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Happy 10th AICN Anniversary for Massawyrm... oh - and he's written a movie that's moving ahead!

Hey folks, Harry here...  about a billion years ago, which is Geek Time for a decade, Christopher "Robinson" Cargill has been writing on AICN as an entity the world has come to cower from called, Massawyrm.  His original piece was a write up about Jon Favreau's MADE event that I threw - and that he covered 10 years ago yesterday.

10 years ago I couldn't conceive of this Dr Pepper swilling, chain smoking video store clerk not only continuing to write for me...  but living...  dear God...  3 blocks from me.   I had to hit him with a...  "Please Call before coming over" warning yesterday - but it's easy to see why he was so damned excited about coming over.    You see...  not only was it the 10th Anniversary of me asking him to write for AICN, but he was also given permission to declare himself an employed screenwriter with a project sold and in a production pipeline.   

Massawyrm has written with Scott Derrickson (a man who made the pretty damn cool THE EXORCISM OF EMILY ROSE and the damnable remake of DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL) an Untitled film that originated in his own Nicotine deprived mind.   (He stopped smoking years ago)   I didn't pry for details - because I would rather be surprised by whatever slinked from that noodle of his.   In this article from the L.A. Times - it mentions an untitled Scott Derrickson horror story with a crime at its center that is being produced by Jason Blum, the producer of PARANORMAL ACTIVITY.   

Scott & Massa have apparently taken a shine to one another and are planning to write together in the future - and I have this to say to all of you.

Massawyrm will continue to be here on AICN so long as he always represents his own particular brand of film commenting lunacy.   So Happy 10th & Congrats my friend.   Don't suck it up too bad!  :)

Readers Talkback
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  • May 8, 2011, 7:14 p.m. CST



    Massawyrm celebrates his 10th AICN Anniversary with an Untitled Film deal!

  • May 8, 2011, 7:16 p.m. CST


    by Nordling

    Kick our asses with your new movie, man.

  • May 8, 2011, 7:17 p.m. CST

    Didn't Massa get fired once?

    by HoffmanPasander

    I remember he disappeared abruptly for a while, and McWeeny wrote something snotty and mysterious about how you'd have to ask him the reasons why, or something like that. Then he came back and it was never mentioned again. Bizarre.

  • May 8, 2011, 7:20 p.m. CST

    One of the site's best

    by Fat and Curious

    Congrats. In three or four years I'll reference this post when I'm being interviewed by AICN.

  • May 8, 2011, 7:23 p.m. CST

    Congrats, Massa :D Good shit to hear you prospect!

    by Dharma4

    TAKE THAT FARACI, YOU FAT FUCK... I mean... Yeah.

  • May 8, 2011, 7:32 p.m. CST

    jesus christ what are you doing to those poor words

    by whiskey_dick

    That first "sentence" has so many problems I don't even know where to begin. Poor writing skills seem to be a thing around here; I guess Harry wanted to produce a masterpiece for this anniversary.

  • May 8, 2011, 7:38 p.m. CST

    Whiskey Dick

    by townshend

    Word. I wonder if shame is ever felt around these parts.

  • May 8, 2011, 7:46 p.m. CST

    Does someone have a link to Massa's MADE review?

    by John Maddening

    I was looking for it with the AICN search feature, but you all know how that goes.

  • May 8, 2011, 7:48 p.m. CST

    Congrats, Massa! Harry, learn English!

    by CountryBoy

  • May 8, 2011, 7:50 p.m. CST

    Right on, Massa.

    by blackwood

    To celebrate, next time you post a review, use the signature I did for you that you never used but called, ahem-hem, "a genuine piece of art." Ahem-hem. Congrats and good luck.

  • May 8, 2011, 7:51 p.m. CST

    Hey, I found it! Massa's first review for AICN!

    by John Maddening

  • May 8, 2011, 7:52 p.m. CST

    Double congrats, Massa!

    by tensticks

    You are far and away my favorite AICN writer, the one with whom I most often agree (and am able to disagree with respectfully on the few remaining occasions). You have a command of the language, you are fair-minded, you seem pretty agenda free, and you are definitely no one's tool or fool. Couldn't be happier to see you climbing the ranks and doing bigger, better things. All my best to you in all future things, sir!

  • May 8, 2011, 7:56 p.m. CST

    fav Mussa review: Happy Feet

    by Citizin_insane

    soooo disagreed with you. but at least now im not afraid to watch a movie to hate. That said, I love it when you review a shit movie for the sake of reminding us how evil Hollywood is, and how they deserve every tera byte I download from them. so cheers for that

  • May 8, 2011, 7:57 p.m. CST

    *you hate

    by Citizin_insane

  • May 8, 2011, 8 p.m. CST

    What's my perdium?

    by alan_poon

  • May 8, 2011, 8:11 p.m. CST

    Massa's always struck me as one of us

    by BlaGyver

    He's the guy on here that writes essentially like a refined talkbacker, isn't afraid to shit on a movie, and just strikes me as a pretty real guy. Congrats on 10 years bud.

  • with THAT producer and THAT other writer..dude, the script and direction won't be able to miss a single beat at all, otherwise serious threat of capsizing! Emily Rose was fine, but TDTESS was a pile of steaming.. (ok its not nec his fault either!)

  • May 8, 2011, 8:40 p.m. CST

    The Day the Earth Stood Still is a fucking shit movie

    by D.Vader

    There is absolutely almost nothing redeemable about that movie.

  • May 8, 2011, 8:41 p.m. CST

    But, congrats Massa

    by D.Vader

    Don't take any notes from the other guy.

  • May 8, 2011, 8:44 p.m. CST


    by DrMorbius

    Do you mean 'per diem'? 'per day' paid by the day or were you being sarcastic?

  • May 8, 2011, 8:51 p.m. CST


    by DrMorbius

    I hope you were referring to the 2008 remake of TDTESS!!! pally boy

  • May 8, 2011, 8:53 p.m. CST

    Thanks Harry!

    by Massawyrm 1

    It makes me bitch up and cry when you talk sweet about me like that. Thanks, big guy.

  • May 8, 2011, 8:53 p.m. CST

    How awkward would it be it the film sucked

    by Majority

    Aww who I am kidding, that fat donkey ball faced mother fucker Harry 'll love it

  • May 8, 2011, 8:55 p.m. CST


    by Massawyrm 1

    I LOVE that piece. I've actually used it a number of times over the years. I need to check and see if that artwork is back up and accessible from the servers again (that huge SNAFU late last year borked us pretty hard.)

  • May 8, 2011, 8:55 p.m. CST

    Congrats Massawyrm!

    by Count3D

    I had the pleasure of chatting with him briefly at BNAT. Super friendly and passionate gent. Kudos on the screenplay sir and best of luck on your film!

  • May 8, 2011, 8:56 p.m. CST

    Fuck Nordling...Fagget

    by Majority

  • May 8, 2011, 9 p.m. CST

    DrMorbious- Of COURSE!

    by D.Vader

    Absolutely horrible. With the most annoying kid in all of cinema. I wanted nothing more than for Klaatu to blast him into oblivion and move on.

  • May 8, 2011, 9:01 p.m. CST

    I have a script as well.

    by brobdingnag

    "The Republicant" Its a about a political party and the film blogger that dared to love it. Love it to DEATH.

  • May 8, 2011, 9:05 p.m. CST

    I hope you were referring to the 2008 remake of TDTESS!!!

    by Crusty_Juggler

    What do you mean? Is there supposed to be a different version of The Day the Earth Stood Still or something. I thought I would have heard something about it if there was.

  • May 8, 2011, 9:09 p.m. CST

    Yep, he's the man

    by Crusty_Juggler

    I'd like to commemorate this event by posting my favorite pic of the Wyrm! <p>

  • May 8, 2011, 9:10 p.m. CST

    saw on his twitter, congrats

    by strykebr

  • May 8, 2011, 9:12 p.m. CST

    Congrats, Massa. Get out while you can.

    by Laserbrain


  • May 8, 2011, 9:21 p.m. CST

    Way to go, Massa!

    by PotSmokinAlien

    I love your writing, man. Especially when you're struck by the political overtones in something and not afraid to roll up the old sleeves and delve into that fucker. Even Vern doesn't do much of that anymore.

  • May 8, 2011, 9:23 p.m. CST


    by brobdingnag

    Fuck you for putting that image into my mind. Fuck you right in your stupid ass.

  • May 8, 2011, 9:29 p.m. CST

    It's "Kankerhoer".

    by TheHumanBeingAndFish

    "Kankerhoer", not "kankerhauer".

  • May 8, 2011, 9:30 p.m. CST


    by BSB

    I hate you for shitting on Sucker Punch, but you're still one'a my favorite writers here. Good luck with your movie.

  • May 8, 2011, 9:32 p.m. CST

    Congrats for 10 years of excellence!

    by nostairway

    When a new movie comes out that I'm thinking of seeing, I read Roger Ebert's review. The next review I read is Massawyrm's. That's damn high praise coming from me. Keep up the good work!

  • May 8, 2011, 9:39 p.m. CST


    by DrMorbius

    As opposed to the 1951 Original TDTESS.

  • May 8, 2011, 9:57 p.m. CST


    by alexander

    I'll never forget his Happy Feet review... that was out there... and um... well I can't remember the other one so i guess it doesn't count, but i remember it drove a spike into my brain in the most interesting way if you know what i mean.

  • May 8, 2011, 10:07 p.m. CST

    If you're gonna be a biggot, at least spell "faggot" properly

    by Robert79797979

    It amazes me how stupid you redneck, sister-fucking, hillbillies really are.

  • Because I find it painful trying to read Harry these days. Seriously, did Harry suffer a stroke tied to his health issues recently that I was not aware of?

  • May 8, 2011, 10:31 p.m. CST


    by Nathan Adame

    Your reviews rock and if they truly reflect your inner self, I'm hopeful to see the same reflection upon original work. Your words will carry you instead of just looking backward. Good luck to you sir! Curious...Massawyrm, do you subscribe to McKee? I love his book, Story, and I'm using it as a guide in my screenplay efforts.

  • May 8, 2011, 10:34 p.m. CST

    Sorry you were fucked by . . .

    by theKRELL

    your redneck hillbilly brother. And its 'Bigot'! p.s. Are you related to locke?

  • May 8, 2011, 10:40 p.m. CST

    the day the earth stood still...

    by jsfithaca

    just looked terrible. but i trust you massawyrm, ur the best reviewer on the site, so good luck and congrats!

  • Wtf Aicn??

  • May 8, 2011, 10:54 p.m. CST


    by catlettuce4

    I think of Massa as being a relatively recent addition to the site. Just how old is AICN and how long have I been reading it?! Argh...

  • May 8, 2011, 10:58 p.m. CST

    Thor and Massa


    Well what did ya think? We gonna get a review from ya? :p

  • May 8, 2011, 11:45 p.m. CST

    So that makes Massa the third AICN contributor

    by Bass Ackwards

    To get signed on to writing a horror pic doesn't it? I don't think we've seen any of the flicks come to fruition yet so no judgement, just an observation.

  • May 8, 2011, 11:47 p.m. CST

    mr ahole ramirez

    by justmyluck


  • May 9, 2011, 12:04 a.m. CST

    On the subject of Massa selling a screenplay....

    by IndustryKiller!

    Congratulations, which you may be surprised to hear. Screenwriting is tough and anyone who chooses to create art with the best of intentions should be supported until there is reason to otherwise. My feelings on Massa's reviews are well documented, but I don't think that there is any innate correlations between how one reviews film and how one reviews them.

  • May 9, 2011, 12:07 a.m. CST

    On the subject of Massa's reviews

    by IndustryKiller!

    I think the critical landscape is worse off with someone who so clearly defends cynicism and lowest common denominator schlock the way Massa does. To write for this site should be a privilege, and for much of Massa's tenure here I feel he's been proving the reality is exactly otherwise.

  • May 9, 2011, 12:08 a.m. CST

    gah, an addendum to my first post

    by IndustryKiller!

    "how one reviews films and how one writes them." the last sentence meant to say.

  • Cream pie deluxe!

  • May 9, 2011, 12:23 a.m. CST

    @industrykiller ahem...Fuck you

    by Majority

    You dirty nigger jew

  • May 9, 2011, 12:46 a.m. CST

    Robert1979, uoi

    by SierraTangoFoxtrotUniform

  • May 9, 2011, 12:47 a.m. CST

    Robert1979, you're an iddiot, morron, dummmy, and assfface.

    by SierraTangoFoxtrotUniform

    Whoa, you can drag the comment section to make it bigger. Didn't know that.

  • May 9, 2011, 12:50 a.m. CST

    I thought "fagget" was like "nigga"?

    by SierraTangoFoxtrotUniform

    I just hope messiahman and kobe_tell_me_blahblah don't see that or they'll spontaneously explode into tears and used tampons.

  • May 9, 2011, 12:52 a.m. CST

    by you more than anyone, braindrain

    by IndustryKiller!

    When it comes to you, buddy, I am but the lonely girl at the prom, standing against the wall, yearning to be noticed.

  • May 9, 2011, 1:18 a.m. CST

    Oh, and braindrain

    by IndustryKiller!

    You'll be shocked, SHOCKED, to know I absolutely loved every second of Thor. Even with all the positive reviews I think it's thus far underrated.

  • May 9, 2011, 2:11 a.m. CST


    by Untimely Spew

    Isn't Derrickson supposed to be working on the Hyperion (best book I've ever read) adaptation? Can Massa pry the scoop out of that fucker, because it's been hinted at for years to no discernible result.

  • May 9, 2011, 2:55 a.m. CST


    by antonphd

  • May 9, 2011, 3:52 a.m. CST


    by Travis

    Congratulations Massa. It's always good to see writers make it. Stories like this give all of us writers hope. Keep at 'em.

  • May 9, 2011, 5:11 a.m. CST

    Ten years?

    by eveelcapitalist

    That's unpossible! But upon searching my feelings, I know it to be true.

  • May 9, 2011, 5:13 a.m. CST

    Massa, admit it, your first draft script was hardcore porn

    by eveelcapitalist

    Big black dicks in little asian girls, just how papa likes it.

  • May 9, 2011, 5:30 a.m. CST

    Massa is best writer on AICN

    by Rupee88

    That's not saying much but just giving him props...dude is solid and glad he getting rewarded for his talents.

  • May 9, 2011, 7:11 a.m. CST

    Massa, you've got to review your own movie!

    by Spandau Belly

    And please don't become a douche like Moriarty.

  • May 9, 2011, 7:12 a.m. CST

    Did William Goldamn ghost-wrote/script-doctored Massa's script?

    by AsimovLives

    Inquiring minds want to know.

  • May 9, 2011, 7:55 a.m. CST

    Wishing you all best, Massawyrm, all best.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • May 9, 2011, 8:22 a.m. CST

    Congrats, Massawyrm!

    by Mr Nicholas

  • May 9, 2011, 8:25 a.m. CST

    The Day The Earth Stood Still remake

    by Col. Tigh-Fighter

    Actually, I think the whole opening of the film is excellent. With the scientists wondering what the hell is happening, the thing slowing down, and all that jazz. Very good. Jaden Smith..... not so good. And the ending was a bit silly. Although in keeping with the original. Anyways, congrats Massa. I always enjoy your reviews, even if not always agreeing with them. What sort of budget are you looking at for your film?

  • May 9, 2011, 8:31 a.m. CST

    Thank God it was Massa. Imagine what Harry's script would look like!


    Fayde iN: INT. BEDROOOM OF HARRY KOALS, PRIVATE EYE - KNIGHT A cluttered bedroom which all over the place. There iss a poster of the reamake of "GODZILLA" on the wall. Bed is a mess (you can tell it's. HARRY KOALS is lying under the sheetz with a fone against his ear. KOALS: "Dont you worry. Im on this like juice on a pussy. You wont find a better than me. I will find out who done this murder, and, then, Ill, let you know who done what." FaYDE oUT:....

  • May 9, 2011, 8:52 a.m. CST

    re: christian_bale_trashed_my_lights

    by shazam7

    I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. Great way to start my day. Thanks for that. Brilliant.

  • May 9, 2011, 9:10 a.m. CST

    Col. Tigh-Fighter, I'll give you that

    by D.Vader

    I think the opening to Day the Earth Stood Still is well-made and has some good tension. But Jaden's character was one of the worst in cinema. Every choice, every action made to service the plot was annoying and infuriating. And the end was handled terribly. What's the point in having a sacrifice if no one knows about it or knows how close they came to annihilation?

  • May 9, 2011, 9:59 a.m. CST

    Definitely love MASSA's reviews and Worst Of the Year lists.

    by George Newman

  • May 9, 2011, 9:59 a.m. CST

    Massawyrm's ANT BULLY review was hilarious

    by George Newman

  • May 9, 2011, 10:19 a.m. CST

    Cargill, you are the best reviewer on the site...

    by SonicRiver

    and a great guy all round. Can't wait to see the film!

  • May 9, 2011, 10:59 a.m. CST

    Will it be as good as Harry's Ghost Town?

    by moorE12

  • May 9, 2011, 12:01 p.m. CST

    Massa is a huge dick.

    by HalJordan2814

    So is Harry, but we all knew that already.

  • May 9, 2011, 12:03 p.m. CST

    Massa is the best reviewer and FISH STORY

    by Rob

    Again, Massa, thanks for pointing me toward this find. An excellent film!

  • May 9, 2011, 1:11 p.m. CST

    Massawyrm - thanks!

    by BiggusDickus

    Of all the reviewers on here, I've found that your opinion tallies the closest with my own and so you are pretty much my barometer these days when it comes to all things cinema. Keep up the good work, sir - long may you reign!

  • May 9, 2011, 2:36 p.m. CST

    Well done, Massa! Live the dream, baby!

    by WriteForTheEdit

    It's always been a pleasure to read your work.

  • May 9, 2011, 2:38 p.m. CST

    Also, christian_bale_trashed_my_lights, fucking awesome.

    by WriteForTheEdit

    That said, it was also very funny.

  • May 9, 2011, 3:26 p.m. CST

    Ant Bully! That was the other one!

    by alexander

    A classic F@#k me review... who knows what this guy has in store script writing wise?

  • May 9, 2011, 5:40 p.m. CST

    Jimminy Cricket, someone please grammar check Harry!

    by whofan71

  • May 9, 2011, 5:40 p.m. CST

    Oh, yeah. And congrats and good luck, Massa.

    by whofan71

  • May 9, 2011, 5:56 p.m. CST

    I've been here since the beginning.

    by Dkev00

    Even after the shit, it's still one of my fav sites. Congrats!

  • May 9, 2011, 6:22 p.m. CST

    Congratulations Massa! Here's hoping your movie gets produced!!

    by Andy Pandy

    When will Knowles' Ghost Town get released??

  • He wanted to sell a script to Hollywood and he made an abrupt left turn to suck up to them. How typical. We can officially add two-bit whore to liar, coward, and traitor when describing Massa. Duly noted.

  • May 10, 2011, 4:22 a.m. CST

    col. tigh-fighter

    by AsimovLives

    I'm sorry, but the remake's ending is not in tune with the original. The original didn't sent Earth back to the middle ages permantly. And the message of the original was "you guys either behave or else".

  • May 10, 2011, 1:44 p.m. CST

    New to AICN but congrats Massa!

    by Alincia

    Been one of my fav's from Spill for a while now =)! Looking forward to hearing more about this movie.

  • May 11, 2011, 3:37 p.m. CST


    by wrx

    That shit was so funny...i work in a library and i had to high-tail it out of here before i interrupted work for everyone! LMAO