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Ambush Bug donkey punches SUCKER PUNCH!
Hey folks, Ambush Bug here. I got to see Zach Snyder’s SUCKER PUNCH this week. Who wants to touch me?Have you ever wondered what goes on in the mind of a stripper as she sashays her tight little booty up on stage in front of leering old men and rowdy frat boys?
Me neither.
But Zach Snyder obviously does. He is so interested that he has centered an entire film on the quandary. Much like the main characters of SUCKER PUNCH who use disassociation to take them to a place much more exciting than their oppressed existence, sitting in the theater and watching the film, I felt the urge to be someplace else as well. SUCKER PUNCH is a loud, gaudy, fetishistic, bombastic piece of cinema. It’s also hollow, remedial, and bereft of substance. As the scenes flew by with Michael Bay-ian abandon, as much as I wanted to become invested in the film, as the minutes passed bringing me closer to the time for the credits to roll, all I could think of was how wrong of a choice this director is for a SUPERMAN film.
Let me start with the good stuff. SUCKER PUNCH looks cool. The hotties are hot. Their tight fitting Sailor Moon garb looks sassy on their tighter young forms. There is a lot of action for the girls to do and the ‘splosion crowd to drool over with numerous expansive set pieces filmed against a green screen. The film has everything that should make for a movie all of us fanboys and girls should swoon over: big guns, hot chicks, zombie clockwork soldiers, flying flaming dragons, giant samurais, Scott Glenn, ‘sploding automations that look like extras from I, ROBOT, silver swords, Carla Gugino’s pooper (though unfortunately covered by a toight skirt), mecha robot armor, ‘sploding blimps, swooping airplanes, kung fu, and did I mention ‘splosions? The effects are pretty outstanding and though the fact that 88% this film was probably filmed on a sound stage is pretty evident, Snyder has some fantastic backdrops to plop some action into.
Another good thing? Well, I thought Blondie (played by raven haired cutie and HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL star Vanessa Hudgens…see she’s a brunette named Blondie—I-RON-EEEEEEEE!!!) was pretty damn smokin’. Then again I always was kinda partial to brunettes.The other good thing in this film is that Snyder doesn’t make Carla Gugino wear old age make-up in SUCKER PUNCH as he did in WATCHMEN, though he does make her use a horrible accent. Gugino as always is pants-stiffeningly good though, so there’s that.
The Gugino factor aside, everything else in this film is as vacant as the set of TWO AND A HALF MEN (too soon?). Cool without substance just sucks, and that’s what this film is. After a dialog-less montage set to nu rock music opening the film (something Snyder did much more effectively in WATCHMEN), Snyder decides to hang the feather-weight plot on the scavenger hunt motif where our heroine has to gather a number of weapons and items in order to escape the mental hospital she has been put in by her abusive father. How is she supposed to do this? Well, our little heroine Baby Doll (played by the hollow eyed Emily Browning) has the seductive power of dance! Turns out, Baby Doll can shake her tiny little pa-toot and it makes everyone go gaga. The audience is told this, but Snyder never really shows us Baby Doll’s smooth moves. All she does is shimmy slowly from side to side, the crappy remake tune of the minute volumes up and then we are transported to another fantasy world disassociation. We never see this dance at all. Maybe Snyder filmed it and realized how ridiculous it is that in her mind she’s fighting giant samurais and robot train conductors, but in reality she’s making like Shakira on roofie juice. To add insult to injury, Snyder doesn’t even try to make these fantastic scenarios match metaphorically with the real life actions going on in the scavenger hunt. It’s just the fantasy world sequence where the chicks are in some kind of faux danger, then somehow, the item is attained through Baby Doll’s distracting moves off screen. The audience never gets to make up their own minds whether this dance ignites the loin-fire as every character boasts in the film, but I’ll bet there’s a cut somewhere with the moves interspersed in between the fantasy scenes that looks as idiotic as it sounds.
Snyder has a tendency to pick very annoying music for his films. It was somewhat annoying in 300 with the out of place guitar growling. He amped it up in WATCHMEN with the uncomfortably long love scene set to Leonard Cohen in the OwlMobile. In SUCKER PUNCH he just reaches deep into his trousers and goes full-on balls-out making probably 55% of this film into a music video. If that wasn’t annoying enough, the music is remake nu metal versions of classic songs like the Pixies “Where is My Mind” and the Eurythmics “Sweet Dreams” (boy, that hasn’t been remade enough…). When a song is used to amp up the mood of the scene, I can dig it. When it’s crammed into numerous scenes over and over with the finesse of a proctologist with elephantitis of the index finger, it’s…kinda noticeable and definitely uncomfortable to experience.
SUCKER PUNCH really falls apart when it tries to wrap things up in a glittery moralistic bow at the end. And though I won’t ruin the ending here, it’s a groaner that is telegraphed pretty much from the beginning. Anyone who has seen any movie in the last ten to twenty years will be able to figure out the “wicked sick” twist at the end. OK, one hint: the film is about disassociation.Guys, if you go see this film this weekend, the terrorists win. All you are doing is confirming the “brain trust” powers that be at WB that Snyder is the man for SUPERMAN. Maybe with Nolan on his ass, there may be a sliver of hope for something halfway decent for Snyder’s Man of Steel, but from what I saw in the ride on the short bus that was SUCKER PUNCH, the guy can make a scene pretty and cool looking, but couldn’t add substance to a film if he were armed with a shovel, a syringe, and a bucket of KY.
I’m like you. I saw the commercials to this one filled with “Awww, cool!” moments and thought I was in for a fun ride. Apart from one scene where Snyder pretty effectively uses the tried and true “slo mo/speed up” fight technique he’s used in every film since 300, the film laid there dead on the theater floor like a stripper’s soul. SUCKER PUNCH is full of glam and glitz and fetishes galore and I know some folks will love the film just for that. Much like strippers themselves, SUCKER PUNCH wants your money this weekend (SPOILER: they’re not into you, all they see are dollar signs), but as it bumps and grinds up there on the screen, if you look closely into its eyes you’ll see that any semblance of substance has gone far, far away.Ambush Bug is Mark L. Miller, original @$$Hole/wordslinger/reviewer/co-editor of AICN Comics for over nine years. Support a Bug by checking out his comics (click on the names to buy)!
MUSCLES & FIGHTS VOL.3 & MUSCLES & FRIGHTS VOL.1.
VINCENT PRICE PRESENTS: THE TINGLER #1 and #2(interview, interview, preview, & review).
VINCENT PRICE PRESENTS #20 WITCHFINDER GENERAL(preview, review)
NANNY & HANK miniseries: #1, #2, #3, and #4 (interview, interview, interview, preview, & review, review, in stores now!)
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THE DEATHSPORT GAMES miniseries: #1, #2, #3, and #4 (review, in stores now!)
Readers Talkback
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i knew this would be good!
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Shaping up to be just another massive fucking disappointment.
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Seriously. I was saying Zman was wrong from the mutherfucking get-go. No one wants a fucking origin tale either unless it's completely new and original. We know where superman comes from why he's here and why he chooses to fight for us. Like the Hobbit. WB needs to grow some balls and pressure Nolan into directing. Fuck I'd be down with his brother directing.
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Why bother to top it? It's impossible. And Snyder hasn't a hope in hell of doing anything with the material. Superman is all about SOUL, something Snyder's films are completely lacking.
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Snyder should just go back to directing music videos. That's obviously what is most interested in. God knows he can't tell a cohesive narrative.
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Let's reward great films and let these pseudo videogame slash studio focus group exercises/abortions die a quick but painful and extremely expensive death.
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This movie will fail to make any sort of dent in the box office. I can't believe this guy is directing the new Superman movie, it depresses me to no end. Fuck...
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I was looking more forward to Snyder's "Army of the Dead" that was announced awhile back rather than this drivel.
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I can't believe how hot Emily Browning appears in this movie but recent pictures of her...ARF!
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all the girls were Asian. Jamie Chung just aint enough. Less dialogue too. Silent Asian broads parading around in fuck me pumps. Snyder was sooooo close.
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March 25, 2011, 7:37 a.m. CST
So this review is just an advertisement for Ambush Bug's comics? How about an ADVERTISEMENT banner.
by Stereotypical Evil Archer
I'm going to see Sucker Punch.
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He's never been right for it, and when this bombs hard, Warner will go into frantic back-pedalling mode. Hopefully.
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March 25, 2011, 7:45 a.m. CST
Hey Bug, ever listen to Cathedral's Hopkins (Witchfinder General) EP?
by Stereotypical Evil Archer
It will make you forget that nu-metal ever happened. I'll check out your Hopkins stuff when I get some cash. The ad worked.
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Again, who gives a fuck about superman, every review of this movie is about how they don't want Synder to direct it. The movie was fun and entertaining, but no one gives a fuck, only that the movie bombs so Synder gets thrown off superman. Again, who gives a fuck about superman, that movie has already been fucked up multiple times.
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...I smell another Hollywood "Summer of Shit" coming on. What if it really finally happens? What if EVERYTHING this summer sucks ass and tanks? Will it be the beginning of the end for the whole industry? Maybe we actually need that. Maybe the herd needs to be massively culled. Okay. Discuss.
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Did Snyder steal your girlfriend or something?
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I think Snyder will do a fine job directing their material.. Keep in mine Sucker Punch is Snyder's OWN material.
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I'll form my own opinion on Sucker Punch, thank you very much, but if 300 and Watchmen are any indication of what Snyder will bring to Superman (meaning making use of good source material, script and cast), then Superman will rock.
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March 25, 2011, 8 a.m. CST
A remake of Where Is My Mind because...
by HarryKnowlesNonExistentInceptionReview
...I doubt Frank Blank, Kim Deal and the rest would allow the original version to be tacked onto this shitfest, although they did allow a remake to be used, probably figuring, "Hey, at least we can score a few bucks off this Snyder shithead."
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Yeah! Way to suck, one disappointing movie that's come out!
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...It's the little Japanese high school girl uniform. Damn, I wish I had gone to high school in Japan. Wouldn't have gotten much studying done though. Maybe it's better I went to a regular old USA ghetto high school.
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Can we just squash that myth forever? Sure, Chris Reeve gives the greatest superhero film performance ever, and Marlon Brando was good even though he wanted them to film a bagel or suitcase bc no one knows what Kryptonians looked like... But every scene with Ned Beatty kills the movie dead. Lex Luthor lives in the sewers with a hot receptionist and wears a wig. The "Can You Read My Mind" sequence. There's a list just as long (longer) of the absolutely perfect moments in the film as well, and I love that flick as much as anyone, but enough with the notion that Superman is some perfect superhero film and the end all be all of Man of Steel flicks.
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Yes! A reviewer who knows his own soul!
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Well lets have a little fucking look shall we ... battle LA was shite, The green Hornet shite, The Rite SHITE, Unknown Dull, The Adjustment Bureau average, Red riding Hood shite, ... I could go on. Don't pretend anything worth a damn has blowen us away this year so far because you would be a fucking liar.
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but I am starting to slide into the darkside. Watchmen...why amazing in the way the story was told, left me feeling, well...nothing at the end. A piece of chewing gun that deleived a burst of flavor and then wears off and at the end you are hungry for something consistant. 300, same effect..the bite was just not there. I do fear for Superman. I hope that someone at the studio learns from this and enforces some sort of control over him, so that he can produce a visually stunning Superman movie...with no of the hollowing Snyder Effect. Based on my gut feelings and the dogshit reviews that I have read, I think that I will wait until it's a Redbox rental.
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And why the fuck should anyone here take your opinion about whether or not Snyder should direct Superman seriously? I know I don't. You think Superman is a character with depth that Synder can't properly portray because he's all flash and no substance? Are you fucking kidding? Superman is the white bread of superheroes. Nobody can tell a good story about him except about him fucking dying, because he's a static character. Synder will do what nobody has managed to do yet with Superman... make him look awesome with cool looking action and effects. Which is perfect since that is the only reason anybody likes Superman. You over reached man. Whoever the fuck you are.
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March 25, 2011, 8:28 a.m. CST
How about some love for a film as we get to know new reviewers.
by antonphd
Reading a review about how much you hate a film as an introduction is like telling a first date about having been molested as kid. Let's have some good times first before we get to the pathos. It sounds like Sucker Punch is a miss, but at least it looks like Snyder swung for the fences. Which is more than can be said about 99% of directors in the last 36 years of my life.
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Is that what the initial draw to the flick was upon seeing the trailers? Young hot chicks in kinky outfits fighting all manner of fantasy thingamadoos, hmmmm, I wonder if the big samurai she's fighting in the preview represents adult oppression against rebellious teenage angst, cause thats what I really wanna see outta this! Haven't seen the movie, probably won't see the movie, because most people like me saw the movie for what it was before it even came out. Fetish eye candy. Enjoy the retina rape.
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Hoo, boy, this movie sounds like a whole lotta suck.
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March 25, 2011, 8:42 a.m. CST
As someone who's actually read a few of Ambush Bug's comics...
by Stegman84
Dude, I seriously wouldn't be throwing stones if I were you. I mean congratulations for being paid I guess, but every comic I've read of yours, not to put too fine a point on it, fucking sucked. That is if you even got paid, given that, apart from usually being utter dreck, Bluewater Comics is dodgy as fuck in the way that it treats their 'talent' even at the best of times... I'm not saying Sucker Punch is any good, but to spew such bile when you have put out far worse (and far more derivative) stuff yourself - and even use this so called review to publicise that fact - well that seems pretty fucking slimy to me all in all. People in glass houses...
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March 25, 2011, 8:50 a.m. CST
Snyder's Superman will be on the extreme other side of the spectrum across from Superman Returns
by The Krypton Kid
Superman Returns was slow and contemplative. Superman: Man of Steel will be ultra sleek glossy and so fast there's little if any time for soul-searching. But nothing will ever touch the original, which is the ultimate masterpiece of superhero films. So fitting that the greatest superhero film ever is a depiction of Superman, the greatest superhero ever.
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Never underestimate the stupidity of Zack the Hack. I learned that the hard way.
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March 25, 2011, 9:27 a.m. CST
No doubt Capone will laud this as 'A misunderstood Masterpiece'
by LargoJr
... I tend to trust Massa & Ambush a HELL of a lot more then Capone or Harry. At least M&A can write with some skill and intelligence.
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So the only reason I might have considered watching this is eliminated.
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proves that Snyder just want to make "cool" things without thinking about the substance of the source material. He only cares about the form not the content.
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March 25, 2011, 9:33 a.m. CST
SO SERIOUSLY.......... WHAT ARE THE CHANCES, THE REAL HONEST-TO-GOD CHANCES THAT SNYDER GETS REPLACED FOR SUPERMAN?
by Astronut
After this multi-million dollar debacle?
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March 25, 2011, 9:37 a.m. CST
Wonder if it is the Nada Surf version of Where Is My Mind?
by Frank Conniff
It’s on a Pixies tribute album of the same name. It’s pretty much just a copy of the original. I love Weezer’s cover of Velouria, though.
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March 25, 2011, 9:43 a.m. CST
Donner versions = good for the time but by NO MEANS DEFINITIVE!!
by darthwaz1
Seriously, the movies are too jokey, Reeve is awesome, but almost everything else is wrong! Luthor is reduced to a bumbling schemer with a a couple dumb lackeys? wtf?? We need a version that gets the charaters & material right... not just the main character right! Also, Supes powers in those films are ridiculous, the only way to make his character relate-able is to tone back his powers and make him struggle...turning the earth backwards is just f'ing dumb..
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Christopher Nolan not only will not, but should not direct Superman because if you take away everything that makes Superman 'Super'–like Nolan did for Batman–you get just a 'man.' That being said, I have always been a Marvel fan first, though I do get the appeal of Superman. Instead, they should have went with Tony Scott, who can actually tone down the hyperkinetic shite when the need suits him and tell a human story, something Zach Snyder appears to have a bit of difficulty with. Another plus for Tony Scott is that I have not seen any film of his that over-relies on blue/green screen, which always feels like it's being filmed in a studio somewhere because...it is!
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He fucked that one up so bad. At least Snyder has some balls and will give us some good action sequences. That is why he is a good choice for Supes.
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But I'm a heterosexual who shoots guns, drinks beer and enjoys pornography.
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...i lost.. the game...HA
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But all this nerd rage and critical hatred for Zach's work makes me want to see it more. That and I loved 300, Watchmen, and even the legend of the guardians, even though it was non-subtle. You can all call him a hack as much as you want, but I think that man is an amazing visual artist. Let me repeat that for emphasis, VISUAL artist, not writer. Superman will be amazing, only if Nolan and goyer write a great script.
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Whats up with all the AICN hate over this movie? Methinks fanboys/fannerds were expecting more balls and cock in this flick like 300 than vag...Ergo it comes off as more of a chick flick/girl power music video. I can see why theyd all hate it...Theres no cock n balls to relate to! Still, just sit back and enjoy the T&A, ignore the herpderp feminine touches, and at least appreciate the fact that there's a bunch of cute chicks playing a video game in the heads or slowly play pocket pool while in your seat...Have at you!
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....pulled it in and out of this film's pooper, and then punched this film in the head just as he was about to cum so that this film's sphincter would tighten up allowing Ambush Bug to experience the maximum amount of pleasure as he completed his anal adventure? <p> Is this what you're saying? Because that makes it sound like Ambush Bug enjoyed himself.
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March 25, 2011, 10:26 a.m. CST
Snyder is right for the action & direction of Superman - as long as the story is Nolan's
by Andy Pandy
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Hollyweird, please stop making "movies."
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"Have you ever wondered what goes on in the mind of a stripper as she sashays her tight little booty up on stage in front of leering old men and rowdy frat boys? Me neither." Stopped reading after that; nothing this asshole has to say could possibly be worth my time.
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"Life is Beautiful" kills me... I know he's a very strange choice, and I don't care. He's extremely smart, funny, and all of his films have heart. I get that some people are dying for some epic popcorn action. To me- That action when it happens needs to be gripping suspenseful stuff, not oh wow eye candy crap. Superman needs to be dimensional. He needs to have a soul. If I was running shop. I would fight tooth and nail to get Roberto in as the director. I'd make sure he loved the character first. I don't see how he couldn't. Superman is universal. He's not America's hero. He's the worlds hero. He will understand the whole I don't belong stuff firsthand, as well as what is so attractive about america and it's culture.
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... when he uses the term 'pooper'. You sound more like a host of a public-access star-trek fan show then a professional reviewer. Get a life, loser.
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All the AICN reviewers should put up screen shots.
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OK. I will go out on a limb and say I enjoyed it and I would watch it again and again. Why? Because it's essentially a fun, mindless popcorn flick with a shitload of action, hot girls (I couldn't take my eyes off Browning... lordy lord, she's beautiful), Guns, Cyber-Samurai, Zombie Nazi's, Orcs, Dragons... you name it, it was in there. It was a "what's what" of top searches on Deviant-Art... it's the absolute best parts of the between level movies in a killer video game. Now, with all that said... the story wasn't super-strong, but there still was a story. Awesome, No? But we're in this type of flick for the visuals. We're not in it to see an Oscar worthy performance. As for Superman and Snyder directing. There is still hope because he has a visual style that could play well. Also keep in mind we have two things in our favor... Nolan's Story w/ Goyer's Script and Nolan producing. If Nolan is looking over your shoulder, there's a good chance when something's not working, Nolan will call him out on it. I wasn't the only one leaving that theater last night satisfied. My wife thought it was loud, but didn't hate it. It was what it was and I was entertained. the reality is, it wasn't a remake ("Arthur" = BLASPHEMY!!!) and it wasn't a shitty spoof movie. it was somewhat "original" and I liked it for what it was.
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Just because you ARE a character doesn't mean you HAVE character.
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Direct, concise, witty, no personal baggage. A lot of reviewers throw in jokes just for the hell of it and wind up coming across like a jerk. But Ambush, you comic-book-guy you, you managed to be informative and funny without being pretentious and snarky. Congrats on a well-written review. And another thing... I don't read comics. Don't really have any interest to start either. But I always enjoy you guys' comic articles. Keep it up.
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Because of it's content, it's going to make a shitload of money... I don't see this flopping.
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The trailers do match the movie.
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....but it's rated R, and Vanessa Hudgens is mainly a draw to teeny boppers who can't get in, so this film will probably come out in 3rd place.....possibly edge out to 2nd if its lucky....then rapidly decline as word of mouth spreads.
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March 25, 2011, 11:43 a.m. CST
I AM THE INCUBUS TO JAMIE CHUNG'S SUCCUBUS. WE WILL NEGATE EACH OTHER'S EVIL ORIGINS, AND SPAWN THE NEXT MESSIAH.
by AzulTool
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Just because someone makes a bad movie one time doesn't make them completely unqualified to or incapable of making a good movie later. The long and short of it is that, even if Snyder is the worst thing to ever happen to anything like everyone has been saying over the past two days, Chris Nolan is not going to let Snyder mess up Superman. That said, in spite of all the terrible reviews I'm going to go see this move anyway. Who knows? I might like t.
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March 25, 2011, 11:53 a.m. CST
BRAVO! YOU NAILED IT! AMBUSH BUG IS THE BEST REVIEWER ON AICN EVER.
by uberman
Man, I love your reviews. You got game, Bug.
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It's rated PG-13
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After my UOFA Wildcats stomped ass on duke.I really enjoyed it for what it was.the story wasn't some amazing introspective life altering tale but it was a damn fun movie.and my god how can u be a hedro male and not enjoy watching these 5 hot pices of ass?i loved the music that's definitely one thing i give zack snyder props on is his music selection from this to dawn of the dead.Till this day I still think the intro of dawn of the dead with Johnny Cash's Man comes around is one of the best in cinema history.I think the dude has lots of talent and really have enjoyed all his movies. Especially watchmen which after my first watch wasn't really impressed with granted it was a bootleg copy and the sound was shit but after a second watch i felt it would go onto to be an underated classic.My suggestion if you're looking for a fun visually stunning film with lot's of hot chicks go watch it.
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I saw an interview he did when WATCHMEN was released, and he sounded like a dumb ignorant fool. He barely has a vocabulary above a young teen. An ignorant dumb young teen. Hell, his audio comentary in 300 is just him talking about CGI and NOTHING ELSE! What a royal assclown this Snyder fool is.
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Oh, then it'll be #1 this weekend. My bad.
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SUCKER PUNCH is conceptually alluring but laborious and visionless. And it is a nightmare for audiences looking for coherent fiction. It's hard to connect with a movie when it tries so hard to fool you; is this a dream, is it not, is it a dream within a dream? Who cares? Just commit to something and get on with it. A crushing bore. Snyder's latest is so slow and so confusing that you may actually fall asleep. Or wish you were really dreaming and could wake up and dream another movie. If you had to explain it to someone--and I'd wish you luck in doing so--you might say it's sort of like Charlie's Angels, but with Nazi zombies, airplane-eating dragons, and whole cities in flame. Only someone who never saw--or appreciated--Dark City would be able to call it visionary. What is the point of having an imagination, I ask you, if the only thing that can be imagined is mayhem, perpetrated without regard for even the appearance of human life? The story--about girls in a mental institution who detach from reality--often sidetracks in favor of cool visuals that don't necessarily make sense. None of this prattling drivel adds up to one iota of cogent or convincing logic. You never know who anyone is, what their goals are, who they work for or what they're doing. By convoluting the various planes of experience, by overlapping and obscuring ostensible realities and ostensible dreams, Snyder deprives us the opportunity of investing emotionally in any of it. If you recall the scene in DAHMER where Jeremy Renner as the deranged killer drills holes into his victims' heads, you'll know what watching this Freudian claptrap of a thriller is like. SUCKER PUNCH is a rather juvenile brain-teaser lacking an effective emotional core but bursting with cool visuals. Unlike the most powerful dreams it doesn't stick with you. If the career of Zack Snyder is any indication, we've entered an era in which movies can no longer be great. They can only be awesome, which isn't nearly the same thing. A false dawn.
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March 25, 2011, 12:21 p.m. CST
After she beats that trumped up necklace theft charge, I think Lindsay Lohan should direct Superman: The Man of Steel
by MARCEL_THE_NEGRO_PROJECTIONIST
Or, rather, just "Lindsay," as she's going by these days. Picture it: Superman: The Man of Steel directed by Lindsay
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if there were any space left for nails in the coffin of this movie, consider them hammered home!
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It's still not as bad as INCEPTION.
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to call a hot chick's ass a pooper? Seriously, it just ruins it.
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The difference is, SUCKER PUNCH was Snyder's vehicle from start to finish. He created it from the ground up, with no "guiding hand" to keep him in line. With Man of Steel, he's filming a script by Goyer and Nolan. 'Nuff said.
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March 25, 2011, 12:45 p.m. CST
From the director who brought you POOP Hundred. DONKEY PUNCH.
by Darth_Kong
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Though my reaction will probably be along the lines of enjoying it for the superficial stuff, despite the apparent lack of a cohesive story and soul. The emotionally-hollow part doesn't surprise me, based on Snyder's previous work (he's barely a notch above McG, and about even with Bay in the gravitas department), but I'm a little surprised he fucked up the narrative. For Superman, with Nolan and Co. shepherding, I'm less concerned about story, and just hoping we don't get more CG-backdrop shit -- I want Dark Knight-level verisimilitude.
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C H O P P E D
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March 25, 2011, 1:09 p.m. CST
INCEPTION is SUCKER PUNCH with 10 times the exposition and one-sixteenth the visual imagination.
by THE_CHOPPAH
SCOTT PILGRIM is a feat of fanwank cocksuckery.
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"The film has everything that should make for a movie all of us fanboys and girls should swoon over: big guns, hot chicks, zombie clockwork soldiers, flying flaming dragons, giant samurais." There is no plural in Japanese, it's one or many samurai, just like you don't pluralize ninja, sensei, hanshi, or any other word we would in English.
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I also didn’t much care for Inception. Even the dream worlds were dull and pedestrian. I’m afraid that if I see Scott Pilgrim I might punch someone or break something expensive in a fit of blind rage brought about my my hatred of the annoying characters. I have similar concerns about Sucker Punch. At least it doesn’t devolve into a big budget A-Team episode, like that movie The A-Team.
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Surely you mean "Engrish"?
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March 25, 2011, 1:28 p.m. CST
If INCEPTION and SCOTT PILGRIM had a kid, it would be SUCKER PUNCH.
by THE_CHOPPAH
Only, like kids in real life, this progeny has learned just a little bit from the mistakes of his parents.
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If any movie devolves into a big-budget A-TEAM episode at the end, it is INCEPTION. False dawns all around in that groaning hulk of pretension.
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March 25, 2011, 1:42 p.m. CST
Remember back in the day when getting a stupid, fun movie meant getting TOTAL RECALL?
by Monroville
(sigh) have some people's expectations dropped just that low that there is a defence of this? <p> I'm not going to reiterate what everyone else here has already said other than it seems that this is a fight between the value of cool visuals over a coherent story. <p> The bottom line is: what is the point if there is no point? Even INDEPENDENCE DAY operated within the logic of it's own world and premise, and the threats within the movie were real to the characters and meant something. Same thing with TOTAL RECALL. Hell, even COMMANDO! But when you know right off the bat that none of what you are seeing matters, how can it, no matter how cool it looks? <p> NOT TO MENTION (spoiler) when you kill off your main character at the end of the movie for no other reason than to throw in a 70's movie ending (and justify the movie title), and then (insult to injury) throw out a "oh, this was really someone else's story the whole time, even though we were with this other character the whole movie)"... you have to wonder how in the hell did Zack get the money to make this, much less if anyone read the script before green-lighting it. I mean, did Hollywood decide to make this movie the same way the democrats passed the health care bill (we'll fund it now and read it later...oops)?
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No I meant what I said. Just gotta try to share a little with the guy.
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I'd rather watch TRON: LAGASSE.
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March 25, 2011, 1:50 p.m. CST
Poor, poor ahole. You don't get it yet. Yesterday's Choppah's life was changed by INCEPTION. This is a different one today.
by Subtitles_Off
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Every week some stupid knob pulls a version of this out of his pocket to defend the week's crap blockbuster. It never meant anything. But it's getting way-played out. Can we mix it up a little? Snyder aimed for the uprights. Snyder got nothing but net. Snyder groped the lightweight's junk like a horny heavyweight.
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and kicking ass? It's like Hollywood porn. A bunch of teenage boys doing a circle jerk during a fight scene. They could not find one single girl of color?
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Someone brought up how much they hate Inception and Scott Pilgrim in this talkback. I was beginning to fear that they wouldn't get mentioned. I need to check Liz Taylor's obit to see if anyone bitched about them there, too.
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March 25, 2011, 3:49 p.m. CST
Subtitles_Off (I'll formally adress you as you requested), what is your deal? People accuse you of having multiple usernames and now your accusing Choppah of being multiple people?
by THE_CHOPPAH
<P>eace!
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but this has me completely uninterested, another multiple reality movie really? Inception was better at it, the Matrix was better at it, hell "the one" was better at it. He peaked at Watchmen.
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Liz Taylor stated publicly in the weeks before her death that she enjoyed Scott Pilgrim, but thought Inception was overrated.
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Someones trying too hard to be Massa or edgy. This guy and that Nordling idiot need to go.
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March 25, 2011, 4:17 p.m. CST
You wouldn't know anything about thinking, braindrain. Methinks!
by THE_CHOPPAH
Move along, my child.
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March 25, 2011, 4:18 p.m. CST
Liz Taylor liked to befriend sensitive, ineffectually, likely gay boys.
by THE_CHOPPAH
Such as Montgomery Clift, James Dean and Michael Jackson. It wouldn't surprise if she had a soft spot for Li'l Mikey Cera.
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Sometimes even CHOPPAH needs a goddamn edit button.
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March 25, 2011, 4:26 p.m. CST
If Jim Wynorski had directed this film I would go see it.
by Frank Conniff
That man knows a thing or two about striking visuals.
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"methinks"? ............ Fuck me. Remember when chop was interesting to read?
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CHOPPED.
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Please don't spend your money on crap like this. As a culture we are pretty much done. It's over. The crap has just taken over.
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March 25, 2011, 5:12 p.m. CST
ginge, not that I give a shit, but read some of my reviews peppered through these talkbacks
by THE_CHOPPAH
Some of my best work to date.
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You guys are idiots.
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The second reply shows you obviously DO give a shit .... "CHOPPED"
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But otherwise yes, the movie did suck.
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March 25, 2011, 6:46 p.m. CST
subtitles_off - i've seen it and snyder knocked it out of the park
by antonphd
he also hit it over the heads of most movie goers. but considering the subject that isn't a bad thing. in my opinion... to really understand this movie you have to understand what it is to survive trauma. as a foster kid who lived through 18 years of hell... i am amazed that snyder have the bravery to make this film. it's not aimed at a main stream audience. it's aimed right at victims. i was choking up at the end. and the more i think about this movie the more it resonates with me. now, i'm not saying this film is A Thin Red Line, but it's in the same company. it's not entertainment... it's a meditation.
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But, Pixies "covers" make me cringe. Still, this one looks hard to resist. Fuck it, I think I'll see it Saturday night. Goddamn it. This one will require some drugs.
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then i remembered that i read part of it, and stopped right at the two and a half men joke. and you know what? exact same place i stopped this time too. yeesh.
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Good review! Just as I expect from the film. After seeing this movie and not liking it, in the end, the gag was on ME. I was the one who got SUCKER PUNCHED! Lols! But in all fairness, I only want to check it out and make my own opinion out of it. Zack's got a good rep when it comes to visuals and interpreting the yarns of others, but sorry to say he failed on this one. And worse, its HIS own story. Strike one, Zack. He's now at that level with Frank Miller's version of The Spirit. This movie is also a fine example of the Imax/3d culture that has been going on right now, where studios abandons great storytelling of cinema's past and replaces it with MTV style visuals with incoherent storytelling. Mark my words, this way of thinking will not last long.
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I know. For some girls, short hair does not become them at all. Emily Browning is a good example of that. Have her with long hair and she's mega hot, cut her hair short and she's like "who's this girl? No, realy, that's her?".
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March 27, 2011, 5:09 p.m. CST
Pan's Labyrinth And/Or Brazil As "Re-imagined" By A 13 Year Old Chronic Masturbator With Unconscious Misogyny Issues He Mistakenly Thinks Are Empowering
by NeonFrisbee
Ladies and gentlemen: SUCKER PUNCH. The good: Hawt chicks and cool video game cut scene sequences. The bad: Everything else. The ugly: The creepy misogyny pretending to be empowerment. I'm surprised nobody brought up Pan's Labyrinth or Brazil -- they seem to be closer to what he was shooting for... and missing... by about a hundred thousand light years.
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The more I think about it, the more I hate it. Sorry, Snyder. You can't make a brainless popcorn cheesecake eye candy summer movie that also features mentally ill women being raped and murdered. It doesn't really work like that.
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Anybody who comes to this site is supposedly a film geek. How anyone can consider themselves as such, and not love "Sucker Punch boggles the mind. Honestly, what's not to love? Any one of the short fantasy sequences has more action, better special effects, and cooler moves than any other fantasy movie does IN IT'S ENTIRETY, EVER. All of you fake ass, impostor "geeks" who are bashing this film should be ashamed of yourselves. This movie represents everything you have ever asked for, or wanted to see. And it is absolutely incredible.
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"This movie represents everything you have ever asked for, or wanted to see." Except for the story. :P
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