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Massawyrm says SOMEWHERE goes nowhere and makes him wish it went anywhere


Hola all.  Massawyrm here.


It’s rare that you get to see a film whose origin is so transparent that it pervades every second of it. I can imagine that, since she was quite small, Sofia Coppola has been told “Man, it must be so fucking cool to have a dad like Francis Ford Coppola.” And I also can imagine her shrugging and saying “He’s just a dad.” That’s not to say she doesn’t love or respect him, but rather that she knows him the same way we all know our own fathers and has all the same kinds of issues we do with them. SOMEWHERE is Sofia Coppola’s attempt to paint a somewhat fictional picture merging the experiences she’s had with bored Hollywood celebrities with those of her childhood following around her legendary dad. And while you’d think that she would have an awful lot to say on the matter, the truth is she either is unwilling or unable to say it.


SOMEWHERE is a meandering mess that wanders around as bored and as pitiless as its protagonist Johnny Marco. It feels as if Coppola is hyperaware that the audience is intimately familiar with every detail of her life - ranging from her awkward childhood up to her marriage and romantic entanglements - that she doesn’t want to draw any unfavorable comparisons to the people she cares about, so she instead leaves everything potentially negative about the characters in subtext or contained entirely off screen. Instead, she focuses only upon the most mundane and uninteresting bits of Marco’s daily life in order to stress just how boring the life of a celebrity can really be. After all, they’re just like everybody else, right? But it is nearly impossible to make a movie about a boring person without becoming as tedious and nigh unwatchable as your subject, and that’s where this goes terribly wrong.

This is a film in which nothing happens and very little backstory is ever laid out. Johnny Marco is a bored action hero who gets saddled with his daughter (who he loves) when his Ex decides she needs some time to herself. Completely unoccupied at the time, Marco tries to be super dad and hangs out with his daughter as often as possible. And we watch them hang out. A lot. And the film never, ever goes anywhere from there. Father and daughter share an uncomplicated, loving relationship. While Marco is allegedly an asshole and gets an unending stream of anonymous nasty text messages as a result, we never really see why, and every time the film seems to swing towards Marco’s debauchery, it cuts away, because that might prove to be interesting.

The film just chugs along, always feeling as if it is just on the verge of starting before veering once again into another pointless string of scenes that all seem to answer the question “What was it like…” with “It was pretty fucking boring, but I love him.” Worst of all, if a series of false starts didn’t get on yours nerves, the pointless, “what the fuck is that all about,” ending will just lay you flat. The film just ends, with a somewhat inexplicable final sequence that is out of character, out of touch and just plain out of place; it is where the movie ceases to be boring and just becomes pretentious.

The one good thing worth mentioning is that Elle Fanning performs quite admirably. She’s not really given any complicated theatrical gymnastics to prove herself with, but she sure sticks the landing. She does however give the impression of being able to handle a more complicated or intense film, had Coppola suited up to make one.  But sadly, her performance is wasted on film that for all I know is swimming in autobiographical in-jokes and layers of emotion that Coppola just doesn’t know how to properly unlock and share with an audience.

If you like a film that is told entirely in its subtext and only in its subtext, then you might find enough interesting here to be entertained. Fans of Coppola who have memorized her biography might find nuggets buried here worth digging up. But everyone else is likely to find Coppola has very little to say here and goes a very long, laborious way to say it. It is exactly the type of film that shows up during awards season, wins nothing whatsoever, and then vanishes forever, forgotten into the mists of time.


Until next time friends,



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Readers Talkback
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  • Dec. 21, 2010, 11:21 a.m. CST

    Sofia Coppola movie everybody hates?

    by ROBRAM89

    Then I'll probably love it.

  • Dec. 21, 2010, 11:43 a.m. CST

    Family and Art and Celebrity...sounds like the same themes

    by openthepodbaydoorshal

    in FFC's Tetro. Guess the tomato doesn't fall far from the vine.

  • Dec. 21, 2010, 11:45 a.m. CST

    One of the most overrated filmmakers ever

    by jrb

    Seriously. She's one-for-four. Lost in Translation was good (though I saw it a week after returning from my first trip to Japan and couldn't help but like all the "in-jokes".) The rest of her work is self-indulgent and pretentious. Please, Sofia, tell us what it was like to grow up a privileged (i.e. spoiled) child of Hollywood insiders. We're SO interested. Don't get me started on the drek that was Marie Antoinette...

  • Dec. 21, 2010, 11:59 a.m. CST

    neither here nor there

    by mrsheldrake

    Some storytellers, most American ones, have ways of looking at the world--meaning, they have a way of looking at the world (usually expressed in genre) and the story is a performance of that structural notion. And then there are artists who are mystified by the world. It's a dark place, nothing to get excited about, all meaning is equal to all other meaning because at night all cows are black. Sofia is one of them. She doesn't have a damn thing to say and she says it beautifully.

  • Dec. 21, 2010, 12:19 p.m. CST

    My favorite Coppola offspring movie

    by Aquatarkusman

    Might be "CQ;" sure it's muddy, but at least it has swinging 60's style.

  • Dec. 21, 2010, 12:58 p.m. CST

    This Movie Needed More Tron!


    But there was no digitally de-aged Jeff Bridges, which was nice.

  • Dec. 21, 2010, 1:28 p.m. CST

    That's now 3 boring movies about how boring it is to be rich.

    by Slothe

  • Dec. 21, 2010, 2:17 p.m. CST

    I totally agree with you

    by cornholio1980

    Massa, once again you prove to be one of the very few voices of reason. I couldn't agree more. While I found the movie partially charming and loved Elle Fannings performance (her disapproving look at the breakfast after Johnny Marco's One Night Stand is KILLER; like "What's she still doing here?"), overall it seemed totally pointless. I can't agree on your critisism of an "inexplicable" ending though - if anything, it was TOO obious, providing a mirror image to the equally obious first scene of the movie (which showed that he isn't going anywhere in his life; while in the end, he finally is going SOMEWHERE - and symbolically even leaves his old life behind). An ok movie, but I was quite disappointed, and can't understand the love it's getting from all those critics.

  • Dec. 21, 2010, 3:11 p.m. CST

    Oh snap!

    by BradZuhl

    I was hoping this was going to be good. I think she makes interesting films, even if a lot of people find them dull or pointless. At least she's doing something different instead of making genre crap.

  • Dec. 21, 2010, 6:59 p.m. CST

    I liked the shot in the trailer...

    by CountryBoy

    ... where the FX guys pour latex over his head to make a mask. I believe one of them wears a t-shirt that says "Robot" on it... kind of obvious I guess, but I liked it.

  • Dec. 21, 2010, 9:50 p.m. CST

    Sofia Coppola needs to get out of her own head......

    by archer1949

    She has style but her stories and themes are growing stale. She really needs to expand her worldview. Perhaps she could direct a screenplay written by someone else. Someone with experiences outside of her narrow social circle.

  • Dec. 22, 2010, 8:31 a.m. CST

    This is one of those reviews that I hope the director

    by CreasyBear

    reads, producing later corrections. I really liked Lost in Translation and The Virgin Suicides. Haven't seen her other movies, but Massa's review for this one sounds dead-on. Then again, we were hoping Bay would get the single message of "let us see the action clearly" after TF1, and that Lucas would get the single message "make us care about the characters" after the first prequel, to no avail. Two geeky comparisons for a very different filmmaker here, I know, but you get my point.

  • Dec. 22, 2010, 10:33 a.m. CST

    This review is spot on.

    by therootstheroots

    Loved her previous films, but this was just shite. I’m a lover of long takes and wide angles like the rest of them, but this was boring. How did not one person on that production take coppolla to one side and say "get a fucking grip and write something sufficient and watchable".

  • Dec. 22, 2010, 11:24 a.m. CST

    This Review is not spot on.

    by MainMan2001

    The movie is very slow but it's not boring at all. It's like a dream. If you wanna read a real review and not a review that immediately goes for the obvious then read: Thanks.

  • Dec. 22, 2010, 1:24 p.m. CST

    Saw a screener - Fell asleep. It sucked... bad.

    by Mennen

    Steven Dwarf isn't interesting enough to watch for any length of time. They should have cast someone interesting who could actually make me care about the character. What a waste (of 26 minutes)

  • Dec. 23, 2010, 3:08 p.m. CST

    Bitchiest review I've ever read.

    by Knuckleduster

    Sorry, Massa, but I think you're full of shit. And that last line was just mean. I, for one, have faith in Coppola. The fact that Somewhere won Best Picture in Venice doesn't really help your ridiculous point of view much either.