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Father Callahan is stunned that FAST FIVE is the best of the series!
Hey folks, Harry here and I've been a fan of this sometimes absurdly silly series - but the exploitive nature of the fast cars and crazy thrill crimes... it's fun fantasy. The one thing that is always a guarantee is that you leave the theater wanting to drive faster... which is probably a bad thing given most of us are shitty drivers as is... but here - you just want to break the sound barrier on land. Anyway - Father Callahan has seen FAST FIVE, which I honestly would prefer it titled FURIOUS FIVE... but anyway - here's the good padre's adrenaline pumped confession...
Hey Harry,
Readers Talkback
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Father Callahan has really made me want to see FAST FIVE, even more than that SUPER BOWL spot did
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I hate the term "guilty pleasure," but these movies are just that. Pedal to the muthafuckin metal, beeyotches!!!!
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When the first news of the cast hit the net, and then the story, I knew I would have to see this. The trailers have done nothing but increase that anticipation. This one has been on the radar for some time and can't wait to see it. I am still hoping that they end the franchise with a 6th film that brings in the lead from Tokyo Drift and they all go out with a bang. But that is getting ahead of things, ready to enjoy this one when it hits theaters in April. that will be the official start of the movie spring/summer for me.
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So I guess Vin and Paul don't hook-up in this one. Shame. But it's entirely believable that this is the best of the lot. None of them have been appalling. All do what they set out to, and to their credit, they are consistently about characters as much as car chases. Mostly. I always thought of the first one as a spiritual remake of POINT BREAK. I am completely unoffended the series persists and improves.
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..a tree. Earth Day is coming up.
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I'm sure this review is legit.
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...I knew who he was talking about. I love that guy.
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This is why the world mocks americans.
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What a prestigious honor
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Feb. 11, 2011, 2:15 p.m. CST
This reviewer is not a plant, he's a whole fucking forest!
by AsimovLives
He's horticulture turned epic in scale. He's a brazilian rain forest. This guy only knows CO2 through breeding in, ozygen being a rejected gases. This guy does not belong to the animal kingdom. This guy has roots, and not the metaphorical kind.
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But I'll believe him even holding his own against The Rock™, let along beating him, the day I see Grover enter the UFC and take a title.
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Feb. 11, 2011, 2:16 p.m. CST
FAST AND FURIOUS movies are pleasures, if you hide in the closet.
by AsimovLives
Gayest movies ever made since TOP GUN.
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Yeah, I knew who he was talking about, too!
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Feb. 11, 2011, 2:18 p.m. CST
Furious Five IS a better title, what...
by HarryKnowlesNonExistentInceptionReview
... were they afraid of being sued by Grandmaster Flash???
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of movies we will catch in the theater. We actually had a blast with number 4.
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you have to love a movie that is honest. these FF movies dont try to be something they are not, and that is welcomed and appreciated in a shitty world of cinema. Im looking forward to this new one. fun times, fast cars, hot chicks,guys on the run. FF keeps it simple, and sometimes thats all we want. Sometimes.
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"I honestly think I may have just seen the biggest movie of the year" That does seem a wee bit botanical to me. Biggest movie of the year? Really? Who knows, maybe he's right. I'm a bit skeptical though.
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I enjoyed the first two when they came out. The third one was stupid but not *too* terrible. I loathed the most recent one. This one can't be any worse, right?
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Feb. 11, 2011, 2:29 p.m. CST
riley martin continues it's tradition of posting fake outrage over invented slights. I guess if I were a joyless asshole, I'd do it too lol
by blackwood
riley martin continues it's tradition of posting his subject as his content. I guess if I were fantastically retarded, I'd do it too lol
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Somebody, please make this their talkback name...!
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He starred in the third one, right? Isn't there some convoluted order to these films, like the third one is the last chronlogically or some bullshit?
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Don't get me wrong fellow geeks, I like dumb cinema as much as anyone, but this pile of manure makes Transformers look like Casablanca.
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Feb. 11, 2011, 2:38 p.m. CST
Good guys doing massive property damage in highly public areas always takes me out of a film...
by Chewtoy
...It might just be my own hang-up, but there's a certain level of collateral damage where I just refuse to believe that the "heroes" aren't callously killing off scores of innocent people. I don't mind if we're meant to think that the characters causing the mayhem don't give a rat's ass if people live or die, but if they're supposed to have redeeming qualities I have trouble looking past it just because it's "cool". Then again, I usually root for the police to beat the ass of the drivers who take off on high-speed chases going 100mph down residential streets because they don't want to get caught driving on a suspended license... so the whole Fast and the Furious franchise may not be for me.
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I don't think this is a plant, but Walking Tall?
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I was revved up to see the film before, as me and the Mrs loved the previous 4 (she prefers Tokyo Drift, 1st is still my fave) but as a fan of The Great One, I'm keen as mustard to - as Callaghan says - deliver on the promise of the Rundown, which he's frittered away of late. Plus to see him in WM17 shape fighting a baddass bald guy just re-ignites the best wrasslin' feud ever. if only for a short while (come on, Rock vs Austin on the big screen - it's gotta happen!)
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Father Callahan = kiddie fiddler.<p> Warning: His definition of 'guilty pleasure' is very different from yours.
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according to Clear and Present Danger, anyway.
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Feb. 11, 2011, 3:19 p.m. CST
I don't know why, but I believe this guy. I'm sold.
by The Reluctant Austinite
This series seems about as likely to appeal to someone like me as "Step Up 4: Feel the Beat in Your Soul", but it hooked me in the very first film, which is very much a colorful, car oriented "Point Break". That film pretty much defines the mysterious term "guilty pleasure" in its purest form. That film got me into theaters for "Fast and the Furious 2" which I HATED. It was as terrible as the first film should have been, so I skipped "Tokyo Drift" all together and don't feel the need to go back and see it now. The fourth film lured me back with its reunion premise with mixed results. The first hour nearly lost me because the plot, characters and tone were complete failures, but the driving sequences were amazing and somehow it pulled itself out of the muck to finish well and not be a complete waste of time. This review, the terrific moody poster and the advance trailer have me believing that "Fast Five" might finally be the sequel the first film deserves. Quote with me in Ted Levine's Buffalo Bill voice: "It's Toretto, Brian. It was always Toretto."
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The guy has PLAYED every spanish speaking race on earth, so chill. If he's not bent out of shape about being seen that way, why would you get all pissy because some dude cracks a joke about it during a goddamn movie review? I know it's easy to pull a "stupid Americans!" crack out every so often, but let's at try a little harder for them, hmm? Also, even though he totally does look like a Spanish Phil Hartman, Almeida always elevates even the worst shit he's in to another level. The guy has charisma.
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Feb. 11, 2011, 3:27 p.m. CST
Father C., I thought you were court ordered to stay at least 500 yards away from this sort of material...
by FlickaPoo
...lest you sin again.
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"8 year olds, Dude"
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Feb. 11, 2011, 3:31 p.m. CST
Joaquim de Almeida, a.k.a. Spanish Phil Hartman
by openthepodbaydoorshal
Talkback name would have to be Unfrozen Spanish Phil Hartman. " I'm just a unfrozen Spaniard. I fell on some ice and later got thawed out by some of your scientists. Your world frightens and confuses me!"
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The flavor lasts for about 2 minutes if you're lucky, then you spend an hour looking for a trashcan to get this useless gob out of your mouth.
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Because sometimes, well, I get really bored.
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But it does sound a little like the marketing department.
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He serves the fucking Beam.
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is like saying bubonic was the best of the plagues. But they are dumb, fun and full of cum (as least Diesel's ass is).
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So, Father Callahan gets a free pass and the Catholic church doesn't?<p> Eh, flax.<p> C'mon can't you see he's got blood on his hands (butt blood from young boys).
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Sorry about that last post, sometimes I even 'grim myself out'.
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Actually hand prints have been pulled off bed sheets in the past but it is very hard to do and I doubt these guys could pull it off. Dawn Fehring's murder in seattle in 1995.
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My 17 year old boy likes these movies. I think he's got them all. I'll take him to see this one. I think I'll owe him one for making him sit through "True Grit" tomorrow.
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and it was actually pretty good, I was suprised at how dwayne really sunk into the role, plus he looked totally jacked and made me want to do shoulder presses
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I love all 4 of the other movies. 4 1 3 2 That's the current order. Apparently it will now go 5 4 1 3 2? Great review. I'll see this opening night like everyone else.
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Yeah, like the reviewer wrote, Tokyo Drift keeps getting pushed into the future as the last one of the series chronologically--that's because (spoiler) Sung Kang's character dies in that one, but turns up in #4 and, now, #5.
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You'll owe him a shitty douche movie after taking him to a real movie? Strange...
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Feb. 11, 2011, 5:28 p.m. CST
asimovlives: just poking my head out of the closet to say hello.
by WriteForTheEdit
Hello! But seriously, I'm going to hold my ground here. I won't defend these movies as "good." And I don't think their "gayness" has anything to do with anything. Maybe they are really "gay." So what? I don't care. But I like looking at Jordana Brewster, and I big, fast, loud cars going really fast. And then blowing up or flipping over, A-Team style. So I like watching these on occasion. Anyway... this is more discussion than any Paul Walker movie merits, so peace out.
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Feb. 11, 2011, 5:42 p.m. CST
By the way, speaking of gay movies, I finally saw "The Kids Are All Right"
by WriteForTheEdit
Holy fuck, that movie is SO GAY!!!!!! (It's also one of my favorites of this past year. God, maybe I am gay?!?!? Or perhaps a lesbian?!?!?)
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isn't saying much!
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by FAR. like, its not even a question. Any and everything about Transformers sucks. Its the WRONG director, wrong approach, wrong robots, wrong human actors, everything is wrong. Its not transformers. FF however is exactly what it sets out to be, every single time. The first was a great glimpse into a sub culture (a hollywood version of this sub culture) that hasnt really been explored, since...ever! the third took to japan to really explore it which was awesome, the 4th revived the first cast, and now we get a great sign off. solid flicks.
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Now I like Vin Diesel and know his acting to be shit but there no way in hell Vin Diesel could take down THE ROCK!!! Its too bad Hollywood are pussies because at least back in the day with BRUCE LEE VS. CHUCK NORRIS was the most realistic outcome! There was no way Chuck could own Bruce and even he stated it. But at least they weren't afraid to kill Chuck off!
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Feb. 11, 2011, 6:35 p.m. CST
johnathankana, my shit is >>>>>>>>>>>> than your shit.
by MattmanReturns
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They know what makes us nerds tick and mentioning R2D2 and empire they think will get us in seats. I hate to be a cynic but my god these movies are fucking terrible. Awful. I'm curious how this reviewer knew about the missing scene. He gave no context on how he got to be in the preview screening. I find the real test screening reviews have an excited "holy shit I cant beleive this happened" feel to them since it's usually a suprise. This guy is so calm and cool like it's no big deal to be able to see a movie early. He gave no backstory. This is a fucking PLANT. How did this guy know a scene was missing? Did they tell him? Did he guess? Was it not shot yet? Cause they will usually show a scene even in rough form with unfinished FX and sound so why not include it?
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Feb. 11, 2011, 7:18 p.m. CST
Vin Diesel= Rock Hudson. Not that's there's anything wrong with that
by ndally
I'm pretty sure he's gay. Which is cool, whatever it doesn't matter BUT once he comes out his career as an action star is done. He's rarely mentioned with other women and he's a little flambouyant in interviews. Again, not that there's anything wrong with that. Just Say'n. I read James Franco might also be gay on some rumor gossip site awhile back and ever since I can totally see him being gay. My gaydar goes off around Vin Diesel and Franco. Anyone else? And before anyone bashes me for trashing gay people or saying "who cares why does it matter?" well no one cares and it doesn't matter. I just find it interesting how some actors have to hide their sexuality in fear of not getting lead roles. Just ask Rupert Everitt or whatever his name is. Once he came out...no more roles. Ian Mckellan seems to be doing pretty good though so it's interesting to see how narrow minded Hollywood is. Just because a dude is gay means he can't open a movie. But a straight actor can play a gay man and win an Oscar. Fucking backwards industry.
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"I have to give Justin Lin credit. This is not a retread of any of the previous installments. The concept is essentially The Fugitive meets Ocean's Eleven." Hey, dum-dum, I got news for you, Justin Lin deserves ZERO credit for this. Know why? Because he didn't write the story! Give Chris Morgan credit. Justin Lin interpreted Chris Morgan's story, his concept, his dialogue, etc. Give Justin Lin credit for not screwing up Chris Morgan's story.
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This was an overwhelmingly positive review with nothing bad to say, which to my mind screams plant, but it lacked the usual syntactical tics one associates with planted reviews. Maybe the plants are getting smarter. Anyway, I really want Vin to have some kind of breakout role that gets him into more serious movies. I think he's a great, badass actor. Pitch Black made me shit myself I thought it was so awesome, and I even have a soft spot for Knockaround Guys based on his and Seth Green's performances.
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Everytime a reviewer refers to the audience, alarm bells go off in my head. "Tego Calderon and Don Omar, who make for a rather hilarious C3P0-and-R2D2-style team, speaking nary a word of English in the movie, but leaving everyone in the audience in stitches." All plants do this, I have no idea why. For someone who was lucky enough to get into a screening, it's amazing how he knows every fucking actor's name in the movie.
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Menage!!!!
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wut?
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No serious idea. I can say this, though. I was at his house in the Hollywood Hills once upon a time, and met his baby mama, a drop-dead gorgeous Mayan chick who made a mean salsa. Now, I didn't see them sucking face, but there did seem genuine affection, and the story is that he simply keeps her out of the public eye. Doesn't mean he's not gay, but certainly got no vibes that way.
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that I skipped the remaining films altogether. I don't want this AICN article to change that... I just know that I'm going to get my hopes up, see Fast Five, sit through 45 minutes of terrible movie, leave, and hate life again.
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Look all those "that star's gay lines" really do a disservice to gay rights I believe. It just turns someone's orientation into a stigma. Plus yeah I know a lotta guys in movies and yes Vin appears to be straight and has a wife and kid on the down low. His brother though, who he's very close to, is gay and well out of the closet. Don't expect Vin to be in Star magazine with some BS gf/beard like Gyllenhaal or Travolta. On the other hand I have heard he can be difficult to work with. If you're wondering I'm no big shot or anything but I have friends that are stuntmen and know one girl who used to work make-up. Plus I'm an acquaintance to a small character actor who's been in a lot of big movies. Sorry I hated to mention the Jake Gyllenhaal thing because I've heard he's the nicest guy in the world and that everyone I know he's worked with says he's wonderful and sweet. Like he's one of the greatest guys ever type comments I've heard. BTW I can't wait for F5, I think Lin might've knocked this one outta the park.
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We cannpt disagree about the, err, merits of Jordana Brewster. In fac,t one of the reasons this movies are such losers is because they keep on focusing on the gay assery of Diesel and Walker, when all it is really interesting is the hotness of Jordana. Hell, even Michelle Rodriguez looked ravishing in this movies. Actually, Rodriguez is a very rpetty and sexy woman, but for some reason, they keep on making her look all butch and ugly in all other movies, which is a great diservice. Fuck, if the filmmakers of FAST AND FURIOUS weren't stupid and gay, they would had made the two gals the focus of the movie, and not the the two blockheads (and i actually like Vin Diesel as a screen presence. Paul Wanker, not so much). But no, they had to constantly shove the gay assery. They even killed one of the girls, for fuck's sake! You can't overshadow the gayness of this series with female hotness, god forbid! I'm even suprised they didn't go all the way and killed Jordana Brewster's character for good.
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Feb. 12, 2011, 2:44 a.m. CST
mrmajestic, Vin Diesel the actor is not gay, i don't believe he is. but the character he plays in FAST AND FURIOUS saga is
by AsimovLives
The man is ripping of homoeroticism for Paul The Wanker's character. The whole saga is a platonic love story of those two guys. It's like BROKENBACK MOUNTAIN for retards.
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Feb. 12, 2011, 2:44 a.m. CST
FAST AND FURIOUS saga is BROKENBACK MOUNTAIN for retards. The cars are just acessories.
by AsimovLives
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Fuck it. I'm in. The guy has charisma through the roof. Not the best actor, but certainly not the worst. Enjoyed the first film, second was meh, third was set in Japan (I'll watch any shit set in Japan), not seen the fourth, but I'll definately see this one. It's not rocket science, it just does exactly what it says on the tin.
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I could not disagree more....... these movies are not intended to stretch anyones brain power or accumen; they are about fast cars going fast and therefore have an inbuilt audience with most red-blooded males. Yup- they're no James Bond, christ, not even in their fucking league, but imagine James Bond without the car chases and action sequences. Without the cool gadgets. What would you have left? A better storyline? I don't even think you would have that much to be honest. Dude, if gays want to watch them then fine, but alot of straight guys watch them too- me being one of them. Just sit back, switch off your brain and enjoy the ride!!! Or just switch off- your choice. Take care, matey!
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He liked "X-Men Origins: Wolverine". And thought "The Shawshank Redemption" was boring. Don't hold it against him though. He's a kid. He'll grow out of it. I hope. And pray.
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And as one, let me just reassure you on how epically gay these movies are. Diesel is always one take away from just bending Walker over the hood of a car. I can tell by looking at them that if they're not about to start racing each other, or hitting each other, or racing each other while hitting each other, they're probably about to hook up.
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Feb. 12, 2011, 6:47 a.m. CST
sam jacksons wig, there's a difference between a movie not having any particular intellectual ambition and being outright retard. The FART AND FURIOUS saga is the later.
by AsimovLives
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Feb. 12, 2011, 7:25 a.m. CST
The gayness of the effette emo pussy arsery that is tday's action movies like the FART AND FURIOUS saga.
by AsimovLives
If i want to see a movie with young actors playing real though guys, i'll watch THE TOWN instead, thank you very much. That movie actually had some real action scenes stuff that felt and looked like real action and where exciting like hell. Instead of the impossible over-produced fantasy faggotries from the FART AND FURIOUS nancy-boy bullshit and pussies movies of it's ilk.
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Doubt I'll see this one either. Good to see The Rock is doing something other than appear in lame comedies though.
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"our heroes"? "smartest movie"? "but I get ahead of myself?" What casual moviegoer writes this stuff? Answer, none. With few direct ads on the site, it's unfortunate when someone like Harry has to willingly take money from studio PR departments to intentionally post misleading information like this advertisement.
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I went to the Pacific Winnetka in Chatsworth last weekend to see The Mechanic, and when I walked out of the theater, there was a guy with a clipboard asking if I wanted to see a free movie. I asked what it was, he told me the new Fast and Furious movie, and I said, Yeah, I'd love to see it for free. So he gave me the pass, and when I got home I registered online for the screening. Figuring this was going to be a pretty popular one, I showed up an hour-and-a-half early with a book to read, and just barely got in. What's that? You say that wasn't particularly interesting? Probably why I didn't include it in my review. Before the movie started, the woman who introduced the screening told us that when the movie was finished, there was going to be a main title sequence in which we see Paul Walker overturn the prison bus and break Vin out. But the sequence wasn't in the movie. Maybe I nodded off after the Universal Pictures logo and there was a rough version of the sequence with unfinished FX and sound that then led into the movie, but to me, it seemed like there were about three seconds worth of black and then the movie started. As for knowing the actors' names in the movie, they just came out with this awesome website called the Internet Movie Database. You should check it out sometime. If you think that what I wrote was bullshit, feel free to start a talkback on April 29th. I stand by what I wrote. The movie rocks.
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All of you ranting and raving about how "gay" things are. Just come out of the closet. On most cases people who are obsessed with talking about how gay things are or hating on gays... Are actually gay themselves. So do us all a favor and just come out of the closet please. You're not tricking anyone because this movie looks fine. All the defenses people throw up for Transformers also work here. "It's just popcorn fun summer flick". I'm down for this. I've seen a lot of award worthy movies this season and avoided a lot of garbage. Seeing Fast Five will be like a treat for me this April.
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The Fast And The Furious 2 Fast 2 Furious The Fast And The Furious: Tokyo Drift Fast & Furious Fast Five Read them all in order... it makes no sense. A sixth one is inevitable at this point... wonder what's they'll call that?
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Its like Ocean's 11: implausible plot you watch just to see how crazy it gets. EXCEPT 1. It delivers what it promises 2. You don't have to watch real actors make fools of themselves 3. No stupid swing music in modern times 4. Instead of Pitt, Damon and Clooney standing around being smart assess, it has T&A, explosions, and cars. This is one of the few series that I call "quality shit". As opposed to a "quaility film" which is actually good, or just "shit" which is stuff like TF that insults you like you are brain dead. I mean, the plots in FF are usually pretty simple heists with a few forced twists. As opposed to a premise or internal rules that are repeatedly violated like in shit movies. I'd also like to again point out that there are LEDs in the astronauts helmet during the TF2 trailer.
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I hope Paul Walker is as masterful as he always is! He's Hollywood's best working actor. Right next to me.
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anyway, this is refreshing to read...hopefully I will feel the same when I see it, but I planned to see fast4 when it came out and still haven't, so there ya go.
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"The Rundown" and "Faster" pretty much lay the Smackdown on "Walking Tall". ... and if you don't agree with that, then you can take your opinion ... shine it up real nice ... turn it sideways, and stick it up your roodie-poo candy ass! err ... sorry about that; had a momentary WWE flashback
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Wow. The lack of irony and unintentional humor in that statement is mindblowing.
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I've enjoyed all the times I've seem him (Only You, Desperado, can't remember what else) but I've never thought about him resembling the late, great Phil Hartman. Now I gotta go to our simpsons box sets and get my Troy McClure fix.
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So... Hugo Cabert, Harry Potter, Super 8, Tree of Life, Cowboys and Aliens, War Horse, Transformers... fuck em? Cause the biggest movie of the year is Fast Five? I do think this plant needs watering.
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Feb. 13, 2011, 3:26 a.m. CST
I live my life a quarter of a mile at a time = I suck cock an inch at a time?
by Jonathhan Kana
Hmmmm
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it a barnacle on Spain's ass.
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