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"It's Evil! Don't Touch It!" TIME BANDITS Gets A Reboot!

Nordling here.

Terry Gilliam's TIME BANDITS is, without a doubt, a classic children's film.  We all know this.  For one thing, there's a sense of actual danger in it, too rare in children's films these days.  It trusts kids to handle thematically rough material.  Most family films sugarcoat darker issues of death and loss.  Not TIME BANDITS.   It will definitely be on my YOU KNOW, FOR KIDS column, especially in light of this news.

According to Variety, we're getting the reboot for TIME BANDITS.  Former Handmade Films execs Guy Collins and Michael Ryan are in talks with a Hollywood co-producer to redo the Gilliam film as, and I quote, "a bigscreen kids action franchise."  I'm not quite sure how that works, as the original TIME BANDITS is already pretty much perfect as a standalone, but I'd imagine they'll have young Kevin traveling through the past with his merry band of little people, exploring the map and trying to escape Evil.

If they're going to reboot this, they better get Gilliam involved in some capacity, although knowing him he'll likely want nothing to do with this.  Otherwise they'll have serious fan outrage.  And if they're going to cast Evil, they better aim high if they don't get David Warner.  He's one of the few actors who could sell a line like "Nipples for men!" with such contempt, and I honestly don't know who they could get to make that role work nearly as well.  And they better cast real little people and not shrink them digitally.  As Napoleon said, "That's what I like!  LITTLE THINGS HITTING EACH OTHER!"

Nordling, out.

Readers Talkback
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  • March 31, 2011, 4 p.m. CST

    Ugg this is why remakes suck

    by eric haislar

    the original is a perfect film.

  • March 31, 2011, 4:01 p.m. CST


    by onenil

    No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no

  • March 31, 2011, 4:01 p.m. CST


    by Rebeck2


  • March 31, 2011, 4:02 p.m. CST

    Oh, and Nordling, they CAN'T get David Warner: he's dead

    by onenil

  • March 31, 2011, 4:02 p.m. CST


    by -Halfscan-

    Bad touch

  • March 31, 2011, 4:02 p.m. CST

    it's official the movie industry is running out of ideas

    by NorthTronic


  • March 31, 2011, 4:02 p.m. CST

    It's Kevin. Not Billy.

    by pw

  • March 31, 2011, 4:02 p.m. CST

    It's funny you meantion the darkness.

    by hst666

    I saw it as a 12 year old and thought it was almost all fine. The only part that bothered me at the time was the parents being blown up at the end without resolution.

  • March 31, 2011, 4:02 p.m. CST

    Since when is Time Bandits a children's movie?

    by Thunderbolt Ross

  • March 31, 2011, 4:03 p.m. CST

    Oh yeah, terrible idea btw

    by Thunderbolt Ross

  • March 31, 2011, 4:03 p.m. CST

    kenny bakers not dead though

    by Ian Dolby

    the man needs work

  • March 31, 2011, 4:03 p.m. CST

    David Warner's not dead.

    by Nordling

    Look again.

  • March 31, 2011, 4:04 p.m. CST

    This is a Rubbish Idea

    by D o o d

    but I'm open to it!

  • March 31, 2011, 4:05 p.m. CST

    Wow, that's weird..

    by onenil

    I swear I read that he died a couple years ago.

  • March 31, 2011, 4:07 p.m. CST

    George Harrison is dead

    by eric haislar

    You know they will just get Justin Beiber to cover dream away.

  • March 31, 2011, 4:07 p.m. CST

    He's confusing David Warner with David Rappaport

    by pw

    Jesus. I thought you people knew this movie well.

  • talk about dated. wow.

  • March 31, 2011, 4:08 p.m. CST


    by Nordling

    TIME BANDITS is absolutely a children's film. Or should I say family film. Just because it doesn't play for the cheap seats doesn't mean it's not family entertainment. I saw it when I was 11 and it worked perfectly at that age.

  • March 31, 2011, 4:09 p.m. CST

    April fucking fool's day, fuckheads.

    by AssyMuffJizz

  • March 31, 2011, 4:10 p.m. CST

    You know, instead of remaking one of Gilliam's past movies...

    by Mr. Pricklepants

    Why not fund whatever project he's working on right now. Or one of his future movies.

  • March 31, 2011, 4:10 p.m. CST


    by eric haislar

    So just because a film is dated we have top reboot it. Really, do you have any respect for the art of film?

  • March 31, 2011, 4:10 p.m. CST

    Oh, and I'm guessing...

    by -Halfscan-

    Tim Burton to direct, starring Depp as (Wacky) Darkness Helena as Ms. Ogre?

  • March 31, 2011, 4:10 p.m. CST

    I mean, come ON.

    by AssyMuffJizz

  • March 31, 2011, 4:10 p.m. CST

    Click the link, guys.

    by AssyMuffJizz

  • March 31, 2011, 4:11 p.m. CST

    mike_d, maybe the trailer has

    by pw

    But not the movie. It's a fantasy that is still just as inventive and brilliant as it was when it first came out. Watch the movie again and then come back and say it;s dated and needs a reboot. I dare ya :)

  • March 31, 2011, 4:11 p.m. CST

    another remake?

    by Billy_D_Williams

    yawn...wake me up when Hollywood becomes relevant again.

  • March 31, 2011, 4:11 p.m. CST


    by mossad77

    Learn when to use the word reboot will you? This is a *remake* plain and simple...reboot my arse, motherfrakker!

  • March 31, 2011, 4:12 p.m. CST

    Time Bandits does not hold up.

    by Batutta

    I loved that movie when I was a kid. Watched it again with my daughter and I saw it for the paper thin excuse for a bunch Monty Python style skits that it is. The kid has no actual purpose for being in the story. And the film ends with a literal Deus Ex Machina. The only section I enjoyed was the Sean Connery stuff.

  • March 31, 2011, 4:13 p.m. CST

    Clearly April Fool's bullshit.

    by AssyMuffJizz

    A day early.

  • March 31, 2011, 4:14 p.m. CST

    I thought Warner was dead also

    by Douche Baggins

    by jove, he lives! He was also a great villain in Time After Time. Last saw him in the Wallander tv series.

  • March 31, 2011, 4:16 p.m. CST


    by schadenfreudian

    my brothers and I saw this when we were kids and we all LOVED it.

  • March 31, 2011, 4:16 p.m. CST

    David Warner rose from the dead.

    by eric haislar

    The British government is just trying to cover it up.

  • March 31, 2011, 4:18 p.m. CST

    David Warner only looks dead

    by openthepodbaydoorshal

    when I saw him last on the Branaugh series Wallender (?)... As much as I hate to cast proposed about Peter Stormare...?

  • March 31, 2011, 4:18 p.m. CST

    And Peter Dinklages phone will probably ring.

    by Douche Baggins

    and maybe verne troyer.

  • March 31, 2011, 4:18 p.m. CST

    Remake, not reboot

    by bah

    You can't reboot one film. You can only remake it.

  • March 31, 2011, 4:19 p.m. CST

    Oh, my dear Benson

    by shran

    You are so mercilessly free from the ravages of intelligence.

  • March 31, 2011, 4:19 p.m. CST

    Another in a long list of remakes that doesn't need to exist!

    by quadrupletree


  • I. The Terrible Trio and "The Kobe Project" CHOPPAH has learned, through sources anonymous and hidden, that Mr. Beaks, Nordling and Devin Faraci have been running a long game, using sock puppets to infiltrate and provoke talkbackers into ban-nable offenses to illustrate how Harry has lost control of his site and to purge any malcontents. It's all to usurp Harry, whom they view as a corpulent geek version of King Lear entering his dotage, and assume control of his site, his resources, and connections to turn AICN into perfectly functioning site with police-state-like talkbacks that would increase their personal wealth by whoring itself out to the studios. "It's obvious that Harry uses the site to get 'pweasants' from his studio buddies," one of my sources tells me. "But AICN still has its shaggy-dog, shambling charms. Beaks, Faraci and Nordling have been conspiring to turn the site into a pure revenue-generating machine." Their legion of sock puppets includes: JettL93, lowes forehead girl, chickengeorge, viggeo_morgenstein, william_faulkner and their oldest, most brilliant creation: hey_kobe_tell_me_how_my_ass_tastes, a churlish, thuggish reflection of how the trio views talkbackers. "They called it 'The Kobe Project,' or sometimes 'Project: Kobe,'" another one of my well-placed sources told me. "My God, do they laugh and laugh when they use the kobe_ass_tastes handle, or whatever the fuck it's called." All three of the conspirators share a password to use the kobe name, often at the same time, to infiltrate and rupture talkbacker "groups" such as the Baleback and its eventual offshoot, the Pedalback. Looking back now, using state-of-the-art textual analysis, it is obvious to CHOPPAH that kobe had to be the creation of more than one mind: he is often condescending, snobby, grumpy and despicable all within the space of a few minutes or posts. He is the love-child of a troika of pseudo-intellectual bullies, an avatar of their insidious, arrogant hive mind. But his deranged trio's plotting pushed their conspiracy to even darker territories. Desperate to find the ultimate coup de grace, especially as Harry's health problems grew to a near-critical phase while he was distracted by the Famous Monsters of Filmland website they coerced him into taking over, they despicably seized upon the death of beloved film editor and Quentin Tarantino collaborator, Sally Menke. They would make their power play in Menke's AICN obit. ... Tune in tomorrow for Part 2, "Where's Devin?"

  • March 31, 2011, 4:21 p.m. CST

    And if i ever watched Zack trying to kick Gilliam's balls

    by AssyMuffJizz

    i would kick Zack balls so hard he would through them up from his mouth. No great filmmaker gets to have his balls kicked by an hack, not on my watch, and not get his right desert. Fuck that untalented fucking hack Zack, fuck him in his fucking hack ass! And he's not even a fourth of the hack that Jar Jar Abrams is!

  • March 31, 2011, 4:21 p.m. CST

    ZZAAPP..."That's a good question."

    by ravenloff


  • March 31, 2011, 4:23 p.m. CST

    We can turn beans....

    by shran

    .....into peas!

  • March 31, 2011, 4:23 p.m. CST


    by venvariants

    Talk about one where they're going to ignore everything that worked for it. This will have the "Gay Black Robot Butler" syndrome, certainly. Hip-Hop midgets who all talk wise to historical figures who will go mostly un-researched and then smack them upside the head and run. I doubt it will have the balls to have God in it as well. Everything that can be wrong with this movie will be...and the first sign is the fact that they don't have respect enough for Time Bandits to leave it alone. "Hey - there's a precious diamond...let's shit on it!!"

  • March 31, 2011, 4:24 p.m. CST

    Right. That's it. Off to kill myself with a stick.

    by pills_26

    Surely, SURELY, there must be at least one person out there in hollywood with a semi-original idea?? This is just getting way too ridiculous. Sorry, but this is just a horrible way to wake up in the morning. I'm off to lie in a ditch.

  • March 31, 2011, 4:26 p.m. CST

    Jokes on you. Time Bandits doesn't deal with loss.

    by Dennis_Moore

    Kevin's parents getting destroyed by darkness is an advantage--they were apathetic shitbags to him, and now he has the map on a Polaroid and is free to go anywhere in time.

  • March 31, 2011, 4:27 p.m. CST

    Nick Cage will star in it.

    by Ruth Les Vengeance

    What's next, Peeping Tom? Night Of The Hunter? This remake trend has gone too far.

  • March 31, 2011, 4:29 p.m. CST



    With all the years of wear and tear, it still accentuates my prolific bulge, so I make that fucker fit.

  • March 31, 2011, 4:31 p.m. CST

    They're trying to make beans

    by robertdee

    into peas.

  • March 31, 2011, 4:31 p.m. CST

    Beetlejuice from Howard Stern in the Kenny Baker role.

    by Professor_Monster

    Wee Man, Mini Me and any other people who Randy Newman thinks have no reason... no reason to live as the rest of those little guys. Oh yeah - BRUCE WILLIS as EVIL

  • March 31, 2011, 4:32 p.m. CST you'r conspiracy theory

    by Charlie_Sheens_Coke_Numbed_Penis

    that sounds just crazy enough to be true...would explain a lot, sir. beats what that other guy was ranting on and on about the other day. at least here, you introduce a motive...something he just couldn't do.

  • March 31, 2011, 4:34 p.m. CST

    "Idea Bandits"

    by WriteForTheEdit

    Fuck off, you fucking fucks.

  • March 31, 2011, 4:34 p.m. CST

    HELLO? April Fool's Day!

    by AssyMuffJizz

    Seriously. Don't buy into the lie. Take it from a bullshitter. This TIME BANDITS news is fucking bullshit. The Choppah's conspiracy about the AICN cabal OTOH. FACT.

  • March 31, 2011, 4:36 p.m. CST

    Terry Gilliam is a genious

    by AssyMuffJizz

    and Zack The Hack and Jar Jar Abrams are inept dumb hacks. That is how it is, andn thei9r careers is there to prove it... for people who really care for cinema.

  • March 31, 2011, 4:37 p.m. CST

    Go the Prometheus Route

    by jarjarmessiah

    Make it a quasi prequel.

  • March 31, 2011, 4:38 p.m. CST

    And i pity the fools who cannot udnerstand why Gilliam is brillant

    by AssyMuffJizz

    They can have that shit Jar Jar Abrams, it's their fucking loss!

  • March 31, 2011, 4:38 p.m. CST

    It says "FRANCHISE"

    by Neil

    So, it could be called a reboot. Like the crap-tacular Nightmare on Elm Street reboot, they hoped to make many sequels from it. And also, I bet they won't even use real little people or hold true to any of the original material. They'll make it a gang of time-traveling kids, that encountered the adventure much like Kevin has at first.

  • March 31, 2011, 4:38 p.m. CST

    I hope it's animated & in 3-D coz' that would make it extra cooler.

    by Douche Baggins

    and I hope it has unnecessary swearing so adult's will know it's a movie for them, coz' how else is they gonna know?

  • March 31, 2011, 4:39 p.m. CST

    Darth Kong presents: "You Can't Chop This"

    by Darth_Kong

    U can't CHOP this U can't CHOP this U can't CHOP this U can't CHOP this My-my-my-my (U can't CHOP this) TALKBACKs hits me so hard Makes me say,"oh my lord thank you for blessing me With SAUSAGE FINGERS TO TAUNT ASI" It feels good When you know you're sown A superdope homeboy WHO POSTs ON HIS OWN And I'm known as such And this is a POST-uh! U can't CHOP this I told you FANBOY U can't CHOP this Yeah, that's how we POSTin and you know U can't CHOP this Look at my POST, man U can't CHOP this Yo, let me bust the funky POSTs U can't CHOP this Fresh new POSTs and RANTs You got it like that now you know you wanna dance So move out of your seat And get a THAI girl and catch this beat While I'm POSTin Hold on WATCH A LITTLE PORN and let 'em know it's going on CHOP that CHOP that ASI's on a mission so fall on back Let 'em know that JAR JAR ABRAMS is too much And this is a POST They can't CHOP Yo! I told you U can't CHOP this Why you standing there, BRAINDRAIN? U can't CHOP this Yo, sound the bells, COBRA KAI is in the DOJO, sucker U can't CHOP this Give me a STORY or REASON Making 'em sweat That's what I'm giving'em Now they know You talk about the CHOPPAH, you're MOMMA's A BIG FAT HO That's ON CRACK ALL NIGHT POSTERs are sweating so pass them a wipe Or a REPLY to learn What it is going to take in the THREADs To burn YOUR HEARTs Legit either work hard or you might as well quit That's the word, because you know U can't CHOP this U can't CHOP this CHOP it down Stop. . . CHOPPAH time Go find a HO It is said IF THE BITCH can't groove to this Then you're IMPOTENT or dead So wave your FINGERS in the air Bust a few KEY STROKES, LIKE YOU JUST DON'T CARE This is it for a POSTIN Dance to this as HARRY gets thinner Move slide your rump Just for a minute, let's all BERATE a CHUMP CHUMP CHUMP CHUMP Yeah, U can't CHOP this Look man, U can't CHOP this You better get TYPED Boy 'cause you know ya can't U can't CHOP this LOG IN, START POSTin SUCKA CHOP it down Stop. CHOPPAH time U can't CHOP this U can't CHOP this U can't CHOP this U can't CHOP this CHOP it down Stop. CHOPPAH time Every time you see me The CHOPPAH's just so TYPED I'm dope with the WHOREs And I'm magic on a CRACK PIPE Now why would I ever Stop CHOPPIN this? When others making POSTS That just AREN'T SHIT I've toured around the WEB From CHUD to JOBLO in a DAY It's CHOPPAH, go CHOPPAH, M.C. CHOPPAH, Yo CHOPPAH And the rest can go and PLAY-AYY Can't CHOP this U can't CHOP this U can't CHOP this U can't CHOP this Yeah,U can't CHOP this I told you, U can't CHOP this Too hype, can't CHOP this Yo, we outta here, can't CHOP this

  • March 31, 2011, 4:40 p.m. CST

    AssyMuffJizz do you REALLY think

    by Charlie_Sheens_Coke_Numbed_Penis

    this is an April Fool Joke? I hope so, too... 'cause midgets creep me the fuck out!!!!

  • March 31, 2011, 4:41 p.m. CST

    Weird movie, bad idea...and Sark still lives.

    by PorkChopXpress

    Saw this when I was young, it freaked me out...saw it later in life, and all I could think about was how intensely weird it was. Watching most of the rest of Gilliam's body of work, though, the dude makes a living on weird. Nobody else will remake this and have it turn out to be anything like what the original was, it was just too bizarre. And no, David Warner is not dead...he just hasn't been working much. "It's just...I dunno, I mean, a USER. Users WROTE us...a user even wrote YOU!"

  • You can't reboot perfection, it's a doomed effort from the very start. No film is going to EVER do what it did.. like the Titanic scene, where the cigar sets Kevin's hair on fire. You're NEVER going to get that in a new film, or the constant 'blowing people up' that made the aspect of death so farcical! I loved this film when I was a kid, and still do... it's fantastic.. and fuck anyone in their flapping, baggy asshole who even ATTEMPTS a reboot of it. SO SAYETH WE ALL!!

  • March 31, 2011, 4:48 p.m. CST

    I would have started with lasers, 8 o'clock, day one!

    by sith_rising

    fucking genius movie

  • March 31, 2011, 4:49 p.m. CST

    I've got "the map

    by slone13

  • March 31, 2011, 4:49 p.m. CST

    Please, Kong, don't hurt 'em!

    by WriteForTheEdit

  • March 31, 2011, 4:50 p.m. CST

    Come on man

    by The Shropshire Slasher

    This is not even funny.

  • March 31, 2011, 4:50 p.m. CST

    I've got "the map" hanging in an antique frame on my wall

    by slone13

    This movie is such a blast. Loved it as a kid. Still love it as an adult.

  • March 31, 2011, 4:50 p.m. CST

    My favorite Terry Gilliam quote

    by JumpinJehosaphat

    Referencing his own directorial choices for Time Bandits: "Who blows up a dog in a kid's movie?"

  • March 31, 2011, 4:50 p.m. CST


    by eric haislar


  • March 31, 2011, 4:56 p.m. CST

    David Warner

    by GulDucati

    Will be the voice of Shockwave in Transformers 3. His best role ever was on Star Trek TNG as the Cardassian interrogator. "How many lights do you see?"

  • March 31, 2011, 4:57 p.m. CST

    "You know,

    by D.Vader

  • March 31, 2011, 4:57 p.m. CST

    "You know, For Kids!"

    by D.Vader

    "Coming late next year!"

  • March 31, 2011, 4:58 p.m. CST

    "knowing him he'll likely want nothing to do with this."

    by Spidermonkee

    I don't know him, and *I'd* want nothing to do with this.

  • March 31, 2011, 4:59 p.m. CST


    by Shaun1138

    The best way to get them to stop the re-boot, prequel, sequel, re-imaging, re-make, whatever you want to call it is NOT TO GO SEE IT!!! Hollywood sucks!

  • March 31, 2011, 4:59 p.m. CST

    Why in the hell

    by shran

    do I not have this in my film library? Such an awesome movie. I remember as a kid watching this and going around quoting it. This is one of those movies that should never be rebooted. I doubt that it is even being considered. Now I'm off to prepare myself a meal in under 13 1/2 seconds.

  • March 31, 2011, 5 p.m. CST


    by AssyMuffJizz


  • March 31, 2011, 5:02 p.m. CST


    by john

    i hope gilliam sues their fucking pants off

  • March 31, 2011, 5:03 p.m. CST

    April Fool

    by AssyMuffJizz

  • March 31, 2011, 5:04 p.m. CST

    You know it to be true, friends.

    by AssyMuffJizz

  • March 31, 2011, 5:08 p.m. CST

    i hope you are write, assy

    by Charlie_Sheens_Coke_Numbed_Penis

    i reallydo

  • March 31, 2011, 5:09 p.m. CST

    Stick with us and you won't go far wrong.

    by punchydugan

    I hope I remembered that right. It's been way too long since I have seen that movie. Still a classic line.

  • March 31, 2011, 5:10 p.m. CST


    by pintoman

    We need a system that allows studios (property-rights owners) to re-release films on the big screen in more theaters, more often.

  • March 31, 2011, 5:11 p.m. CST

    Why is "Under the Rainbow" NOT on DVD?

    by gruntybear

    "The pearl is, uh, in the river." "Thank you."

  • March 31, 2011, 5:11 p.m. CST


    by pintoman

    Wasn't Uma topless in this?

  • March 31, 2011, 5:11 p.m. CST

    Alan Rickman as Evil

    by verbalintercourse

    And even though he is going to be in Game of Thrones, Peter Dinklage should be involved.

  • March 31, 2011, 5:12 p.m. CST

    up until time bandits

    by Charlie_Sheens_Coke_Numbed_Penis

    no movie had used so many midgets since the wizard of oz. unfortunately, time bandits didn't have any flying monkeys....that would have been sweet. I know they had a sean connery-fighting bull creature...but, that just isn't really the same

  • March 31, 2011, 5:14 p.m. CST

    Rat anybody?

    by DirkD13"

    Might be the last meal you get. Probably my favourite fantasy film of all time, got my DVD free with The Mail On Sunday. If the reboot inspires younger people to seek out and watch the original then that's fine by me. The lack of any decent ideas in Hollywood just reminds me to cherish the classics that I already have. Who could be in this? Peter Dinklidge Warwick Davis Jordan Prentice Any more famous little people?

  • March 31, 2011, 5:14 p.m. CST

    Dear Hollywood

    by jemagee

    This is what happens when you put 'executives' in charge who care more about dollars and sense than creativity. Where risk is frowned upon and 'cache' and 'buzz' and 'built in audience' and other stupid fucking buzzwords (how can we vertically integrate this movie synergistically to fit into our paradigm of cross platform marketability? (i believe that is said at every disney meeting - ever)). I'm glad you're making comic book movies, cause I'm a comic book geek, and maybe I can overlook tv shows to movies (MAYBE if they didn't suck all the time I guess) and your continually theft of brilliant asian cinema with no credit because americans are too lazy to read when they go to the movies. but if you make an american battle royal - i will make the two hour drive to hollywood and shit down the throat of every single person involved.

  • March 31, 2011, 5:15 p.m. CST

    NO. That is all.

    by dasheight

    This is absolutely the most ABSURD thing I've heard yet. For years, I've been saying, "What are they going to do, remake "Time Bandits?" as a JOKE... ...this is PATHETIC.

  • March 31, 2011, 5:16 p.m. CST

    @Pinto, you're thinking of "Baron Munchausen".

    by dasheight

  • March 31, 2011, 5:17 p.m. CST


    by alan_poon

    Has there ever been a viler word used to disguise the fact it's all about the money?

  • March 31, 2011, 5:18 p.m. CST

    If this were a continuation and not a reboot I'd say ok

    by ltgalloway

    And Terry must be involved heavily, though I expect he's an all or nothing kinda guy. It's among his very best films (if not THE best), so I'm sure he would want to either helm it himself or let it lie. I'd be kinda curious to see them explore that universe more, because the original was so rich (Return to Oz comes to mind). But then that's a recipe for commercial failure, so I won't be hopeful they would choose to go that direction.

  • March 31, 2011, 5:27 p.m. CST

    Under the Rainbow.

    by vic twenty


  • March 31, 2011, 5:31 p.m. CST

    no subject line

    by 2soon2eat

    ya know....April fools day jokes are SUPPOSED TO BE ON FUCKING APRIL 1ST.

  • where can I invest!

  • March 31, 2011, 5:35 p.m. CST


    by sai_justin

    This will never work - it'll be funny to watch this group of Hollywood bandwagon rebooters lose their shit. Some things just aren't

  • March 31, 2011, 5:36 p.m. CST


    by sai_justin

    How about putting out a decent home release of the original w/some actual features? The Criterion didn't have shit.

  • March 31, 2011, 5:37 p.m. CST

    The movie that made me scared of hermit crabs

    by Mel

    Don't remake classics...fuck faces.

  • March 31, 2011, 5:42 p.m. CST

    A bunch of monkeys locked in a room...

    by codecrackx15

    ... with a fucking type writer will come up with better ideas than Hollywood. We're going to be swimming in Arizona bay before there are any bright ideas out of Hollywood.

  • March 31, 2011, 5:42 p.m. CST

    DVD RElease does suck

    by jemagee

    just two weeks ago i made my fiance watch this as she had not seen it as a child, i was amazed that the dvd release totally sucked

  • March 31, 2011, 5:44 p.m. CST

    The David Warner trilogy

    by Eddie_Dane

    Time Bandits, Tron, and the Man with Two Brains. Bliss.

  • March 31, 2011, 5:46 p.m. CST

    San Andreas fault.

    by Sigourneys_Beaver

    Wake up you lazy cunt.

  • March 31, 2011, 5:47 p.m. CST

    A little piece of me just died inside...:(

    by Dridstar

  • March 31, 2011, 5:48 p.m. CST

    Just fuck off, Hollywood...

    by kubricksnutsack

    You idiots just cannot leave anything alone, can you? Do you think this is going to work? No! Come back to us when you've got something new...

  • March 31, 2011, 5:48 p.m. CST

    Three Things...

    by cushing1967

    1) This is not an April Fool's joke - because it's not April the 1st yet and Time Bandits isn't a well known enough property to make an April Fools joke over. 2) Time Bandits is NOT a children's film - it is a family film. However it is a children's film in the very structure of Gilliam's loose trilogy 'Time Bandits' - Age of Fantasy (Child hero) 'Brazil' - Age of Reason (Middle Aged Hero) and Munchausen - Age on Entlightenment - (Elderly Hero). 3) I am usually very relaxed about remakes but this one has got me very, very fucked off. You cannot remake Time Bandits because - just fuck off - you can't. The original is far from perfect but it still hits every button and I love it. "Oh, Benson... Dear Benson, you are so mercifully free of the ravages of intelligence."

  • March 31, 2011, 5:48 p.m. CST

    eddie_dane, don't forget Time After Time

    by vic twenty

    He was great as Saucy Jack

  • March 31, 2011, 5:48 p.m. CST

    I Absolutely Refuse To See A Time Bandits Reboot

    by THX1968

    I am so fuckin' sick and tired of Hollywood hack assholes that are too lazy to think up something new. Fuck 'em all. Time Bandits is up there with Raiders or Star Wars or Close Encounters, as far as I'm concerned. Seriously! WTF is wrong with these people. The time has come where rebooting a franchise has become a riskier cost than finding fresh material. Where do these jackasses think these original movies came from in the first place? People who knew how to make movies pulled the trigger. Now Hollywood is run by Harvard accountants. Again, fuck 'em all.

  • March 31, 2011, 5:50 p.m. CST

    "Waiter, more champagne." "Yes sir." "With plenty of ice."

    by Squinty CGI Flynn

    I hope this remake capsizes and sinks.

  • March 31, 2011, 5:52 p.m. CST

    It's an April Fool's Joke alright

    by AssyMuffJizz

    March 31st posting -- April 1st reveal. That's old hat. We'll see tomorrow.

  • March 31, 2011, 5:52 p.m. CST

    Someone is fucking with us, right?

    by Dr. Egon Spengler

    Right? This news can't be real...

  • March 31, 2011, 5:56 p.m. CST

    Jesus Christ, I'm sick of reboots and remakes

    by AlienFanatic

    Look, Time Bandits IS a Terry Gilliam film. Without him, it's just a really lame tale of a kid that goes to some weird places with dwarves. It's only a good film because of Gilliam's weirdness, the unique way in which he approached his material, and the performances of guys like David Warner. Any reboot without Gilliam, who would undoubtedly have nothing to do with the film, would be a shadow of its former self. Hollywood is truly filled with bean counters whose only modus operandi is to dial back 20 years and hope that today's parents will drag their children to the theaters in a pathetic attempt to relive their youth. And the mouth breathers out there drag their little nose miners to see them, further validating this line of thinking. God, we're sheeple.

  • March 31, 2011, 5:59 p.m. CST

    Ah, Assymuff and Choppah

    by montessaurus

    in the same talkback. Again. Since Time out of mind. If you want to disprove the theory that you two are the same guy - well, best work harder. But - I agree, for once I agree with you dude(s).

  • March 31, 2011, 6:01 p.m. CST

    Except this report was pubbed March 31st.

    by Pixelsmack

    So it's NOT April's Fools.

  • March 31, 2011, 6:02 p.m. CST


    by kafka07

    One of my favorite movies of all time. Normally I fucking hate the word reboot, but this once I get to rejoice from it.

  • March 31, 2011, 6:06 p.m. CST

    no no no no no no no no no

    by DonLogan

    no no no no no no no no no no no .

  • March 31, 2011, 6:07 p.m. CST


    by montessaurus

    About time - hopefully "Big Trouble In Little China" is next. There is so little CGI in that movie, IT HURTS.

  • March 31, 2011, 6:07 p.m. CST


    by montessaurus

  • March 31, 2011, 6:08 p.m. CST

    Not April Fools

    by AlienFanatic

    The article talks primarily about the Long Good Friday. Time Bandits is simply an addendum because it's produced by the same guys. If you look at Handmade's recent roster of films, you can see how they'd be desperate for a family-friendly hit. They've seen how PIXAR and Dreamworks have been making tons of money from families and they want a piece of it. As for Nordling's hope that they'll avoid CGI and use real dwarves, get real. In this PC culture of ours, they're far too afraid of using actual dwarves for fear they might upset either the folks watching it or people of diminutive stature who are sensitive about their portrayal. No, they'll do what they can to cast top-flight actors and use a Hobbit-style technique to shrink them. And you can bet your ass this will be in 3-D, if it can get off the ground.

  • March 31, 2011, 6:09 p.m. CST

    I read the script

    by mooseaka

    The opening credits feature Huey Lewis and the News singing.... Gotta go back in time. Damn - this is one of my favorite movies as a kid. I don't worry too much about the whole "raping my childhood" concept, but I definitely rolled my eyes when I read the headline.

  • March 31, 2011, 6:10 p.m. CST

    Hollywood will fail with this remake.

    by Thanos0145

    I'm sure they won't hire midget actors for the roles either.

  • March 31, 2011, 6:11 p.m. CST

    This movie blows

    by Laughing Boy

    Really, it's terrible. What's the fuss.

  • March 31, 2011, 6:12 p.m. CST


    by AlienFanatic

    Be careful what you wish for. Show me one director working today that has Gilliam's mix of whimsy, black humor, eclectic visual flair, and intensity and I'll be on your side. Tim Burton? Bullshit. The guy can't make a decent film anymore. I couldn't STAND Alice in Wonderland, and Apes was an abortion. MAYBE Sam Raimi, but his plate seems awfully full right now. I just don't see how any reboot could come off as more than a cash-in. Especially if they remove the menace that was so present in the original film.

  • March 31, 2011, 6:22 p.m. CST


    by Manatee

    That's really all I have to say.

  • March 31, 2011, 6:26 p.m. CST

    "I say is that absolutely necessary?"

    by kwisatzhaderach

    "He says: yes i'm afraid it is." <p> Genius.

  • March 31, 2011, 6:28 p.m. CST

    ok but...

    by MurderMostFowl

    look I love gilliam. I really do. Brazil... 12 Monkeys... Python... they're great. Time bandits however really suffers these days. It's such a murky film with all sorts of things that really work against it. On the whole it's still got a pretty good story, it's just nothing special. I doubt any remake will handle the history the same... such a Eurocentric view would never fly for dumber-than-a-gnat audiences today. Expect it to be all about WWII and the American Civil war.

  • March 31, 2011, 6:38 p.m. CST

    Right now I'm Scorpio from Dirty Harry being stabbed in The Leg!

    by SmokieGeezer

    (Blood curdling Scream). How DARE they?

  • March 31, 2011, 6:39 p.m. CST

    They could make Substitute V with The Coke/Whore budget for this Movie

    by SmokieGeezer

    Treat Williams IS Karl Thommason

  • March 31, 2011, 6:45 p.m. CST

    NO MIDGETS = Out-of-the-gate FAILURE!

    by TheGhostWhoLurks

    It's a waste of time to begin with, really... you don't "remake" a Terry Gilliam film, the vision's too unique. Are they gonna remake BRAZIL next? Regardless, if they pull a Wild Wild West or LOTR and refuse to hire midgets for this film's band of protagonists, it's not even worth time talking about it, much less paying money to watch it. >:P

  • March 31, 2011, 6:59 p.m. CST


    by Ciderman

    After the coup of getting Sean Connery to play the Greek king, who of todays crop of stars could fill that role? I know, my fellow Irishman, Liam Neeson! Anthony Hopkins would make a good Satanic antagonist as well. I wonder who the great designer and owner of the map might be? Clint? Morgan! He's got form as god already! Saoirse Ronan could play the kid as well, mix it up a bit.

  • Effing brilliant movie that in no way needs a recashgrabboot. I have the blue ray, but not a very clean transfer. Or as Monty Python says, " All the analog imperfections captured with digital clarity."

  • March 31, 2011, 7 p.m. CST

    America's children are drooling idiots.

    by Fred

    Who wants to sit in a theatre listening to every little mongoloid asking mommy and daddy who the historical characters are.

  • March 31, 2011, 7:02 p.m. CST

    ^ Truth.

    by montessaurus

    Kind of. But mostly fuck you for being an arrogant prick about it.

  • March 31, 2011, 7:07 p.m. CST

    They just gotta fuckin' ruin everything, don't they?

    by Citizen Sane

    I'm not goin anywhere near this inevitable pile of stinking shit. Nor are any of my kids, or any of my friends or family's kids. EVER!

  • March 31, 2011, 7:13 p.m. CST

    Guess I'm the only one ok with this

    by theBigE

    I don't know - it's been 30 years, right? I'd be ok with a remake. Might encourage more people to check out the original. I saw the original in the theater with my parents - freaked me out somewhat. I'm glad my parents took me to stuff like "Time Bandits" and "Being There" when I was young. The only things my kids will sit through is animation.

  • March 31, 2011, 7:15 p.m. CST

    Re: Conspiracy

    by JAGUART

    I would throw Capone in there too. After his jump the gun cash grab review of Never Say Never the whole plot was in danger of being discovered. I predict the coup will happen sometime in 2012, to coincide with this site's gushing praise of the Sgt Pepper remake, starring Bieber and the Jonas Brothers. Truly the end of times.

  • March 31, 2011, 7:25 p.m. CST



    I wouldn't be surprised if he were involved.

  • March 31, 2011, 7:28 p.m. CST

    Not a kid movie

    by IKilledSuperman

    But I can see how the concept could work as a franchise for children. Doesn´t take anything away from the original, which is a piece of art!

  • March 31, 2011, 7:35 p.m. CST

    Hardbodies remake

    by Smegmasaurus_Rex

    The three men are socially awkward divorced men who hire a popular young guy to show them the ropes. Paul Giamatti as the rich awkward one. Zack Galifianakis as the weird one. Vince Vaughn as the cocky one coming out of a marriage he has had since college. James Franco as the young guy who teaches the others how to get laid. Hire me movie studios.

  • March 31, 2011, 7:38 p.m. CST

    Also on deck for a reboot..."Hunk"

    by Cap'n Jack

  • Why the hell not remake Brazil next. Just slap on a happy ending, or hell, don't even use the source material and just call it Brazil. <P> Fuck you Hollywood. Fuck you!

  • March 31, 2011, 8:01 p.m. CST

    horrible fucking idea!

    by stranger in the alps

    the original is perfect!

  • March 31, 2011, 8:04 p.m. CST

    No, not an April Fool's joke....

    by yubnubrocks

    A good April Fool's joke would be George Lucas revealing that he, in fact, is Mr. Plinkett.

  • March 31, 2011, 8:14 p.m. CST

    It's the final straw, here's my notice that I quit.

    by Fawst

    I'm done. This is too much. When sober get the Star Wars reboot? Seriously, may as well go for it.

  • March 31, 2011, 8:15 p.m. CST


    by Dead_Geek

    Are the little people going to be CG?! It will be sooooo F*cking awsome! NOT!

  • Part II: The "Devin Faraci" Deception Beaks, Nordling and Faraci's plan took an unexpected turn when Devin, who had been appointed to rile up the talkbackers in the Menke obit talkback under the kobe_ass_tastes handle, ended up slipping on a greasy taco wrapper he dropped in haste as he rushed home to infiltrate the talkback. Devin cracked his head open on a rock, and he became comatose almost immediately. "It was nasty, man," said another of CHOPPAH's sources. "But Beaks and Nordling didn't care. They kept on going with their plan." Faraci's been in a coma ever since, and because he has no close friends outside of Nordling and Beaks, nor any family who cares, no one has bothered to notice that the REAL Devin Faraci has been rotting away in an LA hospital while Nordling and Beaks' newest sock puppet, "Devin Faraci," continues to blog, tweet and post on Facebook. "Look, I know Faraci is somewhat of a cunt, and a hairy, priggish cunt, at that," said a talkbacker who wished to remain anonymous. "But what DEƒUCK® are they thinking with this? First they create that tool kobe, and then this? A sock puppet for an actual living, breathing human? Despicable." Meanwhile, Nordling and Beaks went on to carry out their plan to exploit Sally Menke's death to purge the talkbacks of malcontents once and for all. Instead of waiting on hey_kobe_tell_me_how_my_ass_tastes, whom Faraci was scheduled to "drive" that day, they decided to make an example out of your faithful narrator, THE_CHOPPAH, and then they made a talkback saint out of D.Vader, dropping the Banhammer on both of us, among others. "In a way, their plan worked," said a former regular talkbacker who did not want to be identified by name. "Although the backlash might have ended up being too harmful in the long run. "Still, remember the wasteland the site became after Vades and others were purged?" he asked. "Or how william_faulkner was seemingly on every thread heckling anyone who dared stick up for Vades or you, CHOPPAH?" Indeed. CHOPPAH reminds you to also recall how "Devin" just happened to be posting on AICN regularly after betraying Nick Nunziata and CHUD while "he" waited to get "his" new blog up and running. This was none other than Beaks and Nordling carrying out their plan. So, all those talkbackers who suspected that Nordling was just a sock puppet for Devin Faraci? Wrong. It turned out to be the other way around. But Harry was powerless to stop their purges, nor did he want to, since he felt so strongly about Menke's death. Besides, Harry was about to enter the most dire stage of his rapidly declining health. And he didn't even -- couldn't even, really -- know what was happening right under his nose. It was uncertain whether he would recover, and Beaks and Nordling seized their opportunity. ... Coming tomorrow (or possibly tonight!), Part 3: The endgame, or a new beginning?

  • March 31, 2011, 8:28 p.m. CST

    Starring the majority of cast members from TLC reality shows...

    by HB_Dad

  • I'm not surprised. None of the daily announced soulless remakes catch me off guard anymore. It is just business as usual out there in La-La Land isn't it? Thank God that we will still have books and video games being made that use new concepts and stories without having to continually resort to a "reboot" or "remake" of already experienced experiences. And once in a while, a little gem of a film shines through all the crap. That is the best we can hope for these days.

  • Thank you douchebag film executives!

  • March 31, 2011, 9:09 p.m. CST

    go, CHOPPAH...

    by Charlie_Sheens_Coke_Numbed_Penis

    preach, my friend remakes mostly blow except when they don't. nobody knows why. just is.

  • March 31, 2011, 9:13 p.m. CST

    Fuck no. no no no no no no. Not time bandits.

    by Father

    I really , really hope this is one of those potential remakes that are talked about for a little while then completely forgotten . Time bandits does not need to be remade.

  • Hollywood insiders sit around and make fun of spec script writers and aspiring film makers, saying their scripts are shit or unmarketable, using them as examples and excuses to NOT EVER MAKE ANYTHING ORIGINAL AGAIN. Instead, they just decide to reboot something. Even the entrenched writers that make millions and write successful films are looked at with contempt by the big dogs who hold all the money in Hollywood. I'm not saying that every screenplay submitted to Hollywood is good, or even not-shitty. Surely many of them are not great. Thing is, at least people are sending stuff in. Tons and tons of people out there would give up a nut or a tit to work in Hollywood. At least those passionate dreamers brave enough to try to get past the studio gatekeepers still believe in storytelling, and haven't sold their souls to the studio exec devil who just answers to some douche-bag financial analyst sitting way up in his glass tower on Wall Street, planning how to crash the economy again and get rich in the process. We need a new film making center of power in this country. Hollywood isn't cutting it anymore. The majority of the people out there just don't care anymore. It is just a job. I say making good films is not just a fucking job. Problem is, Hollywood suits have enough tried and true methods to weed out the true dreamers and artists and instead find the leeches who will remake whatever film they are handed, because they are desperate and don't want to blow the opportunity. Too bad that opportunity leads to a career of remaking other people's films, thus killing any artistic soul said remake artist may have left. Because of this, the evolution of the art of cinema, both intellectual films, and those made only for sheer entertainment value, has stagnated to a level so low I don't think I can imagine a deeper darker point for it to slide down into.

  • March 31, 2011, 9:27 p.m. CST

    A reboot is just plain evil

    by Dreamfasting

    Time Bandits works not because of any action, but because at it's heart it's a thinking movie. It starts with the question "Why does an omnipotent benevolent supreme being create evil?" then goes about constructing a world tangled enough to allow that question to be answered with a sort of respectful sarcasm towards the holes in the logic of religion. In my view, it is an absolute masterpiece of storytelling.

  • March 31, 2011, 9:48 p.m. CST


    by L.H.Puttgrass

    NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooo......... Stop REBOOTING EV-AR-REE-GOD-DAMN-THING!!! Shit!! Grow some cojones and make your OWN movie! Your own ORIGINAL movie! P.S. fuck you, hollywood.

  • March 31, 2011, 10 p.m. CST


    by montessaurus

    WAIT - NOPE you suck dick. You're only in this to grab onto your 15 seconds in a vain attempt to get yourself banned/martyred like you're goddamned DGDB. Here's the PAIN. You are no Danny Glover's Dickblood - you couldn't even hope to fill his baby booties. You don't have the smarts. Everything that comes out of your PC has this pathetic "worship-me" messianic /obvious god complex behind it. It really sucks. Why don't you just fuck off to Kotaku or something. Or your lame twitter account, jeez0.

  • March 31, 2011, 10:03 p.m. CST

    PS - Devin sucks too

    by montessaurus

    but atleast he isn't masquerading under some talkback handle like he's the fucking "Mu'adib" or some shit. Seriously, "Teh Chopper", make your own fucking site and get all of your news from AICN a week after the fact.

  • March 31, 2011, 10:22 p.m. CST

    Labyrinth Reboot!

    by Wookie_Weed

    The Henson Company are pushing for it. What the fuck happened to the Dark Crystal sequel, anyway?

  • March 31, 2011, 10:22 p.m. CST

    Erik the Viking REBOOT!

    by Wookie_Weed

    It'll happen!

  • March 31, 2011, 10:22 p.m. CST

    Reboot, The New "Ironic".

    by FreeBeer

    ...THIS IS A REMAKE!! Reboot? That Word Is Being Used Wrong All The Time, It's Becoming The New "Ironic" or "Literally".

  • March 31, 2011, 10:24 p.m. CST

    April Fool, freebeer

    by Wookie_Weed

    I want my beer now

  • March 31, 2011, 10:24 p.m. CST

    Brazil remake!

    by Wookie_Weed

    Starring Miley Cirus in a waxing salon.

  • March 31, 2011, 10:25 p.m. CST

    As For Remakes, "The Goonies" Would Be Great Done Pixar Style..

    by FreeBeer

    ..You Could Even Give All The Characters The Likenesses Of The Original Actors. The Could Even Make It A Sequel If They Make The Film This Way. I'm Really, Really Surprised More Movies Haven't Decided To Get Around The Aging Of Actors By Allowing Their Franchises To Make The Jump From Live Action To CGI Animation.

  • Nordling and Beaks had to keep up the illusion that Faraci was still around and writing his particular brand of smarmy, contrarian trollery. So, the two of them, for whom smarmy, contrarian trollery isn't much of a stretch, continued to write under the name of "Devin Faraci" on his blog, Badass Digest, and his Twitter/Facebook accounts. If people knew what the real Devin was up to as he attempted to dash home that fateful day in September, they might begin to ask unfortunate, difficult questions. Still, as time wore on, and the rage over the D.Vader Purges, as they've come to be known in AICN lore, burned, a mysterious talkbacker by the name of Gabriel_Grays_Cumshot_Frenzy began to appear. He began trolling the boards pretty hard, hijacking them with bombastic pronouncements that he had evidence that "Faraci," who had been posting at AICN through the wiles of Nordling and Beaks, indulged in child pornography. Gabriel began to threaten AICN's servers with a massive attack if they did not stop posting "Faraci's" articles and reviews. However, CHOPPAH has now learned, through several deep background sources, that Gabriel Gray was the work of none other than Beaks and Nordling. "It was them all along," one of my sources confided in me. "They wanted to attack the site under Gabriel's name and URL -- and they succeeded for a while, if you remember -- to shake Harry down into streamlining the place, thus making it easier for them to patrol talkbacks and implement their plan to eventually merger with 'Faraci' and his new operation, the laughably, pathetically named Badass Digest." This tactic ended up working, as Harry, whose health continued to deteriorate, had no choice but to "reboot" the site, with a slightly altered design. Unfortunately, and I have yet to confirm whether this is a coincidence or not, many AICN users' handles and passwords were compromised and even stolen. The site was down for about a week while Harry and his crew fought to reforge it. Unfortunately, the damage was done, and Beaks and Nordling's plan crept toward its insidious conclusion. However, a fortuitous thing has happened since then. Beaks and Nordling's plan suffered a blow as Harry, recovering from life-saving surgery, continues to make an unexpectedly strong recovery while assuming more control of his site. Many of the older and better talkbackers have stayed away since late last year, but some have returned to reclaim their old places in the talkback pantheon, including the Legend Who Walks Among Us, D.Vader. Beaks, Nordling and their "Faraci" sock puppet are still plotting, though, waiting in plain sight for their next opportunity. Witness the resurgence of Beaks as a leading voice on AICN and his and Nordling's shameless plugs for "Devin's" blog, particularly on the Batman reboot post or the new Hangover 2 trailer post. "Devin's" post on Batman was infinitely more detailed and compelling than Beaks' AICN post, by the way ... ahem. Witness Nordling's sudden rise to prominence on AICN, as another example. Harry may be getting better, but his power over AICN isn't going to last forever. It's only a matter of time before Beaks and Nordling push him over to the sure-to-fail Famous Monsters for good. And until then, none of us are safe. Not even THE_CHOPPAH. Sweet dreams, my CHOPlings.

  • March 31, 2011, 11:58 p.m. CST

    This concept definitely reeks of a plan of...EVIL!

    by Kamaji

    A co-worker and I watched this after a night of drinking after work, and even intoxicated, it was still pretty entertaining. And I still can't get that George Harrison song at the end out of my head!

  • April 1, 2011, 12:47 a.m. CST

    April Fool's joke, right?

    by Zardoz

    Please! Fucking please! I just watched this movie in HD on Netflix streaming last week and it's just as great as when I saw it as a kid on it's initial release. Don't do it! For the love of god, don't do it! Return the map! Return what you have stolen!

  • April 1, 2011, 1:22 a.m. CST

    David Warner's best role...

    by njscribe44

    had to be Jack the Ripper in "Time After Time." Opening scene scared me to death when it first came out. "My name is John...but you can call me Jack," followed by this horrible ripping noise. Warner's done great work, including "Time Bandits."

  • April 1, 2011, 2:16 a.m. CST

    there are movies that should be remade

    by john

    the italian job and ocean's eleven were perfect examples of remakes that work...basically because the source material had promise...but was lacking something there is no point in remaking something as original as time bandits and goonies should not be should be a sequel...ala IT....with all the charcters now grown up and forced to face their inner child how is it that miike gets the purpose of a remake...but hollywood doesnt? in fact...if they get miike to write and direct a time bandits remake..i would see that movie...cuz it would have nothing to do with the original, but it would be sick and twisted

  • April 1, 2011, 3:40 a.m. CST

    No. Just... no.

    by Johnny Wishbone

    Surely with the original written by Gilliam and Palin, co-produced by Gilliam and directed by Gilliam, he pretty much owns it. He doesn't strike me as the sort of ex-python to sell his ideas for a quick buck, unlike Eric Idle and his embarrassing Python Musicals. If, however, there is any shred of truth to this story then I hope Hollywood dies like the aids riddled prostitute it has become.

  • April 1, 2011, 3:43 a.m. CST

    FUCK OFF!!!

    by obi12kenobi

    ...just fuck off with this reboot...

  • April 1, 2011, 6:23 a.m. CST


    by Clavius

    NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO Not Time Bandits. Please DO NOT attempt to remake Time Bandits! "Big screen kids action franchise" THAT sentence right there should tell you what to expect. More watered-down "family friendly" crap with the balls of the original film surgically removed so as not to upset the kiddies. My God, David Warner was both hilarious and scared the piss out of me as Evil when I originally saw this as a kid and I freaking LOVED it. Studios today wouldn't dare risk giving kids a character like that now for fear of upsetting their litigious mommies and daddies.

  • April 1, 2011, 7:18 a.m. CST

    Can't wait!

    by rev_skarekroe

    Lots of pop culture references, fart jokes, Ke$ha on the soundtrack! It's gonna be GOLD!

  • April 1, 2011, 7:58 a.m. CST


    by Keith Maniac

    Why does everything have to be spoiled? Why do happy memories have to be taken down from the shelf of my childhood and openly buggered for the amusement of amoeba who sporadically look up from texting, tweeting and masturbating , to look through glassy, listless eyes at things that once fired my imagination being used and soiled like a Thai prostitute with really low self esteem.

  • April 1, 2011, 8:22 a.m. CST

    Make it stop!!

    by peejnyc007

    no more reboots!!

  • Fucking awful, isn't it? And the worst thing about it? Modern-day film fans using it in everyday conversation, so that you're forced to read it on multiple occasions every single fucking day.

  • April 1, 2011, 9:30 a.m. CST

    I Hope Dinklage and Warwick Davis Say Absolutely Not...

    by frakthetoasters

    ...if approached to play a role in this 'film'.

  • April 1, 2011, 9:37 a.m. CST

    April Fools! You guys are SOOO easily fooled.

    by Jeff Dee


  • April 1, 2011, 9:40 a.m. CST

    I hope the producers of this are reading any of this...

    by Lord Elric

    Because I should like to take the opportunity at this time to tell them that it's so good to see the deep love and appreciation and overall respect that they have for Gilliam's unique vision. And GO...TO...FUCKING...HELL...YOU...HACKS. "what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul."

  • April 1, 2011, 9:45 a.m. CST

    Why remake a horrible film?

    by tailhook

    Pure trash of a film. Tried watching this the other day and had to shut it off halfway through.

  • April 1, 2011, 9:50 a.m. CST

    Time Bandits is and always was

    by Brian Hopper

    a terrible movie. Most people who tout it never saw it, or are misremembering it, or have really really bad taste.

  • April 1, 2011, 9:52 a.m. CST

    Wait a tick...

    by Lord Elric

    It's April Fools Day, right? Doh!

  • April 1, 2011, 9:57 a.m. CST

    David Rappaport

    by Hipshot

    Worked with the gentleman many years ago. He was very very smart, talented, and genteel, and a little sad about his lack of opportunities due to his size. Oh...and he was a hell of a drummer.

  • April 1, 2011, 10:34 a.m. CST

    No Freaking Way!!!!

    by TheSquifster

    What the hell is it with all these fucking re-boots! Really? I mean is there no talent out there these days to write something original???? Here's a few I know about currently going through the reboot mill - Robocop - Fright Night - Total Recall - Spiderman - Batman (pending reboot, already) - Dare Devil - The Shadow - Fantastic Four and now one of the coolest most original standalone pieces of film I have ever seen Timebandits! C'mon peeps, Hollywood big wigs seriously need to grow a pair and back some original cinema. We Brits can do it, so why can't Hollywood??? Search The Missing on Facebook, have a read of the 1st draft of the treatment on the page, search out Shaun of the Dead crossed with Snatch horror comedy too Cockneys Vs Zombies starring Bionic Woman herself Michelle Ryan! Go for something original and stop lining these reboot junkies pockets!

  • April 1, 2011, 10:42 a.m. CST

    Under the Rainbow DVD

    by arthurrex007

    You can get it for 19.99 at the Warner Brothers Archive

  • April 1, 2011, 10:48 a.m. CST


    by Tom

    Take one of the most original movies of all time and turn it into some cheap 3D, CGI, Spykids like franchise. I believe there is a nice place in hell for producers like this.

  • April 1, 2011, 11:32 a.m. CST

    Handmade Films without George Harrison on the tiller.

    by Royston Lodge

    If this turns out to be a travesty, it'll be because George Harrison wasn't around to keep these guys focused on the quality.

  • April 1, 2011, 11:37 a.m. CST

    Good one of Wally!

    by Ingeld

    I don't know why, but that is my favorite line from the film. I hope this news, BTW is an April Fools joke.

  • April 1, 2011, 12:05 p.m. CST

    (reacting to the news) Eh??? Excuse me?

    by AsimovLives

    Jesus Christ!!!

  • It is a joke, right? Right?

  • April 1, 2011, 12:06 p.m. CST

    tailhook, are you daft or are you just playing punk-ass?

    by AsimovLives

  • April 1, 2011, 12:08 p.m. CST

    the_choppah, you are a veritable Sam Spade.

    by AsimovLives

  • April 1, 2011, 12:55 p.m. CST

    this is crap

    by Smack_Teddy

    and its not just a kids movie Nordling

  • ...they obviously didn't see the story about rebooting Batman (again), which is the biggest brain-fart to have escaped Hollywood in recent decades. Fully approved by this site, naturally. Tomorrow, as reported by Nordling with his arse firmly impaled on the fence he happily occupies: Reboots of Labyrinth, Jaws, Batman, Schindler's List, Jurassic Park, Ghostbusters, Batman, Raiders, Evil Dead, Batman, Lord of the Rings, Inception, Batman, Raiders, Dark Crystal, Krull, Conan (oh..shit), Batman, Pulp Fiction and The Untouchables. There are untold origin stories in all of them. Especially Batman. I mean, how DID he become Batman? I wish someone could tell me.

  • April 1, 2011, 1:55 p.m. CST

    Time After Time rocked

    by Kontarsky

    Warner should have played Jack in every film ever.

  • April 1, 2011, 1:55 p.m. CST

    Soon, there will be a remake of Star Wars.

    by AsimovLives

  • April 1, 2011, 1:58 p.m. CST


    by Kontarsky

    The site hasn't been a big draw for me lately, but I enjoyed reading the three installments of your investigation. It's amazing how a number of TBers write more interesting things than the official writers on this site. Keep on Chopping.

  • April 1, 2011, 2:48 p.m. CST

    "I've got the MAP...

    by ProfGriffin

    ...and the day after tomorrow, THE WORLD!" Brilliant film. Classic.

  • April 1, 2011, 2:51 p.m. CST


    by PatientZer0

    Is GOD. His greatest roles: Jack The Ripper - Time After Time Sark - Tron Keith Jennings - The Omen Evil - Time After Time These are facts. END OF LINE.

  • April 1, 2011, 3:04 p.m. CST

    not at all...

    by tailhook

    Time Bandits is trash. I made it about half way in and shut it off. It sad too... cause i can stomach some Terry Gilliam. Just not that movie. It was like an epilleptic was allowed to write and did so in some stream of consciousness fashion during a seizure that made little reason and then the script was put in a shredder and put back together by a retarded kid and some tape. I know some liberal fuckers get off on that due to the rep of who was making it(if you have a good liberal rep as some auteur, it doesn't matter what you make or how bad it is made.. they'll try to make an argument or some reason to like it because you're 'their' guy), but that emperor had absolutely no clothes. Seriously, trash.

  • and while were at it, can we not directly compare rebooting Batman with Time Bandits please?

  • April 1, 2011, 3:25 p.m. CST

    Just reboot Terry Gilliam...

    by Chet_P_Disney

    It worked with Tim Burton. The suits should just sit down with him, Terry at one end of the table and a giant bag of cash at the other.

  • April 1, 2011, 3:59 p.m. CST

    tailhook has no soul


    just like most conservative fukkers. Their Christian faith is just a Get Out of Hell Free Card for them, because they know if there really is a Hell, that's where their greedy asses are going.

  • April 1, 2011, 5:05 p.m. CST

    hopefully gillia will get to direct the reboot......

    by kimbers

    and it will never get made

  • April 1, 2011, 6:55 p.m. CST

    lol the_chippah

    by tailhook

    Who said I was Christian? You know who is christian? Obama. lolz. Just fyi, I'm aethestic or agnostic more than anything :P. Oh, and to the above poster... Time After Time did own. Another good one you might have missed is Timescape.. also known as The Grand Tour: Disaster in Time.

  • April 1, 2011, 10:04 p.m. CST

    late to this party ...

    by Beniffer

    I haven't read any of the talkbacks .. loved the origional .. they could never do better

  • April 2, 2011, 4:37 a.m. CST


    by Triple_J_72