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Capone reviews SOMETHING BORROWED because he gets paid to, and so you don't have to!!!

Published at: May 6, 2011, 12:43 a.m. CST by Capone

Hey everyone. Capone in Chicago here.

Yes, yes, crapping on a Kate Hudson romantic comedy is like shooting the proverbial fish in a barrel, but that's not going to stop me from doing my job, nay, my duty to warn you off going within 100 yards of a theater playing it. I'll give SOMETHING BORROWED points (OK, a point) for trying something a little different, even if it fails. But like so many rom-coms of late, the problem lies in the characters. More specifically, every character in this film is aggressively unlikeable, albeit for very different reasons. Even the relationship at the center of SOMETHING BORROWED is troublesome, because I simply never bought that Rachel (Ginnifer Goodwin) and Darcy (Kate Hudson) would have every stayed friends since they were kids, as the film claims.

Rachel is a lawyer, which makes me laugh right off the bat, because nothing about this woman says "lawyer." She dresses like small-town librarian and the personality of tap water. But we know Rachel a lawyer because we see scenes of her in law school studying with Dex (Colin Egglesfield), a fellow law student she has a crush on. The two meet for drinks one night when Darcy shows up unannounced and challenges Dex to either ask Rachel out or ask her out. When Rachel balks at the proposal and saying they're just friends, Dex asks Darcy out and Rachel gets her wishy-washy heart broken.

Cut to a few years later, Darcy and Dex are weeks away from getting married, Rachel is the maid of honor, and on her 30th birthday, she gets drunk and, oops, trips and falls onto Dex's penis. If I had a nickel... Anyway, it's ultra-clear courtesy of the heavy-handed directing style of Luke Greenfield (THE GIRL NEXT DOOR) that we're supposed to be rooting for Rachel and Dex to get together by the end of the film. And we know this because Darcy is such an appalling, controlling person that no one would be friends with her for decades except a walking doormat like Rachel. It's literally an abusive relationship, and those aren't any more fun to watch on screen than they are in person.

And then we move onto the men in Rachel's life. Pretty soon, Rachel and Dex start meeting regularly, beginning a full-on affair while the wedding is still being planned. Dex is an indecisive user, so once again, Rachel has found someone else to walk all over her. Oh, and then there's the bizarre friendship she has with Ethan (John Krasinski), who is, I guess, her male best friend. She meets him for coffee or lunch every so often and tells him everything about her life; they're the least convincing a pair of best friends I've ever seen on film. Let's take inventory here. He's straight, single, and always around. Hmm, let's start betting now on how far into this damn-near-two-hour film he professes his love for Rachel.

The machinations of this terrible script from Jennie Snyder, based on the Emily Griffin novel, are a mess. And while I'm sure a movie can be (and has been) made in which the adulterous couple are the heroes, it just comes across as scuzzy in SOMETHING BORROWED. The film isn't quite as actively ugly as BRIDE WARS, but it's not for lack of trying. I find Goodwin adorable and appealing as an actor most of the time. Hell, I even thought she elevated the proceedings in HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU a couple years back. But she's going out of her way to look like an idiot in SOMETHING BORROWED, and I don't just mean her character.

And while every once in a great while, Hudson might pull off something worthy like last year's THE KILLER INSIDE ME or ALMOST FAMOUS (and yes, I have to reach back that far to find something else she was good in), she seems to have settled into this god-awful groove (more like a trench) from which I fear she will never return. It's always just a little sadder when the pretty ones die. In all likelihood, if you're planning to see this movie, my review isn't going to change your mind; I can't believe you've even bothered to read this far. But if you're on the fence about going or contemplating dragging along your significant male other to this on a date, please have mercy. We'll put up with a lot for women, but don't make us hate you for doing so. SOMETHING BORROWED is that hate.

-- Capone
capone@aintitcool.com
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Readers Talkback

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  • May 6, 2011, 12:49 a.m. CST

    First!

    by The Bear

    Good God, what a horrible Talk Back to be first on.

  • May 6, 2011, 12:53 a.m. CST

    Only!

    by The Bear

    I may be the only one to post on this Talk Back! Capone states: "And while every once in a great while, Hudson might pull off something worthy like last year's THE KILLER INSIDE ME or ALMOST FAMOUS..." Hey, the only thing I want to see Kate Hudson pull off is her top! Badum-dum. Thank you. I'll be here all night.

  • May 6, 2011, 12:57 a.m. CST

    Capone is a talent.

    by SirGaryColeman

    I read that whole thing and I don't know why.

  • May 6, 2011, 1:01 a.m. CST

    I'm Curious...

    by Goldfingah

    By now Harry has already churned out TWO reviews of "Thor" and couple of the regular comic-book reviewers, Ambush Bug and Prof. Challenger, have already weighed in as well, but neither Capone nor Massawyrm seems to have anything to say, one way or another. And now Capone is reviewing chick fodder like "Something Borrowed?" Harry says a whole bunch of AICN people saw this movie, so were you guys not among them? Did one or both of you guys hate "Thor" or something, causing Harry to ensure that your reviews never see the light of day? What's up with the prolonged silence?

  • May 6, 2011, 1:11 a.m. CST

    Agreed, goldfingah. I always wait for Capone's reviews.

    by SirGaryColeman

    Can't say I was really waiting for this one, though.

  • May 6, 2011, 1:19 a.m. CST

    If someone is planning to see this movie...

    by JuanSanchez

    They probably don't even know about this site. Wrong demo.

  • May 6, 2011, 1:40 a.m. CST

    juansanchez

    by BadMrWonka

    you know that SOME of us have wives/girlfriends, right? and Capone, no mention of Krasinski in your review...does that mean you just want to close your eyes and forget that a good comic actor was in this pile of shart? ;o)

  • May 6, 2011, 4:49 a.m. CST

    Chick flicks prove that men are superior to women...

    by Mel

    except that a lot of men like lame ass comic book movies...so unfortunately, until you guys grow up and stop watching garbage - we cannot be the dominant sex.

  • May 6, 2011, 5:31 a.m. CST

    melgibsoncalledmethenword...

    by UltimaRex

    And what do YOU like oh great and powerful Oz? Tell me. Tell me so I can rip into it FOR NO FUCKING REASON. Get it? LEAVE CBM'S ALONE.

  • May 6, 2011, 6:01 a.m. CST

    she's got her mom's curse

    by zom-bot.com

    ...of being in cheesy rom-coms...only difference is rom-coms of the 80's were totally different than the ones today- actually funny in parts, and not so estrogen laden. oh and her mom would actually branch out and do other things now and then.

  • May 6, 2011, 6:30 a.m. CST

    As a kid, I'd watch with my parents the Goldie Hawn

    by CreasyBear

    and Chevy Chase movies. Haven't seen them since, but remember that I'm pretty sure I enjoyed Foul Play and Heavenly Dog (the mysterious plastic messenger tubes in Heaven was beautifully weird), though Under the Rainbow just gave me the creeps.

  • May 6, 2011, 6:31 a.m. CST

    SOMETHING BORROWED

    by THE_CHOPPAH

    Watched that again recently. The first hour is still really good. But I had forgotten how much it descends into a big-budget A-Team episode by the end...rather dull extended shootouts with clunky editing. I guess that marked the moment where Kate Hudson's destiny lay in movies that were more about rom-com than comedy, for much of the next decade. I was so hopeful when You, Me and Dupree came out that it heralded the return of both Hudson and Wilson as genuinely comedic actors. But it was a false dawn for both.

  • May 6, 2011, 6:46 a.m. CST

    um, yeah

    by the barking dog

    My wife read the book this is based on. She loved it, but every time she talked about it, I had the same reaction as Capone - really, why would these women be friends? My wife can't wait to see it, and fortunately roped a friend into going with her, giving me as good an excuse as any to go to Thor.

  • May 6, 2011, 7:14 a.m. CST

    I'm a straight, kinda normal guy

    by tomdolan04

    and loved the Goldie Hawn/Kurt Russell one when I was a kid where she loses her memory and he plays a hick. Overboard I think? <p> Sure it was corny but it always seemed to be on and I had it on a VHS. I don't mind at all watching chick flicks with my wife, but there seems to be sod all good ones being made of late. We turned the Back Up Plan off halfway through as we were laughing so much at the plain awfulness of it, and No Strings Attached was just flat. As Capone says, it's in the Characters - in NSA the characters Nat and Ashton played we're just flat out 2D and unlikeable. <p> Shame about Kate Hudson. How to lose a guy in 10days was an OK rom-com tho.

  • May 6, 2011, 7:32 a.m. CST

    This is my problem...

    by Anna Valerious

    Doesn't anyone realize that if Dex intentionally cheated on his fiancee, that he would probably cheat on Rachel, too? This is just sad...if I were Rachel, I would've kicked Dex's ass to the curb for that (Even if Darcy is bossy) and gone for the guy from "The Office" that cared about me. No one wants to be jerked around in a relationship, and Rachel doesn't realize that it could happen to her. This is what gets me sick about most of today's movies...they show what's absolutely wrong with humanity, and the masses buy into it like sheep. Which was why I avoided "Easy A", because I'm sick of the whole stereotype of Christians being hypocrites, and we're told that's okay. Um, NO.

  • May 6, 2011, 7:59 a.m. CST

    What happened to Kate Hudson?

    by BigTuna

    I know this crap is all she gets offered, but man, remember when she was the next great thing 10 years ago?

  • May 6, 2011, 8:18 a.m. CST

    seeing thor tonight

    by mrgreentheplant

    and this next weekend probably. lousy compromise-filled relationship... thor better be good damn it

  • May 6, 2011, 8:36 a.m. CST

    there are several types of monogamists

    by Spandau Belly

    There are the ones who really are happy in a one-on-one relationship. There's the ones who are monogamous because nobody else wants them. (this is most men) Then there's the ones who would cheat and be happier for it, but they are total cowards.

  • May 6, 2011, 9:09 a.m. CST

    Hudson looks 10+ years older than Goodwin

    by spacehog

    I feel a little bad for joining the anti-Hudson pile-on but this was all I could think of when I saw a commercial for this last night. You say they're childhood friends? Are they seriously meant to be approximately the same age? ... Okay, I just looked them both up on IMDB. Holy shit, Hudson's only a year older. What happened to Kate Hudson indeed.

  • May 6, 2011, 9:09 a.m. CST

    I get her confused with Matthew McConaughey

    by IWasInJuniorHighDickhead

    no joke

  • May 6, 2011, 9:16 a.m. CST

    According to the trailer, he date-raped her.

    by BlueDjinn1

    She: "We were both really drunk." He: "I wasn't that drunk." Whoops! --- On the other hand, I'll defend the character against the "she doesn't look like a lawyer" bit; I've seen mousy, timid lawyers before--sure, trial lawyers tend to have a bolder personality, but perhaps she's a patent or real estate attorney or whatever; plenty of lawyers work in the back room doing research/etc and rarely have to actually interact with people on a regular basis.

  • May 6, 2011, 9:20 a.m. CST

    Also, am I the first one to think that Goodwin...

    by BlueDjinn1

    ...looks exactly like a young Sally Field? (or is that an everyone-knows-that thing? I've never heard of her before...)

  • May 6, 2011, 9:42 a.m. CST

    What in Almost Famous what did Hudson do that was so great?

    by Knobules

    She was just a grinning self absorbed dipshit sitting in the back of the bus the entire movie. Her entire career is being a grinning self absorbed shit. And a 5 year old boy has bigger boobs than her. Shes a joke.

  • May 6, 2011, 9:54 a.m. CST

    Wasn't Kate supposed to be 16 in Almost Famous?

    by Spandau Belly

    I wasn't buying that, or much else in that movie, even the stuff that was based on real verifiable events felt hard to believe.

  • May 6, 2011, 11:29 a.m. CST

    Sounds like that awful "Made of Honor" and My BestFriends Wed.

    by Charlie_Allnut

    No thanks I'll pass.

  • May 6, 2011, 11:41 a.m. CST

    Kate Hudson isn't even a little bit hot.

    by Jeffrey

  • You'll thank me later. Yes, it really is that good.

  • May 6, 2011, 12:36 p.m. CST

    OK, I'll admit it: I actually liked "Alex & Emma"

    by BlueDjinn1

    Not saying it was all that good, but it was better than I expected.

  • I will admit I haven't seen a recent movie she's been in since 'Almost Famous.' I don't know why it is, but Cameron Crowe has an extra switch in his head that makes his female characters usually pop out more than most directors. Though in regards to the above comments: it's never made clear just how old Penny Lane in 'Almost Famous' is. It's kept as a constant enigma. The character of Penny Lane seemed self-absorbed, but there was some depth there. She ended up falling off the wagon on the Band-Aid's mission to simply 'support the music,' when she began to fall for Russell Hammond, even though he is married. It sounded like they had something going in the past, and she said, 'I'm never doing that again.' However, she is only human, and gets pulled into wanting to be with him again. Of course, William Miller tries to get her to see that she's going a bit too far, but she ends up getting hurt and attempts to kill herself...but of course, it's William who ends up saving her-because he's the nice guy, and like all nice guys, we're always there to catch the girl when the jerks out there do stupid things to them or their feelings. There's alot about Penny Lane that is enigmatic: we never find out alot of the answers to her many secrets. But she's like that one girl that comes into your life for a few days or a few weeks, and then passes on, and years later, you find yourself thinking back on those days.

  • May 6, 2011, 1:41 p.m. CST

    Kate Hudson, Movie Star?

    by SnootyBoots

    Kate Hudson was a young actress, daughter of Hollywood royalty, who'd had a few minor roles without much notice and then she get's a showy supporting role in ALMOST FAMOUS, a big studio movie, and suddenly somebody somewhere decided she was a movie star. Since then she's made a series of medium budgeted rom-coms made by medium talents with medium amounts of ambition that have made medium amounts of money. And when she's tried to branch out and work with true talents on DR. T AND THE WOMEN, THE FOUR FEATHERS, LE DIVORCE, NINE those movies have all been disappointments. Personally, I haven't felt compelled to see any of the movies she's made since ALMOST FAMOUS supposedly made her a star. Her career has basically been a business decision. The Kate Hudson Rom-Comis just like the SNL movies. It's rare that any of them are any good, but as long as they make more than they cost, they'll keep coming.

  • May 6, 2011, 7:51 p.m. CST

    If I were Rachel...

    by Anna Valerious

    ...I would've kicked Dex to the curb after he told me that he intentionally slept with me. Um, hello, he's cheating. I would've gone with Ethan, as it seems he genuinely cares for her.

  • Boobs= 0 Explosions= 0 Car Chases= 0 Car Crashes=0 Zombies=0 Bar fights= 0 Gun fights=0

  • May 7, 2011, 2:42 p.m. CST

    Kate Hudson has a GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREAT ASS

    by Nasty In The Pasty

  • May 7, 2011, 2:42 p.m. CST

    And I want my HEAD to be ALL THE WAY UP IT!!!

    by Nasty In The Pasty

  • May 7, 2011, 6:26 p.m. CST

    Romantic Comedies aren't supposed to be believable

    by cylon_conspiracy

    but isn't the over-analyzing or deconstructing of a romantic-comedy's plot sort of overkill? Romantic comedies don't take place in the real world, they take place in a mythic hyper-reality that resembles earth but is clearly on a different planet. They are full of coincidences and misunderstandings and twists of fate that clearly indicate they take place in a different dimension. Everyone who watches one knows that they are not going to see a "realistic" depiction of relationships or how people even act. I mean, back in the 50s and 60s this movie would probably be a musical. There's another level of non-reality. Personally I like Kate Hudson but I saw the trailer and I don't like her as a villain. I guess my point is, treating a romantic comedy like a movie that is supposed to make sense just misses the point of what a romantic comedy is.