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Hey folks, Harry here...

I actually kind of enjoyed the script for this film...  and when I heard there was a teaser trailer for CONAN THE BARBARIAN...  I got excited, I hoped I would get a trailer that could show me enough to get a sense of the style of the film...   Yeah, nah...  that's not what we got here.  Here is a smokey teaser trailer which has action act out in a ghostly smoke version instead of anything really solid.   Ultimately, I'm pretty underwhelmed, how about you?


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  • March 11, 2011, 10:09 p.m. CST


    by maxjohnson1971

  • March 11, 2011, 10:09 p.m. CST


    by achapin14

  • March 11, 2011, 10:09 p.m. CST

    Pretty Disappointed

    by achapin14

    I was hoping for something more too but got nada.

  • March 11, 2011, 10:09 p.m. CST


    by KonkBob

  • March 11, 2011, 10:10 p.m. CST


    by KonkBob

  • March 11, 2011, 10:10 p.m. CST


    by maxjohnson1971

    Looks a bit heavy on the CGI to me. Gots Max Johnson worried a bit.

  • March 11, 2011, 10:11 p.m. CST


    by matt Shimon

    That's like saying you were hoping for more from that $7.00 hooker you got last night, but all you were left with was an STD. That's what this movie is... some working girl looking for an easy buck, only to leave you wishing you hadn't wasted your money.

  • March 11, 2011, 10:11 p.m. CST


    by johnnyBrotten

  • March 11, 2011, 10:11 p.m. CST

    It's like they're hiding how bad it is

    by JuanSanchez

  • March 11, 2011, 10:12 p.m. CST

    This seriously look absolutely terrible.

    by BradM73

    This is really sad. I can't even being to contemplate how absolutely terrible this movie is truly going to be.

  • March 11, 2011, 10:12 p.m. CST

    It makes me realise that what makes Conan special is Arnold!

    by billybigbollocks

    This otherworldly, uber man MUST genuinely be an otherworldly, uber man. Not some fella from Baywatch Hawaii . I Won't even pay Redbox for this.

  • March 11, 2011, 10:12 p.m. CST


    by Errol

    As an unabashed Conan fan, this completely underwhelms me. Conan! What is best in life? Crush you enemies, see them driven before you and to hear the lamentation of the women! I live, I love, I slay and I am content? What IS this? Cheers, Conan

  • March 11, 2011, 10:13 p.m. CST

    Fucking Ubuntu

    by KilliK

    i decided to give a try to LInux right now,but the stupid thing doesnt support flash playback and i cant see the video.i have to reboot to WIndows.FUCK. brb

  • March 11, 2011, 10:15 p.m. CST

    FUCK YOU, you lousy bastards fuck you. This film is Thulsa DOOOOOOOOOOMED.

    by the Green Gargantua

    I ask those responsible to please eat a dick.

  • March 11, 2011, 10:16 p.m. CST

    What made Conan special was Milius

    by Flippadippa

    His writing and direction. Along with Arnold, Lopez, Mako, and pretty much everything about the first flick...

  • March 11, 2011, 10:16 p.m. CST


    by the Green Gargantua

    on their asses.

  • March 11, 2011, 10:17 p.m. CST

    I live. I love. I slay...

    by wierdo27

    Makes me want to make fun of it, not worship it. Seems obviously trying to compete with the ultimate man-credo, "What is best in life?" Plus, the fact that you can't really SEE anything makes me think they are providing a little cover-up. I predict there will be 2-3 screenings, no critics preview, and it will fade quickly. Plus...Momoa's eyebrows just...bug me. So does his perm. But mostly his oddly shaped brows. It all feels very...product made. Even though many will say Arnold's Conan was not Howard's, it will stand the test of time because of the sheer heart and love that went into the project. That level of involvement, thus far, is quite obviously not the same in this...product.

  • March 11, 2011, 10:21 p.m. CST

    whatever it is, he's blowing the smoke up our butts

    by seabiscuits

    this looks like Hercules and Xena. Which isn't really that bad, except they are found on television for free.

  • March 11, 2011, 10:28 p.m. CST

    Cimmerian crap

    by VaderSabre

    You filthy dogs!! Have at you with steel through flesh and bone.

  • March 11, 2011, 10:30 p.m. CST

    I liked it.

    by William

    That line was a bit cheesy for sure, but damn that guy's got a voice. He sold that line for me. I wasn't even that excited for this movie but I gotta admit that was pretty cool for what it was(which was pretty minimal). The dude looks the part too; much more in line with the Conan of the comics. I'll check it out. I'm intrigued.

  • March 11, 2011, 10:34 p.m. CST


    by bma2192

    ...I realize that they shouldn't try to get another actor to play CONAN who "looks" like Arnold... and Im all for rebooting properties with a new take on things-- BUT I just don't get that presence when this guy appears on screen that he's CONAN. Feels more like a SyFy original thing... at least, right now it does. Maybe I haven't seen enough of it to make that kind of assessment, and it doesn't help that he looks a bit like one of the Stargate:Atlantis characters... plus I don't see this guy having the outrageous muscles and cut shape to be Conan. I can forgive Hercules when it was on TV, cause that show had a light adventure quality to it, but Conan is supposed to be this "epic" thing... I dont know, we'll see-- Im sure this would be a fine barbaric adventure to watch, but change the title and call it something else... there might be some disappointed people in the theater if they go in expecting a "Conan" movie and get something else... or I could be wrong.

  • March 11, 2011, 10:43 p.m. CST

    The Riddle of Remakes

    by Davidhessstation

    Cast some pretty boy, add crappy CGI, throw in plenty of slow motion, fill it with uninspired music and vola...The Riddle of Remakes. Contemplate that shit on the Tree of Woo.

  • March 11, 2011, 10:46 p.m. CST

    This is bad

    by PorkChopXpress

    I can take a wild guess about why they didn't want us to see anything of the actual movie. If they had confidence in this flick and if it were any good, surely they'd have wanted us to see some of it. But no...we get smoke, people jumping around/swinging swords at unseen enemies, and a logo. And the movie comes out this summer. Not good.

  • March 11, 2011, 10:48 p.m. CST

    Conan the Adventurer

    by RainesMaker

    Conan man of bravery! With his magic sword protecting the mightiest of warriors is heeeeeeeeeeeeere. CONAN!!!

  • Yeah I'm not really sure that is supposed to BE, and it seems like the creators of the trailer did either. Like, they stumbled upon something they felt looked "cool" instead of something that looked "horrifically fucking gay", and didn't bother with actually having a point to the trailer. If you just want to imprint on us real quick with a cool little quick thing, hey great, cool, probably works pretty good. But a full minute of essentially corny ass nonsense of whatever the fuck you were trying to do, like, at least have a goal or something? hey like yeah i dont know maybe have a FUCKING POINT? Unless your point was to show how "gay" this movie, instead of thinking it MIGHT possibly be "slightly better than pure fucking waste of finite energy in the universe it's destined to be", then hey great cool good luck there. "^5"

  • March 11, 2011, 10:56 p.m. CST


    by Meadowe

    That movie was coo' imo, but it's not so good and well loved that it would anger too many people if it was remade. And I wonder what happened to the bully from that movie, I remember seeing him in kindergarten cop as the dad of the kid arnie was watching over, but that was pretty much it. wikipedia time!

  • March 11, 2011, 11 p.m. CST


    by Meadowe

    I don't know too much about his fighting record, but the guy is pretty funny. He was on this mma show going to people in the book store trying to get them to buy his book with mixed results, but his attempts were entertaining. I also thought about him for this movie because the cover of the book (idk if he has a couple but the one he was hocking on the mma show) had him dressed kinda like a barbarian, so I immediately thought of him as being suitable for this movie. And I saw him on an episode of svu recently and he was decent in that, though he wasn't as entertaining as he was on the mma show.

  • March 11, 2011, 11 p.m. CST


    by Patrick Soucy

    Come on, what's the point with the "First" and "Second" pointless post ? Go play outside! ;) ---------------- I don't think we can really determine the quality of the movie with only this teaser. I'll wait to see at least the first trailer before attempting a judgment, but I truly hope this will be good. With Arnorl, I even loved Conan the Destroyer (sequel) and the Red Sonja movie, even if they were cheesy. Even Kull got a place in my DVD/Blu-Ray Collection!

  • March 11, 2011, 11:01 p.m. CST


    by wierdo27

    not to mention...the logo looks like the original conan movie. as in almost exactly. it's the emasculation of the male heroes we grew up with. superman, then conan... thank god there will be no remake of star wars. i shudder to think of what they would do to han solo.

  • March 11, 2011, 11:02 p.m. CST

    The king doesn't approve

    by King Conan

    I just can't buy this guy as Conan. Voice is good....but his look is off.

  • March 11, 2011, 11:02 p.m. CST

    I hope anyone involved with this film never works again.

    by Saen

    Its going to be that awful. That abusive to the subject material. That level of putrid shit, and that trailer shows it. Its like Uwe Boll level. Its like Scorpion King 2 level! It's best 5min will be worse then the worst 5min of Spartacus Blood and Sand. It will be a bunch of lines butchered out of Robet E. Howards stories then placed in a retarded order spewed forth by a fuckin hawaiin super model.

  • March 11, 2011, 11:03 p.m. CST

    When we getting a Groo movie!?

    by Shermdawg

  • March 11, 2011, 11:05 p.m. CST

    Pretty sure this sums up my reaction:

    by ShogunMaster

  • March 11, 2011, 11:07 p.m. CST

    The sound I just heard in my head

    by Roffstafarian

    George Takei giving off a schocked and disappointed "Oh my".....................

  • March 11, 2011, 11:09 p.m. CST

    Well it looks like shit

    by KilliK

    which was to be expected.damn and i had my hopes.

  • March 11, 2011, 11:11 p.m. CST

    oh its in 3D,well that means it will be good,right? right?

    by KilliK

    in arnie's voice: WRONG BOOM

  • March 11, 2011, 11:17 p.m. CST

    Oh come on

    by James Westfall

    We all knew this would suck when Momoa was cast. Guess we'll have to wait another twenty years or so for someone to attempt it again - and we'll most likely be disappointed then, too.

  • March 11, 2011, 11:23 p.m. CST

    Saw this attached to Battle:LA

    by Terminocity

    If this is what the studio is throwing out now, I can only imagine the doom that awaits.

  • March 11, 2011, 11:24 p.m. CST

    What's Conan smoking?

    by cyberuck

    Probably Haga. Can you smoke Haga? I would totally sell Haga to that Conan. He doesn't look like he could slay shit.

  • March 11, 2011, 11:32 p.m. CST

    I liked it.

    by Mo_Rephus

    I get what they were going for here. Gave us just enough for a tease as a teaser is supposed to. It also gave us one very VERY important Mamoa would be in the role. Up to now, I was highly skeptical. This showed me he can and does pull it off. I've read some of Robert E. Howard's Conan books and while Mamoa isn't the perfect "by the book" casting choice (neither was Arnold) he'll do great. Even though he doesn't fit the exact description in the books of the character, he nevertheless reminds me of the character. I could definitely see him playing out the stories Howard wrote. I must point out, I LOVED the first Conan with Arnold. Still do. However, that world never really seemed like the same one in the books to me. So far from what I've seen, this new version does. It has the look that I always imagined when reading Howard's stories. I'm still a little nervous about the film, but at least some of my fears have been laid to rest.

  • March 11, 2011, 11:38 p.m. CST

    It's a TEASER!

    by Gun Man

    A TEASER! You mother frakers are passing judgement on the movie based on a few SHOTS? I didn't want them to make CONAN THE DESTROYER or RED SONJA -- or this remake, either, but at least this teaser is not the same dissolve to black between every shot shit that every trailer is these days. They get kudos for that. About the Movie? I gotta see more than this.

  • March 11, 2011, 11:39 p.m. CST

    And what

    by Gun Man

    the fuck happened to SOLOMON KANE? That never even got released on DVD!

  • March 11, 2011, 11:40 p.m. CST


    by rahtard

    I'm kind of glad the Hollywood geniuses aren't making it now.

  • March 11, 2011, 11:43 p.m. CST

    This movie looks alright if you forget that it's Conan

    by IceTitan

    It looks like it could be a really good Conan O'Brian movie but not a very good Conan The Barbarian movie.

  • March 11, 2011, 11:46 p.m. CST

    That is AWEFUL in ways I can't even explain!

    by D o o d

    What a fucking let down! That trailer there just shows me what little taste or direction they have. I can expect more of the same from the movie!

  • March 11, 2011, 11:47 p.m. CST

    No words....should have sent a poet

    by KinjoAlcoholicNinja

    To describe how awful this is looking.....My disappointment cannot be easily quantified.

  • March 11, 2011, 11:50 p.m. CST

    showing no footage means it sucks?

    by P862010

    the dark knight teaser says hi!!!!!

  • March 11, 2011, 11:51 p.m. CST

    Fuck this film

    by SayNoToRemakes

    fuck this film....

  • March 11, 2011, 11:52 p.m. CST

    Looks like piss

    by Marat

    Seriously, trying to emulate that silly scene from 300 when the one chick gyrated and there were weird seer guy monster things. In other news, saw the third Narnia film finally, what a nice children's film. I hope they continue the series. It's been getting better.

  • March 11, 2011, 11:56 p.m. CST

    I don't like Momoa's delivery

    by cyberuck

    He sounds like he's doing a bad impersonation of Nathan Explosion. My slim hopes for this have faded. I'm a huge fan on the Arnie version, but have never been opposed to a more faithful rendering of Howard's material. A crappy Baywatch actor just doesn't cut it. Should have cast an ugly unknown that could speak convincingly.

  • March 12, 2011, 12:15 a.m. CST

    to all those who prefer this to Arnie's...

    by wierdo27'll get what you deserve. maybe even what you want. if you think arnie's version is "shite", well, then...there's nothing I can do for you. ya can't convince a man who loves his Mickey's Big Mac that a Filet Mignon is just...better.

  • March 12, 2011, 12:26 a.m. CST

    Gay! Krum!!!!!!!

    by Punisherthunder

  • March 12, 2011, 12:44 a.m. CST

    Looks made for SYFY or Direct to DVD CRAP = AWFUL!!!

    by theebluewolf

  • March 12, 2011, 12:48 a.m. CST

    Please stop comparing anything to the original Conan..

    by LowDevil

    The first Conan was the perfect storm, Milius, Arnie and Stone. All carnage all greatness all world. The first R film i ever saw (i was 10) and it brain fucked the shit out of me. This will never be that movie. But being a huge Conan fan i am optimistic. This 'teaser' is nothing. So dont get your teenage diapers in a bunch. BTW, hope this film gets a hard R. It would save it.

  • March 12, 2011, 12:50 a.m. CST


    by Inadequate Sandwich

    Admittedly this was never going to be my thing. I've never particularly cared about the Conan movies and this rather blah, slapped together at the last minute feeling teaser does nothing to change that. Honestly, the best thing to come out of this movie from my point of view will probably be a few inevitable chuckle worthy Conan O'Brien skits.

  • March 12, 2011, 12:51 a.m. CST



    my expectations keep lowering and lowering... :(

  • March 12, 2011, 12:51 a.m. CST


    by Tigermyth36

    I get more of a cheesy beastmaster vibe than a Conan vibe from that crappy little trailer. All it was missing is John Amos on a thong. Everything made the original great. Fun script, Arnold, Sandhl and the key was the fanfreakingtastic score. This remake is dead before arrival. I can smell it already. By summer the flies will be everywhere.

  • March 12, 2011, 12:51 a.m. CST

    I'm suspicious of the smoke effect


    It appears they are trying to hide how shitty the actual movie looks. haha

  • March 12, 2011, 12:58 a.m. CST

    by Ben

    Let's be honest here. Any movie with McGowan in it is determined to be awful. Shes hot but has the acting chops of a stale cracker. She doesn't do it for passion, just money and to look at herself. Otherwise it would be a better movie.

  • March 12, 2011, 1:09 a.m. CST

    Yikes... It's so bad

    by KrowNinja

    I agree with some other posters that Milius was really the key to the original greatness of the first Conan, along with the genius of Robert E. Howard's character and writing. This is just not going to work. This actor is wrong, and this trailer only sends the wrong signals. I think it's on the verge of hopelessness with this movie. Maybe it will work out better than I expect.

  • March 12, 2011, 1:13 a.m. CST

    meadowe is correct

    by ewokstew

    3 o'clock high is a perfect candidate for a remake. Good, little movie that flew under a lot of people's radar.

  • March 12, 2011, 1:15 a.m. CST

    Yeah, fuck this movie.

    by jimmy_009

    Terrible. This trailer is the equivalent of Photoshopped heads on crotches. I wish someone with a real vision had been given this. And some real acting talent. Nothing felt right about any of that. Fuck.

  • March 12, 2011, 1:19 a.m. CST

    johnnyrandom must be 5 years old and gay

    by LowDevil

    The first Conan was shit??!!!!!!! lol!!!!!!!!!!

  • March 12, 2011, 1:23 a.m. CST

    Conan the Barbiturate

    by StevenScorsese

    specifically, a sleeping pill

  • March 12, 2011, 1:32 a.m. CST

    Dawson the Barbarian

    by seansarto

    as in dawson's creek...

  • March 12, 2011, 1:33 a.m. CST

    Oohhhh, brother.

    by CodeName


  • March 12, 2011, 1:34 a.m. CST

    Did he even answer her question?

    by CodeName

  • March 12, 2011, 1:37 a.m. CST


    by AzzyAzzy

  • was and always will be a better answer to what new Conan said above. Must be smoking that Hyperborean Salvia...

  • March 12, 2011, 1:47 a.m. CST

    Conan sucks balls....

    by Clint Logan

    totally underwhelming teaser.... what where they thinking...???

  • March 12, 2011, 1:54 a.m. CST


    by Volfan8404

    I think he fits the description of Howard's Conan better than Arnie. I loved the first Conan, but I started reading the books about a year ago, Conan is supposed to fast and Howard says he moves like a jungle cat. He's big, but not huge, in fact, he meets several people in his adventures that are much larger than him, but no one can match his will power, that's what sets him apart. That's why I think they cast him, size, speed and he LOOKS like a barbarian. I just think it's funny how this guy goes from Baywatch and Stargate to Conan and now he's also been cast as Khal Drago in HBO's GAME OF THRONES. He's doing something right, because he's starting to get cast in some pretty good roles. I'm looking forward to it, I liked the teaser, it did what it was supposed to and I can't wait.

  • March 12, 2011, 1:54 a.m. CST

    ... all this trailer does is...

    by bubcus

    ... tell people that don't frequent sites like this that the movie is coming. That's all. I can see it getting truckers, construction workers, oil rig guys, and other blue collar types that rarely use the computer all fired up. They'd be itching for some film to kick some ass and this might deliver... we'll see.

  • March 12, 2011, 1:55 a.m. CST

    Conan: Warrior Prince - The Legendary Journeys

    by JackPumpkinhead

    That guy's voice is hilarious!

  • March 12, 2011, 1:56 a.m. CST


    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • March 12, 2011, 1:57 a.m. CST

    Who is the DUMB FUCK that made that trailer?

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • March 12, 2011, 1:57 a.m. CST

    Seriously, I want a fucking name.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • March 12, 2011, 1:57 a.m. CST

    So I may kill him and hear the lamentation of the women.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • March 12, 2011, 1:58 a.m. CST

    "underwhelmed?" no, my friend, far less whelmed than that.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • March 12, 2011, 2:01 a.m. CST

    They got the wrong guy to play Conan.

    by obi_juan

    He just doesn't look right. Someone else said the guy who plays Crixus on Spartacus would have been a great Conan. They were right.

  • March 12, 2011, 2:05 a.m. CST


    by GavinElster

    has already been remade. It's called Valhalla Rising, directed by Danish genius Nicolas Wending Refn, and it's everything a conan film should be (violent, gritty, uncompromising, and without a single thread of red bathing suit).

  • March 12, 2011, 2:06 a.m. CST

    Hollywood can go suck...

    by AllThosePowers

    ...on a shit-dipped dick!!

  • March 12, 2011, 2:15 a.m. CST

    darth_kong, you better count me as a NAY. What you're doing is brilliant.

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

  • March 12, 2011, 2:21 a.m. CST

    Crohmm lahffz at chouhr lihtul guhrly Cohnan dere.

    by UltraTron

    Vuhllarryaah voot cruhsh hem dere buhtween hurh thiize!

  • March 12, 2011, 2:29 a.m. CST


    by chien_sale

    Is this for real? looks like the fucking Mummy with Brendan Fraser

  • March 12, 2011, 2:30 a.m. CST

    "This Summer... get ready to laugh your ass off!

    by MooseMalloy

  • March 12, 2011, 2:31 a.m. CST

    Really is that the guy with the perm in Coming to America?

    by chien_sale

    What on his head?

  • March 12, 2011, 2:43 a.m. CST

    Let's be honest here

    by Ben

    Let's be honest here. Any movie with McGowan in it is determined to be awful. Shes hot but has the acting chops of a stale cracker. She doesn't do it for passion, just money and to look at herself. Otherwise it would be a better movie.

  • March 12, 2011, 3:10 a.m. CST

    The only thing I can express after watching that

    by Ben Fong-Torres

    is CONCERN.

  • March 12, 2011, 3:21 a.m. CST

    hey bubcus

    by wierdo27

    "I can see it getting truckers, construction workers, oil rig guys, and other blue collar types that rarely use the computer all fired up. They'd be itching for some film to kick some ass and this might deliver... we'll see." do you KNOW any of the above? I have been and grew up around blue collar men and women all my life. You'd be amazed how many can actually use a computer, how often, how many are geeks (and real learned geeks, not fair weather fans), how many don't just go see whatever is put in front of their face, and how many can actually spell their own names, let alone read actual, whole books. You must not think a whole lot about the blue collar person, assuming all "blue collar types" are sub humans who just wanna "kick some ass", ahyult, dadgum. Just trying to let you know how you sound when you say that, brother. sounds a little, you know...insultin'. brother.

  • March 12, 2011, 3:31 a.m. CST

    Kind of a tease...

    by JasonZumwalt

    ... for a teaser. I'm all in. JZ

  • March 12, 2011, 4:16 a.m. CST


    by SunTzu77

    That line delivery by Conan (in this teaser) and his mannerisms were hilarious. I couldn't stop laughing. Arnold just felt like a natural on the screen... his charisma, his crudeness, his accent, and his muscle/bone structure all rolled into one.

  • March 12, 2011, 4:19 a.m. CST

    R.E. Howard's writing made Conan special

    by VideoVorlon

    Sadly, it appears they paid little attention to Robert E. Howard's writing while making this new film. As others have mentioned, Conan's most often-mentioned feature wasn't his physique: it was his piercing, coal-blue eyes. Neither Arnold nor the new guy were asked to wear blue contacts. If they didn't get that one small but important feature right ... what chance is there that they got the big things right?

  • March 12, 2011, 4:24 a.m. CST

    On the bright side...

    by SunTzu77

    "Game of Thrones" looks well made. <br>

  • March 12, 2011, 4:30 a.m. CST


    by Cureguy

    If only Arnie had got out a couple of years earlier, I think Conan:Crown of Iron would have been made. The real mistake was made when Dino DeLaurentis did not hire Milius for Destroyer in '84 and made it a PG comic book script by Davis & Conway. They were great for Fire & Ice, just not Conan. Can't believe Milius was not given the chance to direct more movies. He was such a genius.

  • March 12, 2011, 4:32 a.m. CST

    Looks like I expected

    by wash


  • March 12, 2011, 4:34 a.m. CST

    Uh. That was just a teaser trailer. Has me interested.

    by HelveticaConspiracy

    You guys whine so much it's pathetic.

  • March 12, 2011, 4:37 a.m. CST


    by marineboy

    Can't blame Momoa - you say yes to Conan and a fat paycheck too. But truth is, it's an awful casting decision. Looks like the dodgy Sinbad series from years back. Very sad indeed :(

  • March 12, 2011, 4:44 a.m. CST

    This just makes me realize how wierd Arnold is

    by David Cloverfield

    That guy shouldn't work on screen. In his prime, he looks like something assambled by a creature that only saw humans in a biology textbook. He talks like he's borderline retarded. He can't act for shit. But somehow, all those elements create a perfect storm of awesome when put on screen. Fucking Conan man... this poor Mamoa guy looks more realistic, tries his best to deliver this sword and sorcery shit but just looks fucking ridicolous, especially when you think about Arnold next to him. If anything, this movie will teach us the value of Arnold. Put him in some stuff before he's too old!

  • March 12, 2011, 5:02 a.m. CST


    by jack Bauer

    No, I'm not an immature little tit who shouts 'gay' as some wonderful insult that they feel has righted the wrongs in the world by their totally amazing wit.... What I'm saying is that the lead looks more in touch with his womanly side, this isn't a bad thing but its wrong for the franchise, Conan as portrayed by Arnold was a huge beast of a man, a man's man, Jason on the other hand looks like he's just out of the hairdressers, sure he has the muscles but he comes across as camp as hell. And the voice he uses isn't natural, its a forced gravelly put on most likely be used because the makers realised how camp the character looked. The trailer, as bad as it is does nothing to change my thought, to be honest it actually made me sure that I was right all along. All this film needs is a scene where Conan breaks into the back of building and finds its called The Blue Oyster Bar full of large men with handlebar moustaches, all oiled up. Will it be a good film, I have no idea, the trailer with the stupid voice acting isn't a good start but the film may be different, will it have a cult following, oh yes indeed, I think Jason will be a new gay icon which is fine, each to their own and all are equal but Conan a gay hero just isn't right if you ask me.

  • March 12, 2011, 5:07 a.m. CST

    @David Cloverfield

    by jack Bauer

    Yes you are right but sadly Arnie IS too old, after a heart attack and far too many meals out he's lost that Arnie look. Fair play he's not a young man but I feel it would be a huge mistake to try and recapture the old Arnie, in fact I think it might injure him. Arnies not Clint Eastwood, clint still fits into roles with ease, he relies very much on his abilities, he's got a fantastic presence on screen as did arnie in his prime but now Arnie is a fat old man, he's lost that angle.

  • March 12, 2011, 5:07 a.m. CST

    Underwhelmed isn't the word

    by disfigurehead

    Just show me a real trailer.

  • March 12, 2011, 5:09 a.m. CST

    im happy

    by Omar B

    I saw Picts as described by REH and Conan said his famous like from Queen Of The Black Coast. I like it.

  • March 12, 2011, 5:12 a.m. CST

    Looks shite, was a shite idea, and was always going to be shite.

    by DiamondJoe

    Harry's comment that he "actually kind of enjoyed" the script (fucking ringing endorsement or what?) should tell anyone this was doomed from the start. But Harry, for fuck sake man, check your grammar once in a while: "Here is a smokey teaser trailer which has action act out in a ghostly smoke version instead of anything really solid". Huh? What are YOU smoking?

  • March 12, 2011, 5:24 a.m. CST

    Absolutely not underwhelmed

    by Chariowalda_Barbarossa

    because I fully expect this movie to suck.

  • Scorpion King 2.

  • March 12, 2011, 5:44 a.m. CST


    by UltimaRex

    The only thing I can tell from this teaser is that they hired a halfway decent swordmaster. Where are you guys getting your analyses from?

  • March 12, 2011, 5:53 a.m. CST

    That line of dialogue that you're all whining about?

    by Messiahman

    It comes STRAIGHT from Robert E. Howard's classic Conan story, "Queen of the Black Coast." I've got a soft spot for the Arnie film as well, but it has basically nothing in common with the Howard stories. Having already had the chance to read the script for this one, it hews much closer to the source material. This teaser gives hardly anything away, other than the fact that Conan actually seems like Conan, rather than Arnie.

  • March 12, 2011, 5:54 a.m. CST


    by Bob

    The hell? We get 60 seconds of no real movie footage and a voice over and everyone here shits all over it for being terrible? Fucking lame sheep. At least wait until there's an actual full trailer with actual footage before opening anus. Love how everyone thinks Arnold is the only one who can do it. He's a senior citizen! GTFO! Apparently no one has watched the original Conan in a while either, because while it was a really good movie back then, it certainly does not hold up over time.

  • March 12, 2011, 6:03 a.m. CST

    'Does not hold up over time 'you say?

    by alan_poon

    And that is I won't be taking your musings seriously.

  • March 12, 2011, 6:16 a.m. CST

    theres no footage because the footage sucks


  • March 12, 2011, 6:20 a.m. CST

    Not what Arnold fans want. Not what Robert E. Howard fans want.

    by wonderboy2402

    So lose / lose. If you liked Hercules and the legendary journeys then you'll LOVE this film.

  • March 12, 2011, 6:23 a.m. CST

    Fabio the Barbarian

    by elsewhere

    I'm getting romance novel vibes from this. ugh

  • March 12, 2011, 6:32 a.m. CST

    What's Conan the Barbarian smoking?

    by Bobo_Vision

    He's smoking the mota weed, Holmes. El Diablito.

  • March 12, 2011, 6:40 a.m. CST

    Conan on Blu-ray?

    by ClayMatthews

    Anyone know a date on getting the real version of this movie on Blu-ray?

  • That way if its any good it will be a pleasant surprise.

  • The best thing about this new Conan movie is that it will make people give a better appreciation and respect of Milius film.

  • March 12, 2011, 7:11 a.m. CST


    by AsimovLives

    Is "Spartacus Blood and Sand" that good? Because the poster art of that DVd did it's best to completly disuade me from even bothering to check it. Should i check the pilot episode then? What you recomend, friend?

  • March 12, 2011, 7:12 a.m. CST

    james westfall

    by AsimovLives

    I hope we don't have to wait 20 more years for another good conan movie, because i'll be 60 then.

  • March 12, 2011, 7:14 a.m. CST

    gun man, what is the porpose of a trailer then? To wait our time?

    by AsimovLives

  • March 12, 2011, 7:25 a.m. CST

    by chicgoods

    input this URL: ( ) you can find many cheap and high stuff (jor dan shoes) (NBA NFL NHL MLB jersey) ( lv handbag) (cha nel wallet) (D&G sunglasses) (ed har dy jacket) (UGG boot) WE ACCEPT PAYPAL PAYMENT YOU MUST NOT MISS IT!!! ===== ===== ===== =====

  • March 12, 2011, 7:49 a.m. CST

    another made for syfy level flick

    by alienindisguise

    would make a good cheesy 2-fer with Thor

  • March 12, 2011, 7:53 a.m. CST

    It comes out in August

    by iceman199

    That tells you everything you need to know.

  • March 12, 2011, 7:55 a.m. CST

    Milius laughs. Laughs from his mountain.

    by Arteska

    Seriously I was giving all due optimism to this and still hold some out but geez that was a terrible way to (re)introduce a new Conan movie. I was looking forward to this more BEFORE I saw that. If you don't have something to show - wait until you have something to show. As it is this looks like it's timid and hiding - the exact opposite of what it needs to be. If the next trailer is cut to some heavy metal rock I won't be surprised at all.

  • March 12, 2011, 7:58 a.m. CST

    by Stugart

    I don't understand the hate for the o.g. Conan flick. I realize it's not perfect, however, the riders of doom scene as well as the orgy are fucking mind-blowing. Amazing set design, costumes, and music to boot. Maybe I'm nostalgic cause I grew up with it, but I still get chills down my spine every time I hear the score or watch the intro to the movie.

  • March 12, 2011, 8:05 a.m. CST

    Feels like a Cannon films teaser

    by Merrick

  • March 12, 2011, 8:09 a.m. CST

    "Approach the film as if it is a failure"

    by A G

    I don't approach any film which I know in advance is terrible. Why would I pay money or give time to such an endeavour? Lunacy.

  • March 12, 2011, 8:37 a.m. CST

    It's too clean...

    by Shut the Fuck up Donny

    And by that I mean the teaser and the film stock shown in the teaser is too visually clean. It doesn't feel...pulpy, like so many films in the 80's. Admittedly that's because film technology is better, but some films need to remain visually rough around the edges. A conan film is one of them. The choice of camera and film stock is just as important as an artist picking his medium and template. Same with the music. It sounds too synthesized and produced. It doesn't have that rawness to it like the original Conan music: there's too much of a cold and linear "thump thump thump" to it instead of--for like of a better desciription--an aloofness you would like to underwrite the fantasy nature of the film. One of the things I loved about Poledouris' scores was that it tended to be very narrative in style and danced around from mood to mood. It highlighted scenes instead of acting as filler. I haven't seen the film yet (obviously), but I suspect if more "primitive" film equipment was used, and a true SCORE was added to it, it would be received better.

  • March 12, 2011, 8:44 a.m. CST

    Looks more like a remake of the '81 film than being based Howard...

    by gigantis2000

    ...and that sucks. Don't get me wrong I love the original film (although the sequel was one of the worst sequels in film history), but it wasn't 'Conan.' Arnold was not playing the character from the stories and it looks like this guy is, if anything, even farther off. What we need is a Conan anthology film, adapting several of the original stories, maybe each by a different director, maybe even with different actors as Conan in each segment. If nothing else, at least there would be a better chance of one of the segments getting it right.

  • March 12, 2011, 8:57 a.m. CST


    by Norm3


  • March 12, 2011, 8:59 a.m. CST

    Of course this will be pulled a week after it's released...

    by jimmy rabbitte

    and be replaced with Jay Leno The Barbarian.

  • March 12, 2011, 9:05 a.m. CST

    Fucking plants...

    by Errol

    EVERYTHING about this has looked (and SMELLED) like absolute arse from day fucking one. God I hope this movie improves but nothing I have seen so far has shown me ANYTHING.

  • March 12, 2011, 9:17 a.m. CST

    This is going to suck because of his nose

    by Bobo_Vision

    I'm not watching a Conan who has an F1 fighter jet on his face.

  • March 12, 2011, 9:26 a.m. CST

    Oh, and Milius' Conan wasn't really Conan.

    by Bob

    Hell the comic book adaptations over the years are so much closer to the real Conan from the books. Quality varies of course, but then there's a helluva lot of Conan comics.

  • March 12, 2011, 9:28 a.m. CST

    Glad I still have time to

    by Jonas Earl James

    get my career together and one day revive this franchise! It'll be some time before anyone wants to touch it again.

  • March 12, 2011, 9:30 a.m. CST

    Image, Darling!

    by Smack_Teddy

    Conan cares

  • March 12, 2011, 9:45 a.m. CST

    Showing a lot of confidence in your movie Lionsgate.

    by Batutta

  • I read the REH stories, and if anything Milius' movie is a dead on representation of the imagery invoked by the stories. The movie is a great companion piece to the stories. Maybe when this trash of a movie gets released, the Milius' neysayers will finally see the error of their ways and shut up. And by the way, when you guys claim that Arnold didn't represented REH's description of cona because you insist on the lithe thing, the most common word that REH uses to describe is GIANT. REH's Conan is both agille and PHYSICALLY HUGE! Arnold mannaged to protait both qualities pretty well. And not even an Arnold's fan.

  • March 12, 2011, 10:08 a.m. CST

    "Can you summon demons, Wizard?"

    by HarryBlackPotter

    We need to see blood and carnage and maidens with heaving, oily bussoms and evil manbeasts in chain mail splitting skulls...and we need to see a Cimmerian putting anyone who stands in his way beneath his sandled feet and swinging his axe and sword and sending all who fuck him straight to Vallhala. If that aint in the film I swear to Crom I will have my revenge on Lionsgate...and wait for DVD.

  • March 12, 2011, 10:11 a.m. CST

    Oh well, the REAL Conan movie is out on Blu Ray soon!

    by HarryBlackPotter

    John Millius and Oliver Stone were on Black Lotus when they made that movie. They should have let them do a load more because Oliver Stone had some insane ideas about turning it into a proper blood and guts fantasy franchise.

  • March 12, 2011, 10:13 a.m. CST

    Is it too late to get Arnie to make Crown of Iron with Milius?

    by HarryBlackPotter

    Because that's what the fans fucking wanted for fucking years, by fucking Crom!

  • March 12, 2011, 10:15 a.m. CST

    Sy Fy Movie of the Week...

    by ThisBethesdaSea

    Snooze fest..... "I live I love i slay" Stupid

  • March 12, 2011, 10:16 a.m. CST

    If this is an 'R' or Uk '18' certificate it might help.

    by HarryBlackPotter

    If it's PG13 then FUCK YOU ALL!!!!!!!

  • March 12, 2011, 10:19 a.m. CST

    "Conan! What is best in life?"

    by HarryBlackPotter

    "Crush your enemies, see them driven before you...and er...weed. Lots and lots of weed."

  • March 12, 2011, 10:26 a.m. CST

    My mother used to say

    by Bass Ackwards

    If you don't have something nice to premier, than don't premier anything at all.

  • March 12, 2011, 10:44 a.m. CST

    Worst teaser ever...

    by Steve

    (flick Dorito crumbs off belly)

  • March 12, 2011, 10:50 a.m. CST

    It's a teaser trailer, not fucking 'Citizen Kane'

    by SmokingRobot

    Seriously, how good are any teasers? I'm still onboard for this.

  • March 12, 2011, 10:52 a.m. CST

    to live. to love. to slay.

    by vulturess

    to salvia bong!

  • March 12, 2011, 10:56 a.m. CST

    Who is this meathead playing Conan?

    by proevad

    Too lazy to google it or look it up on here. That's how horrible this looks. Better teasers on the scifi channel.

  • March 12, 2011, 11:01 a.m. CST

    Original was shite

    by proevad

    I hate american teens who try to sound british on message boards. The queen would reject you and Michael Sheen would spit in your face, fuckwads.

  • March 12, 2011, 11:14 a.m. CST


    by Smack_Teddy

    well that's awesome for fucking queeny, isn't it?

  • March 12, 2011, 11:22 a.m. CST

    asimovlives, you are a fucking idiot.

    by DocPazuzu

    Either you failed to understand Howard's stories (not unlikely, I concede, especially if you read them in English) or you simply haven't read them (highly probable). <p> Your myopia prevents you from showing the slightest sense of nuance in any of your likes or dislikes. It's perfectly possible to love both Milius's movie AND Howard's stories without having to convince yourself that one is an accurate representation of the other. <p> What the fuck is wrong with you, anyway? It's autism, isn't it?

  • March 12, 2011, 11:36 a.m. CST


    by AsimovLives

    Maybe Arnold is too old to replay Conan in Milius' CROM OF IRON. You know which actor i would love to see playing Conan in a HOUR OF THE DRAGON type story, as in, an older Conan? Ray Stevenson. He's mid-40s now, he's physically huge, and he's a very good shakespearean theater trained actor who can play a total badass while delivering an oscar worthy acting performance.

  • March 12, 2011, 11:37 a.m. CST

    bass ackwards

    by AsimovLives

    Your mother is a wise lady. The Liongates fellows would learn a thing or two from her wisdom.

  • March 12, 2011, 11:40 a.m. CST


    by AsimovLives

    There's quite many brits in here, you know? And by Queen, you mean Helen Mirren? She's the only queen i would bow to. Her, Cate Blanchett or Emily Blunt.

  • March 12, 2011, 11:40 a.m. CST

    Wow. FUCK this.

    by D Ropaela

    Momoa will do a better barbarian in Game of Thrones, anyway.

  • March 12, 2011, 11:50 a.m. CST

    CANNON is BACK!!!

    by the_Dogs_Bollocks

    JCVD can have a career again, Chuck Norris can stop making those shit infomercials and for the love of god, someone dig up Charles Bronson - CANNON is BACK!! - and they made GAY PORN!!

  • March 12, 2011, 11:53 a.m. CST

    I've waited forever for a trailer, and THIS is what I get?

    by The Reluctant Austinite

    What a terrible way to introduce the first footage released from your film to your target audience. I can't tell ANYTHING about the look or tone of the film from this teaser, and it almost feels like the editors of the trailer are purposefully trying to hide or obscure the film itself in smoke and mirrors (pun intended). Is the film so bad they're afraid to show actual footage? Maybe. Maybe not, but that's the impression I was left with. Congratulations makers of "Conan the Barbarian 3D", you have one chance to make a first impression and you blew it.

  • March 12, 2011, 12:22 p.m. CST

    A frequent comment on this talkback speculates...

    by William

    ...that they barely show footage and have a smoke filter over it cause they're ashamed of the footage. I ask you this: Why WOULD they be? Would we REALLY be able to tell the film is shit just from a few action shots of people looking badass and swinging swords around? No we wouldn't. Even the shittiest movies still LOOK cool in the trailer, because there's technically nothing objectionable about the footage we were shown. Seriously, all that trailer was were characters sneering and Conan swinging a sword around. Unless those shots were framed by a retarded monkey and shot with a cameraphone, how are you guys so certain of how shitty the movie is? This teaser, whether you liked it or not, was done this way on purpose because it was a STYLISTIC choice, not cause they think showing a few shots will make people instantly think it's shitty, because there's nothing really particularly shitty about the shots, they're just....shots. Criticize the thing sure, but make sense please.

  • March 12, 2011, 12:26 p.m. CST

    SMOKE & MIRRORS - to cover up HOW BAD THIS IS

    by Mennen

    Christ, that sucked.

  • March 12, 2011, 12:41 p.m. CST

    "Arnold mannaged to protait both qualities pretty well."

    by DocPazuzu

    Physically huge and agile? Sure, if by "agile" you mean "lumbering fathead". I'm beginning to think you're completely insane, asimovlives. <p> For the record: Milius himself said the Conan property gave him the "excuse" to make his "viking movie". I love the Milius Conan dearly but it has virtually nothing, NOTHING, in common with Howard's character or stories. If you actually took the time to read the stories you'd be horribly embarrassed by what you've posted in this talkback. <p> "dead on representation of the imagery invoked by the stories." Oh, give me a fucking break. You are a complete and utter fraud.

  • March 12, 2011, 12:47 p.m. CST

    i live. i love. i slay.

    by vulturess

    i want star wars kid.

  • March 12, 2011, 12:51 p.m. CST

    BTW the line Conan says in the teaser...

    by William said by him in one of the Conan stories, "Queen of the Black Coast".

  • March 12, 2011, 1:07 p.m. CST


    by AsimovLives

    Keep that score up. and please so one so too in the SUPER 8 talkback too, if you please. That would be cool.

  • As Conan though...meh.

  • March 12, 2011, 1:48 p.m. CST

    If the poster was really British

    by proevad

    I apologize. Have just been sick of kids listening to Radiohead, watching Trainspotting and then calling everyone a wanker.

  • March 12, 2011, 1:52 p.m. CST

    I already hate it!

    by Orionsangels

    Is that rock music? It already feels like the Clash of the Titans remake, Barf!

  • Whatever happened to real movies? Real sets, plots. I'm utterly sick and tired of these CG infested remakes!

  • March 12, 2011, 1:57 p.m. CST

    RE: "comit suicide already"

    by Mr. Nice Gaius

    Fucking hell, Assimov. It's no shocker that your Aspergers-riddled obsessions are matched only by your borish behavior and complete lack of class. You are one no-life low-life piece of Portuguese shit.

  • March 12, 2011, 2:20 p.m. CST


    by DocPazuzu

    Good to see you! Howzit?

  • March 12, 2011, 2:29 p.m. CST


    by AsimovLives

    "Whatever happened to real movies?" I ask the exact same question. Innicially i though the CGI would bring a new era of filmic possibilities, and filmmakers would be possible t show amazing stuff that until then they had been prevented from because of physical impediments. But now i fell i have been conned by the computer nerds and i'm starting to get terribly nostalgic about the movies that were done incamera for real. Or at least the trickey, when done right, was the result of very clever people finding very clever solutions to real filmmaking problems.

  • March 12, 2011, 2:39 p.m. CST


    by AsimovLives

    I'm aware that there's differences in Conan in the REH stories and in Milius' movie. But unlike some, i don't see them as that different. I see them as complementary instead of divergent, if you know what i mean. Surely the millius movie was my introduction to Conan, i didn't knew of the character before it. I might be suffering froma case of great loyalty toward the movie. But i really love the REH stories, in find them extremely well writen, extremely imaginative, and they just are badass ass kickers great ripping yarns. Like many, i would like to see a more literal adaptation of many of REH's stories like HOUR OF THE DRAGON and A WITCH SHALL BE BORN. "The Frost-Giant's Daughter" could, in my opinion, make for a badass cold open start of a Conan movie.

  • March 12, 2011, 2:40 p.m. CST


    by AsimovLives

    "Quite honestly I think all of the Talk Backs for Super 8 have turned into a Blood Bath." And honestly, i think i made a big contribution to that, i'm affraid.

  • March 12, 2011, 2:43 p.m. CST


    by TinkerTIW

    It actually plays more like a parody of a teaser.

  • Isn't that the truth? As Mattman said, it's weird. It also seems to be a new way of making movies form this modern day hack boys. They are now openly tying themselves as if to promote continuation from older, much better movies made by talented filmamkers of the past, and doing it shamelessly. I see that too in SUPER 8. Is this a new trend? Is this the natural result of all this "filmmaking from nostalgia" style that's been emerging this last years? Is this what i have to endure in the future?

  • March 12, 2011, 2:47 p.m. CST

    I thought that was a fairly terrible teaser

    by D.Vader

    But if I was a normal guy, sitting in the theater completely unaware that they were making a new Conan the Barbarian film, that would probably get me excited and interested. But as a cineaste, I thought that was a poor showing with too many shots of similarly designed "natives". And what does smoke as a thematic element have to do with Conan? Is he smoldering? Born of fire? It bordered on cheesy in my opinion. I would have rather seen something that felt a bit more ancient, though honestly I have no ideas on what would work. Shit, I'd rather see the camera push in to an old, dusty book and see the cover open on its own like those old Disney movies did.

  • March 12, 2011, 2:51 p.m. CST

    If this trailer had played the classic Poledouris theme music...

    by D.Vader

    The same used in the Gladiator trailer... Would we have commended it for its use of nostalgia to remind us of what a great film that first Conan flick was? Or would we damn it for reminding us of that and for trying to draw a comparison or a relation to that (likely) superior film? I wonder... Because deep down I think I really DID wanna hear that rousing "pom pom pom pom" percussion as this trailer started.

  • March 12, 2011, 2:59 p.m. CST


    by kafka07

    And they can't hide it no matter how much smoke and mirrors they employ. It sucks turd. Honestly, how the fuck could a studio not get behind a Conan movie 150%, not put lots of money into it, not cast some good actors, not make sure the script is good, etc. The story of Conan is fucking legendary, and to not respect that and instead produce this steaming turd is unforgivable.

  • March 12, 2011, 3 p.m. CST

    Asimov, you can't compare this to Super 8

    by D.Vader

    Super 8 has been very open from the beginning about how its an homage to early Spielberg films. If you're going to say they're being shameless for trying to be like Spielberg, and doing it WITH Spielberg for that matter, it seems you're missing the point a bit.

  • March 12, 2011, 3:07 p.m. CST

    Whiney little bitches ...

    by Yer_Maw

    It's a fucking TEASER for fuck sake. Get over it. While shutting up. It's amazing the amount of responses here that are making massive assumptions about things like CGI use and the music that are in no way shown in the teaser. Although, the teaser is shite, right enough. So far all we really know is that the marketing on this movie sucks bags of balls. It shouldn't be called Conan The Barbarian. It shouldn't use the Milius movie's logo. And the teaser shouldn't be this bad. I'm still going to see it though. With my drink on.

  • March 12, 2011, 3:23 p.m. CST


    by AsimovLives

    "Asimov, you can't compare this to Super 8" That both movies are audiences traps that uses nostalgia as their hook? I most certainly can.

  • I have been skeptical about this film since they anounced the director. Seems my skepticism was more then justified.

  • March 12, 2011, 3:26 p.m. CST


    by Mr. Nice Gaius

    Good to see you too, sir. Things are well = busy is as busy does. Re-testing the AICN waters as there seems to have been a very minor increase in interesting material...and a very major increase in general TB assholery.

  • And that's a very disturbing though right there. It gives me the willy jeebies.

  • March 12, 2011, 3:28 p.m. CST

    That's not what you said, Asi.

    by D.Vader

    Not what I said either. Its not shameless if they acknowledge what they are doing and, in JJ's case, actively BRING IN THE MAN THEY ARE PAYING HOMAGE TO. Its very different.

  • March 12, 2011, 3:29 p.m. CST

    Oh, Assimov! I love it when you try to tickle my balls!!!

    by Mr. Nice Gaius

    It must really drive you nuts always trying to rub up against your betters.

  • March 12, 2011, 3:33 p.m. CST


    by AsimovLives

    I truly don't know what to think of PROMETHEUS. On one hand the mystery is great, on the other hand i have no ground to build an opinion of it, no matter how superficial. Also, there's the facg that though i stioll am a fan of Ridley Scott and will always be his suppoter until kingdom comes, lately i haven't seen the magic from him since KINGDOM OF HEAVEN: DIRECTOR'S CUT. He still makes good movies (i enjoyed ROBIN HOOD Amore then many in here has) but i haven't see that same spark he used to have, which can be seen quite clearly in KOH:DC. This is why, nowdays, Scott became second in my list of favorite directors and now Nolan sits at first place (and that's because Kubrick had the bad taste of dying, the ungrateful bastard!). So, PROMETHEUS. Ddue, i can't say anything about it. i can't say i have hopes for it, or that i don't have hopes for it, or anything in between. i have no data on it. I literally have no opinion of it whatsoever.

  • March 12, 2011, 3:39 p.m. CST

    The point of all of this is that this teaser wasn't worth releasing.

    by The Reluctant Austinite

    It's true. You can't say it looks like shit. You can't say it looks good. You can't say anything except, "Oh, there's a Conan movie coming out." This teaser accomplished absolutely nothing. I think they just should have waited to release a proper teaser trailer because the whole point of a teaser is to have some kind of impact or at least generate some kind of interest and this teaser does none of that. First impressions count, and this doesn't make one.

  • March 12, 2011, 3:59 p.m. CST

    Why put out a teaser at all if its going to be crap?

    by punisher5150

    The whole idea of teasing is to get you excited for the movie. Jeez, this thing is in post production. There had to be at least one minute of cool fighting or something to make a worthy teaser trailer. I'm hyped for this movie, but this doesn't look good at all right now.

  • March 12, 2011, 4:03 p.m. CST

    If I was going to have voiceover say enter the world of the barbarian

    by punisher5150

    I would have had a map of Hyboria (maybe CGI) then zoom in on some portion of the map (Cimmeria), have it burn away and reveal Conan in a crazy battle sequence. Teases with the voiceover, map and a battle scene. Needs no crappy movie dialogue, and gets us in the mood for some barbarian slaying. Of course John Milius theme in the background would make it awesome!

  • March 12, 2011, 4:12 p.m. CST

    Underwhelmed? I'm fucking OFFENDED. This is godawful.

    by golden tribw

    I found the early teaser trailers for Hannibal and Terminator 3 much more tolerable, both of which were laughable in their own right for including nothing of any worth relating to the new movie ... but this is just bad in every way, at least T3 had the classic music and Hannibal had Dr. Lecter approaching the glass (and camera).

  • March 12, 2011, 4:12 p.m. CST

    What is best in life, Conan?

    by golden tribw

  • March 12, 2011, 4:12 p.m. CST


    by golden tribw

  • March 12, 2011, 4:12 p.m. CST


    by golden tribw

  • March 12, 2011, 4:12 p.m. CST


    by golden tribw

    Amen Arnold.

  • March 12, 2011, 4:15 p.m. CST

    Punisher is on the right track

    by D.Vader

    That would have been a better teaser than this one. Better than my idea of the book opening too. Though I do quite like that one better than this smokey shit.

  • March 12, 2011, 4:17 p.m. CST

    Well at least they tried something *different* for a teaser

    by D.Vader

    I guess that should be commended, right? Right? ...

  • March 12, 2011, 4:31 p.m. CST

    The Original Conan Score vs. Tranny Conan

    by kiwicanuck one of my favourites. Pretty sure after I listened to it for the first time the first hairs sprouted from my chest, my voice cracked, and my balls dropped. The main theme in particular is just a bold, powerful warlord of a track. When I watch this shit-stain of a trailer I hear Enya. And is it just me or does the new Tranny Conan look like he's just had the Joan River's face-lift and sound like Mongo from Blazing Saddles?

  • March 12, 2011, 4:44 p.m. CST

    "It's just a teaser"

    by PorkChopXpress

    This is not the way to do a teaser for a Conan movie...floating heads in wafting smoke. Come on. The forging of a sword with voiceover (like the opening of Barbarian) would have been a far better and more effective "tease" for this. Don't even show actors. If you aren't going to show me some action, I don't just want to see the actors making faces at unseen foes. And if Conan is going to deliver a had better sound like Conan. Bad, bad, bad.

  • March 12, 2011, 4:45 p.m. CST

    Seems this would be a natural miniseries. Follow

    by UltraTron

    Conan from village to kingdom. See him winning! Thar.

  • March 12, 2011, 4:49 p.m. CST

    Robert E Howard is coming back

    by django_il_bastardo

    from the grave to kick everyone's ass who is responsible for this shit storm. N' I dug that guy in SGA...

  • March 12, 2011, 5:29 p.m. CST

    Comic Conan

    by JV

    The look of this new Conan reminds me of Kurt Busiek's Dark Horse comic adaptation which I find more fun and interesting than Milius' movies. I like that this dude is not a hulking HGH freak, but an athletic, nimble killer that can bed any woman he wants. And I certainly won't let some 60 second snippet get me too excited either way.

  • March 12, 2011, 5:31 p.m. CST


    by SunTzu77

    Spartacus: Blood and Sand isn't that bad. It's a series that started off both very rough and slow then got rolling after a couple of episodes. If I were to recommend a starting point... I would say to watch 1.04 - "The Thing in the Pit." Now, that Andy Whitfield (Spartacus) has Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma and the studio is trying to push this other chap - I'm not watching the new ones that are to be released.

  • March 12, 2011, 5:34 p.m. CST

    What is best in life, Conan?

    by SunTzu77

    My perm, my waxing, and my bad line delivery.

  • March 12, 2011, 5:55 p.m. CST


    by Gun Man

    Teaser --uh, TEASES us -- gives us a glimpse -- whets out appetite -- the film is not at a point yet where showing trailer-type scenes makes sense, How can we make concrete evaluations from a few one second shots? TRAILER -- shows up more of the film -- here we start to form some opinion -- because we know the studio has chosen these scenes to impress us. If they don't, we get a SECOND TRAILER - The marketing guys have been reading AICN -- they try to correct things we've shit on. THE MOVIE - we find out that ALL the good stuff was in the trailer. And in fact, some of the shots we liked in the trailer, and the music in many cases, isn't in the film at all. DVD - We scour the "added features" looking for better scenes than ended up in the movie. Disappointed, we grab our DVD of RAIDERS or some Holly Hollywood and try to forget the film we just Netflixed.

  • March 12, 2011, 5:58 p.m. CST

    That being said

    by Gun Man

    I actually wait until I see movies to form opinions on the movies. Trailers and such are for making scathing opinions about casting, female lead hair styles, goofy on the set spy shots and hideous costume redesigns: re: Spider-man 4. I know it's fun, but crapping on a teaser is like dissing you buddy's baby's looks the moment it squirted out of its mom's love tunnel. Let the fucker take a few breaths, and then BASH the shit out of it.

  • March 12, 2011, 6 p.m. CST


    by Gun Man

    BY the Way, the father of the last good Conan movie could use some positive thoughts from his fans right now, as he battles some health issues. Pray to Crom for him. And if he will not listen, than the hell with him!

  • March 12, 2011, 6:01 p.m. CST

    I find it really funny that,...

    by ClayG

    Neither of the two Schwarzenegger Conan films has a single line of Robert E. Howard dialogue in it, yet this film, which prominently features a Howard line which goes a long way toward defining *his* Conan's philosophy of life, gets trashed. Yes, I liked the first Conan film. "Conan the Destroyer" was pretty awful. But neither film was terribly true to Howard's original creation. This one looks like it's trying to be. I'm looking forward to it.

  • March 12, 2011, 6:10 p.m. CST


    by Smack_Teddy

    as an adult, and a fan of all three of those things, i can only say everything in moderation. I personally doubt any of those things are responsible for your theory of Americans trying to sound like British intellectuals though. But if it make you feel better...

  • March 12, 2011, 6:12 p.m. CST

    have another beer on me and cheat with your wife

    by Smack_Teddy

  • March 12, 2011, 6:23 p.m. CST


    by ChopChop

    Oh god, this is getting worst! In motion this looks even worst!!! What failure!! by asimovlives WORSE!!!!!!!!!! Idiot.

  • March 12, 2011, 6:33 p.m. CST


    by AsimovLives

    Thanks for the correction. In portuguese we say "pior". Idiota.

  • March 12, 2011, 6:34 p.m. CST

    Not good.

    by catlettuce4

    The script for this is about as much like Conan as your average Ator or other barbarian knock-off film is. It's a damn shame that they will take lines from REH's Conan and put them in something as "wrong" as this movie is. And yes people, the "live love slay" dialogue is from the REAL Conan, as bad as it may sound here. I'm sure they put it it to appease and pacify all fans of the original character and his creator, but somehow all it did in this teaser was bug me. The feel of it also seems bad, from what little is shown here. Fail.

  • March 12, 2011, 6:37 p.m. CST

    Most likely PG-13!!!

    by darthwaz1

    can't wait!!

  • March 12, 2011, 6:42 p.m. CST


    by Thall_Joben

    What a shame, another missed opportunity becomes some fuck-head producer thinks he know what he's talking about. "I live, I love, I slay and I am contented" - I doubt 'love' ever featured much in Conan's vernacular, fuck maybe, but love? He looks totally, Conan should look like a hard fucker, a genuinely grizzled bastard - not some perm wearing beach poser.

  • Who is convicned that this mvoie will feature such immortal lines as from Milius Conan? "Between the time when the oceans drank Atlantis, and the rise of the sons of Aryas, there was an age undreamed of. And unto this, Conan, destined to wear the jeweled crown of Aquilonia upon a troubled brow. It is I, his chronicler, who alone can tell thee of his saga. Let me tell you of the days of high adventure" "Fire and wind come from the sky, from the gods of the sky. But Crom is your god, Crom and he lives in the earth. Once, giants lived in the Earth, Conan. And in the darkness of chaos, they fooled Crom, and they took from him the enigma of steel. Crom was angered. And the Earth shook. Fire and wind struck down these giants, and they threw their bodies into the waters, but in their rage, the gods forgot the secret of steel and left it on the battlefield. We who found it are just men. Not gods. Not giants. Just men. The secret of steel has always carried with it a mystery. You must learn its riddle, Conan. You must learn its discipline. For no one - no one in this world can you trust. Not men, not women, not beasts. [Points to sword] This you can trust" "What is best in life? To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of their women" (This last one is actually taken from history, i believe, taken from the saying of Genghis Kahn or some other mongol lord.) "The riddle... of steel. Yes! You know what it is, don't you boy? Shall I tell you? It's the least I can do. Steel isn't strong, boy, flesh is stronger! Look around you. There, on the rocks; a beautiful girl. Come to me, my child... [Thulsa Doom coaxes the girl to jump to her death] That is strength, boy! That is power! What is steel compared to the hand that wields it? Look at the strength in your body, the desire in your heart, I gave you this! Such a waste. Contemplate this on the tree of woe. Crucify him!" "The gods are pleased with you, they will watch the battle. Are they going to help? No. Well, then tell them to stay out of the way." "Now they will know why they are afraid of the dark. Now they learn why they fear the night" "Do you want to live forever?" "He is Conan, Cimmerian, he won't cry, so I cry for him." "There comes a time, thief, when the jewels cease to sparkle, when the gold loses its luster, when the throne room becomes a prison, and all that is left is a father's love for his child." "Food... FOOD! I have not eaten for days. And who says you will? Give me food, so I have strength when the wolves come. Let me die, not in hunger, but in combat! Who are you? I am Subotai! Thief and archer! I am Hyrkanian... the great order of Kerlait! So what are you doing here? Dinner for wolves" And my two personal favorites. "What gods do you pray to? I pray to the four winds... and you? To Crom... but I seldom pray to him, he doesn't listen. What good is he then? Ah, it's just as I've always said. He is strong! If I die, I have to go before him, and he will ask me, "What is the riddle of steel?" If I don't know it, he will cast me out of Valhalla and laugh at me. That's Crom, strong on his mountain! Ah, my god is greater. Crom laughs at your four winds. He laughs from his mountain. My god is stronger. He is the everlasting sky! Your god lives underneath him" "Crom, I have never prayed to you before. I have no tongue for it. No one, not even you, will remember if we were good men or bad. Why we fought, or why we died. All that matters is that two stood against many. That's what's important! Valor pleases you, Crom... so grant me one request. Grant me revenge! And if you do not listen, then to HELL with you!" Can the new Conan movie ever match this pearls of movie dialogue? I don't think so!

  • March 12, 2011, 6:44 p.m. CST

    Conan? More like Coño

    by AsimovLives

  • March 12, 2011, 6:44 p.m. CST


    by catlettuce4

    Frost Giant's Daughter actually WAS going to be the opening scene of the proposed King Conan- Crown of Iron script Milius wrote. Kind of sad that here we are, with Arnold free to make movies again, and this Conan remake/whatever still not released. What shitty timing, we almost could have had a sequel/ending to Milius' film BY Milius, and then maybe a restart later that was more faithful to the REH originals by some other creative folks. Hollywood, and especially Hollywood WRITERS will never every understand why the old pulp hero style of writing worked, and CAN work, as a form of storytelling. They want to turn everything into an epic character arc.

  • March 12, 2011, 6:46 p.m. CST

    I'll be surprised if this is even as good as "Conan the Destroyer"

    by darthwaz1

    that movie was awful..

  • March 12, 2011, 6:47 p.m. CST

    Gotta love the homos who post "FIRST"...

    by TruantOranje

    ...and then are actually second. Fools.

  • March 12, 2011, 6:48 p.m. CST

    Lookin good

    by antmanx68

    No point comparing this to the 1982 film. They are completely different worlds and had very different intentions. That Arnold Conan was a complete bastardization of Conan lore (and a great film). This looks like it has shades of Howard, Milius, Frazetta and the comics. I don't know what all the bitchings about. Because Momoa was on Batwatch when he was a teenager? Because he's not Arnold? The dude looks the part. I see howard's description of a warrior who's barbaric gait consumes miles and who's wolfish instincts, strength and swordsmanship keep him alive in a world brimming with black magic, evil monsters, treacherous warlords. He is sullen eyed, pantherish, dark skinned with a tangled black mane. He looks like he could kill someone with 1 punch, climb a steep mountain or take on hoards of monsters with his trusty sword. This is that guy. And his voice sounds badass in the trailer delivering a line inspired from Queen of the Black Coast. Please, Get Arnold off your brains and take a look at the original Conan stories. Everything about the world they're crafting and the star screams Conan. The movie could suck horribly, but that remains to be seen. At this point, most of this bashing is just fucking ignorant. Some teasers show a logo and a release date only.

  • March 12, 2011, 6:52 p.m. CST

    As long as it's rated R, there's hope..

    by darthwaz1

  • March 12, 2011, 6:53 p.m. CST

    Milius' Conan

    by catlettuce4

    I really like that film. And I know full well that it is not like the Howard character of Conan, and the story is not much like the original tales either (I've read them, and they are great.) I think the difference between Milius' Conan film and other unfaithful film adaptations is that it displays the VISION of a talented creator (Milius) and he really pulls it together into a solid film in it's own right, along with great imagery and one of the bet musical scores ever, for anything. There is an underlying savagery and believability to the movie that is not too different from the world REH showed us either, even if the details are off. I suppose this new Conan film could ALSO have a great vision behind it and show us something great that we won't be ashamed of as Conan fans... I am just HUGELY skeptical of that, for what must be obvious reasons to any geek who really loves these types of characters (sci-fi, superheroes, or whatever.) Hollywood has a shitty track record with getting it right, or even producing something worthwhile.

  • March 12, 2011, 7:02 p.m. CST

    Holy Gay...

    by Lucky13

    ... He's a smiling, gay, underwear model... and he sounds like a smiling, gay, underwear model doing a cookie monster impression, if the cookie monster were born in medieval times. Hilarious... in a really sad way.

  • March 12, 2011, 7:06 p.m. CST

    It should have benn Arnold

    by Jake Pantlin

    I don't care that he is old. They could have made it King Conan.

  • March 12, 2011, 7:19 p.m. CST

    Conan just sounds wrong without an Austrian accent

    by Jaster

    Suppose I'll just have to get used to it.

  • they'll use the publicity from it to promote a Blu Ray release of the original..FINALLY!

  • March 12, 2011, 7:51 p.m. CST


    by proevad

    Saw it once. Loved it. Yes, loved it. It wasn't a Conan movie. Don't know what it was, but it worked for me. Just remember it seemed liked it was over in like an hour. Shot by like a rocket. Mindless, entertainment like Big Trouble in Little China. I'll have to check it out again and see if I still feel the same thing. Was many moons ago.

  • March 12, 2011, 7:57 p.m. CST

    Why isn't John Milius making an actual Viking movie??

    by Knugen

    It would hammer your ass like Mjölnir.

  • March 12, 2011, 8:06 p.m. CST

    I think they should have

    by proevad

    cast the lead in A Serbian Film as Conan. He'd have to take some HGH but he had a convincing barbarian look going on in the last parts of that film. Guy in the trailer just looks wrong for this.

  • March 12, 2011, 8:10 p.m. CST

    at least the poster looks cool. mostly.

    by wierdo27

    much easier/better for the teaser trailer: in the vain of 70s ridley scott minimalism trailers... screen black only sound is wind screams, horse hooves, battle sounds, swords cleaving and bouncing off one another fade in, goes from pitch black to a flame flicker to a crimson blood-light camera pans down echoes of the last screams bounce off fields of skulls now visible camera pan slows, doesn't stop crunching heard underfoot we see conan take the final steps to the top of the skull-heap, head solemn, down, and unseen, face kept in shadow. upon his final step, he either plants his sword, or casually casts upon the field one final skull he holds in his hand.. camera still panning down begins to fill the screen with the skulls closest to us lights dim, wind kicks up all but a flame light remains, which gradually burns in intensity to reveal the logo... you know, or something.

  • March 12, 2011, 8:40 p.m. CST

    Show me voluptuous naked oiled princesses, and I'll consider it

    by in6087

    If the movie doesn't have them - forget it. The actor looks all wrong for Conan anyway. The maidens question his virility.

  • March 12, 2011, 8:56 p.m. CST

    Everything was right until Momoas face came out

    by bloodawn5

    Man this really sucks, hope this doesnt suck, but it probably will

  • YES! Greico rules!!

  • March 12, 2011, 9:36 p.m. CST

    Bad TV show

    by JamesWest

    Looks like a bad 1990s syndicated TV show.

  • March 12, 2011, 9:51 p.m. CST

    kiwicanuck is right, it's a Tranny Conan

    by chien_sale

    fear his pms!

  • March 12, 2011, 9:59 p.m. CST

    Crom, I am disappoint.

    by Dave

  • March 12, 2011, 10:19 p.m. CST

    i'll bite

    by BrooklynBred

    looks to be interesting thus far

  • March 12, 2011, 10:22 p.m. CST

    Seemed nowhere near as horrible as the whining here..

    by quantize

    I've read Conan on and off over the years, but I thought that was kinda stylish and the other photos of some of the makeup looked rather kick ass to me... Not sure if it's just purists whining or what, but the production values didn't seem THAT bad to me.. I'll be definitely interested to see this...

  • March 12, 2011, 10:51 p.m. CST

    Audience reaction...

    by Lord Elric

    5 diferent screens.... seemed interested, but the music....SUCKED SUCKED SUCKED SUCKED! They need Blood and Thunder, Basil Poledouris. As for the lead...everyone was trying to figure out who he is. Need to work on that. Also, we need to see...SOMETHING! Loved the "I Slay, i am content" line. Again...need to see something!

  • March 12, 2011, 10:57 p.m. CST

    Thank you

    by Ben

    Beautifully said

  • March 12, 2011, 10:59 p.m. CST

    Thank you (the reluctant austinite)

    by Ben

  • March 12, 2011, 10:59 p.m. CST

    probably will be slightly better than The Scorpion King

    by DrPain


  • March 12, 2011, 11 p.m. CST

    Yeah, I missed voice over trailer guy too.

    by DrPain

    I liked that about the trailer.

  • March 12, 2011, 11:03 p.m. CST

    looks more like a teaser for an mtv show

    by Ben

    horrible at least make it count

  • March 12, 2011, 11:30 p.m. CST

    For those who haven't read any Howard...

    by Taranaich

    "I live, I love, I slay, and I am content" is a paraphrase of one of the most famous of Robert E. Howard Cona quotes, from "Queen of the Black Coast": “I have known many gods. He who denies them is as blind as he who trusts them too deeply. I seek not beyond death. It may be the blackness averred by the Nemedian skeptics, or Crom’s realm of ice and cloud, or the snowy plains and vaulted halls of the Nordheimer’s Valhalla. I know not, nor do I care. Let me live deep while I live; let me know the rich juices of red meat and stinging wine on my palate, the hot embrace of white arms, the mad exultation of battle when the blue blades flame and crimson, and I am content. Let teachers and priests and philosophers brood over questions of reality and illusion. I know this: if life is illusion, then I am no less an illusion, and being thus, the illusion is real to me. I live, I burn with life, I love, I slay, and am content.” - “Queen of the Black Coast,” The Coming of Conan the Cimmerian, p131 So before people get themselves in a tizzy thinking it's some "new" line they made up to "replace" the Genghis Khan swipe, or that "the Conan I know doesn't care about love," or "the filmmakers don't know what they're doing," or "too much talking," you could at least google the line to see if it has a basis in Conan fiction before having paroxysms over how they're "ruining" Conan. The upcoming film has plenty of problems, and the teaser was extremely underwhelming. But even though the quotation was taken out of context and altered, it's at least got a basis in the original stories.

  • March 12, 2011, 11:41 p.m. CST

    Voice over by the guy that did meet the Spartans trailer.

    by UltraTron

  • March 13, 2011, 12:20 a.m. CST

    clayg its not the line of dialogue that sucked

    by punisher5150

    it was the delivery or editing and the way it sounded in the trailer. Hopefully in the film it fits into the context of the story, but in the trailer it seemed like a third grader just edited some words into a random video. Anyway, Milius's Conan was nowhere near faithful to the REH stories (I have read them all and all of the pastiches except for Conan of Venarium by Harry Turtledove and the last 10 or so by Tor books), but Milius at least captured the "feel" of Hyboria. And that soundtrack is classic. They actually used it for the teaser of Gladiator, and for a second I thought Conan was coming back then. In all honesty, this looks to be more along the lines of the Conan TV series with Ralf Moeller, which was HORRIBLE. I am holding out hope that this movie turns out to be good. I guess we'll see this summer.

  • March 13, 2011, 12:22 a.m. CST

    I eat. I love. I pray. And I am content.

    by wierdo27

    i can't be the first one to have made that joke.

  • the_daily_rag #TMZ! Richard Grieco to replace #CharlieSheen on #TwoandaHalfMen

  • March 13, 2011, 12:30 a.m. CST

    my relationship with Hollywood is becoming abusive


    the daggers in my heart. the pain. oh the agony.

  • March 13, 2011, 5:02 a.m. CST

    Insert Smoke & Mirrors joke here

    by LeftFoot

    That wasn't just uninteresting. It was a little irritating.

  • March 13, 2011, 5:17 a.m. CST

    @Childs. I agree wholeheartedly. We just have to wait and see...

    by Anklavepak

    Horrendous trailer and the music is an abomination. The music is what really made Milius' Conan movie. Poledouris' score is still one of the finest pieces of film music ever created. Tyler Bates scoring this one, is a bad, bad choice especially if he is going to rely on his usual percussion laden fare with tonnes of rock guitars mixed right up in your face. When are people gonna learn that it simply isn't cool in a period piece. It was painful in 300. Imagine LOTR with a Bates score... there goes the oscar!

  • March 13, 2011, 6:13 a.m. CST

    Doesn't give very much away...

    by MajorFrontbum

    ...but Momoa seems to emote about as much as a trilobite in an Attenborough documentary. Casting someone with no experience (c'mon, what he did in "Atlantis" was shit and can't be classed as 'acting') was a HUGE mistake. This movie will be a massive failure and someone else will come along and reboot it in 12 months time. Maybe they might respect the material and give us a 'proper' Conan film, with a strong story and a lead actor, who actually knows how to act.

  • March 13, 2011, 6:44 a.m. CST


    by AsimovLives

    That's an interesting tipit of news you gave me. Thank you. It's good to know i am not the only one to think that THE FROST GIANT'S DAUGHTER would make for a good opening for a Conan movie.

  • March 13, 2011, 6:58 a.m. CST


    by AsimovLives

    a female-female relationship in the context of an ALIEN movie? You mean there will be a lesbian sex scene between Charlize Theron and Noomi Rapace? YES!!! YES!!! It's not like the two don't have experience in that, for anyone who saw MONSTER and THE GIRL WHO PLAYED WITH FIRE can testify. Thanks, mate, you finally give me a reason to be interested and have hopes for PROMETHEUS. Thank you a lot.

  • March 13, 2011, 7:03 a.m. CST


    by AsimovLives

    Maybe now you start to understand what i fell about STINO or the Michael Bay movies.

  • It will take much more then just a bad teaser and fans of BAYWATCH and STARGATE to convince me there might be a chance for this movie.

  • March 13, 2011, 8:21 a.m. CST


    by Mr Headache

    lets hope the movie is better.. :)

  • March 13, 2011, 10:54 a.m. CST

    Crom laughs from his mountain

    by KoolerThanJesus

    This one shall be thrown out of Valhalla.

  • March 13, 2011, 11:53 a.m. CST

    Trying to lure in potheads with the smoke effects but

    by kafka07

    this teaser backfires and only tastes like stale bongwater.

  • March 13, 2011, 12:15 p.m. CST

    So from this the movie will be shit, eh? Harry is underwhelmed, eh?

    by sam jacksons wig

    Case in point- if Harry is ever underwhelmed or doesn't like anything then it is bound to be good! And because a TEASER trailer (yes, just a teaser trailer) dares to try and do something different to sell it's movie, then the sheeple all unite and say "THAT'S not the norm! Let's all hate this in unison!" Wait for the main trailer and then wait for the movie itself, go see it and THEN tell us what you think.

  • March 13, 2011, 12:48 p.m. CST

    Childs- finally someone with some fucking sense!

    by sam jacksons wig

    Trolls, trolls and more fucking trolls that dominate this s(h)ite, led by the fattest gingerist of them all. Some day I will log on and actually get an objective opinion from someone sensible. Your line " I will now return you to your worst whatever..." was a slam fucking dunk. Sure, the teaser wasn't the best out there, but fuck me it was different to the usual teaser crud we get force fed en masse.

  • March 13, 2011, 1:14 p.m. CST


    by Smack_Teddy

    you mean like a blind retarded christian on all fours sucking Satan's cock right? MC Hammer style?

  • March 13, 2011, 2:16 p.m. CST

    "objective opinion"

    by D Ropaela

    A.k.a., an oxymoron.

  • March 13, 2011, 2:19 p.m. CST

    You can form an opinion based on objective terms.

    by D Ropaela

    Whether you like it or dislike it is entirely up to the refinement of your taste. For example, anyone can see that Bay swirls his cameras around a lot, uses really, really fast edits, and peppers his movies with juvenile humor. Now ... some people like shit like that, knowing full well what Bay's up to. Would that count as an "objective" opinion? Or would that be someone's subjective response to objective truths?

  • I.E., people who can cite specific examples from a specific movie or movies to back up their opinion? Yes, yes I would.

  • March 13, 2011, 4:27 p.m. CST

    and the blood will be CG

    by swordsmasteryen

    What an ungodly abortion this will be. I can't wait for the Unrated Director's cut with more blood sprays rendered in MS paint. On set, 100 % legit corn syrup blood and copious female nudity is all I ask for . . . and a slightly more heterosexual Conan . . . is that too hard?

  • March 13, 2011, 5:51 p.m. CST


    by AsimovLives

    Syrup blood is getting more and mroe rare this days because cleaning up the set between takes is time consuming. with CGI blood, you cna just do a new take on the moment and speed up the process. What migth get lost, though, is that the actors do not have a real thing to act with and react to, which might affect their performances, make them more detatched. It's for reasons liek this that Spielberg and Lucas and Peter Jackson and Cameron tried to created in-filming pre-visualizations techniques , so that the actors and the directors wouldn't get too alienated from the SFXs.

  • March 13, 2011, 7:07 p.m. CST

    Look like a bad tv show...God Awful V/O

    by FleshMachine

    do we really need more of this low "in a world.." crap?

  • March 13, 2011, 7:18 p.m. CST


    by redkamel

    that was terrible. Why does Baywatch Hawaii guy play Conan like an evil ape? Arnold played him like a noble badass.

  • March 13, 2011, 7:32 p.m. CST

    Assimovlives and everyone else

    by Sicuv Uyall

    It's clear that none of you will watch this when it comes out. Or some of you will watch this when it comes out.. probably over half of you, since you all bothered to come over here and post. And then, most of you who did watch will say Oh it was HORRIBLE, and those of you who didn't watch will agree. And then shouts of shaky cam and Bay will be heard. And then on to the next movie you can complain about. You are all horrible people and can eat many dicks. Never have I seen so much awesome negative energy than on the internets, including mine. May you all your helmets turn black and shiny and like Darth Vader, be burnt and useless inside.

  • March 13, 2011, 8:32 p.m. CST

    Well, maybe the next reboot will be better.

    by Gozu

    This was their ONE shot to prove that despite the silly costumes, weird casting, bad production design, and bad director this still would at least be decent or cool looking. Instead, you get probably the worst trailer of the decade. Also, complaining about too much negativity in the talkbacks is like complaining about too much water in the ocean.

  • March 14, 2011, 1:28 a.m. CST

    Conan + The Director of Pathfinder =

    by cgih8r

    A shitty movie that looks like it was made by the director of Pathfinder. It's going to be like the smoke in that trailer...WEAK.

  • March 14, 2011, 2:06 a.m. CST

    swordsmasteryen- how the fuck do you know the blood will be cg?

    by sam jacksons wig

    Have you seen the movie? From the screens I have checked out the blood looks pretty fucking real to me. Do us a favour and wait until the fucking thing comes out, THEN cast your fucking dispersions on it. Jesus fucking christ.......

  • March 14, 2011, 2:07 a.m. CST

    cgih8r- don't fucking see it then. Fucking easy, yes?

    by sam jacksons wig

    Go and see something more your type like Red Riding Hood. Then you can moan until your hearts fucking content.

  • March 14, 2011, 2:11 a.m. CST

    redkamel- get over Arnhult as Conan and read the fucking books.

    by sam jacksons wig

    The Guvernator was fuck all like Conan in the print. Milius used the Conan movie to get Schwarzenegger noticed because of his size. Conan was a lot more sleek than Arnold. Comparing him to Momoa is fucking futile. I challenge you to stand next to the fucker and tell me you aren't intimidated by his size.

  • March 14, 2011, 2:37 a.m. CST

    too many idiots think Arnold was a great Conan

    by CeejayNightwing

    when in actual fact he was nothing like the character from the book, way too small and his screen villain came from another books series entirely. The entire knowledge that the average idiot fanboy has about Conan the Barbarian is all from those two stupid Arnold movies and a bunch of Marvel comics which explains all their lack of knowledge of anything that is actually Conan. Everyone is quick to diss this movie when in actual fact its going to be way closer to the source material than Arnolds flick. The whole "don't mess with my childhood memories" thing is all this TB is about as usual with blind fandom leading some crusade against anything that tries to re-educate their nostalgia fed loyalties to really bad 80's films and their favourite wooden actor of all time! So many people here need to grow up!

  • March 14, 2011, 3:16 a.m. CST

    Hey ceejayrightwing.

    by Mojo-Wan

    Too bad right wingers don't get irony. Crying about how all these "idiots" only like their childhood memories and how do you prove your case? "Arnold is nothing like the books! The villain is from a different series!" Waaaaah. No one's stopping you from seeing the movie. You don't have to hate it. You don't have to like the last ones either. But you can't really defend a movie by claiming it's like the book, under any circumstances.

  • March 14, 2011, 4:50 a.m. CST

    mojo-wan is right

    by punisher5150

    just because it is "like the book" doesn't make it good. And I'm worried because as much as they try to hype it as 'like the books" they've already admitted to destroying the entire origin and making the beginning like the Arnold movie where Conan's family gets wiped out by invaders, which is not at all "like the books". his Cimmerian family was never wiped out by invaders, although they were constantly at war with them. And in fact Conan returned home to Cimmeria a few times in the stories to his village to see his family. Anyway, making the story a revenge story shows the laziness in the script writing. Having the sack of Venarium as an origin for Conan must have been WAY to complicated, but could have been done in a 15-20 minute segment showing how Conan became who he is and have him leave Cimmeria in search of adventure. That would be "like the books". Anyway, I am giving this movie a chance, because unlike others I have liked the images and photos I've seen so far. Mamoa can have a chance. But no matter what, that trailer sucked and looked like a SyFy original. I hope the movie is better...

  • March 14, 2011, 6:57 a.m. CST

    Stop the complaining, you know your going!

    by tanks1

    Don't know why so many of you are complaining, your going to see it.

  • March 14, 2011, 7:06 a.m. CST

    Coming to SyFy

    by GM1976

    Looks more like a TV Movie trailer. I don't want to crap all over this though, lets wait until the real teaser comes out.

  • March 14, 2011, 8:10 a.m. CST

    by chicgoods71

    Wonderful. Share a website with you , put this url in google sirch ( ) Believe you will love it. We accept any form of payment.

  • March 14, 2011, 8:37 a.m. CST

    sicuv uyall, blah blah de da de da

    by AsimovLives

  • March 14, 2011, 8:40 a.m. CST

    The Trailer isn't anything special, but...

    by Lobanhaki2

    ...I think the people trying to discern the quality of the whole film from smoke-composited snips of footage need to get a life. Whatever happened to seeing a movie before you review it. We're basing our entire sense of the quality of the film on a minute and a half of pretty indirect marketing!

  • March 14, 2011, 9:11 a.m. CST


    by ClayG

    "You can't really defend a film by saying it's not like the book, under any circumstances.." Right, but it's perfectly okay to say *this* film is going to suck based on a 30-second teaser trailer and the fact that Jason Momoa looks and sounds nothing like Arnold Schwarzenegger (who looks nothing like Robert E. Howard's Conan, which was the original point). I love your logic, there.

  • March 14, 2011, 9:58 a.m. CST

    Same old TB BS.

    by mistergreen

    I haven't read anything critical or noteworthy out of any of you. You geeks will still go see this when it gets released to laugh at it or you secretly enjoy it.

  • I want to know what comics you are referring to since I disagree with your claim with much venom. I've been reading Conan since the early 80's and this Nancy looks NOTHING like the Conan I've read and continue to read today. Fucking plants.

  • March 14, 2011, 10:24 a.m. CST

    Vahalla Rising.

    by HeWhoCannotBeNamed

    God damn that flick was so fucking furiously good. One of my favorites from last year. I just bought the one-sheet too. So good. I'll agree that it was very, very Conan-esqe.

  • March 14, 2011, 11 a.m. CST

    here's a more promising trailer...

    by Squinty CGI Flynn

  • March 14, 2011, 11:11 a.m. CST

    No, doesn't look good

    by Hipshot

    And I 1) Have no problems with the casting 2) Have read Howard extensively (anyone catch his boxing stories? His "Bear Creek" stuff? What a hoot!) 3) Loved Arnold in the original. This just feels "meh." Anyone read the original Oliver Stone Conan script? Would have cost 300 million dollars, and been X-rated for sex and violence.

  • March 14, 2011, 11:35 a.m. CST


    by AsimovLives

    I'm very happy to see another talkbacker who also loved VALHALLA RISING as much as i did. I love, love that movie. And it's the closest thing to a real Conan movie since John Milius's Conan The Barbarian.

  • March 14, 2011, 11:48 a.m. CST


    by Lucky13

    No, not really. Just a gay, smiling underwear model. I already insulted child-touching priests in another TB. Though I'm not sure how religious beliefs would effect the sound of one's voice with a cock in one's mouth. Maybe you can enlighten us. And ceejaynightwing... apologies for not being a swords-and-sorcery loving dweeb. You can keep all your Conan knowledge and show it off to all the cool peeps at Comic Con, dressed as your favorite SF character, of course.

  • March 14, 2011, 12:01 p.m. CST

    This looks at least as good

    by bagwanbob

    as YOR...

  • March 14, 2011, 12:40 p.m. CST

    at least didn

    by Squinty CGI Flynn

  • March 14, 2011, 12:41 p.m. CST

    at least Yor didn't look like a straight to sci-fi channel cheesefest

    by Squinty CGI Flynn

  • March 14, 2011, 12:45 p.m. CST

    How about a THUNDARR THE BARBARIAN film?

    by 3D-Man

    With Jon Hamm as Thundarr, Zoe Saldana as Princess Ariel and a CGI Ooklah the Mock.

  • It was pure poetry! I am seeing an epic movie that will make you say "Arnold Who?" This will be the movie of the summer! ~Mr. Plant.

  • March 14, 2011, 12:57 p.m. CST

    I vote "no".

    by Royston Lodge

    I kept expecting Kevin Sorbo to show up in that trailer.

  • March 14, 2011, 1 p.m. CST

    Thundarr The Barbarian!

    by HeWhoCannotBeNamed

    Lords of Light! I literally just got the complete collection in the post two weeks ago and my oldest daughter has been watching it ad nauseam. She obviously loves the hell out of the series, dare I say, perhaps more than I did at her age. 3d-man's post has caused me to laugh. Seriously awesome series. So much kooky fun!

  • March 14, 2011, 1:17 p.m. CST

    Valhalla Rising was so nihilistic.

    by HeWhoCannotBeNamed

    That film just oozed it in every sense of the descriptor. This Conan film, from what I can garner from production stills and the glimpses in this teaser, does not give me any such feeling let alone a Hyborian Age feeling. Matters not - it's clear to me the filmmakers are not passionate about the subject material which seems to be a true rarity. I'll stick with the comics and continue to re-read REH's tales when the mood warrants such.

  • March 14, 2011, 1:46 p.m. CST

    I care not...

    by bagwanbob

    I live. I Love. I fire lasers. I am content...

  • I know the director probably didn't have much to do with that trailer and it was most likely the marketing department, but this was just plain AWFUL. Seriously, my low interest in this has just gone straight down to ZERO...

  • March 14, 2011, 2:45 p.m. CST


    by AsimovLives

    I have the same impression of the filmmakers of this new Conan movie. It seems for then ths was just a jobber work, one more paycheck made on fast. I feel no passion for it at all, unlike Milius's Conan movie which oozed passion in each and every second of it's screentime. When i first saw Milius's CONAN THE BARBARIAN, i felt awe. I seriously doubt i'll get it from this new one.

  • March 14, 2011, 2:46 p.m. CST

    coughlins laws

    by AsimovLives

    You and me, buddy.

  • March 14, 2011, 3:36 p.m. CST

    Soloman Kane was released on DVD in....

    by Jalanas

    Europe... I picked up a copy on EBay for $10. The movie ROCKED. I wish whoever did SK made the new Conan.

  • March 14, 2011, 4:13 p.m. CST

    Way to not impress anyone

    by milesdyson

    this is a "what the fuck was that" teaser that people will forget 5 minutes after watching it. Not good when barely anyone knows or cares that this movie exists.

  • March 14, 2011, 4:22 p.m. CST

    Conan the Rastafarian

    by animatronicmojo

    So, what's with all that eyeliner, man? Not that there's anything wrong with that.

  • March 14, 2011, 4:23 p.m. CST

    The music is crap!!!!

    by Edgardo Incenella

  • March 14, 2011, 5:50 p.m. CST

    The only CONAN that potheads love, comes on TBS.

    by Josh

  • March 14, 2011, 7:20 p.m. CST

    It's good to criticise this crap

    by cgih8r

    The people on here saying ":.( you should see it before you criticise it" How about NO? The director is a hack and he's being allowed to cheapen a beloved franchise. We all know the lame forgettable flick that's coming. He doesn't get a free pass here. It looks like a Xena episode and the trailer looks like a cable promo for a miniseries. Conan deserves better than this. I'm glad so many people on here aren't settling for less than quality.

  • March 14, 2011, 7:27 p.m. CST

    Looks like cgih8r wins the topic

    by HeWhoCannotBeNamed

  • March 14, 2011, 7:28 p.m. CST

    It looks like Conan is smoking cock!


  • March 14, 2011, 10:20 p.m. CST

    what is best in life

    by dimennaart

    To see your favorite movies butchered before you...and to hear the lamentation of the critics...

  • March 15, 2011, 1:05 a.m. CST

    first part of Vahalla Rising was great, second part sucked

    by chien_sale

    From almost "UFC with barbarians" to some boring hippie crap.

  • March 15, 2011, 1:38 a.m. CST

    Momoa is SOOOOOOOOOOOO wooden

    by FrodoFraggins

    Arnold had his issues, but charisma was never one of them.

  • March 15, 2011, 1:39 a.m. CST

    ceejaynightwing and other complainers

    by wierdo27

    I'm not an least I don't think I am. Here's what I do know, however: I don't know if Conan the Arnold movie (the first one) was exactly like the books, and I don't really care. So what? The movie, by itself, is a landmark in moviemaking- often imitated but never repeated, not even by its' sequel. In fact, no fantasy movie has ever been as sucessful until the Lord of the Rings movies; it is very hard to do this genre without looking silly...and those movies don't look silly because there was a whole lot of love put into those projects. Aside from that, their soundtracks, the design, the acting (a main villain played by James Earl Jones), and lines that will survive all of our lives (they will, too. Just like people still quote Sunset Blvd) and the fact that it made a star out of an unknown bodybuilder overnight make the original Conan movie a force to contend with. Now, I don't care, nor does it matter if it is exactly the same as the book. I love the movie just the same, and if I read the books and love them, even though they are totally what? I will love them for what they are. Blade Runner is very different from Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep. still love Blade Runner. Clockwork Orange is VERY different from the book, especially the missing 21st chapter of the book from the movie. Still love them both. Like the book more, because it has an extra point to make, but still love them both. Burgess did not. Lord Of The Rings is ALSO very different from the book. guess what? DON'T CARE. Every form of entertainment must stand on its' own merits. So far, the few merits this movie has does not inspire confidence. In me. I am not convinced. If the movie comes out and it is a cinematic achievement, or even if it is just, at the very least, NOT SILLY, I will stand corrected. As it stands, it will in no way get my 3D 15 bucks and my Saturday night, when I can spend it on quality, which is scarce as it is. My $15 bucks says spend elsewhere. Feel free to spend it here if you wish. I ain't stoppin' ya. If a bunch of third graders dressed up in cardboard outfits and recited the conan books on a stage play, or anywhere, for that matter, and were perfectly accurate AND made me forget that I was watching a bunch of third graders because I was so caught up in the drama unfolding before me, I would give it an A. I am tired of wasting my dough on movies I at least hope are going to be good that fail. I am not giving this a chance until it gives me a reason that I should. Saying lines from the book might be enough for you, but I want more. I want my money's worth. So far...this just don't look like it is. TO ME. IMHO.

  • March 15, 2011, 1:39 a.m. CST

    Momoa looks like...

    by Roketopunch

    a gay buffed Mexican with shaved eyebrows.

  • March 16, 2011, 2:10 p.m. CST


    by AsimovLives

    Hippie crap is definatly not the best descriotion of Valhalla Rising's second part. In fact, it's a pretty terrible description.