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Harry's state of consciousness OSCAR NIGHT Coverage...

Published at: Feb. 27, 2011, 6:22 p.m. CST

Hey folks, Harry here...

Here's Hailey Steinfeld - wearing a very pixie-esque dress having to deal with FACEBOOK questions on the red carpet.  Now Jesse Eisenberg is revealing that he never played football... shock.   He also doesn't have a television.  God - the inanity of the questions are mind numbing...  but now they're showing crazy Cuba Gooding Jr's acceptance speech - it's the #3 memorable acceptance speech.   

Now that the commercials are on, let me tell you folks that are new to my coverage, what I do during this.   Typically I never look at the screen, I'm typing, carrying on conversations with my father and dear friend Diana...   and what I type is just what I'm thinking as I watch...

Amy Adams' blue beaded dress is exquisite.   Wow she looks amazing.  Jennifer Lawrence from WINTER'S BONE is in a long red evening gown...  and she's being a bit goofy - "I'm here to have fun and lose!"  Awesome...

Kevin Spacey in a tux is just ready to start singing.   I want him to jerk that microphone and just belt out MACK THE KNIFE....   Now the ARTHUR v2.o is in a dark indigo blue outfit - but Russell chastised me to do more of the housework after he talked to my wife.  Now Melissa Leo, who I'm personally hoping wins for her obscenely crazy mother...   Now there's Justin Timberlake.   Here's a bunch of kids singing and rehearsing an MGMT song...   I was talking to Dad and missed the lead in.   These kids will be singing SOMEWHERE OVER THE RAINBOW...   which already kind of fills me with dread.

Now they're talking to Cate Blanchett, her lavender dress is exquisite.   Apparently Jeremy Renner was obsessed with being a Ninja.  This feature is interviewing mothers about their Oscar nominee kids.   Mark Wahlberg's mother has an awesome accent.  Great - my roommate is complaining about the Oscars being too loud, but I can hear his TV too.   Fuck him.  Seriously.     Marisa Tomei is wearing a classic 1950's dress...   I love her for going vintage.  

Now for Scarlett Johansson, pant pant pant...   and she's in a rose red and purple lace thing that is stunning, she just plugged THE AVENGERS - but her hair wasn't quite hot.  Now there's some little kid from MODERN FAMILY...  something that I don't know about.   Wolfgang Puck who makes tiny portions.  God - that whole thing was boring.   Matthew McCoughnehey looks crazy thin in that tux - he just used the word NEGATORY!  Ah, he's plugging LINCOLN LAWYER...   His date was crazy hot.   Now there's Warren Beatty and Annette Bening.  I love her hair and giant emerald dangly earrings.   Warren is bored.   Annette seemed to insinuate that she's in love with Mark Ruffalo.   Now there's Anne Hathaway and VALENTINO - who looks like a melted wax statue of Jack Palance.

RED RIDING HOOD trailer was stylish and less comical than the first look we all had of the film.  

Tim Gunn is back with Anne Hathaway...  She's dressed in Tiffany diamonds and a Valentino Archive...   Mark Wahlberg (Best Picture Nominee as Producer of THE FIGHTER) - So far, Mark really does seem to have his head on straight.   That's cool.   

KING'S SPEECH nominees...  which I really hope comes up empty tonight, but dammit...  that won't happen.   But Rush is actually skinhead right now...  what's that for?   

Now we're headed into the GREEN ROOM with Reese Witherspoon, and her hair reminds me of Ruth Carter Cash...  Wow she looks really lovely tonight.   She's in an Armani...  Very old Hollywood looking.   God, asking somebody, "Does it ever get old coming to the Oscars?"  what the hell - what a pat boring useless question.

Robert Downey Jr is presenting...   He'll be presenting for VISUAL EFFECTS and EDITING with Jude Law. Said he finished shooting SHERLOCK HOLMES and we'll be seeing that this Christmas.  Can't wait.   Does anyone know when we get the new season of SHERLOCK on BBC?

Natalie Portman in a maternity Oscar Gown, beautiful purple, she called Darren Aronofsky, "The Bee's Knees"   Now there's James Franco - and he really could care less about these questions, but he's really comfortable.

Btw - figured I'd post a picture of the film I'm rooting for:

 

Oscar Winner Sandra Bullock...  still weird to type that.   I really think she's looking very uncomfortable.  

TCM's Ben thinks KING'S SPEECH will lose Best Picture...  I like him more than normal.  

If you're curious about my Oscar Coverage attire - I am wearing one of 100 GREEN LANTERN movie rings, as I have throughout my rehab.   WILLPOWER.   And I'm wearing a samurai print shirt.  

Now there's Nicole Kidman - she wears white so well, and this dress is very elegant.  God, she's with Keith Urban...  sigh.   That's right.   I knew that.   She's a head taller than him.   Now there's Gwenyth Paltrow in a gold lamet looking Calvin Klein number - and she's performing a number from COUNTRY SONG - a film that drained many people's wills to live.

Christian Bale is bearded...   He should have won an Oscar for EMPIRE OF THE SUN in my opinion.  And he'll win for THE FIGHTER - he's amazing in that.

On the red carpet, THE SOCIAL NETWORK seemed to have a higher level of support.  God it'd be sweet if that held out.

Hugh Jackman needs to strip down and show us that new Wolverine physique. 

Tom Hanks' PHILADELPHIA is #2 fave.

FUCK NO!  That mutherfucker stole Ian McKellen's fucking Oscar for GODS & MONSTERS!   Fuck that ridiculously awful Holocaust film and performance.  I hate that clown, who has had nothing going on since. Ian cursed him for life.  And it worked.

Halle Berry is headed to Broadway.  

Spielberg just sweat dabbed and handed water to the Producer of the Oscars.   That seemed so spontaneous.  Mhm...  Yup.   The behind the scenes feels absolutely false.   I think they need to not have mouth breathers asking canned questions.   100% fake.   NOW - for the OSCARS...  Oddly, I missed Barbara Wawas...

 

OSCARS

 

Starting with SOCIAL NETWORK rowing music... montage of the nominees... Not particularly spectacular.

83rd Academy Awards...

 

Paris...   Leo is telling them to go into Alec Baldwin's dreams for Hosting tips.  A Capri-San of Ambien...  Franco's totem is a Driedel...  Ok the FIGHTER one was lame.   But Franco telling Bridges he loved him in TRON rules...   But this is kinda lame.  Morgan Freeman narrates Alec's dreams...   Even the KING'S SPEECH joke is lame.   Now it's BLACK SWAN...   Anne Hathatway is doing the Brown Duck dance, this is embarrassing, but damn Franco's ass was awesome.   

Now they're at BACK TO THE FUTURE - which is way better...   opening was lame.   Anne is just lame.  This isn't moving at all.   I like Franco's Grandma...  "I just saw Marky Mark!"  Best joke of the night.   Anne needs to be hauled off the stage.  This is really really uninspiring.

GONE WITH THE WIND...   that stage is amazing...

That intro totally didn't work for TOM HANKS - and he's here to present ART DIRECTION and CINEMATOGRAPHY - TITANIC themes...   

Nominees for ART DIRECTION -- ALICE IN WONDERLAND, HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS PART 1, INCEPTION, THE KING'S SPEECH and TRUE GRIT (Go Rav!)

Oscar goes to ALICE IN WONDERLAND - wow - that was unexpected.   Robert STromberg and Karen O'Hara...   

He put a little MAD HATTER hat on the Oscar - cool.

Nominees for CINEMATOGRAPHY - BLACK SWAN, INCEPTION, THE KING'S SPEECH, THE SOCIAL NETWORK, TRUE GRIT...  

And the Oscar goes to: Wally Pfister for INCEPTION

So Roger Deakins is fucked again, but dammit...   INCEPTION was beautifully shot.  

Awesome - Kirk Douglas comes out!!!   Yes, SPARTACUS!!!   "At Franco - He looks way better out of the cape, and he's oogling Anne.   He rules!   The NOMINEES for BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS...   Amy Adams THE FIGHTER....  tremendous.   Helena Bonham Carter for KING'S SPEECH (worst thing about the film in my opinion).   Jacki Weaver for ANIMAL KINGDOM (would love it if she won for the movie), Melissa Leo for THE FIGHTER - who owns this award.   Hailee Steinfeld for TRUE GRIT - who should be nominated for BEST ACTRESS!

And Kirk Douglas - Hugh Jackman is laughing, why does everyone in Australia thinks I'm funny!   KIRK DOUGLAS FUCKING RULES!!!    And the award goes to:  "Ya know, you're still laughing."   Ya Know...   

Best Supporting Actress is MELISSA LEO for Supporting Actress...   That is the best Academy Award Presentation in the history of the Awards.   Kirk "Fucking" Douglas should be hosting these awards!  This awesome...  She just said, IT LOOKED SO FUCKING EASY - but it got silenced.   Amazing.   This will be the best moment of the Oscars this year!!   I just know it.    

Melissa just stole Kirk Douglas' cane.   God, Anne Hathaway just sucked the awesome out.

Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis - Now The Land of SHREK...   The Nominees for BEST ANIMATED SHORT

DAY AND NIGHT, THE GRUFFALO, LETS POLLUTE, THE LOST THING, MADAGASCAR 

The ANIMATED SHORT Oscar goes to THE LOST THING

That guy is crazy short...

Nominees for BEST ANIMATED FEATURE FILM:  HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON...   THE ILLUSIONIST (please win, though I know you won't)  TOY STORY 3 - which is great, but not as good as either of the other two noms in my opinion.   

And the Oscar goes to:  TOY STORY 3 - 

Lee Unkrich is awesome - love him on Twitter and he did a great film.   But I just personally preferred the other two.   

Now Anne Hathaway, the joy kill of the Oscars, brings us the 1929 original Oscars...   Now here's Josh Brolin and Javier Bardem...   they cut to Penelope Cruz...    Matching WHITE top Tuxs.   They're here for the Screenwriting awards

Nominees for ADAPTED SCREENPLAY,  127 HOURS, SOCIAL NETWORK, TOY STORY 3, TRUE GRIT, WINTER'S BONE...

And the Oscar goes to:  AARON SORKIN of THE SOCIAL NETWORK!!!

Sorkin gives a nod to NETWORK which won for Best Screenplay years ago...   Music needs to fucking let Sorkin to talk....   He's brilliant.   "I'm going to have to insist on some respect from your Ginea pig.

Nominees for ANOTHER YEAR, THE FIGHTER, INCEPTION, THE KIDS ARE ALL RIGHT, KING'S SPEECH...   

And the Oscar goes to:  KING'S SPEECH and David Seidler

"My father always said to me I'd be a late bloomer, I believe I'm the oldest winner of this award, and I hope this record is broken soon and often!"  - He thanked the Queen for not putting him in the TOWER OF LONDON!

Anne Hathaway in a feminized tux....   singing a bitter song about Hugh Jackman not singing with her.   Hugh looks embarrassed for her.   I agree.   Now Franco comes out in a Monroe...   "The weird part is I just got a text message from Charlie Sheen!"  He's so much better.

The ARTHUR duo of Russell Brandt and Helen Mirren - Nominees for BEST FOREIGN FILM

BIUTIFUL, DOGTOOTH, IN A BETTER WORLD, INCENDIES, OUTSIDE THE LAW..    go Dogtooth...

Oscar goes to IN A BETTER WORLD, from the awesome filmmaking country of Denmark...  She's awesomely shocked.  Susanne Bier is absolutely awesome and cute and her film was outstanding!

Reese Witherspoon is presenting for BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR - Christian Bale - THE FIGHTER (YES!), John Hawkes - WINTER'S BONE (I'll scream deliriously if he wins!), Jeremy Renner for THE TOWN (Go Hawkeye), Mark Ruffalo for an After school special about Lesbians needing his dick and the winner, Geoffrey Rush for THE KING'S SPEECH.    But go Bale or Hawkes!   

Oscar goes to - Christan Bale for THE FIGHTER - this should be an awesome speech...   "Bloody Hell!"  C'mon - go nuts!   He acknowledged his prior insanity.   Holy Shit, he gave the man he played's website a plug on the Oscars!   WOW!  

SUPER 9 trailer!!!   Can't wait - it's the same spot from the SUPER BOWL, right?   Yeah, it was.   Would've been sweet to have a new spot.  But somebody should frame by frame those SUPER 8 frames to see what is in there.

Now back to The Oscars...    Now the President of the ACADEMY AWARDS and the President of ABC TV network.   So awkward and unnecessary.  

Hathaway in a grey thing...   Here's Hugh Jackman and Nicole Kidman (AUSTRALIA reunion)...  to present the award for BEST SCORE....    Star Wars theme... Lawrence of Arabia....   E.T.....  

The nominees for BEST ORIGINAL SCORE....   HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON - excellent score...    THE KING'S SPEECH - sigh....    THE SOCIAL NETWORK should win!   127 HOURS which was fun.    But Hans Zimmer's INCEPTION will win I bet...   

And the Oscar goes to:  TRENT REZNOR!!!   Holy Shit!    THE SOCIAL NETWORK score won!   YES!!!   Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross!!!   FUCKING SOMETHING WENT TOTALLY RIGHT... although Daft Punk should've won for TRON LEGACY... nah, SOCIAL NETWORK was justly awarded!

Scarlett Johansson and Matthew McCoughnehey - jesus Scarlet is amazing   Nomineess for SOUND MIXING...   INCEPTION, THE KING'S SPEECH, SALT, THE SOCIAL NETWORK and TRUE GRIT...   

And the Oscar goes to:  INCEPTION...   Lora Hirshberg, Garry Rizzo  and Ed...   Damn graphic went off too quick.   INCEPTION's sound design is astonishing.   One of the amazing aspects of a film that I didn't love.

SOUND EDITTING Oscar...  INCEPTION, TOY STORY 3, TRON LEGACY, TRUE GRIT and UNSTOPPABLE...  

And the Oscar goes to:  INCEPTION - Richard King!   Again - the sound work in that film was supreme.  

Franco looks in pain.   

Marisa Tomei in her 1950's dress!  Ah - the Scientific awards...   there's some really cool tech awards there...  "Congratulations Nerds!"

Cate Blanchett - talking about RETURN OF THE KING...   the nominees for Achievement in Make up -

THE WAY BACK, THE WOLFMAN!!!, 

YES!   Rick Baker wins for THE WOLFMAN - after all the bullshit Rick went through on this film - the 7th Oscar for Rick!  That movie would have been even better had Rick been given all of it to do!  

 

Costume Design, ALICE IN WONDERLAND, I AM LOVE, KING'S SPEECH, THE TEMPEST, TRUE GRIT...

And the Oscar goes to: ALICE IN WONDERLAND - the second Oscar for that film, which I liked - so I'm happy about this.   So weird that LORD OF THE RINGS stuff is still in the background!    COLLEEN ATWOOD is stumbling a bit...  and reading from notes...  wow how unheartfelt.   WOW.   That is how not to do it in my opinion.   

Best Movie Song feature is getting some really lame stuff...   Wow.   PAINFUL.   Ouch.   Oh, Obama picks AS TIME GOES BY - he's right!

Kevin Spacey is singing...  like I wanted him to!   Yes!   TOY STORY 3 song is being sung, "WE BELONG TOGETHER" with Randy Newman...   Randy drove Diana out of here!...

I SEE THE LIGHT - Alan Menkin with Mandy Moore and Zacherly Levi - wow - LAME!   This is a song that nobody will sing again.  Somewhere Trent Reznor is opening a vein.

Amy Adams and Jake Gyllenhaal come out...   Amy looks stunning, again I say that, that blue beaded dress is amazing.   They're talking about George Lucas...    Jake gave the best reason to watch

KILLING IN THE NAME, POSTER GIRL, STRANGERS NO MORE, SUN COME UP, THE WARRIORS OF QUIGANG -

Documentary Short OSCAR goes to STRANGERS NO MORE, Karen Goodman, Kirk Simon...  

Live Action Short Film...  THE CONFESSION, THE CRUSH, GOD OF LOVE, NAWEWE, WISH 143 -

And the Oscar goes to GOD OF LOVE... I Should've got a Harircut.   Luke Matheny...  this guy is amazing!  Love that guy and his awesome hair!!!

TINY BALL OF LIGHT with Ron Weasely and Hermione Granger!   Awesome, Justin Timberlake's FACEBOOK is amazing...   "HE DOESN'T OWN A SHIRT" - Awesome!   Woody looking longingly is horrifying.

Oprah Winfrey comes out...  to present DOCUMENTARY Film of the Year... Ethan Coen isn't paying attention to Oprah.  Nominees are:  EXIT THROUGH THE GIFTSHOP,  GASLINE, INSIDE JOB, RESTREPO (amazing), WASTELAND...   

And the Oscar goes to - INSIDE JOB - a tremendous film about what has happened Economically to this film.   Charles Fergusson and Audrey Marrs...  "Not a single Financial Executive has gone to jail."  This really was the film that most needed this award - you should absolutely seek this film out!

Billy Crystal - a far better host than Anne Hathaway...  takes the stage!   Gets a standing ovation.   Let's hope he's taking over for her.   Billy is here to talk about the first Televised Oscars hosted by Bob Hope...  Wow - Billy Crystal got flipped off by Bob Hope!   So awesome.   HOLY SHIT!   Bob Hope is live on the stage!   Amazing!  I love this.   "Due to some repair work on Hollywood BLVE, My star is now a manhole cover" and Hope intro'd Robert Downey Jr and Jude Law for BEST SPECIAL EFFECTS!!! They're so good together.  LOL - Jude busted Robert's ass for the bust he had back in the day.   

The Nominees are...ALICE IN WONDERLAND...    HARRY POTTER - DEATHLY HALLOWS P 1, HEREAFTER, INCEPTION (which will win), IRON MAN 2

And the Oscar goes to:  INCEPTION - the physical effects alone deserved this award.   This was absolutely the winner for this award.   Paul Franklin,  Chris, Andrew and Peter... - 

Nominees for FILM EDITTING - BLACK SWAN, THE FIGHTER, THE KING'S SPEECH, THE SOCIAL NETWORK, 127 HOURS... go Social...

And the Oscar goes to:  THE SOCIAL NETWORK - which was beautifully edited.    Angus Wall, Kirk Baxter...  So great!   This film edited with Trent's score - is just stunning.   Hypnotic!

James is so much better than her.   

Jennifer Hudson to present the final two Oscar nominated Best Songs...  

First 127 HOURS' song.... this is thus far the least embarrassing song nomination...  

next, Gwyneth Paltrow for COUNTRY STRONG - 

Ya know, Isaac Hayes won once.  These are just all so damn uncool.   Seriously.   I couldn't even fuck if this song was in the background.   I'd have to turn it off.

We Belong Together, I See The Light, If I rise, Coming Home...  and the meaningless oscar goes to:

Randy Newman for WE BELONG TOGETHER  He coming off like Rodney Dangerfield...  Randy is a great winner.  He knows SCOTT PILGRIM should've had a nomination!

Now for the memorial for the fallen greats...  Celine Dion singing Chaplin's SMILE hurts my soul.   JOHN BARRY, Grant McCune, Tony Curtis, Edward Limato, Tom Mankiewicz, Gloria Stuart, William Fraker, Joseph Strick, Lionel Jeffreies, SALLY MENKE, Ronni Chasen, Leslie Nielsen, Robert Radnitz, Claude Chabrol, Pete Postlewathe, Bill Littlejon, Pierre, Patricia Neal, George Hickenlopper, Irving Ravethch, Robert Culp, Bob Boyle, Mario Monicelli, Lynn Redgrave, Elliott Kastner, Dede Allen...  cut back to fucking Celine .... Peter Yates, Anne Francis, Arthur Penn, Theoni Aldrdge, Susannah York, Ronald Neame, David Wolper, Jill Clayburgh, Alan Hume, Irvin KERSHNER, DENNIS HOPPER, Dino De Laurentis, Blake Edwards, Kevin McCarthy, Lena Horne....    

Halle Berry is leading a tribute to Lena Horne...   STORMY WEATHER is one of my fave songs - a real song in a movie, ITs Not the load that breaks you down, It's the way you carry it" LENA HORNE...

God - could Anne have been less sincere in introducing Hillary Swank?   Swank introduces Kathryn Bigelow...   to introduce BEST DIRECTOR...  Tom Hooper, Darren Aronofsky, Coen Bros, David Fincher & David O Russell

Oscar goes to Tom Hooper...   Triangle of Man Love.  Yeah, I just don't get the love for that film.  Tom's mum found the play that became KING'S SPEECH - Morale of the story is, "Listen to your mother"  Classy.

Annette Bening is here to honor the LifeTime Achievement Awards - ELI WALLACH!   YES!  "I live to Act"  John Luc Godard...   Kevin Brownlow,   FRANCIS FORD COPPOLA...     I love that I've met Eli and Francis!  

 JEFF BRIDGES is introducing the Actresses - Annette Bening - and he did it with such class...  next Nicole Kidman - as Peter Parker looks over her shoulder, RABBIT HOLE is hard.  Jennifer Lawrence - utterly terrific in WINTER'S BONE...  Natalie Portman looks like she's about to cry.   Michelle Williams is in a blonde pixie cut....   BLUE VALENTINE was too harsh for me.  

And the Oscar goes to:  NATALIE PORTMAN - very preggers takes the stage.   Not at all the ballerina from the film, but this is awesome!  She thanked LUC!  YES!!!  Oh this really makes me happy.  Wow - she got me crying.   I knew she'd get it, but what poise.

Sandra Bullock is presenting for Best Actors...   Totally different vibe from Bridges...  Funny.   Javier Bardem - he's amazing in BIUTIFUL.   Seek it out.   Jeff Bridges, "Dude... Dude..." --  Jesse Eisenberg, who isn't on FACEBOOK suffers a bad Sandra joke...   Personally this was the role of the year for me.   Colin Firth is being teased by Sandra...  James Franco gets called out for General Hospital...  

And the Oscar goes to COLIN FIRTH for THE KING'S SPEECH.   Ok, I'll watch it again, but I vastly preferred him in A SINGLE MAN.   He wants to dance, but seems too British to let it go.   At this point, I can't imagine Best Picture not going to THE KING'S SPEECH...  "putting up my fleeting delusions of royalty" Oh he's going to dance off stage.   DAMN HIM

the fucking hospital killed the last 500 words that I wrote - including BEST PICTURE going to KING'S SPEECH.  

I ranked my favorite moments as being Kirk Douglas being Kirk Douglas.  Natalie Portman's amazing acceptance speech.   Even Colin Firth - though he should've danced.   Melissa Leo's cussing!  Bob Hope introducing Robert Downey Jr and Jude Law...   

I loathed Anne Hathaway throughout the entire event.  She seemed fake and plastic at all times.  Her nerves seemed to show.   I LOATHED Celine singing Smile and in particular cutting away from IN MEMORIAM to her...   I want the Lifetime Achievements to be a part of the awards.   The Set backdrops made for bad television.    I miss the gaudy musical lunacy.   

I'm at Peace with KING'S SPEECH winning, I get that it touches a great many people.   It just didn't do that for me.  If it did, I envy you.   As this is a Best Picture that resonates with you.   For me, it joins CRASH, HURT LOCKER and a great many titles that escape my memory at the moment because...  well, someday this and the other two I mentioned will fall to non-recollection.     I hate that.  I like it when I love the BEST PICTURE.   When I can feel excited and thrilled that the Academy got it.   One way of looking at it is that I just didn't get it, which is entirely possible.   I'm not generally a fan of the "handicap film awards" - and I say this as a man fighting to walk again.   To me, THE SOCIAL NETWORK says more about cinema, our world and the language of film - than a stammering dead king.   THE JAMES EARL JONES story would be the film about stammering I'd love to see.   But that's my misplaced priorities.   I respect VADER and THIS IS CNN.

Overall, I think the Oscars were an entertaining diversion, but not great in any way shape or form.   

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