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Zack Snyder bloodies Massawyrm's nose with a SUCKER PUNCH

Hola all. Massawyrm here.

Every once in a while a visionary director comes along who not only blows the collective skirts up of audiences around the world, but also manages to make someone, somewhere, a lot of money. And once that director has secured enough karma and leverage to make their dream project, they are handed the keys to the kingdom by people who simply don’t get it, but hope that it will make sense to everyone else. Sometimes that project is INCEPTION, TITANIC or KILL BILL. Other times it is SHOWGIRLS, SOUTHLAND TALES and SUCKER PUNCH.

Zack Snyder’s SUCKER PUNCH is a movie so terrible that it retroactively makes his entire body of work worse. It is a soulless automaton of a movie, lumbering loudly from scene to scene, knowing where it has been told to go, but never giving a shit about where it’s ending up. It’s like spending two hours in the mind of a chronically masturbating thirteen year old boy who can’t keep his hands off his thing long enough to hold a halfway decent conversation. It is a movie that demands an endless stream of metaphors describing it, because simple phrases like “sucks shit through a straw” don’t quite do its awfulness justice.

Comparisons to INCEPTION are unavoidable. Both films tackle the idea of entering a dream and involve layers of metaphor that go several levels deep. Here there are three basic realities. The first is the cold brutal reality which we see only for five minutes in the beginning and five minutes at the end. The second is a ridiculously fetishized explanation in the head of our protagonist - who somehow magically believes that envisioning herself as a captive dancer in a strip club whorehouse is somehow a more palatable reality than being wrongfully confined to a mental institution. And the third are her escapist fantasies to explain the shockingly simple reality of what is going on two levels back in the “real world.” But the differences between the two films are night and day. To Snyder’s credit, he paints incredible dreamscapes filled with lush, destructive environments and ignores the laws of physics in all the ways a dream does; to his folly, we don’t give a single squatting shit about any of it.

You see, we *know* that the dreamscapes are escapist fantasies. We know they have no bearing on the real world. We know that nothing that happens in them is even remotely real. And since they exist solely in the mind of a single individual, we know that no one is in any sort of danger at all. So we don’t care. At all. Every beautiful, painstakingly rendered action scene you’ve seen shots of in trailers and on posters? It means nothing. Bubkiss. Incredibly detailed fever dreams meant to be ooh-ed and ahhhh-ed over but that carry all the emotional weight of a Thermasilk ad.

Is the film complicated? Only up until its startlingly simple-minded explanation for those that might have been confused. It may try to duck and weave and seem somewhat lofty, but much like Scott Glenn’s painfully contrived platitudes, it all rings hollow. The film has nothing to say and jerks off to bad anime for 100 minutes trying to say it. There is nothing deep here, nothing that people are missing. It is a mess – weak attempts at esoteric metaphor that are actually nothing but a jumble of pop culture images thrown into the Snyder 3000 – a cinematic blender with 3 speeds: meandering, slow and for-fuck’s-sake-get-on-with-it.

Is there anything worthwhile here at all? It’s pretty. Every bit of set design, wardrobe, action choreography and cinematography is fucking fantastic. The people that worked on this film did an unbelievable job dreaming up the worlds that we spend so much wasted time in. If we cared at all about what was happening, these images would go down in history among some of the greatest works of cinematic speculative fiction ever. Instead, it will be relegated to the rallying cry of those precious few who end up enjoying it. Meanwhile, every actor and actress in this film is giving their all. Not a person sleepwalks through this – even those people are looking to cheap-shot like onetime Disney princess Vanessa Hudgens. Sadly, they are acting their hearts out for wafer thin characters so underdeveloped that they don’t even qualify as stereotypes; they are lines of dialog, not people, despite best efforts all around.

This movie is career suicide. Zack Snyder is still one of the most visually arresting filmmakers out there, but no one in a million years is ever going to give him carte blanche again. The film is an embarrassment, a black eye on entertainment that will become the unwilling example of what happens when geeks are allowed to do whatever they want without supervision. It is a film I wish I had seen at home, if only so I could yell at the screen all the obscenities that sprung to mind as I endured minute after ridiculous minute. I’ve never walked out of a movie – but this one really tried my patience. I beat it, but I don’t feel that I in any way won.

Until next time friends,

Massawyrm

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Readers Talkback
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  • March 24, 2011, 6:42 p.m. CST

    First

    by ZoeFan

  • March 24, 2011, 6:43 p.m. CST

    That's it, this movie is officially dead to me.

    by WriteForTheEdit

  • March 24, 2011, 6:45 p.m. CST

    Too bad

    by MARCEL_THE_NEGRO_PROJECTIONIST

    Had hopes for this one.

  • March 24, 2011, 6:45 p.m. CST

    finally an honest review

    by Billy_D_Williams

    even the good reviews seem to be jumping through hoops to like it

  • March 24, 2011, 6:51 p.m. CST

    So you liked it?

    by darth_hideous

    Cuz the review was a little vague to me

  • March 24, 2011, 6:51 p.m. CST

    Dear me...

    by Mechasheeva

    So as long as I'm baked enough to only care about pretty girls and awesome visuals it's a masterpiece, right?

  • March 24, 2011, 6:52 p.m. CST

    Massawyrm...

    by ZoeFan

    I'll see this tomorrow and probably feel the same way about the film as you do (I generally agree with your writeups). However, to say he'll never get carte blanche because of this is premature. If he screws up Superman, he'll never get it (I read all your tweets so I know how you stand on that). And even then, I think of a guy like Tarsem who is a visual genius, makes no money on his films, yet still makes what he wants. Or M. Night Shamalamadingdong, he's continually ruined films, yet somehow still gets carte blanche. I'm just saying it's premature to say Zack Snyder has commited career suicide because of Sucker Punch.

  • March 24, 2011, 6:53 p.m. CST

    Wow Massa

    by Rob

    I've always found I agree with you the most out of all the writers on AICN. This greatly disappoints me.

  • March 24, 2011, 6:56 p.m. CST

    Finally an Honest review without fear from geek hate

    by D o o d

    cause to be honest, just looking at the trailer, only "some" geeks will like this trash. Even though Massawyrm slated it, he did say that it looked good. I have to disagree and say it looks aweful.

  • March 24, 2011, 6:56 p.m. CST

    Why is it...

    by PhineasFlynn

    That the more of Massa's reviews I read, the more I find him echoing my sentiments and sensibilities? What's wrong with me?

  • March 24, 2011, 6:58 p.m. CST

    Snyder is fucked

    by Billy_D_Williams

    he now goes into Superman with his career hanging in the balance. Haahahahahaaaaaaaa...go direct porn you fucking hack, where at least you'll be rewarded for filming masturbation

  • March 24, 2011, 6:59 p.m. CST

    saw this coming a mile away.

    by claxdog

    I new this would blow since the first scuttlebutt.

  • March 24, 2011, 6:59 p.m. CST

    Massa...

    by vettebro

    Thanks for the honest review. I'll save my money.

  • March 24, 2011, 7 p.m. CST

    well shit

    by BatRastard

    i've pretty much always agreed with your reviews so this really takes the air out of my sails.

  • March 24, 2011, 7 p.m. CST

    damn massa, you eviscerated ol boy

    by Hey_Kobe_Tell_Me_How_My_Ass_Tastes

    is it even scott pilgrim level stupid?

  • March 24, 2011, 7:01 p.m. CST

    Well said, Massa...

    by Merrick

    And, agreed!

  • March 24, 2011, 7:01 p.m. CST

    Strangely, this review REALLY makes me want to see it

    by 3D-Man

    Does that make me a moron?

  • March 24, 2011, 7:03 p.m. CST

    This is a terrible, terrible movie.

    by Adam

    I love a lot of things, but at last night's screener for it, I was let down tremendously. The point is that the fanatasies get tiresome. I feel asleep in the third and fourth, realizing that what's going on doesn't matter whatsoever in the grand scheme of things. As well, the resolution of the "real life" events is terrible. Prophecies about nothing. Lastly, there is a musical number over the end credits that is so cut-and-paste that it sickened me. I found it completely pointless given the result of the plot, and actually was an insult to anyone paying attention to the story elements. It seems they had an extra scene from the middle of the film that they felt had to be tacked on to justify the budget. I know this was made in Vancouver and I do try to support our industry, but it's crap. This man should never have so much creative control ever again.

  • March 24, 2011, 7:04 p.m. CST

    I'll say it again: A sex fantasy movie should not be PG-13

    by gun_will_travel

    When you're going to break ground visually, you've got to pull out the stops. Especially when you're making a movie for grown-ups with people having sex. It's somewhat ironic that a movie entitled Suckerpunch is apparently pulling its punches. Dawn of the Dead went over the top with gore, and the female lead went naked. 300 went over the top with muscle and action, and the female lead went naked. Even Watchmen went over the top with its comic book visuals, and the female lead went naked. But for some reason, a movie about a bunch of nubile young sex slaves (in the fantasy world, anyway) is shot as a PG-13, and none of the hotties gets naked. This is a movie originally conceived by a teenaged boy, which was apparently shot for teenaged boys. Maybe they will buy enough tickets to justify it, but it doesn't look like it's going to deliver enough of anything (sex, violence, or intelligent story) to satisfy me. This one looks like a Netflix rental at best.

  • March 24, 2011, 7:08 p.m. CST

    Hardcore...

    by john

    I'll torrent this with a pizza and enjoy

  • March 24, 2011, 7:14 p.m. CST

    can we PLEASE

    by Napolis

    stop referring to Snyder as a visionary director? His films, by design, look like comic books, frequently replicating panels exactly. This isn't vision, it's the equivalent of tracing. I like Dawn of the Dead a lot, have respect for 300 and was disappointed by Watchmen. Snyder has a definite sense of visual gloss but I don't know that he's had an original idea yet.

  • March 24, 2011, 7:15 p.m. CST

    So It's As Bad As The Spirit?

    by Stryder

    Because that's been my benchmark for completely fucking awful vanity projects ever since wasting a Christmas evening on it.

  • March 24, 2011, 7:16 p.m. CST

    OF course the Snyder "Dream Movie" would have nothing going for it.

    by Audio_of_Being

    This guy is a SFX guy. I give him credit in that he makes some pretty visually arresting stuff. The problem is that he is lacking in the "everything else it takes to be a good director" department. It's the George Lucas "Let's yell 'action' and 'cut' in between sips of coffee while dreaming about what the green screen will look like in post production because actors/actresses should only need one take" philosophy.

  • March 24, 2011, 7:17 p.m. CST

    Twenty-second!

    by Black Jesus

    Eat it bitches.

  • March 24, 2011, 7:21 p.m. CST

    Pro - Masturbator

    by THX1968

    Yeah, I've said it before in these here talkbacks (somewhere in a Superman discussion), that Zack Snyder loves to play with his dick. He plays with his dick more than any other filmmaker out there, and that does include Michael Bay. I have absolutely zero interest in Sucker Punch, and I will wait until I can watch it at home so I can scream obscenities at my TV. What truly scares me is that this is the guy directing Superman. Christopher Nolan should force Snyder to direct Superman with both hands tied behind his back so he won't be able to play with his dick. And don't let Snyder shoot every Goddamn scene through a yellow or blue filter (whether in production or fiddle with footage in post). Hopefully, Sucker Punch will be the film that reveals Snyder's limitations. Limitations that have been painfully obvious to me for quite some time.

  • March 24, 2011, 7:21 p.m. CST

    This is a disturbing trend...

    by Ahastings

    ...which is that when an otherwise talented director is given carte blanche in a world with almost no limitations, they deliver something that's a fraction of movie they are/were capable of when they were fighting against a tiny budget and/or the limitations of analog filmmaking. Indy 4, Star Wars I-III, Alice in Wonderland all seem like directors phoning it in. Sucker Punch just seems like the continuation of a trend. I'd even go so far as to include Avatar. Is that 300 million dollar chick flick half as cool as Terminator or Aliens? I don't think so. Directors these days need some limits to pound against. Humbly submitted.

  • March 24, 2011, 7:23 p.m. CST

    "when geeks are allowed to do whatever they want..."

    by MooseMalloy

    Doesn't this film prove that he was faking it all along? Being a geek I mean.

  • March 24, 2011, 7:24 p.m. CST

    So it's like every other ZS film...

    by -Halfscan-

    Great production values, pretty to look at, and completely fails to convey any meaningful point or emotion?

  • March 24, 2011, 7:34 p.m. CST

    As much as I love Massawyrm...

    by John Maddening

    ...I'm really wanting to see this for myself and make up my own mind. Nordling liked it a lot while still acknowledging its faults, while Harry said he needs another viewing. That's a pretty wide net.

  • March 24, 2011, 7:36 p.m. CST

    Some auteurs need to be reigned in by the studio, I guess

    by Terrence

    That's how it goes, but I still want to see it considering it's something Snyder has wanted to do for a long time, and gotta respect the dude for trying his best to not compromise anything on it sans the PG-13.

  • March 24, 2011, 7:39 p.m. CST

    After the first painful fantasy sequence...

    by Executor

    ...when Scott Glenn told Babywhore that she needed 4 items... ...all I could think was "Dear God noooooo! I have to sit through four more of these fucking things!!!!!!" Pass.

  • March 24, 2011, 7:41 p.m. CST

    Synder is not a director

    by Billy_D_Williams

    he's a point and shoot man with all the finesse and subtlely of a sledgehammer...a glorified DP how can anybody be a fan of this man after seeing a movie like Jaws, one of the best examples of what makes a director...thrills, chills, nuance, character development, a satisfying cinematic experience...not the throw everything at the screen and see what sticks school of filmmaking by todays hacks led by Snyder...he is a man studio execs love...until he makes an impending bomb like Sucker Punch after being given carte blanche

  • March 24, 2011, 7:42 p.m. CST

    gun_will_travel: agreed

    by Frank Conniff

    PG13 is the bane of enjoyable moviemaking. This movie sounds awful.

  • March 24, 2011, 7:42 p.m. CST

    And now he is directing Superman...

    by ClayMatthews

    No comment.

  • My wife and I has basically the same feelings about the film just after watching the preview. I'm glad to see we were spot-on about our presumptions. Sometimes it's not so bad to have a trailer essentially lay out the whole movie. Then you don't have to worry about wasting the money...

  • March 24, 2011, 7:45 p.m. CST

    And Snyder does have a problem picking up on nuance...

    by Shut the Fuck up Donny

    I've had that problem since Dawn of the Dead (so pretty much towards the beginning of his career), as he never even bothered to acknowledge any of Romero's (fairly obvious) subtext about the herd mentality of the middle class in the original. It was just titties and blood. If that's all I wanted, I could watch a Troma film.

  • March 24, 2011, 7:46 p.m. CST

    Whoa, Stryder! Whao, boy! NOTHING is as bad as "The Spirit".

    by The Reluctant Austinite

    I haven't seen it (and don't want to), but I doubt I'll have to rearrange my whole definition of "bad" to describe it like I had to do with "The Spirit", a film that seems to not understand the whole concept of cinematic storytelling. Three act structures with beginnings, middles and endings? Nah, "The Spirit" doesn't need such things. Character movitavtions? Why bother with them? Long scenes involving non sequiturs that don't move the story along at all ("That is damn weird. Isn't that damn weird?")? More of those, please! Hilarious funny lines that are never hilarious or funny? Yes, as many as possible. Immortal characters that can't be hurt so no suspense can ever happen? Sure, just hit 'em with toilets! The audience will roar with laughter!Random scene editing and just end it when you run out of scenes? Yep! It took me eight or ten sittings with the DVD before I could bear to finish the whole thing and then I immediately took it to Half Priced Books to get the stench out of my house.

  • March 24, 2011, 7:48 p.m. CST

    Was gonna see it, I think I'll stay home and jerk off instead

    by Majority

    I'm a man of my word

  • March 24, 2011, 7:48 p.m. CST

    sounds like inception & scott pilgrim had a baby

    by strykebr

  • March 24, 2011, 7:48 p.m. CST

    Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow

    by jsarnold513

    The trailers for this movie have always reminded me of that mess: a flashy CGI dream world with only the thinnest of plots there to hold it all together just so the filmmaker could get financing to realize his cool looking visual sequences. It seems to me that this film is meant to taken like a geek-culture influenced treatise you might see on display at the Museum of Modern Art, not a traditional film with characters, story, or pathos. Snyder would have probably happily made this as a totally disjointed, experimental student-film type of thing if he could. That said, I have no interest in seeing it and I'm not a huge Snyder fan. Didn't he write the script for this one? The trailers seem to show a guy just throwing a bunch of cool stuff in a blender without really knowing how to write a compelling reason for it all. It reminds me of that annoying Sprite commercial where the dude's drinks a Sprite and gets inspired to make a movie with a cheerleader, a panda, a pirate ship, and a Bruce Lee wannabe in it.

  • March 24, 2011, 7:50 p.m. CST

    Nice to see AICN disagreeing on a film

    by jsarnold513

    I haven't seen this in a while and it's refreshing. Usually it's either unanimous orgasmic praise for a reasonably ok film or they're just united in dumping over something that looked like shit from the beginning. I was beginning to wonder if those "bought and paid for" rumors were true.

  • March 24, 2011, 7:53 p.m. CST

    Walter Chaw of Film Freak Central nails it...

    by Subtitles_Off

    "(Sucker Punch is) a movie that doesn't need an audience--just a box of tissues and some lotion. That anxiety you get is the dawning realization that the movie kind of wants to be by itself."

  • March 24, 2011, 7:55 p.m. CST

    Zack the Hack

    by kwisatzhaderach

    Dawn of the Dead = shit. 300 = shit. Watchmen = shit. Sucker Punch = shit. Not looking too good for Superman is it? <p> Snyder hasn't managed a convicing moment of emotion or drama on-screen yet. He's a production designer, a DP, somebody completely out of their element. Unless he is fired pronto he'll be remembered as the man that finally buried Superman.

  • March 24, 2011, 7:56 p.m. CST

    billy_d_williams

    by kwisatzhaderach

    Right on.

  • March 24, 2011, 7:58 p.m. CST

    Snyder and nuance

    by jsarnold513

    The biggest flaw for me in Watchmen, aside from the crappy new ending and the omission of most of badass Rorschach's origin (strongest part of the whole book), was how Snyder just plain didn't "get" the material. These were supposed to be (physically) ordinary people putting on tights, endangering themselves, and beating people up for no sensible reason. It was meant to be a "realistic" deconstruction of vigilantes and superheroes, yet Snyder has them effortlessly shattering bones, moving at superspeed, and knocking people 20-30 feet with a punch or a kick as if they have superpowers just because it looked cooler that way. Then there's the ending that just "feels" wrong and the "Nothing ever ends" quote being spoken to the wrong person at the wrong time by the wrong character to totally rob it of meaning. By going for the cool visuals in spite of the story, the meaning got butchered. It was all surface. Once you get past the novelty of the shot for shot recreations, the depth that made the book resonate just wasn't there.

  • March 24, 2011, 8:02 p.m. CST

    Zack Snyder off SUPERMAN: THE MAN OF STEEL

    by Subtitles_Off

    heard it here first. Unless you heard it somewhere else earlier. It's not like it's going to be a surprise.

  • March 24, 2011, 8:06 p.m. CST

    kwisatzhaderach

    by Billy_D_Williams

    high five every one of Snyder's films have sucked, except for maybe Dawn...which was decent, but merely a rental..and this guy is directing Superman???

  • March 24, 2011, 8:07 p.m. CST

    Wizard of Oz . . .

    by popmeow

    Obviously I've not seen "Sucker Punch", but since it largely takes place in dream worlds, couldn't you draw parallels between it and "The Wizard of Oz"? Do we know that Dorothy is dreaming? Similarly, how do we know that the main character in SP is dreaming? Again, not meaning to be snarky, just curious as to what differentiates the two.

  • March 24, 2011, 8:07 p.m. CST

    @kwisatzhaderach

    by Alientoast

    Dawn of the Dead remake was not shit, I'm sorry. As a zombie film I thought it was actually superior to the original Dawn of the Dead. Not to say I don't like the original Dawn, but it's a different kind of movie. It's more of a light hearted film when you get right down to it, if that makes any sense. I just can't take it seriously, but it's fun.

  • March 24, 2011, 8:07 p.m. CST

    if Snyder gets fired from Superman

    by Billy_D_Williams

    im going to get a hernia from laughing so hard...and then go on a Charlie Sheen inspired bender to celebrate the demise of another hack

  • March 24, 2011, 8:13 p.m. CST

    But Battle: LA, THAT'S Massa's idea of a good time!

    by IndustryKiller!

    I haven't seen Sucker Punch and it might very well be bad, but I just thought I would remind everybody here that Massa is a philistine with classically horrible taste who can't be trusted.

  • March 24, 2011, 8:14 p.m. CST

    Snyder wont get fired

    by Billy_D_Williams

    they will merely reign him in more...firing him would send a message to other filmmakers that they might get fired too if their movie bombs and the studio wont want to scare off someone who could make them lots of money...as glorious as it would be, it aint gonna happen.

  • At least with Sucker Punch we might actually be able to see what the fuck is going on.

  • March 24, 2011, 8:18 p.m. CST

    billy_d_williams

    by D o o d

    What you just wrote makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. It's naive and completely wrong. The studios are a business more than any other business you can imagine. It's really tough getting a movie made. When it's made and it bombs, trust me, they take count of that!

  • March 24, 2011, 8:21 p.m. CST

    Damn

    by BroVinny

    I'll be going to see it anyways, but I was hoping I'd enjoy it.

  • March 24, 2011, 8:21 p.m. CST

    Too many fucking snobs.....

    by JoshuaRowley

    I haven't seen this film, but I plan on seeing it. But before I do, I would like to address the 'new plague' within the 1's and 0's of this and many other of my favorite movie sites. I will say this, there are too many jack asses in the world with no clue how to rate or review movies. THEY ARE NOT ALL THE FUCKING SAME! Just from the title, I KNOW not compare this to Inception. C'mon morons! Drop the 'NYU film student sipping a fucking fresh cumquat martini' act and lighten up. These reviewers are the same people that trashed Grind-house, Inception, Watchmen, Where The Wild Things Are, anything Coppola does these days, The Fall, ETC. Michael Bay is not killing film, you are. Stop taking things out of context. If people like you, and you know who the fuck you are, who are giving studios all the ammo they need to shut down movies like JUSTICE LEAGUE. Would you ever write a review on a slice of pizza and in that review compare it to a bone-in-rib-eye that rocked your world?....Probably you fucking snobs. mrJOSHUA

  • March 24, 2011, 8:22 p.m. CST

    But, Wait, SHOWGIRLS Is In My Top Ten All Time Faves

    by NeonFrisbee

    BECAUSE it's so hilariously, EPICLY awful. It's so bad, and so off in nearly every conceivable way, that it becomes an amazing work of trash art. I think SHOWGIRLS is a misunderstood classic. It's a trash-art epic porn parody and satire of American culture and I love every second of it's sleazy cheesiness. So, is SUCKER PUNCH, like, hilariously bad trash-art awful, or just awful-awful? Sounds like the latter.

  • March 24, 2011, 8:26 p.m. CST

    Snyder has the same problems of many video clip/tv commercial director

    by hank henshaw

    Good at handling CGI money shots, sweeping camera work and editing. Handling actors, dialogue, storytelling, not so much. There are some exceptions: David Fincher.

  • March 24, 2011, 8:32 p.m. CST

    Superman is going to be AWESOME...

    by bma2192

    ...wait, who's directing that again?

  • March 24, 2011, 8:33 p.m. CST

    d o o d

    by Billy_D_Williams

    actually what i said makes complete sense, and yes hollywood is a business, and thats why firing a director who has not broken his contract makes no sense. they are long into pre production on Superman...Snyder has forged relationships with all his dept. heads and the cast (not to mention Nolan, the producer)...if WB fired Snyder, it would actually COST MORE MONEY to bring in someone else because they would have to dump most of the pre-production work, because the new director will have a different vision...not to mention the cast and crew will now be nervous about working with someone they did not really agree with before signing up. that nervousness can lead to second guessing, which COSTS MONEY. hiring a director is not only a statement, but a huge business arrangement that needs to be honored, even if their last movie bombs in the middle of production, as that is always a possibility the studio knows before hiring them, WB knew Snyder had the looming Sucker Punch that could have gone either way, you'd have to be an idiot business man to hinge your entire investment on a 50/50 chance the dude's movie might bomb, its idiotic...you do not switch directors like musical chairs. generally directors are only fired after committing some act short of murder...they have to fall way behind schedule and/or start shooting things not in the storyboards or on the call sheet. how often do you hear of directors being fired in the middle of a movie. almost never. and how many of these directors have movies that bomb while they're making the new one? plenty. but they do not get fired. what i said makes perfect business sense. i know what im talking about. so please shut the fuck up

  • March 24, 2011, 8:39 p.m. CST

    braindrain

    by Billy_D_Williams

    Starship Troopers is a wonderful satire

  • March 24, 2011, 8:40 p.m. CST

    kudos Mr Joshua!

    by macheesmo3

    Like this movie or not. Ranting about it when you havn't seen it is akin to what happens when any filmmaker puts out a jesus movie that's not strictly linked to dogma. Go see it , then you can bitch about it. Most of you are prolly too limited by your lack of a functioning vehicle... But I'm sure yer mom will loan you the keys to her jalopy. DOTD was good zombie fun. An interesting take on the genre and one of the few remakes that wasn't childhood ruiningly awful 300 was a big loud comic book come to life and I actually liked it the first time I saw it. Though repeated viewings make the overuse of speed ramping and repetitive action scenes a little much. Watchmen was the best Watchmen movie you can ever expect to get. (especially from the present day Hollywood studio system) I honestly thought it was unfilmable unless it was made as an 8 hr art film or as a R rated mini-series on cable. I think Snyder should get kudos for having the balls to take a shot and for the most part, pulling it off (you whiny comic book reading ,non-pussy getting babies can whine about the changes to the end and such all you want. Your opinion is moo, it's like a cows opinion it doesn't matter). I think Snyder has an interesting visual style and I will go and see this and make up MY OWN FUCKING MIND about the quality of it. I think some of you need to go and live life a bit more and quit being such self absorbed little fanboy drama queens who only will accept a movie if it matches the one you already have in your head..... But, I know you want, ranting is the only thing that seems to give your life meaning..... that would be sad if it wasn't so pathetic.

  • March 24, 2011, 8:43 p.m. CST

    Good to see shit being called shit

    by alienindisguise

    Maybe someone will take away Superman from him because of this fucking disaster.

  • March 24, 2011, 8:56 p.m. CST

    Welcome to the new Hollywood

    by Benovite1

    If you think this is career ending stuff, Charlie Sheen wants a word with you.

  • March 24, 2011, 8:58 p.m. CST

    Oh and about Superman

    by macheesmo3

    I have never understood the superman love. He's a boring character.... The problem with someone who is all powerful(with the ever popular ONE fatal flaw) is that the story can really only end up with a bad guy and said falw (in this case kryptonite). So you pretty much know that at some point there will be a bad guy, superman, kryptonite, superman appearing defeated, bad guy moving on with evil plans, superman's inevitable "rise" from near death to foil said plans...... It's just bloody boring. The best thing about Superman 2 is the wonderful idea of Zod and henchmen being from Superman's home planet. This actually gave him some different sort of action. (yet they still had the old "superman loses his powers temporarily) thing...... Super all powerful characters only work hen you are a kid. What makes a character (even a superhero one) interesting is their flaws. The fact that they could be killed, their fragileness.... Superman is a one trick pony at a corral full of Secretariats.... Why should we even care about a re-boot....

  • March 24, 2011, 8:59 p.m. CST

    HATERZ GON' HATE

    by BringingSexyBack

    Didn't think Massa was one of them. *Tear*

  • March 24, 2011, 9 p.m. CST

    I'm really not sure why people are suddenly afraid for SUPERMAN?

    by CHRISTIAN_BALE_TRASHED_MY_LIGHTS

    In all of these reviews, what's coming across most strongly is that the failure rests with the storyline. I've seen lots of praise for the imagery but everyone who has watched SUCKER PUNCH is claiming that the experience is hollow because of the plot around which the images are based. Snyder isn't writing SUPERMAN. He's going to be supplying imagery to someone else's script. If there are problems with SUPERMAN, I'm betting it won't be with the storyline unless the writers fuck it up. The movie will probably look fantastic. I can't say I'm a huge Snyder fan although I didn't have a huge problem with 300, and WATCHMEN was okay (but didn't meet my high expectations). The visuals in his movies are always impressive. I've heard that there were some problems with the third act of the SUPERMAN script and I'm hoping those get sorted out by the time it begins shooting. But saying that you're scared for SUPERMAN, or writing off the project completely, due to this movie is silly.

  • March 24, 2011, 9:05 p.m. CST

    BUT MASSA - DID YOU AT LEAST GET A BONER?!

    by BringingSexyBack

    BONER

  • March 24, 2011, 9:10 p.m. CST

    But I like girls with swords and dragons flying about.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

    That's why I'm gonna pay. It takes the mindlessness of Doomsday to a whole new level! Harry is gonna love it!

  • March 24, 2011, 9:19 p.m. CST

    YOU JUST GAVE ASI A SHIT TON OF AMMO

    by BringingSexyBack

    I hope you're happy.

  • March 24, 2011, 9:21 p.m. CST

    Thanks, Massa!!

    by ATARI

    You just saved me $11.

  • March 24, 2011, 9:23 p.m. CST

    Long live the reviews of the Wyrm!

    by Raymar

    Truth to power!

  • March 24, 2011, 9:25 p.m. CST

    I liked 300 and Watchman...

    by Billyeveryteen

    Would like to see that Owl movie. My wife wants to take me to Sucker Punch tomorrow. Should be fun. "retroactively makes his entire body of work worse" Massa's reviews tend to be highly suspect.

  • March 24, 2011, 9:34 p.m. CST

    @billyeveryteen

    by Adam

    Believe the review. It's not near the work he's done in the past. I really have contempt for the guy now; it sucks because I loved Watchmen and DOTD.

  • March 24, 2011, 9:35 p.m. CST

    Every director has a bad movie...

    by david_boreanez_cunt_hairz

    but not every director has a great movie. Zack Snyder has 2! Watchmen & 300. DOTD remake was very fun. He'll bounce back, guys like this have to or they end up producing movies like Shymalan (RIP).

  • March 24, 2011, 9:37 p.m. CST

    here! here! christian_bale_trashed_my_lights

    by david_boreanez_cunt_hairz

    You just nailed it!

  • March 24, 2011, 9:40 p.m. CST

    Hey, leave "Southland Tales" alone.

    by Human Tornado

    It's not a great movie, but it's not "Sucker Punch", also.

  • March 24, 2011, 10 p.m. CST

    You know what's another career ending movie? STAR WARS

    by Benovite1

    Just ask Mark Hamill. But apparently my phone knows how to correctly spell Hamill so he gets the last laugh. Ha! Touche, Mark. Touche.

  • March 24, 2011, 10:04 p.m. CST

    The jokes on me!

    by Benovite1

    That's the audiences reaction. CAUSE IY SHOILD NYBR

  • March 24, 2011, 10:05 p.m. CST

    So, you're saying this is SCOT PILGRIM 2. Got it. Thanks.

    by antonphd

  • March 24, 2011, 10:08 p.m. CST

    So, you're saying this is SCOTT PILGRIM 2. Got it. Thanks.

    by antonphd

  • March 24, 2011, 10:08 p.m. CST

    What happened to the edit button?

    by Benovite1

    Seriously it's 2011. This is cancer curing info.

  • March 24, 2011, 10:11 p.m. CST

    If it only had Seagal in it!!

    by twogunjames

    Then you'd of gone ape shit all over the place, right?

  • March 24, 2011, 10:13 p.m. CST

    Right on Massa!

    by HarryKnowlesNonExistentInceptionReview

    As usual, you're the ONLY reviewer on AICN with cojones. Keep telling like it is, bro!

  • March 24, 2011, 10:20 p.m. CST

    Masa's never walked out of a movie?

    by Flip63Hole

    Wow, a stronger man than I. I think I walked out of five last year, including "Toy Story 3" and "Inception"...

  • March 24, 2011, 10:33 p.m. CST

    The movie's called SUCKER PUNCH,

    by Subtitles_Off

    because FUCK YOU, YOU STUPID SHIT, SITTING THERE IN THE THEATER seemed too "indie." "I'm a douchebag, but I'm not that kind of douchebag. I'm the frat-boy sorta douchebag." "Zach, you're old enough to have fathered a frat-boy douchebag. C'mon, man. It's embarrassing."

  • March 24, 2011, 10:44 p.m. CST

    here's an interesting review in Salon:

    by oisin5199

    http://tinyurl.com/6ybvl6g seems a bit more balanced and well thought out.

  • March 24, 2011, 10:48 p.m. CST

    I saw it yesterday, but can't say if I like or don't like it.

    by Kamaji

    It's one of those films that seems to occupy a shaky middle-ground. Snyder feels more like a guy who is moreso about style than substance, but I can accept him on a level that is a couple above that of say...Michael Bay. However, his adaptations of '300' and 'Watchmen' just felt hollow, yet they looked visually great in their interpretations. In regards to comparison, I feel Suckerpunch was 'Moulin Rouge' taken up a couple notches. You have girls in risque outfits, crazy editing techniques, reality and fantasy colliding, and a period piece using modern music. Hard to believe MR is gonna be 10 years old in a month or two! I'm almost tempted to know what my sister and her husband think of this. I think her husband would like this film, but she might grow bored with the 'story.' Even my co-worker is wondering what his wife would think of the film. I'm just waiting for someone to create a post, "What is up, Wyrm? You loved that stupid Speed Racer movie, but this doesn't get your motor runnin?'

  • March 24, 2011, 10:56 p.m. CST

    That sucking sound that you all hear right now...

    by Mr. Nice Gaius

    ...is the inhalation of air as AssimovLives prepares to wrap his lips around Massa's cock. Granted, it's an honest review but it will provide ammunition for months worth of lunatic rants from that Portuguese troll.

  • March 24, 2011, 11:07 p.m. CST

    Dear Mr. Snyder, please reboot Fist of the North Star

    by Benovite1

    This property desperately needs your services. Seriously, this thing is calling your name. In fact it's yelling it! Watch this for proof http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kgewOK1gJdw

  • March 24, 2011, 11:07 p.m. CST

    I was already worried about

    by thot

  • March 24, 2011, 11:09 p.m. CST

    I was already worried about his handling Superman

    by thot

    Now I'm terrified. I never did think his method and style suited Superman. And now with Sucker Punch poised to stink up theaters around the world, I can only hope he's dumped from the project. Please God,........

  • March 24, 2011, 11:12 p.m. CST

    Wow.

    by blackwood

    Eesh.

  • March 24, 2011, 11:28 p.m. CST

    WOW Massa im impressed

    by pauduro

    The first time a see a rev from you that had the BALLS to say som real things of a crapy movie...now show this to NORDLING he neads some balls

  • March 24, 2011, 11:33 p.m. CST

    Well, after this and Harry's review, I'm excited to see this.

    by antonphd

    I got my story fix this weekend with The Lincoln Lawyer and Limitless and even Paul. I'm ready for some pretty motion pictures. The only thing that I'm unhappy about is the PG13 rating. Does that mean no gratuitous booby shots?

  • March 24, 2011, 11:37 p.m. CST

    This is why I like Massawyrm:

    by cylon_conspiracy

    1: He is able to significantly convey the look, tone, and emotional impact of a film without giving a single significant spoiler. After reading this review, I know only a little more than I knew from trailers and interviews, yet I feel like I've seen the film. 2: The things I like about movies but can't put into words, the things that I hope a certain director or film will pull off, he looks for the exact same things and highlights them right at the top. Sometimes when I read a review, I think maybe the critic might have missed something that I really care about. Never happens with this guy. I don't see everything right away, but when I do see a movie I love I always search ACIN for the movie title and the name Massawyrm. I will see this movie on DVD like everyone else. I loved 300 and Watchmen but am scared to death of how Superman is going to turn out.

  • March 24, 2011, 11:41 p.m. CST

    My feelings on Snyder (why I'm not the least bit surprised by this review)

    by trojanwilliams

    I was a fan of Snyder after Dawn of the Dead. I gotta admit. Catching that film on HBO late one night with one eye half-open and expecting nothing from a director I had heard nothing about was a shock. It surprised me visually. Here was a guy that seemed to bring something new to the table. A kinetic sense of space and pacing that had sorely been missing from action films for quite some time. I was an instant fan. Not a convert or a disciple but a fan who thought that finally here was someone who might bring something fresh to the table. Something that we hadn't seen in years. Then came 300. Everyone loved it and I had to admit I went in with maybe outsized expectations based on my memories of Dawn. I was crushed. Not only did I clearly not get what so many others around me we enjoying. I was actually angry that a story so noble and powerful in it's concept could be turned into something so trite and superficial. Each marine inspired grunt and each slow motion killing slowly soured me and by the end I found myself not caring at all about the fates of Leonidas and his 300. Snyder turned a great myth into a jazzed up feature length commercial for Ed Hardy, Speedos and Vaseline. I had zero expectations for Watchmen. I didn't know the subject material so I did a little research and read the material in advance. I actually didn't hate the film but I found that was largely because Snyder basically put on film the visuals and story directly from the pages of the book. The things I hated about Watchmen? The changes he made. Not a good sign. I had become convinced that everytime Snyder took creative license with the material he shot things took a turn for the worse. I couldn't give two shits about Legends of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga'Hoole. Talking owls battling in the skies just sounds retarded enough without adding Snyder's insane vision into the mix. I skipped it. Then I heard he was directing a film with no source material backing him up, with a virtually unlimited budget. Oh, no. I had zero hope for this film but was convinced we would at least get a great trailer out of it. I was not disappointed in that respect. The trailer was money. Massa's review is not the first bad review but it certainly is the best. It captures everything I've thought about Snyder since he stopped working to put food on his plate and translating every cocaine fueled fantasy dream of his to hard drive. He's done and honestly I am secretly and seriously hoping someone with balls snatches Superman Away from him before he takes a huge steaming dump all over our collective childhoods (to paraphrase a geek cliche). He's a good director who much like Michael Bay lost his way once the dollars started rolling in. I don't blame him because who knows what I would do once that kind of money was thrown my way but the facts are the facts.

  • March 24, 2011, 11:44 p.m. CST

    quick note on Superman:

    by cylon_conspiracy

    It's not so much Snyder directing the film that has me concerned: in a contest between The Dark Knight and Watchmen, in my opinion Watchmen wins. It is the movie TDK was trying to be. But that is so, so terribly wrong of a direction to take Christopher Reeve's Superman in. Yes, CHRISTOPHER REEVE'S SUPERMAN. To me it's like recasting A New Hope. Yeah, you could do it. Sure, you have to let the "franchise" always be fresh and viable. But Harrison Ford will always be Han Solo and Mark Hamill will always be Luke Skywalker, and Christopher Reeve will ALWAYS be Superman. Those are impossible shoes to fill and when I hear stuff like "it's as if there's never been a Superman film before" and "more realistic take on Superman" just pisses me off. I love the first two Superman films for the exact opposite reason I loved Watchmen and the fact that they might actually turn out to be similar films in 2011 is just bad news all around. Hope I'm wrong though.

  • March 24, 2011, 11:45 p.m. CST

    What. Ever.

    by Benovite1

    FIST OF THE NORTH STAR

  • March 24, 2011, 11:54 p.m. CST

    Snyder is a fad that may have run its course

    by SirBiatchReturns

    People bitching about Sucker Punch... what's so different between that and Watchmen/300? 300 was soulless shit. So was Watchmen. Visually alright at times but nothing mindblowing. Very teenage, inane shit. I'm not surprised this movie sucks because Snyder makes shitty films. It's not his fault really. It's the nature of most studio-driven crap. If it isn't Snyder, it'll be someone else.

  • March 24, 2011, 11:55 p.m. CST

    Worst critical line ever!

    by kalel8869

    "Zack Snyder’s SUCKER PUNCH is a movie so terrible that it retroactively makes his entire body of work worse" Really? If this is possible then the opposite must be true as well. Is it then possible that Uwe Boll makes a movie so awesome that all his past movies become quite good? To utter that line renders Massawyrm's credability as a film critic useless. What it says about him is that he is incapable of judging a movie on the basis of it's merits. To question the quality of any intellectual property based on a completely different property that it absolutely nothing to do with is nonsensical. Clearly, my approval/disapproval of Massawyrm doesn't mean much in the world, but I will most certainly never read another of his critique's.

  • March 25, 2011, midnight CST

    kalel8869...

    by Sardonic

    basically whipped mass via PURE LOGIC

  • That's precisely why people hate M. Night Shyamalan. Didn't everyone love that man at one point? Well, he eventually revealed his movie-making formula with each film, and his massive ego, and it's made some of his earlier films worse....particularly when you see his cameos.

  • March 25, 2011, 12:17 a.m. CST

    I disagree...

    by kalel8869

    I really, really dislike "The Happening". I completely loathe "The Last Airbender". The effect on my one of my favorite superhero films of all time "Unbreakable"? I love that movie even more now. I view that movie as miraculous now. That I was able to get such a perfect movie from a man that is showing how hack-ish he is, is amazing to me. And if it is a formula that he is using then to know that someone keeps getting it wrong later when they got it so right the first couple of times seems to make the initial use that much better. It's just my opinion, but I call BS on that line. Now I truly believe that Massawyrm is as entitled to his opinion as I am to mine. I just have no respect for his opinion anymore.

  • March 25, 2011, 12:26 a.m. CST

    Massawyrm

    by NoMotivatioN

    That first paragraph is by far the funnist thing Ive read on here, oh man that was a hard diss. Aww man I was hoping this would be the redeming flim for the hate balls out there but trusting your reviews I got to say, daaamn that suuuucks, damn I still have to know so ill check it out buut im pretty sure now, Im not goin in there with high ass hopes. Thanks for the opus of "a black eye on Hollywood, movie sucked review" Question! How did you come up with your review for Adjustment Bureau, did you come back and look stuff up as in theories or from a book? Or did you just watch the movie then straight free handed that Amazing review from top of your head? Saw A.B after reading it and was blown away, even more so afterwards at your wording and insight. I gots to watch it again at the same time reading what you had to say. Massawyrm one smart ass dude AkA critic......

  • March 25, 2011, 12:27 a.m. CST

    Braindrain

    by Gozu

    Almost ALL of his Dutch work is awesome, "Basic Instinct" is a classic, "Starship Troopers" is brilliant (essentially, it's a $200 million prank), and "Flesh + Blood" is like a twisted Renaissance version of "Conan." Sure, "Showgirls" and "Hollow Man" both sucked, but "Black Book" was a near-perfect return to form. You clearly don't know "Showgirls" from Shinola.

  • March 25, 2011, 12:28 a.m. CST

    So lets Talk about you "Great Geek Movies"

    by Tracer

    Titanic never had a true emotional moment in the entire movie that whole I'm flying bull crap made me Ill. instead why not go see It Happened One Night" that is a true emotional movie to me. Kill Bill Part One pretty good but it has not stopped the slide that QT has been in since the awesome peak of Pulp Fiction and Part Two was just a mess the whole way except the stuff with Pei Mei and the only reason I liked that is because of Gordon Lu. I have not in all honesty seen Inception yet because of the trailer that part where he says to Joesph Gordon Levit "you need to dream or Think Bigger Darling." and pulls out a hand cannon why not lob a mortar shell out of your head or have a fighter squadron bring the rain or have a civil War era cannon in front of him now if this movie is not as "Good" as these movies then maybe I will like it and some of you might say well if you haven't seen Inception you will Love it but I haven't liked any of Nolan's other work except the Batman ones so I don't know I'm just waiting for Netflix on that one

  • March 25, 2011, 12:33 a.m. CST

    I'm hip to bobo_vision's scene

    by tiggr009

    I'm not writing anything else, what are you looking in here?

  • March 25, 2011, 12:37 a.m. CST

    inception23code

    by Massawyrm 1

    Thank you for the kind words. I'm proud to say my Adjustment Bureau, for better or for worse, was an "off the top of my head" sort of thing.

  • March 25, 2011, 12:38 a.m. CST

    So can I still be overly excited about "super 8" please say Yes

    by NoMotivatioN

  • March 25, 2011, 12:45 a.m. CST

    I guess my suspicions were right

    by Teddy Artery

    As heavily promoted as this has been, and with as much special effects play the trailers have had, I reckon I had a strong feeling this was going to be a stinker. Maybe Snyder will be sufficiently hobbled from going overboard with Superman that it'll be kept on the rails.

  • March 25, 2011, 12:45 a.m. CST

    RE: Too many fucking snobs...

    by A R

    Here's what is interesting: people like to play the genre game -- Army of Darkness is not the same as Persona, but I love them both the same, but can't judge them the same way because they are "different". This argument is ignorant and simply wrong. A movie is a movie- a genre does not make a movie something else. A person can say they don't like certain genres, but that is a generalization; for example, I hate westerns but loved the Proposition and Assassination of Jesse James -- those are westerns, but I hate westerns -- just not my cup of tea - they are good movies, not genres. Genres mean nothing. Movies are stories, just like books. A good story is a good story. Some people can equate those things differently, and thus there is an opinion, but to say you can't compare one movie to another is so insanely tripe and moronic. A lot of people will say, This movie was for entertainment and this other movie was to think deeply about life -- bullshit -- that's justification for YOU to like or dislike the movie. To point out that you can't compare one movie to another is artificially balancing the playing field to not be so overwealmed by defeat. Of course no one will compare Sucker Punch to "The Fall" because the Fall is a good story and Sucker Punch is not. Can a person say they like the story of Sucker Punch? Sure, but opinions are not always right and you can cry like a child and insist that your opinion matters, but it doesn't- especially when you will lower the bar just to express why something is worth your time. Have fun at movies -- I personally love movies of all types, good and bad - but I understand why. The statements below are more pretencious than any others written and you state them because it's cool to go against the grain, awesome, great for you, be different, but do so by not sharing your ignorance. I will agree that no film maker is killing film today - everyone is trying to make a living and do what they see best. That's why Producers and Executives control the creative on a film above the director -- it's a group thing and there's never one vision - they work together and sometimes too many chefs in a kitchen creates a bad movie -- I think that's what happened here - maybe the film would have been amazing if others kept out, but the story is thin at best and no one could argue that. People could love the pretty pictures, and that's great, find something to love because that's enough for you, but that DOESN'T MAKE IT GOOD. Film is not dying- it is ever expanding and Sucker Punch is proof of that -- oddities are needed and, like all things, can be respected, but call a spade a spade- Many people are self absorbed and that's great, but again, because you are a moron does not mean you have to try and make other people the same way- just be happy because ignorance is bliss and there are 100 other movies this year that are shallow and empty that you can praise as others recognize as the same old crap. ORIGINAL POST: I haven't seen this film, but I plan on seeing it. But before I do, I would like to address the 'new plague' within the 1's and 0's of this and many other of my favorite movie sites. I will say this, there are too many jack asses in the world with no clue how to rate or review movies. THEY ARE NOT ALL THE FUCKING SAME! Just from the title, I KNOW not compare this to Inception. C'mon morons! Drop the 'NYU film student sipping a fucking fresh cumquat martini' act and lighten up. These reviewers are the same people that trashed Grind-house, Inception, Watchmen, Where The Wild Things Are, anything Coppola does these days, The Fall, ETC. Michael Bay is not killing film, you are. Stop taking things out of context. If people like you, and you know who the fuck you are, who are giving studios all the ammo they need to shut down movies like JUSTICE LEAGUE. Would you ever write a review on a slice of pizza and in that review compare it to a bone-in-rib-eye that rocked your world?....Probably you fucking snobs. mrJOSHUA

  • March 25, 2011, 12:59 a.m. CST

    Yeah...

    by SinisterMarmalade

    I have to agree with ahastings, but this sounds like the natural result when any artist in any field tries to work "without limitations." The creative process, in any field, is simply the steady calcification of possibility into form until you have a cohesive product. In any case, I will still go see this movie, probably next week, and then I can judge more eloquently. I find that I like a lot of movies people by and large hate, like Pirate Radio, and I couldn't stand Say Anything.

  • March 25, 2011, 1 a.m. CST

    As long as this does as well as Wolfman Snyder cann breathe

    by Phategod100

    We all gave Johnstone shit for Wolfman but he seemed to have bounced back. Now time will tell were Edgar Wrights career will turn out so hopefully SP will not be the next Scott Pilgrim.

  • March 25, 2011, 1:22 a.m. CST

    "we don’t give a single squatting shit about any of it."

    by imagin78

    So just like Inception then?

  • March 25, 2011, 1:23 a.m. CST

    For the better!! Massawyrm,

    by NoMotivatioN

    Top of the head, you must have some real love for the subject of free will God and destiny, Then throwing in Contact and which leads to Carl Sagan which then opens the door to even more wanting to know truth questions to whats it all about. Good shit maan, good shit. Contact was A great flim. Thanks for the reply.

  • March 25, 2011, 1:28 a.m. CST

    are there any boobies?

    by john

    the man went out and got the hottest young actresses in the biz...if he doesnt show boobies...he is an idiot boobies and lezbo sex

  • March 25, 2011, 1:46 a.m. CST

    Massa awesome review

    by Miyamoto_Musashi

    Usually like your taste, and was a great review. Chris Nolan is one of the best directors of the last 10 years or so. Zack Synder for me did a great job with Watchmen but needs a good writer behind him. The premise sounds like a really fun video game, and maybe thats what it should have been. The only thing that shocks me is given the reviews I have read and its appeal to a "13 year" old boy mentality I am at a loss for why Harry doesn't love it, this sounds like the movie Harry wanted Inception to be. Is it the PG 13 rating ?

  • March 25, 2011, 1:47 a.m. CST

    Watchmen sucked, 300 was unintentionally hilarious.

    by AnnoyYou

    Sucker Punch is a wanking movie. Superman is going to blow, despite the cast. Hollywood will fund anything, won't they, as long as someone convinces them it will make money.

  • March 25, 2011, 2:15 a.m. CST

    I love a good disagreement

    by David Cloverfield

    But Massa made me watch that piece of shit Battle: LA. (That slow ass four legged alien vehicle thing still makes me laugh. Thank god the aliens didn't possess wheel-technology.) I think I'm going to listen to Nordling on this one. I kinda want to like this one. I hate hating movies.

  • First of all, visionary directors drop the ball all the time and the majority of Fanboy-approved directors get a pass simply because they can't do no wrong (Joss Wehdon, Quentin Tarantino, Kevin Smith, etc) so most of the time these fanatics simply eat it. Technically speaking, all films are someone's dream, and the notion of films dealing with dreams within dreams is breaking the forth wall and people can't handle it. It is curious you recall Inception, as if we had ADD and couldn't possibly remember other dreams-within-dreams films, try us, that's what real film critics do; give the audience and film a chance. I like to touch myself when I poo. It is curious in your early entry that it was like "in the mind of a chronically masturbating thirteen year old boy", because often Fanboys want to be masturbated by the Director as cheap prostitute gave you props for your Star Wars shirt and mentions how she hates the Prequels while she blows you (oh my god she knows me, she must relate to me, I am loved). Isn't that why most Hollywood movies do market research and try to appeal to people like you? So you can relate and buy their shit, in a way, a film that says fuck you I'm doing things my way are far authentic than snappy dialog while innate shit happens in the background. It's like trashing Anne Frank's memoirs because they're not appealing to your man boy sensitivities with quirky pop culture references or because she forgot to accurately account how many buttons a Nazi uniform had. Obviously, if you didn't like the premise of the film from the start, then frankly you're not a good film critic. Yes, Saving Private Ryan's beach intro was bloody, but since Hanks lived through it...I don't care about the movie...Yeah it's that dumb mentally we're trying to follow here as well. Speaking of which, is that film complicated? No. Could they have offered a steady cam? Yes. Do I love it because of what it is? Indeed, and likewise there were some characters in that film too that had one line or two, it's standard for "small roles" - Google it. Though I have to question this quote "one of the most visually arresting filmmakers out there", seriously? Snyder? Because he uses Slow-Motion? I'd imagine David Lynch, Roman Polanski, Terrence Malick, Steven Soderbergh or even Darren Aronofsky to be labelled "visually arresting". I'd be more impressed if you actually were non-biased, and had a legitimate review, but responding to your blog it made me feel like I was talking to that "chronically masturbating thirteen year old boy" you speak of yelling that his porn didn't have a plot or enough bukake dialogue every 10 seconds to tickle your balls the way other prostitutes do.

  • March 25, 2011, 2:37 a.m. CST

    DESPITE THIS REVIEW, I STILL HOPE JENA MALONE GETS BETTER ROLES

    by Meadowe

    Just saw her on kimmel a few nights back, she seemed to be coo' as usual, and I didn't even know she was in this until that interview. I wasn't really caring for this movie until I knew she was in it, and the way she was talking about her experiences in it got me interested, then I read this article. I thought watchmen and 300 were alright, but saying this movie made those even worse is a pretty big statement. Well I'm too busy tomorrow (or should I say this morning) so I may go with the roll bots to go see it Saturday, but as always I'll try to see what a flesh and blood person tells me about it first.

  • That sums up Sucker Punch perfectly. I guess the one saving grace of this horrible, purile, infantile, pile of crap is that the thirteen year olds are spanking the monkey over real women, not anime characters. This is a step up for them. But wow, Sucker Punch is just fucking horrible. It's Snyder -- all shiny and no substance. Sucker Punch was like the top ten music videos on MTV, fucking horrible. At least it's not as bad as Red Riding Hood (my eyes, the goggles do nothing!!!)

  • hahah.

  • March 25, 2011, 2:42 a.m. CST

    wookie_weed

    by Sardonic

    What happens at the end bro?!?!

  • March 25, 2011, 2:57 a.m. CST

    Massawyrm does not exist in this dojo

    by Cobra--Kai

    Massa, you're a dismissive little shit (says Harry in his SP review). Fight! Fight! Fight!

  • March 25, 2011, 3:11 a.m. CST

    I don't get it...

    by WavingFlagsInSpace

    This film is clearly aimed at 13-year-old boys: there is no part of the trailer that implies otherwise. Massa states that it is like spending time in the head of a 13-year-old boy. Therefore, surely Zack Snyder has hit his mark faithfully. These films aren't fucking aimed at discerning adults, why are geeks so solipsistic? Bitch all you like about Bay, Snyder et al., but they make a lot of money for a lot of peole in what is, essentially, an industry masquerading as an art form. Fall of your high perch if Michael Haneke made 'Sucker Punch' or 'Transformers', fine. But it's a Zack Snyder film, ffs!

  • March 25, 2011, 3:26 a.m. CST

    This NEVER looked good.

    by UMAGA

    I remember everyone going crazy about it at Comic Con. I like Snyder enough, so I thought, okay I'll give it a look. So I watched the preview and I thought, holy shit, that looks terrible. Never got the hype about it other than kids going OMG VAGINA HUDGENS SKEEET SKEET SKEET. I hope he doesn't turn Superman into a fucking music video.

  • March 25, 2011, 3:35 a.m. CST

    Guess who's replacing SNYDER on S:MoS ?

    by Ashen Shugar

    Darren A., that's the real reason he got out of Wolverine. The powers that be already knew Suckerpunch would suck and get punched. Seems like Snyder looked for it.

  • March 25, 2011, 3:48 a.m. CST

    Humbug. Nordling is right.

    by CaseyMcCall

    This movie rocks. You heard me, I said it.

  • March 25, 2011, 4:13 a.m. CST

    Geeks without supervision?

    by Dennis_Moore

    Nonsense. This is what happens when geek interests are filtered through jock/prep/mainstream sensibilities served up for the uninitiated masses. A true geeks hopes for a neo-New Wave, like all those brilliant authors who wrote for New Worlds.

  • March 25, 2011, 4:18 a.m. CST

    Soooo...it's like anything original written by Mark Millar?

    by Negative Man

    I've used a paraphrased "...written by the mind of a chronically masturbating thirteen year old boy..." to explain nearly every original Millar concepts he has written. But, a lot of people loved KICK-ASS (both the book and movie are raging piles of shit...both written as if they were missing the very point they set up) and WANTED (the longest 27 hours I've spent watching a movie which was based on a good, not great, financially unfilmable comic). Though, I must admit, when Millar puts pen to page for already established characters, he can produce some damn fine work. Wolverine: Enemy of the State, Old Man Logan, Civil War, The Ultimates, etc. have all been very solid reading. So, I'm not too worried about Snyder working on the Big Blue Boyscout.

  • March 25, 2011, 4:56 a.m. CST

    I felt like Cybil Shepard in Taxi Driver

    by HELLSFOXES

    watching porn with deniro and feeling completely ashamed

  • March 25, 2011, 5:01 a.m. CST

    @negative man re: kick ass

    by Wookie_Weed

    omg, finally someone who thinks the same as I do that kick ass is the most overrated self-indulgent infantile tripe ever to grace a cinema screen! Thanks man! I was feeling pretty lonely, being the only guy in the world who thinks it's overrated shit. The first third of the movie was good, I enjoyed the beginnings of Kick Ass, when Kick Ass goes viral -- they could have done something clever with this. But Vaughan and Goldman aren't clever. They disappeared up their own asses -- "we can make a little girl say "cunt" -- we're so clever! Let's admire ourselves in the mirror again, Matthew!". And the villain in Kick Ass was just so fucking boring and one-dimensional I couldn't give a shit who killed who. The villain was as boring as the mobsters in The Punisher (Thomas Jane version). Compare the villain in Kick Ass to Sam Jackson in Unbreakable -- that's right, Shyamalan, as much as he's disappeared up his own ass as well, kicked Kick Ass's ass as a much more intelligently made superhero caricature. Kick Ass was one gimmick -- a little girl saying "cunt". /yawn

  • March 25, 2011, 5:41 a.m. CST

    Once again, Massa...

    by tensticks

    You nailed it. Seriously, as you did with REPO MEN and so many other films, you expressed *exactly* how I felt about this film, far better than I ever, ever, ever could. Thanks brotha.

  • Congrats Massa, you go some way in redeeming that Battle LA review

  • March 25, 2011, 6:42 a.m. CST

    turd_has_risen_from_the_gravy

    by NeonFrisbee

    Totally agree with you on SHOWGIRLS, Verhoeven, John Waters, and the difference between good-bad-taste and bad-bad-taste. I was really hoping that SUCKER PUNCH would fall under the good-bad-taste category, but apparently Snyder really is just a total dumbass / "chronically masturbating 13 year old boy" (with a good eye for visuals). I mean, I guess I already knew that, but I still had hopes for this one.

  • ... And yet you have no problems with biopics where you know the outcomes?

  • March 25, 2011, 7:17 a.m. CST

    "can't keep his hands off his thing"

    by the new transported man

    LOLZ

  • March 25, 2011, 7:23 a.m. CST

    So, the movie is exactly what the trailer makes it to be?

    by tomimt

    Meaning, that all the worthwile has been shown and there is very little reason to see it.

  • March 25, 2011, 7:41 a.m. CST

    I actually saw the movie

    by herman

    From someone who actually saw the movie, and it is fun to watch. No wonder all hollywood turns out is remakes and sequels. Anyone who does anything different gets shit all over. And who gives a fuck about superman ( another remake ) that has already been ruined multiple times.

  • March 25, 2011, 8:05 a.m. CST

    O GOD HE'LL RUIN SUPERMAN

    by craptacular

    ...just like the last 3 times somebody made a superman movie. Fuck superman movies, society can't accept whitebread middle america telling people to wear seatbelts, because we're all pretentious assholes now. We need super-asshole-man to accurately reflect american society. You mean the sluts with machine guns won't be at the academy awards? OH MAN, color me shocked.

  • March 25, 2011, 8:10 a.m. CST

    Saw it Wed...completely AGREE

    by Siobhan

    The film was so one-dimensional and the ending was a sucker punch made of BS. I actually booed at the advance screening I was in and everyone did the WHAT THE FUCK noise at the ending

  • March 25, 2011, 8:14 a.m. CST

    The geeks should stick to FX and only that.

    by Knugen

    The emotionally stunted freaks just don't have what it takes to make a coherent narrative. It's all about the detail in their Asperger brains. Look at SW or any movie made by an FX-guy - especially sequels to big genre movies made by actual humans. The LOTR movies are a mixed bag, because of the majority of women in the creative process. They were geek bitches though, so in repeat viewings the movies suck in an increasing manner.

  • March 25, 2011, 8:26 a.m. CST

    My only problem with Sucker Punch is

    by knowthyself

    There's almost no point to the film. The "sacrifice" at the end means nothing because well...it doesn't involve the main character and the person who is saved was a bitch for the whole movie. There's no big battle at the end, which is surprising considering the film is tailor made for that sort of thing. In the end it's just like alice in wonderland in the sense that there's really no point to the movie at all. Except to watch some crazy shit happening on screen while you're high.

  • March 25, 2011, 8:30 a.m. CST

    Superman DOA

    by JoeSixPack

    Snyder's 300 and Watchmen were absolutely some of the most beautiful movies I've ever seen. I could easily give both movies a 9/10. While watching though, the bad acting would poke its ugly little head out here and there. I've seen the reviews for the acting in Sucker Punch described as "flat", and that's exactly how it seemed in the other Snyder movies at times. It's obviously the director's job to coax a great performance out of the actor and do as many takes as possible to get the perfect scene. I don't have any hope for the new Superman movie. Although Superman is such a great figure in American culture, he's really a dull figure, and I feel like I'll be bludgeoned when the movie comes out.

  • March 25, 2011, 8:33 a.m. CST

    that review could've been for Scott Pilgrim

    by Spandau Belly

    Seriously, you've got action without a sense of danger, skinny kids trying to be action leads, one dimensional characters played by actors trying heir hardest to make them charming, a director indulging all his superficial fetishes, no momentum, shameless pandering to geekiness, etc.

  • You know, I really hate it when people are grouped together to be just alike. Everybody is different...and every filmmaker has limitations (and some more than others). And even Steven Spielberg can make a bad movie. --Don't tell me that there is not even one individual talent in this world that could have the "keys to the kingdom" in having complete creative control, and not make a good (if not great) flick. I could name several directors that are capable of such, while (perhaps) just as capable of doing quite the opposite. --And for the record, my perception is that "SUCKER PUNCH" has looked hollow from the very beginning, without soul (and I dig Snyder's WATCHMEN flick).

  • March 25, 2011, 8:51 a.m. CST

    by Ryan P.

    Regardless of how the movie turns out, we NEED movies like Sucker Punch and Fast Five or any other visually stimulating movie that gets released. Butthead once told Beavis, "it's like you need stuff that sucks to know which stuff is cool...huh huh huh." If every film that came out was 'great'...which ones would people whine about not being good?

  • I think that Zack Snyder and Michael Bay share a weakness, in retaining the human soul within a motion picture. The visual/special effects will only get you so far. Personally, I think for a filmmaker to become truly great, he/she must...feel...the source material (story/script) on an emotional level, and capture that humanity (acting) on film. When all these elements combine, it can set the box office on fire. --Best wishes for Zack Snyder and his new Superman flick.

  • March 25, 2011, 9 a.m. CST

    jdanielp

    by AssyMuffJizz

    I'm not impressed with "visualists" like Hack Snyder and Hack Bay. Those hacks' movies are false pretty looking movie, in tha,t the visuals might as well live independent of the movie, because they never are there to help tell the story, but to replace it. It's bad filmmaking. Those fucks should be directing perfume commerfcials instead, that's where their real talent lies.

  • If SUCKER PUNCH is an example of how SUPERMAN BEGINS is going to look/feel, then the studio needs to reexaime their decision to hire Zack Synder to direct it. Why not wait until Chris Nolan is done with TDKR, and then let him direct it? Originally Peter Jackson wasn't going to direct THE HOBBIT, but now he is. Let someone who knows how to direct a watchable/profitable movie the directing duties. SUCKER PUNCH will go down as one of the worst box office disasters of all time. This is the man that you want to direct SUPERMAN? Really?

  • it's called objective criticism and it died the minute this site was launched

  • March 25, 2011, 9:22 a.m. CST

    Visually stunning

    by BuffyFaithtribyeah

    Dimonds on a turd doesn't make a piece of shit Acceptable! If you watch this movie on a 240 htz tv, you will trully see the fake and the real as 2 seperate and clear entities. so sad.

  • March 25, 2011, 9:34 a.m. CST

    Massawyrm Hilarious Sir

    by Wcwlkr

    Hilarious as always LOL. Typically I do find myself agreeing with your critiques. I'm probably alone in not feeling Watchmen. So to be honest I really didn't have any desire whatsoever to see this. But from the trailers it looked as to be what you've just described. An ADD director's fetish fantasy put to film. It doesn't bum me out on Superman because I enjoyed Dawn of the Dead and LOVED 300. But I just hope Nolan and Goyer have there hands all over Superman. Because all prior Superman films have greatly sucked to me. What's your take?

  • March 25, 2011, 9:35 a.m. CST

    Expected

    by douche

    snyder has already made a 2 hour jackfest for 13year old gay guys, he made this to let all the straight 13 year old guys he hadn't forgotten about them. there are people who loved watchmen? really? loved?

  • March 25, 2011, 9:49 a.m. CST

    I wonder how many more film critics will use some variation of

    by Andy Pandy

    the audience gets a sucker punch while watching this movie in the titles of their review. I'm guessing 50%

  • March 25, 2011, 10 a.m. CST

    I would totally let Zack Synder direct Blade Runner:

    by kLkL

    It would probably look cool as fuck. I would like to see one of Massa's quotes on a Suckerpunch poster. Massawyrm from AICN says Suckerpunch, “sucks shit through a straw”. lol.

  • March 25, 2011, 10:09 a.m. CST

    WHY YOU MAD THO?

    by doom master

    LOL This movie isn't comparable with Watchmen, which was arguably his best effort... Massawyrm didn't WIN as he calls it because he went into it all wrong. Before you stick your dick into this movie first things first: - Zack Snyder is doing a powerpuff girl anime style hail to Scott Pilgrim - It's one of his lesser Zack Snyder flicks - This isn't Watchmen - Sucker Punch? You seen the trailer so you should already know what youre getting into if you go - All the characters are chicks on a power trip, probably Zack's first ever girl-centric movie I think Massawyrm was expecting T&A of a different sort and didnt get it....I know any hetero male would. This movie doesnt really have a hellyva lot of testosterone in it, and maybe thats why people say it fails

  • March 25, 2011, 10:24 a.m. CST

    Snyder = Action Porn with no heart

    by heyscot

    This is why I was so afraid of him directing Superman. The only reason I hold out hope for Superman is the participation of Nolan and Goyer.

  • March 25, 2011, 10:52 a.m. CST

    Douche69 LOL

    by Wcwlkr

    Ok I thought I might've been the only one that didn't like Watchmen. It was incredibily hard to watch.

  • March 25, 2011, 11 a.m. CST

    Soulless masturbatory CGI fest. What's not to love?

    by HarryBlackPotter

    As soon as I saw the bubble-gum school girl with guns fetish angle I thought...brave but very, very dumb.

  • March 25, 2011, 11:13 a.m. CST

    Scott Pilgrim

    by wrx

    I saw Sucker Punch last night and it was horrible. those beautiful looking action scenes rendered boring and meaningless because of inept storytelling. Scott pilgrim was very quirky and funny and i thought it was very good. i don't understand why people keep comparing these two movies. S.P. has lots of heart, great chinese fight choreography, a cool soundtrack and some really funny performances from a cast that seemed to be having lots of fun, and at least you knew what Scott was fighting for.

  • March 25, 2011, 11:18 a.m. CST

    Why do people keep bringing up Scott Pilgrim?

    by MrWug

    What the fuck is wrong with you morons? Scott Pilgrim is brilliant. Anyone who says otherwise needs to step into my office.

  • March 25, 2011, 11:27 a.m. CST

    Wait, What Exactly Is Scott Pilgrim Fighting For?

    by NeonFrisbee

    The ability to be an unlikable, indestructible, whiny, irritating narcissist who learns nothing, has no real struggle (he always wins and keeps winning over and over and over again), and goes from being champion of everything to CHAMPION OF EVERYTHING? There is no conflict in Scott Pilgrim and no one to root for. All of the characters are unlikable and irritating and none of them learn a goddamn thing. They just keep WINNING and then congratulate themselves for it with unbelievably boring "indie" schlock. All the while whining, posing, preening, and masturbating to their own egos. I kind of hated Scott Pilgrim, actually. Interesting visuals aside, it was a shrill, irritating, migraine of a film. Having not seen SUCKER PUNCH, I can't say which is better or worse, but they sound like they're on a similar continuum -- visually interesting narrative failures.

  • March 25, 2011, 11:43 a.m. CST

    wait, zack snyder

    by ieatgarbage

    has a hot body.

  • March 25, 2011, 11:46 a.m. CST

    I'd be willing to bet Sucker Punch is better than Scott Pilgrim

    by Spandau Belly

    As far as making totally hollow visual fetishist pictures goes, Snyder's got homefield advantage over Edgar Wright. I mean, from what it sounds like, Suckerpunch tries to contrive sympathy for the lead by making her a victim of abuse and having her falsely imprisoned in a mental institution. Sure, that's pretty melodramatic and manipulative, but it's better than "I root for Scott Pilgrim becuz he wears the same t-shirt I wear and plays the same videgames I play."

  • March 25, 2011, 11:49 a.m. CST

    Scott Pilgrim is a piece of shit

    by tradeskilz

    Fuck that movie. Fuck it in its ass. God i despise everyone for loving that turd.

  • March 25, 2011, 11:53 a.m. CST

    moron

    by ieatgarbage

    "Zack Snyder’s SUCKER PUNCH is a movie so terrible that it retroactively makes his entire body of work worse" Really? If this is possible then the opposite must be true as well."""" Yeah, that actually is true. People do things all the time that may or may not make you see them in a new light. Movies that seemed like an extension of one's genius can then become flukes, can then seem as faulty as the works that followed it. or the nerve or sheer audacity of the artist may glimmer in hitherto unseen or unrecognizable ways after certain other information has come to light. stop being a fucking dolt. once an opinion is registered, it does not that mean that that opinion is therefore immutable. moreover, each work within a director's output modulates what comes before and after it. yeah sure, certain works can stand out, but they have to stand out first, and that is from a body of work....

  • March 25, 2011, 11:54 a.m. CST

    SCOTT PILGRIM = TWILIGHT for boys

    by AssyMuffJizz

    But because it's aimed for boys, it's acceptable among the geekry.

  • March 25, 2011, 11:55 a.m. CST

    SCOTT PILGRIM = TWILIGHT for boys

    by AssyMuffJizz

    TWILIGHT is the fantasy of an immature woman who expects all men to fullfill her sexual poowerplay fantasies. Pilgrim is exactly the same thing, the playing of a sexual fantasy, but boy's version. And if you really see it, the girl in the movie is merely an object for which her sole reason to exist is to confirm the main character's male mojo. It's absurd! One cannot go around criticising and blasting at TWLIGHT and not see how close and similiar SCOTT PILGRIM is to that. It's just the same bullshit, only for a different genre market. To bash TWILIGHT because it's a power sexual fantasy and then embrace SCOTT PILGROM is pure chauvinistic hypocrisy.

  • March 25, 2011, 12:03 p.m. CST

    Snyder is a hack and INCEPTION was, urgh...

    by JIMBOCOP

    Snyder is a hack and INCEPTION was, urgh, a very dumb film dressed up as a smart film by a director who should know better. So, a very dumb film dressed up as a smart film by a director who IS a proven hack fills me with dread. I'll stick to watching the trailer on a loop...

  • March 25, 2011, 12:03 p.m. CST

    assymuffjizz

    by NeonFrisbee

    Totally agree on the Twilight:Scott Pilgrim comparison.

  • March 25, 2011, 12:03 p.m. CST

    Many people mistake dumb-brainless with unpretentious.

    by AssyMuffJizz

    And the two are very different things. Dumb brainless is what hacks like Bay, Jar Jar Abrams and Snyder do. Unpretentious fun is movies like RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK or JAWMS, movies which though they aren't intellectual dissertations, they are quite very smart movies in the way they were writen and made. And that's the thing most people make huge mistakes about,and put together smart unpretentious fun movies like RAIDERS in the same sack as other truly dumb stupid brainless crap like 300, TRANSFORMERS or BREWERY TREK. Which i find very wrong and damn insuoting.

  • March 25, 2011, 12:06 p.m. CST

    CHOPPAH reviews SUCKER PUNCH:

    by THE_CHOPPAH

    SUCKER PUNCH is conceptually alluring but laborious and visionless. And it is a nightmare for audiences looking for coherent fiction. It's hard to connect with a movie when it tries so hard to fool you; is this a dream, is it not, is it a dream within a dream? Who cares? Just commit to something and get on with it. A crushing bore. Snyder's latest is so slow and so confusing that you may actually fall asleep. Or wish you were really dreaming and could wake up and dream another movie. If you had to explain it to someone--and I'd wish you luck in doing so--you might say it's sort of like Charlie's Angels, but with Nazi zombies, airplane-eating dragons, and whole cities in flame. Only someone who never saw--or appreciated--Dark City would be able to call it visionary. What is the point of having an imagination, I ask you, if the only thing that can be imagined is mayhem, perpetrated without regard for even the appearance of human life? The story--about girls in a mental institution who detach from reality--often sidetracks in favor of cool visuals that don't necessarily make sense. None of this prattling drivel adds up to one iota of cogent or convincing logic. You never know who anyone is, what their goals are, who they work for or what they're doing. By convoluting the various planes of experience, by overlapping and obscuring ostensible realities and ostensible dreams, Snyder deprives us the opportunity of investing emotionally in any of it. If you recall the scene in DAHMER where Jeremy Renner as the deranged killer drills holes into his victims' heads, you'll know what watching this Freudian claptrap of a thriller is like. SUCKER PUNCH is a rather juvenile brain-teaser lacking an effective emotional core but bursting with cool visuals. Unlike the most powerful dreams it doesn't stick with you. If the career of Zack Snyder is any indication, we've entered an era in which movies can no longer be great. They can only be awesome, which isn't nearly the same thing. A false dawn.

  • March 25, 2011, 12:07 p.m. CST

    jimbocop

    by AssyMuffJizz

    Very well said, friend.

  • My brother really wants to see this with me, but I don't want to have a similar negative experience that I had with the Owls movie. I was just hoping for some fun, a mindless action flick with some T&A. But, Guardians left me in such a bad mood afterwards that I wish I never watched it.

  • March 25, 2011, 12:19 p.m. CST

    Well said mr. ahole

    by douche

  • March 25, 2011, 12:27 p.m. CST

    naw, X-MEN is TWILIGHT for boys

    by Spandau Belly

    They set up all these cool monsters and then just have them brood and pine and self-pity. The X-Men films focus on love triangles and angst when they should be good fun monsters-on-a-mission action flicks.

  • March 25, 2011, 12:42 p.m. CST

    billy_d_williams

    by D o o d

    I read your reply with great interest until you negated everything you wrote by that last sentence. You're a child and an imbecile who knows not how to to communicate with adults.

  • March 25, 2011, 12:50 p.m. CST

    CHOPPAH's real review of Sucker Punch

    by THE_CHOPPAH

    I’m like you. I saw the commercials to this one filled with “Awww, cool!” moments and thought I was in for a fun ride. Apart from one scene where Snyder pretty effectively uses the tried and true “slo mo/speed up” fight technique he’s used in every film since 300, the film laid there dead on the theater floor like a stripper’s soul. SUCKER PUNCH is full of glam and glitz and fetishes galore and I know some folks will love the film just for that. Much like strippers themselves, SUCKER PUNCH wants your money this weekend (SPOILER: they’re not into you, all they see are dollar signs), but as it bumps and grinds up there on the screen, if you look closely into its eyes you’ll see that any semblance of substance has gone far, far away. It really does descend into an A Team episode in the second half. And it was a false dawn for Snyder as the director of Superman.

  • March 25, 2011, 12:57 p.m. CST

    Cliches

    by Clarence_Boddickers_Optometrist

    Well on a side note (but related), can we get an action movie in which there isn't the tired shot of the lead/hero/heroine landing from higher ground with the knee down, face down, one-arm bracing, one-arm extended, quick look up at the enemy? (Hellboy, The Matrix, any action movie the last 10+years) Oh, and sick and fucking tired of the ever-present Greek chorus to relay to the audience the "epic-ness" of the climactic battle. Think I heard a Greek chorus on the latest Bounty paper towel commercial. Jesus. Suppose it's thanks to Episode 1 for all that noise. Well, there's my pissy rant for the day. Oh and no more bullet time.

  • March 25, 2011, 1 p.m. CST

    You guys make me want to see it.

    by FluffyUnbound

    I was going to miss this, but some of these comments make me want to go see it after all. Anyone who didn't like 300 really doesn't get to have an opinion. The funniest thing to me about the 300 haters is they all insist that the movie is superficial - but Snyder's unambiguous embrace of the source material means that is the one thing the movie could NOT be. We have a story about an entirely different values system - one as different from our own as Socrates is different from Moses - where slaughtering weak infants is good, and evil results when the deformed are NOT slain; where children are pitted against each other to teach them to hate and to fight; where guests are murdered for giving offense; where courage is more important than life. And Snyder celebrated all that AND MADE PEOPLE CHEER FOR IT. In Oprah's America. How can you not stand in awe of that accomplishment? And how can it possibly be considered a "superficial" work?

  • March 25, 2011, 1:26 p.m. CST

    This reviews a little fucking dramatic, isn't it?

    by Novaman5000

    The movie has issues, but to say it's gonna be the end of Snyder's career is ridiculous. It will make money. It's a solid C film. Some cool ideas, great visuals, shots, and a fucking awesome soundtrack, but muddled and incoherent at parts, and the fantasy shit is like he just picked some of the better known movies of each genre from the last 20 years and rolled that shit together. Seriously... it's INCEPTION meets SHUTTER ISLAND meets 300 meets SAVING PRIVATE RYAN meets DAWN OF THE DEAD meets LORD OF THE RINGS meets KILL BILL meets FINAL FANTASY. I'd have preferred way more cohesiveness in the "level 3" world design, but whatever. Even with all the issues (and there are plenty, don't think I'm an apologist for this film) I'd still take this over shit like "Red Riding Hood" or "Resident Evil" or any of the countless other insipid BS films that seem to chug out of hollywood increasingly often. SuckerPunch is no "Showgirls" and the comparison is ridiculous. It failed, sure, but at least it tried.

  • March 25, 2011, 1:44 p.m. CST

    Uh oh..Somewhere in Portugal...

    by Stalkeye

    Asi is laughing his arse off. This is surely to be egg in the faces of those who like Zack's Movies. But then again, everyone has their fuckups. After all Verhooven had Showgirls. :P

  • March 25, 2011, 1:47 p.m. CST

    SHOWGIRLS is misunderstood.

    by THE_CHOPPAH

    It's pure trash, but it's meant to be. If you can't see that, go suck Qaddafi's duck.

  • March 25, 2011, 1:49 p.m. CST

    novaman5000

    by D o o d

    By all accounts, I think Showgirls is probably a better movie and has made more money than Sucker Punch will see the light of day!

  • March 25, 2011, 1:52 p.m. CST

    Snyder makes films for 12yr old boys

    by MrJJonz

    He has made only shit films with no depth and no good performances bar Rorshach and because that was the only good performance from an actor then I'll give the credit to the actor. Everything else he has done has been totally soulless. He has failed to make me care about a single character in any of his films. So what a surprise he has managed to make another soulless film for a 12yr old boy probably yet again with a one-note visual trick. Here's hoping Superman is taken off him because that is a film where I would really want to care for at least some of the characters

  • March 25, 2011, 1:56 p.m. CST

    This and i09 review...

    by Arteska

    ...irritate more than the movie itself by a longshot. Read Faraci's review for a take with some actual insight. I see a few camps so far: Out of touch critics that can't decipher the visual cues as anything other than masturbatory nods to video games or sex fantasies. Uncomfortable male geeks pissed over the lack of convention and forced (alien) perspective on their fetishes. Late breaking reviewers riding an approved wave of lazy snark and bored entitlement. You don't have to like this movie but calling it stupid is ridiculous.

  • ...Resident Evil (Red Riding Hood is another Twilightesque cash grab and isn't even worth comparison.) But as i have previously mentioned, 'Punch is getting the Bitorrent treatment. Fuck this.

  • March 25, 2011, 2:24 p.m. CST

    You had me at "chronically masturbating thirteen year old boy"

    by sweeneydave

    I was worried about going to see this in the theater with Paul Reubens, but now I'm sure it will be fine.

  • March 25, 2011, 3:02 p.m. CST

    d o o d

    by Billy_D_Williams

    i told you to shut the fuck up because you didnt know what you were talking about, but acted like you did...i dont go around spouting about trial lawyer responsibilities or deadly virus quarantine procedures because i wouldn't know what i was talking about. if i acted like i did, i'd be an idiot.

  • March 25, 2011, 3:10 p.m. CST

    Garbage

    by KinjoAlcoholicNinja

    Saw it last night at an early screening. My wife and I both agreed that it totally sucked....largely due to the fact that while the visuals were interesting, we didn't give a flying shit about what was going on during the battles because they weren't real...and we knew they weren't real....so there was just nothing to draw you in and make you care about what was going on. Massa is spot on....it's just masturbation.

  • March 25, 2011, 3:12 p.m. CST

    And whoever said it earlier made me laugh

    by KinjoAlcoholicNinja

    Because I thought the same thing....."Oh God don't make there be an action fantasy scene for EVERY item! Please let them all just find the items together in one scene and let this piece of shit end"

  • March 25, 2011, 3:29 p.m. CST

    Massawyrm: Who is this "WE" you keep speaking for?

    by Playkins

    You sure as shit don't speak for me, and I liked it.

  • March 25, 2011, 3:37 p.m. CST

    the_choppah

    by wrx

    The_choppah hit the nail on the head. Great review.

  • It's *supposed* to be awful! And that's what makes it AMAZING. I wasn't joking when I said it's in my top 10 films of all time. I think Verhoeven's "American Trilogy" -- Robocop / Showgirls / Starship Troopers -- are the best satires of American culture ever made.

  • March 25, 2011, 4:03 p.m. CST

    300 made me despise Zack The Hack Snyder

    by AssyMuffJizz

    But what made me completly lose any atom of respect i had for him left was the "From The Visionary of 300" bullshit in the WATCHMEN trailer. Sur,e you might say, that was the marketing department talking. As if Snyder wouldn't had any say on that.

  • March 25, 2011, 4:04 p.m. CST

    fluffyunbound

    by AssyMuffJizz

    I don't have a problem with the theatricallity and artificiality of visials of 300, because i have seen such alike in BBC historical TV shows. I even dig that concerning ancient history stories. But Zack The Hack Snyder's visuals for 300 are all a pile of bullshit. Even his "pretty" stuff is questionable at best. no, i wasn't impressed. I have seen lesser budgeted movies with far less CGI crap be far mor evisually interesting and impressive. Like THE FALL. Now that's a visually stunning movie, and made on 300's lunch budget. Snyder is not that much of a visualist, no more then Michael Bay is. And Bay is shit. There's more to be a visualist then just overburden your movie with flashy CGI bullshit.

  • March 25, 2011, 4:05 p.m. CST

    Overrated hacks nobody understand why they're loved:

    by AssyMuffJizz

    Michael Bay, Jar Jar Abrams, Stephen Norrington and Zack Snyder. How the fuck can this fucking mediocre talentless hacks get so much love at AICN? How the fuck can this be? Is it something in the water? Do people even care about movies anymore? and i really mean care about movies, and not getting excited like teengirls because there's explosiosn and fast paced edited bullshit onscreen. How the fuck this has come to be like this? How? Why? Fucking ass, man!

  • March 25, 2011, 4:07 p.m. CST

    A critical reappraisal of SUCKER PUNCH, by THE_CHOPPAH:

    by THE_CHOPPAH

    Zach Snyder’s SUCKER PUNCH burst forth onto the screen like so much of my spunk onto the face of an Asian prostitute. 60 caliber loads skeeting her up proper. For all you ‘mo’s out there who adored 300.…just stay the fuck home. Snyder got it right this time by putting a whole shit ton of poon on the screen. The only thing missing was Malin Ackermans bare titties classing up the place. All the triumph of WATCHMEN, DotD, 300 and that owl movie are group sexed together into one mighty soft core wet dream. Emily Browning plays Babydoll. A luscious little bit, that battles dragons (penis), ninja swords (penis), samurai with mini guns (big penis) and never struggles to keep it sexy in the process. Will she make her escape? Will she win in the end? Will she be able to take all of Scott Glenn’s manhood? All these questions keep the plot ticking like a clock. It fluffs, squeezes and strokes the audience to full release. Another paragon of the industry. Hollywood should be throwing coke, hookers, money and any project he wants at the feet of Snyder. Thank God he is at the helm of SUPERMAN. With any luck Cavill will “Oedipus” Diane Lane and then Snyder should work in all these SUCKandorPUNCH bitches into Kal-El’s harem. Well done Zack. Full fledged Choppahood granted. 1,000,000 out of 10 stars. SEE THIS MOVIE.

  • March 25, 2011, 4:15 p.m. CST

    I don't have a problem with 300 as a propaganda-style story...

    by AssyMuffJizz

    ... told by an unreliable narrator. In fac,t that was the thign that made me watch the movie, that angle. The thing is, Snyder fucked up. He made a movie in such a way that invalidated that very premise. with such things as a provincial lowly soldier fantasazing about elephants and rhinos. Yeah, right. Spartans were the hicks of the hicks of Greece. They knew barely anything outside of Laecedomia, their own homeland. They weren't the worldly greeks of Athens or even Thebas. They were hcisk which lived on a landlocked place except for one small port in the south. By the wa,y th reason why the spartans fought the persians was not because they were such big ass defendersof freedom and liberty, but because they demanded from the persian emperor to be the rulers of the whole greece if they were to ally with the persians, and the emperor told them to get fucked, that was too much to ask and demand, conquering them would be less trouble. 20 years after the persian Wars, and when Sparta saw itself in war with Athens, to whom they turned to? Well, they tured to Persia, which payed them to make war with Athens. Yeah, spartans, those freedom loving dudes who look lowly on brideby, they were bribed by the persians to fight another greeks. So such for spartan honour. And in the end, the spartans were defeated by the thebans, which weren't exactly a fully militerized society liek the spartans were, and got their asses handled to them and never recouvered. Later Sparta became a tourist attraction to welthy romans. It's glory time didn't lasted little more then 150 years, which in Greece's history is nothing to brag about. And another thing, in the real battle at Thermopylae, it was not the spartans that first meet the persian army first impact on the first day of battle. you know who were? THE ATHENIANS! Yeah, an athenian phallax met the full force of Xerxe's army through the whole first day of the battle. The spartans themselves only took action int he first day after the athenians were completly exausted and the persian army had been stoped and punished beyond their resolve. And as for the thermian allies, they stuck to the battle to the veryend, were killed alongside with the spartans on the last day, and they were so brave and couragoue,s evne though they weren't an warrior people, that the spartans themselves were in awe of them and considered them their equals and brothers. so much so that Sparta declared a friend of Thermon and never ever went to war with them for the rest of their history. The thermons, which in the movie are depicted as traitorous inept cowards. Fuck snuyder, and fuck 300. A movie for retards made by a retard if ever there was one.

  • March 25, 2011, 4:21 p.m. CST

    the_choppah

    by AssyMuffJizz

    Where did that stuff came from? What the hell are you talking about? Tehre's someting about fuindamental filmmaking that our friend the_choppah is not understanding. He sem to have that typical arrogance of the new kid with the new toys and who thinks that all the older stuff is just shit from old farts and should be thrown away. He probably even thinks that admiring 80s stuff is already going way back. I know that the arrogance of youth can produce admirable results, specially in art and films. But our friend the)Choppah is missing out an important lesson about the past history of cinema: We all today stand in the shoulders of giants. what snyder did, with the knowledge we have today, is completly unexcusable. It's total complete retardness and nothing else. Total fucking retardness. Snyder made a dumb stupid ignorant movie because he is a dumb ignorant idiot with the discourse of an idiotic 13 years old who failed all classes.

  • March 25, 2011, 4:24 p.m. CST

    Assy, read my original review further up

    by THE_CHOPPAH

  • March 25, 2011, 4:28 p.m. CST

    the_choppah

    by AssyMuffJizz

    I see, friend. You had me goind. What i say about Zack The Hack Snyder is nothing but the truth though. The only reason why he is not as bad as Michael Bay is because nobody is as bad as Michael Bay, it's humanly impossible.

  • March 25, 2011, 4:50 p.m. CST

    I just saw Sucker Punch

    by Mr.F.N.Sunshine

    It's basically a fan boy's wet dream filled with samurai, orcs, zeppelins, a dragon, a B-25 bomber, explosions, robots, guns, blades, undead kraut stormtroopers, and half naked jail bait grinding to an awesome soundtrack. And of course fan boys hate it. Buncha jaded fags. It's obvious eye candy but you're bitching about plots and character development.

  • March 25, 2011, 5:07 p.m. CST

    I doubt that Snyder's director's cut....

    by Kevin D

    ....which is 18 minutes longer than the theatrical version will probably help matters much. Some friends of mine got to see it as a midnight showing last night and they all hated it. They were also really looking forward to it and huge fans of Watchmen, 300 and the Dawn of the Dead remake that Snyer did. Nothing about the trailers made me say "Wow" and feel a need to rush to the nearest theater to get a ticket to Sucker Punch. The sad thing is that when they can't even do a trailer to a movie that makes it look good, then you know you're in trouble. I'm just going to wait for the blu-ray director's cut as he had to cut 18 minutes out of the movie and had to submit it 7 times to the MPAA to get his PG-13 rating which is funny as he thought that he had filmed a PG-13 movie. Apparently huge sections of violence and story got left out for ratings issues. So just wait for the blu-ray director's cut.

  • March 25, 2011, 5:13 p.m. CST

    No Choppah I'm no plant

    by Mr.F.N.Sunshine

    I'm just somebody who read this review before going to see the movie and came home thinking to myself, "what do these fucking guys want? Do you watch a porno and bitch because there was a lack of plot or character development? This is eye candy and the plot was just an excuse to make it from one scene to the next. Take it at that and be happy or just continue to be the miserable bastards you are and keep complaining about something that costs SIX DOLLARS!

  • March 25, 2011, 5:31 p.m. CST

    mr.sunshine, you set the bar for entertainment very low

    by THE_CHOPPAH

    It has been proven that you can have an original blockbuster that is both visually and intellectually stimulating. TDK, Inception, Spiderman 2 and Iron Man are recent examples. So, why as filmgoers do we continue to stand for these subpar hackjobs from people who are lousy storytellers?

  • March 25, 2011, 5:42 p.m. CST

    ahole, don't watch the Owl movie: dreadful and depressing

    by THE_CHOPPAH

    But I agree with you regarding his other work. Don't know what more fanboys wanted from Watchmen.

  • March 25, 2011, 5:43 p.m. CST

    I like all the movies you mentioned Choppah

    by Mr.F.N.Sunshine

    and would rate them higher than Sucker Punch. If Sucker Punch had tried to sell itself as a meaningful piece of storytelling, then I would have a problem with it. As far as I could tell, it was never advertised as anything more than something cool to look at and that is all I'm going to judge it as.

  • March 25, 2011, 5:55 p.m. CST

    Even watching the trailer was painful.

    by I Hope You Die

    So this review rings true. Scott Pilgrim, on the other hand, is a flashy movie about ugly people. Dork jumps through hoops to date some slut whose only personality trait is that she changes her hair colour.

  • NONE of the movies you listed are particularly "intellectually stimulating". Dark Knight? Iron Man? WTF, when was the last time you watched them?<P> Not even "Inception" was very intellectual- it relied on a clever GIMMICK and a complicated storyline. It was just another summer blockbuster (albeit a good one).<P> Jesus.

  • March 25, 2011, 7:50 p.m. CST

    I said what where, Playkins?

    by Mr.F.N.Sunshine

    Look again.

  • March 25, 2011, 8:26 p.m. CST

    mr.f.n.sunshine: You're absolutely rght- it was "the_choppah"

    by Playkins

    My bad, apologies.<P> Sad clown :-(

  • March 25, 2011, 8:33 p.m. CST

    Do they have time pull Snyder off Superman?

    by oogles

    Isn't their a looming deadline for production start? I thought Jerry Segel's family got the rights back if they didn't go into production this year. I would love to see Darren A. take the reins, but I doubt WB would risk losing the rights. And wouldn't they have known Sucker Punch was going to suck months ago, before they announced Snyder as director?

  • March 25, 2011, 9:27 p.m. CST

    I swear nobody likes movies here

    by tempurasan

    Everybody adheres to such a narrow perspective here that if a film doesn't fit comfortably into it the film automatically becomes a failure. I'm not excusing Sucker Punch's shallowness, I praise it. The film so shallow that its entire purpose is to be shallow. The film making is incredible, and I enjoyed every fevered moment of it. It's an hour and half long music video, and it's infinitely watchable. Sure it's Zack Snyder's 13 year old self masturbating, but look what he's masturbating to. Additionally, You can't criticize Snyder's masturbatory fantasy and turn around and praise Vaughn's and Blomkamp's. The way I see it, District 9, Kick Ass, and Sucker Punch revels in its violence and tries to pass it off with semi coherence "story telling". But two of the three is praised as cinematic brilliance while the least pretentious one is shit on. Perhaps that's what will make you people happy. Pretension of depth.

  • March 25, 2011, 9:31 p.m. CST

    I think I hate the movie too...

    by fathergreedosarducci

    ...but I'm glad it exists for one reason: we got a fantastic evisceration of it from Massa. You know, Massa, I've enjoyed your stuff here for years, but it always seems to me that when you're really and truly pissed off about a bad movie, your writing just soars to a whole new level of greatness. Great review, sir, just great. This was Snyder's chance at being a storyteller rather than an adapter: his fingerprints, rather than Miller's or Moore's or Romero's, were on this one, so its failure is not necessarily a last gasp for the man's career, but proof that (as with Superman) he'll be under close supervision for a long, long time.

  • March 25, 2011, 10:25 p.m. CST

    Greatest review

    by Shabado

    ever.

  • March 25, 2011, 10:52 p.m. CST

    Just saw it and it was exactly what I thought it was going to be...

    by stu_pickles

    decent. Except for The Pixies cover which sucked so much balls, it's just stupid the amount of balls it sucked. Like everyone has said though, the movie just looked awesome and the action was spot on for what I was looking for. Who gives a shit about feminist shit or unnecessarily layered worlds? I saw a live action movie with a dragon fighting a WWII bomber plane that reminded me of Heavy Metal.

  • March 25, 2011, 11:41 p.m. CST

    True unsupervised geeks, sans studio interference

    by Dennis_Moore

    give you The Venture Bros., The Fall, Mirrormask, District 9, Children of Men, Moon, Sunshine, Pan's Labyrinth, Shaun of the Dead, LOTR and Heavenly Creatures, The Matrix, Big Trouble in Little China, The Terminator, The Dark Crystal, I could go on and on, back through the decades, and I'm I'm neglecting many, thinking offhand as I am.

  • March 26, 2011, 12:01 a.m. CST

    you are a moron. this was a feminist masterpiece

    by warrenE33

    were you paid to shit on this movie? how can you say the metaphors don't add up? (anytime someone says "there seem to be trying to make some sort of point with some sort of symbols, but I choose to ignore this and claim it is meaningless gobbeldygook" I die inside. this was a movie about taking back male dominated action genres for women. its nothing-but-covers soundtrack reinforces a core theme of adapting someone's art to have a new meaning (an important message from the director of nothing-but-adaptations-until-now) it was a very strong feminist statement about using the performance you have to put on for this Man's World, and how you can incorporate the world around you into a performance that liberate yourself from the insanity of inequality. please go watch the movie again, now that you know it's about empowering women (and not a random nonsensical male masturbation). your review is disgusting.

  • March 26, 2011, 1:32 a.m. CST

    I liked the movie a whole lot

    by JillianneSix

    For what it's worth, I really enjoyed the movie. I had no problem following the storyline. I can see where guys will not like it or connect to it, but that's their problem.

  • March 26, 2011, 4:28 a.m. CST

    Massa's Hate for Sucker Punch

    by Dave

    So, let me get this straight Massa: Sucker Punch is "an embarrassment", a "soulless automaton of a movie" and "career suicide", however Scott Pilgrim was "brilliant", "incredibly touching" and "Top 10 material"??? Are you kidding me? Sucker Punch is not high art, I'll give ya that, but Scott Pilgrim was fucking ATROCIOUS. Sucker Punch could have, and should have, been much better than it turned out. I didn't think it was great, but it wasn't as bad as you make it out to be. I guess someone at AICN had to be the bad guy here, and it looks like you took one for the team. Harry sure as hell wouldn't do it.

  • If you aren't paying for the movie then who the fuck cares what you think? You admit you haven't even seen it. I'm going to go out on a limb here and make a wild guess you're another failed artist hipster freeloader who honestly believes that what you think about anything and everything matters. These boards have been infested with that personality type for YEARS.

  • March 26, 2011, 8:34 a.m. CST

    Did anyone...

    by Atropos

    ...really expect more from this movie? Even the trailer made it out to be a terrible waste of talent and money. The first thing I thought of when I saw that trailer was Frank Miller's execrable "The Spirit". When, oh when, will filmmakers realize that computer graphics, in and of themselves, are NOT cool anymore. They were when they were hard to do, when one velicoraptor would take weeks to render, when they allowed movies to seemingly defy the laws of physics. Now though, when every talented teenager can achieve the same effects on their Macbook Pro's? Not so much...

  • March 26, 2011, 9:49 a.m. CST

    It's not entirely Snyder's fault

    by centilope

    The movie was chopped to pieces to make it PG-13. I'll wait for the Director's Cut BluRay to judge it.

  • March 26, 2011, 1:02 p.m. CST

    harryknowlessoldout

    by tempurasan

    Thanks for reading the entire post before responding. Not to many folks do that around here. But I don't think you read it close enough. I don't District 9. I think it's a pretty decent action flick that tries to pass itself off as something deeper. I tried looking for depth in that film, but there was nothing more below the surface. The commentary is completely shallow, and his message is underwhelming. But I did enjoy the film, much in the same way I enjoyed Sucker Punch. I found little to like about Kick Ass, mostly because of how much of a pathetic loser the main character was, and how Vaughn actually celebrates that by letting him get the girl. Took me out. But I liked the parts with Big Daddy and Hit Girl, and the villain was fun. All I was trying to say is that people tend to get too much into the hive mind mentality here, and focus too much on the people behind the film, and not judge the films themselves. The reason I brought up a comparison between these three films is because of the similar approach they take to violence. Still, thanks for responding.

  • March 26, 2011, 3:55 p.m. CST

    Massawyrm should be ashamed.

    by tailhook

    Seriously.. What. The. Fuck. I mean, here is a guy I agree with like 99.9999999999999% of the freaking time. The moment I see Massawrym's name on an article its usually a must-read. But seriously... *THIS* is the movie you bring out the big rhetorical guns on? I fully went in expecting to hate this flick with a passion, and nothing at all can be farther from the truth. The first thing you need to realize is that regardless of the half-dressed females, this movie is not aimed at 13-year old boys that this site likes to glorify as the be all and end all of fan cinema. The movie is aimed squarely at the girls and aims to show them doing the things that would normally be done by men and doing them well with the overriding theme that regardless of the situation you find yourself in, no matter how bad, you can overcome and defeat it if you're willing to fight and sacrifice(the fifth thing) for it. Furthermore, that message is done with all the subtlety of a fucking sledgehammer to the face, which is why the movie is called Sucker Punch. It isn't *MEANT* to be subtle. Thats it. Thats the movie, and frankly I think Snyder did a decent job saying what he wanted to say. This movie is certainly not the best thing I ever saw, but no way on god's green earth its even in the same basket as some of the horseshit drivel that Hollywood puts out and there was absolutely no fucking reason for Massawyrm to light it up as if he were fucking reviewing Battlefield Earth. You didn't like the film? I get it, I even see where you're coming from. But dial back the fucking hate because there were plenty of people who did. I liked it for what it was, not what you wanted it to be.

  • March 26, 2011, 4:30 p.m. CST

    genderblender

    by NeonFrisbee

    I agree with you that there is nothing remotely feminist about Sucker Punch -- it is a wholly male-centric, borderline (if not full-on) misogynistic fantasy -- but I'm more than a little perplexed by your unnecessarily harsh refutal of warren's ignorance on the subject. Your incredibly belligerent and insulting refutal of was totally uncalled for -- especially because you champion the direct opposite sort of rhetorical response in your post. Instead of trying to communicate to him how he's wrong, you attack him and call him an idiot. You realize that you contradicted and undermined your entire argument (which I agree with) by coming at him in such a confrontational way, right? I agree with almost everything you said, I just have a problem with how you said it. Practice what you preach.

  • March 26, 2011, 8:14 p.m. CST

    superman, lois and clark =

    by krylite

    synder's nightowl and malin ackerman. Clark will act all harmless. They'll have dinner scenes and survive yet another mugging. And then have a raunchy sex scene with lois hiking up her short skirt while some stupid song plays in the background. That's why they chose the director. Because of that and flashy action slow-mo interrupted scenes the studio suits hope the mixup will sucker punch the nostalgic fans and the smallville junkies into the theaters. Hopefully it won't be that dumb bimbo "lois" on smallville. Smallville continues to rip off the Donner film's production design. no blue kryptonite.

  • March 26, 2011, 8:24 p.m. CST

    well, on 2nd thought

    by krylite

    maybe 50/50 it'll end up the best superman movie since superman ii, or end up dooming the franchise like Terminator Salvation for another 10 years. Maybe Synder will surprise us all and stick to the Nolan script and we just see his visual boons. my previous post just imagining why oh why did the studio pick Synder for Superman. Rorschach was good. I actually liked Nightowl and Rorschach team, best part about Watchmen for me.

  • March 27, 2011, 12:19 a.m. CST

    Loved it. Saw it twice.

    by Darth Philbin

    Not going to bother to play the "point-counterpoint" game but I figured it all out by dragging my wife the second time around. The movie at it's core is a "chick flick" that is packed full of shit that makes fanboys hard. See the first time I saw it it was at a midnight showing of comc-reading kid-touchers and mouthbreathers and afterwards they were all in the lobby pissed off because there was (a) no sweaty men in loincloths in the film (b) no giant blue dongs swinging around in the film or (c) was no midnight showing of WIMPY KID 2 letting out and therefore no children around to attempt to brush against in the restroom. Now the second time I watched it I brought the wife and the theater was mostly full of normal people - you know like with day jobs and mortgages that marry and date and drink alcohol and vote and pay taxes. After this showing there were like women crying and men wearing baseball caps discussing how awesome the action was. Even 1 of the 3 latino gentlemen that was sitting next to me (that was practically dancing in the aisle during the "Fast Five" trailer as if in the prescence of The Christ) clapped with glee when Babydoll stabbed that dude at the end of the movie. So look here neckbeards, SUCKER PUNCH does actually contain a complex and emotionally deep story presented in typical Zack Snyder ass-kicking fashion. However if you have issues with movies that require you to multitask and use your brain for thought and imagination at the same time then you will hate this movie and you probably hate other shitty movies like A CLOCKWORK ORANGE and BRAZIL and THE ADVENTURES OF BARON MUNCHAUSEN and PEE WEE'S BIG ADVENTURE and THE WIZARD OF OZ and NAKED LUNCH and DONNIE DARKO and MOULIN ROGUE and THE BIG LEBOWSKI because those are too hard to understand as well.

  • March 27, 2011, 1:53 a.m. CST

    The more I think about it...

    by tailhook

    the more pleased I am that I'm one of the few people that actually understood Sucker Punch. Just reading reviews they're literally a lot more about the reviewer and their hangups than anything in the actual movie itself. Maybe it really is that novel to actually have an action flick with girls kicking ass that *ISNT* catering to the boys. Darth P said it best when he said that this is a chick flick. It certainly is not and in no way meant to appeal directly to boys and their proclivaties.

  • March 27, 2011, 3:54 a.m. CST

    Wrong wrong wrong

    by aPo

    So you are saying that since its all a fantasy that the we don't care for it. What about "The Wizard of Oz", "Where the wild things are", "Alice in Wonderland". Very similar movies that takes place within a fantasy. The fact is that we do care about what happens to them when they are in the fantasy world because the fantasy world is a direct correlation to the real world and what Snyder have to say in this movie is deep.

  • March 27, 2011, 4:28 a.m. CST

    aportee

    by tailhook

    Agree on the direct correlation, and as was shown... what happens in the fantacized embellished version of the world has an effect in all versions of the world. Is there really a brothel? No, thats Baby Doll's perception of her situation. Every 'dance' sequence, mirrors and embellishes actions they're performing in real time in the hospital itself, from stealing the map to stealing the lighter. What was the other alternative? Spend 2 hours in a dank fucking insane asylum as they plotted and acted to get the things they needed to escape? Some movie that would be. As per the movie being deep? It may be a lot of things, deep was certainly not one of them. What it has to say is fairly simple and very superficial and done so in an overly blunt way(hence, the Sucker Punch), so that it isn't misconstrued. Its actually pretty funny to have been that upfront with what you are saying and having it go straight over the heads of most critics and fanbois. But then, the movie wasn't made... or in any way structured for them, and it isn't really that surprising when they pitch a fit about not getting some mysoginistic 'women in prison' exploitation tale.

  • March 27, 2011, 5:38 a.m. CST

    tailhook

    by aPo

    Ok, it wasn't deep but like you said....the story was straight forward and simple and for critics to say that Snyder didn't have a plot or story is kinda funny. I don't get the comparison to Inception though. I really compare this movie to "Wizard of Oz". And...a black eye in entertainment? You mean he won't be allowed to make his own movies again but Uwe Ball and Paul w.s anderson can keep on making crappy movies lol. I think it's far from career suicide and from the numbers...it should do over 20 million for the weekend. I know that people shouldn't worry anything about Superman though. Visually, Superman will be amazing looking. I was just getting very excited imaging superman in the fantasy world.

  • March 27, 2011, 9:52 a.m. CST

    Bubkiss

    by psSalieri

    Ever since Dan Aykroyd said that word in Sneakers back in 1992, I've felt it's one of the most tragically underused words in the human vocabulary. I've always thought you were my favorite reviewer on this site, but that word seals the deal.

  • March 27, 2011, 11:11 a.m. CST

    'black eye in entertainment'

    by tailhook

    I never said any such thing.. please properly attribute quotes when you address them. As per the whole career suicide horseshit of Massawyrm, the only thing this movie proves is that if you take anything 'critics' say as being informed or even logical to the point where you don't watch a movie as a result, you're a complete tool. There isn't much useful about film critics these days. Its like they're fighting with each other trying to find more esoteric ways to flay a film they didn't or don't want to understand.

  • March 27, 2011, 4:16 p.m. CST

    Sucker Punch made the #2 spot...$19 million for the weekend

    by Billy_D_Williams

    Hahahahahahahahahahahaaaaa

  • March 27, 2011, 4:24 p.m. CST

    I cared...

    by Billyeveryteen

    I was bummed when Rocket died, and at Blondie's betrayal. I liked Babydoll so much I feel the ending was a total cop-out. It was NEVER about Sweet Pea.

  • March 28, 2011, 12:43 p.m. CST

    Dead on Review Wyrm!

    by Oneiros71

    This movie was horrible. Unsexy, uninspired, unbelievable! The solitary thing worth mentioning in a positive way is the "clockwork and steam" reanimated soldiers. I will admit that they were a tiny glimmer of cool in the endlessly swirling shitstorm of riduculousness.

  • March 28, 2011, 9:53 p.m. CST

    MASSAWYRM = MORON

    by PRESIDENT BALTAR

    Anybody who comes to this site is supposedly a film geek. How anyone can consider themselves as such, and not love "Sucker Punch boggles the mind. Honestly, what's not to love? Any one of the short fantasy sequences has more action, better special effects, and cooler moves than any other fantasy movie does IN IT'S ENTIRETY, EVER. All of you fake ass, impostor "geeks" who are bashing this film should be ashamed of yourselves. This movie represents everything you have ever asked for, or wanted to see. And it is absolutely incredible.

  • March 29, 2011, 7:30 a.m. CST

    Sucker Punch

    by GeekGirl

    Just saw this movie, feel like my brain got SUCKER PUNCH'd! Was this movie written on a bet?!?!?! "Betcha can't write a shoot em' up movie that includes a mental institution, incest, a brothel, a samurai sword, chicks in fishnets and LOADS of false eyelashes! Oh, and a sailor suit!!!"

  • April 6, 2011, 10:24 p.m. CST

    300 and Watchmen sucked too

    by zackhanscom

    Zack Snyder is a talentless hack. 300 wasn´t a good film and only 13 years old morons liked it. Watchmen was incredible boring and dull. Why people keep saying good things about those horrible films? 300 and Watchmen were crap at best.

  • Jan. 5, 2012, 12:37 p.m. CST

    This was a great film -- one of the year's best

    by TheFifthCylon

    Idiots always say they want originality, then complain when they get something original, like 'Suckerpunch'.

  • Jan. 14, 2012, 3:06 a.m. CST

    One of the greatest films of all time

    by Xen11

    And one of the most publicly misunderstood.