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AICN EXCLUSIVE: Capone emerges from the rubble of Chicago to give you the first review of TRANSFORMERS: DARK OF THE MOON!!!

Hey everyone. Capone here.

It's very late in Chicago right now, and I contemplated getting a decent night's sleep before tackling this review. But I'll be honest, the way my brain is spinning right now with thoughts of images I've just seen and the sheer destruction I've just experienced, sleep ain't happening. You see, I've just come from seeing TRANSFORMERS: DARK OF THE MOON, the third and easily best entry in the Michael Bay-directed franchise, and all I wanted to do when I left the theater was gaze upon my beautiful city, just to make sure it was in one piece.

Let me say two quick things before I dive into this review. The first is that, as a kid growing up, I could not have cared less about Transformers--the toys, TV show, or animated movie. When it was first announced that a live-action TRANSFORMERS movie was being made, directed by Bay, I couldn't have cared less, not because I didn't dig Bay's work but because I simply didn't care about the subject matter. Second, and perhaps more directly relevant to this discussion, the only nightmares I remember having as a child (we're talking Reagan-era 1980s) involved the destruction of the city I was living in at the time, Washington, D.C. I didn't know how many nuclear missiles the Russians had, but I knew damn well that a whole bunch of them were pointed at the nation's capital. Seeing WAR GAMES for the first time as a teen did not do me a bit of good.

Make no mistake, D.C. takes a hell of a beating in DARK OF THE MOON, but it was in the final hour of this TRANSFORMERS chapter that I simply forgot to breathe; there isn't a spare second to do so. For a solid hour, Bay and his CGI-created robot buddies decimate Chicago. And I won't lie: seeing it so realistically and utterly leveled was almost more than I could handle. Granted, people outside of Chicago probably won't have the same reaction I did (I didn't even get a little misty eyed watching California sink into the Pacific during 2012, or New York die in countless sci-fi stories), but our city has never been the victim of an alien hate crime like this before. And as much as it hurt to see, I also loved watching it happen.

Let me also add, in the interest of total disclosure, that the version of DARK OF THE MOON that I saw was not in 3D, probably because some of the effects weren't completely done, which would have forced the film to go in and out of 3D since the unfinished effects wouldn't have been in 3D. But there were definitely a few times watching this movie, where the 3D potential was very clear. As a reminder, Bay shot this movie in 3D, and it will likely look awesome. In addition, the sound mix and design wasn't quite done, so some parts seemed especially loud to the point where voices were buried when they clearly were meant to be heard. But considering that the film doesn't come out until July 4 weekend, it looked remarkably complete.

TRANSFORMERS: DARK OF THE MOON begins with a great concept and a cool backstory (the screenplay is credited to Ehren Kruger on, but in the print I saw, Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman's names were credited as well; since the credits weren't finished, these may have been a temp credits pulled from the last movie): When the war on Cybertron between the Autobots and Decepticons appeared lost to the Autobots, their leader, Sentinal Prime, attempted to launch a craft from the planet, loaded with technology that would have saved their people. Instead, it crashed on earth's moon and the Autobots were forced to flee to earth. Coincidentally, this moon crash happened when John F. Kennedy was president, and he immediately made his famous promise to the nation to put a man on the moon (specifically, an American man, so that we would beat the Russians to investigate the crash; see how that works?). In fact, according to this film, every NASA moon landing was actually an investigation of this wrecked spacecraft.

The first hour and a half of DARK OF THE MOON focuses primarily on story (with brief fight and chase sequences pepperd in), but it's actually a cool story about the Autobots finding out that the technology that was supposed to save their race and planet has been sitting on the moon the entire time they've been on earth and nobody bothered to tell them; Optimus Prime is not amused. Naturally, we also get the continuing adventures of Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBeouf), who has now graduated college and is desperately looking for his first job. He has a new girlfriend, Carly (supermodel Rosie Huntington-Whiteley), who doesn't need an occasion to dress in the tightest clothes imaginable. Bay has a great deal of fun shooting Rosie like he's directing a Victoria's Secret commercial (which he probably did on his days off).

Sam is upset that he's even looking for job, since he believes he should be working side by side with his Autobot friends, going on missions, and helping save he world. The Autobots are now firmly in place as part of America's military, as we see from a brief mission in the Middle East early on. They would have killed Bin Laden years ago. A few Decepticons are still around, including a severely beaten down Megatron, who's especially creepy in DARK OF THE MOON because half of his head is missing and these little spider-like robots crawl in and out of the place where his brain circuitry may have been at one time. He plucks them out, almost without noticing, which somehow makes it worse. Still, Megatron is in good spirits because a plot hatched long ago is coming to fruition.

The clever script manages to find new ways to place Transformers into world events, including one particularly nasty "accident" at the nuclear power plant at Chernobyl, which was actually the result of some of the moon technology being experimented on. And I don't think I'm spoiling anything by saying that Optimus finds a way to retrieve Sentinal Prime's body from the moon wreckage and revive him (voiced to perfection by Leonard Nimoy). I don't feel right talking too much more about the twists and turns that lead to the Chicago showdown between a small group of humans and a massive alien robot army, but when Sam says to the Nest team "Chicago is ground zero!," I got a fucking chill.

Let's talk characters and performances. LaBeouf is LaBeouf; you either dig him or you don't. I happen to dig the guy a great deal, and he seems especially focused in DARK OF THE MOON, as well as broader in the shoulders. Huntington-Whiteley is actually pretty good here and certainly miles better than Megan Fox, if only because she's actually got something to do here beyond just looking like a million bucks. I wouldn't say Carly has a major players in this movie, but at least she's allowed to contribute. Also returning are Josh Duhamel and Tyrese Gibson as Nest team leaders Lennox and Epps, an shockingly enough there's little attention paid to personal growth in either of their cases.

And let's not forget John Turturro as former agent Simmons, who has written a book about aliens on earth and become a rich eccentric, trying desperately not to get sucked back into the alien game. Many of his scenes are with a fellow Coen Brothers regular, Frances McDormand, as Charlotte Mearing, the defense department commander in charge of missions involving the Autobots. She's kind of hard ass who couldn't care less that Sam wants to keep playing with his robots. "You're not a soldier; you're a messenger," she rightfully reminds him.

New to the cast are such dignitaries as John Malkovich, largely wasted (but still funny) as Sam's boss at a tech company where he eventually gets hired; Ken Jeong as co-worker with much-needed information on the moon project; Alan Tudyk, very good as Simmons right-hand man; and Patrick Dempsey, as Dylan, Carly's boss and perhaps competition for her affections. Oh, and he also harbors a desire for world domination. I'll thank whatever movie gods I have to that Sam's annoying parents are barely in this TRANSFORMERS installment. Without fail, they take us out of the action on the drop of a dime, they aren't funny, and we don't need comic relief like this anyway when we've got street-smart little robots to entertain us. Yes, they're back too, but let's just say they're toned down. [Hey, everyone. Just to be 100 percent clear, I'm not referring about the "The Twins" here; they are most definitely not in this film. I'm talking about Wheelie (Tom Kenny, who also voiced Skids in REVENGE OF THE FALLEN) and other similar smaller robots, who act like streetwise teenagers.]

So what about the scenes of Chicago's destruction? These sequences are cool for a few reasons, but let me talk about them purely from a purely action standpoint. Because the Decepticons (who have taken over the city for reasons that involve restoring their planet) can detect machines coming into their airspace, the military can't send planes to bomb them. As a result, small teams of Nest soldiers much base jump into the city using suits that effectively make them able to fly. As much as some of you might think this was accomplished with visual effects, guess again. I saw these guys jump off the Willis Tower and the Trump Tower. Those guys fucking flew, then pulled their chutes, then landed. In watching most of the action sequences, it appeared to me that Bay opted to go practical a lot more than he has with this franchise in the past. Pretty much the only totally artificial element in DARK OF THE MOON are the robots, and what a colossal difference it makes.

And there's something about scaling things down somewhat in the Chicago scenes that proves far more rewarding than piling on large numbers of troops and artillery. There's one scene where Sam and Lennox are fighting a single Decepticon alone, and they manage to bring it down after a long, hard fight. Somehow, that small moment resonates so much louder than bombs and explosions that take out several bad-guy robots and half a city block at once (oh, don't worry, there's plenty of that as well). It's nice to see Bay act globally by thinking locally. The other thing that happens in DARK OF THE MOON that's spooky is that during the Chicago invasion sequence, civilians actually die…in large numbers, leaving behind a pile of clothes and a stripped down, scattered skeleton (it sounds silly, I know, but it's actually kind of traumatizing).

I think I'm going to leave TRANSFORMERS: DARK OF THE MOON for a while, at least until I can see it again in 3D (maybe IMAX to boot, just to really blow out my eyes and mind). So, there may be a follow-up review come July 1 or thereabouts. But, I have to admit, I'm genuinely surprised what a strong effort this film is, not just in terms of its scope, but also in its pacing, performances, and ideas. This one dares to go dark from time to time, and that helped me find the often-lacking component of many Bay films: emotion. You probably won't shed any tears watching DARK OF THE MOON, but you will care when certain lives are lost or in peril. This one might actually rock you a little to your foundation; get excited about that. The summer keeps getting incrementally better from where I'm sitting.

-- Capone
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Readers Talkback
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  • May 14, 2011, 3:31 a.m. CST

    Didn't see the second movie...

    by Valaquen

    because I didn't like the first and knew from the reception that Transformers 2 would be a waste of my time. As for this ... I'm still gonna wait it out.

  • May 14, 2011, 3:48 a.m. CST


    by Grrrr....

    Annoying much?

  • Seriously? Is it just me, or is anyone else getting tired of all the superheroes and other aliens and or fantastical characters inserting themselves into historical events and settings? Although... if the annoying pot brownie eating parents aren't in this one much, and if John Turturro isn't dodging giant robot balls in his underwear this time, then it should at least be a lot less embarrassing than the last one.

  • May 14, 2011, 4:17 a.m. CST

    Any chance there will be a 2D IMAX presentation anywhere?

    by syn_flood

    Because that IMAX 3D ghosting issue is fucking awful. I had to walk out of Avatar :(

  • May 14, 2011, 4:23 a.m. CST

    Capone out of 5 or 10 rate number 1 and 2

    by Miyamoto_Musashi

    Would like to get your perspective on the other two to gauge your review here. I think you can understand people being skeptical given Harry's history with getting free stuff and special access to a set and then we see a positive review For me the 1st one was a 7/10, second a 4 or 5 out of 10

  • May 14, 2011, 4:33 a.m. CST

    Great Insights, Capone!

    by Alice Cooper Stalker

    Thanks for the review and insights. I can't wait to see Chicago in 3D. Sounds like the city is very much a character in this movie.

  • May 14, 2011, 5:07 a.m. CST

    I have the first Transformers on DVD

    by buffywrestling

    because of this site. I've never seen the second Transformers movie, because of this site. I need you to tell me what to do about the third movie. Seriously. Theater. Rent. Download. Vote Now.

  • May 14, 2011, 5:15 a.m. CST

    The twins are back after all?

    by FlandersBum

    Wow...they've got some massive balls to have them on screen for even one second. Hopefully they're killed off quick.

  • May 14, 2011, 5:20 a.m. CST

    There's an article on MSN that said Bay axed the twins...LIAR!

    by tylerzero

  • May 14, 2011, 5:23 a.m. CST

    Make that Yahoo...LIAR!

    by tylerzero

  • May 14, 2011, 5:28 a.m. CST

    XEN11 YOU CUNT......

    by Ballbag


  • May 14, 2011, 5:30 a.m. CST

    Bayformers: 7/10. BF2: 3/10.

    by UltimaRex

    BF3 looks to be a 7-8 based on this review. But then they got a set visit so...

  • May 14, 2011, 5:33 a.m. CST

    I knew it!


    This will own us all!!

  • May 14, 2011, 5:37 a.m. CST

    Capone loves it.

    by Paul Dronet

    This means it will be shit.

  • Capone makes yet another silly commentary on film. I guess some people really believe CGI is real!

  • May 14, 2011, 6:54 a.m. CST

    I am yet another

    by Shubniggorath

    who greatly enjoyed the first one (saw it twice in theater), and completely avoided the second. This review has me intrigued. Might be worth using a free ticket earned from the local theater's "club card" thingee.

  • May 14, 2011, 7:34 a.m. CST

    Frances McDormand?! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    by Nasty In The Pasty

    It was painful enough to see Turturro slumming in this shit, but not Margie!

  • May 14, 2011, 7:37 a.m. CST

    I liked the first transformers.

    by knowthyself

    But the second was a big loud mess. I swear that movie is just too long and gives me headaches now when I see it. Is the third more of part two or more of part one? We've definitely lost that sense of discovery with the transformers. The build up to Optimus in the first one is one of my favorite moments. The sequel was just tons of metal running around blowing shit up and it got real tiresome real quick. I'm down for a third but this review doesn't seem to ring true to me. You defintely are just feeling a little too happy you got to see it early, me thinks. It's skewing your opinion of what seems like an overy loudy and overly long film.

  • May 14, 2011, 7:39 a.m. CST

    P is not a planet anymore

    by ATARI

    Where have you have you been for the past 10 years?

  • May 14, 2011, 7:57 a.m. CST

    HA, HA, HA!!! Do you hear that, kids?!?!

    by Mr. Nice Gaius


  • May 14, 2011, 8:01 a.m. CST


    by Mr. Nice Gaius

    Can you believe it? TRANSFORMERS...round 3. Here we go again!

  • May 14, 2011, 8:19 a.m. CST

    Alas, it would appear that the TB gods have been merciful.

    by Mr. Nice Gaius

    For Braindrain has gone the way of his previous monikers. Hammered.

  • May 14, 2011, 8:48 a.m. CST

    How to kill all credibility in 1 easy step:

    by photoboy

    1) Admit to liking a Bayformers film.

  • May 14, 2011, 9:37 a.m. CST

    ROTF was better than the first.

    by Kevinicus

    Both are heavily flawed, but the first, even with the half hour I cut out in a fanedit, is terribly boring at times. It has just as many stupid jokes and useless characters as ROTF (more so IMO) and action that isn't half as good. Of course I enjoy the Twins and in manageable doses, the parents as well. Oh, and I have more than 2 brain cells so the plot of ROTF doesn't confuse me and I'm able to use common sense and reasoning skills to fill in most of those "plot holes" everyone whines about.

  • no way

  • May 14, 2011, 9:48 a.m. CST


    by doom master

    Sounds like Bay doesn't wanna IGNORE THEM, (ahem, like he does with Megan Fox's character...ouch), so it probably gonna put them in like Lucas did to Jar Jar in the prequel sequels... You know..Just have them stand around...Maybe say one line before they start spazzing like a retarded Eminem... Still, why Fox is ignored and the Twins are not is a mystery....

  • May 14, 2011, 10:17 a.m. CST

    RE: miyamoto_musashi

    by Capone

    I'm moderately up on the first film, way down on TF2. And the only access I've been granted to anything TRANSFORMERS related was a set visit here in Chicago, so I didn't have to fly anywhere or get put up on a fancy hotel or get my meals paid for. I just took the bus the set and took it home at the end of the day. I didn't even talk to the actors. I just stood and watched.

  • May 14, 2011, 10:19 a.m. CST

    RE: doom master

    by Capone

    Fox is not ignored in this film. She simply isn't there. She's discussed briefly in one scene about having broken up with Sam, and in another scene by some of the robots as being "mean." Doesn't add a thing to the film either way.

  • May 14, 2011, 10:26 a.m. CST

    How's the Humor?

    by blast0rama

    My main gripe with both Bay helmed Transformers was the terrible juvenile humor found in both films. Has this been remedied in this installment, Capone?

  • May 14, 2011, 10:28 a.m. CST

    After Revenge of The Fallen the only way for Bay

    by bestbond

    to go with the Transformers franchise was up. I actually did not see Fallen until it was shown on free to air tv.

  • May 14, 2011, 10:39 a.m. CST

    Its just you

    by crazykrug72


  • May 14, 2011, 10:41 a.m. CST

    cheers for the response capone

    by Miyamoto_Musashi

  • May 14, 2011, 10:48 a.m. CST

    tldr version: For Chicago Residents Only!

    by onezeroone

  • May 14, 2011, 11:19 a.m. CST

    @zel11 - Here's a Tissue

    by Partyslammer

    "Wahhh, I'm gonna use a Transformers talkback to whine about America!" Stick a tampon in it, lady.

  • May 14, 2011, 11:21 a.m. CST

    so let me get this straight...

    by Ace of Wands the last film it was the undying love between Sam and Mikaela that brought him back from the brink of death, the connectedness of the hearts that saved him and then...he dumped her for a new model; fickle prick doesn't deserve a job, or a girlfriend, wonder if Rosie knows what a little shit he is.

  • May 14, 2011, 11:30 a.m. CST

    "Dark of the Moon" , what happened to the word "side"?

    by Miyamoto_Musashi

    Were they worried about Pink Floyd fans?

  • May 14, 2011, 11:54 a.m. CST

    You didn't care about the old're review doesn't count for shit

    by alienindisguise

    Here's a much more honest review: People look constipated, shit blows up, the end.

  • May 14, 2011, 11:55 a.m. CST

    *your review

    by alienindisguise

    I know the grammar police hit up this site sometimes.

  • May 14, 2011, 11:57 a.m. CST

    Kurtzman and Orci?!

    by kwisatzhaderach


  • May 14, 2011, 11:59 a.m. CST

    Looking forward to this!

    by D.Vader

    The action and level of destruction shown in the last trailer was mighty impressive.

  • May 14, 2011, 12:01 p.m. CST

    No Dinobot? Fail.

    by OnO

    I am so ready for Bay to leave the Transformer Franchise. I feel no excitement for this movie. I'm more excited about Super 8 and the Trip than this movie. It's not that ILM failed or the crews working under him or even the actors. I just blame Bay and his writers for sucking the fun out of the characters and sticking in ones no one wants to see over the last two predecessors. Or mangling them so much you really don't care when they show up. Seriously Devestator should have been the most talked about character in TF2, but we got some sort giant sand sucking monkey/kong. You completely forget him other than the terrible useless design and the balls gag. Bay puts in two racist stereotype midgets bots and a dog humping toy monster truck over actual show characters. That's like making a Nolan Batman movie with a made up villain out of your own crappy doodles from high school. "Hey, instead of the Joker, I got this guy who shoots electricity out of these claws that pop out of his wrists.... oh and he's a arab, oh he raps to." No that's a slap in the face of the DC fans waiting to see a live action version of their story line favorites. I'm sure Bay took TF3 far more serious than TF2 and it's good that he did. I attribute that to the man's sense of business and survival in Hollywood. Tf2 took in money, but got panned by critics. You take out the Hasbro Transformers from that movie and ILM's talent it would've been an Asylum classic. So he has a lot to prove with this third one and not on box office, but rather in can he tell a story and can he show those who criticized him he's not a hack. Is he still viable as a director for Dreamworks and it's family oriented franchising. I say him did you make a movie about toys kids play with where I'm having fun watching as an Adult? I don't have to worry about one more movie where my kids are getting exposed to soft porn and the worst of human nature? You can get that just by turning on the tv, no need to drive to a theater if that's all you got say as a director. I'm not going to the opening night of TF3 and probably won't see it in the theaters. Unless I read more positive film reviews from the people who hated the last one and after it's been out for a while. TF2 just reminded me not to want to believe the marketing hype and have some hesitation before putting down my cash for a summer movie from this director.

  • May 14, 2011, 12:04 p.m. CST


    by Chariowalda_Barbarossa

    M.V.E.M.J.S.U.N.P.? I'm sorry I have to tell you this, but Pluto is no longer a planet.

  • May 14, 2011, 12:18 p.m. CST

    I absoluely hate the transformers movies so far... but

    by ufoclub1977

    I'm going to go see this. Am I a sucker?

  • May 14, 2011, 1:06 p.m. CST

    But xen11 is still a puto.

    by Partyslammer

  • May 14, 2011, 1:10 p.m. CST

    Dark Side of the Ass-Hole.

    by KilliK

    that's what the movie is going to be.

  • May 14, 2011, 1:25 p.m. CST

    Hate crime upon Chicago?!


    That would be Blues Brothers 2000

  • May 14, 2011, 1:37 p.m. CST

    I'm willing to be pleasantly surprised.

    by FlickaPoo

  • May 14, 2011, 2:22 p.m. CST

    Toned down 'bots- Capone...confirm..

    by Sillypuddy

    after your comments on the parents, you state there are streetwise bots that are toned down...Bay has stated that the twins aren't in the movie...are they, or are you talking about other bots??

  • May 14, 2011, 2:26 p.m. CST

    WILLIS Tower?

    by Max

    Dude it's forever called the SEARS Tower. Don't give in to unjust name changes like that! Ask anyone in Chicago what that building's name is!

  • May 14, 2011, 2:27 p.m. CST

    WILLIS Tower?

    by Max

    Dude it's forever called the SEARS Tower. Don't give in to unjust name changes like that! Ask anyone in Chicago what that building's name is!

  • May 14, 2011, 2:28 p.m. CST

    WILLIS Tower?

    by Max

    Dude it's forever called the SEARS Tower. Don't give in to unjust name changes like that! Ask anyone in Chicago what that building's name is!

  • May 14, 2011, 2:34 p.m. CST

    oh willis tower is the sears tower?

    by nametaken

    had forgot.

  • May 14, 2011, 2:36 p.m. CST

    Now that Bay has got his Trilogy of Shit out of the way...

    by photoboy

    ... we can hopefully have someone with more respect for the Gen 1 source material do a reboot.

  • May 14, 2011, 2:38 p.m. CST



  • May 14, 2011, 2:40 p.m. CST

    transformers is rebooted year after year

    by nametaken

    basing it totally on gen 1 would be stupid.

  • After I kicked the trio of Brazilian supermodels out of my lair, I made it abundantly clear to him that anything less than my talents would fail to deliver TOTAL FUCKING DESTRUCTION.

  • May 14, 2011, 3:02 p.m. CST

    But does it end?

    by LastPairOfSocks

    Or is a sequel set up? This is as far as we have to go with this, right? One more bang and we can all just put it behind us. I hope so.

  • May 14, 2011, 3:15 p.m. CST


    by BSB

    If so, y'all deserve the desctruction.

  • May 14, 2011, 3:16 p.m. CST


    by savage_henry

    Listen to Aesop Rock's "Bring Back Pluto". A nice sample of an older chap reciting the planets, sans Pluto. Mostly writing this to see if I still have posting rights; haven't been here in almost 5 years, happy to see shit is still being slung around.

  • Reading this review, I didn't find anything genre-breaking, except that the CAR-nage has been taken up a notch. Most kids and TRANSFORMERS geeks will go see #3 for the visual effects alone, so Bay's calling in the geek sites early for hype (on a feature-length toy commercial) isn't really necessary.

  • May 14, 2011, 3:54 p.m. CST

    Does Sam's mom get high again?

    by tomandshell

    That was just HILARIOUS. The first was no masterpiece, but I didn't regret seeing it. The second was such a mess that I don't trust any review enough to fork over another penny to this train wreck of a franchise.

  • May 14, 2011, 3:55 p.m. CST

    I'm gonna see it ...

    by cripeman

    I really dig that Chicago is getting highlighted so much lately. I may be biased but it is the most visually striking city evah.

  • May 14, 2011, 3:56 p.m. CST


    by GeorgieBoy

    This will suck just like the other two. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me. Fool me thrice... Well, that won't happen.

  • May 14, 2011, 3:58 p.m. CST

    All that "destruction in DC" and I bet no one dies!

    by HollywoodHellraiser


  • May 14, 2011, 4:07 p.m. CST

    Twins are in? I'm not

    by Tomarru

    Sorry, but the twins encapsulated everything that was wrong with TF2. They substituted working characters for a set of tween, moronic, stereotypical urban black kid wannabees. They spent more time with the human characters than the name sake of the movie. I don't give a flying fuck about sam or any of the other human half wits. I want to see some motherfucking transformers, not just quick glimpses of them, or single lines, but actual structured lines of dialogue with them leading the story. The only transformer that said anything worthwhile in the last movie was optimus, who had all of 3 minutes screen time in a 3hr movie. Thats in stark contrast to the first movie where all the transformers that landed had several scenes where they talked, they all had personality and could be identified on screen or even by their voice. In TF2 everything looked the fucking same and we had no time to get to know what any of the bots were.

  • May 14, 2011, 4:20 p.m. CST

    Pluto is and will always be a planet

    by Turingtestee

    NDT can kiss my ass

  • May 14, 2011, 4:27 p.m. CST

    Pluto is really Unicron in sleep mode

    by iceman199

    Transformers 4 right there.

  • May 14, 2011, 4:29 p.m. CST

    Oh, and we better see the Willis (Sears) Tower transform

    by iceman199

    into Metroplex or somebody.

  • May 14, 2011, 4:29 p.m. CST

    I told you bitch haters



  • May 14, 2011, 5:07 p.m. CST

    You talked to Paris Hilton. You are crap

    by Knobules

    No way you get a pass for that

  • May 14, 2011, 5:57 p.m. CST


    by Detached

    ...Transformers is what it is. I was pleasantly surprised by the first one (saw it on TV, of course), but didn't see the second (hardly heard a good word about it). Okay, so this one sounds interesting. Saw the trailer in 3D today, and it looked very good. So, depending on how the buzz shakes out, maybe I'll actually see this one in the theater. Maybe. Capone has gotten me interested. He's judging the film on its merits. Fine with me. Maybe it will be worth the plunge...

  • May 14, 2011, 6:03 p.m. CST

    Dark Side of the Turd

    by KilliK

  • May 14, 2011, 6:06 p.m. CST


    by elsewhere

    Loved Transformers as a kid, but unfortunately this property wasn't taken in the direction I would have liked it to. I would have preferred it been a small, quirky film about robots that took place in the 80s. Not some over the top Hollywood extravaganza like Armageddon.

  • May 14, 2011, 6:23 p.m. CST

    Paramount PR Damage Control

    by Trannyformers_Apologist

    Enjoy your poorly shot and edit action scenes dumb rehashed story terrible robot designs racial stereotype comic relief characters cringe worthy comedy shit acting vapid dialogue lens flared Linkin Park slow-mo 360 hero shot every five minutes Be sure to defend and apologize for how bad Shitformers 3 is on the internet for the rest of your life.

  • May 14, 2011, 6:33 p.m. CST


    by shogunshin

  • May 14, 2011, 6:33 p.m. CST


    by shogunshin

  • I followed this production all over downtown. Got up-close to Optimus, found myself walking 5 feet behind Shia one day, overheard an assistant talk about a 'giant drillbot breaking a building in two,' and even saw you talking with the NEST agents near the parking garage. The sheer idea of the destruction of Chicago has me so giddy that I'm just like Veruca Salt when it comes to DOTM: 'I want it now!' We are ALWAYS talked of as an aside in world-wide/global destruction. Even in ID4, we were mentioned in passing that we were part of the second attack AFTER major places like New York and L.A. were decimated. My co-worker and I are going to Botcon this year, and word is there is a DOTM preview-though we do not know if we're just going to get snippets, or the full-blown film. My co-worker and I are hoping for the full-blown thing. I just wonder if new Mayor Rahm will allow any upcoming films the same level of control that Bay was given. The downtown district in Chicago is pretty much DEAD on the weekends (coming from Iowa, it feels this may be a common Midwestern thing), and so the level of filming Bay was able to do down LaSalle during daylight hours was rather amazing. Though can't wait to see why in the trailers, Shockwave looks pissed and seems to have stepped all over the bus stop I normally use to get home.

  • May 14, 2011, 6:54 p.m. CST

    The Twins are not in this movie!

    by Capone

    Hey everyone. I just inserted this into the review, and I'm sorry about the confusion. "Just to be 100 percent clear, I'm not referring about the "The Twins" here; they are most definitely not in this film. I'm talking about Wheelie (voiced by Tom Kenny, who also voiced Skids in REVENGE OF THE FALLEN) and other similar smaller robots, who act like streetwise teenagers."

  • May 14, 2011, 7:16 p.m. CST


    by Trannyformers_Apologist


  • May 14, 2011, 7:49 p.m. CST

    gundam is more honest

    by CreamCheeseAlchemist

    Ever see that Sailor Moon Gundam toy? I don't expect any Hasbro movie to be anything other than an informercial but they lost me at the first one. But my cousin, who was thrilled to get the original 80s film from me some Christmases back, knew better than to see any of them. If you do not like Bay's version, Hot Topic sells Gen 1 t-shirts.

  • My name is Capone and I have my head up my own arse.

  • May 14, 2011, 8:02 p.m. CST

    Re: Childs and AICN Staffers, etc etc etc

    by JestaFool

    Came upon this site when LOTR was first announced back in '99 or 00. Also Phantom Menace. My personal staffer favorites are Quint, Capone, and Nordling (not meant to be in any order) Their reviews in my book have never been far off from my own personal opinions. Maybe because we grew up in the 80's and are of similar age and taste. I like Harry also because if not for him we would not have this site. He started it all and kept it going. 11 years ago I didn't know anyone who hardly knew about AICN. Now the fucking news quotes it from time to time. Anyway I can see where a lot of Harry's reviews started going downhill for whatever reason. (kickbacks? mental health? love of movies, any movie?) I believe one day we will get Harry back though. Anyway thanks to all the AICN contributors, not just the ones I listed, and thank you Harry for your hardwork, you'll always have my respect for that reason alone even if we don't see eye to eye on movies anymore. And to all the haters, you obviously give a shit enough to login and post on the feedback and bitch about something before you've even seen the damn movie. Voice your complaints afterwards when you may actually have a point of view. I'm done. Wish it was Sunday so I could get my Game of Thrones fix.(see how I threw that in there?....)

  • May 14, 2011, 8:48 p.m. CST

    Harry's animated gif.Which movie,is it referring to?

    by KilliK

  • May 14, 2011, 9:32 p.m. CST

    How was the death of bumblebee? Was it handled emotionally? I hope so!

    by SierraTangoFoxtrotUniform

    Kidding. I didn't read the review nor do I give a rat's AIDs-infested ass about this c(inema)tic disaster.

  • May 14, 2011, 9:51 p.m. CST

    wtf, how was you able to see it this early?

    by Norman Colson

    How the fuck was you able to gain access when the movie is months away from being released. it's too soon for a review without others who havent seen it.

  • I cared in the ANIMATED Transformers movie. Seeing Optimus Prime, Ironhide, Prowl, Ratchet, Brawn, Wheeljack, and Windcharger all dead was somewhat traumatizing as a child. Apparently a lot of boys needed therapy after that film (I probably did too). There are some characters I care somewhat about in this Michael Bay Transformers series but nowhere near to the same degree.

  • May 14, 2011, 10:45 p.m. CST

    Robots turning into buildings...


    I dont get it

  • May 14, 2011, 10:47 p.m. CST

    I thought Roberto said he and Alex took a pass on this one?

    by conspiracy

    I'm thinking this was just temp credits. One big giveaway is that if Orci is involved with it, he is usually all over the webs promoting it...and I ain't seen him here yet. Plus he's and Alex have Cowboys and Aliens coming out...that's their baby 100%. So I really don't think he had anything to do with this. Which gives me hope the Silly comedy has been toned down and replaced by some adult flavored brutality.

  • May 14, 2011, 10:49 p.m. CST

    All this trannyformers and Orci talk makes me wanna write...

    by conspiracy

    Blockbuster time...time to build up the venom.

  • May 14, 2011, 11:04 p.m. CST cheap robot gag humor here??

    by zillabeast

    You mentioned the twins...but what about Autobots pissing oil and such? That shit was just unnecessary.

  • May 14, 2011, 11:07 p.m. CST

    Roberto said he had nothing at all to do with TF3...

    by conspiracy

    I asked him...he said no. Next time just ask the guy before ya write the story. Roberto is alright...mind you I have not as yet liked any of his writing...but he seems a decent guy.

  • May 15, 2011, 12:57 a.m. CST




  • May 15, 2011, 1:34 a.m. CST


    by CT1

    I don't know how it's possible but that sounds even fucking STUPIDER than the first two. I never thought something would EVER surpass how fucking retarded and vile and putrid even the fucking CONCEPT of the "All-Spark" was, but wow man fucking WOW ITS LIKE MCDONALDS IM LOVIN IT. God these movies are so fucking STUPID it's just mind boggling its TRULY mind boggling. lmao thats really cool though they got a supermodel that looks like a giraffe to be his gf, that really lets me relate to Shia's entire shtick of being bumbling and being the "lovable" dork, I mean that's who we all really wish we could be, and really imagine what it'd be like, oh and chicks fucking LOVE it. Oh, and HEY, who can NOT get enough of fucking Ken Jeong, huh, fucking WHO?!?!?!!!!!! That's really rocking, I'm glad just being a stereotype still works for art, I know Shakespeare used it too and had great success with it, and I know a popular phrase you'll be hearing amongst bros this summer is "2 words bro. John Turturro", this guy has really created an endearing character that doesn't make every chick dry up and is not cringe inducing in the fucking LEAST, I really appreciate what he brings to the table. This being stated, I can safely say with surety the visual effects will be outstanding, and I'm sure the visual "sequences" will have me chuckling while I play with my brother's models. But FUCK man it's just hard man I hate these FUCKING movies on every level on every CONCEIVABLE FUCKING LEVEL, they REPULSE me to my very FUCKING CORE, and really takes my hatred for humanity to the next fucking level. They are putrid vile ATTACKS ON HUMANITY, they mock AND DESTROY EVERYTHING THAT MAKES US POSSESS A SOUL. i HATE them

  • May 15, 2011, 1:40 a.m. CST

    Chicago was attacked by monsters in 1957...

    by JaguarWong

    Giant locusts, in fact. No lie! See the movie BEGINNING OF THE END starring Peter Graves. "You can't drop an atom bomb on Chicago!"

  • May 15, 2011, 1:48 a.m. CST

    great non-review

    by mrgray

    So basically you don't give a shit about the Transformers as a legacy premise for 80s kids, but you DO give a shit about Chicago, therefore this movie is good? If you don't care about the Transformers and didn't watch the cartoon, then you can't possibly understand one of the most egregious faults of these pieces of shit, which is the complete and utter lack of regard for the Transformers themselves. Optimus Prime is the only one of the bunch who comes close to the greatness of his cartoon version. Because of the vast redesigns and wrong-headed emphasis on human characters, nobody understands the difference between the robot characters in these movies. Which might not be a problem for you, Capone, because you don't have an attachment to those characters. But those of us who watched that cartoon and grew up on it DO have an attachment to them, and these movies piss all over that attachment. Which is fine if you just want to rip on something, like Robot Chicken often does. But these movies are making oodles of cash while completely disrespecting the source material. I know you have an attachment to the Muppets, Capone. As do I. So think of it this way: what if the Segal Muppet Movie featured a CGI Kermit whose image was based on the real-life biology of a tree frog? Wouldn't that piss you off as disrespectful to the character? And what if the movie starred Cam Gigandet as the protagonist and dedicated the majority of screen time to Cam and his supermodel girlfriend and Cam's parents and the CIA operatives who are hunting the Muppets, only involving the actual Muppets in the most vague way and only every 15 minutes or so? Wouldn't you think, "Well shit, this isn't really the Muppets, then." Yeah, that's what every Transformers G1 fan feels like when we have to watch these pieces of shit. So hooray for your city, I guess, and congratulations to Michael Bay for evoking a sense of destruction of that same city. I'll skip the next Cleveland Steamer on my beloved childhood characters. Oh, or is it a Chicago Shitball, in keeping with the locale?

  • Some things are just unforgivable and the sheer stupidity, racism and/or sexism of some of the scenes in transformers: rotf means that I will not be rewarding Mr. Bay with my hard earned cash a third time. I hope this film tanks a large whole in paramounts pockets.

  • May 15, 2011, 4:05 a.m. CST

    conspiracy need a Bay story soon

    by Miyamoto_Musashi

  • May 15, 2011, 4:17 a.m. CST

    Vaguly interested in this. Well done Capone

    by Col. Tigh-Fighter

    Because I couldnt hate the first two more. But the trailers look good for this. Maybe, just maybe I will give this a go. But only if many good reviews come in. Otherwise da torrentz is where dis shit at!

  • May 15, 2011, 4:19 a.m. CST

    xen11 was legend

    by Col. Tigh-Fighter

    I enjoyed your Last Man on Earth routine lol And Pluto is not a planet and never was (which is why Astrology is only for dumb people, kids!). Its a large piece of space crap handing around the edges of our Solar System. There's dozens more like it out there. Either they're all planets, or non of them are.

  • May 15, 2011, 4:27 a.m. CST

    Tyler Perry's Transformers Revenge of the Fallen

    by Mel

  • That's like saying, "The first hour and a half of your colonoscopy focuses primarily on lubrication."

  • May 15, 2011, 4:38 a.m. CST

    Hurm… expected an embargo on this…

    by blakindigo

    Must investigate further…

  • May 15, 2011, 5:08 a.m. CST

    I... might actually be excited for this.

    by Lee

    Never would have guessed that last year.

  • May 15, 2011, 5:58 a.m. CST

    Hey Capone, robot characters/screen time?

    by abbottoklus

    Hey Capone, can you shed a little light on how much time is devoted to the robots vs. humans this time around? Particularly Prime..

  • May 15, 2011, 7:36 a.m. CST

    hahah mrgray just shat all over capone ("great non-review")

    by golden tribw

    zacdilone is on point too.

  • May 15, 2011, 8:16 a.m. CST

    Great, more "Bumble Beee!" and "Optimusss!" from Shia

    by Tristan

    I do agree that "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen" was not good (except, for the action, special effects and Megan Fox), but being a fan of Transformers, I must see "Transformers: Dark of the Moon". Michael Bay doesn't know how to tell stories and especially, stories with the right kind of emotion. The scenes with slow motion and dramatic music, he loves to film as "drama", are corny as fuck. Bay is a special effects guy (used to work for ILM), so he usually, just focuses on pretty pictures and lots of destruction. There's no denying that's he's fucking good at putting that on the screen, but when it comes to storytelling, he just doesn't have it. Inserting "comical" material does not help hide the fact that he can't tell a story. The immature jokes and humor are not necessary. Having said all that, I'm curious how he handles this story and according to Capone's review, it seems he really tried. While I didn't really like the second film, I did enjoy the first and I'm willing to give the third film a chance. I guess it will be the "Revenge of the Sith" of the franchise. Oh and why in the fuck do they keep having Shia screaming for the Autobots? Very annoying.

  • May 15, 2011, 8:34 a.m. CST

    LET'S BLOW SHIT UP........AGAIN!!!

    by sam jacksons wig

    Fuck this movie. Fuck Bay and fuck all the stupid lame ass bastards who give it box office.

  • May 15, 2011, 8:56 a.m. CST

    ha ha ha, idiots part with their money AGAIN

    by Mr Gorilla

    No one like the first TF. But then they spun this amazing line for the second - this one is actually good, way better than the first (I remember reading a quote that Spielberg saw a cut and turned to Bay and said 'Michael, this is your best film'). Now, for the third, they are spinning again - 'we all agree the second wasn't good, actually it was shit, but we've learnt from our mistakes, and this one is great!' And people are falling for it! Mr Bay, I don't like your films, and I certainly won't be seeing T3, but I gotta congratulate you on your amazing salesmanship. And, of course, the way you are blunting the sensibility of a generation of moviegoers (incorporating Chernobyl into your film about flying robots - amazingly tasteless, why not lets incorporate 9/11 or the recent tsumani?). With skills like these, you should be in the White House!

  • Between Capone's review and Drew's initial impressions I'm thinking this will be a visual feast, and quite frankly that's what justifies the price of an IMAX ticket, no? Still think TF1 and 2 were a mess in every imaginable way, but if this was choreographed (or whatever the technical term is) for 3D, with longer sustaining action shots, I'm willing to give it a go. The past few weeks have given us some great action movies in Fast Five and Thor. I'm hoping TF3, Cap, GL and X-Men will make up for the mediocre products of the past few years.

  • May 15, 2011, 9:42 a.m. CST


    by golden tribw

    Capone also gave PARANORMAL ACTIVITY a glowing review, and when people called him out on the fact that it was FUCKING GODAWFUL he actually responded it was their fault they "fell for the hype" ..... actually no, you brainless, tasteless, spineless, sycophantic fuck, we "fell for" YOUR POSITIVE REVIEW. Backpedalling bitch doesn't even have a point of view. I'm sure when TF4 gets made he'll reassure us all that 1 was bad, 2 was awful, 3 was a huge letdown, "BUT THIS ONE IS GREAT!!" I don't even read Capone articles/reviews except to laugh at the poor writing, blatant and egregious spelling/grammatical errors, and absolute lack of taste or intellect.

  • May 15, 2011, 9:58 a.m. CST


    by BSB

    Had a great time with that one. PA2 was also surprisingly good. Just saw Insidious this past weekend and quite enjoyed it. This Oren Peli guys has talent.

  • May 15, 2011, 10:02 a.m. CST


    by BSB

    Just saw all the trailers of people screaming like bitches in the theater, and acted accordingly. Fun time.

  • May 15, 2011, 10:16 a.m. CST

    Honestly, I think this looks cool.

    by Larry Sellers

    But so did the second movie. And that one lost me after the first 15 minutes. I regained interest during the Optimus death scene and then just gave up after that. What an awful, boring movie that failed to entertain me as much as the same summer's brainless GI Joe. The scale of this one as well as the premise are more interesting...I mean I don't walk into a Transformers film expecting high art. I just want some robots to care about and good action. Which is something Capone doesn't mention. Is this one more TF-centric or more like the first film? I don't care about poor character development in a Michael Bay movie nor do I care about the abundance of lens flares and spinning camera shots. What I hate about Bay is that he has this odd tendency to go off on weird "comedic" tangents that don't contribute shit. Bernie Mac, the butcher's shop, pot brownies, robot leg humping, John Turturro's ass. Kind of like Eddie Griffin in the beginning of Armageddon....what's the fucking point of it all?

  • May 15, 2011, 10:38 a.m. CST

    Larry Sellers

    by 2007

    The average person finds bay's films alot less boring than a "real cinema classics" sorry. Moreover, they find it more engaging than Resident Evil Afterlife. Secondly, why is it a crime that bay goes off on comedic tangents but it's ok that the Hangover does? Because bay isn't making a comedy? what is he making? a courtroom drama?

  • May 15, 2011, 10:39 a.m. CST

    "street smart little robots". Oooo, brother.

    by HollywoodHellraiser

    This is why Bayformers will always be FAIL! First the racists robots and now street smart robots! WTF, do they breakdance and hang with the homies! No one wonder I like the TF cartoons better. None of this bullshit and just the small humor to keep the action going! Giving TF human quailities is FAIL, unless their on Cybertron. That way they can dance, drink oil, and grind their metals to climax!

  • May 15, 2011, 12:15 p.m. CST

    @goldentribe: I generally dig Capone, though

    by mrgray

    Unlike many of the bizarro Talkbackers who feel compelled to return to this site just to talk about how much they hate the staff or think they're idiots, I actually like most of the staffers at AICN. I think Capone is usually a solid reviewer, even if I disagree with his opinion. But this particular review struck me as a lot of glorification of the dude's hometown, which is fine but has nothing to do with a movie review. And admitting upfront that he doesn't care about the source material is honest, but it also colors how I read the review, as it probably does for everyone who visits the site and loves those characters. I used the Muppet example because I think it's hypocritical to act like filmmakers owe a debt of fealty to one source of nostalgia but not another. Maybe it'd be different if the source of nostalgia was Popples or M.A.S.K since those properties were very limited in their appeal and scope, but Transformers is a massive property that encompasses several cartoon iterations, an animated film, a toy line that was still selling prior to the Bay movies, several comic book iterations, etc. And Capone's opening admission reveals a willful ignorance of that scope. He has every right to not care about the Transformers. Plenty of people don't. But then why have him review it? I know, he's the Chicago guy and this was probably a screening in Chicago. So you're telling me that AICN doesn't have any other Chicago connection? There isn't anyone else in the city who actually has a connection to the property who can review this? Sure, someone like that might be predisposed to dislike the movie, but then if Bay is making the same goddam mistake he made in the last two (and the inclusion of so many big-name actors makes me think he is) he's kinda asking for that dislike anyway.

  • May 15, 2011, 12:18 p.m. CST

    Street Smart Little Robots. Seriously?

    by OnO

    Really? Well thank you Capone. Now I know It's better to catch this awesome movie on Netflix. I sat through TF2 and had to endure the little robots that were the ghetto wise comedy relief. By the time that shitfest was over you were rooting for Devastator to eat them. Seems Bay's ego can't handle being told his shit characters sucked and he added a version 1.2 of failure.

  • May 15, 2011, 12:26 p.m. CST


    by silverdog

  • May 15, 2011, 1:42 p.m. CST


    by Michael

    I've no idea what to think about the "Transformers" franchise after the whole behind-the-scenes drama with Michael Bay (who I lost compassion in) and Megan Fox. To be frank, if one of your stars was giving you trouble on the set, wouldn't you just drop him/her ASAP? Sure, it's money lost during production, but really, having a cooperative cast and crew should be more important than getting a film done and earning the $$$ in the process. Megan Fox's talents are in question, but being involved in a movie that features the gayest music ever (i.e. The Fray) in a film about battling robots is something that should be a sin against humanity. Megan probably looked for an exit clause, therefore the "Hitler" statement. But Bay and crew make another dumb-ass mistake: they keep her for eight months after this. Again, you dump her after this, not pull some passive-aggressive revenge scheme, because it makes us think that things are cool between parties. Another thing, didn't Bay once consider using Gemma Artertron, an amazingly beautiful actress from Britian who's infinitely talented, to be the replacement chick? What thought process in Mike's head made him want to consider Rosie Huntington-Whitley who, even if she's dating Jason Statham and they're not the atypical douchebag-dating-hottie, has the worst plastic lips seen since Daisy De La Hoya. There's a slight majority against this casting, but the whole world seems to be swooning over her. I think she should've played Emma Frost instead of January Jones, because the latter would be better suited at playing Invisible Woman for a future "Fantastic Four" reboot. The whole saga is ridiculous, and that's what the "Transformers" franchise is gonna be known for. Don't place all hopes into this film, folks, because even if the trailer was amazing, so was the one for the last film, and we all knew how that played out. We don't need a darker film, we want to go back to the Steven Spielberg-inspired aesthetics of the first one, which made it so likeable, entertaining, and one of Michael Bay's best films to date. So, unless one of the crew members of "Toy Story 3" is behind this, I'm sure it'll make money, but won't recieve a kind critical reception like all part 3s in a film franchise.

  • May 15, 2011, 2:07 p.m. CST

    Nice try. I'll pass.

    by Lucasblows

    Bay couldn't pay me to sit through another one of these shitfests.

  • May 15, 2011, 2:32 p.m. CST

    It will be awful, and the highest grossing film of the year

    by strosmer

    These movies are cinematic fireworks - sheer spectacle with no story that bring people out in droves. After TF2 (which I theater-hopped to and still paid a price to see it...with my soul), I had written off ever seeing TF3, and yet I still feel compelled to see this movie. DAMN YOU, MICHAEL BAY! Seriously though, despite the horrendous narratives in these films, DOTM promises to be a unique cinematic experience, especially for those of us living in Chicago. I showed the trailer to some of my friends - total non-fanboys who could give a flying fuck about Transformers and never saw the movies - and they want to see this movie. The novelty of watching Chicago burn at the IMAX theater at Navy Pier (one of the very locations at which the movie was shot) is simply irresistible.

  • May 15, 2011, 2:38 p.m. CST

    marvelcomics1985: you are giving megan fox WAY too much credit

    by golden tribw

    You wrote: "Megan probably looked for an exit clause, therefore the 'Hitler' statement." Bullshit. I hate Michael Bay so I've no interest in defending him, but Megan Fox is a talentless cunt who may have some modicum of looks but is nowhere close to being one of the most beautiful women alive and therefore doesn't deserve any of the attention she's gotten. Also, if she made waves because she wanted to get booted, you'd think she would have better prospects lined up than JENNIFER'S BODY and the now-straight-to-DVD PASSION PLAY.

  • May 15, 2011, 2:50 p.m. CST


    by drave117

    Alan Tudyk, why did you have to be in this? Now I have to see it! Just when I had resolved never to pay for another Michael Bay movie in theaters, you have to be in this one. I'm fairly sure my Support Joss Whedon's Peeps clause supersedes my God Those Transformers Movies Are Awful clause.

  • May 15, 2011, 3:20 p.m. CST

    Fucking Morons!!!

    by 2007

    some quick answers @hollywoodhellraiser all these types of robots you list that ruin the TF movies, not only are they present in most kids films today and winning awards, but silly dancing robots were in G1 and much sillier, check your info moron. @ono let's just pretend that that bayformers has no plot(right), to day the plots are actually horrendous? well what is it yes or no? @marvelcomics1985 Arterton infinitely talented? you haters sure do love to hate and hate to love don't you. Why would bay go with an unknown? the same reason he did last time and it paid off big time. She's fresh in the public space. and now she's maxim's top sexiest and fresh face. = buzz @lucasblows it's nice talking big aint it. can't wait to see you back here talking shit about a film you haven't seen...again. If TF was the worst movie of the year, I would expect it to do at least as good as Battle LA seeing as how it's going for the same audience...maybe at least as good as fantastic four? fuck off.

  • May 15, 2011, 3:31 p.m. CST

    too many big names?

    by 2007

    oh you mean like TDK? if you don't like the films and have no time for them why are you posting here like crazy? what do you gain?

  • May 15, 2011, 3:50 p.m. CST

    well your friend doesn't know shit


    because the first one was a lot better than the second.

  • Nothing to see here - move on!

  • May 15, 2011, 4:50 p.m. CST

    "'s 4 in the fucking morning" decried a horse voice...

    by conspiracy

    Megan had just gotten to sleep only an hour before; the reason for her late night lay snoring in a deep alcohol induced stupor next to her. "Fucker!..." she cried as he whacked the back of the forgotten tv star on the back of the head, "...snoring and fucking is all you're good for you fucking looser". From across the room her iPhone came alive..vibrating on the glass table, "Rape me...Rape me my Friend" it's tiny speak blared through the large but sparse room. "FUCK!" cried the raven haired girl as she swung her thin fake baked legs from the bed. Megan grimaced as her toned thighs and still swollen meat trap cried out in protest...last nights festivities had been hard on her, liquored up as her husband and his friends had been, but at least it took her mind away from her fading career for a few minutes. Steadying herself...she gingerly rose and walked bleary eyed across the bedroom of her $7500/Condo towards the now silent phone...a voice mail was waiting. Rent was due last week...but it couldn't be that this late. "I'm going to fucking kill whoever this is..." Megan said to herself, as she fumbled with the ubiquitous symbol of Hollywood hipness; she never could easily work the machine given her unusual shaped thumbs and the closeness of the icons. Finally with much effort the voice mail came through the speaker. A wall of techno droned in the background as a small, clearly inebriated voice spoke out..."Uh...Hello....Megan...this is uh..Rosie..Rosie Whiteley. I just...just wanted to tell you that you were with me in spirit every day of filming...oh...God...I ya know...I just hope I did as good a job as you were so good...the way you bent over just the right way, and ya know...they way you presented yourself....I just hope I have half the success you had with Tranformers...and uh.." a new and all too familiar voice came on the line..."Thats enough Rosie. .Hey Baby! Your old pal Hitler here...we're at the premier party, was just thinking of you. This thing is testing FUCKING GREAT, Studio is projecting $450M Domestic alone...and you DID help us get here. And Rosie...Rosie worked out fact I gave her half a gross point, plus a small piece of merchandizing. GREAT GIRL; ....can't wash a car quite as well as you could...but hey, that's why you're having the successes you are...Oh and don't listen to Mickey...I saw Passion wasn't THAT bad..I'm sure it'll do fine in the DTV market. No hard feelings huh...lets do a long lunch sometime...kinda miss that old Bulls-eye if ya know what I mean." The phone message ended with Bays familiar maniacal laugh and the breaking of glass. Megan looked over at her snoozing hubby, he was her rock, the one who told her that SHE made transformers the success it was, too stand up to Bay, that she didn't need him anymore, that she was a GREAT Actress and deserved to be treated special and different than just regular talent; that she was "like Hepburn only hotter". Megan dropped the phone as her chest fell amongst the Jennifers Body Costume and Leather pillows still there from earlier in the evening. "Mother Fucker" she quietly said to she glanced at the lockbox next to Brian. There was a gun in there...a 9mm he kept just in case...and though she had had her hands full of his hardness only hours before...for a change it was she who wanted to use something hard on him.

  • May 15, 2011, 4:56 p.m. CST

    Did Anyone see PRIEST?

    by MST3KPIMP

    aicn ignored it for some reason..

  • Seriously, I cannot fathom how anyone could read this and think anything but "Capone saw a Michael Bay movie." And I think the problem here is typical of Capones reviews and complete and utter refusal to take a stand on anything negative unless he hates it with a passion. It's obvious the movie is dumb and has nothing going on upstairs and the robots are once again devoid of all character with boring human counterparts but, like all Bay's films, looks INSANELY expensive so he yet again skates by on that. Review the fucking movie Capone and take a fucking position.

  • May 15, 2011, 5:18 p.m. CST

    Also, brilliant post Childs

    by IndustryKiller!

    You said it man, this franchise is a douche bag barometer.

  • May 15, 2011, 5:26 p.m. CST

    Turd has risen, I swear you're after my own heart

    by IndustryKiller!

    Why did we fight for so long? Cause we disagree on Avatar? how silly we were in the passions of youth. But I'm looking toward the future, and we have a Transformers movie to hate.

  • May 15, 2011, 5:29 p.m. CST

    the truth is that the first one was a very good action movie


    I'm sorry you didn't get Magnolia 2 like you wanted turd brain but this ain't for faggots, it's for men with balls who like insane action with a semi-coherent plot, that's what Bay delivered and that's why it made 300 million bucks. Because it rocks.

  • May 15, 2011, 5:33 p.m. CST




  • May 15, 2011, 5:39 p.m. CST

    "LMAO - 'clever script'!"

    by theguilty1

    ...coming from a James Cameron apologist.

  • May 15, 2011, 5:41 p.m. CST

    Someone should warn Winona Ryder:

    by mrgray

    Did you know a troll lives inside your vaginal secretions?

  • May 15, 2011, 5:56 p.m. CST

    I got something to add


    Transformers 1> Avaturd aka Space Pocasmurf Dances with Dragons escape to Furngully 2

  • Nah' .... Its disappointing but not even fucking close to being near the top of the shit pile.

  • May 15, 2011, 6:58 p.m. CST

    TF3 = Michael Bay's Revenge!

    by ganymede3010

    And he's come to wage a visionary war against the jaded senses of his band of critics. This will an eye-ball raping of epic proportions. And I will be proud to be one of it's many victims. With that being said. I can't wait for the reboot. While I enjoyed Bayformers, I'm still clamoring for a TF movie that focuses on the Robots, I want to see the "real" Starscream too. The next trilogy should be based in Cyberton, not on planet Earth.

  • May 15, 2011, 7:10 p.m. CST

    A CGI fest based on Robots?


    You guys always clamor for it but get real! There's a reason they put humans in these movies. To make a movie the audience can connect with. To make a billion dollars. Not to make another Final Fantasy flop. For the most part audiences loved Transformers 1. Michael Bay delivered the goods. That's just a fact.

  • A friend of mine is right now working on the conversion process and has been from the beginning. Only a small portion of this movie was shot in 3D. The rest is a conversion! Not saying it's rubbish, just letting you know that it's not all shot in 3D.

  • May 15, 2011, 7:29 p.m. CST

    "For the most part audiences loved Transformers 1."


    Correct ... Thats the harsh fucking truth that some here can't deal with. Did it disappoint long-term Transformers fans? Yes. Was it less than it could have been? Yes. Is it the total crap pile some haters believe it is? No, is it fuck.

  • May 15, 2011, 8:14 p.m. CST

    "Who is this moron posting about what I'm shooting with???

    by ganymede3010

    People have no idea how hard we have worked to bring 3D filming into live action shooting. We have invented rigs and systems to place 3d cameras like no other live action movie has done before. The proof will be noticed on the final product. PWNED!

  • May 15, 2011, 8:24 p.m. CST


    by D o o d

    read my post again. I did not say it wasn't being shot in 3D. Most of the movie is being converted from 2D, only some of it was shot in 3D! Read it carefully and go "PWNED" yourself, whatever it means!

  • May 15, 2011, 9:40 p.m. CST

    Are we seriously bringing back the "But it was popular!" argument?

    by IndustryKiller!

    When will these clowns realize that argument holds no water, it never has held water, and it never will hold water. Millions of people can be, and often are, wrong. Defend the fucking film on it's merits or don't bother to contribute.

  • May 15, 2011, 9:49 p.m. CST

    McDonalds is the best food in the entire world!

    by quantize

    No, actually it's unhealthy dogshit but it sells in HUGE volumes! This is exactly the same argument used about the 'popularity' of films...there's no correlation to the quality whatsoever, never has been, never will be...mutually exclusive ideas. I'd also argue that most innovation and great creative ideas are often ignored or rejected by the mainstream until they're made more 'palatable' for mass consumption. This is also known as 'watering down' a lot of that watered down shit you think is proof of any quality is just lesser selling shit regurgitated differently. True.

  • May 15, 2011, 10:20 p.m. CST

    Both Transformers films are garbage.

    by imagin78

    TF1 was the film that officially ended any hope I had for Michael Bay. Hide-and-seek, pissing robots is perfect for lowest-common denominator moviegoers. They can enjoy the newest opus from the Walmart of directors.

  • May 15, 2011, 10:27 p.m. CST


    by montessaurus

    Hey man, I'm totally loving the optimism for present-day AICN that you display, but the sad fact is that Childs is totally dead on here. I like that we have AICN too, but these days it's more or less like visiting an internet trainwreck. My morbid curiosity keeps me coming back, I guess. - that right there is where it's at.

  • ..who left there entire brains and wisdom back in the 1980's. Thank Christ nobody gives a damn about them and they have little closets like this site to creep in into and all wank off into the same cup about the thinks they love and hate about change! 1st film rocked, 2nd film was a mess but this one looks like its gonna hit the ball right outta the park this summer! Can't wait to enjoy this and then take the piss out of the moaning G1 fanboys who are always the easiest to push buttons on regarding their treasured but jaded childhood Transformer dreams about the cartoon being definitive. Hasbro must laugh themselves to death over you idiots every single time they sanction another cartoon, comic of movie to sell another toy line!

  • May 15, 2011, 11:54 p.m. CST

    Both TF films were garbage ??? umm no

    by Miyamoto_Musashi

    2 was very poor , but looking at RT which is a close approximate on quality (collection of many many reviews), as opposed to popularity (box office mojo), we can see that the consensus is that number 2 is something close to garbage, number 1 not at all. Transformers 1 – 57% (Top Critics 68%) - Average rating 5.8 out of 10 Transformers 2 – 20% (Top Critics 15%) - Average rating 3.9 out of 10 Number 1 could have been described as a good popcorn flick and mostly disappointing for die hard fans who wanted the robots to be the real stars of the show and show some real character (besides Optimus and Bumblebee) Number 2 had all of number 1's flaws and more, though was a fan of the forest fight, similar to me to the Darth Maul fight in Phantom Menance loved that fight, just not a huge fan of the rest of the movie

  • May 16, 2011, 12:10 a.m. CST

    Yes, I'm playing the "it's popular" card


    Since Mr. Turd has claimed, I think he said it was the worst action movie ever? I mean, obviously his personal opinion is clouding his analytical abilities but I gotta call BULLSHIT! GENERALLY speaking the shitty action movies are frowned and shat upon by the masses. Transformers 1 had it's fair share of critics but in general the action fans liked it a lot. A lot of the criticisms of the film aren't even valid. Like crying about the cheesy comedic moments. Lots of fucking action movies have shit like that in them. What else do you want to cry about. The amazing sound effects? The fucking badass robot battles? Shia's genius acting chops?

  • May 16, 2011, 12:13 a.m. CST

    Oh Rottentomatoes? haha I would also like to add


    that OVER 2 MILLION people voted and it has 89 fucking % approval. average 4.1/5 eighty fucking nine. pretty good. Almost exactly the same as the last Harry Potter movie.

  • May 16, 2011, 12:47 a.m. CST

    Again, that means fuck all.

    by IndustryKiller!

    Just like your aspersion that bad action movies don't make money. THat's fucking absurd. Fast Five just made 83 million opening weekend trading on pure idiocy. Hancock was the fourth highest grosser of 2008 and that was completely fucking unwatchable. Wanted made money. Transformers 2 made more money than the original. I could go on and on and on. Your argument doesn't add up. Again, defend the film on it's merits

  • May 16, 2011, 12:48 a.m. CST

    Actually, just read Quantizes post above.

    by IndustryKiller!

    Well done sir.

  • May 16, 2011, 12:50 a.m. CST

    by boogertwilliams

    "smaller robots, who act like streetwise teenagers" MOTHERFUCKERS! I was getting interested until I read this line and then it was all shot down to hell.

  • May 16, 2011, 1:24 a.m. CST

    ceejay re: leaving my brain in the 80s

    by mrgray

    Call me crazy, but I'm pretty sure I made some salient points using vocabulary that you seem to lack. Yep, no brain there! And I'm so beholden to that era that I hate Beast Wars, which is a 90s product. Oh... wait... I don't. Then I must hate flames on Optimus Prime! Except... no... not really. That would be stupid. The point that I made, which would be just so awesome if you addressed, is that there is no possibility of the audience connecting to any of the loud smashy robots if the human characters are given the vast majority of screen time. One of the most common criticisms ACROSS THE BOARD regarding the TF movies has been that nobody knows the difference between the "good guy" robots and the "bad guy" robots. You know why? Because we're spending 85% of the movie looking at fucking Shia and Friends!!! And I don't have anything overwhelmingly bad to say about the guy. He does what he's paid to do. But what he's paid to do is distract from the real stars of the franchise, which are the actual Transformers. I don't give a shit if Hasbro laughs all the way to the bank, and if you want to bring up a profit or box office argument, then we're not even speaking the same language. Which wouldn't surprise me given how much troll there is in your posts. Bayformers 1 had this going for it: it definitely gave you a protagonist (Sam) with a clearly defined goal (getting into Megan Fox's pants). But it also gave us Sam's parents. And the soldier boys. And the Pentagon hackers. I mean, seriously, did we need that whole fucking nonsense with Anthony "Sexual Assault" Anderson? Somewhere in all that bullshit was a talking robot or two. And the movie is called Transformers. Gee, I wonder why I have a problem with it?

  • May 16, 2011, 2:18 a.m. CST

    let's break it down


    Audience vote at Rottentomatoes: Transformers : 89% approval Hancock : 67% Wanted: 72% Fast Five: 88% (you're trashing it yet have never seen it. I bet it sucks. But I did clarify that popularity does not always equal quality. Just very often.) "transformers 2 made more money" Transformers 2: 76% We have a clear winner. Transformers 1. If you want me to "judge it on it's merits" what can I say? It's loud, it's fun, it's funny, it's exciting, well paced, it's very well shot, there's lots of eye candy, the effects are spectacular, the action scenes deliver on a level unmatched by almost any movie imaginable, the Transformers are well realized, their designs are great, the animation and voice acting for the Transformers is excellent, Optimus Prime is a cool guy that earns the audience's respect, the robots are believable and establish a true emotional connection with the audience, especially Optimus and Bumblebee, the movie kept my attention from beginning to end, the story flowed well and was interesting. I thought most of the dialogue was pretty good. I was thoroughly entertained and got my $10 worth. After seeing it once I wanted to see it again. Not perfect, but an action masterpiece.

  • Several people have ... You just can't fucking handle it. I smell upset G1 fanboy ...

  • May 16, 2011, 3:33 a.m. CST

    "Several people have ... You just can't fucking handle it."

    by IndustryKiller!

    Where? Let me see the text.

  • Ah well, this little hypothesis of yours gets more scientific by the second. But since we've now established that the rules are amorphous according to whatever supports your point of view, that really brings it all into perspective.

  • May 16, 2011, 3:37 a.m. CST

    "Optimus Prime is a cool guy that earns the audience's respect"

    by IndustryKiller!

    Hahaha. Boy winona, with insight like that you should publish. By the way, keep the moniker while you make submissions to newspapers.

  • May 16, 2011, 4:15 a.m. CST

    how about reneging

    by Rockstar88

  • No lie, check it:

  • It was no coincidence that Michael Gay decided to destroy the city of Chicago. It clearly shows his hatred of President Obama and his plan to save America from economic ruin. That is why I will not be seeing his latest TRANSFORMERS 3-D film, and I will be starting a petition to prevent this movie from being shown in the United States. Shame on you, Michael Gay!

  • May 16, 2011, 7:28 a.m. CST

    How stupid do you guys think we are?

    by Mr Headache

    That "review" is like an official press release. Box ticking. Overly positive in a "fake not positive" way. I call BS. BS, BS, BS. Money, money, money...

  • I'm not even going to waste time invoking Britney Spears or the other 500 annual piece of shit blockbusters. Only an absolute and irredeemable retard would say the popularity of a movie is any indication its quality.

  • That's what the Right Wing is for....

  • May 16, 2011, 9:27 a.m. CST

    re: megan fox's career

    by knowthyself

    Yeah you don't shit on your director and crew without making some enemies in Hollywood. Her career is gone thanks to her own mouth.

  • May 16, 2011, 9:57 a.m. CST

    Meg Fox' career "gone thanks to her own mouth"

    by fat_rancor_keeper

    but it could also be saved thanks to her own mouth.....of course I'm speaking about "saved" as in her doing porn from now on. also - xen11, fuck man............that was a ridiculous amount of bored spam to kick start this TB. I get posting a few things here and there as a joke............but c'mon.

  • May 16, 2011, 10:22 a.m. CST

    Orci and Kuntzman are still involved in the 3rd act?

    by Stalkeye

    Fuck This Shit!

  • May 16, 2011, 10:25 a.m. CST

    Michael Bay has it in for Obama?

    by Stalkeye

    I'm sure Bam won't be losing sleep over some asshack of a director and worse...producer. (I am Number Four, anyone?)

  • May 16, 2011, 10:37 a.m. CST

    it's "graduated FROM college"

    by abe

    It always shows someone's ignorance when they say "graduated college".

  • May 16, 2011, 10:54 a.m. CST

    The parents were not that annoying

    by Knobules

    The actors who played them did a great job with the crap they were forced to read. It almost worked. Humor about pissing robots and jive talking hoodbots is what is annoying. And huge balls on a robot? WTF?

  • May 16, 2011, 11 a.m. CST

    Best yet!

    by Cruizer Dave

    That's not saying a whole hell of a lot. Plus, how many times do we have to have a "the government knows something about the Transformers and has kept it a secret all these years just so it can be revealed as a plot point in this movie" story. Let's see, three movies, three times. It's just the same ID4 lifted plot, over and over again. There are so many movies that actually look good this summer, I don't care how great this is, I'm not going. And I'm a devoted Transformers fan. Just not a fan of Bay's nonsense.

  • May 16, 2011, 11:02 a.m. CST

    Gotta agree with what Childs posted above

    by Stegman84

    AICN and Drew McWeeney have pimped each one of these films mercilessly, while the reviewers try to cover their own butts by only using carefully worded faint praise. Sometimes when something smells this damn fishy it's because it is indeed a fucking fish. And Capone's review is every bit as fishy as the ones this site ran for Transformers and Transformers: RotF. Wouldn't trust it for a second. Think about this, you are listening to people who told you to go see Transformers: RotF. Isn't that reason enough to stop listening? Second, this film will sadly make a fucking fortune, largely because of the people who hated the past two films, and know that this will be equally shit, and will hand over the money and go see it anyway. As Childs said, the people who do that are a big part of the problem, as they are knowingly rewarding something that they already believe will be nothing but complete crap, and are doing it for the third time no less. This is why Hollywood thinks we're all idiots, because when it comes to films like this, apparently way too many of us are idiots all to ready to be parted from our money. How about taking that money you was going to knowingly waste of Transformers 3 and instead use it to go and see a film that might actually be worth seeing? Crazy idea, I know, but this film, even if it were marginally better than the last one (and marginally better is the absolute best we could ever hope for, no way this film is anywhere near being good) it still does not deserve our support or our money. Don't give it to them, otherwise all you are doing is encouraging Hollywood to not try any harder, and in fact showing them that any old shit can make huge money just as long as it's shiny enough and couched in enough empty promises, because we're all nothing but fucking suckers. Don't be a sucker. Don't pay to go see a film that you already know is going to suck. Don't support Transforners 3. Please?

  • May 16, 2011, 11:19 a.m. CST



    So you've NEVER paid to see a dumb, fun summer movie ..... Never?

  • And I've certainly never paid cinema prices to see a second sequel that directly followed two films that I thought were both absolute shit (saw the second Transformers on cable) . And you know what? I won't be starting now. This isn't paying to see a film that sadly turns out to be a bad film. This is paying to see sequels to what you already know were bad films, made by the same people who made the previous bad films. That, to me, is pretty fucking stupid.

  • Rewarding mediocrity propogates nothing but more mediocrity.

  • May 16, 2011, 11:31 a.m. CST

    Oh, and just for the record, I love a good popcorn movie

    by Stegman84

    The Transformers films are not, however, good popcorn movies. Or good or enjoyable movies in any way, shape, or form. I wish they had been.

  • May 16, 2011, 11:33 a.m. CST

    Not enough hate for this shite

    by Amazing Maurice

    Fuck man, this talkback needs more of the bile spilt way back in those classic TINO TB's of 2006. Straight up some of the most hilarious shit I've ever read in my life. On a par with Wings-On-Balrog for insanity. Fuck everything about these rancid 'movies'. Revenge of the Fallen is one of the most shockingly inept pieces of shit I have ever seen. It is the clusterfucked apex of Hollywood at it's most grotesque. It was such a scandelous waste of hundreds of millions of dollars that it should have been at the center of a U.N. enquiry. And Michael Bay is the ultimate personification of American assholery. Childs' post from above fucking nailed it. And @ conspiracy; I've always laughed like fuck at your fiction. More of that funny shit please...

  • I agree ... If YOU paid to see T3 then you would be "pretty fucking stupid" ... based on your opinion of the first two.

  • May 16, 2011, 12:17 p.m. CST

    Hey, remember how this movie almost killed an extra?

    by Gozu

    You know, one that was driving her own car during a stunt sequence that went wrong and split it right in half, landing her in the hospital and eventually a medically induced coma? Is it good enough to justify THAT?

  • May 16, 2011, 12:19 p.m. CST

    You know it will suck, but you're all going to see it

    by vince_klortho

    and that's why they keep making these movies. Does bumblebee talk in this, or is he like Sam's pet again, bleh? I was hoping they toned down the Bay flag waving military wank fest from the other movies. I don't care about Josh Duhamel, just let the transformers kick some ass.

  • May 16, 2011, 12:52 p.m. CST

    All this...

    by Failure101

    serious talk in here about the quality of the Bayformer movies and all I cared about was the choppah's "Big" reference. Nice work, you win.

  • ..I realized your tastes are shit. Any dumb blonde on earth is wore than any dumb brunette on earth, period. There has been and will always be a single blonde and she was Marilyn Monroe.

  • May 16, 2011, 1:44 p.m. CST

    stalkeye...No Alex and Roberto have ZERO involvment..

    by conspiracy

    and that news came straight from the Orci's Mouth..or rather his keyboard. The one thing I gotta admit about Orci...the guy is a sport about his hazing and doesn't take it too the guy will answer anything you care to ask him. Which is why when I see such sloppy journalism on something so easily verifiable all I can do is sigh and think..." IS AICN."

  • May 16, 2011, 1:59 p.m. CST

    I knew Capone would give this movie a positive review.

    by Omis

    He had Bay sores all over his mouth.

  • Well said. And the SUPER-haters can hold onto their cash and wait for something more worthy.

  • May 16, 2011, 2:03 p.m. CST

    I'm calling it now!

    by Randy

    Almost all the critics on this site are going to give this third film a positive review. Even Harry, who wasn't a fan of the first 2 is going to like this one.

  • May 16, 2011, 2:26 p.m. CST


    by Michael

    @ goldentribe I didn't say Megan Fox had the best choice in choosing movies. If she had any sense, she'd work with top-tier filmmakers, rather than the director of "Aeon Flux".

  • May 16, 2011, 2:27 p.m. CST

    So it's official, no one can reasonably defend the content of these films

    by IndustryKiller!

    We're deep enough into this talkback that if it was gonna happen it would have happened. What I love is the self consciousness on display in which people cant just say "Yeah these are terrible films but I'll watch them as a horribly guilty please." No, they must be defended as worthwhile excursions of cinema. I suppose there is a sense of self worth involved in that, and thats a good thing, because they should feel kinda bad about it. The ladies doth protest too much, methinks.

  • May 16, 2011, 2:29 p.m. CST

    @ 2007

    by Michael

    @ 2007 You think Battle LA and Fantastic Four are great films? And Rosie Huntington Whitley deserved the top spot in Maxim's Hot 100? I may be a "hater", but at least I've got reasonable taste in films and gorgeous babes. But that's you, though, you chose to like those films and Rosie.

  • May 16, 2011, 2:59 p.m. CST

    Before I respond

    by Shalako

    I'd like to give a description of my childhood as a springboard for my unique insights into this film...

  • May 16, 2011, 3:11 p.m. CST

    lol @ shalako

    by IndustryKiller!

    Yeah, that's one aint it cool cliche that's become just ridiculously overused. I still say Capone didn't review this film, I have no concept of story, acting, technical expertise, tone, pacing, atmosphere, nothing. It's expensive, that's literally all that I got. It's kind of shameful for a professional.

  • I have still to this date only made it to the part of Revenge of the Fallen with the Devostator balls and by that point I had just had enough. I have a list of films in which I refer to as my "Fuck this Movie" list in which a movie has actually defeated me and I wasn't able to finish it. The 2nd Transfomers film's fuck this movie moment for me was the Devastator balls shot. I couldn't tell you what in the hell was happening plot wise, a Transformer had farted out a parachute and the action scenes were edited in a completely incomprehensible fashion. The 1st film wasn't a masterpiece by no means but it was fun and I enjoyed it. The 3rd film is going to have to get reviews that are positively glowing as a whole for me to even think about seeing it.

  • May 16, 2011, 3:34 p.m. CST



    You got any guilty pleasures when it comes to movies? Any dark secrets?

  • May 16, 2011, 4:52 p.m. CST

    Your brilliant AICN talkbackers you!

    by shaft478

    The first TF did very well and had a pretty positive vibe to it. Most people liked it. I know most of you elitist AICN talkbackers probably didn't, but most did. The second TF, I agree. The first 1/3 was solid then it went to shit. Any intelligent person who follows movies and pays attention to this stuff knows the writers strike of a few years ago killed that film. It was obvious. Everyone involved said the same thing. I think Bay did a solid job with the first and he was hampered with the second. If I recall, Capone dogged the first two. For him to like this speaks volumes.

  • May 16, 2011, 5:01 p.m. CST



    Talking a lot of sense there mate ... You made your points without becoming sarcastic or mistaking opinion for fact. Like a fucking breath of fresh air.

  • May 16, 2011, 5:07 p.m. CST

    CAPONE does not exist in this dojo

    by Cobra--Kai

    "This one might actually rock you a little to your foundation; get excited about that." Capone next time you contemplate getting sleep before writing a review... LISTEN TO YOUR INNER VOICE! What the fuck man? You're a better writer than this. What are you doing with this mess of a review?!

  • May 16, 2011, 5:29 p.m. CST

    The missed opportunities

    by Cruizer Dave

    The first one could have been a really fun, brainless popcorn flick. It was just overburdened with shitty plotlines that went no where and characters that added nothing to the story, and loads of exposition to explain why they were there in the first place. I think a good fan edit that took about 45 minutes out of it would make it a stronger film. The second one took all that was wrong with the first one and magnified it with more pointless storylines, more inane frat boy humor, more stupidness and with the added element of racism. It was terrible, and the only way to make it better would be to build a time machine and kill everyone involved the day before shooting the movie began. Now this one is supposed to be a step up. Even if you think the first one wasn't bad, it lacked one thing that a summer popcorn flick needs to stand the test of time — heart. All these films are devoid of heart and soul. Even Shia, who I like as an actor, couldn't bring heart to the self absorbed prick he plays in the TF movies.

  • May 16, 2011, 5:57 p.m. CST

    NOPE not buying it

    by Andrew Coleman

    The first two movies are only liked by 13 year old boys who dropped out of school to do meth. The fact that Bay replaced the two racists robots with two others robots that "crack street wise". Bay is stuck in 1995 mentally. Those of you defending these films are simply fucking idiots who actually don't like movies. Most of the defenses for this movie can be placed on any film, yet I bet these guys would hate on films for doing the same thing Transformers does. So I call bull shit. I won't let this movie give me cancer no thank you.

  • May 16, 2011, 6:07 p.m. CST

    @ 2007

    by OnO

    How about you go fuck off instead. You want defend TF3. That's okay feel free to waste your time and money, you won't be alone. But deep down I bet some people are nervous after that train wreck of TF2's plot and the duo of Car Car Binks. Not many are buying it's the most solid piece of shit in the bowl of Bay's cinematic diarrhea. I'm not watching it in a theater and I'm not paying a cent for it. I could care less about Bay's rendition of Shockwave, Megatron, and Optimus Prime. I'm not really interested in Shia or this new girl, and they'll take up most of the movie since that's what happened in 1 and 2, you think they'll change that combo. Sure they will. Everything up to this date for TF3 looks pretty much the same, as if Bay smashed TF1 into TF2 and slapped a new Linkin Park song on it. Street Smart Robots. Fuck that shit. Go choke on your popcorn.

  • May 16, 2011, 8:04 p.m. CST

    yeah theres not enough hate


    all you fat balding virgins gather around. let out your frustrations in this here Transformers talkback. take out the pain of being a life long loser on your keyboard. do you feel better?

  • May 16, 2011, 8:11 p.m. CST

    Shit is still shit no matter how you dress it up.

    by 77AD

    All the effects, 3D and booby girls won't save a Bay film from being highly stylized, hyper, slo-mo shit without a heart or soul.

  • May 16, 2011, 8:23 p.m. CST

    It will rock you, just a little, but all the way to the core, man!!

    by golden tribw

    If I was high as a kite and hadn't slept in 72 hours I could still write something more coherent and worthwhile (from a reader's perspective) than this shameless pablum.

  • Bay told you all before it opened that Transformers 2 would be better than the first film. That he'd learnt from the mistakes that the first film made. That this time would be different. That this time he was really going to kick everyone's asses and get it right. After watching Transformers 2, tell me he didn't either flat out lie, or that he isn't flat out fucking delusional if he, at any point, believed the shit he was shovelling. But people ate it all up. Now he tells you that the last one wasn't his fault. That this will be better than the last film. That he's learnt from the mistakes that the last film made. That this time it will be different. That this ime he is really going to kick everyone's asses and get it right. He's telling you the exact same lie and you still take it as gospel truth. How truly fucking stupid are you people? At first such immense gullibility is hilarious, but then you see how widespread it is and you realise that this guaranteed piece of shit will make an absolute fortune off of the idiot ginge, er, I mean idiot fringe (no, come to think of it actually I mean both), and it's just God damn depressing really. And when you get told the same exact lie for Transformers 4, I'm sure you loopy bastards will swallow a full load and come up smiling yet again. You might not be able to fool all of the people all of the time, but apparently you can fool enough of them to make all of us look like idiots just for sharing the same gene pool.

  • May 17, 2011, 1:54 a.m. CST



    Whats depressing is that you are just another fuck-wit confusing opinion with fact ... And trust me troll ... I'm not even close to being from your gene pool. Now, back in your cave.

  • May 17, 2011, 8:07 a.m. CST

    That's right, you're not close to being from my gene pool

    by AngrySmurf

    I'm actually human, you're 100% pure unadulterated douche. Anyway, shouldn't you be in the corner sucking Michael Bay's cock right about now? that seems to pretty much be your stock in trade, after all. You really are the epitome of the clueless, no taste, whiny, self-satisfied so-called geek. Hope you enjoy being a living example of the lowest common denominator demonstrated to full effect. And yet you actually have the nerve to go on a fools crusade to try and convince people not stupid enough to fall for yet another horrible Transformers movie how wrong *they* are. Grow a fucking taste bud and buy some common sense. Or go drown in a river. Take your pick. You can now have your oh-so-predictable holier-than-thou yet whiny-as-fuck response, so have at it you taste free bastard. I won't be reading it, and I won't be responding again, because generally speaking I prefer to converse with those who actually have an IQ above single digits, rather than the idiot sub-species from which you hail who are dumb enough to fall for the same exact shit three times in a row, while each time insanely expecting a different outcome to the one they got before, and who still defend such shit as if it is actaully in any way worthy of being defended. I'd make another joke at your expense, but let's face it, you are a joke at your own expense, so I'll just leave it at that, and clear out before you launch into yet another round of verbal diarrhea...

  • May 17, 2011, 8:19 a.m. CST

    Thanks for clearing that up conspiracy

    by Stalkeye

    As for Orci, yeah i'l give him props that for the most part, he was a good sport for all the thrashing that Me, Asimovlives and countless others threw at him. However, he's still a hack writer and the jury is out on Cowbys & Aliens until it's release. Judging by the first impressions is that this film will have a strong opening only to fall off the radar in a matter of 2 weeks. Just my prediction.

  • May 17, 2011, 8:26 a.m. CST

    Looks Awesome!!!!

    by aleph_null

    Cannot wait, hope Bay knocks it out of the park this time!!!

  • May 17, 2011, 8:27 a.m. CST

    Looks Awesome!!!!

    by aleph_null

    Cannot wait, hope Bay knocks it out of the park this time!!!

  • May 17, 2011, 8:27 a.m. CST

    Looks Awesome!!!!

    by aleph_null

    Cannot wait, hope Bay knocks it out of the park this time!!!

  • May 17, 2011, 8:51 a.m. CST

    "I won't be reading it, and I won't be responding again, "


    lol, thank fuck for that ... one less troll around here the better. I must have really pushed your buttons if you spent the time typing that crap ... too fucking easy.

  • May 17, 2011, 9:25 a.m. CST

    Damn You Michael Bay...

    by Gigol-o Joe

    ...Damn You!

  • May 17, 2011, 9:50 a.m. CST

    Capone, Can you help clear something up?

    by meta4

    Let me start by apologizing for not reading your review, I want to save it for after watching the movie. I read somewhere that Ehren Krueger had written the entirety of this movie, Yes? If so I probably won't be watching this new Transformers for the simple fact that Ehren Krueger, in my opinion, is a total hack. None of the movies he's written for are good by any stretch of the imagination.

  • May 17, 2011, 11:17 p.m. CST

    So it took 2 shitty movies to make 1 decent movie?!?!

    by Violator90

    Does that make sense? No. A lot of people already stated the fact about Bay: he's a hack, a liar, and douche. Why else would Hollywood be making movies that are based on cartoons, TV shows, video games or comic books? Because many properties have huge fan base which equals a shit load of money. But the problem is that when they DO make a movie on these properties they KNOW full well that these movies are first and for most for the fans of those properties! Since they are the ones that make up the majority of the money for these properties. Sure, the general public will add to the riches the studio makes but when you fuck up the source material and disrespect the fans there is ALWAYS a fucking backlash. Bay has fucked both the source material and the fans ROYALLY! When the right people handle the source material and respect the fans, studios will get a lot more; look at what Jackson did with LORD OF THE RINGS! He respected the material and the fans and what did he get for his efforts?!?! A shit load of Oscars! Nolan did the same with Batman and THE DARK KNIGHT past the 1 billion dollar mark, which only a very few movies have ever done! So yeah, I am a fan of the comics, toys and show, but there is no way I am going to spend my movie on something that is from some one that is so obviously not respecting fans or the source material. That's my two cents.

  • May 18, 2011, 4:29 p.m. CST

    Let me up my douchebag film geek cred by hating ...

    by Lamerz

    Fuck Bay. He's a hack. Fucking guy doesn't know story from his ass. Bayformers movies have sucked shit, and there is not a single redeeming quality in either of them. He did Transformers G1 a complete disservice, and raped the childhood of every G1 fan. None of his shit is funny, the CGI sucks, the story is rancid, the actors are fucking retards, and I can't follow the action. And the robots are completely indistinguishable. You are a motherfucking idiot if you like anything about Bayformers 1 & 2 ... just fucking worthless. Seriously, you are not worth the air you breathe if you liked anything about them. You are less than human. I will not stoop to your level, and will not accept any disagreement with my position. You cannot reach my standard of proof that these films are worth more than rat shit, so don't even fucking try, you retard. Fuck off if you liked those movies, you fucking loser motherfucker. People who like a Bay film are what is wrong with Hollywood, America, and the world, and frankly oughta be taken out back and shot. Damn you Michael Bay! I think that just about does it. I am now a god on this site.

  • May 18, 2011, 10:18 p.m. CST

    WEHT Donny "Two-Chins" Murphy?

    by Chief Joseph

    That fat wacko used to always get on these forums and threaten everyone. Did Paramount finally gag him Gimp-style?

  • May 19, 2011, 9:25 a.m. CST



    Post of the week ...

  • May 19, 2011, 9:14 p.m. CST

    Really? It's *good*?

    by Orbots Commander

    Somehow I doubt this. I caught the second TF movie on DVD a year ago, and thought it was a total piece of shit. I mean, not one redeeming factor in it, not even Megan Fox. And I'm not a Bay basher; I like some of his stuff, including the first Transformers, The Rock, Bad Boys 1 and the first 40 minutes of The Island.

  • May 22, 2011, 6:46 a.m. CST


    by adam

    Is Barricade is this film

  • May 23, 2011, 1:30 a.m. CST

    hated the first two so it's non-issue for me

    by chien_sale

  • May 24, 2011, 12:10 a.m. CST


    by BIG_RED_2001


  • May 25, 2011, 9:13 a.m. CST

    Bay still doesn't fucking get it.

    by NinjaRap

    You give us a few token humans, and you make way for the FUCKING ROBOT CHARACTERS. You develop them, you nurture them. Too expensive, you say? Not if you make your movie 90 minutes long. Which you should; because Bay is the master of hideous bloat.

  • June 22, 2011, 10:05 p.m. CST

    Thanks for the review. I and My Son appreciates it.

    by JohnMcD348

    I really appreciate the review. It helps me decide whether I can take my 7 year old son to see this one. Not like the one before. It was hard for me to try and explain to my son the last time that the movie just wasn't fit for him to see due to the Ghetto bots and auto tron genitalia and other needless B.S. they had in that one. I had pretty much written off that franchise. I may just give this one a chance.

  • June 23, 2011, 3:29 p.m. CST

    is it still all shakey and zoomed in?

    by baaba_pappa

    Or can you see what's happening this time?

  • June 24, 2011, 10:52 p.m. CST

    KILLIK : the Harry animation refers to....

    by wierdo27

    Lawrence of Arabia, one of the greatest movie epics ever made. Do yourself a favor and watch it.

  • Jan. 6, 2012, 6:41 a.m. CST

    In my opinion this movie is very fun.

    by southafricanguy

    For a start it has alot of action, and fantastic special effects. Second, the story is interesting, and the robots display many skills. To sum up, Transformers 3 is enjoyable, and it's better than Transformers 2.