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Darth Siskel and Darth Tso's Chicken report in on BICENTENNIAL MAN
Hey folks... I've just received these two's perspective on BICENTENNIAL MAN, though I did have one person write in with a short tidbit saying they felt it was brilliant (which would be the exact opposite of what these two felt) so I have written him back and asked for him to elaborate on his opinion so we can hear the otherside of the story. There are some spoilers below, so if you are not familiar with the story you may want to stay away from this review... Besides... we're all gonna go see this one to see that dang X-MEN trailer aren't we? If it gets attached. Right?
Harry,
Darth Siskel reporting in on "Bicentennial Man" along with my
apprentice, Darth Tso's Chicken.
Me and Darth Tso's Chicken had an interest in seeing this movie, because
it's about a robot
forcrisake, but from the trailers it looked like one we didn't really
want to pay $9.50 for,
so we had no resort but to infiltrate yet another screening.
It turns out, this movie was worse than we thought a movie about a robot
could possibly
be. I mean, how could they screw this one up? A robot that lives through
200 years with a family.
The premise is so good. It's based on a story by Issac Assimov. I have
no idea when he wrote it,
or if it was a good book. I'd guess the movie was very close to the
book, because I could
see this being a good read. However, this was not a good movie.....by a
long shot.
Might kids like it? Yeah, but they also like Pokemon so......
The only thing I really liked about this movie was the opening credits,
which showed the Robot being
built in the factory. Go see the opening credits, then walk out & see
Toy Story2 again.
Plot? In 2005, a rich family buys a robot. Sam Neil is the father, and
he lives with his wife & 2 daughters.
The robot becomes part of the family, doing the cleaning, cooking, etc.
& he starts to exhibit human traits.
Like being able to carve wooden horses & make wonderful wooden clocks, &
reading books, blah blah.
One of the daughters is played by that little girl from the Pepsi
commercials. You know, the scary one that
sings with Aretha Franklin's voice, & is so recognized from those damn
commercials that it amazes me any
good director would put her in their movie. She was distracting as all
hell in The Insider, & is here as well,
making her the young version of the "Noxema Girl". Luckily, time passes
so we see her grown up , & played by
another actress with breasts, who I believe played about 3 or 4
desendents of her character. Huh? The same
lady played the little girl, the daughter, the grand daughter, great
great, etc. They were slapping old age
makeup on everyone in this movie. Half the time it looked like Elmer's
Glue, but hey, they spent all the money
the robot suit, and from the looks of it, "Depends" for Robin Williams.
God, the robot looked like a gay version of the Tinman from The Wizard
of Oz. The design was very
mediocre, very boring & generic....a tight fitting silver suit, with a
silver version Robin Williams'
face slapped on it, and a few lines & curves here and there. I love
robots. I love Optimus Prime, C-3PO, Maria,
Ed209, Droidekas, Robocop2, Robotech, The Iron Giant, even R.O.B. the
Robotic Operating Buddy from the NES!
I like robots alot, and The Phantom Menace had robots walking around in
the background that looked better
than the Bicentennial Man. This is the main character, & he looked weak.
He was mostly silver/chrome, but parts of him were a bronze, which came
across more like a flesh tone.
The result? It looked like the robots buttcheeks were hanging out of his
undies! This was just one of
the things we goofed on to survive this slow movie. This movie is
supposed to take place from the
year 2005-2205, a 200 year span, & sitting in that theatre, it felt like
the movie was 200 years in length!
The full focus of the movie is the robot, so we never get a taste of
anything futuristic except for a few
matte shots of the city with cars flying around. The world he lives in
is never fleshed out well,
like say a movie like Blade Runner was. Everything but the matte shots
looked like something you'd see in
the 1990's. Well, there were some "futuristic" sets & props that looked
like they were on loan from
StarTrek Voyager, or stolen from Levesden Studios after Episode 1
wrapped.
The music by James Horner didn't help any. And no this was not
placeholder music. It was final, but the theme
sounded exactly like the Braveheart theme with 3 notes changed at the
end. Why does James Horner keep ripping
himself off!?
Anyway, it sucks hard as a futuristic movie. So how does it stand as a
drama about a robot looking to become
human? Can you say.."Mr. Data goes to Washington" ?! This movie might've
cut it, oh...thirty years ago.
Right now, in 1999 this shit is tired material! This whole movie is like
a re-tread of Data's exploits on StarTrek,
Robocop, Iron Giant, Pinochio, and even the Tinman!! If they only had
some heart. This movie was about as
heartwarming as a Mentos commercial. Who were we supposed to relate to?!
The gay robot that wants to be human,
or the psycho bitch human that falls for him!?
Some comic moments were good, nothing to write home about. In fact, this
movie should've been either a comedy, or
a horror flick, with the robot killing everyone in sight about 45 mins
into the story! That would've made it good.
If you want a movie to crack jokes about all throughout, this is it! It
was fucking weak.
I'm tired, let me pass it off to Darth Tso's Chicken who loved this
movie about as much as I did.
'DARTH TSO's CHICKEN' here.
Argh.....what a frustrating 2 hours. In addition to what Darth Siskel
said I'll add the other things that bother me
about this movie. First off this was supposed to be the future yet they
never gave you the sense of any other world
outside of this stupid robot's own life. Everything they showed just
seemed generic. Even the matte painting shots
of the "futuristic city" were so bland. Also there were dozens of
things that they never even touched on such as
what did people think of having these friggin' robots walking around the
city? Were there people who were afraid of
these things? What about the people who were 'for' having robots, and
those protesting against them? I mean come on
we have controversy about gay people being in the army and females
having boxing matches with men. What about the
malfunctioning robots? I know they didn't make a complete line of
perfect androids! They didn't need to revolve the
whole story around these things, but at least showing a little of this
would give a backdrop to the world this robot
lives in and would help us to have some kind of feelings, good or bad
about him and what he is trying to do.
The other thing about this movie was that they would jump years ahead
and either not explain certain things like
how one person is a bum one moment and then ten years later he's a
millionaire. Or they would explain everything
about something that has changed in 5 seconds of throw away lines!!
Anyway there are a lot more things I could rant
about but I think you get the picture...... This movie blows!
-Ending Transmission-
darthsiskel@yahoo.com
darthtsoschicken@yahoo.com
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+ Expand All
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TBM was a short story/novella by Asimov written way back, and is SUPERB. It's one of the most moving stories I've ever read.
Hell, almost all of those Robot short stories are stunning, but the Bicentennial Man was right up there with the best. It was intelligent, moving, thought-provoking, metaphorical without being preachy or obvious, and felt realistically futuristic.
I was very excited about the film project.
Then I heard Robin Williams was playing the robot. Oh dear. This isn't meant to be a comedy. The robot isn't meant to be wacky. Oh dear.
And then I saw a couple of photos of the robot in Empire and Total Film. And every single hope I had for the movie died. It's got to be the worst robot design ever - nothing at all like Asimov's robots have been visualised, by the cover artists of his books, or by myself over the years. They're meant to have the same dimensions as humans, not the weird polished Big'n'Lumpy look as in the film.
Grr.
There is so much amazing Asimov source material, and they never adapt it. When they *do*, they cock it up this bad. AGH! -
Bicentennial Man was named such because it was published in the year of the U.S. bicentennial, and it was quite a good novella. However, Sam Neil sucks, and Robin tends to overwhelm anything that he is in, so I'm not too happy with the casting, nor with this report, which is prolly all too true.
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To everyone who reads this. Don't pay 7 bones to get subjected to this schmaltz. For free you can drop by your local library and borrow a copy, spend an hour or so reading it (it is short) and have a much better experience. I first read this in a high school lit class and it is an awesome, touching story. Asimov rocks with much force. He is not just a good sci-fi writer, he is an excellent writer in his own right.
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Ha Ha. Also, - Jimmer! Dude! You ARE worked up - invoking the 'C' word yet!
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this story sounds like an adaptation from a story from asimov's I Robot book. I think it's the first story in the book about a little girl with her friend robot who starts exhibiting human characteristics and he freaks the parents out so they get rid of him... i think... it's been a long time since I've read it. Robin williams is a big turnoff for me these days anyway. He and eddie murphy should team up and inject a little life into their carrers...
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Vincent and Bob from THE BLACK HOLE. I'm just crazy about flying trashcans. About BICENTENNIAL MAN..... despite its pedigree, I'm not going to rush out and see this. After STEPMOM, I made a promise to myself that I'd never surrender another two hours of my life to Chris Columbus. The guy seems incapable of capturing a true human emotion, even when working with actors as talented as Ed Harris and Susan Sarandon.
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that wasn't suppose to happen. The only thing I have to say about this film is that I couldn't care less!
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Man, the ads/trailer for this thing just makes me cringe. Robin Williams plays Data. And of course they can't just let him be a robot, they have to give him a face too. Robin, are you going to play the same role in every movie from now on? Once upon a time you were funny. Someone needs to stop you before you "act" again.
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This piece of crap! God is this movie going to flop hard, you really think people are going to really go for this hideous excuse for a film?? I do trailer checks everytime time this trailer comes on, I hear groans and moans of disgust! Robin Williams, you are over!!! I would rather sit through Matilda and House Arrest four times in a row then watch this turd! Can you see the porno sections in a few months?
Bi-SENSUAL Man?
Bi-Centennial SHE-MAN????? -
I saw Dead Poets Society recently and can't say that I liked it very much. Goin out in the middle of the night to walk 5 miles to a cave in the middle of nowhere to read poetry doesn't seem very daring or rebellious to me. Call me juvenile, call me heterosexual I just don't find that very exciting. Oh and Joel Schumacher is awesome.
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Issac A. left behind a great deal of work, and they chose this one for the movie, and you know it's gonna suck.
Someone above pointed out this story is great...30 years ago. It's true. At that time who had comtiplated the emotions with an android? Now every other Star Trek/Outer Limit episode deals with this crap. It's been done..
Give it a rest. Hey film geeks, stop going to the multi-plexes for awhile and head to the library. Doesn't look like anything of substance is commin out anyway. From Asimov's library, check out the I,Robot series, as well as The Foundation Trilogy, that'll take your whole week.
Also, I remember reading years ago a short story by his that had to do with a prisoner who banged himself against his prison wall over and over,,,,attempting to mesh the cells of his body with the wall so he could go through the wall and escape. Turns out he did, but he miscalculated and found himself in another cell. Anybody know the name of this one?
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Some directors are just to white-bred for me. Chris Columbus and the Shyers(Father of the Bride) among them. Their movies just reek of bland, generic, suburban whiteness. And of course, in all these movies they always make a half assed attempt at injecting soul into the proceedings by putting 50's motown songs on the soundtrack (usually to a scene of women and children dancing) but it just comes off as muzak. And people of color are almost nowhere to be found, unless they're comic relief. As you can guess I won't be seeing bicentennial man anytime soon.
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First off, it sucks that everything Asimov never finished or didn't want published is now just being put out there. Secondly, NO ONE will ever write a more fascinating series than the Foundation books (but you're welcome to recommend me a series if you know of one)
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Then I really can't find your review credible ;-) A "gay version of the Tinman from The Wizard of Oz", indeed. Please. If Buddy Ebsen had played the Tin Man as originally planned, your critique would have had merit. Heh heh heh.
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I haven't read the original novella, but I thought the script of the movie was very good. Reading it, I didn't think it was a comedy at all. Sure, there are comedic parts, but the overall sense of the script seemed dramatic. I guess it shows you the true power of a director.
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Why didn't the studio just use the Isaac Asimov/Harlan Ellison script for I, ROBOT? It's probably still on a shelf somewhere, and it would have made a great film- possibly with Jodie Foster in the lead.
Somehow, this just looks too mainstream. Bland. Robin Williams needs to step away from this dramatic stuff and rediscover his comic roots. His HBO stand-up special remains a work of performance art. That's the Robin Williams I wouldn't mind seeing again. -
Oh goody, Robin Williams and Christopher Columbus just in time for the holidays to teach America how to feel. You'll laugh, and you'll cry, you'll laugh and cry at the same damn time, and kiss $9.50 (in NYC) goodbye. This movie will rake it in. Next up, Robin Williams plays a brutal but misunderstood 3rd-world dictator who, despite the anger of many, uses humor to charm the world.
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Try the Hyperion books by Dan Simmons. Tremendous stuff there. Also all of the Ender's Game series by Orson Scott Card (well, Children of the Mind is kind of weak, but the rest are amazing.) This is not to diss Asimov, I like his stuff too, he had sme wonderful ideas and I appreciate his humanist philosophy. But I find his style of writing to be a bit dry and distancing, whereas both Simmons and Card posess the ability to write flowing, lyrical prose that just sucks you in. Just my opinion, nobody get in a tizzy. Oh, and Bicentennial Man looks like about as much fun as drinking "used" tobacco juice.
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I read the Foundation trilogy, plus the last 2 novels and the prequel 2, and it really was the most incredible experience I've ever had, be it in film, novels, radio, TV, you name it.
It would make an absolutely stunning trilogy of films, if they were done exactly as the books are. Put a decent director on them - NOT a special effects director necessarily, because they won't handle the emotion brilliant (JC, JC). Spielberg possibly, but he'd *might* cutify it a bit too much, or at least schmaltz it a bit (a la SPR, which I think is excellent, but the framing narration is a terrible idea).
If PJ does a good job with LOTR, he'd be a prime candidate.
Otherwise, get Stanley Kubrick to do it.
Damn. Bit late.
Wow. Imagine Kubrick doing Asimov.
Dribble. -
...just annoys the FUCK outta me!!! Everytime I see the one where she sings Aretha Franklin, I have to either change the channel, run out of the room or scream my head off!!! Ok, had to get it off my chest. She's just...*struggles, can't get the words out because she's so annoying*...yeah. I'm sorry...there are just certain people, commercials, movies, etc. that people cannot stand and must not see ever again because it hits a nerve somewhere that leads to that angry, violent part of the brain. For some, it's Barry Sonnenfeild; for others Batman and Robin or the little girl on the Welches commercials (who annoys me too and I don't understand it because I really like kids). For me, though, this little girl is the most annoying of them all and when I finally sit down and rent this movie and the Insider, I will fast forward through anything she says in the movies.
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Please read G.E.C.'s comments on ASIMOV's visionary brilliance above. Before Asimov, androids were merely unfeeling automatons devoid of human qualities and emotions. Before Asimov, there was no such thing as the ROBOT RULES (#1. protect humans, #2. self-preservation...etc.) that have been become the starndard in today's sci-fi movies from Bishop in Aliens, to the Terminator, to Data. And finally, as G.E.C. was so sharp to point, there was no such thing as a POSITRONIC BRAIN, which sci-fi literature and film has ripped-off so many times since. This could have been a film about so much more than a robot, bad costumes, a cheesy future and a brittle sci-fi drama. This film could have spoken volumes on the human condition, slavery, free will, reason, self awareness and humanity.
I'm only glad Mr. Asimov is no longer on this earth to witness this disgrace to his creation.
Do yourselves all a favor and read the novella. You won't be disappointed. -
TBM may be a Robin Williams landmark in that, so far as I know, he's finally *not* playing a character who's driven by the death of a wife/girlfriend. To wit:
1) The Fisher King--wife shot in front of him, he goes nuts.
2) "Homicide" episode--he plays a tourist whose wife is shot in front of him.
3) Good Will Hunting--still struggling with death of wife.
4) What Dreams May Come--wife killed, he follows her to heaven.
5) Patch Adams--his romantic interest is shot.
6)Jacob the Liar--he's a widower. Not to mention most of the rest of his "holy fool manchild-smiling-through-the-tears " flicks. It just strikes me as a disturbing, if not nauseating, career arc. And yes, I love Isaac Asomov--he bestrode sci-fi like a colossus and deserves far better than anything Chris Columbus and/or Robin Williams are capable of. -
Geeze, another sweet character in a sweet film for Williams to be in. This guy is quickly becoming my least fav. actor. He does the same crap over and over. Remember "Good Morning Vietnam", "Fisher King" and "Dead Poets Society"? Well those days are cetainly over. I hope this turkey dies a long, painful death at the boxoffice just like Jacob The Liar did.
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Has anyone noticed how many times "batman & Robin" and Joel Shumacher are mentioned on this site? I guess none of you have ever seen any Van Dam films.
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Dec 01, 1999 3:30:40 PM CST
I AGREE with all thumbs, That little girl is the devils spawn!!!
by geekbasher 3.0
God, she annoys me also! They should remake the bad seed and cast her. She scares me...fucking demon child!
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I saw the trailer, and the scene where he's saying "Kiss me", he looks younger than when he did GARP. Or was it the crappy robot make-up that tightened his skin like that? Hmmmmmmmmm...
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Too bad Jim Nabors ain't with us anymore- Data Robot was the part he was born to play! Shazam! My family's daid!
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Dec 01, 1999 3:38:28 PM CST
Halle Eisenberg deserves to burn in Post-Childhood-Star Hell wit
by stephen dedalus
God I hate that annoying little shit. I'll never drink Pepsi again.
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Have to disagree with you, if you want to see all those nice touch-feely issues with androids, pop on The Outer Limits. Every episode deals with that kind of stuff, and 1/2 of them deal with androids.
As for Issac, he had a short story on X-One once..called Hostess. Great story, anybody ever read the book? The play was good. -
Dec 01, 1999 3:44:52 PM CST
As bad as Halle Eisenberg is, she still gives a better interview
by gilmour
Just wait till Halle grows up and starts co-starring as Alysa Milano's daughter in cheap soft core porn.
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What everyone is failing to mention is that B. MAN is the perfect movie for guys to take a date to go see. Your date will find the movie touching and sensitive, thereby letting you be touchy and sensuous with her afterwards. Never underestimate the emotional needs of women around the holidays. That's why Robin Williams and Chris Columbus are a hit at the movies during Christmas time. Touchy, feely. Say it again, over and over. Then find a girl. Although, if you're still referring to yourself as some STAR WARS derived, not-quite-a-character, name then you might want to extend your search to a galaxy far, far away.
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God damn ALl thumbs...how can you not like that adorable little girl...she is just so cute...with her curly hair, and oh my go those beady black eyes...ah, adorable...You know what I think you need...You need to watch all of her Pepsi commercials over and over for two hours...I'll send you a copy of them and before you no it you'll be singing Aretha Franklin too! When I get rich, heck I'll even hire her to sing for you on your B-day... Jk,,,I hate that girl...i wnat to find her agent and just urrgghh at him...u should really check out the insider..she's only in it for maybe ten minutes max....oh yeah I'll see this movie just because I see everything....but oh I will suffer. That I am sure of....
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We all loved Patch Adams. At my theater they gave everyone clown noses in remembrance of the scene where Robin Williams raped Philip Seymour Hoffman and Hoffman called him "Bozo". Damn, I use too much crack.
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and I actually like Robin Williams (hey, it is possible. Dead poet society was one of my favorite movies). It sound like many people seem to think it will suck ass, but I will probably go see it anyway. I have to pose to questions. 1. Why don't we like Robin williams? 2. Is this going to be like the film Niightfall (For those who don't know, Asimov wrote a story, and later a book called Nightfall. Premo story. Espcially Novel, as Silverberg co-authored it with Asimov, and really complements Asimov's style. Nightfall was rated as his best work. However, it was made into a piss-awful movie) BTW, anyone who enjoyed the original Bicentennial man, read the positronic man. It was a book based on the story Bicentennial man, agian co-authored by Silverberg. Silverberg did a great job pluging the holes in Asimov's writing (characther development is improvied beyond belief
. . .. . . .. .. . .. . .. . . . . .. . Finally, to smilin'jackruby , read the Asimov's Robot Series. I honestly feel that is better. Also, read the Caliban series by Rodger Macbridge Allen. The stories are Caliban, Inferno, and Gaia (I think that is the final one). The re-examination of the 3 laws, to incorporate a new law, which isn't the zeroth law, is really interesting -
Scott, I think you are wrong. All the issues with robots have their direct roots in Asimov's universe, and have been best address there. BTW, read the short story Robot Visions by Asimov (in a book by the same name). Really a twisted story, but good... . .. . . . .. . .. . .. . .. . . .. Another possiblity for a good asimov film, The ugly little boy. That really has potential, don't you think?
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I really want to KILL him! Failing that, I would like to see Stephen Chow kill him. That little Eisenberg thing annoys me too. She looks like she is wearing solid black contact lenses. It's creepy.
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Please don't construe that as a death threat. I don't REALLY want to kill anybody, not even Robin Williams.
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Somebody should cast her in a horror movie. She could be the next Jason.
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Put a little demonic makeup on her, and she can be the lead for the next EXORSIST sequel. She already has the POSSESED voice thing going for her, not to mention those beady little eyes and wild Brillo hair... all prerequisites for a truly horrifying character worthy of following in Linda Blair's hooves-step. The thing I haven't figured out yet is why no one has slammed the Fem-Bot wannabe that's in all the trailers for Bicentenial Man? Who'd want to get shaggy with THAT... man or robot?
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Sorry. That would be exorCist and bicentenNial man.
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Who knows, it'll probably be good... not expecting too much, but all I know is it's not a comedy so at least I wont expect to laugh the way I did with Dumb and Dumber.
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...because that robot looks just like the one from the 'Mister Roboto' video.
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I saw the trailer and nearly cried. What the hell is up with Oliver Platt? I thought he was a "respectable actor" that only chose films "that mean something". How the hell did he end up in this piece of trash?
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Dec 02, 1999 2:51:02 PM CST
Hey Don't knock Platt, hes one of the best character actors in m
by gilmour
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and Bicentennial Man was a brilliant story. I was thrilled to hear it was being adapted; it's criminal that so much great work by Asimov gets ignored while practically everything Mike Crichton and Johnny Grisham crank out gets picked up in almost no time at all... (sigh) Unlike some people, I will reserve judgment on a movie I have not yet seen; sure, the trailer looks bad, but then the one trailer I saw for Iron Giant made it look totally campy and worthless...sometimes good movies get saddled with a lame ad campaign. Anyway, seeing as how Darth Siskel's biggest problem seemed to be the fact that the robot didn't go on a killing spree...well, he loses all credibility there. Grow up.
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What the fuck is going on with Robin Williams? He used to make movies that had some redeeming value, like Dead Poets Society and Good Will Hunting. Now it seems he just wants to make these schmaltzy, lame, weak movies that are so generic, they're supposed to appeal to everyone from drunk, trailer-park residents to cel phone wielding yuppies. Flubber...Mrs. Doubtfire...Patch Adams. He's probably just doing these movies for money, but how much does a person really need?
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There seems to be some confussion, so here goes:
The name is Isaac Asimov (two a's). He was the first to use the idea of a positronic brain back in the 1940s or so. He wrote the Bicentennial Man in 1976. The Good Doctor also invented the word "Robotics." The Three Laws of Robotics were developed by him and the editor of Astounding SF at the time, John W. Campbell.
BTW I can answer any queation about Dr. Asimov provided that "I don't know" is a valid answer :) -
All Thumbs is my idol for the week. I have to change the channel whenever those fucking commercials come on as well. I'm glad a lot of people on this forum agree. Good call on the horror flick future for this dumb little girl. What really annoys me is that she tries to emphasize her dimples as much as possible in a futile attempt to be cute. I would love to see a new ending to Seven, where the audience sees *her* head in that box at the end.
Needless to say, I would *not* want her to intern for me. Love, Bill Clinton
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