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Father Callahan is stunned that FAST FIVE is the best of the series!

Hey folks, Harry here and I've been a fan of this sometimes absurdly silly series - but the exploitive nature of the fast cars and crazy thrill crimes...  it's fun fantasy.   The one thing that is always a guarantee is that you leave the theater wanting to drive faster...   which is probably a bad thing given most of us are shitty drivers as is...  but here - you just want to break the sound barrier on land.    Anyway - Father Callahan has seen FAST FIVE, which I honestly would prefer it titled FURIOUS FIVE...  but anyway - here's the good padre's adrenaline pumped confession...

Hey Harry,


I was lucky enough to get into a screening of Fast Five last night in Chatsworth, and I'm kind of in shock.  I don't know how they did it, but somehow, a movie with a 5 at the end of its title has turned out to be the best entry in the series (and no, Empire Strikes Back does not qualify here).  Admittedly, my expectations were rather low coming in, but I honestly think I may have just seen the biggest movie of the year.  This flick is insane.
I have to give Justin Lin credit.  This is not a retread of any of the previous installments.  The concept is essentially The Fugitive meets Ocean's Eleven.  Vin Diesel, Paul Walker and Jordana Brewster are on the run in Rio de Janeiro when the movie opens.  Desperate for cash, our heroes take an "easy money" job stealing cars off of a moving train, which, of course, goes awry in spectacular fashion.  It turns out the cars belong to a local drug lord (Joaquim de Almeida, a.k.a. Spanish Phil Hartman), and the botched heist has put our heroes square in the drug lord's sights.  Thanks to the deaths of a few DEA agents on the train, it has also alerted the attention of the U.S. Marshalls, who've been looking for Vin and Paul since Paul broke Vin out of that prison bus in a sequence that apparently wasn't ready to be shown to us last night...
And here's where the movie makes its smartest move.  To track down our heroes, the Marshalls send in Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, in what has to be his best role since Walking Tall.  The guy is a total badass and super-charismatic.  He's finally delivering on the promise of The Rundown.  The moment he shows up, you know that it's only a matter of time before he throws down with Vin.  And when that scene eventually happens, it's everything you hoped it would be.
But I'm getting ahead of myself.  Vin and Paul decide that it's time to do One Last Job (until this movie makes half-a-billion dollars, anyway...), stealing $100 million from Spanish Phil Hartman, before they can escape to a non-extradition island paradise and grow old together.  But to do it, they're going to need a team.  So here's brilliant move #2: bringing back everybody who's ever been in a Fast & Furious movie (with the exception of Michelle Rodriguez, for obvious reasons, and Eva Mendes, for not-so-obvious reasons) to help them pull off the job.  Tyrese is freaking hilarious, and Ludacris makes for a perfect straight man to complement him.  The super-cool Sung Kang returns from Tokyo Drift, and the movie slyly acknowledges that by including him, they keep pushing that movie off into the future.  Rounding out the team are Gal Gadot, the Israeli model who helped out our heroes in part 4, and Tego Calderon and Don Omar, who make for a rather hilarious C3P0-and-R2D2-style team, speaking nary a word of English in the movie, but leaving everyone in the audience in stitches.
So that's the basic plot: The Rock hunting down Vin and Paul while our heroes attempt to steal a ton of money from the biggest drug lord in Rio.  This, rather predictably, leads to a whole lot of action -- and damn good action at that.  Lin has really hit his stride here, from the opening train sequence, to the Vin/Rock fight, to the finale, which might be the most insane action sequence ever put on film.  You've seen a snippet of Paul and Vin dragging that bank vault through the streets of Rio in the movie's trailer.  That's the scene, but I can't really prepare you for the amount of destruction that these guys unleash.  (They're probably killing a whole lot of pedestrians along the way, but we don't see any of them die, so that makes it okay, right?)
The movie has about half-a-dozen action sequences in it, and they're all really solid, varying from James Bond-style spectacle to Rambo-style brutality (you'll know it when you see it) to the utter insanity of the finale.  But what really makes the movie work is that they're pretty well spaced-out, so that you never feel assaulted (e.g.Transformers 2), and what's in-between them is genuinely good character stuff with a lot of funny comedy moments.  Bizarrely, Fast Five, a movie for which no one was asking, turned out to probably be one of the best movies I'm going to see this year.
This is not to say that the movie doesn't have its flaws.  The plot contains moments of almost-embarrassing stupidity (who knew you could get a handprint off of a cloth bikini bottom?), and the laws of physics hold no place here (if Vin Diesel's running toward a concrete wall, expect the concrete to give...).  A scene early on in which our heroes are chained up and interrogated feels more in place with an early -'90s Jan Michael Vincent outing than with the substantially-more-impressive work on display throughout the remainder of the movie.  But that's the thing: the movie works despite these flaws.  You're having such a good time hanging out with these characters, watching them do all of the crazy shit that they're doing, that none of the stupidity ends up detracting.
Vin Diesel may never do Shakespeare, but he was born to play Dominic Toretto.  (And he makes a pretty good Danny Ocean, too.)  When you see him playing this character, you understand why he's a movie star.  I've never thought much of Paul Walker as an actor, but he's got good chemistry with Vin, and it's great fun getting to see them share the screen together again.  Add The Rock, Tyrese and a giant bank vault into the mix, and you've got one of the best rides of the summer.  Fasten your seatbelts...
-Father Callahan
Readers Talkback
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  • Feb. 11, 2011, 1:39 p.m. CST

    Really anxious to see this...


    Father Callahan has really made me want to see FAST FIVE, even more than that SUPER BOWL spot did

  • Feb. 11, 2011, 1:43 p.m. CST

    Rev it up!

    by WriteForTheEdit

    I hate the term "guilty pleasure," but these movies are just that. Pedal to the muthafuckin metal, beeyotches!!!!

  • Feb. 11, 2011, 1:50 p.m. CST

    Anxious to see this

    by LLcruize2

    When the first news of the cast hit the net, and then the story, I knew I would have to see this. The trailers have done nothing but increase that anticipation. This one has been on the radar for some time and can't wait to see it. I am still hoping that they end the franchise with a 6th film that brings in the lead from Tokyo Drift and they all go out with a bang. But that is getting ahead of things, ready to enjoy this one when it hits theaters in April. that will be the official start of the movie spring/summer for me.

  • Feb. 11, 2011, 1:50 p.m. CST

    That's awesome.

    by blackwood

    So I guess Vin and Paul don't hook-up in this one. Shame. But it's entirely believable that this is the best of the lot. None of them have been appalling. All do what they set out to, and to their credit, they are consistently about characters as much as car chases. Mostly. I always thought of the first one as a spiritual remake of POINT BREAK. I am completely unoffended the series persists and improves.

  • Feb. 11, 2011, 1:52 p.m. CST


    by Bodacious_Crumb

    ..a tree. Earth Day is coming up.

  • Feb. 11, 2011, 2:08 p.m. CST

    Nah, FF movies have always been solid.

    by ganymede3010

    I'm sure this review is legit.

  • Feb. 11, 2011, 2:09 p.m. CST

    As Soon As He Said Spanish Phil Hartman...


    ...I knew who he was talking about. I love that guy.

  • Feb. 11, 2011, 2:11 p.m. CST

    Joaquim de Almeida is portuguese, you stupid ass!!

    by AsimovLives

    This is why the world mocks americans.

  • Feb. 11, 2011, 2:13 p.m. CST

    Best turd of all the turds.

    by Mr Soze

    What a prestigious honor

  • Feb. 11, 2011, 2:15 p.m. CST

    This reviewer is not a plant, he's a whole fucking forest!

    by AsimovLives

    He's horticulture turned epic in scale. He's a brazilian rain forest. This guy only knows CO2 through breeding in, ozygen being a rejected gases. This guy does not belong to the animal kingdom. This guy has roots, and not the metaphorical kind.

  • Feb. 11, 2011, 2:16 p.m. CST

    I like Vin well enough...

    by NightArrows

    But I'll believe him even holding his own against The Rock™, let along beating him, the day I see Grover enter the UFC and take a title.

  • Feb. 11, 2011, 2:16 p.m. CST

    FAST AND FURIOUS movies are pleasures, if you hide in the closet.

    by AsimovLives

    Gayest movies ever made since TOP GUN.

  • Feb. 11, 2011, 2:18 p.m. CST

    Spanish Phil Hartman!

    by BoggyCreekBeast

    Yeah, I knew who he was talking about, too!

  • Feb. 11, 2011, 2:18 p.m. CST

    Furious Five IS a better title, what...

    by HarryKnowlesNonExistentInceptionReview

    ... were they afraid of being sued by Grandmaster Flash???

  • Feb. 11, 2011, 2:20 p.m. CST

    Okay, another to add to our list...

    by DellsDontBounce

    of movies we will catch in the theater. We actually had a blast with number 4.

  • Feb. 11, 2011, 2:20 p.m. CST

    fun movies

    by Jonathhan Kana

    you have to love a movie that is honest. these FF movies dont try to be something they are not, and that is welcomed and appreciated in a shitty world of cinema. Im looking forward to this new one. fun times, fast cars, hot chicks,guys on the run. FF keeps it simple, and sometimes thats all we want. Sometimes.

  • Feb. 11, 2011, 2:22 p.m. CST

    I dunno about this...

    by nostairway

    "I honestly think I may have just seen the biggest movie of the year" That does seem a wee bit botanical to me. Biggest movie of the year? Really? Who knows, maybe he's right. I'm a bit skeptical though.

  • Feb. 11, 2011, 2:28 p.m. CST

    The fourth one was AWFUL.


    I enjoyed the first two when they came out. The third one was stupid but not *too* terrible. I loathed the most recent one. This one can't be any worse, right?

  • riley martin continues it's tradition of posting his subject as his content. I guess if I were fantastically retarded, I'd do it too lol

  • Feb. 11, 2011, 2:31 p.m. CST

    Spanish Phil Hartman?! HAHAHA!

    by Shut the Fuck up Donny

    Somebody, please make this their talkback name...!

  • Feb. 11, 2011, 2:31 p.m. CST

    And Lucas Black continues to be forgotten...


    He starred in the third one, right? Isn't there some convoluted order to these films, like the third one is the last chronlogically or some bullshit?

  • Feb. 11, 2011, 2:32 p.m. CST

    The Rock's best role since Tooth fairy

    by Mr Soze

    Don't get me wrong fellow geeks, I like dumb cinema as much as anyone, but this pile of manure makes Transformers look like Casablanca.

  • ...It might just be my own hang-up, but there's a certain level of collateral damage where I just refuse to believe that the "heroes" aren't callously killing off scores of innocent people. I don't mind if we're meant to think that the characters causing the mayhem don't give a rat's ass if people live or die, but if they're supposed to have redeeming qualities I have trouble looking past it just because it's "cool". Then again, I usually root for the police to beat the ass of the drivers who take off on high-speed chases going 100mph down residential streets because they don't want to get caught driving on a suspended license... so the whole Fast and the Furious franchise may not be for me.

  • Feb. 11, 2011, 2:45 p.m. CST

    Best role since Walking Tall? How old is this guy?

    by moorE12

    I don't think this is a plant, but Walking Tall?

  • Feb. 11, 2011, 2:54 p.m. CST

    Cracking review

    by FloristGump

    I was revved up to see the film before, as me and the Mrs loved the previous 4 (she prefers Tokyo Drift, 1st is still my fave) but as a fan of The Great One, I'm keen as mustard to - as Callaghan says - deliver on the promise of the Rundown, which he's frittered away of late. Plus to see him in WM17 shape fighting a baddass bald guy just re-ignites the best wrasslin' feud ever. if only for a short while (come on, Rock vs Austin on the big screen - it's gotta happen!)

  • Feb. 11, 2011, 3:03 p.m. CST

    Catholicism does not exist in this dojo

    by Cobra--Kai

    Father Callahan = kiddie fiddler.<p> Warning: His definition of 'guilty pleasure' is very different from yours.

  • Feb. 11, 2011, 3:12 p.m. CST

    I thought Joaquim de Almeida was the spanish Jack Ryan

    by soup74

    according to Clear and Present Danger, anyway.

  • Feb. 11, 2011, 3:19 p.m. CST

    I don't know why, but I believe this guy. I'm sold.

    by The Reluctant Austinite

    This series seems about as likely to appeal to someone like me as "Step Up 4: Feel the Beat in Your Soul", but it hooked me in the very first film, which is very much a colorful, car oriented "Point Break". That film pretty much defines the mysterious term "guilty pleasure" in its purest form. That film got me into theaters for "Fast and the Furious 2" which I HATED. It was as terrible as the first film should have been, so I skipped "Tokyo Drift" all together and don't feel the need to go back and see it now. The fourth film lured me back with its reunion premise with mixed results. The first hour nearly lost me because the plot, characters and tone were complete failures, but the driving sequences were amazing and somehow it pulled itself out of the muck to finish well and not be a complete waste of time. This review, the terrific moody poster and the advance trailer have me believing that "Fast Five" might finally be the sequel the first film deserves. Quote with me in Ted Levine's Buffalo Bill voice: "It's Toretto, Brian. It was always Toretto."

  • Feb. 11, 2011, 3:21 p.m. CST

    Lighten up asimov...

    by ClaireRedfield

    The guy has PLAYED every spanish speaking race on earth, so chill. If he's not bent out of shape about being seen that way, why would you get all pissy because some dude cracks a joke about it during a goddamn movie review? I know it's easy to pull a "stupid Americans!" crack out every so often, but let's at try a little harder for them, hmm? Also, even though he totally does look like a Spanish Phil Hartman, Almeida always elevates even the worst shit he's in to another level. The guy has charisma.

  • ...lest you sin again.

  • Feb. 11, 2011, 3:28 p.m. CST

    @ cobra--kai

    by Carnivore

    "8 year olds, Dude"

  • Feb. 11, 2011, 3:31 p.m. CST

    Joaquim de Almeida, a.k.a. Spanish Phil Hartman

    by openthepodbaydoorshal

    Talkback name would have to be Unfrozen Spanish Phil Hartman. " I'm just a unfrozen Spaniard. I fell on some ice and later got thawed out by some of your scientists. Your world frightens and confuses me!"

  • Feb. 11, 2011, 3:33 p.m. CST

    These movies are like bubblegum

    by MattmanReturns

    The flavor lasts for about 2 minutes if you're lucky, then you spend an hour looking for a trashcan to get this useless gob out of your mouth.

  • Feb. 11, 2011, 3:33 p.m. CST

    And sadly I've seen em all

    by MattmanReturns

    Because sometimes, well, I get really bored.

  • Feb. 11, 2011, 3:46 p.m. CST

    I hope this isn't a PLANT!

    by The Outlander

    But it does sound a little like the marketing department.

  • Feb. 11, 2011, 3:52 p.m. CST

    Father Callahan is not a kiddie-fiddler.

    by flax

    He serves the fucking Beam.

  • Feb. 11, 2011, 4:01 p.m. CST

    Saying this is the best of the series

    by openthepodbaydoorshal

    is like saying bubonic was the best of the plagues. But they are dumb, fun and full of cum (as least Diesel's ass is).

  • Feb. 11, 2011, 4:17 p.m. CST

    by Cobra--Kai

    So, Father Callahan gets a free pass and the Catholic church doesn't?<p> Eh, flax.<p> C'mon can't you see he's got blood on his hands (butt blood from young boys).

  • Feb. 11, 2011, 4:17 p.m. CST

    by Cobra--Kai

    Sorry about that last post, sometimes I even 'grim myself out'.

  • Feb. 11, 2011, 4:18 p.m. CST


    by Craig2574

    Actually hand prints have been pulled off bed sheets in the past but it is very hard to do and I doubt these guys could pull it off. Dawn Fehring's murder in seattle in 1995.

  • Feb. 11, 2011, 4:20 p.m. CST

    I'll actually probably give this a shot...

    by ChickenStu

    My 17 year old boy likes these movies. I think he's got them all. I'll take him to see this one. I think I'll owe him one for making him sit through "True Grit" tomorrow.

  • Feb. 11, 2011, 4:37 p.m. CST

    Speaking of Dwayne Johnson, I finally saw Faster

    by RedBull_Werewolf

    and it was actually pretty good, I was suprised at how dwayne really sunk into the role, plus he looked totally jacked and made me want to do shoulder presses

  • Feb. 11, 2011, 4:46 p.m. CST

    I'm anxious to see this

    by torontoxic

    I love all 4 of the other movies. 4 1 3 2 That's the current order. Apparently it will now go 5 4 1 3 2? Great review. I'll see this opening night like everyone else.

  • Feb. 11, 2011, 5:03 p.m. CST

    @ kid idioteque re: movie order

    by themikejonas

    Yeah, like the reviewer wrote, Tokyo Drift keeps getting pushed into the future as the last one of the series chronologically--that's because (spoiler) Sung Kang's character dies in that one, but turns up in #4 and, now, #5.

  • Feb. 11, 2011, 5:12 p.m. CST


    by MattmanReturns

    You'll owe him a shitty douche movie after taking him to a real movie? Strange...

  • Feb. 11, 2011, 5:28 p.m. CST

    asimovlives: just poking my head out of the closet to say hello.

    by WriteForTheEdit

    Hello! But seriously, I'm going to hold my ground here. I won't defend these movies as "good." And I don't think their "gayness" has anything to do with anything. Maybe they are really "gay." So what? I don't care. But I like looking at Jordana Brewster, and I big, fast, loud cars going really fast. And then blowing up or flipping over, A-Team style. So I like watching these on occasion. Anyway... this is more discussion than any Paul Walker movie merits, so peace out.

  • Feb. 11, 2011, 5:42 p.m. CST

    By the way, speaking of gay movies, I finally saw "The Kids Are All Right"

    by WriteForTheEdit

    Holy fuck, that movie is SO GAY!!!!!! (It's also one of my favorites of this past year. God, maybe I am gay?!?!? Or perhaps a lesbian?!?!?)

  • Feb. 11, 2011, 6:04 p.m. CST

    It being the best of the series

    by D o o d

    isn't saying much!

  • Feb. 11, 2011, 6:08 p.m. CST

    fast and furious series>>>>>>>>>transformers

    by Jonathhan Kana

    by FAR. like, its not even a question. Any and everything about Transformers sucks. Its the WRONG director, wrong approach, wrong robots, wrong human actors, everything is wrong. Its not transformers. FF however is exactly what it sets out to be, every single time. The first was a great glimpse into a sub culture (a hollywood version of this sub culture) that hasnt really been explored, since...ever! the third took to japan to really explore it which was awesome, the 4th revived the first cast, and now we get a great sign off. solid flicks.

  • Feb. 11, 2011, 6:21 p.m. CST

    The Rock getting bestest by Vinny????

    by HollywoodHellraiser

    Now I like Vin Diesel and know his acting to be shit but there no way in hell Vin Diesel could take down THE ROCK!!! Its too bad Hollywood are pussies because at least back in the day with BRUCE LEE VS. CHUCK NORRIS was the most realistic outcome! There was no way Chuck could own Bruce and even he stated it. But at least they weren't afraid to kill Chuck off!

  • Feb. 11, 2011, 6:28 p.m. CST

    No es bueno!

    by Jon

  • Feb. 11, 2011, 6:35 p.m. CST

    johnathankana, my shit is >>>>>>>>>>>> than your shit.

    by MattmanReturns

  • Feb. 11, 2011, 6:37 p.m. CST


    by WriteForTheEdit

  • Feb. 11, 2011, 7:06 p.m. CST

    This is such an obvious Plant. Reference star wars= Plant

    by ndally

    They know what makes us nerds tick and mentioning R2D2 and empire they think will get us in seats. I hate to be a cynic but my god these movies are fucking terrible. Awful. I'm curious how this reviewer knew about the missing scene. He gave no context on how he got to be in the preview screening. I find the real test screening reviews have an excited "holy shit I cant beleive this happened" feel to them since it's usually a suprise. This guy is so calm and cool like it's no big deal to be able to see a movie early. He gave no backstory. This is a fucking PLANT. How did this guy know a scene was missing? Did they tell him? Did he guess? Was it not shot yet? Cause they will usually show a scene even in rough form with unfinished FX and sound so why not include it?

  • I'm pretty sure he's gay. Which is cool, whatever it doesn't matter BUT once he comes out his career as an action star is done. He's rarely mentioned with other women and he's a little flambouyant in interviews. Again, not that there's anything wrong with that. Just Say'n. I read James Franco might also be gay on some rumor gossip site awhile back and ever since I can totally see him being gay. My gaydar goes off around Vin Diesel and Franco. Anyone else? And before anyone bashes me for trashing gay people or saying "who cares why does it matter?" well no one cares and it doesn't matter. I just find it interesting how some actors have to hide their sexuality in fear of not getting lead roles. Just ask Rupert Everitt or whatever his name is. Once he came more roles. Ian Mckellan seems to be doing pretty good though so it's interesting to see how narrow minded Hollywood is. Just because a dude is gay means he can't open a movie. But a straight actor can play a gay man and win an Oscar. Fucking backwards industry.

  • Feb. 11, 2011, 8:21 p.m. CST

    Give Chris Morgan credit, not Justin Lin credit

    by Jeff Smith

    "I have to give Justin Lin credit. This is not a retread of any of the previous installments. The concept is essentially The Fugitive meets Ocean's Eleven." Hey, dum-dum, I got news for you, Justin Lin deserves ZERO credit for this. Know why? Because he didn't write the story! Give Chris Morgan credit. Justin Lin interpreted Chris Morgan's story, his concept, his dialogue, etc. Give Justin Lin credit for not screwing up Chris Morgan's story.

  • Feb. 11, 2011, 8:21 p.m. CST

    I'm torn.

    by phool2056

    This was an overwhelmingly positive review with nothing bad to say, which to my mind screams plant, but it lacked the usual syntactical tics one associates with planted reviews. Maybe the plants are getting smarter. Anyway, I really want Vin to have some kind of breakout role that gets him into more serious movies. I think he's a great, badass actor. Pitch Black made me shit myself I thought it was so awesome, and I even have a soft spot for Knockaround Guys based on his and Seth Green's performances.

  • Feb. 11, 2011, 10:12 p.m. CST


    by Wookie_Weed

    Everytime a reviewer refers to the audience, alarm bells go off in my head. "Tego Calderon and Don Omar, who make for a rather hilarious C3P0-and-R2D2-style team, speaking nary a word of English in the movie, but leaving everyone in the audience in stitches." All plants do this, I have no idea why. For someone who was lucky enough to get into a screening, it's amazing how he knows every fucking actor's name in the movie.

  • Feb. 11, 2011, 10:27 p.m. CST

    But is Ja'Rule In It?

    by DarfurOnTheRocks2


  • Feb. 11, 2011, 10:53 p.m. CST


    by IceTitan


  • Feb. 11, 2011, 11:40 p.m. CST

    Vin Diesel gay?

    by Hipshot

    No serious idea. I can say this, though. I was at his house in the Hollywood Hills once upon a time, and met his baby mama, a drop-dead gorgeous Mayan chick who made a mean salsa. Now, I didn't see them sucking face, but there did seem genuine affection, and the story is that he simply keeps her out of the public eye. Doesn't mean he's not gay, but certainly got no vibes that way.

  • Feb. 12, 2011, 1:27 a.m. CST

    Loved 1st movie. Now, 2 Fast was so TERRIBLE...

    by Tigger Tales

    that I skipped the remaining films altogether. I don't want this AICN article to change that... I just know that I'm going to get my hopes up, see Fast Five, sit through 45 minutes of terrible movie, leave, and hate life again.

  • Feb. 12, 2011, 1:57 a.m. CST

    Vin ain't gay

    by MrMajestic

    Look all those "that star's gay lines" really do a disservice to gay rights I believe. It just turns someone's orientation into a stigma. Plus yeah I know a lotta guys in movies and yes Vin appears to be straight and has a wife and kid on the down low. His brother though, who he's very close to, is gay and well out of the closet. Don't expect Vin to be in Star magazine with some BS gf/beard like Gyllenhaal or Travolta. On the other hand I have heard he can be difficult to work with. If you're wondering I'm no big shot or anything but I have friends that are stuntmen and know one girl who used to work make-up. Plus I'm an acquaintance to a small character actor who's been in a lot of big movies. Sorry I hated to mention the Jake Gyllenhaal thing because I've heard he's the nicest guy in the world and that everyone I know he's worked with says he's wonderful and sweet. Like he's one of the greatest guys ever type comments I've heard. BTW I can't wait for F5, I think Lin might've knocked this one outta the park.

  • Feb. 12, 2011, 2:42 a.m. CST


    by AsimovLives

    We cannpt disagree about the, err, merits of Jordana Brewster. In fac,t one of the reasons this movies are such losers is because they keep on focusing on the gay assery of Diesel and Walker, when all it is really interesting is the hotness of Jordana. Hell, even Michelle Rodriguez looked ravishing in this movies. Actually, Rodriguez is a very rpetty and sexy woman, but for some reason, they keep on making her look all butch and ugly in all other movies, which is a great diservice. Fuck, if the filmmakers of FAST AND FURIOUS weren't stupid and gay, they would had made the two gals the focus of the movie, and not the the two blockheads (and i actually like Vin Diesel as a screen presence. Paul Wanker, not so much). But no, they had to constantly shove the gay assery. They even killed one of the girls, for fuck's sake! You can't overshadow the gayness of this series with female hotness, god forbid! I'm even suprised they didn't go all the way and killed Jordana Brewster's character for good.

  • The man is ripping of homoeroticism for Paul The Wanker's character. The whole saga is a platonic love story of those two guys. It's like BROKENBACK MOUNTAIN for retards.

  • Feb. 12, 2011, 3:36 a.m. CST

    Dwayne Johnson in a not-made-for-kids role?

    by OhWhatTheFeckEver

    Fuck it. I'm in. The guy has charisma through the roof. Not the best actor, but certainly not the worst. Enjoyed the first film, second was meh, third was set in Japan (I'll watch any shit set in Japan), not seen the fourth, but I'll definately see this one. It's not rocket science, it just does exactly what it says on the tin.

  • Feb. 12, 2011, 3:57 a.m. CST

    asi- oh, dude!!!!!

    by sam jacksons wig

    I could not disagree more....... these movies are not intended to stretch anyones brain power or accumen; they are about fast cars going fast and therefore have an inbuilt audience with most red-blooded males. Yup- they're no James Bond, christ, not even in their fucking league, but imagine James Bond without the car chases and action sequences. Without the cool gadgets. What would you have left? A better storyline? I don't even think you would have that much to be honest. Dude, if gays want to watch them then fine, but alot of straight guys watch them too- me being one of them. Just sit back, switch off your brain and enjoy the ride!!! Or just switch off- your choice. Take care, matey!

  • Feb. 12, 2011, 4:46 a.m. CST

    mattmanreturns - my boy's a funny one...

    by ChickenStu

    He liked "X-Men Origins: Wolverine". And thought "The Shawshank Redemption" was boring. Don't hold it against him though. He's a kid. He'll grow out of it. I hope. And pray.

  • Feb. 12, 2011, 5:07 a.m. CST

    I am a homosexual

    by Fridge

    And as one, let me just reassure you on how epically gay these movies are. Diesel is always one take away from just bending Walker over the hood of a car. I can tell by looking at them that if they're not about to start racing each other, or hitting each other, or racing each other while hitting each other, they're probably about to hook up.

  • If i want to see a movie with young actors playing real though guys, i'll watch THE TOWN instead, thank you very much. That movie actually had some real action scenes stuff that felt and looked like real action and where exciting like hell. Instead of the impossible over-produced fantasy faggotries from the FART AND FURIOUS nancy-boy bullshit and pussies movies of it's ilk.

  • Feb. 12, 2011, 7:46 a.m. CST

    Not seen any of these movies


    Doubt I'll see this one either. Good to see The Rock is doing something other than appear in lame comedies though.

  • Feb. 12, 2011, 9:08 a.m. CST

    by kesoze4

    "our heroes"? "smartest movie"? "but I get ahead of myself?" What casual moviegoer writes this stuff? Answer, none. With few direct ads on the site, it's unfortunate when someone like Harry has to willingly take money from studio PR departments to intentionally post misleading information like this advertisement.

  • Feb. 12, 2011, 9:45 a.m. CST

    ndally & wookie_weed

    by Donald Callahan

    I went to the Pacific Winnetka in Chatsworth last weekend to see The Mechanic, and when I walked out of the theater, there was a guy with a clipboard asking if I wanted to see a free movie. I asked what it was, he told me the new Fast and Furious movie, and I said, Yeah, I'd love to see it for free. So he gave me the pass, and when I got home I registered online for the screening. Figuring this was going to be a pretty popular one, I showed up an hour-and-a-half early with a book to read, and just barely got in. What's that? You say that wasn't particularly interesting? Probably why I didn't include it in my review. Before the movie started, the woman who introduced the screening told us that when the movie was finished, there was going to be a main title sequence in which we see Paul Walker overturn the prison bus and break Vin out. But the sequence wasn't in the movie. Maybe I nodded off after the Universal Pictures logo and there was a rough version of the sequence with unfinished FX and sound that then led into the movie, but to me, it seemed like there were about three seconds worth of black and then the movie started. As for knowing the actors' names in the movie, they just came out with this awesome website called the Internet Movie Database. You should check it out sometime. If you think that what I wrote was bullshit, feel free to start a talkback on April 29th. I stand by what I wrote. The movie rocks.

  • Feb. 12, 2011, 10:52 a.m. CST

    Gay gay gay... Just come out of the closet already

    by Andrew Coleman

    All of you ranting and raving about how "gay" things are. Just come out of the closet. On most cases people who are obsessed with talking about how gay things are or hating on gays... Are actually gay themselves. So do us all a favor and just come out of the closet please. You're not tricking anyone because this movie looks fine. All the defenses people throw up for Transformers also work here. "It's just popcorn fun summer flick". I'm down for this. I've seen a lot of award worthy movies this season and avoided a lot of garbage. Seeing Fast Five will be like a treat for me this April.

  • Feb. 12, 2011, 11:02 a.m. CST

    The titles of these make me laugh

    by ChickenStu

    The Fast And The Furious 2 Fast 2 Furious The Fast And The Furious: Tokyo Drift Fast & Furious Fast Five Read them all in order... it makes no sense. A sixth one is inevitable at this point... wonder what's they'll call that?

  • Feb. 12, 2011, 11:24 a.m. CST

    Its like ocean's 11

    by redkamel

    Its like Ocean's 11: implausible plot you watch just to see how crazy it gets. EXCEPT 1. It delivers what it promises 2. You don't have to watch real actors make fools of themselves 3. No stupid swing music in modern times 4. Instead of Pitt, Damon and Clooney standing around being smart assess, it has T&A, explosions, and cars. This is one of the few series that I call "quality shit". As opposed to a "quaility film" which is actually good, or just "shit" which is stuff like TF that insults you like you are brain dead. I mean, the plots in FF are usually pretty simple heists with a few forced twists. As opposed to a premise or internal rules that are repeatedly violated like in shit movies. I'd also like to again point out that there are LEDs in the astronauts helmet during the TF2 trailer.

  • Feb. 12, 2011, 11:35 a.m. CST

    Oh boy!!

    by Caesar

    I hope Paul Walker is as masterful as he always is! He's Hollywood's best working actor. Right next to me.

  • Feb. 12, 2011, 1:41 p.m. CST

    no mo' post 0?

    by Meadowe

    anyway, this is refreshing to read...hopefully I will feel the same when I see it, but I planned to see fast4 when it came out and still haven't, so there ya go.

  • Feb. 12, 2011, 1:48 p.m. CST

    Walking Tall? Really?

    by HongKongCavalier

    "The Rundown" and "Faster" pretty much lay the Smackdown on "Walking Tall". ... and if you don't agree with that, then you can take your opinion ... shine it up real nice ... turn it sideways, and stick it up your roodie-poo candy ass! err ... sorry about that; had a momentary WWE flashback

  • Feb. 12, 2011, 1:51 p.m. CST

    "in what has to be his best role since Walking Tall"

    by Messiahman

    Wow. The lack of irony and unintentional humor in that statement is mindblowing.

  • Feb. 12, 2011, 1:52 p.m. CST

    HAHA AT "Joaquim de Almeida, a.k.a. Spanish Phil Hartman"

    by Meadowe

    I've enjoyed all the times I've seem him (Only You, Desperado, can't remember what else) but I've never thought about him resembling the late, great Phil Hartman. Now I gotta go to our simpsons box sets and get my Troy McClure fix.

  • Feb. 12, 2011, 2:07 p.m. CST

    I may have just seen the biggest movie of the year

    by Mike

    So... Hugo Cabert, Harry Potter, Super 8, Tree of Life, Cowboys and Aliens, War Horse, Transformers... fuck em? Cause the biggest movie of the year is Fast Five? I do think this plant needs watering.

  • Hmmmm

  • Feb. 13, 2011, 8:08 a.m. CST

    The Iberian Phil Hartman

    by coolhanddave

  • Feb. 14, 2011, 12:20 a.m. CST

    Goatfucker nobody cares about Portugal

    by Xiphos_2

    it a barnacle on Spain's ass.