It is as they say, workmanlike. By a bored workman.